Bad Habits (Outro)

"I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same 
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more" Bad Habit by Destiny's Child

When I got over the shock of seeing Trevor, my eyes drank him in greedily. I had gotten so use to seeing him in over sized sweats and t-shirts, I couldn't tell if he was gaining his weight back or if his clothes were just fitted. He looked really great- his dark khakis paired beautifully with a brown, black and blue plaid button down. He also wore a blue visor beanie cap on top of his head. Our eyes meet again after he looked away from Forrest by my side and I realized the cap matched perfectly with his eyes. He then turned his back to us to speak to the receptionist.

When he turned away, I finally noticed J-Mike and Bilal were by his side. J-Mike narrowed his eyes at me before he turned and led Trevor to the meeting room. Bilal shook his head, but at least gave me a little wave before following them. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I exhaled deeply.

"What was that?" Forrest asked me.

"Trevor and his goons." I said lightly, trying to play off the pain I felt when he didn't acknowledge me.

"Are you and Trevor not speaking?" Forrest continued to interrogate me.

"I guess not." I said. I knew that's what I needed- What I told myself I would do, but it didn't make it any easier. "Um, give me a second. I'll be right back."

"I'll wait for you."

"Don't. Go to the party. I'll only be a minute. Tops." I waved him away, heading to the bathroom.

In the mirror, I gave myself a pep talk. I told myself I would remain positive. My feelings might be hurt, my emotions may vary, but it didn't change who I was. I was mature, caring and thoughtful and this was Rocky's day- I would do nothing to tarnish it. With one last reminder that everyone was here for her and her baby, I headed out the bathroom.

The thumping beat of the music greeted me before I even walked into the party room. I stopped by the front table and waited to grab my gender pin.

"Lily! Hey!" Amber gushed coming over to me.

"Hey Amber." I smiled, giving her a hug.

"You remember Staci right?" Amber asked, smiling at her friend close to her.

I didn't, but I kept smiling. "Of course, nice to see you again."

"You too." Staci said, scanning the room. "I'm glad I came. I really thought it was going to be boring, but I'm having fun already."

"Make sure you tell the hostess that. She was going for lit."

"It's not there yet, but a few more of these and I'll make it happen." Staci said, holding up her drink.

I smiled and stepped up to grab a blue pin from the cardboard cutout of a beehive.

"She's carrying high. It's definitely a girl!" A woman I didn't recognize declared grabbing a pink pin.

"She didn't have morning sickness. I threw up all day with my girls. With my boy, nothing." Amber commented, grabbing a boy pin too.

"He was your third child. Maybe you were just use to the hormones." Staci said with a snicker, grabbing a girl pin.

"Be quiet!" Amber laughed as we walked to greet Rocky. She was sitting in a lavish gold throne at a side table. She wore a long, black maxi dress that flooded at her feet and a yellow blazer.

"It's the queen bee." Amber exclaimed, leaning over to give her a hug.

"Apparently." Rocky said, with a smile of amusement on her face.

"Your mom is killing it." I pointed out to Rocky as we sat down. Mama Smith was in the middle of the room, rocking a black strapless mini dress with a wide yellow belt, a drink in her hand, swaying to the music as she greeted guest.

"That's your mom?" Staci scoffed.

"Yeah?" Rocky said, crossing her arms, defensively.

"C'mon. Let's go check on the girls." Amber said, rightfully shooing Staci away.

"I met her before?" I asked Rocky.

"Yeah, the Halloween party. Amber's co-workers. The unholy trinity? They're attached to the hip and apparently share a brain. A stupid one." Rocky sneered.

I cracked up laughing. "You need to stop. I didn't know you had this many friends in Houston." I commented.

"I don't. This are my Mama's friends. This is her party." Rocky pointed to her mom.

"Yeah, but they're all here for you. Celebrating your new hive and baby bee." I grinned at her.

"True. I'm glad my mom did this. Trevor and Bilal came. I don't think they will come to the shower because Brandon's family is throwing it..."

Rocky got quiet when Brandon arrived with a plate of food for her.  I nodded understandably. Trevor probably would come to the shower, but definitely not Bilal. I was shocked he came to this party.

After Rocky thanked Brandon, he nodded and said hello to me.

"You want a boy?" I asked, pointing at his pin.

"I don't really care as long as the baby is healthy." He said, hesitantly.

I held up my pin. "I'm team boy all the way. Although, I heard she was carrying high so that means a girl."

"I heard it was all about the craving. A sweet tooth means a girl. She hasn't had one." Brandon replied.

"She eats everything covered in hot sauce. Does that mean it's a demon?" I pondered, with a horrified face.

"That would explain the mood swings..." Brandon joked along with me.

"Y'all are gonna stop talking about me and my child like I'm not here." Rocky snapped while Brandon and I grinned.

"Oh-oh, there's that dark side coming out. I'm gonna go get a drink. Do y'all need anything?" I asked.

"Brandon will get you one." Rocky offered.

"What are you drinking?"

"That's ok. I'm not sure. I'll be back." I told Rocky.

I glanced over the makeshift bar and decided on Mama Smith's hard lemonade. As I waited in line, my eyes naturally sought out Trevor.  I found him at a table with Sammy, Peyton, Corey, Chris, J-Mike and Bilal. They were gathered up, talking and laughing. I felt a wistful longing as I watched them...

"You're not driving home, are you?" Riley, Rocky's brother asked me as I filled my cup high.

"No." I said, dragging my eyes away from Trevor.

"Good. I saw Mama pour in three different liquors and that was when I was watching." Riley informed me while pouring himself a glass.

"Ohhh, let's see if I can taste them. Cheers." I toasted him before I drank.

"I have a feeling this will be my last if I wanna walk." I said after sampling the strong drink.

"I better find a seat. This is my second cup." We walked together to where Forrest and Ramon were talking. Forrest asked me how I was doing and I responded positively. We made our way to the buffet to try to soak up the alcohol. We had returned and were eating and chatting when Sammy approached me.

"C'mon eat with us." She said after we hugged.

"I'm almost done. Let me finishing eating and I'll make the rounds."

"Alright." She said, before leaving.

Forrest leaned in to speak in my ear, "She doesn't know y'all aren't speaking?"

I shook my head. "It's a new development."

He rubbed my shoulder. "Hang in there."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You too."

"What are you talking about?" Forrest asked.

"You flinch every time Brandon touches Rocky's stomach."

"Only because she hates it." He defended, tearing at his napkin until I took it from him.

"We'll make the rounds and hang out with Rocky when were finished."

We went around the room, mingling and speaking with everyone. Jackie gave me and Forrest a side eye, which made me wonder if Rocky told her she and Forrest were dating. Staci was already tipsy and she and Amber were singing along to a Chris Brown's Liquor. As promised, I stopped by Sammy's table to say hi. Bilal, Peyton, and Corey greeted me warmly. Chris looked up briefly from his conversation with J-Mike to acknowledge me, while Trevor flat out ignored me. We hung out a while as Trevor and J-Mike talked about their upcoming plans to take a roller coaster road trip to celebrate Trevor's birthday and end of Chemotherapy. When Trevor said he researched some of the fastest rides in each park, J-Mike made a crack about researching the fastest women in each city. They laughed and I took that moment to leave.

As we walked away, Forrest grabbed my hand. "You ok?"

"No." I answered honestly, "but I will be."

When we joined Rocky, her mom, Brandon, his parents, Ethan and Serena were with her.

"Lily, you want the baby to be a boy?" Serena asked me as Forrest and I sat down beside them.

"Yes. My expertise would be wasted on a girl." I answered.

"Why do you say that?" Deborah asked me.

"I was raised by a single dad and an older brother. Not a lot of girly stuff going on in my house as a kid." I smiled.

Forrest talked about being forced to play with his younger sister. Albert talked about his cluelessness with his daughter. Even Mama Smith chimed in on how low maintenance boys are compared to girls. I didn't contribute much to the conversation- I couldn't keep my attention off of Trevor. Every move he made, smile, laugh- I caught it all. I didn't understand why he couldn't talk to me. Why he couldn't open up with me. Why he couldn't be with me.

"Lily." Forrest said, softly.

"Huh?" I asked, looking up.

"Rene asked how you liked the cake." Forrest repeated.

"Oh... I haven't tried any yet." I said, forcing an apologetic smile. When I saw Trevor get up and exit the room, I stood up. "I'm going to go get some. Excuse me."

I left and got two slices of cake before leaving the room too. I probably looked like a crazy person, sitting in the lobby, turning my head constantly to watch the front door and the bathrooms; but it paid off. When Trevor came out of the bathroom, I stood to cut him off.

"Hey. Do you want some cake?" I asked him, knowing he hadn't ate any yet.

"No." He answered, shortly.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"About what?" He asked, standoffishly.

"Anything you want."

"When are you moving out the apartment?" He asked, abrasively.

I stared at him for a moment. I didn't know which was worse- his hostility or him ignoring me.  "Really?"

"I need to let Amanda know when she can move in."

"That's all you wanna talk about?"

"What else is there to say?"

"You can ask me if I'm hooking up or hanging out with Christian."

He flinched. "I did. You don't owe me anything, remember?"

"I don't, but I owe us something. I loved you for so long. We've been friends for too long. I don't wanna be in a room and pretend you don't exist. Ask me any questions you want. Our friendship is worth it to me." I pleaded.

He shook his head. "I can't be friends with you Lily. I shouldn't have even tried."

I nodded, feeling so damned stupid. I told myself we couldn't be friends but here I was trying for someone who didn't wanna try for me.

"Ok. I'll be out of the apartment Tuesday." I said, keeping my head high and walking away from him.

I returned right in time to see Rocky and Brandon clutching a long stick and swinging at the bee piñata. I took my seat next to Forrest, handing over my extra piece of cake. He said thanks, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else. I focused on the piñata as it broke and spilled. All the kids rushed to the floor as blue candy, toys and confetti fell to Rocky's and Brandon's feet.  Brandon grinned proudly before scooping Rocky up in a hug. She smiled before demanding he put her down.

I smiled at them, thrilled they were having a boy. I was excited for the changes in their lives while desperate for changes in my own life.

****Ok, so my resolution fell flat this week. There will be another post tomorrow, so I'm working on getting them posted on Monday. Wednesday and Friday. I'm still putting the year 2015 in the date and I stuck to my detox this week, does that give me a pass? If not, sorry! And I'll try again next week. Enjoy your weekend!