Don't Wanna Fight

"My life, your life
Don't cross them lines
What you like, what I like
Why can't we both be right?
Attacking, defending
Until there's nothing left worth winning
Your pride and my pride
Don't waste my time
I don't wanna fight no more [x6] ." Don't Wanna Fight by Alabama Shakes

Trevor wasn't in bed when I woke up Saturday morning. The only evidence of him being home was the new, aquarium and fish food on the table. I didn't even know if he slept in bed with me. Bianca didn't come back to the apartment; she sent me a text and told me not to wait up as she was staying out.

I made myself breakfast. As I ate, I checked my email to confirm the appointment time for looking at the house in Plano. It wasn't until 11am. After Justine and my run, I took a shower and got dressed. When I came out, I heard movement in the living room. Knowing Bianca was never up this early,  I went out to ask Trevor where he had been. It was Bianca, crashing on the couch. I hid my disappointment with a smile.

"Hey...what did you do last night?" I asked.

"We went out to lower Greenville. Went to a Taco stand then bar-hopped."

"I've haven't been to lower Greenville since I was in graduate school. How was it?" I said, trying to engage in conversation with her.

"It was some bars. Pretty much the same everywhere. I'm exhausted. Can we talk after I get some sleep?" She asked, closing her eyes.

"Uh, sure." I said, confused by her curt tone. "I'm actually going to get my nails done and then met Trevor to look at a house. Did you want to come?" I asked.

"No thanks." She said, closing her eyes.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours." I replied. I thought she would want to tag along. I needed a buffer between me and Trevor. I had no idea what kinda mood Trevor was in right now. Especially since he didn't tell me he was leaving twice now.

I left, hoping for the best. When I got to the nail shop, I picked a pale buttercup yellow, sticking to my optimistic mindset. Feminine and bright, it already had me in a better mood just looking at my nails.

After I got my nails done, I made my way to the house we were looking at in Plano. It was located in a residential area not far from an elementary school. It was one of the reasons I pick the house: Ethan told me being close to a school would make it appealing to buyers with children- something to consider if we wanted to resale.

I got out the car and examine the front yard. It was neat-green grass cut short and one large tree that took up majority of the space. I wandered around the sides briefly, trying not to be creepy. The house looked similar to the neighboring houses. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but I was excited to see inside.

I sat in my car for 10 minutes after the appointment was supossed to start with no sign of our realtor Chad or Trevor. With everything going on, I didn't double check the appointment time with either one of them. I just assumed it didn't change. Not wanting to start anymore friction with Trevor, I pulled out my phone and call Chad to make sure I had the appointment time right.

"Trevor sent me an email, canceling the appointment. If you want to reschedule for today-." Chad said confusion lacing his voice.

"Right. You're so right. I'm sorry. I didn't update my planner." I stammered, interrupting him.  I couldn't even lie efficiently. I didn't even have a planner. "I'll be in touch soon." I said, rushing off the phone, panic filling up inside of me.

I couldn't believe Trevor canceled the appointment. I sat in the car, thinking about why he didn't want to look at houses anymore. What did that mean? Where was he?

Then I started telling myself it was for the best. We needed to put a hold on things until we figured everything out. What was the point at looking at houses if we weren't on the same page? Or maybe we were on the same page now. Maybe he was questioning if we belonged together too...

That thought made me nauseous. That's where my problem was. Even if I came up with a list of 1000 reasons why Trevor and I shouldn't be together, my heart wouldn't let him go. How did I figure it out? I pulled out my phone. I knew I needed to talk to Trevor, but I was afraid to hear what he had to say. As I hesitated over his number, my phone rang.

It was Forrest. I answered it relieved and disappointed all at the same time.

"Hey, what you got going on this weekend?" He asked me.

"You know me- Major things. Big. Huge." I responded.

"So, nothing?" He asked.

"Not at all." I laughed. "Why?"

"Our chain holder canceled last minute and I was hoping you could fill in for her."

"What time is the game?" I asked.

"3pm. It's in Lewisville. We're going to Pluckers afterwards..."

"I'm in. Let me call you back. My cousin is in town so I might need a ride so I can leave her my car."

"Oh. I didn't realize she was in town. Don't worry about it. I'll get Blake to see if Jordan can do it."

"No! No Jordan. Besides, Bianca is probably still sleep. Most likely, she'll want to go out tonight so she'll wake up with just enough time to get ready." I told him.

"Ok, I'll swing by and pick you up."

"Sounds good."

When I got home, still no Trevor. I checked social media for any updates, but nothing. I didn't call him or text- I allowed him his space his obviously wanted.

I woke Bianca up so she could let me out when Forrest arrived.

"What are y'all doing tonight?" Forrest asked me after I got in his car.

"I don't know. Bianca's leaving tomorrow so I just want to hang out with her. She's been kinda cagey, when she's not running out or sleep." I answered.

"Cagey about what?"

"I don't know, just in general when I ask questions. She shuts me down. It's weird. I can't put my finger on it." I frowned.

"Hmp."

Forrest neglected to inform me the game was outdoors at his school practice field. I wore jeans and a t-shirt and was burning up, pouring sweat on the sidelines as I held up the marker of how far the ball had to move for a first down. I was glad to be on the sidelines though. Jordan showed up with a girl I didn't recognize. I pretended like I didn't see her when she waved at me. After the game, which they won, Forrest grabbed me a Gatorade.

"I hate you." I said, while chugging from the bottle.

"I'm treating you to Pluckers for your hard work." He informed me.

"I want a million wings." I warned him.

"We'll start with 10 and go from there." He smiled.

He then left me to go shower and change in the locker room. Unfortunately, Jordan approached me while he was gone.

"Are you going to Pluckers too?" She asked me, smiling like everything was fine between us.

"No, I have plans." I said, really having no intentions of going if she was going to be there.

"Aww, Blake said something about taking me out dancing afterwards. You and Trevor  should tag along! Like a double date." Jordan invited me.

I smirked as I thought about Blake's M.O. and how he tried the same routine on me. "No, we have plans. Y'all have fun though."

 Forrest finally came out and I insisted on going home and showering before anything else. I felt disgusting. We we're on our way back to his car when we ran into Coach Green, Sandra, my former boss, and her 2 kids I recognized from pictures in her office. We all said a quick hi and bye before leaving.

"Forrest, can we go to Pluckers closer to my place? Alone?" I asked him.

"If it is because of Sandra, they're not coming."

"No, it's because of Jordan. I need a break from her."

"You fighting with Jordan?" Forrest asked.

"No! We're just not as close."

"Why not?" Forrest asked.

"We don't work together. Distance, you know." I lied. I didn't want to get into it.

"Damn. I'm moving into my new house in a few weeks. I wanted her advice on furniture."

"I can give you advice!" I offered.

"Jordan was more opinionated. Besides, shouldn't you be looking at houses with Trevor? Any prospects?"

"Not yet." I said, plainly.

When I got home, still no sign of Trevor. Just Bianca sitting on the steps leading to our apartment, smoking a cigarette with Justine running around.

"Dominick invited us to watch the Ronda Rousey fight." Bianca told us as we approached her. I tried to grab the cigarette from her lips, but she pulled away quickly. "Do y'all wanna go?"

"Is that what you wanna do?" I asked. When she nodded, I looked at Forrest.

"Wanna come? We can eat first." I asked.

"Sure. Is Trevor coming?" He asked.

I shrugged non-committally as we went into my apartment. "Let me text him and see."

Me: We're going to a MMA pay per view party. Let me know if you wanna come.

I sat Forrest up in the living room with Sports Center and a beer while I left to my room to dig through my closet. Bianca joined me.

"Where's Trevor at?" She asked me, flopping on my bed.

"Out." I said, exhaling deeply. I pulled out a black fitted tank that had "Knockout 89" printed in white letters across the chest.

"How was the house?"

"Great." I brushed her off and picked a black bandage skirt. "I got the shower first." I announced, edging to the door.

"No!" She exclaimed, hopping up from the bed.

"Yes, you've been here all day!" I laughed as I beat her to the bathroom.

"The new place better have more than one bathroom, or I'm never visiting again!"

I laughed at her, took a quick shower and changed. I pushed my make-up and hair container to the bedroom, surrendering the bathroom for her.

After applying lotion and a shimmer body spray, I ran a bronzer brush over my face, lined my eyes and put on some red gloss. I didn't feel like doing my long, still damp hair so I pulled it up in a top knot. I accessorized with strappy white wedges, white gold hoop earrings that I had in California but hardly wore, and I traded my charm bracelet for white plastic bangles.

When I came out the bedroom, Bianca was pulling her hair back in a low ponytail. She wore fitted jeans and a simple purple tank, but had the nerve to look me over.

"That's way too much black and matchy. Break it up. Go add some color." She critiqued me. She made a face at my bracelets. "And trash those!"

"How this for color?" I asked, showing off my nail polish...On my middle finger. I flicked her off as I walked away. I didn't dress up for her. It was all for Trevor. Black made me feel sexy, and that's exactly what I was going for.

"Trevor coming?" Forrest asked me.

"No." I answered, grabbing a beer.

"I'll be designated driver than." He volunteered.

"Yay! Turn up!" I smiled.

I had Forrest take pictures of us when Bianca was ready. I posted the best ones on Facebook. I captioned them:

Out with my Team! @Forrest @Bianca #Pluckers #FightNight #TeamRousey #Knockout

We then went to Pluckers. I kept my phone out on the table, casually looking it at it every time I got a notification. Nothing from Trevor. I downed my beer cocktail before ordering another. I put my phone up, telling myself if I put it away, the next time I checked it I would have have something from him.

With that, I focused on my food and making conversation. Forrest and I talked mainly about work. I told him about the few Maverick players I met from the summer league and interesting injuries I've seen so far.  Forrest was about to start Two-A-days football practice with his schools sport team and was worried about heat related illnesses. I made Bianca look away from texting or whatever she was doing on her phone to talk to me about her going into her last year of school. I made a mental note to transfer some money to her. I knew quitting her summer job must have her low on funds.

After we ate, Bianca navigated to Diego's Jr house. Dominick invited us, but his brother was hosting. In the car, I checked my phone. Still nothing from Trevor. An anger swelled up inside of me and I was so tempting to call him, but I refused. He should be calling me!

Diego Jr. and his wife had a nice two story home in south Dallas. It was already filled with friends, relatives and neighbors when we arrived.

Dominick greeted us at the door.

"Welcome, welcome. Come right in, make yourself at home." He said, flashing us a wide smile.

"Thank you for inviting us." I said after he shook hands with Forrest.

"Of course. Come on in and meet the family." Dominick said, before introducing us to everyone. Dino was in the back in the game room. I separated from them to talk to her.

"Hey, no Jake tonight?" I asked her, hoping I came off causally as I sat beside her.

"No, we're not at the meet the family phase considering how well meet the friends went." She said, bluntly.

"I hope you two get to that phase. He really is a great person." I reiterated.

"You know, he hasn't nothing but nice things to say about you too. Makes me wonder why y'all broke up." She cross examined me.

God, I didn't want to go into that. Especially with Trevor taking a "break" from me. I didn't want to remember all the fights Jake and I had. It made me think about all the problems Trevor and I were having. The common factor was me.

"'Cause I'm psycho. It's in poor taste to talk about crazy people. Jake has excellent taste." I supplied, only partially joking.

Dino cracked a smile at me."We'll see. Do you want a drink?" She asked, gesturing in front of her. She had tequila, sprite, a jar of cherries, and disposable shot glasses on the table in front of her.

"Yes please." I said.

We were settled in drinking when Forrest, Bianca and Dominick joined us on the sectional in front of the TV in the game room in the back. Dino and I toasted each other before drinking. We drank and watched the fights while Dominick tried to teach us the rules. I was too tipsy to care.

Dominick's roommate Richard came in, looking for Dominick. He was the epitome of devilish charm. Even his smile made you feel like he was up to something. Something that you might enjoy, but wrong all at the same.

After introductions, he started to hit on me in Spanish.

"Tienes tantas cosas bonitas que no se en cual enfocar mi atención. {You have so many beautiful features that I don't know which one to focus on}" he said, smoothly.

"She has a boyfriend." Dominick immediately spoke up.

"Shut up Dominick. Just because I have a boyfriend, doesn't mean he can't appreciate my features!" I giggled, the shots definitely working their magic. Well, I stopped taking shots a few fights ago. I played a game- every time I looked at my phone and didn't have a text from Trevor, I took a shot. I made it easier on myself by pouring tequila in a half empty sprite can.

"Se habla Español?" Richard, his roommate, asked me.

"Yeah, you probably should asked that first." I smiled at him, popping a cherry in my mouth.

"How come you don't speak Spanish?" Dominick asked Bianca.

"My dad didn't want me to learn. Her's did." Bianca shrugged.

Speaking about Ben senior was a huge no-no at my aunt Patty's house. I wanted to point this out to Bianca, but Ronda Rousey fight started.

She kicked the other girl's ass in less than a minute. It was crazy. Dino started running through her stats, and how this was a common occurrence for Rousey. If I wasn't already impressed/terrified of her before, I definitely was now after seeing that fight.

Dino started cleaning up, and I wanted to help her, but I was too fucked up.

Richard fed my some bullshit of posting angels on the gram and the book, so he wanted to take a picture with me. I complied and we posed together for a selfie. After a million shots in which Richard had to get the pose, the lights, the angle, everything perfect with his selfie stick, he was satisfied and posted it. I made sure he tagged me in.

I really wanted Trevor to see them and get jealous. Even in my drunken state, I realized how petty it was. I just didn't want to go the entire day with no contact from him. I didn't care if he was mad, confused, upset, in between, I just wanted him to talk to me. And to come home.

"Alright Lily. Let's go." Forrest said, firmly,  pulling me away from Richard.

"But Bianca-" I started.

"She's staying with Dominick." He said, leading me to the door.

"I wanna stay too!" I said, as he pulled me to the car.

"No, you have a boyfriend at home waiting for you." He said, putting me in the passenger seat of his car.

That made me break into drunken hysteria. "No I don't. He ghosted me!" I exclaimed, dramatically.

"Ghosted you?" Forrest asked, confused.

"Yeah. Poofed, disappeared, vanished. I knew this would happen."

"What are you talking about?" Forrest stood by my open car door.

I spilled my drunken guts out. I told him everything. About Trevor's mom, the house, our fights about his mom and the house, Jordan, Christian, Rocky, everything and everyone that was affecting or relationship.

"I'm so sick of fighting. I don't wanna fight no more. I wish I could just end it. It's just too hard... It's not fair." I hiccuped.

"Who lied and told you life was going to be easy or fair?" Forrest asked me, pointingly.

"Not life. I know that. I learned that when I was a kid, but love is supposed to be." I argued, passionately.

"That's fairy tale shit Lily. If you still believe in those, you shouldn't be in a relationship." Forrest stated.

"Well, thanks. He'll be breaking up with me soon anyway!" I pushed at his chest. He stood there, unmoving. I couldn't help but noticed his chest felt harder than I ever remembered. He must have been working out. Or flexing. One of the two...

"What should he do? Stick around, hoping things will change why you push him away? If he had any sense, he would break up with you." Forrest said matter of factly.

That hard hitting truth made me break out in tears. I cried in my hands and felt Forrest move closer to me.

"Rachel...she did the same thing to me. Instead of breaking up with her, I did everything I could to make her happy. When she did finally end things, she told me she didn't want "that life". I still don't even know what that means. I don't know what's wrong with my life." Forrest confessed to me.

I looked up at him through the tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry Forrest."

"Don't be sorry. At least she was honest before we got married. At the end of the day, if you truly love someone, nothing and no one can come between that. If you love him, fix it." Forrest encouraged, grabbing my shoulders.

"I don't know how. I don't know where to start." I admitted.

"By being honest with yourself and him " Forrest, said, rubbing my shoulders. I relaxed under his touch. We starred at each other for a brief moment before he pulled away. Forrest got in the car and drove me home. He offered to help me up the stairs, but I declined.

"Hey Forrest." I said, before I got out the car.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think Rachel knew what life she wanted."

"Yeah, just what she didn't want." He said, sarcastically.

"Think about it-she got the job her parents wanted her to have, stayed in their house, planned a wedding for them. It's hard to know anything when you don't know yourself. The only choice she made was you. It probably scarred the hell out of her." I blabbed.

"Well, her choices are her own now." He said gruffly.

"Yours too. You should choose to move on to someone who appreciates you. And pick out your own furniture. Make your whole fucking house a man cave!"

He gave me a little smile."You make smart, mature choices. Fairy tales are for children. Nothing is perfect. You have someone who loves you and wants to make things work. Remember that." He lectured me.

"I will." I smiled at him before I went inside.

I finally called Trevor. When he didn't answer, I left a voicemail asking him to call me back. I changed out of my clothes and put my charm bracelet back on. I admired every charm- the infinity symbol, the sun, the world, and our initals. I stayed up on the couch waiting for Trevor, Forrest's words on my mind.

I went to sleep having every intention to stop fighting and pushing Trevor away. I was going to follow Forrest's advice and fix whatever that was wrong between us.

That all changed when I woke up the same way I went to sleep. Alone, on the couch, with my phone next to me. No missed calls or texts from Trevor.