The Truth

"There ain't no substitute for the truth
either it is or isn't
cause he is the truth
you see the truth, it needs no proof
either it is or it isn't 
Cause he is the truth
Now you know the truth by the way it feels
and if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly
cause he is yes he is
I wonder does he know"- The Truth by India.Aire

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes Trevor. Just do it."

"You know once we start, there's no stopping?"

"I know Trevor."

"No going back... "

"Ohmigosh Trevor. Just fucking do it!" I exclaimed.

"Alright. Geez. You're making me nervous." Trevor said, securing the latex in place.

"I trust you completely... and if you fuck up, I can always buy a wig." I smiled at him in the bathroom mirror.

I was sitting on the toilet seat, watching as he flexed his fingers in the latex gloves. We already read the instructions three times before we mixed the hair dye and sectioned off my hair with twist ties he had in the kitchen. Now it was time for Trevor to apply the dye to my hair.

Trevor looked at me. "Are you gonna be mad if I mess it up?"

"No...But don't mess it up."

"Can I do stripes? Like a tiger?"

"Trevor!!!"

Trevor laughed. "Alright. Here goes nothing."

Trevor grabbed the bottle and squirted a little of the dark dye on my roots on the first section of my hair. He used his fingers to apply it from the roots to the end. He had to add more dye, so he did, before moving on to more hair. After the first section, he took a deep breath.

"Feel like you missed your calling in life?" I teased him.

"Might wanna wait til we finish before you start talking crazy."

I laughed at him as he continued to focus on my hair. I watched him as he moved on to the next section, applying the dye carefully. He was so focused on the task. Trevor was always so playful. It was funny seeing his more serious side, even though it was something as simple as my hair.

I really wouldn't have been upset if he fucked it up. It was just hair. There was a ton of options if I had to wait for it to grow back out. I was just ready for a change.

More specifically, I was ready to move on from Jake. I had to. I needed to move forward and not be in limbo. So that's what I was doing. A new hair style was a woman's symbolic ritual that she was letting it go and moving on. Or maybe it was a haircut that symbolized the removal of the old and bringing in the new...

I guess if my hair fell out, I would have both bases covered.

The way Trevor was concentrating, you would have thought it was life and death. He looked so cute all focused, furrowing his eyebrows as he stroked my hair. By the time he got to the third section of hair, he had a routine going. A little smile spread on my lips as I watched him.

"What are you smiling about?" He asked me, pausing to untwist the last section of my hair.

"Nothing. Just excited." I smiled.

He smiled at me. "Like I said, might wanna wait til we finish."

I laughed.

"Be still." He grinned at me, before starting the last section. When he finished, I pulled out my phone to set the timer.

"So why the change?" Trevor asked me.

"Um, I've been doing like this restart after the break up. So a new look was necessary."

"Why is the break up process as long as the relationship for you?" Trevor teased me.

"Shut up."

"So what does this restart consist of? Besides the new hair color?" Trevor asked.

"Being happy by myself. Being comfortable with myself. I know things wouldn't have gone as bad with Jake if I had my shit together, so that's what I'm doing." I explained.

"Do you see yourself getting back together with him?" Trevor asked.

"I really don't but at the same time, I don't want him to be with anyone else. That's pretty fucked up right?" I asked.

"Not necessarily... you still have feelings for him. I understand that feeling." Trevor stated.

I looked at at him. "How did you deal with it?"

"I deal with it, one day at a time." Trevor corrected me.

Thankfully, the timer went off so I didn't have to question if he was talking about me. If I was being honest, I felt that about him and Becca. Did that mean I still had some feelings for him?

I told Trevor I could handle the rinse as we walked to the kitchen sink, but he offered to do it because he was wearing the gloves. He rinsed it out with warm water twice before pulling off his gloves.

"It's definitely dark again." Trevor informed me, pulling out the mini bottle of conditioner that came in the box. He poured it in his hands before massaging it in my scalp. I ignored how good his fingers felt in my hair.

After the final rinse, he threw a towel over my head. I straightened up and towel dried my hair.

I smiled at him, nervously.

"Guess I should go take a look..."

Trevor nodded.

I went back to the bathroom and studied my hair. It was a dark chocolate brown now and even from my roots to my tips. Trevor did way better than I thought he would. I went back in the kitchen to tell him so.

"So at best, I was hoping my hair wouldn't fall out," I started as he smiled into the glass of water he was drinking."but you surpassed my expectations."

"Thank you for your confidence in my ability to follow instructions." Trevor joked.

"As my thank you, I will treat you to dinner. Take out, because my hair is still wet." I offered.

"Pizza it is." He said, leaving the room. I wrapped my hair up in a towel and pulled out my phone. I received a text from Bianca, telling me she made it home. I called her.

"I said to call." I told her when she picked up.

"You knew I made it. That's what's important." She replied. "Are you missing me already?"

"Absolutely. I just had Trevor dye my hair dark to convey my depression."

Bianca laughed. "Trevor huh? No one else could do it? Just Trevor?" She said, hintingly.

"Don't start. Everyone else was busy." I responded.

"Keep telling yourself that."

Trevor returned from his room and I got off the phone shortly after.

"It should be here in 40 minutes." Trevor announced, tossing me one of his shirts.

"Thank you. Be right back."

I went to the bathroom and changed out of my wet shirt and put on his clean dry one. I took the towel from my head and left it to dry on the shower rod. I gave my hair one final glance before returning to the living room. Trevor was sitting on the couch and I joined him.

"You know that color is too dark for you natural hair?" Trevor said, after studying me.

"Duh. The drug store had more brands of condoms than colors of hair dye." I said.

Trevor laughed. "I like your natural color, but I'm just glad you got rid of the blonde."

"You didn't like the blonde?" I said, surprised.

 I definitely got more attention as a blonde. It gave me more confidence. I was surprised Trevor didn't like it. He normally dated blondes...

"It was alright. I just prefer brunette on you."

"How come?" I asked him, curiously.

Trevor shrugged. "It's just you."

"Because it's my natural color?"

"Partially." He said, thoughtfully.

"So what about the blonde didn't you like?" I pressed.

"I don't know. It was too... flashy. Like you were trying too hard."

My mouth dropped open.

"Your looks are just more... subtle. Like the girl next door-"

"So frumpy?" I supplied.

"No! Most girls I notice their looks first, because that's what's more important to them. The first thing I noticed about you is your personality, then how pretty you are." Trevor explained.

I smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Even before we met. You would greet every breakfast attendant and say thank you even if the only thing you were getting was cereal. You mixed those cereals together like you were daring anyone to say anything." Trevor grinned.

"No. I really just wanted to eat my food in peace." I laughed. "I'm glad you bugged me though." I admitted, looking up at him.

"Me too." Trevor said, all serious again.

I smiled at him. "I think that's why I was so obsessed with you back then. The fact that you noticed me when I was fat. You were my motivation when I worked out. I thought if I lost weight you would hit on me. I was disappointed but kinda relieved when you still didn't."

"Lily, it was never about your weight. You were too special to me to treat you like any other girl. So I didn't. I didn't wanna risk losing you as a friend."

"That's exactly how I feel now." I confessed. "The reason why I don't wanna be in a relationship at all is because I don't know what I want. I do know the way I feel about you is not like a brother. I'm just not trying to explore those feelings until I know what I want."

Trevor nodded. "Do you think when you find out what you want and you're ready to be in a relationship, we can have this talk again?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

We spent the rest of the evening eating pizza and candy that Trevor got from Amber's party. We watched Scary Movie 1 and 2 together.

"Do you wanna spend the night?" Trevor asked me.

"No. I better get home. I need to talk to Sammy now that Bianca is gone." I sighed.

"What's going on with her?" Trevor asked.

"I wish I knew. I'll see Corey Tuesday. I'm gonna see if I can get an idea from him. He said the same thing Jake used to say about her being a liar. I just don't know what she's lying about." I explained.

"Ok. Good luck." Trevor said as he walked me out. I gave him a hug before I left.

When I went home, Sammy wasn't there.

-----------------

Monday morning I went to work with no word from Sammy. She didn't return home either. I just texted her to give me a call. I spoke to Jordan and asked her how her weekend was. She told me it was uneventful and she just relaxed with Derek cause she would be spending the coming weekend packing her apartment to move. I offered to help her out if she needed it.

I saw Heather at work. I decided not to confront her. I was more concerned with how Rachel felt. That's why I texted her to see if we could meet up one day this week to talk. She agreed to lunch on Thursday.

-------------

Tuesday morning, after my run, I went through the pile of clothes Bianca set aside for me. I agreed with almost everything she set aside. I paused on the green dress Jake bought for me. I left it in the pile and took the clothes downstairs. When Sammy emerged, I told her she could go through the pile to see if she wanted anything.

Sammy nodded and went into the kitchen. I followed her.

"So how's it going?" I asked her.

"Good."

"How is the bartending going?" I asked.

"It's fine. I have a party this weekend in Plano."

"You're allowed to drink on the job?" I asked her.

"It depends. Why?" She asked, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"No reason. You were just wasted Saturday after you had a job." I pointed out.

"I hung out with some of the girls afterwards. Networking for other gigs." She answered, going into the living room with her sandwich and sitting on the couch.

I nodded. "Corey is coming over today to give EJ lessons. Are you gonna be around?"

"No. I have to work at Dave and Buster's" She responded.

"Alright. Just leave the clothes you don't want so I can donate them."

I went upstairs, still feeling a little weird about what she told me, but I let it go. Maybe I can find out what lies Corey was talking about.

Corey came over around 3:30 for the lessons. We sat around, talking, waiting for Ethan and EJ.

"So are you and Sammy cool?" I asked.

"Getting there." Corey answered.

"I'm sorry about all that drama on Saturday. I don't know if Sammy told you the history-"

"You have nothing to apologize for. It doesn't matter." Corey shrugged.

"Really?"

Corey nodded. "Sammy deflects a lot. She lashes out to push people away. I know it's hard to hear and you don't deserve it, but I understand it. I was that way too."

"I get that. I don't understand the lies..." I prompted him.

"I told her the same thing. She can do what she wants. I'm not gonna force her to hang. There's no point in lying."

I smiled at him. At least that gave me something...

"I'm so glad I set you two up."

"Me too." Corey smiled.

Ethan and EJ showed up a little before 4.

"Hey EJ. You remember Corey?" I asked him.

"Yes." EJ nodded, enthusiastically.

"Wanna go practice the drums?" Corey asked him.

"Yes!"

Ethan and I followed them into the den. Corey sat EJ in front of the drums. He taught EJ the name and purpose of the different pieces if the drum.

While they played on the drums, Ethan handed me an envelope. I opened it right away. It was the invitation to his congratulatory dinner.

"Aw, thank you. I feel so special getting mine hand delivered."

"I just didn't have your address." Ethan responded.

"Sure Ethan." I smiled. "How's work going?"

"It's the same. I have the title, but I won't be taking in any partner responsibilities until next year."

"How's the party planning going?" I asked

"My mom is doing all that."

I laughed. "I'm so excited for the party and for you of course, but mostly the party."

"Me too. Should be nice and drama free." Ethan smirked at me.

"Don't give me that look. I already told you, I'll be on my best behavior." I grinned.

"Ok Lily."

After they left, I headed to Dave and Buster's. Partially because I was bored and because I wanted to tell Sammy how amazing Corey was with EJ.

I went to the bar and walked around twice before I asked the bartender on duty where Sammy was.

"She hasn't worked here for about a month." He informed me.

What the fuck?