Born to Die

"Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks, every step that I take
But I'm hoping at the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on the Friday nights
Can you make it feel like home
If I tell you you're mine?
It's like I told you honey
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane, so
Choose your last words
This is the last time
'Cause you and I
We were born to die" Born to Die by Lana Del Rey

Bianca's name and pictures were posted on every gossip site. She already made her Facebook and Instagram private but somehow the sites got her pictures anyway. The pictures were compared with the images "stolen" from Noelle's phone. I read numerous reports detailing the break up-sources close to the couple revealed Noelle cheated on Christian with Bianca while other sources reported Christian cheated on Noelle and she found comfort with their threesome partner. Noelle released at statement saying only that Christian and her were broken up and to respect her privacy. Christian hadn't released a statement, but they had pictures of him out and about New York City over the weekend with his friends.

I called Bianca right away. I needed to make sure she was ok now that the news was finally out. She sounded so calm considering the truth was out there. Maybe as rumors, but it was enough. Anyone looking at the pictures would draw the right conclusion that the mystery woman was indeed Bianca.

She revealed to me anyone opinion she cared about already knew she and Noelle were together. Not going to lie, I freaked out when she told me there were together together. I blurted out everything Christian told me about the leaked pictures and why Noelle finally broke up with him. Bianca reminded me of how I called him shady and untrustworthy when I told her not to go to Paris with him. She accused him of making excuses to why Noelle broke up with him. She even alluded he was the one that outed her.

She had a point there- I didn't trust him then, why should I automatically trust his words now? He could easily be manipulating the situation to make himself look good. I changed the subject off of Christian and asked how her mom took the news instead. I almost freaked out on her again when she told me she still had no intention of coming out to her. I believed it would hurt aunt Patty more if she heard it from someone else, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her the truth.

I got off the phone, feeling more rattled than she was. I didn't let it stress me- I planned to be there whenever she needed me. I knew without a doubt she would- a relationship built on so many secrets and lies would never make it. If my friends saw or made the connection about Bianca, they were tactfully enough not to ask. I was gratefully for that because I had no idea what to say or if I should say anything at all.

When Christian sent me a text asking if Bianca was alright, I felt bad for not defending him. The only reason I said I didn't trust him was because he talked shit about Trevor and my relationship to Trevor while being nice to me. I thought that meant he was two-faced. When I thought about it some more, I didn't recall him ever saying anything good about Trevor and me. In fact, when I confronted him about what he said to Trevor, he confimed how he really felt. Maybe I didn't like nor did I care for him voicing his opinions to Trevor, but that didn't make him two-faced, manipulative or shady. It made him have an opposing opinion to my own. Should I distrust him because of that?

The only thing I knew for sure is he could have outed Bianca in the beginning, but he didn't. He didn't have to tell me Noelle's phone was hacked, but he did. He promised to keep me informed, and he stuck to his word. He'd been nothing but straight with me, so I would trust him until he gave me a reason not to.

When I got off from work, I called Christian and told him about my conversation with Bianca.

"I can send you screenshots of my texts with Noelle. I caught her in a lie and she broke up with me." Christian defended himself.

"You don't need to do that. I don't think it would matter if you did. Bianca is in love- she's not going to see the truth until she's ready too." I sighed.

"It sounds like you're speaking from experience." He commented.

"Yeah. I dated a guy that people thought was bad for me. Until I saw it for myself, I didn't break up with him."

"You broke up with Trevor?"

"No. This was the guy I dated before Trevor."

"There was a guy before Trevor?" Christian said, surprised.

"Yes. I actually dated and talked to guys after college."

"I didn't think you noticed any other guy but Trevor." Christian stated.

"You thought wrong." I said.

"Learn something new everyday." He stated.

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't even ask how you're doing?"

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm tried of being asked about her. Every time I step out, paparazzi are in my face, asking the same damn thing."

"Are you still in New York?" I asked.

"I am. You tracking me?"

"No. I watch TMZ when I'm bored. I've been bored a lot lately."

"Ok." He laughed.

"I never understood why famous people complain about paparazzi then stay in L.A. or New York City. I don't see paparazzi in Texas."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Sure. Visit Texas. Like deep in the country. Get a cabin, commune with nature, find your inner chi or animal or spirit. Be reborn."

"Nah, I'm good with that."

I smiled. "But seriously, I'm here if you need to talk or not talk. Whatever."

"Whatever sounds good. Goodnight Lily."

"Night."



Tuesday morning I got up and ready for my boxing workout. I was going earlier so I could meet up with Jordan for lunch afterwards. Our lunch was nice. I wasn't ready to be friends with her again, but I did want to forgive and move on. I knew how difficult going through a break up with someone who didn't want to be with you was, so I was able to look past her horrible behavior once she apologized. I told her about my house and my new position at work- She told me about how Blake and her started dating and living together.

I couldn't get over my shock at them living together so quickly. She explained that she and Tori had a failing out and she only planned to stay temporarily. It was going so well, they decided to live together. The commute sucked, so she was interviewing for a job closer to Blake's house. It was all so sudden and fast to me, but I wished her the best and told her we would keep in touch.

I was at work when I saw I had a missed call from Trevor. Seeing his number put a horrible pit in my stomach. He didn't leave a message, so I text Rocky to see if she knew If something was up.

Rocky: I have no idea. Last time we spoke, he told me about his surgery but that's not until next week

Me: Ok. Thanks. How's baby Leland?

Rocky: I don't know. You pregnant?

I laughed and put my phone away.

As I drove home, Trevor called again. That horrible feeling reemerged and I didn't answer, hoping he would just leave a message about what he wanted. He did leave a message, but he only asked me to call him back. I figured it wasn't important, and I had no desire to chitchat with him whatsoever, so I ignored it

That night I was up listening to some music Christian sent me while online shopping at Pier One, when I got a text from an unknown number

Unknown- Kelly is in labor. Will keep everyone updated.

I deleted Jake's number from my phone but I knew it was him. I made too many calls and texts to him in the past not to recognize the number even if it wasn't saved. I smiled and called Rocky.

"Did you hear about Kelly?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah. Brandon left to go to the hospital. How'd you know?"

"Jake sent me a text. Why were you hanging with Brandon this time of night?" I asked, suspiciously.

"He closed at work today  He brought over some special cream. Why is Jake texting you?"

"Because he knows I wanted to know when Kelly has the baby. What kinda cream did Brandon bring? You better be cooking."

"It's suppose to help with stretch marks. His mom swears by it. You need to stop trying to cook up drama. Petty Crocker." She scoffed.

"Mmmhmm. Does Brandon know Forrest helps apply that cream? Don't think I didn't notice y'all came and left brunch together." I called her out.

"You need some business so you can stay out of mine."

"I'm trying, but you're taking all the guys." I laughed.

"Speaking of guys, I think I know why Trevor's calling you." Rocky started.

My heart sped up. Part of me knew too. Even if he didn't keep up with entertainment news, Trevor had too many friends that keep in touch with Christian for him not to hear about Bianca and Noelle. Maybe he thought Noelle's cheating drove Christian into my arms. Maybe he thought Christian's cheating drove Noelle to Bianca's arms. Maybe he was sorry. I no longer cared what he thought. Even though his reason for not wanting to be friends was based off an incorrect assumption, I still needed us to be over and done. I didn't need to hear anything he had to say.

"I spoke to him today. They're going to be in Dallas this weekend. Holiday in the Park is the last stop on their little road trip." Rocky informed me.

I frowned up. "What does that have to do with me?" I asked.

"He asked about you. I'm sure he wants you to come. "

"What did he ask?"

"How you were doing, if you're schedule changed, how much did he royally fuck up?"

"What did you tell him?

"Great, none of his business, and he fucked up his entire life when he let you go."

I smiled sadly. "Thanks. You should go to his birthday thingy."

"Yeah, as much fun as walking around a crowded park watching those idiots ride rides sounds, I'm gonna pass."

"They have games... and hot chocolate and funnel cakes. And you could take Forrest." I suggested.

"Maybe. We'll see." She yawned.

"Alright. Night. Hug baby Locke for me."

"What the hell?"

"Rocky and Lily. Cool right?"

"Wrong."

The next day, I received notice that Kelly gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Omar and Kelly posted pictures that made me wanna go up to the hospital immediately. I wanted to wait a day and let her close friends and family meet baby Octavia. I went in with Rocky to send a baby wreath for the new parents.

Trevor called throughout Wednesday, but I continued to ignore him. I read his text messages and listen to his voicemails. He wanted to speak to me, he was sorry and needed a chance to make things right between us. I hoped he got the message that I didn't want that when I left them all unanswered.

I made sure I was busy the weekend he would be in town. I volunteered on Saturday and the concert in Houston was on Sunday. I invited Amber, Sammy and Amanda to the concert with me. There was no way I was going to his birthday celebration. All I had to do was get through his actual birthday on Thursday without reaching out to Trevor and I would be ok.

Thursday, I woke up and got ready to head to the hospital. Kelly would be discharged the next day and I figured hanging out with her and her new baby would keep me distracted from Trevor. I was walking out the door when a delivery guy from Edible Arrangements came up. I signed for the huge bouquet of fruit and took it inside. I grabbed the note and read:

I know it's my birthday, but my life means nothing without you in it. I love you. I lava you. I will never give up on us again. Please forgive me Lilypad. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

Tears welled up in my eyes but I blinked them away. I trashed the card, picked up the fruit and left. When I got to the hospital, I got a pink baby balloon from the gift shop, stuck it with the fruit and presented it to Kelly when I got to her room.

Her eyes widen. "That smells better than all the flowers I got, combined."

"It's all for you mommy. And I'm not trying to distract you so I can steal your baby or anything." I said, setting it on her tray in front of her bed.

"Jake and Rocky already warned us about you." Omar said briefly looking up from his baby girl bundled in his arms. I gave Kelly a little hug before walking over to Omar.

"Don't believe the rumors." I smiled, before leaning over his shoulder. "She's so big." I cooed.

"7lbs 3oz. 20 inches long." Omar said proudly.

"I felt every inch." Kelly snorted over a piece of pineapple.

"She's beautiful. Great job you two." I congratulated him.

"Thank you." They both said together.

I spent about an hour up there and was able to hold Octavia. When they took the baby out the room for test, I got ready to go. As I passed by the nursery, I stopped when I saw Octavia through the window. I was trying to figure out what test they were doing when I saw a flash. I looked up to see Jake with his phone.

"Just in case you try anything funny I have a recent picture of you." He joked, standing beside me.

"That's why I have disguises in my trunk." I plotted, deviously.

"Have you heard her cry yet?" Jake asked.

"No."

"She has a set of lungs on her. You'll bring her back." Jake said.

"Maybe she was crying because she didn't like you." I taunted him.

He laughed. "No way. Ladies love me."

"Yeah, until you start talking." I laughed too as we watched the baby together.

"Jake." We heard from behind us. When I saw Jasmine with their dad, I swung my purse over my shoulder.

"Bye. Good to see you Mr. Galaviz. Jasmine." I said politely before I left. Jose gave me a smile while Jasmine stared through the glass at Octavia. Jake waved as I bolted.

I went to work and Adil brought me my volunteer shirt for Saturday. I wasn't even aware he was engaged, but his future wife worked for the foundation that put the event together. After we talked about what I should expect, I asked him about a day off.

"Next week, Trevor is having surgery." I requested.

Adil nodded. "Absolutely. Email the request to me."

"Thank you Dr. Fahri."

I took a deep breath. I didn't know what the future held for Trevor and me. All I knew is I had to do what was right for me. I wasn't going to reach out to Trevor, nor go to his party. I could get over a missed birthday- I would never forgive myself if I wasn't there when he had his surgery. The right thing for me to do was be there for him. I was sure of it.

At least, I was sure of it- until I came home and saw Trevor sitting outside my house.