With A Little Help From My Friends

"What would you do if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
Gonna try with a little help from my friends
What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
Gonna try with a little help from my friends" With a Little Help From My Friends by Joe Cocker


"Cable is not a necessity Lily!" Rachel smiled at me, as we sat at Chick-fil-a on Tuesday, eating salads. Rachel was dieting for the wedding. I planned to pick up waffle fries for the drive home.

I also planned to watch the playoff games at Forrest's apartment last Sunday, but I spent the day with Trevor instead. We spent the morning getting to know each other's bodies better, went back to sleep, and woke up to do it all over again. Still no sex, but I wasn't complaining. The getting acquainted was thrilling enough.

We took a break for food and technically could have made it to watch the game, but I didn't want to drive all the way to Fort Worth.  I promised Rachel and Forrest I would join them for the Super Bowl party. Next weekend I was heading to Austin. I didn't want to start neglecting my friends for my boyfriend. I made the drive to Fort Worth to catch up with Rachel.

I was telling Rachel about my upcoming evaluation and how I needed a raise. Unlike Rocky, at first Rachel didn't criticize my poor choices and she offered to go over my finances with me. Now, we were debating necessities versus luxuries.

"Yes it is! I need Bravo to live." I declared, dramatically.

"Did you watch Real Housewives last week?" She asked, excitedly.

I successfully distracted Rachel while we discussed the drama of the show, before she regained focus.

"Anyway, you don't need cable. Nor do you have to eat out so often." Rachel said.

"Hey! You invited me!"

"Because I was at work! You could have made salads and we could have had them at my cafeteria." Rachel laughed. "I'm just saying, you don't need increased income if you're more cautious about spending."

"Yeah yeah. Speaking of spending, how's the wedding planning going?"

"That's my parents' money, and considering it's what they want, I don't feel bad about spending it. It's actually going really smoothly." She frowned when she said it.

"What's wrong? That's a good thing right?" I asked.

"I guess. Now, there's no time to debate about it. Decisions have to be made. Which is great, but Forrest just seems- disengaged recently."

"With the playoffs, I'm sure he's just distracted." That was the only thing he posted about on his Facebook: Playoff games. Trevor wasn't a big football fan, so we didn't watch any of the games last weekend. I didn't need to though, Forrest gave play by plays on his news feed.

"I hope so... He's just being weird recently. Like he's fine with everything, no opinions at all. Is it too early for cold feet?" Rachel wondered.

"Absolutely not. My brother was worrying about being a married old man the day after he proposed." I laughed and Rachel joined in. "Don't worry about it. I would be nervous if he wasn't weirded out. It's a major, life-long commitment. I can't name one thing I can commit to for a lifetime." I said as we gathered up our things to leave.

"Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens?"

"His soul is evergreen." I joked.

After lunch with Rachel, I went to meet up with Jasmine. She got off work early to look at apartments in Irving. She was tired of seeing and hearing her recently married dad and his wife in their honeymoon phase.

When I asked why she didn't stay with her mom and step dad, she informed me she wouldn't be able to save any money with the long commute. It was her first apartment by herself, so she wanted an extra pair of eyes before signing a lease. Since I was off, I offered to help her.

The places that were in her price range and close to her job were horrible. The first one we pulled into, the apartment's grounds were disgusting. Overfilled dumpsters, graffiti, and leaves blowing everywhere. The apartment itself was on the small size, but decent. We just couldn't get over the outside appearance.

The second one had 2 police cars sitting outside the office. We viewed the apartment. It was on the top floor and spacious. My single complaint was the only bathroom was in the bedroom. When we went back to the office, the cops were gone. I asked a maintenance man on the way out what was going on with the cop cars. He told us that 9 cars were vandalized the night before, but it was ok because they knew who did it. We hightailed out of there.

The next apartment was gated, so that was a plus. It was more than Jasmine wanted to spend, but it included electricity and water. It was really nice. The floor plan was the best one. The problem was the thumping coming from upstairs. We were there 10 minutes and the whole time it sounded like an elephant parade was going on upstairs. When we asked if there was another 1 bedroom available, he told us there might be one available in May.

"This is making me want to beg Reggie to take me back." Jasmine groaned as we drove to the next apartment.

"You don't need to do that. You need to look in a different city. Like Dallas or even Plano. It's a little farther from your job, but it'll be worth it." I suggested.

"You're right. I was online all weekend. I thought I weeded the slums out." Jasmine shook her head.

"I'll look into it too." I reassured her.

We were turning into the last apartment when her phone rang.

"Who is it?" She asked me.

I picked up the phone from the charger. "Your brother."

She parked before grabbing the phone. I focused on the music to not listen to their conversation. That was our unspoken agreement that kept our friendship from getting weird: we didn't speak of Jake.

When she got off the phone, she looked at me.

"Be right back." She sighed. She got out the car. 2 minutes later, she came back.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I just cancelled."

"Aww, why? This one looks promising..." I said, nodding to a guy that looked like he was doing laundry. Short, but cute.

Jasmine smiled. "I'll reschedule. I have to go hang out with Kelly."

I looked confused. "Ok... why doesn't she just join us?" I didn't have a problem with Kelly. We were Facebook friends. I even gave her a shout out on her Happy New Year's post. Although she hadn't posted since New Year's Day. Did she block me?...

"You don't know..." Jasmine said more to herself.

I shook my head.

"Kelly's water broke earlier this month."

I gasped. I wasn't sure how far along she was, but it was way too early for that...

"She went to the doctor, the baby was fine. They had the choice to have the baby early or go on bed rest to give it more time to develop. She chose bed rest." Jasmine explained.

"Oh, ok. I understand. She's getting cabin fever at the hospital? Or did they let her go home?"

Jasmine shook her head. "No. About a week later, there was no heart beat." Jasmine said, sadly.

My heart broke for Kelly. She had to be devastated. I knew that pain...

"...she doesn't leave her bed. Rarely eats or sleeps. Omar stayed home as long as he could-" Jasmine went on.

"I get it. She needs all the support she can get." I nodded.

"Not that it helps. She doesn't talk: Just lays there. We don't know what else to do." Jasmine explained. She then took a deep breath. "I'll drop you off at your apartment."

I nodded. "Can I come with you? I mean, still drop by my apartment. I'll take my car if she doesn't want me there."

Jasmine examined me.

"Maybe I can help." I offered.

She thought it over the whole drive to my apartment. When she still didn't say anything when we got there, I got out the car. I was thinking about talking to Jake. He may not be happy with me, but he would understand why I wanted to reach out...

"Lily?" She called after me, interrupting my thoughts.

I looked back at her. "If this is about anyone other than Kelly, we're not going to be friends anymore."

"It's not." I said, firmly.

"Follow me."

I got in my car and followed her. When we got to Omar and Kelly's house, I was second guessing myself. My heart went out to Kelly, but I felt completely out of place. Even as Jake's girlfriend, Kelly and I weren't close friends. Her husband hated me. This could go horribly wrong, even though my intentions were good.

But seeing Kelly, looking so small and disconsolate in her bed erased all my doubts. The worst thing I did when I miscarried was isolate myself. I couldn't let Kelly do that.

"Kelly, Lily and I are here." Jasmine said, sitting on the bed with her.

Kelly gave me a curious look, before turning away. Jasmine looked at me, expectantly.

I walked over to the side of the bed she curled over to. When I kneeled to face her, I saw her eyes were closed shut.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Kelly." I started softly.

When she didn't respond, I continued. "I understand what your going through-"

Her eyes snapped open. "I wish y'all would stop saying that. Nobody understands." She said, flatly.

Jasmine was glaring at me, but I ignored her.

"You're right. I don't. I didn't know I was pregnant until I lost my baby. So I didn't get to plan or hear a heartbeat or even see an ultrasound. I grieved all the things I missed out on at the same time I was grieving my baby."

Silent tears started falling out her eyes. "We were finding out the sex. I knew there was some risk, but I never imagined- it was a boy-" She stared bawling.

Jasmine laid on the bed to hold her and I just grabbed her hand.

"He was so beautiful." She sobbed gut wrenching sobs. Tears fell from my face.

"He's still beautiful: an angel." Jasmine added, stroking the hair out of her face.

"He could have been here with me! If I wasn't so stupid. I was so worried about disabilities that I didn't want to go into labor. I should have. He would still be alive."

"Kelly, you can't do that to yourself. There's no telling what could have happened if you would have had him earlier. That's why they gave you the choice. There were risk either way." I corrected her.

"I should have known." Kelly cried.

"I felt the same way. I drank, I worked too much, I ate everything I shouldn't have. I was exhausted, I was sick: I should have known I was pregnant. At the end of the day, it doesn't change anything. I could have done everything right and still could have miscarried. These things just happen." I shared with her.

"You can't blame yourself Kelly. You have to move on." Jasmine said.

I winced at her word choice and shot her a look. I understood what Jasmine was saying, but that wasn't the right way to say it.

Kelly bit her lip to stifle her cries."I didn't ask you or anyone else for anything. Just leave me alone."

Jasmine eyes widened in surprise and she sent me a look.

"Jasmine, can you go get Kelly something drink?" I asked. She looked sad, but got up and left. After she was gone, I turned to Kelly.

"She didn't mean that-"

"Yes she does. They all want me to carry on like it didn't happen. I can't do that." Kelly rebutted.

"No one is asking you to do that. Everyone is trying to be here for you. You can't shut them out. Omar needs you."

Kelly looked shocked by that statement.

"He lost his son because of something completely out of his control. I know he doesn't want to lose his wife too." I explained.

Her lip quivered. "I don't know what to do. It just hurts all the time."

"It gets better. It hurts less every day. It helps to share that pain. I didn't want to. I wanted to pretend like it didn't happen so I could move on, but it only made it worse. You have people that love you and want to be here for you. Lean on them." I told her as Jasmine returned with a glass of water.

Kelly nodded and sat up. She looked like she was losing weight. She sipped the water and I asked, "When was the last time you ate?"

When she shrugged, I continued. "What do you have a taste for?"

She shrugged again.

"Did you ever get sushi? I know you said you were craving it when you were pregn-" Jasmine trailed off when she realized what she said. I gave her a weak smile. She was trying to watch what she said, but sugarcoating what happened didn't change anything.

"That sounds really good. I'm craving a spicy tuna roll now." I smiled at Kelly.

She nodded. "And sake. I missed alcohol too."

"Go put on some shoes and we'll go." I said.

Kelly looked herself over, then looked at Jasmine, pleadingly.

"I'll pick something up." Jasmine offered.

"No. Take out sushi is gross and we need sake bombs. You look fine. Wash your face and let's go." I said.

When she got up and disappeared in the bathroom, Jasmine turned to me. "Lily, I didn't know-."

"I know." I waved her off. "Go help her with her hair. A jacket will cover up her clothes..."

Jasmine smiled. "Ok."



We went to a hole in the wall sushi bar in Dallas and found a dark little booth in the back. Jasmine sat by Kelly and we ordered a large assortment of sushi. We also got flavored sake. I drove, so I stuck to Japanese beer.

Kelly drank and ate and became more talkative as the evening went on. At the beginning, Jasmine and I carried the conversation while Kelly barely contributed. After she ate, she joined in.

"Once I heal, I want to try to get pregnant again." Kelly declared after a shot of sake.

Jasmine and I looked at each other.

"Sure. Just take some time. No rush.  You can't eat sushi or drink alcohol when you get pregnant. Enjoy it while you can." I nodded.

"I don't want alcohol. I want a baby. With Omar's face." She smiled.

I shook my head but smiled too.

"I know you don't like the thought of Omar Jr. I'm surprised you came." Kelly snorted.

"That's not true. I wish all y'all's kids look like him." I disagreed with her. "Just with your personality."

Jasmine and Kelly laughed at that. The restaurant had strawberry cake for dessert, so we ordered that and ate before boxing up our leftover sushi. On the drive back, Jasmine was texting on her phone.

When we arrived back at Kelly's house, we saw Omar's car parked in the driveway. As soon as we pulled up, Omar came outside. Kelly got out the car quickly, and rushed to give him a hug.

"He was worried. He saw my car, but we were gone. I'm going to go in." Jasmine said.

"Of course. I'll talk to you later."

"Thank you Lily. I'll call you tonight." Jasmine smiled before getting out the car.

On the drive home, I picked up my phone. I saw that Trevor tried to call me while we were eating. I dialed another number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ethan. Do you have a minute?" I asked.

"I do... What's going on?" Ethan asked.

"I was just leaving Kelly's house. Did you hear about their baby?"

"Brandon mentioned they lost it." There was a pause. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I actually wanted to talk to you about my miscarriage."

"Can I call you back in 5 minutes?"

"Ok." I was home when I got a callback.

"Sorry about that." Ethan started.

"No, it's fine... I was just rethinking this conversation." I laughed, nervously.

"No. Say what's on your mind." He said, lightly.

"I don't know. I feel stupid even bringing it up considering we are ok, but I want to apologize." I started.

"For what?"

"For not realizing you lost a child too."

"Lily-"

"No, I'm serious. I assumed you wouldn't want our kid, so that rationalized not telling you and feeling no sympathy when you found out. That wasn't fair."

"Life's not fair." Ethan said, bluntly. "Everything happens for a reason. I'm just glad we can be friends now. That probably wouldn't have happened if we had to co-parent."

"Brutally honest huh?"

"I didn't mean that in a negative way. You just... challenge me in a way I can appreciate as a friend." Ethan explained.

I understood the implied "but not anything more than a friend." I felt the same about him.

"Remember that the next time we disagree." I smiled.

We got off the phone after that. I immediately called Trevor.

"Hey Lilypad. What did you do today? Relax?" Trevor asked me.

"Not at all." I told him, with a small smile on my face. Just hearing his voice automatically made me feel better. I filled him in on everything that happened.