Lifetime (Rocky's POV)

"There was a time when love wasn't chosen
now I'm just open for more
now I'm just reaching out for something better that I had before, girl
there ain't a bottom line in your world
Ooh and I, I can let my life pass me by
or I can get down and try
work it all out this lifetime
work it on out this time
I can let it all pass me by
or I can just try and try
I can move to the light
oh if I take it one day at a time (oh I)
oh spread my love out and fly
oh I (I can move to the light)
ooh I can just make you understand
that love is not a fairytale in a melody
if you want it you can have it girl
maybe you will see maybe you will see
lifetime lifetime" Lifetime by Maxwell

Rocky's Point of View

Lily: Trevor has colon cancer. He already started chemotherapy and is staying with his granny in Wichita Falls. This is her and his uncle Jimmy's phone number.

I re-read Lily text a few times before I finally comprehended the words. I looked up and met with Cam's stare. I stood quickly and rushed to my room to be alone and gather myself. Between everything going on and my hormones, it's been a struggle to stay calm and collected all weekend.

It began Friday night when Lily didn't come home. When she didn't answer her phone either, I started to get concerned. As it got later and later, the only calls and texts I received were from Brandon. He was hounding me about announcing my pregnancy with him to his parents.

I tried to keep everything between us strictly about our child, but he was hell bent on us getting back together again. He would send good morning text, call every night, and randomly come by under the pretense of dropping off baby items that were clearanced at his job. I was against announcing my pregnancy with him like we were still together. It sent the wrong message. He thought his persistence would eventually wear me down. The only thing it did was work my nerves. It was getting to the point that his voice aggravated me.

After ignoring Brandon's texts, I sent a message to both Sammy and Amber to see if they heard from Lily. When they hadn't, I thought about Forrest. I quickly dialed Forrest's number. As the phone continued to ring, my mind went to why neither one of them were answering. I knew Lily was determined to move on from Trevor and she had slept over at Forrest's house before. The thought of them together left a bad taste in my mouth.

I swallowed it down and gave myself the same speech I gave Lily about Brandon- she can handle herself. I had to stay out of her decisions- even if I didn't agree with them. Just as I decided to hang up and send them both a text, Forrest's deep, sexy tone greeted me, filling my body with warmth. Pushing away my feelings, I asked if Lily was with him.

"No. Why? Is everything ok?" Forrest questioned, concerned.

"I'm sure it is." I reassured him quickly. "She just didn't come home yet."

"Oh, ok. Last time I talked to her, she told me she was meeting with that guy- about her house." Forrest supplied.

"That's right. Maybe it turned into a dinner meeting." I threw out there.

"Possibly." There was a brief moment of silent. "Did you eat? I mean, dinner already?" Forrest asked.

I didn't respond right away. If it was anybody else, I would have assumed they were asking me out. I couldn't tell with Forrest. We had more than a few moments were I felt like there might be a mutual attraction...

"I can pick you up something if you need me to. I remember when my mom was pregnant, she had cravings all the time." Forrest continued, interrupting my over analysis of his question.

"I'm fine. If you hear from Lily, let me know." I said in a hurried goodbye.

"Ok. Goodni-" I ended the call before he could finish.

I rushed off the phone before I caused myself anymore embarrassment. It was not a feeling I wanted to be accustomed too. In fact, I felt enough of it with Brandon for a lifetime. Forrest was just being friendly. He was super nice to Lily like that too. He was a super friendly nice guy who knew I was pregnant. Of course he wasn't interested in me.

I popped a bag of popcorn and sat on the couch watching Basketball Wives. My embarrassment faded while watching grown women fight over trivial things- it made me feel significantly better about my situation. I sent a text to Brandon saying that I thought it was a bad idea to tell his parents about the baby together before I dozed off.

I woke up a few hours later in the middle of the night to my phone ringing. I sat up on the couch, wiped my face, and grabbed it.  As many times as I told myself Lily was grown and could handle her own business, it didn't stop me for falling asleep on the couch, waiting for her to come home or reply to my text. I answered without even checking who it was.

It was Cam, which made me worry when I found out he was at Trevor's apartment, trying to find Lily too. I let him know she was staying with me but I hadn't heard from her all night. When he came over, he told me that he suspected Trevor had colon cancer. When he revealed he told Lily the same, I knew she was in Wichita Falls hunting him down. We sat around the rest of the weekend, believing in the mantra no news is good news.

Now that we got the news, I tried to gather myself. I was failing miserably. A myriad of emotions and question plagued me. Why would Trevor hide this from us? Why wasn't Lily answering her phone? What the hell was going on? I focus my energy on getting answers.

I packed a small bag with a few changes of clothes. I texted Lily back, asking the address to Trevor's Grandmother's house. I picked up my bag and took it into the kitchen where I kept my prenatal vitamins and iron supplements. I was zipping up my bag when Cam joined me.

"Lily's back in Dallas. Or at least, she should be soon. His uncle said Trevor and Lily had a falling out and she left. Do you wanna stay here and wait for her?" Cam asked, stoically.

"No. I don't. I wanna talk to Trevor. I'm going to Wichita Falls." I grumbled, angry at the suggestion of more sitting around and waiting. I needed answers. Now.

"Ok. I'm gonna stay here for Lily. Drive safe. Call me when you get there." Cam relented.

After getting the address from him, I left. The 2 hour drive did nothing but increase my anger. When I got to Trevor's Grandmother's house, I knocked on the door impatiently. A man that looked like an older, harder version of Trevor gave me a look over before asking me how he could help me.

"I'm Racqelle. I'm a friend of Trevor's from Dallas." I explained.

"C'mon in." He said, opening the door for me. I stepped forward and followed him. Once we were inside, he stuck out his hand to me."I'm Jimmy, Trevor's uncle." He introduced himself.

I shook his hand as an older lady I assumed was Trevor's grandmother questioned me. "He really didn't tell anyone?"

"No Ma'am." I answered, plainly. Jimmy phone rang from his pocket, cutting me off.

"Helen is fine. He's in the back bedroom. I gotta warn you, he's not in the best mood." Helen continued.

"Good. Neither am I." I said, briskly. Jimmy gave me a nod of approval before answering the phone. I followed Helen to Trevor's room. He was sitting up in a reclining chair, gazing out the window. I felt sorrow at his aged appearance only for second before I stood in front of him, blocking his view.

"What the hell is your problem Trevor?" I snarled at him, hands on my hip.

His granny watched from the doorway, but I ignored her. From what Lily told me about his family, I'm sure they believed the stereotype of an angry black woman. I would live up to it today.

"Lily told everyone. You know I have cancer." He replied nonchalantly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Of the brain? That's the only way your actions make any damn sense."

"I wish. The brain is so much cooler than the colon." He joked weakly.

The tears I didn't want to fall came anyway.

"Not you too Rocky. Don't cry. I can't take anymore tears." Trevor requested.

I brushed them away, quickly. "I'm not sad, I'm livid! Why didn't you tell us?"

"Granny, can I get a drink?" Trevor asked. When she left, Trevor motioned for me to sit on the bed.

"Why?" I prompted, indignantly after sitting down.

He held up his phone. It kept beeping and lighting up. "I didn't want this. I don't want to be a burden." He sighed.

"You're not a burden!" I protested.

When he didn't respond, I continued. "You really thought you could keep it a secret?"

"Not forever. Just until-" He stopped abruptly.

"Until what? You're in remission?"

"Most likely dead." He admitted.

Anger swelled inside of me again. "Didn't you think us finding out you went through this alone would be a burden on us, whether you live or die?"

"Maybe. But in the meantime, y'all wouldn't be hovering and crying and- I wouldn't drag everyone down." Trevor explained.

"Hate to break it to you- but you've been dragging me down with your stupidity since we met. I haven't dropped you yet. I'm not going to." I snapped at him.

Trevor smiled a little lopsided grin, his eyes glistening. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

 "You're welcome." I smiled too, even as I really wanted to cry.

His grandmother came back with drinks and snacks for us and I thanked her. I glared at Trevor until he thanked her too. While we ate and drank, I asked him about his treatment. He opened up to me and told me his fears of chemotherapy. His biggest fear was that it wouldn't help like his dad.

"That's silly to think like that. Medicine advances everyday. The things they know now versus what they knew then is astronomical. When they don't want to do treatment, that's when you get concerned." I told him after we switched places. I helped prop him up on his pillows before sitting in the chair he abandoned.

"I get that, but no one wants to face the fact that I might die." He said, frustrated.

"Ok. Just because no one is sitting here planning your funeral doesn't mean we don't recognize the risk. I chose to have hope until I'm told otherwise." I notified him.

"Even if I live, I still have to deal with cancer for the rest of my life." He lamented.

"People live with worse Trevor. All you can do is play the hand you're given."

"Jokers for the joker." He joked, lamely.

"No. Aces for the ace." I joked back, equally lame.

He smiled and we moved on. As we talked, he still ignored his phone. He ignored me too when I brought up Lily.

"Why are you and Lily fighting?" I asked, already knowing the answer. I knew she raised hell when she found out he was hiding his illness.

He closed his eyes like I didn't even speak.

"You broke up with Lily because you're sick?" I rephrased, louder, as a simple yes or no question.

"It's a little more complicated than that." He replied, keeping his eyes closed.

"Explain it th-." I started, before a noise outside the door stopped me cold. I immediately sat straight, frozen as my heart pounded in my chest. His voice always had that affect on me- or maybe it was all the memories tethered to it...

Bilal came into the room and our eyes clashed immediately. He looked away, narrowing in on Trevor. I saw the hurt flash in his eyes before he sat on the end of the bed. Trevor eyes opened and he looked at Bilal.

"What's up Bilal?" Trevor greeted him, causally.

"What's up with you?" Bilal replied, his voice cracking before he cleared his throat. "I like the new look man. Bald is beautiful."

Trevor laughed shortly. "Screw you."

Bilal smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He was putting an a brave facade, but his pain was palpable. It came over me in waves causing a prickling sensation in my eyes.

"I'll give you two a minute." I said, standing and leaving the room before either one of them could say anything.

I went outside, took a few shaky breaths and I pulled out my phone. I emailed the administration manager at my job that I would be out of office Monday. After I found and booked a nearby hotel, I read the texts Brandon sent me. Before I responded to him or anyone else, I remembered to call Cam. He told me that Lily was at her apartment, but he wasn't sure what happened between her and Trevor. I told him I had no idea either but would try to find out. I was composing a text to Brandon next when the front door opened.

I put my phone away when I saw Bilal step outside.

"Everything ok?" I asked.

"Yeah-He fell asleep while we were talking. I couldn't- " He stopped and looked down. "How could I've not known?"

"He didn't want you to. Lily didn't even suspect anything." I did my best to comfort him.

"I should have known." Bilal said, stubbornly.

I kept quiet because I didn't want to argue with him.

"He looks so sick." Bilal murmured.

"That's the chemotherapy.  The doctor's caught it at stage three. They don't want it to spread or reoccur." I explained.

Bilal heaved a heavy sigh. "This is too much.  It's not right. None of this is fair."

"That's life." I said bluntly. "Vent to me all you want, but don't say stuff like that around him. He didn't want us to know because he thinks he's a burden."

Bilal stiffened and his eyes harden. "Why would he think that?" He asked, angrily.

"You would have to ask him." I said, preparing to go back inside.

"Wait. Rocky." He said, calmly. I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry. I just want us to be ok again."

It was my turn to stiffen. I thought about the last time we spoke. While I was in Houston, I reached out to apologize for the way I treated him when I cheated on Brandon. When he learned I was in Houston, he came to my mom's house to talk in person. I admitted to him he was right-There was something still between us.

I couldn't admit it when we slept together because I spent too much time and effort getting over him. Brandon was a part of that effort and I couldn't give him up. Holding on to Brandon didn't change the truth- I still loved Bilal. Anything I felt between Bilal and me no longer mattered after I told him I was pregnant by Brandon. He recoiled with disgust and wouldn't look at me when I told him I was keeping the baby. He walked away from me and we hadn't spoken since.

"Ok." I nodded, turning to make my escape. He kept talking before I could leave.

"I'm serious. I want us to try to be friends again. That's it." Bilal stated.

"I agree. Can we start tomorrow? It's been a long day." I smirked, half-heartedly.

Bilal returned my smirk. "Tomorrow then."

I went inside and told Jimmy and Trevor's grandma I would be back in the morning. I asked if I could pick anything up from the store, then I got the hell outta there. After I checked into the hotel, I laid in the bed, the events from the day finally taking its toll. I feel asleep, tears of helplessness wetting my pillow.

The next morning, I picked up a variety of pastries and coffee before returning to the house. Trevor's mom was there and I greeted her as courteously as I could while being around her made my blood boil.

Bilal was up with Trevor and I handled him a chai tea and Trevor a chocolate milk. As we ate breakfast, Trevor's mom came into the room, fussing over Trevor and the amount of sugar he was eating.

"Let's hope I puke it all up then." Trevor deadpanned. She gave Bilal and me a little look before she left the room. A couple hours later, Cam showed up too. Trevor was washing up while Bilal made the bed and I helped Trevor's Grandma make lunch for everyone. We both explained Trevor diagnosis to Cam. Afterwards, I helped Cam bring in the items Lily bought for Trevor. It was really a ploy to talk to him alone.

He explained to me how Lily thought Trevor didn't want her with him because he didn't want to deal with her.

"He didn't want anyone to know. He told me he didn't want to be a burden on us. I hope I got through to him." I said.

 He handed me a key to Lily's and Trevor's apartment. "Well, maybe we can both talk some sense into her."

"I'll do what I can." I replied, at the same time thinking the only thing I could do was give her all the information and hoped she made the right choice.

"Do you know what lava you means?" He asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"Lily told me to tell Trevor that."

"Just tell him. He'll know. They have too many inside jokes to keep track of."

When we came back inside, Trevor was at the table picking at his food. I made him one of the shakes Lily bought while Cam went to sit with him.

"You don't have to fuck me up 10 different ways. Chemotherapy is doing it for you." Trevor greeted Cam.

"Even if I wanted to, I'd have Lily to contend with afterwards and she's ruthless." Cam stated. When Trevor said nothing, Cam continued. "She wanted you to have all this stuff. And she said she lava you." Cam said

I had no idea what that meant but Trevor certainly did; I no longer believed it was a joke. His face scrunched up and he was withdrawn for the rest of my visit. He picked at his food but drank down the shake. He didn't comment when his mom lectured him that he had to keep up his strength with real food and not sugar.

"It's not sugar- they're meal replacements. Lily bought them specifically for nutrition." Cam corrected her.

I took note of the sour face his mom made.

"Guys, I'm wiped out. I need some rest," Trevor said, solemnly. I followed him into his room to say goodbye.

"You know Lily's not going to stay away?" I informed him.

"I wish she would. I don't want her here." He muttered.

"Why?"

He ignored my question. "Was she- ok? I mean, after we broke up, was she- moving on?" Trevor asked.

"She was trying to." I answered, truthfully. "She wasn't doing very well." He didn't say anything else, so I reached down and gave Trevor a hug. "I'm leaving, but I'll be back next weekend ok?"

"You don't have to come every weekend."

"I know, but I want to before I get too far along. Can I tell your mom you're my baby's daddy?" I joked with Trevor.

Trevor finally cracked a genuine smile again. "I'll pay to see that. Can you wait until you're showing?"

"Will do." I laughed. "See you soon Ace." As I left, Bilal was watching me from the doorway.

"You're already showing." Bilal mentioned.

I patted down my blouse, self-consciously. I had a tiny pudge.

"You have a glow too. I never said congratulations. You're going to be great mom." He said, his voice with a edge.

"Bilal-" I started, apologetically.

"It's ok. Really. Maybe it's a shitty clichè but life's too short. I don't want to spend it upset about the past. I want you to be happy. If you are, so am I." Bilal finished.

"Thanks, I want the same for you." I replied before exiting.

On the drive home, I called Brandon. I filled him in on what was going on and why I wasn't able to answer his calls. I told him the following weekend I'd be out of town to visit Trevor again.

"I won't leave until Saturday morning. If you can set something up with your parents before then, we can tell them together." I told him. He quickly agreed.

I could hear the surprise in his voice, but I didn't want to spend my life stuck in the past.  Bilal was right- life is too short to be holding on to anger, sadness, and disappointments. I wore my independence like a cloak of protection from being hurt by never having to truly depend on someone. It's how my mom raised me. It wasn't a bad way to live- I just wanted more for myself and my child. I had to be willing to open myself up to new beginnings, happiness and love. Maybe another shitty clichè, but I'm determined to try.