What I Got

"(That's) why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock
Fuckin' and fightin', it's all the same
Livin' with Louie dog's the only way to stay sane
Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me
Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that (x3)
Lovin', is what I got, I got I got I got" What I Got by Sublime


On the drive to Austin, I refused to talk about Rocky. I didn't want to ruin the trip by being upset.

Trevor does bring up a slightly more pleasant topic: Cam. He doesn't know why I'm really upset with my brother, but I do tell him I don't know how to forgive him.

"Do you want my unbiased opinion?" Trevor asks.

The irony of that statement; Trevor being the neutral party between my brother and me. Once upon a time, I was the middle person. Trevor and my brother were on my side and didn't care much for each other. Cam thought Trevor was your typical college guy that was planning to use and hurt his little sister and Trevor thought Cam babied and spoiled me.

To an extent, they both were right. I was completely dependent on Cam. And Trevor never used me, but it did hurt when he never returned the massive crush I had on him.

But all that changed after I graduated from Baylor. By then, Trevor and I were just great friends. And I got a job to support myself while in grad school so I didn't run to my brother for everything.

On the other hand, Trevor was having problems finding an entry level job. He majored in computer programming. My brother had a job in Dallas in that field using his Air Force connections. When I reached out to him about job leads for Trevor, Cam hired him as his intern and Trevor moved to Dallas too. Long story short, after 6 months, Trevor got hired on. He and my brother became close friends. At the time, I was thrilled my two favorite guys were getting along so well. Oh, how the tables turned.

"Sure. Go ahead." I replied, honestly interested in what he had to say. Maybe my brother told him something...

"You love each other. At the end of the day, what's more important?" He said.

I want to argue. Truth. Loyalty. Trust. Fucking normalcy. But as I think about it, I can't even convince myself.

When we finally arrived in Austin, the first thing we did was buy clothes. We found a touristy western shop and agreed to buy each other's outfit. I picked out blue jeans, a matching western style denim button down and, of course, a cowboy hat for him. After we paid for our purchases, we went to the fitting rooms to get changed. I laughed, in horror, at what he got me. I'm standing in the mirror with a short jean skirt that has a pink rhinestone design on the back pockets and a pink halter. He finished the look with a sleeveless denim vest and white rhinestone covered cowboy boots.

"I can't believe I forgot the hat!" He laughed, when I step out the dressing room.

"I can't believe I have to wear these boots." I said, laughing too.

After that, he asked me what I felt like eating. I told him I had no preference. I'm not surprised we ended up at a burger joint. Trevor is a meat and potatoes type of guy. I am surprised by the selection of burgers. It's more like a burger bar. I got the Greek burger. It's made up of a lamb patty, feta cheese, arugula, onions, tomato, cucumber and tzatziki sauce. Trevor got the Primetime that had Kobe beef, brie cheese, truffle aioli, arugula, onions and steak sauce.

He also orders us 2 of their brewed beers and truffle parmesan fries to share. It was all amazing. We ate our meal on the patio of the restaurant.

"I will never be able to eat regular fries again." I lamented after the first bite of fries.

"Sorry." He smiled, before digging into his food.

After walking off our food and enjoying the scenery, we went to the bar Bilal was performing at. In Trevor's 3rd year of college, he shared a school apartment with 2 other guys. To this day, they were all very close. Bilal was one of them.

Bilal got a degree in communications, inherited his trust fund from his grandfather, and then moved to Austin with his band. Trevor came out to Austin as often as he could. During graduate school, I was always dreading the day he got another job and moved out here permanently, but he never did.

Bilal's band is a ska punk band, and they're as good as I remember. Bilal plays the bass. Trevor and I are grooving to the beat at a table while gulping down drinks. When their set is over, Bilal makes his way over to us.

"Lily, you look more beautiful every time I see you." He greeted me, giving me a huge hug. I hugged him back, beaming.

"What da fuck are you wearing?" Bilal asked Trevor when he let go of me.

"Hey, she picked it out!" Trevor pointed at me. I giggled and finished my drink.

"Looks like we need another round. Just tell the bartender you're with me" Bilal told Trevor.

"Why don't you just go get them?" Trevor asked.

"Cause I see you all the time. I wanna catch up with Lily." Bilal answered. Trevor grumbled a little more before going to the bar.

"It's good to see you. Especially with Trevor. I'm so glad you two are finally making a love connection." Bilal smiled at me.

I snorted, than giggled because I snorted. "No love connection. We're actually escaping your ex love connection." I explained.

"Rocky?" He asked.

"Shhhh, I'm not supposed to talk about her around you. That's one of her rules. As if the break up wasn't awkward enough. She had to make fucking rules about it. See? That is why I'm glad Trevor and I never made a looove connection. I would never want to have a messy breakup like y'all did. It was awful." I rambled. Obviously I get loose with the lips when I drink. I was too tipsy to care.

Bilal just shook his head. "That's crazy. You shouldn't let our bad decisions influence you."

"I'm not. I'm not in the business of changing someone like she was. And is. Although, she did whip her boyfriend into shape. It's kinda hilarious and ridiculous at the same time. I don't have to whip my guy, he's amazing." I gushed.

"You have a boyfriend?"

I frowned. "No. He wanted to be my boyfriend two years ago, but I moved to California. Now I think he likes me, and I know I like him. But I don't know if he likes me or if he just pities me, ya know?"

"The dude with the kid?" Bilal said, with a worried brow.

"Yes. His name is Ethan. The kid is EJ. And they are both awesome." I reassured him.

"What's awesome?" Trevor asked when he came back with shots.

"Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team." I sang, smiling at him.

Trevor laughed, putting his arm around me. "After this, you're cut off." He said, handing me my shot.

"To Austin." He toasted us.

"To Austin!" We repeated, clinking our shot glasses, tapping them on the table and then downing them. College style.


After the bar closed, we stumbled to Bilal's apartment. The original plan was for Trevor and me to get a hotel room, but Bilal insisted we stay with him. He has a second bedroom, so I expected to share a bed with Trevor. Trevor felt the same, cause he immediately led me to the room.

"Trevor. Come here for second." Bilal called from the doorway. Trevor gave me a lopsided smile.

"Be right back Lilypad." He said, before turning around. I fell asleep waiting for him to come back.

The next morning, I woke up alone. When I shuffled out to the living room, I saw Trevor sleeping on the couch.

I retrieved my phone from the bag, and saw I have texts from Sammy and missed calls from Rocky, Ethan, and my boss Derek. I listened to Derek's voicemail first. He has a last minute session I need to cover. I groaned and called Christy. She agreed to cover for me, no questions asked. I felt sick. I didn't know if it was the drinking or the guilt I felt about neglecting my responsibilities.

 I tried to wake up Trevor but he just looked at me, and rolled over. I decided to focus on breakfast instead. I navigated to Round Rock Donuts. The only reason I knew of this place was because Trevor and I saw it on Man vs Food. I was relaxing after a test and we were eating junk food and watching the host attempt to eat a donut as big as his head in Austin. We called Bilal right away, and told him we wanted to go there as soon as I was done with school. It was supposed to be our celebration trip.

While I waited in line for the donuts, I tried to call Ethan back, but he didn't answer.  When I got back to the apartment, Trevor and Bilal were up.

"Where were you?" Trevor asked.

I motioned to the box of donuts. "Getting breakfast." I replied. "I tried to wake your drunk ass up. This is the second time in two weeks you passed out on the couch. You're becoming a lightweight."

Bilal smiled. "I can't believe you remembered that." He said, grabbing a donut.

"Of course I did. I remember we were supposed to take a vacation out here too. With everyone. We should still do that." I said. Trevor looked lost in thought.

"T-Rev?" I asked, questioningly.

"Sure Lilypad. Sounds good." He agreed with me, with a little smile.

By the time we get ready to head back to Dallas, Trevor is back to his goofy fun loving self. I credited it the donuts. You can't help but feel giddy when you enjoy the sweetest sin that is Round Rock's donuts. Another thing I will never be able to truly enjoy again in Dallas now that I tasted perfection here. I was sure that was for the best.

On the car drive home, we had a blast, singing and rapping along to the music, and challenging each other about who knew what artist or lyrics best. By the time we were 30 minutes out of Dallas, I was dreading going home and facing Rocky.

"What were y'all arguing about anyway?" Trevor asked me, turning down the music as he drove.

"We weren't really arguing. She's like constantly getting on to me. And I know that's just how she is, but it's frustrating." I explained.

"What was she getting on to you about?"

"The way I dress. The things I say. The things I didn't even say. The way I fucking breathe!" I exaggerated.

Trevor chuckled

"But it was like small stuff..." I started, explaining to him the cabin incident then the conversation at the game.

"And it wasn't like I was mad about her telling me I need to watch how I dress. I really wasn't. Even though Sammy thought Rocky was just upset that I was trying to be the hot one." I finished.

Trevor shook his head. "Sammy is stupid. You both are hot. Don't let her try to put you down."

I look over at Trevor, surprised by his rough tone and his tightened grip on the wheel. "I didn't think she was..." I trailed off. When he relaxed, I continued. "I was more upset about the whole Megan thing."

"Do you feel like you need to talk to Megan about everything that happened?" Trevor asked.

"No. I agree with Rocky. That was two years ago. Who cares? The fact Rocky thinks I don't recognize that is what pissed me off."

"Good." Trevor nodded. "We both know how Rocky is. It's her way or no way. I let majority of what she says go in one ear and out the other but you take things to heart. You need to sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel."

I pouted. "I don't take everything to heart."

He looked over at me briefly and grinned. "Yeah, that's why you're pouting right now."

I make an awful face that made him laugh. "It's not a bad thing. I was actually worried the other day, that Rocky's callous attitude was finally rubbing off on you. I think you need to stand up for yourself. Especially with Rocky cause she's used to treating you that way. But don't ever lose your sensitivity. It's beautiful." He complimented me.

I smile, and look over at him, waiting for the punchline. It never comes. He's focused on the road, so I just study him. When did he become so sweet and wise? I guess I wasn't the only one to change over the years.

"I agree with her about that dress though. I could see everything." He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Why didn't you say something if it was sooo inappropriate?"

"I didn't say it was inappropriate. Even if it was, it's against man law to tell a hot girl to cover up. Unless she's related to you, but even then, there's a hotness factor you have to abide by."

"Perv!" I laughed. A little late, but there's the punchline.