Oh Daddy

"Oh Daddy,
You know you make me cry,
How can you love me,
I don't understand why.
Oh Daddy,
If I can make you see,
If there's been a fool around,
It's got to be me.
Oh Daddy,
You soothe me with your smile,
You're letting me know,
You're the best thing in my life.
Oh Daddy." Oh Daddy by Fleetwood Mac

"How'd the interview go?" Amber asked, as I followed the GPS instructions to Dino's gym. Dino sent me a text, telling me, not asking me, the time and address for our work out. Wednesday was her and Amber's common off day and I did promise I would go, so I took a break from packing to get a work out in.

I had my interview with Dr. Tran the Tuesday following my interview with Adil-er, Dr. Fahri. I had no fucking idea how it went. Dr. Tran was hard to read. He was brief and very stern. He started the interview with an introduction of himself, the clinic and how we worked with the surgical center. He laid out what the role of physical therapist entailed, pay, and benefits before asking if I was interested in the position.

I told him I was, channeling my dad's strong, all business attitude. I didn't want to show how rattled I was by Dr. Tran's cold demeanor. He nodded and asked if I had any questions for him. He told me the basics about himself, like his job description and how long he has been with the company, but nothing really personal. In an attempt to get him talking, I asked him what he enjoyed most about his position.

He replied seeing his team being successful with clients. I followed up asking what his team did to be successful. He answered work hard. After that plain response, I thanked him for his time and left.

"I think it went ok. He told me he would be in touch." I shrugged. After my interview, I called and declined the job at the assistant living facility. Even with Dr. Tran's less than warm treatment, I still would rather be at the clinic. If I didn't get the job, I wanted something I would enjoy. I would rather wait for the right job than be miserable at the one I had.

We finally pulled up to an older building in South Dallas. It was called little Mexico because of the high population of Hispanic families. We grabbed our work out bags and headed inside. When we walked inside, I was shocked by a boxing ring. I gave Amber a look. What the fuck? She was just as confused as me.

"Hey girls!" Dino gave us a huge smile when she finally appeared. She was wearing purple boxing gloves "Let's go, we're gonna be late."

"For what?" Amber inquired as we followed Dino through the lobby, down a hallway to a separate room. There was a class waiting with multiple punching bags throughout the room. Dino greeted the instructor with a hug as Amber and I set up together. The instructor was an older guy with graying hair and sweat pants and a loose t-shirt. He welcomed everyone in the class in a raspy voice. I figure it couldn't be that bad; I was so wrong.

He was a tough old man, barking out instructions, correcting forms, pushing us to go strike harder, better, faster, stronger! I would have sang Daft Punk's song if I was gasping for breath by the end of our boxing theme workout.

Afterwards, I could barely muster the strength to bring a bottle to my mouth; My arms ached that bad. Amber and I chugged water while Dino walked over with the instructor.

"This is my dad Diego." Dino said, proudly grinning as the sweat made her hair stick to her face.

Amber's smile was more of a grimace. "Great class. I'm Amber."

Dino chuckled at her flat compliment. I didn't even attempt to smile. I removed my boxing gloves and stuck out my hand to shake Diego's.

"I'm Lily and I would say nice to meet you, but that was the hardest work out of my life." I complained.

"Thank you. That's what I'm going for: tough!" Diego said, his eyes sparkling deviously.

"Well, you accomplished it." I smiled, sincerely.

"Are you nurses like my daughter?" He asked.

"I'm am. She a physical therapist." Amber answered.

Diego looked at Dino. "Médica de Rehabilitación."

"Oh... I see you're not wearing a wedding band. Single?" He asked me. I looked at his wedding band, than Dino, confused.

"Papi, stop. You sound like a dirty old man. He's desperate to hook my brother up with a good woman." Dino answered.

"No, not married but I have a boyfriend. Moving in with him this weekend if I regain strength to finishing packing." I smiled.

"Did you tell your friend about your brother's moving company?" Diego asked Dino.

"No, I just found out. Do y'all need movers?" She asked me.

"We do, I'm not sure if my boyfriend hired them yet." I admitted.

"Let me get you my brother's card. They'll hook you up." Dino told me. "We're gone. I'll see you Sunday." She said, giving her dad a hug.

Diego waved at Amber and me. "Come back anytime. Bring your friends!"

We waved goodbye and went to the locker room to freshen up and change. We went to Olive Garden for lunch. We all ordered the endless soup, salad and breadsticks special. As we ate, I asked Dino about her family. Her parents have been married since they were 17 and 18 and she has 2 brothers. She came from the perfect little family and her dad adored her. No wonder she had such high standards for guys.

"What are the girls up to this summer? I know Robbie is still in daycare." I asked Amber after I ordered another salad, dressing on the side. I resisted the breadsticks and stuck to one bowl of soup.

"They're going to the same summer camp that EJ is doing. It's offered through the recreation center in Carrollton. They picked the classes they want: cooking and dancing. Even though we don't live in the city of Carrollton, it's cheaper than daycare." Amber explained.

"Does Will still want to move to Carrollton?" Dino asked. I looked up, surprised. That was news to me.

Amber rolled her eyes. "Yes." She looked at me."Ethan always taking about what a great the community and school district it is but we jut got a routine and settled. Why disrupt that so he can be close to his buddy? I swear, he's like infatuated with Ethan."

I smiled. "I get it. He has that allure: Like he's perfect and all knowing and can do no wrong. It wears off eventually."

"You sound like you speak from experience." Dino smiled at me.

"You have no idea." I replied, before telling her our history. As I did, I caved and grabbed a breadstick. It least I wasn't dipping it in Alfredo sauce...



When we left,  I decided to tag along with Amber as she picked up the kids and went to finish her Father's day shopping. She already ordered him the Apple watch, she needed groceries to make Will brunch since he didn't want to go out and a card from the kids. As we searched, I decided to get Ethan a card along with my dad. I was going to do a shout out on Facebook to him and the other good fathers I knew, but speaking about our history made me remember my miscarriage. I didn't tell Dino about it, but it did make me think about how Ethan would handle the first Father's Day after he found out.

On Mother's day, I didn't even think about it until Rocky informed me Ethan wanted to send me a card. I wouldn't have wanted one, but my first mother's day I was a mess. I knew a card would have helped me my out. I felt completely alone. Obviously, Ethan still thought about the miscarriage to consider getting me a card on Mother's day. I figured a few kind words in a form of a card would be a nice gesture.

The kids picked out a sweet card for Will. I found a fitting card for my dad. It read:

Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad. 

I couldn't find anything good enough for Ethan. After I dropped Amber and her kids home, I went to a Hallmark store, but still didn't find anything. I picked up a blank card and envelope instead.

I went to my apartment and worked on my own, homemade card for Ethan. The words poured from me. I re-read it, reorganized, and reread it again before I wrote it on the blank card:

It's kinda funny to think the whole reason I came into EJ's and your life was based off the lie you were a deadbeat dad. I used to think to myself before we met that you should feel blessed to have such an amazing kid in your life... and, that you were a major asshole! Has enough time passed for it to be funny? If not, sorry. I'm not laughing :-D

My first Mother's Day after my miscarriage, I was filled with a bunch questions: What if I never left? What if our baby survived? What if I told you what happened? One thing I never questioned was what kind of father you would be. 

From the moment I met you, you've shown me what a dedicated father you are. I was a fool for believing otherwise. Proof is in the incredible son you're raising; he's blessed to have you as a dad. I hope you two have a wonderful day together. Happy Father's Day Ethan! 

Love, Lily.

Afterwards, I worked on just signing my dad's card. It was so hard; I didn't want to sign anything too simple or fake. I was still struggling when Trevor called. He asked me if I had anything else to bring over. I told him I finished packing the kitchen stuff, but I was taking a break because I had to finish my dad's Father's day card.

"I don't know what to say." I moaned.

"Happy Father's day? I love you?" Trevor laughed.

"That's so generic." I pouted.

"What do you wanna say?"

"Thank you for not disowning me, even though I'm a failure as a daughter."

"You are not a failure." Trevor told me.

 "I know I'm not, but as you know, my dad has high expectations set for me." I said.

"Even if you fall short of his expectations, it doesn't mean he's going to cut you off. He loves you regardless."

I got off the phone with him, inspired.

Dad,

Thanks for choosing to be my dad. I know we don't always see eye to eye but I know you love me regardless. I appreciate it more than I can ever say. I love you Dad. Happy Father's Day.

Love, Lily

After slipping in a IOU a gift note, I sealed it, put stamps on both cards, and walked to my apartment's mail boxes to put them in the outgoing mail slot.

By the time I got back to my apartment from walking with Justine, Trevor was there, loading his car with the boxes from the kitchen.

"Hey baby. Why don't we just leave them for the movers?" I asked, watching him struggle to fit the box in his back seat.

"They charge by the hour. Besides, if everything is at my place, you'll have to start sleeping over again." He said with a grin, shoving the car door shut.

"No. This is our last week of freedom. I'm sleeping in my own bed for the last few nights." I shook my head.

"Fine!" He said, closing the door to his car before giving me a kiss.

"About the movers, one of Amber co-workers brothers' run a moving company. She gave me their card." I informed him.

"No harm in getting a quote." Trevor shrugged. We went inside in called them. After a series of questions, including listing everything we needed moved, what floors we lived on and our addresses, Junior was able to give us a set price. Trevor booked it and set up the date and time.


On Thursday, I was cleaning up my patio storage when I got a call from Dr. Tran. I got the job! The following week I would start a week of training, called onboarding. It would be Monday-Friday 9am-3pm. I called Trevor immediately and told him the great news. I then sent out a text to my friends, letting them know as well.

That evening, Trevor took me out to a dinner celebration at Cantina Laredo. We toasted my new job with margaritas and dined on guacamole, fajitas for him and enchiladas for me and churros for dessert. Everything was delicious and I ate myself into a stupor.

After I got everything packed up and organized by Friday afternoon, I joined Sammy and Jordan at the hair salon. Sammy was getting a blow out for her birthday weekend, and I needed a trim and a dye before going back to work. I decided to dye my hair closer to it's original chestnut brown, with honey highlights. Jordan went for a complete change and dyed her hair blonde: an all over, golden blonde. I thought she looked beautiful as a brunette, but the blonde was a striking contrast against her sun tanned skin and green eyes. We wished Sammy a happy birthday and planned to get together next weekend to celebrate my new job, her birthday, Jordan's new look, and life in general!

On Saturday, the move went smoothly. I had everything organized in my apartment as far as what was going to storage so it could be packed first. Junior and Dominick, Dino's brothers, were professional and quick. With the help of one other person, they had everything in the moving van in under 2 hours. It took longer at Trevor's apartment because he lived on the 2nd floor and we had to unload everything before we could load his things that were going to storage.

Trevor went with them to the storage unit while I started to move the boxes to their respective rooms. Afterwards, I started unpacking in the kitchen first.

I heard the front door open as I finished putting the cooking utensils away. Trevor came in with the huge mirror Rocky bought me.

"That's supposed to be in storage!" I told him, eyeing the mirror with disdain.

"We need one in our room, remember? The one you bought me broke." He said, sliding it in the room.

"You mean the one you broke?" I called after him.

"Same thing." He replied back.

"What wall?" I shouted at him.

"Not sure. How bout the ceiling?" He said, returning to the living room.

"Perv." I smiled.

"We'll figure it out." He said, joining me in the kitchen. "Take a break and eat with me."

"I'm almost done. One last box." I said.

Trevor helped me finish the last box of appliances. His counters had plenty of space. I just had to figure out where I wanted everything.

"What's this?" He asked. I turned and looked at him.

"A waffle maker." I told him.

"Why don't you make the ones in the toaster?" He asked.

"I do. That's for homemade ones."

"How many homemade waffles have you made?"

"Shut up Trevor. It was on sale when I bought it!" I exclaimed while he laughed.

After dinner, we got to work unpacking the bedroom. Our bed- formally my bed-was unmade in the middle of the room. It was a queen size, so it took up more space than his full size bed. Add that to the dresser and nightstands I brought and the entertainment center he had, his-our- room looked much smaller. We got to work rearranging everything and found a wall adjacent to the bed for the mirror. I had to say, it made the room look bigger. Although, I wasn't sure how I felt about waking up to a mirror every morning.

I was making the bed while Trevor put our clothing in the dresser drawers when he asked, "Was this on sale too?"

I blushed furiously as he held up my vibrator. "Put that back!"

He looked over it, curiously. "What's this little one for? Why does it have two controls? One twist and one vibrates? Ohhh!" He said with a huge grin as he turned it on and figured it out.

"Hahaha, put it up!" I said, marching over to take it from him. I shut it off.

"Aww, c'mon. I wanna watch you use it."

"No. The whole point of it is to use it when you're not available." I said, placing it deep in the dresser drawer.

"Have you used it this past week?" He asked.

"Shut up Trevor!!!"


After the bedroom, we stopped for the night. We both were exhausted and passed out in each other's arm. It sounds super cheesy, but it felt different knowing it was our bed, our apartment now.

Late Sunday morning, I untangled myself from his embrace and started on breakfast. I finished the first batch of homemade waffles when I heard Trevor's phone ringing. Trevor's voice carried into the kitchen but I couldn't make out what he was saying. A few moments later, he joined me in the kitchen.

"Morning Roomy." I grinned at him.

Trevor chuckled and hugged me from behind. "Good morning darling." He said, kissing me on the neck.

I moaned. "How'd you sleep?"

"Next to you, so it was perfect."

"Good answer. That earned you a waffle."

We ate breakfast at his dining room table. Mine was way too big and was in storage now.

After we ate, Trevor started organizing the bathroom and I called my dad. I wanted to make sure he got my card and tell him I got a job and moved in with Trevor. I waited until after I got a job to tell him because I didn't want him thinking that's why I moved in with Trevor. Besides, he wouldn't lecture me on Father's Day, right?

"Happy Father's day." I greeted him.

"Thank you Lily and thank you for your card."

"You got it? Great! I was afraid it might not make it."

"I received it on Friday. I decided what I want for my IOU." He told me.

"Already? What?" I asked, with a smile.

"For you to come visit for 4th of July. Don't worry about the ticket, I will take care of it."

"Dad, that's one of the things I wanted to tell you. I have a new job. I start on Monday."

I filled him in on the new position at the clinic. "I'm not sure what my schedule will be, but I'll be on probation so a trip probably won't happen anytime soon." I finished.

"How long is your probation?"

"I'm not sure. I have training next week."

"As soon as you get some time, I would like you and Trevor both to come." He said.

"Really?"

"Yes. Is he available?"

"Umm, I'm not sure how much vacation time he has."

"No, available to talk." My dad clarified.

"What makes you think I'm with Trevor?" I asked.

"You two live together right?" He said.

Damn Cam.

"Yeah Dad, we do. Another reason I was calling..."

"May I speak to him?" He asked.

I put my hand over the speaker and went into the bathroom. "My dad wants to talk to you." I said, softly.

"Why?" He asked looking up from under the sink where he put my beauty supplies next to the cleaning stuff.

Yeah, that wasn't going to work.

"I don't know!" I exclaimed. "He knows we live together. Be cool!"

I handed him the phone and Trevor sat up and straightened out his shirt like my dad could see him.

"Morning sir. Happy Father's day." He said, friendly. That was the most he said in the entire 5 minute conversation. A lot of "uh huh, yes sir, no sir".  Then, he smiled. He even laughed as he agreed with something he said.

"I will sir. Enjoy the rest of your day." Trevor said, before handing the phone to me.

My dad reminded me to call as soon as I knew about my vacation time. After I said bye, I turned to Trevor.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

"He said something." I pestered him.

"He did, but in confidence."

"He probably thinks you're gonna tell me anyway. Just tell." I persuaded him.

"Maybe, but I'll know the truth.You want your dad to trust me right?" He winked at me.

I pouted. That's just like my dad. Every time I think I got him figured out, he changes it up on me. That was ok; I'd probably never figure him out, but I loved him regardless.

"I guess I'll be using Twist this week since we won't be having sex." I threatened him.

Trevor busted out laughing. "It has a name?!?"

I scurried away from him, blushing but a smile on my face.

The Times They Are a-Changin'

"Come mothers and fathers

Throughout the land

And don't criticize

What you can't understand

Your sons and your daughters

Are beyond your command

Your old road is rapidly agin'

Please get out of the new one

If you can't lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin'

The line it is drawn

The curse it is cast

The slow one now

Will later be fast

As the present now

Will later be past

The order is rapidly fadin'

And the first one now

Will later be last

For the times they are a-changin'" The Times They Are a-Changin' by Bob Dylan

I was literally speechless when Amber told me the news. I told her I would call her back and sped home. As soon as I got through the door of my apartment, I called her. I listened as she told me what she knew. She text Serena for pictures of her and Ethan at the wedding. Serena never responded. When she got tired of waiting for a response, she called Ethan. Ethan told her the wedding was delayed for 2 hours, and then eventually it was called off. All Ethan knew was that Forrest was there and Rachel never arrived.

When I got over how weird it was she had Ethan on speed dial now, my heart went out to Forrest. I couldn't even imagine how utterly devastated he must have been; must still be. I couldn't believe Rachel. Why- no, who cares-how the fuck could she do that to him? She always said she couldn't wait for the marriage so they could start their lives together. How could she leave him the day of their wedding?

"Lily? Are you there? Lily!" I heard Amber raised her voice at me.

"Sorry I'm here. I really can't believe it." I said, lying back on my bed.

"I asked if you're going to reach out to Forrest. I know y'all weren't talking..." She trailed off.

Normally, I wouldn't hesitate, but things changed. My mind went back to the last time we spoke. He was trying to help me out with my job. I didn't email him back or let him know the results with my job. I thought I was doing him a favor by cutting contact. I thought we couldn't be friends as long as Rachel was uncomfortable. Did that change now that she left him- At the fucking alter?

"I don't know... I mean, no. Definitely not. He needs his friends and family right now and I'm neither of those. I don't even know what I would say. Just... if you hear anything, keep me posted." I sighed.

"You do the same." Amber said.

After we hung up, I immediately got on Facebook. Rachel unfriended me after the whole Pluckers thing, but I was still friends with Blake, Gabriel, Taylor, Vicki and Serena. I scrolled through each of their walls.

There were posts and pictures of the coed bachelor/bachelorette party the week prior. A lot of comments regarding the upcoming nuptials all the way up until the wedding. Then, nothing from the entire weekend. It was easy to tell something went wrong, if I had been paying attention.

I put my phone away before I did something stupid. I went into my closet to pick out an outfit for my interview. I had an idea of what I wanted to wear: black and white patterned palazzo pants and a cream blazer. I just had to decide on a blouse underneath.

I was debating between a neutral or a pop of color when my phone rang. I rushed over to it to answer it. It was Trevor.

"Miss me already?" I said, with a smile.

"I'm actually feeling kind of cheated over here. I should have got a full day and night."

"By the beginning of next week, you'll have me day and night. Enjoy your freedom: it's your last week of having a bachelor pad."

"I don't want to be free. I'll happily be chained to you."

"Awww, good answer." I grinned. I then killed the mood by telling him what happened with Forrest.

"Really? I can't believe that. They seem solid." Trevor commented.

"I know. It sucks because I can't even reach out to him or tell him how sorry I am because of how things are between us now."

"Maybe you can talk to one of his friends first." Trevor suggested.

I thought about it and nodded. That was a good idea, considering I couldn't just not do something. It just wasn't in my nature. "I think I will. It has been a fucking crazy year so far and it's not even summer."

"It's not summer yet?" He asked.

"Not officially...isn't it on the 20th?"

"Isn't that father's day?"

"No, that's the 21st. Are you going home?" I asked.

He visited his dad's grave with his grandma on his dad's birthday and his mom on Father's day. The anniversary of his dad's death in August was a day spent with his family.

"Not this year. I gotta get you moved in before you change your mind. What are you doing for your dad?" He said, teasing.

"Sending a card with an IOU and an apology for being a failure." I sighed. "I can take care of the move Trevor. You should probably spend some time with your mom." I said, addressing the elephant prancing around our conversation.

He hadn't mentioned her since Mother's Day. I didn't know if it was to spare my feelings but I knew we couldn't just avoid her. That was definitely not going to change her opinion of me. It would make it worse if she thought I was coming between their relationship.

"I always hated going to the cemetery. It's in the country and it's creepy even in the daylight. She knows that. I'll talk to her." He assured me.

"Aren't all cemeteries creepy?" I said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, but it's different. All the Tobins are buried there. Something really messed up about knowing where I'm going to be buried. I have a plot and everything."

"Baby, I'm not going to bury you in the ground. You're going out Viking style-ship burial." I joked.

Trevor laughed. "That's actually kinda cool. Do I get the fire arrows too?"

"I'm firing the first one!" I told him.

"If you die first, in taking your body to a taxidermy." He chuckled.

"You're sick!"

We laughed and said goodnight. I sent a text to Blake after I got off the phone, asking how Forrest was doing. While I waited for a reply, I settled on a peach sleeveless blouse for my interview. When I still hadn't got a response, I went downstairs to get in a circuit training workout. I needed to combat all the damage I did over the weekend. Afterwards, I took a shower and got ready for bed.

When I was comfortable in bed, almost sleep, my phone beeped. I grabbed it and saw a text from Blake.

Blake: Pretty good, considering. Determined to get her back. I'll keep you updated.

I was surprised, but gratefully to Blake for that. It told me everything I needed to know: I still needed to stay away if Forrest was trying to win her back.

Me: Thanks Blake. Give Forrest the male equivalent of a hug for me.

Blake: One bro-grab coming up!

Me: That sounds worse than a hug...

Blake: lol

The next morning, I woke up, had a breakfast of champions including eggs, yogurt and granola, and got ready for my interview. It wasn't until 11am and I had no idea who I was meeting with. Adil just told me he would meet me at the receptionist area.

I painted my nails a matching, peach color and put my hair up in a sleek ponytail before getting dressed. I spoke to Trevor and as always, he was supportive and sweet and put me completely at ease. I arrived super early, so I sat in my car, checking my social media accounts until 15 minutes before 11. I had enough time to comment on the pictures and videos Amber posted, see if there were any post regarding the cancelled wedding (none), hide Rocky and Christian from my news feed, and accept Dino as a friend.

I was on my way into the huge sports facility, when my phone rang. I gave silent thanks it went off before the meeting as I put it on silent mode. I answered the phone when I saw it was from the assisted living facility. It was the HR manger, telling me the background was complete and my orientation could begin as early as Thursday.

I thanked him profusely and told him I would see him Thursday. I put my phone away relieved. I passed the drug test! I had a job! More importantly, income! I smiled to myself as I let myself into the complex.  No harm in having another interview, even if I would turn it down. The cool air from the air conditioner hit me as I walked towards the reception area. It felt so good.

"Still 15 minutes early to everything. You haven't changed I see." A deep, familiar voice grabbed my attention. I was focusing on the empty front desk and didn't see Adil approaching me from the side. He looked exactly the same, dark tan skin, dark brown eyes and black hair neatly trimmed. Even his clothes were all black, black slacks, black dress shirt and sports coat. He gave me a warm smile. "Or more like 13 minutes. I was here at exactly 15 minutes."

I smiled back. "I see you're still keeping score. Some things never change." I said, giving him a hug. "Why are you so dressed up? Do you have an interview too?" I asked when I pulled away.

"Something like that. Follow me." He said, and I did as asked. I hurried to keep up with his long strides as I tried to check out the facility. It was huge; it looked like 2 stories from the outside, but Adil informed me there was a underground level with a pool and indoor track. The top level was where the fitness center was and the 2nd level held conferences room, offices, and a cafeteria. Everything was so badass, I was already forgetting I secured a job…

While he took me on a tour, Adil greeted everyone and was greeted back as Dr. Fahri.

"So you make everyone call you doctor?" I smiled at him.

"All the physical therapists are called doctors; it’s how we differentiate from athletic trainers." He explained and I nodded, understandably.

As much as I was enjoying the tour, I didn't want to be late for the interview so I asked Adil who was interviewing me. He then took me back to the 2nd floor and he led me to a small office before offering me one of the seats in front of a desk. I sat down and he sat in the seat beside me.

"When I called, the human resources department said they weren't hiring for a physical therapist." I said.

"We shouldn't be. Normally, what happens is we hire and promote within. The only problem is I worked with our interns before they were licensed. I don't want a couple therapist on my team."

"Your team?" I said, questioningly. He nodded and I put it together. "You're team! You're interviewing me!" I exclaimed.

"Adil Fahri, lead of the physical therapist team." He said, proudly.

"Oh wow. Congratulations. Why didn't you tell me?!?" I asked.

"Would you have applied for the job?"

"Probably, but I would never have called you Adil or hugged you! Go sit on the other side of the desk, Dr. Fahri." I instructed him.

He smiled. "I'm in no position to hire you. My supervisor Dr. Tran is the director of the facility. I recommended you to him when I told him which therapists I wanted gone."

"So you can't hire, but you can fire people?"

"No. They didn't pass their probationary period for me, so Dr. Tran will fire them. He will also interview with you, if you still want the job."

"Yeah, why not?" I said, more confidentially than I felt.

"Good. I'll set up a time. Dr. Tran is always running behind; Being on time is fine."

"Ok." I nodded.

I left, conflicted. One part of me was thrilled for the opportunity. The clinic was amazing. The equipment was state of the art and they were actually busy for Monday afternoon.

The other part of me was weirded out that I would be working under someone I graduated with. He was in a position to supervise me. Urgh, what did say about me and my career? What do I do about the job at the assisted living facility?

I went home, changed into shorts and started to load my car up with my clothes. I filled my passenger seat with shoes, the backseat with my clothes, and the trunk with luggage filled with my dresser items. Trevor didn't have a dresser, so that was definitely coming over. Now I had to figure out what he wanted to do with his bed. It made no sense of bringing the dresser and not the whole bedroom set.

I put everything away in his closet. Now, our closet! I then went to work on his kitchen. I had music blaring as I tried to figure out his system in the kitchen. I quickly realized he had no system and I reorganized everything in a way that made sense to me: Spices over the stove, plates and cups near the dishwasher, silverware close to the plates.

After that was done, I stopped and heated up some Chinese food for lunch. After taking Justine for a walk, I came back and cleaned out his refrigerator and pantry. He had some food like salad dressing with an expiration date in 2014.

The kitchen took longer than the closet and I was exhausted by the time I was done. I went to lie down before Trevor got home. I must have dozed off, because I woke up to the smell of food and sounds in the kitchen.

I walked out to see Trevor pressing down the George Foreman grill.

"That was in the donation pile." I grumbled, pulling him close for a hug and kiss.

"I know. Must have been a horrible mistake." He smiled down at me.

"The horrible mistake is that it survived college." I said, sitting on the counter next to him.

"It's the mean, lean, grilling machine." He said, slathering a bun with Miracle Whip.

"Any calories you might have saved just got added back with that disgusting stuff." I said, making a face at the offensive condiment.

"I think I have regular mayo. Or honey mustard." He said, opening up a drawer close to the stove. He looked confused by the empty drawer.

"I'm saving that drawer for my measuring cups. I threw your little condiment collection away."

Yes, he had a drawer with random sauces from ketchup from McDonald's to mild sauce from taco bell.

"What? Do you know how hard it is to get extra sauce from Chick-Fila?" He asked, constructing sandwiches with the buns, chicken breast, and lettuce.

I giggled. "Good. We don't need them!"

"Did you get that job? Because you will replace my sauces." He teased, pilling up chips on our plates.

"I will not, but about the job-" I told him about Adil being my supervisor if I got the job.

"It will be weird because y'all dated?" He said, as we made our way to the couch with our plates.

"No. We went on one date. I wouldn't classify that as dating!" I said.

I always saw Adil as a study buddy. We had our clinics together and competed with each other. We went back and forth playfully all the time. One day, he asked me out. I didn't take our banter as flirtation. I was so shocked, but I went with it.

The date was awkward as fuck- I didn't know how to transition from playful banter to getting to know you date conversation. Awkward turned into uncomfortable when I tried to tease him after I beat him rock climbing. He really was a sore loser. He didn't ask me out again, and it stayed uncomfortable between us until he beat my score on an exam. Then, we went back to our normal bantering. It was my comfort zone with guys.

"No? You were all upset that he didn't try anything." Trevor reminded me over a mouthful of chips.

I rolled my eyes. "My pride was upset. That's it. The reason it's weird now is that he's doing so much better than me. And the assisted living facility called. I have the job there."

"But you don't want that job."

"But it's a job. The clinic is an interview." I argued before taking a bit of my sandwich.

"Take a job you'll hate or go for the job you want. That's a no brainer." Trevor said.

"You work a job you hate. Why not do something you love? Like freelancing?" I challenged him.

"I don't love freelancing. It's hard work. I would love to have a job were I pick the projects I want, get a steady paycheck and don't have to constantly worry about the next job. Since that job doesn't exist, I settle for the job I have." He said.

I chewed as I thought about it. Before, it would have been a no brainer: Go for the job I already had!- With no probationary period!- Or former peer/bad date! A year ago, I didn't even think about other jobs- I took the first one that was offered to me because it gave me a way to support myself I didn't want to be a burden on Rocky. I knew neither Rocky nor Brandon felt that way, but I did. Now Trevor was basically telling me not to worry about that and focus on what I wanted.

Times definitely changed, but I had to do what was right for me. All I had to do was figure out what that was. Descions, decisions.

Honesty

"I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know
When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Cause you're the one that I depend upon
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you" Honesty by Billy Joel


Sunday morning, I woke up before everyone with a crick in my neck. Jordan was hogging the airbed and I was half off-half on. I got up, went to the bathroom and changed into a dress I snagged from Sophia.

After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I left Amber a note saying that I was leaving. I tried to sneak out, but Dino caught me. I told her it was nice meeting her. We exchanged numbers as she offered to take me to some exercise class. I honestly wasn't paying attention; I was trying to get the hell out before the other girls woke up. I needed to see Trevor. I agreed with Dino and slipped out.

After I dropped off my remaining items at a donation box, I headed to Trevor’s apartment.  When I let myself in, Justine greeted me at the door as I locked it. I petted her, refilled her water and food bowl and headed to Trevor’s room. I closed the door so Justine wouldn’t interrupt us.

Trevor was sprawled out on the bed, on top of the covers, wearing nothing but boxers. I kicked off my shoes and slid off my panties before joining him in bed. I pulled down his boxers and got him hard with my mouth. I didn't stop until his fingers sank into my hair. I looked up to see him watching me through hooded eyelids. I kept eye contact as I returned my mouth to his hardness. When his eyes were fully open and his hands began moving my head faster, I pulled away.

I gave him a sweet smile before I straddled his hips. "Good morning." I said, guiding him to my entrance.

"Feels like it's about to get better." He said in a sexy timbre.

"Mmhmm...." I moaned in agreement as I lower myself on top of him, gradually guiding him inside me.

Behind lowered lids, I watched his stomach contract. He didn't exhale until he was completely inside of me. Loving the control I had over him, I rolled my hips the way I knew he liked slowly. I looked up to watch his face contort with pleasure. I could tell he wanted me to ride him faster by the way he thrust up into me, but I ignored him. Teasing and control had become my favorite kind of foreplay.

His hand stole between my legs to stroke my clitoris, hoping to entice me to ride him faster. I maintained control, continued to tease him, keeping up the slow pace. He rubbed me the way he knew I liked until climaxed. After the spasms subsided, he gave me a sexy, lazy grin.

"Is it my turn now?" He asked.

I giggled breathlessly. "Yeah."

He rolled me over, positioning me so I was on my hands and knees. He returned the favor of teasing by taking his sweet time getting into position and pushing my dress up. I flushed with arousal and a hint of self consciousness at being on display for him.

My embarrassment was replaced with shock when he slapped me on the ass. It didn't even sting; it was just a tap meant to get my attention. I yelped out anyway in surprise.

"What the fuck?" I gasped, turning my head around to glare at him over my shoulder.

"You said you might be into a spanking." He said, with a grin, caressing my hips and pulling me back into him.

"Yeah... from Chris Pratt." I reminded him, huskily as I moved against him, desperate for more body contact.

He kneaded my ass before he spanked me again. He hit hard enough this time to cause a sting. He followed it up with the same routine on my other ass cheek. Even though I knew it was coming, I still cried out. My cry turned into a sigh of relief as he massaged the pain out of the flesh he just spanked. The relief mixed with pleasure when he finally pushed inside of me. I couldn't believe how turned on I was by a couple of spanks...

"He's gotta take care of the dinosaurs. I'll take care of you." He answered, groaning as he thrust inside me

"Oh God... Yes you do." I panted, delighted.

When we finished, I collapsed on the bed, and he collapsed on top of me. He pressed his slightly chapped lips to my shoulder, down my back, and to my still tingling skin where he spanked me as we made love.  I smiled at the soreness- every ache reminded me how amazing it felt. After a few kisses, he laid down beside me.

I turned over to face him, pushing my lips against his before I even caught my breath. We laid there, holding each other, kissing before I frowned at him.

"What was the spanking for? The blow job was my apology for being a bitch." I asked.

"I thought that was because it's been so long since we had sex."

I groaned as I thought about it. It wasn't super long, but more than a couple days was long for us. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I seriously thought you were PMSing." He chuckled, rubbing his hand against his chest.

I watched his movement, loving the contrast of his lightly tanned skin and fine chest hair. He reached over with the same hand I was staring at to lift my chin so I was looking in his eyes.

"The spanking was because it was all I could think about doing when you said it. We can say it's payment for not telling me you were scared to move in together." He suggested.

"You're not scared?" I asked.

"No. I get you and Justine. There's nothing scary about that to me. The only thing that worries me is you thinking I can't support you." Trevor answered sincerely.

"I'm not scared about us living together. I know you can support me. You already do. I'm more afraid of what happens if we don't work out."

"Lilypad, we've been through this. I thought we said we would try. Are you changing your mind about that?" Trevor questioned.

"No!" I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Rocky and I got into a fight. Over something small and insignificant and we're not friends anymore."

"Dont say that Lily. You two will work it out. You always do."

"Not this time." I disagreed "We're both over it. It just made me realize how sudden things can change. I'm terrified that will happen with us."

"It won't."

"You can't honestly say that. I lost my best friend; I never imagined that would happen. It might happen with us. I wouldn't just be losing a boyfriend, but my best friend too. As hard as that would be on us, can you imagine adding us living together and having a house on top of that?" I interrogated him.

"If I lost you, I wouldn't care about a house."

I shook my head. "That's sweet, but it's not honest-"

"It is for me. You can keep the house just so I know where you live and I can win you back." Trevor informed me.

I smiled, sadly. "It's more complicated than that. Besides, that just makes it easier for you to leave me." I said, softly.

"Remember what you told me when I was scared I was one mistake away from losing you?" Trevor asked.

I shook my head.

"You told me you were all in. That the only way you would leave if we try and both decide it's not working. I'm all in too Lily. I'm not going anywhere. There would be nothing easy about leaving you. The truth is, it'll be damn near impossible." He promised me.

I nodded, reassured. I knew he was telling the truth because I felt the same way. It warmed and comforted me more than anything. I leaned in to kiss him. He quickly deepened the kiss, rolling on top of me.

"Again?" I murmured against his lips.

"I promised you all day." He answered as he removed my dress.



We stayed in bed the rest of the morning. The only thing that got us out of bed was bathroom breaks and snacks. By afternoon, we worked up an appetite and decided to order food.

Trevor suggested pizza, but I begged for Chinese, remembering the binging I did the next before. He agreed and put in the order online. When I tried to reach for my phone, he stopped me.

"No, your friends had you last night. You're all mine." He reminded me.

I couldn't argue with that. My phone rang numerous times earlier; I didn't even flinch to try to look at it. The calls eventually stopped so I knew it wasn't important. I cuddle against him as we tried to toss the M&Ms into each other's mouth. He bought them to go into his crane game at work, but we snacked on them instead. Even with his bad passes, I caught them easily in my mouth. I threw mine perfectly and he couldn't catch them.

"Let's try a brown one. I know you like brown." I said, suggestively with a wink before I tossed it to him. Another perfect lob, but he laughed and missed it.

"You messed me up." He chuckled. "That's not fair. There are no white ones for you."

"You have plenty of representation. Red-You sunburned. Blue-You choking. Green-You nauseous.Orange-you fake baked." I said, smartly, holding up each M&M.

"It was one time! Can tan! On a dare!" Trevor exclaimed, laughing.

"But you were orange! Y'all really should be called colored." I laughed.

He shook his head and gave me a little smile before throwing a red one. I caught it easily.

"What do you think our kids will be? M&M wise?" He asked, shyly.

I chuckled. "I don't know. Like look at EJ. He has his dad's feature, but his skin tone is so light. It's like a genetic grabbag- you don't know what features are going to come out." I smiled. "Do you have a preference?" I asked him, teasingly, tossing him a orange M&M. Another miss.

"No." He said, adamantly. His phone rang and he reached over to grab it but I moved it behind my back. "No phones, remember?"

"You're right." He smiled. "Do you have a preference? Or does your dad?" He asked.

I scoffed. "My dad doesn't. He just wants grandkids. He will love my brother's more because they will have his last name though. I definitely have a preference."

"Really?"

"Yep. My hair." I nodded.

He looked at me, curiously.

"I just learned how to do my hair. I can't learn how to deal with a kid with your curly hair. I could barely get April's and Krista's into ponytail."

He laughed and rubbed his hair. "I saw that. Why'd you think I keep mine short? It's a lot of work."

We laughed and talked about other preferences. We agreed on our height, his metabolism, and my hand-eye-mouth coordination. We wanted our kids to have a mixture of our facial features. I was disappointed that our kids most likely wouldn't have his amazing blue eyes. He disagreed, asking why should we settle for one color when they can have multiple colors like mine?

We didn't even realize so much time had past until the M&Ms were gone. It had been an hour and the food never showed up. After the first hour, I wanted to call, but since it was a Sunday, Trevor suggested we give it more time.

He asked me if I ever been discriminated against because I was multiracial. I didn't know how to answer that. Truthfully, I felt more discrimination by being female and overweight growing up, but it's hard to feel discrimination when I didn't identify as any one race. I did tell him I was fortunate to grow up in a diverse city. I got the "what are you?" question a lot more in Texas than I did in California.

After another 30 minutes, he finally called to check on the order. He was told it was cancelled because the restaurant called confirming the order and no one picked up. Trevor put in the order again and was told another 30 minutes. I got up to use the restroom and he went to check on Justine.

When I came back from the bathroom, his phone was beeping. I checked it, making sure our order didn't get fucked up again. I opened it up and saw a message from Becca. Before it could even process that I probably shouldn’t read through his text, I opened it.

Becca: Saw this and it reminded me of you. Lol, Thanks for being so cool the other night. Good luck with Lily.

He was hanging with Becca? When? Did they talked about me? I clicked the link. It was some music video called: Don't Tag Me. What. The. Fuck?

Trevor returned to the room with two cups: water and juice.

“I didn't know what you wanted, so I brought both." He offered. I took the water and handed him his phone.

“Thanks. Becca text you.” I said, as calmly as possible.

He looked momentarily frozen, before he sighed. “We ran into them the other night." He said as he read through it.

“Who’s we?”

“Me, Corey, Chris. Peyton invited us out after the movie. I didn’t know she was going to be there.” Trevor said.

“Didn’t think to ask?”

“No. I really didn’t."

“You told her we were having problems?”

“No.”

“Then whats up with the “Good Luck with Lily?" What were you so "cool" about?”

“Besides hi and bye, the only things I said to her were me and you are good and I made a stupid joke about not tagging me in any pictures. That's why she sent the video. Her boyfriend was with her. I guess she expected me to be a prick because of what she pulled last time we were together." Trevor explained.

I believed him, but I still frowned. "I wish you would have told me."

"I planned to but we were making up or talking about more important things." Trevor shrugged.

"M&Ms preferences could have waited." I said, sarcastically. 

He gave me a half smile. "You're right. I'm sorry. Do you wanna spank me now?"

I smiled. "You said that wasn't a punishment before, besides, I have a better idea." I locked my fingers around his neck and moved in close.

"I'm listening..." 

"I wanna watch-" I started, softly and seductively, while licking my lips.

"Watch what?" He breathed.

I bit my lip before giving him a wicked smile. "Watch you organize your closet so I can start bringing my clothes over."

I cracked up laughing when he groaned and whined like a kid. "Lilypad, we're supposed to spend the day in bed together. We can do that when you bring your stuff over."

"That makes no sense T-Rev. I want it organized before I bring my stuff. Same goes for the kitchen." I pointed to the disposable cup from some restaurant or gas station he brought my water in. It was washed so many times, the writing faded. "Shit like that needs to go. Besides, you forfeited the bed by not telling me about Becca right away."

There was a knock on the door and he rushed to go retrieve it. We ate, then I put him to work in the closet while I watched from his bed.

"You know, if this is my punishment for talking to Becca-" he started.

"No, for not telling me." I corrected him.

"You need to be over here too. You didn't tell me you were talking to Christian." Trevor pointed out.

I flushed. "We talked once... I wasn't sure how you would feel about it after Mexico. How did you know?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "He commented on the videos Amber posted last night about wanting you on his album he talked to you about. Was it a secret?"

"No... I just assumed it wasn't a big deal." I replied.

"Me too."

"That's different... Becca took a picture with Justine to piss me off!" I argued.

"Christian does things to piss me off every time he's around."

"Like what?" I said, knowing that my last conversation with Christian, he was very negative about Trevor. I just assumed he was trying to makes feel better about my weight, not put Trevor down. Besides, Trevor didn't know about that...

"He ignored my calls at SXSW, I asked him to back off and he doesn't, and in Mexico he said you'd eventually get over me when you figure out you can do better." He said, not meeting my eye. 

My mouth dropped open. That mother fucker! That was after I told him Trevor was uncomfortable with our friendship. What would he make a bullshit comment like that? Where did he get off?

"Why didn't you tell me Trevor?" I said, pissed.

He shook his head."Oh no. I told you I wasn't friends with him. The last time I brought him up, we fought and you said it felt like I didn't trust you. I was trying to show you that I love and trust you."

I marched over to him."This is deeper than you not being friends or you thinking I flirt with him. Trevor, he was blatantly disrespecting you. I don't want anything to do with someone who would do that. That's why I feel so strongly about Becca and why I'm not going to be talking to Christian anymore. I would have cut that bitch off a long time ago had I known he did that." I assured him. He nodded and I joined him going through the closet. 

He grinned at me. 

"I'm only here because you're fucking up." I pointed at him.

"Sure babe."

Together, it took us a little over an hour to finish. I had to get home because I had the informal interview Monday that I hadn't prepared for. I gave Trevor a long kiss and a hug. 

"I can't wait til you don't have to leave anymore." Trevor said in my hair as he held me.

I pulled away and gave him an evil grin. "I can't wait to get in that kitchen."

"Me neither...home cooked meals every night."

"I meant throwing your shit out!" I said, as I made my way down the steps.

"It's your area now Lily. Do what you want."

"Our area Trevor." I smiled, before getting in my car with Justine. 

As I drove, I called Amber back. She called me all damn day. I wondered if I left something...

"It's about time. Did you hear the news?" She exclaimed. 

"What news? If it's about Rocky, I still don't give a fuck." I smirked.

"No Lily. Rachel left Forrest. On their wedding day."

Cut Her Off

Mini-Post bonus. I wanted to finish the girl's night in to explain Lily's mindset. It didn't fit into Wednesday post, so here it is.

"It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
So what you saying, hoe?
You know I'm the man, hoe?
Nothing but a bird, I'm a leave you where you stand, hoe
Heard you got a man, hoe
Hope he understand, though
You ain't nothing but a creeper, baby I'm just saying, though
Saying, though
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off" Cut her Off by K Camp feat 2 Chainz

By my second glass of wine, I forgot about my diet and embarrassment about crying in front of everyone. After I finished the plate of food and wine Dino brought me, I headed straight into the kitchen for seconds and a refill. I gave myself a pass on my diet because I was going through a breakup. In my mind, that's what me and Rocky were doing- we were breaking up. If I was being honest to myself, our relationship hadn't been the same since I came back to Dallas.

As heartbreaking as it was, I quickly realized I was not mourning the lost of the friendship I had with Rocky now, but the one I used to have. I mourned with pizza, mozzarella sticks, popcorn, potstickers, taquitos and a bottle of wine all to myself. I knew it was emotional eating. That was my biggest problem with food. When I felt the urge to binge eat, I remembered California and my miscarriage. It motivated me to eat in moderation and exercise more. After my third glass of wine, I was on fuck it mode. It was the best fucking feeling in the world.

No one said a thing as I ate a second plate of food. In fact, they all went out of their way to make me feel comfortable after my freak out. Gigi opened up about her inability to find a man and Sophia complained about some asshole she was casually dating. Sammy got in on the fun too, bitching about how perfectly normal Corey was and how she wished he would be an asshole sometimes because that's what she knew. I couldn't tell if if she was being serious or if it was just the cheap wine talking.

Dino complained she never had time to go out and met guys to date between school and work. I suggested Tinder. She revealed she tried, but it was a waste of time because she didn't like this generation's idea of a man. They either had no family values or no work ethic. She declared she was going to try dating older guys.

Jordan snorted and said age didn't matter. Some men were just obsessed with work. Dino disagreed. Her dad worked 2 jobs and in his free time still made time for his family because they were important to him. Dino said that's why she had high standards. She would stay single until she found a man that measured up. Jordan lamented that she didn't know what was worse: being single or feeling single because your boyfriend neglected you.

Amber lightened the mood by saying her free time away from Will was the best thing ever. She told us how she and Will got in to an argument because he thought the videos I posted of the girls dancing were inappropriate. I asked her why didn't she make me take them down, surprised that she didn't. Amber informed me it wasn't just the videos, but the comment Q made calling them the next Miley Cyrus which Will took huge offensive to. Amber didn't care because it was just a joke. I told her about how I thought Krista using the term sissy wasn't funny at all.

Amber flipped the fuck out. It was hilarious.  She searched and blasted Will, calling him a hypocrite. I found her phone first, but before I could hand it over, Dino snatched it from me and hid it. Amber eventually gave up and told me to call her the next time they say stuff like that. I quickly agreed.

"What about you Lily? Why were you crying?" Dino asked me as we finished up the last bottle of wine.

"My best friend of 9 years cut me off after saying my relationship wasn't going to last." I answered truthfully.

"That's cold." Sophia shook her head.

"Did she have a point?" Dino asked.

Amber nudged her, which made her spill her wine and she exclaimed, "What? It's her best friend right? Maybe she's trying to look out for her."

I thought about it the best I could in my wine soaked brain.

I used to look up and admire Rocky. Yeah, she was always bossy and overbearing, but everything she said was either right or came from a place of wanting to see me happy. I followed it blindly. When I came back from California, I still had some growing up to do. Hell, I still do, but I didn't blindly follow orders from anyone anymore. That changed the dynamics of our friendship greatly.

"Lily-" Amber started, when I stood up. I pulled my phone away before Dino could reach it.

"Be right back." I exclaimed, rushing outside again. I called Trevor's number. He answered on the 3rd ring.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry T-Rev." I slurred.

"What?" He said over the background noise.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted. "I've been such a bitch to you and you don't deserve it. You never deserve it. Of course I want to move in with you. In a fucking box, with a fucking fox, in a fucking house with a fucking mouse. Any fucking where. I was scared but I love you and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please never stop loving me." I pleaded with him.

"I don't know how to start stop loving you." Trevor replied, with a chuckle.

"Huh?" I yelled, confused. That was confusing. I needed yes or no answers only.

"I love you Lily. I can't stop and I don't want to." He said.

I grinned happily. "I miss you so much baby. I'm gonna come see you."

"No!" He exclaimed. "Stay at Amber's. You'll see me tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"And we'll spend all day in bed?"

"That's the best idea I heard all day."

"Ok. I love you Trevor."

"I love you too. Forever."

I beamed happily as I ended the call and walked back inside the house.

"No. She didn't have a point. She was just being a bitch!" I announced when I walked back inside. Even if she she didn't think Trevor and I were going to stay together, she should have supported me like I supported her: like when she got engaged to one guy after she banged another one. I don't know how it got to the point where we were today, but if she wanted to cut me off, good fucking riddance.

Everyone started laughing and I grabbed my new BOSS beanie and the karaoke mic. I then started rapping K Camp's Cut her Off.

Amber turned on the actually song for me and joined me. I sang and meant every word: I was done with Rocky. I decided to focus on the good friendships I had. Jordan, who drove me crazy sometimes but was always loyal to me. Amber; even if we didn't always see eye to eye, we always had a mutual respect for each other. And Sammy: God knew we had our ups and down, but we gotten to a point were we could compromise and talk things out. That's something I was realizing I no longer had with Rocky: loyalty, respect or compromise.

Once all the wine was gone, we took turns singing karaoke. Jordan sang Want You to Want Me and I was pleasantly surprised by her singing voice. Sophia and Sammy went old school with Bugaboo. Dino did a performance of Worth It. At Amber's request, we dressed up, did our make-up, and performed karaoke to We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus together.

Amber posted that video on Instagram, captioning it:

Remember only God can judge ya

Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya

Afterwards, we half-assed cleaned the kitchen and our faces and crashed in the living room. Between the couches, air bed, and mattress we pulled from Amber's room, we all found space to lay down. We watched the Disney animated Cinderella. Right after her step sisters ripped Cinderella's original dress, I fell asleep wondering why she didn't cut those bitches from her life a long time ago.

Crazy

"My heroes are at the heart
To the life I wanna live
And all I remember, is thinking
I wanna be like them
Mm hmm
Ever since I was little, 
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And as no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably" Crazy by Gnarls Barkely


Amber sent a group text to me, Sammy, Rocky, Jackie, Peyton, Gigi, Jordan and another number I didn't recognize. The text instructed us to be at her house, with a bottle of wine (spend no more than $10), a favorite appetizer, and gently worn clothes that we didn't want anymore for a sleep over. I loved Amber for that: completely in my budget and I needed to get rid of the clothes that didn't fit anymore. With her permission, I forwarded the text to Kelly Friday evening.

Kelly declined, saying that Malik was having his graduation celebration over the weekend. I remembered congratulating him on Facebook when I saw he graduated college. I posted the picture we took together at the CSI exhibit in Vegas, and told him now that he graduated, I was calling him to help me get away with my hit list.

He replied: lol, that's what's up. You know I'm calling the cops on you?

To which I replied: I take my congratulations back.

I called Kelly back as I went through my closet looking for clothes to take to Amber's house.  I asked how she was doing. When she told me she was pregnant, I responded as if I didn't know. She chuckled at me.

"I know Jake and Omar recruited you to talk to me. I'm not mentally unstable; I'm just taking care of myself and the baby." She defended herself.

"I didn't say you were. I think they think listening to the doctor is the best choice." I pointed out.

"I did that last time, remember? I'm doing what's best for me and my baby. Anyone who thinks differently can fuck off." She said, nonchalantly.

I couldn't help but feel that was directed at me. Part of me wanted to ask if that included her husband and baby's father, but I thought better of it. It wasn't my battle. The only thing I said I would do was try. I did that. Mission accomplished.

Besides, I heard the door opening downstairs at my apartment and Trevor was the only one with a key besides Rocky now. I doubt she was using it.

"Ok Kelly. Good luck and take care." I said, sincerely.

"Thanks. Y'all have fun! We should get together soon!" She said so brightly, I questioned her stability as I got off the phone.

I was going through my clothes in my room when Trevor came in.

"What time does the movie start?" I asked as Justine trailed him. He was going with Chris and some friends to see Jurassic World. 

"Not until 9; everything else was sold out." He said, sitting on my bed, watching me. "I have time to run some of your clothes over to my place." He offered.

"You're gonna run?" I asked, smartly.

"No, probably drive, smartass." He said, shooting me a grin.

I smiled. "I didn't know! I'm not packing: I'm seeing what I don't want so I can take them to Amber's girl night."

"And do what with them?" He asked.

"I don't know. Play dress up? What do girls do at slumber parties? I've never been." I shrugged.

"How would I know? I can still take some clothes over for you. I could probably fit everything you have hanging up in my car. And your shoes."

"Have you even organized your closet?" I asked, rhetorically. I knew he didn't.

"I don't need to; I'll push everything to the back."

"No, that's ok. I'd rather wait."

"Why? I understand movers for the furniture, but I can get most of your stuff over myself."

"Your apartment is smaller than mine. Most of my stuff is going to storage. I need to figure out what's going and what's not."

"Why can't you do that at my place?"

"Our place?" I said, sarcastically.

He looked at me for a moment before trying again. "Sorry. Our place. We can move everything to our place and organize our stuff together."

"That sounds like double work." I dismissed him.

"No, it's not. That way when we hire the movers, they can bring the furniture you want to the apartment and pack up the rest to go to storage."

"You want my furniture at your place?"

"Our place." He corrected me, with a smile. "And I don't care. Bilal told me you wanted your furniture."

"You should care. Your stuff is falling apart." I commented.

"Alright, so we're set. Next weekend, we'll get the movers. Let's spend this week getting everything else over to our place." Trevor suggested.

"I'll let you know. I have to look for movers and a storage unit."

"Done and done." He told me. "I was waiting for this paycheck to take care of it."

"Oh." I said, turning away to look at my closet.

"I'm going make the down payment on the storage unit tomorrow. It's in Plano, right next to our apartment so we can start putting the things we don't need away. I have a moving  company. I just need to set up the date and time."

"Great." I said, flatly, not taking my eyes off my work.

"What's wrong?" Trevor asked, confusion in his voice. I turned around to look at him.

"Because you're paying for it, you get to make all the decisions now?" I asked him, brusquely.

"What? No. You said you were stressed. I was trying to help-"

"Just because I'm stressed doesn't mean I don't want a say in things."

"Nothings done yet. What do you want to do differently?" He asked, calmly.

"That's not the point!" I argued.

"Then what is? It seems like you don't want to move in with me."

"That's dumb and not true. I'm the one that brought up living together." I reminded him, looking away.

"No, you didn't. You got an attitude when I didn't offer." He countered.

"So my attitude is the only reason you want me to live with you?" I cut my eyes at him, pissed.

"No. I've always wanted you to live with me; even if the reason you want to is because you have to."

"What does that mean?" I said, putting my hands on my hips.

"If you had a job, would you still want to live with me?" He asked, bluntly.

I looked up at him, hurt. How could he even think that? I remembered thinking about us living together before Jasmine moved in, while I was still working and didn't need a roommate.

I stared him down. "I don't have to live with you. If I needed to, my dad would support me until I got a job."

He face fell and he stood up. "Maybe you should do that, then you wouldn't have to come up with every excuse not to move in." He said, plainly before leaving.

I let him go. I wasn't even sure why we were fighting now. I didn't know why I was so upset. Too frustrated to continue with my clothes, I went to the gym. I played my work out music, constantly checking my phone to see if Trevor called or text. He never did.




The next morning, after eating yogurt and granola, I took Justine for a run. I came back, and finally text Trevor.

Me: How was the movie?

I waited for 20 minutes before hopping in the shower. I was deep conditioning my hair when my phone finally beeped.

Trevor: It was great. You would have liked it

Me: Doubtful, but if it post on the website soon, I will watch it.

Trevor: You can't bootleg Jurassic Park Lily.

Me: Why? Is Chris Pratt going to spank me?  Cuz I might be into that.

Trevor: I was more worried about a genetical engineered dinosaur attack against you...

Me: They're fucking with dinosaurs genetics now? No thanks.

Trevor: lol

Me: :-)
What are you doing today?

Trevor: Gonna get some work done and hang with Corey. Have fun tonight.

Me: ok

I sighed. At least he was speaking to me. It coulda been worse...

I finished my hair, blow drying and straightening it before going grocery shopping. I went to a grocery store that happened to be doing a wine demo. The lady was sampling a Spanish Cava. It was white, sparkling wine that was completely out of my budget. I did find hummus on sale and bought it along with vegetables to make a tray. I went to the wine aisle and found a closeout sale on a Cava Rosè.  I got it, hoping it was as good as the one I tried. I then took my items home and finished going through my clothes.

I took longer than I originally planned. Probably because I was also sorting what would come with me to Trevor's apartment, what would go to storage and what I would get rid of. I was loading up everything I wanted to get rid of in my car when my phone rang. I ran to it, a little disappointed to see it was Amber.

She called to ask if I would bring my karaoke machine. I agreed and asked her what the clothes were for. She informed me the first part of the night would be a clothes swap party. I told her I had purses and shoes I was going to donate too and asked if it was ok if I brought them. She quickly agreed and got off the phone with me to send a text letting everyone know the same.

I arrived to the party, a little nervous about seeing Rocky. That's why I decided to show up early. If I arrived before she did, she would have to greet me or look petty. I knew she would most likely give me the cold shoulder until I apologized again and we'd move on. Amber let me in and I gave her the tray and the wine before heading back to my car to grab the clothes. I didn't bring everything I was donating- just the items in best condition.

One of her co-workers, Daniella, helped me put everything up.

"Ooo, why are you giving this away?" She cooed over the blue dress Bianca made for me.

"It fits too tight." I answered, laying out my purses.

She looked over my body in a way that made me feel self-conscious in my jeans and t-shirt. "I'm still going to try it on." She informed me.

"Of course." I smiled at her, nervously.

My nerves turned to shock as she pulled off the summer dress she was wearing and pulled on my dress. I didn't even have time too look away. Yeah, her bra and panties set was like a bikini as far as coverage, but we weren't at a beach or a pool!

"Ok, what's up? If it fits me, it fits you." She commented, once she smoothed it out.

"It's too tight for me... it looks great on you." I told her.

She scrutinized me again. "Does the dress have bad memories? Ex-boyfriend-" She started interrogating me.

"Dino, stop harassing Lily! And that better be your change of clothes!" Amber interrupted her, joining us in the living room.

"It's not." She admitted, with a grin.

"I told you to wait til everyone gets here!" Amber scolded her.

"And I told you you have no system. No system, no rules." She shrugged.

"So you two work together?" I asked, with a smile as Amber glared at her.

"Unfortunately." Amber said, rolling her eyes playfully. "This is Daniella, but everyone calls her Dino. Excuse her-assertiveness. It's great at the hospital, abrasive in real life."

"I'm a nurse 24-7. Can't turn it off." She countered.

"Turn yourself off then." Amber said, sharply. I laughed at them.

All the girls started showing up. Gigi, Jordan, and Amber's cousin Monica came around 6. Sammy showed up a little afterwards with her friend from Arlington Sophia.

We had plenty of snack foods and wines to get started eating. I stuck to my diet as I munched on nuts, cheese, and veggies with hummus and guacamole. My favorite cheap-"Inexpensive!" I heard Amber correct me in my head- wines were Beviamo Moscato D'Asti, Yellowtail Pinot Noir, and Arbor Mist Zinfandel Sangria. I literally took sips of wine and drank water.

"Ok, who's favorite snack is hummus?" Sophia asked, loudly over the chatter in the kitchen.

"Favorite healthy snack." I confessed.

"We were supposed to be healthy?" Jordan asked me. She brought two large, thin crust pizzas from i Fratelli with double bianco sauce, chicken, spinach, tomatoes and breakfast bacon. As soon as she opened the box, I stepped away. I would not break my diet! Not for pizza, no matter how good it smelt...

"I thought it would be nice to have an option." I shrugged.

"Fuck broccoli!" Dino exclaimed.

They all laughed and cheered to that. I shook my head. When I saw Dino watching me, I smiled.

We moved to the living room to start looking at clothes. Everyone was pretty civil, until it came to a Michael Kors wallet Jordan brought to trade. Gigi and Dino went back and forth over who saw it first. I couldn't remember if it was the wallet Derek got her for Valentine's Day. It sure looked like it...

"Why didn't you invite Serena? I thought y'all were cool now." I asked Amber as we looked over some clothes. They took a ton of selfies together over Memorial Day weekend when they got rained in the cabin at the lake.

"We are. Rachel and Forrest are getting married today, remember?" Amber said as she tried on a skirt that Sammy brought over the leggings she was wearing. I wished I would have thought about wearing leggings. No way was I undressing in front of everyone and it was damn near impossible to see how things fit over jeans.

"Oh, right." I said, thoughtful. Honestly, I forgot. I didn't think about how I screwed up those friendships.

"What about Rocky? Is she late?" I asked, casually.

Not casually enough. Amber looked at me, critically.

"She said she wasn't feeling well; after I told her you were coming." She admitted.

I blanched. Real subtle Rocky.

"What's going on between you two?" Amber asked.

"Nothing." I said, picking up a skull cap that had gold plated letters that read BOSS. "You should go break that up, hostess." I nodded over at Dino and Gigi still going at it.

Amber sighed, then grinned. "Did you bring the karaoke machine?"

"I did. I left it in my car." I said.

"Go get it."

I did. When I came back, Amber announced there would be a sing off to determine who won the wallet. Both Gigi and Dino were game, so they picked outfits and ran to separate rooms to get ready. Gigi came out first, in a plaid mini skirts from Jordan, a white button down from Monica and pigtails. We already knew Britney Spears was her choice and she did a cute reenactment of Baby One More Time.

Dino came out next, complete with a fitted neon paint splatter dress from Sophia, and what looked like a pillow shoved up her dress on her butt. We were rolling in laughter as she did a crazy version of The Night is Still Young by Nicki Minaj. Gigi was laughing as she handed the wallet to Dino. Dino posed with her fake booty and new wallet.

We went back to trying to get rid of the clothes we brought. Dino kept trying to get me to take a black romper. It was cute, besides the cutouts on the side.

"I like it; I just can't with my stomach." I shook my head.

"What stomach? Girl, do you have body dysmorphia?" She exclaimed.

I saw Amber and Sammy both look over at us. I kinda laughed her off.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's a disorder where you obsessive over flaws that don't exist-"

"I'm a physical therapist. I know what it is. Just because I'm conscious, doesn't mean I have a disorder." I bristled.

"Conscious of what?" Sammy chimed in.

"Yeah, you haven't tried anything on." Amber encouraged me. "Try it."

Dino watched me, challengingly, so I snatched the romper from her hands. I went into the bathroom and put it on. I examined myself in the mirror. It didn't look too bad. At least my sides were flat- It would look so much better if I had some definition.

I came out the bathroom, uncomfortably and Dino gave me a huge smile.

"See? That's how I wished I looked in that romper. Damn my mom; I got my shortness from her." Dino complained. Everyone laughed while I gave her a weak smile.

When Dino moved on to harass someone else, Amber joined me. "I'm sorry about her. She grows on you."

"Yeah, so does cancer. Doesn't mean I won't nuke the bitch." I muttered, bitterly.

"Speaking of..." Amber said. "I was posting the videos on Instagram. Look what I saw."

I looked to see on Jackie's Instagram was a picture of Rocky and Brandon, huddled close together in what look like a smokey bar. It was Malik celebration, so I knew it was the same night.  The stupid romper, lack of food, sips of wine, fight with Trevor and Rocky's total dismissal of me was too much to bear. I cracked, tears rushing from my eyes.

"Lily-" Amber started.

"I'm sorry." I said, leaving them as I rushed outside.

"Lily, wait." Amber called after me. I made it to the porch before she grabbed my arm.

"What's wrong?" She asked, concerned.

Sammy and Jordan stepped outside too. I tried to stop myself from crying, but it only made me cry more.

"I'm not sad. I'm just so... mad and frustrated!" I said, wiping my tears away, angrily.

"Why?" Jordan asked.

"Rocky." Amber commented

"Trevor?" Sammy questioned.

"Everything. Mostly myself. I'm losing it." I said, before I crumbled to the porch. They sat down with me and I told them everything. The blowout that I had with Rocky, the little fights that I had with Trevor, my fears about moving in with Trevor. It wasn't the job, it wasn't the money, it wasn't the fucking house. It was losing him. It couldn't control that and I couldn't handle it.

I already lost Rocky. I didn't fantasy about a boyfriend growing up: I felt like that was so unattainable I didn't even let myself hope. I had my brother, and because of him I was never truly alone or picked on, but I still was lonely. I put up a front like I'd rather be left alone, but honestly, I yearned for a friend. I just wanted someone who would always be there for me: right, wrong, or in between. I thought I had that with Rocky.

She was my first true friend. My best friend. Trevor was too, but it was different because I had feelings for him. I wasn't as open or honest as I was with Rocky. We were like sisters; I always had her back because I thought she would do the same for me. I was so wrong.

 I could understand if it was something I did. I could accept that. I apologized, even though I didn't feel like what I did was awful and she was still mad. I was willing to grovel if it meant moving forward. Now I didn't know what to do but accept that I was losing my best friend. That was tearing me apart.

It was worse than losing Ethan and Jake combined. On some levels, worse than my mom: I couldn't remember the good times with her. What hurt the most was how easy it was for them to cut me out their life. That made feel like I was losing it. I couldn't go through that with Trevor. How could I build a life with him, knowing how easy it was for people to leave?

"Lily, that's not fair to say. We're all right here. We love you." Amber said, supportive.

"You can't listen to Rocky right now. Believe me. I've been there. We've been there. You can't be happy for someone else when you're miserable yourself." Sammy said, rubbing my leg.

"Anyone with eyes can see how much you and Trevor are made for each other. I would kill to have Derek look at me the way he looks at you." Jordan stated.

"Yeah," I sniffed, looking up. "But what if it's not enough?" I asked her. "What if he leaves?"

"Then we're here for you. Just like you were there for me with Will. We're not going anywhere." Amber said.

"That's right and I'll kick his ass. You know I'll do it." Sammy agreed. I snorted. She would. She was probably waiting for a reason.

"I don't think it's going to happen, but if y'all break up, I'm the best wingwoman." Jordan promised.

I chuckled, drying my tears. "Yeah, I saw that the other night."

The front door opened and Dino came out.

"Here." She said, handing me a plate of food and a huge glass of wine. "I would be upset too if I was on a diet. Fuck broccoli." She said, before going back inside. We all looked at each other and laughed.

"I don't know if I love her or hate her." I said, between laughs.

"I gotta say, not all nurses are crazy like that." Amber said, with a grin.

"We kinda are though. You have to be to deal with all the bullshit on a daily bases." Jordan disagreed.

"I think that's women in general. Aren't we all a little crazy?" Sammy shrugged.

No one disagreed.

I'm Alright

"I'm alright
Nobody worry 'bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight
Can't you just let it be
I'm alright
Don't nobody worry 'bout me
You got to gimme a fight
Why don't you just let me be
I'm alright
Nobody worry 'bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight
Can't you just let it be
I'm alright
I'm alright
Just let me be" I'm Alright by Kenny Loggins

"Go Krista Go!!!" I yelled, excitedly from the side of the relay race.

Amber called me when she got off Wednesday morning to give her a wakeup call around 11 am. She set her alarm, but she wanted to make sure she didn't miss Krista and April's field day on the last week of school. I immediately offered to go with her. I was glad I did. The weather was beautiful and watching all the kids compete was better than moping around my apartment.

When Krista passed off the baton to the next person on her team, she shot Amber and me a proud smile. She looked so adorable in red running shorts and a glittery white t-shirt. Amber was already recording, so I took a quick picture of her.

"She's so cute!" I smiled at Amber when she stopped recording.

"She can be." Amber said sarcastically, but she had a proud smile on her face too.

The kids went through different events, including a potato sack race, tug of war, freeze tag, volleyball and a water balloon toss. Every single event, I cheered on Krista loudly. Krista ate up the attention as she showed off for her classmates and the camera. We made sure to get plenty of pictures of her posing with her friends before her grade went back inside the school. We walked to the concession stand as we waited for April's grade to come out.

"I thought you were off Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays?" I asked Amber as we waited for our treats: nachos and a Gatorade for her and water and a pickle for me.

"I traded so I can have Saturday off. Girls weekend, remember?" She said.

I groaned inwardly. I vaguely remember a Facebook notification, but I completely disregarded it when I saw Rocky tagged in it too. I hadn't spoken to her since my failed meeting at her work. I went home, cried and tried to forget about it. I remembered how Trevor told me not to worry about the things she said when she lashed out at me before. As much as I was trying not to let her words get to me, I couldn't let them go.

"I don't know. I feel bad going out, spending money when I have no job prospects." I said, truthfully. June was passing by so quickly. My money had to go towards moving and a storage unit. Not seeing Rocky and whatever mood she was going to be in was just an extra perk.

"We all have to get together. You promised a girls night. Even if it's just hanging out at my house, it's happening!"

"Can't we just do it the following weekend? I had a drug test for a job. I should hear back from them soon." I suggested, and it would give Rocky time to calm down so we could talk, reasonably.

"That's father's day weekend. Besides, Corey is taking Sammy out of town for her birthday."

"Doesn't he know she hates celebrating her birthday?" I said, surprised. She wouldn't even let us get her a cake.

Amber shrugged. "Guess not anymore, but that has nothing to do with this weekend. You're coming!"

I was tempted to tell her about my fight with Rocky, but I didn't. I hadn't even told Trevor. I was hoping it would blow over by then and we'd be ok. I pushed it from my mind and told Amber I would be there. We would work it out. We always did.

April was more reserved than her big sister. She looked embarrassed when I cheered out her name, so I cheered for her class instead. She smiled shyly for the camera in the identical outfit that her sister wore, just in purple instead of red. She wasn't as expressive about it, but it looked like she had a great time.

By the time they finished, school was releasing. I watched Amber yawn as we waited for Krista outside the school.

"Do you have to pick up Robbie?" I asked.

"No. Will gets off at around 5 so he can pick him up today. I'm gonna try to get a few hours of sleep before work." Amber explained.

"Why don't I take the girls?" I offered. "We'll go get dinner and hang out at my place until Will gets off and I'll bring them back."

"Can we go to McDonald's?" Krista exclaimed, excitedly.

"They're ok while I take a nap. It's Robbie I have to watch. They need baths and they don't have a change of clothes." Amber said, reluctantly.

"I'll take care of that." I said quickly.

Amber narrowed her eyes at me. "What happened to saving money?"

"This is an investment in my future. When they grow up, they're going to take care of me, right girls?"

They both agreed as we walked to Amber's car. I grabbed their booster seats and put them in my car. We went to Wal-Mart and I let the girls pick out clothes. April went for a simple blue summer dress. I had to cut Krista off as she picked multiple outfits. She found a pink rhinestone embellished tank dress with a tutu skirt. After we checked out, we went to the McDonald's attached to the store and all got happy meals.

"Happy meals are for kids." Krista informed me as I snacked on my 5 chicken nuggets, sliced apples and water; I put the fries in the trash before I got to the table.

"It's a happy meal. I'm happy I get to hang out with y'all, so I got a happy meal." I said.

April smiled brightly while Krista studied me, furrowing her eyebrows. Fuck, she looked like her dad when she did that. It wasn't cute, at all.

After dinner, we went to my apartment and I ran them a bath. I had no idea how to manage their curly hair after I washed it, so I blow dried it and put it up in ponytails. They put on their outfits and I let them go downstairs and play on the XBOX. I recorded them dancing to a few songs and posted them on Facebook. I tagged Amber in them with the caption:

Future super stars! I said it first and will be riding their coattails all the way to the top! #Work! #DisneyStars #RetirementPlan #Aunt-ager?

When they moved on to the next game, Trevor called me.

"I didn't know you were babysitting."

"I didn't know either. I took them from field day so Amber could get some sleep." I told him.

"Do y'all want some ice cream? I can pick some up on the way." He asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, my mouth already watering at just the mention of ice cream. "I'm taking them home in another hour. Besides, we're having girl time."

"Is that daddy?" April asked me.

"No, it's Trevor. Say hello to him." I said, putting the phone on speaker.

"Hi Trevor!" They said, in unison.

"Hey Krista. Hi April. Can I join y'all?"

"No boys allowed!" I said, shaking my head no at the girls.

"Yeah." April and Krista agreed.

"But I wanna play too." Trevor said, in a fake, whiny voice.

"No boys!" April shot him down, laughing

"Boys don't play dancing games." Krista said, haughtily.

"Some boys dance." I corrected her.

"If they're sissies." Krista argued with me. Trevor started laughing, but I narrowed my eyes at the way she flipped her wrist and pranced around the room.

"What's a sissy?" I asked her.

"Boys that act like girls and kiss other boys." She said, making kissy faces.

"Krista, that's not nice." I said, sternly.

"That's what my daddy said." She stated.

"Your daddy is wron-" I started to say, but Trevor cut me off.

"Who wants Ice cream?!?!" Trevor said.

The girls cheered. "I do!" After Trevor took their request, I took him off speaker phone. I went in to the kitchen to go off on him.

"What the fuck Trevor? I didn't want ice cream." I exclaimed.

"The girls do, and you shouldn't be telling them their dad is wrong." Trevor said.

"But he is. Do you call gay men sissies?"

"You know I don't just like I know you don't want to fight with Amber."

"So?"

"So telling her kids that Will is wrong will start problems. You know how she is." Trevor said. "I'm at Braums. I'll see you in a bit."

Trevor came over with ice cream sundaes for us. He got me a black forest sundae as well, but my appetite was spoiled by being told I was wrong.  I kept thinking about what Rocky said about doing thing with good faith without thinking them through. Maybe she was right...

Will called and said he was on his way to pick up the girls. He came and picked them up without me saying a word about the sissy remark. After they left, Trevor gave me a curious glance before asking if I wanted the ice cream.

"No, you can take it on your way home." I said.

"Are you coming over?" He asked.

"No. I'm going to the gym."

"I'll see you later?" He asked. I nodded and gave him a kiss and we left.

Even after my work out, I still felt annoyed. When I got home, I flopped on the couch, exhausted. I didn't even have the energy to find where I put the remote so I played on my phone instead. I had a bunch of likes and comments on the video of the girls. Christian was one.

Christian: I want to hire them for my first video.

Me: You're coming out with a video?!?

My phone rang. It was Christian. I debated answering it. Trevor and I didn't talk about him after Mexico. I didn't know where he was on us being friends. I shrugged and answered it. At this point, did it really matter? I'd find a way to fuck it up anyway.

"Anything's possible. I've been thinking about a compilation album for a while." He explained about the album.

"That is so cool. If you do need dancers, we can negotiate." I joked.

"Riiight... Aunt-ager? Is that what you call yourself?"

"That's right." I laughed.

"Where's Trevor?"

"At his apartment-" I started.

"Ahh, that's why we can talk. He's still threatened by me?" He asked.

"I never said he was threatened; Meeting your girlfriend definitely helped. No way would you want to downgrade. How often does Noelle work out?" I asked, thinking about her tiny frame in her bikini.

"She does yoga and Pilates maybe twice a week. She's all about eating organic and natural and shit. Everything raw and unprocessed."

I made a face. "That sounds awful.. and that's why I'll always be out of shape."

"Facechat with me."

"No. Why?"

"I wanna show you something."

"Tell me."

"It's a fitness test. I can snap chat it to you."

"Just tell me what it is."

"Fine. Wrap your arm around your back to your stomach."

"One sec." I put the phone down and did just that. "Ok." I said over the speaker.

"Can you touch your belly button?"

"Yeah?" I strained. Barely.

"Then you're good."

"That's such bullshit!" I exclaimed.

"It's a real thing!"

"My really long arms just reached over my fat to get to my belly button."

Christian laughed. "There is nothing fat about you, except a few places. I'm sure Trevor hasn't told you why that's a good thing but I will."

I laughed too. "No. Keep it to yourself and your skinny everywhere girlfriend. Good night."

"I'm serious though. Are you two ok?"

"We're alright. Don't worry about us." I assured him.

"Hm... Trevor should be telling you every day how sexy you are and how lucky he is."

"How do you know he doesn't?" I smirked.

"'Cause you'd never think of yourself as a downgrade if he did."

"I was just joking." I said.

"It wasn't funny." He said, seriously.

"Speaking of not funny, what do you think of the term sissies for gay men?" I asked, changing the subject.

Christian chuckled.

"I said, not funny!"

"I know, it's really not. I just haven't heard that term in forever. Old school bigotry."

I chatted with Christan a little more before I went to bed. I texted Trevor to let him know I was spending the night at my place.



Thursday morning, I received an email from Adil, the guy I went to graduate school with. I did a happy dance when he told me to come into the clinic Monday morning for an informal interview. I had no idea what that meant, especially when the assistant said they weren't hiring, but I went with it. I was 10 times more excited for that than the assistant living facility.

My good mood carried over to the evening. I went over to Trevor's place and made dinner. Over baked potatoes, I told him the news.

Trevor smiled at me. "That's great. Does that mean you can start moving in soon?"

I looked at him, confused. "What do they have to do with each other?"

"I thought that was why you haven't planned yet, because you've been focusing on a job. Now that you have a couple lined up, we can start getting you moved in."

"I don't have a couple lined up. I'm still waiting on a drug test and I have an informal interview." I corrected him, my good mood fading.

"Still your lease is about to be up. Are you going to wait to the last minute?"

"Maybe." I bristled at him. "I wanna make sure I'm not putting the movers and the storage on my credit cards if I don't have a job to make the payments. Have you thought about that?" I questioned him, irritated.

He shook his head. "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you PMSing?"

I scoffed. "How can I take that the right way?"

"I don't know. You've been really- grumpy -lately." Trevor said, carefully.

"So I must be PMSing?"

He gave me a little nervous smile. "That would explain it..."

Somehow, that pissed me off more. "I'm not. I haven't had a period in months."

He looked at me wide eyed. "Are you preg-"

"Fuck no! I'm on birth control. I don't have monthly periods." I interrupted.

"Oh." He said, disappointed.

"That's the last thing I want right now. I want a job. I don't want to be your housewife." I said, annoyed.

"I know Lily." He said sharply, before standing up. He dumped the remaining skin of his potato in the trash before putting his plate in the sink. I jumped when it landed with a clank. He looked around for a moment.

"What are you looking for?"

"My keys." He said, simply.

"Where are you going?" I asked, the annoyed tone leaving my voice as found his keys on the counter.

"To get food. Do you want something?" He asked, pausing at the door.

"But I cooked." I said, lamely.

"Real food. Not a freaking potato. I'll be back." He stalked out, slamming the door.

 He was gone for exactly 22 minutes. I know, because I obsessively checked the time while I cleaned the kitchen. He came back with chicken from KFC. He sat back down at the table.

"I got you hot wings." He said, calmly like nothing happened.

I joined him at the table and ate, picking the skin off the wings first.

We ate in silence until he looked at me. "I didn't get any sides since we already had potatoes." He joked, with a smile.


I smiled too and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry T-Rev. I'm just stressed. It's a huge leap, this moving together stuff, you know?"

"I know. I just want you to talk to me."

"I will." I said.

He waited expectantly.

"That's it. Just stressed." I reiterated. "I'm alright."

He studied me before nodding. "Ok."