Growing Pains

"And I guess the bad

Can get better

Gotta be wrong

Before it's right

Every happy phrase

Engraved in my mind

And I've always been a go-getter

There's truth

In every word I write

But still the growing pains, growing pains

They're keeping me up at night...

Eh eh, hey yeah, yeah, yeah

No band-aids for the growing pains" Growing Pains by Alessia Cara

Monday morning, I headed to my boxing class. I normally did my grocery shopping on Monday, but since I was feeling restless on Sunday, I went ahead and shopped after my regular chores were done. Since the restless feeling hadn't gone away, I hoped to knock it out with a boxing class. I arrived at the gym and saw my normal instructor had a class starting in 10 minutes.

I went in the class, headphones still in, blasting Redbone as I headed to my normal spot. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Dino. I never went to Monday class, so I didn't know if this was her normal day.  I knew for sure after the attitude she had towards me at my barbecue, being in her presence would not help me relax.

We made brief eye contact before I turned on my heels and left. Not exactly smooth, but with her dad being the instructor, I figured I needed to leave. I pulled out my phone, thinking it might be time to find another gym that offered boxing classes when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I whipped around and saw Dino.

She started talking, but I couldn't hear her until I pulled out my headphones.

"What?" I asked her.

"I was asking how loud do you have your music. I tried calling you." She informed me.

"Really loud. That's the only way you can appreciate classic rock." I replied, curious to why she was calling me. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry about my behavior at the barbecue. It was really uncalled for considering you've done nothing to me."

"I understand. I really do. I don't think I could be cool with my boyfriend's ex. Now that I know you feel that way, I'll keep my distance." I promised her.

"I tell you like I told Jake: how realistic is that considering you two share a godson?"

"Very. Believe me, he won't be the only ex I'd be avoiding at Ace's events. Right now, the arrangement is I stay for the first half, he gets the second. If that works for y'all, problem solved." I suggested, only half joking.

"No. You don't have to keep your distance. Maybe we won't be best friends, but we can be cordial."

"Ok." I nodded.

"Cordial enough to be sparring partners?" She suggested.

"Only one way to find out." I said before following her back to the class.

After a warm up and intense cardio, we paired off to spar. She let me go first, holding up focus pad as I went through the routine.  I threw a few jabs before Dino corrected my form. I suppressed my eye roll, did what she said and continued.

"So has Ace given you baby fever yet?" She asked me.

I smiled. "Kinda. Not a fever. Maybe more like an itch that is scratched when I hang around kids."

"You and Uriel would make a great looking super tall kid." She grinned at me.

My next jab was perfect. And hard. She put her hand down and took a step back.

"Sorry. You ok?" I asked her, genuinely concerned. I had no idea where that came from.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She said, putting the pads  back up. "Everything okay with you two?"

"Yeah. Of course. We literally just had our 3rd date so a little early to be thinking about kids." I huffed as I finished my reps. We switched and I took the pads as she put on her gloves.

"I thought about it with Jake pretty early. He claims he doesn't want kids, but seeing him around Ace, he has bigger baby fever than me." She informed me, as she began expertly hitting the pads, aggressively. "I think he always wanted kids; Cara just ruined the thought of it. She ruined a lot of things for him, but we're working it out."  

"That's great." I replied, holding the pads firmly as my palms started to sting from her jabs.

"The first time I mentioned moving into together, he completely shoot me down. Now, we're planning what we want our house to look like." She informed me.

"Good for you two. You should get a ring before a mortgage... and breeding." I said, smartly.

She narrowed her eyes at the breeding comment, but thankfully, Diego called us back together for the end of class. Dino invited me to grab a smoothie as we headed to the locker room, but I declined, making an excuse about having to get to work.

Since my workout worsen my mood, I went home to try to relax before work. I took a long shower and did my hair and make-up hoping it would help. It didn't. My day dragged by. I thought I was just having a bad case of the Mondays but Tuesday came and the feeling didn't go away.

I skipped boxing and went for a run with Justine. Afterward, I got dressed and cooked breakfast before I went to work. I greeted Dr. Clayton in the team lead office when I arrived at work.

"Morning." He said from behind the desk. Recently, he spent more time in the office than out on the floor. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but his team would come to me with problems or questions because I was more visible. I missed how we used to work together before he left in the evening.

"I think this letter is for you." He handed me a envelope that was address to "Lilac Harris". I opened it up and saw it was a letter from the Mavs Foundation.

"It's from the Mavs foundation. It must be about the donation I gave at the ball. Not sure how they got my name wrong." I supplied, as I read through the letter. In actuality, it informed me I won the Dallas Cowboys tickets and gave instructions on how I redeem the  tickets.

"Oh? You went to that? Did you see Dr. Fahri?"

"I went but I didn't see him. I really didn't stay long. Excuse me." I stepped outside with the tickets and pulled out my phone. I knew I didn't bid enough and only one person would put it under 'Lilac'. I called Uriel and he answered on the 3rd ring.

"To what do I owe the pleasure Lily?"

"Dallas Cowboy tickets arrived at my office, sent to Lilac Harris. Any idea where they came from?"

"The Mavs Ball."

"You know what I mean. Did you bid on them for me?"

"It's two tickets. I figured we would go together."

"But you don't like football. It's too much standing around remember?"

"I'll get through it."

"That's ok. I have a feeling I can convert you." I smiled.

"You can try. When can I see you again?"

I had the movie night with Ethan and EJ on Friday night and Jordan's and Blake's engagement party on Saturday.

"I'm free any day during the week and Sunday."

"Dinner tomorrow night?"

The thought of eating with him sounded like no fun so I declined. "I'm trying to stop eating so late."

"What about drinks?"

"I try not to drink on weekdays."

"Coffee?"

"I don't want to be up all night."

"I can help you with that."

I ignored his innuendo "No. No coffee."

"You give me a suggestion since your turning everything down."

"How about a movie? I'll see what's playing and text you the info."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow."

I looked up the movies on my lunch and found that Neighbors 2 came out. A comedy was definitely what I picked a movie theater in Plano to see what time it was playing. Once I got the details, I sent them to Uriel.

When I got home that night, I had to dig really deep in my closet to find the cat watermelon shirt that I stole from Trevor. It was the same one Seth Rogen wore in the first Neighbors movie and I instantly recognized it the first time Trevor wore it. He let me wear it once, but I never returned it, lying that I gave it back to him when he repeatedly asked about it.

On Wednesday, I packed the shirt and a pair of jeans in a bag. After work, I changed and put my hair up in a messy bun. I applied a red gloss on my lips and was done. I drove straight to the theater and bought the tickets. In the lobby, there was a cute cutout of Seth Rogan and Zac Efron. I was taking a selfie with it when Uriel called me. I ignored it as I attempted to get a good angle. I was puckering up to Zac Efron when I saw Uriel approaching. I took the picture quickly and put my phone away.

"Hey." I greeted him. He looked like he headed over right after work, in black slacks and a white dress shirt tucked in, flattering his slim tall frame.

"Sorry to interrupt you. Do you 3 need another minute?" He asked.

"I would need at least an hour with these two." I joked to no response. I forced a smile and walked over to him. "C'mon, let's go get in line for snacks."

"I thought you didn't eat this late."

"Popcorn is not eating; it's snaking." I said, leading him to the snack bar. While we stood in line, I posted the picture of me and the movie cutout with the caption: Best Movie Date Ever.

Once we neared the front of the line, I turned to Uriel to see what he was getting. He was staring at one of the attendant behind the counter who was grinning at my shirt. Once he looked up, he nodded at me.

"Cool t-shirt. That one was way better than this one."

"Thanks. The first ones usually are." I smiled.

He nodded in agreement before he helped the next customer.

I looked to Uriel again. "The sun is down. What are you going to eat?"

He looked over his shoulder. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah. Who else?"

"Your new friend."

I snorted. "My shirt is from the first Neighbors movie, that's why he commented on it. Did you see it?"

"No."

"Oh... I'm sure it won't matter. It's one of those stupid funny movies were plot is not super important. Popcorn has free refills on large. Wanna share?"

"We can't eat a large, unless you plan on making more friends."

I rolled my eyes and stepped up to the counter and ordered a large popcorn, large drink and M&Ms. Uriel ordered a bottle water and was short to the point of being rude. The guy taking and filling our order was the same one who complimented my shirt. I thanked him and gave him a smile before we left.

The theater was mostly empty considering it was a Wednesday night. There were 4 other groups. I found middle seats in the middle of the theatre, but Uriel nodded farther up.

We got settled and I poured my candy into the popcorn. I ignored his disapproving look as I tossed it lightly to mix the candy in. I munched contently and watched the previews. I couldn't wait for Seth Rogen's hilariousness and Zac Effron's hotness to entertain me. About 15 minutes into the movie, I was laughing uncontrollably and Uriel put his arm around my shoulder.

I looked over at him, but he didn't take his eyes off the screen. He wasn't laughing, but at least he was giving it a chance. I focused back on the screen. 5 minutes later, I thought he was reaching over to try popcorn, but his hand went to my thigh instead. I tensed, remembering how he seduced me last weekend. I stood up, moving a seat over and placing the popcorn between us.

"Lilac..."

I shushed him and continued to watch the movie, ignoring him. Halfway in, his phone vibrated loudly and he pulled it out. After he checked it, he got up and left the theater. He was gone a good 20 minutes. I felt both relief and pissed when he came back.  He walked back on the opposite aisle to sit right next to me. He got the message though and kept his hands to himself.

As soon as the movie was over, I stood up grabbing the half full popcorn container.

"I told you that was too much." He commented as we left.

"Yeah. You did. Everyone in your family good?"

"Yes."

"Fire at your condo?"

"No."

"Did you have to save a cat from a tree?"

"What are you talking about Lily?" He looked at me, obviously annoyed.

"Just trying to figure out why you left during the movie."

"It was a work call. I've been waiting for that call all week."

"It couldn't wait another hour?"

"No. Besides, you're the one that said plot was not important."

"Right. Ok." I said, throwing my popcorn away and walking towards the exit.

"Are you really upset?"

"No. Just confused to why you even agreed to see a movie with me if you weren't going to actually watch it with me."

"I did. You know I don't like these types of movies. I told you that last weekend."

"Ok. So your likes, wants and opinions are the only things that matter. Good to know." I glared at him.

"I'm not saying that."

"You don't have too; Your actions do." I said, stomping off.

"Lily, stop. It's just a movie. It's nothing to get upset about."

"Don't tell me how to feel." I hissed at him, stopping. "You're the one that wanted to spend more time with me. We haven't been spending any real time together. If you really don't want to, we should have stayed fuck buddies."

He just looked at me. He didn't disagree with me, he just watched like he was waiting for me to calm down. It pissed me off even more.

"Goodnight Uriel!" I exclaimed before stalking off. I got in my car and drove straight home. I was still seething by the time I got home. I cleaned my face, stripped off my jeans and bra and lay in bed.

I barely got any sleep I was so upset. I was trying to straighten out my feelings and figure out where they were coming from. Yes, Uriel was an ass, but I should be able to control my reaction better than that. I normally would have, but I've been out of it all week. I ran each morning, trying to shake off the funk I was in. I really needed my boxing class, but I didn't want to risk another Dino run in. I called Richard Thursday morning to see not only where he worked out, but if he would come with me to the engagement party.

"I have a date on Saturday." He declined.

"With who?"

"This girl I meet at my gym."

"Oh? Does your gym have boxing classes?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm not a class guy. What's up with my ex's gym?"

"Your ex's sister." I told him about Dino and her attitude concerning Jake. "The gym was my stress release and she was being all passive aggressive when she should be thanking me." I ranted.

"Thanking you?"

"Yeah. For breaking up with Jake and calling him on his bullshit. I made him the man she wants to marry and have babies with!" I argued. "Instead of being grateful, she lowkey rubbed in my face how happy they were like I give a shit."

"Kinda sounds like you do." He taunted me.

"I don't! I don't think about her or Jake. More power to them. Just don't come fuck up my gym time acting like I'm out here like Ray J telling people I hit it first!"

Richard cracked up laughing. "That song goes hard. Ray J is the GOAT."

"Bye Richard." I said, annoyed. 

"I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit first!" He sang as I hung up. Any other time, I would have found the humor in the situation, but I had no humor.

On Friday, I woke up ready for my appointment with Dr. Pereira. I was eager to talk out my feelings so I would be in better spirits for my movie night with Ethan and EJ. I was excited to veg out in with the both of them with the stupid comedy that was Austin Powers. I didn't want to my mood to ruin it: It was the only bright spot in my shitty week. 

I told Dr. Pereira about how uneasy I was feeling. She asked me about my barbecue and seeing my family. I told her it was all positive: my extended family and friends got along great, meeting Noelle was positive. The only hiccup was telling my dad about reaching out to my mom, but that ended up fine.

"So talk about what's upsetting you." She prompted me.

I talked briefly about Mia and Dino, but I didn't spend much time on them as they were officially non-factors in my life. I did bring up my lost of boxing class as I thought that contributed how upset I was getting over little things.

"Describe the little things." She probed.

I detailed my most recent dates with Uriel: at my barbecue, the mavs ball and finally my meltdown at the movies.

"I don't care if it's just sex between us. I was perfectly fine with that arrangement. He was the one that said he wanted to get to know me better, outside of the bedroom. Then, he ignores me on dates."

I was so busy venting, I didn't even realize she put down her notepad and was watching me intently.

"How many times has that occurred?" Dr. Pereira asked me sternly.

"What part? Him ignoring me on dates? 2 out of the 3 we've been on. That's what I don't understand either. He makes no effort to get to know me; the only time he puts in any effort is to get me in bed." I responded.

She stood up and joined me on the couch. 

"I'm talking about what occurred when you went to his place after the ball: him coercing you into sex."

"I wasn't coerced." I denied, emphatically. 

"You told him you didn't want to have sex correct?"

"Right." I nodded. "We- I decided we could just make out. He didn't- force me. It just got out of hand but that's all."

"That's not all Lily. Any time during the evening, did you tell him you changed your mind?"

I shook my head. "I didn't have too. He seduced me into it."

"Did you every give him verbal consent?"

"I never told him to stop."

"Why didn't you? Why didn't you leave the moment he began to disrespect your wishes?"

I stiffened and crossed my arms. I didn't have an answer to that. I didn't know why.

"You acquiesced to having sex with him after you told him you didn't want to. At the very least, you set a simple boundary that he maliciously crossed-"

I stood up, struggling to breath. "I can't do this. I need to go."

She studied my face carefully. "We can stop for today. Sit back down for a moment. Once you catch your breath, you can go."

I sat back down, not talking or thinking. She talked me through my breathing until I was calm. 

"I want to see you next week if you're available." She mentioned to me as I gathered my things.

"Fine." I nodded.

"Just remember Lily: honesty, communication and respecting boundaries are the minimum in a relationship. If you continue to pursue any type of relationship with Uriel, make sure you're getting all three from him."

I nodded again quickly before I left.  I headed to work and focused on my job so I wouldn't have to think about Dr. Pereira's words. I was so out of it, when my phone rang at lunch, I picked it up without even looking at it.

"Hello?"

"You theft!" Trevor exclaimed. I was so surprised to hear his voice, I didn't even comprehend what he was saying.

"What?"

"You dirty lying theft!!! I've been looking for that Watermelon Cat shirt forever. I knew you never gave it back."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I

bought that shirt two weeks ago." I lied, thrilled for the distraction.

"Two weeks ago huh?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Online."

"What site?" He interrogated me.

"I don't remember. I searched and bought it."

"Ok. Send me a copy of the receipt and I'll leave you alone."

"I'm not going to send you my receipt. It has my person information on it."

"Black it out."

"I have no idea how to do that." I continued to lie.

"Fine. I know you know how to take pictures. Send me a picture of the back collar."

"Why?"

"I pulled off the tag."

"Dammit Trevor. How many times have I told you not to pull? You cut the tag!!!" I lectured him.

"That's not the point. I pulled the tag so the collar is tagless and a little stretched. Send me a picture of yours. If you bought it two weeks ago, it should be intact."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it's in the dirty clothes and I'm at work."

"Ok. When you get home, send me a picture."

"No perv. How would your girlfriend feel about you asking me for pictures?" I threatened him.

"Probably the same way your boyfriend feels about you wearing my shirt."

"I don't have a boyfriend. Just fuck buddies." I snorted, bitterly.

"Fuck buddies?"

I took a deep breath, in disbelief I said that. "Yeah."

"Wow. Therapy must be really working for you huh?" He snided.

I froze, feeling shame, embarrassment then finally anger.

"Lilypad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Fuck you Trevor." I said, before I hung up on him.

I seethed the rest of the day. My anger didn't lessen a bit by the time I got off work. When I got home, I grabbed his stupid shirt and put it in the wash. I put it on the quick cycle before I went through my closet. I pulled out every shirt, sweatshirt, and flannel I had of Trevor's.

After I put the shirt in the dryer, I collected everything I had that was still his. I held back tears as the memories came back to me as I boxed up all the dvds, shot glasses, hats, clothes and random shit I kept of his. When I pulled out the wedding planner that Rocky regifted to me that I filled with stupid ideas about my wedding to Trevor, the tears fell as I cried. A few tears were about Trevor, but most of them were about my therapy session with Dr. Pereira. Why would I allow anyone to disrespect me and my boundaries?

I heard my phone ringing over my cries. When I saw it was Ethan, I immediately remembered I was supposed to met him and EJ for movie night.

"Hey." I sniffled, feeling awful that my bullshit made me forget.

"What's wrong Lily?" He asked me, the concern evident in his voice.

"Nothing. I'm ok. Just a rough week" I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, I can't make it tonight."

"Can I do anything for you?" He asked me.

"No. I'm just going to take some Tylenol and go to bed.  Please apologize to EJ for me?"

"Nothing to apologize for. Get some rest." He said, sincerely.

"I will. Thank you Ethan." I replied, graciously.

"Take care Lily."

After I got off the phone, I did exactly what I told Ethan. Two Tylenol PMs and 10 hours of sleep later, I woke up still feeling shitty. I saw Trevor sent me a text, which did nothing to improve my mood.

Trevor: I'm sorry Lily. I wasn't thinking when I said that. I don't think you need therapy-  You just need to know how amazing and beautiful you are. I know your 'dating' is none of my business, but I think you deserve more. I hate to see you settle for anything less. You deserve everything.

I wanted to text him back that sleeping with him on Halloween was what made me realize I really needed therapy. I was so desperate for love and affection, that I was willing to put up with anything. Apparently, I still was. I deleted my whole thread with him so I couldn't respond to his judgmental and condescending text.

I took a hot bath and soaked for a few hours. Ethan called me asking how I was doing. I told him I was much better, and if he still wanted to we could do a movie night after the party. He agreed and told me to text him when I was on the way. 

After I got out the tub, I called Rocky to see what she was wearing to the party, and was shocked to find out she wasn't going. She brought up Ace in a tone that suggested he didn't have a dad, grandparents, an aunt, uncle or anyone in town to babysit him for a few hours. I chopped it up to her being a new mom, something I couldn't understand. I called Forrest next.

"What are you wearing to the party?"

"A button down and jeans."

"Cool. Business casual. I can do that. Wanna go together?" I asked.

"I don't plan on staying long."

"Me neither." I scoffed.

"You introduced them. Technically, this whole evening is your fault. Are you sure you're going to leave early?"

"Why not? My part is done. You're gonna be a groomsman- a part of the wedding. You should have to stay there to the last guest leaves."

"I will fake a seizure and leave in an ambulance if that what Blake expects." Forrest plotted.

"No. Let me drive you, then we can just leave together." I schemed.

"Perfect."

I got dressed in a black floral sundress with a jean jacket on top. The party was being held at a barn in Fort Worth. An hour before the party started, I left to pick Forrest up. He was waiting for me, sitting on his porch with a beer. He finished it before tossing it in the trash. On the way there, I let the radio play top 40 hits. Neither one of us was in a talkative mood so it was the only sound the filled the car.

Once we got there, we both sucked it up and put happy smiles on our faces. The space was nice: open and decorated with blue and silver stars and twinkle lights. It fit the casual theme of the barn. Their engagement pictures were posted around the barn. 

"I let Blake have his Cowboys blue and silver because the wedding is all about what I want." Jordan whispered to me after I greeted her and she walked me to get a drink.

What started off as a forced smile in the beginning of the night became a genuine smile when I saw how happy Jordan was. She was glowing as she introduced me to her parents and future in laws. Everyone drank and munched on hors d'oeuvres and sweets and danced to country love songs. I was looking for Forrest after they announced the date to see if he was ready to go. I was stunned when I found him outside of the barn, talking to Rachel.

"Hi Lily. You look great." She said, friendly, like the last time I saw or talked to her she wasn't convinced I was trying to sleep with her fiancee. The fiancee she left at the alter, who was now dating my best friend. Her hair was short, a flattening mahogany bob that framed her face. She wore cream lien slacks and a matching sheer blouse. She looked great too, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Hey." I said, plainly before turning to Forrest. "Come find me when you're ready."

"Ok." He nodded.

I went inside and took a seat on an empty bench. I checked the time constantly while I waited for Forrest-not wanting to keep Ethan and EJ waiting and wondering what the hell Forrest and Rachel had to talk about. He finally joined me 30 mintues later.

"I'm ready."

After we said goodbye to Blake and Jordan, and they gifted us magnets that not only had their engagement photo, but their wedding date, we left. 

"What were y'all talking about?" I asked as soon as we got in the car.

"Honestly?" He eyed me.

"No. Lie." I said, sarcastically.

"You."

"Me? Why me?" I frowned up.

"She was saying how surprised she was we didn't end up together."

"Did you tell her she was bat shit crazy and that it was never like that between us and we told her that the whole fucking time?!?!" I exclaimed.

"Not like that, but yes." He chuckled.

"Good."

"I told her I wished I was attracted to you like that." He mentioned.

"What the fuck? Why would you say that?" I glared at him.

"We get along well, you love to eat, I love to eat. You love sports, I love sports. You want a family, I want a family-" he listed.

"Forrest, shut the fuck up! You're drunk and I swear I will tell Rocky everything you said." I threatened him.

"I'm not drunk. That's me being honest. If I was attracted to you, it would be easy. I always make it hard for myself. I fall for women who don't want to be with me." He said, leaning his head against the headrest.

I was silent for a moment, deciding whether I should speak up or stay out of it. Against my better judgment, I spoke. "She wants to be with you. It's an adjustment like you said. Give it time."

"I am. Rocky made it clear when we got together she was focusing on being a mom. I understood that, I assumed that meant Ace comes first. I didn't know that meant she wouldn't have time for me at all." He lamented.

I shook my head. "Talk to her and tell her how you feel."

"I tried to talk to her, I asked how I can be there for her more and she shuts me out." He shook his head sadly. "Rachel use to do the same thing." He said, ominously.

"Communication, respect and honesty is the least she should be giving you. I love Rocky and I can't imagine what she's going through, but if she's not giving you that, you need to reevaluate the relationship." I told him firmly.

He nodded but didn't respond. I sat there, feeling like a completely hypocrite for dispensing the same advice I had trouble taking. After I dropped him off, it was 8:30. I pulled out my phone and called Ethan, letting him know I was on my way.

I arrived at his place 20 minutes later. Ethan opened the door for me, looking me over from my top knot to my strappy sandal. "You look good. How was the party?"

"Country with finger foods and champagne punch. Totally not my style." I smiled at him.

"We have plenty of pizza and snacks." Ethan told me as he led me in the living room. I gasped, mouth wide open when I saw the living room decorated with brightly colored balloons around the room, peace sign table cloth on the coffee table and smiley face pillows on the couch.

"You decorated?" I asked him, surprised.

"I helped! Twice. Yesterday and today." EJ said, hopping up from the table of snacks to greet me.

"It looks great. I'm sorry I missed it yesterday." I told him with a hug.

"That's ok. Dad said you were feeling bad. Are you better?" EJ asked, looking up at me.

I nodded, smiling over at Ethan as he set the movie up. "All better now."

We sat down together to watch the movies and eat pizza. Ej loved them liked I predicted and rewound funny parts numerous times. Ethan was more amused by EJ and my antics of repeating back lines to each other and dancing during the songs and dance breaks than the movie. We made it through the first half of the 3rd movie before EJ fell asleep.

"If he goes to school talking like Austin Powers, I'm giving his teachers your number." Ethan warned me as he gathered the plates and cups.

"I have no problem with that. Who has a problem 'Groovy baby!'" I impersonated Austin Powers as I picked up the food we didn't eat.

"Most of his teachers prefer to be called Mr or Mrs, not baby." He pointed out, with a smirk. I handed him the pizza slices in a ziplock bag. "Thanks."

"No, thank you for having me."

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Is everything ok now?"

"It's a work in progress, but I'm working on it."

"That's half the battle, right?"

I sighed. "I hope so."

"Is this concerning work or your personal life?"

"Personal."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Definitely not. That's what therapy is for. Although, apparently, it's not working."

"Why do you say it's not working?"

"Someone may have alluded that it wasn't. Besides that, I guess I was hoping I would do therapy and be cured and I'm realizing this will be a constant struggle."

He looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke. "A few years ago, I could barely have a straight forward conversation with you."

"Yeah. I think your direct quote was 'consistently inconsistent' and that I don't 'mean what I say.'" I air quoted.

"The consistency thing might have been me projecting, but back then you wouldn't tell me how you really felt or what you were thinking unless you were upset. You do that now without a second thought. Asking for help is something I struggle with; I think it's incredibly brave that you're going to therapy." He told me.

I nodded, taking in his words and seeing the truth in them. "Brave and not crazy?" I smiled up at him.

"Brave, definitely. I've seen your growth. Anyone who hasn't either doesn't pay attention or doesn't know you that well." He responded, staring down at me. We stared into each other eyes, and my chest tightened with need. I shuffled closer to him, wanting, needing him to hold and touch me. His gaze dipped to my lips, and I felt the desire coming off him. I waited, anxiously, for him to kiss me.

"Hey. Why didn't y'all wake me up? I missed the last movie." EJ came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. Ethan took a step back from me.

"You were knocked out." Ethan told him. "Say goodnight to Lily and go on up to bed." Ethan instructed him.

"Are you sleeping over?"EJ asked me.

"No." I said, willing myself not to blush as I hugged him goodbye.

"Goodnight." EJ said.

"Goodnight. I'll see you soon." I promised.

After he went upstairs, I got ready to leave. I had no idea what would have  happened if EJ didn't wake up when he did. EJ was in the living room and the fact that I was still tempted to jump Ethan let me know I needed to leave while I regained control of myself. Ethan helped me put on my jacket before he walked me to my car. He drew me in for a hug before saying goodbye.

"Call me when you make it home." He said, holding me in his arms.

"I will." I said, enjoying his warm embrace before I pulled away. I flashed him a nervous smile as I looked into his eyes again. He immediately broke eye contact with me.

"Goodnight Lily."

"Night." I hurried into my car as he watched me take off from the curb. The second I got home, I called him.

"I made it." I advised him.

"Good."

"Did EJ go back to sleep already?"

"As soon as his head touched the pillow."

"Good." There was a brief moment of silence. When I got ready to say goodnight again, he spoke.

"Can I see you on Thursday?"

"I would love that." I answered quickly.

"I'll pick you up at 8?"

"Or I can meet you there earlier."

"You can, but I'd rather pick you up."

"Ok. My place at 8 then."

"Goovy baby."

I laughed, ignoring the memories and the fluttering in my stomach that him calling me baby provoked. "Goodnight Ethan."

"Goodnight Lily."

Sunday Morning, I got a text from Richard offering to take me to his gym. I agreed and we made plans to meet there in a hour. The gym offered a kicking boxing class during the week. Richard agreed to take it with me so I could try it on a friend pass before I committed to a membership. 

When I got home, I sat down and wrote two letters.

Uriel,

I changed my mind. I don't want to date or fuck you. I'm good.

Thanks,

LILY Harris

Trevor,

Taking your advice and making room for everything I deserve.

The Amazing and Beautiful,

Lily Harris

I stuck Uriel's letter in an envelope with the letter for the Cowboys Tickets. I pulled up my Uber to get his address and wrote it on the envelope. I put Trevor's letter in the his box. I wasn't even sure where Trevor lived, but I figured no matter what, Bilal would get it to him. I planned to mail it to his apartment.

I put the letter and the box in my car, making plans to drop them off at the post office first thing Monday morning. I went to take a shower, feeling better than I felt all week.