Bittersweet

"Bittersweet
You're gonna be the death of me
I don't want you but I need you
I love you and hate you at the very same time
Bittersweet
See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, that's what the virgin says
We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says
God talk to me now, this is an emergency"-Bittersweet by Kayne West ft John Mayer

I was getting dressed to go to work Wednesday when I got a call back from Corey. After my talk with Ethan (and blowing off Sammy's questions), I called Corey to see what was going on as far as lessons at my apartment. He didn't return my call that night. When he did call back, I answered it right away.

"Hello."

"Hey." He yawned. "You called?"

"Yeah, it wasn't an emergency or anything. Call me back when you wake up." I requested him.

"No, I'm driving home. You'll keep me awake. I worked overnight at the pharmacy."

"Ohhh. Sounds fun." I said, sarcastically.

"You know it." He replied, matching my tone. "So what's up?"

"I was told about lessons at my place for EJ?" I asked, brushing out my hair.

"Yeah. I was talking to his mom on Facebook. She was supposed to message me back when she knew for sure and talked to his dad and stuff." Corey informed me.

"Yeahhhh... His dad was not very happy with me, but I think he agreed on once a week after he meets you." I said.

"Sweet. You're cool with lessons at your place?"

"Absolutely. We can talk about the day and time with his parents. We'll get together soon. Did Sammy tell you about Memphis?" I asked.

"No."

"My cousin is gonna be in town. We are going back to that bar in Addison."

"Cool. I'll be there as soon as I get off."

I laughed. "Alright Corey. Drive safe! Good night... I guess?"

"For me it is. Good morning."

I let him go and headed into work. My day went by fairly quickly. It was great being fully staffed. I could spend more time researching and customizing rehabilitation plans and not just juggling patients around. I noticed Sandra making the rounds more often, checking in on us with patients. I guess she was finally caught up in the office as well.

I finished up my last appointment with Darren. He brought me a thank you card and I teared up. I knew I would still be in contact with him, but it still made me a little sad knowing he wouldn't be under my care anymore. Maybe I was being sentimental. Urgh, damn estrogen.

I got Kendal to take a picture of us together before Darren left the clinic forever.

Okay, yeah, definitely overly sentimental.

I sent Forrest the picture and captioned it.

Me: I'm releasing him to your care. Take care of my first patient in Dallas!!!

Forrest responded right away.

Forrest: Awww, he was your first patient? I didn't know that.

Me: Yep. He told me he popped my cherry. At the time I thought he was a disrespectful little hoodlum. Now I'm gonna miss him!!! :-(

Forrest: lol hoodlum

"So Lily... how'd that happen?" Kendal asked from beside me.

"Huh?" I asked, putting my phone away.

"You and that guy?" He replied.

"What guy?" I inquired.

"The engaged guy." He answered.

"What about him?"

"How did y'all start hooking up?" He asked.

I looked up at him in disgust. "We're not. Like you just said, he's engaged."

"That's not what I heard..."

"I really don't care what you heard. It's not the truth. In the future, I'd rather not discuss my private life at work." I said. "Have a good one." I said, turning to leave.

I went to Jordan. She was on the clock, but I needed that kinda talk stopped immediately. Who else could he have talked to about this?

"Hey Jordan. Walk me out?"

"Sure." She nodded. After she got a nurse to cover the front, we left.

"Did you talk to Kendal about Forrest and me?" I asked her bluntly.

"No. Why?" She said, squinting up her face.

"Cause he heard we were hooking up." I told her, examining her face.

She genuinely looked surprised. "Ohmigosh, no. I don't even talk to him like that. If I hear anything, you know I will let you know."

I nodded. "Ok. Thanks. Still coming out with us tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. Derek won't be able to join us, So save the marriage talk." She smiled

"It's Halloween! Give him a break."

"Yeah, if he keeps messing around I'm gonna dress up as Lorena Bobbitt..."

"Oooo, you can have a little knife and a dildo as your props" I smiled.

"Nope. I'll have the real thing..."

"Gross Jordan." I laughed.

I said goodbye to her and went home. I put the whole Kendal thing out of my mind. In less than 24 hours Bianca would be here. I needed to focus on that!!!




The morning of Bianca's arrival, I got up, changed the sheets on my bed and dressed for work. I packed a change of clothes with me. I would have time to finish my last appointment then haul ass to the airport to pick her up.

I worked through my lunch just to ensure I would be leaving in plenty of time. I posted on Facebook that I was taking Bianca to Memphis for anyone that wanted to join us. I had been waiting in the baggage claim area for 45 minutes when I got a text from Jake.

Jake: Is it ok if I stop by tonight?

I looked up and saw Bianca approaching me.

"B!!!" I exclaimed, excitedly, putting my phone away and rushing to meet her.

A smile widened on her beautiful face as she pulled her carry on behind her.  She was the definition of natural beauty. The irony of it all was that she really did not care about her looks. Fashion, yes. Hair and make up, not so much. She was wearing fitted cargo pants and a black scoop next tank. Her long hair was pulled up and hidden under a fedora. She was make-up free, but looked flawless and so happy to see me.

"Lily!!!" She smiled, charging towards me. She dropped her bags when we met each other with a hug.

"Now I know I'm not in Cali." She laughed after we hugged for a good minute.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Cause if we were at LAX, we would have been yelled at by now." She commented, as people just went around us.

"So true." I agreed, laughing as I grabbed one of her bags. "Did you check a bag?"

"Of course not." She told me.

"Cool. Let's go so I can show you around my city." I smiled at her.

After putting her bags in the trunk, we hopped in my car and took off. We caught up as I drove to Braums Ice Cream shop. There were way too many places to take her for 3 nights and 4 days, so I was sticking to my absolute favorites. Besides, she loved ice cream. It was her all time favorite food. I had to take her to the old fashioned parlor that they did not have in California.

She caught me up on school and the guy she is currently dating. He's a model/actor/dancer type she normally goes for. When I questioned why she was attracted to shallow guys like that, she informed me she enjoys the companionship without the attachment.

"It's so much easier to get rid of them when they're douchebags." She explained as we looked over the menu.

"I wish it was that easy for me." I said, only half joking.

"So what's the itinerary for the weekend? Please tell me I get to meet said douchebags?" She asked, after we ordered our food.

"Anyone in particular?" I asked, thinking of Jake's text.

"All of them. Like my mom said, I need to get a feel for all the men in your life. Past loves, potential boyfriends."

I smiled. "Tell your mom the only man in my life is Jesus."

Bianca busted out laughing. "I'm not going to burst into flames to tell that lie."

I laughed with her. When she got up to throw her trash away, I pulled out my phone and texted Jake back.

Me: Of course. I would like us to be friends again.

I sent it before I could think about. That's what I wanted. I didn't want the first time for us to interact to be Ethan's congratulatory dinner. Besides, Bianca wanted to meet him. I kinda wanted her to meet him as well. I wanted her opinion on him. Not that it would change anything...

After lunch, we went back to my apartment. After a tour, I got her set up in my room. She unpacked and pulled out her costume. It was a 60s style black and white dress and go-go boots. When she threw off her hat, and put her hair up in a ponytail, I knew immediately she was gonna be Arianna Grande.

"Ooo! Do I get to be Iggy?!?!" I asked, excitedly.

"No" Bianca grinned, handing me a midnight blue hot pants and halter crop top. "Go try it on."

I did. I walked out of the bathroom, trying to think of a nice way to tell her whatever this was, it wasn't going to work. The nicest way was "fuck no" at the moment.

"Do you get it?" She asked, with a wryly smile when I stood in front of her.

"I get that I have to go shopping for two costumes." I said, still confused as to who I was supposed to be.

Bianca grinned and pulled out a matching midnight blue skirt with huge slits on the side. By the time she pulled out a pair of thigh high matching boots, arms bands, and a ninja mask, I knew exactly who I was going to be.

I squealed with delight. "No fucking way! You made me a Lady Kitana costume?!?!"

"That's not all..." She said, handing me two ornate, beautiful blue fans. "I was gonna to add little blades on it, but I don't think the TSA would have liked that."

"Bianca, I love this! Thank you so much. I swear, I might wear it every day." I laughed.

"Just don't assassinate anyone. I don't need that on my conscious. I'm going to hell for enough already."

"You will learn respect!!!" I was posing with the fans as I said Kitana's battle cry when Sammy walked in.

"What are you doing? What do you have on?" Sammy asked, eyeing me up and down.

"Practicing for Halloween. Sammy, this is my cousin Bianca. Bianca, this is Sammy." I introduced them, smiling.

"Nice to meet you." Bianca said, friendly.

"You too." Sammy said, warmly. She looked back over at me.

"What are you supposed to be?"

"A Mortal Kombat character."

"That's it? I mean, your body looks great, but that's kinda slutty."

"That's the point of Halloween." I informed her, sarcastically. "It comes with a skirt, boots and arm bands. Be right back. I'm gonna go change."

When I came back in the room, Sammy was sitting on the bed, talking to Bianca about our plans.

"You didn't tell Bianca about Blake's party on Friday?" Sammy asked me.

"No, I wasn't planning on going." I told Sammy again. I told her and the other girls I didn't wanna hang with him with Bianca. It just felt weird and I didn't know any of his friends besides Forrest and Rachel.

"I told you I wanted to meet every man in your life." Bianca protested.

"I don't even think he qualifies as that." I said.

"He wants to bang. I think that qualifies." Sammy countered.

"Anyway..." I said, changing the subject. "Are you and Corey joining us tonight?"

"I have to go in at Dave and Buster's tonight." Sammy said.

"What? Since when?" I asked.

"Someone called in." Sammy replied.

"That sucks." I pouted.

"Who's all going to be there?" Bianca asked me.

"So far it's Trevor, Rocky, her boyfriend Brandon, Cam, Jenna, and a few of my work friends for sure. Possibly Jake." I rattled off.

Both Bianca and Sammy stared at me.

"He messaged me. I told him he can drop by." I shrugged, trying not to think too much about it.

Sammy just rolled her eyes and stood up. "I'm gonna go get ready for work. I'll see y'all later."

After she left, we got ready to go. I put on a dark denim jeans and a black razorback tank. I left my hair down in waves and added minimal make up. Part of me was thinking about Jake, but ultimately, I dressed for myself. Since I planned on dancing, I wore black booties.

Bianca wore lace short shorts that made her legs look even longer, a tank and a cute white kimono blouse. She put her hair down and actually did her make up too. Flip flops completed her outfit.

We were heading out the door when I got a call from Rocky, asking us where we were. I told her we were on our way.

When we arrived at the bar, Rocky, Brandon, Corey and Jordan were already there. I introduced Bianca to everyone and we sat down.

"Where is Q?" I asked Jordan, as I pulled out my phone to text Cam and Trevor.

"Picking up Yolanda." Jordan answered.

Before I could send out the text, Trevor, Cam and Jenna joined us at the table. I stood up to hug all of them before introducing Trevor to Bianca.

"Wow. You can tell y'all are family." He said, looking between us.

"Say thank you Bianca. That's a compliment to you." I grinned at Bianca.

"I've never been so insulted. I hate you already Trevor." Bianca joked.

"Take a number." He teased while we laughed.

After ordering our drinks, Q and Yolanda arrived.

"Who else are we waiting for? Just Sammy?" Corey asked.

I shook my head. "No. Sammy got called into work. Jake might stop by." I informed them. "We have too many mutual friends not to be friendly. It's not a big deal." I added, before anyone could say anything.

We went ahead and ordered food. Everyone but Corey. He decided he was going to go visit Sammy at her job. Jordan offered to walk him out. She asked me to join. I looked at Bianca.

"Are you going to be ok?" I asked. Bianca nodded, sipping her drink.

"Geez Lily. No one's gonna do anything." Trevor grinned at me. Bianca smiled at him.

"You better not." I warned him as I stood up.

I walked with Corey and Jordan out. After we said bye to Corey, Jordan turned to me.

"So I found out where Kendal got his information from..." Jordan teased me.

"Well? Who???" I asked.

"Heather!" She exclaimed.

"Heather? Why would she say that?" I said, puzzled. I never talked to her about Forrest...

I literally froze as I saw Jake's SUV pull up.

"Lily? Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just give me a second. I'll be right in." I said, forcing myself to look at Jordan. She gave me a weird look but nodded and went back inside.

By the time I looked back at Jake, he was walking towards me.

"Hey." I said, smiling at him. I hoped I looked calm. I felt everything but calm.

"Hey Lily." He said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his khaki shorts. He looked so sexy in a white button down. His hair was growing out, but it look good on him. Everything looked good on him.

"Your hair looks nice." I said, quickly. Maybe if I admitted that, some of this tension would go away...

It didn't work.

"Yeah? Jasmine refuses to cut it for me." He admitted, rubbing his hair.

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm about to be in the same boat. My roots already look bad."

"Nothing about you looks bad." He stared at me, intensely.

I blushed and looked away, the heat in his gaze was too damn much.

"Let's talk when my bangs grow out and I look like Cousin Itt."

"You would still look amazing, once you moved all the hair out of your face." He joked.

I snorted, but quickly covered my mouth with my hand.

He grabbed my hand and I swear I felt a jolt.

"I wanna be honest with you." He said, moving my hand away from my mouth.

"What is it?" I said, shakily.

"I don't want to just be your friend. I want another chance with you. I'm willing to wait however long it takes."

"Jake-" I started.

"I don't need an answer right now. I just need you to know that Lily." He stopped me.

I nodded and stared into his eyes. I wonder if he could see the same desire I saw in his eyes. He caressed my hand before letting it go.

"Can I meet your cousin?" He asked.

I nodded, taking a deep breath, before leading him inside the bar.

I joked about Jesus being the only man in my life. Sometimes I wished it was the truth. Bianca resented her religious upbringing. At the moment, I was jealous of that. It would be nice to have faith in something.

I wasn't the most religious person in the word, but I did know how to pray. I prayed for wisdom to make the right decisions.

And the strength to fucking do it.

All My Ex's Live In Texas

"I remember that old Frio river
Where I learned to swim
And it brings to mind another time
Where I wore my welcome thin
By transcendental meditation
I go there each night
But I always come back to myself
Long before daylight
All my ex's live in Texas
And Texas is the place I'd dearly love to be
But all my ex's live in Texas
And therefore I reside in Tennessee"- All My Ex's Live In Texas by George Strait

Monday morning at work, I met our newest addition to the team. His name is Robbie and apparently at one point and time worked with Sandra, my boss, in Arizona. He jumped right in, taking one of my patients from me, so I had my Tuesday off day back. Jordan and I went out to lunch Monday to celebrate.

"You can use that Tuesday to help me pack..." Jordan hinted to me.

"You're moving in with Derek?" I asked.

"I am! I decided to go for it. I always thought I would wait until I was at least engaged, but maybe this is the next step."

"Absolutely. My brother is proposing to his girlfriend and they live together. I think it's practical to live together first." I agreed.

"How long have they lived together?"

"About a year." I replied.

"Oh..." Jordan said, disappointed. "I don't wanna wait that long. Shouldn't you know after 3 months?"

I laughed. "Cam and Jenna moved in together really fast, so that's why he waited. I guess it depends on the couple."

"I just feel like what's the wait? We're both where we wanna be career wise. We both want kids. Derek is older than me, he should be begging me to get married, not the other way around."

"He does hang out with single guys. Y'all need to hang out with my friends. Everyone I know is coupled up, married, or has kids." I told her.

I thought about Omar and Kelly having a baby. I saw it on Jake's Facebook. I like Kelly, so I sent her a message of congratulations. She responded and friend requested me. I accepted it. I had no ill will towards Omar anymore. Jordan told me in the beginning there should only be two people in a relationship. Any problems I had with Jake were on Jake and me. That didn't mean I didn't hope the baby got his/her personality from Kelly...

"True. See if you can get some of them to hang tonight to watch the Cowboy's game with us." Jordan suggested, excitedly.

I grinned. "I know just the person!"

On our way back, Jordan drove so I could text Forrest to invite him. I outlined the plan to him in the text. By the time I got off work, he responded saying he would meet us there.

I went home, showered and changed into a Robert Griffin III Redskin T-shirt and jeans. I put my hair back up in a high ponytail and headed out the door.

We were meeting at Q's girlfriend's Yolanda job Twin Peaks again to watch the game. When I arrived there, Forrest text me to let me know he was on his way. I went inside and made my way to the group. This time it was Q, his girlfriend, Kendal, one of his roommates Seth, Heather, Steven, Jordan and Derek.

I greeted everyone and took an empty seat beside Kendal so that when Forrest sat next to me, he would be next to Derek.

"That shirt is offensive." Kendal pointed at my jersey shirt.

"Let me guess, Cowboy's fan?" I said.

"Yes, but I'm also part Native American." Kendal informed me.

"Really? What tribe?" Heather asked him.

"Apache on my dad's side. I'm highly offended Lily. Take off your shirt." He deadpanned.

"Not happening." I told him over his roommate Seth's laughs.

"I can report you to HR." He threatened.

"Do it. I'm sure they would love to hear about your suggestion that I need to take off my shirt." I threatened back.

"I don't think Ann wants to hear any of that." Derek smiled.

"I agree." I nodded.

"I don't. I'm still offended." Kendal repeated.

I smiled at Forrest as he made his way over. I stood up to give him a hug. I introduced him to everyone before he sat down next to me.

"Your grandfather lives on a reserve right?" I asked Forrest.

"Sure does. Never leaves." Forrest responded.

"What do you think about the name Redskins?" I questioned him.

"I don't think about. People give words too much power." He answered.

I smirked at Kendal.

"Words have power if they have years of history behind them." Kendal argued, heatedly.

Forrest looked at me, then Kendal. "You're right, but you gotta look at intentions. The only intention the Redskins should have tonight is losing." Forrest said.

"Hell yeah!" Steven cheered, raising up his beer and officially ending that conversation. I shared my menu with Forrest. Kendal looked a little put out, but Heather quickly got his attention.

We were collaborating on our snacks when Jordan asked Forrest, "You said your grandfather doesn't leave the reservation. Will he for the wedding?"

Forrest looked up. "I hope so."

"You're engaged?" Seth asked Forrest, looking between us.

I shook my head while Forrest nodded. "He is..." I said, nudging Forrest.

Jordan used that as an opportunity to drill Forrest about getting engaged. Forrest knew the plan, so he played along.

"So what do you predict for the final score?" Derek asked Forrest, cutting of the wedding and marriage talk.

"It should be a massacre, especially with the Redskin having a rookie quarterback." Forrest answered.

"A massacre involving Cowboys and Redskins. Great choice of words." Kendal stated. Forrest ignored his comment and focused on the game.

By half-time, it was nothing close to a massacre. I was surprised that Washington was keeping up with the Dallas. It was a really good game. Cowboy fans were frustrated. They believed this game would be a cake walk at home. The rookie quarter back was looking better and better as the game went on.

Forrest excused himself at half-time to call Rachel. I went to bathroom with Jordan.

"So?..." I asked Jordan when she came out the stall.

"You saw how fast he changed the subject?" She said, over the running water.

"He might have been focused on the game. Let them bond, then Forrest will get the information, he'll give it to me and I'll give it to you!" I plotted.

"You're a little too into this..."  Jordan grinned.

"Yeah, I might have too much time on my hands." I chuckled.

"Kendal might want some of that time..." Jordan teased as we walked out.

"Ummm, no." I said, shaking my head.

Heather zipped passed us to the restroom. She didn't even acknowledge us.

"Too much beer?" Jordan said.

"Obviously."

Forrest was at the table when we returned.

"How's Rachel?"

"She's good. What happened between you and Blake?" He asked me.

"Denny's. Then I went home."

"That's it?"

"Why do you ask?" I said, suspiciously.

"He wouldn't tell me what happened. Just that y'all had a 'great time'".

"Sure. Over pancakes. That's all."

"Rachel just has it in her head that y'all would make a great couple."

"Does she know about his MO?"

"Yes. She thinks you can be the one to change him."

"Noooo.... I'm out of the relationship business, not trying to get into the business of changing people. I'm good."

He smiled at me. "That's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say."

I laughed. "Whatever Forrest."

"Have you been back to that bar Memphis?" Q asked me.

"I haven't. I'm planning on it. My cousin is coming into town so I'm gonna take her." I said.

"Let us know." Q nodded.

Everyone returned to the table and we watched the second half of the game. It was a freaking nail bitter. Especially when Romo got hurt. Romo came back to the game, and it went into overtime. I was so fired up when the Redskins came out and got a field goal. When the Cowboys couldn't score, I freaked out, super excited Redskins won.

"Congratulations. What are y'all? 3-5 now?" Kendal taunted me as we walked out.

"1-0 against the Cowboys, so you can suck it!!! Suck it, suck it, SUCK IT!!!" I exclaimed back.

"Calm down Lily." Forrest laughed at me. "It was a hard lost. You're gonna piss people off."

"What? No more we dem boys?" I sang, tauntingly, dancing around as we walked to my car.

"Alright. Dem boys are gonna retaliate."

"You're not gonna defend me?" I grinned.

"Nope. I might join 'em." Forrest admitted.

"Boy is right. A man would defend a woman." A said, folding my arms.

"His woman, yes. Some woman dissing his team? Nahh.." Forrest laughed.

I joined in. I kicked at him, before getting in my car and going home.

---------------------

Tuesday morning, I got up and got to work deep cleaning the apartment. I cleaned my room first cause that was where Bianca would be sleeping when she came to visit. I moved to the living room, den, and dining room. I vacuumed, dusted and wiped down everything. Once the town home smelled like Windex and fresh linen disinfectant, I changed clothes and pulled out my laptop.

Bianca emailed me her itinerary, so I saved it. I also found a recipe for stuffed bell peppers. I made a list of ingredients and went to the store. I drove to the store and bought the ingredients I needed plus things I knew Bianca liked. I loaded up the trunk and drove home.

I brought in all the bags and put the groceries away. Afterwards, I got to work on dinner. I docked my phone on the speaker Jake gave us for our house warming. I decided to continue to listen to the country playlist Blake sent me.

It actually wasn't that bad. There was one song by George Strait that made me smile.

When I put the peppers in the oven and set the timer, I heard a knock on my door. I walked to the door and peaked through the peephole. I was shocked to see Ethan. I straightened the white tank and black leggings I was wearing. I pulled my fingers through my hair as I opened door.

"Hey. This is a surprise." I said with a smile.

"Guess we both were in for surprises today." Ethan answered, cryptically.

"Ok... come in." I invited him, moving to let him in.

I locked the door and turned to him.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Megan informed me that EJ will be taking drum lessons." Ethan started.

"Ok..."

"No. Not ok. I told you to stay out of this. I asked you not to go against me on this." Ethan reminded me.

"No. You didn't ask. You told me and I didn't. The only thing I did was post a article on Facebook. I wanted you to read it and make a decision. That's all." I corrected him.

"If that's all, why is EJ having lessons here?" Ethan interrogated me.

"That's news to me. When was this decided?" I said exasperated.

"Megan texted me about it today." He informed me.

"Sounds like you should be talking to her." I sighed.

"This all started with you. You buying him drums when I was against it. You setting up lessons when I said not to. That's why I'm talking to you." Ethan countered.

"Ok. I bought the drum because I knew he liked them. Maybe I shouldn't have, but you never said not to. You said he didn't need any more toys at his house. It's not, it's here! A person offered to give him lesson. That's all. I respected your decision, even if I didn't agree with it."

"It's not for you to agree. You are not his parent Lily."

"I know that." I said, softly.

I took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling, trying to calm myself. I couldn't look at him right now. This was such bullshit. Why did drama always follow me?

I finally looked at Ethan. He was staring at me with a focused look on his face. Before anything else could be said, my phone alarm went off, signaling the food was done.

"Excuse me." I said, leaving for the kitchen.

I took a moment to collect myself. I couldn't help thinking if this was what our lives would have been if I had our baby. I had to admit, while I was unsure of what would have happened if my baby would have made it, I dreamed of it bringing Ethan and I together. I realized that might not have been the case...

I pulled the peppers out the oven. They looked and smelled amazing. I stuck my head out in the living room.

"Do you wanna eat?" I asked.

"What?" He asked, bewildered.

"Food?"

He just looked at me.

I shrugged. "Ok. I'm gonna eat."

I made a plate and went out to the living room. I grabbed a tv tray and set up on the couch. Eventually, Ethan joined me with a plate. I shared my tv tray with him.

We ate in silence. After we were finished, he looked at me.

"That was good. Thanks." He said, picking up our plates.

"No problem." I said.

After he came back from putting the plates away, I started again.

"Ethan, I'm sorry if you felt like I went against you." I said, turning to him on the couch. "I do think you're being unreasonable and stubborn, but it's not my call. It's up to you and Megan. I love EJ, but more importantly, I know how it feels to have a dad that just... pushes-"

"You say that like it's a bad thing Lily. You're successful." Ethan stopped me.

"At what price? I also had very little self esteem, confidence and self awareness. All A's, a degree, and a doctorate, and I still struggle with those. Like you said, most of my relationships are drama." I pointed out.

Ethan just thought about it, but didn't say anything.

"So yes, I get it. EJ needs to learn responsibility, but that's not the only thing he needs to learn. I'm not saying he needs to learn the drums. I just don't understand why it's not an option." I finished.

Ethan nodded. "Fine. I wanna meet this guy. Then maybe once a week. If his grades slip, it's over."

"Ok..."

Ethan sighed.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's surreal. I never imagined we would be having a conversation like this when we meet." Ethan shook his head.

"Yeah. I kinda hero worshipped you back then. I felt like you could do no wrong." I smiled.

"When did that change?" He smirked.

I laughed as the front door opened. Sammy came in and looked at us on the couch. Her eyes went wide.

"Uh, hey."

"Hey." I said.

"Hey, I better get going." Ethan said, standing up. I walked him out the door.

He stopped when I closed the front door. We stood in front of the townhouse. "There was a time when I imagined us together, as a family. Back then when you thought I was perfect. " Ethan confessed.

I nodded. "I imagined it too." I admitted. Especially when I found out about our baby. This would be the perfect time to tell him....

...But I didn't. Too much time had passed. I was ready to let that go. Finally.

"But then I realized I can barely manage myself. I couldn't deal with a relationship or kid. I still have some growing up to do. Maybe I might take some drum lessons." I added.

Ethan chuckled. "I guess it's a good thing we're staying friends. I might look into some lessons too."

I smiled and waved as he left.

"What was that about?" Sammy asked me, excitedly when I came back into the apartment.

I felt at peace with our conversation and didn't need Sammy's spin on it. Besides, she could never understand how I felt about Ethan without knowing the whole story, so I told her nothing.

"Basically, I need to move to Tennessee." I responded.

Restart

"What do you want from me when I just wanna restart
You keep coming back for me when you're the one who tore us apart
And the truth is I'm better on my own
And I'm the one to leave it apart
So let me restart
So let me restart
So let me restart" Restart by Sam Smith

Friday evening, I headed to Lewisville for Darren's homecoming game. The next week would be my last week rehabbing with Darren. I knew I would still be following his football career regardless, but it was still a little bittersweet. I walked into the stands and immediately saw Rachel and Blake sitting in our normal section. I waved and made my way over.

"Hey. How's it going?" I greeted both of them with a hug.

I sat down beside Blake and caught up with Rachel before I turned to him.

"So, you're a high school football fan now?" I asked him with a smile.

"Of course. I played football in high school." Blake winked at me.

"I thought you played soccer?" Rachel asked.

"Soccer was my sport, but it's Texas. I played football too." Blake clarified.

"What position?" Rachel asked.

"Kicker?" I asked, at the same time he answered "Kicker."

Rachel laughed. "So that was a dumb question."

I laughed too. "I have another dumb question.." I began, looking at the students. They were wearing huge ass decorations that included flowers, streamers and ribbons. A few had teddy bears in them. The girls had them pinned on their clothes or hanging around their neck if they were massive; the boys had theirs on arm bands like garters. The majority were in school colors; some were white and silver. I pointed them out. "What are those?"

"You've never seen a mum before?" Blake asked me, shocked.

"No. Is it a homecoming thing?" I asked.

"It's the homecoming thing. You give them to your girlfriend or boyfriend the day of the game. The bigger and gaudier they are, the more that person loves you." Rachel said.

"You should have seen mine senior year. All white and it lit up and everything in the middle." Blake bragged.

"And what did your girlfriend's look like?" I asked him.

"Um, whatever my mom picked out... I don't even remember." He shrugged.

I shook my head at him.

The game started, so we focused on it. During halftime, Blake asked me to go with him to get snacks, but I watched the homecoming court instead. I had to admit, I was fascinated by the king and queen getting crowned. No matter how over high school I was, there was a tiny part of me that wanted a crown, and a mum.

"Overrated." Rachel informed me when I told her my secret desires. "High school politics are not worth it for a plastic crown"

"You would know huh? Homecoming queen?" I smiled at her.

"No. Prom queen." She said, like she was ashamed. I laughed.

After the game, which Darren's team destroyed their opponents 49-7, Blake asked me if I wanted to grab something to eat.

"Yeah. There's a Denny's up the street if y'all wanna go." Forrest said.

I agreed. Blake looked a little annoyed, but he agreed too. Rachel was gonna to wait with Forrest for all the students to go home, so Blake and I left ahead of them.

We were seated in a booth at Denny's right away. Blake sat down beside me, leaving the empty booth for Forrest and Rachel.

After ordering water and coffee, I looked through the menu.

"What are you getting?" Blake asked me, looking over my shoulder to read my menu. A little weird, considering his menu was right in front of him, but whatever.

"Pumpkin pancakes."

"I hate pumpkin." Blake informed me.

"Really? Like any pumpkin?" I questioned.

"Yeah. It's so nasty."

"Thanks. Guess I'm gonna eat nasty pancakes." I said, checking my phone. Where were Rachel and Forrest?

The waitress came over. I asked her to give us a minute while Blake texted on his phone. A couple moments later, his phone vibrated. He read it as I put my menu away.

"That was Forrest. Rachel has an early morning, so they're not going to join us." Blake informed me.

"Really? That sucks." I said, disappointed. My phone beeped so I pulled it out.

Forrest: Sorry Lily! Ttyl. Just remember his MO.

I smiled and put the phone away.

"Who was this?" Blake asked.

"Forrest. Just apologizing for standing us up." I said, simply.

After we ordered our food, Blake turned to me.

"So what are you up to this weekend?" He asked.

"Uh, girls weekend. My friend is getting her hair done and we're going to get out nails done and have dinner and stuff. I need to go shopping for Halloween too" I told him.

"What are you gonna be?"

"I don't know. My friend is having a Circus themed party on Saturday."

"Circus? So no plans for Friday?" Blake asked.

"Yeah. It's kids friendly. Her husband doesn't celebrate Halloween, so the kids don't trick or treat. She always has a costume party for the kids after Halloween." I explained Amber and Will's party to him.

"Who doesn't celebrate free candy?" Blake said with a smile.

"Someone raised by Jehovah's witnesses. Their parties are always major through. Amber loves decorating and dressing up. She buys everything after Halloween so it's all clearanced and she makes sure there's a ton of candy so the kids don't feel left out."

I smiled, thinking about how much effort Amber puts into her parties. It's one of the reasons she wanted a house with a huge backyard so badly. She got her wish. Kudos to Will on that one.

"Well, you should hang out with me Friday for an adult event. I'll text you the details as soon as I know." He invited me.

I nodded. "Sounds good."

We ate and I found out a little more about him. He is 28 and actually owns an indoor sports facility. His grandfather left it to him when he passed away. I was so impressed he managed it by himself.

"Me too." He admitted when I complimented him. "First few years were rough. I had no life outside of it. Now I'm finally getting to relax and enjoy some of my hard work. Next time you're in Fort Worth, you should come check it out."

"I definitely will." I agreed.

After we finished, I insisted on splitting the bill.

"Do you wanna go get a drink somewhere?" He asked, as he walked me to my car.

"I can't. I'm on call tomorrow, so I'm gonna head home and get some rest, just in case I get called in." I declined.

"Ok. I'll text you." Blake said, giving me a hug.

I wished him a good night and went home. The apartment was empty so I sent Sammy a text to see what she was up to.

While I waited for a response, I looked up proposal stories online. I suggested to my brother since they met in anger management, we should find a way to tie that into his proposal to Jenna. Trevor thought it was brilliant, but Cam shot it down immediately. I think Cam is leaning towards the more traditional route of getting down on one knee and having a speech ready. I think that's an awesome start, but he should personalize it little more. I wanted to get some ideas to present to him.

After saving a few, I looked up music education. I found a great article about music empowerment and how children involved with music do better in school. It broke down the benefits which included improved spatial-temporal reasoning, which is beneficial to math, and the repetition of tunes helping memory. It was clear and concise about the numerous advantages kids have when they learn, play and create music.

I posted it on my Facebook, and tagged Ethan, Megan and Corey in it.

I captioned it:

Interesting read. Maybe school would have been more fun for me if I was involved in something I loved like music...

Corey liked it right away and sent me a message.

I'm still down for teaching EJ.

I messaged him back.

I know. That was for his dad. He doesn't want EJ learning.

He wrote me back.

Ah, gotcha. 

He then commented on the post so Ethan and Megan could read it.

That's why I love teaching kids music. So rewarding seeing their confidence grow when learning something new. It translates over to every aspect of their lives. 

I laughed. That was putting it on a little thick. He worked as a pharmacy tech, but I liked his comment anyway. I went to bed, hoping Ethan believed it.



I woke up the next morning and gave Rocky a call. I knew she was heading over to Jasmine's shop to get her hair done. I talked to her and she informed me she was about to drive over. Her appointment was at 9. She offered to pick me up, but I told her I would meet her up there in a little bit. I didn't wanna be stuck there if it was weird with Jasmine. The last thing I spoke to her about was staying out of Jake's and my business. I had no idea how she took that.

I left my room, dressed for a run. I went over to Sammy's room and knocked on the door. When I didn't get an answer, I walked in. She was sleeping hard in bed. I wondered what time she got home; she never returned my text. I hopped on the bed with her.

She groaned and mumbled, "Get the fuck out."

"C'mon. You said healthy life and shit. Let's go for a run!" I exclaimed.

"No."

"Awww.... Poor Sammy. So tired. What were you doing last night? Or who? I thought you and Corey were taking it slowww." I teased her.

"Lily, I'm not playing. Just because you don't have Jake to keep you occupied, doesn't mean it's my job." She said, sharply.

Her tone was enough was to make me get up. Her words were like a slap in the face. Maybe I was preoccupied with Jake, but when I was home, she rarely was. I looked at her, hurt. When she just rolled over, I left the room.

I went down the stairs, deciding not to let her words get to me any more. If she wanted to be a bitch, she could. I was not going to let it ruin my Saturday.

I put on my headphones and got ready to take off.

Until I saw my car. It was covered in stickers.

When I saw the stickers were Happy Bunny, I knew it was Trevor. There was little doubt before, but I was 1000% sure. I was obsessed with Happy Bunny everything during my first year of college. It was my silent 'fuck you' to the world. Didn't matter how awkward, fat or alone I felt, looking at that cartoon bunny with an insult at his feet made me smile. My dad would never go for it, so my dorm room was covered in Happy Bunny merchandise; thanks to all the gift cards I got for graduation.

The first time Trevor saw my side of my dorm, of course he made fun of me. He fed into my obsession by buying me t-shirts, key chains or mints with Happy Bunny on them for my birthday, holidays, or just because.

I was in disbelief as I looked my car over. Where did he even find all these stickers?!? I pulled out my phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?..." He greeted me, cheerfully.

"I'm gonna fucking KILL YOU!" I exclaimed, scrapping off a sticker from my window.

"You don't sound happy. What's the matter bunny? " Trevor laughed at his own stupid joke.

"You fucked with Lady Kitana. You know my car is my heart. You are dead!!!" I threatened him.

"Hash tag Not scared." Trevor laughed, before hanging up on me. I tried to call him back. No answer. I was outside, 5 minutes, scraping at my car, trying to remove the stickers, when I received a text.

Trevor: Check your Facebook.

I groaned and pulled up my Facebook. Trevor posted pictures of him coming over last night and putting the stickers on. He tagged me and Cam in the photos.

He captioned them:

#HaHa #LadyKitanaMakeOver #PrankWar #CheckUnderYourCar

I did just that. I got on my knees to retrieve a black bag. I opened it and saw a can off Goof Off. I sighed in relief as I read the back. It was an adhesive removal. I went inside and grabbed an old t-shirt to use as a rag. I poured some on my make shift rag and got to work. 30 minutes later, all the stickers were off. During that time, Trevor called me 3 times, I ignored him. I wasn't mad. It was a great prank, but I wanted him to sweat it out a little bit.

 My run forgotten, I took my car to the wash. While I was there, I received a call. I picked it up.

"You're still dead jackass!" I said, assuming it was Trevor.

"Whoa chick! What did I do to you?" Bianca asked, surprised.

"Sorry B. I thought it was someone else..." I explained to her what Trevor did to Lady Kitana.

She laughed. "That's ok cuz. I'll help you get him when I'm in town next weekend..."

"Oh, I don't need help. I'm slashing the tires on his car and scratching up his paint and..." I stopped when it registered what she said. "You're coming out to visit?!? Next week?!?" I said, excitedly.

"I am. Got an alert on a cheap flight, so I will be there Thursday and leaving Sunday, so don't buy a costume! I have an idea on the perfect one for you." She commanded.

"I need 2. A circus kid friendly one and a more adult one. A little sexy, not trashy."

"I know! Find a circus one."

"I'll wait for you so we can coordinate." I suggested.

"Alright Lily. I'll send you my itinerary." Bianca said.

"You better."

I got off the phone, super excited. I pulled out of the car wash, and parked to examine my car. It was good as new.

I got in my car and drove back to my apartment and went for a jog finally. In the middle of my run, my phone rang. I checked the caller ID this time. I was surprised to see Jake's number.

"Hello?" I answered, panting.

"Hey, are you in the middle of something..."

I took a deep breath. "No. Sorry. Just running. What's up?"

"I was just seeing if you got the stickers off your car..." He asked.

"How'd you know about that?" I asked. He couldn't see my Facebook. He blocked me.

"Your brother's page." He answered.

"Oh." I said. He was still friends with him? "Yeah, Trevor left Goof Off under the car. It's like a removal."

"Did you try it? It might damage the paint." He said.

"Yeah, it's fine." I replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, he doesn't know that." Jake finally said.

"Know what?"

"That it didn't damage the paint. If you wanna get him back."

I smiled. "That's right! Thanks Jake."

"You're welcome."

I wanted to ask him why he cared, why he blocked me, and if he wanted to be friends now, but I let him go instead. I needed to focus on myself and being content. Whatever he wanted wasn't a part of that, so why bother?

I ran home, showered and changed. I called Rocky.

"Hey Rocky. Where are you?"

"Still at the hair salon."

"Damn. What all are you getting done?" I asked her.

"I'm almost done fool. Still coming to meet me?"

"I'm on my way." I told her.

When I got to the salon, I made my way to Jasmine's station. Jasmine was fingering the curls in the long extensions in Rocky's hair.

"Ohmygosh! You look amazing!" I exclaimed.

Rocky smiled at me in the mirror.

"I figure it's a nice change while I wait for my hair to grow back out." Rocky explained.

"I love it. Great job Jasmine." I smiled at Jasmine.

"I just styled it, but thanks." Jasmine said, curtly.

I watched as Jasmine removed the cape from around Rocky. She avoided my eyes. I didn't try to make anymore conversation with her. It was cordial at the moment. I wasn't trying to make it awkward, but I was disappointed. I knew the probability of us remaining friends was slim, but it was still sad.

After Rocky paid, we left and met Sammy, Amber, Gigi and Peyton to get our nails done.

Sammy was in a much better mood and was telling us about a party she worked the night before.

"Did you have the talk with Corey?" I asked after she finished.

"We did. He's cool with taking it slow." She explained.

After we got our nails done, we went to dinner at Razzoo's (my choice). We coordinated costume ideas over Cajun food. I excitedly told everyone my cousin was coming into town, so I needed something to do Friday night.

"Blake invited me out, but I would rather hang with y'all." I explained to them.

"I have a party to work. I can see about adding you to the guest list. It's a masquerade." Sammy shared.

"Friday we're going to a bar. They host a big bash and have a costume contest." Rocky started. "Jake will be there-"

"I don't think that will be a problem..." I said, before explaining Jake's and my weird conversation earlier.

Rocky looked at me. "He still has feelings for you Lily. That's why he didn't wanna see you. He's hoping giving you time to forgive him will help get him another chance."

Sammy just rolled her eyes. I sighed. "I do forgive him, but at the same time, I just wanna be single, you know?"

"Being single is not what it's cracked up to be. Dating sucks." Gigi warned me.

I smiled. "I know. I'm not even talking about being single and ready to mingle or stuff like that."

"So what are you talking about? If you forgive him, why not give him another chance?" Peyton asked.

"I made a promise to myself to be ok alone." I looked at Rocky. She gave me a reassuring smile. "I'm getting there. Part of that is starting new. Not even new, just a restart. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense." Amber chimed in. "In fact, we should drink to it." She said, holding up her mason jar chiller. We all held up our drinks and toasted restarts.

After dinner, I headed home. I finally called Trevor back on my way home.

"You still mad?" He asked. I could see the stupid grinned on his face.

"Shut up. I just spent $200 on a paint job thanks to you." I lied.

"Really? To remove stickers? Wasn't there a bag under your car?" Trevor laughed.

"It's not funny. That's what fucked up my paint!!!"

"That wasn't part of the prank, I swear. I'm so sorry. Where did you take it?" He asked.

"Dan's paint shop..." I pulled a name out of my ass.

"Ok. I'm on my way over." He said.

I giggled to myself and thanked Jake in my head. Trevor came over and paid me the $200. I told him I would pay half, considering I started the prank war. He refused and we called a truce to the war.

We ended up spending the night watching SNL with Jim Carrey. Which turned into an all night marathon of all the Jim Carrey movies we could find.

Trevor was being weird and refused to sleep over, so he left at like 4am. After waiting for him to call and tell me he made it home, I went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, I immediately went on Facebook. I changed my status to read:

Prank War over. I declare myself the winner. Not only did I get two pranks to his one, but his prank cost him $200 for a paint job that didn't happen. #Winning #FuckinWithDaBest 

After posting the status, I saw that I had a new friend request. I couldn't help the jolt that I felt when I saw Jake friend requested me again. I quickly accepted. I added a comment to my post. It read:

Thanks @Jake for the idea :-)

I spent the rest of my morning checking out his Facebook. The only reason I stopped evaluating his posts was because Trevor called me. I answered it to gloat.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

"You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are"- Find Out Who Your Friends Are by Tracy Lawrence  ft  Tim McGraw & Kenny Chesney

Rocky: Sure. What's up?

Me: It's been almost a month since breaking up with Jake and I don't feel any better than the day it happened.

Rocky: On my way.

Not even 20 minutes later, Rocky arrived. I let her in.

"How have you been feeling about the breakup?" She asked.

"Name it and I've felt it." I answered truthfully.

"Ok. How do you feel right now?"

"Guilty. Jenna invited me over and tried to give me advice. I was a bitch to her. I feel like I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning." I admitted.

Rocky shrugged. "Then go back to bed. C'mon. "

She led me upstairs to my room. I laid down and she sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. She looked at my phone in distaste.

"What are you listening to?" She asked. Blake's playlist was still on.

"Just some new music."

"No wonder you don't wanna get out of bed. Depressing ass country music..."

"Shut up. It's not all depressing." I said, smiling, as I turned it off.

"What happened with Jenna?" Rocky asked.

"Basically, she said that I sabotage myself because of my self image, which has been majorly fucked up by my parents." I started. Rocky nodded, understandingly. "I told her she wasn't family or my psychologist, so fuck off."

Rocky's eyes widened. "Please tell me you did not say that..."

"I said it nicer than that... but pretty much."

"Was Cam there?"

"No, but I suspect as soon as she tells him he's not gonna be real happy with me."

"Talk about an understatement. So basically, she told you about yourself and you got mad?" Rocky summed it up nicely.

I glared at her.

"Don't look at me like that. On some level you know she's right. If it wasn't true, I don't think you would have gotten so defensive." Rocky said.

I sighed. "I know I have issues. I thought the same thing when Jake explained his behavior to me."

"What was his explanation?" Rocky said, suspiciously.

I told Rocky what Jake told me about his history with Cara.

"I just wish he would have told me sooner. I wouldn't have judged him. Maybe I'm naive, but I believe him when he said he was acting out of fear and insecurity." I finished.

"Maybe it would have made a difference, maybe it wouldn't have. Only time will tell how he truly is." Rocky said, diplomatically.

I nodded. "Even if he's not really like that, I just feel like we weren't even together that long for me to put up with it or for me to be so confused and hurt over it."

"It doesn't take long to inflict pain on someone, it doesn't matter how long you were together. What are you confused about? Breaking up with him? Because you don't deserve to put up with it, regardless of his reasons." Rocky said.

"Breaking up was the right thing to do. It just took our relationship for me to realize how... lost I am. I know now that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm just scared..." I stopped when the tears threatened to come. Rocky waited patiently.

I took a deep breath and continued. "I'm terrified of being alone. I know that's weak and pathetic, but I would have changed to be what he wanted just so I wouldn't be alone."

Rocky glared at me. "Lily, why would you ever think that? You don't need to change anything about yourself. I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable with someone else."

"That's it though, I wasn't alone and happy. Jake is the only person who knows everything about me and he still wanted to be with me. That made me happy. I might never find that again." My tears came freely now.

"Lily, is this about your mom? Her actions have nothing to do with you as a person. She missed out. That's on her."

"It's not just that, but my mom did raise me til I was 4, then she just... left. How could she just do that? What did she see that made it so easy for her to leave me?" I questioned, crying.

"Lily!" Rocky said, firmly. "You don't know what she was thinking. There's no way you can put yourself in her shoes and try to make sense of it-"

"I can." I interrupted her. "I wasn't with Ethan. I had just finished school. I was just learning to take care of myself. I wasn't ready for a baby, but I wanted mine." I sobbed into my hands.

The only sound in the room for a minute was my sobs.

"That's why you went to California? You were pregnant?" Rocky asked, quietly.

I shook my head. "No. I didn't know until after I moved. I didn't know until I miscarried."

"You told Jake." She said, more like a statement than a question.

I nodded, my sobs subsiding.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rocky asked sadly.

"Cause I felt so guilty for so long, I was ashamed and hurt. By the time I got past my grief, I just wanted to move on."

"I understand wanting to move on, but you haven't." Rocky replied.

"Maybe not, but I'm getting there. With Jake, he didn't judge me. He just told me he was sorry for my loss and that it didn't change anything between us."

"And did it?" Rocky asked.

I shook my head no.

"It shouldn't have. Nor does it give him free pass to treat you however he wanted. That's not how love works. He should accept you for who you are, flaws and all."

I mulled that over, biting my lip.

"Look at me Lily." Rocky commanded. I did, wiping my face. "Your past does shape you into the person that you are. There comes a point when you have to stop looking at the past and focus on the present. You can't change it, but you can learn and grow from it. You don't ever have to worry about being alone. You have too many people who love you for that to happen."

I nodded again, giving her a weak smile. "Are you saying you love me? In a non romantic way?"

Rocky smirked and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder.



The heaviness I had been carrying faded away after my talk with Rocky. Yes, I still missed Jake and yes, I still had feelings for him. I just no longer felt overwhelming sadness, anger or dread when I thought about him. Maybe we didn't work out. Maybe it was an epic failure, but I didn't regret us being together. At the very least, we tried. We learned from it. I knew I couldn't make the same mistakes in my next relationship, so I wouldn't. I hope he did the same.

I called to apologize to Jenna on Monday after work. She was so cool about the whole thing, it made me feel even worse. She reiterated the fact that she was here for me, whenever I needed her.  I informed her I had no intentions of sabotaging anymore relationships and thanked her for the advice.

Blake had been texting me all week. Random things, like rubbing the Cowboy's record in my face or sending me more songs to listen to. We chatted but I didn't feel a need to have him around like I did at the fair. I decided I was going to enjoying being single for a while. I know, I've been single for majority of my adult life, but I never really enjoyed it. I wanted to for now.

Wednesday after work, I headed to Rocky's house. During my Facebook chat with Megan, I learned EJ was doing a fundraiser for his school. The deadline was Friday and Megan was selling through her coworkers. I told her I would buy some items if she got the book to me. Ethan was going to have it when he picked EJ up. Which was perfect, I needed to talk to Ethan anyway.

When I got there, Brandon and Ethan were in the kitchen while EJ played on the PlayStation in the living room.

"Hey everyone!" I said. I just waved at EJ. I knew better than to interrupt him during his game.

"Hey Lily. How's it going?" Brandon asked me, grinning.

"It's going good. How are you?" I said, smiling.

"Good." He nodded.

"Ethan." I said, giving him a hug. "Thank you for bringing the fundraiser." I said as I pulled away.

"No problem." He said, handing it over to me.

I flipped through the book and picked out gifts for my coworkers. Ethan watched me as I ordered 8 items.

"Lily, that's too much." He said.

"No it's not. It's just enough. EJ wanted to sell 50 items right?"

"Yes!!! I'm gonna get 9 prizes!" EJ cheered.

"He did, but he only sold 42." Ethan countered. "What do you say EJ?"

"Thank you Lily." He said, taking a pause from the game.

"You're welcome. He just sold 51." I said, pulling out my check book to write a check. I added a box of chocolate for myself.  "Anyway, this just saved me a lot of time. I just did all my Christmas shopping for my coworkers."

"I hate Christmas!!!" Brandon groaned. "We had an 80,000 piece truck because of Christmas merchandise."

"We don't understand Target speak." Ethan responded, clearly uninterested.

"Big ass truck! Got it?" Brandon cleared up. EJ and I laughed.

"Language." Ethan said, stone faced.

"I need to talk to you about something Ethan." I said.

"Can you excuse us Brandon?" Ethan asked him.

Brandon sighed.

"You don't have to go anywhere. It's about EJ. In fact, you can help me out. What do you think about Corey?" I asked Brandon.

"The dude Sammy's dating? He seems alright I guess." Brandon answered.

"He's friends with Jordan. He plays drums and offered to give EJ lessons." I explained.

"I'll think about it." Ethan responded, flatly.

"Really think about it. Megan and I were talking about it..." I said.

"Really?" Ethan asked.

"Yep. We're BFFL now." I lied. "And we both think it would be beneficial and educational and all that good stuff..." I tried to explain while Brandon laughed at me.

Ethan smiled, and I couldn't help laughing too. "Fine, I'm lying. Just let him have the lessons!"

"I will think about it. He needs to focus on his school work right now." Ethan answered.

"Maybe it could be incentive to do well in school..."

"No. He needs to do well because that's what he is supposed to do. End of discussion."

I sighed but bit my tongue.

"I'm serious Lily. Don't go against me on this." Ethan said.

"Fine." I muttered.

"Was I helpful?" Brandon teased me.

"Shut it Brandon." I said, gathering my things to leave.

"Before you leave, I have something to ask you too." Ethan said.

"Ok. Go away Brandon." I smirked at him.

"No, I actually wanna hear this one." He smiled.

My interest peaked then.

"My mom is planning a get together to celebrate my promotion. We were working on the guest list. She would like to invite you and Jake." Ethan said.

I looked over at Brandon. He was watching me, expectantly.

I turned back to Ethan. "That will not be a problem for me. Jake doesn't wanna see me, so you might wanna consider that-"

"Who told you that?" Brandon interrupted me.

"He did, when he blocked me on Facebook." I answered. And Rocky...

"It won't be a problem for him." Brandon added.

"Fantastic. I'll see y'all later. Bye EJ!" I said, before heading out.

"Lily. Wait up."

 I heard Ethan call after me as I walked out the door.

"I'm serious about Jake. I really want you to be there. If him being there is a problem-"

"It's not." I cut Ethan off. "I will be there and on my best behavior. I promise." I smiled.

He smirked.

I smiled at Rocky as I looked up and saw her make her way up the driveway.

"Hey Lily." She said, cutting her eyes at Ethan.

"Hey Rocky, I'm on my way home. Bye" I told her.

"Bye Lily. Ethan." Rocky said, sharply, before going in the house.

Ethan looked at me, puzzled. I shrugged.

"Rough day." I suggested.

Ethan nodded. "Drive safe."

"You too."



Thursday, my brother called me to see if I could meet him for lunch. I agreed. Sandra was actually with Ann, our HR manager, interviewing a new therapist. So after my last appointment before lunch, I skipped my charts and took an extra long lunch.

I went up to my brother's work. I stopped by Trevor's cubicle before heading to his office. Thankfully, he wasn't there. I covered his desk, computer, chair and keyboard with sticky notes. His co-worker nicely gave me some. Trevor called and checked on me frequently all week. I told him I was fine. I figured reigniting the prank war would get him to stop babying me.

Most of the sticky notes were blank. On a few I wrote remarks including: #Prank War, LOSER, PUNK, LAME. Nothing too scandalous or inappropriate for at work. My pride was a crude little stick figure drawing of a guy getting kicked in the ass. I put that one right in the middle of his computer screen. I then made my way over to Cam's office.

I could see him through the glass window so I tapped on it. He looked up and waved me in. I opened the door and joined him.

"Do you know why I asked you here?" He asked, after inviting me to sit.

"Um, not really." I squirmed. I had an idea...

"Jenna told me what you said Sunday." He said, seriously.

I sighed. "I'm really sorry. I apologized to Jenna. I just lashed out cause it was hard to hear the truth." I explained as he pulled out something out from his desk. He put a small black box in front of me. I stopped, shocked as he opened it to reveal a beautiful engagement ring.

"I wanted you to be the first one to know I'm planning on making her family soon." Cam smiled at me. "So you're going to have to come up with a better comeback."

"OH MY GOD!!!" I shrieked as I rushed over to give him a hug. "How are you gonna ask?" I said, excitedly.

"Fuck if I know. It took a month just to pick out the ring." He said, sheepishly,

"You did a great job. It's beautiful-"

We were distracted by a uproar outside the office. When I heard Trevor's voice, I knew he discovered my prank.

"What in the-" Cam started, heading towards the door. I followed him. When Trevor saw me at the door, he pointed at me.

"You're dead!"

I laughed. "Can you wait till after my brother's marriage? Then I can die happy."

"You're engaged?" Trevor asked Cam, grinning.

"Soon, if she says yes." Cam said.

"You know she will." I smiled at him.

"Well, hurry up. Your sister is on borrowed time." He grinned at us.

"Still not scared Trevor." I taunted him.

Confession

"I light up the night and let it burn
Lean back and watch the sundown fade
Do what I do and life's a little sideways
I take a sip and say a prayer
Wait for the shooting star and stare
Off at the headlights on the highway
That guy in the windshield looking back looks just like me
But there's a crack in the reflection
This is just a moonlight soaked, ring of smoke, right hand on a cold one confession" Confession by Florida Georgia  Line

I extended the invitation to everyone about hanging in Fort Worth. Sammy and Corey immediately agreed to join us. Forrest agreed too while Rachel nodded in agreement. Rocky claimed exhaustion and Brandon had to work in the morning, so they declined. Jackie wanted to, but her daughter would be back home from a friend's house, since Malik was her ride, he was leaving too.

As our group got off the DART, Rocky called out to me. "Make smart decisions."

I responded by sticking my tongue out and making devil's horns at her. Rocky shook her head and I smiled before getting of the train.

"So what's the plan? Or are we doing the whole best laid plans are spontaneous route?" Forrest asked Blake.

Blake gave him a look that said shut up. "I was thinking the Stockyards. Ever been?" He questioned me.

"Never. Forrest told me about it though. A true western experience right?" I replied.

"That's right. I'm going to turn you into a cowgirl tonight." Blake smiled at me.

I smiled too.

"Let's go check out the train schedule." Forrest said to Blake.

"I'll join y'all. I need to check when the last train heads back to Dallas." Corey said, joining them.

"Cowgirl huh? My favorite position." Sammy commented, as soon as the boys left.

"Ohmygosh. Stop! There is nothing going on." I said, nudging her.

"Yet." Rachel added. "I'm sensing a connection..."

"There's no connection. I don't even know him." I pointed out.

"Even more reason to get to know him better." Sammy said, wiggling her eyebrows. "The best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else."

"Gross Sammy." I said, while Rachel laughed. "Speaking of getting over someone, are you over Trevor?"

"Why do you ask?" Sammy replied.

"Because Corey feels like you friend zoned him." I said.

"I'm just not rushing things. You know how I am. Just taking my time with him, nothing more."

"You should tell him that." I told Sammy. The guys returned before she could respond. The train arrived and we boarded it. On the ride to Fort Worth, Blake asked me if I liked country music.

"Of course. I love Taylor Swift!"

He groaned. "She is not country."

I laughed. "Fine. Not really, but I haven't had much exposure to it."

"The bar we're going to is a great introduction." Blake told me.

"I'm so ready." I said.

We rode over to Billy Bob's in Fort Worth in Blake's truck. It advertised itself as the biggest honky-tonk club in the world. I believed it. There was an indoor rodeo arena, a separate restaurant area, on top of being a club with multiple bar stations, a dance floor, a stage for concerts, pool tables and arcade games.

There was a concert going on by an artist that even Blake had never heard of. We found a bar near the pool tables and arcade games. Forrest ordered a round of Shiners and Blake ordered us whiskey shots, Wild Turkey to be specific. It burned, but was child's play compared to Jose's moonshine... I drank Forrest's shot after he turned it down, trying to push away the thought of Jake and the memory of how his lips tasted after he drank his dad's homemade whiskey. It worked. Barely.

After our shots, we grabbed our beers and Blake took us around the club. We stopped at the gift shop so Sammy and I could buy cowboy hats. If I would have known we were coming, I would have worn the cowboy boots Trevor bought me. I figured the hat would do for now. We took pictures by a prop bull and then walked the Wall of Fame with celebrity hand prints. Blake promised to educate me on country music and dancing really soon.

"Some Thursdays, they have free dance lessons. You should come with me the next time they do." Blake mentioned.

"Do they teach twerking?" I asked, with a grin.

"No. Line dancing, but I don't mind you learning that too." Blake flirted with me.

"Perfecting you mean." I teased him back.

"Yes ma'am." He said.

"Twerking is definitely more my style." Corey joked.

"I'm sure it is. He gets his pick up lines from Hip hop songs." Sammy said.

"How does that work for you?" I asked him.

"It's hit or miss. Mostly miss." Corey shrugged, with good humored smile.

I laughed at him.

"I don't understand that about girls. Y'all listen to the worst music on the radio, but if a guy tries to talk to you like that, you get all pissed off." Blake said, shaking his head.

"Because as women, we can disrespect ourselves and each other, but a man can't." Rachel answered, matter of factly.

"That's messed up." Blake said.

I laughed. "It's like the n- word or any racial slurs or defamatory speech. It's only acceptable if the group being targeted is using it." I added on, sarcastically.

"That makes no sense." Blake said.

"Exactly." Rachel and I laughed together.

Blake put his arm around my waist and laughed too.

"A pool table just opened up. Let's go play." Forrest pointed out, quickly.

"You suck at pool." Blake told Forrest.

"Ok... Let's go." Forrest repeated, plainly.

We made our way over and played a game. The first round was partners. Then the guys played while the girls watch. Forrest was ok, but he did suck compared to Blake. He was extremely good. I was definitely impressed. He made sure I was watching every time he made a trick shot. Corey wasn't as cocky, but he kept up with Blake. Forrest let them face off together.

Sammy wanted to order more drinks at the bar, so I went with her after getting the guys orders. Rachel stayed with Forrest.

While we waited, Sammy checked her phone. I was so close to pulling mine out to check and see if Jake still had me blocked, but I didn't. After waiting and finally getting the bartender's attention and ordering the drinks, Forrest made his way over.

"Hey! Y'all need some help?" He asked.

"No, it just took forever to order the drinks. We got it." I told him.

"You're not really going to go on a date with Blake, are you?" Forrest asked, abruptly.

"Um, I don't remember him asking me on a date or me saying yes. " I said, truly confused.

"The dance lessons. The let's just hang out routine. That's kinda his M.O. when it comes with girls. Until he sleeps with them and gets bored or moves on." Forrest informed me.

Sammy gave me a little look. "Y'all got the drinks? I'm going to find the restroom." She said, before leaving.

"If that's his M.O., that's his business. It really has nothing to do with me." I said.

"It does. I think Rachel is trying to set y'all up." Forrest informed me.

"Ok... and you gave him my number. What's the big deal?"

"I never gave him your number!" Forrest denied. "Why would I do that? This is the first time you have both been single."

"How did he get it?" I asked, confused.

Forrest sighed. "I don't know..."

"Don't worry about it. It's fun hanging out with Blake and all of you really because it takes my mind of Jake. I'm nowhere near over him and I don't know when I'm going to be. I don't wanna add anyone to that confusion." I told him honestly.

Forrest nodded and the drinks were finally ready. We carried them over. After delivering the drinks,  I downed mine quickly. The whole confession about not being over Jake was killing my buzz. I needed it back.

"Atta girl. You already got the drinking part down. You're on your way to being a true cowgirl." Blake winked at me.

"Yeehaw!" I cheered, putting my finished drink down. I then excused myself and made my way to the restroom to find Sammy. I found her in the back hallway to the bathroom, texting on her phone.

"Hey you!" I said, loudly, grinning wildly. The drink was already taking affect.

"Fuck!" She exclaimed, looking up from her phone, startled. "What is wrong with you?"

"Can't help it. I'm a ninja." I smiled, wrapping her up in a hug. She put her phone away and hugged me back.

"What was up with Forrest? Was he jealous of Blake?" She asked, pulling away.

"No! He was just looking out for me."

Sammy gave me a smirk.

"Stop. Not all guys are assholes. Some of them are decent, like Corey." I said.

She rolled her eyes.

"And Forrest has Rachel. She's Perfect. I would be a downgrade." I smiled.

Sammy sighed. "That's not true and even if it was, for every beautiful girl out there, there is a man tired of fucking her."

I gasped. "Ohmygod Sammy. Where do you come up with this stuff?" I laughed.

"It's the truth." She said, as we headed back to the group. "And FYI, Blake was asking you out. He was trying to cop a feel on your ass and tits, and he wants to fuck you. Right now if you'd let him."

"It's like you said, my heart is in my vagina. Jake still has both." I confessed.

"Lily..." She groaned.

"I can't help it. I tried the list, it made me think about the good times too! The fun times, and the sexy times."

"Have you ever thought that if you gave your vagina and sexy times to someone else, your heart would follow?" Sammy suggested.

"No. I tried that before, in California. It made thing worse."

"Well, he must have done something wrong. Blake seems more than experienced."

"Apparently he is." I laughed, thinking of Forrest's speech.

We hung out for a little longer before we had to leave to catch the train. I gave Rachel a hug before we left. I just waved bye to Forrest. I normally hugged him, but I decided to pull back on hugging taken men.

"I'll text you soon about hanging out." Blake told me as I hugged him when he dropped us off at the station. I chuckled as I remembered his M.O.

"Sounds good." I said, before hopping out.

We rushed to make the train.

"So, did you decide to give up your vagina?" Sammy grinned at me.

I smiled. "No, I'm getting my vagina back!" I declared.

"Is it weird that I'm kinda turned on by this conversation?" Corey chuckled.

We all laughed at him.


I woke up Sunday morning, not as hung over as I felt the day before. I still had no intentions of leaving my bed. The ringing of my phone woke me up.  I looked at it and answered it when I saw it was Jenna.

"Hey Lily, I'm sorry to bother you so early. Can you do me a huge favor?" She asked.

"Sure. What do you need?" I croaked.

"The recipe for the hashbrown dish your aunt made. I wanted to make brunch this Sunday." Jeanna explained.

"Sure. Do you want some help?" I offered.

"I would love some help!" She said, cheerfully.

"Ok. Give me 30 minutes." I said, getting up. I was barely out of bed when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in." I called.

I was surprised to see Corey standing in the doorway. I threw the covers back over my bare legs. I came home with the energy to just peel off my cardigan and leggings. I slept in my tank and panties.

"Sorry..." Corey blushed. "I thought I heard you up. I have to work today, and Sammy sleeps hard..."

"No problem. I'll be there in a second." I said, calmly. It really wasn't a big deal. He wasn't trying to catch me off guard. I knew he spent the night, I should have asked.

When he left, I got up and slid on a pair of basketball pants. I went down the stairs to let him out. I found him in the den, looking over the drum set.

"Who plays the drums?" He asked.

"No one yet. My friend's son likes playing on them." I explained.

"How old?"

"7"

"That's a good age."

"Justin Bieber started at 2." I commented.

He snorted. "Sure. I started at 9."

"You play?" I said, excitedly.

He gave me a little demonstration.  He played. He played amazingly.

"Do you give lessons?" I asked.

"Not on drums, but I could." He said.

"Ok. I''ll get back to you on that." I said, before letting him out. After showering and changing, I went to my brother and Jenna's apartment.

"Lily! Come in." Jenna smiled, moving over to let me in.

"Good morning Jenna. Thanks for having me."

"Thank you for coming!" She said.

I pulled up the recipe and we went into the kitchen. She told me Cam went for a run. I asked her about the menu for the day.

"I have sliced ham, french toast, ambrosia salad, then the quiche." Jenna informed me. "And...." She stared, pulling out a bottle of Prosecco. "Bellinis"

"Is it too early to start drinking?"

"Probably" Jenna said, while she opened the bottle anyway.

Drinks in hand, we started cooking.

"So how are things?" She asked me.

"Uhhh..." I said, dumbly. I couldn't decide if I wanted to lie or tell the truth. "It varies."

"Sounds about right." She nodded.

"Yeah? Cause I feel like a crazy person." I admitted.

"I think conflicting emotions are realistic. You still care about the person, but if the relationship was broken beyond repair there's no point in staying in the relationship." She said.

"I guess it was. At least, for me it was." I agreed.

"Not for him?" She asked, confused.

"He said he could fix it, but I didn't trust myself not to fall back into the same pattern." I clarified, without going into too many details.

"Why don't you trust yourself?" She asked me.

"Because I keep falling for guys who are not... I guess, equipped or ready to be in relationships, like Trevor, then Ethan and then Jake." I said. "I just put up with whatever they're willing to offer. I see that now, I just don't know how to change it."

"I very much believe we attract what we think we deserve. That's our comfort level. How we see ourselves plays a big part in that." Jenna told me.

I scoffed. "Are you shrinking me? Cause I just wanna talk."

"I'm not. If I was shrinking you, I would ask you about your mom. The same sex parent is a major role model and influences what you think about yourself. Then we could get into your dad, he's the one who taught you how a man should treat a woman." Jenna recited, like she was reading the instructions on a recipe instead of ripping my heart apart. Each statement brought tears to my eyes. I was too stubborn to let them fall.

"But I'm not your shrink. I consider you family-"

"You're not family yet." I said, bitterly.

"I know. That doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm talking to you how I would talk to one of my sisters. You have too much going for yourself to keep getting in your own way-"

"Jenna, Did yo- Oh, hey sis." Cam said, as he entered the kitchen and saw me. He took a moment to notice the mood.

"Hey bro." I said, cheerfully, before finishing my drink.

"What's going on?" He asked me. Jenna watched me too.

"Nothing. Just cooking." I said.

Cam gave Jenna a look. "I'll help."

We finished cooking and ate together. I chatted about work, the fair, Fort Worth, Trevor, anything to keep my thoughts happy and pleasant. I wanted to drink, but I planned to drive home as soon as we finished eating. I did just that, telling my brother I had plans. I gave him a hug and left.

When I got home, I grabbed my phone and went to bed. I checked my messages. I had a few from my friends but I skipped to the one Blake sent me.

Blake: Gonna come over and watch the game?

I texted him back.

Me: No. Think I'm gonna just hang in bed.

Blake: Listen to this while you do.

He sent me a link to country playlist. I put it on and checked the rest of my messages. I should have stuck to my original plan of staying in bed. I sighed as Jenna's words replayed in my head. I pulled my phone back out.

Me: Wanna hang with me?

Habits

"Staying in my play pretend
Where the fun ain't got no end
Can't go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
You're gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I'm missing you" Habits by Tove Lo

Friday night, I came home from a run, knowing the apartment would be empty. Sammy already informed me that she was closing at Dave & Buster's. After showering, I grabbed my phone. I needed something to do to keep myself occupied and not think about Jake.

I kept waiting for the day I would wake up and be over it. I was getting increasingly frustrated with myself. I know Ethan and I were never serious, but I truly felt my feelings for him were real. When he decided we shouldn't be together, I accepted it. It hurt, but I got over it. I was ready fairly quickly to be Ethan's friend. I wanted the same with Jake.

I grabbed my phone and called Trevor. Trevor was my first choice hangout buddy. We had so much fun together. Even doing nothing.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked him when he picked up.

"Packing. About to head to Austin." Trevor answered.

"Again? You're not going to the fair with us? When are you coming back? " I exclaimed. I couldn't help but think of the girl that tagged him and Bilal in a picture on Facebook...

"I'll be back Sunday. I'll catch the fair next year." Trevor replied.

"Ok..." I said, disappointed. Sammy, Corey, Rocky, Brandon, Rachel and Forrest were all going to the fair. Even though Trevor never said he would, I assumed he was going with us. Now I would be the 7th wheel.

"Are you ok? Do you need me to stay?" He asked.

I sighed. He was so sweet to offer, but I needed to get over myself. I was supposed to be a strong, independent woman. No guy defined me nor my happiness. Besides, Trevor had plans. He didn't need to drop them for me.

"No Trevor. I'm good. Have fun. She better be worth it!" I said, finally.

"Who?"

"The girl you keep going to Austin for!"

"Why do you think it's a girl?"

"Because I know you T-Rev."

"Not well enough Lilypad. Talk to you soon."

"Alright, bye." I hung up and called Rocky next as I raided the fridge.

"Hey, girl. What's up?" She answered the phone.

"Nothing much. Bored. I need something to do tonight." I informed her. I didn't see anything I wanted to eat in the refrigerator, so I pulled down a box of frosted flakes from the pantry.

"Have you talked to Amber? I think she and Gigi were taking the kids to a pumpkin patch." Rocky suggested.

"Uhh, I don't know. I have little patience to play nice with Will-"

"He's not going. He's having a guy night with Ethan." Rocky corrected me as I poured the cereal and milk in a bowl.

A hay ride with kids sounded like more fun than that...

"I still don't wanna go to a pumpkin patch. What are you doing?" I asked her, sitting down to eat my cereal.

"Remember how we were setting up Malik and Jackie?"

"Oh, right!" I said. I completely forgot about it til she reminded me...

"Well, Reggie is DJing a club in Dallas. Everyone is going so it seems like the perfect opportunity to have them meet in person." Rocky continued.

My heart sped up in anticipation. "Is Jake going?"

I would be shocked if he wasn't. Reggie was his girlfriend's sister. Malik was his friend. Why wouldn't he?

Rocky sighed. "Yes..."

I was mental going through my closet, trying to figure out what I should wear, when Rocky said, "I want to invite you, but it's probably best if you didn't come." Rocky said, bluntly.

"Why?" I asked, surprised. I actually wanted to see Jake. Maybe it would be awkward, but at least I'd be able to feel out the mood between us and see if we could be friends.

"Brandon knows Jake doesn't want to see you. Normally I would tell them both to go fuck themselves, but tonight is for Malik and Jackie. I think he might be good for her. I don't want any drama getting in the way of that." Rocky explained.

"Fine. Have fun." I said, sharply.

"I'll see you tomorrow Lily. We'll plan another girl's night-"

I hung up, pretending I didn't hear her. I poured the rest of my cereal in the sink.

Of course he didn't wanna see me!  He was moving on. That's what I wanted; I told him that much when I broke up with him. My stomach felt sick as I thought about him being happy with someone else. I couldn't even imagine being with anyone right now. I was still torn up about our breakup. I grabbed my phone and called Sammy's number. Crazy as she was, she would know how to spin this so I wouldn't care.

When she didn't answer, I pulled up my Facebook. I knew I hid Jake from my news feed, but now I needed to see his recent status to get some idea if he was just supporting friends or was going out to meet new women. I went to my friend list and searched Jake's name. I frowned when I did not see him. Did he unfriended me? I searched his name. I didn't find it that way either. What the fuck? Did he delete his profile?

Sammy called me back, interrupting my search.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I'm coming up there. I can't stay here anymore by myself. I'm driving myself crazy."

"Hold on. What's going on?" She asked.

"Rocky is setting up Jackie and Malik and Jake is going to be there. He doesn't want me there. Probably cause he wants to meet other women..." I moaned.

"So? You should feel bad for whoever falls for his shit." Sammy said.

"What do you think of his last Facebook status?" I asked her.

"One second." She said. A couple moments later, she responded. "Who cares about that? Why are you worried about what he did to his car? Fuck him!" Sammy declared.

"I can't see his statuses. He blocked me." I said, dejectedly.

"I'm gonna be home soon. Go in the kitchen and get my bottle of SoCo. Take a shot and make a list of everything you hate about Jake. I mean everything!"

I nodded. "Ok."

I got off the phone and did what she asked. I took 5 shots as I composed the list.

1. 　Secretive about his past.
2. 　Hypocrisy of demanding the truth from me
3. 　Jealousy about any guy!
4. 　Major trust issues that he made me feel were my fault
5. 　Confrontational about every little thing I did wrong
6. 　Admitted he was testing my feelings for him
7. 　Control Freak
8. 　Sexual freak

I giggled as I debated the last one. Ok, I didn't hate it when he was a freak with me, but I knew he would moving on with a random skank sooner or later. So yeah, I hated that about him.

I added another one and took another shot,

9.     Manwhore!!!

I took one more shot and continued.

10.   Charming bullshit from sexy lips
11.   Stupid perfect body
12.   Fucking Dimple!!!

When I started to feel the shots hit me, I put the list away. I pulled back up my Facebook. I posted all the pictures of me, Sammy, Lamar and Patrick at the party. I didn't before because I didn't wanna play Sammy's game of trying to be the "winner" of the break up. Jake couldn't see my page anyway, so fuck it! I also posted the video of EJ rocking out on the drums. I just forgot to post it the day before. I tagged Ethan and Megan in it.

I traded the SoCo for Moscato before I proceeded to delete every photo with Jake in it. I didn't wanna be spiteful or look like I regretted our time together, but if Jake wanted to erase me from his life, I could do the same thing. I changed my profile pick from the trip to Vegas to one that Lamar took of me at the rooftop bar. The Dallas skyline was the background and I was posing for the camera with my hand on my hip and a little smile on my face. I looked carefree, happy, independent, ready to take on anything.

I saw I had new notifications on my page already. I had comments and likes on my pictures. I saw Megan commented on the video of EJ.

Megan: I've been wondering why he has been beating on everything recently.

I commented right away,

Me: Practice! He has natural rhythm! He's the next Justin Bieber!

Megan: Ahhh!!! =-O I'm locking him in his room as we speak.

Me: lol, not present day Bieber. Young Bieber #NeverSayNever

Megan: I can say I've never seen the movie

Me: Me neither! I just saw a clip. He was drumming at like 2.

Megan: it's ok if you're a Belieber!  #AsLongAsYouLoveMe

I laughed and we went back and forth a little more, quoting Justin Bieber quotes and lyrics. It was actually fun chatting with her. I looked at the half empty bottle of wine. Maybe I should slow down...

I was surprised when Sammy made it home around 11pm. The bar wasn't even closed yet.

"Sammy!" I cheered from the couch, enthusiastically.

"Get up! We gotta move!!!" Sammy grinned at me.

"Huh?" I asked, stretching out on the couch where I was laying. I was soooo comfortable.

"I texted Jackie. I know where there at. Get dressed. We're crashing." Sammy explained.

"No way. Have some wine. Let's read my list!" I said. Where the fuck did I put it?

"Grab your list. Bring it with you. You can read it to him." Sammy said, pulling me up from the couch.

I groaned and stood. I followed her up the stairs. I went to my room and looked at my closet. I took a step towards it before flopping on my bed.

Fuck Jake. If he was over me, I was ten times over him. The only time I would spend on him was to forget about him.

I fell asleep with that thought in my head.



The next morning, I woke up, with a splitting headache. I downed ibuprofen and hopped into the shower. We weren't meeting at the DART rail station into 11am, but I wanted to look amazing. I wasn't going to be any one's 7th wheel. I was going to be single, independent, fun loving and freaking hot! At least, that what my appearance was going to reflect. After a few beers, I was sure my personality would match.

After showering, I straightened my hair and put it in a top knot. I pulled on a pair of black and cream patterned leggings, a red tank top, and an light oversized cream cardigan. A did my make up lightly, put on large sunglasses and my red Converse and was ready to go.

I slid my phone and my wallet in my small purse and headed to Sammy's room. I contemplated checking Facebook to see if there were any photos from last night, but I fought the urge and knocked on Sammy door.

Fuck Jake. Don't think about him...

When she told me to come in, I did. She was sitting on her bed, in a jean short skirt and a tight black long sleeve shirt. She looked me over.

"You look all dressed up." Sammy said, returning to her phone.

I smiled at her. "I try. Is Corey still driving?"

Sammy nodded.

"C'mon. Let's go pre-game it then" I said, enthusiastically.

"Didn't you have enough last night?" She snorted.

I laughed. "Apparently. C'Mon!"

We went downstairs and took a shot before Sammy turned to me.

"You wanna know about last night at all?" She asked.

"You didn't go, did you!?!"

She shook her head. "No, but Jackie told me everything."

I kept my face neutral at the way she said everything.

"Don't care." I lied.

"What?"

"That's right. Don't care. Only thing I care about today is eating nothing but fried food and riding rides." I said, hoping I sounded as confident as I was trying to pretend to be. Sammy grinned at me.

"Sounds like a plan!"

"Then we'll get back to a healthy lifestyle." I added.

"Sure." Sammy said, before we clinked glasses and downed a shot.

Corey picked us up right on time and we headed to the Rail station. It would drop us off right in front of Fair Park and we wouldn't have to worry about parking. Even better, it connected with the TRE, the train station in Fort Worth. Rachel and I coordinated our trips so they would be boarding our train to the fair. When I got there, I was shocked to see Malik and Jackie with Brandon and Rocky.

What. The. Fuck. 

Malik must have read the shock on my face, cause he just gave me a grin. I greeted everyone before I trailed Corey to buy tickets.

"Urgh, fuck my life right now." I groaned on the way.

"What's up?" Corey asked.

"I get to be 9th wheel. One of the couples is my ex's friend. It was my ideas to set them up." I explained.

Corey laughed. "Your life is like a tragic comedy."

I smiled. "Who are you telling?"

"Just hang out with Sammy and me. I already told you we're just friends." Corey offered, pushing buttons on the ticket machine.

"Why is that?" I asked. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes, cause every guy wants to be in the friend zone." He answered, sarcastically. When I gave him a look, he continued. "I like her but she has guards up. It's like a fortress, outside of a maze. Then once you get pass the maze, there's a moat and a dragon and-"

"I get it." I cut him off.

"No, not yet. You didn't let me get to the robotic guard dogs or the reset button that makes you go all the way back to start." Corey finished. He handed me a ticket.

"Thank you. I have nothing but free time now. It would be my pleasure to help you past her guards. Apparently, I'm a matchmaker now." I told him.

Corey smiled as we headed back. We huddled next to Sammy until the train came. Everyone sat in pairs. Rocky offered to sit next to me, but I purposely kept walking a whole section away from her. I found a window seat in the last car and sat, waiting for the train to take off. Sammy and Corey joined me in that section.

The train had made three stops when Malik decided to move to sit by me. I stared at him, expectantly.

"Hey. Good to see you." He said, causal.

"This is fucking weird." I said, crossing my arms.

"I know, but Jackie and I hit it off-"

"What? Did y'all fuck already?" I interrogated him.

Malik shook his head with a little smile . "I don't recall you being so blunt."

"Don't recall anything. That pathetic person you met is nothing like the real me." I informed him.

"That's a shame. Jake is still in love with that person." Malik said.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him my new mantra, "Fuck Jake." when the train stopped again and he went back to his seat by Jackie.

"What was that about?" Sammy asked me.

"Absolutely nothing." I answered.

After seeing we were a few stops away from the meeting point for the TRE, I texted Rachel we were in the last car. She texted me back ok.

 When we connected, I saw Forrest immediately as he boarded the train and waved him over. I was pleasantly surprised to see Blake with them. He looked cute in a gray Cowboys t-shirt and jeans.

I stood up and gave Rachel a hug, and Forrest a wave. I gave Blake a smile.

"I didn't know you were coming." I said as I sat down. I was so glad when he sat down next to me.

"I was a surprise. A good one, I hope." He smiled at me.

"Would be better if you weren't wearing that shirt." I kidded, playfully. I knew how defensive he was about his Cowboys.

"Hater. Did you see that blowout against Seattle last week?" He asked me.

"Blowout? Y'all won by 7." I exclaimed.

"Yeah, but we basically gave them 14." He shrugged.

"Geez, cowboy fans. Even when y'all win y'all have excuses."

"Yeah? What's the Niners excuse this year?" He asked.

"Still beat the cowboys so-" I finished my statement by sticking out my tongue.

"Nice tongue." He grinned.

"Thank you. No complaints." I threw back.

He just smiled.

By the time we got to the fair, I was so excited. After introductions were made at the main gate while we waited to buy tickets, I pulled Forrest aside.

"Thank you for inviting Blake."

"I didn't." He answered shortly, "Rachel did."

"Well, regardless, thanks. So glad I don't have to be the odd man out."

He opened his mouth to respond, but Rachel called him over. After we purchased tickets and coupons, we made our way into the fair. It was super crowded, so Rocky decided we should make our way to the back and work our way back to the front, so that's what we did. Forrest mapped out all the food we talked about trying, so we hit those booths first.

Being from Louisiana, Forrest wanted to try the fried crab boil. After one bite, I knew why it was the big taste winner. The combination of shrimp, potatoes and lemon all fried up was amazing. It was Brandon, Forrest and Rocky's favorite. Mine was the Sriracha Balls. Chicken, veggies and sriracha rolled up in crushed tortilla chips, then dipped in sriracha! They were addictive. I felt like someone invented them with me in mind.

"Yes, cause they knew how much you liked spicy balls." Blake grinned at me. I cracked up laughing before I could take another bite.

"Yep. I can never just have one spicy ball." I laughed.

Rocky and I shared chicken fried loaded baked potato and I ended up giving my Fried Texas Pie to Forrest. Pecan pie, peach cobbler and buttermilk pie fried and served with ice cream was just too much. I could feel my teeth rotting and my butt widening with just one bite.

Everyone tried Funnel Cake beer. I laughed when Blake grimaced at the taste.

"Are you a beer drinker?" I asked him.

"Yes, that's why I can't drink this. All I taste is sugar."

"There is powdered sugar around the rim." I teased.

"Lick it off for me." He said, holding the cup to my mouth. I grinned and licked off a small section. He drank afterwards.

"I think it got sweeter." He winked at me.

I giggled. Before I could think of anything smart to say, Rocky asked to borrow me, pulling me away.

"What are you doing?" She asked me.

"Hanging out at the fair. What does it look like?" I asked.

"With that Blake kid. Don't do anything just because you're upset about Jake-"

"I'm not even thinking about Jake!" I protested. I wasn't. Beer and Blake were taking care of that...

Rocky sighed. "Just stop and think things through-"

"I am. I'm single. I can do what I want. Jake is not thinking about me, so I'm not thinking about him either." I said, before I finished my beer and headed back to the group.

Blake offered me his beer. "You want the rest?"

"I do." I smiled at him as I took it.

After finishing our beers, we headed to the Midway. I had so much fun with Blake. He was down for whatever I wanted to do. We rode rides together and he just laughed at me when I squealed in excitement or fear. Trevor would have joined in, but Blake wasn't a bad substitute. We got on Alpine Bob's together. We sat down and waited for the ride to fill up. Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" came on as we waited. I danced in my seat and sang along.

He just put his arm around me before the ride finally took off.

When it stopped, I saw Sammy and Corey waiting for us. We made our way out the ride and over to them.

"Everyone is meeting at the Ferris wheel." Sammy told me.

I nodded.

Sammy grabbed my arm and let the guys lead us.

"What's going on with you and Blake?" She asked, excitedly.

"Nothing."

"Y'all look super comfortable. His hand was on your boob."

"No it wasn't and if it was, it was an accident. The ride pressed us together."

"Sure..." Sammy said, her voice full of disbelief.

We met up with everyone, so i couldn't deny it any longer.

Paired up, we all rode the Ferris Wheel together. When we got to the very top, Blake and I took a selfie. We got Fletcher's corn dogs, cotton candy and candy apples as we headed to the front. We posed around Big Tex before we headed to the DART station.

"This was so much fun." I smiled to Blake as we sat, waiting for the train.

"It doesn't have to end. Head to Fort Worth with us." He invited me.

"What did y'all have planned?"

"Nothing, but I wasn't planning on going to the fair. Sometimes the best plans are the spontaneous ones." Blake smiled at me.

I smiled back. "Ok. I'm down."