Girls Just Want To Have Fun

"Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun
They want to have fun..." Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

"Hey Rocky." I recovered quickly from my disdain for Brandon. A part of me knew there was a chance he would be there. I guess that's why I didn't ask Amber. If I would have known, I probably wouldn't have came which defeated the whole purpose of inviting Rocky. I was hoping he had to work. Oh well. I put on my poker face and smiled. "C'mon in." I said, moving out their way.

"Sorry we're late. Brandon got off of work late." Rocky apologized.

"You're fine." I said, shutting the door. "Brandon." I acknowledged him, as politely as I could.

"Hi Lily. Good seeing you again." He said, with a boyish grin. I narrowed my eyes at him. Why would he be alluding to the night I saw him out with another girl? What a dick head!

We joined everyone in the living room and Brandon and Rocky made the rounds. Amber gave me a wide eyed look, before she excused herself to check on the food. I followed behind her.

"What the hell?" Amber exclaimed to me.

"You're telling me!" I grabbed the wine and a couple of glasses.

"Rocky said he had to work Sunday evening."

"Guess his "schedule" changed." I said, with air quotes. "Did you tell Rocky about the other girl we saw him with?"

"Of course I did. I've told her she needs to let him go. Peyton's constantly telling her. I don't know what else to do!" Amber said, exasperated.

"Maybe y'all are being to nice about it." I suggested, pouring myself a glass of wine.

"I can't attack her or him. It'll just put a strain on our friendship." Amber complained.

"I can't hurt our friendship-Hell, we technically don't have one." I said, gulping down my wine.

"I thought y'all we're checking the food." Sammy joined us.

"I need to mentally prepare for Brandon until I get a chance to talk some sense into Rocky. " I said, looking over at her.

Sammy scoffed. "And that's gonna do what?"

"Hopefully get her to leave him. He cheats and still treats her like she's in the wrong." Amber said.

"She allows it, meaning she's not ready to leave. Both of y'all should know about that. Will cheated, Jake treated you wrong." Sammy told us about ourselves while pouring a glass of wine.

Amber and I looked at each other. Couldn't argue with that- no amount of talking helped me until I was fed up myself. "You're right." I conceded.

Amber grabbed the bottle from Sammy. "I'm gonna need this if you expect me to not say anything."

"Who said we're not saying anything?" Sammy said, sipping her wine.

"You just did!" I exclaimed.

"I said it's not going to make Rocky do anything. Brandon has life fucked up if he thinks he's gonna pull any bullshit in front of me." Sammy snarled.

I grinned, excitedly. This was gonna be fun!

We all sat down together in Amber and Will's formal dining room. It normally fit 8, but we made it work with me, Trevor, Sammy and Amber squeezing on one side, Brandon, Rocky and Serena across from us, and Will and Ethan at the ends.  Sammy and I made sure we sat directly across from Brandon and Rocky. The kids sat at the smaller kids table.

Amber offered everyone wine, which Bradon, Trevor and Serena accepted. Rocky, Will and Ethan stuck to lemonade with the kids. We passed around the food and filled our plates. There was oven fried chicken, mashed cauliflower, corn on the cob, macaroni and cheese, candied carrots, broccoli salad, and Hawaiian rolls. As we made our plates, Krista explained everything they made and went into details about what and how she cooked. Afterwards, Will prayed over the food and we dug in.

"This is really good girls. You did an excellent job." Ethan complement them. They beamed, proudly.

"Y'all sure did. Did you pay attention Trevor." I smilled, as I feed him some broccoli salad he neglected to put on his plate.

"One step ahead of you. Amber's gonna send me a copy of the kid's cookbook." Trevor smiled at me, passing me a roll.

"Since when do you cook Trevor?" Sammy asked.

"Since Lily started working evenings. She comes home like "where's my food!" Trevor growled and they laughed.

"I do not!" I denied, laughing.

"I believe it." Amber grinned.

"What do you cook Trevor?" Serena asked.

"A little bit of this, a little bit of that." He said with a shrug.

"Sounds like a lot of nothing." Brandon commented.

"He does." I defended him. "He made a pasta last week that was amazing. His Alfredo sauce is better than mine." I bragged on him.

"What do you do differently?" Will quizzed him.

"First, I open up a Bertolli's can-" Trevor confessed.

Everyone laughed, and I turned to him. "It's can sauce?!?"

He nodded.

"I'm proud of you. That's a step up, Chef Boyardee." Rocky smiled.

"That's what I called him." I smiled too. We laughed at each other. Trevor rubbed my leg under the table, encouragingly.

"I would have killed for Chef Boyardee the other night." Brandon said. "Rocky made some kinda potato casserole that tasted like feet."

The smile faded off my face as I saw Rocky's face fall.

"Jackie tried it. She said it was a little over seasoned. It tasted fine to me." Rocky said, forcing a smile.

"Jackie lied to you! It was awful." Brandon chuckled to himself.

"That's why I keep peanut butter and jelly in my kitchen. If you don't like what I cook, make a sandwich." Amber bristled.

"Or go fuck yourself with it." Sammy muttered under her breath, glaring at Brandon.

I sputtered on the cauliflower I was in the process of swallowing, trying to hold back my laughter. Amber let out a little laugh.

"Did you say something Sammy?" Brandon questioned her.

"Just that this is de-li-cious!" She lied, with a big smile as she cut into her chicken.

"I think I speak for Will and every man at this table when I say after a few too many nights of peanut butter and jelly, a man's gonna eat someplace else. Maybe your place Lily." Brandon said, suggestively.

My eyes shot daggers at Brandon. I wasn't the only one. All the girls were, except for Rocky-she continued eating like nothing was going on. If looks could kill, Mrs. Carter would be burying her youngest child.

"Speak for yourself Brandon. I love whatever my wife cooks." Will said lightly.

"Ethan can cook for himself." Serena added.

"Corey too. Any grown man should be able to." Sammy said.

"Brandon." Ethan said, in the same voice he would use to get onto EJ.

"What?" Brandon laughed, joyfully. "Lily said Trevor can cook. I wanna try it." He played it off.

"Yeah man. Come over before Lily gets off, I'll have a plate for you. Might be peanut butter and jelly night." Trevor said, keeping up the facade of joking and playfulness.

Rocky cracked a little smile.

"Arsenic for dessert." I said in my wine glass, only loud enough for Sammy to hear. She snickered and everyone turned to us.

"What's for dessert?" I asked with a smile.

Ethan brought over a banana pudding for dessert. It was his mom's recipe- light and airy and a perfect summer dessert. It was the best banana pudding I ever tasted. I was still surprised by the huge scoop Rocky served her self.

"Since when do you like pudding?" I asked Rocky.

"I always did. My mama would give us snack pack everyday after school. I still like it, I just got burnt out on it, know what I mean?" Rocky explained as she ate.

"I hear you. Mine was honey buns. I would walk to the corner store after school and buy them all the time. Now, I can't look at them." Sammy said, smiling. We went around the table discussion food we had so much when we were kids, we burnt out on them.

"Roman noodles. My mom made them for dinner at least once a week. She would add shrimp, chicken, hotdogs, you name it." Will answered.

"That actually sounds kinda good." Trevor chuckled.

I laughed. "I know. Remember that for a meal idea!"

"Fruit cocktail." Serena made a face.

"Kool-aid. I refuse to buy it now. Everyday my mom would make a pitcher. Remember that Brandon?" Ethan asked him.

"Sure." Brandon said, shortly,

"Water." I thought of mine.

Amber laughed at me. "How'd you get burnt out on water?"

"'Cause my dad would make us drink a gallon before we got to drink anything else!" I explained.

"Sounds like Lily coulda used some of yall's koolaid for her water." Rocky smiled at Brandon.

"You need to slow down on that pudding. You getting thick like you about to go into hibernation. Summer ain't over yet." Brandon told Rocky.

When Rocky put down her spoon, I lost my taste for dessert. I looked Rocky over. She looked great in a black tunic tank top that gathered at her full cleavage and flowed passed her waist. She was wearing dark jeans with it; she looked the same size as always. I couldn't not say anything.

"You look good. There is nothing thick about you." I said, defensively.

"She's knows I'm just joking." Brandon said, putting his arm around Rocky. When Rocky forced a smile, I had to clutch Trevor hand under the table to keep from going off.

"Jokes are funny." Amber told him, shooting him a look.

"I thought it was funny." Brandon chuckled to himself.

"About as funny as your small dick." Sammy quipped. All the girls cracked up laughing, including Rocky. Trevor shook his head, but I could tell he was holding his smile. Brandon glared at Sammy, but she just held his stare. "Just joking." She smirked at him.

Ethan looked over at the kids, concerned. Thankfully, they weren't paying any attention.

"Hey, there are children present." Will said, disapprovingly.

"Sorry kids." Sammy said, unapologetic.

Will sent Amber a look.

"Eat as much as you want you all. There's plenty." Amber said, ignoring Will's glance.

I was done. The kids were anxious to go play the new Kinetic Game Will bought from Best Buy, so Trevor volunteered to get them set up in their room. I accompanied him to get a break.

"Ohmygod, I wanted to throw my pudding on him." I exclaimed, frustrated.

"Remember, Sunday Funday. Emphasis on fun." He said, enthusiastically.

I knew that was his way of telling me to be calm without telling me to be calm.  "I don't know how long I can keep it up. How do you stay so calm?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I ask myself if it's worth getting angry. He's not." Trevor replied. "Don't let him ruin the evening. Focus on having fun with her."

I agreed. "Fine."

So I did. We went into the living room and played Family Feud. Amber was the host, and we played girls versus boys. They creamed us.  Will was a fast thinker so he always had an answer. Ethan was logical and Trevor thought way out the box to get answers. Brandon didn't contribute anything to the team but obnoxious answer. For example, one question was: Name something that can be referred to as Juicy?

Will and Ethan got the obvious ones like meat, gum, and fruit. Trevor said gossip, which I would have never thought of. It was number two on the list. Brandon got his on a technicality. He said "a women's body." Amber asked him to be more specific, and he said "Her juice box." Amber gave it to them, only because the card had lips. We booed her loudly.

I complained when my answers wasn't on the board. Rocky advised me sarcastically to write a strongly worded letter to the 100 people surveyed. I told her I was taking my complaint to the top: Steve Harvey. We laughed as we composed the letter that we would never send to him. Rocky wanted to know when he was getting the Kings of Comedy back together. I wanted to know why men shouldn't think like a woman, but act like a man.

We played a few more rounds of Family Fued until Corey arrived.

"You did not bring your backpack!" Sammy exclaimed at him.

"Yeah, I was going to do some reading." Corey started.

"You can go home with all that. We're trying to have fun!" She cut him off.

"Leave Corey alone. The man is trying to study. C'mon, I'll make you a plate." Amber ushered him to the kitchen. While we waited, Rocky asked Trevor and me about our house hunt.

"We have some houses to look at this week in Plano." I answered.

"Who's your realtor again?" Brandon asked, looking up briefly from whatever he was doing on his phone.

"His name is Chad. He's Forrest's realtor too." Trevor answered.

"Forrest is looking for a house?" Serena asked, surprised.

"Forrest bought a house. In Lewisvile. He should be moving in soon. Hopefully around labor day. He's super close to the lake. Maybe I can get him to throw a party!" I said, excitedly.

Corey, Amber and Sammy returned from the kitchen. Corey got set up on the couch and we got ready to play the next game, Taboo.

"Ready Rocky?" Brandon said, standing up.

"Really? Already?" Rocky asked, sharply.

"Really. I have some business to take care of. I'll drop you off." Brandon answered.

On a Sunday night? Bullshit.

I looked expectantly at Rocky. I was disappointed when she nodded. "We can give you a lift if you want to hang out." I offered.

"Yeah, stay, hang out. I'll just stay at my place tonight." Brandon stated.

"You have a place?" Amber asked, confused.

"Yeah, Uptown. It's really nice."

"About time." Sammy said.

"Yeah, I had too. Jake is getting serious about Daniela... or what do y'all call her? Dino? Never seen him like this over a girl before. Didn't wanna cramp their style." Brandon continued, looking at me and Sammy.

I would have been offended if I had feelings for Jake like that. I didn't, so I ignored it."Good. Dino's a good girl. He better treat her right." I said, move of a warning to him then Jake.

Brandon just smiled. "And vice versa. Thanks for inviting me Amber."

"Wait, I started putting up the food. Let me make you a plate." Amber said, grabbing Rocky.

"I'll help. I said, following them.

"Before y'all start, we're fine. Don't worry about us." Rocky said, defiantly once we were in the kitchen.

I nodded at her, sadly.

"What are you talking about? I'm just trying to give away some food." Amber laughed, lightly.

"And I just wanted to tell you I had fun with you. I would like it if we could hang out some more. If that's ok with you." I started.

Rocky nodded. "I would like that too."

Amber packed up a plate and I couldn't help saying one more thing.

"Rocky, I want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted. I'm going to say this once, and I'll leave it alone: It doesn't seem like Brandon is making you happy." I blurted.

"We're working it out. It's not only my happiness I have to think about." Rocky said softly.

I wanted to ask her how they were working it out? The only time Brandon looked happy was when he was making her feel bad. She didn't deserve that, no matter what she did.

Before I could say anything else, Brandon called her name.

"I gotta go. Thanks for inviting me." Rocky said.

Amber handed her food and a bottle of wine. Rocky gave a wryly smile before she left. Amber poured herself another big glass of wine before we returned to the living.

"How many glasses is that for you?" Will asked her, eying her glass.

"I'm not keeping count." Amber bristled, before sitting down.

We then played Taboo. We played couples- whoever got 5 cards first won. Trevor and I won easily. Amber had to much too drink because she was a lousy partner. Sammy keep saying words on the cards. Serena and Ethan were good, just slow.

 Trevor and I were on the same wavelength.  For the word "Kiss", I sang a KISS song and that's how he got it. For "brain freeze", his hint was what I would use as a torture technique based off a conversation we had years ago. For our winning card "bridge", I asked him where he took me on our first date. He answered before I finished asking. It was like we knew what the other one was thinking all the time.

Serena must have been tired of getting beat, because she asked Ethan if he was ready to go next.

"Why don't y'all leave EJ here and go out?" Amber offered. "I'll take the kids to summer class in the morning."

Serena's eyes lit up. "That would be great!"

"No." Ethan shot it down quickly.

"Ethan, we never have us time." Serena complained.

"This is my weekend with EJ. If you're ready to go, I'll take you home, but I'm not leaving him." Ethan said, stubbornly.

"Well, I'm ready." Serena announced.

Awkward.

While EJ put on his shoes and Serena got food to take home, I cornered Ethan and offered to babysit EJ during the week.

"I get off around 7:30. He can spend the night. I need an excuse to go see Pixels." I told Ethan as we stood by the door.

"We already saw that movie." Ethan replied.

"Oh. I forgot you were a gamer. Your parents took you to the arcade every time needed alone time. Like Serena wants. Hint hint." I teased.

"We do have alone time. It's just not as frequent as she would like it. EJ is with his mom half of the time. I don't want to give up my time with him because it fits her schedule. Is that wrong?" Ethan asked me.

"You know I hate agreeing with you, but I have no other choice." I answered.

Ethan smirked. "I'm gonna leave before you come up with another option."

I gave EJ a hug before they left.

Afterwards, I helped Amber clean the kitchen while everyone else sat around and chatted. After the kitchen was cleaned, we all left.

"Did you have a good time?" Trevor asked me on our way home.

"I really did. Minus the whole Brandon thing, but Rocky agreed to hang out again, so we'll see what happens." I informed him.

"I'm proud of you. You didn't let him stop you from having fun." Trevor said.

"Don't be too proud. What kept me having fun was imagining punching him in the throat all night long." I confessed.

"Well, you didn't assault him so I'm proud." Trevor grinned.

"Small steps." I smiled.

"You know what I imagined all night?"

"What?"

"Bending you over in that skirt." He said, grazing my thigh with his fingertips.

"Baby! I thought you didn't like the way I dressed."

"That's why I don't. If I'm thinking it, other guys are." He chuckled.

I leaned over and placed little kisses on his ear. "But you're the one who gets to do it." I told him softly. "Hurry home so we can have some fun."

"Yes ma'am."

Lava

"Oh they were so happy to finally meet above the sea
All together now their lava grew and grew
No longer are they all alone with aloha as their new home
And when you visit them this is what they sing
I have a dream I hope will come true
That you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you
We thank the earth, sea, the sky we thank too
I lava you" Lava by Kuana Torres Kahele and Napua Greig

We return back to our apartment and our lives Monday. I say our lives because it was finally normal between me and Trevor. My insecurities didn't disappear overnight, but it made a complete difference knowing they were all in my head. I decided to focus on what was real: me and Trevor's love for one another. I knew as long as we had that, we could work through anything.

Trevor stuck to his promises of helping out around the apartment more and told me not to worry about cooking on Monday. I went to a boxing class since I didn't have to cook or go shopping.

On my lunch break at work, I saw that Forrest texted me.

Forrest: Did you talk to Trevor?

Me: I did. Thanks to you. There's an old expression that we lived by in Cali- snitches get stitches.

Forrest: Lol
There's an old expression every mature adult in the world lives by: Act your age not your shoe size.

Me: Fine :-P
We worked it out.

Forrest:That's what I like to hear

Me: yep, now I can focus on finding you a girlfriend. You need some business so you can stay out of mine.

Forrest: Another expression that popular in Cali- Bye Felicia!

Me: Lmao. Ur stupid.

After work, I came home to penne pasta with ham, peas and carrots. It looked and smelled so good, I question whether he made it.

"There's a sink full of dirty dishes if you don't believe me." Trevor defended himself.

One look in the kitchen confirmed his words. We sat down and ate together. The food was as good as it looked. I eyed him, suspiciously.

"Something else my uncle passed on to me." He gave as an explanation. "He's never been married so he learned to cook for himself." He added, giving me a wink.

"This is delicious. I think your Alfredo sauce is better than mine. Congratulations Chef Boyardee." I complimented him.

"Ha. You can official stop calling me that." He smiled.

"I didn't start calling you that."I returned his smile, sadly.

"What's the matter?" Trevor asked.

He stuck to his promise, so I had to stick to mine about opening up to him more, even if I felt stupid about it. "I miss Rocky. I miss her guidance sometimes. I know it probably sounds crazy, but even when she broke me down, it was so I could rebuild myself stronger. She gave me confidence and strength when I was so insecure."

"You shouldn't feel insecure about anything, but I know for a fact Rocky misses you too. You should reach out to her." Trevor told me as I gathered our plates.

"You've talk to her?"

"Yes."

"About me?"

"Sometimes. Last time I talked to her was to get her advice about the loan. Every time I talk to her, she ask how you're doing."

"Last time we saw each other, she barely spoke to me." I complained, putting away the dishes in the dish washer.

"She's keeping her distance. You didn't want to be friends, remember?" Trevor reminded me.

"Yeah, only because she stopped being friends with me first. It felt like she picked Brandon over me. Like, she tried so hard to keep them together and lashed out and dropped me." I said, as I finished with the dishes. It was much faster because Trevor empty the dishwasher for me.

Trevor gave me a odd look. "She did and said a lot of messed up things but she was in a bad situation."

"Judging by last week, she's still in a bad situation." I said, recalling Brandon and that random at the bar. "C'mon, I don't wanna talk about Rocky anymore. Let's take Justine for a walk."

As we walked, we changed the subject to a much more pleasant topic: Our house search.

"I talked to Chad. We're all set to look at the house tomorrow at 11am." He informed me.

"Yeah? On your lunch break? Do you think that'll give us enough time?" I pondered.

"Its gonna to have to. Besides, I don't think it's going to take that long."

"Why?" I asked him, surprised.

"It's small. Really too small if you ask me, but we'll see how it goes."

"It's a good starter home and we can always sell if we need a bigger house." I argued.

"Why not just buy the house we want now? Skip the whole reselling idea? That doesn't make sense to me."

"Our dream house might not be in our budget right now. All our savings can't just go to a down payment for a bigger house. We have to remember the other expenses." I reminded him.

"I need to talk to you about that." Trevor started.

"What?"

"Before my dad passed away, he named me the beneficiary of a Roth IRA he set up."

"Ok... I have no idea what that is."

"It's basically a retirement plan."

"Wouldn't that go to your mom?" I said, confused.

"Normally, but he didn't set it up that way. He wanted me to be the beneficiary. I never touched the money. It's been sitting in a saving account sense I was 14." Trevor enlightened me.

"Why?" I asked, curiously.

"I didn't want it. I felt- guilty."

"How come? Because he didn't leave it to your mom? Maybe he knew something you don't-"

"No. When he died, my first thought was "finally"." Trevor said, sombrely. "I didn't want the money. It was bad enough I was relieved he died. I didn't want to... profit off his death too." He finished.

My heart went out to him. "Trevor, you were young. Too young to understand everything. Of course you be relieved he wasn't around to hurt you anymore. Or to be in pain anymore."

He thought about it and I continued.

"You have to forgive him. He's resting in peace, knowing that in his own little way, he took care of you by leaving you that money. The only person you're hurting is yourself holding on to guilt." I assured him.

"Being the husband and father he never was- that's what I want to use the money for. I don't feel guilty about that. Let's buy our dream house."

"We can discuss it, but if you plan on paying more, it's even more reason for us to have an agreement of what happens if we break up." I told him, not wanting to bring it up, but I had to if he wanted to look at more expensive houses.

"I know. Chad is already working on it. If we break up, I don't want the house."

"Trevor-"

"Let me finish. You can buy me out or we can sell the house back." He added.

I nodded. "Do you still think of it as a back up plan?"

"No, it's what you need to feel safe and that's fine with me." Trevor said. "Rocky explained it to me."

"She did?"

"Yeah. She knows how much you would try to psyche yourself out of it if you didn't have a safety net."

I smiled. "Whatever. I wasn't thinking about it until she brought it up."

"And it freaked you out just thinking about it."

"Shut up Trevor." We laughed as we jogged back home.



On Tuesday, we met up and looked at the house. The backyard was huge, but Trevor was right, the house itself was too small. The 2 bedrooms were right across from each other and the kitchen was entirely closed off. Even with the finished basement, I couldn't see raising a family in the house.

"What was your biggest concern with this house?" Chad asked us, when we both expressed disinterest. "The kitchen was recently remodeled, the basement was finished. It's move in ready."

"Size." Trevor answered, while I nodded. "I don't mind having to fix things up-"

I started to fake cough and clear my throat. Trevor was not a do-it-yourselfer- unless it was something dealing with electronics and codes-not hammer and nails.

Trevor flashed me a smile. "Or getting someone else to fix things. As nice as this house is, we can't add more space."

"For where we want to stay at price wise, I can get you in a bigger house. It's just going to be further out. Lily, I know location was one of your biggest concerns."

I nodded. I didn't care how big the house was if I spent majority of my time commuting to work. Dallas traffic was no joke.

"What if we were able to put down more on the down payment?" Trevor asked.

Chad smiled. "Why don't we run some more numbers? Tell me what you want to put down, and we'll see what we can do."

My mouth dropped when I heard the amount he was willing to put down. What the fuck? We split the bills equally right now, but our money was still separate. He didn't know how much I had saved, just how much I was willing to spend on the down payment.

He wouldn't spend all his savings on the down payment right? How much did he have in his saving account? Was it ok to ask that? I figured we would join accounts when we got married; now that were buying a house, did we discuss that too? He said a house, marriage and kids go together for him. Is that where we were headed? I mean, of course we were headed there, but was that now??? He talked about raising a family, how soon did he want that?!? Pretty damn soon if he was putting that amount of money down for our house!!!

I closed my mouth, and reminded myself to breath. I needed to relax. A future with him shouldn't freak me out. Even if the future was today!

Chad wished us a good afternoon and he left.

"You're freaking out, aren't you?" Trevor grinned at me.

"No...Yes... a little." I admitted.

"Don't. I mean, try not to. Our house is an investment, right?" He said, calmly.

I nodded. "And if it doesn't work out, we can always sell."

"Yes, but let's focus on making it work out." Trevor said, kissing my forehead. I held him to me and kissed him on the lips.

"Of course." I said, finally relaxing. "I love you."

"I love you too. See you later."



The remaining of the week, Chad sent us listing of houses at a higher price range. They were all great in their own ways and Trevor and I had trouble narrowing them down together. We focused on location first and picked our favorites from Plano. Chad set us up appointments to look at houses next week.

We would have started over the weekend, but Amber asked if we wouldn't mind babysitting her kids while Will went back to school shopping. I couldn't imagine doing all that shopping, for 3 kids, with 3 kids tagging along, so I quickly agreed. Trevor started planning activities for us with them.

"As a thank you, I would love it if you and Trevor came over for dinner Sunday. The girls have been dying to show off their new culinary skills. I figured we could make it Sunday Funday and invite everyone." Amber suggested.

"That sounds fun Amber. I'm so there. Can you do me a favor though?" I asked.

"Anything."

"Invite Rocky?" I said.

The bitch squealed in my ear. "About damn time. Y'all need to squash the nonsense."

"Hey, don't get to excited. I didn't have a come to Jesus moment, but it would be cool to hang out. See what vibes she's giving out."

"Sure Lily. Can I tell her you want to see her?"

"Please do." I said, with a smile.



Saturday, Will dropped off the kids and left their car seats. I informed him we were going to see a movie (hopefully Pixels!) and have dinner. Will thanked us and told us if there were any problems, to call him. Trevor offered to keep them overnight so Will could get a break while Amber went to work. He agreed, no questions asked. I was shocked he didn't lecture on childcare or flat out say no, but I didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. We waved bye and got the kids ready to go!

The kids decided on Inside Out, and by kids, I meant Krista. She had that same "my way or the highway" attitude like her dad. I hoped she grew out of it. We had a few hours to kill, and since we decided to go to the cinema grill so we could do a movie and dinner at the same time, Trevor took us to Going Bonkers first.

It was in indoor play center for kids that included a big maze with zip lines, bouncing, slides and climbing. I hated places like this growing up. I had a fear of hurting and embarrassing myself by being too heavy and falling off or breaking the equipment. I knew how silly that was now, but I had no problem hanging with little Robbie at the toddler section...

...Until he saw his big sisters coming down the slide. He wanted to go too. As much as I wanted to tell Trevor to take him, I didn't want to put all three kids on him. Besides, he urged me to go too. So we all went up together and slid down. I wasn't missing much, especially when excited kids crawled past me and Robbie, but I was happy we got to experience it together. We had a great time.

Trevor got us all slushies for the ride to the movie theater. When we got there, we secured our tickets and seats and looked through the menu. We sat Robbie, me, April, Trevor, Krista so each kid was sitting next to one of us. I let Robbie push the button so the waitress could take our order. Trevor let the kids order for themselves. Even Krista, who wanted queso, an appetizer, versus a kid's meal. I ordered next, and Trevor ordered last.

When the waitress brought back our drinks, the kids all remembered to say thank you.

"Your kids are so well behaved. You have a beautiful family." She complimented us.

"Thank you." I said, with a smile. Trevor grinned at me. I shouldn't be taking credit and I didn't correct her about them not being our kids. It was too fun pretending!

We sipped our drinks and watched the trailers. When the Charlie Brown movie trailer came on, I snuck a glance at Trevor. I knew that was something he and his mom shared. He was talking to Robbie in a hush tone about Snoopy. I smiled and turned back to the screen.

Our food was delivered the same time a short film began before Inside Out. It was about a volcano, who was all alone in the middle of the ocean. He was singing about how he wished he had someone to "lava".

As I watched the love story between the two volcanoes, tears sprang to my eyes. By the end, I was crying. Not loud, sobbing tears, but tears were streaming down my face.

"Lily-" Trevor whispered.

"Yeah?" I turned to him, wiping my eyes so I could see him holding out a slice of pizza to me.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?" He asked, worried.

I shook my head. "Nothing." When he gave me a skeptically look, I corrected myself. "I'll tell you later."

"Shhh, the movie's starting." Robbie hushed us.

I rubbed his curls and gave Trevor a smile before turning to the screen.

The kids loved the movie. It was pretty cute. I was still trying to figure out why the short video about the volcanoes made me an emotional mess.

The kids feel asleep in the car. After carrying them upstairs, we got them tucked into our bed. Trevor and I got comfortable on the airbed in the living room.

"Why were you crying?" Trevor asked me.

"The short film. It was so sweet." I answered.

"About the volcanoes?" Trevor asked, looking at me like I sprouted another head.

"Yes. He was all alone and he dreamed about finding love and he did." I said, tears forming just thinking about it.

"Ok, Ok. Stop thinking about it. I don't want you to cry anymore." He said, looking me over, carefully

I smiled. "I'm not crazy. I guess it just made me think of you. You know how you said when you look at me, you see our future?" When he nodded, I continued. "When I look at you, I see the things I thought I would never have. Someone who loves regardless of my flaws..." the tears came down freely now. "God, I hate that I'm such a crybaby."

"I know. You're a potty mouth crybaby. How does that happen?" He teased, holding me.

"Shut up." I sniffled. "I just- I see it now Trevor. I see you and our kids and our house and it's not just a far fetched dream anymore. It's happening. And I'm so thankful for you. More than you'd ever know."

"I know Lily. I feel the same way about you. Even when you drive me crazy, I lava you." He smiled.

I laughed through my tears and wiped my face. "I lava you too."


We held each other throughout the night. I woke up before everyone else and made breakfast. Amber called when she got off work and told me she was on her way to pick up the kids. I told her to go home and get some sleep and we'll be there at noon to help out.

The kids and Trevor got up, we ate breakfast, and played XBox Kinect til it was time to go over to Amber's.

She was already in the kitchen when we arrived, getting everything set up. Trevor needed something for his laptop, so he, Will and Robbie went to the Best Buy Will worked out while me and the girls cooked.

"If you want to bring something, bring more wine." Amber said over the phone. I had no idea who she was talking to.

"You know how Will is about alcohol. Although I have no idea what he did last night." She continued.

"Girl, you know we have separate accounts. He can't look at my transactions neither." Amber laughed. "I'll see you later!"

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Sammy, she's on her way. Corey's coming after he gets off work. Serena and Ethan should be over soon. Dino picked up more hours, she won't be able to make it. Gigi's a maybe." Amber listed.

"Rocky?" I asked, hopefully.

"Told me she was coming on Wednesday." Amber smiled widely.

I couldn't help smiling back.

The guest arrived one by one. I was so excited to see EJ when Ethan and Serena showed up.

"Knock knock?" EJ asked me, when I gave him a hug.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"What." EJ said, grinning.

"What who?" I replied, trying to think of the punchline. I blanked.

"What are those!?!" He exclaimed, pointing at my red Keds. I paired them with a khaki mini skirt and white tank. Trevor had been sending me appreciative glances all day, now he, Sammy, Amber and EJ  burst out laughing as EJ imitated that stupid Vine trend.

"These are Keds. Taylor Swift wears them!" I exclaimed.

Sammy laughed harder, holding her stomach she was laughing so hard. "No, she endorses them. She gets paid to wear them. Big difference!"

"Ethan! Are you going to let your son shoe shame me?" I asked, pretending like I was hurt.

"I don't even know what that meant." Ethan said with a little smile.

"It's a Vine thing." Serena explained.

"Should I know what Vine is?" Ethan shrugged.

"How does EJ know?" Will asked.

"Me and my friends watch them on my tablet." EJ informed us.

"Here's a video." Trevor announced, pulling up his laptop.

"Really Trevor?"

After he played the video, everyone was laughing. "Oh, it's funny that I was bullied?" I said, getting loud.

"Say sorry EJ." Ethan ordered him, with a smirk.

"Sorry Lily." He grinned.

"Not good enough..." I warned him.

"You should take his Jordans." Amber told me.

"No!" EJ shouted, taking off running. I chased him around the house. While we were playing, the doorbell rang.

"I got it!" I announced, rushing to the door. It had to be Rocky.

It was. She gave me a nervous smile. I was too busy staring at the smug face of Brandon behind her to acknowledge it.

I Won't Give Up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up." I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz  

We literally talked for the rest of the evening, including breaks. I started with asking him where he spent his weekend.

 "I went to see my uncle. He knocked some sense into me." Trevor started.

"How so?"

"I guess I was expecting us to move in together and everything stay the same." Trevor admitted. "I'm used to doing thing when I feel like it and I didn't stop you when you took over. My mom and dad weren't the best example of cohabitation. I'm going to need you to help me with that. "

"That's not why I was upset. I really don't have a problem with cooking and cleaning and stuff. I would have to do it if I lived alone." I responded.

"You don't live alone though. I'm going to do more. You just can't expect things to be done the way you want them." Trevor countered.

"Oh, that's not going to work." I shook my head. "I'll rather do it my way, especially in the kitchen."

"Compromise?" He questioned.

That was the point of talking, so we worked out a chore schedule. We decided he would take the trash out before he left for work and would put the dishes up for me. I would not change shopping on Monday mornings, but I did concede to letting him cook 2 days out the week. We did laundry together on the weekend and cleaned up after ourselves besides that. We also agreed to take nightly walks with Justine before he started gaming or working on his laptop.

"You said you weren't really upset about the stuff around the apartment. Why were you upset?" Trevor asked.

"I feel like I'm not allowed to be angry or upset. You're always trying to censor me or calm me down or telling me to let things go like my feelings aren't valid." I explained.

"I don't want you to be upset Lily. You get- emotional. A lot." Trevor said, carefully.

"I know I am. I've always been that way. I'm working on expressing myself better, but you don't want me to feel anything but happy." I confessed.

Trevor raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that a bad thing?"

"That's not... me. Or realistic. I feel like I can't talk to you because you don't wanna hear it if I'm upset. And I just suck it up because you've already made so many sacrifices for me and you put up with me-"

"Lily I don't put up with you, I love you." Trevor interrupted. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I want you to talk to me no matter how you're feeling, ok?"

"Ok." I nodded.

We took a break so I could eat before my food got cold. He then asked me what sacrifices I thought he made. I quickly swallowed the paneer tikka marsala and replied, "Your mom."

He rubbed his hands his face. "I can't keep this up with my mom. That's my choice, not a sacrifice. Stop making it about you when it's not."

"I know how it feels not to have my mom in my life-"

"Lily, stop. She made a choice when you were a child. You decided not to reach out to her because of it. Just like I'm choosing not to have a relationship with my mom."

I didn't know if I agreed with that. It was my fault. I caused the rift in their relationship. We were silent for a few moments.

"Try some of this..." I said breaking the silence and putting chutney on a piece of naan. He looked at it skeptically.

"What is it?"

"I'll tell you after you eat it." I said, placing it to his lips.

"What did you tell your uncle?" I asked as he chewed.

"That you needed a time out from me." He said, after he swallowed.

"Did you like it? It's flatbread."

"Yeah, it wasn't bad."

"What did your uncle say about the time out?" I asked.

"Uhhh, generic stuff, like it's normal to argue. Respect each other feelings even if you don't understand them. Don't go to sleep mad, talk it out. "

"Good advice for a guy who's never been married."

"By choice." Trevor shrugged.

"You went to sleep mad at me last night." I pouted.

"Not on purpose. My granny made me stay at her house and I fell asleep. I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"Made you stay?" I said, feeding him a Tandoori Chicken Wing. He actually liked it with the dipping sauce.

"Yeah. She invited my mom over. Started lecturing us about how family was all we had." Trevor said, licking his lips.

"And?" I fidgeted in my chair, trying hard not to perv my boyfriend and his sexy mouth while he spoke about his estranged mom.

"My mom didn't wanna talk about it. She's willing to have a relationship with me, but nothing to do with you."

I shrugged, hiding my hurt. "That's ok. Compromise right?" I said, getting up to put away the food.

"Wrong. What's going to happen when we have kids?" Trevor questioned me.

I turned to look at him. "They will never be around her. If she says one fucking thing about them, I'll forget she's your mom and punch her in the face."

"I understand that. I don't want her around our kids too. I told them I was making you my family. Granny is ok with it. I won't compromise with my mom on us." He said, stubbornly.

Warmth spread throughout my body. "Ok." I said, finally letting it go.


We took a break to play with Justine and Trevor informed me he named our fishes Thing One and Thing Two. I felt bad about leaving them without even feeding them.

"I can't believe you were mad enough to get an hotel."

"You ghosted me. We both have to learn how to fight." I said, after we moved to the couch.

"I avoid it at all cost, that's why I left. You know how to fight too well- you just said you'd punch my mom in the face." He said with a little grin.

"I would never actually hit someone!" I stated with a smile. "I just say stuff like that. It helps me release anger. It's therapeutic."

"It's assault." Trevor said.

"No it's not!"

"Yeah. A threat is assault. Aggravated  assault is when you actually do it."

"Oh, like you aggravated assaulted the refrigerator? Or the mirror? Or the table?" I curled my lips at him.

He looked at me surprised. "I didn't tell you about the table."

"I put it together. You just confirmed it. You let things fester. I tried that- It doesn't work."

"Neither does yelling and screaming."

"Ok, I'll work on yelling and screaming, you work on not avoiding conflict." I negotiated. "But I gotta be able to curse. It really is therapeutic."

Trevor laughed. "Ok Lily."

"It is! You should do it too!"

"How about we try talking first, and if you feel the need to curse and yell and scream, we take a time out?" He suggested.

"Fine."




"I don't like the way you dress." Trevor continued later, as we took Justine on a walk around the hotel.

"We're even cause I hate your check shirts." I responded with a smile.

"Me and my check shirts aren't posing with other guys on Facebook all weekend." He commented.

"I would hope not." I said, sarcastically.

"You know what I meant."

"I do and I'm sorry." I said sincerely.

"Who was that guy?" Trevor asked.

"Dominick's roommate. What really bothered you: my clothes or the posing with other guys?"

"Both. I don't think I would have been that upset if you were in like jeans and a t-shirt. He had his arm all around you and your wearing sexy clothes." He shook his head.

"I literally was wearing jeans and a t-shirt until I realized you were ignoring me. I changed to get your attention." I confessed.

"It worked."

"I won't do it again. I have to say, now you understand how I felt about Jordan hanging all over you."

"She wasn't all over me and that's your friend." Trevor disagreed.

"Not anymore. Picture me in that short skirt, riding a bull with that guy: My arms around him, my thighs pressed against his-

"Alright. I understand." Trevor grimaced. "If I get rid of my check shirts, will you get rid of your sexy clothes?"

"Tempting, but no." I declined.



We decided to stay at the hotel since I already paid for it. We lay down on the bed, facing each other.

"Any other grievances?" Trevor asked, running his fingers through my hair.

I shook my head. "They weren't grievances."

He grinned. "Ok, anything else you need to get off your chest?"

"No. Forrest kinda made me see a lot of my problems were from my own insecurities. It was nothing you did or didn't do. I'm sorry for that."

"Forrest huh?" He said, inquisitively.

"Yes. Don't get any ideas like Rachel. We're just friends and he encouraged me to work it out with you. He snitched on me and told you where I was!"

"I know that and I trust you. I do wish you open up to me the way you do with him." He said, placing his hand around my waist.

"I will. Starting now. I promise." I swore to him.

He smiled before pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him back, molding against him, making myself comfortable in his familiar embrace. When he deepened the kiss, I pulled back.

"I think we should talk some more." I recommended.

"You said you didn't have anything else to talk about." Trevor reminded me.

"We didn't discuss you cancelling the house appointment." I brought up.

"Yeah, because you said I was experimenting and we were a fling and you didn't know what you wanted. I didn't want to look at house thinking about that." He argued.

"You should have told me that."

"We can reschedule and I apologized. Can we move on?" He asked, kissing me on my neck.

I held in my moan. "Of course... we're still not having sex."

"Why not?" He asked, softly in my ear, causing me to shudder.

"I think that's when we stopped talking; when we started having sex. We need less sex and more talking." I teased.

"You're right. Compromise with a blow job?" Trevor grinned,

"Cuddling." I bargained.

"Clothes off?" He added.

"Underwear on."

"Deal."

We got undressed and snuggled under the covers. We made out, our kisses become more passionate and deeper until I started to unhook my bra.

He gave me a grin. "What happen to more  talking and less sex?"

"New compromise. Talk and have sex." I said, pulling at his boxers.

"I love the way you think." He said, rolling on top of me.

"Good. Keep talking baby." I urged him, running my hands over his chest.

Instead of grievances or concerns, we talked about what we were doing right or enjoy about each other.

"Your lips are amazing."
“I love the things you do with your tongue”
"You feel so good. Baby, I missed this."
"It feels like home between your legs. Spread 'em."
"Oh my god, I love it when you do that."
“You’re so sexy. So beautiful.”

"Oh, fuck! Right there! Do that again!"

"You're gonna make me cum. Cum with me. Now!"

We both came together, holding on to each other, breathing heavily. We grinned as we caught our breath.

"Can we fight like that too?" Trevor said, collapsing beside me.

I laughed. "I doubt it. Fighting doesn't turn me on." I said resting against his chest.

"You sure? You get all flushed and start breathing heavy and cursing. Kinda like 2 minutes ago." He taunted me.

I giggled and punched him in the chest.

"See? You hit me!" He laughed too.

I looked up at him when we both stopped laughing. "I'm 100% committed to you and us and making this work. Thank you for not giving up on me Trevor."

"I won't give up on us. I love you too much Lily. You have all my love until you tell me to stop."

 I smiled, before kissing him. "You have all my love too Trevor."

The Ghost in You

"A race is on, I'm on your side
And here in you, my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
Or running away
Stars come down in you
And love, love, love
You can't give it away (Love, love, love, love, love)
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade" The Ghost in You by The Psychedelic Furs


It was 7am and my first thought was that Trevor wasn't coming home. Forrest warned me I was pushing him away. Maybe he did finally have enough and was breaking up with me. Then I thought about New Years Eve and how sick Trevor was and started to panic. It wasn't the same. It wasn't like he stood me up. But still, it was completely out of character for him to not come home, call or text me.

I immediately called him. It rang 3 times before I got an answer.

"Lily?" A groggy sounding Trevor answered the phone. I immediately knew he was sick or hurt.

"Trevor, what's wrong? Where are you?" I asked him, concerned.

"I'm in Wichita Falls. I'm ok." He said, sounding alert.

Ok? How is he ok if his in a hospital bed or on the side of the road, stranded somewhere...

Realization hit me as he continued to explain.

"... I must have feel asleep, but I'm on my way home right now. I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry." I cut him off. "Take your time for all I care." I said, before hanging up.

He called me back, but I ignored it and went to bed. He kept calling. I would have turned my phone off If it wasn't for Bianca. On the third call, I answered.

"What do you mean for all you care?" Trevor asked me, sounding upset.

"Exactly what I said. Do whatever you want Trevor. I'm not going to stop you." I said, with a fake, nonchalant attitude.

"If you don't care, why are we together? I'm tried of feeling like I'm forcing you to be in this relationship." Trevor said, aggravated.

"If you feel that way, stay where you are! I'm sure you're mom-" I started, matching his tone.

I couldn't finish my insult because he hung up on me. I threw my phone down, fuming... and miserable and frustrated all at the same time. I wanted to curl up and cry, but I didn't allow myself to. I was so sick of being upset and crying. All. The. Time. Enough was enough.

I tried to put it out my mind and get some more sleep. It wasn't happening, so I got up. I took Justine outside and we went for a run. 20 minutes later, Bianca called me.

"Where are y'all? I've been knocking." She asked.

"I'm jogging. Come pick me up." I requested.

With the continuous drama with Trevor, I forgot about Bianca. I talked her through where we were and 5 minutes later, Bianca pulled up. Justine and I jumped in the car.

"Do you always go running this early?" Bianca complained.

"I gotta get my work out in somewhere. Do you always spend the night with guys you just met?" I teased her.

"Whatever. It's not even like that." She said as we arrived back at my apartment.

"Sure... Let's go to brunch and you can tell me all about it." I instructed her as we walked up the stairs.

"Uhh... I'm exhausted." Bianca asked, handing over my keys. I put my house key back on the chain before I opened the door.

"I don't give a shit. Sleep on the plane. Go shower or I'll go first." I threatened.

After we both showered and changed, Bianca packed up her things and we went to a French bistro in Dallas. It had an outdoor, covered dog-friendly patio so I took Justine too. After we sat down and ordered champagne cocktails, the waiter brought out a water bowl for Justine too.

"This place is amazing." Bianca nodded as she dug into her Eggs Benedict.

"Mmmhmmm." I agreed, my mouth full of crab Florentine as I fed Justine a treat.

"You and Trevor come here a lot?"

I scoffed. "Nope. Trevor would hate this place. He's a picky eater."

Bianca chuckled as she grabbed a beignet we ordered to share. "You make him sounds like a 3 year old."

"Exactly! He has the palate of a 3 year old. In fact, I think 3 year olds are more sophisticated." I complained.

"Stop it. He knows what he likes and sticks with it. You should appreciate that." Bianca shook her head at me.

"Anyway, do you like Dominick?" I changed the subject, grabbing a beignet too.

"As a friend." Bianca answered, plainly.

"You neglected me to hang out with someone you just met who you like only as a friend?" I said, pretending like I was offended.

Bianca straightened up in her seat. "It seemed like you and Trevor needed time alone. What's going on?"

"Nothing really." I lied, straightening up in my chair too.

Bianca gave me a look that said, spill it.

"It's definitely an adjustment living with each other. We're adjusting." I answered, truthfully. We were adjusting- maybe to the fact we were better off as friends.

She didn't look convinced, but she left it alone. I did the same and didn't try to force her to talk to me. When/if she needed to talk, I would be there. I transferred money over to her account and drove her to the airport.

"Last year of school. Let me know if you need anything, ok?" I told her as I hugged her in the car.

"I will, even though the money you gave me is more than enough until I start working. Thank you." She said, hugging me back.

"Don't thank me. It was an investment. Get your degree, start your fashion line, and pay me back. With interest!" I smiled at her when she pulled away.

She gave me a weak smile. "Ok."

"Love you cuz." I said, waving to her.

"Love you too."

After she got her bag out the car, she started to leave, but turned back.

"Speaking of investments, I'm emotionally invested in Trevor. Whatever you need to "adjust to", do it." She lectured me.

I opened my mouth to speak. I wanted to tell her it was easier said than done. I wanted to point out how she never had one meaningful relationship, so she had no idea how much fucking work it was. But she turned on her heel and left before I could speak.

I drove back home, anxious and nervous to see Trevor. We didn't end things this morning on the best note and I knew he wasn't very happy with me. I wasn't happy either; I knew another fight was coming.

I went inside to an empty apartment. I checked my phone in disbelief. I only had a text from Forrest asking how I was doing. There was no reason why Trevor shouldn't be home if he left like he said he was. Wichita Falls was only 2 hours away. All types of scenarios played in my head- all of them were Trevor staying away by choice.

I chose to leave too. I packed my work scrubs and a few extra outfits and a separate bag of Justine's essentials while I contemplated where I should go. Amber was out- She had Will and the kids and I didn't want to explain what was going on with Trevor. Sammy would let me crash, no questions asked, but she was out of town in Austin planning Black Reign's single release party with Christan.

After I finished packing, I pulled out my phone and booked a room at a hotel close to my job. I wouldn't be able to check in until 3pm, but I left anyway. If Trevor did finally come home, he would get a taste of his own medicine when I wasn't there.

I took Justine to a dog park and let her play while I text Forrest back.

Me: Great. Trevor didn't come home last night.

Forrest called me back immediately.

"Have you spoken to him?" Forrest asked.

"Yep, this morning. He said he was in the country and that he was sorry and he was on his way home, but I haven't heard from him since." I explained.

" He probably just needed a break. When he gets home, try to understand where he's coming from before you try to make your feelings known."

"Don't "Covey" me! I understand I have shit I need to work on. That doesn't mean he disappears for the weekend and not get in touch with me! Who knows what he was doing or who he was doing it with! This is complete bullshit!" I exclaimed.

"Straight up, do you think he cheated on you?" Forrest asked me.

"No..." I admitted, honestly.

"Then don't go there. I'm not saying what he did was ok- just hear him out. I'm glad to know you read some of Covey's book. You should read it again."

"Shut up Forrest!"

"I'm serious. I just went over it to get my lesson plan ready for the school year. After everything with Rachel, some parts of it make more sense. Or maybe I'm reading more into it, but it's helping me see things I didn't see before." Forrest confessed.


"Good for you. I don't see how a self-help book is going to solve my relationship problems."

"I'm going be real with you for a minute. Majority of y'alls problems come from you." Forrest said, bluntly.

"Fuck you Forrest. Why am I even getting relationship advice from you?" I spat out.

"Be mad if you want to, but think about it. What has Trevor done to cause problems? Besides leaving this weekend?"

I thought about it. I wasn't really mad about the chores. Of course he could do more around the house, but I was used to doing things myself. I couldn't really blame him for bitchy Jordan-she always been that way. Even the house stuff was on me since I agreed to buy one with him. The only thing that really hurt was everything with his mom. "He... He didn't tell me about his mom!"

"I wouldn't either after seeing how you reacted. Do you blame him?" Forrest interrogated me.

I blanched. "I reacted that way because he didn't tell me! That's a huge problem of his! He treats me like a mentally unstable person. Like I'm going flip out or freak out all the time. Even when I try to keep my feeling to myself it's not good enough. I have to be happy all the time."

"I mean, you just cursed me for stating my opinion." Forrest pointed out.

"You know that's just how I talk. One little fuck is not a curse out. " I smirked. "At least, not to me..."

"I know, but you shouldn't be holding back how you feel. You could express it in a more productive manner. After everything you told me, it sounds like y'all need to learn how to fight. Remember habit number 5?"

"Think Win/win. It is not your way or my way; it is a better way." I recited.

"Exactly. Right now, you're making it lose/lose. Nobody wins. Why? Because of what everyone else has to say about y'alls relationship. That's crazy. Even for you." Forrest continued.

"Whatever. It's 3 so my crazy ass needs to go check into my room. Bye Forrest!" I said, shortly.

 I knew he was right, but I couldn't get over Trevor just ghosting me. I felt pathetic staying in the apartment while Trevor refused to come home.

I got checked in to my hotel with Justine before ordering Indian food for dinner. While I was ordering from the hotel phone, my phone started to ring. I ignored it, and it rang again. After I ordered my food, I checked my phone. Trevor. I silenced the ringer and stretched out on the couch. While I waited for my food, the texts rolled in.

Trevor (4:07pm): Call me back as soon as you get this.

Trevor(4:12 pm): Where are you?

Trevor (4:14pm): Call me back so I can say I'm sorry

Trevor(4:17pm): Answer your phone Lily!

Trevor(4:20pm): Just come home.

Trevor(4:35pm):  Lilypad, we need to talk. Please reply.

I decided I would call after I ate. I was thinking over everything Forrest said. I already knew it was me fucking up my own relationship. I never once thought about how different Trevor and I were; Now I thought about it all the time.

What made it worse was that the one person who would have understood what I was going through was Rocky. I watched how much she went through when she and Bilal started dating. She got it from her family, his family, from every ethnicity about their cultural differences and backgrounds. Through it all, she never let it bother her. She could give me pointers on how to deal with Trevor's mom and anyone else who might have a problem with us.

I couldn't bring myself to reach out to Rocky. Not only was she my former best friend, but she was the first person to taint the picture perfect future I had for Trevor and me. I never doubted our future until Rocky. Besides Bilal, Rocky knew us best. Who else would be able to say whether they thought we were compatible? My concerns started when Rocky made her statements about us buying a house together.

Trevor's mom just opened the wound and created new ones. I always had insecurities; now she gave me a new set to worry about. Only this time, I could do nothing about them. I could lose weight, change my style, my hair color and wear colored contacts, but that wouldn't change who I was on the inside.

Forrest was right, my insecurities were creating problems in my relationship. I had to get over them if I wanted to make it work with Trevor. I just didn't know how to start.  A part of me wanted to cut my loses now and try to salvage our friendship we once had.

There was a pounding at the door and I got up. I pulled out money from my wallet and hurried to the door. I opened it, thinking it was my food. It was Trevor.

"Lilypad..." He said softly, wiping the tears I didn't even know were on my face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you like that."

 "How'd you know I was here?" I murmured, getting lost in his deep blue eyes.

"Forrest told me you were at a hotel. I went into your email to figure out which one." Trevor explained.

"You hacked into my email?"

"You signed in on my laptop before. Can I come in?" He asked.

I nodded and pulled aside. He came into the room and sat on the couch. I joined him on the opposite end.

He looked me straight in the eyes. "Do you see a future for us? Do you want to stay together?" He asked.

"I used to imagine it all the time, now I try not to. I don't know Trevor. I'm torn." I answered honesty.

He looked so hurt when I said that, I felt ashamed.

 "Why? What's changed?"

"Your mom and Rocky-" I tried to explain.

"I don't care about what other people think. What's changed between us?" Trevor asked.

"It's just... hard. I just wonder if it's worth the trouble. We got along better when we were friends. Sometimes, I really feel like we should go back to being just friends."

He shook his head."You realize that will never happen."

"What?" I asked.

"Us going back to friends."

My stomach turned violently. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth Lily. I could never go back to being just your friend. I see our life and our kids and our future together. I can't look at you and not see that. I will always want to be with you." Trevor said, firmly.

That was no questioning nor doubt in his voice or eyes. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away and cleared my throat.

"Ok. Then let's try to figure this out because I can't imagine you not in my life." I compromised.



***There will be a bonus post detailing their discussion. This post just got really long and I wanted it separate. Check back tomorrow for the rest***

Don't Wanna Fight

"My life, your life
Don't cross them lines
What you like, what I like
Why can't we both be right?
Attacking, defending
Until there's nothing left worth winning
Your pride and my pride
Don't waste my time
I don't wanna fight no more [x6] ." Don't Wanna Fight by Alabama Shakes

Trevor wasn't in bed when I woke up Saturday morning. The only evidence of him being home was the new, aquarium and fish food on the table. I didn't even know if he slept in bed with me. Bianca didn't come back to the apartment; she sent me a text and told me not to wait up as she was staying out.

I made myself breakfast. As I ate, I checked my email to confirm the appointment time for looking at the house in Plano. It wasn't until 11am. After Justine and my run, I took a shower and got dressed. When I came out, I heard movement in the living room. Knowing Bianca was never up this early,  I went out to ask Trevor where he had been. It was Bianca, crashing on the couch. I hid my disappointment with a smile.

"Hey...what did you do last night?" I asked.

"We went out to lower Greenville. Went to a Taco stand then bar-hopped."

"I've haven't been to lower Greenville since I was in graduate school. How was it?" I said, trying to engage in conversation with her.

"It was some bars. Pretty much the same everywhere. I'm exhausted. Can we talk after I get some sleep?" She asked, closing her eyes.

"Uh, sure." I said, confused by her curt tone. "I'm actually going to get my nails done and then met Trevor to look at a house. Did you want to come?" I asked.

"No thanks." She said, closing her eyes.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours." I replied. I thought she would want to tag along. I needed a buffer between me and Trevor. I had no idea what kinda mood Trevor was in right now. Especially since he didn't tell me he was leaving twice now.

I left, hoping for the best. When I got to the nail shop, I picked a pale buttercup yellow, sticking to my optimistic mindset. Feminine and bright, it already had me in a better mood just looking at my nails.

After I got my nails done, I made my way to the house we were looking at in Plano. It was located in a residential area not far from an elementary school. It was one of the reasons I pick the house: Ethan told me being close to a school would make it appealing to buyers with children- something to consider if we wanted to resale.

I got out the car and examine the front yard. It was neat-green grass cut short and one large tree that took up majority of the space. I wandered around the sides briefly, trying not to be creepy. The house looked similar to the neighboring houses. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but I was excited to see inside.

I sat in my car for 10 minutes after the appointment was supossed to start with no sign of our realtor Chad or Trevor. With everything going on, I didn't double check the appointment time with either one of them. I just assumed it didn't change. Not wanting to start anymore friction with Trevor, I pulled out my phone and call Chad to make sure I had the appointment time right.

"Trevor sent me an email, canceling the appointment. If you want to reschedule for today-." Chad said confusion lacing his voice.

"Right. You're so right. I'm sorry. I didn't update my planner." I stammered, interrupting him.  I couldn't even lie efficiently. I didn't even have a planner. "I'll be in touch soon." I said, rushing off the phone, panic filling up inside of me.

I couldn't believe Trevor canceled the appointment. I sat in the car, thinking about why he didn't want to look at houses anymore. What did that mean? Where was he?

Then I started telling myself it was for the best. We needed to put a hold on things until we figured everything out. What was the point at looking at houses if we weren't on the same page? Or maybe we were on the same page now. Maybe he was questioning if we belonged together too...

That thought made me nauseous. That's where my problem was. Even if I came up with a list of 1000 reasons why Trevor and I shouldn't be together, my heart wouldn't let him go. How did I figure it out? I pulled out my phone. I knew I needed to talk to Trevor, but I was afraid to hear what he had to say. As I hesitated over his number, my phone rang.

It was Forrest. I answered it relieved and disappointed all at the same time.

"Hey, what you got going on this weekend?" He asked me.

"You know me- Major things. Big. Huge." I responded.

"So, nothing?" He asked.

"Not at all." I laughed. "Why?"

"Our chain holder canceled last minute and I was hoping you could fill in for her."

"What time is the game?" I asked.

"3pm. It's in Lewisville. We're going to Pluckers afterwards..."

"I'm in. Let me call you back. My cousin is in town so I might need a ride so I can leave her my car."

"Oh. I didn't realize she was in town. Don't worry about it. I'll get Blake to see if Jordan can do it."

"No! No Jordan. Besides, Bianca is probably still sleep. Most likely, she'll want to go out tonight so she'll wake up with just enough time to get ready." I told him.

"Ok, I'll swing by and pick you up."

"Sounds good."

When I got home, still no Trevor. I checked social media for any updates, but nothing. I didn't call him or text- I allowed him his space his obviously wanted.

I woke Bianca up so she could let me out when Forrest arrived.

"What are y'all doing tonight?" Forrest asked me after I got in his car.

"I don't know. Bianca's leaving tomorrow so I just want to hang out with her. She's been kinda cagey, when she's not running out or sleep." I answered.

"Cagey about what?"

"I don't know, just in general when I ask questions. She shuts me down. It's weird. I can't put my finger on it." I frowned.

"Hmp."

Forrest neglected to inform me the game was outdoors at his school practice field. I wore jeans and a t-shirt and was burning up, pouring sweat on the sidelines as I held up the marker of how far the ball had to move for a first down. I was glad to be on the sidelines though. Jordan showed up with a girl I didn't recognize. I pretended like I didn't see her when she waved at me. After the game, which they won, Forrest grabbed me a Gatorade.

"I hate you." I said, while chugging from the bottle.

"I'm treating you to Pluckers for your hard work." He informed me.

"I want a million wings." I warned him.

"We'll start with 10 and go from there." He smiled.

He then left me to go shower and change in the locker room. Unfortunately, Jordan approached me while he was gone.

"Are you going to Pluckers too?" She asked me, smiling like everything was fine between us.

"No, I have plans." I said, really having no intentions of going if she was going to be there.

"Aww, Blake said something about taking me out dancing afterwards. You and Trevor  should tag along! Like a double date." Jordan invited me.

I smirked as I thought about Blake's M.O. and how he tried the same routine on me. "No, we have plans. Y'all have fun though."

 Forrest finally came out and I insisted on going home and showering before anything else. I felt disgusting. We we're on our way back to his car when we ran into Coach Green, Sandra, my former boss, and her 2 kids I recognized from pictures in her office. We all said a quick hi and bye before leaving.

"Forrest, can we go to Pluckers closer to my place? Alone?" I asked him.

"If it is because of Sandra, they're not coming."

"No, it's because of Jordan. I need a break from her."

"You fighting with Jordan?" Forrest asked.

"No! We're just not as close."

"Why not?" Forrest asked.

"We don't work together. Distance, you know." I lied. I didn't want to get into it.

"Damn. I'm moving into my new house in a few weeks. I wanted her advice on furniture."

"I can give you advice!" I offered.

"Jordan was more opinionated. Besides, shouldn't you be looking at houses with Trevor? Any prospects?"

"Not yet." I said, plainly.

When I got home, still no sign of Trevor. Just Bianca sitting on the steps leading to our apartment, smoking a cigarette with Justine running around.

"Dominick invited us to watch the Ronda Rousey fight." Bianca told us as we approached her. I tried to grab the cigarette from her lips, but she pulled away quickly. "Do y'all wanna go?"

"Is that what you wanna do?" I asked. When she nodded, I looked at Forrest.

"Wanna come? We can eat first." I asked.

"Sure. Is Trevor coming?" He asked.

I shrugged non-committally as we went into my apartment. "Let me text him and see."

Me: We're going to a MMA pay per view party. Let me know if you wanna come.

I sat Forrest up in the living room with Sports Center and a beer while I left to my room to dig through my closet. Bianca joined me.

"Where's Trevor at?" She asked me, flopping on my bed.

"Out." I said, exhaling deeply. I pulled out a black fitted tank that had "Knockout 89" printed in white letters across the chest.

"How was the house?"

"Great." I brushed her off and picked a black bandage skirt. "I got the shower first." I announced, edging to the door.

"No!" She exclaimed, hopping up from the bed.

"Yes, you've been here all day!" I laughed as I beat her to the bathroom.

"The new place better have more than one bathroom, or I'm never visiting again!"

I laughed at her, took a quick shower and changed. I pushed my make-up and hair container to the bedroom, surrendering the bathroom for her.

After applying lotion and a shimmer body spray, I ran a bronzer brush over my face, lined my eyes and put on some red gloss. I didn't feel like doing my long, still damp hair so I pulled it up in a top knot. I accessorized with strappy white wedges, white gold hoop earrings that I had in California but hardly wore, and I traded my charm bracelet for white plastic bangles.

When I came out the bedroom, Bianca was pulling her hair back in a low ponytail. She wore fitted jeans and a simple purple tank, but had the nerve to look me over.

"That's way too much black and matchy. Break it up. Go add some color." She critiqued me. She made a face at my bracelets. "And trash those!"

"How this for color?" I asked, showing off my nail polish...On my middle finger. I flicked her off as I walked away. I didn't dress up for her. It was all for Trevor. Black made me feel sexy, and that's exactly what I was going for.

"Trevor coming?" Forrest asked me.

"No." I answered, grabbing a beer.

"I'll be designated driver than." He volunteered.

"Yay! Turn up!" I smiled.

I had Forrest take pictures of us when Bianca was ready. I posted the best ones on Facebook. I captioned them:

Out with my Team! @Forrest @Bianca #Pluckers #FightNight #TeamRousey #Knockout

We then went to Pluckers. I kept my phone out on the table, casually looking it at it every time I got a notification. Nothing from Trevor. I downed my beer cocktail before ordering another. I put my phone up, telling myself if I put it away, the next time I checked it I would have have something from him.

With that, I focused on my food and making conversation. Forrest and I talked mainly about work. I told him about the few Maverick players I met from the summer league and interesting injuries I've seen so far.  Forrest was about to start Two-A-days football practice with his schools sport team and was worried about heat related illnesses. I made Bianca look away from texting or whatever she was doing on her phone to talk to me about her going into her last year of school. I made a mental note to transfer some money to her. I knew quitting her summer job must have her low on funds.

After we ate, Bianca navigated to Diego's Jr house. Dominick invited us, but his brother was hosting. In the car, I checked my phone. Still nothing from Trevor. An anger swelled up inside of me and I was so tempting to call him, but I refused. He should be calling me!

Diego Jr. and his wife had a nice two story home in south Dallas. It was already filled with friends, relatives and neighbors when we arrived.

Dominick greeted us at the door.

"Welcome, welcome. Come right in, make yourself at home." He said, flashing us a wide smile.

"Thank you for inviting us." I said after he shook hands with Forrest.

"Of course. Come on in and meet the family." Dominick said, before introducing us to everyone. Dino was in the back in the game room. I separated from them to talk to her.

"Hey, no Jake tonight?" I asked her, hoping I came off causally as I sat beside her.

"No, we're not at the meet the family phase considering how well meet the friends went." She said, bluntly.

"I hope you two get to that phase. He really is a great person." I reiterated.

"You know, he hasn't nothing but nice things to say about you too. Makes me wonder why y'all broke up." She cross examined me.

God, I didn't want to go into that. Especially with Trevor taking a "break" from me. I didn't want to remember all the fights Jake and I had. It made me think about all the problems Trevor and I were having. The common factor was me.

"'Cause I'm psycho. It's in poor taste to talk about crazy people. Jake has excellent taste." I supplied, only partially joking.

Dino cracked a smile at me."We'll see. Do you want a drink?" She asked, gesturing in front of her. She had tequila, sprite, a jar of cherries, and disposable shot glasses on the table in front of her.

"Yes please." I said.

We were settled in drinking when Forrest, Bianca and Dominick joined us on the sectional in front of the TV in the game room in the back. Dino and I toasted each other before drinking. We drank and watched the fights while Dominick tried to teach us the rules. I was too tipsy to care.

Dominick's roommate Richard came in, looking for Dominick. He was the epitome of devilish charm. Even his smile made you feel like he was up to something. Something that you might enjoy, but wrong all at the same.

After introductions, he started to hit on me in Spanish.

"Tienes tantas cosas bonitas que no se en cual enfocar mi atención. {You have so many beautiful features that I don't know which one to focus on}" he said, smoothly.

"She has a boyfriend." Dominick immediately spoke up.

"Shut up Dominick. Just because I have a boyfriend, doesn't mean he can't appreciate my features!" I giggled, the shots definitely working their magic. Well, I stopped taking shots a few fights ago. I played a game- every time I looked at my phone and didn't have a text from Trevor, I took a shot. I made it easier on myself by pouring tequila in a half empty sprite can.

"Se habla Español?" Richard, his roommate, asked me.

"Yeah, you probably should asked that first." I smiled at him, popping a cherry in my mouth.

"How come you don't speak Spanish?" Dominick asked Bianca.

"My dad didn't want me to learn. Her's did." Bianca shrugged.

Speaking about Ben senior was a huge no-no at my aunt Patty's house. I wanted to point this out to Bianca, but Ronda Rousey fight started.

She kicked the other girl's ass in less than a minute. It was crazy. Dino started running through her stats, and how this was a common occurrence for Rousey. If I wasn't already impressed/terrified of her before, I definitely was now after seeing that fight.

Dino started cleaning up, and I wanted to help her, but I was too fucked up.

Richard fed my some bullshit of posting angels on the gram and the book, so he wanted to take a picture with me. I complied and we posed together for a selfie. After a million shots in which Richard had to get the pose, the lights, the angle, everything perfect with his selfie stick, he was satisfied and posted it. I made sure he tagged me in.

I really wanted Trevor to see them and get jealous. Even in my drunken state, I realized how petty it was. I just didn't want to go the entire day with no contact from him. I didn't care if he was mad, confused, upset, in between, I just wanted him to talk to me. And to come home.

"Alright Lily. Let's go." Forrest said, firmly,  pulling me away from Richard.

"But Bianca-" I started.

"She's staying with Dominick." He said, leading me to the door.

"I wanna stay too!" I said, as he pulled me to the car.

"No, you have a boyfriend at home waiting for you." He said, putting me in the passenger seat of his car.

That made me break into drunken hysteria. "No I don't. He ghosted me!" I exclaimed, dramatically.

"Ghosted you?" Forrest asked, confused.

"Yeah. Poofed, disappeared, vanished. I knew this would happen."

"What are you talking about?" Forrest stood by my open car door.

I spilled my drunken guts out. I told him everything. About Trevor's mom, the house, our fights about his mom and the house, Jordan, Christian, Rocky, everything and everyone that was affecting or relationship.

"I'm so sick of fighting. I don't wanna fight no more. I wish I could just end it. It's just too hard... It's not fair." I hiccuped.

"Who lied and told you life was going to be easy or fair?" Forrest asked me, pointingly.

"Not life. I know that. I learned that when I was a kid, but love is supposed to be." I argued, passionately.

"That's fairy tale shit Lily. If you still believe in those, you shouldn't be in a relationship." Forrest stated.

"Well, thanks. He'll be breaking up with me soon anyway!" I pushed at his chest. He stood there, unmoving. I couldn't help but noticed his chest felt harder than I ever remembered. He must have been working out. Or flexing. One of the two...

"What should he do? Stick around, hoping things will change why you push him away? If he had any sense, he would break up with you." Forrest said matter of factly.

That hard hitting truth made me break out in tears. I cried in my hands and felt Forrest move closer to me.

"Rachel...she did the same thing to me. Instead of breaking up with her, I did everything I could to make her happy. When she did finally end things, she told me she didn't want "that life". I still don't even know what that means. I don't know what's wrong with my life." Forrest confessed to me.

I looked up at him through the tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry Forrest."

"Don't be sorry. At least she was honest before we got married. At the end of the day, if you truly love someone, nothing and no one can come between that. If you love him, fix it." Forrest encouraged, grabbing my shoulders.

"I don't know how. I don't know where to start." I admitted.

"By being honest with yourself and him " Forrest, said, rubbing my shoulders. I relaxed under his touch. We starred at each other for a brief moment before he pulled away. Forrest got in the car and drove me home. He offered to help me up the stairs, but I declined.

"Hey Forrest." I said, before I got out the car.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think Rachel knew what life she wanted."

"Yeah, just what she didn't want." He said, sarcastically.

"Think about it-she got the job her parents wanted her to have, stayed in their house, planned a wedding for them. It's hard to know anything when you don't know yourself. The only choice she made was you. It probably scarred the hell out of her." I blabbed.

"Well, her choices are her own now." He said gruffly.

"Yours too. You should choose to move on to someone who appreciates you. And pick out your own furniture. Make your whole fucking house a man cave!"

He gave me a little smile."You make smart, mature choices. Fairy tales are for children. Nothing is perfect. You have someone who loves you and wants to make things work. Remember that." He lectured me.

"I will." I smiled at him before I went inside.

I finally called Trevor. When he didn't answer, I left a voicemail asking him to call me back. I changed out of my clothes and put my charm bracelet back on. I admired every charm- the infinity symbol, the sun, the world, and our initals. I stayed up on the couch waiting for Trevor, Forrest's words on my mind.

I went to sleep having every intention to stop fighting and pushing Trevor away. I was going to follow Forrest's advice and fix whatever that was wrong between us.

That all changed when I woke up the same way I went to sleep. Alone, on the couch, with my phone next to me. No missed calls or texts from Trevor.

Elastic Heart

"And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons
And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one
You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace
Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade - it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart" Elastic Heart by Sia


Trevor didn't force me to give him an answer, which I was grateful for. It wasn't a question of whether I wanted to be with him. I knew that without a doubt at my brother's wedding. I was questioning if we made sense together. Maybe we ignored the flaws in our relationship everyone else could see. Maybe we were too different. Maybe we didn't belong together.

Wednesday, I woke up to Trevor's first alarm and he quickly silenced it. I pretended to be asleep. I planned to sleep through all his alarms so we didn't have to speak. Surprisingly, he got up after the first alarm. I didn't get up until I was sure he left for work.

I checked and saw that Bianca was still sleep. I quietly made my way to the kitchen. I saw that Trevor already fed Justine and changed her potty pad. There were waffles on the stove and coffee on the counter too. I was sure it was a result of my bitch fit and I sighed deeply. My phoned beeped with a group text from Amber to Dino, Sammy and me.

Amber- Morning!  Last night was interesting to say the least. Just checking in on everyone.

I put my waffles in the microwave and responded.

Me: I'm good. The band was great last night and no one got punched in the face so I'm happy :-)

Sammy: I didn't get to punch that bitch Tori in the face so my night was ruined.

Amber: lol What's up with you and Tori Sammy?

Sammy: It's too long for text.

Me: Call me. I need to know!

Amber: me too. 3way

Sammy called me, then had me hold while she called Amber. I got my waffles and coffee and sat down at the table.

I was pouring my syrup when they both came back on the line.

"Corey and Tori used to date." Sammy started off.

"How long ago?" Amber asked.

"Like all though high school, then they broke up when he went to college, got back together when he dropped out. She broke up with him when she saw found out he was still doing drugs." Sammy explained.

"Ok, if she broke up with him, what's her problem?" I asked.

"Apparently, after Corey got clean, he tried to get back together with her. She was dating someone else. Now that's she not, she wants to get back together with him." Sammy continued.

"She told you that?" Amber gasped.

"No, but the first time I met her, she was sure to let me know I shouldn't feel uncomfortable around her. That she and Corey were over a long time ago, even though he wanted her back." Sammy answered.

"What a bitch!" I exclaimed.

"Yay, that was a bitch move, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with him." Amber contested.

"After that, she texted Corey and was like, 'I'm happy for you even if she's not who I pictured you with it'." Sammy said. "She's trying to make me insecure and make him question our relationship. I know the games she's playing. I've played them before. She's trying to get us to break up or have problems so can can squeeze her narrow ass in."

"Have you had problems?" I asked, curiously.

"Not since we got together." Sammy told me. I frowned, thinking of me and Trevor...

"Speaking of problems, what's going on with you and Trevor?" Amber read my mind.

"What are you talking bout?" I said, casually. Until I figured out everything with Trevor, I didn't want my girl's opinions.

"The way you were staring, it looked like you were mad at him."

"No, I was just mad he was holding me back. I was ready to throw punches, as soon as Sammy gave me the signal." I joked it off.

"What's the signal?" Amber questioned as Sammy laughed.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" I called over the phone. We all dissolved into laughter. Bianca sat up from the couch, and gave me a crazy look. I laughed even harder. She got up and staggered to the bathroom.

"Y'all are crazy." Amber laughed.

"As long as I'm not around Tori, we won't need the signal." Sammy said after she stopped laughing.

"I won't be hanging around Jordan, so don't worry about it." I put her at ease. "Is Dino ok?"

"She said she was. Ill talk to her at work." Amber answered.

"Are you going to talk to Rocky too? About Brandon?"

"I'll try." She answered, cryptically.

"Alrighty. I'll talk to y'all later."

"Bye." We chorused.

Bianca came back to the living room and flung herself on the couch. I joined her.

"You ok? Need something to drink?" I asked.

"Need sleep." She groaned.

"You wanna go lay down in my bed? I'll change the sheets." I offered.

"Eww. You and Trevor have sex on there." Bianca complained.

I scoffed. "Like we haven't had sex on the couch..."

"Gross. I'm sleeping on the floor." Bianca declared.

I smiled, slightly, thinking about how Trevor said we should do it on every surface...

"I'm taking Justine out." I said, changing my thoughts.

"Ok ."

When I returned, Bianca was still sleep. I took a shower and hopped in bed for a nap. I forgot to set my alarm, but woke up with enough time for me to get ready for work but not to cook dinner. As I was leaving, Bianca was on her phone. She got quiet when I walked by.

"Do you want to drive me to work?" I asked.

"No. I'm good. I'll see you later." Bianca said.

"Have Trevor pick something up or order dinner tonight."

"Ok." She said. I could tell she was eager to get back on the phone.

"Bye!"

At work, Dr. Fahri pulled me into his office. He asked me how closing shift was going. I replied it was fine. Dr. Clayton was nothing but professional, and besides a few subtle changes, there wasn't much different between shifts. He asked me which shift I preferred. Truthfully, I liked opening shift when Trevor and I had similar schedules. I didn't want to make a work decision based off Trevor, so I told him either one worked for me.

"Good to know." Dr. Fahri responded before dismissing me.

When I came home from work, my stomach rumbled at the smell of food greeted me from the apartment door.

"Hey, what did y'all order?" I asked, joining them in the kitchen.

"Trevor wanted to surprise you so we cooked." Bianca corrected me. Trevor gave me a little smile and I returned it.

"Let me make sure my health benefits started before I eat..." I joked.

"I did everything Bianca told me to do." Trevor said.

"Just because I don't cook, doesn't mean I can't." Bianca said, smartly before Trevor sat a plate of fries covered with gravy and cheese in front of me.

"Ohmigosh, you made poutine?" I said, excitedly.

"Is that what you call it?" Trevor asked.

"Yes. You should have saw her the first time my mom made it. She would not stop eating." Bianca outed me, sitting down with a plate full.

"Shut up B." I said, over a mouth full of fries. Disgusting, I know but I couldn't stop stuffing my mouth to get her to shut her's.

Trevor laughed before turning around to make himself a plate as well.

"It's ok. Now I know you were eating for two." She said, looking me over, suspiciously.

I almost choked on the food I was chewing. I swallowed it down before draining my water.

"I'm not pregnant." I exclaimed.

"I tried to tell her." Trevor chuckled.

"You had one drink last night, you had to take a nap today and you two are buying a house." Bianca argued.

"I was tired from last night and I had to work. We're looking at houses. That's it! And you shouldn't drink at all when your pregnant! What's wrong with you?" I questioned her.

"What's wrong with you? That's how it works. You get married, buy a house, have babies. You're doing it out of order, but same thing." Bianca shrugged.

"Whatever Bianca. We just need more space. Don't read so much into it." I denied.

There was a moment of silence until I asked about Bianca's trip. She told me about the fashion shows, meeting designers and stylists. I asked her a million questions to avoid awkward silence, even if I wasn't sure what she was talking about. Trevor eventually got up and started putting the dishes away.

"I'll clean them." I volunteered, moving my plate from him.

"No, I got it." He declined.

"I'd rather do it. My pots are nonstick. They can't go in the dishwasher." I said standing up.

"Sit down. I'll hand wash our pots. Hang out with Bianca." He said, snatching the plate from me and leaving before I could say a word more.

I cleared my throat. Bianca gave me an inquisitive stare, so I asked, "What's up with you and Dominick?"

"He gave me a ride home since everyone was in a hurry to leave the bar last night. He said he's your work out buddy..."

I smirked. "No, he's not. He's my friend's brother." I explained.

When I thought about Dino, I frowned. A part of me wanted to call her or Jake, but I decided to leave it alone. It was no longer my concern, right? Really, it never was. It stopped being my business when Jake and I broke up. Was it weird? Definitely. Did I care? Not really. I guess time would tell how that played out.

I left Bianca to change out of my work clothes when Trevor joined me in our room. I turned away from him and finished dressing.

"Are you tired?" He asked me.

"No. Just getting changed."

"Ok. I wanted to let you know Chad called to confirm our appointments for Saturday. The house you showed me in Plano." He informed me.

"Ok." I nodded, heading for the door.

I went into the living room with Bianca. We stayed up watching E!. They were airing a marathon of the reality show Noelle was on. Trevor joined us for two episodes before he left. I wasn't really watching; I thought more about Trevor and me. How could I continue looking for a house when I didn't know if I wanted to continue our relationship? Did I keep forging ahead and hope it worked out or did I throw in the towel? I was at war with myself and I didn't know what to do.

The rest of the week, Trevor went out of his way doing everything I bitched about. He took Justine out before I got home, made sure the trash was took out, did the dishes and continued to email me house listing that he liked. I knew he was trying to make good on his words. For some reason, it didn't magically fix things. It didn't change anything.

By Friday, I was exhausted mentally by everything. I was looking forward to going out with Bianca and not thinking or worrying about my relationship. Bianca had other plans.

"Can I borrow your car?" She asked me.

"We can go out wherever you want to go." I told her.

"Um, I'm kinda hanging with Dominick. You and Trevor have a date night and we'll hang out tomorrow. I promise." She bargained with me.

I sighed and handed over my keys.

"Do you have an idea of what you want to do?" Trevor asked me as soon as Bianca left.

"I don't care." I shrugged.

"Change and come on." He said, enthusiastically. Too enthusiastic. Like he planned it...

"I'm not dressing up so nothing fancy." I warned him.

He smiled. "I thought you didn't care what we did?"

"I don't. I'm just saying." I said, going to the room.

I put on basketball shorts and a razorback tank to prove my point. We left and Trevor took us to a traveling fair that was set up outside a mall.

"What the-?" I said, pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah, I saw this on the way to work. It's here for 3 more weeks." Trevor told me.

We had an amazing time. It took my mind off everything. It wasn't very big, but we spent a small fortune on food, games and rides. We danced to the music and screamed while we were on the rides; to the amusement and annoyance of other patrons. We were having so much fun we didn't care.

After we rode, we played games. We cleaned up on the games were everyone was a winner. Our pockets were filled with mini stuffed animals- Thank God I was wearing basketball shorts. Our last game was were you had to throw ping pong balls in fish tanks to win a goldfish. We spent $10 on a big bag and started tossing balls. Halfway through, I got a ball in. Shortly after that, Trevor got one too. We celebrated and Trevor pulled me in close for a kiss. Caught up in the moment, I kissed him back deeply, causing him to moan.

"Excuse me!" The middle age woman running the game called to us. We pulled back and she gave us an annoyed look.

"Are you going to finish your game?" She asked. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering why she was so annoyed with us...

"Do we need more fish Lilypad?" He asked me.

I shook my head and Trevor gave our remaining balls to a pair of brothers. Their mom thanked us before we got our fish. Trevor bought a little tank from the women and we left the booth.

"You hungry?" He asked me. I nodded and we grabbed some food and table. Trevor discussed what we should name our fishes.

"Nemo and Dori?" Trevor suggested before biting into his burger.

"No way. They're not those kinds of fish." I said, munching on my corn dog.

"Goldie and Fishy?"

"No."

"How bout a combination of our names? Like Trilly and Levor?"

I broke out in a smile."Ohmigosh, you suck at this."

"You can't talk. You named Justine after Justin Timberlake."

"Ok, and?"  I laughed, taking a long sip of my lemonade.

"Fine. That's ok for a dog, but you can't name our kids after another dude." Trevor laughed.

That knock the smile off my face. Our hypothetical kids made me freeze. I remembered how I used to dream about what our kids would be like. Now, those dreams were tarnished by Trevor's mom cruel words and it made me contemplate our future. Trevor put his half-eaten burger down.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?" I said, finishing my corn dog. The remaining bites were flavorless. I swallowed them down quickly.

"Should we still be looking for houses?" He asked me, bluntly.

"Whatever you think is best." I said, looking away.

"I don't know anymore Lily. I'm trying not to think-not to read too much into what you say. Like the whole thing about the house, marriage and kids? That goes together for me." Trevor admitted. "Does it for you?"

"I don't know. I told you before we got together I was still figuring myself and things out. You said you would work with me." I reminded him.

"Yeah, with you. Meaning we work together. I'm trying here. It's kinda hard to work with someone when you don't know what they want or what they're thinking..." Trevor trailed off.

"I don't know what to tell you Trevor." I replied, looking down. I knew how I felt. I was tired and frustrated with myself. He already sacrificed so much for me. He was bending over backwards for me. It made me feel worse about my indecision.

He just shook his head. "Ok. Let me know when your ready to go."

I was done eating so we throw away our trash. He asked me if I wanted to go anywhere else and I told him no. When we got home, I went into the bathroom to wash up and change into a clean shirt and shorts. When I came back out, Trevor was gone. He didn't leave a note or text to where he was going. I climb into bed and stared at the ceiling. A part of me wanted to call him, the other part wanted to let him go. I ignored both parts and just waited to see what would happen.