Team

****** I would have loved to tie these poems into posts. But I don't think I could have gave them or the justice Maya Angelou deserves. So I'll keep it simple by sharing some excerpts with you guys and saying rest in peace Maya Angelou.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me."

Caged Bird

"But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

And now, the post!*******



"Dancin' around the lies we tell
Dancin' around big eyes as well
Even the comatose they don't dance and tell
We live in cities you'll never see on screen
Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things
Living in ruins of a palace within my dreams
And you know, we're on each other's team
I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air, so there" Team by Lorde

Since my family is so messed up, I really depend on my friends. They really have become my family. That being said, disagreeing or fighting with any of them was really hard on me. I didn't return Trevor's calls Monday morning, I texted him telling him to give me some space. His constant calling and texting let me know that I was right about him having something to do with my brother's ambush. I knew I was going to forgive him, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to let him sweat it out. Besides, when we talked, he had to know I was being serious. No more being a pushover.

I hadn't heard from my brother yet. Kinda surprised about that. I knew he said he'd wait for me to call him, but I didn't actually believed he would. I couldn't help feeling relieved and disappointed. I did tell him that I was tired of the madness that was our family, but did that mean I wanted out? I really don't know.

I did hear from Ethan Monday evening. He texted me Monday, asking how I was doing. I thanked him for his concern, but ultimately brushed him off. I don't want him feeling bad for me. I wanted him wanting me as much as I want him. Our make out on Sunday fueled many fantasies of us being together, and I was ready for the real thing. I didn't bring it up it because I know Ethan- He analyzes everything. It took him weeks to process our first kiss. Back then, I panicked because I thought he was regretting what we did. As I got to know him, I saw he needed time to process his thoughts. Before he does anything, he maps out the cause and effect and pros and cons of every decision. It makes him an amazing architect and EJ used to think he could read his mind. It was a little frustrating to me, but I was willing to wait for him to come back around. 

"I need to talk to you." Rocky told me Wednesday morning before she left for work. Brandon had already left.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Do you know why I was upset Sunday?"

I sighed. "I have a guess. I know it's weird Sammy is hooking up with Jake, but I promise she's not saying anything bad about you. In fact, I doubt they talk at all." I figured she wanted to wait until Brandon wasn't around to talk to me about it.

She gave me a look. "No, this has nothing to do with Sammy. I don't care who she's sleeping with and she knows better than to talk about me. This is about you."

Say what???

"Lily, I'm proud that you are comfortable with your body but you have to watch the way you dress."

I was honestly shocked. "What's wrong with how I dress?"

"Sunday, in that white dress, it was completely inappropriate in front of Brandon AND in front of EJ." She said.

 It was a tank top dressed that I wore to sleep in. Yeah, a little short, but it covered more leg than my swimsuit bottoms. "But it was more than the swimsuit." I stated, genuinely confused.

"A swimsuit is for swimming. It's padded. The thin material of that dress left nothing to the imagination."

"I'm sorry." I said, as my face heated up in embarrassment. I hated being criticized. It made me feel like I couldn't do anything right.

"I know it wasn't malicious, or I woulda called you out on the spot." I looked at her to see if she was joking. I couldn't tell. "It's just a respect thing." Rocky finished.

I nodded. "So is that why Brandon was so quiet?" I remembered his attitude when I came back. He wouldn't even meet my eyes.

"Yep. I chewed him out later. Don't get me wrong. I understand men are going to look. It's not the first time he's checked you out."

I gasped. What? Was I that clueless?

"He kept staring at you. I was waiting to see when Brandon was going to look away, but he didn't. He woulda kept staring if Ethan didn't smack him." Rocky explained.

"What?!?!" I shrieked, not knowing how I missed any of this. 

"Yeah. After Ethan finally tore his eyes away from you, he realized Brandon was staring too and slapped him on the back of his head." Rocky said, with a small smile. A giggle escaped, at both the confirmation of Ethan still being attracted to me and the imagine of Ethan smacking Brandon. We both start laughing.  

After we settled down, I looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry, like you said, I would never do anything like that intentionally. I really didn't know. In the future, just pull me aside and tell me. You know the only person I want checking me out is Ethan."

"Ok. Just keep it classy. We'll go shopping soon. I don't know why I expected differently when you went shopping with Sammy the slore. "

"Slore?"

"Slut whore. Only thing to explain why she would hook up with Jake. She likes it and got paid"

I laughed at her.



After a couple days, I finally called Trevor back. I was hoping to have our conversation on the phone, but he wanted to speak in person. So after work, he came over the house. I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes from EJ's snack, when Trevor stopped by. Brandon let him in, before joining EJ outside to play.

"First, let me say-" He began.

"No. I'm going to start and finish and you can agree or disagree." I cut him off, imitating Rocky's no nonsense approach.

He looked surprised, but let me continue. "I understand you were just trying to help. It must be an awkward for you with my brother, but this whole situation is feeling like deja vu of what happened with Ethan, and I don't like it. I forgive you but you going behind my back because you feel like you're doing what's right needs to stop." I finished.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. I never confronted him about the fact that I knew he was the one who told my brother about me and Ethan. When Trevor came out to see me after I moved to California, I was in a deep depression. I just discovered my dad had a DNA test that determined I was not his biological daughter before he adopted me. I hadn't confronted my dad about it yet. I went snooping through his office to see if I could confirm what my mother's sister told me. When I found out it was true, I was crushed by the lies I had been told my whole life. I couldn't help thinking how different life would've been if I was actually his biological daughter and Cam's half-sister.

I was so caught up in my grief, I didn't even acknowledge Trevor trying to make amends. I was reverting back to my old ways of focusing on work, finding comfort in food and ignoring everything else. Trevor finally snapped, saying he was sorry, but he wasn't going to sit around and watch me fuck my life up over some guy. He told me to get my shit together, and left. It shocked me. My brother and I are big potty mouths. Rocky too when she had been drinking. Sammy all the time. Trevor hardly swore unless he was telling a joke. To hear that come out of his mouth in anger, I knew I was fucking up majorly. While I didn't tell him I forgave him, I moved on. We kept in touch via Facebook, on birthday and holiday, and occasional long phone calls during which we would watch a movie together or just catch up. When I decided I was moving back, he was the first person I called. I knew Rocky wanted me to move back and would be thrilled. I was anxious about his reaction- was he used to me not being around now? Was he feeling guilty or did he really want to continue or friendship? When I told him I was moving back, he asked me what took so damn long.

"Agreed." Trevor answered, bringing me out my thoughts, grinning.

"Good." I reply.

"That's it?" When I grinned back at him, he gave me a hug. "We fight and make up like an old married couple."

"Marriage? You need a piece of paper honey?" I joked with him, hugging him back.

He pulled away. "Well yeah, so we can finally consummate our relationship."

"Ew.... you said consummate!" I said, in a girly mock disgust voice.

"Would you rather I say make sweet, sweaty love?"

I was laughing when I heard footsteps in the kitchen. I turned around to see Ethan. 

"Hey Ethan." I smiled, taking a step away from Trevor and towards him. I had hoped I would have time to change before Ethan arrived. I picked out a casual, but appropriate outfit of tight leggings that tucked my stomach and lifted my ass and a cute top, but my talk with Trevor took up too much time. 

"Hey." He said as I greeted him with a long hug. When I pulled back, he nodded hello at Trevor before looking down at me. "How you holding up Lily?"

"I'm good. How are you?" I smiled, flirtatious. 

"Good." He answered, breaking our eye contact to look over at Trevor. I glanced over at him too, trying to telepathic tell him to leave so Ethan and I could talk. Apparently our mental connection is off, because he just stood there watching us.

"EJ has a soccer game. Saturday. At 11. I don't know if you have to work-" Ethan started to invite me.

"I'm on call, but I can still come." I replied before he could finish. "Text me the address?" 

"Will do." He nodded, watching me intently.

I returned his gaze. I couldn't help thinking about last Sunday, and how good he felt against me. I flushed at the memories of his lips, his hands, his erection... 

Why didn't I just go for it?!?

"I'm ready Dad!" EJ announced, bouncing in the kitchen, breaking the trance between us. After Ethan made sure he had everything, they headed for the door as I followed them out.

 "Ok. See y'all Saturday." I called to the both of them, giving Ethan a smile. He smiled back at me before they disappeared out the front door.

"See y'all Saturday!" Trevor mocked me, batting his eyelashes when I returned back to the kitchen

"Shut up! It's not like that!" I lied.

"No, that's not you flirting?" He taunted me.

"Not at all!" I lied some more, my face flaming hot.

"You sure? 'Hey Ethan. How are you? Text meee'...." He swooned, in a high pitch voice making kissy faces. I glared at him before Brandon walked thru the room.

"I don't even want to know." Brandon stated shaking his head and flopping on the couch.

"Oh Brandon, you know your my favorite." Trevor teased him.

"I know I look good, so you can't help yourself, but knock it off. Rocky doesn't share." Brandon commanded.

"Since when?" Trevor and I said at the same time. Brandon looked at us, horrified. Trevor and I both look at each other and laugh. I guess the mental connection is back.