Talk

"Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done
So you don't know where you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk" Talk by Coldplay

When I came back from the movies, Trevor was sitting on the couch playing Minecraft drinking a beer. He looked up at me, typed something into his laptop before he put it away.

I joined him, sitting next to him on the couch. "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night." I said.

Trevor studied me for a moment before he spoke. "That's not what I want to talk to you about." He started.

"Is it about the house? Because I'll look into it." I promised.

"It's not just the house. It's a lot of things with you lately. What's going on?" Trevor asked.

I looked down at my feet. "Nothing." I shrugged.

"I don't believe you." Trevor argued.

"If you don't believe me, what's the point of talking?" I said, getting aggravated.

"Lily, I can barely get in touch with you when you're usually attached to your phone. I don't know what changes more: your attitude or clothes. And then you started drinking. That's why I don't believe you. Don't tell me nothing's going on when your actions say something else." He accused me.

"I'm sorry, ok? I'll answer my phone every time you call, I'll watch my attitude and drinking, alright?" I said, determined to end the conversation.

"No, not alright. I don't want an apology. I want to know what is going on." Trevor demanded.

I stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"Get back in here Lily. I'm not done talking to you." Trevor said, angrily following behind me.

"I'm done talking to you." I said, walking to the refrigerator. I began to clean it out like I did every Sunday. I moved things around, deciding to make enchiladas to distract myself. I wasn't ready to have this conversation right now. I knew myself well enough to know I had too many emotions I had to sort out before I could have a productive conversation.

"We just did this last week over the joke. I could tell something was wrong but I believed you when you said you were ok. You promised you would talk to me. This- us, we're not going to work if you don't tell me the truth." Trevor pleaded with me.

He was right, I did promise to talk to him, but I couldn't do that until I could keep my emotions under control. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"You said you don't want to talk about it! That means there's an it to talk about! I'm done guessing and waiting! Talk Goddammit!!!" He raised his voice at me.

I never seen him so angry at me. I been trying all weekend to avoid a confrontation because I didn't want to rant and rave at him and remind him of his dad. I failed miserably when he exploded at me.

I turned away from the opened refrigerator and glared at him."You wanna talk? Why don't we talk about why your mom doesn't like me?!?" I yelled back.

His face turned ashen and he stared at me, stunned. "Lily-" He struggled.

I crossed my arms, defiantly. "Lily what? Talk Goddammit! Just pretend I'm J-Mike since you have no problem confining in him!" I blasted him. When he remained silent, I slammed the refrigerator shut.

"Exactly!" I said, before stomping out the kitchen.

"You didn't want to know and I didn't want to tell you. I couldn't- how could I tell you that Lily? What was I supposed to do?" He asked, following me.

I stopped in the hallway and whipped around to face him. "You know what you don't do? Don't fucking tell J-Mike! And don't compare your mom to my dad. My dad thinks you're childish. Considering you think proposing is a joke, he's not far off, is he?" I raged.

He didn't answer. Just looked down, miserable and defeated.  He looked exactly how I felt and I didn't want to be the one that caused him that pain. It immediately calmed me down.

"I was going to show him how happy you make me. I thought it was the same for your mom. All we have to do is prove to them how right we are for each other. How can I prove that to your mom when no matter what.. I always have the wrong hair...the wro-ng eyes... the wrong sk-" I couldn't finish without breaking down into tears.

Trevor put his arms around me as I crumbled to the floor. He sat down with me, holding me as I shook with sobs.

"You don't have to prove anything to her. I don't want anything to do with her." Trevor said into my ear as he held me tight.

I shook my head, vigorously. "You can't fight because of me. I won't come between you two-"

"It's not you. It's between me and her." Trevor interrupted me.

"Why didn't you tell me she wouldn't see you?" I cried.

"I haven't tried to see or talk to her. I never thought my mom felt like that or I would have never brought you around her-"

I shrank away, crying harder.

"No. Not like that." Trevor said, pulling me back against him. "I want to protect and take care of you. I won't let anyone hurt you, not even her. If she doesn't accept you she can't accept me." He promised.

"Lily?" He said, as I sat and cried. When I didn't respond to his words, he kissed my hair, my ear, my temple, then my forehead.

"You make me happy." He said, tilting my head back so he stared into my eyes. He began to kiss the tears away as they fell off my face.

"Everything *kiss* about you *kiss* is right. *kiss*"

He followed the last tear to my lips and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back hungrily, longing for the love he promised me. He gave it to me, and I quickly removed my clothes before working on his. When we both were undressed, he laid me down and climbed on top of me.

I wrapped my legs and my arms around him, clutching to him desperately. He understood my need because he didn't delay or prolong entering into me. He pushed into me roughly and I cried out in pleasure and pain. I arched my hips into his as he thrust into me deeply. He kept his lips glued to mine, in between kisses whispering what I already felt about him.

"I want you."

"I need you."

"I love you."

We climaxed together and lay there, cuddling on the floor. Neither one of us wanted to speak or move and risk breaking the spell between us, but I had to.

"What exactly did she say?" I asked, softly.

He buried his head in my hair. "Lily, it doesn't matter."

"It does to me. What J-Mike said..." I shuddered thinking about his words. "I just need to know."

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "She thinks you are a phase. She said we come from two different worlds and we wouldn't work out. Also, that she didn't want mixed grandkids."

I maintained eye contact. "She didn't call them mixed, did she?"

Trevor winced. "No."

I rubbed his chest and took a deep breath. "You said you haven't talk to her. Why did J-Mike say she's refusing to see you?" I asked, changing the subject.

Trevor sighed. "She told me she wasn't going to talk to me until I came to my senses. Nothing's changed so I haven't talked to her. When I didn't come home for Father's day, she told everyone she doesn't want to see me ruin my life. When I went to the county, uncle Jimmy and Lisa talked to me about it. That's how J-Mike knew."

"Do they... do they feel the same way about us?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer, but needing to.

"No!" He answered, adamantly. "Lisa was shocked. My mom had made comments to her about you using me, and Lisa told her she was sure your dad has money." Trevor continued.

"How does she know that?"

"She overheard us when you were giving me a tour of your house last Christmas on Skype."

"What about your granny? Does she agree with your mom?" I questioned.

"I really don't think she does. I didn't ask her, but I know Granny. She doesn't really hold back for anyone. "

We were silent for a moment, just holding each other until Trevor chuckled.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"Justine." He breathed.

I looked up, and sure enough, running her nose against Trevor.

"You think she saw us?" I reached over him to pet her.

Trevor hugged me closer to him. "Probably."


We got up, put our clothes back on and resumed our Sunday routine. I cleaned out the refrigerator while he started washing clothes.

He joined me in the kitchen when I started dinner. I had chicken boiling for the enchiladas and was working on the filling.

Trevor asked me what I meant by not having to be at work Monday, and I informed him of my schedule change.

"Is it permanent?" Trevor asked.

"I don't know. I'll have a set schedule when my probation is up."

He left to put the laundry in the dryer.

"What can I do to help?" He asked.

"Start rolling enchiladas." I told him.

"Is it the kind that Jasmine made with sour cream?" He asked me, making a face.

"No." I lied. I knew he didn't really like the sour cream sauce so I found a recipe that called for sour cream added to cream of chicken soup for the sauce. I turned to the stove to make it, hiding it from him.

"Oh yeah, add Bounce to the grocery list." Trevor told me.

"Urgh, I forgot about that. Groceries. I'm gonna have to do that before I go to work." I complained.

"We can go today after we finish."

"Shopping? On a Sunday evening? Do you just want to see me pissed off today?" I replied.

"No!" Trevor grinned, raising his arms in surrender. I laughed at him and poured the sauce over the enchiladas.

"I saw Rocky today at the movie theaters." I told him.

"How did it go?" Trevor asked, curiously.

"It was ok. Kinda anti-climatic. I didn't feel upset at all. I didn't feel much if anything." I sprinkled cheese on top of the enchiladas.

"Is that good?" Trevor asked.

"I guess so." I shrugged.

"Is it ok to talk to Chad about the house? Or do you wanna talk to Rocky?"

"No. Definitely Chad. I'm curious to what he'll say about us applying for a loan together." I said, putting the finished enchiladas in the oven.

"You asked last night. I told him he was going to have to explain it again when you are sober."

How embarrassing. "Ok. Cool."

"He suggested leasing a house too. I'm going to see about taking a long lunch so we can set up an appointment this week."

"Sounds good babe." I pulled out the enchiladas and made us both a plate.

"You know what's missing from dinner?" When Trevor looked at me, I smiled. "A margarita."

Trevor grinned. "You had enough margaritas." He said, placing water glasses on the table.

"No, I had enough tequila. I'm staying away from shots."I said delivering the plates on the table. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap. He gave me a long, lingering kiss.

"Sometimes, I wish my mom could see us then maybe she would understand." He sighed when he pulled away. I gave him another kiss and hugged him.

"She'll come around. She'll have to like your dad did." He said, hopefully. "Not that I'm comparing them-" He added quickly,

"How do you know he did?" I said, changing the subject and standing up.

"Er,.. I don't. Forget I said that." He grinned as I sat in the chair across from him

I forced a smile. I knew there was something he wasn't telling me, but I let it slide. I was all talked out for the day. I didn't know what to think about him holding out hope that his mom would come around. I didn't think that his mom would ever accept me but I couldn't tell him that. That wasn't the part that bothered me anymore. I could deal with her hating me. Regardless of how she felt about me, how could she treat Trevor like this? How did I deal with being the reason why they were estranged?

"This are so much better than the sour cream ones." Trevor said, cutting off my thoughts, as he dug into his enchiladas.

"You like it?" I asked, sipping on my water.

"I love it. I'm gonna miss coming home to dinner."

I snorted. "I'm still going to cook before I go to work. I don't trust your cooking. And fyi, that sauce has sour cream in it."

He put his fork down for a moment, before he shook his head.

"Who doesn't like sour cream? It doesn't really have a flavor. It tastes like whatever you put it with." I told him with a smile.

"It's sour cream. It taste like sour milk. More importantly, when did you become such a good liar Lily?" He said but continued eating.

I didn't confirm or deny that comment as we continued to eat.

After cleaning and folding the laundry, we went to bed. Trevor fell asleep while I thought everything over. I was glad we finally talked it though. Nothing was really solved, just out in the open. At least I got my emotions under control.

The shame, guilt and anguish faded away and rage built inside of me. I hated Trevor's mom for making him have to pick between us. I knew how it felt to not have a relationship with my mom and I didn't want Trevor to go through that. I hated myself for the errant thought of letting him go so he didn't have to chose...

I cuddled closer to Trevor and forced myself to go to sleep.