Born to Die

"Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks, every step that I take
But I'm hoping at the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on the Friday nights
Can you make it feel like home
If I tell you you're mine?
It's like I told you honey
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane, so
Choose your last words
This is the last time
'Cause you and I
We were born to die" Born to Die by Lana Del Rey

Bianca's name and pictures were posted on every gossip site. She already made her Facebook and Instagram private but somehow the sites got her pictures anyway. The pictures were compared with the images "stolen" from Noelle's phone. I read numerous reports detailing the break up-sources close to the couple revealed Noelle cheated on Christian with Bianca while other sources reported Christian cheated on Noelle and she found comfort with their threesome partner. Noelle released at statement saying only that Christian and her were broken up and to respect her privacy. Christian hadn't released a statement, but they had pictures of him out and about New York City over the weekend with his friends.

I called Bianca right away. I needed to make sure she was ok now that the news was finally out. She sounded so calm considering the truth was out there. Maybe as rumors, but it was enough. Anyone looking at the pictures would draw the right conclusion that the mystery woman was indeed Bianca.

She revealed to me anyone opinion she cared about already knew she and Noelle were together. Not going to lie, I freaked out when she told me there were together together. I blurted out everything Christian told me about the leaked pictures and why Noelle finally broke up with him. Bianca reminded me of how I called him shady and untrustworthy when I told her not to go to Paris with him. She accused him of making excuses to why Noelle broke up with him. She even alluded he was the one that outed her.

She had a point there- I didn't trust him then, why should I automatically trust his words now? He could easily be manipulating the situation to make himself look good. I changed the subject off of Christian and asked how her mom took the news instead. I almost freaked out on her again when she told me she still had no intention of coming out to her. I believed it would hurt aunt Patty more if she heard it from someone else, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her the truth.

I got off the phone, feeling more rattled than she was. I didn't let it stress me- I planned to be there whenever she needed me. I knew without a doubt she would- a relationship built on so many secrets and lies would never make it. If my friends saw or made the connection about Bianca, they were tactfully enough not to ask. I was gratefully for that because I had no idea what to say or if I should say anything at all.

When Christian sent me a text asking if Bianca was alright, I felt bad for not defending him. The only reason I said I didn't trust him was because he talked shit about Trevor and my relationship to Trevor while being nice to me. I thought that meant he was two-faced. When I thought about it some more, I didn't recall him ever saying anything good about Trevor and me. In fact, when I confronted him about what he said to Trevor, he confimed how he really felt. Maybe I didn't like nor did I care for him voicing his opinions to Trevor, but that didn't make him two-faced, manipulative or shady. It made him have an opposing opinion to my own. Should I distrust him because of that?

The only thing I knew for sure is he could have outed Bianca in the beginning, but he didn't. He didn't have to tell me Noelle's phone was hacked, but he did. He promised to keep me informed, and he stuck to his word. He'd been nothing but straight with me, so I would trust him until he gave me a reason not to.

When I got off from work, I called Christian and told him about my conversation with Bianca.

"I can send you screenshots of my texts with Noelle. I caught her in a lie and she broke up with me." Christian defended himself.

"You don't need to do that. I don't think it would matter if you did. Bianca is in love- she's not going to see the truth until she's ready too." I sighed.

"It sounds like you're speaking from experience." He commented.

"Yeah. I dated a guy that people thought was bad for me. Until I saw it for myself, I didn't break up with him."

"You broke up with Trevor?"

"No. This was the guy I dated before Trevor."

"There was a guy before Trevor?" Christian said, surprised.

"Yes. I actually dated and talked to guys after college."

"I didn't think you noticed any other guy but Trevor." Christian stated.

"You thought wrong." I said.

"Learn something new everyday." He stated.

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't even ask how you're doing?"

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm tried of being asked about her. Every time I step out, paparazzi are in my face, asking the same damn thing."

"Are you still in New York?" I asked.

"I am. You tracking me?"

"No. I watch TMZ when I'm bored. I've been bored a lot lately."

"Ok." He laughed.

"I never understood why famous people complain about paparazzi then stay in L.A. or New York City. I don't see paparazzi in Texas."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Sure. Visit Texas. Like deep in the country. Get a cabin, commune with nature, find your inner chi or animal or spirit. Be reborn."

"Nah, I'm good with that."

I smiled. "But seriously, I'm here if you need to talk or not talk. Whatever."

"Whatever sounds good. Goodnight Lily."

"Night."



Tuesday morning I got up and ready for my boxing workout. I was going earlier so I could meet up with Jordan for lunch afterwards. Our lunch was nice. I wasn't ready to be friends with her again, but I did want to forgive and move on. I knew how difficult going through a break up with someone who didn't want to be with you was, so I was able to look past her horrible behavior once she apologized. I told her about my house and my new position at work- She told me about how Blake and her started dating and living together.

I couldn't get over my shock at them living together so quickly. She explained that she and Tori had a failing out and she only planned to stay temporarily. It was going so well, they decided to live together. The commute sucked, so she was interviewing for a job closer to Blake's house. It was all so sudden and fast to me, but I wished her the best and told her we would keep in touch.

I was at work when I saw I had a missed call from Trevor. Seeing his number put a horrible pit in my stomach. He didn't leave a message, so I text Rocky to see if she knew If something was up.

Rocky: I have no idea. Last time we spoke, he told me about his surgery but that's not until next week

Me: Ok. Thanks. How's baby Leland?

Rocky: I don't know. You pregnant?

I laughed and put my phone away.

As I drove home, Trevor called again. That horrible feeling reemerged and I didn't answer, hoping he would just leave a message about what he wanted. He did leave a message, but he only asked me to call him back. I figured it wasn't important, and I had no desire to chitchat with him whatsoever, so I ignored it

That night I was up listening to some music Christian sent me while online shopping at Pier One, when I got a text from an unknown number

Unknown- Kelly is in labor. Will keep everyone updated.

I deleted Jake's number from my phone but I knew it was him. I made too many calls and texts to him in the past not to recognize the number even if it wasn't saved. I smiled and called Rocky.

"Did you hear about Kelly?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah. Brandon left to go to the hospital. How'd you know?"

"Jake sent me a text. Why were you hanging with Brandon this time of night?" I asked, suspiciously.

"He closed at work today  He brought over some special cream. Why is Jake texting you?"

"Because he knows I wanted to know when Kelly has the baby. What kinda cream did Brandon bring? You better be cooking."

"It's suppose to help with stretch marks. His mom swears by it. You need to stop trying to cook up drama. Petty Crocker." She scoffed.

"Mmmhmm. Does Brandon know Forrest helps apply that cream? Don't think I didn't notice y'all came and left brunch together." I called her out.

"You need some business so you can stay out of mine."

"I'm trying, but you're taking all the guys." I laughed.

"Speaking of guys, I think I know why Trevor's calling you." Rocky started.

My heart sped up. Part of me knew too. Even if he didn't keep up with entertainment news, Trevor had too many friends that keep in touch with Christian for him not to hear about Bianca and Noelle. Maybe he thought Noelle's cheating drove Christian into my arms. Maybe he thought Christian's cheating drove Noelle to Bianca's arms. Maybe he was sorry. I no longer cared what he thought. Even though his reason for not wanting to be friends was based off an incorrect assumption, I still needed us to be over and done. I didn't need to hear anything he had to say.

"I spoke to him today. They're going to be in Dallas this weekend. Holiday in the Park is the last stop on their little road trip." Rocky informed me.

I frowned up. "What does that have to do with me?" I asked.

"He asked about you. I'm sure he wants you to come. "

"What did he ask?"

"How you were doing, if you're schedule changed, how much did he royally fuck up?"

"What did you tell him?

"Great, none of his business, and he fucked up his entire life when he let you go."

I smiled sadly. "Thanks. You should go to his birthday thingy."

"Yeah, as much fun as walking around a crowded park watching those idiots ride rides sounds, I'm gonna pass."

"They have games... and hot chocolate and funnel cakes. And you could take Forrest." I suggested.

"Maybe. We'll see." She yawned.

"Alright. Night. Hug baby Locke for me."

"What the hell?"

"Rocky and Lily. Cool right?"

"Wrong."

The next day, I received notice that Kelly gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Omar and Kelly posted pictures that made me wanna go up to the hospital immediately. I wanted to wait a day and let her close friends and family meet baby Octavia. I went in with Rocky to send a baby wreath for the new parents.

Trevor called throughout Wednesday, but I continued to ignore him. I read his text messages and listen to his voicemails. He wanted to speak to me, he was sorry and needed a chance to make things right between us. I hoped he got the message that I didn't want that when I left them all unanswered.

I made sure I was busy the weekend he would be in town. I volunteered on Saturday and the concert in Houston was on Sunday. I invited Amber, Sammy and Amanda to the concert with me. There was no way I was going to his birthday celebration. All I had to do was get through his actual birthday on Thursday without reaching out to Trevor and I would be ok.

Thursday, I woke up and got ready to head to the hospital. Kelly would be discharged the next day and I figured hanging out with her and her new baby would keep me distracted from Trevor. I was walking out the door when a delivery guy from Edible Arrangements came up. I signed for the huge bouquet of fruit and took it inside. I grabbed the note and read:

I know it's my birthday, but my life means nothing without you in it. I love you. I lava you. I will never give up on us again. Please forgive me Lilypad. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

Tears welled up in my eyes but I blinked them away. I trashed the card, picked up the fruit and left. When I got to the hospital, I got a pink baby balloon from the gift shop, stuck it with the fruit and presented it to Kelly when I got to her room.

Her eyes widen. "That smells better than all the flowers I got, combined."

"It's all for you mommy. And I'm not trying to distract you so I can steal your baby or anything." I said, setting it on her tray in front of her bed.

"Jake and Rocky already warned us about you." Omar said briefly looking up from his baby girl bundled in his arms. I gave Kelly a little hug before walking over to Omar.

"Don't believe the rumors." I smiled, before leaning over his shoulder. "She's so big." I cooed.

"7lbs 3oz. 20 inches long." Omar said proudly.

"I felt every inch." Kelly snorted over a piece of pineapple.

"She's beautiful. Great job you two." I congratulated him.

"Thank you." They both said together.

I spent about an hour up there and was able to hold Octavia. When they took the baby out the room for test, I got ready to go. As I passed by the nursery, I stopped when I saw Octavia through the window. I was trying to figure out what test they were doing when I saw a flash. I looked up to see Jake with his phone.

"Just in case you try anything funny I have a recent picture of you." He joked, standing beside me.

"That's why I have disguises in my trunk." I plotted, deviously.

"Have you heard her cry yet?" Jake asked.

"No."

"She has a set of lungs on her. You'll bring her back." Jake said.

"Maybe she was crying because she didn't like you." I taunted him.

He laughed. "No way. Ladies love me."

"Yeah, until you start talking." I laughed too as we watched the baby together.

"Jake." We heard from behind us. When I saw Jasmine with their dad, I swung my purse over my shoulder.

"Bye. Good to see you Mr. Galaviz. Jasmine." I said politely before I left. Jose gave me a smile while Jasmine stared through the glass at Octavia. Jake waved as I bolted.

I went to work and Adil brought me my volunteer shirt for Saturday. I wasn't even aware he was engaged, but his future wife worked for the foundation that put the event together. After we talked about what I should expect, I asked him about a day off.

"Next week, Trevor is having surgery." I requested.

Adil nodded. "Absolutely. Email the request to me."

"Thank you Dr. Fahri."

I took a deep breath. I didn't know what the future held for Trevor and me. All I knew is I had to do what was right for me. I wasn't going to reach out to Trevor, nor go to his party. I could get over a missed birthday- I would never forgive myself if I wasn't there when he had his surgery. The right thing for me to do was be there for him. I was sure of it.

At least, I was sure of it- until I came home and saw Trevor sitting outside my house.

Miss Movin' On

"I broke the glass that surrounded me
I ain't the way you remember me
I was such a good girl
So fragile but no more
I jumped the fence to the other side
My whole world was electrified
Now I'm no longer afraid
It's Independence Day
I'll never be that girl again
My innocence is wearin' thing
But my heart is growing strong
So call me, call me, call me
Miss movin' on" Miss Movin' On by Fifth Harmony

I woke up late Sunday morning, feeling groggy with a slight ache in my head and feet, but relative good considering the amount of alcohol I guzzled down while dancing the night before. I stayed in bed for a few moments, before rolling over and grabbing my phone and looking over my notifications. I went through all my social media accounts and checked out the various pictures and posts from the party.  Afterwards, I sent a group text to my friends reminding them about brunch:

Me: Hey everyone! Know what's great for hangovers? Brunch. Who's in?

Immediately, I got a text from Forrest.

Forrest: Do you not remember threatening us if we don't come?

I giggled. I totally remembered. I'm pretty sure I waved the cake knife around a little while I said it too.

Me: This is my subtle way of reminding you all. Be there....Our else! {knife emoji, gun emoji, eggplant emoji}

Sammy: I'm in. I value my life.

Rocky: I value free food. I'm there.

Corey: Is no one else concerned/confused by the eggplant?

I went downstairs, let Justine out in the back yard and made some coffee. While it brewed, I received texts letting me know who was coming, who couldn't, and a debate about what the eggplant meant. Corey, Sammy, Amber, Will, Richard, Jake, Dino, Rocky, and Forrest already agreed to come which was good enough for me. Jordan declined, but sent me a text outside the group message to see if we could meet up sometime this week. I agreed and told her I could met for lunch any day.

I was pulling out coffee mugs when I got a text from Ethan saying he would come. Serena and Ethan left the lounge way before everyone else because Serena wasn't feeling well. Sammy pointed out on the drive home that Serena's illness seemed to get worse watching Jordan and Blake together. I didn't pick up on that, but I did assumed Ethan wouldn't come when Serena sent me a text that she wasn't coming to brunch. I decided to call Ethan.

"Hey. You know you don't have to come to brunch if you don't want to." I told him, pouring two cups of coffee.

"Do you want me to come?" Ethan questioned me.

"Of course I do! I just know Serena isn't feeling well. I didn't want you to feel obligated to come."

"You wielding a knife last night says differently." He disagreed.

"I meant that in a non-threatening way."

"That's a first. A threat in a non-threatening way." Ethan commented.

I smiled. "But really, it's completely up to you."

"I want to come. You can put your knife, gun and eggplant away." Ethan assured me

"No promises." I teased, playfully, before hanging up.

I grabbed the Tylenol I left out. Amanda barely made it to my bedroom the night before so I wasn't able to get her to take any before she passed out. I knew she would be in pain when I woke her up. I grabbed a TV tray and loaded it up with water, Tylenol, coffee, cream and sugar. I let Justine inside before taking the tray to my room.

"Amanda? Amanda??" I whispered yell in my bedroom setting the tray down next to the bed. I nudging her to wake her up.

"What?" She sat up, failing, grabbing the covers around herself and looking frantic."Where am I?"

"My room. It's Lily. You crashed here. Do you remember last night?" I asked her softly. I looked her over, concerned. She was really pale and her eyes were wide as she finally focused on me.

"I remember you made me try every martini known to man." She groaned, her body untensing as she rubbed her hands over her face.

"No sweetheart. We downed every martini ever made and followed that down with some shots. Are you ok?" I asked, handing over a water bottle and a few Tylenol.

She took them and swallowed them down. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"You sure? You slept ok?" I asked, wondering if she had a nightmare. Maybe that's why she was so jumpy.

"Fine. Thanks for letting me crash. Your bedroom looks great. You don't need Carly to help decorate." She commented.

"No offense, but I would rather have the Tasmanian Devil come and redecorate than your sister."

Amanda snorted."None taken. He would be better company too."

I burst out laughing loudly and she winced.

"Sorry." I said, covering my mouth.

"It's ok. Serves me right for talking about my sister."

"No, serves us right for accepting his free drinks from older gentlemen." I corrected her.

"Older gentlemen? What's the male equivalent of a cougar?"

"A man. Men never get labels."

"That's crap. How about creeper?" She supplied.

"Cougars and creepers. The bar was crawling with them." I smiled. "Do you drink coffee with sugar or cream?" I asked.

"No. Black." She said, reaching for her mug.

"What happened with the guy you were talking to?"

"Forrest scared him off." I grinned at the memory.

Older guys bought us drinks every time we left the VIP section. I loved it at first- free drinks and it made me feel good to still be young enough to get hit on by men way too old for me. After my fourth mixed drink and forced conversation with an older guy, I implemented the "bae system". I then explained how I told everyone in Houston that Forrest was my bae to keep guys from hitting on me. They all cracked up at the horror that was on Forrest's face when I explained how people actually believed we were dating in Houston.

When the band wrapped up, a DJ came playing house music and the crowd got younger. By then I was tipsy, so when I kept catching eyes with a guy in my age range, I walked over to him. I invited him and his friends to come help us finish the huge cake with my picture on it. We flirted back and forth, mostly about how delicious my face was.

He kept hinting about getting my number or leaving the bar together. As much as I enjoyed his attention, I wasn't there yet. I definitely wasn't ready to play the dating game with anyone new and I wasn't sure if I was a casual hook up girl. Forrest eventually came up, put his arm around me and called me bae. The guy retreated immediately. Forrest laughed and said he thought I needed help. I punched him and called him a cock block, even though I was grateful for his intervention.

I retold the story to Amanda and she laughed then winced. "Even my own laughter hurts." She groaned.

"Food will make it better. Let's get ready."

We got dressed and headed out to meet my dad at a upscale sports bar in Plano. I looked it up and figured a bar setting would be casual for my friends while the extensive brunch menu would please my picky dad. The food reviews were great too and that's all that mattered to me. Amanda and I arrived at the restaurant early so we could have a table big enough for everyone.

Forrest and Rocky showed up together first. They were followed by Amber and Will. Amber had on huge shades, even though we were inside. She took them off and looked amazing. It was unbelievable considering she and Mia partied harder than anyone. After I greeted them my phone rang. It was Christian so I stepped away from the table to answer it.

"Hey, I'm so sorry." I apologized as hello.

"So you heard?" He sighed.

I frowned up."I don't think so... I never thanked you for the tickets. What didn't I hear?"

"Noelle and I broke up. It's not out yet, but I thought maybe your cousin told you." Christian replied.

"No. We don't really get into specifics about... this. I try to be there for her, but she knows I don't approve so I'm sure she doesn't tell me everything. I am sorry though. About you two."

"It's alright. Remember how I told you things didn't feel right?" Christian asked.

"Yeah." I said, waving at Corey and Sammy as they walked in the restaurant.

"Long story short, I found out no one was looking into the hack. No police report, FBI investigations, not even her own team. Which tells me she knows who leaked it or-"

"She did it herself." I finished for him. "Why would she do that?"

"When I confronted her about it, she broke up with me." He confided in me, sadly.

"That sucks Christian. She fucking sucks."

"I know. I'm glad to be done with the drama. You wanted to stay updated for your cousin's sake; just wanted to let you know I'm officially out of it."

"I appreciate you for letting me know Christian."

"No problem."

I got off the phone, feeling extremely dejected for Christian. I knew that feeling of someone breaking up with you and you have no idea why nor will they answer your questions. It brought a stream of emotions that I pushed aside to enjoy brunch with my friends.

"Who was that on the phone?" Sammy asked as I rejoined everyone.

"Christian."

"What did he want?" Sammy asked,
 in a disgusted tone. I narrowed my eyes at her, but ignored it.

"Make sure I got my present. 4 tickets to the Weeknd next Sunday in Houston! I haven't decided who's coming with, but I'm accepting bribes and blood sacrifices." I told them with a smile.

Amber brightened. "You can have anyone of my kids."

"What?" Will asked, while I laughed.

"Tempting. Rocky, can you top that? You don't have to give me your baby, but naming him after me would be a sweet gesture."

"I'm way too pregnant for a concert and there's no way I'm naming my son Lily." Rocky frowned.

"You're accepting gifts from him now?" Sammy snapped at me, crossing her arms.

"Yeah..." before I could ask her what her problem was, my dad joined us. I focused my attention on him.

I introduced him to everyone. Ethan arrived right after him. We sat down and watched the football game until everyone else showed up. Forrest was instigating a fight with me by talking about how badly my 49ers were doing this year, but I didn't take the bait... at least, not verbal. I kicked at him under the table. Jake and Dino arrived after a short wait and Richard didn't show up until after we ordered drinks.

"Richard did all the renovations in my house." I said, introducing him to my dad.

"You accomplished a lot of work for such limited funds." Dad asked him.

"Thanks dad." I said, making a face.

"I only meant for the amount you paid." My dad cleared up.

"I only contracted out for the flooring and the roof. Lily did a lot of the labor herself and I don't overcharge my friends for my time." Richard answered, smiling charmingly.

"So you were friends when she hired you?" Dad asked.

"No!" I interjected quickly at the same time Richard said "Sure."

My dad never did business with friends. It was in poor taste in his opinion.

"I knew of him, but I didn't really know him." I tried to explain.

"He's roommates with my brother. I referred him to Lily." Dino spoke up. I sent her a thankfully look while Jake looked amused.

"The materials weren't inexpensive were they? That means poor quality." My dad continued to grill Richard. He hadn't even had a chance to look at the menu.

"I hooked Lily up with the supplier so she could buy her own materials then drove to pick them up. Cut out out a lot of fees." Richard explained.

 "It sure did. Does everyone know what they're  ordering?" I asked, changing the subject.

Forrest jumped into the change of topic. "Eggs Benedict sounds good."

"No uncooked eggs." Rocky shook her head.

"Not for you." Forrest agreed.

"No, just thinking about it makes my stomach uneasy. The smell of pork is bothering me already. Do you mind not ordering it?"

"What? No bacon?" I asked.

"I can manage bacon. I can't see runny eggs." She looked at Forrest, apologetically.

"That's fine. No runny eggs or bacon for me." He told her.

"You can't go one meal without pork for Racqelle?" My dad asked, more like a statement than a question.

"For Rocky, no. For baby Liam, of course."

"Still not naming my baby after you Lily." Rocky shoot me down.

We had a surprisingly good brunch with my dad. While most of my attempts of humor went over his head, he got along pretty well with everyone else. The only time we butted heads was his insistence that I add deadbolts or some type of an alarm system in my house. I told him my neighborhood was safe, then Ethan intervened.

"It doesn't matter where you live- people are dangerous, not neighborhoods. You can buy locks at Home Depot." He hinted at the gift he got me.

"I'm spending that gift card on my eggplant army." I said, matter of factly.

"I'm serious Lilian. I read that in Plano last year the were a series of break ins around the holidays. You need extra protection." My dad lectured me.

"I remember that. He got out of jail for armed robberies on good behavior and went back to robbing people. He broke in people's houses during broad daylight." Rocky recalled.

"You're home during the day Lily. People are crazy, especially around the holidays." Forrest commented.

"Do you think they sell guns at Pier One?" I pondered out loud. "Then I'll be protected with my eggplants, knifes, and a gun."

"I have a rifle I will give to you if you take a few classes and go to the shooting range." Ethan offered.

"That's not a horrible idea." Dad nodded.

"No way. You actually own a gun?" I asked Ethan, no longer joking.

"Guns." He corrected.

"Ohmygod, are they in your house?" When he nodded, I continued. "You keep guns with EJ in the house?" I said, truly shocked.

"I keep guns because of EJ. They're locked up so he can't get to them but we're protected." Ethan explained, simply.

"I didn't take you for a gun toting, ammunition stockpiling, wild wild west type of guy. " I kept staring at him, flabbergasted.

"I didn't take you for a hippie. Move back to California." Jake taunted me. I mouthed "fuck you" to him when my dad wasn't looking. Jake laughed.

"Say what you want about the wild wild west, it was safer because everyone knew everyone had a gun." Will chimed in.

"I've seen victims of gun violence- there's nothing safe about a gun. " Amber disagreed, passionately.

"No one was running around in the wild wild west with assault weapons either." Corey added.

"It's not the gun that's unsafe- it's people. No civilian needs any assault weapon." Jake said,

"I feel with any type of gun, you should have to take a class and pass a test. As hard as it is to get a driver's license, that's how hard it should be to get a gun." Dino suggested.

"I don't know. I've seen a lot of bad drivers with valid licenses." Richard debated.

"Maybe as hard as it is to get legal citizenship." Sammy muttered.

Urgh, gun control and immigration- not something I wanted to discuss with my dad over fully cooked eggs and turkey sausage. I was dying for a subject change.

"Isn't Texas a open carry state?" My dad asked, drawing my attention and keeping the conversation going.

"Not yet. Next month, it will be." Ethan answered.

"I would feel at ease if I knew you were taking proper precautions at protecting yourself Lilian." Dad started.

"Stop Dad. You don't have guns in your house." I argued.

"You're a young woman living alone. My community has 24 hour surveillance and guards. It's not the same."

"What's it going to be Lily? A trip to the shooting range or deadbolts and an alarm system?" Ethan asked me.

"Deadbolts and an alarm." I said, hopefully ending the topic.

"What kind of locks can you get us today Richard?" Dad asked him.

While my dad was preoccupied with locks, I mummered "thanks a lot" to Ethan.

He smirked. "Your welcome. Now you can spend the gift card on your eggplant army."

Amanda, who stayed silent during the debate, laughed at Ethan's joke. I smiled despite myself.

After we finished eating, I let Amanda take my car for the day while my dad and I went furniture shopping. I talked him out of trading my queen size bed for a king and he bought a bedroom set for the a guestroom. He also bought me a bookcase and a desk for the spare room to be converted to a study. I had no idea what I would be studying, but I didn't fight him on it. We finally picked out a saddle sectional with a chaise and a matching ottoman. My dad chose the area rug and a couple of end tables and I chose a few accent pillows and entertainment center. I really loved it and was glad it would be delivered in time for my dad to see it set up before he left.

While the new locks were installed on the doors, I brought up something that Jenna said that stayed with me.

"You really weren't going to get married if I wasn't apart of it?" I asked.

"I would have married Beatrice, I just wouldn't have had a wedding without you. I told Beatrice to give you a year."

"A year huh? I wanted to get married on New Year's Eve just to spite you." I confessed.

"Why New Year's?" He asked.

"Trevor and I would have been dating exactly a year."

"Can I ask what happened between you two?" He asked.

"I'm not 100% percent sure why he broke up with me but I finally realized I couldn't keep trying to convince him to change his mind."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah well, you were right about us not being ready to get married. That's was one of the reasons why I was so mad at you. I shouldn't have took it out on Beatrice and I will apologize."

"Do you really dislike Beatrice?"

"No. I really don't know her all that well."

He nodded. " I didn't know Trevor and I was disrespectful towards him. I'll apologize to him as well. "

"Trevor and I aren't speaking. I'd rather you didn't but I appreciate that." I told him, solemnly.

After a few minutes of silence, my dad spoke again. "I enjoyed breakfast with your friends."

I grinned. "You didn't think you would, did you? What were you expecting? The breakfast club?"

"You have quite a few male friends." My dad pointed out.

"I do..." I trailed off.

"Are you dating?"

"No dad!" I shook my head, vehemently. "And I will never date anyone you meet today. They're all just friends."

"Fair enough." My dad said, letting it go.

He didn't need to know I learned my lesson by dating a few guys in my circle of friends, but I did. The next guy I dated would be completely out of my group of friends. If it didn't work out between us, we could just end it- no drawn out break ups, no pretending to be friends or worst, pretending not to mean anything to each other. We could just break up and move on without the pain of losing a friend. In my experience, it was much easier to lose a boyfriend than a friend.

I smiled as recognized the thought of dating wasn't something I felt like I had to do to move on- nor did it leave me deeply depressed or frightened. I eventually wanted to date and get to know someone new, but I knew I would be ok by myself. I told myself that all the time- now I was starting to believe it.

Just as I was getting comfortable with my single, alone status, Christian's uncoupling was hitting the entertainment news. The headlines read:

Reality star Noelle Pennington and Hitmaker producer Christian Wilson call it Quits!!! Is this FIDM student the reason for their split?

***New post Tomorrow

Changes

*****Sorry it's late. I had to make a few ch-ch-ch-ch-changes to match the song*****

RIP David Bowie



"I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace
I'm going through" Changes by David Bowie

My appointment with Dr. Periera Friday helped me back on track after my brief setback on my birthday. I explained to her when I was younger, I would find a reason to cry on my birthday. Whether it was because I missed my mom, I didn't get what I wanted, or I was lonely, it was consistently the time I couldn't find a way to keep my emotions under control.

That's why I was reluctant about celebrating my birthday with Trevor when he discovered ours were exactly a week apart. Regardless, every year he made sure we did something; whether it was going out to eat or throwing a party, we always did something special together. Trevor not even wishing me a happy birthday was the nail in the coffin of any lingering hope I might of have for us to remain friendly.

I told Dr. Periera I ended my friendship with Trevor, and I meant it. We also talked about how I could have normal relationships with my dad and brother. She told me it was more important to have healthy relationships than to fixate on normal. She reiterated that I decided who I wanted to be and what type of life I waned to live. Now I had to decide how I wanted to be treated. I took it to heart and started right away with my brother.

I called Cam and apologized for telling him about my miscarriage the way I did, but I didn't apologize for not telling him originally. I realized he was more upset that he wasn't there for me, but explained I needed to deal with it on my own terms. I told him I would always need his support, but I didn't need him trying to protect me all the time. He agreed and we were able to move on to a topic I really needed his help with- setting realistic boundaries for Dad.

Dr. Periera told me the likelihood of my dad changing was low, but I could establish realistic boundaries that he could learn to respect if we were both willing to work on our relationship. Cam and I both needed help in that department with Dad, so we bounced ideas off of each other.

Dad didn't get into town until late Saturday afternoon. Normally, I dreaded seeing him but I was impatient to talk to him. I was a little nervous, but more anxious to hear his reaction. I planned to meet up with him after my beauty day with Rocky. I walked into the hair salon Saturday morning already feeling like a changed woman, I needed the look to go with it.

Devon, the guy who did my hair last time, was sipping on coffee, waiting for me.

"Good morning." He said, friendly. "What did you have in mind for today?"

"Remember last time I said I wanna be able to wake up and go? You talked about cutting it and adding color?" I asked.

"No, but I see why I suggested it. We straightened it last time? Do you want it straight again?" He asked.

"Whatever you think is best."

He gave me a smile. "Great choice. Sit down."

I was in the middle of my long hair getting chopped when Rocky showed up.

Her eyes widen when she saw me. "You got it cut off?!?"

 "Not all of it, right Devon?" I grinned at her as I sipped my champagne and apple juice. Devon and I figured it was too earlier for champagne, but mimosas didn't count. He only had apple juice, so we made it work.

"You have plenty. Now keep still." He winked at me in the mirror.

Rocky sat down to get her braids redone and she told me the plans for the evening. Since I was having dinner with my dad, afterwards we were having drinks at a lounge for my birthday celebration.

"Where are y'all going?" Rocky's hair stylist asked her.

"Blue Martini in Plano. They do live music, cover bands on the weekend. " Rocky answered.

"Really? I love cover bands!" I wiggled in my seat before Devon fixed me with a look.

"Hmm, I don't think I've heard of that lounge." Devon replied.

"Me neither, but it's in Lily's new neighborhood. I figured we check it out together. You two are welcomed to swing by." Rocky explained.

"You're the best." I smiled at Rocky, graciously.

"I know." Rocky shrugged.

"And so modest too." I laughed.

"How long have y'all been friends?" Anita laughed at us.

"Since I was 18. I just turned 27." I answered.

"That's special. I don't think I've known a girl for that long, much less been friends with her." Anita kidded.

"Yeah, you females are hard to get along with. You two must have never liked the same guy." Devon commented.

"Females?" Anita snapped.

"Just like a male. There's too many of y'all to fight over one." Rocky snarled.

"Unless it's Channing Tatum- but we got over that. We'd split him. I get morning, she gets night." I joked.

"I'll take afternoon!" Anita added.

We laughed while Devon complained he wasn't that great looking.

Rocky got her braids done up in an pretty up do while I left my short, wavy hair down. I loved my new cut. The waves looked intentional and fun and the caramel tones mixed in my dark brown hair looked amazing. Our next stop was the spa. While we waited to get set up, I got a text from Blake.

Blake: Is it ok if I bring my girlfriend tonight to your shindig."

Me: Girlfriend? Has hell frozen over? Are pigs flying? Do bears no longer shit in the woods?

Blake: I've never seen a bear go to the bathroom to take a shit, no pig congestion in my skies, and I'm pretty sure hell will be hotter once I get down there. You had your chance chicka. I've been cuffed.

Me: Lmao. Please bring your girlfriend. I can't wait to meet the girl that cuffed you up.

I got my eyebrows waxed and my facial done when my phone rang. I ignored it, relaxing while I enjoyed my pedicure. When my finger nails were dry, I retrieved my phone to see who called. It was my dad and I rushed to call him back.

"I wanted to let you know I made it." He informed me.

"What? I thought you said 3:30?" I panicked, racing to gather my things.

"That's right. By the time I get out of the airport, get a rental and checked into the hotel, it will be around then."

"I was going to pick you up. I have a house you know? With extra bedrooms. You didn't have to stay at a hotel." I complained, more disappointed then relieved.

"You know I like to have my own transportation." He said simply.

"Ok, well call me when you're checked in. We can have an earlier dinner-"

"Why don't you just send me your address so I can see your house?"

"Sounds great." I conceded before getting off the phone and texting him my address.

"Are you ok?" Rocky asked as she paid the cashier at the front desk.

"No. Yes." I contradicted myself. Rocky raised a perfectly arched brow at me. "Is it wrong I want to talk things out with my dad before he gets my address?"

"My dad doesn't even know what city I live in. Wrong person to ask." Rocky smirked.

We had lunch at Pei Wei since it was close to my house. "Amber was able to switch shifts so she will come out tonight. They were able to get a babysitter, so Will is coming too." Rocky told me as she ate.

"Good." I nodded.

"Don't be facetious."

"I'm not. I'm glad Will is coming. I hope they're ok." I went on to explain that Ethan thought I was out partying with Amber when I wasn't. I never got a chance to question her about why she was lying to Will.

"I already know what it is. The unholy trinity." Rocky grimaced.

"Stop. Staci wasn't that bad. She was funny at the gender reveal." I grinned.

"Obviously you weren't paying attention then or at the Halloween party. The three of them together is a nightmare. A ratchet nightmare." Rocky emphasized.

"I guess I was distracted." I shrugged, momentarily thinking about Trevor.

"Lily, I'm sorry-"

"Hey, don't be sorry. I'll pay attention tonight. If I'm not too drunk." I smiled, shaking it off.

"Way to rub it in." Rocky growled. "I gotta deal with drunk people sober and pregnant."

"Did I tell you how glad I am to have you as a friend? Thank God we have different taste in men. Although I feel like we will be fighting over this little man." I smiled, reaching to pat her stomach. She stabbed at me with her fork while I laughed.


Fed and happy, I went home ready to talk to my dad. I regretted having Dominick move my red couch and loveseat upstairs. It's where I wanted it to go, but since I left my furniture in Trevor's apartment, I had no downstairs living room furniture for the time being. I did have a card table- I set that up so the room didn't feel so empty. While I got a pitcher of ice water ready, my dad called to let me know he was on the way.

I spent that extra time picking out an outfit for the night out. I was going through my jewelry box, glancing at my charm bracelet I finally stopped wearing, when my doorbell rang. Justine raced for the door, barking and I followed her. I opened the door for my dad, ushering Justine away. She didn't listen, as usual, and hopped up on my dad's casual traveling clothes- black slacks and a nice sweater.

"Justine, down." I scolded her to no avail. My dad awkwardly patted her head before I was able to grab her and lead her away. "Sorry. Did you find the house ok?"

"Yes. It's a nice looking neighborhood." Dad commented.

Nice looking. I automatically tried to find some double, hidden meaning. I shook those thoughts away. "I think so. It's a really great area."

I took him on a tour of the house. His face stayed completely neutral as he inspected everything top to bottom. He even went up in the attic. We sat at the card table afterwards.

"It looks good so far. I have a question for you." He started, after declining a glass of water.

I braced myself. "Yes?"

"You never saw yourself moving back to California?" He asked, solemnly.

"I did at one time. I wanted to find my mom and reconcile. It's one of the reasons I moved back after graduate school."

My dad's lips twitched the tiniest bit. "I see. And now?"

"Now, I made a life out here. With my job and my friends; That's better than any reconciliation I felt I needed in California."

"Did you hate your life that much in California?" Dad asked outright.

"No. I didn't hate it. It's just- I guess it just holds a lot of memories for me. Even when I was little, it represented something I needed to move on from." I continued quickly when his lips set in a grim line. "Not our family. You and Cam, I can't picture my life without you two. I know I have a funny way of showing it sometimes, but I can't."

"I always felt you and Cam fled to Texas to get away. I didn't believe it was permanent. I never imagined you would be the one that wouldn't come home." He shook his head.

"Texas just feels like home." I said, honestly. "It doesn't matter where I live- you and Cam will always be my family. I would like to work on our relationship."

"Where do we start?" My dad asked.

I figured he would be more receptive if I let him go first as far as what he needed from me. He stated the things I already knew I needed to change- being respectful of him and Beatrice, my outbursts and sarcasm. It kinda startled me when he asked to be a part of my life more.

"I have no idea what's going on with you. It's... upsetting when Jenna's mother knows more than I do. I feel like a stranger in your life." He explained. I guess his candidness about his feelings surprised me.

"I don't mean for it to be that way. I tend to keep things to myself because I don't want to hear your criticism."

"You think I would have criticized you buying a house?"

I nodded. "Especially if you didn't like it."

"That's not criticizing- I'm trying to help. I helped your brother with his house. Being a homeowner is not something you rush into."

I didn't argue that I didn't rush. I didn't tell him all the months, houses and planning that went into the purchase. I stuck to the issue instead of debating an irrelevant point. (Another wisdom I learned in therapy)

"I'm nervous to tell you things because I feel like you're overbearing. I will listen to your opinions, as long as you offer them once and then leave it alone." I compromised.

He nodded. "What else do you need?"

"When I'm wrong, which I know I will be in the future, I don't want to hear I told you so." I began. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. I waited.

"Go on." He said.

"If you think I'm wrong, I still need you to support me. Not whatever choices you think are wrong, but me." I explained.

"I can do that." He agreed. I nodded too.

"Ok."

We sat in silence for a minute. "Um, I'm going out tonight for my birthday. Drinks at a lounge. I would love it if you came with me." I invited him, stretching the truth about loving it if he joined me.

"No, go out with your friends."

"Alright. You can't complained about not being included-" I warned him.

"Going to a bar with you was not what I meant. Tomorrow, how about I take you to breakfast then shopping for your furniture?" Dad negotiated.

Breakfast was manageable and a great test to see if he would keep his opinions about my eating habits to himself. Shopping with him sounded God awful, especially something as permanent as furniture- there was no compromise to our styles. I was going to say no to shopping, but I knew this was either his way of saying my house looked pathetic or of feeling included. I decided it was the latter.

"We'll go shopping for a guestroom. I will let you pick everything out if you stay in it when you're in town." I bargained.

"What will it take for you to add letting me buy the furniture for the living room. You pick it out, I approve?" He counter offered.

"Brunch with my friends."

"Deal."

After Dad left, I hoped in the shower, careful to not get my hair wet. I did my makeup lightly- bronzer, mascara, eyeliner and a nude lips before pulling on my black and gold sweater dress. I skipped stockings and put on low heeled black booties with gold zippers. I was putting in gold hoops and studs in my ear piercings when my front door rang. Amanda arrived and shortly after, Sammy came and picked us up.

The lounge was located at the Shops of Legacy, a center that included shopping, restaurants, bars and many other services and entertainment. It was decorated with white lights on every tree leading to a huge Christmas tree. I made Sammy park in the lot closest to the tree so we could snap pictures. We then made our way to the lounge.

I was pleasantly surprised to see everyone already waiting for me in the VIP section with a huge spread of food and a full sheet cake with my picture on it.

"Ohmygod, this is too fucking much!" I squealed, excitedly.

"We can get them to take it away..." Forrest said.

"No way!" I declined, giving him a hug. I waved to Blake, who was holding hands with a nervous looking Jordan. I was momentarily stunned, until Blake stood up and handed me a Victoria Secret gift bag.

"Why do you always get me wildly inappropriate gifts?" I asked him, breaking out in a smile.

"I figured you needed something to go with the whip I got you." He grinned.

"And your girlfriend is ok with that?" I asked, looking over at Jordan.

"He picked the store, I picked the gift." Jordan spoke up, with a little smile.

I opened the bag and peaked inside before pulling it out. It was a black and red plaid onesie. The plaid reminded me briefly of Trevor, but I grinned, pushing the memories away.

"I love this. Thank you so much."

"You really like it?" She smiled broadly.

"I adore it. I can't wait to wear it." I told her walking over to give her a hug. We embraced before I moved on to greet everyone else. Rocky, Forrest, Sammy, Amber, Mia, Gigi, Amanda, Peyton, Chris, Jackie, Dominick, Richard, Dino, Jake, Colton, Taylor, Malik, Q, Ethan and Serena all came out to celebrate my birthday with me and I thanked them all profusely. Anita and Devon even made an appearance later in the evening.

The band was a David Bowie cover band, and I started the night by pulling Amanda on the dance floor to "Let's Dance". I drank, ate, laughed and danced entirely too much, but I had an amazing time. As my friends that became my family sang Happy Birthday to me, the only thing I could wish for was that my family became more like my friends. I was taking the right steps toward that, so I wished for something I really needed. The last year of my life brought so many changes, some for better and some for worse. I wished that I continued to strive for the better, despite whatever worse came my way.

When We Were Young

"It's hard to admit that
Everything just takes me back
To when you were there(x2)
And a part of me keeps holding on
Just in case it hasn't gone
I guess I still care
Do you still care?
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young
When we were young (x4)
Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
I'm so mad I'm getting old
It makes me reckless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
When we were young" When We Were Young by Adele

"Do you mind playing something more... uplifting?" Dominick called out to me as he and another mover pushed the mattress out of the apartment I used to share with Trevor.

"Adele is uplifting!" I replied, turning the music up.

I never understood people who listen to heartbreak music when they were heartbroken. It felt like pouring salt on an open wound, or in Adele's case, opening up an old wound by reaching out to an ex- then pouring salt on it. So when Adele's new album 25 came out, I bought it but was in no rush to listen to it. I didn't need her soul baring lyrics and gut wrenching crooning to make me more emotional then I already was. I figured in time, I would be ok and ready to listen to it.

I was nowhere close to ok, but I embraced the music. It made me feel like I'm not the only one who has gone through this type of pain. Not only could someone relate to me, they were able to move on from it. It really was uplifting to me. They were able to take a devastating lost and turn it into something beautiful. Since I wasn't an artist, and couldn't write or sing a song to save my life, I focused on my house. I hoped the process would help me get over my pain. My first step was moving into my house.

Monday, before I went to work, I spoke to Amanda to see if she needed movers. She told me she was having a bed delivered but Trevor told her she would need living room furniture and kitchen stuff too. Those were the items I brought from my old apartment that we shared. I pushed away my hurt and annoyance with him and told Amanda if she needed them, she could have the ones already in the apartment. We agreed on me leaving the living room furniture and kitchen supplies.

Unlike Trevor, I still looked at the bed as ours, so that old bedroom set was going in one of the guestroom of my house. I treated myself to a new bedroom set. I also bought a plush, brown area rug with a blue swirly pattern on sale. It felt so good against my hands, I could only imagine dragging my feet across it every morning. I sent Richard a picture to see if we could do the same color blue on the walls. I hoped to have everything done and unpacked by delivery Thursday- which happened to be my birthday.

"How bout something with a beat?" Dominick asked with as he shuffled back to my, or now, Amanda's bedroom.

"How bout you get to work or I'll beat you?" I threatened him.

"Ohhh... student thinks she can take the master?" He said, cocky.

"No... but I have home court advantage. I know where all the sharp knives are."

"Damn, you trying to kill me?" Dominick exclaimed while his partner, Miguel, laughed.

"Not if you get to work." I smiled sweetly. My phone beeped, and I grabbed it. It was a text from Rocky.

Rocky: Wanna go to Shreveport this weekend? You never got to go?

Forrest must have spoke to Rocky after the gender reveal about me, because she called me on my lunch at work Monday, demanding to know what happened between Trevor and me. For the remaining of the party, I stayed cordial but kept my distance from Trevor. There was no way anyone would know something was wrong unless I told them. I spared Rocky the ugly details and told her Trevor and I decided we couldn't be friends right now. She sighed deeply and apologized.

"I'm sorry Lily. If I would have known, I wouldn't have invited him."

"Don't be sorry. And don't cut him out of your life. I don't hate him or anything. It's just... too hard."

"I understand and I promise, it will get easier. Did you ever imagine Bilal and me being friends?"

"Maybe on one of your deathbeds." I quipped.

She scoffed. "Exactly. Give it time but it will work out." Rocky encouraged me. "What are we doing for your birthday?"

I tried to beg off and tell her I had too much stuff going on. My budget was tight, my time was limited, I wasn't in the mood, but she wasn't hearing it. Between work, my actual birthday was off the table, but my weekend was wide open. She was trying to put something together last minute. I text her back immediately.

Me: I really don't wanna travel or do anything big. Let's just go out to dinner. As long as I get a cake, I'm happy. Deal?

Rocky: We are gonna have a beauty day first. My treat, then it's a deal.

Me: Deal.

I put my phone away and focused on moving. When we arrived at my house, I unpacked as they unloaded. After I paid and give them the 6 pack of cold Gatorades I stocked up on, they left. I spent another hour unpacking until it was time for me to go to work.

I got an email from Adil soliciting volunteers and donations for the Maverick Foundation. They helped out families in need all year long, but around the holidays, they really stepped up their game. Not only did I pass on the message at our team huddle, I signed up to volunteer. Not only was it a good cause, but it was the weekend following Trevor's birthday. I planned to stay busy the entire weekend instead of thinking about Trevor riding fast roller coasters and women.

When I got home from work, I made a sandwich for dinner and pulled out my phone. I couldn't put off calling Jenna any longer. I knew my dad and brother both loved me unconditionally- Even after the way I acted and the horrible things I said, neither one of them have ever cut me out of their lives. I wanted to work on improving my relationships with them. I put my sandwich away and called Jenna. She answered before the second ring.

"Hey Jenna."

"Lily. Thank you for calling me back. I'm so sorry. It was all my idea- I was trying to force you and your dad together, not Cam." Jenna rushed over the phone.

"Did Cam tell you I didn't want to see him?" I asked.

"He did, but I did it anyway. I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Why would you do that?"

"You know your dad is not going to get married if you're not a part of it. I just wanted you two to reconcile so he can get married and give us some space!" She explained, frazzled. "I know, it's horrible and I'm not ungrateful for everything he's done for us. I just need a break and I acted selfishly."

"He's been giving you the family treatment? Overbearing?" I couldn't help smiling.

"That's an understatement. My dad is a part time father at best. When you or Cam would complain about your dad, a part of me always thought how nice it would be to have a dad that cared that much. Now, I get it. I'm so sorry. Every time I see him, it's something new. Now all he hints at is grandchildren. Not hinting, but beating me over the head about it."

"Wait. You don't want children?" I said, startled. I always assumed that was a part of my brother's plans. Didn't they discuss that?

"I do. I want to be stable in my marriage first. I want to have a few huge fights before we bring kids into the equation. Hell, I want your dad completely out of the equation. Kinda ironic that getting your dad off my back about kids is why Cam and I are having our first big fight; but he has every right to be mad at me. You do too. I'm so sorry." Jenna explained, apologizing again.

"Stop apologizing. It's ok. I've been angry at my dad for a long time, it was bound to happen with or without you." I reassured her. "Is Cam still mad at you?"

"You know you're brother. He claims were ok, but he still brooding. Hearing from you might help things." She hinted.

"He's my next call."

She sighed, relieved. "Thank you Lily."

"No problem. And welcome to the family sis."

I called Cam next. It went to voicemail, so I left a message saying:

Hey bro. I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. Don't be mad at Jenna. She's a lot more patient than I would be if I had to make husband and wife decisions with my father in law. Cut her some slack and get dad out of your reproduction business. Love you. Call me back.

I ate my sandwich before getting mentally prepared for my next call: My dad. He answered but asked if he could call me back. I didn't know if he was really busy of if it was some weird power play, but I told him sure. I was outside in the backyard playing with Justine when my dad called me back.

"I wanted to talk to you... about everything." I started.

"I would like to speak to you in person." He countered.

"I don't know when I'll be back in California Dad. I have to work on Christmas." I answered, honestly.

"I remember. I can move things around and be in Dallas this weekend."

"This weekend?" I said, surprised by how quickly he wanted to see me. I didn't know if I should be flattered or concerned.

"I realize it's your birthday weekend. If you have plans, we can meet the following weekend."

"No. This weekend is fine. Just text me your itinerary."

I got off the phone and took a deep breath. Suddenly starving, I popped a bag of popcorn before Justine and I went upstairs. I designated one of the smaller of the 5 bedrooms to Justine- it had her dog bed, toys, potty pad and a water bowl- but she followed me into the upstairs guest bedroom. She got comfortable in the bed while I set up the DVD player since the cable company wouldn't be out until the following day. I was tired, but sleeping in my new house alone made me feel restless. I put in a DVD I stole from Trevor that I didn't think he would miss- The Wizard of Oz. I drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Pink Floyd as the movie played on mute.

The following morning, I got up and went for a run around the neighborhood with Justine. I got home in plenty of time to let the cable guy in so he could set up my boxes. Afterwards, I went to the apartment to meet Amanda and hand over my keys.

"This is the mail box key and you're good to go." I told her over the Beatles she had playing in the background.

"I can't thank you enough for this." She said, timidly.

"Don't thank me. It's Trevor's place." I said, dismissively.

"Thank you anyway. And happy birthday. I know it's tomorrow; I just wanna say it in case you're busy or something."

"Thanks. We're getting together Saturday for dinner. You should join us."

She blushed. "Uh, no, that's ok."

"I want you to come. It's my birthday! I call you when I have the details." I told her.

On my birthday, I was up early because my phone kept going off with notifications. Normally, I would sleep through them. In apartments, a neighbor is a hop, skip and a jump away; Living with Rocky at her house, she kept earlier hours then me. I had to learn to sleep through various disturbances. I had to admit, it was a little nerve wrecking living in a house alone. Now I was more alert to sounds in the house.

I smiled as I read through all my birthday texts and Facebook notifications. Sammy posted a picture of me and Justine the day after my birthday last year with a Happy 27th Birthday message. It reminded me my birthday was also the anniversary of Justine coming into my life and I wanted to celebrate that. I found a place that made doggy cakes and I was ordering one when my front door rang. I went to open it and rushed off the phone when I saw Dominick and Richard with paint supplies.

"Happy birthday!" They smiled at me.

"What are y'all doing here?" I asked, confused. The only thing I had going on today was my furniture delivery. I purposely left the day open, just in case...

"Giving you your birthday present." Richard answered.

"Ohmygosh, you guys are painting my walls for my birthday." I smiled.

"That's what she said." Richard winked at me.

"Gross!"

"He's painting your walls. I'm going to put your furniture together when it gets here." Dominick added.

"Thank you. You two are too sweet. Although y'all are making me feel old for wanting manual labor on my birthday." I beamed.

They went into the bedroom and Richard explained he was doing a blue accent wall with the swirl patterning matching my cream plush rug. Add that with the hardwood floors, matching bedroom furniture, and cream colored walls, the color scheme for my bedroom was brown, blue and cream which I loved.

I traded Adele's 25 for Adele's 21 so I could belt along. Surprisingly, Richard was a fan and he hummed along to Someone Like You, Set Fire to the Rain, and Take it All.

"I got it." Dominick offered, fleeting from the room, interrupting Richard's and my duet of Rolling in the Deep.

"She's coming to Dallas next year." I told Richard when the song ended.

"I bet it's already sold out." Richard said.

"Or cost a zillion dollars." I said in my Dr. Evil voice.

The furniture arrived and I left them to finish while I went to work. I had a birthday card signed from everyone waiting for me in the huddle room. On my break, I went through my Facebook notifications again. I responded to the various jokes that I was getting old with the class and grace of a teenager- I told them all to fuck off. I was disappointed, but not surprised that Trevor didn't send me anything. I was even more disappointed by the text message my brother sent while I was on lunch. It was a simple, HBD. He didn't even bother to spell it out. It was then I realized he never called me back. I called him right away. He answered.

"HBD? What the fuck?"

"It's your birthday today right? You have a gift in the mail." He replied.

"Fuck a gift. I got the same HBD message from one of my physical therapists that hates me. Do you hate me now?" I exclaimed, jokingly.

"You know I don't hate you." He took a breath breath- that's when I knew something was wrong.

"Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad." He lied.

I didn't say anything.

"I'm trying not to be mad." He corrected honestly.

"I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. Dad's coming out this weekend so we can talk everything out."

"I heard. Good for you."

"Then why are you mad at me?"

"I don't want to get into it."

"You don't have a choice. It's my birthday. I get what I want today."

"I'm struggling with the fact you didn't tell me you were pregnant."

"OhmyGod, really? We weren't talking. What was I supposed to do? Call and say, remember why we're fighting? Well, he got me pregnant but I lost the baby?" I exclaimed

"Lily-."

"You know what? I'm sorry I even asked. I gotta go. Thanks for the message." I said, getting off the phone before I got anymore upset.

I was in a funky mood the rest of the evening. Rocky tried to get me to come out for dinner, but I declined saying I would see everyone Saturday. After I picked up my doggy cake, I went home to Justine. On my kitchen table were a pile of letters and gifts. After taking plenty of pictures and watching Justine devour her treat, I went though my gifts first. I picked up the biggest box first. It was addressed to Rocky's house from Jenna and Cam. I opened it, pleasantly surprised to see a  hoverboard. Cam's note read-

For getting around that big ass house. Happy Birthday Sis. We're so proud of you.

I put it away and went for the next gift. Bianca sent me a beautiful set of stud earrings. Corey got me wireless headphones. Sammy, Serena and Amber went in together to buy me a ridiculous nice pair of Giuseppe Zanotti boots. In the last box was a small personal sized cake, decorated with delicate white and pink lilies all over. I smiled as I read the note-

 Happy Birthday Beautiful. Rocky said the only thing you wanted was cake.

Forrest

I ate from the cake while I read my cards. Rocky sent me a sweet note with the time for our hair appointments, facials, and mani/pedicures for Saturday. Ethan's card included a gift card to Pier One and Home Depot, instructing me to buy at least one practical item for my house- he even wrote a list of things I might need. I grinned as I brainstormed impractical things I could buy at Home Depot. The last was from Dino and Jake. It was signed "look outside". After I turned on the outside light, I did and saw a palm tree planted, just like Jake promised to get me. I grinned happily.

As I texted everyone thank you, I noticed I missed a card. It was sent to me with no return address. My heart beat wildly as I opened it excitedly. There was only one person I hadn't heard from today...

I opened it to reveal 4 tickets to the Weeknd concert in Houston. My heart slowed as I read the note.

Happy Birthday. Travis Scott is his opening act. Have that vernacular down before the concert.

-Christian

I tried to text Christian back thank you, but trying to stop the tears from falling made my vision blurry. I wiped my eyes and gathered my cake. I went to the guest room, not even bothering to look at my completed bedroom. I sunk into my old bed with Justine beside me, finished my cake and let Adele lull me to sleep.

Bad Habits (Outro)

"I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same 
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more" Bad Habit by Destiny's Child

When I got over the shock of seeing Trevor, my eyes drank him in greedily. I had gotten so use to seeing him in over sized sweats and t-shirts, I couldn't tell if he was gaining his weight back or if his clothes were just fitted. He looked really great- his dark khakis paired beautifully with a brown, black and blue plaid button down. He also wore a blue visor beanie cap on top of his head. Our eyes meet again after he looked away from Forrest by my side and I realized the cap matched perfectly with his eyes. He then turned his back to us to speak to the receptionist.

When he turned away, I finally noticed J-Mike and Bilal were by his side. J-Mike narrowed his eyes at me before he turned and led Trevor to the meeting room. Bilal shook his head, but at least gave me a little wave before following them. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I exhaled deeply.

"What was that?" Forrest asked me.

"Trevor and his goons." I said lightly, trying to play off the pain I felt when he didn't acknowledge me.

"Are you and Trevor not speaking?" Forrest continued to interrogate me.

"I guess not." I said. I knew that's what I needed- What I told myself I would do, but it didn't make it any easier. "Um, give me a second. I'll be right back."

"I'll wait for you."

"Don't. Go to the party. I'll only be a minute. Tops." I waved him away, heading to the bathroom.

In the mirror, I gave myself a pep talk. I told myself I would remain positive. My feelings might be hurt, my emotions may vary, but it didn't change who I was. I was mature, caring and thoughtful and this was Rocky's day- I would do nothing to tarnish it. With one last reminder that everyone was here for her and her baby, I headed out the bathroom.

The thumping beat of the music greeted me before I even walked into the party room. I stopped by the front table and waited to grab my gender pin.

"Lily! Hey!" Amber gushed coming over to me.

"Hey Amber." I smiled, giving her a hug.

"You remember Staci right?" Amber asked, smiling at her friend close to her.

I didn't, but I kept smiling. "Of course, nice to see you again."

"You too." Staci said, scanning the room. "I'm glad I came. I really thought it was going to be boring, but I'm having fun already."

"Make sure you tell the hostess that. She was going for lit."

"It's not there yet, but a few more of these and I'll make it happen." Staci said, holding up her drink.

I smiled and stepped up to grab a blue pin from the cardboard cutout of a beehive.

"She's carrying high. It's definitely a girl!" A woman I didn't recognize declared grabbing a pink pin.

"She didn't have morning sickness. I threw up all day with my girls. With my boy, nothing." Amber commented, grabbing a boy pin too.

"He was your third child. Maybe you were just use to the hormones." Staci said with a snicker, grabbing a girl pin.

"Be quiet!" Amber laughed as we walked to greet Rocky. She was sitting in a lavish gold throne at a side table. She wore a long, black maxi dress that flooded at her feet and a yellow blazer.

"It's the queen bee." Amber exclaimed, leaning over to give her a hug.

"Apparently." Rocky said, with a smile of amusement on her face.

"Your mom is killing it." I pointed out to Rocky as we sat down. Mama Smith was in the middle of the room, rocking a black strapless mini dress with a wide yellow belt, a drink in her hand, swaying to the music as she greeted guest.

"That's your mom?" Staci scoffed.

"Yeah?" Rocky said, crossing her arms, defensively.

"C'mon. Let's go check on the girls." Amber said, rightfully shooing Staci away.

"I met her before?" I asked Rocky.

"Yeah, the Halloween party. Amber's co-workers. The unholy trinity? They're attached to the hip and apparently share a brain. A stupid one." Rocky sneered.

I cracked up laughing. "You need to stop. I didn't know you had this many friends in Houston." I commented.

"I don't. This are my Mama's friends. This is her party." Rocky pointed to her mom.

"Yeah, but they're all here for you. Celebrating your new hive and baby bee." I grinned at her.

"True. I'm glad my mom did this. Trevor and Bilal came. I don't think they will come to the shower because Brandon's family is throwing it..."

Rocky got quiet when Brandon arrived with a plate of food for her.  I nodded understandably. Trevor probably would come to the shower, but definitely not Bilal. I was shocked he came to this party.

After Rocky thanked Brandon, he nodded and said hello to me.

"You want a boy?" I asked, pointing at his pin.

"I don't really care as long as the baby is healthy." He said, hesitantly.

I held up my pin. "I'm team boy all the way. Although, I heard she was carrying high so that means a girl."

"I heard it was all about the craving. A sweet tooth means a girl. She hasn't had one." Brandon replied.

"She eats everything covered in hot sauce. Does that mean it's a demon?" I pondered, with a horrified face.

"That would explain the mood swings..." Brandon joked along with me.

"Y'all are gonna stop talking about me and my child like I'm not here." Rocky snapped while Brandon and I grinned.

"Oh-oh, there's that dark side coming out. I'm gonna go get a drink. Do y'all need anything?" I asked.

"Brandon will get you one." Rocky offered.

"What are you drinking?"

"That's ok. I'm not sure. I'll be back." I told Rocky.

I glanced over the makeshift bar and decided on Mama Smith's hard lemonade. As I waited in line, my eyes naturally sought out Trevor.  I found him at a table with Sammy, Peyton, Corey, Chris, J-Mike and Bilal. They were gathered up, talking and laughing. I felt a wistful longing as I watched them...

"You're not driving home, are you?" Riley, Rocky's brother asked me as I filled my cup high.

"No." I said, dragging my eyes away from Trevor.

"Good. I saw Mama pour in three different liquors and that was when I was watching." Riley informed me while pouring himself a glass.

"Ohhh, let's see if I can taste them. Cheers." I toasted him before I drank.

"I have a feeling this will be my last if I wanna walk." I said after sampling the strong drink.

"I better find a seat. This is my second cup." We walked together to where Forrest and Ramon were talking. Forrest asked me how I was doing and I responded positively. We made our way to the buffet to try to soak up the alcohol. We had returned and were eating and chatting when Sammy approached me.

"C'mon eat with us." She said after we hugged.

"I'm almost done. Let me finishing eating and I'll make the rounds."

"Alright." She said, before leaving.

Forrest leaned in to speak in my ear, "She doesn't know y'all aren't speaking?"

I shook my head. "It's a new development."

He rubbed my shoulder. "Hang in there."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You too."

"What are you talking about?" Forrest asked.

"You flinch every time Brandon touches Rocky's stomach."

"Only because she hates it." He defended, tearing at his napkin until I took it from him.

"We'll make the rounds and hang out with Rocky when were finished."

We went around the room, mingling and speaking with everyone. Jackie gave me and Forrest a side eye, which made me wonder if Rocky told her she and Forrest were dating. Staci was already tipsy and she and Amber were singing along to a Chris Brown's Liquor. As promised, I stopped by Sammy's table to say hi. Bilal, Peyton, and Corey greeted me warmly. Chris looked up briefly from his conversation with J-Mike to acknowledge me, while Trevor flat out ignored me. We hung out a while as Trevor and J-Mike talked about their upcoming plans to take a roller coaster road trip to celebrate Trevor's birthday and end of Chemotherapy. When Trevor said he researched some of the fastest rides in each park, J-Mike made a crack about researching the fastest women in each city. They laughed and I took that moment to leave.

As we walked away, Forrest grabbed my hand. "You ok?"

"No." I answered honestly, "but I will be."

When we joined Rocky, her mom, Brandon, his parents, Ethan and Serena were with her.

"Lily, you want the baby to be a boy?" Serena asked me as Forrest and I sat down beside them.

"Yes. My expertise would be wasted on a girl." I answered.

"Why do you say that?" Deborah asked me.

"I was raised by a single dad and an older brother. Not a lot of girly stuff going on in my house as a kid." I smiled.

Forrest talked about being forced to play with his younger sister. Albert talked about his cluelessness with his daughter. Even Mama Smith chimed in on how low maintenance boys are compared to girls. I didn't contribute much to the conversation- I couldn't keep my attention off of Trevor. Every move he made, smile, laugh- I caught it all. I didn't understand why he couldn't talk to me. Why he couldn't open up with me. Why he couldn't be with me.

"Lily." Forrest said, softly.

"Huh?" I asked, looking up.

"Rene asked how you liked the cake." Forrest repeated.

"Oh... I haven't tried any yet." I said, forcing an apologetic smile. When I saw Trevor get up and exit the room, I stood up. "I'm going to go get some. Excuse me."

I left and got two slices of cake before leaving the room too. I probably looked like a crazy person, sitting in the lobby, turning my head constantly to watch the front door and the bathrooms; but it paid off. When Trevor came out of the bathroom, I stood to cut him off.

"Hey. Do you want some cake?" I asked him, knowing he hadn't ate any yet.

"No." He answered, shortly.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"About what?" He asked, standoffishly.

"Anything you want."

"When are you moving out the apartment?" He asked, abrasively.

I stared at him for a moment. I didn't know which was worse- his hostility or him ignoring me.  "Really?"

"I need to let Amanda know when she can move in."

"That's all you wanna talk about?"

"What else is there to say?"

"You can ask me if I'm hooking up or hanging out with Christian."

He flinched. "I did. You don't owe me anything, remember?"

"I don't, but I owe us something. I loved you for so long. We've been friends for too long. I don't wanna be in a room and pretend you don't exist. Ask me any questions you want. Our friendship is worth it to me." I pleaded.

He shook his head. "I can't be friends with you Lily. I shouldn't have even tried."

I nodded, feeling so damned stupid. I told myself we couldn't be friends but here I was trying for someone who didn't wanna try for me.

"Ok. I'll be out of the apartment Tuesday." I said, keeping my head high and walking away from him.

I returned right in time to see Rocky and Brandon clutching a long stick and swinging at the bee piñata. I took my seat next to Forrest, handing over my extra piece of cake. He said thanks, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else. I focused on the piñata as it broke and spilled. All the kids rushed to the floor as blue candy, toys and confetti fell to Rocky's and Brandon's feet.  Brandon grinned proudly before scooping Rocky up in a hug. She smiled before demanding he put her down.

I smiled at them, thrilled they were having a boy. I was excited for the changes in their lives while desperate for changes in my own life.

****Ok, so my resolution fell flat this week. There will be another post tomorrow, so I'm working on getting them posted on Monday. Wednesday and Friday. I'm still putting the year 2015 in the date and I stuck to my detox this week, does that give me a pass? If not, sorry! And I'll try again next week. Enjoy your weekend!

Bad Habits (Intro)

"Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just too blind to see
Past, all of the pain they was causin' you
Ladies do you feel me (do you feel me)
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change" Bad Habits by Destiny's Child

"Dum-da-de-da
Do, do, do, do, do, do..."

The beginning strains of Flawless played on my Houston playlist in Forrest's SUV as we headed to Houston for Rocky's baby reveal. The reveal was on Sunday afternoon, but we decided to head down Saturday to spend the rest of the weekend with Rocky. I was taking full advantage of the fact that I was the DJ while Forrest drove. It was Beyonce the whole drive down.

"I love this song!" I exclaimed excitedly as I turned up the volume. "I'm Beyonce, you're Nicki."

"No." Forrest shook his head as he drove.

"Alright, you can be Beyonce and I'm Nicki." I conceded.

"No thanks, I'm good." Forrest chuckled.

"Fine." I then proceeded to sing both parts, complete with dance moves. Forrest tried to ignore me, but he failed to hold back his laughter, so I knew he was entertained.

When the song ended, Forrest turned to me. "You know Beyonce is not the only artist from Houston?"

I gasped, like that was the most ridiculously thing I ever heard. "Who else beside Queen Bey?"

"Scarface. UGK. Getto Boys."  Forrest listed.

"Don't know them." I shrugged.

"They're before your time. Paul Wall, Chamillionaire, Mike Jones?

"Ohhh! Destiny's Child!"

He started to merge onto the exit.

I chuckled. "Are you kicking me out the car because I don't know them?"

"No, I'm pulling over because there's a bakery that was featured on the Best Thing I Ever Ate. It's a show-" Forrest started.

"My aunt's TV stays on Food Network. I know. Let's go, let's go, let's go!" I said, excitedly.

10 minutes later, we walked into Collin Street Bakery and were assaulted with the alluring smell of baked goods. Forrest and I were both disappointed to find out the food featured on the show was Fruitcake, but we ordered one to say we tried it. We also got sandwiches, chips and drinks.

As we waited for our food, Forrest studied the menu.

"What do you think Rocky will like?" He asked me.

"I don't know. I'm sure she had cake and pie on Thanksgiving, so neither of those. She's not a big cookie fan, she loves chocolate. Fudge?" I suggested.

Forrest kept looking. "What about Pain au chocolat?"

"Ooo, get me one too!"

Forrest smiled before getting back in line. He was ordering by the time the food was ready, so I grabbed it and went outside. I put Justine on her leash before letting her out. I fed her and gave her water before sanitizing my hands and separating Forrest and my food.

When Forrest came back, we sat on the back of the SUV and dug into our lunch.

"I wish I could make bread." I declared, while still chewing on my turkey and cheese on jalapeno cheddar bread.

"I wish you could too, then you could make bread for me." Forrest replied.

"Get your girlfriend to make you bread. Did you ask Rocky to be your girlfriend yet?" I asked him.

"No. We're dating. She doesn't want to commit to anything right now except for being a mother."

"Right... What's up with me having to invite you to her gender reveal?"

"She wants me to be there, but doesn't want her mom to know she's dating." Forrest explained.

"Ahhh." I said, nodding my head. Forrest face looked uncharacteristically unreadable, so I asked, "Are you ok with that?"

"Yeah. What's new with you? How was your Thanksgiving?" Forrest asked, changing the subject.

I thought about the fight with my dad, the talk with Bianca, hanging out with Christian and the break up with Trevor. Technically, we were already broken up, but I finally was letting go hope that we could work it out. After our talk, I passed out in bed. I don't know if it was exhaustion from staying up all night, but I didn't shed a tear. Trevor's words hurt, but I didn't get emotional. I used his words as fuel to move on. The following morning, I returned Dominick's emails setting up a time to move. Instead of calling Jenna back to talk, I spent my energy packing up my things before Forrest came and picked me up.

"It was ok. Just lots of food, family. Nothing too crazy." I smiled weakly.

He gave me a searching look, but only nodded and we finished eating in silence. We saved the cake and got back on the road. Forrest surprised me but hopping in the passenger seat.

"This is your lesson on Houston Hip Hop. No more Beyonce." Forrest explained as he played music from his phone.

On the remaining stretch to Rocky's mom house, I was properly educated and enjoying Houston rap. There were a lot of songs I heard before, including Paul Wall's "They Don't Know". It was playing loudly when we parked outside the house. Before I could turn off the engine, Mama Smith was opening the front door, eying us suspiciously. I stepped out and waved at her.

"Lily! Is that a new car?!?" She stepped out, pointing to the Forrest's SUV.

"Not yet." I said, letting Justine out the car. I walked up to Mama Smith and gave her a hug. I pulled back before introducing Forrest and Mama Smith.

"This is my friend Forrest." I said, as Forrest stuck out his hand. "Forrest, this is Mama Smith."

"Nice to meet you Ma'am."

"Rene." Mama Smith corrected, while sizing Forrest up.

"He's the owner of the car until I can convince him to trade with me." I smiled.

"Trade what?" Rocky appeared at the doorway. Even though Rocky complained about feeling bloated and swollen all over, she looked amazing. All her extra weight was in her baby bump, which looked like it grew since the last time I saw her. I quickly rubbed her stomach before she swatted my hand away. She hated anyone rubbing her stomach.

"Apparently she thinks I'm trading cars with her." Forrest answered Rocky, giving her a brief, one armed hug. Rocky looked uncomfortable with the hug, which was mire suspicious if she would have just hugged him back.

"Please? I love sitting up high. And the cops can't look into my car and catch me ridin dirty." I begged Forrest.

"Whatcha know about riding dirty?" Mama Smith asked as she ushered us in her house.

"What you know bout purple drank? What you know bout' poppin' trunk, neon lights, candy paint?" I rapped.

Mama Smith cracked up while Forrest apologized.

"Sorry. I introduced her Swisha house on the way down."

"Why would you do that?" Rocky clicked her tongue at him.

"As that a Houston thing? Teach me how to do it." I said, clicking my tongue too.

Rocky ignored me while I looked around the house. It looked just like Mama Smith- funky, youthful and fun. Tons of animal prints, African artwork, and incense burning.

"You have a beautiful home Rene." Forrest complimented Mama Smith.

"I was just thinking that. You need to come in Dallas and help me in my house." I commented.

"You want a African theme living room?" Rocky smirked.

"No... maybe a wild safari bedroom."

"I feel you. Maybe some vine and a swing." Mama Smith suggested.

"Oh God." Rocky muttered while Forrest and I laughed.

Forrest gifted Rene with the fruit cake and Rocky with the chocolate croissants.

"Thank you so much Forrest." Rocky gleamed, digging into her treat enthusiastically.

"My pleasure." He smiled at her. They were so freaking cute, I couldn't help smiling too.

"What's this for?" Mama Smith broke up the moment. I looked at her- She was holding the fruitcake up with disdain.

"It's supposed to be really good fruitcake." Forrest responded.

"So? Why do you think I want it?" She questioned him.

Rocky's eyed widen and Forrest was lost for words. I rolled my eyes and spoke up. "Forrest is a good ol' southern boy. He was raised not to go into someone's house empty handed."

Mama Smith clicked her tongue. "Y'all want a drink?" She said, heading to the kitchen.

Rocky and Forrest looked at each other while I practiced clicking my tongue. They both turned to me.

"What? I wanna learn how to do it. It says so much without saying anything." I chuckled.

As we drank sweet tea, Mama Smith informed me everything was ready for the gender reveal. She was more excited about the plans for that evening- the family was going to see Creed and then out for dinner.

Forrest left us while we freshened up to get checked into his hotel room.

"Man, hold up." I said, in my best slang accent.

"Please stop." Rocky grimaced at me.

I laughed. "Seriously though, what's up with you not wanting your mom to know you're dating Forrest?"

"You know how she is. She'll make me and him uncomfortable. It's not worth the drama."

"Are you really not going to commit to him until after you have the baby?"

"Y'all talked about me?" Rocky glowered at me.

"Not really. I asked when he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend." I responded calmly.

"We're getting to know each other. No labels. Is there something wrong with that?" She asked me in a tone that was daring me to contradict her.

"Nope. I'm outta of it." I said, putting my hands up in surrender.

And I kept to my word-I stayed completely out of it. We drove to the movie theater and Rocky gave us a lack luster tour of the ward she grew up in. Mama Smith was quick to show off the improvements, but lamented the changes of the historically black neighborhood.

"They built all these townhouses and apartments and black folks can't even afford to live here anymore." Mama Smith declared.

"They increased house value and education rates too, damn them." Rocky added, sarcastically.

"Obviously the education was fine. You have a smart ass mouth." Mama Smith said back.

"#Thanksgiving Clapback." I said under my breath to Forrest. He nudged me.

"I learned that from you Mama." Rocky continued.

"Hold up- Will I be able to order codeine at the movie theater? Is it called lean, sizzurp or purple drank? Do I just tell the snack attendant I want that drank in my cup?" I interrupted them.

"Child be quiet."

"Lily shut up!" They both turned on me.

Forrest and I smiled at each other.

We meet up with Rocky's brothers, Ramon and Riley, and their mixed group of friends. Rocky introduced me to the people she knew. One of Riley's friend openly leered at me. I was wearing jeans and a blue blouse, but he made me feel completely under dressed.

We bought the tickets and snacks before making our way in the theater. I hadn't seen any of the Rocky movies, but Creed made me wanna go back and watch them. On the way out the theater, cops guarded the entrance. I never felt unsafe in Rocky's neighborhood, but the cop presence at the crowded theater put me on alert.

Our next stop was a restaurant that was soul food served cafeteria style. Everything smelled and looked so good, I let Mama Smith decide what I would eat. I ended up with oxtails, greens, macaroni and cheese and sweet potatoes with cornbread. It was life changing good.

Mama Smith tried to coax me into trying her chitlins, but would not tell me what it was. I tried it and thought it was pretty good with hot sauce.

"It's intestine." Ramon informed me with a smile.

I nodded and kept eating.

"You really like it?" Forrest asked surprised.

"I eat muendo. It's stomach. Why wouldn't I like intestine?" I answered.

"You never smelled them being cleaned." Rocky made a face.

"That's why I don't cook them." Mama Smith declared, watching as Forrest and I traded my greens for some of his pinto beans. We already swapped oxtails for fish. "Y'all are just friends?"

Forrest coughed on the bite of food he was eating and I patted his hand.

"We're getting to know each other. Labels aren't important." I quoted Rocky while she stared daggers at me.

"I heard that. Did Rocky tell you about the guy I was seeing? He had the nerve to talk about marriage. I shut him down immediately." She laughed.

We ate and chatted before Forrest went back in line for dessert for us. As soon as he left, the leerer sat in his spot.

"You liking Houston?" He asked me.

"So far." I said, shortly.

"Don't be shy Lily. She loves it." Rocky cut in. "Dying to try lean."

It was my turn to stare daggers at her.

"Yeah? I can hook it up." He offered.

"No thanks. We leaving right after the party tomorrow. Forrest has to be back for work. Bae works too hard." I declined, holding back my grin at Rocky's face when I called Forrest bae.

"What about you? When's your next vacation?" He asked, ignoring my mention of Forrest.

"Vacation? Is that a different language? My boss is so demanding, I don't even know what a vacation is. Is that French?" I said, quickly as Forrest made his way back.

"I know a little French. You can't spell Oui without U and I." He said with a grin before returning back to his seat.

Forrest sat down, puzzled by my traumatized face and Rocky and Mama Smith peals of laughter.

"What happened?" Forrest asked.

"Nothing." I shook my head while they continued to laugh.

After we ate, we went back to Rocky's mom house. Mama Smith looked at me strangely when I didn't go with Forrest, but I told her I didn't want to leave Justine alone. I was outside with Justine when my phone rang. It was Christian, so I answered.

"I got an interesting call today." He began.

"Oh yeah. Did Katy Perry finally hit you up? Cause if Calvin Harris can snag Taylor Swift, you should be able to pull Katy Perry." I teased him.

"I didn't reach out to her, but thanks for putting me on the same level as Calvin Harris."

"Anytime." I smiled.

"Why does Trevor think we hooked up?" He asked.

"He called you?" I gasped.

"No. J-Mike did. Telling me how fucked up it is to go after you. How even though you and Trevor are broken up, there's bro code and shit."

"Urgh, what happened to decent human code? Does that exist? Cause I'm sure that says to mind your own business." I groaned.

"Bro code supersedes human code. Sorry." After a moment, he continued, "How long have you two been broken up?"

"Since September. I hadn't really accepted it til recently." I confessed.

"I told J-Mike Trevor should talk to you. I didn't know what else to say. I assumed Trevor would have known about- everything."

"I didn't tell him. It's not for me to tell. I don't even know how he found out we talked." I said simply.

"Pete. He posted a video of us dancing to Three's Company Too."

Besides everything, I smiled at the memory. We were throwing around songs about threesomes, and that theme song was stuck in my head.  Blamed the Kava tea at the time. Christian mixed the vocals over a house beat and we laughed and danced along.

"I'll tell him the truth if you need me too." Christian offered, interrupting my thoughts.

"Don't do it for me. It's not necessary." I assured him.

"I'm sorry-" he started.

"Don't be. Hell, I'm sorry. For Bianca and Trevor and his... goons." I sighed.

"Goons?"

"Yeah. I'm in Houston for Rocky's Baby gender reveal. I've been listening to a lot of Swisha house. I'm not sure what the right vernacular would be."

"I don't think goons and vernacular would be in the same vernacular." Christian pointed out.

I laughed. "Probably not."

"Listen to Travis Scott."

"He's from Houston?"

"The suburbs of Houston. More your speed."

I grinned. "Alright. Thanks Christian. Goodnight."

"No. Stay trill."

"Right! Stay trill."

I went back into the house and joined Rocky in her room digging into a slice of fruitcake. She was too full for dessert at the restaurant. She explained how she got full quickly as she moved further along in her pregnancy. She basically snacked all day.

"This is shockingly good. Want some?" Rocky said.

"No, I'm still full." I laid on the trundle next to Rocky's bed, unable to stop thoughts of Trevor from filling my mind. A loud sound from outside got my attention.

"What was that?" I asked.

"A car. Calm down. I've seen more codeine overdoses than gunshot wounds." Rocky laughed at me.

"Good night Rocky."

"How do you say good night in French?" Rocky asked.

I flicked her off.

The next day, we got up and got everything ready for the party. I went to the hotel to help with the set up while Forrest snuck in some time with Rocky. Everything was black and yellow with cute little bee decorations. A huge banner hung at the entrance that read "What's it gonna Bee?" In the middle of the room was a big bee Pinata. Mama Smith informed me that it was filled with confetti and candy, either pink or blue to symbolize the baby's sex. She explained at the end of the party, Brandon and Rocky were going to break the pinata together.

"Brandon's going to be here?"

"Yes, his family too. They might be throwing the lame baby shower, but my party's gonna be lit."

I was sure it was going to be when Wiz Khalifa started playing from the sound system. I went up to Forrest's room to change for the party. I borrowed Mama Smith's knitted black skirt with a wide yellow stripe at the bottom. I wore my own black long sleeve top, black stockings, and black booties with it. The waves in my hair came back with a vengeance after I had it chemically straightened, so I pulled it all up in a high ponytail. I was finishing my makeup when Forrest arrived. He switched his plain t-shirt for a polo.

"You ready?" He called to me.

"So ready." I smiled.

At least, I thought I was. Nothing could have prepared me for coming off the elevator and meeting eyes with Trevor in the lobby.