Circus(Outro)

"I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dance floor is my stage
Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus"- Circus by Britney Spears

"I feel as a magician, you should be able to handle the clean up by yourself." I joked to Trevor as me, Trevor, and Bianca put away the food in the kitchen.

"And I feel as a lion, you're doing way too much talking." Trevor smiled at me.

"Ever seen the Lion King? They talked all the time."

"Yeah. To other animals. Not humans."

"Hey Bianca. Trevor sucks doesn't he? He's the lamest magician ever." I said to Bianca.

"Hey Bianca. Lily would be done cleaning if she talked less." Trevor addressed Bianca too.

"You can't talk to her. We only speak lion. Don't talk to him Bianca."

Bianca laughed. "I'm staying out of the middle of you two."

"Maybe we should split them up." Corey suggested, grabbing an empty bag for the outside trash.

"Great idea. Go away Lily." Trevor told me.

"Gladly." I said, smiling, before following Corey outside.

Amber was putting the kids to bed while Will and Ethan handled the clean up in the living room. The other guests had already left, but I stayed to help clean. Brandon offered to drop Corey off at his car, but he stayed to help clean too. Most of the clean up outside consisted of putting away games and trashing decorations.

"So how did your talk with Ethan go?" I asked Corey, as I took down dangling lights from the fence.

"It went fine. We can get together and plan the best day of the week and go from there."

"I'm off Tuesday and pretty much home around 6 everyday, so just let me know."

"Tuesday at 4 this week?"

"Sounds good."

"Kinda trippy being at a party with such adults." Corey remarked.

"I know right? I feel old because all my friends are settled and pathetic that I'm nowhere near ready for that. So basically, I'm old and pathetic."

"How old are you?"

"26 in December."

"That's not old at all, but if you were old, I'd rather be old and happy than old and trapped."

"So true." I agreed. I learnt that the hard way with Jake.

I sighed. Even when I wasn't thinking about him, I thought about him. Normally, I would mask my feelings with a joke or a flirty comment, but since I needed to stop that, I changed the subject. "I hate that Sammy couldn't make it tonight."

"Yea, but I'm not surprised."

"Why?" I asked.

"I need to talk to Sammy first, as soon as she finds the time." He said, neutrally.

I sighed again. She was blowing him off. That's why she wanted me to take him. I wish she would have told me that the night before. I wouldn't have forced the lessons or the meeting. That's probably why Corey was trying to back out of the party. I didn't understand it. It seemed like they got along well and Sammy was actually getting to know him, not just sleeping with him. I thought that was a good start.

We worked in silence for a moment. I was deep in thought about the situation and what it meant if Sammy and Corey no longer dated.

"Wow. This got awkward." Corey interrupted my thoughts.

I giggled. "Why do you think pointing that out is helpful?"

Corey smiled. "I believe in getting it all out there. Besides, it got you smiling."

"True again." I said

 The backyard was all cleaned. We took the last bag of trash to the garbage cans that were outside the backyard. I turned to Corey as we walked through the gate into the backyard.

"Whatever happens, I hope we can be friends. I completely understand if that doesn't happen. I'm sure Ethan hasn't told EJ about the lessons. You don't have to do them. I would have never dragged you here if I knew you and Sammy weren't working out."

He stopped walking before we went into the house to look at me. "I'm giving him lessons. That was never in question. Thank you for dragging me out here. It was fun."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts." He said, grabbing my shoulders to emphasize his point. "We're cool. Hopefully Sammy and I will be cool too. Even if we're not, Sammy has nothing to do with it."

I folded my arms, keeping my hands to myself, but I gave him a smile, nodding.

"Isn't this fucking cozy?"

We both looked up to see Sammy standing at the backdoor. I didn't know if it was the tight dress or her high heels on the grass that made her stumbled as she walked over to us.

"You're wearing my fucking clothes too?" She exclaimed in my face. Her breath smelled like fruity alcohol. I took a step back from her, but she followed, getting in my face.

"I don't know what is worse. You stealing and stretching out my clothes or you flirting with Corey! You're such a bitch!" She yelled at me.

"Sammy-" I started. I didn't even know what to say. I just didn't want any drama. Especially with my cousin here. "Bianca is here for less than 24 hours. Can we talk about this later?" I pleaded with her.

"I don't give a fuck. She should know how selfish and needy and pathetic you are." She snapped at me.

"Cool it Sammy. No one is flirting." Corey said to her. She whipped her head to glare at him.

"You're a God damn LIAR. That's what Lily does. She's a fucking innocent cock tease and stupid guys like you fall for it every time!" She turned back to me, her eyes flashing with rage. "I don't know why I'm still friends with you!"

My shame only deepened when I saw Trevor and Bianca come outside to see what the commotion was.

"Just because I don't confront you on all of your bullshit, doesn't mean I'm stupid or don't see it. I've never lied to you, but you can't say the same." Corey talked to her calmly. She fidgeted, nervously. I was kinda nervous too. How did he remain so calm after she attacked him like that?

"What are you talking about?" Sammy said, her eyes darting between us.

"How'd you get here?" He asked her instead of answering her question.

"I drove." She admitted.

He looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. "Give me your keys." He said, holding out his hand, barely keeping his anger in check. Out of everything she said, that pissed him off the most.

"In the house." She replied.

"C'mon. We can talk while I drive you home." Corey said.

"I don't have anything else to say to you." Sammy declared, but there was no more indignation or anger in her words.

Corey gave her a crooked smile. "No? You had a lot to say a minute ago. We need to talk; we can do that here or on the drive. What do you wanna do? Either way, you're not driving anymore tonight."

Sammy's response was turning on her heel and stomping to the house. Corey followed her. I stood there, utterly shocked, confused and hurt.

Trevor made his way over to me. "Are you ok?"

I barely registered what he said, I was so trapped in my feelings. Trevor pulling me into a hug snapped me out of my trance. I pulled away from him as if his embrace burned me.

"I'm fine. Just ready to go home." I answered, looking over at Bianca.

"Maybe y'all should stay over at my place. Let Sammy calm down." Trevor suggested.

"I said I was fine Trevor. Stop." I said, before going back into the house. I said goodnight to Ethan, Amber and Will before we left.

When we arrived at the townhome, Corey's car was still there but Sammy's wasn't. I went upstairs and changed out of her jumpsuit. Bianca was gracious enough to let me be upset without questioning me. She went up to my room while I laid on the couch in the den. I fell asleep thinking about what Sammy said to me.

-----------------

I woke up early the next morning and looked up a dry cleaner that was open. The earliest one still didn't open up for an hour, so I got dressed, grabbed the jumpsuit and headed to the store. I bought the ingredients for caramel apple pancakes and bacon. I went to the cleaners and dropped off Sammy's jumpsuit. Maybe it would still be "stretched out", but at least it would be cleaned. I was going to look up the jumpsuit to see how much it cost so I could pay Sammy back.

I stopped by Starbucks and grabbed two lattes for us. When I got home, Bianca was still sleep. I sipped my coffee and got started on breakfast. I had the bacon in the oven, the apples sliced and seasoned with cinnamon on a buttered griddle and was whisking the pancake batter one final time when Bianca finally emerged.

"Good morning." I greeted her, cheerfully.

"Is it a good morning?" She asked, grumpily.

I chuckled. "Let's hope." I replied, handing her a coffee.

By the time I poured the batter over the apples and flipped the pancakes, Bianca was awake and in a better mood.

"So where's your roommate?..." She asked, saying roommate in a snarky tone.

"Don't. She's just sensitive about me and guys she likes." I explained, pulling the finished pancakes off the griddle.

"Why? Because of Jake?"

"No. Because of Trevor..." I explained to her the whole sordid history of Trevor and Sammy. I told her about the pact we made about not dating each other's guys.

"So because of a pact you made with your "friend", who called you a cock tease-"

"She just said what you said the night before with Rachel."

"That was not the same. I said that to make you aware of how you come off. She said that to hurt you." Bianca pointed out.

I sighed.

"Anyway," She continued, "because of a stupid pact, you're giving up a guy who is in love with you?"

"He's not in love with me." I said, pulling the bacon out the oven.

"Yes he is. He doesn't even notice other women when you're in the room."

My heart was racing as I put the bacon down. I calmed myself before turning back to face her.

"We're just friends. That's it. I thought I was in love with Trevor too. It took me failing in love with Jake to realize I wasn't."

"Ok... Maybe you were in love with Jake. I just know you're not yourself around Jake. You are with Trevor."

"Of course I'm not myself around Jake! I'm still in love with him!!!" I admitted, finally cracking. "I still have feelings for him. I just can't be with anyone cause I'm trying to figure myself out. So it's fucking hard to be around him. I can be myself around Trevor because he is safe. I'm not going to let myself have feelings for him."

"Why?" Bianca pushed. "Not letting yourself have feelings is different from not having feelings."

"Cause he's too important to me. I can't imagine not having him in my life. If we don't work out, that's exactly what will happen." I confessed.

"That's not fair to him Lily. You need to tell him the truth. He's waiting on you to realize your feelings. He doesn't know that you're pushing them away."

I frowned at her but didn't respond. We sat down and ate in silence.

"I see why you came back here. You made a nice little family." Bianca broke the silence as we finished eating. "A dysfunctional, incestuous little family."

I smiled at her. "A typical, all American family."

"Maybe down here in the south. Not in Cali." Bianca scoffed.

"We family baby, kiss your cousin!" I sang to her, as I tackled her, tickling her.

"Ewww, get off. You're nasty." Bianca laughed turning to squirm away. I pulled away when the front door opened.

I smiled shyly at Sammy. She returned my smile.

"Hey Y'all." She said, coming in and sitting on the couch.

"Hey." I said. Bianca just nodded at her.

"I'm really sorry about last night, I had too much to drink and I was upset about missing the party and I overreacted." Sammy apologized.

"It's ok. We've all been there. I'm sorry about borrowing your clothes without asking. It's at the cleaners and if it doesn't fit right, I'll replace it."

Bianca folded her arms but didn't say anything.

"It's ok. You can go in my closet whenever. I was just being a bitch."

"Are you and Corey ok?" I asked.

She gave me a genuine smile. It lit up her face. I hadn't seen her that happy in a while.

"Yeah. We're ok. Still taking it slow." Sammy answered.

I nodded. "Good. I like him for you. He's like ice to your fire."

Sammy laughed. "Fire melts ice."

"Melted ice puts out fire. Oooooo." I cheered myself on.

Sammy laughed. "You're crazy."

We spent the rest of the time before Bianca's flight updating our Facebook and taking pictures together. On the way to the airport, I told Bianca how much I loved having her here.

"Me too. Winter break is right around the corner. If I don't come see you, you come see me."

"Deal. I'm gonna have to visit my dad soon anyway." I responded.

As we neared the airport, Bianca turned to me. "But seriously, think about Trevor. He's amazing. Don't lose out cause you're scared to take a chance."

"Bianca..."

"Just think about it." Bianca cut me off. I didn't answer.

"You know the only thing that confused me about you coming back to Texas?"

"What?" I asked, as I pulled up to the drop off spot at the airport.

"Ethan. He's like a robot. How did that ever happened between you two?" Bianca asked, puzzled.

I grinned. "He's just reserved, not a robot. We both would agree circumstances brought us together more than our personalities though." I answered, getting out the car to give her a hug

"I don't get it. You fight for a guy that makes no sense, but you push away the guy that's perfect for you."

"Now you get why I need to work on myself?" I joked, hugging her tightly.

"Love you Bianca."

"I love you too Lily. See you soon."

"Absolutely. Call me when your flight lands!" I called to her. She waved and was gone.

On the drive home, I couldn't help thinking about what Bianca said about Trevor. I was so sure I made the right decision when I told him I cared about him like a brother. Did my feelings for him go away? Or did I just suppress them?

I pulled up to the townhouse and Sammy's car wasn't there. I drove to Rocky's house instead. I didn't wanna be alone in my thoughts. When I arrived at Rocky's house, I knocked on the door. Since I didn't call, I didn't wanna just bust in.

Brandon answered the door, surprised to see me.

"Hey Lily." He said, slightly closing the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a surprise. I just wanted to talk to Rocky."

"I'll go get her. Be right back." Brandon answered, turning to leave.

I rolled my eyes and just followed him in. He was always being weird with me...

When I walked in the kitchen, I saw why. They were watching football together with Kelly, Omar, Malik, Jackie, Colton, Adam, Alexis and Jake. Sitiing next to Jake was Alexis, Brandon's Coworker and the girl from the bar. She had her legs crossed towards him and they both were laughing at something.

Rocky got up quickly to meet me, but it was too late. Jake looked up and saw me. The smile fell off his face. That hurt worse than anything. I was now the person that wiped the smile off his face. I turned around to leave. Rocky followed me.

"Lily, wait." Rocky said, as I walked outside.

"It's cool. I'm gonna go." I said, turning to talk to her.

"Don't leave Lily. " Jake said, as he came out too.

"Why?" I asked him, folding my arms.

He looked at Rocky. "Can we get a minute?"

Rocky looked at me. When I nodded, she went back inside.

"I don't want you to leave. You know I wanna be with you-"

"Why? So it came be awkward and weird?"

"No Cariño. We can get back how it was. Better than how it was cause I will treat you better." Jake answered.

"That doesn't change anything." I replied.

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone." Jake commanded.

"I can't." I responded, truthfully. "But I don't like myself when I'm with you."

He had nothing to say to that.

"I want you to be happy. I wanna be happy too. I wanna be friends, when it's not so uncomfortable and weird. Just... don't date that girl." I blurted out.

"I don't want anyone but you." Jake said, plainly, stepping closer to me.

"I'm serious Jake. She gives me a bitch vibe. She works with Brandon. She seems like the type that will screw Brandon over to get back at you." I explained, as he wrapped an arm around me.

"I'm serious too." He said, before leaning in to kiss me. My knees felt weak as he kissed me softly, exploring my mouth like it was our first time. I kissed him back harder, pressing into him, like it was our last. Because it would be.

When I pulled back, he must have felt my resolve cause he held me tighter.

"Lily-"

"Bye Jake. Take care of yourself." I said finally, pulling away. I walked to my car. He didn't follow me. I drove off.

I went to a drug store and went to the health and beauty section. I wasn't sure which one to use, so I grabbed a few different boxes and checked out.

I called Trevor on the way. I learned my lesson about showing up unannounced.

"Hello." He answered.

"I'm heading your way. I need you." I told him.

"Ok."

I headed over to Trevor's place, determined. I was going to do the classic getting over a guy move. I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer. When he did, I handed him the bag. He looked through the bag at the boxes, then looked at me.

"Lily?"

"Are you gonna help me or not?"