Shot For Me

"All the care I would take

All the love that we made

Now you're trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you

It's a shame you didn't keep it...

Take a shot for me (x3)

A shot for me(x2)

May your neighbors respect you

Trouble neglect you

Angels protect you

And heaven accept you" Shot for Me by Drake

"Didn't hear me call your name?" Trevor asked me, keeping his distance but looking me in the eyes.

I looked above him to watch the elevator floor numbers count down. We would be on the ground floor soon. I just needed to hold it together for maybe 30 seconds. "No. I heard you. We don't have anything to say to each other and I have plans."

"I have something I need to say to you. I'm sorry-" He started, sincerely.

"You're forgiven." I cut him off, my eyes not moving from watching the floor count.

"Do you really forgive me? Or are you trying to get away from me?" He asked, gently.

"I forgive you. Now let's just move on."

"I don't want that. I don't want to... To just move on. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were but I want to start making things right." Trevor stated.

I bit my tongue to keep from spewing that things would never be right between us. We were on the second floor now. I shifted on my heels, ready to take off as soon as the door opened. My breath stopped as he took a step towards me. I had no choice but to look at him now. He looked healthy and fit in jeans and a vintage t-shirt; his dirty blonde hair pushed out of his face and deep blue eyes staring right through me...

He reached over and pressed the stop button, catching me off guard as the elevator lurched to an immediate stop. I wobbled forward and he grabbed my waist to steady me.

"Don't touch me!" I yelped, jumping away like his hands burnt me.

"I'm sorry." He said, putting his hands up.

"Yeah! I heard you. I know how sorry you are. Now start the elevator!" I screeched at him.

"I will. Just tell me what I can do to fix this. I mean, look at Bilal and Rocky; I thought they would never be ok but they are. I don't want it to be 5 years and you having a kid before we're ok. I miss you Lily. I miss my friend." He pleaded.

"No." I shook my head, using all my strategies to stay calm. "No. We can never be friends again. You said it, remember? You were absolutely right. Now start the elevator."

He stared at me, and I crossed my arms, unmoved. He released the stop button on the elevator. As soon as the doors opened on the 1st floor, I rushed off as fast as I could move in my stupid heels. I didn't glance back to see if Trevor was following me. I didn't even breath until I was in my car, leaving.

I contemplating calling Uriel to cancel, but I wasn't going to give Trevor that power. Fuck him and his offer of friendship. I made it to the bar about an hour early. I found an empty bar stool and ordered a drink. I down the tequila shot to drink away the images of Trevor and how good he looked.

When the first shot didn't work, I switched to whiskey to burn him out. I ordered a glass of wine too to sip on until Uriel arrived. 20 minutes later, I was 3 drinks down with homicidal thoughts of Trevor running through my mind. I knew I was in no condition for whatever I was doing with Uriel tonight. After I ordered another drink, chips and salsa and mini tacos, I pulled out my phone. It was 30 minutes before our meet, so I quickly sent a text to Uriel.

Me: Something came up. I can't see you tonight.

I put my phone away, telling myself I would deal with him tomorrow. The food, alcohol and the cover band's music was comforting me. I finished up my tacos when I felt someone standing behind me, way too close. I prepared my most vicious I'm-not-in-the-mood-or-interested face before I turned around. I blinked when I saw Uriel.

"Hey... Did you get my text?" I asked, confused as I reached for my phone in my purse.

"Yes. The one that said something came up and you couldn't make it." He said, with a contemptuous look.

"I said something came up and I can't see you." I corrected him, reading from my phone.

"So what came up?" He asked, moving the phone from my face.

"My fucking ex and tequila. Then whiskey and wine. Not a good combination." I confessed.

"Did he show up again?" Uriel looked around, defensively.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. He had no idea what Trevor looked like and what did he mean by again...

"No. Not Christian." I realized who he was looking for. "I told you I handled that. My real ex-boyfriend. Christian was never my boyfriend."

"The one you were friends with for 9 years?" Uriel asked.

"Yep. That one. He wants to be friends again and I can't be in the same room without wanting to strangle him...or straddle him. Or strangle and straddle him at the same time." I griped. 

When a dark look passed on his face, I shook my head. "See? This is why I didn't want to see you tonight. Can you please just leave and forget everything I said and we can try again some other time?"

"I don't think I'm gonna be able to forget the strangle and straddle thing." Uriel admitted.

"Fine. Then just lose my number and have a nice life." I said, spinning in my chair to face the bar and the dessert menu.

Fuck it, chocolate was better than guys anyway.

Uriel wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned in close to my ear. "My ex got married 6 months after she ended our engagement. I fantasized about crashing her wedding, projecting videos of us during the ceremony. We worked together, had the same contacts: it wouldn't have been that hard to do."

I turned my head to look at him, shocked. "Did you?"

"No. I sent them a digital picture frame and wished them the best. I still have the videos though." He said, menacingly.

I giggled. "Remind me to never let you videotape me."

"That's not what you were supposed to take from that." He smiled back.

"What was I supposed to take Uriel?" I questioned.

"That everyone has baggage. It doesn't have to affect what's between us."

"What's between us? I thought after I embarrassed you in front of your colleagues, you didn't want to see me anymore."

"It's not fair Monica will talk to you about me but won't tell me anything about you." He stated, running his finger through his hair. He had it down, and it brushed his shoulders in soft waves.

I twirled a lock through my fingers."She doesn't have anything to tell because I don't talk to her about you."

He sighed, pulling away slightly to lock eyes. "I want to explore what's between us. That's why I wanted to talk tonight; ask if you wanted to continue to see each other."

"I thought you only dated women that were unsuitable because you didn't want a relationship."

"I did."

"Is that what I am to you?"

"No. You might be everything I want in a

woman. I won't know that until we spend more time together- Outside of the bedroom."

I grinned at his admission, before I remembered the women I heard cough over the phone. I knew we were just causal hanging out up to this point, but after he wanted to make sure I ended things with Christian, I needed to make sure what his definition of dating was.

"How would your friend you had over Sunday feel about us dating?"

"Friend?" He asked, confused.

"Yeah. When I called you, someone coughed. A girl..."

"Oh...Elisa." He nodded. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Elisa is my housekeeper and cook." He explained.

"I didn't realize you were that busy." I commented.

"I didn't realize you wanted to be exclusive."

"I don't!" I denied, vehemently. "I mean, I'm not sleeping with anyone else at the moment, but that's my choice just like it's yours. I need to make sure we're on the same page."

"I believe we are. If either one of us wants to turn the page, we'll talk."

I laughed and agreed. Now that I ate, I sobered up a little and I figured I could dance the rest off. When I asked Uriel to dance with me, he declined.

"Wanna walk back to my condo? The exercise and the fresh air should help you sober up. I'll even let you straddle and strangle me if it helps you feel better."

"Do you always invite women to your place to strangle you on the first date?" I smirked.

"Technically, you cancelled tonight so it's not a date." He pointed out.

I grinned. "Touche. Let's go."

The walk to his apartment did help, even though my feet were protesting my heels and his long strides that I had to rush to keep up with. At his place, I did straddle him, wrapping my hands around his throat. I massaged his neck with slight pressure, not enough to cut off his air flow. He enjoyed it as much as I did. After he disappeared in the bathroom, I curled up and went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, he was already up in the kitchen.

If I didn't 100% believe he had a housekeeper, I did after Uriel invited me for breakfast. He put together a breakfast of quinoa with tomato, avocado and poached egg. Everything was prepared and labeled with instructions. After we ate, he dropped me off at my car, promising to text me about going out to dinner.

When I got home, I put my phone on the charger and hopped in the shower. As I was drying my hair, my phone rang. I answered it when I saw it was Forrest.

"What do you wanna do today? Did you have plans?" he asked me.

"Umm.. No. Do we have plan?" I asked him.

"Apparently we do. Rocky said to keep you busy while Trevor was in town."

"Give me a minute." I checked my messages from Rocky.

Rocky: Brandon is going to be at my house this weekend. Please hang out with Forrest. He said something about going to a Baylor game soon.

Rocky: I told him Trevor was in town and you needed moral support.

Rocky: Let me know if you really need moral support!

I inwardly sighed. If she wasn't the mother to Ace, I probably wouldn't have been so accommodating to her antics.

"Uh, yeah. Whatever you wanna do, I'm down. She mentioned something about a Baylor game?" I said when I got back on the phone.

"I wanted to make it to one of Darren's Spring football scrimmages. I've been putting it off because of Rocky's pregnancy. She has plenty of help this weekend." Forrest stated.

Darren was the athlete that I rehab while he was a student at Forrest's high school. His girlfriend was the one that spread the rumor of us having an inappropriate relationship.

Reading my mind, Forrest added. "He broke up with Lauren. They didn't even make it to thanksgiving."

"Good. Conniving little bitch."

"Tell me how you really feel."

"Yep, I couldn't when she was a minor. Now that she 18, fuck her."

Forrest laughed. "You sound like one of my students."

"Whatever. Give me 30 minutes and I'll be ready."

I let Justine outside as I got dressed in ripped jeans and a white Baylor tank top. I grabbed my green military style light jacket and matching Creepers. I had Justine's food set and was switching my purse to a drawstring bag when Forrest arrived.

"Let me see the backyard." He smiled as I opened the door for him.

"You will at my party." I promised him, pushing him out the door.

He said he would drive down and let me control the music the whole time if I drove back. I agreed and he chuckled, saying I was now designated driver. I asked what we needed a designated driver for a scrimmage and he advised me there would be a party Darren invited him to.

"Really Forrest? We're partying with college kids?"

"College adults... And yeah. You remember how much fun keggers were."

"Not for me. The few I went to, I held the wall. And I was always designated driver." I grumbled.

"I'll hold the wall with you... You still gotta be designated driver though." Forrest taunted.

"That's cool. It's Nicki Minaj all the way down and Taylor Swift the way back." I said, hooking my phone to his sound system.

"I can deal with that." Forrest shrugged.

"Miley Cyrus too." I added.

"Damn, nevermind. I'll drive back."

I giggled as I put on "Bangerz". After a couple songs, I put on my sing along playlist. It had a mixture of all different genres of songs I like to sing to. Forrest and I sang along as we drove to Waco.

By the time we got there, the scrimmage already started. When Darren spotted us, he waved us over. He looked even taller and more muscular as he introduced us to his athletic trainer before he rejoined his team. As I watched him play, I knew for sure he was faster. He was pulling down balls left and right. His routes and his hands looked amazing. I cheered him one excitedly as Forrest and the athletic trainer walked up and down the sidelines, watching the game and chatting. I stayed in the shade. After the scrimmage and the brief team huddle, Darren came over to us. 

"I didn't know you were coming." He grinned at me. "I thought you would be too busy hanging out with Christian Wilson."

Forrest chuckled and I gave him a look.

"It doesn't matter who I hang out with,  I have to check on my investment. You were flying out there!" I complimented him, patting him on his shoulder pad.

"They don't call me Superman for nothing." He bragged."

"I must be kryptonite cause I brought you down every time I covered you." One of his teammates razzed him.

"Man stop. You broke up two passes." Darren yelled back at him as they headed to the athletic facility. "Y'all are sticking around right?" Darren asked us as he rushed off to catch up with his team.

"Yeah. We'll be out here." Forrest called to him.

While Darren went to change out of his pads and shower with his team, Forrest and I toured the new football stadium. When Forrest asked me about the old one, I had to fess up that I never went to a football game. I explained to him how my friends were not sports fans and since I didn't know anyone on the team, I never went.

We finally met up with Darren and some of his teammates for dinner. I stuck close to Forrest, especially after an offensive lineman tried to flirt with me. Everyone treated the guys like gods because they played football. The waitress didn't check ID and brought free food and drinks out to them. It was kinda ridiculous.

A group of giggly girls eating at the restaurant walked by in tiny shorts and tank tops, openly ogling and flirting with the guys. One tried to get Forrest's attention, but he ignored her. I stared her down, wanting her to think I was his girlfriend and to be ashamed. She just laughed and moved on to the next guy.

"Ohmygod, I was never that bold when I was that age. What's wrong with these kids?" I complained to Forrest once they left.

"Its the culture!" One guy smirked at me.

"Nope. It's the music. We're just straight Outta fucks." Darren sang Christian's song at me.

"Shut up Darren!!!"

We headed to the party at a house off campus. Of course there were kegs and a few makeshift bars. I grabbed a beer and nursed it for the entire night. Forrest did hold the wall with me unless he was getting more beer. I lost count of how many beers he drank as we talked about our college days. Forrest was telling me how wild his football college days were before he met Rachel.

I changed the subject as he chugged another beer. I told him how I almost made friends with a football player. He was in my anatomy lab group. He missed classes a lot and always asked for a copy of my notes. One day, he asked if I wanted to hang out. Being naive about a boy asking me out on a date, I invited him to go see a movie with my friends. After I unintentionally ignored him because Trevor keep monopolizing my time, he never asked to hang out again; just for a copy of my notes.

"How was it seeing Trevor? Rocky said he followed you out. Did you talk to him?" Forrest asked.

I shrugged. "It was whatever. He said he wanted to be friends. I told him I was good on friends. No big deal."

"Rocky made it seem like there might have been some drama."

"Not at all." I shook my head. "Are you and Rocky good? I know it's going to be an adjustment with Ace and Brandon being around more."

"We'll be fine." Forrest said, ending the conversation and finishing his beer.

When he went to get another beer, the offensive line man that was flirting with me earlier came for a 2nd attempt. I keep waiting for Forrest to come back, but Darren ended up saving me, mouthing One Dance by Drake and pulling me from the wall to dance with him. I laughed and gave in, dancing with him once before handing him off to a girl that was eying us.

I turned down other guys requests to dance as I searched for Forrest. He never returned to our spot on the wall. After I finished my beer, I threw my can away and started to look for him. I found him, taking a body shot from a girl that barely looked 21. I headed straight for them and pulled Forrest away.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked him, searching for signs of intoxication on his face.

"Not enough. Let's take some more shots!" Forrest grinned.

"No. Let's go."

"Why? I don't have any reason to rush. Rocky doesn't want me around while she gets settled with Brandon. Let's stay."

"She's not getting settled with Brandon you dumbass. She's getting settled with Ace. Brandon is his father; he should be with them. You knew all of this when you got together!" I snapped at him.

I grabbed his arm and we said bye to Darren before we left. Forrest didn't say anything as I marched him to his car. He got in the passenger seat and we took off. 20 minutes into the car ride, he was sleep. I turned on Drake to drown out his snores.

I dropped him off at his place, leaving his car and getting an Uber home. Sunday, Mama Smith called to see if I wanted to go to the reggae day party. She was pushing way too hard for me to go out with her and her sons, so after I told her I would give her a call back, I called Rocky. She confirmed that Trevor was still in town and going to the day party as well.

The petty part of me wanted to call Richard or Uriel and go to the day party to give Trevor a taste of his own medicine. I suppressed it and asked if Rocky wanted company instead. When she told me to come over, I asked if she spoke to Forrest today. She told me she did and he would be stopping by later. I then got her lunch order and after I picked up food, I headed to her house. I let myself in and saw Ethan and EJ with Rocky's brothers Ramon and Riley.

"Hey." I said putting the food down and giving everyone a hug."So good to see you." I told Ramon as I hugged him.

"Good to be seen."

"Where are y'all staying?" I asked, pulling away from Riley.

"We're not. Heading back to Houston tonight." Riley told me.

"I'll be back for Memorial day and your party." Ramon promised.

"Awesome. I have a room available... Let me know if you need it." I said, pulling EJ in for a huge hug.

"I will."

It was a little awkward when I tried to hug Ethan. I went in for an one arm hug and he went for a full huge. I laughed it off and gave him a full hug, like normal.

"Rocky went in her room to feed Ace." Ethan told me.

"Ok." I flashed him a smile before I turned to EJ. "How was it meeting your cousin Ace?"

"Alright. He's not very loud. When he cried, he sounded like a kitten."

"I'm sure you did too." I ruffled his hair.

Rocky joined us with Ace and I immediately took him. I held him, inhaling his newborn scent and examining his face to see if anything changed.

"Was I that small?" EJ asked me.

"I don't know. I didn't meet you until you were 4." I smiled at EJ, before looking at Ethan.

"You were actually a little smaller." Ethan told him.

I held Ace until he feel asleep in my arms and Rocky took him to his bassinet. Forrest arrived while she put him to bed and after he greeted everyone, I asked him how he was feeling.

"Good." He nodded, nervously.

When Rocky came back, she asked us how the Baylor trip went. Forrest looked at me, eyes wide, no poker face at all. Rocky narrowed her eyes at me.

"Ugh, I might have grinded on a couple of 18 year olds." I lied.

"Perv." Rocky scoffed, sarcastically.

"Hey! Everyone was legal... Just still young enough for me to mold them." I joked, half heartedly. Ramon and Riley laughed and Rocky shook her head at me. Forrest just swallowed and Ethan's lips tightened just the slightest. I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't studying him in my peripheral vision.

"I used to think the same way before I met Sebastian." Mama Smith said, joining us, ready to party in a blue jumper. "Don't turn away a good man messing around with boys."

"I won't Mama Smith."

"Mmhmm. Was Trevor not a good man?"

Thankful, Brandon arrived to take them to the day party and end the conversation.

"That's for your place." Rocky told him as he entered, pointing to a huge welcome home wreath with a blue teddy bear in the center.

"My place? It can stay here." He said, confused.

"It's from Jackie. I don't want it. I figured you might." She told him in a pleasant voice. It took everything to hide my smile at his dumbfounded face. He took it and trashed it before they left.

"You were wrong for that." I told Rocky, with a chuckle.

"Whatever." Rocky shrugged.

Before Ethan and EJ left, EJ told me he was going with a few of his friends to see Batman vs Superman the following weekend. Apparently, D.C. was better than Disney now. When Ethan invited me to come, I told him to text me the details, thinking I should politely decline over text. I knew he was being nice and not wanting it to be awkward, but spending a lot of time together would be awkward now.

I got ready to leave after Ethan and EJ left, wanting to give Forrest and Rocky time alone. Forrest walked me out.

"About last night-" he started.

I stopped him.

"It doesn't matter. I'm just going to blame it on the alcohol this time. If it happens again, I'm going to kick your balls in."

"It won't happen again."

"Good. Your nuts are safe." I waved before I left.

When I got home that night, I saw I had a text from an unknown number.

Unknown: This will be the last time I contact you unless you tell me differently. I'm sorry for everything. The biggest regret I have is when I stopped being your friend. All I want is for you to be happy. If that means me not being in your life I understand. Take care Lily.

I knew it was from Trevor so I didn't respond. The next week, I focused on work, calling to check on Rocky, but giving her time to get in a routine with Ace. I was jealous of all our friends posting pictures with him, but when Rocky thanked me for giving them space, I knew I was doing the right thing. I had the Rihanna conert next weekend, my first date with Uriel set, Ethan sent me details for the movie that I decided to go to and I continued to plan my BBQ to keep me occupied, but Trevor's text sat in the back of my mind all week. I must have read it 100 times, looking for hidden messages and analyzing every word. His text haunted me the entire week.

Friday, I had my appointment with Dr. Pereira. I proudly explained sending the letter to my mom and the heavy burden of my mom's abandonment off my shoulders. She congratulated me, smiling when I explained I had no expectations from my mom, just the truth if she was willing to talk and meet with me.

I then talked about my doubts regarding cutting Trevor off. I asked myself the same question Dr. Pereira asked me all those times I pathetically wished we could be friends after he cut me off: Were Trevor and I true friends? 

I could now admit the answer was no. We were a co-dependent mess that needed each other for happiness because we were broken individually. At least, I was. He was my crutch for so long, I had to fix myself so I could be without him. I finally gotten there.

"Let me ask you this: Do you think you have the capability to be a true friend to him now?" Dr. Pereira questioned me.

"I don't know."

She gave me a soft small. "We've come too far for I don't know."

"I really don't know. I miss him too, but just him mentioning us being friends triggered me. I didn't act out on it, but I wanted to." I admitted.

"What about being friends triggered you?"

"It being on his terms. Like, when I wanted us to be cool he was a major dick. I'm finally at the point were I stopped holding on to all the anger and bullshit and moved on. Now that he wants to be friends, he expects me to just be on board." I explained and she nodded.

"I understand that, but from the sound of his text, it seems like he's accepting the fact that you don't want to have contact with him and letting it be your decision. I will commend him for respecting your boundaries." Dr. Pereira noted.

I shrugged."Yeah...maybe he has changed but that hurts too. He gets to be new, improved Trevor for someone else. It's stings. Not in a want to be with him way, but more like why couldn't we be good together?"

"It's human nature to wonder what could have been. You could be great friends and completely moved on but still have those thoughts. You know why you and Trevor weren't good together in the past. If he has bettered himself, just like you have, there's no telling what the future could bring." She advised me.

"Right. If it's meant to be, it'll be." I sighed.

"Wrong. Long lasting relationships don't happen spontaneous: you work to maintain them. You have to continue to communicate, respect each others boundaries, and be honest about what you need and want. That goes with relationships with anyone: Significant others, family, and friends. If you put the work into a relationship, it'll be."

I nodded thoughtfully and she continued.

"Some relationships have to end; that doesn't mean you won't miss that person. It means that for whatever reason, you're better without them because it's an unhealthy relationship. Only you know what is best for you Lily. I trust you will make the right decision, now trust and believe in yourself." She encouraged me.

What Dr. Pereira said weighed heavily on me all day Friday. When I got home, I took a shower and grabbed a bottle of whiskey planning to take a few shots and go to sleep and not think about it anymore. As I reached to get a shot glass, my eyes landed on one Trevor picked out in the Florida Keys.

After staring at the shot glass, I pulled out my phone instead and friend requested Trevor on all my social media accounts. Small step, but it felt huge to me. It would be a good test for me to conquer my triggers and to see if we could be true friends. I didn't even know what a true friendship would be like with him, but I knew I wanted to try.

5 minutes later, Trevor accepted, sending me a direct message.

Trevor: Hi friend 😁

Me: Not so fast... Let's take it slow and see what happens.

Trevor: Fine by me. Just so you know, I'm hoping we'll be friends by Ace's first birthday.

Me: We'll see. If not, I'll leave his party after the presents but before the cake is cut.

Trevor: Maybe I want to see him open presents too.

Me: Maybe, but I know for sure you don't want to miss out on cake.

Trevor: You know me too well.

I didn't respond to that. I logged off and put the whiskey away, a little smile on my face.