Still Madly Crazy

"What can I say

Oh what can I do

I'm crazy, so crazy for you

I try not to show it

I can't control it

I'm still madly crazy for you" Still Madly Crazy by Robin Thicke

Friday Morning after Ethan left to go to work, I let Thor and Justine outside in the backyard as I texted my friends about the mud run. Rocky told me that Brandon was watching Ace and confirmed she and Trevor got a hotel room. Forrest called to let me know we were in the second heat and to double check that Rocky was still coming. Monica texted me she and Trent were doing the mud run. She also told me Uriel was not  going to race. I truly felt nothing about him coming or not. He was the least of my concerns... 

My phone rang and I saw it was Trevor.

Speak of the devil...

I answered the call, reluctantly. It was still early, but I hadn't heard from my brother so there was still hope Trevor didn't tell him about Johnny. I really didn't want to talk about it, defend my choices or have Trevor throw my past mistakes in my face anymore.

"Hey."

"Hey. Are you home?"

"Yeah..."

"Come answer the door."

"Be right there." I said, surprised. I had no idea he would be coming back so early. I didn't ask for his itinerary, but I figured he would give me a call instead of just popping up. I had to get ready for my appointment with Dr. Pereira in an hour.

"Morning." I said as I opened the door. He was holding a drink carrier with Simply Orange Juice bottles and Starbucks coffee, and multiple food bags in his arm. "You got enough food?" I joked, grabbing the bags from him.

"It's an apology, so you tell me." He flashed me a smile.

"Eh, looks like a promising start. C'mon. Justine and Thor are outside." I led him to the outside deck and he spread out the food on the long table. He bought chicken biscuits from Chick-fil-A, Taquitos from Whataburger, breakfast tacos from Fuzzys and Carmel macchiato and passion tea lemonade from Starbucks- all my favorites.

I grabbed a biscuit and the tea before sitting down.

"That's all you want?" He asked as he sat down beside me.

"No, it's a start until I hear what you're apologizing for. If I don't like the apology, I can decline it and still have a biscuit." I explained.

He laughed. "I respect that... And your decision. I didn't tell Cam."

"Really?" I said, both surprised and relieved.

"Yeah. I talked to Jenna and she said pretty much the same thing about Cam knowing Johnny's behavior and he has to see what type of person he is for himself and there's no point bringing up the past or you, yadda yadda yadda." He explained, opening an orange juice.

"Yadda yadda yadda?" I tilted my head at him.

"You know, some other shrink stuff." He shrugged.

"I love shrink stuff now. What did she say?"

"That I... maybe that's why our relationship ended because I didn't respect your choices." Trevor admitted.

"Yeah, that's definitely one of the reasons." I agreed. When he put his head down, I grabbed his arm. "We created a unhealthy dynamic between us. Even back in college, I depended on you for my happiness." I explained.

"That's what I wanted. I wanted to make you happy." He said, still staring at the table.

"I know, but it doesn't work like that. That shouldn't have been your responsibility. No relationship was going to work because I wasn't happy with myself." I rubbed his arm, comfortingly.

"And now? Are you happy?" He said finally looking me in the eyes. I felt the old stirring that looking into his blue eyes caused me, and I had to look away and pull my hand away from his arm.

"I am. Therapy got me there." I said, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "In fact, I have my appointment at 9:30. I should get ready." I said.

"Wait, do you forgive my apology?"

"Of course." I nodded.

"Then eat. You have time. I've seen you put away more in less time. You're carbo loading for the mud run right?" He stated, referring to my excuse of eating a ton of Chinese food before the run last year.

"Yep. It's super important. Ethan's taking me out for Italian tonight to get ready." I settled back into my seat and began to eat my sandwich.

"Good." Trevor replied before digging in as well.

I ate quickly and got dressed while Trevor gathered Thor's things. He was heading over to Rocky's house to hang with her for the rest of the weekend. I told him I would see him at the mud run. At my appointment with Dr. Pereira, she asked me about how opening myself up completely with Ethan was going. I detailed how great it was going:  us being inseparable, to spending time with EJ and going out with his friends. I also told her about our commitment to continue to date and not have sex until we were in love. She asked me how I felt about the waiting for sex, but I was really fine with it. Did I really want to have sex with him? More than anything, but I was willing to wait for love and was in no rush.

Trevor was weighing heavily on my mind, but I didn't bring him up. We spent session after session after session talking about him. I made up my mind that I could be a true friend to him, so that's what I was going to do. I reassured myself that I would continue to communicate, be honest and maintain boundaries and as long as Trevor did the same, we would be ok. I didn't want to spend another session reiterating things that I already knew. I needed to put it in practice. The upcoming weekend would be great practice.

When I got home from work Friday, I fed Justine and started getting ready for my date with Ethan. I picked a pretty, red and nude dress. It was a fitted little sundress with a low neckline that showcased my cleavage beautifully. I went with a subtle eye and shiny red lip gloss. I pulled half of my hair off my face in a top knot and left the rest down and wavy. I finished my outfit with a pair of nude Louboutin and large gold chandelier earrings.

"Wow..." Ethan whistled as he looked me over slowly, a sexy smile forming on his lips when he picked me up for dinner. "You look great."

"Just wanted to show you how good I clean up because I'm gonna be covered in dirt, mud and grim the rest of the weekend. It's gonna be ugly." I said, giving him a little peck on the lips so he didn't get my gloss on his lips.

"There's nothing ugly about you." He said, wrapping his hand around my waist, leading me to his truck.

"Remember you said that." I teased as he opened the door for me.

"I don't need to remember the truth." He said, kissing me on the temple before helping me and closing the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we took off.

"Italian Vila, unless there's someplace else you'd rather go."

"No, Italian Vila sounds perfect." I grinned. "I remember the first time I went there. It was right after you picked Karen over me-" I started, dramatically.

"Why do I feel like I don't want to hear this story?" He smirked.

"Doesn't matter: you're gonna hear it. Anyway, after the barbecue, I swore to Rocky that even if you pulled a Robin Thicke, I wouldn't get back together with you-"

"A Robin Thicke?" He asked, puzzled.

"Yes. After he cheated on his wife he named a whole album after her to win her back. It didn't work. I vowed never to date you again, I was moving on, figuratively and literally into my new apartment. Rocky was helping me unpack at my new place and I needed a break so she sent me to pick up pizza at Italian Villa: an adorable, little restaurant with delicious food. I automatically knew you told her about it." I explained as he parked in front of the restaurant.

"How did you know?" He asked, getting out and coming over to my side to help me.

"It was in Carrollton, simple, unpretentious and homey- definitely your style. And even though I sworn you off, I still couldn't get you out of my head." I admitted, holding on to his arm.

"I'm familiar with that feeling." He leaned in close to give me a soul shattering kiss, lip gloss be damned. "Thank you for giving me another chance."

"Giving us a real chance." I corrected, wiping the gloss off his lips before we headed to the front door. "And it's my pleasure." I smiled at him as he held the door opened in I walked in.

He followed me in, all emotion leaving his face as he stared over me into the dining room. I turned to look at what he was staring at, and my eyes immediately clashed with Trevor's. Trevor waved at me, causing Rocky to turned her head to face us. Her eyes widen, and she turned back to Trevor. She said something to him that made him shake his head before Rocky turned back to us, giving us a weak smile and wave. It was seat yourself, so I basically had no choice but to go over and greet them. I led Ethan to their table.

"Is this a coincidence?" Rocky asked me, standing to give me a hug.

"I don't know." I said, as I hugged Trevor too.

"You mentioned Italian food and I got a craving. I had no idea you would be here." He said when I pulled away. "Y'all want to join us? We just ordered- we can ask them to hold the food." Trevor offered us.

"Don't be weird Trevor." Rocky answered for us. "They're on a date."

"I see that. You look incredible." Trevor said, making me flush as he looked me over in my dress. "So do you Rocky. I assumed we were on a date as well. We can make it a double date."

"You assumed wrong." Rocky informed him. Trevor grinned, sheepishly at me.

I looked to Ethan, to gauge his reaction but he was looking at me, expectantly. I didn't know which would be more awkward: having dinner with them or having dinner in the same restaurant separate from them. I decided to bite the bullet. Trevor was heading back to Austin soon: I figured we could attempt to have a friendly dinner together. Besides, hanging at the park wasn't that bad: how bad could dinner be? After we got settled, the waitress came over with two glasses and menus for me and Ethan.

"I brought Lambrusco, your favorite." Trevor informed me.

"That is not my favorite. Top 5, but not my favorite." I smiled.

"Coulda fooled me. You drank like 5 bottles  during a Game of Thrones Marathon. Remember you would drink anytime someone said winter is coming?" Trevor laughed.

"Nope, but if I drank 5 bottles of wine, that's probably why I don't remember." I quipped, grinning.

"I never got the appeal of that show." Rocky commented.

"You watched like 5 minutes of an episode." I shook my head at her, noticing Ethan drinking his water, silently.

"Have you seen Game of Thrones?" I asked Ethan, trying to pull him in the conversation.

"No."

"It's another show that's so good it makes me want to read the books." I smiled at Ethan. When he just nodded, I kept the smile on my face and told Rocky and Trevor, "He's a reader. He has a book case and everything."

"Yeah? Reading anything good now?" Trevor asked.

"Not really." Ethan replied, shortly.

I downed 2 glasses of wine before our food even arrived while trying to keep a conversation with everyone. Ethan was more reserved than normal while Trevor was he's normal, gregarious self. He was entertaining us with stories of his trip to California, including embarrassing anecdote that my brother told him about me growing up while I tried to defend myself.

Rocky then asked questions about the mud run since she was the only one that hadn't been, talked about milestones with Ace, and the possibility of moving into a bigger place. All neutral topics Ethan could have engaged in: he didn't. He only spoke when spoken to. I didn't get upset- I got more wine. In fact, I made his lack of effort into a drinking game: every time he killed a conversation or gave a one word response, I took a drink. Trevor somehow caught on, because when I empty my third glass, he refilled it.

"Thank you." I told him.

"No problem." he winked at me. "So Ethan, how did you discover this restaurant?"

"Yelp." Ethan responded, lamely. Trevor raised an eyebrow at me before taking a drink. I took one too, chuckling into my glass as we shared a secret smile until Rocky kicked me under the table. 

"What the fuck?" I said, startled, sloshing my wine in my glass as I sat it down to avoid spilling.

"Sorry. Stretching." Rocky shrugged.

The food came out and I focused on eating. Ethan kept his arm around my waist the rest of the night and it gradually became less affectionate and more possessive as the dinner went on. By the time it was over, I was so uncomfortable, and I knew both Rocky and Trevor noticed because they kept sending me concerned glances. I smiled them away, declining dessert and thankful the night that wouldn't end, ended.

I made my way to Ethan's truck, feeling disgusted. I was disgusted with Trevor crashing our dinner, Ethan for not even attempting to be friendly and most importantly, myself for not shutting the whole night down.

"I'm so sorry. That was the dinner from hell." I exhaled, trying to make light of the situation.

"It seemed like you had a good time." He muttered, starting the truck.

"I didn't. I was trying to make an awkward situation work. You made me work extra hard tonight." I brought up.

"Sorry. Wasn't in the mood to have a double date with your ex. Why did you tell him where we were going for dinner?"

"I didn't! I mention Italian food. He made a lucky guess." I defended myself.

"Right. I guess him having your favorite wine was luck too?" Ethan asked, rhetorically.

I blanched. "I'm not stupid Ethan. I know he planned this. He just... He doesn't see me as his ex, but as his friend. I admit, he's trying to force it between us, but he just wants to be friends again."

He didn't respond until he stopped at a red light. He looked at me, his brown eyes searching. "I have female friends and I don't care who they slept with or crash their dates so it's a little hard for me to believe that."

"Is it hard for you to believe me?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I know how you felt about him Lily-"

"Key word. Felt." I cut him off. "Trevor and I didn't work together and now we are trying to be friends. That's it. We do... did... stupid, immature things as friends and part of being friends again is stopping those bad habits. We're working on it. I need for you to trust me. Trust that I'm telling you the truth." I pleaded, grabbing his hand.

"I trust you." He said.

I looked out the window, feeling a little bit better, but my stomach still uneasy: it had nothing to do with the 4 glasses of wine or the dinner I didn't even taste. It was deja vu with Trevor and my friendship causing drama in my relationship. I refused to let if happen again. The drive to my house was quiet and once we got there, he tried to drop me off.

"Come in for a drink. I want to spend time with you. Only you. Please." I invited him, desperately. He agreed and helped me out of the truck. He made himself comfortable in the living room while I made us drinks. I didn't have bourbon, his drink of choice, but I had some brandy. I poured him a glass straight. I took a shot before I brought it to him.

I sat down next to him and connected my phone to my speaker.  "I would pull a Robin Thicke but it didn't work for him and I'm not poetic and my singing might make you madder at me-" I explained as I searched my playlist for a specific song.

"I'm not mad at you." He said, placing his drink down and looking over at me.

"Maybe not mad, but annoyed." I said, finding Rihanna's Kiss it Better. As the beginning guitar licks filled the room, I straddled him on his lap.

"Lily-" he mummered, holding my hips as my dress rode up my thighs.

"Shhhhh.... Listen to the song. It's self explanatory." I hushed him, brushing my lips over his face, teasingly. 

When my lips found his, he kissed me back, hungrily. Our light, playful kisses turned soulful and deep as our lips locked. They took my breath away, causing me to pull back, slightly panting.

Ethan took the opportunity to flip me over on the couch, laying me down before positioning himself on top of me. He sank his fingers in my hair, angling my head the way he wanted me before kissing me again. My heart swelled as he kissed me and I tasted his passion. As his hand slid down my throat and to my cleavage, all I could think about was how much I wanted him . I knew everything else would work out- I just needed him. I arched into his touch, grabbing at his shirt, showing him what I needed as I pressed against him. He abruptly tore his lips away and I grunted my disappointment.

"I know." He sighed, sitting up, staring at my legs.

"If you know, than why did you stop?" I sat up too, running my fingers down his shirt.

"The song ended."

"Fuck that song." I tried to pull him back on top of me, but he resisted.

"Baby, I need to get going while I still have some self control."

"It's ok. I still do. Let's just cuddle." I lied.

He smirked at me. "Liar. Goodnight Lily."

"But... You didn't finish your drink." I pouted.

He picked up his drink, downed it before giving me a peck on the lips.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 9."

"Ok. Goodnight Ethan."

The next morning, Rocky hit me up: bright and early.

"Hey... Can you talk?" She whispered.

"Yeah... Can you?" I whispered back.

"Yes, sorry. Trevor is up and I wanted to make sure you were ok after last night."

I sighed. "I'm ok. Ethan's ok... Was it as awkward as I thought?"

"Awkward is one way to describe it. How did Ethan react? I could tell he was pissed."

"I mean, pissed is a little extreme. He definitely wasn't happy Trevor plotted to crash our date. He was worried that Trevor wants to be more than friends. I explained to him how I have to teach Trevor how to be my friend. I'm gonna have to have another talk with Trevor." I sighed.

"I talked to him and he's maintaining innocent but he knows what he did.  How do you teach somebody something they already know?"

"Easy. By reminding him if he can't respect my boundaries, we can't be friends." I stated, simply.

"Alright." I could hear all her disbelief in that one word. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"See you! Don't forget- double layers, no cotton and something country for the bar."

"Done, I remember, and jeans are as country as I get. Bye girl."

"Bye." I giggled.

After a breakfast sandwich and a few glasses of water, I got dressed and packed for the mud run. I put on my double layers, old Reeboks and French braided my hair back into a low ponytail. I was putting my toiletries and make-up in my bag when my doorbell rang. I went to open it up for Ethan. He looked amazing in black Nike sweatpants and gray Nike tee with the hat and shoes to match. I gave him a hug and a kiss before we carried my things in the truck and headed for Fort Worth.

After talking with Rocky, I was a little worried that Ethan was more upset than I caught last night, but things were completely normal between us. I played my workout playlist to get pumped up; he shook his head at my dancing and singing along. I bargained since he didn't race, he had to dance at least three times with me; he agreed to one slow dance. When I alluded to him spending the night with me and not being able to run off, he gave me a smile and told me he brought the chastity blanket.

We arrived at the mud run, relaxed and excited for the day. I checked in at the outside booth and signed my waiver and received my wristband. Ethan was helping me tighten it on my wrist when someone called my name.

I looked up to see a brunette Jordan heading our way.

"Hey!" I said, giving her a hug. "You look cute!" I said, eyeballing her bouncy high ponytail, flawless make-up and mud run shirt with jean shorts. "When are you changing to race?"

She rolled her eyes. "Never again. I'm on the committee to organize now. As soon as the race begins, I'm heading to the banquet room. They have me on the donation table this year but I want to be a coordinator by next year. Speaking of, do you think Trevor would want to say a few words at dinner."

I looked at her, completely dumbfounded. "Why would he?"

"This race is a fundraiser for cancer. The Dennison's always speak of their late father, but they try to have other people speak to highlight the importance of the cause. Trevor would kinda be perfect: young cancer survivor-"

"Ok!" I cut her off. "You don't need to convince me. Convince Trevor."

"I figured it would be better coming from you. Talk to him and let me know." She said, waving before she hurried off.

"You think he'll want to do it?" Ethan asked me.

"I don't know. She's using him to social climb up a stupid committee. I kinda hope he refuses."

Ethan said nothing and we walked over to greet Forrest and Blake. We were catching up when Rocky and Trevor joined us. Rocky looked great in track pants and a workout top and her braids underneath a matching bandana. I grinned slightly as I saw Forrest and Rocky subtly check each other out. I turned away from them to focus on Trevor. I studied him, long and hard Jordan's word ringing in my ear: Cancer survivor...

"You ok?" Trevor asked me, smiling as he nudged my shoulder. "Getting in the zone? All I Do Is Win stuck in your head?"

"Duh. Number one pump up song." I smiled. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

"Sure." He said, following me as I led him off to talk alone.

"Jordan asked if you would say a few words at dinner about your battle with cancer." I said quickly. His carefree expression turned pensive, and I quickly followed up with, "You can tell her no. In fact, I wanted to tell her no but I figured I should ask you first. I'll tell her no right now." I blabbed, nervously.

"No. It's ok." Trevor said, holding my shoulders.

"You wanna tell her no?" I nodded.

"No. I'm going to speak." He replied.

"You want to?" I said, shocked.

"Not really- but if my story encourages one person to donate money or get checked out, it'll be worth it." Trevor shrugged. "I need you to start a standing ovation when I'm done though."

"Even better- I'll start one of those slow claps, where I'm the only one clapping and then everyone slowly joins in."

He laughed. "Why would you be the only one clapping?"

"Because I've heard your speeches." I taunted as we watched back to the group.

"Hey! Me speak good." He protested.

"Just don't try to make it funny." I joked.

"No way. I'm going for sexy." He kidded back. 

On our way back to the group, I got a call from Monica they she and Trent made it. I went to the front to retrieve them before walking them to our group. As we approached, I saw Serena and Rachel joined. Everyone was listening to whatever Jordan was saying, but not Serena and Ethan. They were having a side conversation with just the two of them. I tried to read their body language, but I had no idea how to do that. They were just talking- looked completely normal. They didn't even notice me until I introduced Monica and Trent.

"Hi Lily." Jordan smiled at me.  "I was just thanking Trevor for speaking today. 

"Don't thank me yet. Lily said no jokes so it'll probably be boring as hell." Trevor commented.

"Humor can be a good thing Lily. The Dennison's certainly have fun with it: that's how the mud run came along." Rachel smiled at me.

"Right." I said, wondering why she felt compelled to talk to me. "Well, humor is subjective so just read your room Trevor." I told him before looking over at Ethan. He was watching me too and when our eyes met, I gave him a genuine smile and headed to his side.

"Hi Serena." I waved, a little nervous.

She flashed a half smile and waved too. "Hey Lily. How are you?"

"Good. Thanks for asking. How are you?"

"Good... And right. As much as I didn't want to be right about you two, I was." Serena said, calling out the elephant in the room.

I frowned up, not knowing how to respond to that when Ethan chuckled.

"Thus, proving your point that you're always right." He conceded to her, warmly.

"Exactly." She grinned at him. She looked over at me and her grinned wavered just the slightest bit. "Good luck out there Lily. Ethan, I'll see you in the shade."

"Thanks." I replied.

"See you."

Once she and Rachel left, I turned to Ethan. "The shade?"

"Yeah, the bleachers are in the direct line of the sun. We found a shaded spot last year to wait for the races to be over."

"Oh. So you're going to meet her? Enjoy the shade, talk about how right she always is?" I said, only partially faking my jealousy.

"Either that or I can drop hints about our next date, see if she shows up." He said, holding my waist to bring me closer.

"Ha ha ha." I faked laughed.

He leaned in close to my ear. "You have nothing to be worried about, but if it makes you feel better, I will bake in the sun in the bleachers away from Serena."

"It does make me feel better." I grinned, kissing him softly on the lips. "I have spf in my bag babe. Protect yourself from the rays."

He smiled at me before giving me a long, sweet kiss on the lips. "I'll see you after the race."

"I'll meet you in the shaded area." 

Finally the race began and I thought I would be pushing myself with Rocky so we could finish together. Instead, she was pacing herself to run with Forrest. They even waited for one another after each obstacle. Not wanting to be a third wheel, I took off and decided to race myself and see how I could do. I was surprised that Trevor was never far behind and set a fast pace. I soundly beat him on the monkey bars but besides that, he kept up with me. Once we crossed the finish line and caught our breath, I smiled at him.

"Have you been working out?" I asked him.

"A little bit. When I have to go in to the office, it's so close it makes no sense to drive so I walk or scooter there. Then walking Thor." He explained, breathing deeply.

"Aww, that's cute. You're getting all healthy and fit." I smiled broadly.

"The most walking I do is bar hopping on 6th street." He added.

"Nope. It's too late. You're all grown up and health is a priority now. I'm proud of you."

He flashed a grin. "Yeah, well my health has to be a priority now but I'm glad you're proud of me."

Before I could respond, Rocky and Forrest crossed the finish line together. I gave Rocky a round of applause as I whooped her name.

"Rocky...Rocky... Rocky!!!" I cheered and Trevor joined me.

"Shut the hell up." She huffed at us as we laughed.

"You kiss my baby with that mouth?" I laughed.

"You can kiss the fattest part of my ass-Ahhhh!" Rocky exclaimed, as Forrest scooped her up in a hug, spending her around.

"It's tradition Rocky." Forrest chuckled as she demanded he put her down. She freaking squealed and Trevor and I both looked at each other in disbelief. Trevor held out his arms to me, and I raised a brow at me.

"Tradition." He reminded me.

"If you lift me up, I'm kneeing you in the balls."

"Noted."

I embraced him and he squeezed me tight, rocking us back in forth.

"Too tight." I gasped for breath.

"You said nothing about squeezing." He laughed.

"Get off of me." I pushed him away, grinning. 

We went to the showers once everyone in our group finished where the cold water and hard pressure was welcomed to start removing the mud. Down to my first layer of biking shorts and a cropped athletic top, I left the showers to join my friends when I saw Ethan waiting for me.

"Hey." I said, walking over to him. "What are you doing down here?"

"I thought you might want your bag." He handed it to me.

"Yes. Walking back in flip flops is a pain." I said, reaching in my gym bag for my tennis shoes. "Thank you babe."

"No problem."

We met up with everyone else and walked back to the start of the race. Everyone from the first heat went back to the hotel to get changed and ready for the banquet, and we did the same. I invited Monica and Trent to join us, but Monica was in a rush to go home to get a proper shower while Trent ordered her the Hermes bag he promised for finishing the race. We checked into our room and I took a ten minute shower before giving it up to Ethan. I was sitting on the bed, drying my hair when Ethan came out of the foggy bathroom with a towel wrapped low on his waist. I was opening my mouth to make a perverted comment when my phone rang. Trevor.

"Hey."

"Rocky's not with you is she?" He asked.

"No. Why?"

"She never came to the room. She got her things from the car and then never came up."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she was with Forrest. They were eye fucking the whole day. It was quite disgusting."

Trevor laughed. "I hope they took a shower first."

I cracked up. "Gross Trevor. I did not need that mental picture."

"Your welcome." He said before we disconnected.

I went back to my hair and got ready. My hair was blown out straight and thick and I pulled it up into a neat bun, pulling out some strands to frame my face. My make-up was more of a natural dewy look with highlighted cheeks, bronze on my eyelids, eyes lined with dark brown liner and full curled lashes. I put on a playful pink lipstick to match my pink short shorts and black, longline top with slits up the sides. My sneaker heels made the look casual enough for the banquet but also fun for the bar afterward.

Ethan matched my vibe with wonderfully fitted dark denim jeans and a black notch tee with the two buttons undone. I made him stand in the mirror with me as I took pictures of how good we looked together before posting them online. He told me we were going to be late for the banquet and that's what made me put my phone away so we could head down.

Once we arrived, Rocky, Forrest, Corey and Trevor were already seated with Blake and Jordan. Ethan and I took the last remaining seats after we got our plates of food. There was no awkwardness as we ate at all. Part of me thought maybe we got all the awkwardness out the night before because Ethan wasn't taciturn at all; he was warm, funny and clever like he always was with me. He sincerely wished Trevor good luck when he got ready to make his speech.

I turned to him after Trevor left and gave him sexy smile.

"What?" He asked, curiously.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "I just really like you." I said, holding his hand above the table.

"I really like you too." He smiled back, squeezing my hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming out again to support this wonderful cause." Troy Dennison, founder of the mud run started. "Every year, I come up and I tell you my family story. My father succumbed to his battle with cancer and we get together not only to honor him, but to raise funds to find a cure!" He said, passionately as applauds and cheers rang through the room. When the cheers quieted, he spoke again.

"Tonight I have a guest who not only fought cancer, but won. Please, give a warm welcome to Trevor Tobin." I whooped enthusiastically and yelled "Go T-Rev!!!"

Trevor looked over at me and smiled. I gave him a thumbs up, encouraging him as he took the mic.

He grabbed the mic and thanked Troy.

"Last year, I came to the mud run for the first time. Not because cancer runs through my family or because it's a great cause, but because I wanted to see my girlfriend covered in mud." Trevor began, winking at me. I groaned while everyone laughed.

"I told him no jokes." I muttered, looking away from Trevor to look at Ethan. He kept his eyes on Trevor.

"We were in the process of buying a house and the mud run sounded like a fun break from planning our future together. My only dream back then was to buy a house, get married and start a family. Even with my family's history with cancer, I never thought it would happen to me: until I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer."

Tears were already welling up in my eyes, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Trevor as he spoke.

"After I was diagnosed, doctors and nurses threw all this information at me, friends and family tried to encourage me that I could beat it but I didn't really hear any of it. All I heard was that my life was over. My life was over and it hadn't even truly begun."

There was no stopping the tears from falling now; all I was trying to do was stop myself from blubbering. I let go of Ethan's hand to try to wipe my eyes. He handed me a napkin and I nodded my thanks, avoiding his eyes. I wiped my face, keeping my head down as I listened.

"Troy stated that the money donated today goes to help find a cure but it also empowers us. I know a lot of you assume I was brave for battling cancer and winning. Honestly, I was a coward. I saw my diagnosis as a death sentence, so I gave up on my plans, on my dreams. My family and friends were the ones that rallied behind me and made me fight. And while nothing can prepare you for being diagnosed with cancer, organizations and events like this gives us strength. I wish I had the strength back then so I didn't give up my dream."

I looked up then and found Trevor staring directly at me. I couldn't control it. To my horror, I began sobbing.

"So know when you donate your time or money, you're helping someone prepare to fight, not just for their life but their dreams. Thank you-" Trevor's voice faded as the room erupted in applause. He got his standing ovation- and I left the room as soon as people started standing up. I headed for the elevator as the sobs shook my body. I was crying in my hands waiting for the elevator when Ethan grabbed my arm. I could tell by his touch it was Ethan.

"I'm sorry... Just... Please... Give me 30 minutes..." I managed to get out.

He was silent but I didn't look up so I don't know if he nodded or not. I just knew when I got into the elevator he didn't follow me. I made it to my room and let myself fall apart. I wailed, holding myself as I sat on the bed. I don't know if I was sitting there for 5 minutes or an hour when there was a pounding on the door.

I got up and looked at the peephole, already knowing who it was. I opened the door and lit in to him.

"Why? Why would you say all that!?!" I yelled at Trevor, knowing I was displacing my grief with anger.

"Because it was the truth." He replied, coming in the room.

"So is the importance of early detection. Why couldn't you focus on that!!!" I demanded.

"Because the biggest thing I lost to cancer was you-" he started.

"No. You didn't lose me to cancer. You never truly had me because of our insecurities and lack of respect and honesty with each other." I exclaimed, frustrated.

"You want honesty? Here it is Lily. I'm still in love with you. Yeah, we were insecure, but we're not any more. And I'm sorry, I can't respect your relationship with him because we both know you should be with me."

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed. "You're going to ruin everything."

"Good! You shouldn't be with him Lily. I get it- he's safe, he has a ready made family and your dad probably loves him and he'll give you everything you want. But he'll never understand you like I do, he'll never make you as happy as I do, he'll never love you as much as I do-"

"No! No! No! No!" I covered my ears, not wanting to hear anymore. When he stopped and stared at me, I put my hands down. "I know moving on is hard, but you have to Trevor. I'm trying to be friends with you, but you are making it so we can't even be friends." I threatened him.

"I can't be your friend Lilypad." He shook his head. "After my surgery, I tried- I can't do it. I'm crazy about you. If you don't feel the same, I'll walk away. I'll walk away and I won't be in your life because I'll never not want to be with you." He stated calmly.

I broke down in tears again. Big, horrible, body shaking tears. It had me reaching for the bed, then collapsing to the floor. I heard him approaching me when the door slammed.

I looked up to see Ethan through my tears. He scanned my face briefly before turning to Trevor. "Get out." He ordered him. 

Trevor just looked between us, frozen.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Get out." Ethan said in a dark, dangerous tone.

"I'm not leaving unless she ask me to." Trevor stood his ground.

"Leave." I said, finding enough strength to ask him to go.

Ethan and Trevor stared at each other until Trevor was gone. Ethan looked back at me, but I looked at the floor.

I am strong. I am confident. I am worthy. My feelings may be hurt, my emotions will change, but it doesn't change who I am.

I repeated my self affirmation over and over in my head until I pulled myself together enough to stand. I took a step towards Ethan, and the tension left his body as he closed the gap between us. He was safe. He gave me the family I always wanted. My dad would love him and everything he stood for. He would get me everything I wanted, because he loved me. He held me in his arms as I cried again, his love overwhelming me...

And I was sick with despair that while I was in his arms, I was breaking down at the thought that I pushed Trevor out of my life.

***So the mud run could be a good post for different POVs. Any perspectives you want to see for next week post, or continue with Lily's?***

Obsession

"Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me weep

I'm feeling hopeless in my home

I don't know what to do I think I'm in love

Baby

Amor, no es amor (if this ain't love)

Then what am I feeling (what am I doing wrong)

Amor, no es amor (if this ain't love)

Is this an illusion that I have in my heart?" Obsession by Frankie J

Ethan and I spent the next Saturday morning cooking breakfast together. I thought about playing Love's Holiday to troll him, but truthfully I wanted to steer clear of the topic of love. After Ethan ate me out, I fell into a post orgasmic slumber. When I woke up, I banished all thoughts of love from my mind. I refused to think about if Ethan was falling in love with me or if I was falling in love with Ethan.

I figured I would know when I loved him, he would tell me if he loved me, and there was no point in driving myself crazy over it. I was going to continue to be open and honest about my feelings but I wasn't going to encourage any love shit: that included sappy love songs. I excitedly told him the plans I already had for my trip to the Dominican Republic instead of playing music while we cooked. I tried to get some ideas about what he wanted to do while we were there.

"Let me book the tickets before you start making plans." Ethan told me.

"Oh, I already made plans. Just trying to include you in them." I smiled, playfully at him as I finished tossing strawberries, oranges and grapes for a fruit salad.

"I'm ok with whatever you have planned." He said, turning removing the skillet from the oven.

"Ok... I'll book you for the skydiving and safari excursion I have planned."

"You plan on going skydiving before your dad's wedding?" He asked, skeptically.

"Actually during." I lied. "That's how I plan to enter the wedding. Instead of walking down an aisle, I'm skydiving in."

"As fun as that sounds, maybe relax a little on this trip. Your dad probably has enough on his mind- don't add skydiving and safari planning to his plate"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "I know. He already shot down going to visit where he actually grew up. I'm booking those group tours so if you can fly in a day or two before the wedding, we can do one together."

"Sounds like a plan." He said, placing a slice of frittata on a plate in front of me before plating some for himself. We sat at the kitchen table and ate breakfast together before I got ready for EJ's basketball game.

I paired my penguin hoodie with joggers and put my hair in a neat top knot. We then drove to Ethan's house so he could get ready. While he showered and changed, I sat in his living room, playing on my phone. I forwarded the new itinerary for our Vegas trip to Rocky and text briefly with Staci. She asked if I spoke to Amber recently. I told her not really and left it at that, not wanting to know why Staci thought I should talk to her. Staci got the hint, and changed the subject. We made plans to hang out soon.

Ethan emerged from his bedroom after 40 minutes, looking casual in his penguin shirt and black jeans. His face was freshly shaven and I couldn't help thinking about how I rode it the previous night...

"Lily-" Ethan called me as I stared at him.

"Ready?" I asked, standing up.

"Yes."

"Ever thought about growing out your beard?" I asked as we went to his truck.

"No. Why?"

"No reason. Just a thought." I smiled.

We arrived at EJ's game while he was warming up with his team. We joined Megan and Dave in the stands. After greeting them, we sat and watched them warm up.

"EJ's been working on his threes." I observed as EJ shot around the three point line.

"You know how much he loves the splash brothers." Ethan responded, referring to Klay Thomson and Stephen Curry.

"Why do his teammates call him white Iverson?" Dave asked us.

I sort of chuckled and Megan scoffed.

"I don't find anything funny about that nickname. It's offensive." She informed me.

"I don't think they're trying to be offensive. It's a song by Post Malone." I spoke up, looking at her keeping my face neutral.

"I never heard of the song, but being compared to Allen Iverson is a compliment." Ethan added.

Thankfully, the game started. The other team had a kid that looked closer to 13 than the cut off age of 11. The coach had the team playing man to man defense with EJ guarding him. When EJ was on him, he never had an uncontested shot, but there was only so much EJ could do with the kid being at least 6 inches taller than him. EJ did his best to defend him, which had him frustrated and fouled out with a few minutes left in the 4th quarter.

My heart hurt at the site of him sitting on the bench, wiping his tears on his jersey. Ethan stopped Megan from going to comfort him and told her that while the game was going on, not to interfere with the coach. I actually agreed with Megan: the coach wasn't doing shit. Ethan gave me a look that pleaded with me not to argue. I conceded, but crossed my arms trying not to seethe the rest of the game. In the last couple minutes with EJ out, the coach switch to zone defense and the opposing team pulled away by 12 points.

"That was such bullshit!!!" I exclaimed as soon as we got in the truck. By the time the game was over, EJ had composed himself, becoming stoic and solemn. His coach lectured them after the game that they put up a good effort, but would have to play smarter basketball.

"He needs to coach smarter. He should have switched to zone to get EJ some help." I ranted.

"They don't practice different defense schemes, he focuses on offense. His strategy was to put his best defense player on him, which is EJ. " Ethan replied.

"His offense sucks too. Look, I don't mind being the crazy step-mom. Let me go off on him one time! I may be banned from team events or go to jail for assault but it be worth it for me. Either he'll quit or be in a coma or smarten the fuck up. Either way, I'm fine. Just give me the go ahead Ethan." I spat out, venomously only partially joking. I wouldn't try to hit him...

He shook his head no and looked at me with a half smile. "Remember how we met?"

"Oh god. Don't remind me." I covered my face, embarrassed about how I basically accused him of being a deadbeat dad while EJ was sleep in the hospital after an asthma attack. "You didn't deserve that, but this dude is begging for it."

"While I love how protective you are of EJ, sometimes he doesn't need it. His frustrations with a game or his coach are things he is going to have to deal with if he continues to play sports. He needs to learn to not be so hard on himself."

His use of the word 'love' didn't go by unnoticed by me. "Fine. I'll let it go... But let's plan a movie night or something to cheer him up. Willy Wonka. I'll set up the chocolate fountain and everything."

"If you want to have a movie night, we can but he's not going to need to be cheered up. I'm sure his mom is babying him as we speak."

"Comforting him is not babying him Ethan." I scolded him.

"You're right. I just don't want him to make a big deal out of today. It's just a game: He'll have other ones." Ethan commented.

'"Ok." I agreed.

With no other set plans for the day, we grabbed some food and headed back to my place. I let Justine outside and we sat at the kitchen table to watch her play as we ate. After we let Justine back in, we sprawled out on the couch and channel surfed. I ended up putting on Kitchen Nightmares so I could introduce Ethan to Gorden Ramsay. When he started questioning eating out again after seeing the disgusting kitchen, I switched to Hell's Kitchen instead.

"He has a restaurant in Vegas that Rocky and I are going to." I stated, leaning against him as he stretched out on the chaise. "I'm so excited."

"Do you already have your itinerary?" He asked.

"Yeah, we're flying into California Friday, doing the dress fitting and then flying to Vegas that evening." I explained.

"Are you a bridesmaid?"

"I think so. My brother is my dad's best man so I'm pretty sure he made Beatrice put me in the wedding party."

"Are you two close?"

"No. We haven't spent a lot of time together and I said some... not nice things about her when I was upset at my dad." I admitted.

"You apologized?" When I nodded, he continued. "Maybe the wedding will be a new start for you two."

"Maybe." I turned back to the tv. "This show makes me hungry, even after I just ate. I always crave scallops after watching this."

"Maybe they serve them at his restaurant."

"I checked the menu and I already know what I'm gonna order."

"Really?"

"Yes. I planned what Rocky is going to get too. Hopefully I'll get her drunk enough to let me order for her."

"Good plan."

"Thank you!"

We were on the second episode when my phone beeped with a text notification.

EJ: was dad mad that I cried at the game?

"Babe, look." I sat up straight to show Ethan. He frowned when he read the text.

"Tell him of course not." Ethan urged me. I quickly typed the reply.

Me: Of course not! You played a great game today. He doesn't want you to be so hard on yourself.

I let Ethan read the text before I sent it.

EJ: Ok.

I looked at Ethan.

"Tell him everyone fouls out sometimes. It's part of the game." Ethan added.

"Right." I nodded.

Me: Everyone fouls out. Remember when Steph Curry fouled out and got ejected in the playoffs?"

EJ: He threw his mouth piece and it hit some guy lol

Me: lol Exactly. Stuff happens- but it's always just a game. The only thing you have to do is play your best.

EJ: ok. CU 2mrw

Me: ok

I showed Ethan the text before putting my phone down.

"Let's do the movie night tomorrow with EJ." Ethan planned.

"Ok." I said, cuddling back up against him. He tilted my head up before kissing me.

The next morning, I woke up to find Ethan outside with Justine typing something out on his phone. I reached around him to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before sitting beside him. When I discovered he was compiling a grocery list, I figured I better start mine too. He told me to write a list of what we needed for the movie, but I should just come over and have dinner with him and EJ when I got off work during the week. I agreed, loving the ideas of not having to cook everyday and spending time with them a couple days out of the week.

We went grocery shopping together. After we dropped off my groceries and picked up Justine, we went to his house. He did meal prepping on Sunday, so I didn't get off free without cooking. It didn't feel like a chore as I played reggaeton music and translated the dirtiest parts of the song to Ethan as we cooked. Around 2, he went to pick up EJ while I stayed and set up the movie night. I put the chocolate fountain together and had all the candy we bought sitting around it. We planned to let EJ pick what we would order for dinner, but the snacks were ready by the time he got there.

Ethan text me that Jayden would be coming over as well.  Not only did EJ and Jayden enjoy the massive amounts of chocolate and candy, but we had a good time watching the movie. We debated how 'sick' the grandpa was, laughed at the bad kids' behavior and punishments, and sang along with the Oompa Loompas. Well, EJ, Jayden and I did- Ethan was our photographer and videographer as I took pictures for my Instagram and EJ and Jayden took videos for their movie review on YouTube.

We watched the second one with Johnny Depp, and following my lead, the boys tore it apart. By the time the second movie ended, it was beginning to get dark and the boys went to EJ's room to start editing the video. I tried to help Ethan clean up, but he made me leave before it got too dark. We kissed goodnight at the door and told me he would see me tomorrow night.

I originally was just going to go over 2 nights that week for dinner and plan something for us all to do over the weekend, but I spent every evening at Ethan's house. It became routine to head straight to Ethan's where they were waiting for me. On Monday after dinner we watched Allen Iverson's highlights on YouTube and old And1 mixtapes. On Tuesday, we celebrated Taco Tuesday with a taco bar and speaking only Spanish to one another. On Wednesday, after EJ's basketball practice, we hung out in the gym and I recorded videos of Ethan teaching EJ how to defend someone taller than him. My ovaries ached at seeing the bond between Ethan and EJ and I posted the video on Snapchat with heart eye emojis.

Ethan and I didn't get to spend anytime alone besides when he was walking me to my car and we kissed goodnight. Every night, I would call when I got home to tell him I made it safely and some nights we would practice Spanish by talking dirty to each other. We were in the middle of saying goodnight on Thursday when Trevor called me. We both looked at my phone. When I saw it was Trevor, I made a point of picking it up in front of Ethan.

"Hey. What's up?" I greeted him.

"Nothing. Just making sure you got my text. I'll be in town tomorrow." He replied.

He sent it to me while we were reading comments on EJ's Willy Wonka review on YouTube and I hadn't responded yet. "Yes. I got it. You didn't give a time."

"Yeah, I'm shooting to leave around 1 to beat the traffic in Austin and Dallas."

"Ok... My schedule hasn't changed. I still don't get home til like 7pm."

"I know. I should be there before 5. You don't mind if I hang out around your place til you get off?"

I didn't want to spend too much time thinking about it, considering Ethan was standing right there watching me. "I mean... that's kinda weird Trevor."

"A friend asking another friend to hang out at their house until they get home is weird?"

"I guess not."

"Tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. Because I really don't think of you as my ex, but as a friend. If you don't feel the same-"

"I do..." I lied, but then sighed. "At least I'm trying to, but you're right. I'll leave the door to my garage unlocked and text you the code for my garage door opener so you can come in through the back."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep. See you tomorrow."

When I got off the phone, I gave Ethan a run down of my conversation.

"I'm getting off at 4 tomorrow. I can meet him at a park." Ethan told me.

"You don't have to-" I started.

"I know, but it'll be better for the dogs that way. I read that Justine might be territorial of the house." He cut me off, simply.

"You read about introducing dogs to each other?"

"It's more than introducing them; they are going to be staying in the same house for an extended period of time." Ethan educated me. "What time is his flight to California?"

"I have no idea." I admitted.

"So we'll meet at the park and walk to your house that way if he needs to leave he can go." He decided, leaning in to give me a kiss goodnight.

I kissed him back before I left. I texted Trevor on the way to my house.

Me: Ethan is going to be at my house tomorrow so I'll send you the address to a park nearby. That way the dogs can meet on neutral ground and you can leave if you have to.

Trevor: I'm going to wait for you. Thor has a strict schedule I need to teach you.

Me: Schedule? You don't even keep a schedule. How can he?

Trevor: I do my best to abide by it and I trust you'll do the same

Me: lol sure Trevor

Friday at work I was a bundle of nerves. I kept checking the clock and my phone repeatedly. If I wasn't sure Ethan would call me out over it, I would have called in sick to avoid this whole situation. At 4:37, I got a text from Trevor. It had a video attached with Ethan and Trevor holding both dogs on a leash as they walked around the park. I couldn't even appreciate how the dogs were acting because I was worried about how Ethan and Trevor were getting along. I text Ethan asking how was it going, but he didn't respond. I tried to shadow a few clients to keep myself focused, but it didn't help. Andrew asked me what was up when the 2nd to last client left.

"Urgh... My boyfriend is meeting my ex boyfriend to drop of his dog for me to watch." I blurted, hoping saying it out loud would help me feel better.

It didn't.

"Why?" Andrew asked, confused.

"Because that's what friends do for each other. My ex and I were friends for 9 years, dated for less than a year and been broken up for 10 months. We should be able to be friends." I reasoned.

"And your boyfriend is ok with that?"

"I don't know, but he supports everything I do- smart, stupid and in between."

He smiled. "Go ahead and leave. I can finish up here."

"No, I'll be out of here in an hour."

"A lot can happen in an hour." He taunted me with a rueful smile. "Go make friends with your ex and marry the current dude. Sounds like he's a keeper."

I exhaled deeply and smiled. "Alright. I'm going. I'll see you Monday."

As I gathered my bag, I saw Ethan finally texted me back.

Ethan: Meeting went well. Thor was a little aggressive, but calmed when he saw Trevor playing with Justine. We're at the house now. They're off their leashes. So far so good.

As glad I was about the dogs, I still rushed home, darting in and out of traffic to get to them as soon as possible. I parked in my garage, ran my fingers through my hair before I stepped into the house. As I walked though my laundry room, I heard Justine barking excitedly and EJ giving commands.

"Hey!" I greeted everyone as I walked into the living room. EJ shushed me as he was filming with his camera and Trevor gave me a smile and a wave as Justine ran to my legs. Ethan was sitting in the kitchen and I smiled at him.

"Stay." EJ tried to order her as she just jumped at my legs. Thor sat patiently, following EJ's commands as he watched me enter the room. I made my way to the kitchen first and gave Ethan a hug.

"Thank you." I said, softly against his lips before kissing him.  He nodded and I went back into the living room. EJ stopped filming and turned to his dad.

"You owe me a dollar." EJ grinned as he gave Justine a treat.

"You owe me 5-" Ethan replied. While they talked, I walked over to Trevor. I gave him a one arm hug and he went for a two arm hug and we both laughed at our awkwardness.

"You got off early?" He asked me with a knowing smile.

"Yeah. Couldn't wait to see Thor." I replied, turning my attention to Thor. "So this is the god of thunder." I sat, reaching forward slowly to pet him.

"Yeah. I tried to get Chris to be more humble, maybe go with Loki, but he wasn't having it." Trevor responded, handing me a treat.

"I don't blame him. I would pick Thor too." I said, feeding Thor his treat.

"I know. You told me multiple times when you saw the movie how cute Chris Hemsworth is." Trevor teased.

"Shut up. I did not. Chris Hemsworth isn't just cute- he's a god." I giggled as EJ joined us.

"Dad said we could take them to Klyde Warren park if you want to." EJ told us.

I looked over at Ethan. "That's the park with the food trucks right?"

"That's the one." Ethan nodded.

"The park is awesome. It's more than a park. It has a dog section and splash park for the kids and the dogs. Ethan told me how they built it in the middle of a freeway?" I looked at Ethan for confirmation.

"Over a freeway." He corrected me.

"You had me at food trucks." Trevor grinned at me.

"Oh, you don't have to come." I flustered, not meaning to invite him- just telling him about the park. "Do you have plans tonight?"

"Corey gets off in a couple hours so if y'all don't mind, I can kill some time with y'all." Trevor asked.

I looked at Ethan who gave me a look that said my decision. "Yeah, you should come. It's gonna be fun."

"We should get going if we don't wanna miss the food trucks." Ethan suggested.

"Yes. Let me change and we'll go." I hurried to my room.

I changed into jean shorts and a fitted t-shirt and we headed to the park. When we got there, I held Ethan's hand as we followed EJ who had a tight grip on Thor and Trevor who walked Justine. We walked to the food trucks first: Ethan took EJ to a pizza truck, Trevor picked the Mexican food truck and I went to the barbecue truck. We basically got as much food we could carry to share.

We met back up in the open lawn and found a spot to sit on the ground. I lamented not bringing a blanket, but no tables were available so we made it work. Thor sat calmly, examining everything while waiting for meat from the barbecue sliders. I literally had to sit on Justine's leash to get her to sit and calm down. She was barking at kids playing catch, anyone that passed and staring pathetically at our plates of food after she devoured her own.

"They say dogs are a reflection of their owners..." Trevor kidded with a smile.

"Shut up Trevor. You had nothing to do with Thor's training and everything to do with spoiling Justine." I kidded back.

He laughed in his taco. "I maintain Thor's training and I had some help with spoiling Justine."

I shook my head, smiling until I noticed Ethan watching us. I turned to EJ. "How's your pizza?"

"It's good. You want a slice?" He offered.

"Not a full slice; how bout I trade you a bite for a bite?"

"What's that?" He wrinkled his nose at my food.

"It's like a taco and a sandwich made a baby and named her Torta." I said, holding up the sandwich that Trevor got me.

"That's sounds wrong." EJ laughed with Trevor.

"Couldn't just call it a Mexican sandwich?" Ethan smirked at me.

"No." I shook my head smiling, handing out a bite to EJ.

"Are you gonna make me speak Spanish to eat?" He narrowed his eyes at me. Ethan and I chuckled.

"Not tonight." I said as he took a bite. When he was done chewing, he stated he liked it.

"Are you trying to learn Spanish? " Trevor asked EJ.

"No. Dad and Lily are going to Dominican Republic. On Taco Tuesday, we can only speak Spanish so Dad can practice."

Trevor looked down at his food. "For your dad's wedding?" He asked me before taking another bite.

"Yeah." I nodded, swallowing my food.

"You're gonna learn Spanish in a couple of months?" He asked Ethan.

"I know the basics. Lily's teaching me the advance." Ethan told Trevor before shooting me a glance.

"Right." I blushed as I recalled our late night Spanish lessons. I shared a smile with Ethan before hiding it behind a bite of my sandwich.

"Your brother told me you were trying to get him to go buggy riding with you around the island?" Trevor said

"Not even the resort if my dad has his way, but Ethan said he was down for whatever." I smiled at Ethan.

"Last words man." Trevor warned him.

"I'll survive." Ethan replied.

After we ate, we all went to the ice cream truck to get dessert. I got an ice cream cone, Ethan got an ice cream sandwich, and Trevor and EJ got sundaes. We walked over to the dog park and let the dogs off their leashes and watched as we finished our treats. EJ kept the conversation going telling Trevor about his YouTube channel. There were a few awkward silences, and I had to drag Ethan into the conversation most of the time, but it was ok for the most part. Actually fun in others. When we got back to my place, I set Trevor and Thor up in the guest bathroom upstairs and Ethan took Justine to my bathroom to give her a bath. I helped Ethan cause I knew how difficult Justine could be.

"Did I thank you for everything?" I said, sitting next to him on the edge of the tub as the water drained and Justine shook water off of her.

"Not yet. Can you save it for Sunday night- When we're alone?" He looked at me.

"But we're alone now..." I moved in close to him and kissed him firmly on the lips. He put an arm around my waist, still a little damp from the bath. I deepened the kiss, loving the feeling of being in his embrace...

"Lilypad! I'm about to take off." Trevor's voice startled me and I bit down on Ethan's lip.

"I'm so sorry." I pulled away, examining him as he ran his tongue over his lip.

"I'm fine." He said, standing up. "I'll finish up here. Go say bye."

I went out and gave Trevor a hug goodbye.

"We're going out tonight." Trevor said, hintingly.

"Yeah, I'm in for the night, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna crash." I shut him down.

"Ok. I'll catch you next weekend then."

"Next weekend?" I asked. He was coming back from L.A. Thursday, I figured he was going home then.

"The mud run- Rocky told me you talked her into it. So rest up for next weekend. You both are going on the bull." He grinned, broadly.

"Ha... Good luck with that. I'll see you next week." I said, processing that new information.

Ethan left a little after Trevor and I got the dogs settled in their respective rooms for the evening. Justine slept on her dog bed in my room and Thor took Justine's room. I closed both doors and fell asleep watching TV in the living room. I woke up in the middle of the night to a ton of notifications on my phone. Sammy and Richard both called and texted me about going out. It was 2 in the morning but I saw Sammy was still live on Snapchat. I called her and she answered requesting a video chat. I accepted and her face popped up on my screen.

"Lily!!! Where are you!!!" It looked like she was at her apartment, but there was alot of noise and people around.

"I'm at home trying to sleep. With the hell?" I asked her.

"Why didn't you come out?" Sammy asked, drunkenly.

"I worked today, I'm dogsitting and EJ spent the night." I replied.

"How you babysitting with no kids?" Richard asked, squeezing in next to Sammy.

"Easy... That's what most babysitters do..." I stated, realizing he was intoxicated too.

"That's not what we heard..." Richard slurred.

"Does Ethan have you on lock down? Because we will bust you out!!!" Sammy yelled before the phone was snatched from her. I saw a blurry whirl before it focused on Trevor's face.

"Don't listen to them. They're drunk." He beamed at me.

"So are you." I chuckled.

He laughed. "No. Tipsy. Not drunk yet."

"Ok... Is someone staying sober? Making sure y'all don't do anything stupid?" I smiled.

"Corey was, but he left. He has work in the morning."

"And you have a flight tomorrow so take it easy." I lectured him. "I'm gonna go back to sleep. Goodnight Trevor."

"Goodnight Lilypad. It was good to see you, even though you're a completely different person with him." Trevor waved goodbye. I didn't have time to question what he said before he hung up. I laid down, dissecting his words in my head.

A part of me was proud I wasn't the person he dated and dumped last year. Back then, I was insecure, destructive and broken. Hell, I went to therapy to put myself together again: an improved, better version of myself. The way he said it, he made it seem like it wasn't for the better and that it was Ethan changing me.

I chalked it up to being exes and learning each others as friends again. I reminded myself he was tipsy and if he really felt that way, he would be mature about it and not bring it up on a drunken face chat. The next day, he texted me that he made it to California. He continued to text me throughout the week and kept me updated on what he and my brother were up to.

My routine for the falling week remained the same, just added Thor in my Justine time. I did reach out to Amber, but we just caught up, she didn't tell me anything new. I spent the week working out with Rocky, going to work and spending my free time with Ethan. We eventually had to force ourselves out the house and plan dates again. Partially because Ethan insisted that we continued to date (something his dad advised him to do) and the fact it was getting too tempting spending nights alone together.
 

Wednesday night, after Ethan made me a delicious dinner of pan fried scallops, we found ourselves in bed. We just finished a documentary that Ethan wanted to watch and was suppose to be going to sleep- but we were making out instead. We were side by side, kissing and holding each other when his erection poked through the opening in his briefs and I felt him, hard and hot against my bare inner thigh. We both groaned at the skin to skin contact as I was wearing a night gown and nothing underneath. All it would have took were a few thrust and he would have been buried inside me. We both began to move, grinding against each other when my phone rang.

I took it as a sign as I pulled away from Ethan and got up to grab my phone. I internally groaned when I saw it was Trevor. It's not that I didn't want to talk to him, but it was close to midnight. Maybe 10pm on the west coast, but he knew what time it was here. Thinking something might be wrong, I answered it.

"Hey. Are you awake?" He asked.

"Of course I'm awake. What's up Trevor?"

When Ethan heard the name Trevor, he sat up, fixing himself back in his briefs and pulling on his shirt. I smirked at him, wanting to tell him Trevor couldn't see us, but Trevor was still talking.

"-did you hook up with him?" Trevor finished.

"Hook up with who?"

"This Johnny kid. He... brought you up when Cam wasn't around and I want to know the situation before I confront him." Trevor relayed.

"No, don't confront him. That's exactly what he wants you to do. Don't feed into it." I put my phone on speaker, not wanting Ethan to hear just one side of the conversation I was about to have. "Can you hear me Trevor?"

"Yes." Trevor said, loud in clear as Ethan studied me.

"You're on speaker phone, Ethan is here. Johnny was a friend of Cam's while we were in school. When I moved back to California, we hung out and hooked up once. I had no idea he had a wife, girlfriend or baby momma and I still don't know if they were separated at the time. I stopped talking to him."

Ethan looked away from me and Trevor spoke up. "So you didn't tell Cam?"

"I told Jenna. I let it be her choice. She decided Johnny is an instigator- he stirs things up for attention. I didn't tell Cam so he's fucking with you to get an reaction. Don't give him one." I instructed.

"I'm going to tell Cam Lilypad. He needs to know what a piece of shit friend he has." Trevor declared.

"Cam already knows Johnny cheated on his wife. He knows he's a piece of shit." I argued.

"He doesn't know it was with you." Trevor pointed out.

"Oh my god, why does it matter? Does it make him more of a piece of shit? I told you because I was trying to be honest with you. Now, you need to respect my wants and keep this between us."

"This is complete bullshit Lily. I thought you were past the days of sleeping around behind your brother's back." Trevor stated.

Him throwing back my past with Ethan in my face pissed me off, but I ignored his cheap shot. "I asked you to respect my boundaries if you wanted to be friends. Do whatever you want, but I'm definitely past going back and forth with you Trevor." I said.

"Fine." He replied before hanging up on me.

I was so angry, I didn't notice Ethan had got dressed until he sat back on the bed to put on his shoes.

"You're leaving?" I asked him, sitting up.

"Yes, I should get home."

"Why? Because of what you heard with Trevor?" I said, walking over to him.

"No. The past is in the past. You should leave it there." Ethan said.

I put my arms around his neck. "Then why are you leaving?"

He placed his hands on my waist. "Because it's getting harder for me to remember why we are waiting to have sex."

"Ok." I nodded, standing on my tip toes to kiss him on the lips. Our kisses were teasingly soft, until Ethan pulled away.

"I'm going to take you out tomorrow. Dress comfortably."

"Ooo shooting range?" I asked, grinning.

"No. Not this time. I'll text you the address so you can meet me there."

We kissed and said goodnight.

As soon as I got off work, I changed from my scrubs into a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top and had my hair down, parted asymmetrically, falling over my shoulders. I headed straight to the address that Ethan sent me.  I parked outside of a crowded bar that had a sign boasting of a Thursday Trivia night. My excitement only raised when I saw Ethan sitting in a booth with Daniel, Staci, Nathaniel and 3 women I didn't recognize.

"Hey. Welcome to the team. I'll introduce you after the round." Ethan told me as I slid in the booth next to him, kissing my temple.

"Ok." I jump right into the game. We were on round 1, question 6 so I hadn't miss much.

Once the host gathered our answer sheets, Ethan introduce me to his former co-worker Heather, her partner Phyllis and Nathaniel's wife Vanessa.

"Nice to meet you." I smiled. "What are we playing for?" I asked everyone.

"Bragging rights." Vanessa informed me.

"Good enough. Let's go team!" I cheered.

We settled in with drinks and appetizers as the host began the second round. Vanessa took over as the leader of our team squad- yes, that was out team name, squad- nothing cutesy or creative like the other teams, but it was concise and efficient, just like our team.

We worked together during each 5 rounds, the categories being current events, sports, music, books and last call. We butted head on a few answer choices, but for the most part agreed on everything. The last round of last call consisted of harder questions worth two points each. We were winning the entire game until that last round. Second place came from behind and beat us, but I saw one of their teammates on the phone way too long so I disqualified them in my head.

Phyllis laughed at my declaration of us as the true winners. "Remember Ethan's ex wanted phones to be confiscated during the game?"

"How could I forget? She was so competitive." Heather laughed.

"Who? Serena?" I asked, looking at Ethan, raising an eyebrow.

"That's right. I forgot you two were friends." Daniel smiled, his eyes lightning up mischievously.

"We were more like acquaintances." I cleaned up.

"How did you know each other?" Staci asked me.

"Forrest. His ex-fiance was best friends with Serena." I explained.

"Yeah, definitely not friends. You didn't break any codes." Vanessa winked at me. Once we settled the tab, we filed out the bar.

"Do you still talk to Serena?" I asked Ethan as we walked to my car.

"Not really. Why?" Ethan replied.

"I know your sister talks to her. I don't know if we're going to see her this weekend. I just wanted to be prepared if we do. Does she know about us?"

"She knows about us. I haven't spoken to her since I told her we were dating."

"When was that?" I asked.

"After our first date." He revealed.

"Really? Why?" I gasped, shocked. I was still trying to figure out what I felt about him and he was telling his ex we were dating.

"I needed to be honest with her. She suspected I had feelings for you while she and I were together. I didn't, but my feelings for you was the reason I didn't want to get back together with her." Ethan elaborated.

"Wait... She said y'all were trying to get back together after your birthday party. You had feelings for me back then?" I tried to piece everything together.

"I wasn't sure. You asked me on my birthday when was the last time I felt passion- that was with you. I knew without a doubt I didn't feel that with Serena."

"Oh... Did you tell her that?"

"Yes, when she wanted to get back together, I told her I didn't have those feelings for her. She asked me if I still had them for you, and I told her I didn't know. After our first date, I knew I did. I wanted her to hear about us from me. She took it well; I would like to think she will be cordial, but we'll see."

I gave him a hug and a sweet kiss.

"It's like you said: the past is the past and it should stay there. Let's just get pass this weekend and we'll be alright." I said as we embraced.

I was so wrong...