November Rain

"Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one" November Rain by Guns N' Roses

"Hey ladies. Sorry I'm late. People drive like idiots in the rain." I smiled as I approached the booth Sammy, Amber and Rocky were sitting at.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you got here safely." Rocky said as I sat down beside Amber.

"I know. I treated at least a dozen different patients that's been in accidents these past couple of weeks. " Amber said, giving me a little hug.

"I hate the cold, but I'll take it over all this rain. It's ridiculous." Sammy complained as I grabbed a menu to look over.

"We went ahead and ordered since we both have to be at work. We all got the Wednesday special." Rocky informed me.

"Sounds good to me." I said, putting the menu down and drinking my sweet tea.

"What's new with you?" Sammy started, after I put my glass down.

"Besides the house, not much." I answered.

The week after Halloween, I finally closed on my house. Getting the keys to my house was one of my proudest moments. There was something strangely liberating about it. No matter what, the house was all mine.

"And how are the renovations going?" Amber asked, her eyebrows raising.

"They're going great. That's the one good thing about the rain. Richard's jobs had to stop, so he can spend more time on my house." I explained.

As soon as I got my keys to my place, I called Richard to see about starting the repairs on the roof. As embarrassing as it was to talk to him again after my desperate display at lunch the last time I saw him, I sucked it up because he was the only general contractor I knew. I didn't trust a stranger not to completely overcharge me. I needed to save all the money I could since I had new expenses so I took my chances and reached out to him.

Richard was willing to work with me, no questions asked. He had a roofer out the same week to start repairs. Over the past month, he walked me through everything-from picking out supplies to showing me small things I could do by myself. Dominick must have filled him in on what happened with Trevor, because he didn't even flirt with me. I was grateful for him- I definitely had more fun working on my house than the work I was doing on myself...

"How was your doctor's appointment?" I asked Rocky, trying to stay upbeat with positive news.

"It was fine. Everything's normal. The results from the diabetes test were normal. We're good." She answered, patting her bump. I swear, it appeared overnight. One day, it was flat, the next, a tiny baby bump. I fought the urge to rub her stomach- she hated it.

"Were they able to see what you are having?" Amber questioned her.

"Yes, but I don't know. Since Brandon's mom is throwing the baby shower, my mom wants to do a gender reveal party." Rocky explained.

"A what?" Sammy asked, confused.

"I don't know. My mama said she saw something- you bite into a cupcake and the filling is pink or blue. I'm just going along with it to keep the peace. It's going to be in Houston so I'll let you all know after that." Rocky said.

"Are we invited? Did you invite Forrest or is it a girl thing?" I asked, being nosy. Forrest and Rocky have been dating steadily the whole month of November. They hadn't put a label on things yet, but I was curious to how serious they were.

"If you want to come you can. It's going to be the weekend after Thanksgiving. I figured everyone was going to be doing their own thing and no I didn't invite Forrest." She gave me a look. "Do you know what you're doing for Thanksgiving?"

"No." I said plainly.

Amber had to work on Thanksgiving so her family was going to Will's sister house. Sammy was meeting Corey's family for the first time. Forrest and Rocky both invited me home with their families. Cam and Jenna were hosting at their house, but I wasn't in a good place to see my dad. Trevor let me know I was welcomed to his granny's house for Thanksgiving at the same time reminding me his mom would be there and he was inviting me as a friend only. The options made me wish I was working, but only one team lead was needed, and Dr. Clayton gave me Thanksgiving and New Years off so he could spend Christmas eve and day with his daughters. I still hadn't decide what I was going to do.

"You're not going to see Trevor?" Sammy asked me.

I shook my head at the same time I said, "I don't know." They gave each other a look. "I just-I haven't decided yet. Lots of options" I corrected myself, keeping my head still and flashing a nervous smile.

"Let me know when you do." Rocky said, reassuringly.

"Alright, what's going on with you? And don't say nothing because you've been acting weird all month. What's up? Is it Trevor?" Sammy blurted out.

"Are you dating someone? Don't be ashamed if you are." Amber added.

"What they are trying to say is that we are here for you whenever you wanna talk." Rocky sent both Sammy and Amber chilly looks.

I took a deep breath. "It's ok Rocky. They both are right. I have been weird because I'm seeing someone. I've been ashamed to tell the truth."

Sammy looked equal parts shocked and outraged. I wasn't surprised- She was team Trevor. She always asked me how Trevor was doing, when was the last time I talked to him, and praised me on how my loyalty would win out in the end. It made it impossible to talk to her about how hard it was to be Trevor's friend when she keep preaching "ride or die".

Amber looked vindicated and looked at me, expectantly. When we spoke, she always hinted about all the I was spending with Richard. She went on and on about how fine he was and what a great body he had and asked how we got along. While Richard and I did bond over our mutual love of saving money, it was all business between us. Amber was firmly on team move on and couldn't see it would take a lot more than a great body to make me get over Trevor.

Rocky was the first one to speak her mind. "You shouldn't be ashamed to tell us anything. We're always going to support you. No matter what."

Her reaction was the only one that surprised me. Every since I told her everything that happened with Trevor at Halloween, she had been strictly team me. Part of me expected her to be upset at me, Trevor or both of us for hooking up, but she wasn't. She gave me a shoulder to cry on without any judgments. I don't know why I still expected her to join a side and try to convince me it was the right choice, but her unwavering support gave me the confidence to tell them the truth.

"I'm seeing a therapist. She has been helping me deal with everything. That's what's up with me." I confessed.

"I think everyone could use therapy really. I'm all for anything that helps you heal and move on." Amber said quickly.

Sammy tilted her head at me. "What does she say about Trevor?" She winced in pain and glared at Rocky before fixing her face.

"Nothing really. We haven't got to that."  I replied.

Between my job, working out, chores, Justine, my house and mortgage payments, I could only afford to spend time and money with Dr. Pereira once a week. Almost a month of sessions and I still was focusing on my childhood. It was worth it though- I really felt better talking to her about it.

"So what do you talk about?" Amber asked, curiously.

"About my mom, my dad, things that happened when I was younger. Apparently I have a lot of stuff bottled up." I said, with a little smile. "I'm kinda focusing on myself then I'll deal with... everything else."

"I think that's great. I'm proud of you." Rocky said, nodding.

"Thanks." I said.

We finished lunch and went our separate ways. Thankfully, the storm passed and I made my way to work without dealing with the rain. I felt much better now that my friends knew I was seeing a therapist. I felt relieved they understood my choice to seek help. It didn't feel like a dirty little secret anymore.


Friday morning, I got ready for my appointment with Dr. Pereira. I picked Fridays so I would have the weekend to reflect on what we talked about. Most of the time, I wanted to spend it alone. That's why my friends hadn't been seeing as much of me. I grabbed my umbrella and left. It was cloudy with scattered showers but I held on to hope I wouldn't need it.

When I first began my appointments, I made sure I arrived right on time to avoid having to wait in the lobby.  I gotten over my embarrassment and sat in the lobby, scrolling through different wallpapers and lightening for the kitchen on my phone. That was the next step after all the flooring was complete.

"Lily." Dr. Pereira grabbed my attention before I joined her in her office. There was a couch, but I always chose the comfortable office chair. Dr. Pereira took a seat on the couch and we began as normal with her asking about my week.

"It was good. Everyone's making Thanksgiving plans for next week, but I'm not sure what I'm doing yet." I responded.

"What are some of your options?" She asked.

"I can always go home, but I'm not ready to see my dad." I started.

"Why do you feel like you're not ready?"

There were so many reasons. I hadn't spoke to him since Trevor and I broke up because I didn't want to hear I told you so from him. Now that I knew Trevor felt like he couldn't give me what I wanted, I partially blamed my dad for putting that idea in his head. Talking about Mr. Perez also made me livid at my dad and how he handled the situation. I didn't want to go home, blow up in anger, and be the squeaky wheel he couldn't fix in the family.

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"What did we say about I don't know?" Dr. Pereira reminded me gently.

"It's not an honest answer. I may be conflicted or may not want to talk about it but I know how I feel. If I'm not honest, then there's no point in therapy" I repeated, for like, the hundredth time.

"Right. So how do you feel about going home?"

"I'm just going to be angry and bitter at my dad and ruin Thanksgiving." I compromised, hoping she would leave it at that.

"And why do you do you feel that way?" She probed.

I picked the only reason she knew about. "Because he left me alone with Mr. Perez and he let him get away with raping me." Dr. Pereira always referred to our relationship as rape. After realizing how he groomed me into thinking what happened between us was ok, I realized it was rape now too. It was my first time saying it out loud and tears filled up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away with no avail.

She reached over and handed me a tissue. "What are your other options?" Dr. Pereira moved on.

I answered, glad she changed subjects. "Going to my friend's mom's house in Houston. She is having a gender reveal for her baby." I said.

"How exciting." She commented.

"My friend Forrest invited me to Shreveport too."

"No wonder you can't make up your mind. So many options." She smiled.

"Yeah... My ex invited me to dinner with his family too." I said, tersely. I smiled to play it off like no big thing. She saw right though me.

"Really? Are you close to his family?"

I scoffed. "No. His mom hates me."

"Do you know why?"

I thought about last thanksgiving and what she said when we left. "Because I'm not blonde or have blue eyes or white. Three strikes."

"I see. Is that why he is your ex?"

"No. He broke up with me because he has cancer." I admitted.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. How long ago was this?"

"Um, September. But we hooked up last month-"

"Hooked up?"

"Had sex. Afterwards, he told me he feels like he has nothing to give me and he doesn't see a future with me anymore"

"I see. Is that the truth?"

"I can see why he thinks that." I avoided answering.

"Why?" She said, patiently.

I told her the story of me and Trevor. She asked a few question here and there, but mostly listened and took notes. I began at the beginning when I first met Trevor in college and how he was the first guy I was attracted to. I explained that he became my confidant even though I had a feelings for him. I relived how we supported each other when we moved together to Dallas as best friends. I was telling her about our first major falling out before I moved to California when my time ran out.

"I have another hour available." Dr. Pereira informed me.

"Um, are you sure? We never go over our time?" I pointed out.

"We never had a reason to. It's completely up to you." She said crossing her legs.

So I continued. I told her how I thought he was just protective of me before I found out he had feelings for me. Even though I felt the same, I was warily about risking our friendship because I wasn't sure I was ready for a relationship. I finished, telling her how he convinced me to push those fears aside, promising he would work with me.

"You said you can see why he believes he has nothing to give you. Why is that?" Dr. Pereira redirected me.

"I treated him like a dumping ground-He just bore all my insecurities and fears while fighting for our future. He fought for me, even when I fought back every step of the way. When he got sick, he didn't even tell me he was sick, he just broke up with me. He just knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't convince him otherwise. Or, at least I don't know how to." I spilled.

"Have you tried making it clear he doesn't have to take care of you?" Dr. Pereira questioned me.

"Yeah, even before he got sick I told him to stop. That was one of our biggest arguments- the fact that he feels like he has to protect me from everything. It drove me crazy. Or crazier." I said, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Did he listen when you told him to stop before he got sick?"

I fidgeted. "We were working on it, but I don't blame him, it's my fault. You teach people how to treat you right? I can see why he treated me that way. That's the way it's always been- him protecting and taking care of me."

"It is up to you to set boundaries with people. It's up to them to respect them. Do you feel he respected your boundaries after you asked him to stop?" She questioned.

I stiffened. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Ok. How is your relationship with Trevor now?" She changed the subject.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say I don't know, but I thought about it truthfully. "He wants us to be friends and I'm trying. It's just-very hard for me. And I really don't know why. I swear."

She nodded. "Have you told him how you feel?"

"How can I? Nothing is as important as his health and his feelings." I responded.

"Your health and your feelings are just as important. You have to take care of yourself. You're entitled to how you feel. Controlling your emotions doesn't mean not having them- It's controlling how you react to them." She informed me.

I nodded, thoughtfully.

"I want you to think about that for our next session. How you really feel about your relationships and what you can do to set new boundaries." Dr. Pereira finished.

"Ok. I will."

"If I don't hear from you before then, Happy Thanksgiving. Make it a great one, whatever you decide to do." She told me as she walked me out.

"I will. Thank you Dr. Pereira. Happy Thanksgiving too." I told her before I left.

I retrieved my umbrella when I saw it was pouring again. If I was poetic, I might have believed all the rain was cleansing- rinsing away the old to make way for the new. I wasn't, and it fucking sucked to navigate through. I opened my umbrella and made my way to my car.





*****Sorry it's late, and that Lily might still be a wet blanket. I had to have a post to explain what she's been up to during the time jump*****

Thriller (Rocky's POV)

***I apologize in advance for the errors. I didn't proof as much as I should and between driving and cooking, I won't be able to get to it until late tonight. Enjoy the holiday or hump day and there will be another post Friday night!***



"They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All thru the night I'll save you from the terrors on the screen,
I'll make you see
That it's a thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight" Thriller by Michael Jackson.

ROCKY POINT OF VIEW 

"I got the rest. You stay inside. It's pouring out here." Forrest said as we brought in two crockpots from his car to Amber's house. Amber held the door open with a cluster of balloons in her hands.

I smiled in greeting to Ethan and Will who came outside in the rain to assist us with the rest of the food.

"All this rain is going to ruin my Monster Ball." Amber complained as we set the food in the kitchen. "Well, Halloween ball since y'all are not monsters." She glared at Will and Ethan.

"Yeah, we are. Monstars." Will pointed out.

"Do you know what that means?" Amber asked me.

"No idea." I said, unwrapping a watermelon Lily carved up like a pumpkin with a monster face.

"Michael Jordan? The Looney Toons." Ethan supplied me.

"Oook" I nodded, pouring the cut up fruit around the watermelon as instructed so it looked like the monster spewed it out.

"That's creative." Forrest complimented me.

"That's all Lily. She probably won't be here Amber." I informed her.

"That's a shame. I bet she would have understood our jerseys." Ethan commented.

"I get it. I just forgot about that movie. Charles Barkley was in it too right?" I remembered.

"Right. He was the leader of the Monstars. Which one of you is Charles?" Forrest asked them.

"Me." They both responded.

"No, you're Patrick Ewing." Will pointed at Ethan.

Ethan shook his head. "That would make you Muggsy Bogues, not Barkley."

Will chuckled, incredulously. "No way." before they argued back and forth.

"Can we get back to my party. Will, Ethan decorations please? Forrest and Rocky y'all got the food." Amber barked.

"What are you going to do, masta?" Will asked her with a smile.

"Take care of your kids, how bout that?" Amber snapped back, before sashaying away.

"That's what I'm talking about. Unnecessary-" Will said to Ethan as they left the kitchen.

"So..." Forrest started.

"Food. Lots of it. Let's get to work." I clapped.

Forrest and I made a pretty good team if I say so myself. He anticipated things I needed and set up trays the way it made sense without me giving instructions. It was a welcomed change in dynamic- someone just doing what needed to be done no questions asked or directions needed. It didn't help the fact that now I couldn't look at him without thinking about what Lily revealed to me. It amazed me he wanted to ask me out. Though he was a nice guy, why would he want to date me? Why willing sign on for pregnancy and baby baggage? I didn't get it...

"Rocky!... earth to Rocky. Come in!" Forrest called me, ending my doubt while bestowing on me his perfect smile. His face was a work of art. As if his eyes (a brilliant shade of my favorite color green) weren't enough to draw me in, he had full, sensuous  lips, an adorable chin indent, and a light brown skin tone that had my mouth watering for coffee flavored ice cream. My craving had nothing to do with my pregnancy...

"What were you thinking about?" He asked.

"Ice cream." I blurted, grateful that my blush wouldn't show on my brown skin.

"Do you want me to run and get you some?" He offered.

"No... did you need something?" I asked him, changing the subject.

"No. I was curious about the party last night? How was it?"

"It was nice. Lighthearted- what Trevor needed before chemo."

"And Lily? Was she ok?"

"Yes. She and Trevor disappeared together, so I'm hoping she talked some sense into him." I commented.

"I guess." Forrest said, half-heartedly.

"You don't sound very happy about that." I said, stopping to observe him.

"I don't like the way Trevor is treating her."

"I don't either, but I've never been diagnosed with cancer. I really can't judge." I said defensively.

"I get that. Really, I do. I can't begin to imagine what he's going through." Forrest started. "But I can't excuse what he's putting Lily through. He had to know how much it hurt her when he left. How much it continues to hurt her. She doesn't deserve that, regardless of the reason." He said. The inflection in his tone made me suspicious.

"Forrest, do you have feelings for Lily?" I accused him, heatedly.

The expression a wolf in sheep's clothing passed my mind. That's one of my mama's favorite sayings. She always had me on the hunt for potential predators. Whether it was a teacher, a preacher or a mild manner boy, she taught me to never take things at face value. The one's that tend to do you the most harm would smile right in your face.

That was my initial impression of Forrest when I first met him- a wolf in beautiful sheep clothing. Lily said they were just friendly, but I was instantly cautious. There were few reasons an attractive engaged man would be interested in being  "friendly" with a equally attractive single woman. Once I heard about the lunches they took together, I immediately knew what he was up to- He was playing the friend role to have a side piece before he got married. I didn't voice my suspicious to Lily, but I kept an eye on the situation and didn't discourage her from dating Jake. Maybe Jake was a wolf, but at least there was no disguising him.

I was thrown off when Forrest continued to hang around after Lily began to date Jake. Seeing him with Rachel assuaged my fear. She was the alpha in that relationship. He followed her commands like a lap dog. The chances of him trying to creep while devoted to her didn't make sense. As I got to know him, my fears disappeared altogether. I quickly realized there was no wolf bone in his body. He was... nice. Or at least I thought so.

Maybe now because there was no Rachel in the picture, he wanted a chance with Lily. He was using feelings for me to continue to pretend to be just a friend to Lily. I couldn't believe I almost fell for it.

Forrest looked stunned as I glared at him. "No. I don't have feelings for Lily like that." He flat out denied.

I curled up my lips, not knowing if I should believe him. His reaction didn't make sense. He cared too much about Lily. I keep pressing for a reason. "You sure do have strong feelings about what she deserves."

"Maybe I'm coming off strongly because I- I just know how that feels- feeling abandoned and like you're not good enough. Rachel put me though that when she left and whether he means to or not, Trevor's putting Lily though the same thing. I don't want her to feel like that." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "But I don't have romantic feelings. At least, not for her. I like you." He said, looking me deeply in my eyes and squeezing my hand, making his feelings crystal clear to me.

"Oh." I inhaled sharply. Wolf, sheep or in between, I believed every word he said. Before I could respond, Amber plowed through the kitchen and we pulled apart. She rushed passed us to the front door. She came back with 2 women and 3 little girls, chatting excitedly.

"Are y'all about done? Sammy's on her way and we need to get ready!" Amber asked me.

"Yes... food is set." I confirmed.

"Forrest, could you do me a huge favor? There's a scene setter I want in the backyard for the pictures. I was going to do against the fence, but it has to be under the patio..." Amber explained.

"I'm on it." Forrest agreed.

"No, have the pictures inside. No one is going to want to be out there when it's all wet and humid." I stated.

"Yeah we are. We gotta turn up outside since the man of the house said no drinking." One of the girls spoke up, holding up a bottle of vodka.

"I don't want liquor in my house at all." Will said, eying her, disdainfully as he joined us.

"That's why we said backyard." The other girl stated.

"We need to talk Amber." Will said, folding his arms.

"Can it wait? I need to get ready. Let's go girls! Keep an eye on the kids." She said.

I followed them into the bedroom before they dissolved into giggles.

"Ayy, you are right about him." Mia told Amber. "Why he gotta be a buzzkill. Literally?"

"It's one thing if you not wanna drink, we're all adults though. Don't parent me! I have a daddy." Staci chimed in.

"He stay trippin. I just ignore him though." Amber laughed it off.

I gave her a look that said, "bitch when?" but she played like she didn't see me. They poured glasses of wine while stripping off their clothes to get dress. Mia offered me one, but I shook my head.

"That's right. You're pregnant. One glass won't hurt." Staci shook the bottle.

"No thanks."

"Who's the one who's ex has cancer again?" Mia asked

"That's Lily. She's not coming though." Amber said, squeezing into her mini gold dress. It fit her body well, just more revealing then I was accustomed to seeing her in.

"Good, less competition. I call dibs on Forrest. His momma named him right. Those green eyes made me wanna climb him like a tree." Mia grinned.

"You can't call dibs when there's no other single mens. I'll fight you for that! He was checking for me anyway. You couldn't tell?" Staci declared.

They all cackled while I smiled, unfazed. He just told me his green eyes were checking for me. Beside, Forrest was an educator- he wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't know men was already plural.

"Don't forget about Brandon. He's single too." I pointed out. I could get Forrest out of their sight and myself out of Brandon's. Two birds- One stone.

"Your baby's daddy? Please. You may put up with that, not me." Mia scoffed, giving me a side eye while sipping her wine. They all laughed again.

"Excuse me, I need to go change." I said, leaving before I went off on Amber. I was shocked she was airing out all our business to her pack of wild hyenas. I had no patience for their childish antics.

I went into the bathroom and changed into my costume. Maybe they felt comfortable changing in front of each other, but I was never for that. When I came out, Will was letting Sammy in. She said hello to me before going to help Amber with her make-up.

"Good luck." I wished her before I joined Forrest outside.

"Looking good. Need some help?" I asked Forrest as he set up props.

"No, go back inside in relax." He responded, stiffly.

"No. Those ladies are not good for my blood pressure."

"In that case, come hang some lanterns. Exercise is good for labor." He offered.

I grabbed a paper lantern and we worked in an odd silence. "One of those girls wants to climb you like a tree." I said to break the tension.

Forrest looked startled and confused. I snickered at him. "You know, forests have trees. Your name is Forrest."

"My name will be Forrest Gump if that happens- I'm running." He joked.

"Not your type?"

"No-girls like that are scary as hell. I tend to avoid them at all cost."

"Is that why you like me? I'm not scary?" I asked, bluntly.

"Honestly?"

"No, lie to me." I said, sarcastically.

"Alright... They are frightening with all the lipstick and big hair. It's like war paint and they're ready to destroy and conquer."

I chuckled. They really did look scary with all that make-up caked on, weave flowing and screeching like wild animals.

"You are intimidating but not scary." He concluded.

"How am I intimidating?" I smiled, slightly.

He thought about it, rubbing his beard. "It's just you're presence. Maybe confidence. Like you have your stuff together so I better too."

I thought about it too. "I don't know how you can think that. I have a child on the way, an ex that doesn't understand we're not getting back together and I'm sure that confidence will fade once I start waddling around." I said, laying all my concerns about us dating on the table.

He didn't even blink. "Besides all that, you soilder on with your head high. I admire that about you. I'm not trying to rush anything but I do like you. I like spending time with you. Do with it what you want."

"I want-" My sentence was cut off with Brandon barging outside, with a werewolf mask and a red leather jacket matching my costume.

"There you are. Come inside and get off your feet." Brandon put his arm around my shoulder. "Hey Forrest. Wuz up?"

"Nothing much. Michael Jackson right? Nice." He said, calmly, no hint of irritation at being interrupted. I sure was annoyed by him.

"He's the only black werewolf I know." Brandon grinned.

"I'll be inside once I'm finished." I cut my eyes at Brandon.

"We're done. Let's head inside." Forrest nodded.

I went inside and greeted everyone who showed up. Brandon went to make my plate, but I essentially made it myself since he kept interrupting me to ask what I wanted. I sat down with Sammy and Jackie on the loveseat.

"Do you know what corner Amber found those two at?" Jackie asked me, nodding at Mia and Staci.

"Apparently they all work together, but I can't picture them at a hospital. Maybe Hoes R Us." I said.

"Where a ho can be a ho." Sammy sang to the Toys R Us theme song, that caused us to dissolve into laughter.

I know, petty, but Staci was pushing up on Forrest and he looked so uncomfortable. After I lost my appetite, I put my food away for later. I tried to save him by asking if he would help with the pictures for the kids. Unfortunately, the self-proclaimed unholy trinity of Amber, Staci and Mia followed us. Brandon tagged alone too, right at my side.

It was dark outside, so we needed the patio light. Amber replaced it with a purple light that was not working.  The unholy trinity started drinking while Ethan played with the light. Mia nudged Amber and looked his direction before Amber cleared her throat.

"Ethan, where's Serena tonight?" Amber asked.

"She had to work this weekend." Ethan asked.

"Oh, that's too bad." Mia cooed, deviously.

Will and Ethan got the lights on and they retreated back in the house. After I got a few pictures with the kids, I was stuck taking numerous pictures of the trio. It took a good 10 minutes with them posing and switching camera phones. They then uploaded the pictures to Instagram- captioning it: Serial killers cuz we stay slaying y'all.

"They're killing me for sure." Sammy muttered. Forrest and I laughed.

Dino came outside and they stopped hogging the camera to talk to her. As I caught up with Peyton, Brandon approached me. "You ready to go inside? Jake and Omar are here."

"You go ahead." I told him.

"I'm not leaving you and my cub unattended."

"I can handle myself." I argued.

"We're out here too man. Nothing's going to happen." Forrest added, politely.

Brandon eyed him, warily. "You had her stinging up lanterns man. She don't need to be doing all that-"

"I'm ready to go in." I said, not interested in hearing anymore.

We went inside, and I was surprised to see Lily with Amber and Amanda. We went into the kitchen and ate. I found momentarily peace while Brandon talked with Jake and Omar. Forrest brought me hot sauce before sitting beside me.

The peace was short lived as Mia made a backhanded comment about basketball movies being for guys. Sammy jumped right in, saying that type of thinking is why women can never be equal. Staci jumped in to defend Mia, saying some thing were girly and boyish. That started a debate I had no part of.

"You're not going to stick up for woman kind?" Forrest asked with a grin.

"Nah. What about you? Gonna stick up for being a man?" I smirked.

"I can't. I wanted an easy bake oven as a kid." He admitted.

"You didn't!'

"I did. 24 access to cakes and cookies? I was all for if it wasn't pink." Forrest admitted.

I threw my head back in laughter.

"What's so funny?" Peyton asked with a wide smile.

"Nothing. Just discussing gender neutral toys-" Forrest started.

"Forrest wanted an easy bake oven." I said through my laughs. Everyone laugh too.

"Thanks for emasculating me in front of everyone." He playfully put me in a headlock.

I shook him off. "You like sports and beer. That cancels it out." I smiled.

"No way man. I wish my son would ask for a girl toy. We're having problems." Brandon said.

"You know just because you're child has a penis doesn't make him or her a boy." Forrest said casually.

I caught on right away, and my eyes widen in surprise. That was out of character for nice guy Forrest. Forrest gave me a little smirk.

"What does that even mean?" Brandon said, perplexed.

"Caitlyn Jenner." Forrest responded.

"Oh hell no! Not in my home. It's not going to happen." Brandon exclaimed.

The thought of having a home with him made me nausea. I put my plate in the trash.

"That's not something you can control Brandon." Sammy snapped at him.

"Like hell it is..."

I took that opportunity to slip outside. Amanda and Lily followed me. The unholy trinity came outside to drink as well. There were mire concerned with likes on pictures and vodka to bother me. I looked at Lily, surprised she didn't join in on the antagonize Brandon club.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I could tell she was lying.

"No you're not." I said, thinking about what Forrest said earlier about what Trevor was putting her through. I knew he was being stupid, but it didn't hit me how cruel he was being till right now. I sympathize with him so much, I neglected how much he was hurting Lily.

"Can we talk tomorrow? Just let me be in character tonight. I'm a grouch." Lily begged off.

"Ok. Tomorrow." I nodded.

At the end of the night, I hung back letting Brandon think Lily was taking me home. In reality, Forrest drove me.

"You see what I'm talking about with Brandon?" I said.

"He doesn't change the way I feel about you. It shouldn't change how you feel either."

"I want you to know what you're signing up for. When the baby gets here, it'll only be more complicated." I sighed.

"I realize you have a lot going on. I don't want to interfere or add to any of that. I just wanna be a part of your life. However you see fit."

"However I see fit huh?" I repeated, with a smirk.

"You know what I mean. I want to get to know you better, if that's what you want." Forrest looked over at me.

"I want that." I smiled, thrilled. I cleared my throat when we just smiled at each other. "Anyway, I think you have something with that gender neutral toy idea."

"Me too. Blue easy bake ovens?"

"And pink tool sets?" I added. "I wasn't sporty, but no dad in the house and two lazy brothers meant I had to learn how to fix things myself."

"I didn't think of that. We need to patent this."

"I already have a slogan: Dicks don't define us." I said, with hand gestures.

"I see where you're going-we should probably work on that to make it more kid friendly." He laughed as we pulled up to my driveway. "Maybe we can talk about it over dinner? Next Saturday?" He asked shyly.

I agreed. "It's a date."

He smiled, broadly. "Yeah it is."

I leaned over and gave him a hug before leaving. "I'll talk to you soon" I promised.

"Ok. Good night Rocky."

I went into my house and watched him drive off. I smiled to myself, excitedly. A wolf Forrest was not and the prospect of starting something with him thrilled me more than I cared to admit.

The Boogie Monster

"I've got a monster in my closet
Someone's underneath my bed
The wind's knocking at my window
I'd kill it but it's already dead
It waits till the midnight hour to come
To torture me for the wrong I've done
it just sits there and stares me
And it won't let me get any sleep
At first I was scared when
I looked at his eyes
But now that I know him I'm not that surprised
I'm just waiting on the sun to rise
Oh how I wish that old sun would rise
I used to wonder why he looked familiar
Then I realized it was a mirror
And now it is plain to see,
The whole time the monster was me" The Boogie Monster by Gnarls Barkley

Amanda had a great sense of direction; she was able to direct us back to Wichita Fall from the country. Other than ask Amanda to text Jenna that we were leaving, I didn't speak. I hated that it was silent, I was just in no mood to make small talk. I drove back to Dallas, lost in my own thoughts.

I felt so stupid for sleeping with Trevor. When he broke up with me the first time, I thought I changed his mind about it because we had sex. Last night, I thought he wouldn't wanna be just friends because we had sex. How could I do this to myself again? What the fuck was wrong with me?

Before my mind could began to list the numerous things wrong with me, I thought over what Trevor said. He said he didn't want to be together because he had nothing to give me and couldn't take care of me. Before that, he said he didn't want to spend the rest of his life trying with me. And when he originally broke up with me, he said he couldn't give me what I wanted- that he no longer wanted marriage, a house or kids.

Why didn't he realize that the only thing I wanted from him was him? How could I show him he didn't have to keep trying for us because I was no longer going to push him away? I thought he knew the only reason I wanted a house, marriage or kids was because I wanted them with him.

Love Song by the Cure came on the radio. I took me back to college when Trevor played me the greatest 80's love song and this was number one on his list. I remembered laying on his bed, wishing one day he would notice me and love me back. I convinced myself that everything would work out if he just loved me...

I quickly changed the station. I didn't want to hear about love overcoming everything. If that was the truth, Trevor would want to be with me, not just be friends. It was a lie I no longer believed in. How could I believe in true love when I couldn't make it work with Trevor? Trevor and I loved each other, but it wasn't enough for him stay with me. What was it about me that made him think the best thing to do was walk away?

"Any preferences?" I asked, pushing those thoughts away as I flipped through the Dallas stations that were returning.

"No. Whatever you wanna listen to is ok." Amanda responded.

"Ok. Where am I taking you?" I continued.

"Um, I'm not sure. My friends hasn't responded to my text yet. You can just drop me off at a hotel-"

"No. Hang out with me. My friend is having a party- it should be fun."

"I'm a little partied out- in fact, I'm still a little hungover." Amanda declined.

"Believe me, this will be nothing like J-Mike's party. My friend's husband doesn't even allow liquor in his house. It's going to be a ton of food, candy and kids running around." I tried to talk Amanda into coming.

"Ok, sure. Just until I hear from my friend, then I'll call an Uber or something to her place." She caved.

"I'll take you. It's no problem." I said eager to have an excuse to leave the party early.

"You don't have too..."

"I want to. Let's get you a costume!" I told her, adding excitement to my voice.

She protested a little bit, but I reiterated it was a kid friendly monster party. When I told her I was dressing up as Oscar from Sesame Street, she was convinced. We went to a Halloween store that had already clearanced some of their merchandise. I found a Cookie Monster woman's costume but she turned it down before I could even ask her size.

"Too close to the truth." She smiled, weakly.

I forced a smile too at her attempt at depreciating humor and continued searching. Justine was in the car and I didn't want to leave her for too long. I went to the accessory section, thinking vampire teeth and a cloak so she could be The Count. I found the teeth when Amanda found a yellow bird mask with feathers.

"How bout this? I have a yellow shirt. Big Bird's not really a monster- well, a bird that big is terrifying."

I nodded. "That's perfect. Let's see if we can find a boa."

We had no luck on a yellow boa, but I did find a green bob wig for me. I told Amanda she could wear my golden blonde wig from the night before.

We went back to my apartment and began to get ready. The party already started but I called Amber to make sure she didn't need anything.

"Only if you can control the weather. It's been raining off and on all day." Amber complained over the speaker phone. I was in the bathroom finishing my make-up. I didn't do much at all- just liner and bronzer. Just enough not to look as pathetic as I felt.

"I know. I think Amanda and I ran into 3 different storms on the way back." I said.

"What?!? You're back! Ohmygosh, you're coming to the party?!? Rocky said you spent the night with Trevor so don't count on you being back!"

"I'm back. I didn't want to miss your party." I said, forcing myself to sound cheerful.

"Wait, is Trevor with you? Who the hell is Amanda?" Amber demanded.

"Um no. And Amanda is my sister in law. Jenna's sister, my brother's wife. It's ok if she comes right?" I asked, concerned by her tone.

"Of course! Girl, I had a moment. Will use to mess with a girl name Amanda. I had a flashback." She laughed heartily. I stared at my phone, puzzled by her. "The more the merrier, although we're all going be trapped inside if the rain doesn't stop!"

"Ok. We'll be over in about 30 minutes."

I finished putting on my wig and Oscar hat before joining Amanda in the living room. She looked great in a peplum yellow top, black jeans and the feather mask.

"You look great. Flip flops though? It's still drizzling." I questioned.

"Yeah, I've been in California. I didn't pack anything else besides some old converse." She said, embarrassed. "Um, if it's a problem with your friend, I won't go-"

"It's not!" I realized she must have heard my conversation with Amber. "I think she's been drinking already. I apologize in advance." I assessed her feet. "What size shoe do you wear?"

"9- I have big feet-"

"Me too! Come check out my shoes" I waved her to my bedroom. We went into my closet and I pointed out some of my boots and booties. I turned away from Trevor's side of the closet and went to pick out some socks for her.

"I'll just borrow this. Thank you." Amanda grabbed my Uggs.

"No, thank you. I can't share shoes with any of my friends. Remember I get to check out your closet."

She snorted, then cover her mouth. "I don't have that many options."

I smiled. "That's cool. We'll go shoe shopping while you're here. California has better shopping, but you can't beat the prices here."

She changed shoes while I put on Justine's costume. Before we left, I went into my room and grabbed a green and brown check shirt from Trevor's side of the closet. I pulled it on before we left.

Just as I predicted, Amber greeted us at the door, a half empty goblet of wine in her hands. She looked great in a Medusa headpiece, long sleeve gold mini-dress and lace up heels. Her make up was flawless- and heavy

"Sesame Street Monsters in the house!" She cheered. "Justine looks so cute!" She squealed as Justine scurried past her.

"This is Amanda, my sister in law." I introduced them. "Your make-up looks great. You look amazing."

"Thank you! Sammy hooked me up." She said, opening the door wider to let us in.

"Hi. Cool decorations." Amanda gestured around.

Purple and black streamers decorated the entrance way into her house.

"Thank you. Keep walking back. The back living room and patio is my favorite!" Amber pushed us toward.

The front living was adorned with Monster High decorations and black, pink and purple balloons.

"Wait, let me say hello to the kids." I stopped Amber.

Krista and April looked adorable in their Monster High costume. They introduced me to three other girls who completed their group. EJ was there, in a weird costume with a green face, weird jumpsuit, and pointy ears. His friend was dressed as a robot.

"What are you? The green goblin?" I asked, giving him a hug.

"No. I'm Beast Boy. Jayden is Cyborg from Teen Titans." EJ explained, annoyed that I didn't get it.

"I haven't seen that show." I confessed.

"Yeah, cause you like baby shows like Sesame Street." He dissed my costume with a smirk while Jayden laughed.

"Oh yeah? I'm surprised you didn't dress up as Brobee from your favorite show Yo Gabba Gabba." I teased him.

"I don't watch that!" He insisted, passionately.

"What? You used too. You have the stuffed animal and everything. Do you still sleep with him?" I asked while his friend laughed at him now.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!!!"

Amber came to retrieve me as I opened my mouth to respond. "Come here! Say hello to everyone!"

"Ok. Bye kids. EJ; Yo Gabba Gabba, Yo Gabba Gabba, Yooo!!!" I cheered to him.

"Shut up!" He scowled up as I left, chuckling to myself.

We walked through the kitchen to the second living area. I waved at Megan and her boyfriend Dave who had Mike and Sully from Monsters, Inc. caps and were chatting with another couple who wore vampire teeth and a prom King and Queen slashes. They were the parents of Jayden, EJ's friend. After a quick hello, we walked over to the couch were Jake, wearing all black, Kelly and Omar, dressed as mummies, sat chatting.

"Hey, this is my sister in law Amanda." I introduced Amanda as Jake and Omar stood.

 "You're Jenna's sister? I can't see much with the mask, but you two have the same beautiful eyes." Jake stated, holding out his hand.

Amanda nodded shyly, a small smile forming on her lips as she shook his hand. It took everything not to roll my eyes.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Jake." Jake said, before turning to me.

I went for a handshake too, but he went for a hug, which made everything awkward.

"Are we doing a bro hug?" He asked, grinning.

"I guess so." I shook my head, going for a half hug.

"You look too pretty to be in a trash can." Jake complimented me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"And what are you supposed to be? Monster Jake- The lady killer?" I questioned.

"No. The witch's boyfriend." He answered.

"Don't talk about your girlfriend like that." Amber laughed and Jake smiled too, revealing his hidden dimple. I looked away from him.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked, wondering if that was why Jake was speaking to me-because his girlfriend wasn't around.

"Outside. With everyone else taking pictures." Amber said.

I nodded, moving pass Jake to Omar and Kelly. I waved at Omar before hugging Kelly.

"Oh wow, look at the mummy." I said, truly excited by her huge baby bump. "When are you due?"

"December 9th- but the doctor's think it will be before that because of its size." She rubbed her belly proudly.

"Yes! Another member of team Sagittarius!" I cheered."Girl or boy?" I asked.

"We decided not to find out the sex." Kelly responded. I nodded understandingly.

"You better hope it's not a girl. Sagittarius women tend to be crazy." Jake commented with a wink.

I knew he as joking, but it rubbed me the wrong way. "Whatever. Didn't you just celebrate a birthday? 30th? All downhill from there huh?" I quipped.

"I don't think so. Looking pretty good far." He responded.

"Yeah... you enjoy that midlife crisis." I dismissed him.

The backdoor opened and Peyton and Chris made their way inside. They were dressed like Chuckie and his bride. I went over and complimented them on their costume.

"How's Trevor doing?" Peyton asked, immediately.

I forced my face to remain neutral. "He's alright."

"I hate we missed his party. We were hoping he would be here tonight." Chris added.

"He has chemo in the morning, but he says hello and sends his love." I said.

"Yeah, I wanted to reach out. I wasn't sure what to say..." Chris said.

"It's still Trevor- just call or email him. He would love to here from you." I forced another smile. From the look on Peyton's face, my smile wasn't convincing.

 Thankfully, Rocky and Brandon, dressed as werewolves, came in saving me from further conversation. They were followed by two girls I didn't recognize dressed as Freddy and Jason, Jackie as a she- devil, Dino as a witch, Sammy dressed in a cute, sugar skull skeleton jumpsuit and Corey in the same skeleton hoodie Trevor wore. I tore my eyes off Corey to focus on Forrest who came in last.

"Cookie Monster!" I exclaimed, rushing over to Forrest. He was just wearing a t-shirt with his face on it, but he totally coordinated with me considering he picked out my costume. I gave him a hug, waving Amanda over. "You should have told me. I was this close to having Amanda dress up like the cookie monster."

"Eh, it was last minute. I couldn't do all the zombie make-up again." Forrest said, turning his smile on Amanda. "You're Amanda?"

Amanda nodded.

"This is my friend Forrest." I introduced them.

"Ethan and Will got the lights set up for the fearbook. I need a food break before I take more pictures." Rocky announced.

"Speaking of food, what are in the eyeball?" Kelly asked me.

"Oh, it's just meatballs with a mozzarella center and black olives for the eyes." I explained.

"They smell so good. What kind of meat?" She continued.

"Hamburger and Italian sausage." I rattled off.

"Aww, I'm not eating pork." Kelly sighed.

"The baby will be find if you have one meatball Kel." Dino lectured her.

"Good to know. I'm going to go eat." Rocky said, smiling at me.

"I'll make you a plate." Brandon offered.

"No... I got it." Rocky said, politely through her teeth. I grabbed Amanda's arm and followed her.

"So, y'all are dressing up alike now?" I asked Rocky as we made our plates.

"I was just as surprised to see it as you were." She grumbled.

We sat down at the table in the kitchen with a view of the living room. The two women I didn't recognize Amber introduced me as her co-workers Staci and Mia. They were also the mother's of the girls I met earlier in the living room. Forrest joined us, handing Rocky a bottle of hot sauce. When Rocky concentrated on her plate, I gave Forrest an exaggerated wink and thumbs up. He laughed and I turned when I felt eyes on me. I looked around the living room until my eyes clashed with Jake's. I gave him a pointed glare before turning away.

"Lily- what are Ethan and Will?" Amber blurted as they entered the kitchen. I checked out their jerseys.

"Monstars?" I asked, confused, reading their jerseys. Even if I hadn't seen Space Jam, it was right there. Was it a trick question?

"Ha! She has no idea who y'all are either Ethan!" Amber clapped to empathize her point.

"I mean, it's just the jerseys. If I had to guess, I would say Ethan is the one who stole Charles Barkley's talent and Will is Muggsy Bogues. I don't remember their names." I admitted.

Ethan, Forrest and Rocky cracked up laughing while Will got upset.

"Why do I have to be Bogues?" Will exclaimed.

"I don't know! Amber told me to guess." I shrugged.

"I didn't know what they were. Ethan knew you would know." Amber smiled.

"Who hasn't seen Space Jam? That movie was awesome." I added.

"I loved it growing up. I saw it in theaters 3 times." Forrest agreed.

"My brother got tickets to the advance screening and he had 2 best friends he asked to go with him. I wanted to see it so we needed 5 tickets but we only had four. My brother handed over the tickets and we ran through the door before they could count. It made the movie that much better." I recalled excitedly. Everyone laughed at my story.

"I can't believe your dad went for that. He seems very... straight-laced." Amanda smiled

I shook my head. "My dad didn't take us."

He was too busy: we wouldn't have tried it on him. When Cam found out Mr. Perez, my dad's eager to please assistant manger at the time, was taking us instead, he decided to try. Mr. Perez didn't bat an eye when he saw all 4 of us, but when we got to our seats, he suggested I sit in his lap so no one would catch us. At 8, I didn't think much of it. Even my brother at 12 who was suspicious of everything and everyone didn't say anything. Now, thinking about it made me shudder with disgust.

"Hey-are you ok?" Ethan asked, tapping my shoulder and snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, why?" I asked, quickly moving away from his touch.

"No reason." Ethan said, watching me for a moment before Megan called him from the living room.

Everyone was talking about gender neutrality but I didn't join in. I couldn't shake off the feeling of disgust at myself. I wasn't sure why it was affecting me so strongly. I never thought of my relationship with Mr. Perez like that. I tried not to think of it at all. I called it a mistake and moved on. Now I felt a shame so deep it took everything not to run from the house so I could be alone and cry.

"Have you heard from your friend yet?" I asked Amanda, anxiously.

She looked at her phone. "No. No reply. I'll try again."

I tuned out Brandon and Forrest debating about transgenders. I don't even know how it got to that conversation- some comment Forrest made saying just because Rocky's child had a penis didn't make it a boy.

"Urgh, I need some air." Rocky sighed.

"I need a drink." Staci declared.

"Let's go take pictures outside and drink since we can't inside." Amber suggested, sending a dirty look Will's way. He didn't even notice. I followed them, wordlessly.

Staci offered us vodka, I turned it down because I was driving but passed it to Amanda. They took pictures and chatted while I sat back, trying to clear my mind.

"Are you ok?" Rocky asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied.

"No you're not." She confronted me.

"Can we talk tomorrow? Just let me be in character tonight. I'm a grouch." I gestured to my outfit.

She gave me a little nod. "Ok. Tomorrow."

I pulled Trevor's shirt around me and found little comfort in the memory of his scent. I spent the rest of the party faking smiles and forcing myself to contribute in conversations. I put on my disguise, keeping my monsters at bay for the time being. I knew I would have to deal with them eventually, I just wasn't ready to face them today.






***I had a request for a Rocky/Forrest POV and since Rocky is easiest for me, that's what the next post will be. It will be of the party, only because there are a lot of things Lily didn't pick up on because she's dealing with her own inner monsters.***

Monster

"So when you're weak
When you are on your knees
I'll do my best, with the time, that's left
Sworn with your spirit, you're fully fleshed
So fuck your dreams
And don't you pick at our seams
I'll turn into a monster for you, If you pay me enough
None of this counts, a few dreams, plowed up
So we come
To a place of no return
Yours is the face, which makes my body burn
And here is the name, that our sons will learn:
Curse the beauty, curse the queen
Curse the beauty, leave me" Monster by Mumford & Sons 

Trevor's hands snaked around my waist, bringing my body closer to his on the bean bag. All thoughts of talking, figuring out why he left me, and convincing him we belonged together slowly crept from my mind...

"Trevor..." I broke off our kiss.

"Sorry." He said, shifting away from me. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He repeated, miserably, before looking away.

I brushed my lips against his scalp before tilting his chin up. I peppered little kisses on his face, stopping on his lips.  "It's ok." I kissed him softly, over and over again.

As each kiss between us became longer and more heated than the last, I told myself that's all we would do- kiss to make up for all the many kisses we missed out on these last 2 months. I knew how easy it was to fall into his arms and forget everything else. I vowed to myself I wouldn't let that happen again.

His lips parted and out of habit, my tongue sought his. We embraced passionately, deepening our kiss. Trevor's breathing became erratic as his hands grasped my body. They grouped over my arms, my neck, across my cleavage, down my dress, and stopped at the skin between the bottom of my dress and the top of my knee socks. As his hands moved up my bare thighs, I felt him harden against me. I knew we should stop right then and there, but it felt too good to be wanted by him again. The promises of love, understanding and commitment chipped at my resolve until it shattered.

He nudged me so I was laying flat on my back and I put up no resistance. When his hands slid up my inner thighs and grabbed my boyshorts, I lifted my hips to assist him as he yank them down. While he unbuttoned his pants, I spread my legs invitingly for him. And as he finally positioning himself on top of me, I wrapped my arms and legs around him. In one hard thrust, he was inside me, breaking the vow I made to myself.

I cried out as my body adjusted to Trevor and he stopped to look at me, his face tense with restraint. I gripped my knees around his waist, signaling him to keep going. That's all the encouragement he needed before he buried himself deeper inside me. Even with the changes in his body, he felt as good as ever molded against me. My moans were mixed with his groans of pleasure as he pounded inside me faster and faster.

His thrusts were hard and unrelenting -but I never once thought about telling him to stop, or even to slow down. I missed and craved the intimacy between us so desperately, I took him anyway I could. I was momentarily dazed when he pulled away from me. I snapped out of it when I saw how eerily pale he look as he gasped for air.

I sat up from the bean bag, searching for my phone. "Are you ok baby? Do we need to go to the hospital?" I found my phone and began to dial 911 as I examined his face.

"No... I'm not dying." he panted, holding his chest.

"What's wrong?" I continued, feeling his forehead. He moved out of my reach.

"Just outta Goddamn breath." He puffed.

"You were doing all the work. Of course you're outta breath." I said, lightly.

"Great- Add fuck my girlfriend to the list of things I can't do." Trevor complained.

I was giddy at the mention of being his girlfriend again- I grinned at the title.

"You think it's funny?" He glowered at me, catching his breath. Color came back to his face- it was now red with anger. It reminded me of the attitude he had when I first found out he had cancer. I didn't want him to revert back to that.

I shook my head. "No." I said, kissing him on his pouting lips. "Just thinking of all the ways I can fuck you." I said, before laying him back on the bean bag.

"Stop. We should stop..." Trevor protested as I began to remove his clothes. I ignored him- I knew he needed me as much as I needed him. His protest weakened when I removed my clothes. They stopped all together as I kissed down his body to his erection. I proceeded to fuck him with my hands first, then my mouth. When he was close, he pulled my hair and grunted, "Inside"

I straddled him, guiding him back inside me. I bounced up and down, conscious about putting all my weight on him. Thankfully, he came quickly. I tried to roll off of him, but he held me in place squeezing my thighs.

"Stay on top." He breathed heavily.

"I'm too heavy-" I started, wiggling uncomfortably.

He sat up, his hands holding my hips and keeping me captive in his lap. "You're perfect." He murmured, kissing me on the lips. He moved his hungry kisses everywhere his lips could reach. When he was hard again, he laid me back on the bean bag.

He made me feel perfect and beautiful and loved as he took his time, sinking inside of me again, excruciating slow. This time, his thrust were slow and gentle, making sure he hit my spot on every thrust.

"Ohhh... Trevor! I love you. I missed you so much..." I cried out as he brought me to my first orgasm.

While I was still recovering, he pulled out, flipped me over so I was flat against my stomach. He laid on top of me and ran kisses over my neck. Lifting me slightly, he slid inside me from behind. One of his hands snaked around my waist, finding my clitoris. He teased me into a frenzy, until I was on the verge of my second orgasm. His thrusts sped up until he climaxed again, causing mine shortly after.

He collapsed on the bean bag beside me and we both struggled to catch our breath. After a moment, I pulled on his t-shirt to creep to the bathroom. Justine watched me the entire time, causing me to wonder how long she's been awake. After a quick wash up, I came out the bathroom with a wash cloth to help Trevor clean up too. When I came out the bathroom, Trevor was passed out, snoring deeply. Wash cloth forgotten, I snuggled next to him, laying my head on his chest and fell asleep too.



Late the next morning, I woke up to Justine whines as she pushed her cold nose on my side.

I got up, yawning before retrieving my keys from my purse. I planned to take Justine out and grab my clothes too. I pulled on my boyshorts and socks before giving Trevor a kiss on the cheek and headed up the stairs. Of all people, I ran into Cam on the way up.

"Aw!" He shielded his eyes, looking away too. "I didn't see nothing."

"Shut up! There's nothing to see!" I exclaimed. "Who all is here?"

"J-Mike, Bilal, Jenna, Amanda, Jimmy." Cam listed off, still refusing to look at me.

"Can you get my bag from my car? And take Justine outside, please?" I asked.

"Yeah, just put your keys on the ground and walk away." Cam instructed.

I rolled my eyes but did what he asked. I went back downstairs and worked on taming my hair- the waves were beginning to come back as the chemical straighten wore off. I had it pulled up in a bun when Cam tossed my bag down.

"Were out on the deck when you two are ready to make an appearance." He called to me before he left.

I got dressed and woke Trevor up. I asked him if he wanted to lay down on a bed or the couch, but he got on up.

"Apparently, everyone is upstairs on the deck." I smiled as he stretched.

"I'll be up there in a second." He responded raspy. I nodded and kissed him before leaving.

I walked through the kitchen that smelled like bacon and coffee and saw Jimmy was putting some weird, silver contraption on the stove.

"Can I help you with anything?" I asked.

"No, everything is ready. I'm making another cup coffee if you want some and I'll make sleeping beauty a milkshake whenever he gets up." He answered.

"He's awake. I can make it for him." I offered, heading to the refrigerator. "No coffee pot?" I asked, curiously pulling out the milk.

"I don't need a pot. Majority of the time it's just me."

"Ever heard of a Keurig?"

"A what?"

"It's what you're getting from Trevor and me on Christmas." I stated before blending all the ingredients in the blender.

"You and Trevor?" Jimmy asked. Before I could respond, Trevor joined us. I smiled at him as Jimmy greeted him and grilled him about the state of the Rec center and store.

"No one went into the store and we'll take care of the Rec today." Trevor said.

"Good. I'm going to church. Don't mess nothing up while I'm gone." Jimmy instructed.

"Never." Trevor smiled, mischievously.

"Lily, I'm leaving you in charge. Make sure he eats." Jimmy told me.

"Of course. See you later." I waved. I handed Trevor his milkshake and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Go outside and I'll bring you a plate."

He pulled away from me. "I got it-"

"No. I got it! I'm in charge remember?" I said, with a playful smile. "Go!"

I made our plates and joined him and everyone else outside.

"What did you and Trevor get into last night?" J-Mike asked before I could sit.

I looked over at Trevor who wouldn't met my eye. I gave J-Mike a little smile. "Just watched movies. Neither one of us was hungry."

"I thought I heard screaming when I came home. What movie was it?" J-Mike asked casually.

"Monster movie-" I supplied at the same time Trevor answered, "Some random horror flick." Trevor said.

J-Mike chuckled. "Some random, monster, horror, flick movie?"

Trevor glared at J-Mike. "The basement is pretty sound tight. Did you have your ear against the door?"

"No- I think you underestimated the noises coming from the basement" J-Mike continued.

"Alright." My brother said, sternly. "Can we move on?"

 Bilal hid his snicker behind his juice, Jenna sent me a sympathetic look and Amanda was preoccupied with Justine.

"What? It sounded like a good movie. I just wanted the name of it." J-Mike laughed.

"It was called Mind Your Own Business." I said, snarkily.

Amanda snorted laughing, then covered her mouth. Jenna smiled at her.

"Really? That come out in theaters?" J-Mike asked,

"No. It's an indie film. Maybe you heard of the sequel: MYOB- Shut the Hell Up." I commented.

Bilal openly laughed at this point while Cam shook his head.

"Nope, never heard of it. Kinda lengthy title." J-Mike continued to play along, obnoxious.

"The third one was even longer. MYOB- Shut the Hell Up or Get The Fuck Out. Heard of that one?" Trevor asked.

We all started laughing, even J-Mike. "That one I know." He chuckled.

Trevor and I were allowed to eat in peace as J-Mike finally left it alone. I asked my brother when he was heading back to California.

"We're dropping Amanda off in Dallas and flying back tonight." Cam answered.

"Oh, are you driving back to Kansas City alone?" I asked Amanda.

"No. I have a friend in Dallas so I was going to hang out with her for awhile." She replied.

"She's thinking about moving to Texas or California. I just tried to sell her on California." Jenna added.

"Oh wow, that's exciting. You have to let me sell you on Texas! You can ride with me back to Dallas." I told her.

"I guess." She blushed.

I turned to Trevor. "Do you feel up for a trip to Dallas? Amber would love it of you came to her party." I asked him.

"I can't. I have chemo in the morning." Trevor declined.

"I know. We can go to the party, drop Amanda off with her friend and drive back later tonight." I replied.

"You have to work tomorrow." He said, shortly.

"I don't have to. Adil will cover for me. I just have to let him know. I want to be here with you." I said, grabbing his hand on the table. I gave him a smile which he didn't return. He just nodded.

After we ate, the guys hurried to the rec center with J-Mike to help clean up. Trevor volunteered to ride with Amanda and me to help us get to the rec center. Before we left, I went to the basement to grab Justine things. Trevor followed me.

"I need to apologize for last night." Trevor started.

I paused while gathering the dog bed. "It's nothing to be sorry about- I let it happen too. We should have talked things out first, but it's not too late."

"We don't have anything to talk about. I still- I still think it's best of we remain friends." Trevor admitted.

My heart dropped. "After last night, how can you say that?" I questioned him, not believing my ears.

"Nothing has changed between us. Last night was a mistake. " He asserted.

Bile raised in my throat at his words. "How can you say nothing's changed between us? I changed. I supported you, even though you didn't want me around. I gave you space even though it hurt me. I told you I wouldn't give up on us while showing you I can handle this. Why is us being together a mistake?" I interrogated him.

He rubbed his hand across his face before looking at me. "Lily, I can't ask you to be with me, to go through this, when I can't give you anything in return. I can't give you what you want, I can't take care of you; I can't even promise you a future because I don't know what the future is going to be."

"All I want is you! That's all I ever wanted. That's all I want in return. Nobody knows what will happen. All I know for sure is that I am in love with you. It's true love- and it's real...and it's special." I said, brokenly. "If you feel the same way about me, everything else we can figure out." I implored him.

"I'm sorry Lily. I don't know what else I can say to make you understand where I'm coming from." Trevor said, the pain and frustration evident in his voice.

"You can't. You can't make me understand us not being together, but it's your call. I can't force you to be in a relationship with me. If you're willing to throw us away, maybe what we have isn't so special after all." I bluffed him. I needed him to understand how he made me feel.

"I want us to be friends again." Trevor stated. I stared at him a long time- waiting for him to crack, to bend, to take it back. He never did.

I nodded blankly. "Fine. I gotta go." I turned to head upstairs.

"Lily-" he said grabbing my arm.

"What?" I asked, refusing to face him as I tried to keep my anger, sadness and bitterness contained.

"I don't want you to leave upset."

"I'm not. I have to go. Amber is having her party today. She's my friend too." I explained.

When he didn't say anything, just let me go, I went upstairs.  Amanda was waiting for us outside.

"Change of plans. You ready to go to Dallas?" I asked, throwing my things in the car.

"Um, sure. Let me grab my bag."

She hurried inside and got her things. We loaded up the car. Trevor never showed his face as we left.

Jack and Sally Song

"My dearest friend,
If you don't mind
I'd like to join you by your side
Where we could gaze into the stars
And sit together now and forever
For it is plain as anyone could see
We're simply meant to be" Jack and Sally Song from The Nightmare Before Christmas 

I stood in the mirror Saturday, looking over my make-up one more time. My lashes were longer and curled with mascara, my eyes brightened with creamy, shimmering taupe shadow and defined with dark brown liner, and my skin appeared flawless with foundation, concealer, and rosy cheeks. All painstakingly applied to compliment my ragdoll costume.

I patted down the skirt of my dress, admiring it in the mirror. As soon as I got of the phone with Trevor, I headed to the Halloween store. I went to 4 different Halloween shops before I finally picked a costume. I really wanted to be Sally from a Nightmare Before Christmas, but with no Jack, I settled on a rag doll. After all, Sally is a rag doll too. Mine was just a little sexier and less creepy.

I readjusted the wig on my head, pulling it into two low side ponytails. Sally had red hair, but I bought a golden blonde wig for Mama Tobin. It made me feel more confident that at one point, Trevor chose me over a relationship with her. Calling her Mama in my head was a big fuck you to her if I had to see her.

I grabbed my overnight bag. It had my black booties, a change of clothes for me and Justine's outfit as well. She wasn't going to be Zero, the ghost dog, but a dog dressed up as a ghost. Her costume consisted of a white tutu with ghosts on it. I slipped on my flip flops before heading to Rocky's living room where she was waiting for me.

"About time." She said, standing up and grabbing her purse.

"Sorry... I actually dressed up." I said, eying her jeans and red long sleeved top. She wore her werewolf ears headband and furry leg warmers that came with the costume she was wearing to Amber's party.

"I did too... I'm just not trying to impress anyone." Rocky countered, giving me a look as we walked out to my car.

I wasn't trying to impress anyone... just convince Trevor of his mistakes of breaking up with me and thinking we could be only friends. There was a difference. Subtle, but different.

"How do I look?- Considering I'm running off 5 hours of sleep?" I asked, getting into the car after I put Justine in the backseat. I spent all night Friday and the majority of my day Saturday cooking with Rocky for Amber's party.

"You look great. Now be quiet while I get some rest." Rocky commanded.

Rocky was sleep before we were out of Dallas. I played classic rock softly in the car as I drove to Wichita Falls. Trevor and I took turns listening to music when we made the drive and I was in the mood to hear his favorite music. Rocky woke up when we were about 20 miles from Wichita Falls.

"What time is Sammy and Corey leaving?" Rocky asked, stretching and yawning.

"She said she's trying to leave her job around the same time Corey gets off around 7. She's supposed to call when they're on the way." I answered.

Since I wasn't sure when I was going back to Dallas, Rocky made arrangements to leave with Sammy after the party. Corey had to work Sunday so they had no choice but to leave early Sunday morning.

"Good, she can help me get all that food to Amber's house if you don't come back." Rocky said, turning around to give Justine a treat.

"I already texted Forrest you might need help. He jumped on the opportunity..." I said, hintingly.

"That's nice of him." Rocky commented, passively.

"I think it's more than nice. He wants to spend time with you..." I alluded

"It's your food. He's doing you a favor. I think he wants to spend time with you." Rocky mocked me.

"Ewww, he doesn't. He told me he likes you." I admitted.

"What is this, middle school?" She fidgeted in the seat.

"No... he claims he tried to ask you out. Why didn't you tell me about that?" I asked, glancing to see her reaction.

Rocky's lips spread with a smile before she caught herself. "I thought he was just being nice."

"He is because he likes you..." I said, sing-songy. "He said he thought something was there. What do you think?"

"I think I'm focusing on being a mother." She quipped.

"That's not a no." I pointed it.

"It doesn't matter. It's bad timing." Rocky shook her head.

"It does matter. He's all rejected, thinking you shut him down and put him in the friend zone."

"He thinks I friend zoned him?" Rocky asked, surprised. "I thought he friend zoned me. Or at least, pregnant zoned me."

"Is that a thing?" I pondered.

"It is now. Shut the hell up." She snapped.

"Look, I'm the biggest naysayer because it'll make things weird for me. If you don't have feelings for him, let him down easy. But if there's something there, you both deserve to at least talk about it. Who knows what will happen."

"We'll see." Rocky replied, noncommittally. Right away I could see the slight changes in her attitude. She pulled out her make-up and gave herself a little black nose and whiskers around her face. She redid her braids up in a high ponytail. She looked energized that had nothing to do with her nap. I caught her smiling to herself numerous times the remainder of the drive.

"What?" She snapped at me when she caught me peeking at her.

"Nothing. We're almost there." I said.

"I know. I've been here a few times." Rocky said. "There's something I haven't told you."

I stiffened. "What is it?"

"Trevor doesn't want to be anything more than friends with you." Rocky informed me. She paused to gauge my reaction.

"I guessed that by the way he invited me. Anything else?" I said as I parked on Trevor's granny's street. There were a few cars already gather in front of her house. I had no idea how to get to the country so I planned to follow Trevor out.

"No... try to get him to tell you why. I think it's more than what he's been saying." Rocky urged me.

I nodded before I let Justine out the car. I let her play for a couple minutes as I swapped shoes before wrestling her into her tutu. Once she was unhappily dressed, I played with my wig, slipped on my bonnet, and applied a peachy lip gloss.

Rocky waited patiently for me as I double checked my appearance. "I'm ready." I finally told her before we headed to the door. We rang the doorbell and a few moments later, Trevor opened it holding a bowl of candy. He was dressed in a skeleton hoodie and loose fitting black jeans. Justine jumped up, paws on his legs, clamouring for his attention.

"Hey girl! Hey Justine!" Trevor put the candy down, kneeling to pet her. While he was being attacked with Justine's attention, I slowly studied him. It didn't pass my attention that he was wearing a skeleton hoodie and Jack from A Nightmare Before Christmas was a skeleton too. He looked great compared to when I last saw him. Still paler and thinner than normal, but he didn't seem as sickly or frail. He finally met my stare after his eyes ran over me a couple times too many to be "friendly".  His eyes were a vibrant blue- I stared at them as he stared back at me. When Justine lost Trevor's attention, she darted into the house.

Trevor stood, calling after her."I got her." Rocky said, giving him a brief hug. "Happy Halloween." She smiled between us then chased after Justine.

"Nice costume." Trevor said. "Did you really dye your hair?"

"Maybe, you like it?" I questioned him, knowing he wouldn't. It wasn't for him though.

"I don't know yet." He said, diplomatically.

I smiled."What happened to the grim reaper?"

"Someone told me it was too morbid and I didn't want to scare the kids." He said.

"Eh, it's Halloween. Freaking people out is the point right?" I said, moving closer. The last time I saw him, he ignored all my acts of affection, but I couldn't be this close to him and not at least hug him once. I put my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

I was prepared to let him go after I rejoiced in the feel of his body against mine, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me back. It felt incredible to be in his arms again- like coming home after being gone for years.

"It's good to see you Lilypad." He said softly against my ear.

I lifted my head from his chest to tell him how much I missed him and how good he looked and sounded and felt... but I was stopped short by a chorus of "trick or treat" behind me.

I pulled away and turned to see a group of kids in costumes. Trevor squeezed my waist one more time before letting me go. He made the kids smile and laugh before letting them pick out candy. It was so adorable, the smile couldn't come off my face.

We went inside together and thankful, his mother was nowhere in site. Trevor announced kids were outside trick or treating. His cousins, their husbands and kids got ready to go out. When his granny told Trevor everyone else was outside, Trevor went to get them. Rocky, Bilal, Justine, Donovan, his wife Jennifer, and their kids came inside. They all huddled up to take pictures before the parents took their kids out trick or treating. Lisa took a picture of Trevor and Bilal together. Bilal was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow with a wigs full of dreads that the kids keep trying to play with. He looked so uncomfortable, it made Rocky and me laugh at him.


Rocky and I trailed Bilal and Trevor to the country. Lisa would lead the second group to the party after they got done trick or treating. We stopped at Trevor's uncle's house to drop off Justine. Trevor took her down to the basement with food and water. I made sure there was nothing she could get into while Trevor put on a movie for her.

"Miley's really gonna watch a movie?" Bilal asked us.

"Just background noise. And her name is not Miley!" I corrected him.

The party was taking place at the recreational center Lisa and her husband ran. It was a few miles away through the land the house was on. We drove the rest of the way though it on Jimmy's golf cart. On the cart, Bilal told Rocky why he dubbed Justine Miley Cyrus. They both laughed and I was glad they were finally able to be normal around each other again.

J-Mike and Johnny were at the recreational center, finishing setting up the place. I was thrilled to see Cam, Jenna, and her sister Amanda made the trip. I gave them all a hug before examining their hard work. The entire rec was illuminated with black and strobe lights, neon beads, streamers and glow in the dark everything, everywhere. EDM blasted from the sound system as we looked around.

"Really? A rave?" Rocky asked.

"No. It's a frat party, right?" I asked Trevor. He nodded.

"How did you know that? That's exactly what Trevor wanted-  a frat having a glow party." Amanda answered.

"Don't ask. They speak their own language." Cam said, sarcastically.

I beamed at Trevor. He got the idea from The Neighbors. I knew because we talked about it last year. We schemed how we could convince Amber to have a frat theme party, inspired by the movie.

"I brought that stuff you needed." Johnny told Trevor.

"Ok, where is it?" Trevor asked. The walked off and I watched them, suspiciously.

Jenna pulled me aside and asked me how I was doing. I told her I was ok, before moving along to explore. Everyone started to arrive and I met people Trevor went to high school with, people who went to his church and reconnected with everyone we went to college with. Eventually, I found a bench next to a ping pong table where J-Mike started a game of beer pong.

"I feel old. Are we too old for this or is it just me?" Rocky asked me.

"It's you. I'm not too old but I'm burnt out on drinking games though." Angela chimed in.

I grinned. "I didn't party in college, so I'm ok with beer pong. Trevor's having fun, that's the whole point."

They nodded, enthusiastically. J-Mike came out in a Riddler costume, spouting riddles and  announcing there would be no sappy, sad bullshit at the party. So far, everyone was following the rules. It was working- every time I looked at Trevor, he was having a blast. I was having a great time watching him.

"Do you know that girl Bilal's hanging out with?" Angela asked. I tore my eyes away from Trevor to look at Bilal. I groaned when I recognized the girl he was with.

"I don't remember how they are related but she is related to his boss. She works for Black Reign." I informed them.

Rocky smirked. "He should have dressed up as Peter Pan. He will never grow up."

Angela burst out laughing. My phone rang so I didn't have to respond. It was Sammy, asking for directions. I got up and made my way over to Trevor so he could help. He stepped out with my phone to instruct them.

"Hey babydoll." J-Mike said, putting his arm around me. "Get it? Doll?"

"Clever. Any more riddles for me?" I asked, with a playful smile.

"Riddle me this- why aren't you and Trevor together?" He asked.

The smile faltered on my lips. "Because we broke up." I replied, lightly, hoping he'd get the hint I didn't want to talk about it.

"I get that. Why? You were the only person who knew he was sick... I'm curious, a lot of us are really, to what happened." He questioned.

"You, and anyone else curious, will have to ask Trevor." I said.

"But I'm asking you-"

"Excuse me." I said, walking away from him when I saw Sammy. I pushed my annoyance away as I greeted her. She handed me over my phone after I hugged her hello. She wasn't in costume, but looked sexy in a black mini dress and boots. I walked her over to the makeshift bar to get a drink.

I hadn't drank all night, now I really wanted alcohol to take the edge off. After my talk with J-Mike, I felt paranoid about what people were thinking or saying about me and Trevor. I reminded myself that the only person's opinion that matter was Trevor. I had to keep my emotions in check. Sammy made herself a vodka sour and I stuck with coke.

"Can I get one too?" Ian asked Sammy with a grin, watching her garnish her drink.

"Sorry. Off duty." Sammy responded.

"When are the honey bees moving to Austin?"

"Why? Aren't you on the road?" Sammy asked.

"Welcome home parties." Ian replied.

"Austin is going to be our next city sometime next year." Sammy confirmed.

"That means you're moving?"

"I don't know yet. I love Dallas." Sammy said.

Ian's phone rang, and he looked at it.
"Let's grab a seat and talk about it. You too Lily. You can tell her how great Austin is."

I rolled my eyes and followed them. Ian led us to a couch in the front reception area. He quickly sat next to Sammy, and pointed at a single seat near the wall for me.

"You're such a gentleman." I scowled at him.

"Thanks" He smiled. I sat down and placed my drink on the floor. When I sat back up, I felt an arm wrap around my neck from behind me. I gasped for air, clawing at the arm, trying to break away.

"Lily..." a deep voice growled at me. I was able to break free, turned around and was face to face with a creepy, all black hollowed face. Before I could rationalize anything, I jumped in fear, pushing the black clothed figure away and hopping out of the chair, knocking over my drink.

Laughter roared around me as the figure stood up from behind the chair. When I recognized the grim reaper costume, my fear subsided and was replaced with outrage.

"What the fuck Trevor?!? Why would you scare me?" I yelled.

He chuckled and removed his mask. "What happened to freaking people out on Halloween?"

"Not me! Fear is not a fun emotion for me. You know this!"

"Obviously not. You almost pushed my port out." Trevor rubbed his chest.

I instantly felt guilt and rushed to his side. "I'm so sorry. Is it ok?" I said, feeling his chest gently.

"I'm joking. It's actually on the other side." He said, grabbing my hands. It was such a simple gesture, but filed my body with warmth.

"You're not funny!" I pretended to scold him so he wouldn't let me go.

"It's a little funny." He argued, smiling, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

I tried to hold in my smile, but failed. "Whatever!"

After I cleaned up, we sat around, played games and partied until 2am. I was beyond ecstatic that Trevor didn't leave my side the rest of the night. As we started to leave, everyone complained about being hungry, considering all J-Mike provided was alcohol, chips and cupcakes. The only places still open were in Wichita Falls. While everyone grouped up with a sober drivers, Trevor offered to take me to his uncle's house to get Justine and my car before we went to eat.

"Are you driving home tonight?" Trevor asked me when we went down to his uncle's house.

"I don't know. Amanda offered for me to stay with her in her room but I don't know if the hotel is dog friendly." I said, softly.

"I can keep Justine."

"Is your granny ok with dogs?"

"Yeah, she won't have a problem, but I'm staying here tonight anyway."

"Ok, I guess I'll stay then." I smiled. When we walked into the basement, I began to plot how I could spend more time alone with Trevor. Tonight was probably the best chance since he wasn't going back to his grandma's house. Justine's head popped up briefly before she laid back down.

"Can we let her sleep til the end of the movie? It's almost over." I asked, flopping down on a bean bag.

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked.

"Not at all."

"Are you sure? I can get J-Mike to bring us something back." Trevor offered.

"I'm really ok, but have him bring you something." I said quickly, loving the idea of not joining the rest of them at all.

"I'm good too." Trevor sat on a bean bag next to me.

I turned to face him. "How's your mouth feeling?"

He kept his eyes on the T.V. "My mouth is fine. The rinse really helps."

"How's you appetite?When's the last time you ate?" I continued.

He turned to look at me. "You're breaking J-Mike's rules."

"Aw, fuck J-Mike." I claimed.

"Well for me- Can we talk about the cancer stuff tomorrow? I love this part." He said, nodding to the screen.

"Technically it is tomorrow, but ok." I turned back to the screen. "The Oogie Boogie Man? He was the worst! You love this part? What's wrong with you?"

"Santa brought me sports equipment when I was a kid. I liked seeing him get his ass kicked." Trevor chuckled.

I laughed too. "What do you want for Christmas this year?"

"I don't know. I know what I want right now." Trevor answered.

I turned to him, my stomach clenching with excitement. I tried to remind myself that we needed to discuss why he broke up with me, and how we move forward in our relationship together. We needed to figure out what went wrong and how to make sure it didn't happen again. We needed to talk...

"What- do you want?" My own voice husky to my own ears.

"Take that wig off." He requested.

"What makes you think it's a wig?" I said, taking the bonnet off.

"It flew up when you got scared." He teased.

"Shut up." I smiled, pulling off the wig. I ran my fingers through my hair while Trevor watched.

"Thank you." He said, simply. I just smiled at him, grabbing his hand and squeezing. We returned our attention back on the screen.

After 30 Minutes, the movie came to an end, with Jack and Sally singing together about how they were simply meant to be. "This is my favorite song ever." I said.

Trevor didn't respond and I looked over at him. He was sleeping soundly. I moved in closer and pressed my lips against his. It was only a second or 2, but when I pulled back, Trevor's eyes were open and he was staring at my lips.

"Sorry-" I flushed. "I mean, good nig-" I said, hastily. I didn't get to finish because he pressed his lips back against mine. I told myself we would talk about everything tomorrow, er, today- as I kissed him back.

2 Heads

"I turn to you, you’re all I see
Our love’s a monster with 2 Heads and one heartbeat
I turn to you, you’re all I see
Our love’s a monster with 2 Heads and one heartbeat
We just got caught up in the moment
Why don’t you call me in the morning instead
Before we turn into a monster
Before we turn into a monster with 2 Heads
I hope to god I’ll love you harder
I hope to god I’ll love you longer
If only I could live forever
If only I could hold you longer" 2 Heads by Coleman Hell

"I like the Egyptian looking one- the head cheerleader. What's her name?" Rocky asked, between bites of chili, drenched with hot sauce. It was the only craving she had- hot sauce on top of everything. I told her she should just take shots from the bottle numerous times.

 Krista jumped all over Rocky. "That's Cleo De Nile and I'm going to be her. April is going to be my assistant Gholia. You have to be someone else!" Krista said, menacing with her hands on her hip before Amber or I could correct Rocky's grave mistake.

Rocky looked over at me and Amber and we shook our heads. We both knew it was coming. Before we even played the Monster High DVD, Krista informed me who she was going to be and that none one else can be her. Rocky missed that lecture because she joined us later after she got back from Wichita Falls.

"Fine. How 'bout the werewolf girl? Am I allowed to be her?" Rocky question Krista, cocking her head to the side.

"Yes you can." Krista responded, haughtily.

 Rocky smirked. "Thanks for your permission."

"You're welcome." Krista mimicked Rocky and smiled.

Amber, Rocky and I suppressed our giggles when she returned back to watching the show. We went into the kitchen to laugh privately.

"I hope there's enough characters for everyone. Krista's gonna cut someone if they dress up like her." I teased.

"That's why I'm telling everyone to dress up like their favorite monster. It's going to be a Monster High ball." Amber smiled, excitedly.

Amber continued to go over how she wanted the party set up. Inside, the kitchen was to be a cafeteria serving gross out food. The living room would have games and activities for the kids and outside would be the ball set up, complete with a photo area for the 'fear'book she wanted to compose and music. Rocky volunteered to run the photo booth and I would lend my services to the kid's games.

"Stick with the food Lily." Rocky instructed me.

"Why? I wanna host the games. That's fun for me." Dealing with the kids did sound more entertaining than being bothered with the adults and well wishes and questions about Trevor...

"Trust me and do the food. Beforehand. I'll help." Rocky said cryptically.

"Not unless you tell me why." I countered.

"You're going to have plans Saturday night." Rocky offered.

"You know me. Tim Burton and chill." I nodded.

That was how I spent Halloween growing up. Binging on candy and watching A Nightmare Before Christmas was my tradition.

I turned to Amber. "The kids can hang out with me. If Will is ok with it, we can go to Rocky's house and hand out candy. "

"Trevor is having a Halloween party." Rocky blurted out.

"What?" How did he go from not wanting anyone to know to having a party?

"Next week is Trevor rest week. It's the best time to come see him because he doesn't want everyone visiting during his 1st week of chemo. It coincides with Halloween. You know J-Mike- any excuse to throw a party." Rocky explained.

"And J-Mike invited her? Or Trevor?" Amber asked.

Rocky stood up straight."They said anyone who wants to come visit."

My hopes deflated."You just said this is a good week for him. I'm not going to ruin that for him if he doesn't want me there." I replied.

Amber and Rocky both gave disapproving looks. "Rocky, I'm going to wait for him to reach out to me. If he wants me there, I'll be there. That doesn't mean I'm going to just sit around waiting for him Amber. I hear you both." I conceded.

"Ok, let's refocus on my party's guests list!" Amber ordered.

I forced myself to focus on Amber's party and not Trevor. The usually suspects were on the list: Sammy, Corey, Gigi, Serena, Ethan, Peyton and Chris. Dino as well, which might mean Jake because they were still dating. Amber told me to invite Forrest and Rocky to invite Brandon.

When Rocky nodded, I cut in. "I'm sorry, why Brandon?" I asked, bluntly.

"We announced my pregnancy to his parents on Friday. We decided to have a fresh start- as friends and co-parents only." Rocky explained.

"Ok... but the baby isn't here yet." I pointed out.

"Friends Lily." Rocky reminded me.

"Besides, I told Dino she could invite Kelly and Omar. It wouldn't be right not to invite Brandon too." Amber told me.

I scowled. I couldn't help it. It was bad enough being around my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Being around my ex and new nemesis (Omar and Brandon, respectively) was too much.

"Fix your face Lily. I've learned to forgive and forget. Life is whatever you make it. Let's make this a fun party." Rocky smiled encouragingly.

"Ok." I agreed, while plotting what foods I could make in advance so I could spend the weekend in Wichita Falls with Trevor.

"Should I invite Richard? Or Dominick?" Amber teased, interrupting my thoughts of Trevor.

I gave her a smile. "Invite whoever you want." Hopefully, I wouldn't be there. All I needed was Trevor to invite me to the party...



I spent the next couple of days wishing for Trevor to call and trying to move forward with my life. Chad called me and we moved forward on closing on the house. I figured regardless of what happened with Trevor, it was an investment. I wasn't sure what type of investment- my future or financially- but either way it went it would be all mine and I couldn't help being proud of myself.

The contract was endless and I couldn't understand any of the legal jargon on it. I was hesitant to sign. Chad went over the basics with me, but advised me if I wanted to I could have a lawyer look over it. Tuesday after I got off work, I met up with Forrest to find Halloween costumes. I was going to go with Rocky, but she invited Brandon so I bailed. I asked Forrest about hiring a lawyer when he bought his house.

"Nope. Chad went over the paperwork with me and I signed." Forrest said as we walked up and down the aisle looking over the costumes.

"I feel kinda weird signing something I can't read." I responded.

"What I took away from it was the interest rate, don't break the contract, and pay on time. It's worked for me so far." Forrest offered with a smile.

"As helpful as you are, I'll have Rocky look over it." I said, before a dog costume caught my eye. "Aww, Justine would look so cute in this!" I said, holding up a Elmo costume. I wanted Justine to be Zero, the ghost dog from The Nightmare Before Christmas, but it felt wrong without Jack and Sally.

"Let's me see if I can find a cookie monster costume for me." I smiled. We passed by the men's on the way to the women's section. "Don't you need to look? What are you going to be?"

"I need face paint for a zombie. That'll work for Gabriel's and Amber's party. I'm gonna wear my wedding tux with it. Like I was left for dead at the altar." Forrest joked.

I looked up at him from the women's costumes "So we can laugh about that now?"

"I can." He stated. "You said cookie monster, but I think this fits you better."

He held up a cute Oscar the Grouch costume. I laughed.

"I love it."

"Are you doing two costumes or one?" Forrest asked as I dug for my size.

"One party, so one." I replied, keeping my mouth closed about Trevor's possible invite. I was sure he wouldn't be thrilled I was waiting for a call from Trevor, even though I was making plans without him too.

"You don't want to go to Gabriel's?"

"I wasn't aware I was invited."

"If I am, you are. Rocky too."

I made a face.

"What was that face for?" He stopped me.

"She's hanging with Brandon again."

"Oh. No wonder." Forrest said, thoughtfully.

"No wonder what?"

"I asked her out last week. She turned me down." he confessed.

I looked at him, shocked. "What?" Why was I just now hearing about this? Why wouldn't Rocky tell me? Were they keeping secrets from me? "When?"

"The night you went to see Trevor."

"Tell me, verbatim, what happened." I ordered.

After he did, I shook my head- partially relieved and bewildered.

"What?"

"That doesn't sound like you asked her out. I mean, I wouldn't have took it that way. For future reference, don't ask out a girl and bring up the fact she's pregnant by another dude Romeo." I scoffed.

Forrest cheeks flushed. "I don't care about that. I mean, I do, but it's not a deal breaker for me."

I huffed. "How big of you."

"I meant, it doesn't turn me off-" He tried to continue. I made a gagging sound.

"Eww, I don't wanna hear about your sex fetishes." I said, loudly, enjoying his discomfort.

"Forget I said anything." He said, his shoulders slumping in defeat. I instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry. It's just weird. She is pregnant and her hormones are all over the place. It's making her indecisive. One day she wants nothing to do with Brandon, the next, she wants a fresh start. I don't know what she wants regarding him. I don't know if she knows either. You need someone who knows what she wants after Rachel." I elaborated.

"We've talked about Brandon and Rachel in general. I don't think she's getting back together with him. She just wants what's best for her kid. A dad in his or her life like she didn't have."

"She told you that?" I asked, stunned they had in dept conversations like that. Rocky hadn't said anything like that to me... or maybe she did and I was too caught up in Trevor...

"Yeah. We talk. I mean, really talk. I thought there was something there."

I heaved a heavy sigh. "You know you two dating puts me in an extremely uncomfortable position? My loyalty would be with her."

"I'm thinking she friend zoned me anyway so it doesn't matter." He said disappointed. It reminded me of myself, pinning over Trevor during college. It sucked. I didn't want that for him.

"I'll talk to her and find out for sure." I offered.

"You don't have to-"

"I know. I want to." I cut him off. "You've such a great friend, the least I could do is pimp out my best friend to you."

"You don't even need a costume- your mouth is like a trash can. Just spewing with trash."

I laughed out loud at him. "Scram!" I shooed him away as we went to check out.



I spent Wednesday before I went to work with Amber going over game ideas and finalizing the menu for the party. By Thursday, I was coming to terms that I would be spending Halloween night alone. I was driving home from work when I received a call from Trevor. I pulled into a gas station and answered it as soon as I was in park.

"Hello?" I said, evenly keeping my nerves out of my voice.

"Hey Lily. It's Trevor." He said clearly over the phone.

"I know." I breathed. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Listen, I wanted to call because we're having a get together at my Uncle's house." He dove right in. Considering the last time we spoke and his rage, his calm demeanor was odd to me.

"Oh yeah, when is it?" I said, casually like I didn't know, wanting to feel him out a little more.

"This Saturday. Halloween. Sorry it's last minute. J-Mike's not the best at planning. I understand if you have plans."

"It's perfectly fine. I don't. I mean, not anything important." I scrambled."Is it like a costume party or a party that happens to be on Halloween?"

"Costume. Definitely costume, but you don't have to dress up if you don't want to."

"I do want to. Umm, what are you dressing up as?" I prolonged the conversation.

"The grim reaper. It won't take much and I get to wear a hood." He replied.

I didn't know if he was joking, but I didn't find it funny at all. "That's morbid." I commented, weakly.

"That's one way to look at it."

"What's another way?" I challenged.

"Reality. The great equalizer. Fate."

"Hmmph. Does the grim reaper have a companion?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Nope. Death hangs solo."

"Maybe I'll come as an angel then. Just to balance you out." I commented. There was a moment of silence.

"I'm pretty sure that's what J-Mike is coming as- A Victoria secret one." Trevor finally said.

"Oh God, are you trying to talk me outta coming, because your about to achieve your goal." I said, disgusted by the mental image.

Trevor chuckled. It was the sweetest sound I heard in months. "Aren't you dressing up as a monster for Amber's party anyway?" Trevor asked.

"I am. I'm going to be Oscar the Grouch. Might be too juvenile for your party. Although, Justine first costume is going to be Elmo." I answered.

"I thought you would dress her up as Zero."

I smiled. "I wanted to, but not without Jack. I always thought Jack and Sally was the best couples costume."

After a tense moment of silence, Trevor began again. "I can't wait to see her in any costume."

"I'll make sure she's there then." I said, curtly. I couldn't help being hurt at his indifference of me being there.

"Lily." He started. "I wanted to do this in person, but it needs to be said."

I didn't say anything, I just listened.

"We've been friends longer than we've been anything else. I forgot that for awhile and I'm sorry. Thank you for everything that you've done. I want all my friends to be here. I-I can't wait to see you too." He finished.

"I can't wait either." I concurred, not letting his friends talk dissuade me. Our love was bigger than friends- It was monstrous and strong enough to endure anything thrown our way. I just had to keep showing him.