Dear Mama

"I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day
Everything will be alright if you hold on
It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there's no way I can pay you back, but my plan
Is to show you that I understand; you are appreciated
Lady, don't you know we love ya? (Dear Mama)
Sweet lady, place no one above ya (You are appreciated)
Sweet lady, don't you know we love ya? (Dear Mama)
Sweet lady
Lady (Dear Mama)" Dear Mama by Tupac

I thought about everything Dr. Pereira said in therapy. She made it sound so simple: deal with my mom leaving and moving on. How could I accept that my mom left me after raising me for 4 years? How do I even acknowledge it if I didn't understand why? I tried to remember my mom: the few memories I had now confused themselves with dreams. I recalled everything my dad and aunt said about her, which wasn't much as both chose not to talk about her.

Rocky called me Friday evening, and that's the only thing that brought me out of my funk. She told me she talked to her mom and ended up invited her to stay until Ace was born. Rocky said she went over guidelines and stressed that she needed her help, not criticism and her mom agreed. Mama Smith would be in Dallas sometime Saturday. I promised Rocky I would be over on Saturday before getting out of bed.

 I got on my laptop in my study and pulled up the information my cousin Benjamin sent me on my mom. I looked over the letter I tried to write to her: It still didn't sound right. I deleted it and tried to write again. Everything in my head didn't come out right. Or maybe it wasn't good in my head either. I had no idea. I just knew thinking about the letter was giving me a headache, so after an hour I put my laptop up and took Justine for a run.

Saturday morning, I got a call from Ethan, asking if I wanted to barbecue. After I cleared it with Rocky, I invited him over to her house for my next lesson. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone: play buffer between Rocky and her mom and not be alone with Ethan. He had EJ, but this way at Rocky's house, there would be no more deep conversations or meaningful looks. Just barbecue ribs and keeping Mama Smith civil.

When I got there, I quickly saw I was not needed as a buffer. Mama Smith was doting on Rocky, fetching whatever she needed, making sure she was comfortable as she did some light cleaning. I gave Rocky a smug look, even though I was stunned  myself that I was right.

We caught up and Mama Smith was telling us about a new man she was dating, her retired cop neighbor Sebastian that she swore up and down she didn't want anything to do with.

"Isn't he in his 50s?" Rocky asked, surprised.

"He doesn't look it. Or act it. He has the stamina of a teenager." Mama Smith crackled.

I giggled while Rocky made a face. "I just meant he is age appropriate Mama."

"Age ain't nothing but a number. He does have a son that lives out here. Owns his own business." Mama Smith looked over at me.

"Not interested." I said, shaking my head.

"Why not? Are you dating?" Mama Smith asked me.

I frowned, thinking about how Uriel blew me off and the way things ended with Christian. The doorbell rang, saving me from answering that question. I knew it was Ethan. It was the exact time we set for him to drop by. Bless him and his punctuality!

"Hey Ethan! Hey EJ!" I greeted them warmly as I opened the door. I gave EJ a hug before he came inside. I grabbed Ethan's arm and led them to the living room.

"Look who's here." I announced them, taking the bag Ethan was holding and retreating to the kitchen. Mama Smith began talking to EJ and Ethan as I opened the bag. A slab of ribs were wrapped and marinating. I smiled when I saw the same beer we drank at my house a few weeks ago. I definitely needed it. I cracked one open and took a few gulps while I listened to Mama Smith lecture Ethan on teaching his brother how to co-parent. I smiled and shook my head at her backhanded compliment on how well adjusted EJ was with the mess he and Megan went through. I almost finished my beer when Ethan told Mama Smith he should get the ribs on and rejoined me in the kitchen.

"What was that?" Ethan asked me.

"What do you mean?" I wiped my lips with the back of my hand, hiding my smile.

"Leading me to the slaughter and running off?"

I held back a laugh. "Slaughter? Mama Smith just wanted to catch up with you. She already caught up with me."

"Ah, no wonder you're hiding out in here."

"I have no idea what your talking about." I batted my eyelashes at him.

"Do you have something in your eye?" he asked, faking concern.

I finally laughed out loud. "No. That was my innocent face!"

He smirked at me. "You need to work on that." he said. "You ready to get started?"

"Yes. Let's escape... Er, barbecue." I smiled.



We got the fire started and he taught me how to monitor and control the heat when barbecuing. Between EJ running in and out, showing me videos and asking his dad when he can show the surprise and me blabbing to Mama Smith about my backyard party, I stayed occupied and was rarely alone with Ethan. If we ever were alone, I found an excuse to leave, majority of the time checking on Rocky.

Brandon stopped by after he got off just in time as we sat down to eat. As they talked about childcare, maternity and paternity leave, I was pleased by how well Brandon and Mama Smith got on. I could tell Rocky was more shocked than anything.

"Must be Sebastian and all his stamina." I teased to Rocky under my breath, pretending to bite my rib.

Rocky glared at me and I hid my grin by eating.

"Hmph, that's alright. I'm gonna get Mama to give his son your number." Rocky muttered back, sopping up her bbq sauce with a piece of white bread.

"You better not!" I threatened her as she ate her bread with a grin.

"Why not? No kids, never been married. Are you dating someone?" Mama Smith asked me, from across the table.

How the fuck did she hear us?

"A little bit." I replied before changing the subject. "Why aren't these as tender as y'all dad's ribs?"

"Dad smokes his." Brandon answered.

"I need to know how to smoke!" I turned to Ethan.

"He also uses a smoker and at least 6 hours." Ethan advised me.

"Nevermind. These are tender enough." I declared and they laughed at me.

"How do you date someone a little bit?" Mama Smith pressed.

"Mama, mind your business!" Rocky snapped at her, giving her a look. "She doesn't want you questioning her. She's grown."

"I don't care how grown y'all kids get, ya always need help from your mama. Since her mama ain't in the picture, I'm just making sure she's good." Mama Smith fired back.

"You good Lily?" Rocky turned to me.

"Yes." I nodded. When Mama Smith narrowed her eyes at me, I continued. "I'm meeting new people; putting myself out there. No boyfriend. My therapist looks out for me so I'm good."

"Therapist?" Mama Smith said, outraged. "You don't need no therapist."

"EJ, why don't you get dessert and tell everyone your great news?" Ethan spoke up, nodding to EJ.

EJ grinned, excitedly and got up. He pulled out cupcakes with little basketball decorations. "I made the basketball team." He announced with a little dance.

We all congratulated him, enthusiastically as he passed out cupcakes. I was gratefully for the subject change almost as much as I was proud of EJ. I shot Ethan an appreciative smile before I ate my cupcake.

After dinner, I helped put up the food before EJ came outside with me to run around while I cleaned the grill. I was scrubbing it down when Ethan joined me. He asked EJ to go inside to start gathering his things.

"I can help you with that." He offered.

"No. I need the experience to be a grill master." I stated, pausing to talk to him. "I got it. Go back inside and give Brandon advice on co-parenting since you and Megan have it down."

"It's not an exact science; it took a lot of trial and error. They'll figure out what works best for them." Ethan said. "Besides, I wanted to finish the conversation we were having last week."

"What conversation?" I asked, pretending not to remember, hoping to end the conversation.

"You asked me before if I ever felt passion. That spark, that connection you talked about? The last time I felt that was with you. I still feel it with you."

"Ethan." I stopped him, my heart thumping in my chest at his admission. I halted my scrubbing to look at him. I wasn't prepared, so I spoke from my heart. "We never even really dated. Maybe it's because of how we got together or everything that happened or the way things ended that you still have those feeling. I never really understood what it was between us either."

"If you never understood what it was between us, is there any harm with us dating now to figure it out?" He asked me.

"Yes. Our friendship. I don't want to harm that."

"I hear you." Ethan nodded, thoughtfully. He turned to go inside, before turning back to me. "Our friendship has survived a lot over the years. At one point, I didn't think we would ever have this conversation but we are. That tells me we can bounce back from anything. If you ever change your mind Lily, let me know." He said before going back inside.

I went back to scrubbing, trying to get Ethan's words out my head. EJ came outside to say goodbye and I followed him inside. Ethan gave me a hug like normal before he left with EJ. I went home, staring at my laptop and my letter to my mom. I gave up after 5 minutes before I went to sleep.

That night, I dreamt of being a mom and having a baby with beautiful intense brown eyes. I chalked it up to Ethan bringing up all the things our friendship survived. I knew he was referring to him accusing me of having an abortion. I honesty wanted nothing to do with him afterward, but we did bounce back. That was a testament to how strong our friendship was, but I knew from personal experience that dating had a way of destroying friendships. I sat up Sunday morning, hugging myself as his words mixed in with Dr. Pereira's. Maybe I pushed him away back then... Maybe I'm doing the same now...

I didn't want to think about it. I needed to keep my mind occupied. Not wanting to stare at my laptop anymore, I started gathering all the bottles of alcohol that belong to Sammy and drove to her apartment. I didn't call to give her a heads up, hoping Sunday was still her off day.

I knocked on her door, waited a few moments before Corey opened it. He gave me a bright smile, as if he didn't know I screamed at his girlfriend to stay out my life.

"C'mon in." He moved aside.

"Thanks." I smiled back as I stepped in the apartment. Sammy was sitting on the couch, watching me with a curious expression before she stood up.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." I returned.

Corey grabbed his books from the table. "I'll be in the room." He said, before leaving.

When he left, I held up the bag in my hands. "I brought your alcohol. Minus the coconut rum. There wasn't much left of it. I will replace it once the liquor stores open."

"That's ok. We only use the brands that sponser us or send us free bottles. You can keep those." Sammy informed me.

"Oh. Ok. Thanks." There was brief moment of silence before I asked, "Can we talk?"

"Yes. You wanna sit?" Sammy asked me.

"Sure." I said, moving to the couch. When she sat on the opposite end, I took a deep breath. "When Trevor and I broke up, it was like you stop supporting me in favor of Trevor." I explained.

"I didn't mean that. I just saw how much he still loved you and struggled with what he did. I hounded him about getting back together with you. I wanted you two to make it work."

"There was no way to make it work when we were so broken. The way he left and cut me off with no explanation brought up every insecurity and doubt I ever felt. I understand now it was his insecurities that made him do that. I wish I had the strength to be there for him back then, but I didn't. I just felt abandoned. And I felt the same way when you supported him and not me."

"I should have been there for you and I wasn't. I have no other explanation except I'm sorry." Sammy apologized.

"It's OK. I forgive you."

I opened up to her about the whole Christian situation and why I yelled at her about the sleeping with Richard accusation. She told me about the confrontation between Christian and Trevor at South by Southwest. Ian and Jeremy were the only ones that went to Christian's show and they all planned to meet up at an after party held by the radio station Bilal worked for.

Christian ended up at the after party too. Sammy saw how upset Trevor got seeing him and when he started drinking excessively, she told him she didn't think I was serious with Christian. She sited me leaving the bar with Richard as proof. Sammy said that Christian ended up joining their group at the outside bar. When he made some comment about ducking groupies, Johnny asked him why he would be hiding from hot girls. Christian replied he had a hot, good girl already. Trevor guffawed loudly, grabbing Christian's attention.

"What's so funny?" Christian asked him.

"Does Lily know about your good girl?" Trevor asked him.

"Lily is my girl." Christian responded, cockily.

Trevor's eyes turned dark but he smiled. "Does she know that?"

"She knew it in New York last month. She'll know it again when I fly her out to see me in Miami next week." He said with a knowing grin.

"Did she know it on St. Patrick's Day?" Trevor asked, matching his cocky tone.

"Trevor." Sammy hissed at him.

"What?" Christian demanded, looking between Sammy and Trevor. Sammy looked at Trevor, pleadingly.

"How long did you wait before you made a move on her? How long did she friend zone you after I broke up with her?" Trevor questioned him.

"It doesn't matter now. I'm taking care of her better than you ever did." Christian stated haughtily.

Trevor laughed, humorlessly. "Yeah? When she was with me, she never fucked anyone else, but whatever works for y'all."

"Let's go Trevor!" Sammy stood up, motioning for Corey to help her.

"Bullshit." Christian said, coolly but that only spurred Trevor on.

"Ask her about Richard. She's gonna say he's just a friend; just like me and her and you and her; we both know better." Trevor laughed as Corey pulled him from the bar

 "You don't know shit. That's why she's with me." Christian called after him as Sammy and Corey led him away.

"Good luck with that, asshole." Trevor hurled over his shoulder before they disappeared inside.

By the end of Sammy's story, I was disgusted with both of them.

"I swear, I would have never told Trevor if I knew he would bring it up in front of everyone. I went off on him that night. After I saw the video your brother posted for his anniversary, with that song Trevor sang at Rocky's birthday party, I cut him off completely." Sammy finished.

I shook my head, sadly. "Don't cut him off. He needs friends to call him out on his shit. I doubt he's getting that with fucking J-Mike."

"I care about our friendship. Is there anyway for us to salvage it?" Sammy asked.

"I don't know. I guess time will tell. I just don't want us to have hard feelings." I said truthfully.

"Me neither." She said.

We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up. Corey came out, peaking at us as we laughed at Christian's social media. I still had him blocked, letting him deal with his truth while I dealt with mine. I couldn't help but laugh as Sammy showed me and made fun of his poor me, everyone does me wrong statuses and videos.

"Is it safe to come out?" Corey asked.

"No... Unless you want to hear me bitching about you." Sammy threatened him. We laughed some more when he hightailed it back to the room.

I went home that evening, glad to clear the air with Sammy. Still avoiding my letter to my mom, I called Uriel hoping to clear the air with him too.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Hey. Are you busy?" I asked him.

"No. I have some time."

"I just wanted to explain the whole Christian situation. I did end things with him a few weeks ago. I stopped all communication with him but he thought it was just an argument not us ending things. He knows now it's over and I'm sorry for any misunderstandings." I explained.

"Ok. I appreciate it." Uriel responded.

"Ok." I was going to ask him about continuing our acquaintance with benefits, when I heard a cough in the background. A feminine cough. I flushed, automatically assuming he moved on to the next girl. Even if he didn't, I decided against badgering him about seeing each other. He already answered that question when he never called me back. "Ok. So that's it. I'll let you go. Have a good one." I said, hanging up.

I lay down in bed, motioning Justine next to me.

"You're all I need in this world Justine. Fuck everyone else." I said to her.

When she just rolled over on her back, looking for a rub, a smiled and rubbed her down.

Monday, I returned to work, with Dr. Clayton grumbling about how he missed me on Friday. I ignored his tone, assuming it was because I called in. I greeted Q who was training on his first day. I made plans to have lunch with him at the cafe before I started working when Dr. Fahri called me to the office. I knew I was getting a lecture about missing Friday. I mentally prepared myself for it when Dr. Fahri showed me an X-ray instead. It was hairline fractures on Paul Bolen injuried leg.

I groaned, disappointingly. "I knew this would fu- freaking happen."

"Yes, you did." Dr. Fahri smiled, proudly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You realize he has to rehab all over again from square one?"

The smile never left his face. "Yes. He's requested to work with you. Do you realize this goes all the way up to Dr. Tran?"

"So?"

"So, Dr. Clayton, who has been here much longer than you, went against your recommendation and the client was re-injured. This reflects positively on you."

And you. 

While it may have looked good for me, and him because he recommended me, he obviously missed the point were Bolen now had to start all over with his rehab. Was proving Dr. Clayton and Dennison wrong worth that? It didn't feel like it.

"I backed Fallon's recommendation so I'm giving him to her exclusively. Schedule a time for all 3 of us to meet whenever he's available." I told Dr. Fahri, standing up.

"Absolutely. Keep up the good work." He said, whistling to himself happily as I left. I went and started my day, pushing my thoughts aside.

On my lunch, I went out to my car to vent to Monica.

"Now tell the truth, aren't you a little bit happy?" Monica prompted me.

"Of course not! I didn't want him to get hurt again. I was honestly hoping for the best." I denied.

"I know girl, but think about how they made you feel young and powerless. It's gotta make you feel a little good for them to have egg on their face."

"Not at the expense of my client." I pointed out. Although a very small part of me was feeling vindicated as I remembered Dr. Clayton and Dennison arrogance.

"I don't believe it. You know you wanna go run up and tell them 'I knew it, I knew it, i knew it all along. You fools just wouldn't listen I was right and you were wrong'." Monica sang.

I couldn't help laughing. "Alright. The immature part of me that I'm trying to expunge is loving it." I admitted.

"Enjoy your moment." She laughed. "Speaking of enjoying a moment, what's up with you and Uriel?" She asked.

"Nothing. What moment are you talking about?" I asked, curious.

"Him getting all mad when you left with that rapper." Monica said with glee.

"First of all, he's a producer. And I did not leave with him. Not really. Did Uriel tell you he was mad?" I asked.

"He didn't have to, I could tell. He told Trent the whole situation made him look unprofessional in front of his colleagues, but that's bullshit. He was jealous, meaning that he likes you!" Monica concluded.

"That's a reach Monica." I argued, but warmed at the possibility of Uriel being jealous and not just over hooking up with me. Even though that didn't explain the mysterious woman with him when I called.

"Nope. That's 1+1=2. You+Uriel= a huge ass baby named Monica." Monica joked.

"Shut up!"

"I'm gonna sing at your wedding: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it all along! You fools just wouldn't listen I was right and you were wrong'!"

"Bye Monica!!!" I got off the phone with her, laughing to myself.

On Tuesday, I was able to meet with Paul Bolen and Fallon to outline a new rehabilitation plan that would have him out for the summer league, but ready for the start of the next season. I was feeling good when I saw the confidence that Fallon displayed as she went over the plan. If anything good came out of this mess, it was Fallon being vindicated, not me. I assured Paul I would be around every step of the way and if he ever needed me to just let me know.

On Wednesday, I was meeting with my team during a huddle when I got the text I've been waiting for: Rocky was in labor. As soon as my team left, I called Mama Smith to make sure it was the real deal.

"Her water broke so he's coming, one way or another." Mama Smith confirmed.

I could barley hold in my excitement. I was full of nervous energy the rest of my day. Dr. Clayton and Q both picked up on it and I told them my godson was on his way into the world. Q congratulated me before he left and Dr. Clayton offered to cover my shift. While I appreciated his offer, I knew between Mama Smith, Forrest, Brandon, and his family, Rocky had more than enough support. That didn't stop me from calling every chance I had for updates.

Rocky was in labor for 6 hours and still was not dilated enough. Mama Smith informed me that Rocky still was hoping for a vaginal birth, but if Ace showed any signs of distressed, they would go ahead with the Cesarean section. By the time I got off, Rocky was being prepped for surgery. By the time I got there, she was already in surgery. I sat beside Forrest as we waited.

A long 30 minutes later, Mama Smith came out with a huge smile on her face.

"Ace is here. 9lbs, 3 oz and 22inches long." She announced proudly.

Forrest and Ethan hung back, but I followed Deborah into the room with Mama Smith.  Rocky looked exhausted, but beamed at her son who she held in her arms. Brandon stood over them, a look of amazement as he gazed upon both them. Tears formed in my eyes as I saw the precious little bundle wrapped in a blue blanket. He was pale, all shriveled up with his eyes closed, a full head of dark hair and absolutely adorable.

Deborah went over right away, gushing over his features, proclaiming how perfect he was.

"Congratulations." I choked on emotion, moving to the other side of the bed to Rocky.

"Thank you." Rocky smiled, taking her eyes off Ace briefly to smile at me.

The nurse eventually took Ace from Rocky's arms so they can finish evaluating him and get her to a regular hospital room. Brandon went with Ace while Deborah stepped out to make phone calls. Me and Mama Smith stayed with Rocky until they wheeled her into her room.

Once she was settled, Rocky turned to me. "Is Forrest still here?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Can you send him in? I feel like I'm gonna be out any second now and I really want to see him." She said, tiredly.

"Of course." I left the room and went to retrieve Forrest. When Forrest went to her, I grinned at Ethan.

"He's beautiful."

Ethan nodded. "I saw him on the way to the nursey."

"He has the huge Carter head."

"All babies have large heads."

"Not all babies have to born by c-section like Ace, EJ, you and your brother." I teased.

Ethan smiled. "Who told you that?"

I smiled back. "Your mom."

When we saw Brandon wheeling the baby back to the room, Ethan and I both followed. Rocky watched Brandon with Ace, her hand in Forrest's. Brandon walked around with Ace, giving us the opportunity to hold him. My first time holding him, I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face. I felt nothing but unconditionally love for this precious and perfect tiny human being in my arms.

I looked up and saw Ethan watching me. I held out my arms for him to take Ace. He did and I excused myself from the room. All these emotions came over me all at once and I couldn't control it; I silently sobbed as I made my way the the bathroom. I went into a stall and cried letting it all out for a good 5 before I made my way to the sink. My eyes and face were red and I wet paper towels with cold water to pat my face. It took 10 minutes for most of the redness to go away and I felt stable enough to rejoin everyone.

When I came out the bathroom, Ethan was watching the door, obviously waiting for me. I gave him a shaky smile, which he didn't return, just studied my face. He walked over to me and I took a deep breath, not wanting to get into why I left and was so emotional.

"Here." He handed me a pack of blue candy cigars. "I thought you might want to hand these out."

"Ok. Thank you." I breathed before I headed back to the room.

Peyton and Amber had arrived while I was in the bathroom and they were gushing over Ace as well. Forrest asked if I was ok, and I smiled sincerely as I handed out the blue candy cigars. We all laughed and took pictures of baby Ace before we filed out letting Rocky get her rest. Mama Smith and Brandon were staying overnight with them.

When I got home, I was too amped to sleep so I pulled out my laptop. I finally wrote and finished a letter to my mom. It read:

Hello,

My name is Lilian Carol Harris. I was born on December 3rd 1988 in California. I was placed for adoption and was raised by Carlos Ortiz in California. I currently reside in Texas and I'm trying to get in contact with my birth mother Paula Harris. If you are the person I'm looking for, I would very much like to be in touch- maybe eventually meet. I have questions about you and our brief time together and I would answer any questions you have about me. Below is my contact information. I look forward to hearing from you.

Your Daughter,

Lilian Carol Harris

I debated how I would send it to her; Email seemed impersonal but the mail took forever. I ended up doing both: I emailed it and did a hand written letter as well.

The next morning, I put the letter in the certified mail so I would know when she received it. After the letter was sent out, I felt like I climbed a mountain or ran a marathon. Finally sending that letter was a huge accomplishment for me. I used to be terrified of her response: maybe she wanted nothing to do with me, maybe she wouldn't even responsed, or worst, maybe I had the wrong infomation.

Meeting Ace gave me the courage to reach out. The circumstances Ace was born into were not perfect, but Ace was perfect. I felt this instant protective instinct to watch over him and keep him from harms way no matter what; and he wasn't even my child. Holding Ace last night is what made me acknowledge that as a child, there was nothing I could do to make my mom give me up. I didn't know why she did, but no matter the reason, I accepted her decision was a reflection of her, no me. With that, the fear or reaching out went away. Regardless, I was finally at peace. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

Feeling wonderfully light, I made a call to Mama Smith to see if anyone needed anything. Rocky requested a chicken biscuit from Chick Fila. I wasn't sure who was all there, so I ordered 10 combos with orange juice and coffee and took them to the hospital. Brandon, Deborah, Albert, Mama Smith and Jake were there. After I handed out food and gave the leftovers to the nurse staff, I held baby Ace again as they debated who he most resembled. I didn't pick a side, I said he was the perfect blend of all of his family.

I keep my phone on me all day, waiting for any updates and calls about Rocky and Ace. Both of them were healthy besides Rocky recovering from the c-section, but her doctor wasn't planning on releasing either of them for a couple more days. I didn't get any updates from Mama Smith, but I did get a text from Uriel, asking to meet up on Friday.

I was surprised that not only did he text me, but he asked me out to drinks, not just over to his place. Although drinks wasn't really a date, I wondered if Monica maybe be right about him being jealous. Intrigued, I agreed to meet him. We planned to met at the same bar I had my birthday party Friday night.

Friday morning, I got a delivery from UPS in the mail. I groaned, thinking it was another gift from Christian, but the return label was from Ethan. I tore it up, equal parts relieved and anxious. I was fully thrilled when I saw a grill kit. There was also a blue apron covered in white lilies like the outdoor dinner set I bought. I described it to Mama Smith, but I had no idea Ethan was paying attention as I blabbed. The front was personalized with the phrase "Grill Master". I grinned happily as I put it on.

My first reaction was to snap a pic and send it to Ethan saying thank you. I rethought it and gave him a call instead. He answered and I told him I got his gift.

"Thank you so much Ethan."

"You're welcome. You can exchange either one if you need to."

"No. It matches perfectly. I can send you a picture."

"That's ok. I'd rather see it in person." He replied.

I had no idea why my body flushed with arousal at the statement.

"Yeah... Of course. I'll debut it at my party." I stammered.

"Nice. I gotta get back to work. I'll talk to you soon?"

"No, yeah. Of course. Talk to you later." I rushed off the phone. 

I was now flushed with embarrassment. With the hell was wrong with me? I was worried about him being uncomfortable with me turning him down and I was acting like a fool.

After work, I went home and put on a fitted black maxi dress, a sheer gray cardigan and sliver strappy heel. After doing my make-up, straightening my hair, and putting on silver studs and dangling earrings, I still had a couple hours before my meet up Uriel. I decided to visit Ace and Rocky. She was set to be released Saturday and since I planned to give her time to settle at home, I needed to get in my Ace time!

I made my way into the hospital room and almost tripped on my heels as I saw Trevor sitting down holding baby Ace. The only time I didn't call before I came, he was there...

"Hey Lily." Bilal said. I tore my eyes off Trevor to notice Bilal sitting in a chair next to Rocky as she slept.

"Hey Bilal." I smiled, nervously before turning back to Trevor. I planned to focus on baby Ace but Trevor's eyes found and held mine. I broke eye contact and we both looked at baby Ace. He was wide awake, with his eyes on Trevor.

"You wanna hold him?" Trevor asked me, looking back at me.

I shook my head. "No, that's ok. I'll get him all the time when you go back to Austin." I said, lightly, still staring at Ace.

"Oooo Lily." Mama Smith whistled as she returned to the room, holding a huge mug of ice and a couple of jugs of juice. "Where you going all dressed up?" Mama Smith asked me.

"I dressed up for Ace." I joked, giving her a little smile.

"Nuh-Uh." She clicked her tongue. "That's dressing up for a man. Who is he?" She interrogated me.

"I'm just going out for drinks with some people I work with." I lied, pulling my cardigan closed over my dress.

"Any men work friends?" She continued, ignoring my discomfort.

"Mama-" Rocky said, waking up.

"I know I know. Mind my damn business. You see what I mean Bilal? I can't say nothing." Mama Smith grumbled.

"I learned that about a week after meeting your daughter." He smirked.

"Y'all both shut up." Rocky said, sitting up slowly. Bilal stood to help her, but she waved him off with a smile. She looked over at Ace and Trevor before giving me a concerned look.

"I actually need to get going so I'll talk to you later." I said, giving Rocky a hug before I left. "Call me when you make it home tomorrow. Good seeing y'all." I waved.

Bilal gave me a genuine smile which I returned. When I looked over at Trevor, his eyes darkened a hue, and for the first time in a long time I saw every emotion behind them. Longing, pain, regret and lust...Or maybe love.....

I turned away and made long strides out the room. I almost made it to the elevator when I heard him call my name. I pretended not to hear him as I pressed the down button repeatedly. The doors finally opened. I went inside, pressing the first floor button, willing the elevator door to close. When it finally started to close, the relief I felt was short lived as an arm stopped it.

The door opened and Trevor stepped in. I took a deep breath as the door closed behind him and we were left in the elevator alone together.