How Deep Is Your Love

"How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
What devotion? Are you?
How deep is your love?
Is it like nirvana?
Hit me harder, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
Pull me closer, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
So tell me how deep is your love, can we go deeper?" How Deep Is Your Love by Calvin Harris


It took me a moment before I decided the best way to respond to his text. I tried to call Rocky first, but she didn't answer. When Sammy went upstairs, I finally responded.

Me: What makes you think that?

I groaned to myself when Jake called me back instead of keeping our conversation thru text.

"Honestly, does it matter who she dates? We all know her number one priority is Ace. Why should we care?" I said, in lieu of hello.

"We shouldn't, but Brandon does. He's been stressing about it all weekend."

"He should ask her then."

"He's planning on it. Daniella thought she sensed a vibe between Forrest and Rocky today." Jake mentioned.

"Dino shouldn't read into vibes too much. They can be deceiving. Like how everyone thinks Forrest and I have a vibe." I pointed out.

"I said that too, but that doesn't explain why they left together or why he was there if it was a girl's outing." Jake pressed.

"There you have it! He's gay!" I joked, evading the question.

"I knew it..."

"I'm kidding!"

"I know."

"Blake and Jordan had a disagreement, I called Blake to come get Jordan and Forrest was with him. He took Rocky home because I didn't want to miss the end of the game. Did you see Carolina's final score?" I changed the subject, hoping he would drop it.

"Don't get too excited. Denver has the best defense in the league." Jake went for it.

"Remember you said that while you're at home watching the game and I'm on TV at Levi stadium, dabbing with Cam Newton."

"Please don't embarrass your family or yourself like that by dancing."

"When are you going to recognize I'm a triple threat? I sing, dance and act!" I said, feigning outrage.

"It's a threat to the senses..."

I laughed despite myself. "Get off my phone old man."

"Gladly."

"That's why I acted my way out of that." I sang, taunting him after he hung up. I was in the middle of a dab and a shimmy when Sammy came down the stairs.

"Am I interrupting something? 'Cause Amber needs to talk to us." Sammy said eying me, concerned.

"No. Go ahead. What's up?"

Amber told us that Ethan wasn't going for a New Orleans trip, but Will was all for her taking over the party. Apparently, Serena had most of the plans done and Ethan hadn't cancelled anything. We both agreed to help put it together.

Monday morning, I called and gave Rocky a heads up about my talk with Jake. I then called Jordan to see how she and Blake were doing. They were fine and apparently more deeply in love than ever.

Sammy and I went to the store so I could pick up a few things. Since I was stopping by his office, I decided to make him something to wish him a happy birthday. After some debate, I decided on a mud pie.

"You know this is for Ethan, not you right?" Sammy reminded me as I got super excited for the different kinds of bug shaped candy.

"Yeah. He's really going to hate it." I said, excitedly. I really just wanted to help take his mind off everything. I knew how depressing it was for me to celebrate my birthday without Trevor. My friends and their thoughtful gifts helped me through the day. While I knew Ethan wasn't as sensitive as me, it had to suck for someone else to plan his party because he and Serena broke up. I was sure the absurdity of me giving him a dessert that was supposed to resemble mud would entertain him at the very least.

I went home, made the pie and covered it with gummy worms and sour bug shaped candies. I wrapped it up and put it in the refrigerator while I changed for work. I said bye to Sammy, wishing her good luck. She was meeting Corey for dinner later that evening.

I told Ethan I would swing by his office to get the party details so he knew to expect me. I still had to wait as his assistant, Jeremy, called him from outside the office.

"You can go on in." Jeremy told me after a moment.

"Thank you." I smiled at him before leaving.

"Happy birthday to you..." I sang as I walked into Ethan office. He held his finger to his lips. I immediately shut up as he gestured for me to sit on the couch.

He got a folder out the desk before eying the dish I was holding. "What's that?" he asked me.

"Are you still on the phone?" I whispered.

"No. I still need you to stop singing." he smirked, coming to join me on the couch.

"Ok. Everyone is going to stop insulting my talents!" I laughed as I unwrapped the pie and presented it to him.

"Is baking another one of your alleged talents?" He eyed my pie distrustfully.

 "Be nice or you don't get your birthday pie." I threatened.

"Promise?" he said his lips twitching in amusement.

I grinned. "This is your dirty 30 mud pie. You have to eat every bite. I'm staying until you do. Happy birthday!"

He took the pie from me. "Thank you. As delicious as this looks, I have to save it for later. I haven't had lunch yet. I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite."

"Fine. Eat it later. You can send me a picture of you eating it."

"It's on my list." He said, handing me the folder. I opened it up. The first page had the venue, the reservation agreement-

"WHOA! This says this Saturday? Is this right?" I exclaimed, reading through it.

"Yes. Amber didn't tell you?" Ethan responded.

"No."

"Right. She sounded... Distracted when I talked to her. I told her she didn't have to-."

"No. She wants to. I'm just surprised it's so soon."

"It snuck up on me. I forgot about it until Amber reminded me. I keep thinking Serena would come around." he said. He didn't sound depressed or angry. Just.... Disappointed.

"What happened? I mean, if you wanna talk about it?" I clarified, quickly.

"Nothing major. She asked me how I felt about her and us. I told her we're compatible."

I cocked my head to the side and scrunched my face up. "That's it?"

He sat up straighter. "Yes and that we made a good team. Something along those lines."

"It sounded like she wanted to know if you loved her Ethan." I prompted him.

"I know." he said, plainly.

"And? Do you?" I questioned.

"I don't believe in love-" he started and I gasped. "Wait. Let me finish. I don't believe in love the way other's do. You don't randomly meet someone and it's love automatically."

"That's love at first sight- it happens." I quickly intervened.

"I don't believe in that at all. I just don't think love is something you... find. What you find is someone you get along with and share common interests and goals. Then, over the duration of time love is created. It is earned and brought into being much like wisdom, trust or respect." Ethan elaborated.

I nodded, trying to understand. "Ok but a relationship has to have more than that- Love is more than that. There has to be a spark, a connection- and excuse me for sounding like a stereotypical Latina, but there's gotta be passion. I understand how you think being compatible is a compliment, but it sounds so cold and detached."

He narrowed his eyes at me slightly- just enough so I could tell he was offended. "That spark, connection, passion, whatever you want to call it- it fades or dulls eventually. Compatibility endures. If the foundation of your relationship is built off compatibility it will last."

"Without passion, there's no reason to stay in a relationship no matter how compatible you are. Have you ever felt passion before? " I argued, heatedly.

He opened his mouth to respond, but there was a knock on the door. Anthony, the partner whose position Ethan took when he left to start his own business, came in. Ethan stood, so I did the same.

"Is it 1 already?" Ethan said.

"It is, but take your time." he said, looking over at me.

"Hi Anthony. Good to see you again." I smiled.

"You too. Sorry for interrupting." He said, looking at the pie Ethan was holding.

"Not at all. I was just dropping off his birthday pie." I said.

"Birthday pie huh? I'm a cake guy myself." Anthony smiled.

I smiled at Ethan. "There will be cake at his birthday party."

"Right. Is it still this Saturday?"

"It is. Sorry I'm running behind on the invitations. There will be an email tonight." I assured him.

"Excellent."

"I'm going to walk Lily out then we can meet up with everyone else." Ethan excused us as he guided me to the door.

"Ok. Pleasure to see you Lily."

"You too!" I waved goodbye as Ethan walked me out the office.

"The guest list is in here right?" I said, pulling out the folder.

"Yes. E-mails too."

"Does the party have a theme?" I asked.

"Serena mentioned the 80s. I don't know how far she got with it."

"Oh fun. Leg warmers and big hair?"

"No. Not a costume party. 80s inspired."

"Huh? How can you have a decades party without costumes? That's out."

"I don't want it over the top."

"Big top. Circus."

"Lilian, it's my 30th birthday, not 13th." he reminded me, opening my car door for me after I unlocked it.

"I hate it when you call me that. I know it's your Dirty Thirty! Ooo! Mud wrestling!" I grinned, getting into my car.

"Should I call you Lilian again?" he said, holding on to my car door.

"No! Fine. Sophisticated fun."

"Thank you." he said closing the door.

As I drove to work, I called Amber to discuss the party.

"How do you do an 80s inspired party with no costumes?" I asked her.

"I don't know." she said, uninterested.

"What's your problem? You realize this party is on Saturday right?"

"No problem at all. I'd much rather plan a party than go to New Orleans." She said, sarcastically.

"I told you Ethan wasn't going to want to go to New Orleans. Get over it."

"Whatever."

"I can't believe how selfish you're being. Forget it. I'll do it myself." I said, hanging up.

On my break from lunch, I got an e-mail from Amber. It read "I'm sorry" in the subject line. Attached was an e-vite to Ethan's 30 birthday done in Mardi Gras style. She also sent ideas for a parade, mask decorating table, and a costume competition. I text her back and told her that I loved it.

When I got home from work, I immediately got to work on Ethan's party. I finished the invitations, adding that costumes are encouraged and there will be a prizes for the top costumes. I was finishing entering e-mails when Sammy got back from her dinner date with Corey.

"How'd it go?" I asked, taking a break from the invites.

"Good. He's waiting for me outside so I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm going to grab my stuff." she said, rushing for the stairs. When she came back down, I stopped her.

"Read over this invitation before you leave." I requested.

She read over it and shook her head in disbelief.

"I know, it's this weekend." I sighed.

"I knew that. I'm trying to get another bartender for the party. Mardi Gras? Y'all do know this is for Ethan? The most uninteresting man in the world?" She said, dryly.

"Shut up!" I laughed. "It's gonna be sophisticated fun."



"That is not sophisticated." I laughed at Amber and Sammy at Party City. Amber pretended to flash her boobs at Sammy and Sammy tossed beads into her cart in return.

"C'mon. If we can't go to New Orleans we should bring it to us." Amber laughed.

"None of that. Fun ambiance, fun people, fun music, fun food and drinks. No boobs necessary." I reminded them.

"My girls would look hot in these." Sammy said picking up a Mardri Gras sequin bow top.

"No boobs!"

We went around the store, picking out items for the party. Sammy told us about her talk with Corey.

"He says he's fine with not having kids or getting married."

"See?" I smiled.

"Hold on. He also said we can see how we feel in a few years."

"Oh..." Amber said sadly.

"What's wrong with that?"

"He's gonna try to change her mind." Amber answered for Sammy.

"What if your mind changes?" I reasoned.

"It hasn't changed in decades. Why would it change now?" Sammy snapped.

"Decades? You're not that old." I countered.

"I knew since I was 5. My mom brought home wedding Barbies and baby dolls and I tossed them." Sammy told us.

"What did you play with?" Amber giggled.

"Clothes, shoes, make-up and my cash register."

"Some things never change."

We went to a food tasting next. I was against firing the cater Serena set up, but the caterer had a limited menu that would fit the theme and was charging for the change. Amber's boss swore by her mom's small catering business so we decided to check them out. It was a small shop in a strip mall that specialized in southern comfort food, including cajun food. They did cakes as well. The food was wonderful and they were able to accommodate us at such short notice. We would forfeit the deposit on the original caterer, but ended up coming even with the extra charges and cake included.

"We're not doing a king cake?" Amber questioned as Sammy looked at flavor options for the cake. I texted Ethan to find out his favorite kind of cake. I told him to stay close to his phone since we were trying to get all the planning done on Amber's off days.

"We're having a mini procession for the cake so we need it big." Sammy explained.

Ethan: Whatever you think is good.

Me: Bruh, it's all good.

Ethan: Pick what you like best then.

Me: Mud pie it is!

Ethan: Even you couldn't mess up red velvet Bruh.

I smiled and put my phone away as Amber argued passionately for King cake. "How can you have Mardi Gras without it?"

"Can we tier it? Like king cake, then cupcakes, then king cake, then cupcakes and a crown on top? No, a fleur de lis! With sparkles!!!" I suggested.

"I like the way you think." Abby, the owner, smiled at me nodding.

"I'm always thinking about cake." I smiled too.

While Abby printed out the contract, Sammy commented on how into the party I was.

I explained what Ethan told me about Serena and his thoughts on love.

"I just want him to have a good time, loosen up a little bit. Maybe get him drunk enough so he'll forget some of the stubborn ideas he has in his head."

"He's stubborn, but I kinda agree on the compatibility thing." Amber said.

"Me too. I would have never fell for Corey if I would have known about the kids and marriage thing. He has tattoo and gauges and wants a traditional life. The fuck is wrong with him?" Sammy frowned.

"You're telling me you wouldn't have dated him?" I said, incredulously.

"I don't know. I wouldn't have fell in love though." Sammy conceded.

"I wish I fell in love with someone more spontaneous and fun. Will's idea of a good time is watching a movie uninterrupted. I wanna dance and drink and act silly but he's too caught up in his ways to have fun with me." Amber explained.

"Think about it. You love Trevor-" Sammy said.

I glared at her and she stopped. "How come anytime I say anything you bring up fucking Trevor?"

"I won't bring him up again." Sammy quickly backpeddled. When Sammy and Amber shared a look, it pissed me off even more.

"I think she just meant you and Trevor loved each other but it didn't work out-" Amber began.

"Don't sit there and say we weren't compatible. That's complete bullshit! Maybe Will burnt out on having fun because he had his while y'all were dating." I fired at her, angrily.

"I'm ready whenever you are." Abby called to us. Amber got up with Ethan's credit card to complete the purchase.

Sammy sent me a hard glare when she left. "You need to calm down and apologize."

"Y'all first." I sat back, seething.



I went home that night and threw myself into composing the playlist for the party. I knew Ethan liked Jazz, so I found popular jazz musicians and tracks. Zydeco music was a must, but I had no idea about it. I was researching while listening to Jazz when my phone rang. I saw it was Christian face timing me. I answered since I had a valid excuse to get off the phone.

"Hey." he greeted me.

"Hey. What's up? I'm busy."

"With?"

"Putting music together for a birthday party."

"That should be easy for you- you have a playlist for everything."

"Not Mardri Gras. I know nothing about Jazz or Zydeco."

"Is that why you're stressing?"

"I'm not."

"Yeah you are. You have this weird little line on your forehead." he said, tracing his finger over his forehead.

I scowled. "Thanks for pointing out my wrinkles."

He laughed. "I didn't say wrinkles. It's a cute little crease."

"Same thing. Are you done so I can go now?" I sighed, loudly.

"Sure. I guess have a few drinks, hit me up when you're nice and drunk so I can know why you're avoiding me this time." Christian instructed me, humorlessly.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I'm in a bad mood." I admitted.

"About?"

"Trevor."

"Oh. Did he do something?"

"No. He just... Gets brought up a lot and I guess I'm still sensitive about it. I got defensive and said mean shit to my friends. I'm gonna have to apologize on top of all the other shit I have to do this week." I confessed.

"You'll be alright. Everyone knows you lash out at people you love the most. They'll forgive you. If not, presents always work for me."

"I can't afford a nice enough present for what I said Mr. Money bags." I grumbled.

"Was Mr. Moneybags an insult? Based off that, I don't think you can say anything you can't afford to buy back."

"I threw it in her face her husband use to cheat on her."

"Damn. I stand corrected. You're a bad girl for real." he said, making a stupid face.

I cracked a smile. "Shut up. It's not funny."

"No, but I have a way for you to save some money so you can buy back her friendship."

I rolled my eyes. "How?"

"You still have all next week off for Superbowl right?"

"Not all week. The Wednesday before until the Wednesday afterwards." I clarified.

"Ok. How bout you stay with me and some friends?"

"You're gonna be in Santa Clara?"

"San Francisco, but that's close enough. My friend has a few club appearances. I'm gonna drop the first single. We're gonna do it big and I want you to be a part of it."

I smiled. "I'll think about it Christian."

"Think about whatever money you were going to spend on a hotel, a rental or food-spend it on buying back your friend. Send her and her husband on a spa day. Best way to say I'm sorry."

I instantly brightened up. "That's actually not a bad. I have to go."

"Wait. The music. Send me what you have tonight and I'll send you a mix in the morning." he offered.

"You don't have to. It has to be edited so I should do it."

"Back that thang up, not ass. Got it."

"No Juvenile. Not that kinda party. Sophisticated."

"Sophisticated Mardi Gras? No Juvenile? Can't do it."

"Then I can't use it." I smiled.

"I got you Lily." He smiled back.

"Thank you. And thanks for thinking about me Christian." I said, graciously.

"Any and all the time." he said, saluting me. After he hung up, I called Will.

"Is Amber around?" I asked.

"No... I can get her."

"No. Don't. I have a proposition for you." I said before telling him my plan.