Despicable Me (mini post)

*That was too easy. Next time It will be 20 comments :-) As promised....

Despicable Me- Pharrell Williams

I quickly scanned the message. OHMIGOD!

"What's wrong?..." Trevor murmured.

Oh shit, did I say that out loud?

"Nothing T-Rev. Go back to sleep."

I hopped outta bed and raced to Rocky's room. I knocked on the door.

"Rocky!" I called.

"What is it Lily?" Rocky called back.

"I need to talk to you. Now!!!" I demanded.

"Can it wait?"

"No!" I then wiggled her doorknob, a warning that I would come in. I stopped when I heard movement on the bed. Rocky finally appeared at the door.

"What?" She said, a silk robe wrapped around her body.

"Read this." I commanded her, handing her my phone.

She cut her eyes at me. "You interrupted me over a Facebook message? From..." she looked down and saw who it was from. Her eyes widened, and she stepped out into the hallway with me.

Obviously, the message distracted her enough to forget she was blocking the view to her room. Cause I saw a very naked Brandon laying on the bed.

"OHMIGOD, cover up!" I said, reaching for the doorknob.

"I told Rocky to let you come in..." he laughed. I quickly closed the door.

Rocky was still reading the message. It read:

Lily,

It was really nice to meet you today. I felt like I was meeting a legend the way EJ talks about you. After talking to Ethan, I realize that you and EJ bonded at a challenging time for any kid. I'm sure his parents splitting up is one of the reasons he attached to you so strongly. 

I understand it. I really do. When I divorced from my husband, I wished my son and I had someone to lean on. But in a way, I'm glad we didn't. Because that's how we were able to depend on each other, move on and develop healthy relationships.

So I'm asking that you let me establish a connection with EJ as well. As you know, Ethan and I are dating. I'm requesting that you back off so I can have a chance to bond with EJ.

Thank you,

Karen.

Rocky looked up at me. "I don't believe this is just about EJ."

"It's about Ethan right?" I exclaimed.

"Mmhmm. She called you and Ethan's relationship unhealthy." Rocky said.

"What should I write back?" I said, excitedly. I knew Rocky was the one to help me write something that would cut a bitch down.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"That's right. Ethan should have never dragged her into this." Rocky replied.

"What? Now she's the victim?" I asked, shocked.

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying Ethan and you need to resolve yall's relationship. You're going to do what she should have done: Talk to Ethan."

"And what am I going to say to him? Your girlfriend is being mean to me?" I asked.

"No. This whole situation wouldn't have happened if you would have told him how you really felt. You still need to."

Oh, so this is my fault?

"Tell him the whole truth. Then the ball will be in his court." Rocky finished.

"The whole truth about what?" Trevor asked.

We both looked up to see Trevor approaching us in the hallway.

Rocky sighed. "That she wants to be with Ethan. She always has."

Trevor looked at me confused. "I thought you were trying to get over him?"

"I was. But I think he might still have feelings for me." I answered.

"So?

"So???" I repeated.

"He has a girlfriend. Don't be one of those desperate girls chasing after a guy who's in a relationship." He looked at Rocky. "I can't believe you're encouraging her to do that."

How could he say that?!? I looked at Rocky to see if she could believe this. I'm waiting for her to go off on him. Rocky just watched us. I turned back to Trevor.

"I think I'll take advice from someone who's actually had a meaningful, lasting relationship." I snapped at him.

He glared at me, disapprovingly, before pulling out his phone. "I'm out. Good luck with the whole home wrecking thing."

"Thanks Trevor!" I said, fake cheerfully.

Home wrecker? Who says that? Asshole. 

Rocky turned to me when he left. "That was harsh."

"No, that was honest. Him calling me desperate was harsh." I scoffed.

"Don't be naive-" She started.

Oh, now she wants to argue.

 "Save it." I interrupted her. She had nothing to say to Trevor. Nor was she going to help me write back Karen. But she can call me naive? I had no intentions of listening to another lecture, criticism, put down, whatever was coming next after that statement.

 "Go back to Brandon. He gets something outta arguing with you. I don't."

I stomped away. I went to my room and slammed the door as a closed it. Mature? No. Did it make me feel better? A little bit.

I spend an hour trying to write out a response to Karen on Facebook . I give up. I'm going to sleep on it, then confer with Sammy.

On my news feed, I saw Trevor posted a new picture. It was him and Becca drinking Coronaritas.

He captioned the picture:

Getting really wasted and worn out.- At Fox Sports Grill with Becca.

Fucking asshole. Facebook needs a dislike button. I would make a second profile so I could give this picture 2 thumbs down.

Happy

"Happy"- Pharrell

Saturday was EJ's birthday party. I was calm and collected. It was EJ's day. That's all that mattered. I know, I've said this before, but I'm positive I'll be just fine. I plan on spending as little time with Ethan as possible. This time around, I had Trevor and Rocky to help with that.

Megan requested for Brandon, Rocky, and me to wear yellow. EJ's birthday party was at Adventure Landing. It's a smaller theme park that has go-karts, batting cages, laser tag, an arcade, mini golf and bumper boats. Megan asked earlier this week if we didn't mind helping manage the kids. Rocky and I agreed of course. EJ picked out Despicable Me invitations, so that's why Megan wanted us to wear yellow to match the theme of the party.

I took it a step forward and paired a Despicable Me graphic tee with high waisted shortalls I borrowed from Sammy. It's silly, but I liked looking like a little minion. I brought Trevor a matching shirt. He wore it with no complaints.

We rode together to the party. When we get there, we're led to EJ's private party room. The room is filled with yellow minion balloons and yellow steamers.

"Hey you guys!" Megan greeted us. "Thank you for your help!"

Before we can even respond, she puts us to work setting up the table. I shook my head. This is the Megan I'm used to. We removed the standard tablecloth on the table and replaced it with a Despicable Me one. Dave, Megan's boyfriend, Trevor and Brandon move tables around for cake and presents. We decorate those as well before the cake and more gifts arrived.

By the time that's done, Ethan arrived with his dad. They drop of presents on the table. I can't wait for the day I see him and not feel a tug on my heart. I pretty much admit defeat on that other part of my body he affects when I see him. I don't think there will be a time where I'm not attracted to him. But I can live with that. I can't live with my heart hurting.

"Hey Minion! Get back to work!" Trevor said, bumping into me playfully. I stuck my tongue out at him

"Oh wow. I didn't even notice. You're dressed like a minion." Megan said, looking me over with a smile.

"Yeah, I figured it's appropriate." I shrugged.

"I love it. I should have had you all dressed like that." Megan smiled.

"Dress like what?" Ethan asked, as he joined us.

"A minion, like Lily." Megan answered.

Ethan looked my outfit over. I willed myself not to blush. Trevor threw his arm around me.

"You do look adorable." Trevor said, grinning at me. I gave him a grateful smile.

"Trevor. Good to see you. Lily didn't mention you were coming." Ethan said, looking away from me.

"Yep. It was last minute." Trevor said, turning away from me to talk to Ethan. "Hope that's okay."

"Yes! I need all the help I can get. Especially since Jake didn't show up early..." Megan answered for Ethan, cutting her eyes at Brandon.

Brandon shrugged. "Hey, I'm here early cause I was volunTOLD. Jake said he'll be here when the party starts."

"Mom just pulled up. Let's help with unloading the cake and presents." Mr. Carter told Ethan. Brandon and Trevor followed them. Megan left with Dave to get the activity passes. Rocky immediately walked over to me.

"How you holding up?"

"Good." I answered, truthfully.

And I was good. Set up was easy. We were all busy getting ready for the kids to show up. And if we weren't busy, Megan found us something to do.

Megan's parents arrived with EJ a little before the party was supposed to start. EJ ran all over the place, playing with the kids that arrived in the arcade. They were all excited to see his cake, presents and race go-karts. Mrs. Carter greeted me warmly, giving me a hug. She asked me about my move, my job, and reminded me I'm coming to her family's 4th of July BBQ.

While I'm talking to her, I noticed Ethan looked a little uneasy. I don't know how to describe it. Just... off. It was enough to make me break my own rule of limited contact to approach him.

"Hey. You ok?" I asked him.

"Yes." He answered shortly, separating arcade tokens on the table.

"You sure? You seem... I don't know. Distracted?..."

"Just thinking." He replied, finally looking up at me. "I didn't think having his party here was a good idea. But it was Megan's choice." He admitted.

"This place looks fun. Megan seems to have it under control."

"Yeah, until all the kids show up. Last year EJ wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese. Some of the parents just dropped off their kids. We managed because it was all indoor. Can you imagine trying to handle 20 kids here?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, last year, you didn't have minions." I said, sarcastically gesturing over my outfit. The corners of his mouth twitched as his eyes followed my hands.

"But seriously, between all of us. 2 kids apiece. That's 14 kids right there. Not including all EJ's grandparents and parents that will stay. I think we can handle it."

"Let's hope."

I grabbed his shoulders. "No hope necessary! That's what it's gonna be!" I said, shaking him on every word.

He finally cracked a smile. "Alright."

I smiled back at him.

"Ethan" a voice called from behind me. I turned around to see Karen. She is wearing a blue sundresses. Her hair is up in a top knot. It shows off her pretty features and delicate neck.

"Hey Karen." Ethan said, giving her a hug. I prayed to God, Allah, Zeus, and baby Jesus to keep my face neutral. I was hoping not to interact with her at all. Especially not with her and Ethan. I should have stuck to my rule. She planted herself right next to Ethan.

"Karen, this is Lily. Lily, this is Karen." Ethan said, simply.

"Nice to meet you." Karen said, sticking out her hand.

"You too." I said, shaking her hand quickly.

"Lily, there you are. I need you over here." Rocky said, grabbing my arm and pulling my away.

"Rocky..." I groaned.

"I know. I'm sorry. By the time I saw her heading towards y'all, it was too late."

"She's so pretty." My heart hurting is all over again. Just when I thought me and Ethan could be ok to talk again...

"And so are you. If you ask me, you look much better beside him."

Did it matter if Ethan didn't think so?

I didn't have time to dwell on it. All the kids showed up. Megan took control and split the kids up into groups of 6. Me and Trevor took one. Brandon and Rocky took another one. And Megan and Ethan took the last one. It was the parent's choice if they wanted to stay in the party room or walk around with the kids. Ethan really had nothing to worry about. Most of the parents chose to walk around with their kids.

Of course Karen's son, Joel, was in Ethan and Megan's group. So Karen was attached to Ethan the whole time. Our group went to the bumper boats first. Trevor challenged the kids so they all went after him.

After that, we went go-karting. Me and Trevor watched and cheered for everyone. Mostly cheered. Trevor playfully teased one of the boys that was giving him a hard time on the boats. The kid was Miguel. I'm pretty sure EJ mentioned he didn't care for him. And, not surprisingly, his mom chose to drop him off.
We played in the arcade last.

I have to admit, I was enjoying Trevor's shenanigans as much as the kids. They loved him. I wasn't surprised. He was a big kid himself. And hanging with him kept me laughing and distracted from Ethan and Karen.

When it was finally time for lunch, all the kids wanted to sit by Trevor. He happily obliged them. I waited for the food by Brandon and Jake. Showing up late didn't help. Jake was still put to work helping with drinks.

"Where were you earlier? Megan was looking for you. Super dangerous work emergency? Did you have to shoot someone?" I asked Jake, jokingly.

"No. But the day's not over yet." He responded. I laughed.

"Besides, I never told Megan I was coming early. You like kids. Looks like you had it covered." Jake said.

"Yeah, cause I brought Trevor. If I didn't, I would have been stuck with 6 kids by myself." I informed him.

"I would have showed up extra early if I had known I was going to be paired with you. Especially in those little overalls. Takes me back to elementary school. I have a strange urge to pull your hair."

I smirked. I'm getting use to his sexual innuendos. "You would like them. I borrowed them from Sammy."

I walk away from him when Megan and Dave arrived with hotdogs, popcorn, fries and nachos. I grab some plates and start placing them in front of the kids on the table.

"Let me make the birthday boy his plate first." Karen said, grabbing a plate from me when I walked towards the food to help start delivering it to the kids.

I watched her pile his favorites on the plate.

"He's not going to eat that-" I started, when I saw her put ketchup on the bun of his hot dog.

"This is how he asked for it." Karen bristled. I didn't say anything, just started to take food to the kids with Rocky. When I get back to the food table, I made EJ a hotdog the way he liked it: ketchup on the hotdog only.

When Karen came back, I handed her EJ's hotdog with a smile on my face. She took it, without saying anything and left.

"You coulda told her the way he likes it." Ethan commented from behind me. He sat down on a stack of pizza boxes. I looked up, and blushed. Where did he come from?

"I tried. Besides, I recall you always lecturing me how EJ has to learn things on his own. I think that goes for adults too." I said to Ethan. He shook his head, smiling. But he didn't disagree with me.

"Let's get the pizza out. Your boy is about to start a riot over there." Ethan commented.

My boy? I followed Ethan gaze. Sure enough, Trevor is leading the kids in a "We want pizza" chant. I laughed.

"Looks like you got stuck with 7 kids in your group." Ethan commented.

I smiled. "Yeah. But they had a blast."

We left together to pass out pizza.
After the kids ate, the adults made their plates. Me, Trevor, Brandon, Rocky, and Jake stood on a wall of the room, snacking on pizza. The kids crowded around EJ as he opened his presents.

Brandon groaned and Jake laughed at him when Karen's son Joel got EJ one of the games Brandon bought. Megan bought him a remote control car. Ethan bought him a new tablet. He flipped out over the Rangers and Hurricane Harbor tickets. He was so excited to hang with Jake for a whole day. It was adorable. When he got to my gift, I made sure he opened Trevor's gift with it.

"They go together." I explained, as I sat the heavy box in front of him. I told Trevor to buy a couple of snow cone syrups. I had no idea why it was so freaking heavy.

He ripped at the blue birthday paper.

"A snow cone maker!!!" EJ yelled, smiling.

"Open mine, open mine!!!" Trevor exclaimed, imitating the kids. We laughed at him.

When EJ opened the box, his eyes grew wide.

"Yeah!!! I can make snow cones forever!!!!" He cheered pumping his arms.

I gave Trevor a look before looking into the box. It looked like he bought every syrup flavor he could find. Plus snow cone cups, spoon straws, a jar of cherries, condensed milk, nerd candies, pixie sticks, pop rocks and gummy bears.

Me and Rocky both smiled at Trevor. That's exactly how we ate snow cones from the stand in Waco while we were in college. We would buy our favorite candy, eat snow cones, and run off our sugar rush at the playground. Trevor would pair Hurricane Colada with pop rocks. Rocky and Bilal tried to try everything on the menu. They got pretty close. My favorite was cherry coke with cream and gummy bears of course.

"Does this come with free babysitting when he eats all this?" Megan smiled at me and Trevor.

"Sure. Just take 'em to Lily's." Trevor replied. Everyone laughed at that. I nudged him, but laughed too.

"You're awesome." I told him, grabbing his arm.

"I know." He said, grinning at me.



After the gifts were opened, Megan brought out the Despicable Me birthday cake. We all sang happy birthday to EJ. He blew out his candles, then we passed out the cake. I gave my slice to Trevor. He definitely deserved it.

The party room had to be vacated, so we took the kids to play laser tag while the room was cleaned and cleared out. Trevor, Jake, and me supervised (played!) from the inside while everyone else helped load the cars. We had a blast. Trevor riled the kids up, calling for a battle between the different groups.

The kids and their parents started leaving after that. After the last parent left, we left too.

"Lily!" EJ ran over to me as we were leaving.  I turned and scooped him up. I know it looks ridiculous when I pick him up. He's so tall! But I still do.

"Joel is coming over and we're going to make snow cones. Do you wanna come?" He asked, excitedly.

"Not today little man. But make sure you can make me a special 4th of July one, ok?" I replied.

He nodded and I put him down. He ran back to his parents group. He excitedly explained to Joel they have to practice making red, white and blue snow cones. I chuckled watching him. When I looked away from EJ, I noticed Ethan watching me. I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Ready Lilypad?" Trevor asked, pulling me towards Brandon's car.

"Ready!"



On the drive home, I talked Trevor into hanging out and watching more Game of Thrones with me. He did have plans to go out later. He invited me too. I passed. I didn't feel like getting dressed up again. But he agreed to hang with me for a while.

 He fell asleep on my bed not long after the first episode began. I laughed and took pictures of him passed out. I'm wasn't going to wake him up. I finished watching the rest of the episode.

I then uploaded the pictures of the party, including the one of Trevor passed out on my bed, on Facebook. I tagged everyone in them. I caption Trevor's picture with:

7&8 year olds wore him out! Got chocolate wasted on birthday cake! #Lightweight#HappyBirthdayEJ!!! #ManyMoreToCome!

After a couple more episodes of Game of Thrones, I check my phone. I have a plenty of likes and comments on the pictures. But I notice I have a message too. I click on it first and see it's from Karen. What the?...


Anyone wanna guess what Karen wants? How do you think the party went?

Perfect Situation

"Perfect Situation"- Weezer

Wednesday, I went to work in much better spirits. I knew I wasn't over Ethan at all. And if he came over today, with a huge romantic gesture, I would live all happily ever after with him. Hell, who am I kidding? He could send me a text saying he wanted to be with me, and I'd still happily agree. But anyway, the difference is I don't berate myself for being upset. Like Rocky said, I'm just focusing on feeling better every day. And I honestly felt like with time, I would be ok.

I explained this to Jordan at work. She took an early lunch so she asked me how I'm doing on her way back when I'm on my way to lunch. She offered to set me up, when I was ready. I told her I'd keep that in mind.

While I'm at my lunch, I check out the text Jake sent me.

When we got home from the mall the other day, I saw I had a text from an unknown number.

It read: Let me know when you're ready to see my gun.

I laughed and replied.

Me: No thanks, I'll just ask Sammy about it.

After I sent the text, I saved Jake's number. This morning, I sent him security guard memes I found online. Look some up. There are a ton of hilarious ones. He texted me back.

Jake: What did you score on your MCAT?

When I texted him I didn't take the MCAT, he send back a link that listed all the subjects you can get doctorate degree in.

Jake: So all of y'all are doctors?

Me: Shut. Up.

Jake: Lol

I smiled and put my phone away. Not gonna lie, texting him made me forget everything for a while. But the one thing I really like about Jake is that I'm completely not attracted to him. Yes, he's hot. And comical. A dangerous combination to me. But he's "hanging out" with Sammy. And he's a man whore. Who knows how attractive he is and flaunts his conquest. I could never be with a guy like that. So it's harmless to text him. He's completely safe to me. And that's exactly what I need to distract me from Ethan. Good friends. I considered Jordan and Jake both new friends.

At the end of the day, I head home. I had a missed call from Trevor so I called him back. He asked if he could drop by because he had a gift for me. I agreed, of course.

I hopped in the shower. Afterwards, I got dressed. When I entered my room, Trevor is already on my bed waiting for me (we have a keyless lock on the front door and Trevor knows the code.)

"Gimme gimme gimme!" I said, sitting on the bed next to him.

"So greedy." Trevor smiled at me, handing over a bag.

I reached in the bag and pulled out the Game of Thrones box set. I looked up at Trevor, confused.

"End of one era. Beginning of a new one. You're late, but you can jump on the Game of Thrones bandwagon since True Blood is ending." Trevor explained.

I smiled at him and gave him a huge hug. "Thanks T-rev."

"No problem." He said, hugging me back. When I pulled away, he kept an arm around me. "Besides, if this keeps you from being a mean girl, throwing glasses around, and crying, I think it's worth it." He teased me.

I grinned. "I told you I was PMSing."

"I've seen you PMSing. That's chocolate, salty food, and being lazy. This was not PMS."

I smiled, sadly. I might as well tell him. He'd figure it out eventually.

"Ethan is dating someone. That's why I've been so out of it." I admitted to Trevor.

Trevor was quiet for a moment, before he rubbed my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Lilypad. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Do you wanna know? I know you never really liked Ethan." I accused, cocking my head to the side to look at him.

We never really talked about our relationships when we first became friends. Mostly because I didn't have any to speak of. And it was a taboo subject for me. It was bad enough seeing the roster of girls he was hanging with. I didn't want to hear about it too.

When we graduated and moved to Dallas, I accepted it was never going to happen between us. So I was fine hearing about his sexcapades. Funny thing is, he slowed down tremendously after college. So there wasn't much to tell for him either. I dated a little in grad school. A lot of first dates. But between school and work, I just didn't meet anyone that I wanted to make time for. We were able to open up to each other in a way we didn't before because we were pretty much in the same place.

That was until I started babysitting EJ. And met Ethan. And because Trevor knew everything that happened between Cam, Megan, and Ethan, I couldn't talk to him about. It was so hard to keep my "relationship" with Ethan a secret.

But when Trevor caught us, he told me how stupid I was being. I didn't have a chance to explain our relationship. He just wanted me to end it. But I didn't realize that he disliked Ethan enough to tell my brother Cam about us. That's why I'm surprised he offered to talk to me about Ethan.

"I don't have anything against him. I don't even know him. I just never wanted to see you get hurt." Trevor explained.

"Ethan didn't hurt me." I hurt Ethan. And myself by not telling him the truth. Maybe Rocky is right. At the very least, he deserves to know what he meant to me. Maybe even what he still means to me...

"The thing about Ethan that bothered me the most was that you were lying to me. That's not us." He said, rubbing my back and interrupting my thoughts.

"So that's why you told Cam?"

"Yeah. You know even if we don't agree, you know you can always come to me. We can talk about anything. When you didn't, I was worried. So I told Cam."

I nodded. I understood that. It was true. He used to know everything about me. Looking back, I really could have used his male opinion to figure out that Ethan did have feelings for me. Then maybe I wouldn't have blown it.

Right now, I'm tempted, soooo tempted, to tell him everything. I keep thinking about my brother saying I needed to talk to someone...

But I don't. Trevor is my bright spot. I can't tarnish him. I can't burden him with my issues. And I couldn't stand it if he looked at me differently.

"I know T-Rev. But now, there is really nothing to tell besides it's over between me and Ethan. And I'm feeling better about it. I'm getting over it. I talked it out with Rocky. And Rocky said crappy tv is part of the grieving process. So thanks for the gift." I smiled, teasingly.

"Hey now! There is nothing crappy about Game of Thrones."

I smirked. "It's dragons."

"Still awesome." He responded, reaching to take the box set for me so he could set it up.

"Start on the last season." I declared.

He looked confused. "Why wouldn't we start from the beginning?"

"Why do that when we can just pause it so you can explain to me what happened? "

"Brat." He smiled, putting on the DVD.

We get through the first disc and I'm officially hooked.

"Alright. Definitely not crappy." I stretched, as Trevor got the next disc.

"Told you." He bragged. "You should spend the weekend with me. Then we can get all caught up. And you can grieve and stuff."

"I'm over grieving and stuff. Besides, EJ's birthday party is Saturday."

"You're still going to go?"

"Yeah. I'm still going to maintain a relationship with EJ. Not going let Ethan and his stupid girlfriend stop that."

Trevor shook his head. "Doesn't sound like you're over it."

"I said I'm over grieving." I clarified.

"Well, I'll go with you."

I brightened. "Really? You would go with me?" It would be awesome to have him there. He will keep me positive. I thought about taking Sammy, but she's the one that encouraged me to sleep with Ethan. Who knows what she might say or do. And as satisfying as it would feel, I won't do that to EJ. I didn't think to invite Trevor cause I believed he didn't like Ethan. But Trevor is definitely the better choice.

"Of course. There's gonna be cake right?"

I laughed. Trevor has a huge sweet tooth. "Yes."

"Then I'm there."

I smiled as we got settled on the bed. I made a lot of mistakes when I moved back to California. One of them was distancing myself from Trevor. He always brightened up even my darkest days. I could have used that in California. I grabbed his hand. He smiled at me. It gave me comfort knowing that I would never let anything come between us again.


So what do you think about Lily's friends so far? Both new and old? 

Tired of Being Alone

"Tired of Being Alone"- Al Green

Monday morning, I was back to my routine of pretending like everything's ok. I had lunch with Jordan at work. She asked me if I was okay. She noticed I was off last week. That surprised me. I know I wasn't as cheerful and friendly with my patients, but I was professional. I wondered how she noticed. I just told her things didn't work out with Ethan. She said she was sorry to hear that and gave me encouraging words. I changed the subject by asking about her weekend. Talking about it just made me feel worse.

Tuesday, my off day, I woke up early and went for a run. My music and running gave me relief from my loneliness. Afterwards, I went home and showered. I changed into a tank top and pajama pants. I was surprised to see Rocky was still home, when I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Normally, she would have left by now.

"What are you doing home?" I asked her.

"I called in. We are going to eat junk food and watch crappy TV and you are going to tell me what happened between you and Ethan." Rocky demanded.

"I'm guessing you already know." Fucking Brandon.

"Yes. And I'm overlooking the fact that not only did I have to learn about it from Brandon, but that you wanted him to keep it from me. Why didn't you want me to know?" Rocky asked.

"Cause, it's stupid. I shouldn't be this upset. We weren't even together." I said, looking down.

Rocky shook her head. "Just because you weren't together, doesn't mean your feelings for him aren't real. Just like his for you are real."

Tears formed in my eyes. "He doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I blew it." I cried.

She pulled me over to the couch and sat me down. "I don't believe that. I've seen the way he looks at you..."

"No. I waited too long. And now it's over. He's dating someone else." I sobbed.

"Maybe the timing is just not right..."

"It's been more than 2 years. If it was going to happen, it would have."

Rocky puts on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and heats up leftovers from the party. Over the TV, I tell her everything. From me and Ethan's kiss on Memorial Day to our brunch last weekend.

"Before we get into Ethan, are you and Cam ok?" Rocky asked.

"Getting there." I shrugged.

"I can't believe he kept that from you. That's so unfair." Rocky shook her head.

"It wasn't his secret to tell."

Rocky looked skeptical, but didn't say anything.

"Lily, I don't think you really told Ethan how you felt." Rocky started after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean? I asked him out."

"I know. But in his mind, you rejected him when he wanted to be in a relationship with you. He probably thought you wanted the same type of relationship as before."

"But he said even if he saw a real relationship with me, he's already invested time with Karen."

"They're not serious or he would have introduced her as his girlfriend. He hasn't even mentioned her to Brandon. I think before it does get serious, you need to tell him how you truly feel. And how you really felt back then."

I thought about it. "I don't know. Part of me just wants to be over it."

"I think you owe it to yourself to put it all out there, like he did for you." Rocky started. "But if you wanna be over it, let's wallow. Let yourself be sad. That's the way you'll get over it. A little at a time. Not by pretending like it didn't mean anything or that you're not hurt."

I nodded.

-----------

Brandon made it home around 3pm. He found us on the couch.

"I tried to keep it from her. She forced it out of me. You know how she is." He said, throwing his hands in the air.

I smiled. "Yeah, I do. I shoulda known you were no match."

Rocky rolled her eyes. "Please. I just threatened no sex. He was singing like a bird."

"Then she was singing like a bird when she gave it up" Brandon said, suggestively.

"Gross. I do not need to hear about y'alls sex life." I laughed.

"Alright. Mister. Move it on out. It's grieving time. We need to cry to some Al Green, then start talking shit about your brother." Rocky announced.

Brandon chuckled. "Ok. I'm just going to change my clothes. I'm meeting Jake at the mall."

"Why?" Rocky asked, narrowing her eyes at Brandon.

"Cause you just told me to get out. Cause I need to get EJ a birthday gift. Cause I'm grown and I want to. Take your pick." Brandon replied, walking to their bedroom.

Rocky looks ready to follow and throttle him.

"Pick your battles..." I reminded her. She still looks murderous. "Take a deep breath. They help my brother."

She does and by the time Brandon comes out, she's ok.

"Can we go too?" I asked Brandon. They both looked at me, surprised.

"What happened to the man haters club?" He asked.

I smiled. "Adjourned for the day. Besides, I think I'm going skip all the Ethan bashing and head straight to retail therapy." I explained.

"Sure. I'll call Jake and tell him we're going to be a little late so you can go get changed." Brandon answered, looking over my South Park pajama pants and white tank.

"Nope. I'm good. Let's go."

Rocky gave me a once over, but didn't say anything.

-------------------

When we arrived at the mall, Jake is already there waiting for us. He parked by the Macy's entrance. As we walked through Macy's, we split up so me and Rocky can check out the women's clothing. Rocky picked out some clothes for me and I tried them on. I found some cute dresses, shorts and blouses. They cost more than I would normally pay, but they look good and Rocky says they're a good deal, so I buy them.

Instead of heading inside the mall, I called Brandon to walk me back to his car so I can put my bags away. He agrees.

"I don't know why you're pushing Rocky's buttons, but cut it out." I said, simply, as we walked to his car.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't care why you're doing it. I just need to know if you plan to stop. Cause she really is working on her attitude. But I'm going to tell her to let you have it if you continued to bait her." I said, putting my bags in the car.

I turned to look him straight in the eyes. Normally, I hated confrontations. But fuck with my family, and I'm a freaking lioness. And Rocky was my family, no matter what.

"Alright. You're right." Brandon sighed. "I really don't know why I do it."

"Maybe it's just genetic. Staying loyal to hoes and being asshole to girls that love you." I replied as we head back to the mall.

He blanched. "Damn, I thought you were skipping the Ethan bashing."

"I was. That was Carter bashing. Except for EJ." I said, with a teasing smile so he knows that I'm joking. Kinda.

At the mall, we start at game stores and Kids footlocker to buy EJ's gift. Rocky buys him Vans and Nike shoes and a couple outfits to match. Brandon buys him new games for his Wii. Brandon normally buys him gift cards, but he wanted to get EJ the best gift. He thought he accomplished that, buying two expensive games.

Brandon is slobbering all over Rocky on the outside of the hat store that Jake wants to go into. So I follow Jake. I'm glad Brandon took my advice, but geez, that didn't mean I wanted to see them exploring each other's tonsils.

When I explained this to Jake, he grimaced. "I don't need that mental image. "

"Neither do I. But there it is." I said, pointing to them outside the store.

"URGH. Why do couples think love makes that shit acceptable?"

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

When he's studying me, I clear my throat. "So what are you looking for?"

"A Rangers cap." He said, looking at the youth hat section.

"You know EJ's not a huge baseball fan. Or hat fan for that matter." I informed him.

"I know. I wasn't either till my first baseball game. I plan on using the hat to put the tickets to a game and Hurricane Harbor in it." Jake explained.

That surprised me. That was really thoughtful. Even if EJ didn't like watching baseball, I know he'll enjoy going to a a water park.

"Wow, I didn't take you for a 'kid' person." I said, reaching for a Texas Ranger hat. It was white with a red T on it.

He shook his head. "I'm not. I have a huge family. Tons of bad ass kids. Can't stand em. But I like EJ."

I smiled at that. He took the hat from me and put it back.

"What about you? Kids or Baseball fan?"

"Yes and yes. EJ is going to love the baseball game. I'm surprised you thought of that."

"Why?" He said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I don't know. Sammy's type is typically more.... delinquent." I shrugged, picking out a blue cap with Rangers across it.

"I work in security. I keep the peace. That's the complete opposite of a delinquency."

"Whatever. You observe and report. Like the movie." I said, playfully.

He snorted. "Whatever back at ya. I'm commissioned. Meaning I carry a gun." he said.

"So?"

"So let me put that in a way you can understand..." He said, looking me over slowly, staring at my legs. My face heats up under his gaze "Respect my authority." he finished, mocking my South Park pants.

Any other time, an appropriate quote from South Park would have had me cracking up with laughter. It was really funny when I thought about it. But I'm embarrassed he got me so off guard by his blatant stare.

I look him over slowly too, trying to play it cool. I let my gaze rest on his crotch before looking up at him. He gives me a challenging smile.

"I don't see a gun." I said, cockily.

"You wouldn't. It's concealed. We can go outside and I can show it to you." He offered.

Before I could answer, Rocky and Brandon entered the store.

"Hey. What's the hold up? Found a gift yet?" Brandon asked.

"Yep." Jake answered, taking the blue hat from my hands.

Brandon laughed. "I got this. A hat. He doesn't even wear hats."

"He will at the Rangers game I'm taking him to." Jake added.

"Man!" Brandon exclaimed. "Let's trade gifts."

"Lily, you didn't get EJ anything." Rocky pointed out.

"Yeah I did. I got him a snow cone maker a few days ago. Just have to buy him some syrups at the store." I answered.

"Fuck both of y'all." Brandon said, shaking his head in defeat. We all laughed at him.


Do you think Lily should have told Ethan how she felt? Even though he's dating Karen? Which way do you get over a break up?

Bad Things

"Bad Things"- Jace Everett

I spent the rest of Sunday night after my disastrous date with Ethan, crying my eyes out to Sammy. She consoled me. She told me that Ethan was a jerk. That there were plenty of other guys out there. And I shouldn't cry over a guy that ultimately ended up being nothing to me.

I know that. But she doesn't understand how I truly feel. She can't cause she doesn't know everything.

Part of me feels like maybe I deserved it. I can't help thinking about all the times he showed me how he really felt about me. And how I stupidly ignored them. He was willing to try to make us work, even if I moved. Thinking about my last two years in California, I wondered how things could have been if I just reached out to him. If I told him about what I was going through. About everything...

I quickly changed my train of thoughts. I don't wanna think about it. Cause at the end of the day, I didn't reach out to him. I decided to move on.

But as hard as I tried, I couldn't.

Eventually, that just convinced me that Ethan and I should be together. It had occurred to me that I waited too long. But it was impossible for me to accept that time had pulled us apart. Especially when I still wanted him the way I did when I left.

 But now, I know it's too late.

----------------------------

I spent the last week completely numb. I stayed on autopilot, hoping that if I pretended my heart wasn't broken, eventually it wouldn't be. You know, fake it to make it.

I was doing a good job of it till Wednesday. Brandon and I were playing with EJ. I knew Ethan should be coming over to pick him up soon. I made sure to get ready to go for a run. I was holding it together, but I knew I couldn't fake it with Ethan just yet. I really don't know how I did it at the restaurant.

When I get back from my extra long run, EJ is gone. Brandon gives me a sad look.

"I know I said I'll stay out of you and Ethan's relationship, but he's making a big mistake. And I told him that." Brandon said.

I cringed. "He told you?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize something was up until he was asking about you. He made it seem like y'all just cleared the air or something. Did he tell you he was dating-"

"Yeah, he did." I cut him off. I don't even want to hear her name,

"Are you ok?" Brandon asked.

"Yeah. I just need a little time. That's all." I answered simply. "But, can you not tell Rocky? I don't really need any of her tough love right now."

"No problem." Brandon assured me.

----------------------------

This weekend, I was in much better spirits. I stayed distracted with the premiere of the last season of True Blood. Rocky and I decided to throw a little watching party. We invited Sammy, Peyton and Trevor. They all watched the show as well. Brandon wasn't really a fan, but he was going to watch it with us too.

We also decided to dress up as our favorite characters. Rocky and I were dressing up as Tara and Pam, respectively, when they were imprisoned last season. It was last minute, so our costumes consisted of a blond wig and fangs for me; a black wig and fangs for Rocky; and orange prisoner jumpsuits for us both. Yes, we know the jumpsuits were not orange, but once again, it was last minute.

Sunday evening, we sent Brandon to Copeland's to pick up the food we ordered for the party while we got ready.

We then played music from the True Blood soundtracks and made Cajun Margaritas. Brandon finally made it back and we set up all the food. We had bayou broccoli, crawfish bread, fried shrimp, and fruit and vegetable trays.

Sammy was the first to arrive. She's wearing a LBD with long red extensions in her hair and fangs. Clearly Jessica.

"Jessica? Fucking baby vamps." I smiled at her.

"OMG, you should totally go blond. It looks so good on you." She exclaimed, hugging me.

"Yeah right." I said, hugging her back.

"I'm for real." She said pulling away. "Hey Rocky. Brandon, why aren't you dressed up!?!?" She said, greeting them.

"Cause the only black guy was gay." He said, simply, munching on some shrimp.

I laughed and Sammy rolled her eyes. "You coulda been Alcide. Or Jason. Jason and Jessica had my favorite sex scenes of all time..." Sammy said, flirtatiously.

Brandon chuckled. "I guess I gotta check those out."

Rocky narrowed her eyes at Sammy. Before Sammy responded, the doorbell rang.

"Wanna go get it?" I asked Sammy.

"Sure..." she said straightening her short dress and strutting to the door.

"She's got one more time..." Rocky warned me.

"Chill out. She's just messing around." I defended her.

Sammy came back with a sour expression on her face. 5 seconds later, I see why. Trevor, dressed as Sam, came into the kitchen with a strawberry blonde "Sookie" on his trail. Peyton and her boyfriend Chris are dressed up as Arlene and Terry. They followed Trevor and his date.

"Hey everyone. This is Becca. Becca, this is everyone." Trevor introduced her.

She said "Hey" and did a little wave. She's cute and petite. How typical. Apparently, he's attracted to every type of girl considering his conquests in college. But petite white girls seemed to be his go to.

While he introduces her individually, Sammy came to my side in the kitchen.

"What corner did he find this one at?" She said, sharply.

I laughed. "Good question. I'm about 70% sure this is the chick he had in his apartment."

 Trevor and Becca approached us. "This is Lily and Sammy" Trevor said. We both smiled and welcomed her.

"What are y'all over here laughing about?" Trevor asked us.

"Favorite sex scenes." Sammy answered, smiling seductively.

He looked from her to me. "Pam and Tara of course."

"What? Y'all dressed up as a couple?" Brandon asked us.

"No, we dressed up as our favorite characters." I corrected him. "And they never had a sex scene. Just kissing."

"I don't know. I feel like we should get a couple drinks and get a re-enactment going..." Trevor grinned. Everyone but me laughed. I forced a smile.

"Not happening. C'mon, let's eat. The show's gonna start soon." Rocky declared.

---------------------------

After the show, I started cleaning up. Sammy already left. She was honestly the only thing keeping my annoyance in check. Why come to a True Blood party when you don't watch it?

Brandon I didn't mind. He just ate and played on his phone. He already said vampires weren't his thing. But Becca asked stupid question after stupid question. Which Trevor and Peyton encouraged by pausing the show and explaining. Becca is one of Peyton's friends. Becca and Trevor met through Peyton. I never had a problem with Peyton, but she was losing major cool points with me.

Sammy would mutter something sarcastic, or just flat out mean, and I would giggle or agree. After the 3rd time, Trevor sent me a dirty look. I ignored him. He was in the negative with cool points.

As I cleaned, Rocky gave Becca a tour of the house with Peyton and Chris. Brandon put up the food while Trevor brought me dirty dishes.

"What's up with you?" Trevor asked, joining me at the sink with more dishes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, loading the dishwasher.

"You and Sammy and y'alls mean girl routine." Trevor explained.

"I wasn't mean. Just irritated. Stopping the show every 30 seconds is annoying. I'm sure I missed stuff. I'm gonna have to go back and watch it over." I complained.

"So? You know you were going to watch it over again anyway."

Brandon chuckled. I sent him a glare.

Sometimes I hate that Trevor knows me so damn well. "Not the point."

"Then what's the point?" Trevor asked.

"It was a True Blood party, not fucking date night!" I exploded.

"It's not my fault Ethan didn't come." Trevor argued.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I've never told him anything about me and Ethan. Why would he say that? In my surprise, I turned to look at him and I knocked a margarita glass on the floor in the process. It shattered on impact.

"FUCK!" I exclaimed. I immediately bent down and picked up the larger pieces. A few tears of frustration fall from my eyes.

Trevor bent down with a dish towel to help me. I hid my face from him, but it was too late. "Why are you crying? Did you cut yourself?" Trevor asked, concerned.

"No. I'm fine. It's nothing." I said.

Brandon came over with the trash bag. When I threw the glass away, he grabbed my hands and examined them. When he didn't see a cut, he gave me a sympathetic look.

"Everything alright?" Becca asked. Great, just great. Now she can witness my meltdown.

"Yeah. Just an accident. Rocky, can you get this for me? Lily is hurt." Trevor asked.

"What happened?" Rocky asked, looking at my hands in Brandon's. I pulled my hands away.

"I got it" Brandon volunteered, heading to get the broom and dust pan.

"Sorry." I murmured to Rocky, before rushing to the bathroom. I barely got the water on when Trevor came in the bathroom with me.

"What the fuck Trevor? Can I get some privacy?" I raged at him.

 "I thought you needed help. Are you cut?" He explained.

"No. I'm fine." I repeated, washing my hands, then wiping my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, softly.

"I don't know." I lied.

"Yes you do."

"I guess... it's just... sad." I shrugged.

"What's sad?"

"It's the first episode of the last season of True Blood. It's the end of a era." I lied, lamely.

"Lilypad-" Trevor started. I'm sure he knows I'm lying.

"Trevor, I'm fine." I said firmly. "Apologize to Becca for me ok? Say I was PMSing or something." I finished, leaving the bathroom and heading straight for my room. So much for distractions. How did my True Blood night end so badly?



So what do you think? Should Lily be so upset about Ethan?  Or did she get what she deserved? Was she naive to think everything would fall into place after 2 years? Any True Blood fans out there? :-)

Puke

"Puke"-Eminem

***FLASHBACK AUGUST 2012***

I ended the call, happy for a change. The short phone call was a temporary relief from my life right now. I just got done talking to EJ. He sounds so happy. Not just to talk to me, but in general. I called Brandon as usual. Brandon put EJ on the phone without me even asking. After EJ filled me in on what was going on in his life, he gave the phone to Brandon. I just say goodbye to him.

Things haven't been the same since Brandon found out I was using him to talk to EJ behind Ethan's back. Ethan refused to answer my phone calls when I tried to apologize. His refusal is what spurred me to stop researching and start contacting some of my leads about my mom. Leaving Dallas had to be for something. I had to be reunited with my mom. I found my aunt Patricia and the truth instead.

The pang of regret hits me again. Regret and disappointment seem to be my companions ever since I moved back. Leaving my brother, my friends, and Ethan.. it was all for nothing.

My dad is working from home today, so I eat in my room to avoid him. I ate chicken fingers with gravy, onion rings, mozzarella sticks, and brownies with gummy bears. I washed it all down with a couple of my dad's beers.

I didn't really go through a rebellion phase in high school. The worst thing I ever did was have a relationship with Mr. Perez. I laughed to myself as I finished my beer. This is the most rebellious thing I ever did. Dare to disobey my dad by not only eating in my room, with the tv on, but drinking his beers.

 My adoptive dad was a professional baseball player. He got drafted and moved to California when he was 19. When he retired, he keep that attitude alive by taking business classes, investing in local businesses and becoming an entrepreneur. He always said he was lucky he got a chance to play baseball professionally. But he was most proud of his hard work and accomplishments as a business owner. Something he always stressed the importance of on me and Cam. Hard work, education, and obedience.

Of course him getting a divorce and adopting me caused quite a stir in our gated community. Neighborhood kids loved to tease me about the gossip they heard about me and my mother from their nosy parents. But I didn't care. Those were the only real memories I had of my mom, so I took them. It infuriated Cam. Which is funny because when I first moved in, he barely spoke to me. And when he did, it was in anger. My dad just made it worse by constantly lecturing him on how he needed to be a better big brother.

 Even as a kid, I just wanted Cam to like me. So when he would yell at me or take my toys, I never told on him. I just cried to myself. When my dad would ask me what was wrong, I didn't answer. Then I would get in trouble for not being a 'big girl'. Seeing that, Cam stopped tormenting me and started protecting me. From the neighborhood kids, and eventually from our dad. He would be proud to see me rebel and would be even more pissed off than me about my dad's little secret.

I laid down after eating, the trash from my food still on my desk. I dozed off. I woke up a couple hours later. I took deep breaths and relaxed, trying to get my stomach to settle. I was having cramps. I laid in bed, waiting for it to pass.

The cramps in my stomach turned to churning, and I rushed to the bathroom. I made it just in time. I was kneeling over the toilet. Everything I ate was coming back up. This is getting ridiculous. I didn't eat that healthy in Dallas. Just in moderation. And I recognize the only vegetable I've eaten since I found out the truth was either fried or on a burger, but my body's constant rejection of my bad eating choices is getting old.

I stand up and go through the familiar routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face before I step back out into my room. I stopped as I see my dad at my desk. I sighed as I head to my bed.

"I'll clean it up." I said, tiredly, lying down.

"You will. But we have bigger problems then a dirty desk. You are going to the doctor. Now." My dad declared.

"For daring to contradict you?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"No. For your eating disorder." He replied.

I scoffed. "I don't have a eating disorder."

"You've been throwing up your food for how long? Is this how you lost all that weight in college? I knew I shouldn't sent you with your brother. I knew he couldn't handle you-"

I sat up and glared at him. "That wasn't your choice to make! You didn't send me nowhere. I worked my ass off, and got scholarships and grants. Everything that I didn't earn, Cam took care of. So don't you dare criticize Cam. He's the only person who loves me enough to tell me the truth!" I yell.

"Your tone and language are not acceptable in my house-"

"Fuck this house." I said, standing up.

"Lilian-"

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK this house. We both know the real reason why I'm here. Maybe if you weren't fucking my mom I wouldn't be." I screamed at him.

The only reaction he had to that was a twitch of his lips. And rubbing his temples.

"Cameron told you. I'm not surprised. He threatened it for years." My dad said.

I'm lost for words. Cam knew? I felt sick all over again. I pushed it down.

"You should have told me! I had the right to know! It's my life!!!"

"Did it help you? Are you better for knowing?"

Well of course fucking not. That wasn't the point.

"I should have known!!!" I yelled.

"I disagree. But that doesn't matter. What matters is getting you well."

I stopped listen at this point. Of course it doesn't matter. My needs and wants never matter. To anyone it seemed. I laid back on the bed. When he keeps ranting on, I looked up at the ceiling and yelled.

"I'M FUCKING DISGUSTED. I DON'T HAVE A GODDAMN EATING DISORDER. THIS FUCKING FAMILY MAKES ME SICK!!!"

My dad walked to the side of the bed to look me in the eye. I stared right back at him. "Lilian. This is my house. If you plan to continue to live here, you are going to follow my rules."

I get up. "Fine."

I stomp to my closet and grab a suitcase.

"I'm not going to follow your fucking rules. So I'm not going to fucking live here."

He stood there for a moment and watched me pack my bag.

"Wherever you're going, make sure you have a way. You're not taking my car." He said, leaving the room.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I screamed at him as he left. I pulled out my phone and called my Aunt Patricia.

She answered on the 2nd ring.

"Patricia, sorry I have been ignoring your calls."

"It's ok dear. I know it's a lot to take in. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you." Patricia answered.

"You have nothing to apologize for. But I have a question to ask you."

"Anything..."

------------------------

30 minutes later, I'm putting my things into my Aunt's car, and we're heading to her house.

Skin

So I really wanted to save Lily's time in California till she went to California. But that was pretty much all y'all wanted to know. So, without giving too much away, the next two flashbacks will be some of what happened in California. More of her mindset. This post is weird cause she is remembering her time with Ethan, while in California. So it's a flashback in a flashback. Lol bear with me. I promise it all make sense.

"Skin"-Alexz Johnson

***California August 2012***

I sat on the bathroom floor in my room waiting for the nausea to pass. Popcorn, cookie dough, and fruit snacks probably wasn't the best combination for a snack before bed. Especially when I had a double bacon cheeseburger and fries for dinner. Now my body was paying for it.

When I found out the truth about my family, I reverted back into my old habit of bingeing on food. I slowed down once I started working. I threw myself into my work so I didn't have to deal with the fucked-up-ness that is my life. It has been 2 weeks since I visited my mom's sister, my aunt Patricia, and learned the truth about my mother. My mom was having an affair with my adoptive dad. And he believed he was my biological father. I stayed busy so I didn't have to deal with the missed calls from my Aunt, the lies from my dad and the reality that my mom wants nothing to do with me.

But Trevor[s visit forced me to deal with it. He just left this morning. He tried to apologize for telling my brother Cam about me and Ethan. God, how I long for the day when that was my biggest problem. Trevor angrily told me to get my shit together before he left.

I don't even know how to start. How do I confront my dad? Do I keep searching for my mom? Do I want a relationship with my Aunt? I have no idea. I didn't imagine it going like this.

I always felt like I had to come back to California. When I moved to go to college, I had the fantasy of coming back. Successful. And skinny.

I had the successful part. I secured a job at a prestigious hospital. I don't think I'll ever be "skinny". I'm 5'9 with boobs and an ass. I think "athletic" is the closest I will get to skinny. But that's fine with me. If I get some definition in my arms, stomach and legs, I'll never complain about my body again. So I accomplished that part of my plan as well. Texas was just a pit stop to my ultimate dream: reuniting with my mother.

I've seen enough movies to know that my mother didn't give me up because of me, but it didn't help me feel any better. I still wanted that reunion. Where she would tell me how much she missed me and how she hated not being in my life. I knew I could have started looking for her when I was 18, but I chose not to. I wanted to make something of my life first. I wanted her to be proud to call me her daughter.

But now I knew that would never happened. My aunt Patricia informed me my mom didn't want to be found. Ever. When my dad thought I was his biological daughter, he wanted my mom to sign away her parental rights so that she could never come back into my life. And she was willing to do that. Until my dad found out I wasn't his through a DNA test. My mom gave me up for adoption instead.

 So instead of getting my shit together as Trevor suggested, I bought more junk food and binged out. I know it's not solving my problem. But I can drown it in a chocolate river. I can float away on Soda fizz. And fruit snacks take me to a happier time. Right before everything went to hell. And lead me here, on the floor, feeling miserable.

***FLASHBACK  May 2012***

"I don't get it! She's tiny. How did I get drunk and she didn't?!?!" I complained to Ethan as he led me to his car from the restaurant.

"Higher alcohol tolerance. I told you to slow down. Their gator punch is no joke." Ethan reminded me as he opened the truck door for me.

I knew he did. I didn't listen. I wanted to keep up with Sammy. And show that I can be fun and playful and adventurous. Everything that Ethan needed right now. Well, what he needed according to his co-worker Daniel. Everyone at the table at Razzoo's knew that me and Ethan were hooking up. And they teased us mercilessly. Mostly Ethan friends teasing him about finally moving on from Megan. And reminding him to enjoy being single.

I knew I was just a rebound. But I'm not going to lie, it hurt hearing it. So I drank. And decided to be like Sammy. Fun loving and free spirited. It worked. His friends loved me. But now I'm drunk off my ass and can't even drive home.

"I think Rocky would have to drink 3 of them before she would ever consider hooking up with your brother. You should tell him that." I rambled, as I climbed in his truck. Brandon laid on the charm thick for Rocky. The way he was walking her to her car showed he was still trying. And Rocky, as usual, gave him no attention.

"I won't. I'm sure the reason he's trying so hard is cause he sees her as a challenge." Ethan answered, closing my door before walking around to get in the car.

"Well, it's never going to happen. Rocky has strict requirements. Brandon is not her type. You're more her type." I commented when he got it.

"What's your type?" He asked, starting up the car.

"You know me. My type is fun." I said, channeling Sammy's carefree attitude.

When he didn't respond, I continued.

 "I'm just saying Rocky only dates guys like you. Stable. Successful career. House. Car. And fucking gorgeous. She would totally overlook the fact that you have a kid."

When his eyebrows furrowed, I quickly added, "You know what I mean. EJ is incredible. And you're an incredible dad. She's just not cool with baby momma drama."

He smirked. "I understand. I'm not cool with it myself." He said, driving towards my house.

I snorted. "Megan is an idiot. You're amazing, you know that? And I love my brother. He's amazing in his own way. But you are... on another level. I couldn't pick him over you."

"I would hope not. I mean, he is your brother..." Ethan commented.

I giggled. "Not biologically." When he shot me a look, I laughed. "Just kidding. I mean, I am adopted, but I don't have any feelings or anything like that towards him." I sighed. "You're just.... perfect. Perfectly all together."

"I'm far from perfect. But I appreciate it." Ethan smiled as he pulled up to my house. When he sits in the truck, I give him a look.

"Are you coming in?" I asked him.

"Not tonight." He said.

His rejection sobered me up. Of course not. My stupid mouth. I probably sound like some love sick school girl. What his friends said is stuck in my mind. Enjoy being single...

"Do you have plans?" I asked, coolly.

He shook his head.

"So why don't you wanna come in? I promise, that was not a declaration of love. Just like. But not like like you like you. Just you're cool-"

"Lily, I know." Ethan cut me off, sharply. "You've just had a lot to drink. I don't wanna take advantage of you." He explained.

"Well, no means no. And I'm not saying no." I pouted.

"My dad raised us that yes means yes. And you're in no state of mind to consent right now."

"Ohmygosh. You sound like a cop. Do you wanna give me a sobriety test?"

"Sure. Spell sobriety."

I exaggerate, tapping my chin, pretending like I need to think about it. "That's not fair. Maybe I couldn't spell it before."

He laughed at me.

"But really. Just come in. We can hang out till you deem me fit to consent. I'll even let you control the remote..."

He nodded. "Alright."

He came in and I got us a couple bottles of waters. I was regretting giving him the remote when he had it on the history channel. But we didn't even watch it. We talked instead. We talked about our families and college life and how we met our friends. It was nice getting to know him better. But I couldn't help getting drowsy. After my third yawn, he smiled. "Go ahead. Go to sleep. We'll discuss consenting in the morning"

I closed my eyes, smiling. The next thing I knew, I was awakened to Ethan kissing and rubbing all over my body.

"So you're ok with taking advantage of a sleeping person, but not a drunk person?" I asked, my voice full of sleep.

"I said yes means yes. You were calling out for me." Ethan responded, returning to my face to kiss my lips. 

I gasped. "I was not." I said between kisses.

"You did. Do you dream about me baby?"

"No..." I lied.

"I dream about you." He admitted. He then pulled me on top of him so I'm straddling him.
"I dream about this. All the time." He said, reaching for a condom. "Do you consent?"


I nodded, nervous as hell. I've never been on top of him before. The room is pitch black, but I'm still uncomfortable about my body being on display. But when he's finally inside of me, rubbing against my clitoris, I just move my hips so it feels good to me. By his groans I can tell he's enjoying it too. When I discover a move where he hits my spot inside me, I keep it up. Riding him until I came.

When the spasms stop, I open my eyes and look at him. I had no reason to be concerned about what he thought of my body. His eyes are glued to my face. I blushed, thinking about how he saw my cum face. I've heard of making love faces. I'm worried mine looks creepy.

We lock eyes for a moment, before he flips me over. He buries his head into my neck as he re-enters me, feeling harder than before. He pumps into me, grinding his pelvis into mine, making me cry out as he came too.

Afterwards, we both passed out. We slept in the next morning. After another round of amazing sex, he offered to take me to get my car from Razzoo's. He's so affectionate, kissing and holding me as we walk out to his truck. I love it.

 When I looked up, I tripped over my own feet.

"What's wrong baby? Still need that sobriety test." He laughed.

I can't even laugh at his joke. My eyes are focused on the Honda Civic parked behind Ethan's truck. The way Trevor is staying in the car lets me know he saw us. Fuck.

--------------------------

***California August 2012***

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!

A banging on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I can't help but think about Ethan. And the day everything changed when Trevor found out about us. I can't help but think how different things could have turned out if he never knew.

"Lilian! Are you ok?" My dad's voice calls from the other side of the closed door.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I called, standing up.

"Are you sick?"

"No. Just had pork at dinner. Bacon. I think it shocked my system." I lied, hoping he believed it.

"I warned you about all that red meat. Especially pork." He lectured.

"Believe me, I'm learning my lesson." I replied, turning on the water to rinse out my mouth.

"Ok. Let me know if you need anything."

"Ok."

I took a deep breath. The nauseous feeling is gone and I reach for my toothbrush. I'm becoming a convincing liar. I can't help but notice I feel no guilt lying to him. Why should I? He lied to me my whole life. My lie is nothing compared to his.

I'd Rather Go Blind

"I'd Rather Go Blind"- Beyonce/Etta James


I arrived at the restaurant early, so I texted Ethan to let him know I was there and waited in my car.

My nerves are still running wild, but Sammy has me feeling like I'm in a costume. I just need to play the role. A super cool, confident, sexy alter ego of myself who can conquer the world. One man at a time. I'm listening to Beyonce in my car to help me get into my role.

Not even 5 minutes after I texted, I saw Ethan's truck pull up. I got out my car and watched him park further down from me. He saw me and headed my way.

"Good morning." I said, with a smile.

"Good morning." He said, his eyes drinking me in. "You look good." He said, when he finally met my eyes.

It isn't much. But the way he said it, paired with how he was looking at me, sent a wave of confidence and awareness through my body.

"So do you." I said, truthfully.

He kept it simple and casual in loose black jeans and a navy blue polo. He was rocking a scruffy goatee, which I love. He always looks so effortlessly sexy and put together. I normally feel like I have to keep up. I like feeling like his equal for once.

"Happy Father's Day." I said, giving him a hug.

"Thank you." He said, pulling back from me.

"Is it weird not having EJ with you?" I asked him, as we walked to the restaurant.

"A little. I actually wanted him for the whole weekend, but he wanted to go to his mom's so he could surprise me."

I smiled at him. "So you need to work on your surprised face since you already know you're getting one."

"No, I'm actually already surprised he put in so much effort."

"I'm not. You're an awesome dad. Makes perfect sense to me." I commented.

"Thanks Lily." Ethan said, looking me in the eyes as he opened the door for me.

I blushed and entered the restaurant. The smell of the food from the buffet hits me immediately. It smells delicious. There is no wait as we are led to a table right away.

"So did you talk to your dad?" Ethan asked me, as he let me pass to follow the hostess.

"I did. Yesterday actually. That's when he got my gift." I said, picking a chair at the table and sitting down.

I got my dad a gift certificate for Brookstone and a Hallmark card. And yes, I know that's generic and no thought process at all. I pride myself on being a great gift giver. Honestly, everyone wishes that I was their secret Santa. That's how much thought and care I put into gifts. As a kid, I tried really hard to gift him something he would love and use, to no avail. My dad is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for, so I don't.

"We talked for like 5 minutes and he guilt tripped me into planning a trip back to California soon. I guess I'm going to have to go anyway to get the rest of my stuff when me and Sammy move into our apartment next month" I rambled on. The tequila shots, coupled with the lack of sleep and food, is making me more chatty than normal.

"Really? Already found an apartment?" He asked. Apparently my rambling didn't bother him.

"Yes. Just gotta sign the lease." I said, simply.

"Great. Congratulations." He said.

When the waitress made her way over, he asked me,
"Are we drinking to celebrate?"

I shook my head. That's the last thing I needed. "No. I'm planning to eat all my calories."

He smiled at that and ordered us coffee, water and the buffet. Then we got up to get our food. We take our time looking everything over. We loaded our plates with a combination of french toast, cheese grits, fried fish, collard greens, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and fresh cut fruit. We sat down and ate.

The food was a welcomed distraction. It gave me a chance to relax and get comfortable with him. We spend the meal trying everything and picking which was our favorite dish and what we would eat again.

It got more crowded as we ate. Ethan got up to get us some gumbo that I couldn't carry the first time around. While he was gone, an older man passing our table stopped.

"That sure is a pretty dress." He said, looking me over.

"Thanks." I said.

"Are you here alone?"

"No, she's not." Ethan answered for me, sitting down, giving the guy a hard glare.

I smiled at Ethan when the guy walked away.

"Looks like you're making friends."

I laughed. "The dress definitely is." He just took a bite of the gumbo. I did the same, excitedly.

I want to freak out and do a victory shimmy in my chair, but I refrain. My alter ego would never do something so childish. But his reaction to that random guy just gave me the last boost of confidence I needed. Why would he be possessive of me if he didn't still have feelings for me? Or if he was with someone else?

"It's pretty good." Ethan commented about the gumbo.

"Yeah...is it bad that I'm thinking about where I wanna go out to eat next time? Cause this really makes me want Razzoo's."

"I haven't been there in forever. In fact, I think I've been there twice since your first time." He laughed.

"URGH, don't remind me."

Me, Rocky and Sammy joined Ethan and some of his co-workers for happy hour. I got drunk off their gator punch, trying to keep up with Sammy. It wasn't pretty.

"We should go there sometime. I feel like I need to redeem myself." I said, as confidently as I could muster. I realized he made the first move two years ago. Now it was my turn. But I still couldn't help feeling nervous.

"That'll be fun. Maybe on Rocky and Brandon's anniversary. Remind them how far they've come since then." Ethan suggested.

"Yeah. Or maybe just you and me. Like a date." I tried to say it as coolly as possible. There. I did it. My part was done...

He studied me for an agonizing few seconds before saying, "I don't think that's a good idea."

My heart stopped. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Why not?" I asked, deflated.

"Because I'm dating someone right now. Karen, I don't know if you remember her-"

My stomach dropped and twisted violently. "I remember." I cut him off. I've been staring at their picture all weekend. Of course I do.

"We've been dating since before you moved back-" He started.

 I looked at him in disgust.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"We kissed. You cheated on her." I accused.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Really? After what I went through, you really think I would cheat?"

I looked down but didn't answer.

"Of course I didn't cheat on her. We had been dating. Not exclusively. When you came back, we took a break. I'm not going to lie, seeing you again, stirred up a lot of old feelings for me. And when you kissed me, I was tempted to fall back into a relationship with you." He explained.

"What changed your mind?" I asked. I didn't know if I wanted to know the answer, but I needed to know.

"A relationship. I want a real one. Not just fun." He answered, simply.

"And you don't see that with me anymore?" I said, softly. I knew I sounded pathetic, but if I didn't ask, it would plague me. Probably for life.

"I don't know. It's been two years Lily."

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to give us a chance. That time didn't change anything for me. I still wanted to be with him. It wasn't just fun for me. Then or now. But he continued.

"And even if I did, I've invested time with Karen. I've gotten to know her. I want to see where it goes." Ethan finished.

I nodded, taking a deep breathe. "I understand." I forced myself to say. Just play the role...

"You do?"

"Yeah. It would have been fun. But like you said, it's been 2 years. I really just wanted to clear the air between us so it doesn't have to be so weird and awkward between us." I lied.

I was hoping he wouldn't see through my lies. That my make-up, dress, alter ego, anything, concealed how broken up I was at his words.

He nodded.

After that, he paid the bill. And we left. I tried to keep it as cool as possible. I even gave him a hug, told him to enjoy his Father's Day, and that I'd talk to him later.

I drove until I landed at Sammy's apartment. I knocked. She opened the door and took one look at my face.

"Lily..." She sighed, hugging me.

 I couldn't help it. I burst into tears.


*Hey again! Still need inspiration about flashbacks if I'm going to write any post this week. Please comment any suggestions or questions you have about Lily's past*

#Selfie (outro)

#Selfie (outro)- The Chainsmokers

I spent the next hour that Friday night going over the possible scenarios to why they would be out. Together. Taking pictures.

Maybe he ran into her randomly.

...Maybe he wants to fuck her randomly!

Maybe they were at a team meeting.

...Maybe they were are at a pre-fucking meeting!!

Maybe EJ and her son had a play date together.

...Maybe Ethan and Karen are together!!! FUCK!

Panicking, I looked through Karen's Facebook page. It offered no insight. I could only see a limited amount of things because she is not my friend on Facebook. I saw posts that included Ethan. A lot of soccer related stuff. Not surprising. Karen acted like... well, your typical soccer mom at EJ's soccer game. The new picture she posted was the only thing not related to the boys. I can only see their faces, so I don't know if it's a close up or a selfie.

UGHHHHH I SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM IF SHE TOOK A SELFIE WITH HIM!

I felt sick to my stomach thinking about every time I saw her touch him. Why was I so quick to write it off as being friendly? Was it intimate? Did he encourage it? Fuck. I spent too much energy on being upset with Rocky. I wasn't even paying attention.

I got up and drank 3 glasses of water. Then, I took a shot of Brandon's Crown and went back to bed. The drinks and the stress of the day finally caught up to me, cause I fell asleep relatively quickly.

------------------------------

I woke up early Saturday morning, thanks to my nerves and full bladder. I really needed to talk to someone about this. I'm desperate, but not enough so to wake up Rocky and risk her wrath. I know she's working on her attitude. Not trying to cause her to relapse.

I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and head to Chick-fil-A. After securing a couple chicken biscuits and coffees, I headed to the one person I knew who would hear me out and give me good advice.

I banged on the door. After a minute of continuing knocking, the door opened.

"Lily? Is everything ok?" Trevor asked, squinting and rubbing his eyes in the bright light.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I brought breakfast." I gestured to the bags.

He looked confused for a moment. "Um, if you're fine, I'll catch up with you later..."

"Why? Cause you wanna go to sleep? Sleep later. I need-"

"Trevor??" A woman's voice calls out.

"Give me a sec." He called back to her.

A feeling of deja vu washed over me as I heard the scene play out in front of me. But I quickly snapped out of it. I shoved the bags in his hand.

"Sorry for interrupting." I said, turning to flee down his apartments stairs.

"Lily. Wait. You sure you're ok?" He asked, searching my face.

"Yep. Nothing I can't handle. Bye T-Rev." I said, leaving.

If I wasn't so freaked out by the picture of Ethan and Karen, I would be freaking out about the new girl Trevor was seeing. I would be pestering him for information about how he felt about her. But I'm much more concerned about my potential love life then whatever going on in Trevor's.

I headed to Sammy's next. This time I called before knocking on her door. I would hate to interrupt anyone else's morning after. Especially her and Jake.

"Hello..." She answered.

"Hey. I have an Ethan emergency."

"Ok...shoot"

"Can I come over?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. I'm at the door."

After a moment, Sammy opens the door wearing nothing but a sheet.

"You coulda got dressed." I commented, stepping through the door.

"What? With you at the door? With an Ethan emergency? Never." She answered, sarcastically.

I ignored her. After she threw on some clothes, I showed her the saved images I took of all of Ethan and Karen's interactions on Facebook.

She sat on the couch and went through them. She studied the picture that I discovered last night. She asked me to explain their behavior at EJ's game. I did.

"Ok. She's definitely into him. Did he seem interested in her?"

"I don't know..."

"Was he joking with her? Touching her back? Leaning in to listen to her? Checking her out?" Sammy questioned me.

"I don't think so. They were just talking. Like normal. Just like he would talk to me." I groaned.

Sammy sighed. "You're giving me nothing." I looked down, frustrated with myself. "You know what? It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! I'm meeting him Sunday! What am I supposed to do?" I said, looking up.

"Look, you have two options. The first one is to pretend like you didn't see it. Then you continue as planned and see if he still wants to get together with you. Then what was going on between them doesn't matter."

That seemed impossible. I can't just ignore a woman he has constant contact with. Even if we do start to date, I would wanna know what happened between them.

"What's option two?"

"Sleep with him."

"What?" I said, outraged.

"Hear me out. He kissed you right? At the very least he's still attracted to you. If he's not dating her, then you're staking your claim. If he is, then you're forcing him to choose. And all you gotta do is make sure you're the better choice."

"I can't do that. I want it to be more than sex, remember? And Ethan's not a cheater. If he is dating her, I don't wanna make him one." I explained.

"It started off as just sex last time. That's not how it ended. And if he is dating her, he's already a cheater, sweetie." Sammy said. "If it makes you feel better, you're so much cuter than her. He would be crazy not to pick you."

For some reason, that really didn't make me feel better.

------------------------------------

When I get back home, Brandon is at work and Rocky is in her room with her friend Peyton, watching the last season of True Blood.


"Hey. Quick question for you." I said, after saying hello to both of them. "Do you know if Ethan is seeing anyone?"

"I told you he wasn't." Rocky answered.

"I know, but there was a picture on Facebook. Of him and that Karen lady from the game-"

"There were also pictures of you and Trevor in Austin. Anything going on with the two of you?"

"Of course not. This morning I interrupted him with some girl."

"Strawberry Blonde? A little taller than me?" Peyton grinned.

"I don't know. I didn't see her." I said, annoyed. Who freaking cares?

"Well, anyway, that still proves my point. Don't believe everything you see. They might just be good friends." Rocky finished.

When I crossed my arms, she sighed. "I'll listen out, but remember, Brandon and I are staying out of this."

"Thanks Rocky." I say, ingeniously. Some help she was.

"Lily. Come on and watch this with us." Rocky said, when I turn to leave.

"Get caught up with us for the premier next weekend!" Peyton added.

"Fine" I said, before hopping on the bed with them. Here's hoping Joe Manganiello and Ryan Kwanten will be enough to keep me from stressing about Ethan and our brunch.

----------------------------


Sunday morning I'm up at 6 am. I'm still a ball of nerves. I'm surprised I got any sleep at all. I looked at the outfit I set out last night. I decided it was all wrong. I go in my closet and start throwing options into a bag. I grab my nude wedges. Those were the only thing I was 100% sure about.

I'm loading up the car as I call Sammy. On the second try, she answered.

"Yeah?"

"I'm canceling with Ethan." I declared.

She sighed. "Just come over."

I already bugged her all night about my outfit. I talked her through my wardrobe. We even planned my hair and makeup. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I can't help it. It's bad enough that I have no idea what I'm going to say to Ethan. Or how he will respond. I can't be unsure about my look too.

When I get to Sammy's place, she throws me in the shower. When I come out, wrapped in a towel, she already has a dress laid out on the bed and a bottle of tequila in her hands.

"Drink." She commanded, handing me a shot. I make a face, but do it. I realized I'm in no position to argue with her. She made me take one more shot before she sat me down at her folding table that serves as a dining room table. She then gets started with my hair. After that, she moves to my makeup. An hour later, she pushes me to the bedroom to get dressed.

She picked out an ethereal white lace dress with a scooped neckline and puffed short sleeves. It comes about mid-thigh on me, which is surprising considering Sammy likes her dresses short.

"It was on sale." She shrugged when I made a comment about the dress not being her style. "I knew it was way too big when I bought it. Fits you perfectly." She said, wrapping a thin beige belt around my waist.

I then slipped on my nude wedges. I looked myself over in the mirror as she dug in her jewelry box. I'm shocked at the mirror image staring back at me. My skin looks flawless. My lashes look amazing, long and curled, framing my eyes. The gold shimmer and brown liner Sammy used brings out the amber flecks in my hazel eyes. It looks so soft and natural. My lips are a glossy rose color. My hair frames my face, falling in waves past my shoulders. The dress is modest, but sexy in the way it hugs my curves. And my legs look long and shapely in the wedges.

"Ohmygod Sammy..." I started, truly in awe. I'm overwhelmed. I don't remember the last time I felt so pretty.

"I know. I'm a miracle worker." She said, coming back to place a large gold locket around my neck. "But you're going to have to learn to do what everyone else does..."

"Hire you as my stylist?" I beamed.

"No! Get on YouTube! Find beauty tutorials. And it's way past time for a trip to the hair salon, by the way." She replied.

"Alright." She said, leading me to the door. "Good luck. Call me!"

I promised I would before heading to Button's. Wish me luck guys!


*Happy Father's Day! Special thanks to all the good male role models out there today!

 Like I said, I'm going to try to do a couple flashbacks this week. Anything specific y'all want to know or read about Lily's past? Suggestions are appreciated!*

#Selfie (intro)

***I was going to stretch the events that happened this weekend into 3 post for next week, but I decided not to. Not only is it cruel to keep y'all waiting, but it felt weird to use a week of posts to cover one weekend.

So, I'll be posting all three post this weekend. One today, one tomorrow and Monday. Then I'll be taking the rest of the week off. Unless I write flashbacks. But no promises.***


#Selfie (intro)- The Chainsmokers

I got a text back from Ethan Thursday evening.

Ethan: It is. I'm free Sunday. Wanna do brunch? Buttons in Addison?

Me: YES PLEASE

Ethan: 11am?

Me: Sounds good. See you there!

----------------------------

On Friday morning, I finally heard back from Coach Sullivan. He agreed to take over Darren's rehab on the weekdays he's not at the clinic. I went to Derek's office to show him the email. He said it was fine as long as I got Coach Sullivan to agree that ultimately Darren was my patient. No changes can be made to his routine without my consent.

Derek composed another email from me. It makes me sound like a freaking dictator, but clearly states I'm calling the shots. I send it, and get to work.

At lunch, I used the computer at the nurses' station to check my email. Coach Sullivan agreed, asking me if I needed a copy of the agreement signed in blood.

"Asshole." I muttered to myself, printing it out. I'm not going to let it sour my great mood.

"Uh oh. Who got on your bad side?" A woman in light blue scrubs asked me. She has shoulder length chestnut hair, green eyes, and a smile on her face. Her ID badge says Jordan.

"Sorry. Didn't think anyone was around." I said, guiltily.

"It's ok. We all have those moments. Especially on Fridays. It's like everyone wants to be an ass on Friday. Who has time for that? I mean, I don't even have plans, but I still wanna get outta here." she complained. I laughed.

"So how long have you been with us, Lily?" She asked, handing me my printout.

"About a month. How bout you?" I answered.

"This is my second year. But I didn't encounter any assholes til after 6 months."

"I don't think this counts. This is in relation to a patient, not an actual patient." I smile.

"Oh, ok. That makes it a little better." She smiled.

I really like her. She seems really cool. And I haven't made any new friends at my job. At least not anyone that I would hang out with outside of work. I figured, what the hell. I'm 100% successful in asking people out right now. Might as well go for it.

"Hey, you wanna grab a drink at a bar after work? I don't have any plans either, and my friend is a bartender. You can fill me in on all the assholes around here." I asked, quickly.

"Ummm, I didn't bring a change of clothes..."

"It's just Dave and Busters. But if you're tired, I understand." I finished, not wanting to sound too eager.

"Ohhh, that sounds fun. But you can't change either."

I smiled, relieved. "Deal."



The rest of the day went by smoothly. I informed Darren, when he came in, that his athletic trainer finally got back to me.

"So what did Coach say?" Darren asked me.

"He's ok with us all working together. I'm still planning your rehab, but I'm letting him dictate your schedule over the summer. But that means no skipping days. And if you're not progressing like you should be, then you're back to three days a week with me. Understand?" I explained to him.

"Yes Ma'am" he grinned.

------------------------------------

After work, I drove to Dave and Buster's. Jordan followed me in her Jetta. Sammy was working the bar when we got there. We grabbed a couple of empty bar stools and I introduced Jordan to her. Over alcoholic snow cones Sammy made for us (Miami ice for me, strawberry mango for Jordan), we talked about work. She brought me up to date on drama and told me stories of former difficult patients. I listened to her every word and was enjoying her laid back attitude. She then asked me how I was liking it so far.

"It's good. It's so different from a hospital, but I think I'm adjusting ok." I shrugged.

"How are you and Derek getting along?" She asked, taking a sip of her snow cone.

"I haven't had to interact with him much, but I kinda like that."

"Do you see this as a career, or do you wanna go back to a hospital?"

I hadn't really thought of that. I was just so excited about moving back to Texas, I didn't really care about where I worked.

"I really don't know. I guess I'll see." I answered, truthfully.

She nodded. "Why have I never thought of putting alcohol in snow cones? This is like the best thing ever. I'm totally going to make these at home." Jordan exclaimed, as she finished her off.

"Where do you get shaved ice from?"

"I have a snow cone maker." Jordan explained.

"Really? I didn't know they made those. I want one."

"Yeah, I have a kiddie one, but it works just fine." She looked around. "I haven't been here in forever. This used to be the hang out spot for my high school."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. The one at the mall. Me and my friends would hang out on the weekends. Try to meet boys. Get into trouble. It was so much fun. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"What were your hangout spots in high school? "

"I didn't really hangout much."

"Strict parents?"

"Something like that." I responded. "But it was fun working here. Never a dull night. "

"I bet you have stories." Jordan smiled.

"You have no idea." I laughed

 "I'm starving. Wanna order some food?"

"Yes. Let's go grab a booth."

Before we left the bar, Sammy informed me she's about to head to the back to start her end of shift paperwork. That normally takes a good 30 minutes, so I pointed out the table we were going to sit at.

We ordered chicken wings, spinach dip, and edamame to share. Since we're having beer foods, we order two Shiners as well. We share drinking stories before the food comes out.

"Thank you for suggesting food. I didn't wanna make it weird by asking if you wanted to grab dinner." I admitted to Jordan.

"Why would that be weird? We're on a date right?" She asked, confused.

Oh fuck.

 I'm frozen in shock before she starts laughing. "Just kidding. I have a boyfriend. I like boys."

"Not funny" I said, but I smiled.

"What about you?" she asked me.

"I like boys too."

She laughed. "No. Are you in a relationship?"

Before I could answer, I see Jake heading our way. I'm surprised because Sammy didn't mention he was coming.

"Hey Jake." I said, giving him a polite smile. "This is my co-worker Jordan, Jordan this is Jake." He greeted us both before sliding in the booth on my side. He helped himself to my edamame and I gave him an incredulous look.

Jordan grinned at me. "So that answers my questions. Jake's your boyfriend?"

"NO!" I blurted out, while Jake choked on his bite of food. "My friend Rocky. The one I told you I'm living with, this is her boyfriend's friend. Who is now dating Sammy."

Jordan smiled as I explained.

"Thanks for finding that so offensive. And I'm not dating Sammy. We're just hanging out." He clarified. "And you have a boyfriend?" He asked, turning to me.

"Not really. Just someone I'm hanging out with. Hopefully it'll be official soon."

I don't wanna say no. Jake and Ethan seemed close too. I didn't want him reporting back to Ethan that I was out acting like I was single and ready to mingle before we have a chance to talk. So I just told him the truth.

"Well, from what I can tell, he'd be an idiot not to make it official soon." Jordan complimented me.

 I smiled. "Thanks."

We made small talk about our jobs. I learned that Jake was a security account manager at an office building in downtown Dallas. He's perfectly nice to us as he asked questions about our jobs. When Sammy clocked out, she and Jake took off. Jordan and I hung out at the bar to finish our drinks and food. We said our goodbyes, trading phone numbers.

When I got home, Rocky and Brandon were out. I knew they were going out with Trevor cause she texted and asked me if I wanted to come. I declined, and decided to watch some of the Rangers game, doing crunches during the commercials. I took a hot bath, and decided to go to bed.

I checked my phone before plugging it into the charger. I saw I had a Facebook notification. Jordan already friend requested me. I accepted it, and take a couple minutes to look through her page. I scrolled through my news feed afterwards.

I stared at my phone, feeling like I just got punched in the gut. I saw Ethan was tagged in a picture with another woman. A woman I recognize.