Skin

So I really wanted to save Lily's time in California till she went to California. But that was pretty much all y'all wanted to know. So, without giving too much away, the next two flashbacks will be some of what happened in California. More of her mindset. This post is weird cause she is remembering her time with Ethan, while in California. So it's a flashback in a flashback. Lol bear with me. I promise it all make sense.

"Skin"-Alexz Johnson

***California August 2012***

I sat on the bathroom floor in my room waiting for the nausea to pass. Popcorn, cookie dough, and fruit snacks probably wasn't the best combination for a snack before bed. Especially when I had a double bacon cheeseburger and fries for dinner. Now my body was paying for it.

When I found out the truth about my family, I reverted back into my old habit of bingeing on food. I slowed down once I started working. I threw myself into my work so I didn't have to deal with the fucked-up-ness that is my life. It has been 2 weeks since I visited my mom's sister, my aunt Patricia, and learned the truth about my mother. My mom was having an affair with my adoptive dad. And he believed he was my biological father. I stayed busy so I didn't have to deal with the missed calls from my Aunt, the lies from my dad and the reality that my mom wants nothing to do with me.

But Trevor[s visit forced me to deal with it. He just left this morning. He tried to apologize for telling my brother Cam about me and Ethan. God, how I long for the day when that was my biggest problem. Trevor angrily told me to get my shit together before he left.

I don't even know how to start. How do I confront my dad? Do I keep searching for my mom? Do I want a relationship with my Aunt? I have no idea. I didn't imagine it going like this.

I always felt like I had to come back to California. When I moved to go to college, I had the fantasy of coming back. Successful. And skinny.

I had the successful part. I secured a job at a prestigious hospital. I don't think I'll ever be "skinny". I'm 5'9 with boobs and an ass. I think "athletic" is the closest I will get to skinny. But that's fine with me. If I get some definition in my arms, stomach and legs, I'll never complain about my body again. So I accomplished that part of my plan as well. Texas was just a pit stop to my ultimate dream: reuniting with my mother.

I've seen enough movies to know that my mother didn't give me up because of me, but it didn't help me feel any better. I still wanted that reunion. Where she would tell me how much she missed me and how she hated not being in my life. I knew I could have started looking for her when I was 18, but I chose not to. I wanted to make something of my life first. I wanted her to be proud to call me her daughter.

But now I knew that would never happened. My aunt Patricia informed me my mom didn't want to be found. Ever. When my dad thought I was his biological daughter, he wanted my mom to sign away her parental rights so that she could never come back into my life. And she was willing to do that. Until my dad found out I wasn't his through a DNA test. My mom gave me up for adoption instead.

 So instead of getting my shit together as Trevor suggested, I bought more junk food and binged out. I know it's not solving my problem. But I can drown it in a chocolate river. I can float away on Soda fizz. And fruit snacks take me to a happier time. Right before everything went to hell. And lead me here, on the floor, feeling miserable.

***FLASHBACK  May 2012***

"I don't get it! She's tiny. How did I get drunk and she didn't?!?!" I complained to Ethan as he led me to his car from the restaurant.

"Higher alcohol tolerance. I told you to slow down. Their gator punch is no joke." Ethan reminded me as he opened the truck door for me.

I knew he did. I didn't listen. I wanted to keep up with Sammy. And show that I can be fun and playful and adventurous. Everything that Ethan needed right now. Well, what he needed according to his co-worker Daniel. Everyone at the table at Razzoo's knew that me and Ethan were hooking up. And they teased us mercilessly. Mostly Ethan friends teasing him about finally moving on from Megan. And reminding him to enjoy being single.

I knew I was just a rebound. But I'm not going to lie, it hurt hearing it. So I drank. And decided to be like Sammy. Fun loving and free spirited. It worked. His friends loved me. But now I'm drunk off my ass and can't even drive home.

"I think Rocky would have to drink 3 of them before she would ever consider hooking up with your brother. You should tell him that." I rambled, as I climbed in his truck. Brandon laid on the charm thick for Rocky. The way he was walking her to her car showed he was still trying. And Rocky, as usual, gave him no attention.

"I won't. I'm sure the reason he's trying so hard is cause he sees her as a challenge." Ethan answered, closing my door before walking around to get in the car.

"Well, it's never going to happen. Rocky has strict requirements. Brandon is not her type. You're more her type." I commented when he got it.

"What's your type?" He asked, starting up the car.

"You know me. My type is fun." I said, channeling Sammy's carefree attitude.

When he didn't respond, I continued.

 "I'm just saying Rocky only dates guys like you. Stable. Successful career. House. Car. And fucking gorgeous. She would totally overlook the fact that you have a kid."

When his eyebrows furrowed, I quickly added, "You know what I mean. EJ is incredible. And you're an incredible dad. She's just not cool with baby momma drama."

He smirked. "I understand. I'm not cool with it myself." He said, driving towards my house.

I snorted. "Megan is an idiot. You're amazing, you know that? And I love my brother. He's amazing in his own way. But you are... on another level. I couldn't pick him over you."

"I would hope not. I mean, he is your brother..." Ethan commented.

I giggled. "Not biologically." When he shot me a look, I laughed. "Just kidding. I mean, I am adopted, but I don't have any feelings or anything like that towards him." I sighed. "You're just.... perfect. Perfectly all together."

"I'm far from perfect. But I appreciate it." Ethan smiled as he pulled up to my house. When he sits in the truck, I give him a look.

"Are you coming in?" I asked him.

"Not tonight." He said.

His rejection sobered me up. Of course not. My stupid mouth. I probably sound like some love sick school girl. What his friends said is stuck in my mind. Enjoy being single...

"Do you have plans?" I asked, coolly.

He shook his head.

"So why don't you wanna come in? I promise, that was not a declaration of love. Just like. But not like like you like you. Just you're cool-"

"Lily, I know." Ethan cut me off, sharply. "You've just had a lot to drink. I don't wanna take advantage of you." He explained.

"Well, no means no. And I'm not saying no." I pouted.

"My dad raised us that yes means yes. And you're in no state of mind to consent right now."

"Ohmygosh. You sound like a cop. Do you wanna give me a sobriety test?"

"Sure. Spell sobriety."

I exaggerate, tapping my chin, pretending like I need to think about it. "That's not fair. Maybe I couldn't spell it before."

He laughed at me.

"But really. Just come in. We can hang out till you deem me fit to consent. I'll even let you control the remote..."

He nodded. "Alright."

He came in and I got us a couple bottles of waters. I was regretting giving him the remote when he had it on the history channel. But we didn't even watch it. We talked instead. We talked about our families and college life and how we met our friends. It was nice getting to know him better. But I couldn't help getting drowsy. After my third yawn, he smiled. "Go ahead. Go to sleep. We'll discuss consenting in the morning"

I closed my eyes, smiling. The next thing I knew, I was awakened to Ethan kissing and rubbing all over my body.

"So you're ok with taking advantage of a sleeping person, but not a drunk person?" I asked, my voice full of sleep.

"I said yes means yes. You were calling out for me." Ethan responded, returning to my face to kiss my lips. 

I gasped. "I was not." I said between kisses.

"You did. Do you dream about me baby?"

"No..." I lied.

"I dream about you." He admitted. He then pulled me on top of him so I'm straddling him.
"I dream about this. All the time." He said, reaching for a condom. "Do you consent?"


I nodded, nervous as hell. I've never been on top of him before. The room is pitch black, but I'm still uncomfortable about my body being on display. But when he's finally inside of me, rubbing against my clitoris, I just move my hips so it feels good to me. By his groans I can tell he's enjoying it too. When I discover a move where he hits my spot inside me, I keep it up. Riding him until I came.

When the spasms stop, I open my eyes and look at him. I had no reason to be concerned about what he thought of my body. His eyes are glued to my face. I blushed, thinking about how he saw my cum face. I've heard of making love faces. I'm worried mine looks creepy.

We lock eyes for a moment, before he flips me over. He buries his head into my neck as he re-enters me, feeling harder than before. He pumps into me, grinding his pelvis into mine, making me cry out as he came too.

Afterwards, we both passed out. We slept in the next morning. After another round of amazing sex, he offered to take me to get my car from Razzoo's. He's so affectionate, kissing and holding me as we walk out to his truck. I love it.

 When I looked up, I tripped over my own feet.

"What's wrong baby? Still need that sobriety test." He laughed.

I can't even laugh at his joke. My eyes are focused on the Honda Civic parked behind Ethan's truck. The way Trevor is staying in the car lets me know he saw us. Fuck.

--------------------------

***California August 2012***

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!

A banging on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I can't help but think about Ethan. And the day everything changed when Trevor found out about us. I can't help but think how different things could have turned out if he never knew.

"Lilian! Are you ok?" My dad's voice calls from the other side of the closed door.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I called, standing up.

"Are you sick?"

"No. Just had pork at dinner. Bacon. I think it shocked my system." I lied, hoping he believed it.

"I warned you about all that red meat. Especially pork." He lectured.

"Believe me, I'm learning my lesson." I replied, turning on the water to rinse out my mouth.

"Ok. Let me know if you need anything."

"Ok."

I took a deep breath. The nauseous feeling is gone and I reach for my toothbrush. I'm becoming a convincing liar. I can't help but notice I feel no guilt lying to him. Why should I? He lied to me my whole life. My lie is nothing compared to his.