Honesty

"I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know
When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Cause you're the one that I depend upon
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you" Honesty by Billy Joel


Sunday morning, I woke up before everyone with a crick in my neck. Jordan was hogging the airbed and I was half off-half on. I got up, went to the bathroom and changed into a dress I snagged from Sophia.

After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I left Amber a note saying that I was leaving. I tried to sneak out, but Dino caught me. I told her it was nice meeting her. We exchanged numbers as she offered to take me to some exercise class. I honestly wasn't paying attention; I was trying to get the hell out before the other girls woke up. I needed to see Trevor. I agreed with Dino and slipped out.

After I dropped off my remaining items at a donation box, I headed to Trevor’s apartment.  When I let myself in, Justine greeted me at the door as I locked it. I petted her, refilled her water and food bowl and headed to Trevor’s room. I closed the door so Justine wouldn’t interrupt us.

Trevor was sprawled out on the bed, on top of the covers, wearing nothing but boxers. I kicked off my shoes and slid off my panties before joining him in bed. I pulled down his boxers and got him hard with my mouth. I didn't stop until his fingers sank into my hair. I looked up to see him watching me through hooded eyelids. I kept eye contact as I returned my mouth to his hardness. When his eyes were fully open and his hands began moving my head faster, I pulled away.

I gave him a sweet smile before I straddled his hips. "Good morning." I said, guiding him to my entrance.

"Feels like it's about to get better." He said in a sexy timbre.

"Mmhmm...." I moaned in agreement as I lower myself on top of him, gradually guiding him inside me.

Behind lowered lids, I watched his stomach contract. He didn't exhale until he was completely inside of me. Loving the control I had over him, I rolled my hips the way I knew he liked slowly. I looked up to watch his face contort with pleasure. I could tell he wanted me to ride him faster by the way he thrust up into me, but I ignored him. Teasing and control had become my favorite kind of foreplay.

His hand stole between my legs to stroke my clitoris, hoping to entice me to ride him faster. I maintained control, continued to tease him, keeping up the slow pace. He rubbed me the way he knew I liked until climaxed. After the spasms subsided, he gave me a sexy, lazy grin.

"Is it my turn now?" He asked.

I giggled breathlessly. "Yeah."

He rolled me over, positioning me so I was on my hands and knees. He returned the favor of teasing by taking his sweet time getting into position and pushing my dress up. I flushed with arousal and a hint of self consciousness at being on display for him.

My embarrassment was replaced with shock when he slapped me on the ass. It didn't even sting; it was just a tap meant to get my attention. I yelped out anyway in surprise.

"What the fuck?" I gasped, turning my head around to glare at him over my shoulder.

"You said you might be into a spanking." He said, with a grin, caressing my hips and pulling me back into him.

"Yeah... from Chris Pratt." I reminded him, huskily as I moved against him, desperate for more body contact.

He kneaded my ass before he spanked me again. He hit hard enough this time to cause a sting. He followed it up with the same routine on my other ass cheek. Even though I knew it was coming, I still cried out. My cry turned into a sigh of relief as he massaged the pain out of the flesh he just spanked. The relief mixed with pleasure when he finally pushed inside of me. I couldn't believe how turned on I was by a couple of spanks...

"He's gotta take care of the dinosaurs. I'll take care of you." He answered, groaning as he thrust inside me

"Oh God... Yes you do." I panted, delighted.

When we finished, I collapsed on the bed, and he collapsed on top of me. He pressed his slightly chapped lips to my shoulder, down my back, and to my still tingling skin where he spanked me as we made love.  I smiled at the soreness- every ache reminded me how amazing it felt. After a few kisses, he laid down beside me.

I turned over to face him, pushing my lips against his before I even caught my breath. We laid there, holding each other, kissing before I frowned at him.

"What was the spanking for? The blow job was my apology for being a bitch." I asked.

"I thought that was because it's been so long since we had sex."

I groaned as I thought about it. It wasn't super long, but more than a couple days was long for us. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I seriously thought you were PMSing." He chuckled, rubbing his hand against his chest.

I watched his movement, loving the contrast of his lightly tanned skin and fine chest hair. He reached over with the same hand I was staring at to lift my chin so I was looking in his eyes.

"The spanking was because it was all I could think about doing when you said it. We can say it's payment for not telling me you were scared to move in together." He suggested.

"You're not scared?" I asked.

"No. I get you and Justine. There's nothing scary about that to me. The only thing that worries me is you thinking I can't support you." Trevor answered sincerely.

"I'm not scared about us living together. I know you can support me. You already do. I'm more afraid of what happens if we don't work out."

"Lilypad, we've been through this. I thought we said we would try. Are you changing your mind about that?" Trevor questioned.

"No!" I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Rocky and I got into a fight. Over something small and insignificant and we're not friends anymore."

"Dont say that Lily. You two will work it out. You always do."

"Not this time." I disagreed "We're both over it. It just made me realize how sudden things can change. I'm terrified that will happen with us."

"It won't."

"You can't honestly say that. I lost my best friend; I never imagined that would happen. It might happen with us. I wouldn't just be losing a boyfriend, but my best friend too. As hard as that would be on us, can you imagine adding us living together and having a house on top of that?" I interrogated him.

"If I lost you, I wouldn't care about a house."

I shook my head. "That's sweet, but it's not honest-"

"It is for me. You can keep the house just so I know where you live and I can win you back." Trevor informed me.

I smiled, sadly. "It's more complicated than that. Besides, that just makes it easier for you to leave me." I said, softly.

"Remember what you told me when I was scared I was one mistake away from losing you?" Trevor asked.

I shook my head.

"You told me you were all in. That the only way you would leave if we try and both decide it's not working. I'm all in too Lily. I'm not going anywhere. There would be nothing easy about leaving you. The truth is, it'll be damn near impossible." He promised me.

I nodded, reassured. I knew he was telling the truth because I felt the same way. It warmed and comforted me more than anything. I leaned in to kiss him. He quickly deepened the kiss, rolling on top of me.

"Again?" I murmured against his lips.

"I promised you all day." He answered as he removed my dress.



We stayed in bed the rest of the morning. The only thing that got us out of bed was bathroom breaks and snacks. By afternoon, we worked up an appetite and decided to order food.

Trevor suggested pizza, but I begged for Chinese, remembering the binging I did the next before. He agreed and put in the order online. When I tried to reach for my phone, he stopped me.

"No, your friends had you last night. You're all mine." He reminded me.

I couldn't argue with that. My phone rang numerous times earlier; I didn't even flinch to try to look at it. The calls eventually stopped so I knew it wasn't important. I cuddle against him as we tried to toss the M&Ms into each other's mouth. He bought them to go into his crane game at work, but we snacked on them instead. Even with his bad passes, I caught them easily in my mouth. I threw mine perfectly and he couldn't catch them.

"Let's try a brown one. I know you like brown." I said, suggestively with a wink before I tossed it to him. Another perfect lob, but he laughed and missed it.

"You messed me up." He chuckled. "That's not fair. There are no white ones for you."

"You have plenty of representation. Red-You sunburned. Blue-You choking. Green-You nauseous.Orange-you fake baked." I said, smartly, holding up each M&M.

"It was one time! Can tan! On a dare!" Trevor exclaimed, laughing.

"But you were orange! Y'all really should be called colored." I laughed.

He shook his head and gave me a little smile before throwing a red one. I caught it easily.

"What do you think our kids will be? M&M wise?" He asked, shyly.

I chuckled. "I don't know. Like look at EJ. He has his dad's feature, but his skin tone is so light. It's like a genetic grabbag- you don't know what features are going to come out." I smiled. "Do you have a preference?" I asked him, teasingly, tossing him a orange M&M. Another miss.

"No." He said, adamantly. His phone rang and he reached over to grab it but I moved it behind my back. "No phones, remember?"

"You're right." He smiled. "Do you have a preference? Or does your dad?" He asked.

I scoffed. "My dad doesn't. He just wants grandkids. He will love my brother's more because they will have his last name though. I definitely have a preference."

"Really?"

"Yep. My hair." I nodded.

He looked at me, curiously.

"I just learned how to do my hair. I can't learn how to deal with a kid with your curly hair. I could barely get April's and Krista's into ponytail."

He laughed and rubbed his hair. "I saw that. Why'd you think I keep mine short? It's a lot of work."

We laughed and talked about other preferences. We agreed on our height, his metabolism, and my hand-eye-mouth coordination. We wanted our kids to have a mixture of our facial features. I was disappointed that our kids most likely wouldn't have his amazing blue eyes. He disagreed, asking why should we settle for one color when they can have multiple colors like mine?

We didn't even realize so much time had past until the M&Ms were gone. It had been an hour and the food never showed up. After the first hour, I wanted to call, but since it was a Sunday, Trevor suggested we give it more time.

He asked me if I ever been discriminated against because I was multiracial. I didn't know how to answer that. Truthfully, I felt more discrimination by being female and overweight growing up, but it's hard to feel discrimination when I didn't identify as any one race. I did tell him I was fortunate to grow up in a diverse city. I got the "what are you?" question a lot more in Texas than I did in California.

After another 30 minutes, he finally called to check on the order. He was told it was cancelled because the restaurant called confirming the order and no one picked up. Trevor put in the order again and was told another 30 minutes. I got up to use the restroom and he went to check on Justine.

When I came back from the bathroom, his phone was beeping. I checked it, making sure our order didn't get fucked up again. I opened it up and saw a message from Becca. Before it could even process that I probably shouldn’t read through his text, I opened it.

Becca: Saw this and it reminded me of you. Lol, Thanks for being so cool the other night. Good luck with Lily.

He was hanging with Becca? When? Did they talked about me? I clicked the link. It was some music video called: Don't Tag Me. What. The. Fuck?

Trevor returned to the room with two cups: water and juice.

“I didn't know what you wanted, so I brought both." He offered. I took the water and handed him his phone.

“Thanks. Becca text you.” I said, as calmly as possible.

He looked momentarily frozen, before he sighed. “We ran into them the other night." He said as he read through it.

“Who’s we?”

“Me, Corey, Chris. Peyton invited us out after the movie. I didn’t know she was going to be there.” Trevor said.

“Didn’t think to ask?”

“No. I really didn’t."

“You told her we were having problems?”

“No.”

“Then whats up with the “Good Luck with Lily?" What were you so "cool" about?”

“Besides hi and bye, the only things I said to her were me and you are good and I made a stupid joke about not tagging me in any pictures. That's why she sent the video. Her boyfriend was with her. I guess she expected me to be a prick because of what she pulled last time we were together." Trevor explained.

I believed him, but I still frowned. "I wish you would have told me."

"I planned to but we were making up or talking about more important things." Trevor shrugged.

"M&Ms preferences could have waited." I said, sarcastically. 

He gave me a half smile. "You're right. I'm sorry. Do you wanna spank me now?"

I smiled. "You said that wasn't a punishment before, besides, I have a better idea." I locked my fingers around his neck and moved in close.

"I'm listening..." 

"I wanna watch-" I started, softly and seductively, while licking my lips.

"Watch what?" He breathed.

I bit my lip before giving him a wicked smile. "Watch you organize your closet so I can start bringing my clothes over."

I cracked up laughing when he groaned and whined like a kid. "Lilypad, we're supposed to spend the day in bed together. We can do that when you bring your stuff over."

"That makes no sense T-Rev. I want it organized before I bring my stuff. Same goes for the kitchen." I pointed to the disposable cup from some restaurant or gas station he brought my water in. It was washed so many times, the writing faded. "Shit like that needs to go. Besides, you forfeited the bed by not telling me about Becca right away."

There was a knock on the door and he rushed to go retrieve it. We ate, then I put him to work in the closet while I watched from his bed.

"You know, if this is my punishment for talking to Becca-" he started.

"No, for not telling me." I corrected him.

"You need to be over here too. You didn't tell me you were talking to Christian." Trevor pointed out.

I flushed. "We talked once... I wasn't sure how you would feel about it after Mexico. How did you know?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "He commented on the videos Amber posted last night about wanting you on his album he talked to you about. Was it a secret?"

"No... I just assumed it wasn't a big deal." I replied.

"Me too."

"That's different... Becca took a picture with Justine to piss me off!" I argued.

"Christian does things to piss me off every time he's around."

"Like what?" I said, knowing that my last conversation with Christian, he was very negative about Trevor. I just assumed he was trying to makes feel better about my weight, not put Trevor down. Besides, Trevor didn't know about that...

"He ignored my calls at SXSW, I asked him to back off and he doesn't, and in Mexico he said you'd eventually get over me when you figure out you can do better." He said, not meeting my eye. 

My mouth dropped open. That mother fucker! That was after I told him Trevor was uncomfortable with our friendship. What would he make a bullshit comment like that? Where did he get off?

"Why didn't you tell me Trevor?" I said, pissed.

He shook his head."Oh no. I told you I wasn't friends with him. The last time I brought him up, we fought and you said it felt like I didn't trust you. I was trying to show you that I love and trust you."

I marched over to him."This is deeper than you not being friends or you thinking I flirt with him. Trevor, he was blatantly disrespecting you. I don't want anything to do with someone who would do that. That's why I feel so strongly about Becca and why I'm not going to be talking to Christian anymore. I would have cut that bitch off a long time ago had I known he did that." I assured him. He nodded and I joined him going through the closet. 

He grinned at me. 

"I'm only here because you're fucking up." I pointed at him.

"Sure babe."

Together, it took us a little over an hour to finish. I had to get home because I had the informal interview Monday that I hadn't prepared for. I gave Trevor a long kiss and a hug. 

"I can't wait til you don't have to leave anymore." Trevor said in my hair as he held me.

I pulled away and gave him an evil grin. "I can't wait to get in that kitchen."

"Me neither...home cooked meals every night."

"I meant throwing your shit out!" I said, as I made my way down the steps.

"It's your area now Lily. Do what you want."

"Our area Trevor." I smiled, before getting in my car with Justine. 

As I drove, I called Amber back. She called me all damn day. I wondered if I left something...

"It's about time. Did you hear the news?" She exclaimed. 

"What news? If it's about Rocky, I still don't give a fuck." I smirked.

"No Lily. Rachel left Forrest. On their wedding day."