FourFiveSeconds

"I think I've had enough
I might get a little drunk
I say what's on my mind
I might do a little time
Cause all of my kindness
Is taken for weakness
Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'
And we got three more days 'til Friday
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin'
I swear I wish somebody would tell me
Ooh, that's all I want" Four Five Seconds by Rihanna feat Kanye West and Paul McCartney. 

I got into Austin late Friday night. Trevor waited for me so I could drop Justine off before meeting some of his friends at a diner. Unfortunately, Amelia was there too. As soon as Trevor was talking to someone else, she turned to me.

"Hey princess. How's the long distance thing going?" Amelia asked, condescendingly.

From anyone else, it would have been a genuine concern, but I knew it wasn't coming from her.

"What distance?" I responded before pulling Trevor in close for a kiss. He smiled at me as we pulled away.

After that, Amelia didn't have anything else to say to me. I made sure I was extra affectionate to Trevor, hanging on to him and kissing him whenever possible. I saw Bilal giving us disgusted looks, but it wasn't for him, so he could look away!

After one obnoxious, long kiss as we waited by the exit to pay our bill, I saw Amelia watching us. I gave her a triumphant smile. I was startled when she actually returned it. On the way out of the diner, I tried to grab Trevor's hand. He pulled away.

"Are you sure you want to? Amelia's not watching." He asked, flatly. I could tell by the tone in his voice he was annoyed.

I put my head down. Busted. "T-Rev-"

"I thought we talked about this. Not feeding into her?" Trevor continued, cutting me off.

"You're right. I don't know why she gets to me." I said, quickly.

He took my hand but I could still tell he was upset.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, biting my lip.

"It's ok." Trevor said, squeezing my hand. He was silent on the drive home, but he never let go of my hand.

The combination of having to work, making the long drive to Austin and my guilt at mishandling Amelia hit me when I laid down in his bed. I crashed when my head hit the pillow. The only words Trevor and I exchanged were good night.

I woke up late Saturday morning, hoping to have a little morning fun with Trevor so we could officially make up. I was kissing over his face, slowly waking him out of his sleep but his phone started beeping. He popped up and grabbed it.

When he responded to the phone and not to me, I left the bed and went to brush my teeth. When I got out the bathroom, I was planning to finish what I started, but Trevor was still on the phone. He quieted when I entered.

I headed to the kitchen instead. I fed Justine before looking for food for myself. I toasted a bagel and brewed some coffee. Trevor joined me but I ignored him as I finished my breakfast.  I left him and went to the living room to watch cartoons and eat.

Maybe I was wrong for feeding into Amelia, but I did apologize. There was really nothing else I could do. I wasn't going to beg for his forgiveness...

While I finished eating and mulling things over, Trevor playfully put his arm around me and fondled me as I pretended to be engrossed in Cartoon Network. His fingers caressing me got all of my attention: They we're sending tingles everywhere he touched my skin.

My thoughts forgotten, I soon returned all his caresses until we began to make out on the couch. Bilal appeared from his room and we jumped apart.

"Morning!" I said, trying to hide my embarrassment at being caught, again by Bilal.

“No, don't go to the room. I'm leaving.” Bilal said sarcastically, stalking past us.

I frowned. “What’s up with him?”

Trevor shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Let's go to your bed...” I hinted, pulling on his t-shirt.

He pulled back and looked at his phone.

“Ummm, keep watching TV.” He smiled.

I was 5 seconds from mounting him on the couch and having my way with him, when there was a knock on the door.

“I got it!” Trevor exclaimed, hopping up to answer it. I moaned and laid my head against the couch, frustrated; until I heard a familiar voice at the door.

“Sammy?!?!” I exclaimed, rushing to the door. She was making her way in, with Corey trailing her. I gave her and Corey a hug. "What are y'all doing here?"

“Solidarity... and back-up against that bitch you ain't fucking with." Sammy smiled at me.

"No... we said moral support Sammy. You promised to be on your best behavior." Trevor said.

Corey smiled. "You believed that?"

"Best, worst... whichever's appropriate." Sammy shrugged. "Show me what you're wearing tonight."

"You want me to avoid drama, but invited Miss Drama herself?" I grinned at Trevor as I led her to Trevor's room.

"I had no other choice really..." Trevor smiled.

Sammy flicked him off. "I'm the best choice! Let's go Lily!"

We left and I showed her the blue dress I picked out after Trevor suggested it.

"I can work with that." She nodded, turning and leaving the room. I followed her. Corey and Trevor were sitting on the couch talking.

"What are we doing today Trevor?" I asked him.

"I don't know. What do you wanna do?" He asked.

"You invited them out here! You didn't plan anything?" I laughed, putting my fingers through his hair.

"Exactly. I put everything together for you. I gotta provide entertainment too?" Trevor replied.

"Considering this is your city, yeah, ya do!" Sammy said.

"Fine. I got something. Let's go." Trevor said.

We piled up into Trevor's car and he took us to the district of South Congress. It was a cool little strip, affectionately called SoCo, featuring shops, restaurants, bars, and boutiques.

We walked around aimlessly until we stopped at an antique and gift shop. There was a bunch of cool, random knick knacks. A lot of unique gift ideas. We went to a western store too where Sammy found a cute wide brown belt that she bought. When Corey and Trevor got caught up in a record display at an art gallery, Sammy and I parted from them to look in a boutique we spotted.

We were still rummaging through the racks of clothes when Corey and Trevor found us. We separated, agreeing to meet at a coffee shop we saw in an hour.

"So what's your real problem with Amelia?" Sammy asked me, as we went looked through racks of clothes together.

"She's a bitch!" I exclaimed, looking at a cute red tunic blouse.

Sammy smirked. "Aren't we all?"

"Not all the time! And she slept with Trevor." I added.

Sammy smirked again. "Haven't we all?"

I frowned. "Actually, I haven't."

Sammy stopped to look at me. "Still? Lily, what's up with you two? 'Cause if you're having doubts, you shouldn't be with him."

"No, no doubts. In the past, all of our relationships have started with sex. I'm actually enjoying not rushing things, even though it's frustrating sometimes." I explained.

"So why are you worried about Amelia? Trevor never had feelings for her. Don't say it's cause he slept with her, 'cause if it was just about sex for him, y'all wouldn't be waiting. And I slept with him and you don't feel threatened by me." Sammy stopped browsing to look at me.

"I'm not threatened-" I squirmed under her watchful eye.

I sighed. "You're right. It makes absolutely no sense. I'm just being irrational. I don't know why she bothers me. Have you ever met someone that just made you want to punch them in the face?" I asked.

Sammy laughed. "No, never. Unless I knew they were talking shit about me."

"Oh, well I guess that's just me then..."

We continued shopping, buying unique finds we loved. I found a new jacket that I wanted to wear with my dress.

We met up with the guys, who by the looks of their bags, did some shopping of their own. We then went to a group of food trucks and tried Sonora hot dogs for the first time. They were so delicious, I will never look at hot dogs the same way again.

Afterwards, we headed back to Bilal's apartment. Corey and Sammy left to check into their hotel room and change before meeting us at Cat's apartment for the pre-party party.

 Sammy offered to come back to do my make up, but I turned her down. I didn't think her expertise was necessary. I coached myself that I had no one to impress at the party. It was all about Trevor and his friends' hard work and accomplishments.

I still took care curling my hair and pulling it up into a loose, low bun. I applied my make up next, a neutral smoky eye and wine lip gloss. I put my new jacket over my blue dress and slipped on a pair of black booties.

When I walked out to the living room, Trevor was waiting for me in jeans, a blue striped t-shirt and his leather jacket. He looked up and smiled at me.

"You look beautiful." He complimented me, standing up.

"Thank you. It's all for you." I smiled back at him, wrapping my arm around him.

"If it was for me, you wouldn't be wearing anything." He said, placing a kiss on my ear.

"And we wouldn't be leaving." I stated, moving my head to kiss him on the lips.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He smiled, kissing me back.

"It is!" I said, pulling away. "We don't want to miss Cat's, yours and Black Reign's celebration." I reminded him.

"Are you being a smart ass?" Trevor asked.

I shook my head. "No. I'm proud of you. I'm glad everything is working out. Let's go party" I smiled at him, genuinely.


I truly kept that spirit when we arrived at Cat's apartment. I greeted Cat with a hug and we talked about the website and her boyfriend Kenji. She was telling us about how after the book release, Kenji would be back in Austin, deciding what to do with the site. Whether Kenji sold or not, he would be able to work on the site from Austin, so she was thrilled.

"So what happens next?" I asked Trevor when Cat left to greet other guests.

"The official relaunch. Not sure about the date, but I'll still help out with tech support just because it's my codes. It's just temporary until he decides what to do with the site." He explained.

I nodded. "Ok."

"But I'll be able to do that all remotely." Trevor smiled.

A smile broke out on my face. "Meaning?"

"Meaning I'll be back in Dallas next week." Trevor said.

I hugged him tightly. "That's the best news ever baby!"

"Another reason to celebrate."

"I was bullshitting earlier. This is my only reason to celebrate." I joked.

By the time we got drinks, Sammy and Corey arrived. Black Reign was already at the bar that was hosting the party, so I had nothing to worry about as far as Amelia was concerned. I was still glad Sammy and Corey made it. We made the rounds together, introducing them to everyone.

After they retrieved drinks, we sat together and talked over the music playing. Corey got along great with Trevor's friends. I wasn't surprised. He was a music lover too.

I was surprised by Bilal's demeanor and overall attitude. He was just... sulking, which wasn't like him at all. I asked him if he was ok, which he replied, "Fine" before heading out.

"Ok, what's really wrong with Bilal?" I asked, as we left to head to the bar.

"What do you mean?" Trevor asked.

I gave Trevor a look that said "don't be stupid."

"I mean, what do you think?" Trevor rephrased.

"I don't know. You think he's bummed out that his band didn't make it this far?" I pondered.

"That's probably part of it." Trevor agreed.

Black Reign was performing when we arrived at the bar, so we found a spot in the crowd, facing the band. Amelia already had a beautiful voice. Paired with Ian on the guitar, Casey on the drums and Johnny on the bass, the music was infectious. Even if I wanted to hate Amelia, I couldn't hate the music. I jammed out to the slow, seductive beat of their song "Wait".

Trevor placed a hand on my hip, pulling me closer so I swayed against him. I was disappointed when the song was over. Trevor pulled away from me as we applauded. I missed his body pressed intimately against me.

When the band was finished, we found an empty table. Trevor and Corey went to the bar to get more drinks. Sammy and I got settled at the table.

"Not impressed." Sammy said after they left.

I laughed at her. "You can like the music. I do."

"Still not impressed. By her or the music." Sammy repeated. I was shaking my head when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to a familiar face. It took his voice for me to place him.

"Lily. Long time no see." He said loudly over the music, looking down at me.

"Ohmygod, Christian?!? It's been forever!" I said, standing to give him a hug. I think the last time I saw him was at my college graduation.

"I know. I almost didn't recognize you." Christian smiled, sitting down at the table with us.

"Look who's talking. New York has done you good." I smiled at him, placing my hand on his shoulder. I remembered he moved there right after he graduated.

"I'm actually in California now."

"What? Since when?"

"Last March."

"No way, I moved back to Texas last April." I exclaimed.

"We should have kept in touch. Maybe you would have stayed."

I laughed at him. Sammy cleared her throat and nudged me.

"Sorry, this is my friend Sammy. Sammy, this is Christian. We all went to Baylor together... and I had no idea he was going to be here." I smiled as they shook hands.

Christian looked at me. "I produced a few tracks for Black Reign. Had to fly out."

"Really?"

"Yes. Ian called me, asked if I would, and I did." He shrugged.

"Is that what you're doing in California?" I asked.

"A little bit." He smirked.

"Any songs I'd know?" Sammy asked.

"I can't answer that. If I say yes, and you don't, I look like an idiot. If I say no, I sound like a bum."

I laughed. "No judgments here."

"I'll send you a list if you give me your number." Christan said, pulling out his phone.

"How's it going Christian?" Trevor asked him as he and Corey returned to the table.

"Good Trevor. You?" Christian asked.

"Great." Trevor responded, pulling another chair up to sit on the other side of me. He introduced Corey while he rested his hand on my thigh. "What'd you think of the show?"

"It was good. I better go congratulate them. It was nice meeting you." He nodded to Corey and Sammy. "It's always great seeing you Lily." He said, before taking off.

"I didn't know he worked on the album!" I exclaimed to Trevor.

"Neither did I." Trevor said, sipping his drink.

We made our way to congratulate the band as well. Amelia was occupied with her accolades. I did get to talk briefly with Mara and Noorie. Maybe Noorie was why Bilal was in such a weird mood. Noorie seemed perfectly fine though.

I made a bathroom trip and was walking out when I saw Christian about to leave.

"Hey! We never exchanged numbers. I still want that list of songs you produced."

"You sure Trevor is ok with that?"

"He's ok with it! Besides, Trevor's my boyfriend, not my dad. I don't need his permission." I joked, pulling out my phone.

Christian smiled. "I understand, but I also remember Trevor told me not to talk to you when y'all were just friends."

"What? We talked all the time." I said, confused. Christian was the reason I did so well in English composition and Literature. Trevor would never tell someone not to talk to me. What is he talking about?

"I meant like ask you out or dating; back in college. I have a girlfriend, but I don't know how it works with you two now." Christian shrugged.

"Number?" I asked shortly. I dialed as he rattled it off. His phone rang as I called him.

"There's my number. It works like it would have back then: ask me, then get an answer." I told him.

He chuckled. "You're right. I'll be in touch."

I walked back to the table, pissed. Why, no, how could Trevor tell someone not to date me? It hurt enough that he didn't want to be with me back then, why would he tell another guy not to date me too?

My rational side knew it was the past, ancient history. I should let it go and move forward.

I didn't fucking want to though.

I went back to the table and finished my drink. I was debating the best way to handle my feelings. I felt like I was growing to go off in 5 seconds if I didn't calm down.

"You need another Lily?" Trevor asked me.

"No, I'm good." I answered, briefly. I didn't want to ruin his night, but I wasn't just going to let it go without an explanation. "Besides, we're gonna talk later and I want to be sober for that." I warned him, with a humorless smile.

"What are we going to talk about?' Trevor asked, confused.

"Why you told Christian not to date me." I stated, looking him in the eye.

"Ok..." He nodded. With that nod, I knew Christian was telling the truth.

A part of me was hoping that maybe it was just a big misunderstanding. It wasn't, Trevor just confirmed that. The whole thing brought back every insecurity I ever had and it fueled my anger. How DARE he?!? I got up and left the table, heading straight for the bar.