The Middle

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright." The Middle by Jimmy Eat World


I woke up Sunday evening, stiff and sore from sleeping on the couch. Trevor wasn't on the couch with me anymore. I stood up and stretched, my head throbbing from all the crying I did. I headed to the downstairs bathroom. I took 2 Ibuprofen pills from the medicine cabinet and swallowed them dry. I could deal with the chalky, dry taste in my mouth if they would relieve my headache. I was already feeling confused, hurt and lost. I didn't need a headache on top of all that. I just wanted to feel normal for once. Fuck, what did normal even mean anymore? I didn't know, but I was sick and tired of this.

I went into the kitchen, expecting to see Trevor. I was surprised to see Sammy.

"Good. You're awake. I was just about to wake you up. Dinner is served!" She announced.

She had plates set with Boston Market's rotisserie chicken, red skin roasted potatoes, cream spinach and cornbread. The smells reminded me I ate nothing but junk food, only because Trevor brought some over.

I didn't want to eat that either, but I wanted to talk about Jake even less. If I didn't eat, I knew Trevor would get all protective and force me to talk. I didn't want to talk to anyone about Jake and me anymore. I didn't wanna anyone's opinions, suggestions or pity. I just wanted to grieve, so I could move on.  The sooner I got Jake out of my system, the better. Then all the pain would go away.

"Thanks Sammy." I said, grabbing a plate. She followed me into the living room. The coffee table was still covered in the junk Trevor and ate, but I ignored it and sat with my plate in my lap. Sammy grabbed a TV tray.

"No more junk food. Eating crap will just make you feel crappy. We're both going eat and live healthier. I wanna tone up and if you're really done with him, you wanna be the winner of the break-up."

I wanted to burst her bubble about Boston Market being healthy. I didn't even wanna think about the calories in the creamed spinach, at least not while shoving spoonfuls in my mouth, but I was too intrigued by this winner of the break up thing.

"What do you mean? Winner of the break up?" I asked.

"Since you don't wanna blast him on Facebook, the next best way to come out on top is to show him how good you're doing without him. Gaining weight is not gonna do that."

I shook my head. "I don't care about that, nor do I wanna do that."

I truly didn't. I loved Sammy, and she gave entertaining advice, but that didn't mean it was always right. Maybe I would care about showing how good I was doing if I didn't know how crushed he was. I kept seeing his face after I told him I couldn't be with him. Over and over again...

"...if you still wanna be with him. That's the best way to get him to come crawling back." Sammy continued when I tuned back into her.

I shook my head again. "I don't want that. I don't know what I want. I think I'm gonna take some time to figure that out." I told Sammy, simply, hoping she would respect my choice.

She grinned at me. "I'm so glad you said that. Hurry up and eat. So we can get ready to go out."

I groaned. "Sammy! It's Sunday. I don't wanna go out."

"Well, Trevor decided you shouldn't be alone. So you can come out with me or I'll drop you off at Rocky's." Sammy threatened.

"Since when do you listen to Trevor?" I asked.

"When it fits my agenda. Now what's it gonna be?" She said, standing with her plate.

"I'll call Rocky."

"You're so full of shit. I know you're not talking to her." Sammy exclaimed. She walked to the kitchen to put away her plate. When she returned, I was still planted on the couch.

"C'mon. It's a party the Honey-Bs are working at a rooftop bar. I invited Patrick and Lamar so we won't have to worry about guys. Just free drinks, music, we can stay an hour, 2 tops." Sammy negotiated. "Didn't we have fun at that bar?..."

Urgh, why not? Maybe it will get my mind off of things. Crying alone definitely didn't help. I nodded, getting up to get changed.

"I'll let you borrow a dress!" Sammy called after me.

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't shaved my legs since the breakup and it was still chilly and windy so a dress on a rooftop wasn't happening.

I picked out a white slinky blouse and my black faux leather leggings.

With that settled, I took a long hot shower. I blow dried and straightened my hair. I didn't feel like doing more than that, so I didn't. Sammy offered to do my make-up so I let her. She was holding a black dress in her hands when she saw what I set out to wear.

"You're wearing this!"

"No. I'm wearing what I picked out." I informed her.

She sighed. "Alright. Don't be surprised if you feel outta place. I'm warning you it's fancy."

"We're only going to be there an hour right? 2 tops? I'll suck it up." I said, sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes but did my make up. The end results were flawless, as usual. I had on a full face, including dramatic lashes, rosy blush and red lips. I thanked her before finishing getting dressed. I pulled on my pair of red, slouchy, 3 inch boots. I splurged on them in California when Bianca picked them out. I was anticipating wearing them when it cooled down. They came right below my knees and added just the right amount of sexy to the outfit.

I went downstairs when the doorbell rang. I let Lamar and Patrick in. Lamar looked me up and down.

"Breaking up looks good on you." He said, after I hugged him.

I smiled. "Thanks." I said, moving to hug Patrick.

"You hunting for the next ex tonight?" Patrick grinned at me.

"No! Sammy said I'm dressed down. So that's what I'm going for, low class bitch." I grinned back at him.

"You look fine. Sammy doesn't understand subtlety." Lamar commented.

Sammy then emerged from the top of the stairs, proving his point in a little black dress with her cleavage on display.

We all laughed.

"What's so funny?" She demanded as she joined us.

"Nothing. Ready sexy?" Lamar asked.

"Born ready." She grinned.

We drove to a hotel in downtown Dallas. Once Sammy gave her name to the front desk, we were escorted up to the rooftop. It was swanky to say the least. A DJ was playing top 40s music and the guests jammed out on the dance floor, lingered around the multiple martini bars, or lounged on couches. The party was an auction/ fundraiser for breast cancer.  All the bartenders were wearing pink blouses and black pencil skirts.

After retrieving drinks, Sammy led us over to a section of couches. I saw that the couch was occupied by a couple, but Sammy still headed over. I saw why when we stood in front of Ron Jackson, the owner of the Honey B's. He was seated and talking to a pretty blonde.

"Sammy, how good to see you. Please, have a seat." Mr. Jackson said.

Sammy sat beside him and I sat beside her. Lamar and Patrick sat across from us. Introductions were made as we settled in.

"So... is this a new recruit? Why isn't she working?" Lisa, the blonde, asked Ron with a smile.

"She is, but she's a guest tonight." Ron answered.

"Are you an old recruit?" Sammy asked, emphasizing the 'old'.

I took a sip of my drink hiding my grin. Sammy was so crazy for no reason.

The blonde narrowed her eyes at Sammy. "No. I'm a critical care nurse at the hospital. Ron and I go way back."

"Oh, that's nice. I hope not at that hospital with the Ebola breakout, but then, you would be quarantined right?" Sammy asked.

The blonde smirked. "No, I don't work at that hospital and health care professionals shouldn't be at risk if proper procedures are followed. It's transmitted through bodily fluids, just like some STDs. You're familiar?" Lisa answered, giving Sammy a pointed look.

My eyes widen. What. The. Fuck.

"I'm not, but-" Sammy started.

"Lisa, will you excuse us? I want to take Sammy and her guests on a tour." Ron said, standing up.

Fuck a tour. I wanted to watch the cat fight, but Sammy stood up and took the arm Ron offered. I stood up to follow them. Patrick and Lamar did the same.

After the brief tour, Sammy left with Ron so he could introduce her to the event planner. Patrick, Lamar and I found a spot to look at the view.

"What was that?" Patrick asked me.

"I have no idea!" I giggled, sipping on my second drink. "I'm so mad he stopped it."

We finished our drinks, then headed to the dance floor. We danced together for half an hour when "All of Me remix" came on. I grinned.

"OMG. I have to text Forrest!!!" I exclaimed.

"Who's Forrest?" Lamar asked, over the music.

"My friend who's getting married. This song is perfect for them!" I replied." I gotta text him before I forget."

"Ok." Lamar nodded.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and texted Forrest

Me: Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you.

After I sent the text, I saw Sammy standing at the bar with an guy. He was older, but cute. I headed their way. Sammy ended the conversation, getting his business card, when she saw me approach.

"Hey you. Who was that?" I asked her, linking my arm through hers.

"Some guy." She said, plainly. "You ready to go?"

"We can hang out a little more..." I said, leading her to a couch. We sat down together. "I'm having fun, especially watching you and Lisa go at it. What was that about?"

"She's a cunt. I hate women like that." Sammy announced.

"Who likes a cunt?" I joked. When she didn't even crack a smile, I continued. "Thanks for taking me out. It took my mind off Ja- everything." I cleaned up. I didn't wanna open the door to a Jake conversation.

"You know, you're a lot like her." Sammy said.

"Like who?" I said, confused.

"Lisa." Sammy said.

"I'm a cunt?!?" I asked, shocked that she would say that.

Sammy smirked. "No. Well, sometimes, but I deserve it. I meant like smart and educated with a career and beautiful. Why you put up with Jake's nonsense was beyond me. You can have any guy you want."

"Says the girl who's pulled more hot guys then I ever have, or ever will. You already have a business card from a guy." I said, forcing a smile. Hopefully flattery will get her off talking about Jake.

"Cause guys fuck girls like me, they marry girls like you." Sammy informed me.

"Sammy..." I started, rubbing her back, sympathetically. She brushed me away and flashed me a dazzling smile. It was a complete 180 from what she was saying.

"Good thing I'm not looking to get married. Let's go dance." She declared. I shook my head and laughed, following her to the dance floor.


We stayed an hour longer before calling it a night. I had work in the morning, and being hungover twice in two weeks wasn't a good reflection on me. When I got home, I saw I had a text from Forrest.

Forrest: Love it. Thanks Lily.

Me: :-) 



At work, I had to admit I was feeling a little better. I focused on work to get me through my day. At lunch on Monday, Jordan showed me her pictures from the fair and the game. All the pictures of them eating food made me so anxious to go.

"You better hurry up. Next weekend is the last weekend." She informed me.

I got on Facebook and updated my status.

Last weekend for the State Fair. Who's Down?

I saw that I had a friend request from Kendal. I didn't know how I felt about having coworkers on my page. At least with Jordan, we didn't work in the same department or report to the same boss. I figured that being friends with him would help me at edit myself online, so I accepted him.



I spent Tuesday finally trading out my winter and summer clothing. I was keeping up the trend of staying busy so I wouldn't think about Jake. It was easier when I was mad, now I was sad and lonely.  I treated myself to lunch and did a little shopping. I needed a light jacket, something nicer than a hoodie. At the mall, I found a Jr. Drum set as well. I texted Ethan if he thought EJ would want it while I was standing in line to buy it.

He didn't answer by the time I purchased it. Later on that evening, he finally texted me back.

Ethan: He might. Christmas shopping?

Me: No. I know he might like it shopping.

Ethan: He really doesn't need any more toys at the house.

Me: Ok.

Ethan called me after that.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ok? That's it? No argument from you?" He questioned.

"Who am I to argue with you?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Never stopped you before." He returned.

"We were friends before." I commented.

"Lily... I told you I didn't mean that." He said.

"When? I remember you saying you were bitter, but not you were sorry or that you didn't mean it." I said.

"I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean it." He repeated. "I wanna be friends. Who else is gonna keep me humble?"

I smiled. "And buy EJ drums, which I already did."

"That's why you didn't argue? You went against what I said anyway? Why even ask?" He asked. I could tell he was irritated. Surprisingly, that didn't upset me like before. It was pleasing.

"I did not. You said he didn't need any more toys at the house. It will stay at my apartment." I grinned.

"Until Christmas?" He asked, hopefully.

"Nope. Until the next time he comes over."

"Already rethinking this friend thing."

I laughed. "Bye Ethan."

"Bye Lily."

When I got off the phone, I saw I had a text from Rachel.

Rachel: Lily, can we meet? I'm in your area.

Me: Absolutely. Where are you?

Rachel: Café Brazil.

Me: Ok. On my way. Is everything ok?

Rachel: We're about to find out.

I sighed as I got ready. What now?