Heroes (We Could Be)

"All we're looking for is love and a little light

Love and a little light

(We could be)

All we're looking for is love and a little light

Love and a little light

We could be heroes

We could be heroes

Me and you

We could be" Heroes (We Could Be) by Alesso feat. Tove Lo

Friday morning after Christmas, I woke up early and made breakfast for Bianca, her roommate Liz and me. Her other roommate Gayle went home for the holidays, so it was just us three. Liz and I were watching the news, eating breakfast sandwiches, when Bianca finally stumbled out her room.

"Good morning B!" I greeted her, cheerfully.

"Go to hell and take your loud ass phone with you." She grumbled, tossing my phone at me.

I laughed as I caught it and looked down at it.

No missed calls or texts...

"Did you go through my phone, B?" I asked Bianca as she poured a cup of coffee.

"Sure did. Don't make your birthday your password and keep it on silent when I'm trying to sleep." She confessed.

"And B stands for bitch." I mumbled, looking through my phone, trying to see why it was going off.

Liz laughed at us and Bianca flopped on the couch next to me.

"Who's Gabriel?" Bianca asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Just some guy I know through Rachel." I frowned at my phone. No texts or missed calls from an unknown number. "He doesn't have my number and I don't have his."

"Facebook. He messaged you."

"Really? You were in my Facebook too?" I said, opening up my Facebook.

I had new notifications. I was tagged in a bunch of Christmas posts from my friends showing off gifts. I bypassed them for my messages. The app pulled up and I had a thread with Gabriel from this morning.

Gabriel- Coke or Pepsi?

Me- ???

Gabriel- Just pick one. It's a get to know you game.

I put my phone down and glared at Bianca.

"Why did you message him back?"

"He's hot." Bianca answered, like I was stupid for even asking.

"What kinda hot?" Liz asked, excitedly.

"Superhero." Bianca answered her.

"Nice." Liz nodded at me.

"What does that even mean?" I said, confused.

"There are different levels of hotness. Nerdy hot is unconventionally attractive. Pedestrian is average or common. Superhero hot is extraordinary. It surpasses all of those. The most special and rarest of hot." Bianca explained.

"Is this what they're teaching y'all in school?" I shook my head, getting up to put away my plate.

"No, that's life experience." Bianca said, following me. "You don't give up superhero hot for pedestrian."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you should start dating again. There is life after Jake. Live it up."

"What makes you think I'm thinking about Jake?" I really hadn't been. He hadn't responded to my note or gift, but that was ok. I said my truth. He could do what he needed with it.

"He gave you the bracelet right?"

"Wrong." I said. I attached Justine's leash before I looked back up and Bianca. "Jake is superhero hot though! We didn't work out, but you can't take that away from him."

"No... He's hot, but not super hero hot. Nothing about his features are special or extraordinary. I see guys just as hot as him all the time." Bianca debated me.

I smirked. "Lucky you. So what makes Gabriel super hero hot? Blue eyes, dark hair, pretty common features."

"It's how those features are put together." Bianca said.

I shrugged. "Agree to disagree."

"I'll be the tie breaker." Liz volunteered. I grabbed my phone and showed her pictures of both guys.

"I see both points." Liz responded, flipping through the pictures.

"You're supposed to be tie breaker!" Bianca shook her head.

"I just wanted to see hot guys." Liz laughed.

Bianca and I both laughed with her. I peaked at my phone.

"Anyway, you should be dating. More specifically, Gabriel." Bianca exclaimed.

I smiled. "I'm not interested. You can reach out to him, since he’s your superhero."

"Don't tempt me." Bianca warned, "I'll do it!"

"Go for it!" I grinned, before taking Justine out for a walk.

When I came back, I took a shower and got ready for the pictures. I decided I would take the picture with Bianca, but no family portrait. It was just too weird.

When I came out the shower, Bianca was lounging on the bed, playing on her phone.

"Don't you need to be getting ready?" I asked her.

"I'm going. I just got caught up with Gabriel." She grinned.

"You did not!" I laughed, pulling out jeans and a t-shirt.

"I did too! He's cool, and I told you so about Trevor." She said, in a sing-song voice.

I stopped to stare at her.

"Yep. Gabriel wanted to hang out with you while neither one of you wanted a relationship or until you got together with Trevor. He told me all about your birthday."

"What a creep." I frowned, turning to finish getting dressed.

"Yeah you are! Why didn't you tell me? Are you two together? He gave you the bracelet? Are you in love?" Bianca interrogated me.

"Calm down. He gave me the bracelet; we're seeing where things go. That's all" I answered her.

Bianca laughed. "I told you! I told you! Thank you very much!!! I just have one more question..."

"What?" I sighed. This is why I didn't want to tell her.

"How right was I? How amazing am I?"

"You're my hero Bianca. Everything I wished I could be. I can fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my wings." I said, sarcastically.

"I know, say it with feelings next time." Bianca smiled.

She got dressed in the cream linen shorts and navy lace trimmed tank she picked out for the family pictures. She designed an interesting blazer that was cream colored with lace sleeves. It had a blue trim and tied everything together nicely. The blue and cream dress she bought me almost made me change my mind about the family picture, but I decided to wear it at my brother's engagement party.

"I get it." Bianca nodded as we drove to the studio. I just explained how out of place I felt about being in their picture. "Mom is not going to be happy, but she'll get over it."

My aunt Patty was not getting over it. We were the last to arrive. Brittany and her kids where dressed in navy and beige. Benjamin and his family wore navy and black. My aunt Patty looked glamorous in a navy pants suit with gold jewelry. She was looking at me, disapprovingly.

"Why aren't you dressed?" She asked me.

"I'm just going to take the picture with Bianca." I replied.

"You need to take a picture with the family."

"It's your immediate family, not extended. I feel out of place." I explained.

"Family is family-"

"Mom, they're ready for us." Benjamin called.

"We can take pictures at your house if you want. I didn't bring the dress anyway."

She didn't say anything, she just turned away. I watched as the photographer posed everyone. It was hard getting all the kids focused and smiling, but I saw that they got a few good shots. The grandkids went next. That was even harder than the shot with everyone. I was hoping they got at least one with all the kids staring at the camera.

Brittany's kids were the youngest, meaning they had the least amount of patience, so they took their picture with their mom first.

"Where is her boyfriend?" I asked Bianca as we walked to a changing room.

"Work." Bianca said with air quotes. "Mom didn't want him in the pictures anyway."

I laughed and we changed into the onesies Bianca designed. They were a royal blue complete with footies and a white fur trimmed hoods. We got laughs as we walked back out into the studio. Benjamin and his family were posing for pictures when we rejoined them.

We stood by Patty. She didn't acknowledge us so I knew she was upset. I was sorry if I hurt her feelings, but I couldn't help how I felt.

Bianca and I struck pose after pose when it was our turn. We laughed at each other as we posed hoods on and off, lying down, back to back and hugging each other. Even Patty cracked a smile.

Afterwards, we got changed and sat down to look through the film on a computer screen. Since we went last, Bianca and my pictures were first. We laughed at the ridiculous poses. We finally settled on the pose of us lying down on our stomach, propped up on our elbows, feet in the air. We were smiling at the camera, hoods on our head.

"You look like twins." The photographer laughed as she clicked it. We really did look alike with the hoods on and our dark hair framing our faces.

After everyone selected one pose of each group, we paid for our packages and waited for them to print. The only thing that would have to be mailed was a mug of all the grandkids for Patty.

After driving to Bianca's apartment to pick up Justine and my stuff, I drove to Patty's house. I was having leftovers with them then heading to spend quality time with my dad.

Patty had everything heated up, but before I could make a plate, Benjamin told me my great aunt Andrea wanted to speak to me. Patty gave me strange look before I walked out. I joined Andrea in Patty's room. I sat down on the bed in front of her.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I said, with a smile.

"I figured you would want to talk to me. You must have so many questions." Andrea stared. When I just looked at her, confused, she continued.

"About your mother?"

I shook my head. "I don't. I know enough."

Andrea frowned at me. "I don't see how that's possibly true."

"It is. As a kid, I waited for my mom to come rescue me. Then I waited for answers and understanding that never came. Every answer came with another question. It's just an endless cycle. I've come to realize I don't need answers or understanding or to be saved. I'm ok with the way things are." I finished.

"Are you? Everyone should know their history, where they're from."

"My mom is not part of my history. She made the decision not to be." I stated.

"Just like you believed we all did." My aunt Andrea said, bluntly. When my eyes widened, she said. "I can tell you distance yourself. I would feel the same way. Maybe answers would help."

"Maybe when I was a kid, but like I said, decisions were made when I was a kid that I had no say in. I'm an adult now. I can make my own decisions. Regardless of how I feel or felt, it's too late to try to fix the past. Isn't it best to just move forward?" I questioned.

"If that's how you feel, I will respect that." Andrea nodded.

I stood up and we went into the kitchen together. After lunch, Patty seemed in better spirits and gave me a hug before I left.

"Come see us before you go back to Dallas." She said. I smiled and promised I would.

On the way out, Benjamin stopped me.

"You know what I do for a living in Arizona?" He asked.

"Repo cars?" I said, wondering why it mattered.

"That's the goal, but specifically I investigate to find the vehicles. Mom told me you didn't want to find your mother. I still have her file. I'm hoping you change your mind about it."

"Why?" I said, wondering if Andrea said something to him.

He thought about it. He was about to speak twice, before he shrugged.

"Just curiosity."

I nodded and left.

I spent the rest of Friday evening hanging out with my dad. He was finalizing the last plans for the engagement party. After I helped confirm a few orders, we made dinner together.

I told him about Christmas with Patty's family and showed him the pictures.

"Beautiful family. Can I have this one?" He asked, holding up the picture of me and Bianca.

"Of course." We continued cooking and I asked my dad, "Do you know why my mother wouldn't talk to her family? I mean, I get not wanting a relationship with me, but her entire family? That's weird right?"

"I stopped trying to figure Paula out a long time ago. They weren't happy when I adopted you. I would assume that's why." He answered flatly.

I could tell by his tone he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't either, but I appreciated him at least trying to answer my question; before he wouldn't even do that.

Jenna and Cam came back from hanging out with Cam's friends. We had dinner together and I talked them into going out with me and Bianca. Bianca wanted to take me out to celebrate my birthday.

They agreed and we met her out a swanky lounge. I met Bianca's boyfriend Rex. I didn't know if that was his real name or not. Didn't really care. He had absolutely no personality or interest in anything going on. When he left to 'check out the scene' I looked at Bianca, asking why she would date a guy like that.

She just shrugged. "He's hot."

"What type?" I grinned

"Pedestrian. Definitely pedestrian." She laughed.

We drank overpriced drinks, chatted and took selfies together for the rest of the night. On the way home, I posted pictures on Facebook. I tagged Bianca and Trevor in them. I captioned them:

You were right @Trevor. Texas style beats Cali style.

Saturday was spent getting ready for the engagement party. It was going to be in the courtyard since the weather was nice. Men had been in and out of the house, setting up tables and decorations. Bianca came over around 4 so we could get ready.

I put on the dress she bought for the pictures and we joined my dad greeting guest. The party was just like I expected: boring. Cam and Jenna looked so happy, I didn't complain. I just sipped champagne and chatted with Bianca. At least she was there to keep my company.

Trevor called me during the party and I answered.

"How's the party?" He asked.

"Lame, just like I expected. Get on Skype so I can show you the courtyard!" I said, excitedly.

"If you had your IPhone we wouldn't have to do that..."

"Just get on!" I commanded him.

He did, and I took him around the courtyard, showing of the outdoor living space.

"Wow, you really are a spoiled brat." He smiled at me.

"Shut up." I laughed. I decided to take him on a tour of the house, MTV Cribs style.

"And this is where the magic happens." I grinned, walking into my room, the last stop on the tour.

"Any magic happening tonight?" He asked. I laid on my bed, then turned to the phone.

"I'm gonna do what I do every night." I said, huskily, in what I was hoping a sexy voice.

Trevor grinned. "What's that?"

"Try to take over the world!" I smiled.

"Alright Brain." Trevor laughed.

"If I'm the Brain, that makes you Pinky!"

"Narf!"

We both cracked up laughing.

"Do you need to get back to the party?" Trevor asked me.

"I have some time. How was your Christmas?"

"Good. My granny wasn't as cranky, so everyone had a good time."

I was sure she wasn't. What was there to be cranky about? No Hernandez kid ruining her pure white Tobin Christmas.

"What are you thinking about?" Trevor asked me.

"Huh?" I said, pulling myself from my thoughts.

"You had this evil little smirk on your face. I know you were thinking something you shouldn't be."

I giggled. Busted.

"I told you... plotting on how I can take over the world." I lied.

"I don't think I can be your partner if it makes you smile like that. I might have to stop you."

"You'll never stop me!" I cackled, like an evil villain.

"The bad guy always says that right before they get stopped." Trevor smiled.

"We'll see." I smiled back at him.

There was a knock on my door, followed by Bianca barging in.

"Really? You're gonna bail on me?" Bianca exclaimed. I picked up the phone to show her Trevor. She instantly brightened.

"Hi future cousin in law!" She cooed, hopping on the bed with me and grabbing the phone from me.

I flushed, furiously. "That's not even a thing." I groaned.

"Sure it is." Bianca smiled, turning the phone back to me. "She's embarrassed because she thought about it."

"I'm embarrassed because you're embarrassing." I covered my face.

"Don't mess me up Bianca. I gotta get her to be my girlfriend first." Trevor said.

"You got her already. You're her superhero!" Bianca told him.

I grabbed the phone from her then.

"Alright. We gotta get back to the party." I told Trevor.

"You have to explain that superhero thing to me." Trevor smiled.

"Umm, no. See you tomorrow!" I said.

"See ya."

"I hate you!" I told a giggling Bianca.

"You love me." Bianca laughed.

"Bullshit."

"We're family! Kiss your cousin!" She said, attacking me. I laughed as I pushed her off me.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

"Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now" Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (Sam Smith Version)

Trevor's hands trailed up my calves, to my thighs, grazing my stomach, fondling my breasts, then up my neck before stopping their journey in my hair. The whole time he pressed soft, lazy kisses all over my face as his eyes bore into mine.

"Lily..." He breathed, a cross between a moan and a sigh. It sent a chill throughout my body and I shivered.

It wasn't just the sound of my name coming out of his mouth like a prayer that made me shake. Nor was it the cold, even though the blanket I had covering me was on the floor. It was want, desire and need making me quiver in anticipation of Trevor's next move. I watched him, my body shaking under the light caresses of his hands, willing him with my eyes to continue.

"Are you ready for your gift?" He asked me, with a teasing smile.

When I nodded, he reached to unbuckle his jeans...



I forced myself awake before my over active imagination took it too far. Apparently pizza, corny Christmas movies and wine caused powerful dreams. I didn't want that dream, so I forced myself to fully wake up.

It was bad enough I had to wait for Trevor's reaction; Fantasizing about him before I knew his response would just make things worse. Especially on my brother's couch. How embarrassing!

I blinked, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and the image of Trevor to disappear. When he was still there, I tried to think of what I knew about hallucinations. When his fingers pulled at a tangle in my hair, causing a little discomfort, I knew it was real. Dreams nor hallucinations could cause pain.

My eyes widened as I took him in. He was kneeling in front of the couch that I was laying on. It had only been 9 days, but he looked so different. His hair was growing out everywhere, on his head and his face. I could tell he was paler in the dimmed light from the hallway. His eyelids were droopy, like he was exhausted, but his eyes shone a brilliant blue.

"Merry Christmas darling." He said, in a soft tone that only enticed my already aroused body. His words, the way he was staring at me, and his tone sent tingles starting from the strands of my hair he was caressing to the top of my toes. I hoped he couldn't tell how much his three simple words affected me.

"Merry Christmas, you filthy animal." I gulped, quoting Home Alone as I sat up on the couch. I subtly pulled away from his touch before it did me in.

Trevor laughed at me, his blue eyes still gleaming. "I'm trying to have a moment with you. Hold off on the jokes."

I pulled at my tank top, nervously. His eyes watched my movement, before darting back to my face. "We're about to have a moment?" I asked.

"I hope so." He grinned at me, pulling something out of the bag he was holding.

"Merry Christmas." He said, handing me a blue dog collar. It had little charms on it. One of a bedazzled bone, one of a J, and a heart with my information on it.

"Thank you Trevor. You know how much Justine hates her collar. Maybe she'll like the bling." I smiled.

"Yeah, I doubt it if she's like her owner. I just hope y'all both make an exception." Trevor said, reaching back in his bag. He pulled out a box. I wasn't even crazy about jewelry, but my heart raced. He opened the box, to reveal a beautiful simple charm bracelet, with an '8' charm.

I smiled. "Is this a symbol of our moment? Finally, after 8 years?"

"Yes and no." Trevor responded, grabbing my hand. I watched as he put the bracelet on my wrist. "Although maybe it should be an 8 since everyone keeps bringing it up." He smiled at the bracelet once he had it clasped on my wrist.

"It's an infinity symbol Lily." Trevor corrected me as he ran his finger over the symbol. I held my breath. "I can't pinpoint when I started to love you too; it has no beginning and I don't see an end. The only question is how you want me to love you. I love you as a friend, but I can love you more than that if you let me."

I finally exhaled quietly, and said what was on my heart.

"I do want that, but I'm terrified. I'm scared of it changing us. I'm scared it won't work out. I'm scared of losing you. As much as I want to be with you, I don't know how to deal with that fear: besides getting drunk and acting stupid." I confessed.

He gave me a little smile. "I understand. I can't promise you that it won't happen. I can promise you we can try."

"Is it worth the risk? You said it yourself, caring about each other isn't enough." I questioned him.

"I did, and I meant it. We have to have trust and be able to talk to each other. You showed me that in your letter. You can keep writing to me if that's easier." Trevor suggested.

I thought about it, nodding.

"I still have 2 months in Austin. Let's at least try. We'll see if it's worth the risk and make a decision when I come back."

"Ok." I agreed. I didn't think it over or debate it. I just went with how I felt. The smile that broke out on his face was completely worth it. I smiled too.

He got up and joined me on the couch. He grabbed both my hands in his and leaned in close. I closed my eyes, leaning in too to meet him for a kiss. I let all my doubts, fears, and reservations go as I kissed him.

I tried to keep our kiss short and sweet, but when I pulled away, Trevor sucked on my bottom lip. I groaned, dying for just a little taste of him. I quickly traced my tongue over the entrance of his mouth. He moaned and it was the sexiest sound I ever heard. He kissed me back forcefully, exploring every inch of my mouth with his tongue. As our tongues danced around each other, I pressed my body against his. He broke the kiss off abruptly.

"You convinced it's worth it yet?" Trevor breathed, resting his forehead against mine.

"Partially." I panted, truthfully.

He grinned at me. "We need to stop until you're all the way there."

I smiled. "You're right, besides, I don't think my brother would appreciate it if we went any further."

"He already threatened to fuck me up 7 different ways." Trevor informed me.

I laughed. "Merry Christmas to you darling."



The next time I woke up was because of my alarm clock on my phone with Trevor's arms wrapped around me. We managed to squeeze on the couch together, with room to spare the way Trevor was holding me. I reached to turn off the alarm and Trevor immediately pulled me back to him. I turned to face him.

"I have to get up." I sighed in his neck.

"Why?" Trevor asked, sleepily.

"Plane, Justine, brother." I listed, smiling.

"You don't wanna spend Christmas in California. Justine has her potty pad, and your brother is exaggerating. He doesn't know 7 ways to beat me up." Trevor argued.

"No, not in Cali, but I do wanna see my family. Justine needs a new pad. I've seen 10 different ways, before the Air Force."

"Alright, get up." He smiled, pushing me away. I laughed and sat up.

I was ready to go by the time Jenna and Cam emerged from their room.

"So are you two together yet or what?" Cam asked, in lieu of good morning or hello.

"Good morning to you too." I answered him, sarcastically.

Cam just gave Trevor an expectant look.

"Not yet." Trevor grinned.

Cam shook his head. "I don't even wanna know."

"Then don't ask." I countered.

We loaded the bags and I let Justine play around outside before we left. Trevor drove us to the airport before he headed to Wichita Falls. Trevor and Cam talked about what's been going on at their work while Trevor's been gone. It was a little strange that things were completely the same, but completely different at the same time.

Trevor helped me bring in Justine and her kennel to get her checked in. After that, we hugged goodbye.

"I'll see you Sunday." Trevor smiled at me.

"See ya. Have a merry Christmas." I smiled back.

He kissed me on the forehead. "It already is."

My smile widen as I held him close for another moment. I turned and followed Jenna and Cam. When I turned back around, Trevor was still watching me. I waved before he was out of sight.

After going through TSA check, I waited at the gate, nervously. Surprisingly, the only thing I was worried about was Justine. I couldn't wait till we got to California and I could retrieve her.

Cam went to buy snacks and Jenna turned to me.

"I want to know, so I have to ask. What's going on with you and Trevor?" Jenna asked me.

"As my future sister in law? Not a psychologist?" I asked her.

"Future sister in law." She nodded.

"Ok."

I explained to her Trevor and my decision to try to be more than friends and make a concrete decision about being in a relationship when he came back. I also admitted my fears were stopping me from committing fully right now.

"Can I just say one thing?" Jenna started. "About fear, nothing else." She added quickly when she saw my reluctant face. I nodded, disinterestedly.

"Fear is actually a good thing. It's how we protect ourselves from threats. The problem is when bad experiences make us fearful enough to hold us back." She explained.

"How do you get past that?" I said, genuinely interested in her opinion now.

"You just have to face those fears. It's the only way to overcome them." Jenna answered.

I thought about it. It made sense, but that didn't mean I wanted to take that risk with Trevor. He was too important to me.

I thought about it during the flight. Next thing I knew, we were landing.

I hurried to go get Justine. She looked tired, but not upset or traumatized. I put on her new collar and we headed to the exit. My dad was already waiting for us.

"Why doesn't it have a tail?" My dad asked after he greeted me and congratulated Cam and Jenna on their engagement.

"She's a rescue dog, but some of her breed are born without them." I explained as we got in his car.

"Why would you rescue a dog with no tail? Why get a dog at all when you live in an apartment? They're outdoor pets." My dad continued, shaking his head.

"Because she's adorable and sweet." I answered, defensively.

"Don't talk about her dog Dad. She was a gift from her boyfriend." Cam said, as Dad started the car.

"Shut up Cam. He's not my boyfriend," I blushed.

"What did he say? Not yet?" Cam turned to smile at me.

"Same man or a different one?" My dad asked.

"Neither" I said.

"Different guy." Cam replied at the same time.

"Another man Lily? You sure are moving fast." My dad said disapprovingly.

"He's been in love with her for years now-" Cam tried to explain. I cut him off.

"Technically, if he was my boyfriend, he would be my second one in 26 years. How is that moving fast?" I argued.

"Second one in less than a year. I think you should slow down." My dad lectured.

"Dad-" Cam started. I interrupted him again.

"I'm sorry, but your point is? I don't ever recall you telling Cam to slow down. There were different girls monthly."

"He was a young man at the time." My dad said.

"I'm young too. So I'm guessing you're saying because I'm a female, it's a double standard. I listen to Beyoncé. I watched a few episodes of Girls. I'm too much of a feminist to entertain that argument." I ended the conversation.

Jenna tried to hold back her laugh and it came out as a snicker. Cam openly laughed.

"Male or female, you should hold yourself at a higher standard." My dad said, having to have the last word.

"You're right. Obviously I have daddy issues." I quipped, with a smile.

"I wanna hear about the girls. Monthly huh? How old were you Cam?" Jenna changed the subject, quickly.

"I don't remember." Cam shrugged.

"I do! He would use me as a decoy so Dad wouldn't think anything as we walked around the neighborhood. Every single time we would run into some girl that wanted to 'talk' to Cam." I said with a smile.

Jenna laughed good naturedly while Cam looked embarrassed.

"So I guess my community is not an option?" Dad asked when Jenna's laughter subsided.

"Option for what?" I smiled too.

Jenna looked at me, puzzled, then she looked at Cam. Cam took a deep breath, then turned to look at me.

"For houses. We're thinking about moving out here after we get married."

I was shocked. I nodded and looked away. I pretended like I was occupied with Justine. I stared at the presents Trevor got us. I looked over each charm on Justine necklace then the charm on my bracelet.

When we got to my dad's house, instead of taking my things in the house, I packed them in the Altima.

"Where are you going?" Cam asked me.

"Bianca's. She doesn't have a problem with Justine being inside like Dad does." I responded.

Cam sighed. "Lily, don't leave. I want to talk to you. I've wanted to talk to you, but the timing was never right."

"There's nothing to talk about, but I'll be back tonight." I lied. I had no intentions of coming back.

Cam knew it too, cause he just nodded. My dad didn't care. Christmas was not a big celebration growing up. Most of the time it was a busy time for my dad and my brother split his break from school with his mom and her side of the family. We stopped getting presents when we were old enough to shop. Santa Claus never existed, just my dad's hard work and us earning the privilege of gifts.

I left and headed to Bianca's apartment. I called her and let her know I was on my way. When I got there, I knocked once before the door flew open.

"Merry Christmas!!!" Bianca grinned at me, throwing her arms around me.

"Merry Christmas!" I responded.

"C'mon. Mom and the rest of them are waiting for us." Bianca exclaimed.

"Ok. Let me put Justine's stuff up and change really quickly." I laughed at her excitement.

30 minutes later, we were on the road. Bianca filled me in on her finals, her boyfriend and plans for the weekend.

"Saturday my dad is hosting my brother's engagement party. Please come with me." I begged her.

"All you had to say was your dad's house. You know I'm there."

"Ok." I said, relieved.

"So Friday we're taking family portraits. I have both outfits for you." Bianca said.

"Two outfits for what?" I asked.

"The portraits, since all the kids are in town. We have an appointment at 11am. My mom wants one with all of us, then just the grand kids, then each kid individual with their family. Since I have no kids, you're posing with me."

"I'm not taking any family portraits. That's weird. We're cousins, not sisters. I'm not one of your mom's kid." I debated.

Bianca didn't say anything.

When we got to her mom's house, cars filled up the street. We found a parking space two houses down and walked to my Aunt Patty's house.

"Merry Christmas!" Bianca yelled as she walked into the house.

"Merry Christmas!" Everyone returned. I followed Bianca around the room greeting everyone, all the while keeping an eye on Justine. The younger kids crowded around her. She was friendly, but I wanted to make sure she wasn't overwhelmed.

I hugged Bianca's older sister Brittany and older brother Benjamin. I greeted all the extended family as we made our way to the kitchen. Like always, Aunt Patty was at the stove.

"Hey Patty." I smiled, giving her a hug.

"Lily, how was your trip?" She smiled at me.

"Not bad." I replied.

"She said she's not taking pictures tomorrow." Bianca told on me.

"Yes you are." Patty said, with finality.

Alrighty then.

"There's someone I want you to meet." Patty said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the table. An older woman sat at the end of the table, talking to Patty's younger brother, my uncle Pete.

"This is my aunt, your great aunt Andrea. Andrea, this is-"

"Lilian, of course. You're your mother all over again. Come, sit." She instructed me. I did, giving Patty a curious look. She just nodded, encouragingly.

I sat in front of her and Pete got up and left the table.

"I'm sorry I haven't met you sooner. It's harder and harder to leave my home nowadays." She started.

"I understand. You live in Canada right?" I tried to recall all the information Patty told me about our family.

"That's right." Andrea said. Dinner was served, and I stayed seated next to Andrea.

We had a feast featuring ham. Everything was delicious, but I made sure not to get too full. My aunt made a coconut cake with pineapple filling on Christmas that was heavenly. It almost made up for missing Christmas cookies.

Andrea told me about my grandmother's childhood and family. I was enthralled by her stories and pleased that she wanted to know everything about me. I was sure Patty told her everything I did, but she listened intently.

After eating, the kids went back to playing with their toys. I got all the kids' gift cards since I didn't want to carry gifts on the plane. Bianca gave me a hooded onesie she made. She had a matching one and that's what we were wearing for our picture together. I gave her a Christmas card with money in it.

I did go shopping for my aunt. I had an ornament made for her with all her grandkids name one them. It was late, but she put it on her tree immediately. She gave me a Christmas container filled with cookies: Her famous sugar cookies, shortbread cookies with chocolate kisses in the middle, ginger snaps, and a new recipe: red velvet cookies. The recipes were also in the container on cute recipe cards.

I was closing the cookie container when Bianca noticed my bracelet.

"Oooo, that's cute." She pointed it out.

"Thanks." I blushed, thinking of Trevor.

"Who gave that to you?"

"Nobody." I said, not waiting to tell her she was right about Trevor just yet. I stepped outside in the backyard to let Justine do her business. I called Trevor while I waited.

"Hey Lily, how's your Christmas going?" He asked. I could tell he was smiling, and that made me smile too.

"Good." I sighed.

"Uh-oh. What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." I took a deep breath. "Nothing really. Just meeting new family. It always kinda makes me sad, ya know? Feels like I missed out."

"I know, but you have them now. Don't waste that time being bummed out." Trevor suggested.

"I know. I guess I was already upset. I found out Cam is thinking about moving back to California."

"Really? Why?" Trevor asked.

"I don't know..."

Trevor chuckled. "Let me guess... you didn't ask? Just got all pissed off?"

"No..." I smirked.

"Don't tell me you threw a present and gave a family member a lap dance?"

I laughed. "No, I left, thank you very much."

"Lily..." Trevor trailed off.

"I know, I know. I'm going back." I promised.

"Good." He said, before he started coughing.

"You ok?" I asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm at my granny's. I had to step outside it's so loud inside. It's colder than balls out here."

I laughed. "Then you and your balls need to get back inside. Tell your granny I said Hola!"

Trevor laughed too. "Alright. Good night Lilypad."

"Good night T-Rev."

I hung up and went back inside.
When Bianca was ready, we went back to her apartment. I left Justine with her, telling her I would be right back.

I went back to my dad's house. When I went inside, I saw that my dad had a small gathering of his friends and business associates. I said hello to everyone while Cam looked surprised that I came back.

After telling Jenna we'd be right back, Cam and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I was looking at the Christmas displays when Cam began to explain why he wanted to move to California.

"Is it where you and Jenna wanna be?" I asked, stopping his explanation.

"It is. We want to raise our family out here."

"Then I get it. I mean, I don't understand it.  I'm gonna miss y'all, but I'm happy for you two." I told him.

He hugged me and I held on to him.

"Let's get back before Jenna thinks something's wrong." Cam said.

"I'm just gonna tell her you met up with a girl."

"Do that, I'm telling dad you have sleepovers with guys who aren't your boyfriend."

"I don't care. I'll be back in Dallas. What can he do?" I grinned.

"Don't be a jerk. It's Christmas."

I laughed. "Merry Christmas bro."

"Merry Christmas sis."

Merry Christmas Darling (Outro- Trevor's POV)

***Kinda two post today. They were split because it's two point of views. Read Intro first!***

"The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you
Merry Christmas, darling" Merry Christmas Darling (The Carpenter's Version)


***Trevor's POV***

"You'll never have to worry about me trying to get you to move out here again. You're lame." Bilal shook his head at me.

"I'm exhausted." I told him, rubbing the scruff that was growing on my face as I sat on my bed. One of the things I was happy about not reporting to work was the strict dress code. It never made sense. My management has a "dress for your day" policy. Most of our clients never came to the office anyway. My day consisted of building and designing applications for websites that I could do at home in jeans and a t-shirt.

That's what I was doing now in Austin: working from Bilal's spare bedroom. Cat's boyfriend Kenji had a list of specific things he wanted the website to do. Which would be fine if there wasn't a 15 hour time difference between us. It meant late nights and early mornings almost every day this week trying to figure out what he wanted. Most days I didn't change out of what I slept in; I was that tired.

I laughed as I thought about Lily calling it nerd talk. Systems, software, applications all had a different language. Codes made them talk to each other so they worked. Coding is what I do. The problem was Kenji spoke no nerd talk. Trying to interpret what he wanted and translate it into existence was a full time job. It was so much easier when it was just for fun and I did it how I wanted.

I told myself I wanted a challenge. I got one. It was worth it when Kenji or one of his partners called back loving something I did, but it wore me out. Christmas couldn't come soon enough. I needed the break.

"Don't try to put it on lack of sleep. It's lack of Lily." Bilal accused me.

I played it off, but he was right. I'd been questioning my decision ever since I told her, especially when she cried at lunch. I never wanted to be the guy that made her cry. Not when giving her what she wanted was what I wanted too.

Her anger towards me at the birthday party is what made me stick to my decision. I knew her well enough to know it was more than Amelia or the thought of me moving. I didn't know what it was, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it until she opened up to me.

That was the most frustrating part. I thought I knew everything about her. I thought she told me everything. I didn't know how to reassure her I wasn't going anywhere. Everything she's told me just made me want her more. I wanted to know everything about her: the good and the bad, her fears, her disappointments, the things that made her tick. I needed to know so I could make her happy. That's all I wanted.

That couldn't happen if she wouldn't talk to me. She refused to even tell me why she was mad. There was no way we could work out like that. That's what made me decide to pull away from her, literally.

When she didn't even show up to say goodbye, my decision didn't matter anymore. I didn't want to lose her, not when I knew she had feelings for me. I couldn't risk her moving on, even if she said she couldn't push her feelings away,

Sammy just shook her head at me when I explained what I was doing.

"You can't lose something you never had." She stated, nonchalantly.

That stopped me in my tracks. Lily told me that she wanted to be with me, that she would work on herself and that she was sorry. She never told me why: why she couldn't talk to me, why she believed a stranger before giving me a chance to explain, and why she pushed her feelings away.

So yeah, she had feelings. Maybe I would have her as a girlfriend, but without her being able to trust, depend and talk to me, what did I really have? Even if she felt like she could, I didn't see it, so I couldn't trust that she did. I didn't know how to build that trust back. Time was the best thing for both of us.

"I know, but we're taking time-" I explained, for the 100th time.

"It's been like 8 years. How much longer do y'all need?" Bilal responded, for the 100th time.

"However long it takes to get it right." I shrugged.

"You know I felt like a dumbass after I told you not to tell her how you feel, but now I don't. You're fucking this up all on your own." Bilal lectured me.

"You're still a dumbass Bilal." I grinned at him.

"You're a bigger one. You love her, she loves you. It's that easy."

"If it's that easy, why didn't you and Rocky stick together?" I questioned him.

"Why you gotta bring her into this?" Bilal questioned back.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Are you gonna stop moping about Lily?"

"Why you answering a question with a question?" I grinned.

"Why didn't you just answer my question?" He laughed.

"How are you so stupid?" I laughed too.

"How are you so lame? It's Christmas! Time for being merry and joyful." Bilal pointed out.

"You don't even celebrate Christmas."

"I celebrate anything that gets me paid and off work. C'mon. I found this cool channel on TV. It's just a fireplace and Christmas music."

"The Yule log? That sounds lamer than what I'm doing."

"Maybe, but you'll be doing it with us, not hanging out alone. If you feel like you made the right decision, why are you punishing yourself?" Bilal questioned.

He had a point there.

"Why are you punishing me with your face?" I joked, standing up to follow him to the living room.

"Why does your mom love my face?" Bilal came back at me with a smirk.

"Hey! Keep my mom outta this, and I'll keep this out your mom."

That started a your momma battle that ended with Noorie telling us both to shut up. A group of us hung out, drinking and listening to Christmas music on the Yule log channel. It was somewhat comforting, just enough to keep my thoughts off Lily. We exchanged small gifts around midnight. I grabbed Lily's present first to unwrap. The first box was a sad, pathetic Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I chuckled at it. I loved it, but my mom would love it more. I was re-gifting it.

The next gift was a car navigation system and a Dallas calendar. I was gonna install the navigation system as soon as possible. Trying to navigate on my phone and drive was a bad combination. I was laughing at Bilal's gift of cooking supplies for Noorie as I opened the card Lily attached. Everyone could tell Noorie was faking that she liked it.

I read the note Lily wrote me, tuning them out.

Trevor-

I feel like I have been apologizing so much lately, that it sounds like a broken record. I am sorry for not trusting you. You've shown me repeatedly how much you care about me and I see that. As much as I hate to admit it, I understand your decision to leave, even if I can't bear to see you go.

The irony of it is this is what I wanted: To push you away. I'm constantly waiting for the other foot to drop and for things to go wrong so I'll have an escape. Amelia gave me exactly what I was waiting for and I ran.

I don't want to continue to run. I don't want to push people away, especially not you. I don't want to sabotage us before we really have a chance. So I'm taking these months to work on myself alone. Don't ask me what that entails, cause I don't even know yet. The only thing I'm certain of is that I do love you.

I don't even know when I started loving you Trevor. I can't pinpoint the moment, but I know I can't make it go away. That scared me so much, my escape was to settle with being your friend. I'm still terrified and I don't know how to conquer that fear yet. I just hope you can give me a chance when I figure it out.

Love,  Lily

PS- I don't remember if I told you how proud I am of you. I am. Merry Christmas.

PPS- As proud as I am, use my gifts regularly. To remember Dallas and to find your way back. The other gift is for your mom.

I was heading to the spare room before I finished reading. I didn't have my things packed to go home yet. I was planning on getting some sleep then heading out in the morning, but I had to see Lily before she left. I found my phone while I packed.

"You better have a good reason for calling this late Trevor." Cam said, roughly.

"I do. What time are y'all leaving in the morning?" I asked, flinging clothes in a bag.

"7am." He answered.

"Thanks, I need to see Lily before y'all leave."

"She is asleep on my couch. Just call me when you get here." Cam responded.

He hung up and I finished packing before rushing out the room. I said a quick goodbye to everyone before I left.

I made it to Dallas a little before 4. I called Cam and he came to let me in.

"Do I need to give you the speech?" Cam asked me.

"Birds and the bees?" I joked.

He gave me a look that was murderous.

"I will fuck you up 7 different ways if you hurt her." He threatened me.

"I know, and you know how much I care about her. I would never hurt her, even if I was curious about those 7 different ways."

He nodded. "Just needed to hear it. Fuck up and you'll find out."

"Did you pack my gift for her?" I asked.

"Yeah, be right back."

After he brought me the gift bag, he went back to his room. I joined Lily in the living room. She was still asleep, even though Justine was awake. Justine made her way over to me and I petted her until she laid back down. I then focused on Lily. All but her face was buried under the covers. She looked so peaceful. I ran my fingers through her hair. She readjusted under the covers so I kept it up, stroking her hair until her eyes finally opened.

She blinked at me a few times before focusing on my face. When she did, her eyes widened in surprise.

Geez, she was beautiful.

"Merry Christmas darling." I said, softly.