Elastic Heart

"And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons
And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one
You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace
Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade - it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart" Elastic Heart by Sia


Trevor didn't force me to give him an answer, which I was grateful for. It wasn't a question of whether I wanted to be with him. I knew that without a doubt at my brother's wedding. I was questioning if we made sense together. Maybe we ignored the flaws in our relationship everyone else could see. Maybe we were too different. Maybe we didn't belong together.

Wednesday, I woke up to Trevor's first alarm and he quickly silenced it. I pretended to be asleep. I planned to sleep through all his alarms so we didn't have to speak. Surprisingly, he got up after the first alarm. I didn't get up until I was sure he left for work.

I checked and saw that Bianca was still sleep. I quietly made my way to the kitchen. I saw that Trevor already fed Justine and changed her potty pad. There were waffles on the stove and coffee on the counter too. I was sure it was a result of my bitch fit and I sighed deeply. My phoned beeped with a group text from Amber to Dino, Sammy and me.

Amber- Morning!  Last night was interesting to say the least. Just checking in on everyone.

I put my waffles in the microwave and responded.

Me: I'm good. The band was great last night and no one got punched in the face so I'm happy :-)

Sammy: I didn't get to punch that bitch Tori in the face so my night was ruined.

Amber: lol What's up with you and Tori Sammy?

Sammy: It's too long for text.

Me: Call me. I need to know!

Amber: me too. 3way

Sammy called me, then had me hold while she called Amber. I got my waffles and coffee and sat down at the table.

I was pouring my syrup when they both came back on the line.

"Corey and Tori used to date." Sammy started off.

"How long ago?" Amber asked.

"Like all though high school, then they broke up when he went to college, got back together when he dropped out. She broke up with him when she saw found out he was still doing drugs." Sammy explained.

"Ok, if she broke up with him, what's her problem?" I asked.

"Apparently, after Corey got clean, he tried to get back together with her. She was dating someone else. Now that's she not, she wants to get back together with him." Sammy continued.

"She told you that?" Amber gasped.

"No, but the first time I met her, she was sure to let me know I shouldn't feel uncomfortable around her. That she and Corey were over a long time ago, even though he wanted her back." Sammy answered.

"What a bitch!" I exclaimed.

"Yay, that was a bitch move, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with him." Amber contested.

"After that, she texted Corey and was like, 'I'm happy for you even if she's not who I pictured you with it'." Sammy said. "She's trying to make me insecure and make him question our relationship. I know the games she's playing. I've played them before. She's trying to get us to break up or have problems so can can squeeze her narrow ass in."

"Have you had problems?" I asked, curiously.

"Not since we got together." Sammy told me. I frowned, thinking of me and Trevor...

"Speaking of problems, what's going on with you and Trevor?" Amber read my mind.

"What are you talking bout?" I said, casually. Until I figured out everything with Trevor, I didn't want my girl's opinions.

"The way you were staring, it looked like you were mad at him."

"No, I was just mad he was holding me back. I was ready to throw punches, as soon as Sammy gave me the signal." I joked it off.

"What's the signal?" Amber questioned as Sammy laughed.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" I called over the phone. We all dissolved into laughter. Bianca sat up from the couch, and gave me a crazy look. I laughed even harder. She got up and staggered to the bathroom.

"Y'all are crazy." Amber laughed.

"As long as I'm not around Tori, we won't need the signal." Sammy said after she stopped laughing.

"I won't be hanging around Jordan, so don't worry about it." I put her at ease. "Is Dino ok?"

"She said she was. Ill talk to her at work." Amber answered.

"Are you going to talk to Rocky too? About Brandon?"

"I'll try." She answered, cryptically.

"Alrighty. I'll talk to y'all later."

"Bye." We chorused.

Bianca came back to the living room and flung herself on the couch. I joined her.

"You ok? Need something to drink?" I asked.

"Need sleep." She groaned.

"You wanna go lay down in my bed? I'll change the sheets." I offered.

"Eww. You and Trevor have sex on there." Bianca complained.

I scoffed. "Like we haven't had sex on the couch..."

"Gross. I'm sleeping on the floor." Bianca declared.

I smiled, slightly, thinking about how Trevor said we should do it on every surface...

"I'm taking Justine out." I said, changing my thoughts.

"Ok ."

When I returned, Bianca was still sleep. I took a shower and hopped in bed for a nap. I forgot to set my alarm, but woke up with enough time for me to get ready for work but not to cook dinner. As I was leaving, Bianca was on her phone. She got quiet when I walked by.

"Do you want to drive me to work?" I asked.

"No. I'm good. I'll see you later." Bianca said.

"Have Trevor pick something up or order dinner tonight."

"Ok." She said. I could tell she was eager to get back on the phone.

"Bye!"

At work, Dr. Fahri pulled me into his office. He asked me how closing shift was going. I replied it was fine. Dr. Clayton was nothing but professional, and besides a few subtle changes, there wasn't much different between shifts. He asked me which shift I preferred. Truthfully, I liked opening shift when Trevor and I had similar schedules. I didn't want to make a work decision based off Trevor, so I told him either one worked for me.

"Good to know." Dr. Fahri responded before dismissing me.

When I came home from work, my stomach rumbled at the smell of food greeted me from the apartment door.

"Hey, what did y'all order?" I asked, joining them in the kitchen.

"Trevor wanted to surprise you so we cooked." Bianca corrected me. Trevor gave me a little smile and I returned it.

"Let me make sure my health benefits started before I eat..." I joked.

"I did everything Bianca told me to do." Trevor said.

"Just because I don't cook, doesn't mean I can't." Bianca said, smartly before Trevor sat a plate of fries covered with gravy and cheese in front of me.

"Ohmigosh, you made poutine?" I said, excitedly.

"Is that what you call it?" Trevor asked.

"Yes. You should have saw her the first time my mom made it. She would not stop eating." Bianca outed me, sitting down with a plate full.

"Shut up B." I said, over a mouth full of fries. Disgusting, I know but I couldn't stop stuffing my mouth to get her to shut her's.

Trevor laughed before turning around to make himself a plate as well.

"It's ok. Now I know you were eating for two." She said, looking me over, suspiciously.

I almost choked on the food I was chewing. I swallowed it down before draining my water.

"I'm not pregnant." I exclaimed.

"I tried to tell her." Trevor chuckled.

"You had one drink last night, you had to take a nap today and you two are buying a house." Bianca argued.

"I was tired from last night and I had to work. We're looking at houses. That's it! And you shouldn't drink at all when your pregnant! What's wrong with you?" I questioned her.

"What's wrong with you? That's how it works. You get married, buy a house, have babies. You're doing it out of order, but same thing." Bianca shrugged.

"Whatever Bianca. We just need more space. Don't read so much into it." I denied.

There was a moment of silence until I asked about Bianca's trip. She told me about the fashion shows, meeting designers and stylists. I asked her a million questions to avoid awkward silence, even if I wasn't sure what she was talking about. Trevor eventually got up and started putting the dishes away.

"I'll clean them." I volunteered, moving my plate from him.

"No, I got it." He declined.

"I'd rather do it. My pots are nonstick. They can't go in the dishwasher." I said standing up.

"Sit down. I'll hand wash our pots. Hang out with Bianca." He said, snatching the plate from me and leaving before I could say a word more.

I cleared my throat. Bianca gave me an inquisitive stare, so I asked, "What's up with you and Dominick?"

"He gave me a ride home since everyone was in a hurry to leave the bar last night. He said he's your work out buddy..."

I smirked. "No, he's not. He's my friend's brother." I explained.

When I thought about Dino, I frowned. A part of me wanted to call her or Jake, but I decided to leave it alone. It was no longer my concern, right? Really, it never was. It stopped being my business when Jake and I broke up. Was it weird? Definitely. Did I care? Not really. I guess time would tell how that played out.

I left Bianca to change out of my work clothes when Trevor joined me in our room. I turned away from him and finished dressing.

"Are you tired?" He asked me.

"No. Just getting changed."

"Ok. I wanted to let you know Chad called to confirm our appointments for Saturday. The house you showed me in Plano." He informed me.

"Ok." I nodded, heading for the door.

I went into the living room with Bianca. We stayed up watching E!. They were airing a marathon of the reality show Noelle was on. Trevor joined us for two episodes before he left. I wasn't really watching; I thought more about Trevor and me. How could I continue looking for a house when I didn't know if I wanted to continue our relationship? Did I keep forging ahead and hope it worked out or did I throw in the towel? I was at war with myself and I didn't know what to do.

The rest of the week, Trevor went out of his way doing everything I bitched about. He took Justine out before I got home, made sure the trash was took out, did the dishes and continued to email me house listing that he liked. I knew he was trying to make good on his words. For some reason, it didn't magically fix things. It didn't change anything.

By Friday, I was exhausted mentally by everything. I was looking forward to going out with Bianca and not thinking or worrying about my relationship. Bianca had other plans.

"Can I borrow your car?" She asked me.

"We can go out wherever you want to go." I told her.

"Um, I'm kinda hanging with Dominick. You and Trevor have a date night and we'll hang out tomorrow. I promise." She bargained with me.

I sighed and handed over my keys.

"Do you have an idea of what you want to do?" Trevor asked me as soon as Bianca left.

"I don't care." I shrugged.

"Change and come on." He said, enthusiastically. Too enthusiastic. Like he planned it...

"I'm not dressing up so nothing fancy." I warned him.

He smiled. "I thought you didn't care what we did?"

"I don't. I'm just saying." I said, going to the room.

I put on basketball shorts and a razorback tank to prove my point. We left and Trevor took us to a traveling fair that was set up outside a mall.

"What the-?" I said, pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah, I saw this on the way to work. It's here for 3 more weeks." Trevor told me.

We had an amazing time. It took my mind off everything. It wasn't very big, but we spent a small fortune on food, games and rides. We danced to the music and screamed while we were on the rides; to the amusement and annoyance of other patrons. We were having so much fun we didn't care.

After we rode, we played games. We cleaned up on the games were everyone was a winner. Our pockets were filled with mini stuffed animals- Thank God I was wearing basketball shorts. Our last game was were you had to throw ping pong balls in fish tanks to win a goldfish. We spent $10 on a big bag and started tossing balls. Halfway through, I got a ball in. Shortly after that, Trevor got one too. We celebrated and Trevor pulled me in close for a kiss. Caught up in the moment, I kissed him back deeply, causing him to moan.

"Excuse me!" The middle age woman running the game called to us. We pulled back and she gave us an annoyed look.

"Are you going to finish your game?" She asked. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering why she was so annoyed with us...

"Do we need more fish Lilypad?" He asked me.

I shook my head and Trevor gave our remaining balls to a pair of brothers. Their mom thanked us before we got our fish. Trevor bought a little tank from the women and we left the booth.

"You hungry?" He asked me. I nodded and we grabbed some food and table. Trevor discussed what we should name our fishes.

"Nemo and Dori?" Trevor suggested before biting into his burger.

"No way. They're not those kinds of fish." I said, munching on my corn dog.

"Goldie and Fishy?"

"No."

"How bout a combination of our names? Like Trilly and Levor?"

I broke out in a smile."Ohmigosh, you suck at this."

"You can't talk. You named Justine after Justin Timberlake."

"Ok, and?"  I laughed, taking a long sip of my lemonade.

"Fine. That's ok for a dog, but you can't name our kids after another dude." Trevor laughed.

That knock the smile off my face. Our hypothetical kids made me freeze. I remembered how I used to dream about what our kids would be like. Now, those dreams were tarnished by Trevor's mom cruel words and it made me contemplate our future. Trevor put his half-eaten burger down.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?" I said, finishing my corn dog. The remaining bites were flavorless. I swallowed them down quickly.

"Should we still be looking for houses?" He asked me, bluntly.

"Whatever you think is best." I said, looking away.

"I don't know anymore Lily. I'm trying not to think-not to read too much into what you say. Like the whole thing about the house, marriage and kids? That goes together for me." Trevor admitted. "Does it for you?"

"I don't know. I told you before we got together I was still figuring myself and things out. You said you would work with me." I reminded him.

"Yeah, with you. Meaning we work together. I'm trying here. It's kinda hard to work with someone when you don't know what they want or what they're thinking..." Trevor trailed off.

"I don't know what to tell you Trevor." I replied, looking down. I knew how I felt. I was tired and frustrated with myself. He already sacrificed so much for me. He was bending over backwards for me. It made me feel worse about my indecision.

He just shook his head. "Ok. Let me know when your ready to go."

I was done eating so we throw away our trash. He asked me if I wanted to go anywhere else and I told him no. When we got home, I went into the bathroom to wash up and change into a clean shirt and shorts. When I came back out, Trevor was gone. He didn't leave a note or text to where he was going. I climb into bed and stared at the ceiling. A part of me wanted to call him, the other part wanted to let him go. I ignored both parts and just waited to see what would happen.