When We Were Young

"It's hard to admit that
Everything just takes me back
To when you were there(x2)
And a part of me keeps holding on
Just in case it hasn't gone
I guess I still care
Do you still care?
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young
When we were young (x4)
Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
I'm so mad I'm getting old
It makes me reckless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
When we were young" When We Were Young by Adele

"Do you mind playing something more... uplifting?" Dominick called out to me as he and another mover pushed the mattress out of the apartment I used to share with Trevor.

"Adele is uplifting!" I replied, turning the music up.

I never understood people who listen to heartbreak music when they were heartbroken. It felt like pouring salt on an open wound, or in Adele's case, opening up an old wound by reaching out to an ex- then pouring salt on it. So when Adele's new album 25 came out, I bought it but was in no rush to listen to it. I didn't need her soul baring lyrics and gut wrenching crooning to make me more emotional then I already was. I figured in time, I would be ok and ready to listen to it.

I was nowhere close to ok, but I embraced the music. It made me feel like I'm not the only one who has gone through this type of pain. Not only could someone relate to me, they were able to move on from it. It really was uplifting to me. They were able to take a devastating lost and turn it into something beautiful. Since I wasn't an artist, and couldn't write or sing a song to save my life, I focused on my house. I hoped the process would help me get over my pain. My first step was moving into my house.

Monday, before I went to work, I spoke to Amanda to see if she needed movers. She told me she was having a bed delivered but Trevor told her she would need living room furniture and kitchen stuff too. Those were the items I brought from my old apartment that we shared. I pushed away my hurt and annoyance with him and told Amanda if she needed them, she could have the ones already in the apartment. We agreed on me leaving the living room furniture and kitchen supplies.

Unlike Trevor, I still looked at the bed as ours, so that old bedroom set was going in one of the guestroom of my house. I treated myself to a new bedroom set. I also bought a plush, brown area rug with a blue swirly pattern on sale. It felt so good against my hands, I could only imagine dragging my feet across it every morning. I sent Richard a picture to see if we could do the same color blue on the walls. I hoped to have everything done and unpacked by delivery Thursday- which happened to be my birthday.

"How bout something with a beat?" Dominick asked with as he shuffled back to my, or now, Amanda's bedroom.

"How bout you get to work or I'll beat you?" I threatened him.

"Ohhh... student thinks she can take the master?" He said, cocky.

"No... but I have home court advantage. I know where all the sharp knives are."

"Damn, you trying to kill me?" Dominick exclaimed while his partner, Miguel, laughed.

"Not if you get to work." I smiled sweetly. My phone beeped, and I grabbed it. It was a text from Rocky.

Rocky: Wanna go to Shreveport this weekend? You never got to go?

Forrest must have spoke to Rocky after the gender reveal about me, because she called me on my lunch at work Monday, demanding to know what happened between Trevor and me. For the remaining of the party, I stayed cordial but kept my distance from Trevor. There was no way anyone would know something was wrong unless I told them. I spared Rocky the ugly details and told her Trevor and I decided we couldn't be friends right now. She sighed deeply and apologized.

"I'm sorry Lily. If I would have known, I wouldn't have invited him."

"Don't be sorry. And don't cut him out of your life. I don't hate him or anything. It's just... too hard."

"I understand and I promise, it will get easier. Did you ever imagine Bilal and me being friends?"

"Maybe on one of your deathbeds." I quipped.

She scoffed. "Exactly. Give it time but it will work out." Rocky encouraged me. "What are we doing for your birthday?"

I tried to beg off and tell her I had too much stuff going on. My budget was tight, my time was limited, I wasn't in the mood, but she wasn't hearing it. Between work, my actual birthday was off the table, but my weekend was wide open. She was trying to put something together last minute. I text her back immediately.

Me: I really don't wanna travel or do anything big. Let's just go out to dinner. As long as I get a cake, I'm happy. Deal?

Rocky: We are gonna have a beauty day first. My treat, then it's a deal.

Me: Deal.

I put my phone away and focused on moving. When we arrived at my house, I unpacked as they unloaded. After I paid and give them the 6 pack of cold Gatorades I stocked up on, they left. I spent another hour unpacking until it was time for me to go to work.

I got an email from Adil soliciting volunteers and donations for the Maverick Foundation. They helped out families in need all year long, but around the holidays, they really stepped up their game. Not only did I pass on the message at our team huddle, I signed up to volunteer. Not only was it a good cause, but it was the weekend following Trevor's birthday. I planned to stay busy the entire weekend instead of thinking about Trevor riding fast roller coasters and women.

When I got home from work, I made a sandwich for dinner and pulled out my phone. I couldn't put off calling Jenna any longer. I knew my dad and brother both loved me unconditionally- Even after the way I acted and the horrible things I said, neither one of them have ever cut me out of their lives. I wanted to work on improving my relationships with them. I put my sandwich away and called Jenna. She answered before the second ring.

"Hey Jenna."

"Lily. Thank you for calling me back. I'm so sorry. It was all my idea- I was trying to force you and your dad together, not Cam." Jenna rushed over the phone.

"Did Cam tell you I didn't want to see him?" I asked.

"He did, but I did it anyway. I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Why would you do that?"

"You know your dad is not going to get married if you're not a part of it. I just wanted you two to reconcile so he can get married and give us some space!" She explained, frazzled. "I know, it's horrible and I'm not ungrateful for everything he's done for us. I just need a break and I acted selfishly."

"He's been giving you the family treatment? Overbearing?" I couldn't help smiling.

"That's an understatement. My dad is a part time father at best. When you or Cam would complain about your dad, a part of me always thought how nice it would be to have a dad that cared that much. Now, I get it. I'm so sorry. Every time I see him, it's something new. Now all he hints at is grandchildren. Not hinting, but beating me over the head about it."

"Wait. You don't want children?" I said, startled. I always assumed that was a part of my brother's plans. Didn't they discuss that?

"I do. I want to be stable in my marriage first. I want to have a few huge fights before we bring kids into the equation. Hell, I want your dad completely out of the equation. Kinda ironic that getting your dad off my back about kids is why Cam and I are having our first big fight; but he has every right to be mad at me. You do too. I'm so sorry." Jenna explained, apologizing again.

"Stop apologizing. It's ok. I've been angry at my dad for a long time, it was bound to happen with or without you." I reassured her. "Is Cam still mad at you?"

"You know you're brother. He claims were ok, but he still brooding. Hearing from you might help things." She hinted.

"He's my next call."

She sighed, relieved. "Thank you Lily."

"No problem. And welcome to the family sis."

I called Cam next. It went to voicemail, so I left a message saying:

Hey bro. I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. Don't be mad at Jenna. She's a lot more patient than I would be if I had to make husband and wife decisions with my father in law. Cut her some slack and get dad out of your reproduction business. Love you. Call me back.

I ate my sandwich before getting mentally prepared for my next call: My dad. He answered but asked if he could call me back. I didn't know if he was really busy of if it was some weird power play, but I told him sure. I was outside in the backyard playing with Justine when my dad called me back.

"I wanted to talk to you... about everything." I started.

"I would like to speak to you in person." He countered.

"I don't know when I'll be back in California Dad. I have to work on Christmas." I answered, honestly.

"I remember. I can move things around and be in Dallas this weekend."

"This weekend?" I said, surprised by how quickly he wanted to see me. I didn't know if I should be flattered or concerned.

"I realize it's your birthday weekend. If you have plans, we can meet the following weekend."

"No. This weekend is fine. Just text me your itinerary."

I got off the phone and took a deep breath. Suddenly starving, I popped a bag of popcorn before Justine and I went upstairs. I designated one of the smaller of the 5 bedrooms to Justine- it had her dog bed, toys, potty pad and a water bowl- but she followed me into the upstairs guest bedroom. She got comfortable in the bed while I set up the DVD player since the cable company wouldn't be out until the following day. I was tired, but sleeping in my new house alone made me feel restless. I put in a DVD I stole from Trevor that I didn't think he would miss- The Wizard of Oz. I drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Pink Floyd as the movie played on mute.

The following morning, I got up and went for a run around the neighborhood with Justine. I got home in plenty of time to let the cable guy in so he could set up my boxes. Afterwards, I went to the apartment to meet Amanda and hand over my keys.

"This is the mail box key and you're good to go." I told her over the Beatles she had playing in the background.

"I can't thank you enough for this." She said, timidly.

"Don't thank me. It's Trevor's place." I said, dismissively.

"Thank you anyway. And happy birthday. I know it's tomorrow; I just wanna say it in case you're busy or something."

"Thanks. We're getting together Saturday for dinner. You should join us."

She blushed. "Uh, no, that's ok."

"I want you to come. It's my birthday! I call you when I have the details." I told her.

On my birthday, I was up early because my phone kept going off with notifications. Normally, I would sleep through them. In apartments, a neighbor is a hop, skip and a jump away; Living with Rocky at her house, she kept earlier hours then me. I had to learn to sleep through various disturbances. I had to admit, it was a little nerve wrecking living in a house alone. Now I was more alert to sounds in the house.

I smiled as I read through all my birthday texts and Facebook notifications. Sammy posted a picture of me and Justine the day after my birthday last year with a Happy 27th Birthday message. It reminded me my birthday was also the anniversary of Justine coming into my life and I wanted to celebrate that. I found a place that made doggy cakes and I was ordering one when my front door rang. I went to open it and rushed off the phone when I saw Dominick and Richard with paint supplies.

"Happy birthday!" They smiled at me.

"What are y'all doing here?" I asked, confused. The only thing I had going on today was my furniture delivery. I purposely left the day open, just in case...

"Giving you your birthday present." Richard answered.

"Ohmygosh, you guys are painting my walls for my birthday." I smiled.

"That's what she said." Richard winked at me.

"Gross!"

"He's painting your walls. I'm going to put your furniture together when it gets here." Dominick added.

"Thank you. You two are too sweet. Although y'all are making me feel old for wanting manual labor on my birthday." I beamed.

They went into the bedroom and Richard explained he was doing a blue accent wall with the swirl patterning matching my cream plush rug. Add that with the hardwood floors, matching bedroom furniture, and cream colored walls, the color scheme for my bedroom was brown, blue and cream which I loved.

I traded Adele's 25 for Adele's 21 so I could belt along. Surprisingly, Richard was a fan and he hummed along to Someone Like You, Set Fire to the Rain, and Take it All.

"I got it." Dominick offered, fleeting from the room, interrupting Richard's and my duet of Rolling in the Deep.

"She's coming to Dallas next year." I told Richard when the song ended.

"I bet it's already sold out." Richard said.

"Or cost a zillion dollars." I said in my Dr. Evil voice.

The furniture arrived and I left them to finish while I went to work. I had a birthday card signed from everyone waiting for me in the huddle room. On my break, I went through my Facebook notifications again. I responded to the various jokes that I was getting old with the class and grace of a teenager- I told them all to fuck off. I was disappointed, but not surprised that Trevor didn't send me anything. I was even more disappointed by the text message my brother sent while I was on lunch. It was a simple, HBD. He didn't even bother to spell it out. It was then I realized he never called me back. I called him right away. He answered.

"HBD? What the fuck?"

"It's your birthday today right? You have a gift in the mail." He replied.

"Fuck a gift. I got the same HBD message from one of my physical therapists that hates me. Do you hate me now?" I exclaimed, jokingly.

"You know I don't hate you." He took a breath breath- that's when I knew something was wrong.

"Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad." He lied.

I didn't say anything.

"I'm trying not to be mad." He corrected honestly.

"I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. Dad's coming out this weekend so we can talk everything out."

"I heard. Good for you."

"Then why are you mad at me?"

"I don't want to get into it."

"You don't have a choice. It's my birthday. I get what I want today."

"I'm struggling with the fact you didn't tell me you were pregnant."

"OhmyGod, really? We weren't talking. What was I supposed to do? Call and say, remember why we're fighting? Well, he got me pregnant but I lost the baby?" I exclaimed

"Lily-."

"You know what? I'm sorry I even asked. I gotta go. Thanks for the message." I said, getting off the phone before I got anymore upset.

I was in a funky mood the rest of the evening. Rocky tried to get me to come out for dinner, but I declined saying I would see everyone Saturday. After I picked up my doggy cake, I went home to Justine. On my kitchen table were a pile of letters and gifts. After taking plenty of pictures and watching Justine devour her treat, I went though my gifts first. I picked up the biggest box first. It was addressed to Rocky's house from Jenna and Cam. I opened it, pleasantly surprised to see a  hoverboard. Cam's note read-

For getting around that big ass house. Happy Birthday Sis. We're so proud of you.

I put it away and went for the next gift. Bianca sent me a beautiful set of stud earrings. Corey got me wireless headphones. Sammy, Serena and Amber went in together to buy me a ridiculous nice pair of Giuseppe Zanotti boots. In the last box was a small personal sized cake, decorated with delicate white and pink lilies all over. I smiled as I read the note-

 Happy Birthday Beautiful. Rocky said the only thing you wanted was cake.

Forrest

I ate from the cake while I read my cards. Rocky sent me a sweet note with the time for our hair appointments, facials, and mani/pedicures for Saturday. Ethan's card included a gift card to Pier One and Home Depot, instructing me to buy at least one practical item for my house- he even wrote a list of things I might need. I grinned as I brainstormed impractical things I could buy at Home Depot. The last was from Dino and Jake. It was signed "look outside". After I turned on the outside light, I did and saw a palm tree planted, just like Jake promised to get me. I grinned happily.

As I texted everyone thank you, I noticed I missed a card. It was sent to me with no return address. My heart beat wildly as I opened it excitedly. There was only one person I hadn't heard from today...

I opened it to reveal 4 tickets to the Weeknd concert in Houston. My heart slowed as I read the note.

Happy Birthday. Travis Scott is his opening act. Have that vernacular down before the concert.

-Christian

I tried to text Christian back thank you, but trying to stop the tears from falling made my vision blurry. I wiped my eyes and gathered my cake. I went to the guest room, not even bothering to look at my completed bedroom. I sunk into my old bed with Justine beside me, finished my cake and let Adele lull me to sleep.