Can't Help But Wait (Ethan's POV)

***Sorry it's late... And short. As we know, Ethan's a man a few words, but I thought it was important to get into his headspace before Lily's post. Friday will be back to Lily and moving the story along!




"Get it together, you can do better

Seeing is believing, and I see what you need so

I'm gonna play my position, let you catch what you been missing

I'm calling out girl because I can't help but wait

Till you get back with him, it don't change (Can't help but wait)

Till you see that with me, it ain't the same (Can't help but wait)

Till you see you for what you really are (Baby girl you are a star)

And I can't help but wait" Can't Help but Wait by Trey Songz

***Ethan's POV***

I stood at the elevator, focused on my watch to give Lily exactly 30 minutes. Her grief stricken face had me struggling to honor her request but I was going to do what she asked and give her time to collect herself. I notated the time on my watch before walking to the lobby to sit and wait. While I waited, I recalled the self affirmations she recited to calm down. It took me by surprise that she had to tell herself that she was strong, confident and worthy. Those were all qualities I saw in her. I planned to remind Lily of them when I went up to the room in 18 minutes...

"Ethan." I glanced away from my watch and saw Serena. I nodded at her before she sat beside me. "That speech was brutal. Are you ok?" She asked me.

"I'm fine." I nodded again, truthfully. Trevor's speech only confirmed what I already knew- He still had feelings for Lily. I suspected he had feeling for Lily when he dropped off Thor before he went to California. Driving 4 hours to drop of his dog with Lily made no sense unless he wanted to spend time with her. No one pushes that hard to be in an ex's life if there were no feelings. Him crashing our date let me know I was right.

I couldn't help noticing the irony of feeling exactly how Serena felt- hating that I was right. I wasn't a religious person; I took EJ to church because it was how I was raised. My mind didn't work in a way to have blind faith in anything, much less an entity with no proof of existing. I heard numerous sermons about reaping what you sowed and I couldn't ignore the fact that ever religion or spirituality had the idea of karma. Maybe it wasn't irony- but karma for how I treated Serena.

I was never fully invested in our relationship. After I accused Lily of having an abortion, I was grateful she forgave me. I couldn't hope for more than her friendship back then and decided to move on. Rocky set me up with Serena and it made sense: we were both ambitious, practical and ready to settle down. We got along well and had plenty in common, but we never had a spark. I never mistreated Serena, but being around Lily only highlighted that I would never feel that deeply for her. At least, not the way I felt about Lily.

Serena patted me on the knee when I didn't say anything else. "I'm leaving but I wanted to make sure you were ok. My number hasn't changed. I'm here for you- if you want to talk."

I was taken aback by her offer. I don't make it a habit of being friends with my exes, but I believed Serena and I could be friends when we parted. After my birthday party, she did want to see if we could give it another try. I turned her down, telling her that I still had unresolved feelings for Lily. I needed to sort them out before I tried with anyone. Serena understood and we kept in contact up until the point I told her I was dating Lily. The checking in texts, sharing recommendations and stories about her job stopped. I didn't think much about it then, but I did appreciate her offer to open lines of communication now.

"Thank you Serena." I said. She gave me a brief hug before she left. It was second nature to want to walk her out, but I had to stay for Lily. As brutal as it was for me to witness Trevor's speech, I knew Lily was hurting and I needed to be here for her. We never got into the particulars of her breakup with him, but I knew the basics from mutual friends. He hid his cancer and broke up with her. I knew it had to be hard to relive that. I chose to believe that was why she was so emotional about his speech.

Once 25 minutes elapsed, I headed back to the elevator. I was walking to our room when I heard Lily's muffled cry about someone ruining everything. My pulse quickened a beat as I heard a male's voice muffled reply. I knew without a doubt it was Trevor. My feet involuntarily moved quicker as I pulled out my hotel room key. I approached our door, sliding the key in and opening it the slightest bit, quietly.

"-trying to be friends with you, but you are making it so we can never be friends." Lily's plea carried through the cracked door.

"I can't be your friend. After my surgery, I tried- I can't do it. I'm crazy about you. I'll never not want to be with you. If you don't feel the same, I won't be in your life." Trevor stated.

I waited, patiently for her response. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on their conversation, but I needed to know how Lily felt about Trevor. During our talk Friday after dinner with Trevor, I wasn't sure if Lily was oblivious or naive to Trevor's feelings. It was obvious by the way he looked at her he still had feelings. I knew it was only a matter of time before Trevor revealed his true intentions. I didn't expect he would let his feelings known as quickly as he did. I hadn't formulated how I would handle the situation. I waited to hear how Lily dealt with him...

She didn't respond- the only thing I heard were her sobs. Gut wrenching tears that called out to me, making me forget about the fact that she said nothing about his confession. I pushed the door open, letting it slam behind me to announce my presence.

The sight of her, curled up on the floor crying had a dull hurt vibrating through my body. It was quickly edged out by rage as the cause of her pain took a step towards her. The combination of Trevor hurting her and trying to get her back had me seeing red.  

"Get out." I fumed, barely controlling my anger.

When he had the nerve to stand there looking at me then Lily, I knew I needed to get him out of there before I did something I regretted.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Get out." I repeated, clenching my fist, fighting the urge to not physically remove him from my room. I almost lost that battle when he looked up at me defiantly and said,

"I'm not leaving unless she ask me to."

"Leave." Lily croaked out as I never took my eyes of Trevor. He maintained eye contact with me as he slithered his way out of my room. Lily was the only reason I maintained control- being there for her was more important than my anger. Once he was gone, I looked back at Lily. She looked away, but it was too late- I already saw the grief and anguish in her eyes. I momentarily froze, studying her reaction until she slowly got up on shaky legs and took a step towards me. I automatically went to her and held her close to me. I led her to the bed as she cried again. We laid down together, me holding her, wanting to ease her pain as she cried out her despair.

While I rubbed her back, I wondered if her despair was at losing her friendship or her soulmate. The conversation we had at Rocky's baby shower ran through my mind. She called Trevor her soulmate. Back then, that conversation was one of the reasons I kept my feelings to myself. If he was her soulmate, what could I possibly be to her?

I kept my feelings to myself, but the more time I spent with her, the more convinced I was the feelings were mutual. From barbecuing together and watching movies with EJ, we were compatible and the attraction I had for her never went away. Sitting at the bar with her the night Rocky had false contractions, I knew we had to give us a real try or I would forever regret it. When she finally agreed to date me, I promised myself if Trevor ever came back into the picture, I would step away so she could work things out with him.

When Trevor showed up at EJ's basketball game, I mentally prepared myself to go back to being friends. Watching her leave with him was rough, but I was thankful it happened before my feelings developed any deeper. Lily insisted that she only went out with Trevor for closure, but I didn't know if I could trust that. When we first met, the only reason I wanted to be around Lily was to see if she was trustworthy to be in EJ life. She quickly proved to me I could trust her and I didn't have to worry about EJ. As far as our relationship went, I wanted to have that same blind trust. The only way to receive that kind of trust was to give it. So I did. I trusted her with almost everything. The only thing I held back was that I was in love with her.

I knew she didn't feel the same about me. The mention of love made her uncomfortable, but that didn't change how I felt. It was a combination of little things that made me love her: the way she danced and sang to herself, her competitive streak, the love she had for EJ, her playful sense of humor. I knew life with her would be loud, full of music and bad reality TV shows. I also knew we would disagree about spoiling not only Justine, but any kids or other pets she might want in the future. It would be dramatic, because Lily was prone to dramatics every now and again. It would be full of love, because as cliche as it sounded, every day I discovered something new to love about her. Until she told me she felt the same, I had to wait to tell her that I loved her.

The love I had for her made me helpless now. I didn't know what else I could do. My dad's advice of wooing Lily worked- I continued to mirror how she showed affection so she would know how much I loved her. I waited for the day she felt the same about me. My mom told me to tread lightly, that Lily was more fragile than she let on. I recognized that but I also saw glimpses of the strong, confident woman she was. I loved her regardless and waited for the day she could see herself the way I saw her. Brandon warned me until she was completely over Trevor, I should cut my losses before she relapsed like Rocky did with Bilal. While I trusted Lily wouldn't cheat, I wasn't as sure that she was over Trevor. I didn't know what would be harder: waiting for her to get over him or walking away in love with her. 

Lily's sobs quieted, the only evidence of her crying was her shuddering body. I held her even tighter. At this point, all I could do was wait for the truth and hope I had the strength to make the right choice.