Monster

"So when you're weak
When you are on your knees
I'll do my best, with the time, that's left
Sworn with your spirit, you're fully fleshed
So fuck your dreams
And don't you pick at our seams
I'll turn into a monster for you, If you pay me enough
None of this counts, a few dreams, plowed up
So we come
To a place of no return
Yours is the face, which makes my body burn
And here is the name, that our sons will learn:
Curse the beauty, curse the queen
Curse the beauty, leave me" Monster by Mumford & Sons 

Trevor's hands snaked around my waist, bringing my body closer to his on the bean bag. All thoughts of talking, figuring out why he left me, and convincing him we belonged together slowly crept from my mind...

"Trevor..." I broke off our kiss.

"Sorry." He said, shifting away from me. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He repeated, miserably, before looking away.

I brushed my lips against his scalp before tilting his chin up. I peppered little kisses on his face, stopping on his lips.  "It's ok." I kissed him softly, over and over again.

As each kiss between us became longer and more heated than the last, I told myself that's all we would do- kiss to make up for all the many kisses we missed out on these last 2 months. I knew how easy it was to fall into his arms and forget everything else. I vowed to myself I wouldn't let that happen again.

His lips parted and out of habit, my tongue sought his. We embraced passionately, deepening our kiss. Trevor's breathing became erratic as his hands grasped my body. They grouped over my arms, my neck, across my cleavage, down my dress, and stopped at the skin between the bottom of my dress and the top of my knee socks. As his hands moved up my bare thighs, I felt him harden against me. I knew we should stop right then and there, but it felt too good to be wanted by him again. The promises of love, understanding and commitment chipped at my resolve until it shattered.

He nudged me so I was laying flat on my back and I put up no resistance. When his hands slid up my inner thighs and grabbed my boyshorts, I lifted my hips to assist him as he yank them down. While he unbuttoned his pants, I spread my legs invitingly for him. And as he finally positioning himself on top of me, I wrapped my arms and legs around him. In one hard thrust, he was inside me, breaking the vow I made to myself.

I cried out as my body adjusted to Trevor and he stopped to look at me, his face tense with restraint. I gripped my knees around his waist, signaling him to keep going. That's all the encouragement he needed before he buried himself deeper inside me. Even with the changes in his body, he felt as good as ever molded against me. My moans were mixed with his groans of pleasure as he pounded inside me faster and faster.

His thrusts were hard and unrelenting -but I never once thought about telling him to stop, or even to slow down. I missed and craved the intimacy between us so desperately, I took him anyway I could. I was momentarily dazed when he pulled away from me. I snapped out of it when I saw how eerily pale he look as he gasped for air.

I sat up from the bean bag, searching for my phone. "Are you ok baby? Do we need to go to the hospital?" I found my phone and began to dial 911 as I examined his face.

"No... I'm not dying." he panted, holding his chest.

"What's wrong?" I continued, feeling his forehead. He moved out of my reach.

"Just outta Goddamn breath." He puffed.

"You were doing all the work. Of course you're outta breath." I said, lightly.

"Great- Add fuck my girlfriend to the list of things I can't do." Trevor complained.

I was giddy at the mention of being his girlfriend again- I grinned at the title.

"You think it's funny?" He glowered at me, catching his breath. Color came back to his face- it was now red with anger. It reminded me of the attitude he had when I first found out he had cancer. I didn't want him to revert back to that.

I shook my head. "No." I said, kissing him on his pouting lips. "Just thinking of all the ways I can fuck you." I said, before laying him back on the bean bag.

"Stop. We should stop..." Trevor protested as I began to remove his clothes. I ignored him- I knew he needed me as much as I needed him. His protest weakened when I removed my clothes. They stopped all together as I kissed down his body to his erection. I proceeded to fuck him with my hands first, then my mouth. When he was close, he pulled my hair and grunted, "Inside"

I straddled him, guiding him back inside me. I bounced up and down, conscious about putting all my weight on him. Thankfully, he came quickly. I tried to roll off of him, but he held me in place squeezing my thighs.

"Stay on top." He breathed heavily.

"I'm too heavy-" I started, wiggling uncomfortably.

He sat up, his hands holding my hips and keeping me captive in his lap. "You're perfect." He murmured, kissing me on the lips. He moved his hungry kisses everywhere his lips could reach. When he was hard again, he laid me back on the bean bag.

He made me feel perfect and beautiful and loved as he took his time, sinking inside of me again, excruciating slow. This time, his thrust were slow and gentle, making sure he hit my spot on every thrust.

"Ohhh... Trevor! I love you. I missed you so much..." I cried out as he brought me to my first orgasm.

While I was still recovering, he pulled out, flipped me over so I was flat against my stomach. He laid on top of me and ran kisses over my neck. Lifting me slightly, he slid inside me from behind. One of his hands snaked around my waist, finding my clitoris. He teased me into a frenzy, until I was on the verge of my second orgasm. His thrusts sped up until he climaxed again, causing mine shortly after.

He collapsed on the bean bag beside me and we both struggled to catch our breath. After a moment, I pulled on his t-shirt to creep to the bathroom. Justine watched me the entire time, causing me to wonder how long she's been awake. After a quick wash up, I came out the bathroom with a wash cloth to help Trevor clean up too. When I came out the bathroom, Trevor was passed out, snoring deeply. Wash cloth forgotten, I snuggled next to him, laying my head on his chest and fell asleep too.



Late the next morning, I woke up to Justine whines as she pushed her cold nose on my side.

I got up, yawning before retrieving my keys from my purse. I planned to take Justine out and grab my clothes too. I pulled on my boyshorts and socks before giving Trevor a kiss on the cheek and headed up the stairs. Of all people, I ran into Cam on the way up.

"Aw!" He shielded his eyes, looking away too. "I didn't see nothing."

"Shut up! There's nothing to see!" I exclaimed. "Who all is here?"

"J-Mike, Bilal, Jenna, Amanda, Jimmy." Cam listed off, still refusing to look at me.

"Can you get my bag from my car? And take Justine outside, please?" I asked.

"Yeah, just put your keys on the ground and walk away." Cam instructed.

I rolled my eyes but did what he asked. I went back downstairs and worked on taming my hair- the waves were beginning to come back as the chemical straighten wore off. I had it pulled up in a bun when Cam tossed my bag down.

"Were out on the deck when you two are ready to make an appearance." He called to me before he left.

I got dressed and woke Trevor up. I asked him if he wanted to lay down on a bed or the couch, but he got on up.

"Apparently, everyone is upstairs on the deck." I smiled as he stretched.

"I'll be up there in a second." He responded raspy. I nodded and kissed him before leaving.

I walked through the kitchen that smelled like bacon and coffee and saw Jimmy was putting some weird, silver contraption on the stove.

"Can I help you with anything?" I asked.

"No, everything is ready. I'm making another cup coffee if you want some and I'll make sleeping beauty a milkshake whenever he gets up." He answered.

"He's awake. I can make it for him." I offered, heading to the refrigerator. "No coffee pot?" I asked, curiously pulling out the milk.

"I don't need a pot. Majority of the time it's just me."

"Ever heard of a Keurig?"

"A what?"

"It's what you're getting from Trevor and me on Christmas." I stated before blending all the ingredients in the blender.

"You and Trevor?" Jimmy asked. Before I could respond, Trevor joined us. I smiled at him as Jimmy greeted him and grilled him about the state of the Rec center and store.

"No one went into the store and we'll take care of the Rec today." Trevor said.

"Good. I'm going to church. Don't mess nothing up while I'm gone." Jimmy instructed.

"Never." Trevor smiled, mischievously.

"Lily, I'm leaving you in charge. Make sure he eats." Jimmy told me.

"Of course. See you later." I waved. I handed Trevor his milkshake and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Go outside and I'll bring you a plate."

He pulled away from me. "I got it-"

"No. I got it! I'm in charge remember?" I said, with a playful smile. "Go!"

I made our plates and joined him and everyone else outside.

"What did you and Trevor get into last night?" J-Mike asked before I could sit.

I looked over at Trevor who wouldn't met my eye. I gave J-Mike a little smile. "Just watched movies. Neither one of us was hungry."

"I thought I heard screaming when I came home. What movie was it?" J-Mike asked casually.

"Monster movie-" I supplied at the same time Trevor answered, "Some random horror flick." Trevor said.

J-Mike chuckled. "Some random, monster, horror, flick movie?"

Trevor glared at J-Mike. "The basement is pretty sound tight. Did you have your ear against the door?"

"No- I think you underestimated the noises coming from the basement" J-Mike continued.

"Alright." My brother said, sternly. "Can we move on?"

 Bilal hid his snicker behind his juice, Jenna sent me a sympathetic look and Amanda was preoccupied with Justine.

"What? It sounded like a good movie. I just wanted the name of it." J-Mike laughed.

"It was called Mind Your Own Business." I said, snarkily.

Amanda snorted laughing, then covered her mouth. Jenna smiled at her.

"Really? That come out in theaters?" J-Mike asked,

"No. It's an indie film. Maybe you heard of the sequel: MYOB- Shut the Hell Up." I commented.

Bilal openly laughed at this point while Cam shook his head.

"Nope, never heard of it. Kinda lengthy title." J-Mike continued to play along, obnoxious.

"The third one was even longer. MYOB- Shut the Hell Up or Get The Fuck Out. Heard of that one?" Trevor asked.

We all started laughing, even J-Mike. "That one I know." He chuckled.

Trevor and I were allowed to eat in peace as J-Mike finally left it alone. I asked my brother when he was heading back to California.

"We're dropping Amanda off in Dallas and flying back tonight." Cam answered.

"Oh, are you driving back to Kansas City alone?" I asked Amanda.

"No. I have a friend in Dallas so I was going to hang out with her for awhile." She replied.

"She's thinking about moving to Texas or California. I just tried to sell her on California." Jenna added.

"Oh wow, that's exciting. You have to let me sell you on Texas! You can ride with me back to Dallas." I told her.

"I guess." She blushed.

I turned to Trevor. "Do you feel up for a trip to Dallas? Amber would love it of you came to her party." I asked him.

"I can't. I have chemo in the morning." Trevor declined.

"I know. We can go to the party, drop Amanda off with her friend and drive back later tonight." I replied.

"You have to work tomorrow." He said, shortly.

"I don't have to. Adil will cover for me. I just have to let him know. I want to be here with you." I said, grabbing his hand on the table. I gave him a smile which he didn't return. He just nodded.

After we ate, the guys hurried to the rec center with J-Mike to help clean up. Trevor volunteered to ride with Amanda and me to help us get to the rec center. Before we left, I went to the basement to grab Justine things. Trevor followed me.

"I need to apologize for last night." Trevor started.

I paused while gathering the dog bed. "It's nothing to be sorry about- I let it happen too. We should have talked things out first, but it's not too late."

"We don't have anything to talk about. I still- I still think it's best of we remain friends." Trevor admitted.

My heart dropped. "After last night, how can you say that?" I questioned him, not believing my ears.

"Nothing has changed between us. Last night was a mistake. " He asserted.

Bile raised in my throat at his words. "How can you say nothing's changed between us? I changed. I supported you, even though you didn't want me around. I gave you space even though it hurt me. I told you I wouldn't give up on us while showing you I can handle this. Why is us being together a mistake?" I interrogated him.

He rubbed his hand across his face before looking at me. "Lily, I can't ask you to be with me, to go through this, when I can't give you anything in return. I can't give you what you want, I can't take care of you; I can't even promise you a future because I don't know what the future is going to be."

"All I want is you! That's all I ever wanted. That's all I want in return. Nobody knows what will happen. All I know for sure is that I am in love with you. It's true love- and it's real...and it's special." I said, brokenly. "If you feel the same way about me, everything else we can figure out." I implored him.

"I'm sorry Lily. I don't know what else I can say to make you understand where I'm coming from." Trevor said, the pain and frustration evident in his voice.

"You can't. You can't make me understand us not being together, but it's your call. I can't force you to be in a relationship with me. If you're willing to throw us away, maybe what we have isn't so special after all." I bluffed him. I needed him to understand how he made me feel.

"I want us to be friends again." Trevor stated. I stared at him a long time- waiting for him to crack, to bend, to take it back. He never did.

I nodded blankly. "Fine. I gotta go." I turned to head upstairs.

"Lily-" he said grabbing my arm.

"What?" I asked, refusing to face him as I tried to keep my anger, sadness and bitterness contained.

"I don't want you to leave upset."

"I'm not. I have to go. Amber is having her party today. She's my friend too." I explained.

When he didn't say anything, just let me go, I went upstairs.  Amanda was waiting for us outside.

"Change of plans. You ready to go to Dallas?" I asked, throwing my things in the car.

"Um, sure. Let me grab my bag."

She hurried inside and got her things. We loaded up the car. Trevor never showed his face as we left.