Still Madly Crazy

"What can I say

Oh what can I do

I'm crazy, so crazy for you

I try not to show it

I can't control it

I'm still madly crazy for you" Still Madly Crazy by Robin Thicke

Friday Morning after Ethan left to go to work, I let Thor and Justine outside in the backyard as I texted my friends about the mud run. Rocky told me that Brandon was watching Ace and confirmed she and Trevor got a hotel room. Forrest called to let me know we were in the second heat and to double check that Rocky was still coming. Monica texted me she and Trent were doing the mud run. She also told me Uriel was not  going to race. I truly felt nothing about him coming or not. He was the least of my concerns... 

My phone rang and I saw it was Trevor.

Speak of the devil...

I answered the call, reluctantly. It was still early, but I hadn't heard from my brother so there was still hope Trevor didn't tell him about Johnny. I really didn't want to talk about it, defend my choices or have Trevor throw my past mistakes in my face anymore.

"Hey."

"Hey. Are you home?"

"Yeah..."

"Come answer the door."

"Be right there." I said, surprised. I had no idea he would be coming back so early. I didn't ask for his itinerary, but I figured he would give me a call instead of just popping up. I had to get ready for my appointment with Dr. Pereira in an hour.

"Morning." I said as I opened the door. He was holding a drink carrier with Simply Orange Juice bottles and Starbucks coffee, and multiple food bags in his arm. "You got enough food?" I joked, grabbing the bags from him.

"It's an apology, so you tell me." He flashed me a smile.

"Eh, looks like a promising start. C'mon. Justine and Thor are outside." I led him to the outside deck and he spread out the food on the long table. He bought chicken biscuits from Chick-fil-A, Taquitos from Whataburger, breakfast tacos from Fuzzys and Carmel macchiato and passion tea lemonade from Starbucks- all my favorites.

I grabbed a biscuit and the tea before sitting down.

"That's all you want?" He asked as he sat down beside me.

"No, it's a start until I hear what you're apologizing for. If I don't like the apology, I can decline it and still have a biscuit." I explained.

He laughed. "I respect that... And your decision. I didn't tell Cam."

"Really?" I said, both surprised and relieved.

"Yeah. I talked to Jenna and she said pretty much the same thing about Cam knowing Johnny's behavior and he has to see what type of person he is for himself and there's no point bringing up the past or you, yadda yadda yadda." He explained, opening an orange juice.

"Yadda yadda yadda?" I tilted my head at him.

"You know, some other shrink stuff." He shrugged.

"I love shrink stuff now. What did she say?"

"That I... maybe that's why our relationship ended because I didn't respect your choices." Trevor admitted.

"Yeah, that's definitely one of the reasons." I agreed. When he put his head down, I grabbed his arm. "We created a unhealthy dynamic between us. Even back in college, I depended on you for my happiness." I explained.

"That's what I wanted. I wanted to make you happy." He said, still staring at the table.

"I know, but it doesn't work like that. That shouldn't have been your responsibility. No relationship was going to work because I wasn't happy with myself." I rubbed his arm, comfortingly.

"And now? Are you happy?" He said finally looking me in the eyes. I felt the old stirring that looking into his blue eyes caused me, and I had to look away and pull my hand away from his arm.

"I am. Therapy got me there." I said, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "In fact, I have my appointment at 9:30. I should get ready." I said.

"Wait, do you forgive my apology?"

"Of course." I nodded.

"Then eat. You have time. I've seen you put away more in less time. You're carbo loading for the mud run right?" He stated, referring to my excuse of eating a ton of Chinese food before the run last year.

"Yep. It's super important. Ethan's taking me out for Italian tonight to get ready." I settled back into my seat and began to eat my sandwich.

"Good." Trevor replied before digging in as well.

I ate quickly and got dressed while Trevor gathered Thor's things. He was heading over to Rocky's house to hang with her for the rest of the weekend. I told him I would see him at the mud run. At my appointment with Dr. Pereira, she asked me about how opening myself up completely with Ethan was going. I detailed how great it was going:  us being inseparable, to spending time with EJ and going out with his friends. I also told her about our commitment to continue to date and not have sex until we were in love. She asked me how I felt about the waiting for sex, but I was really fine with it. Did I really want to have sex with him? More than anything, but I was willing to wait for love and was in no rush.

Trevor was weighing heavily on my mind, but I didn't bring him up. We spent session after session after session talking about him. I made up my mind that I could be a true friend to him, so that's what I was going to do. I reassured myself that I would continue to communicate, be honest and maintain boundaries and as long as Trevor did the same, we would be ok. I didn't want to spend another session reiterating things that I already knew. I needed to put it in practice. The upcoming weekend would be great practice.

When I got home from work Friday, I fed Justine and started getting ready for my date with Ethan. I picked a pretty, red and nude dress. It was a fitted little sundress with a low neckline that showcased my cleavage beautifully. I went with a subtle eye and shiny red lip gloss. I pulled half of my hair off my face in a top knot and left the rest down and wavy. I finished my outfit with a pair of nude Louboutin and large gold chandelier earrings.

"Wow..." Ethan whistled as he looked me over slowly, a sexy smile forming on his lips when he picked me up for dinner. "You look great."

"Just wanted to show you how good I clean up because I'm gonna be covered in dirt, mud and grim the rest of the weekend. It's gonna be ugly." I said, giving him a little peck on the lips so he didn't get my gloss on his lips.

"There's nothing ugly about you." He said, wrapping his hand around my waist, leading me to his truck.

"Remember you said that." I teased as he opened the door for me.

"I don't need to remember the truth." He said, kissing me on the temple before helping me and closing the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we took off.

"Italian Vila, unless there's someplace else you'd rather go."

"No, Italian Vila sounds perfect." I grinned. "I remember the first time I went there. It was right after you picked Karen over me-" I started, dramatically.

"Why do I feel like I don't want to hear this story?" He smirked.

"Doesn't matter: you're gonna hear it. Anyway, after the barbecue, I swore to Rocky that even if you pulled a Robin Thicke, I wouldn't get back together with you-"

"A Robin Thicke?" He asked, puzzled.

"Yes. After he cheated on his wife he named a whole album after her to win her back. It didn't work. I vowed never to date you again, I was moving on, figuratively and literally into my new apartment. Rocky was helping me unpack at my new place and I needed a break so she sent me to pick up pizza at Italian Villa: an adorable, little restaurant with delicious food. I automatically knew you told her about it." I explained as he parked in front of the restaurant.

"How did you know?" He asked, getting out and coming over to my side to help me.

"It was in Carrollton, simple, unpretentious and homey- definitely your style. And even though I sworn you off, I still couldn't get you out of my head." I admitted, holding on to his arm.

"I'm familiar with that feeling." He leaned in close to give me a soul shattering kiss, lip gloss be damned. "Thank you for giving me another chance."

"Giving us a real chance." I corrected, wiping the gloss off his lips before we headed to the front door. "And it's my pleasure." I smiled at him as he held the door opened in I walked in.

He followed me in, all emotion leaving his face as he stared over me into the dining room. I turned to look at what he was staring at, and my eyes immediately clashed with Trevor's. Trevor waved at me, causing Rocky to turned her head to face us. Her eyes widen, and she turned back to Trevor. She said something to him that made him shake his head before Rocky turned back to us, giving us a weak smile and wave. It was seat yourself, so I basically had no choice but to go over and greet them. I led Ethan to their table.

"Is this a coincidence?" Rocky asked me, standing to give me a hug.

"I don't know." I said, as I hugged Trevor too.

"You mentioned Italian food and I got a craving. I had no idea you would be here." He said when I pulled away. "Y'all want to join us? We just ordered- we can ask them to hold the food." Trevor offered us.

"Don't be weird Trevor." Rocky answered for us. "They're on a date."

"I see that. You look incredible." Trevor said, making me flush as he looked me over in my dress. "So do you Rocky. I assumed we were on a date as well. We can make it a double date."

"You assumed wrong." Rocky informed him. Trevor grinned, sheepishly at me.

I looked to Ethan, to gauge his reaction but he was looking at me, expectantly. I didn't know which would be more awkward: having dinner with them or having dinner in the same restaurant separate from them. I decided to bite the bullet. Trevor was heading back to Austin soon: I figured we could attempt to have a friendly dinner together. Besides, hanging at the park wasn't that bad: how bad could dinner be? After we got settled, the waitress came over with two glasses and menus for me and Ethan.

"I brought Lambrusco, your favorite." Trevor informed me.

"That is not my favorite. Top 5, but not my favorite." I smiled.

"Coulda fooled me. You drank like 5 bottles  during a Game of Thrones Marathon. Remember you would drink anytime someone said winter is coming?" Trevor laughed.

"Nope, but if I drank 5 bottles of wine, that's probably why I don't remember." I quipped, grinning.

"I never got the appeal of that show." Rocky commented.

"You watched like 5 minutes of an episode." I shook my head at her, noticing Ethan drinking his water, silently.

"Have you seen Game of Thrones?" I asked Ethan, trying to pull him in the conversation.

"No."

"It's another show that's so good it makes me want to read the books." I smiled at Ethan. When he just nodded, I kept the smile on my face and told Rocky and Trevor, "He's a reader. He has a book case and everything."

"Yeah? Reading anything good now?" Trevor asked.

"Not really." Ethan replied, shortly.

I downed 2 glasses of wine before our food even arrived while trying to keep a conversation with everyone. Ethan was more reserved than normal while Trevor was he's normal, gregarious self. He was entertaining us with stories of his trip to California, including embarrassing anecdote that my brother told him about me growing up while I tried to defend myself.

Rocky then asked questions about the mud run since she was the only one that hadn't been, talked about milestones with Ace, and the possibility of moving into a bigger place. All neutral topics Ethan could have engaged in: he didn't. He only spoke when spoken to. I didn't get upset- I got more wine. In fact, I made his lack of effort into a drinking game: every time he killed a conversation or gave a one word response, I took a drink. Trevor somehow caught on, because when I empty my third glass, he refilled it.

"Thank you." I told him.

"No problem." he winked at me. "So Ethan, how did you discover this restaurant?"

"Yelp." Ethan responded, lamely. Trevor raised an eyebrow at me before taking a drink. I took one too, chuckling into my glass as we shared a secret smile until Rocky kicked me under the table. 

"What the fuck?" I said, startled, sloshing my wine in my glass as I sat it down to avoid spilling.

"Sorry. Stretching." Rocky shrugged.

The food came out and I focused on eating. Ethan kept his arm around my waist the rest of the night and it gradually became less affectionate and more possessive as the dinner went on. By the time it was over, I was so uncomfortable, and I knew both Rocky and Trevor noticed because they kept sending me concerned glances. I smiled them away, declining dessert and thankful the night that wouldn't end, ended.

I made my way to Ethan's truck, feeling disgusted. I was disgusted with Trevor crashing our dinner, Ethan for not even attempting to be friendly and most importantly, myself for not shutting the whole night down.

"I'm so sorry. That was the dinner from hell." I exhaled, trying to make light of the situation.

"It seemed like you had a good time." He muttered, starting the truck.

"I didn't. I was trying to make an awkward situation work. You made me work extra hard tonight." I brought up.

"Sorry. Wasn't in the mood to have a double date with your ex. Why did you tell him where we were going for dinner?"

"I didn't! I mention Italian food. He made a lucky guess." I defended myself.

"Right. I guess him having your favorite wine was luck too?" Ethan asked, rhetorically.

I blanched. "I'm not stupid Ethan. I know he planned this. He just... He doesn't see me as his ex, but as his friend. I admit, he's trying to force it between us, but he just wants to be friends again."

He didn't respond until he stopped at a red light. He looked at me, his brown eyes searching. "I have female friends and I don't care who they slept with or crash their dates so it's a little hard for me to believe that."

"Is it hard for you to believe me?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I know how you felt about him Lily-"

"Key word. Felt." I cut him off. "Trevor and I didn't work together and now we are trying to be friends. That's it. We do... did... stupid, immature things as friends and part of being friends again is stopping those bad habits. We're working on it. I need for you to trust me. Trust that I'm telling you the truth." I pleaded, grabbing his hand.

"I trust you." He said.

I looked out the window, feeling a little bit better, but my stomach still uneasy: it had nothing to do with the 4 glasses of wine or the dinner I didn't even taste. It was deja vu with Trevor and my friendship causing drama in my relationship. I refused to let if happen again. The drive to my house was quiet and once we got there, he tried to drop me off.

"Come in for a drink. I want to spend time with you. Only you. Please." I invited him, desperately. He agreed and helped me out of the truck. He made himself comfortable in the living room while I made us drinks. I didn't have bourbon, his drink of choice, but I had some brandy. I poured him a glass straight. I took a shot before I brought it to him.

I sat down next to him and connected my phone to my speaker.  "I would pull a Robin Thicke but it didn't work for him and I'm not poetic and my singing might make you madder at me-" I explained as I searched my playlist for a specific song.

"I'm not mad at you." He said, placing his drink down and looking over at me.

"Maybe not mad, but annoyed." I said, finding Rihanna's Kiss it Better. As the beginning guitar licks filled the room, I straddled him on his lap.

"Lily-" he mummered, holding my hips as my dress rode up my thighs.

"Shhhhh.... Listen to the song. It's self explanatory." I hushed him, brushing my lips over his face, teasingly. 

When my lips found his, he kissed me back, hungrily. Our light, playful kisses turned soulful and deep as our lips locked. They took my breath away, causing me to pull back, slightly panting.

Ethan took the opportunity to flip me over on the couch, laying me down before positioning himself on top of me. He sank his fingers in my hair, angling my head the way he wanted me before kissing me again. My heart swelled as he kissed me and I tasted his passion. As his hand slid down my throat and to my cleavage, all I could think about was how much I wanted him . I knew everything else would work out- I just needed him. I arched into his touch, grabbing at his shirt, showing him what I needed as I pressed against him. He abruptly tore his lips away and I grunted my disappointment.

"I know." He sighed, sitting up, staring at my legs.

"If you know, than why did you stop?" I sat up too, running my fingers down his shirt.

"The song ended."

"Fuck that song." I tried to pull him back on top of me, but he resisted.

"Baby, I need to get going while I still have some self control."

"It's ok. I still do. Let's just cuddle." I lied.

He smirked at me. "Liar. Goodnight Lily."

"But... You didn't finish your drink." I pouted.

He picked up his drink, downed it before giving me a peck on the lips.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 9."

"Ok. Goodnight Ethan."

The next morning, Rocky hit me up: bright and early.

"Hey... Can you talk?" She whispered.

"Yeah... Can you?" I whispered back.

"Yes, sorry. Trevor is up and I wanted to make sure you were ok after last night."

I sighed. "I'm ok. Ethan's ok... Was it as awkward as I thought?"

"Awkward is one way to describe it. How did Ethan react? I could tell he was pissed."

"I mean, pissed is a little extreme. He definitely wasn't happy Trevor plotted to crash our date. He was worried that Trevor wants to be more than friends. I explained to him how I have to teach Trevor how to be my friend. I'm gonna have to have another talk with Trevor." I sighed.

"I talked to him and he's maintaining innocent but he knows what he did.  How do you teach somebody something they already know?"

"Easy. By reminding him if he can't respect my boundaries, we can't be friends." I stated, simply.

"Alright." I could hear all her disbelief in that one word. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"See you! Don't forget- double layers, no cotton and something country for the bar."

"Done, I remember, and jeans are as country as I get. Bye girl."

"Bye." I giggled.

After a breakfast sandwich and a few glasses of water, I got dressed and packed for the mud run. I put on my double layers, old Reeboks and French braided my hair back into a low ponytail. I was putting my toiletries and make-up in my bag when my doorbell rang. I went to open it up for Ethan. He looked amazing in black Nike sweatpants and gray Nike tee with the hat and shoes to match. I gave him a hug and a kiss before we carried my things in the truck and headed for Fort Worth.

After talking with Rocky, I was a little worried that Ethan was more upset than I caught last night, but things were completely normal between us. I played my workout playlist to get pumped up; he shook his head at my dancing and singing along. I bargained since he didn't race, he had to dance at least three times with me; he agreed to one slow dance. When I alluded to him spending the night with me and not being able to run off, he gave me a smile and told me he brought the chastity blanket.

We arrived at the mud run, relaxed and excited for the day. I checked in at the outside booth and signed my waiver and received my wristband. Ethan was helping me tighten it on my wrist when someone called my name.

I looked up to see a brunette Jordan heading our way.

"Hey!" I said, giving her a hug. "You look cute!" I said, eyeballing her bouncy high ponytail, flawless make-up and mud run shirt with jean shorts. "When are you changing to race?"

She rolled her eyes. "Never again. I'm on the committee to organize now. As soon as the race begins, I'm heading to the banquet room. They have me on the donation table this year but I want to be a coordinator by next year. Speaking of, do you think Trevor would want to say a few words at dinner."

I looked at her, completely dumbfounded. "Why would he?"

"This race is a fundraiser for cancer. The Dennison's always speak of their late father, but they try to have other people speak to highlight the importance of the cause. Trevor would kinda be perfect: young cancer survivor-"

"Ok!" I cut her off. "You don't need to convince me. Convince Trevor."

"I figured it would be better coming from you. Talk to him and let me know." She said, waving before she hurried off.

"You think he'll want to do it?" Ethan asked me.

"I don't know. She's using him to social climb up a stupid committee. I kinda hope he refuses."

Ethan said nothing and we walked over to greet Forrest and Blake. We were catching up when Rocky and Trevor joined us. Rocky looked great in track pants and a workout top and her braids underneath a matching bandana. I grinned slightly as I saw Forrest and Rocky subtly check each other out. I turned away from them to focus on Trevor. I studied him, long and hard Jordan's word ringing in my ear: Cancer survivor...

"You ok?" Trevor asked me, smiling as he nudged my shoulder. "Getting in the zone? All I Do Is Win stuck in your head?"

"Duh. Number one pump up song." I smiled. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

"Sure." He said, following me as I led him off to talk alone.

"Jordan asked if you would say a few words at dinner about your battle with cancer." I said quickly. His carefree expression turned pensive, and I quickly followed up with, "You can tell her no. In fact, I wanted to tell her no but I figured I should ask you first. I'll tell her no right now." I blabbed, nervously.

"No. It's ok." Trevor said, holding my shoulders.

"You wanna tell her no?" I nodded.

"No. I'm going to speak." He replied.

"You want to?" I said, shocked.

"Not really- but if my story encourages one person to donate money or get checked out, it'll be worth it." Trevor shrugged. "I need you to start a standing ovation when I'm done though."

"Even better- I'll start one of those slow claps, where I'm the only one clapping and then everyone slowly joins in."

He laughed. "Why would you be the only one clapping?"

"Because I've heard your speeches." I taunted as we watched back to the group.

"Hey! Me speak good." He protested.

"Just don't try to make it funny." I joked.

"No way. I'm going for sexy." He kidded back. 

On our way back to the group, I got a call from Monica they she and Trent made it. I went to the front to retrieve them before walking them to our group. As we approached, I saw Serena and Rachel joined. Everyone was listening to whatever Jordan was saying, but not Serena and Ethan. They were having a side conversation with just the two of them. I tried to read their body language, but I had no idea how to do that. They were just talking- looked completely normal. They didn't even notice me until I introduced Monica and Trent.

"Hi Lily." Jordan smiled at me.  "I was just thanking Trevor for speaking today. 

"Don't thank me yet. Lily said no jokes so it'll probably be boring as hell." Trevor commented.

"Humor can be a good thing Lily. The Dennison's certainly have fun with it: that's how the mud run came along." Rachel smiled at me.

"Right." I said, wondering why she felt compelled to talk to me. "Well, humor is subjective so just read your room Trevor." I told him before looking over at Ethan. He was watching me too and when our eyes met, I gave him a genuine smile and headed to his side.

"Hi Serena." I waved, a little nervous.

She flashed a half smile and waved too. "Hey Lily. How are you?"

"Good. Thanks for asking. How are you?"

"Good... And right. As much as I didn't want to be right about you two, I was." Serena said, calling out the elephant in the room.

I frowned up, not knowing how to respond to that when Ethan chuckled.

"Thus, proving your point that you're always right." He conceded to her, warmly.

"Exactly." She grinned at him. She looked over at me and her grinned wavered just the slightest bit. "Good luck out there Lily. Ethan, I'll see you in the shade."

"Thanks." I replied.

"See you."

Once she and Rachel left, I turned to Ethan. "The shade?"

"Yeah, the bleachers are in the direct line of the sun. We found a shaded spot last year to wait for the races to be over."

"Oh. So you're going to meet her? Enjoy the shade, talk about how right she always is?" I said, only partially faking my jealousy.

"Either that or I can drop hints about our next date, see if she shows up." He said, holding my waist to bring me closer.

"Ha ha ha." I faked laughed.

He leaned in close to my ear. "You have nothing to be worried about, but if it makes you feel better, I will bake in the sun in the bleachers away from Serena."

"It does make me feel better." I grinned, kissing him softly on the lips. "I have spf in my bag babe. Protect yourself from the rays."

He smiled at me before giving me a long, sweet kiss on the lips. "I'll see you after the race."

"I'll meet you in the shaded area." 

Finally the race began and I thought I would be pushing myself with Rocky so we could finish together. Instead, she was pacing herself to run with Forrest. They even waited for one another after each obstacle. Not wanting to be a third wheel, I took off and decided to race myself and see how I could do. I was surprised that Trevor was never far behind and set a fast pace. I soundly beat him on the monkey bars but besides that, he kept up with me. Once we crossed the finish line and caught our breath, I smiled at him.

"Have you been working out?" I asked him.

"A little bit. When I have to go in to the office, it's so close it makes no sense to drive so I walk or scooter there. Then walking Thor." He explained, breathing deeply.

"Aww, that's cute. You're getting all healthy and fit." I smiled broadly.

"The most walking I do is bar hopping on 6th street." He added.

"Nope. It's too late. You're all grown up and health is a priority now. I'm proud of you."

He flashed a grin. "Yeah, well my health has to be a priority now but I'm glad you're proud of me."

Before I could respond, Rocky and Forrest crossed the finish line together. I gave Rocky a round of applause as I whooped her name.

"Rocky...Rocky... Rocky!!!" I cheered and Trevor joined me.

"Shut the hell up." She huffed at us as we laughed.

"You kiss my baby with that mouth?" I laughed.

"You can kiss the fattest part of my ass-Ahhhh!" Rocky exclaimed, as Forrest scooped her up in a hug, spending her around.

"It's tradition Rocky." Forrest chuckled as she demanded he put her down. She freaking squealed and Trevor and I both looked at each other in disbelief. Trevor held out his arms to me, and I raised a brow at me.

"Tradition." He reminded me.

"If you lift me up, I'm kneeing you in the balls."

"Noted."

I embraced him and he squeezed me tight, rocking us back in forth.

"Too tight." I gasped for breath.

"You said nothing about squeezing." He laughed.

"Get off of me." I pushed him away, grinning. 

We went to the showers once everyone in our group finished where the cold water and hard pressure was welcomed to start removing the mud. Down to my first layer of biking shorts and a cropped athletic top, I left the showers to join my friends when I saw Ethan waiting for me.

"Hey." I said, walking over to him. "What are you doing down here?"

"I thought you might want your bag." He handed it to me.

"Yes. Walking back in flip flops is a pain." I said, reaching in my gym bag for my tennis shoes. "Thank you babe."

"No problem."

We met up with everyone else and walked back to the start of the race. Everyone from the first heat went back to the hotel to get changed and ready for the banquet, and we did the same. I invited Monica and Trent to join us, but Monica was in a rush to go home to get a proper shower while Trent ordered her the Hermes bag he promised for finishing the race. We checked into our room and I took a ten minute shower before giving it up to Ethan. I was sitting on the bed, drying my hair when Ethan came out of the foggy bathroom with a towel wrapped low on his waist. I was opening my mouth to make a perverted comment when my phone rang. Trevor.

"Hey."

"Rocky's not with you is she?" He asked.

"No. Why?"

"She never came to the room. She got her things from the car and then never came up."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she was with Forrest. They were eye fucking the whole day. It was quite disgusting."

Trevor laughed. "I hope they took a shower first."

I cracked up. "Gross Trevor. I did not need that mental picture."

"Your welcome." He said before we disconnected.

I went back to my hair and got ready. My hair was blown out straight and thick and I pulled it up into a neat bun, pulling out some strands to frame my face. My make-up was more of a natural dewy look with highlighted cheeks, bronze on my eyelids, eyes lined with dark brown liner and full curled lashes. I put on a playful pink lipstick to match my pink short shorts and black, longline top with slits up the sides. My sneaker heels made the look casual enough for the banquet but also fun for the bar afterward.

Ethan matched my vibe with wonderfully fitted dark denim jeans and a black notch tee with the two buttons undone. I made him stand in the mirror with me as I took pictures of how good we looked together before posting them online. He told me we were going to be late for the banquet and that's what made me put my phone away so we could head down.

Once we arrived, Rocky, Forrest, Corey and Trevor were already seated with Blake and Jordan. Ethan and I took the last remaining seats after we got our plates of food. There was no awkwardness as we ate at all. Part of me thought maybe we got all the awkwardness out the night before because Ethan wasn't taciturn at all; he was warm, funny and clever like he always was with me. He sincerely wished Trevor good luck when he got ready to make his speech.

I turned to him after Trevor left and gave him sexy smile.

"What?" He asked, curiously.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "I just really like you." I said, holding his hand above the table.

"I really like you too." He smiled back, squeezing my hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming out again to support this wonderful cause." Troy Dennison, founder of the mud run started. "Every year, I come up and I tell you my family story. My father succumbed to his battle with cancer and we get together not only to honor him, but to raise funds to find a cure!" He said, passionately as applauds and cheers rang through the room. When the cheers quieted, he spoke again.

"Tonight I have a guest who not only fought cancer, but won. Please, give a warm welcome to Trevor Tobin." I whooped enthusiastically and yelled "Go T-Rev!!!"

Trevor looked over at me and smiled. I gave him a thumbs up, encouraging him as he took the mic.

He grabbed the mic and thanked Troy.

"Last year, I came to the mud run for the first time. Not because cancer runs through my family or because it's a great cause, but because I wanted to see my girlfriend covered in mud." Trevor began, winking at me. I groaned while everyone laughed.

"I told him no jokes." I muttered, looking away from Trevor to look at Ethan. He kept his eyes on Trevor.

"We were in the process of buying a house and the mud run sounded like a fun break from planning our future together. My only dream back then was to buy a house, get married and start a family. Even with my family's history with cancer, I never thought it would happen to me: until I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer."

Tears were already welling up in my eyes, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Trevor as he spoke.

"After I was diagnosed, doctors and nurses threw all this information at me, friends and family tried to encourage me that I could beat it but I didn't really hear any of it. All I heard was that my life was over. My life was over and it hadn't even truly begun."

There was no stopping the tears from falling now; all I was trying to do was stop myself from blubbering. I let go of Ethan's hand to try to wipe my eyes. He handed me a napkin and I nodded my thanks, avoiding his eyes. I wiped my face, keeping my head down as I listened.

"Troy stated that the money donated today goes to help find a cure but it also empowers us. I know a lot of you assume I was brave for battling cancer and winning. Honestly, I was a coward. I saw my diagnosis as a death sentence, so I gave up on my plans, on my dreams. My family and friends were the ones that rallied behind me and made me fight. And while nothing can prepare you for being diagnosed with cancer, organizations and events like this gives us strength. I wish I had the strength back then so I didn't give up my dream."

I looked up then and found Trevor staring directly at me. I couldn't control it. To my horror, I began sobbing.

"So know when you donate your time or money, you're helping someone prepare to fight, not just for their life but their dreams. Thank you-" Trevor's voice faded as the room erupted in applause. He got his standing ovation- and I left the room as soon as people started standing up. I headed for the elevator as the sobs shook my body. I was crying in my hands waiting for the elevator when Ethan grabbed my arm. I could tell by his touch it was Ethan.

"I'm sorry... Just... Please... Give me 30 minutes..." I managed to get out.

He was silent but I didn't look up so I don't know if he nodded or not. I just knew when I got into the elevator he didn't follow me. I made it to my room and let myself fall apart. I wailed, holding myself as I sat on the bed. I don't know if I was sitting there for 5 minutes or an hour when there was a pounding on the door.

I got up and looked at the peephole, already knowing who it was. I opened the door and lit in to him.

"Why? Why would you say all that!?!" I yelled at Trevor, knowing I was displacing my grief with anger.

"Because it was the truth." He replied, coming in the room.

"So is the importance of early detection. Why couldn't you focus on that!!!" I demanded.

"Because the biggest thing I lost to cancer was you-" he started.

"No. You didn't lose me to cancer. You never truly had me because of our insecurities and lack of respect and honesty with each other." I exclaimed, frustrated.

"You want honesty? Here it is Lily. I'm still in love with you. Yeah, we were insecure, but we're not any more. And I'm sorry, I can't respect your relationship with him because we both know you should be with me."

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed. "You're going to ruin everything."

"Good! You shouldn't be with him Lily. I get it- he's safe, he has a ready made family and your dad probably loves him and he'll give you everything you want. But he'll never understand you like I do, he'll never make you as happy as I do, he'll never love you as much as I do-"

"No! No! No! No!" I covered my ears, not wanting to hear anymore. When he stopped and stared at me, I put my hands down. "I know moving on is hard, but you have to Trevor. I'm trying to be friends with you, but you are making it so we can't even be friends." I threatened him.

"I can't be your friend Lilypad." He shook his head. "After my surgery, I tried- I can't do it. I'm crazy about you. If you don't feel the same, I'll walk away. I'll walk away and I won't be in your life because I'll never not want to be with you." He stated calmly.

I broke down in tears again. Big, horrible, body shaking tears. It had me reaching for the bed, then collapsing to the floor. I heard him approaching me when the door slammed.

I looked up to see Ethan through my tears. He scanned my face briefly before turning to Trevor. "Get out." He ordered him. 

Trevor just looked between us, frozen.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Get out." Ethan said in a dark, dangerous tone.

"I'm not leaving unless she ask me to." Trevor stood his ground.

"Leave." I said, finding enough strength to ask him to go.

Ethan and Trevor stared at each other until Trevor was gone. Ethan looked back at me, but I looked at the floor.

I am strong. I am confident. I am worthy. My feelings may be hurt, my emotions will change, but it doesn't change who I am.

I repeated my self affirmation over and over in my head until I pulled myself together enough to stand. I took a step towards Ethan, and the tension left his body as he closed the gap between us. He was safe. He gave me the family I always wanted. My dad would love him and everything he stood for. He would get me everything I wanted, because he loved me. He held me in his arms as I cried again, his love overwhelming me...

And I was sick with despair that while I was in his arms, I was breaking down at the thought that I pushed Trevor out of my life.

***So the mud run could be a good post for different POVs. Any perspectives you want to see for next week post, or continue with Lily's?***