Miss Independent

"Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true" Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson


The Monday the week before Memorial Day, I tried to convince Rocky to come to Mexico.

"It's a Baylor reunion! When's the last time we've all been together? It's going to be so much fun." I said, excitedly as we sat at her house Monday evening,

"Absolutely not Lily." Rocky shut me down.

"Is this about Bilal? Because he said he wouldn't go if you came-"

"How considerate." She scoffed. "Tell him not to worry, think or speak about me."

I sighed. "Rocky, y'all are going to have to move on. Part of the reason why this whole thing happened is because y'all never had closure."

"I have closure. I want to be with Brandon. My chances are already slim to none. I'm not risking that by being anywhere Bilal might even consider going." Rocky declared.

"And how is that going to work, permanently? Like my wedding, for example?" I interrogated her.

"I'm sorry, did you and Trevor get engaged and I didn't know about it?" Rocky smirked.

"He actually proposed last weekend." I smirked back.

"What? You are getting married?!?" She exclaimed.

"No. It was out of spite, but it will happen eventually." I informed her.

"Back up and explain." She ordered me.

I told her about Trevor's mom and how badly Trevor reacted.

"What did she say?" Rocky said with a scowl on her face.

"I don't even care. Trevor and I are good. Anyone who has a problem with us can kick rocks." I shrugged.

"You still need to know. He might be mad right now, but that's not going to be forever. He's not going to cut her off."

"I know that. I would never want him to."

"So you need to know what you're dealing with." She urged me.

"Nope, because I'm not dealing with it. He has a relationship with his mom: I don't need one. Besides, isn't it normal that the mother in law hates the wife?" I said.

"It isn't the same and you know it." Rocky disagreed.

"We're not talking about me; stop changing the subject. When Trevor and I do get married, you will be my maid of honor. Bilal will be the best man. What are you going to do? Not come if he's there? " I questioned her.

Rocky hesitated before she spoke. "Lily-"

"Ohmygod, you really wouldn't come? To my wedding?" I said, in disbelief.

"I didn't say that. The trip to Cabo and reunion- I don't see a point in it. I don't need closure with Bilal. He's my past. I want to leave it there."

"So what am I? I went to Baylor too: am I part of the past your trying to leave behind?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"No, you're like a sister to me."

"You're like a sister to me too and you've changed. From this kick ass,  brutally honest, warrior princess to... this. Tip toeing around the problem and waiting it out because that's what Ethan said. That's not you."

"You told me to give him time too." She pointed out.

"Yeah, to calm down. I also said to fight for him. And since when do you give a fuck about what people think? You make your own decisions."

"Maybe that's part of my problem." Rocky muttered.

"Rocky, you made a mistake. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You don't have to change who you are." I disagreed.

"Fine. Let me handle it my own way. Stay out of my business Lily." Rocky said.

"Fine. I will stay out of it. Can I ask what you're  doing for Memorial Day?"

"I'm going to hang with Peyton and Jackie. Have fun, don't worry about me." Rocky said.

"Ok." I conceded, before giving her a hug and leaving.



Tuesday morning, I went shopping for a swimsuit cover up at the mall. I found one and a cute swimsuit at a little boutique. It was similar to my old swimsuit I got rid up: floral, skirted and one piece. Only this one had cut outs, a halter top and was backless. It was the sexy version of the one Trevor called cute, so I had to get it.

As I was leaving, I got a call from the clinic. I quickly picked it up. It was Ann, calling to set up a meeting with me. I told her I would have to get back with her. I immediately called Nathaniel.

He was out of the office so I left a message. He returned my phone call later on that afternoon while I was going through my clothes. Nathaniel told me more than likely it was a mediation to discuss my grievance and see what it would take to resolve the problem. He offered to come with me if I scheduled the meeting for next week, but I turned him down. I didn't want to wait to hear what Ann had to say.

Nathaniel informed me we could escalate the grievance but not if I agreed to anything during the meeting.  He advised me if they didn't come to a solution I was satisfied with, not to agree to anything. I told him I understood and thanked him for his time.

I called Ann back after I got off the phone with Nathaniel. We made an appointment to meet Wednesday at 10am.

I was nervous the rest of the day. I tried to imagine every different scenario and how I would respond. The hardest part was I really didn't know what would be the best solution for me. If I didn't know, how could I agree to anything?

Trevor tried to calm me by taking my mind off it, but it wasn't happening. Sleep didn't come easy that night. I tried to work out to wear myself out, but it didn't work. My body was exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. Thankfully, Trevor was a deep sleeper, so my tossing and turning did not disturb him. In the morning before he left, he gave me a kiss.

"No matter what, you're going to be ok." He said.

I nodded. "I know."

"Good luck Lilypad." He said, kissing me one last time.

After he left, I got dressed in black slacks and a blue blouse. I put on light make-up and headed to the clinic. I took a deep breath and made my way to Ann's office. She was there, waiting for me with Sandra. Dread filled me, as I remember the last time this happened, I was suspended. I kept my face neutral and sat across from Ann next to Sandra.

"Thank you both for joining me this morning." Ann stated after I took a seat. "First thing first, the investigation is over."

"And?" I asked.

"We have a sworn statement from Darren that the alleged relationship never occurred. Miss Lauren Chilcoat also wrote an apology letter." She slid a letter to me. "This is the original. We have a copy on file as well. "

I nodded. "What does that mean for me?"

"It means we can lift the suspension but we have to address your personal grievance." Ann started.

"Ok..." I said, evenly.

"I wished you would have came to me as soon as you heard the rumor. It wouldn't have came this far." Sandra started.

"With all due respect, I didn't have to come to you professionally because it didn't affect my job." I said, firmly.

"An accusation of misconduct affects not only your job, but your license  " Sandra said.

"As soon as I found out about the rumor, not accusation, the girl who started it recanted. The only reason you heard about it was because of your personal relationship." I argued.

Sandra cleared her throat. "I disclosed to Ann how I became aware of the rumors. That, coupled with the fact your former patient voiced concerns about your behavior was more than enough to look into the rumors." Sandra said.

Coach Green had a problem with my behavior? Since when? He never voiced concerns to me. Neither did Sandra when I asked why he no longer wanted to rehab with me. I pushed those thoughts away and focused on the actual problem.

"A rumor and concerns warrant an investigation, but they would not have cost me my job nor my license. I shouldn't have been suspended." I said, confidently.

"I have to point out this is an at will employment. That being said, we may have jumped the gun with the suspension. We could have took a different course of action and for that, I apologize." Ann told me, looking over at Sandra.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come talk to you first before reporting to Ann. I would like to continue to encourage open communication between all of us. " Sandra said.

"We want to rectify the situation; we just need to know how to do that. The suspension is lifted. What else do you need from us?" Ann finished.

I thought over everything they said. All Sandra and Ann had to do was ask me about the rumors. To me, it felt like Sandra trusted the word of her boyfriend and didn't even want to hear my side of it. Everything in me believed Sandra disclosed the relationship with Coach Green after I filed the grievance. She was trying to cover her own ass, not have open communication.

Whether Ann knew about the relationship was not the issue. She admitted they didn't have to suspend me. I could understand if it was an accusation from a patient, then her hands would have been tied. Why she chose to suspend me without questioning me I would never understand.

Accepting their apologizes was easy. Everyone made mistakes; I made plenty. I should have talked to Sandra about the rumors, that was my mistake. What would be hard was rebuilding trust. While that happened, it would be uncomfortable working for them. More importantly, I didn't want to. Rectfying the situation wasn't worth it because the job wasn't worth it to me.

"If my suspension is over, there is nothing else I need." I said.

She turned and started typing on her computer. "Wonderful. Effective immediately, you can come back to work. I just need you to fill out a form-"

"Ann, I don't know if you need a written notice but I need to put in my resignation." I stopped her.

She ceased typing on her computer to look at me. "I thought you wanted the suspension lifted?"

"I did. I want to leave of my own accord and on good standing with the clinic." I said.

"Sandra, will you excuse us please?" Ann asked.

Sandra nodded and left without a word.

"Are you leaving because you feel uncomfortable with Sandra? I can assure you I will-"

"It's not just Sandra. The suspension put everything in perspective for me. It's time for me to move on." I admitted.

"I understand." She said, a frown on her fave

"I don't know if you need 2 weeks notice."

"I do, but we can use you vacation time and sick days for the remaining days." She said

"Thank you Ann. I've enjoyed working with you." I said, standing up and holding out my hand.

"Good luck with everything." She told me, shaking my hand.

 On my way out, I saw Jordan. She looked at me, quizzically. I told her to call me later and I left. As I drove home, it hit me that I quit my job.

Holy shit, I don't have a job.

I didn't question my decision to leave the clinic. There was no way I would have been happy there. I was freaking out that now I no longer had a job. Or a paycheck. Thank God my lease was up, so rent wouldn't be a problem after June. I had money saved up, but if I didn't get a job soon, I would be moving in with Trevor without one. I knew he said it wouldn't be a problem, but I really didn't want to do that. I went from depending on my dad, then my brother, now Trevor.

Fuck, what did I just do?

When I got home, I put Lauren's letter away and applied for more jobs. I even sent an email to Derek, my old boss, about any openings at the Children's Hospital where he worked as the director. Once I did that, I felt considerably calmer and called Trevor.

"Hey Lilypad. How'd it go?" Trevor asked.

"I quit."  I said, bluntly.

"Come have lunch with me."

I met him for lunch at the Jason Deli's near his job. I just got water and a cup of fruit. I wasn't hungry and I didn't have the money to eat out anymore. When Trevor pushed me to order food, I told him I wasn't hungry.

I explained to Trevor what happened. When I finished, he looked at me, the worry apparent in his eyes. It made we feel worse.

"Jordan said Derek could find a job for me. I already emailed him. I'll have a job by the time we move in together. I promise." I said quickly.

He shook his head. "I'm not worried about that. Are you ok? You're sure this is what you want?"

"There's no doubt in my mind. I would rather start new somewhere else. I wasn't thinking about us when I quit though. I don't want to be a burden on you when we move in together." I confessed, staring at my fruit.

"Lily, look at me." Trevor said, grabbing my hand. When I did, he started. "I love you. You could never be a burden to me. I just want you to be happy."

I smiled, instantly relieved. "I am. It felt pretty good about it until I realized I'm not going to have a paycheck anymore. That's the only consequence."

"We can work out an allowance for you." Trevor smiled.

"Shut up. I'm not a kid."

"No, you'd be me trophy wife."

"I want my own money. Besides, I'm too high maintenance." I joked.

"No your not. I can't even get you to order a meal." He smiled at me. My stomach rumbled in protest.

"Ok, you talked me into it."

I broke my diet for a muffaletta and broccoli and cheese soup. As we ate, we light heartedly joked about my budget as his trophy wife. I skipped dessert and as we left, Trevor tried to give me $20.

"Go get your nails done for Mexico."

I laughed. "That would cover half, if I don't get nail art."

"Geez, I really can't support you."

I smiled. "You already do." I said, giving him a kiss.



When I got home, I already had an email from Derek, letting me now he sent my resume to the Human resources manager. I emailed him back a thank you and did the same for Nathaniel. I told Nathaniel what happened and asked him how much I owed for his time. I called Jordan back and let her know what happened.

"Are you still going to Cabo?" She asked, concerned.

"I already bought the tickets. Besides, it'll be like my last hoorah before I get another job. I should live it up right?" I told her.

"Absolutely!"

Later that evening, I received an email from Nathaniel. He told me he was glad that everything worked out and told me the bill was already taken care of. I emailed him back, pushing for a receipt. When he finally sent one, I cursed my career choice. 

$500 dollars for a few conversations and one personal grievance? Fuck!

I wrote a check to Ethan and put it in an envelope to put in the mail the next morning. I was totally going to take Trevor's $20 to get my nails done now. Any little bit helped!