Fever

"Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear
You give me fever
When you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever! in the morning
Fever all through the night"
Fever by Peggy Sue

It was 3 in the morning when I finally got a call. The last mile marker read 45 miles from Austin. I looked down at my phone and saw it was Bilal. I picked it up quickly.

"Bilal?"

"Happy New Year!!!" He said, over the loud background noise.

"Is Trevor with you?" I said, ignoring him.

"Um, no. He's with you."

"No, he's not. That's why I asked!" I said, frustrated. "He never showed up! His phone is going straight to voicemail."

"I'm sure he's ok. Let me try to call."

"I'm less than an hour away from your apartment. Can you meet me there?"

"You drove out here?" He said, surprised.

"Yes! Does it sound like Trevor to just stand me up? Something is wrong!" I said, annoyed with Bilal. What was he not getting? Was he that drunk?

"Trevor hasn't been himself for a while now, but you should know that." Bilal replied, irritated.

"What?" I said, pissed. I didn't have time or patience for him to cop an attitude with me.

"He started hiding out in Austin, working on the website and even moved out here to get over you. Every time something happens between you two, he's depressed and glued to his computer. I can't keep up with him anymore than he can keep up with you." Bilal said, dryly.

I took a deep breath. "Can you meet me there or not?" I said, gritting my teeth.

"I'm heading home now."

I hung up my phone and threw it on the passenger seat. It was taking everything for me to hold it together. I was worried about Trevor, angry at Bilal, and hurt by both of them. Was I going back and forth with him, just like Jake accused me off doing to him? Did my actions really depress Trevor?

I just focused on driving and making sure Trevor was ok. Everything else was trivial compared to that.

30 minutes later I was in Austin and Bilal was calling me back.

"Hello?"

"Lily, he's here." Bilal started.

I sighed in relief. Thank God. I kept imagining him on the side of the road somewhere, helpless, hurt, or worse.

"He looks really bad. He's really sick." Bilal finished.

My heart sank. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. He asked for cough medicine earlier. He's burning up. He's barely waking up. The only reaction I got from him was when I mentioned the ER, he flipped out."

"He hates hospitals." I interjected. Of course he would flip out; watching his father get sicker with chemotherapy aided Trevor's dislike of hospitals and doctors in general.

"Try to get him to take some Tylenol. I'm almost there."

I sped the rest of the way. I got there in less than 10 minutes. I called Rocky as I walked to the apartment. She answered and I let her know I made it, Trevor was sick, and I would keep her updated.

Noorie immediately opened the door for me after I knocked. I gave her a quick hello before I rushed to the guest room. Bilal was on his way out as I tried to go in.

"We don't have Tylenol. Noorie just had Midol." He said.

"Ok... Go get it." I said, walking past him when he made a face. I didn't waste time on explaining that drugs were drugs, no matter what the brand was. The only thing that was important were the active ingredients.

Bilal told me he looked bad, but I was still shocked by his appearance. His skin was flushed, eyes were sunken, his lips chapped. When I brushed my hand across his forehead, I instantly knew he had a fever. I felt my anger increase at the fact that Bilal hadn't given him anything.

"Trevor..." I said softly, rubbing his hair. He moaned and turned away from me.

Bilal came back with a glass of water and the bottle of Midol. I snatched them from him.

"Turn the fan off." I commanded him, not looking at him. The fan was off immediately.

"How long has he had a fever?" I asked, reading the active ingredients in the pills. Acetaminophen, perfect. I opened the bottle and pulled 2 out.

"I don't know. He just looked tired this morning. He's been coughing. And his voice sounded hoarse." Bilal added, lamely.

Of course he didn't know. Bilal just assumed Trevor's depression over me made him sick. I took a deep breath to calm myself. I looked at his desk. Cough drops and Benadryl. That's why he was so hard to wake up. "I need you to go to the store."

He nodded and I took another deep breath, trying to control my raging emotions. "Do you need a pen and paper to write it down?" I asked sharply, losing my patience.

"Oh." He pulled out his phone. "Go ahead."

"Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, and a cough syrup with a decongestant. Gatorade or Vitamin water, orange juice, soup, and tissues." I listed. "Do you have a thermometer?"

When he shook his head, I said. "Add it to the list."

He nodded. "If you think of anything else, let me know."

I didn't acknowledge him leaving, I just walked to the other side of the bed to stand over Trevor.

"T-Rev." I said, rubbing his shoulder. I was trying to wake him up as gently as possible. When he didn't respond, I shook his shoulder.

"Trevor." I said, firmly.

"Lily..." He groaned.

"I'm right here babe."

He finally opened his eyes and blinked. After a moment, he grinned at me. "You're back. Wearing clothes"

"I need you to take this medicine." I said, placing the pills on his lips, ignoring his weird remarks.

He opened his mouth and asked, "What do I get?"

"What do you want?" I said, putting the medicine in his mouth. I put the glass of water to his lips. He swallowed the pills, grimacing, pushing the water away.

"You, naked, on top again." He said, looking me over, slowly. "Keep the boots." He started coughing, a pained look crossing his face.

"You need to drink the water." I put the glass back to his lips.

"It hurts."

"Your throat?"

When he nodded, I took the water away. I headed to the door.

"Don't leave." He said, weakly.

"I'll be back." I assured him.

"Sure you will." He said, cryptically before turning over and closing his eyes.

I left the room and went into the kitchen I put the water in the microwave to heat. I look through Bilal's kitchen. I found whiskey, honey, tea and lemon.

I dipped the tea bag in the hot water. While it seeped, I squeezed in the lemon juice. I poured in a capsule of whiskey and honey. I tested the temperature before taking it back to Trevor.

He was already back to sleep. I woke him again.

"This dream sucks." He groaned when he saw me.

"Drink this and you can go back to sleep and have a better dream." I bargained with him. He sat up and I handed the mug to him. I propped the pillows up behind him so he could rest sitting up.

He drank the tea, gulping it down, clearly in pain.

When he finished, I took the mug from him and he laid against the pillows. He watched me behind drooping eyelids.

"Go back to sleep." I told him.

He shook his head no. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." I assured him.

"You always do." He said, clearing his throat.

"I promise I'm staying right here." I promised.

"Lily-" Before he could finish, he started coughing.

"Rest your voice Trevor."

He shook his head again. "We never talk."

Where the fuck was Bilal? I needed that thermometer. Trevor was talking like he was delirious. "We talk all the time." I argued.

"Not about the important things. Like why you don't trust me or how long I need to be punished. Since you're not getting naked, tell me that." He said.

I was taken aback. Before I could respond, I heard the front door open. Trevor just stared at me for a few moments before Bilal came in the room.

I went through the bag and pulled out the medicine and thermometer.

"How are you feeling Trevor?" Bilal asked him.

"Strong." Trevor joked, weakly. "You're in my dream?"

"Dude, don't tell me you dream about me. I can't forgive that, no matter how sick you are." Bilal smiled.

Trevor let out a little chuckle.

I opened the thermometer and handed it to Bilal. "Under the tongue" I instructed.

I measured the various quantities of medicine, waiting for the thermometer to beep. I felt Trevor's eyes on me, but I focused on my task.

The thermometer finally beeped and Bilal took it from his mouth.

"101.3" Bilal read out loud.

High, but not an emergency situation. I then walked over to him and gave him each medicine. He watched me, silently, taking the medicines with no complaints.

I opened up a Gatorade and handed it to him.

Trevor finally spoke up. "I hate Gatorade."

"You have a fever. You have to drink. Every time you think about it." I told him.

"I won't think about it then." He croaked.

I frowned at him. "You drink it here or they can give it to you in an IV at the hospital. Contrary to popular belief, I don't wanna make you upset. So please drink it so I don't have to take you to the ER."

"I'm not dreaming..." He muttered, sipping the drink.

There was an awkward silence as he drank.

"Think you can eat something? I got the soup you can drink." Bilal offered.

Trevor looked at me.

"Up to you. If you feel like you can eat, go for it." I said.

"Not right now. Thanks." Trevor responded.

"Alright." Bilal said before leaving the room.

Trevor drank half the bottle before pulling it from his lips. He made another face at it. I couldn't help smiling at him.

"That's enough." I said, grabbing the bottle and putting it on the desk.

When I turned back to him, He was frowning at his phone. "Do you need to charge it?"

He tried to get up. I stopped him. "Where is the charger?"

"On the desk." He said. "What time is it?"

After putting his phone on the charger, I looked at my phone. "5:30 in the morning."

He groaned. "I'm so sorry Lily-"

"Don't. There's nothing to be sorry about. Get some sleep. I'm gonna be right outside, ok?"

He nodded and I left the room.

Bilal was waiting for me in the living room.

"Lily, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said." Bilal started.

I sighed. "It's ok, you're right." I flopped on the couch. "He just apologized to me for being sick. I should have known something was wrong when he didn't call."

"I live with him and I didn't know." Bilal countered.

"Because you're used to him being upset over me." I said, tears forming in my eyes. "He thinks I'm punishing him." I said, a tear falling from my eye.

I wiped it away. Trevor was always so sweet and understanding, I never really thought about how my indecisiveness was hurting him. I told him I loved him but that I wasn't ready to be with him. I gave him hope, but no real commitment. How could he possibly know how much I cared about him, how much I needed him without that commitment? I realized how unfair that was. I gave him just enough to keep holding on. I knew that feeling, it was torture.

"That's not true. He knows you're not punishing him." Bilal denied.

"But that's what it feels like."

"The last time I talked to him about you two, he said you both needed time to get it right. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Maybe not, but does time really matter if it's hurting him?" I questioned,

"You don't hurt him; being without you hurts him. That's a big difference. You're here. He knows that." Bilal stated.

I just sat there, thinking it over.

"You need some rest too. I'll go change my sheets so you can have my bed."

I shook my head. "No, where's Noorie?"

"I took her home. I can take the couch."

"No, I want to be able to check on Trevor. I'll sleep out here."

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded.

I went to check on Trevor. He was fast asleep. When I came back, Bilal put blankets, pillows and a change of clothes on the couch for me.

I changed before I laid down and texted Rocky.

Me: I think it's just an infection. We'll see how he's feeling tonight.

I laid down and slept for 4 hours before my alarm went off. I got up and heated up some soup, made another tea, and took it plus round 2 of medicine to Trevor.

"Trevor." I woke him up. He woke up pretty quickly this time and took his medicine with the tea. I checked his temperature afterwards.

99.6

I asked him if he could eat now. He nodded and sipped the chicken noddle soup.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Tired, but not drowsy anymore." He replied.

"Your throat?"

"Still sore." He said, putting down the soup.

"How long have you been feeling bad? Since Christmas?" I handed him the rest of the Gatorade.

"Not this bad, but yeah." He sipped slowly. I stayed until he finished the bottle, then told him I was going to let him rest.

"Do you wanna rest with me?" He asked, hopefully.

"You're probably contagious Trevor." I informed him, regretfully.

"Ok."

I left and contemplated the size of the couch. No way could I get it through the doorway of the guest room without lifting it. I wasn't strong enough for that. The reclining chair was doable.

I pushed it to the door and into Trevor's room. He was still up, going through his phone.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"Resting with you, at a safe distance." I smiled.

He smiled at me too. I pushed the chair next to the bed. I went back to the living room and threw the blanket and pillow on top of the ottoman. I scooted it into the room as well.

After I got comfortable in the chair, my feet propped up on the ottoman, Trevor turned to me.

"I saw the pictures of the party. It looked like fun."

"It was." I said, plainly. I couldn't help feeling guilty for not being here for him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry I ruined it-"

"You didn't!" I interrupted him. I grabbed his hand. "You said the way you spend your New Year's Eve is how you spend the rest of the year. I'm right where I wanna be."

"It's New Year's day though." Trevor pointed out.

"Close enough." I shrugged.

Trevor laughed and I joined in. We both fell back asleep, holding hands and facing each other.