I Won't Give Up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up." I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz  

We literally talked for the rest of the evening, including breaks. I started with asking him where he spent his weekend.

 "I went to see my uncle. He knocked some sense into me." Trevor started.

"How so?"

"I guess I was expecting us to move in together and everything stay the same." Trevor admitted. "I'm used to doing thing when I feel like it and I didn't stop you when you took over. My mom and dad weren't the best example of cohabitation. I'm going to need you to help me with that. "

"That's not why I was upset. I really don't have a problem with cooking and cleaning and stuff. I would have to do it if I lived alone." I responded.

"You don't live alone though. I'm going to do more. You just can't expect things to be done the way you want them." Trevor countered.

"Oh, that's not going to work." I shook my head. "I'll rather do it my way, especially in the kitchen."

"Compromise?" He questioned.

That was the point of talking, so we worked out a chore schedule. We decided he would take the trash out before he left for work and would put the dishes up for me. I would not change shopping on Monday mornings, but I did concede to letting him cook 2 days out the week. We did laundry together on the weekend and cleaned up after ourselves besides that. We also agreed to take nightly walks with Justine before he started gaming or working on his laptop.

"You said you weren't really upset about the stuff around the apartment. Why were you upset?" Trevor asked.

"I feel like I'm not allowed to be angry or upset. You're always trying to censor me or calm me down or telling me to let things go like my feelings aren't valid." I explained.

"I don't want you to be upset Lily. You get- emotional. A lot." Trevor said, carefully.

"I know I am. I've always been that way. I'm working on expressing myself better, but you don't want me to feel anything but happy." I confessed.

Trevor raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that a bad thing?"

"That's not... me. Or realistic. I feel like I can't talk to you because you don't wanna hear it if I'm upset. And I just suck it up because you've already made so many sacrifices for me and you put up with me-"

"Lily I don't put up with you, I love you." Trevor interrupted. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I want you to talk to me no matter how you're feeling, ok?"

"Ok." I nodded.

We took a break so I could eat before my food got cold. He then asked me what sacrifices I thought he made. I quickly swallowed the paneer tikka marsala and replied, "Your mom."

He rubbed his hands his face. "I can't keep this up with my mom. That's my choice, not a sacrifice. Stop making it about you when it's not."

"I know how it feels not to have my mom in my life-"

"Lily, stop. She made a choice when you were a child. You decided not to reach out to her because of it. Just like I'm choosing not to have a relationship with my mom."

I didn't know if I agreed with that. It was my fault. I caused the rift in their relationship. We were silent for a few moments.

"Try some of this..." I said breaking the silence and putting chutney on a piece of naan. He looked at it skeptically.

"What is it?"

"I'll tell you after you eat it." I said, placing it to his lips.

"What did you tell your uncle?" I asked as he chewed.

"That you needed a time out from me." He said, after he swallowed.

"Did you like it? It's flatbread."

"Yeah, it wasn't bad."

"What did your uncle say about the time out?" I asked.

"Uhhh, generic stuff, like it's normal to argue. Respect each other feelings even if you don't understand them. Don't go to sleep mad, talk it out. "

"Good advice for a guy who's never been married."

"By choice." Trevor shrugged.

"You went to sleep mad at me last night." I pouted.

"Not on purpose. My granny made me stay at her house and I fell asleep. I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"Made you stay?" I said, feeding him a Tandoori Chicken Wing. He actually liked it with the dipping sauce.

"Yeah. She invited my mom over. Started lecturing us about how family was all we had." Trevor said, licking his lips.

"And?" I fidgeted in my chair, trying hard not to perv my boyfriend and his sexy mouth while he spoke about his estranged mom.

"My mom didn't wanna talk about it. She's willing to have a relationship with me, but nothing to do with you."

I shrugged, hiding my hurt. "That's ok. Compromise right?" I said, getting up to put away the food.

"Wrong. What's going to happen when we have kids?" Trevor questioned me.

I turned to look at him. "They will never be around her. If she says one fucking thing about them, I'll forget she's your mom and punch her in the face."

"I understand that. I don't want her around our kids too. I told them I was making you my family. Granny is ok with it. I won't compromise with my mom on us." He said, stubbornly.

Warmth spread throughout my body. "Ok." I said, finally letting it go.


We took a break to play with Justine and Trevor informed me he named our fishes Thing One and Thing Two. I felt bad about leaving them without even feeding them.

"I can't believe you were mad enough to get an hotel."

"You ghosted me. We both have to learn how to fight." I said, after we moved to the couch.

"I avoid it at all cost, that's why I left. You know how to fight too well- you just said you'd punch my mom in the face." He said with a little grin.

"I would never actually hit someone!" I stated with a smile. "I just say stuff like that. It helps me release anger. It's therapeutic."

"It's assault." Trevor said.

"No it's not!"

"Yeah. A threat is assault. Aggravated  assault is when you actually do it."

"Oh, like you aggravated assaulted the refrigerator? Or the mirror? Or the table?" I curled my lips at him.

He looked at me surprised. "I didn't tell you about the table."

"I put it together. You just confirmed it. You let things fester. I tried that- It doesn't work."

"Neither does yelling and screaming."

"Ok, I'll work on yelling and screaming, you work on not avoiding conflict." I negotiated. "But I gotta be able to curse. It really is therapeutic."

Trevor laughed. "Ok Lily."

"It is! You should do it too!"

"How about we try talking first, and if you feel the need to curse and yell and scream, we take a time out?" He suggested.

"Fine."




"I don't like the way you dress." Trevor continued later, as we took Justine on a walk around the hotel.

"We're even cause I hate your check shirts." I responded with a smile.

"Me and my check shirts aren't posing with other guys on Facebook all weekend." He commented.

"I would hope not." I said, sarcastically.

"You know what I meant."

"I do and I'm sorry." I said sincerely.

"Who was that guy?" Trevor asked.

"Dominick's roommate. What really bothered you: my clothes or the posing with other guys?"

"Both. I don't think I would have been that upset if you were in like jeans and a t-shirt. He had his arm all around you and your wearing sexy clothes." He shook his head.

"I literally was wearing jeans and a t-shirt until I realized you were ignoring me. I changed to get your attention." I confessed.

"It worked."

"I won't do it again. I have to say, now you understand how I felt about Jordan hanging all over you."

"She wasn't all over me and that's your friend." Trevor disagreed.

"Not anymore. Picture me in that short skirt, riding a bull with that guy: My arms around him, my thighs pressed against his-

"Alright. I understand." Trevor grimaced. "If I get rid of my check shirts, will you get rid of your sexy clothes?"

"Tempting, but no." I declined.



We decided to stay at the hotel since I already paid for it. We lay down on the bed, facing each other.

"Any other grievances?" Trevor asked, running his fingers through my hair.

I shook my head. "They weren't grievances."

He grinned. "Ok, anything else you need to get off your chest?"

"No. Forrest kinda made me see a lot of my problems were from my own insecurities. It was nothing you did or didn't do. I'm sorry for that."

"Forrest huh?" He said, inquisitively.

"Yes. Don't get any ideas like Rachel. We're just friends and he encouraged me to work it out with you. He snitched on me and told you where I was!"

"I know that and I trust you. I do wish you open up to me the way you do with him." He said, placing his hand around my waist.

"I will. Starting now. I promise." I swore to him.

He smiled before pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him back, molding against him, making myself comfortable in his familiar embrace. When he deepened the kiss, I pulled back.

"I think we should talk some more." I recommended.

"You said you didn't have anything else to talk about." Trevor reminded me.

"We didn't discuss you cancelling the house appointment." I brought up.

"Yeah, because you said I was experimenting and we were a fling and you didn't know what you wanted. I didn't want to look at house thinking about that." He argued.

"You should have told me that."

"We can reschedule and I apologized. Can we move on?" He asked, kissing me on my neck.

I held in my moan. "Of course... we're still not having sex."

"Why not?" He asked, softly in my ear, causing me to shudder.

"I think that's when we stopped talking; when we started having sex. We need less sex and more talking." I teased.

"You're right. Compromise with a blow job?" Trevor grinned,

"Cuddling." I bargained.

"Clothes off?" He added.

"Underwear on."

"Deal."

We got undressed and snuggled under the covers. We made out, our kisses become more passionate and deeper until I started to unhook my bra.

He gave me a grin. "What happen to more  talking and less sex?"

"New compromise. Talk and have sex." I said, pulling at his boxers.

"I love the way you think." He said, rolling on top of me.

"Good. Keep talking baby." I urged him, running my hands over his chest.

Instead of grievances or concerns, we talked about what we were doing right or enjoy about each other.

"Your lips are amazing."
“I love the things you do with your tongue”
"You feel so good. Baby, I missed this."
"It feels like home between your legs. Spread 'em."
"Oh my god, I love it when you do that."
“You’re so sexy. So beautiful.”

"Oh, fuck! Right there! Do that again!"

"You're gonna make me cum. Cum with me. Now!"

We both came together, holding on to each other, breathing heavily. We grinned as we caught our breath.

"Can we fight like that too?" Trevor said, collapsing beside me.

I laughed. "I doubt it. Fighting doesn't turn me on." I said resting against his chest.

"You sure? You get all flushed and start breathing heavy and cursing. Kinda like 2 minutes ago." He taunted me.

I giggled and punched him in the chest.

"See? You hit me!" He laughed too.

I looked up at him when we both stopped laughing. "I'm 100% committed to you and us and making this work. Thank you for not giving up on me Trevor."

"I won't give up on us. I love you too much Lily. You have all my love until you tell me to stop."

 I smiled, before kissing him. "You have all my love too Trevor."