We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing last forever
But be honest, babe
It hurts, but it may be the only way" Nothing Last Forever by Maroon 5
The elevator opened on Uriel's floor and I was taken aback when I saw Trent with 2 other guys waiting. His eyes widen in recognition before he gave me a smile.
"Hi Lilac." He said as I stepped off the elevator.
"You know it's Lily Trent." I narrowed my eyes at him, in no mood for his banter.
He just grinned at my glare. "Are you still a Lakers fan?"
"Then it's Lilac." He said stepping on the elevator with his friends. "Have a good night."
I rolled my eyes and said nothing as I walked to Uriel's door. I knocked and waited a few seconds before the door finally opened.
"Why didn't you tell me you had company?" I asked, annoyed as I let myself in.
"I don't." Uriel motioned to his empty living room.
"I ran into Trent at the elevator." I confronted him.
"They just left." He said, sitting on the couch, offering me a seat.
"Monica already suspects something's going on between us. Now she is going to know for sure." I began to pace, refusing to sit.
"I'm sure she already knows. Trent tells her everything."
"Why would you tell Trent?" I stopped pacing, hands on my hips as I stood in front of him.
"He asked. I wasn't aware it was a secret." He replied, eying me up and down. He took in my braided hair, sleep shirt and fur slides. "Are you wearing pajamas?"
"No shit." I ignored the heated glance he was giving me.
He stood up. "Were you already in bed?"
"No, I was at a pajama party. Hence why I'm wearing pajamas" I said, matter of factly.
He grabbed my arm. "Did you have fun?"
"A blast." I snorted, allowing him to pull me closer.
He led me back to the couch."You wanna talk about it?"
"You think I came over here to talk?" I questioned as I sat beside him.
He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I hoped not."
When he lifted me in his lap, I pulled away.
"Sorry. Sorry. I can't.. do this." I stopped, standing up.
"Ok..." He watched me closely. "Can I ask why?"
"I can't keep making the same mistakes." Being around Trevor, then trying to use sex to feel better about myself. That's how Christian and I got started. I had to stop.
"Is this a mistake because you have a boyfriend?" He asked, curiously.
"No! I'm not a cheater! I don't have a boyfriend." I exclaimed, my face heating up in embarrassment. I wasn't technically cheating on Christian, but I was breaking the promise I made to myself.
When Uriel observed me, suspiciously, I clarified.
"I'm dating someone. He wants to be in a relationship but I haven't committed."
"Ok. I thought you didn't want a relationship."
"I don't." I realized as I said it out loud. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, but after everything, I didn't want one at all. "I told myself I wouldn't sleep with you until I resolved things with him." I admitted.
"Oh." He said and I felt like a complete idiot for coming over.
"I'm sorry. I'm gonna go-"
"You don't have to." He said. "In fact, let me show you something." He pulled out his laptop and started a video.
"What is this?" I frowned up, looking over his shoulder.
"Highlights from this season. Before you leave, let me show you why we're still a threat in the Western conference." Uriel detailed.
"Highlights huh? Can't be very long." I taunted him, sitting on the couch. When he stared at my thighs, I tugged on my shirt as I leaned towards him to watch.
"Longer than the Lakers." He remarked before starting the video.
I woke up the next morning, curled up on the couch with a sheet. The last memory I had was Uriel showing me older clips from when the Maverick's won the championship back in 2011. I could tell he loved his job and his team, but his enthusiasm wasn't enought to combat my exhaustion and I fell asleep. I sat up, stretching, not believing I spent the night, even though we didn't do anything. I was straightening out my shirt when I heard Uriel enter his kitchen, speaking Spanish about some car. I slid on my slides before joining him.
I was met with the sight of his bare back as he drank from a sports bottle as he listened on the phone. I admired his muscles and the line of his back before he turned and noticed me. I pointed to the door, signaling I was leaving, and he wrapped up his conversation.
"You heading out?" He ran his fingers through his thick hair. I was hit with the urge to run my fingers through his hair too...
"Yeah. Thanks for everything last night. I know it wasn't what you signed up for."
"No worries. Maybe after you get everything resolved, you can spend the night again."
"Yeah. I'm gonna go so I can work on that."
He walked me to the door. "You have my number." He reminded me.
"You have mine too. Bye Uriel"
I headed home, my mind surprisingly clear. Trevor's actions the night before gave me the closure I needed. We couldn't be in any type of relationship and he proved that we couldn't even be cordial. It was simple when I didn't have any other choice but to move on. There was nothing to think about concerning my relationship with Christian. My last relationship proved how hard they were even when I was in love. I did not want to put in the work to sustain a relationship with him. It wasn't fair to keep him waiting, thinking I just wasn't ready for a relationship yet when I didn't want one with him.
I went home, changed into workout clothes and took Justine out for a run. I text Forrest and Rocky back, telling them to give me a call when they woke up. Everyone else that left concerned calls or voicemails, I reached out in a group message, letting them know I was ok. Surprisingly, Sammy called me back right away. I wasn't in the mood to deal with whatever she had to say, so I let it go to voicemail.
When I got home, I took a shower before making Justine and myself breakfast. We were eating in the kitchen when Richard came in through the garage.
"Really? So you just come over, unannounced and let yourself in now?" I said, only partially annoyed.
"Yes, but this will be the last time as your surprise will be done today." Richard sat at the table with me.
I winced as I thought about the conversation I had to have with Christian. I knew that it was going to be hard so I put it off until I worked out what I needed to say. "Is it too late to return it?" I pondered outloud.
"Um, yeah. You'll see why later. Why? What's up?" Richard asked.
"I have to end things with him." I laid my head down on the table.
"Because you hooked up with someone last night?" Richard asked me.
My head snapped up. "What? Why would you think that?"
"You have no poker face... And I came over last night to check on you and you never showed." He explained. "So who is he?"
"He's nobody. We didn't even hook up last night. I slept on his couch."
"But you've hooked up before?"
"And?" He prodded.
"And... Nothing. He doesn't want a relationship so it's nothing. Christian wants to be together and I don't. I have to end things with him but it has nothing to do with Uriel."
"Understood." When he hid a smile, I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Were you really going to add me to your roster?" He grinned.
The surprise was going to be dropped off between 10am and 2pm so Richard kicked me out so he could get it set up. It was perfect timing as Rocky called me back. She was with Forrest at his place, relaxing as he cleaned up. I made my way over to help with the clean up.
They both asked about Trevor and how I was holding up. I gave vague answers, not disclosing why his song choice hurt me so much, but I assured them I was fine. Rocky informed me he an appointment with his Oncologist Tuesday in Wichita Falls and was already gone. I nodded, but did not comment and we changed the subject.
The rest of the party was pretty uneventful after I left. Jordan, Blake, Richard, and Ethan left right after I did. Amber got wasted off Seagrams wine coolers and fell asleep on a bean bag. Forrest and Brandon actually got to talk at the end of the night. Forrest said Brandon didn't say much, but the line of communication was opened between them. Rocky got the chill, kickback birthday party she wanted and I was glad.
While I was with Forrest and Rocky, Christian called. I texted that I was busy and would talk to him later. He text me back asking when. I didn't respond and he text me again, letting me know to call him tonight. I put my phone away as Forrest and I finished cleaning his house.
When Forrest left to return the rentals, I told Rocky all about my decision to break things off with Christian. When she asked if it had anything to do with Trevor, I said no. He was the catalyst that made me see I didn't want a relationship, but he was not the reason I was ending things with Christian.
Richard text me that it was safe to come home, but I stayed until Forrest returned. We heated up leftovers and looked at the pictures online. I uploaded the video Richard sent me of Blake kicking the Mic out of J-Mike's hand, captioning it:#MicDrop. We all got a good laugh reading through the comments. Jordan commented with an embarrassed emoji face. I replied: If the guy I'm engaged to doesn't kick a mic out of someones hands, we're not getting married. #RelationshipGoals.
I went home, a little disappointed that Richard didn't wait for me. I went outside and was stunned into silent when I saw a outdoor water curtain in the middle of the grassy area in my backyard, flanked by two palm trees. It was magnificent: the frame had a bamboo finish so it matched perfectly with my pergola. On my bar, there was a remote and a note from Richard.
When I saw the remote not only controlled the water, but colored lights, I knew I wasn't selling it. I absolutely loved it. Justine could run through the water and she still had plenty of grass. The sound of the falling water gave a serene feeling to the backyard. I couldn't not reach out to Christian, so I called him back. I still wasn't ready to talk to him about ending things, but I had to thank him for the wonderful gift.
"It's gorgeous. It fits the backyard perfectly. I love it. Thank you so much Christian." I gushed.
"You're welcome. What kept you busy all day?" He asked me.
"I was helping Forrest clean up from the party."
"Yeah? I assumed you were hung over and didn't want to talk."
"No. I wasn't drunk at all."
"No? You were drinking 'thot juice' on Snapchat." He referred to the video posted with Richard.
"That was one of two drinks."
"So you were completely sober when you were dry humping ol dude?"
"I wasn't dry humping anyone."
"Your friend posted you and Richard."
"We we're just dancing-"
He cut me off. "Look, I saw Trevor was there. I understand if you were trying to show out in front of him-"
"I wasn't-" I denied as he continued.
"but don't play me like a simp. I did that shit with Noelle. I'm not gonna do it with you."
"Wow. Ok. I don't want to get into this with you right now, so I'm going to let you go."
"Fine." Christian said, before hanging up.
I tossed my phone down, irate but convinced I was making the right choice ending things. He called me back a few hours later but I ignored his call. I ignored his texts too. I avoided his attempts to reach out to me all day Monday. I didn't even listen to his voicemails. I didn't want anything to influence what I was going to say when I broke things off with him.
On Tuesday, my plans changed. It was the release day for Christian's video Straight Outta Fucks. He changed his profile picture to the photo I sent him of me wearing his Straight Outta Fucks t-shirt. He cropped off the top of my head, so the only thing that was visible on my face were my lips and captioned it: #WomenCrushEveryday #StraightOuttaFucks #Logic #Countdown #Midnight
I was fuming when I called him back.
"Take that photo down!!!" I hissed.
"I will bae. I really need to talk to you."
"So you post a picture that I sent to you to get my attention? Do you know how fucked up that is?"
"I know I made mistakes, but you have too. I know you slept with Richard."
"No I didn't." I exclaimed, my anger raising at his admission that he did post the picture as some kinda payback. Or that this somehow made us even because he thought I slept with Richard.
"You don't need to lie. I know you went home with him around St. Patrick's day."
"You are fucking insane. I didn't sleep with Richard! Even if I did, it doesn't matter because we are not together!!!" I exclaimed.
"It matters now! I don't want you hanging out with him if we're together-"
"We are not going to be together! Take the photo down now!!!" I exploded. I hung up before I said anything else. He called back a few times but I ignored every call. I couldn't believe he was being so vindictive, but when I thought about it, I definitely could believe it. He always had the asshole side of him. I was sorry I thought I saw more to him.
After I saw he took the pictures down, I blocked him. I was still fuming about the whole situation the next day. He was so convinced I slept with Richard off of pictures. It made absolutely no sense...
Until it did. He mentioned St. Patrick's day. I did try to leave with Richard that night, but nothing happened. There was only one person who witnessed me leaving with him who was petty enough to tell Christian. I grabbed my phone.
"Hello?" Sammy answered when I called her.
"Why would you tell Christian I slept with Richard?" I said, barley containing my anger.
"I didn't." She denied quickly before taking a deep breath. "Trevor did."
"He was really upset about Christian and I thought if he knew it wasn't serious between you two, he would chill out. I didn't think Trevor would say anything but they got into it at South by Southwest and-" she tried to justify.
I was so confused and angry; I didn't want to hear anymore. "JUST SHUT UP AND STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!" I screamed at her before hanging up.
I was in a funk for the rest of the week. I just didn't want to be bothered with anyone. I even took a break from social media; I didn't log in at all. Christian and Sammy tried to call, but I purposely ignored them both so they would leave me alone. I saw Monica at work but I blew her off. Q text me he was interviewing with Dr. Fahri so we talked briefly so I could give him pointers. Besides work and Justine, I barely talked to anyone. I went to the boxing gym everyday, trying to work out my frustrations. I knew Rocky and Bianca were concerned, but I told them both I was just in one of my moods and would snap out of it soon.
I was in my mood of not wanting to be bothered for another week when I received a call from EJ Saturday evening. He normally texted me funny memes or GIFs from time to time but he never called. He barely returned my calls when I called him so I answered his call right away. EJ asked if we could have a movie night. After I agreed, I asked to speak to his mom or dad. It was Ethan and he said he would pick up food, movie, whatever we needed.
I told him I had Finding Nemo, but if he could pick up an order from Joe's Crab Shack I would take care of the rest. I called in the order and showered before I went to the convenience store to pick up Goldfish crackers, Swedish Fish candy, blue Hawaiian punch, and sprite.
I was tiding up when Ethan and EJ arrived. I let EJ put the Joe's bag down on the card table in the living room before I gave him a hug.
"What is that?" I asked Ethan as he set a brown bag on the table. I gave him an one arm hug, before quickly turning to the bag.
"Rocking Crab. It's less expensive and tastes better than Joe's." He told me as I opened the bag to peak inside.
A delicious spicy aroma emanated from the bag, making my mouth water. "Really? You should have told me. You could have just went here."
"EJ loves Joe's crab nachos and this way we can compare. EJ can do a food challenge."
"I know Joe's is better!" EJ declared, reaching for goldfish.
"Wash your hands." Ethan instructed him. He went into the kitchen to do so.
"Food challenge? Look at you." I complimented Ethan with a smile.
"I watched the Cuban snack challenge video before they posted it last week." Ethan revealed.
"I haven't seen it yet." I said, taking the food out of the bags.
"Do you have newspaper?" Ethan asked me.
"No. Who reads the newspaper?" I asked.
"The crab legs have sauce, it's messy. We should eat in the kitchen or dining room." He suggested.
"But the TV is in here." I stated, walking to my bedroom. I grabbed my older thinner towels and laid them out in the living room for us to eat on the TV trays.
Hands down, Rocking Crab won as far as the crab legs went. The sauce was an awesome combination of sweet, tangy and spice that was definitely worth the mess. I would have felt self conscious about all the finger licking I did, but Ethan did the same thing. EJ enjoyed the movie, pointing out which characters we were eating.
"People eat whale and octopus in Japan." I told him, with a teasing smile.
"That's disgusting. Did you eat any in Japan?"
"No." I shook my head, not trying to think about my trip with Trevor.
"People eat turtles too." Ethan added.
"Ew dad. How do you eat a turtle?" EJ challenged him.
"Turtle soup. Have you seen The Little Mermaid?" I asked him.
"They have a great scene where a character almost gets cooked. Let's watch that one next."
I purchased The Little Mermaid and we settled in to watch it. EJ loved the scene like I thought he would, laughing and mimicking the man's French accent. He lost interest in Ariel's pursuit of Prince Eric and went upstairs with Justine.
"He's missing some great life lessons here." I sighed dramatically.
"What lesson is that? Don't make deals with sea witches?"
"That's surface level Ethan. I low key loved Ursula. She may be a witch, but she was real. Unfortunate Souls has a lot of truths in it."
"Like?" Ethan asked. I knew he was humoring me, but I explained.
"Ursula may have exploited the situation, but ultimately it was Ariel's choice. Ariel was willing to give up her voice, her family, her life for a man she didn't even know because she thought she loved him. How insecure do you have to be to sell a piece of yourself to be something you're not?" I asked.
Ethan nodded, but didn't respond.
"You know what always bothered me about this movie?" He finally spoke. "Ariel signed her name on the contract."
"Yes... To get her 'prince'." I confirmed, confused. I just said that...
"So she could write. Why didn't see just write to him?" Ethan proposed to me.
"Ohmygod. I never thought about that." I gasped. "Maybe she can just sign her name, but is illiterate?"
"Then how legally binding can the contract be if she can't read it?"
I had no idea if he was making a joke or being serious, but I cracked up laughing. I was sure he was joking when he chuckled with me.
"What's so funny?" EJ called from upstairs.
"The movie! Come watch the rest!" I called back.
"Nope." He responded shortly, causing me to laugh again. Ethan smiled as he watched me.
I cleared my throat. "You know you don't have to stay. Did you wanna go out?" I asked.
"No." He answered plainly.
"No? Are you still dating?"
"No. How about you?"
"Nope. I recently decided to take a break from dating and stuff." I admitted.
"Any particular reason why?"
"I'm just not ready for a relationship or the works that goes with it. I'm going to focus on myself for the time being."
We watched the rest of the movie in silence. After the movie, he helped me clean up before he left. I went upstairs with EJ and returned to social media by checking out the video he and Jayden posted on YouTube. I laughed at them attempting to read the Spanish packaging and trying the new foods.
Sunday morning EJ and I went to IHOP for breakfast. After I dropped him off with Ethan, I returned Bianca's call. I confirmed she was alone with no Noelle and explained what all transpired with Christian.
"I'm sorry Lily. I was hoping you were right about him being a decent guy, but I can't say I'm surprised." Bianca said, sympathetically.
"What kinda things did you hear from Noelle?"
"He's selfish and manipulative. Noelle said the drug usages was getting out of hand."
I knew about the selfishness and just witnessed the manipulation. The only drug I saw him use was marijuana. "Drug use? Like weed or harder stuff?"
"Both. He has nothing but yes men around him, agreeing with everything he does for the free ride. Noelle got out before it got worse."
I sighed deeply, disgusted that I even entertained the idea with having a family with him.
"I tried to tell you-"
"I know, I had to see it for myself." It made sense though, the mood swings and how selfish and generous he could be at the same time. I felt bad he didn't have anyone looking out for him, but I couldn't be that person. I had to battle my own demons. I couldn't be with someone who didn't even recognize his.
We talked about Bianca and what was going on with her fashion line. I was so proud and thrilled for her when she told me pieces were already being produced. She also told me how her sister Brittany was pregnant again. Out of wedlock again. With Aunt Patty's full support again.
"The hypocrisy is astounding. I'm so sorry B." I empathized.
"I'm ok. I use to second guess coming out, knowing that my mom was going to cut my off. I'm glad I'm living my own life, and she can live her hypocritical one." Bianca stated.
"I'm glad too." I agreed. "So another kid for Brittany. Is it the same guy she was living with?"
"No! It's another guy. They met on Instagram, he has two kids too. There moving into together like the fucking Brady Bunch. It's a hot mess."
"That sounds like a mess. Have you met him?"
"No. Is it bad I really don't want to?"
"Yes, it's bad, but I don't blame you."
We chatted a little while longer before I let her go. I then finally checked my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
I had a message on Facebook from Jennifer, Christian's friend.
I closed the message, wishing I just deleted it without reading. Where did she get off dispensing unsolicited advice about something she has no clue about. My actions? What the fuck did he tell her? I reminded myself that it didn't matter what he told her. All that matter was that it was over.
It didn't end the way I wanted it to. I wanted to explain my feelings and thank him for everything he did for me. When he accused me of sleeping with Richard and posted that picture, all my plans went out the window. I'm not sure what happen at South by Southwest, but whatever occurred between him and Trevor was just that: between him and Trevor. I don't even know why they felt the need to speak to each other, but I was glad to be out of it. I was glad I was done with all of it.
After I deleted Jennifer's message, I posted my first update in the past 2 weeks. It was a meme of Ursula singing Poor Unfortunate Souls. I captioned it: Mood.