Me, Myself and I

"Oh, it's just me, myself and I
Solo ride until I die
'Cause I got me for life
Oh I don't need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul
I don't need anything to get me through the night
Except the beat that's in my heart
Yeah, it's keeping me alive
I don't need anything to make me satisfied
'Cause the music does me good and it gets me every time" Me, Myself and I by G-Eazy ft. Bebe Rexha

Saturday Morning, I woke up early to see Dad and Cam off to go fishing on Jake's dad boat. It was a New Year's tradition of Jake's and his dad, and Jake was nice enough to extend an invitation to my dad and Cam. I couldn't picture my dad fishing, but apparently he did it all the time growing up. Even though it was a little weird for them all to be socializing without me, I didn't fight or worry about it. One of my goals for 2016 was taking care of myself by not stressing about things I couldn't control. Anyway, what's the worst that could happen? The boat capsized? They were all strong swimmers.

That left me, Jenna, and Beatrice free for the day. Jenna called her best friend Emily and we planned to go shopping together. I called Rocky to see if she wanted to join us. Needing more maternity clothes, she agreed to join us. I went over to pick her up, telling Jenna I would meet them at the mall. Rocky invited me inside her house when I arrived to see the Christmas present Forrest got her.

I wanted to question her why she didn't post a picture on Facebook like everyone else did of presents they wanted to show off, already knowing the answer. Rocky hadn't told Brandon she was dating-she still hadn't told anyone but me. More importantly, Forrest and Rocky had yet to put a label on their relationship. My goal of worrying about myself and not stressing included not getting into other people's business, so I left my concerns to myself. Forrest and Rocky were fine with whatever they were doing, so I was fine with it too.

"Have you sent me your final guest list?" I asked Rocky as we headed to the guest room.

"It's 20 people." Rocky answered, opening the closet in the room.

"Just 20? What about all the people at your gender reveal?" I asked.

"Those were my mama's friends. They had their party. This is for Brandon's mom." She notified me.

Deborah recruited me to help out with planning the baby shower so it would be more to Rocky's taste. I dived right in and suggested a casino theme. I fell in love with the name Ace even more after hearing how Rocky came up with it. Rocky filled me in on the conversation she had with Trevor about playing the hand that you're dealt. During that conversation, she told Trevor he was an Ace and the name stuck with Rocky. That's how Bilal knew about the baby name before me- through Trevor. She decided on the name Ace Brandon Carter and I decided to tie the card metaphor into the theme of the party. Thankfully, Deborah adored the name and the theme. Now we just needed the venue and the guest for invitations.

"Make sure you send me a list with names." I requested.

"Right." She pulled out 3 wooden boxes and stacked them vertically. It spelled 'ABC' "It's Ace's initials."

"I didn't even think about that. Forrest is amazing." I smiled.

"He is, isn't he? I'm thinking about doing an alphabet theme for Ace's room." Rocky announced.

"I love that idea. Which reminds me- You and Brandon need to do a baby registry so we can put the information on the invitations."

"Alright." She exhaled loudly before we left.

We met up with Jenna, Emily and Beatrice at the mall. Emily and Jenna caught up while Rocky picked out maternity clothes and I window shopped. Or, at least, tried to. Everything I pointed out as remotely cute, Beatrice bought it. I was a jacket, a few pairs of jeans and a sports bra in before I realized what she was doing.

"Carlos wants to make sure you have everything you need. You might as well pick out what you want or I'll pick it out for you." Beatrice said in a sing songy voice.

I picked out 3 additonal pairs of shoes to pacify her with every intention of giving them to Amanda, except for one. I found a pair of Reeboks classic tennis shoes that were gold with red straps I was keeping for myself. We went to Braums for lunch before heading home. I went to put away my clothes and shoes while Jenna and Beatrice called to check on Cam and Dad.

They got back to the house an hour after we got home with a cooler full of fish.

"How is that getting to California?" I asked, watching as my brother put the fish in the refrigerator.

"It's not. It's all yours." Cam grinned.

I was gearing up to tell them I didn't wanna it, when Dad announced he was going to rest before we went out to dinner. I was stunned silent. My dad was not a napper. Ever. After Beatrice followed him, I looked at Cam, smugly. "Fishing tired him out huh? I knew he wasn't a fisherman. Who really caught all that fish?"

"He did. Jose's whiskey tired him out." Cam shook his head.

"No! How much?" I gasped, remember how strong Jake's dad homemade whiskey was.

"One cup- but from the smell of it, it's probably more alcohol than he had all last year." Cam laughed.

I laughed while pulling out my phone to text Jake.

Me: Thanks for getting my dad drunk.

Jenna left to go spend some time with Amanda. I gave her the pairs of shoes before Cam and I started cleaning the fish. I never did it before, but Cam talked me through it. After the first few, I had it down.

"I never asked you how you felt about dad getting married." Cam asked me as we worked.

"I'm cool with it." I said, neutrally, sticking to my goal. Cam gave me a look that said he didn't believe me.

"I am. It's just weird because he was so against getting married. He made it clear he didn't want to be married because he didn't want to put in the effort in a marriage." I elaborated.

"You know their marriage is not going to be your definition of husband and wife." Cam pointed out.

"Swingers?" I asked.

"No. As in, dad doesn't want a partner as a wife. He wants..." Cam thought about it.

"Someone who will follow his commands, no question asked." I finished, thinking about how quickly Beatrice forgave me and the way she brought me things because Dad told her to. "He wants a foot solider."

Cam chuckled, but thought the same. "Exactly. When a soldier's been loyal, you promote them in rank. They both get what they want."

"Well, in that case, I'm happy he found what he wanted." I nodded with a smile, even though personally I would rather be alone than take orders from anyone.

After we finished, I took a long ass shower with a peppermint scrub I got on sale the day after Christmas to get rid of the fishy smell. I was blow drying my hair when Jake texted me back.

Jake: I tried to warn him...

Me: Sure you did... I think you were trying to take advantage of him on that boat.

Jake: It worked on you...

Me: {nauseated emoji}

I put my phone away and finished getting ready. We went to Texas de Brazil because it was Cam's favorite and living in California meant living without it. Cam made reservations, but there was still a little bit of a wait which was inexcusable to my dad. I distracted him from their incompetent by making him take selfies with me. I posted it on my Facebook with a caption tagging Cam. Jenna, Amanda and Beatrice at the restaurant.

Over dinner, Beatrice talked about wedding plans and threw around dates. She was talking about having a small destination wedding this summer. Truthfully, the thought of them getting married so quickly was unsettling, but I wasn't sure why. I really was fine with him getting married. It just made me feel... lonely. I changed the subject to how Dad got drunk off Jose's moonshine.

Dad commented that Jose mentioned how disappointed he was when Jake and I broke up. I coughed on the water I was swallowing. I brushed it off, telling my dad that was a nice way of handling the awkwardness of fishing with his son's ex-girlfriend's dad. Dad pressed on, saying how Jake had nothing but good things to say about me. I told him Jake said great things about his girlfriend and changed the subject back to his wedding. I may be lonely... but not lonely enough to entertain anything happening between Jake and I again- girlfriend or not. It was a nice change that my dad didn't instantly hate Jake for dating me though.

We had a nice dinner. At the end of the night, before everyone retired to bed, I pulled my dad aside so we could talk privately. I told him everything that was going on with Bianca.

" She only has one more semester of school before she graduates. I would really appreciate it if you and Cam looked out for her." I finished.

"It's done." He agreed with no hesitation. "School should be her only concern."

"I think she's ok. I was really shocked by Patty because of how supportive she was with me when I had my miscarriage. She didn't come down at me at all. I guess she didn't expect much differently from me being my mother's daughter. She told me all she could do was pray for me like my mom. " I confided in him.

"You and you're mother are nothing alike. Don't believe any of that nonsense." He fired back, heatedly.

"I know. It just makes me wonder how my mom was treated, you know? Maybe that had something to do with why she left." I said.

"I have no idea about that Lilian." He responded.

"I know. That's why I plan to reach out to her." I confessed. It was one of the goals I planned with Christian- I wanted to talk to my mother.

"You have her contact information?"

"I don't, but Bianca's brother Benjamin is a skip chaser. He already has information on my mom. I never asked for it, but I'm going to." I informed him.

He rubbed his temple. "I'm not sure what you're expecting to find, but I'll help you in anyway I can."

"Thanks Dad. That's all I need." I said, giving him a hug.

Sunday morning, they left to go back to California. The house felt so empty without them. Without Richard popping over for renovations or the hectic holiday season, I felt lonely and bored. Now that the holidays were over, Christian was back to work in New York, obsessively combing over his album and putting the finishing touches before the release so I couldn't even bug him the way I used too.

I did my normal routine of taking Justine for a run, doing my laundry, and writing out my grocery list. Afterwards, I settled in for 49ers last season game. We only won 4 games out of 15 so our playoff dreams were crushed a long time ago. I jumped on the North Carolina bandwagon months ago. Before the game started, I sent my friends a pathetic "WYD?" text to see if anyone wanted to go out to watch the last few games of the regular season with me.

Jordan was hanging at with Blake at his job, learning how to play soccer. Amber and Sammy didn't respond. I knew Amber worked the night before, so she might still be sleep and Sammy was probably ignoring me. Rocky was out shopping for her nursery and registering for gifts with Brandon. When I found that out, I called Forrest.

"Hey, I was just texting you back." Forrest answered.

"What did it say?"

"Nothing much. Watching football and working on my syllabus for this semester."

"Waiting to this last minute huh procrastinator?"

"Not really. School doesn't start until Wednesday and my curriculum is done. This is a copy for my students."

"Wanna come over here and work on it?" I invited him.

"Why don't you come over here?" He countered.

"Because I have a ton of food left over from the party and I have a present for you. A super big, heavy present." A exaggerated.

"Ok. I'm on my way."

I heated up the leftovers and grabbed a few beers. By the time Forrest arrived, I had everything set up and even popped popcorn.

"What a great bag. Where did you get such a stylish laptop bag?" I said, fawning over the gift I got him for Christmas. He needed to retire the bag Rachel got him.

"Some crazy female gave it to me." He joked and I punched him on the arm.

"Oww." He laughed, rubbing his arm. "Still taking those boxing classes?"

"Yep. So watch it mister." I threatened him as I led him to the living room. He sat on the chaise, grabbing a handful of popcorn before lounging back.

"Where is my gift?" He asked.

"In the freezer. The biggest, heaviest bag of frozen fish. My dad and my brother went fishing with Jake and them yesterday." I said sitting besides him munching on popcorn too.

He scowled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I already cleaned it and shit." I said, sarcastically.

He sighed. "No really, thank you. It's just... you don't think I'm wasting my time with Rocky, do you?"

I turned and frowned at him. "Where did that come from?"

"You remember when Brandon was talking about the trip they took to Louisiana to go fishing before EJ was born?" Forrest started.

"Vaguely." I remember making fun of Christian when he thought they were talking about Venice in California and not in Louisiana. I thought the same thing, but didn't voice it like Christian did.

"He mentioned taking a trip with Rocky before the baby is born."

"Yeah, but she said no right?" I struggled to recall.

"Because she wouldn't be able to get off work." Forrest mumbled.

"I'm sure she just said that to spare his feelings. He put her on the spot." I reasoned, trying to remember the conversation. I really wasn't paying attention- Christian had asked me if I ever been to Venice beach. I hadn't and he asked me what my favorite boardwalk was. When I imparted I hadn't been to any, he looked surprised. He informed me how they were his number one date spot growing up. I responded I wasn't the type of girl he would have asked out. He called me exotic and beautiful- the first type of girl he would ask. I revealed I was also 100 pounds heavier and he wouldn't have gave me the time of day. He finally agreed, but admitted he would have regreted missing out on getting to know me. That made me feel better than him calling me beautiful.

"Maybe. I can understand her not wanting to get serious or put a label on us. I just don't understand why it has to be a secret that we're dating." Forrest began, cutting off my thoughts of Christian.

I didn't either, but I didn't say anything about it. "That's something you should talk to her about."

"That's all you're gonna tell me?"

"Yep. I love you both but it's like you said, don't worry about things that are out of my control." I said.

"The one time you decide to listen to me and mind your own business..." he rubbed his beard.

"New year, new me!" I handed him a beer. "I will say, you should never feel like anyone is wasting your time. You're too amazing for that. Rocky knows that. We just talked about it when she showed me your Christmas present. She's making it the nursery theme."

"She really liked it?"

"She loved it. I did too. I wished I would have thought of it first. It would have made a great baby shower theme." I concurred.

"It's not too late is it?"

"Yep. I already ordered the roulette wheel for the casino theme."

"Casino?"

"Yeah. Baby Ace? Cards? Poker? Casino? Las Vegas style buffet?"

"Should be a good time." He said, noncommittally.

"You're going to be there... even if you have to pretend to be my bae again." I smiled. "Speaking of, keep your summer open."

"What for?" Forrest laughed.

"My dad's wedding. I might need your bae services."

"You might have a real bae by then."

I seriously doubted that. I was good with being single, but I was definitely not in the head space to date. How would anyone even compare to the history I had with Trevor? It wouldn't even be a fair try. Besides, where do I even find available guys. Bars? Online? The grocery store? Urgh, starting brand new with someone else sounded awful. I was good riding solo, even if it was lonely at times.

"If I did, I wouldn't want to subject them to my dad that soon and scare him away."

"Why subject me to it?"

"It wouldn't be real. Besides,you scared off that guy at the lounge on my birthday! You owe me!" I exclaimed, dramatically.

"I thought I was helping you out."

"Bullshit. We were vibing."

"That was the alcohol." He shoot me down.

"Everything he said resonated with me."

"The only thing you could hear was the music."

"I saw my future in his eyes." I joked.

"It was dark. You didn't see anything."

I laughed. "You don't know that!"

"Yeah. I do. He just wanted to take you home. Don't waste your time. You're too amazing for guys like that."

"Maybe I like wasting my time."

"Don't. Spend it on someone worthy of you." Forrest lectured me. I smiled. "Or on picking out a new team. The 49ers depress me and they're not even my team."

"Fuck off Forrest!" I attacked him playfully while we laughed.

Forrest left when Rocky called and invited him over. He didn't get to see the 49ers win in overtime.

I traded my jeans for black jogging pants with my 49ers tank top and I put on my new Reeboks. I played with my hair, momentarily missing my long hair when my signature high ponytail was so short. I put my hair up in a top knot instead. I put gold shimmer on my eyes, mascara, liner and a cherry red lip. It took about 30 minutes of selfies before I got the perfect picture. The lighting was great, my pose looked natural not forced, my shoes were visible, my boobs look great, just a sliver of my navel showed from where I hooked my thumb in the waistband of my pants, and my smile looked relaxed, but pretty. I posted it with the caption:

Win, lose or tie. 9ERS for life!!! Super Bowl

50 still in San Francisco. Leggo!

#NinerNation  #ReadyForNextSeason #SuperBowl51InHTown #BowDownBitches

The comments and likes came in quickly.

Jordan: Can I be a San Francisco fan too? I liked the colors.

Blake: Not in my house Jordan. Support your team... don't be delusional Lily.

Corey: What team? Oh, I just noticed the writing. Go 9ERS!

Sammy: #ThirstTrap

Dominick: Those shoes are killing me

Richard: She's wearing shoes?

Bilal: She has feet?

Amber: Yasss! Got 'em! @Sammy

Staci: You should be getting paid to promote a tea or sumthin- not football.

Jake: Have you been drinking some of that moonshine? 9ers ain't going to the Super Bowl anytime soon.

Cam: It was a rebuilding year! We'll get a good draft pick for next season. Where's the hoodie I got you Lily?...

By the time I got ready to go to bed, there were more comments and likes but I ignored them in favor of texting Christian back.

Christian: You made me a 49ERS and a Flo Rida fan all in one picture.

I smiled, pleased that he noticed my homage to Flo Rida in my baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with straps.

Me: I knew I could convert you. Are you listening to him right now?

Christian: No, Have you heard of G-Eazy? He's from California and did a track with me

Me: I have now.

Christian called and I smiled seeing his name flash across my screen. It was just easy to talk to him, especially since we decided to be friends. We were both in the same phase in our life of being content on our own. What made it even better was that we knew each other enough to be comfortable, but not very well at all. He would get to see the person I was now without any prior knowledge of who I use to be. It was a liberating feeling. I got settled into bed before I answered.

Auld Lang Syne (Outro)

"And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne." Auld Lang Syne

"Staci, Amber, Ressa, Jackie- this is Christian. Everybody, this is Christian." I announced as we greeted the few girls in the living room.

"Hey everybody." Christian said, flashing his great smile as I took his present and put it on an end table.

"I'm Staci." Staci said, returning his smile and shaking his hand. "Can I just say you can do much better than Noelle? She comes off like a major bitch on her show. "

"Yeah... it's great TV." He said, his smile fading the tiniest bit. "Nice to meet you."

"Hey Christian. I'm glad you made it." Amber said, brightly, taking a break from wrestling New Year's suspenders on Robbie.

"Me too." Christian said, looking over at me. I smiled at him.

"We've met before. Good to see you again." Jackie sauntered over, giving him a hug which Christian returned. When she held him a nano second too long, I cleared my throat and hopped back on my hooverboard.

"Christian, let me give you the first official tour. Follow me." I said as he pulled away from Jackie.

"She was serious about that hooverboard."  Jackie muttered under her breath to Amber.

"I was. I need my theme song too. Christian, just imagine My House playing when I opened the door." I said to Christian.

When he turned around to face me, Staci gave me a thumbs up as she looked him over. He did look incredible in dark fitted jeans, a white v-neck and a teal suede bomber jacket pushed up, showing of the music bar tattoo that ran around his arm. I teased him mercilessly when I found out the notes were to Carol King's So Far Away. I quickly shut up and apologized when he explained he got it for him mom after she passed away. He laughed it off, but I couldn't help wondering what the rest of his tattoos meant and if he had any I haven't seen...

"Flo Rida? I'd rather not imagine any of his songs." Christian said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Whatever. You know you were all about the Apple Bottom jeans and the boots with the fur." I recited Flo Rida's song.

"I actually preferred baggy sweat pants and the Reebok's with the straps." He recited back.

I laughed before showing off all the renovations I did downstairs. Rocky was napping in my room, so we skipped it and went upstairs. I showed him the guest rooms before we stopped in the sitting area, watching Staci's daughter Cherish, Jackie's daughter Ressa, and Amber's daughters April and Krista playing Just Dance 2016.

"So I see where you got your dance moves." Christian accused me.

"That's right. I've mastered every Just Dance there is." I confessed.

Christian chuckled before looking over the banister to the front door. "You did a really great job with the house." Christian complimented me. "I'm sure your Aunt is going to regret that she didn't come."

"Yeah." I said, pushing away the lingering hurt I felt about my last conversation with my aunt.

FLASHBACK

"She kicked me out." Bianca cried when I finally called her back Christmas Eve.

I just got home from Monica's, an athletic trainer, and her husband Trent's Christmas Eve white elephant party. It was a tradition they started for everyone who had to work because of the basketball season. I didn't really know Monica nor Trent very well, but at the volunteer event, they seemed really nice and down to earth, so I decided to go. I spent my night socializing and getting to know everyone and ignored Bianca's call.

"What? Your name is on the lease. Those bitches can't kick you out!" I declared.

"Hey!" The voice I recognized as Gayle in the background protested.

"No. My mom." Bianca cried.

She explained that on Christmas Eve, tried of the whispers, disapproving looks and hiding her true feelings, she told her mom the truth: She is a lesbian and is dating a woman. Aunt Patty promptly kicked her out her house, telling her not to come back until she was ready to repent for her sins and stop her deviant behavior.

"I don't even know why I'm upset. I knew she wouldn't understand. I just don't get how she can preach God's words and forgiveness and.. repenting then throw me out her house in the same breath." Bianca sniffled.

"Because she's a fucking hypocrite B. You don't need her." Gayle spoke up.

I immediately spoke up to defend Aunt Patty. "I'm sure she's in shock Bianca. Let me talk to her ok?" I promised her.

I stayed on the phone comforting her until she fell asleep. It was too late to call Aunt Patty, but I called first thing the next morning. After wishing her a Merry Christmas, I brought up Bianca.

"Until she gives up her lifestyle, there is nothing to discuss." Aunt Patty said, finally.

"She's your daughter and she needs you. You may not agree with what's she's doing, but I know you love her-" I reasoned.

"I love the Lord. She can live in sin but I will have nothing to do with that."

"Patty, that's cruel. All she did is fall in love someone..."

"It's a sin, not love. I raised her to follow His word. She knows better."

"You raised Brittany too. She has kids and has never been married. Premarital sex is a sin but she's a part of your life." I pointed out, gently.

"Children are a blessing from God. She repented and God forgives her sins." Patty defended her.

"Brittany is living with a man Aunt Patty! Does she repent every Sunday? Is that all Bianca has to do to live in sin?" I argued, passionately, losing what little patience I had.

"And stop sinning."

"Come on Patty! Brittany is still having premarital sex- I don't care what she tells you! I've had sex lots of times and I never repented for it. Am I not allowed in your house now?" I snapped at her, frustrated by her hypocrisy.

"I didn't raise you! All I could do was pray for you like I did for your mother! You two made your own mistakes." She snapped back.

I don't know what was more devastating- being called a mistake or being compared to my mother. I hung up on her after that. I went to work, updated all the patient's chart, read and replied to e-mails and rewrote the huddle board. At lunch, I texted my friends and family to wish them a merry Christmas. Christian called me back. Since the clinic was empty, I answered and we talked.

I told him about the party I went to the night before. All the gifts had to be less than $10 and a gag gift. My gift was Beats by Dre- literally a can of beets with Dr. Dre's picture on them. The other gag gifts included a couple of bags of coal, Donald Trump bumper stickers, toilet paper (for all the shitty gifts), already scratched loser lotto tickets, batteries with a note that said: gift not included, a box of condoms with a hole drilled through the middle, and a potty putter. I picked a can of nuts with a homemade label that read: Deez Nuts.

Christian laughed as I described the party, then he asked me what was wrong. I tried to play him off, but he stopped me.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, just say so but I know something's up. I can hear it in your voice." Christian commented.

I sighed then vented to him about the phone call I just had with my Aunt.

He advised me to let everyone cool down and try to get them to work it out together. The immature me wanted to say fuck Patty and leave it alone, but I knew that wouldn't help Bianca at all.  I wanted to find out what she meant about my mother as well. That's where the idea of having a home warming came up- a way to get my family together, on neutral grounds, to air everything out.

With no reason, excuse or explanation, Aunt Patty flat out told me no. Bianca made plans to go to Las Vegas with Noelle. At first all I wanted to do was spend New Year's alone; wallowing in how screwed up my family is and how my plans to start my own family with Trevor tanked. I talked it over with Dr. Pereira and it helped me appreciate the family and friends I had even more. I decided to have the party anyway. 

PRESENT

"I need to go downstairs and check on the food. I still have some of Deez Nuts if you're hungry." I said, heading down the stairs.

"I'll pass." He smiled, following me.

I checked on the food, making sure everything was still warm, before the doorbell rang.

I hopped on my hooverboard to answer it.

"Hey Dad." I said, letting him and Beatrice in when I opened the door.

"Are you supposed to ride those indoors?" My dad asked.

"Who knows." I hopped off and gave him a hug before turning to Beatrice. "Hi Beatrice." I greeted her.

When she reached out for a hug too, I followed her lead. I tried to apologize for my outburst at Thanksgiving, but she wouldn't hear it. She just wanted to move forward, so I honored her request.

"You look so pretty. I love your hair short." She complimented me.

"Thank you. So do you. C'mon in, let me introduce you to everyone so far." I took her arm and led her in the living room. I introduced everyone, saving Christian for last.

Rocky emerged from her nap, surprised to see Christian.

"Did you tell Sammy he was coming?" Rocky asked when I retreated to the kitchen to grab drinks.

Rocky knew things were tense between Sammy and I. We had an unofficial truce- She never apologized or brought Trevor up again and I didn't call her out on her bitchy behavior.

"You mean, did I run my guest list by her? Nope." I scoffed.

Rocky just smiled, pleased.

My brother arrived next with Jenna and I gave them a hug before taking them on a tour. At the end, I eagerly turned to Cam to ask about Trevor's party.

"It was good. More low key than the Halloween party."

"How was he?" I asked, needing more information on Trevor, not the party.

"He's good Lily. Same old Trevor. Ready to get his life back."

I tried to stop my stomach from flipping excitedly. "He wasn't faking being excited, right? He might do that to hide his true feelings?"

"No. I don't think he was faking." Cam shook his head.

"What about you Jenna-you study behavior for a living. Did he give you a bad vibe?"

"No. You can tell he's uncomfortable with the colostomy bag because he brought it up, both other than that, he seems really fine."

My heart dropped. "Colostomy bag? He has to have one? Permanently?" I questioned.

"No, temporary. The surgery on his colon-" Jenna started to explain.

"I know why he would need one. He didn't tell me he needed one. He promised to keep me updated about his health." I said, disappointed that he didn't keep his word.

"He might have been embarrassed-" Cam said as the doorbell rang.

"Excuse me." I said, shortly, leaving. I hopped on my hooverboard, determined to stay positive and have a good time.

Ethan, his parents and EJ were at the door. I smiled, genuinely glad they came.

"Wow. Lily, can I ride that?!?" EJ exclaimed.

"If your dad says it's ok." I said, hopping off.

"I need to get one of those so I can get around the house faster." Al smiled at my hooverboard.

"Weren't those on the news recently for blowing up?" Ethan frowned up at me.

"Not sure. My brother got it for me. You can debate with him his intentions of blowing me up." I said, jokingly.

"Maybe later." He said.

"EJ, the kids are upstairs playing with the XBox. Wanna show them how it's done?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said, running up the stairs.

"Lily, this is beautiful." Deborah smiled, looking around.

"Thank you, but hold your opinions until I take you on the tour Deborah." I beamed.

I took them over to meet my dad and Beatrice. I knew my dad was anxious to meet the family I spent Christmas with. As they chatted, I pulled Ethan aside. "Come here. I wanna show you something."

I led him to my hallway closet. I opened the door and let him look inside.

"Very... clean." He said, confused by my excitement.

"I cleaned it out. I'm leaving this closet empty so if we have anymore severe weather, this is where Justine and I will be." I grinned proudly.

He nodded in understanding and stepped into the closet. It was under the stairs, so it was deep and had plenty of room. I used to keep my random storage containers in the closet, but I moved them to the garage.

"This is perfect." Ethan informed me, looking back at me as I followed him in.

"And look at this." I said, pulling out a battery operated radio, flashlight and first aid kit.

"See? Didn't take much to be prepared, did it?" Ethan asked.

"No. Know let's prepare you for party games. What are you drinking?" I asked him, grinning.

FLASHBACK

After my talk with my aunt, I was ready to spend Christmas alone. I was already feeling weird about intruding on the Carters' Christmas. My aunt's comments made me feel like a complete outsider with my own blood; how would I feel around someone else's family? Once Deborah found out I had to work and wasn't going home, she talked me into to coming to her house. The lure of a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook finally won me over and I went as planned. I don't know why I even worried. The Carters always made me feel so comfortable around them. Amber and Will were there too, so I didn't feel like I was intruding at all. I had a great time. We had rib roast, crab legs, baked potatoes, broccoli gratin, asparagus, sweet potatoe casserole and pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Mrs. Carter even put meat aside for Justine. After stuffing ourselves, we walked off the food looking at Christmas display lights.

I spent the night and the next morning, I woke up before the sun to catch after Christmas sales with Deborah and Amber. I didn't put a tree up this year, but I bought an artificial one and ornaments for half price. I found the cutest "A Christmas Story" ornaments that I was so excited about being my theme for Christmas next year. I told EJ I was buying him a pink bunny suit, and he had no idea what I was talking about.

"You haven't seen A Christmas Story?!? We're watching it today!" I decided.

Amber and Will had to leave because they both had to work, but I stayed to watched "A Christmas Story". EJ liked it, but he loved Home Alone and Home Alone 2 much better. I made him watch those when I found out he hadn't seen them. I was getting ready to leave when Ethan stopped me.

"There's bad weather in our area. Why don't you leave after the storms pass through?" Ethan suggested.

After assuring him I would be fine, I reluctantly caved when he asked me to stay for his sake. I was so glad I did. The tornado watch turned into a warning as a storms touched down all around the metroplex. One storm was heading right in our direction. We made our way over to a neighbor's house and their storm shelter. While Albert called to check on his daughter, Deborah talked to the neighbors and Ethan set up the portable radio to a news station, I huddled next to EJ, feeling very much like a helpless child. EJ was too quiet, I got him to play thumb war, rock paper scissors, hand slap reflex game and anything else I could think of as we waited out the storm.

The tornado skipped over the area of McKinney we were in. The only damage was debris in the yard and pool. When we went back into the house and turned on the news, we watched as the tornado count and lost lives increased. It was disturbing, and I was definitely rattled seeing the vehicles on the road that were hit by a tornado.

I stayed another night. Justine fell asleep beside me, but I was having trouble falling asleep too. After tossing and turning, I got up, thinking about a slice of cake as I made my way quietly to the kitchen.

Ethan was already there, pulling out a glass when I joined him.

"I'm about to have a drink. Would you like one?" He offered.

"Yes please."

"What can I get you?"

"Whatever goes good with cake."

He cut me a slice of cake and poured me a glass of milk before pouring a glass of brandy.

"I don't think I've seen you drink straight alcohol before. Or mixed drinks. Or a shot. Anything not beer or wine."

"I normally don't." He said, coolly. I felt like something was wrong.

"Is your sister ok?" I asked. I already knew Brandon was fine.

"Yes, they had roof damage but everyone's ok." Ethan answered.

"Serena?" I questioned.

"She's fine." He replied, finishing his drink. "Are you ok? You're not eating."

"Oh... just shockingly amazed by how unprepared for life I am." I admitted.

"How so?"

"I would have tried to drive home and beat the storm. I have no idea what I would have done if I was at home alone. I never plan for anything. I'm so impulsive. You know I bought a fire pit with your gift card? I told myself it was practical because it gave heat. I should have bought a tornado shelter... or a panic room." I spewed.

"You don't need those. If you're at home, go to the lowest floor, away from windows. The bathroom is probably the best place to be. In the tub with mattress on top of you."

"On top?"

"To protect you from debris."

"See? Why didn't I know that?"

"California doesn't get that many tornadoes."

"I live in Texas now. I should know this stuff."

"You know the things that can't be taught. Look at the way you keep EJ calm." Ethan complimented me.

"He was calm the whole time. He took my mind off everything by playing games with me." I waved him off.

"This was EJ's first time in a tornado shelter. He asked me numerous questions about tornadoes when I put him to bed. You comforted him when he needed it. He may not have shown it, but he was scared."

I smiled and took a bite of my cake. "He's kinda like you in that regard. Very... stoic."

"Is that a liability or asset?"

"Neither... both. You're always stay calm, but it's impossible to tell what you're feeling." I answered.

I ate my cake, the air suddenly tense between us, until I smiled."Except when EJ is mad. He gets a major attitude and throws a ton of shade."

Ethan smirked. "He gets that from his mom."

"Right. Cause you never lose your cool." I smirked back.

PRESENT

After I got Ethan a beer, I tended to the rest of my guest that arrived. Sammy and Corey came together. If she was upset about seeing Christian, she kept it to herself. Brandon, Jake, Omar, Kelly, and baby Octavia showed up together. Dino wasn't able to come because she was working, but Jake came with tamales I took enthusiastically.  Forrest, Blake and Jordan arrived at the same time. Monica and her husband Trent even stopped by for a couple of hours. After everyone got food and drinks, Rocky started the games. We played a 2015 addition of Who am I- one person had the nametag of a famous person on their back and they had to ask yes or no questions to figure out who they had. Every person was relevant in 2015.

Christian got Rachel Dolezal and was having trouble figurinh out why she was famous. When he found out she wasn't an actress, musician, athlete, socialite, Internet star, politician, or writer, he was stomped.

"Ask me if she's white!" I told him when he got to me.

"Is she white?"

"Yes, but she passed as black!" I responded, causing everyone to laugh. He knew who I was talking about, but couldn't recall her name.

Richard and Dominick came right before we played Taglines. Popular taglines and quotes from 2015 movies were read and you had to guess the movie. Christian apparently hadn't seen anything, including trailers. When he didn't get "The Park is Open" as Jurassic World, I kicked him off my team for sucking so bad.

I regretted it when we got to doo wop. It was a game where you had to sing the melodies of popular songs in 2015 singing only "do" and your team had to guess the song. He was the only one whose pop music knowledge was as strong as mine. Our teams were neck and neck. His team won when Amanda did the whip and nae nae while she sang.

"That's cheating! You can't dance!" I pointed at them.

"I'll allow it." Rocky decided. Since she put the games together, she was officiating.

"Bullsh- crap!" I cleaned up, censoring myself as I stomped my feet.

"You shouldn't talk to the referee like that." Christian smiled.

"Yeah. Minus 5 points from your team." Rocky decided.

"You know what? Party over. Everybody out!" I yelled, faux kicking them out.

After the games, I lit the fire pit and the remaining of us went outside to enjoy it. Slowly but surely, everyone left, besides my brother, Jenna, my dad, Beatrice and Christian. He was the only person who disobeyed my request of donating to the families that were affected by the tornadoes instead of giving me a housewarming gift-He did both. I opened his gift to reveal a remote control helicopter.

"I heard you... get excited about helicopters." Christian grinned.

I laughed, remembering the comment I made about fucking for helicopters, not buses. "Thank you, but I'm not fucking you."

"I figured because it's not real you wouldn't.  I was hoping you settle for a toy helicopter, I'll settle for friendship." He countered.

"We're friends Christian. I wouldn't have invited you if we weren't but I'm keeping the helicopter." I smiled.

"That works for me."

We sat outside a little longer, talking about our New Year's resolutions. I really didn't have any. Everyone says new year, new me, but I didn't need a new me- I just wanted to keep improving the old me. I felt like with Dr. Pereira, and my real friends and family, I was already on the right track. Christian and I set goals instead and promised to help each other with them. As friends.

*There weren't many details about the other storylines at Lily's party. I promise, they're coming! And I know I missed a post last week. I'll make it up this week for sure!

Auld Lang Syne (Intro)

Heads up, in the interest of speeding things up and catching up in real time, I did a time jump. Important events will definitely be detailed in flashbacks. 

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne" Auld Lang Syne (Any version but Mariah Carey's)

I woke up to the feeling of cold air and warm, fondling hands all over my body. I gasped in enjoyment, loving the wonderful contrast before I felt a soft but hungry kiss against my lips.

"I'm cold." I complained when his lips moved away, groaning but never bothering to open my eyes.

"I'm trying to warm you up Lilypad." A teasing voice whispered in between placing kisses on the shell of my ear. 

"Then you should have left my blanket on me T-Rev." I stretched against him, trying to turn away. I knew I wouldn't get far-he had me pinned underneath him. His lips carressed the side of my face, nipped at my neck, before he kissed me on the lips

"Then I wouldn't be able to do this..." He murmured over my lips before moving his mouth down my exposed skin. He ran his tongue around my breasts, spent extra time planting kisses on my rounded stomach, before settling between my legs. 

I sank my fingers into his hair as he kissed between my thighs, making my entire body tense against him. He sucked, nibbled and licked me the way he knew I loved. On the verge of an orgasm, I pulled him away by his hair, begging him to fuck me.

"Pregnancy hormones are no joke." He teased, rubbing his hardness against my entrance.

I gasped, loudly. "Shut up Trevor! You woke me up!"

He laughed as he pushed inside me. "Sympathy horniness."

"I've heard of sympathy morning sickness, weight gain, and even labor pains- but never sympathy horniness." I giggled, wrapping my legs around him, pulling him even deeper. 

He groaned, nibbling on my ear. "That only shows you how perfect we are for each other. You're my wife, the mother of my child, and my soul mate. I love you forever Lily....."

I woke up out of my dream, trying to push the images away. I didn't need Dr. Pereira to interpret my dream, if she did that type of thing. I was sure the the amount of alcohol I consumed on New Year's Eve was the major contributor to why I dreamt of Trevor when I hadn't thought of him... that much or recently. Add that to the fact that if my New Year went they way I originally wanted it to, Trevor and I would be engaged. Me being pregnant in my dream probably came about because I spent New Year's Eve at a sleepover involving women with their children- born and unborn.

Amber, Mia, Staci, Jackie and Rocky came over and we had a pajama party. We ate a ton of snack foods, drank sparkling wine and champagne (except Rocky and the kids-they got sparkling cider), watched the New Year's Eve specials, had a dance battle on the Xbox, and countdown to 2016. After that, we finished off the champagne and everyone eventually passed out. I don't know how I made it to the guest room, but I did.

I got out of bed, groaning as I stretched before heading down the stairs. Rocky was already up with Staci in the kitchen. 

"Morning ladies." I greeted them brightly. 

"Afternoon." Rocky corrected me. "I already did more than what I said I would for your housewarming party. You're welcome." 

"I told her I got it and to sit down somewhere an hour ago." Staci added.

"I told you to mind your business and go stir something up." Rocky cocked her head to the side, challengingly. 

Staci just laughed it off, but I gave Rocky a look that said "cut it out." I knew Rocky didn't really care for Staci, but after our trip to Houston, she kind of grew on me. 

FLASHBACK

"I wanna see Drake!" Staci stated as she climbed all the way back in the party bus to the sectional after the concert. Amber called her to take Sammy's place because she knew she wouldn't have her daughter and it was her off day. She was over in 20 minutes, ready to party. She was a Travis Scott fan and rapped along to his album on the drive down to Houston.

"Me too! He can get it." Amber said, suggestively, plopping next to her. 

"I'd rather see Pitbull. His show would be like a fucking party." I said, reaching for a water bottle to hydrate before sitting down across from them so I could put my feet up. From the DJ warming up the crowd, to Travis Scott rocking the mic, to the Weeknd crooning his last note, the energy and talent on the stage made for an incredible show. Christian got us awesome seats, front and centered; We lived it up. The drinking, singing, screaming and dancing during the night definitely took it's toll on me, but I was too exhilarated to care. We were already planning future concerts.

"Pitbull can get it too. With his sexy, bald head." Amber grinned, apparently exhilarated too. Or intoxicated. I handed her a water bottle as well.

"How does Will feel about all these guys that can get it from you?" Jordan joked, grabbing a coke before lifting herself up onto the day bed and laying down.

"What he don't know wont hurt him." Amber said, while she and Staci dissolved into laughter.

"Stop. You know he has you locked down." Staci laughed, nudging Amber.

 "I'm breaking out." Amber winked, doing a little shimmy.

"No you're not." I smiled, nervously. Amber saying she regretted staying with Will was... disturbing paired with her lying about partying with me. I wondered where it was coming from.

"You never know." Amber smiled playfully.

"The grass ain't greener on the other side-It's greener where you water it. You better keep your man. Or he can get it from me." Staci said, before standing up and twerking. The driver started to take off, causing her to stumble mid twerk. 

"See? That's what you get. You ain't getting a ticket to the next concert." Amber laughed loudly.

"I didn't get a ticket for this one, but I'm here. What happen to the other girl?" Staci said, smiling while returning to her seat. Jordan and Amber both looked at me.

"I don't know what the fuck her problem is. She probably thinks I fucked for this bus and concert tickets." I spat out, finishing my drink.

Staci was the only one that laughed. "All I want is a concert ticket. Then whoever could get it." 

We all burst out laughing at her. 

"Ohhh! I'd see him in concert, but he couldn't even get a hug from me." Jordan exclaimed, turning up Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself".

Staci grabbed the Mic, shouted out all her exes, before putting on a twerk-tastic redemption of the song. Amber recorded her and posted it on SnapChat as we cheered her on. That led to us all putting on performances dedicated to our exes. Jordan sang "Same Old Love" to the one who doesn't deserved to be named, but he shares the same initials as douche bag. Amber sang "Hotline Bling" to a guy she called cutie. I didn't shout out any of my exes, but I did however mention I fucked for helicopters not buses before singing, "Stitches".

Afterwards, we had a dance party. About an hour into the drive, our high (or alcohol) wore off and we settled down. That's when I learned more about Staci- she is a really open person and told me her life story. She got pregnant at 16, married at 17, and divorced by 20. She worked her way through school while raising her daughter Cherish alone. Now that Cherish was 12 and her father married a woman that had him playing a more consistent role in her life, Staci was finally able to go out and have fun. She took advantage of it when her daughter was gone. I couldn't blame her for that and I actually had a great time with her.

PRESENT DAY

We all had such a great time, but I had to ask Amber why she lied to Will about going out with me. She said Will didn't give her a hard time if he thought she was hanging out with me. That was weird because I thought Will and I had a mutual dislike of each other. She told me Will's opinion of me changed because Ethan always defended me when Will said anything negative about me in his presence. Will didn't really care for Amber hanging out with Staci or Mia because they were single, but apparently worried less if he thought she was with me. Pleased with that knowledge, we agreed to having girl's night on a regular basis so she didn't need to lie.

With Christmas right around the corner and everyone being busy or working crazy schedules, our first official girl's night ended up being on New Year's Eve. Rocky said she was too pregnant to go out, Mia, Jackie and Staci had their kids, and I was really in no mood to celebrate with strangers so we planned a night in. It worked out perfectly though- I hosted so they would all be able to help me set up for my home warming New Year's Day Dinner.

Since I wasn't able to come home on Christmas, my brother wanted to know if he could visit on New Year's. I quickly agreed, thinking we would go out together, until I learned he was actually spending New Year's eve at Trevor's party. I wasn't upset- I was actually kinda relieved they maintained their friendship-even though Trevor and I weren't... anything anymore.

FLASHBACK 

I talked myself into not going to Trevor's surgery over and over. Ultimately, when Rocky left to be by his side, I was in the car with her. No matter the numerous reasons why I shouldn't go, not being there wasn't an option for me. We got there in enough time to see Trevor before prep, but I sat outside in the waiting room instead. One by one, everyone trickled out, starting with J-Mike. 

When Amber posted the videos from the concert online,  J-Mike sent me a long ass message bitching and lecturing me on how he expected better from me. I didn't respond, just blocked him. He sat across the room from me and I could feel him staring but I paid him no mind. Rocky finally rejoined me and I immediately asked how Trevor was doing.

"He's looking and sounding good. He's anxious to get it over with." she trailed off. "I told him you were here. He said to come back if you want."

I hesitated and before I could decide, Bilal rounded the corner and joined us. I stood up to give him a hug which he warmly returned. Rocky began to stand too, but he stopped her. He sat beside her and gave her a half hug.

"Are they getting ready to take him back?" I asked.

"Yes. His mom is wrapping it up and Jimmy's going to stay back with him." Bilal nodded. "There's still time for you to see him."

"No... no thanks. I'm sure his mom wants her time alone." I grimaced.

"That lady needs to stay alone." Bilal said dryly.

Rocky snickered and caused me to smile. At that same moment, Mrs. Tobin came into the waiting room, locking eyes with me before turning away. It was the first time I saw her since I found out Trevor was sick and she stormed out of Trevor's Grandmother's house. I watched as she sat with J-Mike and refused to acknowledge my presence. The funny thing is, I didn't feel rage, or sadness not even bitterness. All I felt was worry for Trevor. My concern for him overrode everything else.

"How's the little one doing?" Bilal asked Rocky, nodding to her stomach.

"Apparently one hell of a soccer player. He's up at all hours of the night, kicking the hell out of me." Rocky complained.

"Kicking ass already and not even out the womb. Just like his mama, right Baby Ace?" Bilal smiled, reaching over to rub her stomach. Rocky beamed, proudly.

I didn't know what was more shocking- the name, the fact that she let him touch her stomach willing, or the soft look she was giving Bilal...

"Ace?" I said, pointing out the most obvious and less controversial topic. They both looked over at me. "Why did you call him Ace?"

Bilal pulled his hand away. "You didn't tell her?"

"Tell me what?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"I want to name him Ace. Maybe not a first name, but in there somewhere." Rocky explained to me.

I nodded. "Ok."

"I'm gonna go get something to eat. Do y'all wanna join me?" Bilal asked.

"We should go eat." Rocky stood up.

"I kinda wanna stick around." I declined.

"Oh, ok." Rocky said and sat back down.

"I can bring you something back?" Bilal offered.

I shook my head. "No. Go eat Rocky. I'll be fine here."

"Are you sure? We can just go to the cafeteria." Rocky added.

"I'm sure. Go feed Baby Ace." I said, trying out the name. I was already loving it.

"Ok. Be right back." Rocky stood again.

They walked over to talk to Trevor's mom and J-Mike before they left. The time seem to stand still when we couldn't do anything but wait. I ended up spending both my gift cards in 30 minutes on impulse buys just to pass the time and do something other than worry. After she ate, Rocky dozed off against my shoulder so talking to her was out. I didn't know how she could sleep so soundly without knowing what was going on with Trevor...

After what felt like an eternity, Jimmy came and informed us that the surgery was done and we could see him shortly. His mom went back right away. After he got moved to a regular room, more family members arrived. His granny, aunts and cousins all went to see him, but I held off. I didn't want to see him but I couldn't just leave either. Finally, at the last few minutes of visiting hours, I walked to his room while everyone else was filling out.

"He needs his rest..." Mrs. Tobin was ushering Helen down the hallway while I stood by the door, unseen. I peaked in at him while he rested, peacefully. He was covered in a blanket and besides looking exhausted, he didn't look that different from the last time I saw him.

"You came all this way to spy on me?" Trevor asked, his eyes trained hard on me.

"I wasn't spying." I blushed, embarrassed at being caught acting creepy.

"What do you call creeping in doorways?" He asked, his gaze softening as he looked me over slowly.

"Evaluating the situation." I supplied as I walked into the room.

"What did you come up with?" He scooted over slightly and patted on the bed.

I sat down and sighed. "That this... fucking sucks."

"Fucking sucks is an understatement." He breathed.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come, but I had to be here. That's really selfish but I couldn't stay away. I'm sorry." I apologized.

"I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like I wouldn't want you here." He apologized to me.

"Can we stop apologizing to each other? It's getting a bit redundant." I asked, reaching for his hand.

A faint smile passed his lips. "I will never apologize to you again." He swore, squeezing my hand firmly.

A full smile spread my lips as I said, "Thank you."

"Thank you. For everything." He replied.

"Alright, we can stop saying thank you too."

"I'm running out of things to say here Lily." He grinned a lopsided smile.

"Then shut up Trevor." I smirked.

"Can we ban that too?" He smiled, his blue eyes shining with mischief.

God, I missed that so much. I missed him so much...

"Not until you try it!"

We both smiled before Trevor spoke again.

"I need you to know that I get it. I broke us-"

I shook my head. "No- you made me feel whole, but I was still broken. I'm seeing a therapist to try to heal myself."

Trevor frowned. "My mom thinks I need a therapist."

"As much as I hate to agree with her, it's really helping me." I admitted.

He nodded. "I'll think about it."

"Good."

"I know it doesn't change things between us, but I love you Lilypad. I'll love you forever."

"I love you too. Forever T-Rev." Almost as instinctively as breathing, we leaned in together for a kiss. It was soft and sweet at first. His hand moved from mine, and slipped into my hair pulling me closer. He kissed me passionately, and I returned it, comforted by his familiar embrace, his taste- his love for me. We broke apart at a sound by the door. We turned to see his mom.

"Visiting hours are over." She said, in a short, clipped tone. Her face was a ghastly white. She looked paler than Trevor after surgery.

"Give us a few more minutes mom." Trevor told her.

She reluctantly left and I turned to Trevor. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how freaked out was she?"

"At least a 7. She was a 9 when Rocky called me her baby daddy." Trevor smiled, stroking my hair.

I snorted. "She did not."

"She did. I couldn't keep a straight face. I laughed and ruined it. I was going to tell her I needed to rewrite my unborn son into my will." He laughed.

I winced at the thought of a will.

Trevor caught it and caressed my face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I know being friends is not possible right now, but keep me in the circle about your health." I requested.

"You passed the test- you're in the circle for life." He agreed.

I smiled and kissed him one more time on the lips."Take care of yourself."

"You too." He said softly, letting go of my face.

On my way out, I ran into his mother.

"Have a nice night. I'll be back." I said politely. 

She held her head high and continued to walk pass me. I knew I wasn't coming back, it was just an idle threat; but it made me feel better that she had nothing to do with us breaking up. I realized all the trouble she started was to make that happen. I can't believe I ever thought of giving Trevor up because of her. In the end, it was our decision to end things and had nothing to do with anyone else. Maybe it didn't have to be an idle threat forever. Who knew what the future would bring? 

PRESENT DAY

I hadn't talk to Trevor since, but I knew all the traces of cancer were gone. He was still recuperating from surgery, but I was thrilled to know he was on the mend. I figured since Trevor was having a New Year's Eve party and my brother wanted to come see my house the next day, I would celebrate the New Year and my house New Year's Day. I invited Dad and Beatrice too. Having all my friends and loved ones over for a party sounded like a great start to the New Year.

I was still playing with my red New Year's tiara when the front bell rang. I knew most likely it was my dad- he was the only person I knew who would arrive to my house this early before the party started.

I gave myself one more look over. It was hard to find a good balance of dressed up, but not too fancy since I was at home and winter appropriate, considering the highs were still in the 70s. I pulled the bottom down on my black slashed back sweater and checked out the back of my ivory washed skinny jeans. After pulling on my black ugg boots, I went to finally answer the door. I knew no one else would dare open it. I told the girls not to ruin my cribs-like welcome of opening the door on my hooverboard. I balanced myself before swinging the door open. I was pleasantly surprised by my first guest.

"Happy New Year!" He said, holding a gift box in his hands.

"What are you doing here?" I grinned at him.

"I was invited, right?"

He knew he was. My party was word of mouth until he complained he didn't get an invite. I made a Facebook invitation just so he could get one.

"You responded maybe on the event." I countered.

"I didn't know if I could clear my schedule." He responded.

"Obviously you did and you arrived too early." I said, pretending to be annoyed.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't bump my spot. Still plenty of room?" 

"Of course. Welcome to my Sweet 2016/ home sweet home party." I ushered him in.

"Sweet." He smiled at me before stepping through the door.

My party just got interesting.

Let it Go

"From walking home and talking loads
To seeing shows in evening clothes with you
From nervous touch and getting drunk
To staying up and waking up with you
But now we're sleeping at the edge
Holding something we don't need
All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me
Everything's that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me" Let it Go by James Bay



Ever since my dad and Ethan ganged up on me about my home being secure, I took extra precautions to make sure I was safe. One of those things was driving to the front of my house to pick up my mail before I parked in my garage. I also became more aware of my surroundings. It was dark but I saw movement at my front door. I waited for the person to knock or go away, but they didn't. There was a car parked across from my house, but I didn't recognize it. I pulled out my phone but stopped when the figure pulled out a phone too. The light from the phone illuminated Trevor's face. As relieved I was it wasn't a stranger lurking around my house, dread filled me with having to talk to him.

I remained in my car, trying to calm down. My phone rang and I knew Trevor could see me just sitting there, but I wasn't ready to face him quite yet. I repeated the mantra I told myself everyday- I was mature, thoughtful and in control.

God, I hoped I could maintain control of myself. I still had too many hurt feelings. It was hard enough reading the letter he attached to the fruit. I wasn't prepared to talk to him- I planned on talking to Dr. Periera first. She helped me work through my own feelings before I formulated a plan.

I sat in the car until I came up with a solution. Just because he was ready to talk, didn't mean I had to. I would let him say whatever he needed to say. Then, I would ask him to leave. It would help him get whatever closure he needed to move forward and maybe I could understand his actions for what it was worth. I got out the car, confident in my plan. My confidence faltered slightly once I walked up the few steps on my walkway and approached him.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked him, pulling out my key.

"The sky." Trevor responded, with a small smile. Normally, a corny response like that would break the tension and make me smile. I couldn't even fake it. It was too much, too soon. I looked away from him and unlocked my door.

"I meant, what do you want?" I opened the door, reaching for the light switch before heading to reset the alarm.

Trevor followed me, looking around when I turned on the light. He then turned to me and I focused on the alarm.

"A lot of things, but mostly to see you." He said.

When I finally looked at him, my resolve to stay calm flew out the window. He was wearing the Pac-man shirt and "Never Give Up" beanie cap I made for him.

 I crossed my arms, impatiently. "Even though I made it clear I didn't want to see you?"

"I just needed to talk to you in person. Did you get the fruit?" He looked at me, hopefully.

"Yeah. I got it. I gave it away." My voice was biting even to my own ears. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.

He looked crestfallen for a moment, but a look of determination set on his face.

"I meant what I said in the letter. My life means nothing without you in it. Nothing is the same without you. I can't go a day without thinking about you. I love you. I wanna make us right again." He implored me.

I waited to hear him say that for so long. Now, when I finally decide to stop waiting, he told me everything I wanted to hear. I was trembling when I responded.

"There is no us Trevor... You broke up with me." I said as firmly as I could muster.

Trevor looked away, ashamed, before looking back at me. "I didn't think... I didn't think you would wanna be with me if I was sick. I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing by ending things with you. I had nothing to give you anymore. You're so beautiful and smart and amazing and you can do so much better than me. You always could. But I love you so much Lily. No one will love you as much as I do. I'll show it to you everyday."

I closed my eyes to keep the tears from failing. "I love you too, but we can't be together."

Trevor shook his head before I could even finish. "Yes, we can. I was wrong. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broke up with you. I should have known there was a reason you were hanging out with Christian. I won't make those mistakes again. I'll never fuck up again if you give me another chance."

It was my turn to shake my head. "I don't want to be with you Trevor. Not now." I said hoarsely.

He crumbled before my eyes. The light left his eyes and he looked so small and lost- I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to hold him and chase away all the pain and hurt- but I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep my hands away..

He stood there, watching me. I don't know what he was looking for, but I keep a stony face. He took a step towards me, but I took two back. The only show of emotions was the slight tremor in my voice. "You need to leave Trevor."

His eyes flickered downward before they turned hard. He didn't say another word before he left. I willed my tears away before I locked the door and went to bed.



The rest of the week I spent in a funk. I felt like I did the right thing, but I also felt like shit about it. I cancelled my appointment with Dr. Pereira- I wasn't in the mood to talk about anything. I just needed to process things on my own. I couldn't get Trevor's defeated face out of my mind.

I keep thinking about the amazing times we had- Our trips to Japan and The Florida Keys, the sweet things he did for me, the plans we made together. It was easier when he didn't want to be with me. Now,I couldn't help but feel like I was throwing it all away.

On Saturday, I spent the day at a women's shelter volunteering for the Dallas Mavericks foundation. A few starting players from the team helped bring a large turn out for volunteers and donations. While the players painted walls, put together furniture and held babies for the occupants of the shelters, I helped out separating donations and making gift baskets for the women and children.

Monica, the athletic trainer I spoke to before, volunteered as well and we worked together. I also briefly spoke to Adil and meet his fiancee, Farzana. At the end of the event, the women and children were so grateful for everything, it made me feel so much better. Afterwards, I ended up going to grab a bite to eat with Monica, her husband who was part PR team for the Mavericks, and some of their other friends and colleagues that volunteered.  We shared stories about the women we met and how brave and strong they were to get out of abusive relationships. It reaffirmed to me that the right thing to do wasn't always the easiest thing.

Sunday, I had The Weeknd, Travis Scott and Hasley concert to go to in Houston. Amanda started a new job, so she wasn't able to join us. I invited Jordan in her place. It wasn't Taylor Swift, but I figured it could make up for the concert we missed. Christian informed me part of the gift was providing transportation for us, so we all agreed to meet up at my house to get ready to go. Amber came over right after she got off work so she could show me what she bought.  She got us all "XO Girls" tanks in different colors so we could match for the concert.

I paired my blue tank with black leather leggings, a black oversized cardigan that went pass my butt and combat boots. Amber's was red and look great with a plaid skater skirt and knee length boots. Jordan wore her white tank with sheer leggings, black short shorts and booties. Sammy wore her green tank under her zip up dress with stilettos. She promised to unzip her dress when we took pictures.

We were pregaming and finishing our hair and make-up when my doorbell rang. I figured it must be the driver for the evening and Amber raced to answer.

"Ohmygod, you guys have to come here!!!" Amber shrieked to us.

We walked out to see what the excitement was about. A Mercedes party bus was parked outside of my house. I was stunned as I followed the girls to examine the inside. The interior was badass and slick as fuck. There was wrap around leather seating, 2 plasma TV, karoke, laser and strobe lights, a mini bars, and a day bed.

"Ohmygod! Staci and Mia are gonna be so jealous." Amber laughed, pulling out her phone to take a video.

I shook my head. It was ridiculous that Christian thought the 4 of us needed all this. I pulled out my phone to text Christian when Sammy voiced her displeasure.

"Why would he do all this if he isn't trying to fuck you?" Sammy pursed her lips at me.

"I don't know. He always been generous. You remember the trip to Mexico." I reminded her.

"This is different. Don't you understand why Trevor would be upset?" Sammy argued back, with her hands on her hip.

I automatically stiffened at the mention of Trevor. I hadn't told anyone why Trevor and I weren't friends anymore-well, no one but Christian. Partially because I didn't want to explain why I was hanging with Christian and the other part is that I didn't want to have any drama. I let people think what they wanted because at the end of the day, I knew the truth. I didn't feel the need to share it with everyone- that was good enough for me.

"He broke up with me. Why would he be upset?" I shrugged her off.

"Cut the bullshit Lily. Is he why you don't want to get back together with Trevor?" Sammy glared at me.

"Maybe you should save this for another time." Jordan suggested.

"Or never. I'm not talking about this Sammy. My decision is my decision. I don't owe anyone an explanation." I said, moving off the bus. I walked into my house, fuming. Why would Trevor tell her? Was she really defending him to me?

Sammy followed me. "He fucked up but he has cancer. After everything he's done for you, everything he's done to be with you, you're willing to throw that away? For Christian?"

"It's not for Christian. It's for me!" I raised my voice.

"For you? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sammy yelled at me.

"A fucking lot Sammy! I wish I was confident, secure and mature enough with myself to say I'm ready to try again, but I'm not. I will love Trevor for the rest of my life, but right now I can't be with him." I reasoned with her.

"If you love him, why can't you?" She demanded to know.

"Do you how it feels to not be good enough? It makes you insecure and impossible to see the good in yourself. I felt that my entire life and I'm trying to change it. Right now, I can't be around him without feeling that way. " Angry tears rolled down my face as I explained.

"He feels the same say way Lily. You're making him like he's not good enough." Sammy accused me. "I can't be around you right now. I have to go." She said before stomping out.

I knew he felt the same way. That was the hardest thing about it. He was hurting like I was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it. Being together wouldn't change that- I knew that first hand. Just like he couldn't fix my insecurities, I couldn't fix his. I sat down on the couch, and rubbed my temples, feeling fucking miserable.  Amber came and joined me.

"My biggest regret was not leaving Will when I was younger." Amber announced. I looked at her, shocked. "I loved him- but I should have loved myself more than him. I can't help but think how my life would have turned out if I wasn't so afraid to be on my own." She admitted.

"It's terrifying. And lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm throwing away the best thing that ever happened to me." I said softly.

Amber rubbed my back. "It's like that expression says, 'if you love someone, let them go'. If it's meant to be, it will be. You have to move forward though- no going back. Just give it some time and keep doing you."

I nodded. "Call Mia or Staci. Whoever can get here first gets Sammy's ticket."

Amber smiled. "Ok!"

She left to make the call and I grabbed another drink. I toasted to moving on and tossed it back. Afterwards, I pulled out my phone to text Christian thanks.

Born to Die

"Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks, every step that I take
But I'm hoping at the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on the Friday nights
Can you make it feel like home
If I tell you you're mine?
It's like I told you honey
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane, so
Choose your last words
This is the last time
'Cause you and I
We were born to die" Born to Die by Lana Del Rey

Bianca's name and pictures were posted on every gossip site. She already made her Facebook and Instagram private but somehow the sites got her pictures anyway. The pictures were compared with the images "stolen" from Noelle's phone. I read numerous reports detailing the break up-sources close to the couple revealed Noelle cheated on Christian with Bianca while other sources reported Christian cheated on Noelle and she found comfort with their threesome partner. Noelle released at statement saying only that Christian and her were broken up and to respect her privacy. Christian hadn't released a statement, but they had pictures of him out and about New York City over the weekend with his friends.

I called Bianca right away. I needed to make sure she was ok now that the news was finally out. She sounded so calm considering the truth was out there. Maybe as rumors, but it was enough. Anyone looking at the pictures would draw the right conclusion that the mystery woman was indeed Bianca.

She revealed to me anyone opinion she cared about already knew she and Noelle were together. Not going to lie, I freaked out when she told me there were together together. I blurted out everything Christian told me about the leaked pictures and why Noelle finally broke up with him. Bianca reminded me of how I called him shady and untrustworthy when I told her not to go to Paris with him. She accused him of making excuses to why Noelle broke up with him. She even alluded he was the one that outed her.

She had a point there- I didn't trust him then, why should I automatically trust his words now? He could easily be manipulating the situation to make himself look good. I changed the subject off of Christian and asked how her mom took the news instead. I almost freaked out on her again when she told me she still had no intention of coming out to her. I believed it would hurt aunt Patty more if she heard it from someone else, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her the truth.

I got off the phone, feeling more rattled than she was. I didn't let it stress me- I planned to be there whenever she needed me. I knew without a doubt she would- a relationship built on so many secrets and lies would never make it. If my friends saw or made the connection about Bianca, they were tactfully enough not to ask. I was gratefully for that because I had no idea what to say or if I should say anything at all.

When Christian sent me a text asking if Bianca was alright, I felt bad for not defending him. The only reason I said I didn't trust him was because he talked shit about Trevor and my relationship to Trevor while being nice to me. I thought that meant he was two-faced. When I thought about it some more, I didn't recall him ever saying anything good about Trevor and me. In fact, when I confronted him about what he said to Trevor, he confimed how he really felt. Maybe I didn't like nor did I care for him voicing his opinions to Trevor, but that didn't make him two-faced, manipulative or shady. It made him have an opposing opinion to my own. Should I distrust him because of that?

The only thing I knew for sure is he could have outed Bianca in the beginning, but he didn't. He didn't have to tell me Noelle's phone was hacked, but he did. He promised to keep me informed, and he stuck to his word. He'd been nothing but straight with me, so I would trust him until he gave me a reason not to.

When I got off from work, I called Christian and told him about my conversation with Bianca.

"I can send you screenshots of my texts with Noelle. I caught her in a lie and she broke up with me." Christian defended himself.

"You don't need to do that. I don't think it would matter if you did. Bianca is in love- she's not going to see the truth until she's ready too." I sighed.

"It sounds like you're speaking from experience." He commented.

"Yeah. I dated a guy that people thought was bad for me. Until I saw it for myself, I didn't break up with him."

"You broke up with Trevor?"

"No. This was the guy I dated before Trevor."

"There was a guy before Trevor?" Christian said, surprised.

"Yes. I actually dated and talked to guys after college."

"I didn't think you noticed any other guy but Trevor." Christian stated.

"You thought wrong." I said.

"Learn something new everyday." He stated.

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't even ask how you're doing?"

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm tried of being asked about her. Every time I step out, paparazzi are in my face, asking the same damn thing."

"Are you still in New York?" I asked.

"I am. You tracking me?"

"No. I watch TMZ when I'm bored. I've been bored a lot lately."

"Ok." He laughed.

"I never understood why famous people complain about paparazzi then stay in L.A. or New York City. I don't see paparazzi in Texas."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Sure. Visit Texas. Like deep in the country. Get a cabin, commune with nature, find your inner chi or animal or spirit. Be reborn."

"Nah, I'm good with that."

I smiled. "But seriously, I'm here if you need to talk or not talk. Whatever."

"Whatever sounds good. Goodnight Lily."

"Night."



Tuesday morning I got up and ready for my boxing workout. I was going earlier so I could meet up with Jordan for lunch afterwards. Our lunch was nice. I wasn't ready to be friends with her again, but I did want to forgive and move on. I knew how difficult going through a break up with someone who didn't want to be with you was, so I was able to look past her horrible behavior once she apologized. I told her about my house and my new position at work- She told me about how Blake and her started dating and living together.

I couldn't get over my shock at them living together so quickly. She explained that she and Tori had a failing out and she only planned to stay temporarily. It was going so well, they decided to live together. The commute sucked, so she was interviewing for a job closer to Blake's house. It was all so sudden and fast to me, but I wished her the best and told her we would keep in touch.

I was at work when I saw I had a missed call from Trevor. Seeing his number put a horrible pit in my stomach. He didn't leave a message, so I text Rocky to see if she knew If something was up.

Rocky: I have no idea. Last time we spoke, he told me about his surgery but that's not until next week

Me: Ok. Thanks. How's baby Leland?

Rocky: I don't know. You pregnant?

I laughed and put my phone away.

As I drove home, Trevor called again. That horrible feeling reemerged and I didn't answer, hoping he would just leave a message about what he wanted. He did leave a message, but he only asked me to call him back. I figured it wasn't important, and I had no desire to chitchat with him whatsoever, so I ignored it

That night I was up listening to some music Christian sent me while online shopping at Pier One, when I got a text from an unknown number

Unknown- Kelly is in labor. Will keep everyone updated.

I deleted Jake's number from my phone but I knew it was him. I made too many calls and texts to him in the past not to recognize the number even if it wasn't saved. I smiled and called Rocky.

"Did you hear about Kelly?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah. Brandon left to go to the hospital. How'd you know?"

"Jake sent me a text. Why were you hanging with Brandon this time of night?" I asked, suspiciously.

"He closed at work today  He brought over some special cream. Why is Jake texting you?"

"Because he knows I wanted to know when Kelly has the baby. What kinda cream did Brandon bring? You better be cooking."

"It's suppose to help with stretch marks. His mom swears by it. You need to stop trying to cook up drama. Petty Crocker." She scoffed.

"Mmmhmm. Does Brandon know Forrest helps apply that cream? Don't think I didn't notice y'all came and left brunch together." I called her out.

"You need some business so you can stay out of mine."

"I'm trying, but you're taking all the guys." I laughed.

"Speaking of guys, I think I know why Trevor's calling you." Rocky started.

My heart sped up. Part of me knew too. Even if he didn't keep up with entertainment news, Trevor had too many friends that keep in touch with Christian for him not to hear about Bianca and Noelle. Maybe he thought Noelle's cheating drove Christian into my arms. Maybe he thought Christian's cheating drove Noelle to Bianca's arms. Maybe he was sorry. I no longer cared what he thought. Even though his reason for not wanting to be friends was based off an incorrect assumption, I still needed us to be over and done. I didn't need to hear anything he had to say.

"I spoke to him today. They're going to be in Dallas this weekend. Holiday in the Park is the last stop on their little road trip." Rocky informed me.

I frowned up. "What does that have to do with me?" I asked.

"He asked about you. I'm sure he wants you to come. "

"What did he ask?"

"How you were doing, if you're schedule changed, how much did he royally fuck up?"

"What did you tell him?

"Great, none of his business, and he fucked up his entire life when he let you go."

I smiled sadly. "Thanks. You should go to his birthday thingy."

"Yeah, as much fun as walking around a crowded park watching those idiots ride rides sounds, I'm gonna pass."

"They have games... and hot chocolate and funnel cakes. And you could take Forrest." I suggested.

"Maybe. We'll see." She yawned.

"Alright. Night. Hug baby Locke for me."

"What the hell?"

"Rocky and Lily. Cool right?"

"Wrong."

The next day, I received notice that Kelly gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Omar and Kelly posted pictures that made me wanna go up to the hospital immediately. I wanted to wait a day and let her close friends and family meet baby Octavia. I went in with Rocky to send a baby wreath for the new parents.

Trevor called throughout Wednesday, but I continued to ignore him. I read his text messages and listen to his voicemails. He wanted to speak to me, he was sorry and needed a chance to make things right between us. I hoped he got the message that I didn't want that when I left them all unanswered.

I made sure I was busy the weekend he would be in town. I volunteered on Saturday and the concert in Houston was on Sunday. I invited Amber, Sammy and Amanda to the concert with me. There was no way I was going to his birthday celebration. All I had to do was get through his actual birthday on Thursday without reaching out to Trevor and I would be ok.

Thursday, I woke up and got ready to head to the hospital. Kelly would be discharged the next day and I figured hanging out with her and her new baby would keep me distracted from Trevor. I was walking out the door when a delivery guy from Edible Arrangements came up. I signed for the huge bouquet of fruit and took it inside. I grabbed the note and read:

I know it's my birthday, but my life means nothing without you in it. I love you. I lava you. I will never give up on us again. Please forgive me Lilypad. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

Tears welled up in my eyes but I blinked them away. I trashed the card, picked up the fruit and left. When I got to the hospital, I got a pink baby balloon from the gift shop, stuck it with the fruit and presented it to Kelly when I got to her room.

Her eyes widen. "That smells better than all the flowers I got, combined."

"It's all for you mommy. And I'm not trying to distract you so I can steal your baby or anything." I said, setting it on her tray in front of her bed.

"Jake and Rocky already warned us about you." Omar said briefly looking up from his baby girl bundled in his arms. I gave Kelly a little hug before walking over to Omar.

"Don't believe the rumors." I smiled, before leaning over his shoulder. "She's so big." I cooed.

"7lbs 3oz. 20 inches long." Omar said proudly.

"I felt every inch." Kelly snorted over a piece of pineapple.

"She's beautiful. Great job you two." I congratulated him.

"Thank you." They both said together.

I spent about an hour up there and was able to hold Octavia. When they took the baby out the room for test, I got ready to go. As I passed by the nursery, I stopped when I saw Octavia through the window. I was trying to figure out what test they were doing when I saw a flash. I looked up to see Jake with his phone.

"Just in case you try anything funny I have a recent picture of you." He joked, standing beside me.

"That's why I have disguises in my trunk." I plotted, deviously.

"Have you heard her cry yet?" Jake asked.

"No."

"She has a set of lungs on her. You'll bring her back." Jake said.

"Maybe she was crying because she didn't like you." I taunted him.

He laughed. "No way. Ladies love me."

"Yeah, until you start talking." I laughed too as we watched the baby together.

"Jake." We heard from behind us. When I saw Jasmine with their dad, I swung my purse over my shoulder.

"Bye. Good to see you Mr. Galaviz. Jasmine." I said politely before I left. Jose gave me a smile while Jasmine stared through the glass at Octavia. Jake waved as I bolted.

I went to work and Adil brought me my volunteer shirt for Saturday. I wasn't even aware he was engaged, but his future wife worked for the foundation that put the event together. After we talked about what I should expect, I asked him about a day off.

"Next week, Trevor is having surgery." I requested.

Adil nodded. "Absolutely. Email the request to me."

"Thank you Dr. Fahri."

I took a deep breath. I didn't know what the future held for Trevor and me. All I knew is I had to do what was right for me. I wasn't going to reach out to Trevor, nor go to his party. I could get over a missed birthday- I would never forgive myself if I wasn't there when he had his surgery. The right thing for me to do was be there for him. I was sure of it.

At least, I was sure of it- until I came home and saw Trevor sitting outside my house.

Miss Movin' On

"I broke the glass that surrounded me
I ain't the way you remember me
I was such a good girl
So fragile but no more
I jumped the fence to the other side
My whole world was electrified
Now I'm no longer afraid
It's Independence Day
I'll never be that girl again
My innocence is wearin' thing
But my heart is growing strong
So call me, call me, call me
Miss movin' on" Miss Movin' On by Fifth Harmony

I woke up late Sunday morning, feeling groggy with a slight ache in my head and feet, but relative good considering the amount of alcohol I guzzled down while dancing the night before. I stayed in bed for a few moments, before rolling over and grabbing my phone and looking over my notifications. I went through all my social media accounts and checked out the various pictures and posts from the party.  Afterwards, I sent a group text to my friends reminding them about brunch:

Me: Hey everyone! Know what's great for hangovers? Brunch. Who's in?

Immediately, I got a text from Forrest.

Forrest: Do you not remember threatening us if we don't come?

I giggled. I totally remembered. I'm pretty sure I waved the cake knife around a little while I said it too.

Me: This is my subtle way of reminding you all. Be there....Our else! {knife emoji, gun emoji, eggplant emoji}

Sammy: I'm in. I value my life.

Rocky: I value free food. I'm there.

Corey: Is no one else concerned/confused by the eggplant?

I went downstairs, let Justine out in the back yard and made some coffee. While it brewed, I received texts letting me know who was coming, who couldn't, and a debate about what the eggplant meant. Corey, Sammy, Amber, Will, Richard, Jake, Dino, Rocky, and Forrest already agreed to come which was good enough for me. Jordan declined, but sent me a text outside the group message to see if we could meet up sometime this week. I agreed and told her I could met for lunch any day.

I was pulling out coffee mugs when I got a text from Ethan saying he would come. Serena and Ethan left the lounge way before everyone else because Serena wasn't feeling well. Sammy pointed out on the drive home that Serena's illness seemed to get worse watching Jordan and Blake together. I didn't pick up on that, but I did assumed Ethan wouldn't come when Serena sent me a text that she wasn't coming to brunch. I decided to call Ethan.

"Hey. You know you don't have to come to brunch if you don't want to." I told him, pouring two cups of coffee.

"Do you want me to come?" Ethan questioned me.

"Of course I do! I just know Serena isn't feeling well. I didn't want you to feel obligated to come."

"You wielding a knife last night says differently." He disagreed.

"I meant that in a non-threatening way."

"That's a first. A threat in a non-threatening way." Ethan commented.

I smiled. "But really, it's completely up to you."

"I want to come. You can put your knife, gun and eggplant away." Ethan assured me

"No promises." I teased, playfully, before hanging up.

I grabbed the Tylenol I left out. Amanda barely made it to my bedroom the night before so I wasn't able to get her to take any before she passed out. I knew she would be in pain when I woke her up. I grabbed a TV tray and loaded it up with water, Tylenol, coffee, cream and sugar. I let Justine inside before taking the tray to my room.

"Amanda? Amanda??" I whispered yell in my bedroom setting the tray down next to the bed. I nudging her to wake her up.

"What?" She sat up, failing, grabbing the covers around herself and looking frantic."Where am I?"

"My room. It's Lily. You crashed here. Do you remember last night?" I asked her softly. I looked her over, concerned. She was really pale and her eyes were wide as she finally focused on me.

"I remember you made me try every martini known to man." She groaned, her body untensing as she rubbed her hands over her face.

"No sweetheart. We downed every martini ever made and followed that down with some shots. Are you ok?" I asked, handing over a water bottle and a few Tylenol.

She took them and swallowed them down. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"You sure? You slept ok?" I asked, wondering if she had a nightmare. Maybe that's why she was so jumpy.

"Fine. Thanks for letting me crash. Your bedroom looks great. You don't need Carly to help decorate." She commented.

"No offense, but I would rather have the Tasmanian Devil come and redecorate than your sister."

Amanda snorted."None taken. He would be better company too."

I burst out laughing loudly and she winced.

"Sorry." I said, covering my mouth.

"It's ok. Serves me right for talking about my sister."

"No, serves us right for accepting his free drinks from older gentlemen." I corrected her.

"Older gentlemen? What's the male equivalent of a cougar?"

"A man. Men never get labels."

"That's crap. How about creeper?" She supplied.

"Cougars and creepers. The bar was crawling with them." I smiled. "Do you drink coffee with sugar or cream?" I asked.

"No. Black." She said, reaching for her mug.

"What happened with the guy you were talking to?"

"Forrest scared him off." I grinned at the memory.

Older guys bought us drinks every time we left the VIP section. I loved it at first- free drinks and it made me feel good to still be young enough to get hit on by men way too old for me. After my fourth mixed drink and forced conversation with an older guy, I implemented the "bae system". I then explained how I told everyone in Houston that Forrest was my bae to keep guys from hitting on me. They all cracked up at the horror that was on Forrest's face when I explained how people actually believed we were dating in Houston.

When the band wrapped up, a DJ came playing house music and the crowd got younger. By then I was tipsy, so when I kept catching eyes with a guy in my age range, I walked over to him. I invited him and his friends to come help us finish the huge cake with my picture on it. We flirted back and forth, mostly about how delicious my face was.

He kept hinting about getting my number or leaving the bar together. As much as I enjoyed his attention, I wasn't there yet. I definitely wasn't ready to play the dating game with anyone new and I wasn't sure if I was a casual hook up girl. Forrest eventually came up, put his arm around me and called me bae. The guy retreated immediately. Forrest laughed and said he thought I needed help. I punched him and called him a cock block, even though I was grateful for his intervention.

I retold the story to Amanda and she laughed then winced. "Even my own laughter hurts." She groaned.

"Food will make it better. Let's get ready."

We got dressed and headed out to meet my dad at a upscale sports bar in Plano. I looked it up and figured a bar setting would be casual for my friends while the extensive brunch menu would please my picky dad. The food reviews were great too and that's all that mattered to me. Amanda and I arrived at the restaurant early so we could have a table big enough for everyone.

Forrest and Rocky showed up together first. They were followed by Amber and Will. Amber had on huge shades, even though we were inside. She took them off and looked amazing. It was unbelievable considering she and Mia partied harder than anyone. After I greeted them my phone rang. It was Christian so I stepped away from the table to answer it.

"Hey, I'm so sorry." I apologized as hello.

"So you heard?" He sighed.

I frowned up."I don't think so... I never thanked you for the tickets. What didn't I hear?"

"Noelle and I broke up. It's not out yet, but I thought maybe your cousin told you." Christian replied.

"No. We don't really get into specifics about... this. I try to be there for her, but she knows I don't approve so I'm sure she doesn't tell me everything. I am sorry though. About you two."

"It's alright. Remember how I told you things didn't feel right?" Christian asked.

"Yeah." I said, waving at Corey and Sammy as they walked in the restaurant.

"Long story short, I found out no one was looking into the hack. No police report, FBI investigations, not even her own team. Which tells me she knows who leaked it or-"

"She did it herself." I finished for him. "Why would she do that?"

"When I confronted her about it, she broke up with me." He confided in me, sadly.

"That sucks Christian. She fucking sucks."

"I know. I'm glad to be done with the drama. You wanted to stay updated for your cousin's sake; just wanted to let you know I'm officially out of it."

"I appreciate you for letting me know Christian."

"No problem."

I got off the phone, feeling extremely dejected for Christian. I knew that feeling of someone breaking up with you and you have no idea why nor will they answer your questions. It brought a stream of emotions that I pushed aside to enjoy brunch with my friends.

"Who was that on the phone?" Sammy asked as I rejoined everyone.

"Christian."

"What did he want?" Sammy asked,
 in a disgusted tone. I narrowed my eyes at her, but ignored it.

"Make sure I got my present. 4 tickets to the Weeknd next Sunday in Houston! I haven't decided who's coming with, but I'm accepting bribes and blood sacrifices." I told them with a smile.

Amber brightened. "You can have anyone of my kids."

"What?" Will asked, while I laughed.

"Tempting. Rocky, can you top that? You don't have to give me your baby, but naming him after me would be a sweet gesture."

"I'm way too pregnant for a concert and there's no way I'm naming my son Lily." Rocky frowned.

"You're accepting gifts from him now?" Sammy snapped at me, crossing her arms.

"Yeah..." before I could ask her what her problem was, my dad joined us. I focused my attention on him.

I introduced him to everyone. Ethan arrived right after him. We sat down and watched the football game until everyone else showed up. Forrest was instigating a fight with me by talking about how badly my 49ers were doing this year, but I didn't take the bait... at least, not verbal. I kicked at him under the table. Jake and Dino arrived after a short wait and Richard didn't show up until after we ordered drinks.

"Richard did all the renovations in my house." I said, introducing him to my dad.

"You accomplished a lot of work for such limited funds." Dad asked him.

"Thanks dad." I said, making a face.

"I only meant for the amount you paid." My dad cleared up.

"I only contracted out for the flooring and the roof. Lily did a lot of the labor herself and I don't overcharge my friends for my time." Richard answered, smiling charmingly.

"So you were friends when she hired you?" Dad asked.

"No!" I interjected quickly at the same time Richard said "Sure."

My dad never did business with friends. It was in poor taste in his opinion.

"I knew of him, but I didn't really know him." I tried to explain.

"He's roommates with my brother. I referred him to Lily." Dino spoke up. I sent her a thankfully look while Jake looked amused.

"The materials weren't inexpensive were they? That means poor quality." My dad continued to grill Richard. He hadn't even had a chance to look at the menu.

"I hooked Lily up with the supplier so she could buy her own materials then drove to pick them up. Cut out out a lot of fees." Richard explained.

 "It sure did. Does everyone know what they're  ordering?" I asked, changing the subject.

Forrest jumped into the change of topic. "Eggs Benedict sounds good."

"No uncooked eggs." Rocky shook her head.

"Not for you." Forrest agreed.

"No, just thinking about it makes my stomach uneasy. The smell of pork is bothering me already. Do you mind not ordering it?"

"What? No bacon?" I asked.

"I can manage bacon. I can't see runny eggs." She looked at Forrest, apologetically.

"That's fine. No runny eggs or bacon for me." He told her.

"You can't go one meal without pork for Racqelle?" My dad asked, more like a statement than a question.

"For Rocky, no. For baby Liam, of course."

"Still not naming my baby after you Lily." Rocky shoot me down.

We had a surprisingly good brunch with my dad. While most of my attempts of humor went over his head, he got along pretty well with everyone else. The only time we butted heads was his insistence that I add deadbolts or some type of an alarm system in my house. I told him my neighborhood was safe, then Ethan intervened.

"It doesn't matter where you live- people are dangerous, not neighborhoods. You can buy locks at Home Depot." He hinted at the gift he got me.

"I'm spending that gift card on my eggplant army." I said, matter of factly.

"I'm serious Lilian. I read that in Plano last year the were a series of break ins around the holidays. You need extra protection." My dad lectured me.

"I remember that. He got out of jail for armed robberies on good behavior and went back to robbing people. He broke in people's houses during broad daylight." Rocky recalled.

"You're home during the day Lily. People are crazy, especially around the holidays." Forrest commented.

"Do you think they sell guns at Pier One?" I pondered out loud. "Then I'll be protected with my eggplants, knifes, and a gun."

"I have a rifle I will give to you if you take a few classes and go to the shooting range." Ethan offered.

"That's not a horrible idea." Dad nodded.

"No way. You actually own a gun?" I asked Ethan, no longer joking.

"Guns." He corrected.

"Ohmygod, are they in your house?" When he nodded, I continued. "You keep guns with EJ in the house?" I said, truly shocked.

"I keep guns because of EJ. They're locked up so he can't get to them but we're protected." Ethan explained, simply.

"I didn't take you for a gun toting, ammunition stockpiling, wild wild west type of guy. " I kept staring at him, flabbergasted.

"I didn't take you for a hippie. Move back to California." Jake taunted me. I mouthed "fuck you" to him when my dad wasn't looking. Jake laughed.

"Say what you want about the wild wild west, it was safer because everyone knew everyone had a gun." Will chimed in.

"I've seen victims of gun violence- there's nothing safe about a gun. " Amber disagreed, passionately.

"No one was running around in the wild wild west with assault weapons either." Corey added.

"It's not the gun that's unsafe- it's people. No civilian needs any assault weapon." Jake said,

"I feel with any type of gun, you should have to take a class and pass a test. As hard as it is to get a driver's license, that's how hard it should be to get a gun." Dino suggested.

"I don't know. I've seen a lot of bad drivers with valid licenses." Richard debated.

"Maybe as hard as it is to get legal citizenship." Sammy muttered.

Urgh, gun control and immigration- not something I wanted to discuss with my dad over fully cooked eggs and turkey sausage. I was dying for a subject change.

"Isn't Texas a open carry state?" My dad asked, drawing my attention and keeping the conversation going.

"Not yet. Next month, it will be." Ethan answered.

"I would feel at ease if I knew you were taking proper precautions at protecting yourself Lilian." Dad started.

"Stop Dad. You don't have guns in your house." I argued.

"You're a young woman living alone. My community has 24 hour surveillance and guards. It's not the same."

"What's it going to be Lily? A trip to the shooting range or deadbolts and an alarm system?" Ethan asked me.

"Deadbolts and an alarm." I said, hopefully ending the topic.

"What kind of locks can you get us today Richard?" Dad asked him.

While my dad was preoccupied with locks, I mummered "thanks a lot" to Ethan.

He smirked. "Your welcome. Now you can spend the gift card on your eggplant army."

Amanda, who stayed silent during the debate, laughed at Ethan's joke. I smiled despite myself.

After we finished eating, I let Amanda take my car for the day while my dad and I went furniture shopping. I talked him out of trading my queen size bed for a king and he bought a bedroom set for the a guestroom. He also bought me a bookcase and a desk for the spare room to be converted to a study. I had no idea what I would be studying, but I didn't fight him on it. We finally picked out a saddle sectional with a chaise and a matching ottoman. My dad chose the area rug and a couple of end tables and I chose a few accent pillows and entertainment center. I really loved it and was glad it would be delivered in time for my dad to see it set up before he left.

While the new locks were installed on the doors, I brought up something that Jenna said that stayed with me.

"You really weren't going to get married if I wasn't apart of it?" I asked.

"I would have married Beatrice, I just wouldn't have had a wedding without you. I told Beatrice to give you a year."

"A year huh? I wanted to get married on New Year's Eve just to spite you." I confessed.

"Why New Year's?" He asked.

"Trevor and I would have been dating exactly a year."

"Can I ask what happened between you two?" He asked.

"I'm not 100% percent sure why he broke up with me but I finally realized I couldn't keep trying to convince him to change his mind."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah well, you were right about us not being ready to get married. That's was one of the reasons why I was so mad at you. I shouldn't have took it out on Beatrice and I will apologize."

"Do you really dislike Beatrice?"

"No. I really don't know her all that well."

He nodded. " I didn't know Trevor and I was disrespectful towards him. I'll apologize to him as well. "

"Trevor and I aren't speaking. I'd rather you didn't but I appreciate that." I told him, solemnly.

After a few minutes of silence, my dad spoke again. "I enjoyed breakfast with your friends."

I grinned. "You didn't think you would, did you? What were you expecting? The breakfast club?"

"You have quite a few male friends." My dad pointed out.

"I do..." I trailed off.

"Are you dating?"

"No dad!" I shook my head, vehemently. "And I will never date anyone you meet today. They're all just friends."

"Fair enough." My dad said, letting it go.

He didn't need to know I learned my lesson by dating a few guys in my circle of friends, but I did. The next guy I dated would be completely out of my group of friends. If it didn't work out between us, we could just end it- no drawn out break ups, no pretending to be friends or worst, pretending not to mean anything to each other. We could just break up and move on without the pain of losing a friend. In my experience, it was much easier to lose a boyfriend than a friend.

I smiled as recognized the thought of dating wasn't something I felt like I had to do to move on- nor did it leave me deeply depressed or frightened. I eventually wanted to date and get to know someone new, but I knew I would be ok by myself. I told myself that all the time- now I was starting to believe it.

Just as I was getting comfortable with my single, alone status, Christian's uncoupling was hitting the entertainment news. The headlines read:

Reality star Noelle Pennington and Hitmaker producer Christian Wilson call it Quits!!! Is this FIDM student the reason for their split?

***New post Tomorrow