"I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say, but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around, and say "It's too late to apologize."
I said, "It's too late to apologize"
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothin' new
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue, and you say,
"Sorry," like the angel heaven let me think was you, but I'm afraid...It's too late to apologize
I said, "It's too late to apologize" Apologize by OneRepublic
By the time Forrest got me home, I devoured my fries, sobered up and the reality of Sammy's call hit me. She broke up with Corey? But why? They seemed fine the last time I saw them at my housewarming. It didn't make any sense. What happened between then and now? I knew Amber was at work, so I sent her a text.
Me: You know what's up with Sammy and Corey?
Like the gentleman he is, Forrest walked me to the door when we got to my house and waited around to make sure Sammy made it safely. He showed me an hilarious video of Hip Hop Disney infomercial that I immediately posted on my Facebook, tagging Forrest in it too. When Sammy arrived, a few bags in hand, Forrest asked if we needed anything before he left. I told him we were good before walking him to the front door.
"Sorry for interrupting." Sammy said as I set the alarm.
"You didn't. We just got in from watching the football game. Are you hungry?" I asked, motioning towards the food.
"No, I'm on a diet, remember? Do you mind if I take a shower?" She asked.
"No. Come on upstairs." I showed her the guest room, the bathroom and linen clothes were I keep the towels before giving her some privacy. Amber texted me back as I sat in the sitting room.
Amber: No... Something is up?
Me: Not sure. Call me when you get off.
Amber: KK
I changed into shorts and a t-shirt before Sammy reemerged. I was eating an apple pie and she grabbed one too.
"He cheated on me." Sammy started, picking at the pie.
"What?" I exclaimed, angrily. "How'd you find out?"
"He told me."
"Was it like a one night thing or an ongoing affair?"
"He says he didn't sleep with Tori-"
"Tori? As in his ex Tori?" I cut her off. It was 10 times worse that he did anything with her. Sammy knew Tori still had feelings for Corey and didn't trust her from the start. Corey cheating on Sammy with her was the ultimate slap in the face, whether he slept with her or not.
Fucking Corey!
"Yeah. That grimy, thirsty bitch. I knew she wanted him back. He said he had too much to drink-"
"What? I thought Corey didn't drink!"
"He doesn't. He said he had a few drinks on Labor Day..."
"Labor Day? He cheated on you on Labor Day and just now told you?"
Mother Fucking Corey!
"No, he told me back then..."
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you deal."
"It was around the same time Trevor left. You had a lot going on and it's not like it's something I wanted to share with anyone. The only way I wanted to deal was to beat Tori's fucking ass but I don't know where she lives." Sammy explained.
"She knew what she was doing, but Corey is the one that cheated." I shook my head, still stunned Corey would hurt Sammy like that. After he tried so hard to get her to let down her guard, he betrayed her? It made no sense.
"I know. He had me so convinced back then that she took advantage of the situation until I found out they were crackheads together." She said, disgustedly.
"Wait! What?!? Back up and explain everything." I stopped her.
"They hung out on Labor Day when I was out of town for the single release party for Black Reign." Sammy started.
I recalled how angry she was when she came back from Austin and found out Corey hung out with Tori. When I asked if she thought something happened between them, Sammy said no.
"Apparently, he hung around his old friends and had a few drinks even though he doesn't drink around me. He claimed she came on to him, they fooled around, but he stopped it before it went any further than that. I found out over the holidays-"
"He really did slept with her?"
Lying Ass Mother Fucking Corey!
"No. I mean, he says he didn't, but I don't believe anything he says anymore. They used to do cocaine together." Sammy informed me.
I gasped. "Did they do it that night?"
"He said it was just alcohol but he felt so guilty about it he started going to AA meetings again. He claims that's the only thing he has done, besides a contact high with Bilal and Trevor."
"Do you believe him?"
"Why should I if he didn't tell me the whole truth about his drug abuse? He made it seem like it was just partying- drinking, ecstasy and adderall. Not fucking cocaine and he never told me that he and Tori were addicted together."
"How do you feel about it now that you know everything?" I probed.
"Like I can't do this shit anymore. I turned down moving to Austin because I wanted to work on us. That was before I found out he used to be a crackhead with his ex-girlfriend who wants him back. I can't keep worrying about him going back to booze or drugs or that cunt or all three. I have to love myself more than him right?" She said, looking at me for confirmation.
"Right." I agreed, watching her closely. She was abnormally detached from the situation while I was confused and conflicted.
If she was willing to work through the cheating, why not forgive him for not disclosing everything he did prior to meeting her? A drug addiction was a drug addiction- did it matter what drugs he was abusing? Did his past actions matter if that wasn't who he was today? Trust was broken, but couldn't it be fixed? All those questions ran through my head, but I didn't say anything. I knew too well that a relationship had to be worked out between the two people in it, not outside influences. All I could do was be there for her.
"You know I'm here for you, whatever you choose. You can stay here as long as you need to." I told her.
"Maybe just a week or two. I just need him to understand that it's over between us." Sammy informed me.
I nodded. "Ok. I'm gonna let you get some rest then. Goodnight Sammy. I'm really sorry it didn't work out."
"Yeah, me too. Night."
Sunday morning I woke up to my phone ringing. It was Amber, so I went outside with Justine to talk with her.
"Damn, I didn't see that coming. What the hell happened?" Amber yawned when I told her about Corey and Sammy breaking up.
"There were a few issues and she broke up with him." I relayed.
"We gotta go out. Tell Sammy we're having a girl's night. Drinking and dancing."
"I don't know if she'll be up for it, but I'll let you know." I said before hanging.
Sammy knew Corey would be at work, so she went over to her place to grab a few more things. I took that time to pick up some groceries and stop to check on Rocky. I hadn't heard from her in awhile and I just wanted to make sure she was ok. When she opened the door to her house, she was wearing old Baylor sweats and a t-shirt. Paint was splattered on her clothes.
"Why didn't you tell me you were painting?" I said, walking back to the nursery.
"Repainting. Brandon messed it up behind my back." She scowled as I looked around the room. It was an off-white wall with the alphabet stenciled across the top of of the wall. I thought it looked incredible. When I told her so, she cut her eyes at me.
"Well, it's not your nursery, it's mine. Your opinion doesn't really count, does it?" She snipped at me.
"Alright. I'll stay out of it. Can I do anything to help?" I offered, hoping to help calm her down.
"You could stay out of my relationship. I would appreciate that very much." She sneered.
"Whoa, where is this coming from?" I asked, throwing up my hands.
"Did you talk to Forrest about me?" She accused.
"No. I asked him if you were coming out with us last night, but that's it." I shook my head.
"Not on your little double date last night. Last weekend at your house while y'all were watching football? Did you talk about me to the guy I'm dating?"
It was my turn to scowl at her tone. "You're forgetting the guy you're dating was my friend first."
"So that gives you the right to butt in?"
"I didn't butt in. He talked. I listened then told him to talk to you. That's it." I defended myself.
"All while wearing tight ass pants and a tight ass tank top. If that's not disrespecting my relationship enough-"
"For your information, I changed into my tight ass clothes after he left. How can I be disrespectful to your relationship when you don't have one? Y'all aren't together remember? That's your choice." I said, gritting my teeth.
"He still likes me. Not you. That's his choice, remember? Don't tell him how I feel and stop trying to seduce him!"
"Wow...I don't know if it's the paint fumes or hormones that have you talking like a crazy person, but I'm going to leave. Call me when you know better or not at all if you truly feel that way." I said as calmly as I could before stalking out.
Sammy was back when I got home, and her mood was no better than mine. She didn't want to talk about it, and neither did I. We spent Sunday in our pajamas eating junk food and binge watching the first season of Jane the Virgin. Corey called and texted, but she only ignore them. Christian tried to FaceTime me, but I didn't answer.
"Don't ignore him because of me." Sammy said after glancing at my phone.
"I'm not. It's for me." I confessed.
"What's going on there? Y'all seemed booed up at New Year's." Sammy accused.
"No booing up. We were trying to be friends, but you know me. I have a hard time just being friends with guys so I'm taking a little time to myself." I said, frowning as I thought about my friendship with Forrest.
Sammy looked over at me. "You've been alone since September. Isn't that enough time?"
I scoffed. "Weren't you anti-Christian like a minute ago?"
"I thought you were just trying to get back at Trevor. But if you like him, do you." Sammy stated.
Her phone started ringing again, this time, she turned it off.
Monday morning, it was like a switched turned on in Sammy. When I got up, she was already downstairs, on the phone, putting a bunch of frozen fruit in the blender. It was a complete 180 in her attitude. She was enthusiastic, almost chipper as she spoke on the phone. After she got off the call, she started the blender as she played on her phone.
"Check your phone. I just sent you my new number." Sammy waited until the blending stopped.
"You changed your number?" I filled Justine dog dish while I talked to her. I watched as Justine picked at her food before getting her water.
"Yep. That way he won't call me anymore."
"Have you talked to him at all?" I frowned.
"Nope. There's nothing to discuss. I'm done."
I didn't say anything else as I pulled out some eggs for breakfast.
"I made a hair appointment. Do you think gray hair is unprofessional?" Sammy pondered.
"I mean, it is a natural hair color. I think you could get away with it at your job."
"I take a lot of meetings now that Jeff is in Austin. Ron hasn't been down to hire anyone else. It's bad enough I have no idea what I'm doing half the time; I don't wanna look stupid too."
"Then leave your hair like it is."
"It took me so long to grow it back I don't want to cut it. I have to do something drastic to show my ex I'm moving on." Sammy commented.
"Guys don't think like that." I shook my head while frying an egg.
"Trevor did. He freaked when he saw you cut your hair. He told Corey you did the same thing when you were finally over Jake. Corey will get it." Sammy said, matter of factly.
I ran my fingers through my hair, shocked. Yeah, Trevor helped me dye my hair back to brown after my breakup with Jake, but that was more for me to get back to being myself. The blond hair was a representation of me being and acting like someone I wasn't so it had to go. Cutting my hair was just because I needed a change. Did Trevor really think I was sending subliminal messages through my haircut? Urgh.
"Do you wanna do that boot camp with me?" Sammy asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Is this losing weight thing another drastic thing you have to do? I think you should just take it easy, you know? Try to forgive Cor-"
"Fuck Corey and his apologizes and excuses and bullshit. This is about me." Sammy cut me off. "I wanna coke bottle figure, not a box. Do you wanna do the boot camp or nah?"
"Sure. Sign me up." I sighed.
"Ok. I gotta get going. I'll see you later tonight."
"See ya." I waved.
I sat my food down on the kitchen table and watched as Justine didn't eat her food.
"Yeah. I know the feeling." I said, patting her on the head before I sat down at the table.
I went to work early to find Dr. Clayton in a foul mood.
"What's up? Long Monday or is Fahri on a power trip again?" I asked.
Every time Adil wanted to incorporate something new, Dr. Clayton would say it wasn't about doing things more efficiently, it was just him trying to exert his power.
"It was a long weekend. I had to deal with my daughter's nonsense now I have to suffer through that arrogrant prick filming over the next few weeks." Dr. Clayton complained.
The Maverick's front office was shooting a video on health and well-being for the youth and was using the clinic as a shooting location. Apparently, Dr. Clayton had a not so pleasant run in with someone working on the project.
"Aw, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Consider your daughter as a practice in patience." I said with a playful smile.
I was surprised when he returned my smile. "Don't be sorry. I told the crew it's not as crowded during the evening. That's when they be doing most of the filming."
"Just for that, I'm suggesting some new changes to Fahri." I threatened.
On my lunch, I saw that I had two texts.
Rocky- I'm sorry. Call me when you get the chance.
Corey- Have you heard from Sammy?
I answered Rocky first since it was easier.
Me- Keep your apology. We still need to talk I'll call tonight when I get off.
I had to think about what I wanted to say to Corey. I knew Sammy was at best freezing him out and at worst, ghosting him. After going through both with Trevor, I couldn't just not respond to him. He fucked up, but honestly, I didn't know if it was a deal breaker. That is, if he told the entire truth. I just didn't know what to say so I stuck with the bare minimum truth.
Me- Yeah, she fine. She just needs space right now.
Corey- Can you get a message to her?
Me- I can try.
Corey- Tell her I know I hurt her and I don't expect everything to be ok overnight. It doesn't change how I feel about her or us together. Tell her I'm sorry and I'm not going anywhere.
Me- Will do
I screen shot the message and sent it to Sammy. I didn't know what good it would do, but I keep my word. I wondered if he was serious about not going anywhere because I knew an apology wasn't going to be enough.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Apple Pie
"Cause I don't want your apple pie, no no mama
I don't want your apple pie, no
I don't want your apple pie, mami
I don't want your apple pie no more
I need my own pepper pepper, please, pepper, pepper seeds
Need my own reme-remedy, my own legacy
Yeah I don't want your apple pie, mama
I need my own pepper please
My own legacy, my own recipe" Apple Pie by Travis Scott
I called Benjamin Monday after I got off work to ask him to send me all the information he had on my mom. He requested for some time to update what he had before sending it to me. I agreed and he asked me about Bianca.
"I think she's ok. She told me she's going to try to get out here before her semester starts. I'll let you know how she seems." I promised him.
"That's fine. I still can't believe she came out."
"I can't believe Patty's reaction."
"Oh, that I can believe. I don't know why she told mom."
"Well, what should she have done? Kept it a secret?"
"From mom? Absolutely."
"She would have heard the rumors." I brought up.
"From who? Her church friends? They stay away from worldly things and it's corruption." Benjamin said.
"Even if she never heard a rumor, you don't think she would eventually figured it out?"
"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. In her world, she wouldn't have questioned it. Bianca knew how mom would react; there was no reason to tell her."
I got off the phone, feeling a lot annoyed at Benjamin for making it seem like it was Bianca's fault for telling the truth and a little annoyed at myself for encouraging Bianca to come out to Aunt Patty. I just thought it would be better if she knew the truth. Maybe she wouldn't have heard the rumors, but wouldn't she have questioned why Bianca never dated or took trips with her girl friend? I told myself Bianca made her own decision, but it still gave me a headache thinking about it. I laid down to rest to get it off my mind.
I didn't realize I feel asleep until my phone chimed in my ear. It was Christian face timing me. I sat up, wiped my face and ran my fingers through my hair before answering.
"Hey... where you already in bed? What time is it there?" He asked me as I watched him through the phone. He looked great, as usual, hair perfectly tousled with a dark gray v-neck showing off his upper body. I instantly woke up.
"It's just 9. I had a headache and I needed to rest. What's up?" I smiled.
"Nothing. I'll let you go so you can get some sleep. Feel better."
"No, I'm up and now that I'm not stressing myself out, I feel fine." I got up and Justine followed me downstairs.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing I can't handle." I said, heading to the backyard through the kitchen.
"I'm sure you can, but I'm here if you wanna talk."
"Nah, it's about Bianca anyway so..."
"Yeah... I wouldn't be an objective listener."
"Right." I said, closing the door behind Justine and me in the backyard. I sat down on a lawn chair and put my feet up. I propped the phone up on the table in front of me to continue talking to Christian.
"Are you in your work scrubs? Cute." He teased, grinning.
"Be right back. I'm gonna change." I grumbled, standing up.
"No, don't. You look fine." He assured me.
"I would have looked great if I knew you were gonna facetime me." I stated, accusingly.
"Sorry. It's outta habit. I'm use to face timing with N- people. I wanna show you something real quick." He finished quickly. I knew he was going to say Noelle, but I let him change the subject. "What is it?"
"The first single of my album." He answered, while pulling up the graphic art. It was a male shadow figure, with two shadow women draping over him. One was wearing revealing red lingerie holding a pitch fork and the other was in a long white, fitted backless dress with angel wings tattooed on her back. Three's Company was in a bold script at the bottom of the picture.
I frowned, disappointed. "You really made a song about threesomes?"
"Just listen to the song and tell me what you think." He requested.
I nodded and did what he asked. It started off with a chopped and screwed version of a few lines from the theme song Three's Company, Too. I couldn't help being a little pleased that he took my suggestion seriously. A mellow melody that was very different from Christian's electronic music began and the chorus was sang by Chris Brown.
"You flip sides so constantly
Who are you tryna be?
You're up then it's bad. Your down then it's good
I don't know what to do
I should wanna break free
But I need you here beside me
An angel sent from above than a demon from hell,
I'm stuck with both sides of you...
When it comes to our love
Three's company too"
A funky electronic beat dropped and Travis Scott came in, rapping about failing in love with a "bipolar bitch". Then 2 Chainz rapped next about how great sex with crazy girls is. The song ended with a chopped and screwed version of "When it comes to our love, Three's company too"
"What did you think?" Christian asked me when the song faded out.
"I loved it." I gushed, honestly.
"Really?" He smiled.
"Really. I didn't think I would, considering the whole threesome thing, but I loved how you did it. I could do without 2 Chainz on the song and in life in general, but the chorus was amazing. Was it inspired by Noelle?" I asked.
"I don't write about specific exes. Just experiences." He answered neutrally.
I nodded understandingly. "A lot of my exes would have the same experiences about me."
"I don't believe that."
"It's true. Talk to my exes. Or my therapist. I'm working on it though." I smiled.
Christan chuckled at me. "A therapist? So the next guy won't have those problems?"
"Let's hope not." I replied, causally, but I really hoped he wouldn't. Whoever he was...
"Let's talk about my royalties." I joked, changing the subject.
Due to my nap and staying up late talking to Christian, I had a hard time getting up Tuesday morning. I couldn't sleep in because I agreed to meet Amber and Mia at the gym. They were both on a health kick for the new year. Amber told me about a gym that was offering different classes on Groupon. One of my goals was new experiences- whether it was trying new things or meeting new people. A new workout class would kill two birds with one stone, so I agreed to join them. I was the first one at the fitness center, so I waited at the front, looking over the classes they offered.
"Sorry about the wait. Can I help you?" a deep voice asked me.
I looked up at the owner of the voice as he studied me. He was wearing gym shorts and a ID badge so I figured he worked at the gym.
"No worries. I'm still waiting for my friend. She booked a class for us." I informed him, stepping away from the front desk so it didn't look like I required assistance.
"What class are you taking? Boot camp?" He questioned me, taking a few steps next to me.
"I have no idea. The only thing I know is that it was on Groupon." I explained.
"Amy's class." He said, with a bright smile. It was then I noticed how cute he was. His cheeks were full, giving him an adorable, young appearance that was in complete contrast to his muscular hard body. His eyes were a nice shade of blue, though not as deep as Trevor's...
"What does Amy teach?" I asked, shaking away my thoughts.
"Lily-" I was surprised to turn and see Sammy. She was watching me and the guy at the front desk suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"
"Amber invited me." I told her, stiffly. "I'm guessing she invited you too."
"She didn't mention that to me."
"Of course she didn't." I muttered.
"Excuse me ladies." The guy at the front desk interrupted. "Here's my card. If you feel like trying the boot camp, give me a call." He handed it to me before retreating to the office.
"Ok. Thanks." I smiled, graciously.
"Boot camp huh?" Sammy sneered as soon as he left. "Couldn't just call the gym to set that up?"
I rolled my eyes. "I coulda, but I figured I could probably get in the class for free if I blow him first."
"What is your problem?" She snapped at me.
"You know so much, why don't you tell me?" I challenged her, ready to finally tell her off for good. I was sick of walking on eggshells to preserve the peace in our relationship. I wasn't going to continue to keep someone around who thought the worse of me. I was completely over it.
"Yay! We're all here. Sorry I'm late." Amber said as she approached us with Mia.
"You didn't say she was coming!" Sammy and I both exclaimed at her, before looking at each other, annoyed.
"You're right. We're all gonna work out together, then have lunch to squash whatever beef y'all have." Amber instructed us.
"I didn't sign up for that." Sammy declined.
"You can leave." I suggested.
"So can you..." Sammy countered.
"No one is leaving. Sammy, you want to lose weight. Lily, you want to try new things. I already paid for it. Let's take the damn class!" Amber said, impatiently. She walked to the front desk and Mia followed with an amused smirk. I turned around and followed too. Sammy did as well.
Amy's class ended up being a pole dancing class. If I wasn't so distracted by Sammy presence, I would have noticed Amber's tiny shorts and the weird backless workout jumpsuit Mia was sporting. Sammy was wearing yoga pants, a singlet, and a startled look, so I was sure she wasn't aware either. I pulled at my running tights and long sleeve shirt before we all grabbed a pole.
In between the cheesy, 90s slow jam music and being shown up on the dances moves by middle aged women, Sammy and I laughed together and broke the tension between us. While Mia and Amber took videos and selfies on the poles after class, Sammy and I went outside to clear the air.
"I get that it's none of my business and it's your choice. I still feel like your making a big mistake letting Trevor go." Sammy began.
"You do realize he let me go first?" I pointed out.
"And he's regretting it. I don't want you to have those regrets."
"I won't." I said, honestly.
Sammy eyes narrowed. "How could you not regret leaving him if you love him?"
"Because I have to love myself more than I love him." I told her.
She looked at me, stunned.
"I was so insecure that I sabotaged our relationship and pushed him away. I didn't really understand it until he did the same thing to me. It's crazy to think how similar we are, but it's the same reason we need time apart. I love Trevor. I probably will for the rest of my life. Until we're both ok on our own, us being together is not an option right now." I explained.
"Did you tell him that?" Sammy asked softly.
"I did."
"How did you cut him off? How can you not just talk to him?"
"I can't be around him and not want to be with him, so I had to. It's too hard any other way." I explained.
Sammy nodded.
"Alright. Can we go change and eat? I need to sit down." I sighed.
"Please. I always thought I could fall back on stripping. Not so much now." Sammy grimaced, rubbing her arm.
The rest of the week went by uneventfully. On Friday on my appointment with Dr. Pereira, I went over my feelings about reaching out to my mother and my friendship with Christian. She asked me what I was hoping to get from finding my mom and what I got out of my relationship with Christian. I told her I wanted to understand why my mom couldn't be a part of my life. We went over that in detail, which I was glad, because I wasn't sure what I was doing Christian.
He definitely had a warm personality and charisma I was drawn to- his self confidence was contagious and it made me feel good to just talk to him. But after talking to Sammy, it made me realize I was substituting my want of Trevor with a friendship with him. I was so used to sharing everything with Trevor and having him in my corner like my personal sunshine- I was doing the same thing with Christian. I was afraid I would become too dependent on his friendship. I needed to really be ok on my own.
So on Saturday, I didn't answer his call and only replied with short texts. I made plans to go out and watch the first round of playoffs with Jordan, Forrest and Blake. The Bengals and the Steelers were playing, and since Forrest was pulling for the Bengals, I was going for the Steelers. I put on a yellow and black plaid button down I swiped from Trevor with black leggings, my lace boots I got for my birthday and a leather jacket. I did a full face of make-up, I straightened my short hair, pulling it half up and half down, and wore studs in both of my piercings. I got entirely too dressed up for a sports bar but it was nice feeling good all on my own.
I planned on possible putting myself out there, maybe flirting with a few guys with no intentions of anything other than conversation that night, but the game, Forrest, and Jordan and Blake got all of my attention. It was beyond cute watching how into the game Jordan got once Blake taught her the finer points. Forrest playfully ragged on Blake. In return, Blake called him jealous and told him to go find a girl. Forrest and I shared a smile before Forrest said he was good.
When Jordan and I went to the bathroom together, she asked me if Forrest and I were dating. I laughed and quickly denied it.
"Absolutely not. Never, ever." I didn't elaborate more than that.
"Are you still friends with Serena?" She asked me as we washed our hands.
"I don't know if we're friends, but we're not enemies."
"Any idea why she would wanna talk to Blake?" Jordan continued.
"No way. What did Blake say?"
"Nothing. He just told me he's meeting with her next week."
"I don't know, but I'll try to get some more information." I promised, intrigued. I know, I was supposed to be minding my own business in 2016, but asking a friend a friendly question wasn't too invasive, right?
We went back to the table and watch the embarrassing ending of the game. Cincinnati players and their audience acted completely classless by showing poor sportsmanship. I was in the middle of a drunken tirade against the city when my phone rang at the McDonald's drive in. Forrest and I decided to stop for breakfast before he drove me home.
"Answer it. Maybe it's Rocky and she needs something." Forrest said, digging through my purse as I ignored it.
"Why wouldn't she call you?" I snatched the bag from him and fished my phone out myself. I waved it at him.
"Just answer it."
"It's not Rocky." I stuck my tongue out at him, answering the phone. I spoke with Sammy briefly before I hung up.
"We need three egg sausage muffins, 3 big Macs, 3 French fries, 3 McFlurries and Apple pies. Lots of Apple pies." I listed as I leaned over him to examine the flurry flavors.
"Whose joining us? And why lots of Apple pie?" Forrest asked.
I looked up at him. "Sammy. She broke up with Corey and is crashing with me. Apple pie makes everything better, right?"
I don't want your apple pie, no
I don't want your apple pie, mami
I don't want your apple pie no more
I need my own pepper pepper, please, pepper, pepper seeds
Need my own reme-remedy, my own legacy
Yeah I don't want your apple pie, mama
I need my own pepper please
My own legacy, my own recipe" Apple Pie by Travis Scott
I called Benjamin Monday after I got off work to ask him to send me all the information he had on my mom. He requested for some time to update what he had before sending it to me. I agreed and he asked me about Bianca.
"I think she's ok. She told me she's going to try to get out here before her semester starts. I'll let you know how she seems." I promised him.
"That's fine. I still can't believe she came out."
"I can't believe Patty's reaction."
"Oh, that I can believe. I don't know why she told mom."
"Well, what should she have done? Kept it a secret?"
"From mom? Absolutely."
"She would have heard the rumors." I brought up.
"From who? Her church friends? They stay away from worldly things and it's corruption." Benjamin said.
"Even if she never heard a rumor, you don't think she would eventually figured it out?"
"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. In her world, she wouldn't have questioned it. Bianca knew how mom would react; there was no reason to tell her."
I got off the phone, feeling a lot annoyed at Benjamin for making it seem like it was Bianca's fault for telling the truth and a little annoyed at myself for encouraging Bianca to come out to Aunt Patty. I just thought it would be better if she knew the truth. Maybe she wouldn't have heard the rumors, but wouldn't she have questioned why Bianca never dated or took trips with her girl friend? I told myself Bianca made her own decision, but it still gave me a headache thinking about it. I laid down to rest to get it off my mind.
I didn't realize I feel asleep until my phone chimed in my ear. It was Christian face timing me. I sat up, wiped my face and ran my fingers through my hair before answering.
"Hey... where you already in bed? What time is it there?" He asked me as I watched him through the phone. He looked great, as usual, hair perfectly tousled with a dark gray v-neck showing off his upper body. I instantly woke up.
"It's just 9. I had a headache and I needed to rest. What's up?" I smiled.
"Nothing. I'll let you go so you can get some sleep. Feel better."
"No, I'm up and now that I'm not stressing myself out, I feel fine." I got up and Justine followed me downstairs.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing I can't handle." I said, heading to the backyard through the kitchen.
"I'm sure you can, but I'm here if you wanna talk."
"Nah, it's about Bianca anyway so..."
"Yeah... I wouldn't be an objective listener."
"Right." I said, closing the door behind Justine and me in the backyard. I sat down on a lawn chair and put my feet up. I propped the phone up on the table in front of me to continue talking to Christian.
"Are you in your work scrubs? Cute." He teased, grinning.
"Be right back. I'm gonna change." I grumbled, standing up.
"No, don't. You look fine." He assured me.
"I would have looked great if I knew you were gonna facetime me." I stated, accusingly.
"Sorry. It's outta habit. I'm use to face timing with N- people. I wanna show you something real quick." He finished quickly. I knew he was going to say Noelle, but I let him change the subject. "What is it?"
"The first single of my album." He answered, while pulling up the graphic art. It was a male shadow figure, with two shadow women draping over him. One was wearing revealing red lingerie holding a pitch fork and the other was in a long white, fitted backless dress with angel wings tattooed on her back. Three's Company was in a bold script at the bottom of the picture.
I frowned, disappointed. "You really made a song about threesomes?"
"Just listen to the song and tell me what you think." He requested.
I nodded and did what he asked. It started off with a chopped and screwed version of a few lines from the theme song Three's Company, Too. I couldn't help being a little pleased that he took my suggestion seriously. A mellow melody that was very different from Christian's electronic music began and the chorus was sang by Chris Brown.
"You flip sides so constantly
Who are you tryna be?
You're up then it's bad. Your down then it's good
I don't know what to do
I should wanna break free
But I need you here beside me
An angel sent from above than a demon from hell,
I'm stuck with both sides of you...
When it comes to our love
Three's company too"
A funky electronic beat dropped and Travis Scott came in, rapping about failing in love with a "bipolar bitch". Then 2 Chainz rapped next about how great sex with crazy girls is. The song ended with a chopped and screwed version of "When it comes to our love, Three's company too"
"What did you think?" Christian asked me when the song faded out.
"I loved it." I gushed, honestly.
"Really?" He smiled.
"Really. I didn't think I would, considering the whole threesome thing, but I loved how you did it. I could do without 2 Chainz on the song and in life in general, but the chorus was amazing. Was it inspired by Noelle?" I asked.
"I don't write about specific exes. Just experiences." He answered neutrally.
I nodded understandingly. "A lot of my exes would have the same experiences about me."
"I don't believe that."
"It's true. Talk to my exes. Or my therapist. I'm working on it though." I smiled.
Christan chuckled at me. "A therapist? So the next guy won't have those problems?"
"Let's hope not." I replied, causally, but I really hoped he wouldn't. Whoever he was...
"Let's talk about my royalties." I joked, changing the subject.
Due to my nap and staying up late talking to Christian, I had a hard time getting up Tuesday morning. I couldn't sleep in because I agreed to meet Amber and Mia at the gym. They were both on a health kick for the new year. Amber told me about a gym that was offering different classes on Groupon. One of my goals was new experiences- whether it was trying new things or meeting new people. A new workout class would kill two birds with one stone, so I agreed to join them. I was the first one at the fitness center, so I waited at the front, looking over the classes they offered.
"Sorry about the wait. Can I help you?" a deep voice asked me.
I looked up at the owner of the voice as he studied me. He was wearing gym shorts and a ID badge so I figured he worked at the gym.
"No worries. I'm still waiting for my friend. She booked a class for us." I informed him, stepping away from the front desk so it didn't look like I required assistance.
"What class are you taking? Boot camp?" He questioned me, taking a few steps next to me.
"I have no idea. The only thing I know is that it was on Groupon." I explained.
"Amy's class." He said, with a bright smile. It was then I noticed how cute he was. His cheeks were full, giving him an adorable, young appearance that was in complete contrast to his muscular hard body. His eyes were a nice shade of blue, though not as deep as Trevor's...
"What does Amy teach?" I asked, shaking away my thoughts.
"Lily-" I was surprised to turn and see Sammy. She was watching me and the guy at the front desk suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"
"Amber invited me." I told her, stiffly. "I'm guessing she invited you too."
"She didn't mention that to me."
"Of course she didn't." I muttered.
"Excuse me ladies." The guy at the front desk interrupted. "Here's my card. If you feel like trying the boot camp, give me a call." He handed it to me before retreating to the office.
"Ok. Thanks." I smiled, graciously.
"Boot camp huh?" Sammy sneered as soon as he left. "Couldn't just call the gym to set that up?"
I rolled my eyes. "I coulda, but I figured I could probably get in the class for free if I blow him first."
"What is your problem?" She snapped at me.
"You know so much, why don't you tell me?" I challenged her, ready to finally tell her off for good. I was sick of walking on eggshells to preserve the peace in our relationship. I wasn't going to continue to keep someone around who thought the worse of me. I was completely over it.
"Yay! We're all here. Sorry I'm late." Amber said as she approached us with Mia.
"You didn't say she was coming!" Sammy and I both exclaimed at her, before looking at each other, annoyed.
"You're right. We're all gonna work out together, then have lunch to squash whatever beef y'all have." Amber instructed us.
"I didn't sign up for that." Sammy declined.
"You can leave." I suggested.
"So can you..." Sammy countered.
"No one is leaving. Sammy, you want to lose weight. Lily, you want to try new things. I already paid for it. Let's take the damn class!" Amber said, impatiently. She walked to the front desk and Mia followed with an amused smirk. I turned around and followed too. Sammy did as well.
Amy's class ended up being a pole dancing class. If I wasn't so distracted by Sammy presence, I would have noticed Amber's tiny shorts and the weird backless workout jumpsuit Mia was sporting. Sammy was wearing yoga pants, a singlet, and a startled look, so I was sure she wasn't aware either. I pulled at my running tights and long sleeve shirt before we all grabbed a pole.
In between the cheesy, 90s slow jam music and being shown up on the dances moves by middle aged women, Sammy and I laughed together and broke the tension between us. While Mia and Amber took videos and selfies on the poles after class, Sammy and I went outside to clear the air.
"I get that it's none of my business and it's your choice. I still feel like your making a big mistake letting Trevor go." Sammy began.
"You do realize he let me go first?" I pointed out.
"And he's regretting it. I don't want you to have those regrets."
"I won't." I said, honestly.
Sammy eyes narrowed. "How could you not regret leaving him if you love him?"
"Because I have to love myself more than I love him." I told her.
She looked at me, stunned.
"I was so insecure that I sabotaged our relationship and pushed him away. I didn't really understand it until he did the same thing to me. It's crazy to think how similar we are, but it's the same reason we need time apart. I love Trevor. I probably will for the rest of my life. Until we're both ok on our own, us being together is not an option right now." I explained.
"Did you tell him that?" Sammy asked softly.
"I did."
"How did you cut him off? How can you not just talk to him?"
"I can't be around him and not want to be with him, so I had to. It's too hard any other way." I explained.
Sammy nodded.
"Alright. Can we go change and eat? I need to sit down." I sighed.
"Please. I always thought I could fall back on stripping. Not so much now." Sammy grimaced, rubbing her arm.
The rest of the week went by uneventfully. On Friday on my appointment with Dr. Pereira, I went over my feelings about reaching out to my mother and my friendship with Christian. She asked me what I was hoping to get from finding my mom and what I got out of my relationship with Christian. I told her I wanted to understand why my mom couldn't be a part of my life. We went over that in detail, which I was glad, because I wasn't sure what I was doing Christian.
He definitely had a warm personality and charisma I was drawn to- his self confidence was contagious and it made me feel good to just talk to him. But after talking to Sammy, it made me realize I was substituting my want of Trevor with a friendship with him. I was so used to sharing everything with Trevor and having him in my corner like my personal sunshine- I was doing the same thing with Christian. I was afraid I would become too dependent on his friendship. I needed to really be ok on my own.
So on Saturday, I didn't answer his call and only replied with short texts. I made plans to go out and watch the first round of playoffs with Jordan, Forrest and Blake. The Bengals and the Steelers were playing, and since Forrest was pulling for the Bengals, I was going for the Steelers. I put on a yellow and black plaid button down I swiped from Trevor with black leggings, my lace boots I got for my birthday and a leather jacket. I did a full face of make-up, I straightened my short hair, pulling it half up and half down, and wore studs in both of my piercings. I got entirely too dressed up for a sports bar but it was nice feeling good all on my own.
I planned on possible putting myself out there, maybe flirting with a few guys with no intentions of anything other than conversation that night, but the game, Forrest, and Jordan and Blake got all of my attention. It was beyond cute watching how into the game Jordan got once Blake taught her the finer points. Forrest playfully ragged on Blake. In return, Blake called him jealous and told him to go find a girl. Forrest and I shared a smile before Forrest said he was good.
When Jordan and I went to the bathroom together, she asked me if Forrest and I were dating. I laughed and quickly denied it.
"Absolutely not. Never, ever." I didn't elaborate more than that.
"Are you still friends with Serena?" She asked me as we washed our hands.
"I don't know if we're friends, but we're not enemies."
"Any idea why she would wanna talk to Blake?" Jordan continued.
"No way. What did Blake say?"
"Nothing. He just told me he's meeting with her next week."
"I don't know, but I'll try to get some more information." I promised, intrigued. I know, I was supposed to be minding my own business in 2016, but asking a friend a friendly question wasn't too invasive, right?
We went back to the table and watch the embarrassing ending of the game. Cincinnati players and their audience acted completely classless by showing poor sportsmanship. I was in the middle of a drunken tirade against the city when my phone rang at the McDonald's drive in. Forrest and I decided to stop for breakfast before he drove me home.
"Answer it. Maybe it's Rocky and she needs something." Forrest said, digging through my purse as I ignored it.
"Why wouldn't she call you?" I snatched the bag from him and fished my phone out myself. I waved it at him.
"Just answer it."
"It's not Rocky." I stuck my tongue out at him, answering the phone. I spoke with Sammy briefly before I hung up.
"We need three egg sausage muffins, 3 big Macs, 3 French fries, 3 McFlurries and Apple pies. Lots of Apple pies." I listed as I leaned over him to examine the flurry flavors.
"Whose joining us? And why lots of Apple pie?" Forrest asked.
I looked up at him. "Sammy. She broke up with Corey and is crashing with me. Apple pie makes everything better, right?"
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Me, Myself and I
"Oh, it's just me, myself and I
Solo ride until I die
'Cause I got me for life
Oh I don't need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul
I don't need anything to get me through the night
Except the beat that's in my heart
Yeah, it's keeping me alive
I don't need anything to make me satisfied
'Cause the music does me good and it gets me every time" Me, Myself and I by G-Eazy ft. Bebe Rexha
Saturday Morning, I woke up early to see Dad and Cam off to go fishing on Jake's dad boat. It was a New Year's tradition of Jake's and his dad, and Jake was nice enough to extend an invitation to my dad and Cam. I couldn't picture my dad fishing, but apparently he did it all the time growing up. Even though it was a little weird for them all to be socializing without me, I didn't fight or worry about it. One of my goals for 2016 was taking care of myself by not stressing about things I couldn't control. Anyway, what's the worst that could happen? The boat capsized? They were all strong swimmers.
That left me, Jenna, and Beatrice free for the day. Jenna called her best friend Emily and we planned to go shopping together. I called Rocky to see if she wanted to join us. Needing more maternity clothes, she agreed to join us. I went over to pick her up, telling Jenna I would meet them at the mall. Rocky invited me inside her house when I arrived to see the Christmas present Forrest got her.
I wanted to question her why she didn't post a picture on Facebook like everyone else did of presents they wanted to show off, already knowing the answer. Rocky hadn't told Brandon she was dating-she still hadn't told anyone but me. More importantly, Forrest and Rocky had yet to put a label on their relationship. My goal of worrying about myself and not stressing included not getting into other people's business, so I left my concerns to myself. Forrest and Rocky were fine with whatever they were doing, so I was fine with it too.
"Have you sent me your final guest list?" I asked Rocky as we headed to the guest room.
"It's 20 people." Rocky answered, opening the closet in the room.
"Just 20? What about all the people at your gender reveal?" I asked.
"Those were my mama's friends. They had their party. This is for Brandon's mom." She notified me.
Deborah recruited me to help out with planning the baby shower so it would be more to Rocky's taste. I dived right in and suggested a casino theme. I fell in love with the name Ace even more after hearing how Rocky came up with it. Rocky filled me in on the conversation she had with Trevor about playing the hand that you're dealt. During that conversation, she told Trevor he was an Ace and the name stuck with Rocky. That's how Bilal knew about the baby name before me- through Trevor. She decided on the name Ace Brandon Carter and I decided to tie the card metaphor into the theme of the party. Thankfully, Deborah adored the name and the theme. Now we just needed the venue and the guest for invitations.
"Make sure you send me a list with names." I requested.
"Right." She pulled out 3 wooden boxes and stacked them vertically. It spelled 'ABC' "It's Ace's initials."
"I didn't even think about that. Forrest is amazing." I smiled.
"He is, isn't he? I'm thinking about doing an alphabet theme for Ace's room." Rocky announced.
"I love that idea. Which reminds me- You and Brandon need to do a baby registry so we can put the information on the invitations."
"Alright." She exhaled loudly before we left.
We met up with Jenna, Emily and Beatrice at the mall. Emily and Jenna caught up while Rocky picked out maternity clothes and I window shopped. Or, at least, tried to. Everything I pointed out as remotely cute, Beatrice bought it. I was a jacket, a few pairs of jeans and a sports bra in before I realized what she was doing.
"Carlos wants to make sure you have everything you need. You might as well pick out what you want or I'll pick it out for you." Beatrice said in a sing songy voice.
I picked out 3 additonal pairs of shoes to pacify her with every intention of giving them to Amanda, except for one. I found a pair of Reeboks classic tennis shoes that were gold with red straps I was keeping for myself. We went to Braums for lunch before heading home. I went to put away my clothes and shoes while Jenna and Beatrice called to check on Cam and Dad.
They got back to the house an hour after we got home with a cooler full of fish.
"How is that getting to California?" I asked, watching as my brother put the fish in the refrigerator.
"It's not. It's all yours." Cam grinned.
I was gearing up to tell them I didn't wanna it, when Dad announced he was going to rest before we went out to dinner. I was stunned silent. My dad was not a napper. Ever. After Beatrice followed him, I looked at Cam, smugly. "Fishing tired him out huh? I knew he wasn't a fisherman. Who really caught all that fish?"
"He did. Jose's whiskey tired him out." Cam shook his head.
"No! How much?" I gasped, remember how strong Jake's dad homemade whiskey was.
"One cup- but from the smell of it, it's probably more alcohol than he had all last year." Cam laughed.
I laughed while pulling out my phone to text Jake.
Me: Thanks for getting my dad drunk.
Jenna left to go spend some time with Amanda. I gave her the pairs of shoes before Cam and I started cleaning the fish. I never did it before, but Cam talked me through it. After the first few, I had it down.
"I never asked you how you felt about dad getting married." Cam asked me as we worked.
"I'm cool with it." I said, neutrally, sticking to my goal. Cam gave me a look that said he didn't believe me.
"I am. It's just weird because he was so against getting married. He made it clear he didn't want to be married because he didn't want to put in the effort in a marriage." I elaborated.
"You know their marriage is not going to be your definition of husband and wife." Cam pointed out.
"Swingers?" I asked.
"No. As in, dad doesn't want a partner as a wife. He wants..." Cam thought about it.
"Someone who will follow his commands, no question asked." I finished, thinking about how quickly Beatrice forgave me and the way she brought me things because Dad told her to. "He wants a foot solider."
Cam chuckled, but thought the same. "Exactly. When a soldier's been loyal, you promote them in rank. They both get what they want."
"Well, in that case, I'm happy he found what he wanted." I nodded with a smile, even though personally I would rather be alone than take orders from anyone.
After we finished, I took a long ass shower with a peppermint scrub I got on sale the day after Christmas to get rid of the fishy smell. I was blow drying my hair when Jake texted me back.
Jake: I tried to warn him...
Me: Sure you did... I think you were trying to take advantage of him on that boat.
Jake: It worked on you...
Me: {nauseated emoji}
I put my phone away and finished getting ready. We went to Texas de Brazil because it was Cam's favorite and living in California meant living without it. Cam made reservations, but there was still a little bit of a wait which was inexcusable to my dad. I distracted him from their incompetent by making him take selfies with me. I posted it on my Facebook with a caption tagging Cam. Jenna, Amanda and Beatrice at the restaurant.
Over dinner, Beatrice talked about wedding plans and threw around dates. She was talking about having a small destination wedding this summer. Truthfully, the thought of them getting married so quickly was unsettling, but I wasn't sure why. I really was fine with him getting married. It just made me feel... lonely. I changed the subject to how Dad got drunk off Jose's moonshine.
Dad commented that Jose mentioned how disappointed he was when Jake and I broke up. I coughed on the water I was swallowing. I brushed it off, telling my dad that was a nice way of handling the awkwardness of fishing with his son's ex-girlfriend's dad. Dad pressed on, saying how Jake had nothing but good things to say about me. I told him Jake said great things about his girlfriend and changed the subject back to his wedding. I may be lonely... but not lonely enough to entertain anything happening between Jake and I again- girlfriend or not. It was a nice change that my dad didn't instantly hate Jake for dating me though.
We had a nice dinner. At the end of the night, before everyone retired to bed, I pulled my dad aside so we could talk privately. I told him everything that was going on with Bianca.
" She only has one more semester of school before she graduates. I would really appreciate it if you and Cam looked out for her." I finished.
"It's done." He agreed with no hesitation. "School should be her only concern."
"I think she's ok. I was really shocked by Patty because of how supportive she was with me when I had my miscarriage. She didn't come down at me at all. I guess she didn't expect much differently from me being my mother's daughter. She told me all she could do was pray for me like my mom. " I confided in him.
"You and you're mother are nothing alike. Don't believe any of that nonsense." He fired back, heatedly.
"I know. It just makes me wonder how my mom was treated, you know? Maybe that had something to do with why she left." I said.
"I have no idea about that Lilian." He responded.
"I know. That's why I plan to reach out to her." I confessed. It was one of the goals I planned with Christian- I wanted to talk to my mother.
"You have her contact information?"
"I don't, but Bianca's brother Benjamin is a skip chaser. He already has information on my mom. I never asked for it, but I'm going to." I informed him.
He rubbed his temple. "I'm not sure what you're expecting to find, but I'll help you in anyway I can."
"Thanks Dad. That's all I need." I said, giving him a hug.
Sunday morning, they left to go back to California. The house felt so empty without them. Without Richard popping over for renovations or the hectic holiday season, I felt lonely and bored. Now that the holidays were over, Christian was back to work in New York, obsessively combing over his album and putting the finishing touches before the release so I couldn't even bug him the way I used too.
I did my normal routine of taking Justine for a run, doing my laundry, and writing out my grocery list. Afterwards, I settled in for 49ers last season game. We only won 4 games out of 15 so our playoff dreams were crushed a long time ago. I jumped on the North Carolina bandwagon months ago. Before the game started, I sent my friends a pathetic "WYD?" text to see if anyone wanted to go out to watch the last few games of the regular season with me.
Jordan was hanging at with Blake at his job, learning how to play soccer. Amber and Sammy didn't respond. I knew Amber worked the night before, so she might still be sleep and Sammy was probably ignoring me. Rocky was out shopping for her nursery and registering for gifts with Brandon. When I found that out, I called Forrest.
"Hey, I was just texting you back." Forrest answered.
"What did it say?"
"Nothing much. Watching football and working on my syllabus for this semester."
"Waiting to this last minute huh procrastinator?"
"Not really. School doesn't start until Wednesday and my curriculum is done. This is a copy for my students."
"Wanna come over here and work on it?" I invited him.
"Why don't you come over here?" He countered.
"Because I have a ton of food left over from the party and I have a present for you. A super big, heavy present." A exaggerated.
"Ok. I'm on my way."
I heated up the leftovers and grabbed a few beers. By the time Forrest arrived, I had everything set up and even popped popcorn.
"What a great bag. Where did you get such a stylish laptop bag?" I said, fawning over the gift I got him for Christmas. He needed to retire the bag Rachel got him.
"Some crazy female gave it to me." He joked and I punched him on the arm.
"Oww." He laughed, rubbing his arm. "Still taking those boxing classes?"
"Yep. So watch it mister." I threatened him as I led him to the living room. He sat on the chaise, grabbing a handful of popcorn before lounging back.
"Where is my gift?" He asked.
"In the freezer. The biggest, heaviest bag of frozen fish. My dad and my brother went fishing with Jake and them yesterday." I said sitting besides him munching on popcorn too.
He scowled. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. I already cleaned it and shit." I said, sarcastically.
He sighed. "No really, thank you. It's just... you don't think I'm wasting my time with Rocky, do you?"
I turned and frowned at him. "Where did that come from?"
"You remember when Brandon was talking about the trip they took to Louisiana to go fishing before EJ was born?" Forrest started.
"Vaguely." I remember making fun of Christian when he thought they were talking about Venice in California and not in Louisiana. I thought the same thing, but didn't voice it like Christian did.
"He mentioned taking a trip with Rocky before the baby is born."
"Yeah, but she said no right?" I struggled to recall.
"Because she wouldn't be able to get off work." Forrest mumbled.
"I'm sure she just said that to spare his feelings. He put her on the spot." I reasoned, trying to remember the conversation. I really wasn't paying attention- Christian had asked me if I ever been to Venice beach. I hadn't and he asked me what my favorite boardwalk was. When I imparted I hadn't been to any, he looked surprised. He informed me how they were his number one date spot growing up. I responded I wasn't the type of girl he would have asked out. He called me exotic and beautiful- the first type of girl he would ask. I revealed I was also 100 pounds heavier and he wouldn't have gave me the time of day. He finally agreed, but admitted he would have regreted missing out on getting to know me. That made me feel better than him calling me beautiful.
"Maybe. I can understand her not wanting to get serious or put a label on us. I just don't understand why it has to be a secret that we're dating." Forrest began, cutting off my thoughts of Christian.
I didn't either, but I didn't say anything about it. "That's something you should talk to her about."
"That's all you're gonna tell me?"
"Yep. I love you both but it's like you said, don't worry about things that are out of my control." I said.
"The one time you decide to listen to me and mind your own business..." he rubbed his beard.
"New year, new me!" I handed him a beer. "I will say, you should never feel like anyone is wasting your time. You're too amazing for that. Rocky knows that. We just talked about it when she showed me your Christmas present. She's making it the nursery theme."
"She really liked it?"
"She loved it. I did too. I wished I would have thought of it first. It would have made a great baby shower theme." I concurred.
"It's not too late is it?"
"Yep. I already ordered the roulette wheel for the casino theme."
"Casino?"
"Yeah. Baby Ace? Cards? Poker? Casino? Las Vegas style buffet?"
"Should be a good time." He said, noncommittally.
"You're going to be there... even if you have to pretend to be my bae again." I smiled. "Speaking of, keep your summer open."
"What for?" Forrest laughed.
"My dad's wedding. I might need your bae services."
"You might have a real bae by then."
I seriously doubted that. I was good with being single, but I was definitely not in the head space to date. How would anyone even compare to the history I had with Trevor? It wouldn't even be a fair try. Besides, where do I even find available guys. Bars? Online? The grocery store? Urgh, starting brand new with someone else sounded awful. I was good riding solo, even if it was lonely at times.
"If I did, I wouldn't want to subject them to my dad that soon and scare him away."
"Why subject me to it?"
"It wouldn't be real. Besides,you scared off that guy at the lounge on my birthday! You owe me!" I exclaimed, dramatically.
"I thought I was helping you out."
"Bullshit. We were vibing."
"That was the alcohol." He shoot me down.
"Everything he said resonated with me."
"The only thing you could hear was the music."
"I saw my future in his eyes." I joked.
"It was dark. You didn't see anything."
I laughed. "You don't know that!"
"Yeah. I do. He just wanted to take you home. Don't waste your time. You're too amazing for guys like that."
"Maybe I like wasting my time."
"Don't. Spend it on someone worthy of you." Forrest lectured me. I smiled. "Or on picking out a new team. The 49ers depress me and they're not even my team."
"Fuck off Forrest!" I attacked him playfully while we laughed.
Forrest left when Rocky called and invited him over. He didn't get to see the 49ers win in overtime.
I traded my jeans for black jogging pants with my 49ers tank top and I put on my new Reeboks. I played with my hair, momentarily missing my long hair when my signature high ponytail was so short. I put my hair up in a top knot instead. I put gold shimmer on my eyes, mascara, liner and a cherry red lip. It took about 30 minutes of selfies before I got the perfect picture. The lighting was great, my pose looked natural not forced, my shoes were visible, my boobs look great, just a sliver of my navel showed from where I hooked my thumb in the waistband of my pants, and my smile looked relaxed, but pretty. I posted it with the caption:
The comments and likes came in quickly.
Jordan: Can I be a San Francisco fan too? I liked the colors.
Blake: Not in my house Jordan. Support your team... don't be delusional Lily.
Corey: What team? Oh, I just noticed the writing. Go 9ERS!
Sammy: #ThirstTrap
Dominick: Those shoes are killing me
Richard: She's wearing shoes?
Bilal: She has feet?
Amber: Yasss! Got 'em! @Sammy
Staci: You should be getting paid to promote a tea or sumthin- not football.
Jake: Have you been drinking some of that moonshine? 9ers ain't going to the Super Bowl anytime soon.
Cam: It was a rebuilding year! We'll get a good draft pick for next season. Where's the hoodie I got you Lily?...
By the time I got ready to go to bed, there were more comments and likes but I ignored them in favor of texting Christian back.
Christian: You made me a 49ERS and a Flo Rida fan all in one picture.
I smiled, pleased that he noticed my homage to Flo Rida in my baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with straps.
Me: I knew I could convert you. Are you listening to him right now?
Christian: No, Have you heard of G-Eazy? He's from California and did a track with me
Me: I have now.
Christian called and I smiled seeing his name flash across my screen. It was just easy to talk to him, especially since we decided to be friends. We were both in the same phase in our life of being content on our own. What made it even better was that we knew each other enough to be comfortable, but not very well at all. He would get to see the person I was now without any prior knowledge of who I use to be. It was a liberating feeling. I got settled into bed before I answered.
Solo ride until I die
'Cause I got me for life
Oh I don't need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul
I don't need anything to get me through the night
Except the beat that's in my heart
Yeah, it's keeping me alive
I don't need anything to make me satisfied
'Cause the music does me good and it gets me every time" Me, Myself and I by G-Eazy ft. Bebe Rexha
Saturday Morning, I woke up early to see Dad and Cam off to go fishing on Jake's dad boat. It was a New Year's tradition of Jake's and his dad, and Jake was nice enough to extend an invitation to my dad and Cam. I couldn't picture my dad fishing, but apparently he did it all the time growing up. Even though it was a little weird for them all to be socializing without me, I didn't fight or worry about it. One of my goals for 2016 was taking care of myself by not stressing about things I couldn't control. Anyway, what's the worst that could happen? The boat capsized? They were all strong swimmers.
That left me, Jenna, and Beatrice free for the day. Jenna called her best friend Emily and we planned to go shopping together. I called Rocky to see if she wanted to join us. Needing more maternity clothes, she agreed to join us. I went over to pick her up, telling Jenna I would meet them at the mall. Rocky invited me inside her house when I arrived to see the Christmas present Forrest got her.
I wanted to question her why she didn't post a picture on Facebook like everyone else did of presents they wanted to show off, already knowing the answer. Rocky hadn't told Brandon she was dating-she still hadn't told anyone but me. More importantly, Forrest and Rocky had yet to put a label on their relationship. My goal of worrying about myself and not stressing included not getting into other people's business, so I left my concerns to myself. Forrest and Rocky were fine with whatever they were doing, so I was fine with it too.
"Have you sent me your final guest list?" I asked Rocky as we headed to the guest room.
"It's 20 people." Rocky answered, opening the closet in the room.
"Just 20? What about all the people at your gender reveal?" I asked.
"Those were my mama's friends. They had their party. This is for Brandon's mom." She notified me.
Deborah recruited me to help out with planning the baby shower so it would be more to Rocky's taste. I dived right in and suggested a casino theme. I fell in love with the name Ace even more after hearing how Rocky came up with it. Rocky filled me in on the conversation she had with Trevor about playing the hand that you're dealt. During that conversation, she told Trevor he was an Ace and the name stuck with Rocky. That's how Bilal knew about the baby name before me- through Trevor. She decided on the name Ace Brandon Carter and I decided to tie the card metaphor into the theme of the party. Thankfully, Deborah adored the name and the theme. Now we just needed the venue and the guest for invitations.
"Make sure you send me a list with names." I requested.
"Right." She pulled out 3 wooden boxes and stacked them vertically. It spelled 'ABC' "It's Ace's initials."
"I didn't even think about that. Forrest is amazing." I smiled.
"He is, isn't he? I'm thinking about doing an alphabet theme for Ace's room." Rocky announced.
"I love that idea. Which reminds me- You and Brandon need to do a baby registry so we can put the information on the invitations."
"Alright." She exhaled loudly before we left.
We met up with Jenna, Emily and Beatrice at the mall. Emily and Jenna caught up while Rocky picked out maternity clothes and I window shopped. Or, at least, tried to. Everything I pointed out as remotely cute, Beatrice bought it. I was a jacket, a few pairs of jeans and a sports bra in before I realized what she was doing.
"Carlos wants to make sure you have everything you need. You might as well pick out what you want or I'll pick it out for you." Beatrice said in a sing songy voice.
I picked out 3 additonal pairs of shoes to pacify her with every intention of giving them to Amanda, except for one. I found a pair of Reeboks classic tennis shoes that were gold with red straps I was keeping for myself. We went to Braums for lunch before heading home. I went to put away my clothes and shoes while Jenna and Beatrice called to check on Cam and Dad.
They got back to the house an hour after we got home with a cooler full of fish.
"How is that getting to California?" I asked, watching as my brother put the fish in the refrigerator.
"It's not. It's all yours." Cam grinned.
I was gearing up to tell them I didn't wanna it, when Dad announced he was going to rest before we went out to dinner. I was stunned silent. My dad was not a napper. Ever. After Beatrice followed him, I looked at Cam, smugly. "Fishing tired him out huh? I knew he wasn't a fisherman. Who really caught all that fish?"
"He did. Jose's whiskey tired him out." Cam shook his head.
"No! How much?" I gasped, remember how strong Jake's dad homemade whiskey was.
"One cup- but from the smell of it, it's probably more alcohol than he had all last year." Cam laughed.
I laughed while pulling out my phone to text Jake.
Me: Thanks for getting my dad drunk.
Jenna left to go spend some time with Amanda. I gave her the pairs of shoes before Cam and I started cleaning the fish. I never did it before, but Cam talked me through it. After the first few, I had it down.
"I never asked you how you felt about dad getting married." Cam asked me as we worked.
"I'm cool with it." I said, neutrally, sticking to my goal. Cam gave me a look that said he didn't believe me.
"I am. It's just weird because he was so against getting married. He made it clear he didn't want to be married because he didn't want to put in the effort in a marriage." I elaborated.
"You know their marriage is not going to be your definition of husband and wife." Cam pointed out.
"Swingers?" I asked.
"No. As in, dad doesn't want a partner as a wife. He wants..." Cam thought about it.
"Someone who will follow his commands, no question asked." I finished, thinking about how quickly Beatrice forgave me and the way she brought me things because Dad told her to. "He wants a foot solider."
Cam chuckled, but thought the same. "Exactly. When a soldier's been loyal, you promote them in rank. They both get what they want."
"Well, in that case, I'm happy he found what he wanted." I nodded with a smile, even though personally I would rather be alone than take orders from anyone.
After we finished, I took a long ass shower with a peppermint scrub I got on sale the day after Christmas to get rid of the fishy smell. I was blow drying my hair when Jake texted me back.
Jake: I tried to warn him...
Me: Sure you did... I think you were trying to take advantage of him on that boat.
Jake: It worked on you...
Me: {nauseated emoji}
I put my phone away and finished getting ready. We went to Texas de Brazil because it was Cam's favorite and living in California meant living without it. Cam made reservations, but there was still a little bit of a wait which was inexcusable to my dad. I distracted him from their incompetent by making him take selfies with me. I posted it on my Facebook with a caption tagging Cam. Jenna, Amanda and Beatrice at the restaurant.
Over dinner, Beatrice talked about wedding plans and threw around dates. She was talking about having a small destination wedding this summer. Truthfully, the thought of them getting married so quickly was unsettling, but I wasn't sure why. I really was fine with him getting married. It just made me feel... lonely. I changed the subject to how Dad got drunk off Jose's moonshine.
Dad commented that Jose mentioned how disappointed he was when Jake and I broke up. I coughed on the water I was swallowing. I brushed it off, telling my dad that was a nice way of handling the awkwardness of fishing with his son's ex-girlfriend's dad. Dad pressed on, saying how Jake had nothing but good things to say about me. I told him Jake said great things about his girlfriend and changed the subject back to his wedding. I may be lonely... but not lonely enough to entertain anything happening between Jake and I again- girlfriend or not. It was a nice change that my dad didn't instantly hate Jake for dating me though.
We had a nice dinner. At the end of the night, before everyone retired to bed, I pulled my dad aside so we could talk privately. I told him everything that was going on with Bianca.
" She only has one more semester of school before she graduates. I would really appreciate it if you and Cam looked out for her." I finished.
"It's done." He agreed with no hesitation. "School should be her only concern."
"I think she's ok. I was really shocked by Patty because of how supportive she was with me when I had my miscarriage. She didn't come down at me at all. I guess she didn't expect much differently from me being my mother's daughter. She told me all she could do was pray for me like my mom. " I confided in him.
"You and you're mother are nothing alike. Don't believe any of that nonsense." He fired back, heatedly.
"I know. It just makes me wonder how my mom was treated, you know? Maybe that had something to do with why she left." I said.
"I have no idea about that Lilian." He responded.
"I know. That's why I plan to reach out to her." I confessed. It was one of the goals I planned with Christian- I wanted to talk to my mother.
"You have her contact information?"
"I don't, but Bianca's brother Benjamin is a skip chaser. He already has information on my mom. I never asked for it, but I'm going to." I informed him.
He rubbed his temple. "I'm not sure what you're expecting to find, but I'll help you in anyway I can."
"Thanks Dad. That's all I need." I said, giving him a hug.
Sunday morning, they left to go back to California. The house felt so empty without them. Without Richard popping over for renovations or the hectic holiday season, I felt lonely and bored. Now that the holidays were over, Christian was back to work in New York, obsessively combing over his album and putting the finishing touches before the release so I couldn't even bug him the way I used too.
I did my normal routine of taking Justine for a run, doing my laundry, and writing out my grocery list. Afterwards, I settled in for 49ers last season game. We only won 4 games out of 15 so our playoff dreams were crushed a long time ago. I jumped on the North Carolina bandwagon months ago. Before the game started, I sent my friends a pathetic "WYD?" text to see if anyone wanted to go out to watch the last few games of the regular season with me.
Jordan was hanging at with Blake at his job, learning how to play soccer. Amber and Sammy didn't respond. I knew Amber worked the night before, so she might still be sleep and Sammy was probably ignoring me. Rocky was out shopping for her nursery and registering for gifts with Brandon. When I found that out, I called Forrest.
"Hey, I was just texting you back." Forrest answered.
"What did it say?"
"Nothing much. Watching football and working on my syllabus for this semester."
"Waiting to this last minute huh procrastinator?"
"Not really. School doesn't start until Wednesday and my curriculum is done. This is a copy for my students."
"Wanna come over here and work on it?" I invited him.
"Why don't you come over here?" He countered.
"Because I have a ton of food left over from the party and I have a present for you. A super big, heavy present." A exaggerated.
"Ok. I'm on my way."
I heated up the leftovers and grabbed a few beers. By the time Forrest arrived, I had everything set up and even popped popcorn.
"What a great bag. Where did you get such a stylish laptop bag?" I said, fawning over the gift I got him for Christmas. He needed to retire the bag Rachel got him.
"Some crazy female gave it to me." He joked and I punched him on the arm.
"Oww." He laughed, rubbing his arm. "Still taking those boxing classes?"
"Yep. So watch it mister." I threatened him as I led him to the living room. He sat on the chaise, grabbing a handful of popcorn before lounging back.
"Where is my gift?" He asked.
"In the freezer. The biggest, heaviest bag of frozen fish. My dad and my brother went fishing with Jake and them yesterday." I said sitting besides him munching on popcorn too.
He scowled. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. I already cleaned it and shit." I said, sarcastically.
He sighed. "No really, thank you. It's just... you don't think I'm wasting my time with Rocky, do you?"
I turned and frowned at him. "Where did that come from?"
"You remember when Brandon was talking about the trip they took to Louisiana to go fishing before EJ was born?" Forrest started.
"Vaguely." I remember making fun of Christian when he thought they were talking about Venice in California and not in Louisiana. I thought the same thing, but didn't voice it like Christian did.
"He mentioned taking a trip with Rocky before the baby is born."
"Yeah, but she said no right?" I struggled to recall.
"Because she wouldn't be able to get off work." Forrest mumbled.
"I'm sure she just said that to spare his feelings. He put her on the spot." I reasoned, trying to remember the conversation. I really wasn't paying attention- Christian had asked me if I ever been to Venice beach. I hadn't and he asked me what my favorite boardwalk was. When I imparted I hadn't been to any, he looked surprised. He informed me how they were his number one date spot growing up. I responded I wasn't the type of girl he would have asked out. He called me exotic and beautiful- the first type of girl he would ask. I revealed I was also 100 pounds heavier and he wouldn't have gave me the time of day. He finally agreed, but admitted he would have regreted missing out on getting to know me. That made me feel better than him calling me beautiful.
"Maybe. I can understand her not wanting to get serious or put a label on us. I just don't understand why it has to be a secret that we're dating." Forrest began, cutting off my thoughts of Christian.
I didn't either, but I didn't say anything about it. "That's something you should talk to her about."
"That's all you're gonna tell me?"
"Yep. I love you both but it's like you said, don't worry about things that are out of my control." I said.
"The one time you decide to listen to me and mind your own business..." he rubbed his beard.
"New year, new me!" I handed him a beer. "I will say, you should never feel like anyone is wasting your time. You're too amazing for that. Rocky knows that. We just talked about it when she showed me your Christmas present. She's making it the nursery theme."
"She really liked it?"
"She loved it. I did too. I wished I would have thought of it first. It would have made a great baby shower theme." I concurred.
"It's not too late is it?"
"Yep. I already ordered the roulette wheel for the casino theme."
"Casino?"
"Yeah. Baby Ace? Cards? Poker? Casino? Las Vegas style buffet?"
"Should be a good time." He said, noncommittally.
"You're going to be there... even if you have to pretend to be my bae again." I smiled. "Speaking of, keep your summer open."
"What for?" Forrest laughed.
"My dad's wedding. I might need your bae services."
"You might have a real bae by then."
I seriously doubted that. I was good with being single, but I was definitely not in the head space to date. How would anyone even compare to the history I had with Trevor? It wouldn't even be a fair try. Besides, where do I even find available guys. Bars? Online? The grocery store? Urgh, starting brand new with someone else sounded awful. I was good riding solo, even if it was lonely at times.
"If I did, I wouldn't want to subject them to my dad that soon and scare him away."
"Why subject me to it?"
"It wouldn't be real. Besides,you scared off that guy at the lounge on my birthday! You owe me!" I exclaimed, dramatically.
"I thought I was helping you out."
"Bullshit. We were vibing."
"That was the alcohol." He shoot me down.
"Everything he said resonated with me."
"The only thing you could hear was the music."
"I saw my future in his eyes." I joked.
"It was dark. You didn't see anything."
I laughed. "You don't know that!"
"Yeah. I do. He just wanted to take you home. Don't waste your time. You're too amazing for guys like that."
"Maybe I like wasting my time."
"Don't. Spend it on someone worthy of you." Forrest lectured me. I smiled. "Or on picking out a new team. The 49ers depress me and they're not even my team."
"Fuck off Forrest!" I attacked him playfully while we laughed.
Forrest left when Rocky called and invited him over. He didn't get to see the 49ers win in overtime.
I traded my jeans for black jogging pants with my 49ers tank top and I put on my new Reeboks. I played with my hair, momentarily missing my long hair when my signature high ponytail was so short. I put my hair up in a top knot instead. I put gold shimmer on my eyes, mascara, liner and a cherry red lip. It took about 30 minutes of selfies before I got the perfect picture. The lighting was great, my pose looked natural not forced, my shoes were visible, my boobs look great, just a sliver of my navel showed from where I hooked my thumb in the waistband of my pants, and my smile looked relaxed, but pretty. I posted it with the caption:
Win, lose or tie. 9ERS for life!!! Super Bowl
50 still in San Francisco. Leggo!
#NinerNation #ReadyForNextSeason #SuperBowl51InHTown #BowDownBitches
The comments and likes came in quickly.
Jordan: Can I be a San Francisco fan too? I liked the colors.
Blake: Not in my house Jordan. Support your team... don't be delusional Lily.
Corey: What team? Oh, I just noticed the writing. Go 9ERS!
Sammy: #ThirstTrap
Dominick: Those shoes are killing me
Richard: She's wearing shoes?
Bilal: She has feet?
Amber: Yasss! Got 'em! @Sammy
Staci: You should be getting paid to promote a tea or sumthin- not football.
Jake: Have you been drinking some of that moonshine? 9ers ain't going to the Super Bowl anytime soon.
Cam: It was a rebuilding year! We'll get a good draft pick for next season. Where's the hoodie I got you Lily?...
By the time I got ready to go to bed, there were more comments and likes but I ignored them in favor of texting Christian back.
Christian: You made me a 49ERS and a Flo Rida fan all in one picture.
I smiled, pleased that he noticed my homage to Flo Rida in my baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with straps.
Me: I knew I could convert you. Are you listening to him right now?
Christian: No, Have you heard of G-Eazy? He's from California and did a track with me
Me: I have now.
Christian called and I smiled seeing his name flash across my screen. It was just easy to talk to him, especially since we decided to be friends. We were both in the same phase in our life of being content on our own. What made it even better was that we knew each other enough to be comfortable, but not very well at all. He would get to see the person I was now without any prior knowledge of who I use to be. It was a liberating feeling. I got settled into bed before I answered.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Auld Lang Syne (Outro)
"And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne." Auld Lang Syne
"Staci, Amber, Ressa, Jackie- this is Christian. Everybody, this is Christian." I announced as we greeted the few girls in the living room.
"Hey everybody." Christian said, flashing his great smile as I took his present and put it on an end table.
"I'm Staci." Staci said, returning his smile and shaking his hand. "Can I just say you can do much better than Noelle? She comes off like a major bitch on her show. "
"Yeah... it's great TV." He said, his smile fading the tiniest bit. "Nice to meet you."
"Hey Christian. I'm glad you made it." Amber said, brightly, taking a break from wrestling New Year's suspenders on Robbie.
"Me too." Christian said, looking over at me. I smiled at him.
"We've met before. Good to see you again." Jackie sauntered over, giving him a hug which Christian returned. When she held him a nano second too long, I cleared my throat and hopped back on my hooverboard.
"Christian, let me give you the first official tour. Follow me." I said as he pulled away from Jackie.
"She was serious about that hooverboard." Jackie muttered under her breath to Amber.
"I was. I need my theme song too. Christian, just imagine My House playing when I opened the door." I said to Christian.
When he turned around to face me, Staci gave me a thumbs up as she looked him over. He did look incredible in dark fitted jeans, a white v-neck and a teal suede bomber jacket pushed up, showing of the music bar tattoo that ran around his arm. I teased him mercilessly when I found out the notes were to Carol King's So Far Away. I quickly shut up and apologized when he explained he got it for him mom after she passed away. He laughed it off, but I couldn't help wondering what the rest of his tattoos meant and if he had any I haven't seen...
"Flo Rida? I'd rather not imagine any of his songs." Christian said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Whatever. You know you were all about the Apple Bottom jeans and the boots with the fur." I recited Flo Rida's song.
"I actually preferred baggy sweat pants and the Reebok's with the straps." He recited back.
I laughed before showing off all the renovations I did downstairs. Rocky was napping in my room, so we skipped it and went upstairs. I showed him the guest rooms before we stopped in the sitting area, watching Staci's daughter Cherish, Jackie's daughter Ressa, and Amber's daughters April and Krista playing Just Dance 2016.
"So I see where you got your dance moves." Christian accused me.
"That's right. I've mastered every Just Dance there is." I confessed.
Christian chuckled before looking over the banister to the front door. "You did a really great job with the house." Christian complimented me. "I'm sure your Aunt is going to regret that she didn't come."
"Yeah." I said, pushing away the lingering hurt I felt about my last conversation with my aunt.
"She kicked me out." Bianca cried when I finally called her back Christmas Eve.
I just got home from Monica's, an athletic trainer, and her husband Trent's Christmas Eve white elephant party. It was a tradition they started for everyone who had to work because of the basketball season. I didn't really know Monica nor Trent very well, but at the volunteer event, they seemed really nice and down to earth, so I decided to go. I spent my night socializing and getting to know everyone and ignored Bianca's call.
"What? Your name is on the lease. Those bitches can't kick you out!" I declared.
"Hey!" The voice I recognized as Gayle in the background protested.
"No. My mom." Bianca cried.
She explained that on Christmas Eve, tried of the whispers, disapproving looks and hiding her true feelings, she told her mom the truth: She is a lesbian and is dating a woman. Aunt Patty promptly kicked her out her house, telling her not to come back until she was ready to repent for her sins and stop her deviant behavior.
"I don't even know why I'm upset. I knew she wouldn't understand. I just don't get how she can preach God's words and forgiveness and.. repenting then throw me out her house in the same breath." Bianca sniffled.
"Because she's a fucking hypocrite B. You don't need her." Gayle spoke up.
I immediately spoke up to defend Aunt Patty. "I'm sure she's in shock Bianca. Let me talk to her ok?" I promised her.
I stayed on the phone comforting her until she fell asleep. It was too late to call Aunt Patty, but I called first thing the next morning. After wishing her a Merry Christmas, I brought up Bianca.
"Until she gives up her lifestyle, there is nothing to discuss." Aunt Patty said, finally.
"She's your daughter and she needs you. You may not agree with what's she's doing, but I know you love her-" I reasoned.
"I love the Lord. She can live in sin but I will have nothing to do with that."
"Patty, that's cruel. All she did is fall in love someone..."
"It's a sin, not love. I raised her to follow His word. She knows better."
"You raised Brittany too. She has kids and has never been married. Premarital sex is a sin but she's a part of your life." I pointed out, gently.
"Children are a blessing from God. She repented and God forgives her sins." Patty defended her.
"Brittany is living with a man Aunt Patty! Does she repent every Sunday? Is that all Bianca has to do to live in sin?" I argued, passionately, losing what little patience I had.
"And stop sinning."
"Come on Patty! Brittany is still having premarital sex- I don't care what she tells you! I've had sex lots of times and I never repented for it. Am I not allowed in your house now?" I snapped at her, frustrated by her hypocrisy.
"I didn't raise you! All I could do was pray for you like I did for your mother! You two made your own mistakes." She snapped back.
I don't know what was more devastating- being called a mistake or being compared to my mother. I hung up on her after that. I went to work, updated all the patient's chart, read and replied to e-mails and rewrote the huddle board. At lunch, I texted my friends and family to wish them a merry Christmas. Christian called me back. Since the clinic was empty, I answered and we talked.
I told him about the party I went to the night before. All the gifts had to be less than $10 and a gag gift. My gift was Beats by Dre- literally a can of beets with Dr. Dre's picture on them. The other gag gifts included a couple of bags of coal, Donald Trump bumper stickers, toilet paper (for all the shitty gifts), already scratched loser lotto tickets, batteries with a note that said: gift not included, a box of condoms with a hole drilled through the middle, and a potty putter. I picked a can of nuts with a homemade label that read: Deez Nuts.
Christian laughed as I described the party, then he asked me what was wrong. I tried to play him off, but he stopped me.
"If you don't wanna talk about it, just say so but I know something's up. I can hear it in your voice." Christian commented.
I sighed then vented to him about the phone call I just had with my Aunt.
He advised me to let everyone cool down and try to get them to work it out together. The immature me wanted to say fuck Patty and leave it alone, but I knew that wouldn't help Bianca at all. I wanted to find out what she meant about my mother as well. That's where the idea of having a home warming came up- a way to get my family together, on neutral grounds, to air everything out.
With no reason, excuse or explanation, Aunt Patty flat out told me no. Bianca made plans to go to Las Vegas with Noelle. At first all I wanted to do was spend New Year's alone; wallowing in how screwed up my family is and how my plans to start my own family with Trevor tanked. I talked it over with Dr. Pereira and it helped me appreciate the family and friends I had even more. I decided to have the party anyway.
"I need to go downstairs and check on the food. I still have some of Deez Nuts if you're hungry." I said, heading down the stairs.
"I'll pass." He smiled, following me.
I checked on the food, making sure everything was still warm, before the doorbell rang.
I hopped on my hooverboard to answer it.
"Hey Dad." I said, letting him and Beatrice in when I opened the door.
"Are you supposed to ride those indoors?" My dad asked.
"Who knows." I hopped off and gave him a hug before turning to Beatrice. "Hi Beatrice." I greeted her.
When she reached out for a hug too, I followed her lead. I tried to apologize for my outburst at Thanksgiving, but she wouldn't hear it. She just wanted to move forward, so I honored her request.
"You look so pretty. I love your hair short." She complimented me.
"Thank you. So do you. C'mon in, let me introduce you to everyone so far." I took her arm and led her in the living room. I introduced everyone, saving Christian for last.
Rocky emerged from her nap, surprised to see Christian.
"Did you tell Sammy he was coming?" Rocky asked when I retreated to the kitchen to grab drinks.
Rocky knew things were tense between Sammy and I. We had an unofficial truce- She never apologized or brought Trevor up again and I didn't call her out on her bitchy behavior.
"You mean, did I run my guest list by her? Nope." I scoffed.
Rocky just smiled, pleased.
My brother arrived next with Jenna and I gave them a hug before taking them on a tour. At the end, I eagerly turned to Cam to ask about Trevor's party.
"It was good. More low key than the Halloween party."
"How was he?" I asked, needing more information on Trevor, not the party.
"He's good Lily. Same old Trevor. Ready to get his life back."
I tried to stop my stomach from flipping excitedly. "He wasn't faking being excited, right? He might do that to hide his true feelings?"
"No. I don't think he was faking." Cam shook his head.
"What about you Jenna-you study behavior for a living. Did he give you a bad vibe?"
"No. You can tell he's uncomfortable with the colostomy bag because he brought it up, both other than that, he seems really fine."
My heart dropped. "Colostomy bag? He has to have one? Permanently?" I questioned.
"No, temporary. The surgery on his colon-" Jenna started to explain.
"I know why he would need one. He didn't tell me he needed one. He promised to keep me updated about his health." I said, disappointed that he didn't keep his word.
"He might have been embarrassed-" Cam said as the doorbell rang.
"Excuse me." I said, shortly, leaving. I hopped on my hooverboard, determined to stay positive and have a good time.
Ethan, his parents and EJ were at the door. I smiled, genuinely glad they came.
"Wow. Lily, can I ride that?!?" EJ exclaimed.
"If your dad says it's ok." I said, hopping off.
"I need to get one of those so I can get around the house faster." Al smiled at my hooverboard.
"Weren't those on the news recently for blowing up?" Ethan frowned up at me.
"Not sure. My brother got it for me. You can debate with him his intentions of blowing me up." I said, jokingly.
"Maybe later." He said.
"EJ, the kids are upstairs playing with the XBox. Wanna show them how it's done?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said, running up the stairs.
"Lily, this is beautiful." Deborah smiled, looking around.
"Thank you, but hold your opinions until I take you on the tour Deborah." I beamed.
I took them over to meet my dad and Beatrice. I knew my dad was anxious to meet the family I spent Christmas with. As they chatted, I pulled Ethan aside. "Come here. I wanna show you something."
I led him to my hallway closet. I opened the door and let him look inside.
"Very... clean." He said, confused by my excitement.
"I cleaned it out. I'm leaving this closet empty so if we have anymore severe weather, this is where Justine and I will be." I grinned proudly.
He nodded in understanding and stepped into the closet. It was under the stairs, so it was deep and had plenty of room. I used to keep my random storage containers in the closet, but I moved them to the garage.
"This is perfect." Ethan informed me, looking back at me as I followed him in.
"And look at this." I said, pulling out a battery operated radio, flashlight and first aid kit.
"See? Didn't take much to be prepared, did it?" Ethan asked.
"No. Know let's prepare you for party games. What are you drinking?" I asked him, grinning.
After my talk with my aunt, I was ready to spend Christmas alone. I was already feeling weird about intruding on the Carters' Christmas. My aunt's comments made me feel like a complete outsider with my own blood; how would I feel around someone else's family? Once Deborah found out I had to work and wasn't going home, she talked me into to coming to her house. The lure of a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook finally won me over and I went as planned. I don't know why I even worried. The Carters always made me feel so comfortable around them. Amber and Will were there too, so I didn't feel like I was intruding at all. I had a great time. We had rib roast, crab legs, baked potatoes, broccoli gratin, asparagus, sweet potatoe casserole and pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Mrs. Carter even put meat aside for Justine. After stuffing ourselves, we walked off the food looking at Christmas display lights.
I spent the night and the next morning, I woke up before the sun to catch after Christmas sales with Deborah and Amber. I didn't put a tree up this year, but I bought an artificial one and ornaments for half price. I found the cutest "A Christmas Story" ornaments that I was so excited about being my theme for Christmas next year. I told EJ I was buying him a pink bunny suit, and he had no idea what I was talking about.
"You haven't seen A Christmas Story?!? We're watching it today!" I decided.
Amber and Will had to leave because they both had to work, but I stayed to watched "A Christmas Story". EJ liked it, but he loved Home Alone and Home Alone 2 much better. I made him watch those when I found out he hadn't seen them. I was getting ready to leave when Ethan stopped me.
"There's bad weather in our area. Why don't you leave after the storms pass through?" Ethan suggested.
After assuring him I would be fine, I reluctantly caved when he asked me to stay for his sake. I was so glad I did. The tornado watch turned into a warning as a storms touched down all around the metroplex. One storm was heading right in our direction. We made our way over to a neighbor's house and their storm shelter. While Albert called to check on his daughter, Deborah talked to the neighbors and Ethan set up the portable radio to a news station, I huddled next to EJ, feeling very much like a helpless child. EJ was too quiet, I got him to play thumb war, rock paper scissors, hand slap reflex game and anything else I could think of as we waited out the storm.
The tornado skipped over the area of McKinney we were in. The only damage was debris in the yard and pool. When we went back into the house and turned on the news, we watched as the tornado count and lost lives increased. It was disturbing, and I was definitely rattled seeing the vehicles on the road that were hit by a tornado.
I stayed another night. Justine fell asleep beside me, but I was having trouble falling asleep too. After tossing and turning, I got up, thinking about a slice of cake as I made my way quietly to the kitchen.
Ethan was already there, pulling out a glass when I joined him.
"I'm about to have a drink. Would you like one?" He offered.
"Yes please."
"What can I get you?"
"Whatever goes good with cake."
He cut me a slice of cake and poured me a glass of milk before pouring a glass of brandy.
"I don't think I've seen you drink straight alcohol before. Or mixed drinks. Or a shot. Anything not beer or wine."
"I normally don't." He said, coolly. I felt like something was wrong.
"Is your sister ok?" I asked. I already knew Brandon was fine.
"Yes, they had roof damage but everyone's ok." Ethan answered.
"Serena?" I questioned.
"She's fine." He replied, finishing his drink. "Are you ok? You're not eating."
"Oh... just shockingly amazed by how unprepared for life I am." I admitted.
"How so?"
"I would have tried to drive home and beat the storm. I have no idea what I would have done if I was at home alone. I never plan for anything. I'm so impulsive. You know I bought a fire pit with your gift card? I told myself it was practical because it gave heat. I should have bought a tornado shelter... or a panic room." I spewed.
"You don't need those. If you're at home, go to the lowest floor, away from windows. The bathroom is probably the best place to be. In the tub with mattress on top of you."
"On top?"
"To protect you from debris."
"See? Why didn't I know that?"
"California doesn't get that many tornadoes."
"I live in Texas now. I should know this stuff."
"You know the things that can't be taught. Look at the way you keep EJ calm." Ethan complimented me.
"He was calm the whole time. He took my mind off everything by playing games with me." I waved him off.
"This was EJ's first time in a tornado shelter. He asked me numerous questions about tornadoes when I put him to bed. You comforted him when he needed it. He may not have shown it, but he was scared."
I smiled and took a bite of my cake. "He's kinda like you in that regard. Very... stoic."
"Is that a liability or asset?"
"Neither... both. You're always stay calm, but it's impossible to tell what you're feeling." I answered.
I ate my cake, the air suddenly tense between us, until I smiled."Except when EJ is mad. He gets a major attitude and throws a ton of shade."
Ethan smirked. "He gets that from his mom."
"Right. Cause you never lose your cool." I smirked back.
After I got Ethan a beer, I tended to the rest of my guest that arrived. Sammy and Corey came together. If she was upset about seeing Christian, she kept it to herself. Brandon, Jake, Omar, Kelly, and baby Octavia showed up together. Dino wasn't able to come because she was working, but Jake came with tamales I took enthusiastically. Forrest, Blake and Jordan arrived at the same time. Monica and her husband Trent even stopped by for a couple of hours. After everyone got food and drinks, Rocky started the games. We played a 2015 addition of Who am I- one person had the nametag of a famous person on their back and they had to ask yes or no questions to figure out who they had. Every person was relevant in 2015.
Christian got Rachel Dolezal and was having trouble figurinh out why she was famous. When he found out she wasn't an actress, musician, athlete, socialite, Internet star, politician, or writer, he was stomped.
"Ask me if she's white!" I told him when he got to me.
"Is she white?"
"Yes, but she passed as black!" I responded, causing everyone to laugh. He knew who I was talking about, but couldn't recall her name.
Richard and Dominick came right before we played Taglines. Popular taglines and quotes from 2015 movies were read and you had to guess the movie. Christian apparently hadn't seen anything, including trailers. When he didn't get "The Park is Open" as Jurassic World, I kicked him off my team for sucking so bad.
I regretted it when we got to doo wop. It was a game where you had to sing the melodies of popular songs in 2015 singing only "do" and your team had to guess the song. He was the only one whose pop music knowledge was as strong as mine. Our teams were neck and neck. His team won when Amanda did the whip and nae nae while she sang.
"That's cheating! You can't dance!" I pointed at them.
"I'll allow it." Rocky decided. Since she put the games together, she was officiating.
"Bullsh- crap!" I cleaned up, censoring myself as I stomped my feet.
"You shouldn't talk to the referee like that." Christian smiled.
"Yeah. Minus 5 points from your team." Rocky decided.
"You know what? Party over. Everybody out!" I yelled, faux kicking them out.
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne." Auld Lang Syne
"Staci, Amber, Ressa, Jackie- this is Christian. Everybody, this is Christian." I announced as we greeted the few girls in the living room.
"Hey everybody." Christian said, flashing his great smile as I took his present and put it on an end table.
"I'm Staci." Staci said, returning his smile and shaking his hand. "Can I just say you can do much better than Noelle? She comes off like a major bitch on her show. "
"Yeah... it's great TV." He said, his smile fading the tiniest bit. "Nice to meet you."
"Hey Christian. I'm glad you made it." Amber said, brightly, taking a break from wrestling New Year's suspenders on Robbie.
"Me too." Christian said, looking over at me. I smiled at him.
"We've met before. Good to see you again." Jackie sauntered over, giving him a hug which Christian returned. When she held him a nano second too long, I cleared my throat and hopped back on my hooverboard.
"Christian, let me give you the first official tour. Follow me." I said as he pulled away from Jackie.
"She was serious about that hooverboard." Jackie muttered under her breath to Amber.
"I was. I need my theme song too. Christian, just imagine My House playing when I opened the door." I said to Christian.
When he turned around to face me, Staci gave me a thumbs up as she looked him over. He did look incredible in dark fitted jeans, a white v-neck and a teal suede bomber jacket pushed up, showing of the music bar tattoo that ran around his arm. I teased him mercilessly when I found out the notes were to Carol King's So Far Away. I quickly shut up and apologized when he explained he got it for him mom after she passed away. He laughed it off, but I couldn't help wondering what the rest of his tattoos meant and if he had any I haven't seen...
"Flo Rida? I'd rather not imagine any of his songs." Christian said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Whatever. You know you were all about the Apple Bottom jeans and the boots with the fur." I recited Flo Rida's song.
"I actually preferred baggy sweat pants and the Reebok's with the straps." He recited back.
I laughed before showing off all the renovations I did downstairs. Rocky was napping in my room, so we skipped it and went upstairs. I showed him the guest rooms before we stopped in the sitting area, watching Staci's daughter Cherish, Jackie's daughter Ressa, and Amber's daughters April and Krista playing Just Dance 2016.
"So I see where you got your dance moves." Christian accused me.
"That's right. I've mastered every Just Dance there is." I confessed.
Christian chuckled before looking over the banister to the front door. "You did a really great job with the house." Christian complimented me. "I'm sure your Aunt is going to regret that she didn't come."
"Yeah." I said, pushing away the lingering hurt I felt about my last conversation with my aunt.
FLASHBACK
"She kicked me out." Bianca cried when I finally called her back Christmas Eve.
I just got home from Monica's, an athletic trainer, and her husband Trent's Christmas Eve white elephant party. It was a tradition they started for everyone who had to work because of the basketball season. I didn't really know Monica nor Trent very well, but at the volunteer event, they seemed really nice and down to earth, so I decided to go. I spent my night socializing and getting to know everyone and ignored Bianca's call.
"What? Your name is on the lease. Those bitches can't kick you out!" I declared.
"Hey!" The voice I recognized as Gayle in the background protested.
"No. My mom." Bianca cried.
She explained that on Christmas Eve, tried of the whispers, disapproving looks and hiding her true feelings, she told her mom the truth: She is a lesbian and is dating a woman. Aunt Patty promptly kicked her out her house, telling her not to come back until she was ready to repent for her sins and stop her deviant behavior.
"I don't even know why I'm upset. I knew she wouldn't understand. I just don't get how she can preach God's words and forgiveness and.. repenting then throw me out her house in the same breath." Bianca sniffled.
"Because she's a fucking hypocrite B. You don't need her." Gayle spoke up.
I immediately spoke up to defend Aunt Patty. "I'm sure she's in shock Bianca. Let me talk to her ok?" I promised her.
I stayed on the phone comforting her until she fell asleep. It was too late to call Aunt Patty, but I called first thing the next morning. After wishing her a Merry Christmas, I brought up Bianca.
"Until she gives up her lifestyle, there is nothing to discuss." Aunt Patty said, finally.
"She's your daughter and she needs you. You may not agree with what's she's doing, but I know you love her-" I reasoned.
"I love the Lord. She can live in sin but I will have nothing to do with that."
"Patty, that's cruel. All she did is fall in love someone..."
"It's a sin, not love. I raised her to follow His word. She knows better."
"You raised Brittany too. She has kids and has never been married. Premarital sex is a sin but she's a part of your life." I pointed out, gently.
"Children are a blessing from God. She repented and God forgives her sins." Patty defended her.
"Brittany is living with a man Aunt Patty! Does she repent every Sunday? Is that all Bianca has to do to live in sin?" I argued, passionately, losing what little patience I had.
"And stop sinning."
"Come on Patty! Brittany is still having premarital sex- I don't care what she tells you! I've had sex lots of times and I never repented for it. Am I not allowed in your house now?" I snapped at her, frustrated by her hypocrisy.
"I didn't raise you! All I could do was pray for you like I did for your mother! You two made your own mistakes." She snapped back.
I don't know what was more devastating- being called a mistake or being compared to my mother. I hung up on her after that. I went to work, updated all the patient's chart, read and replied to e-mails and rewrote the huddle board. At lunch, I texted my friends and family to wish them a merry Christmas. Christian called me back. Since the clinic was empty, I answered and we talked.
I told him about the party I went to the night before. All the gifts had to be less than $10 and a gag gift. My gift was Beats by Dre- literally a can of beets with Dr. Dre's picture on them. The other gag gifts included a couple of bags of coal, Donald Trump bumper stickers, toilet paper (for all the shitty gifts), already scratched loser lotto tickets, batteries with a note that said: gift not included, a box of condoms with a hole drilled through the middle, and a potty putter. I picked a can of nuts with a homemade label that read: Deez Nuts.
Christian laughed as I described the party, then he asked me what was wrong. I tried to play him off, but he stopped me.
"If you don't wanna talk about it, just say so but I know something's up. I can hear it in your voice." Christian commented.
I sighed then vented to him about the phone call I just had with my Aunt.
He advised me to let everyone cool down and try to get them to work it out together. The immature me wanted to say fuck Patty and leave it alone, but I knew that wouldn't help Bianca at all. I wanted to find out what she meant about my mother as well. That's where the idea of having a home warming came up- a way to get my family together, on neutral grounds, to air everything out.
With no reason, excuse or explanation, Aunt Patty flat out told me no. Bianca made plans to go to Las Vegas with Noelle. At first all I wanted to do was spend New Year's alone; wallowing in how screwed up my family is and how my plans to start my own family with Trevor tanked. I talked it over with Dr. Pereira and it helped me appreciate the family and friends I had even more. I decided to have the party anyway.
PRESENT
"I need to go downstairs and check on the food. I still have some of Deez Nuts if you're hungry." I said, heading down the stairs.
"I'll pass." He smiled, following me.
I checked on the food, making sure everything was still warm, before the doorbell rang.
I hopped on my hooverboard to answer it.
"Hey Dad." I said, letting him and Beatrice in when I opened the door.
"Are you supposed to ride those indoors?" My dad asked.
"Who knows." I hopped off and gave him a hug before turning to Beatrice. "Hi Beatrice." I greeted her.
When she reached out for a hug too, I followed her lead. I tried to apologize for my outburst at Thanksgiving, but she wouldn't hear it. She just wanted to move forward, so I honored her request.
"You look so pretty. I love your hair short." She complimented me.
"Thank you. So do you. C'mon in, let me introduce you to everyone so far." I took her arm and led her in the living room. I introduced everyone, saving Christian for last.
Rocky emerged from her nap, surprised to see Christian.
"Did you tell Sammy he was coming?" Rocky asked when I retreated to the kitchen to grab drinks.
Rocky knew things were tense between Sammy and I. We had an unofficial truce- She never apologized or brought Trevor up again and I didn't call her out on her bitchy behavior.
"You mean, did I run my guest list by her? Nope." I scoffed.
Rocky just smiled, pleased.
My brother arrived next with Jenna and I gave them a hug before taking them on a tour. At the end, I eagerly turned to Cam to ask about Trevor's party.
"It was good. More low key than the Halloween party."
"How was he?" I asked, needing more information on Trevor, not the party.
"He's good Lily. Same old Trevor. Ready to get his life back."
I tried to stop my stomach from flipping excitedly. "He wasn't faking being excited, right? He might do that to hide his true feelings?"
"No. I don't think he was faking." Cam shook his head.
"What about you Jenna-you study behavior for a living. Did he give you a bad vibe?"
"No. You can tell he's uncomfortable with the colostomy bag because he brought it up, both other than that, he seems really fine."
My heart dropped. "Colostomy bag? He has to have one? Permanently?" I questioned.
"No, temporary. The surgery on his colon-" Jenna started to explain.
"I know why he would need one. He didn't tell me he needed one. He promised to keep me updated about his health." I said, disappointed that he didn't keep his word.
"He might have been embarrassed-" Cam said as the doorbell rang.
"Excuse me." I said, shortly, leaving. I hopped on my hooverboard, determined to stay positive and have a good time.
Ethan, his parents and EJ were at the door. I smiled, genuinely glad they came.
"Wow. Lily, can I ride that?!?" EJ exclaimed.
"If your dad says it's ok." I said, hopping off.
"I need to get one of those so I can get around the house faster." Al smiled at my hooverboard.
"Weren't those on the news recently for blowing up?" Ethan frowned up at me.
"Not sure. My brother got it for me. You can debate with him his intentions of blowing me up." I said, jokingly.
"Maybe later." He said.
"EJ, the kids are upstairs playing with the XBox. Wanna show them how it's done?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said, running up the stairs.
"Lily, this is beautiful." Deborah smiled, looking around.
"Thank you, but hold your opinions until I take you on the tour Deborah." I beamed.
I took them over to meet my dad and Beatrice. I knew my dad was anxious to meet the family I spent Christmas with. As they chatted, I pulled Ethan aside. "Come here. I wanna show you something."
I led him to my hallway closet. I opened the door and let him look inside.
"Very... clean." He said, confused by my excitement.
"I cleaned it out. I'm leaving this closet empty so if we have anymore severe weather, this is where Justine and I will be." I grinned proudly.
He nodded in understanding and stepped into the closet. It was under the stairs, so it was deep and had plenty of room. I used to keep my random storage containers in the closet, but I moved them to the garage.
"This is perfect." Ethan informed me, looking back at me as I followed him in.
"And look at this." I said, pulling out a battery operated radio, flashlight and first aid kit.
"See? Didn't take much to be prepared, did it?" Ethan asked.
"No. Know let's prepare you for party games. What are you drinking?" I asked him, grinning.
FLASHBACK
After my talk with my aunt, I was ready to spend Christmas alone. I was already feeling weird about intruding on the Carters' Christmas. My aunt's comments made me feel like a complete outsider with my own blood; how would I feel around someone else's family? Once Deborah found out I had to work and wasn't going home, she talked me into to coming to her house. The lure of a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook finally won me over and I went as planned. I don't know why I even worried. The Carters always made me feel so comfortable around them. Amber and Will were there too, so I didn't feel like I was intruding at all. I had a great time. We had rib roast, crab legs, baked potatoes, broccoli gratin, asparagus, sweet potatoe casserole and pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Mrs. Carter even put meat aside for Justine. After stuffing ourselves, we walked off the food looking at Christmas display lights.
I spent the night and the next morning, I woke up before the sun to catch after Christmas sales with Deborah and Amber. I didn't put a tree up this year, but I bought an artificial one and ornaments for half price. I found the cutest "A Christmas Story" ornaments that I was so excited about being my theme for Christmas next year. I told EJ I was buying him a pink bunny suit, and he had no idea what I was talking about.
"You haven't seen A Christmas Story?!? We're watching it today!" I decided.
Amber and Will had to leave because they both had to work, but I stayed to watched "A Christmas Story". EJ liked it, but he loved Home Alone and Home Alone 2 much better. I made him watch those when I found out he hadn't seen them. I was getting ready to leave when Ethan stopped me.
"There's bad weather in our area. Why don't you leave after the storms pass through?" Ethan suggested.
After assuring him I would be fine, I reluctantly caved when he asked me to stay for his sake. I was so glad I did. The tornado watch turned into a warning as a storms touched down all around the metroplex. One storm was heading right in our direction. We made our way over to a neighbor's house and their storm shelter. While Albert called to check on his daughter, Deborah talked to the neighbors and Ethan set up the portable radio to a news station, I huddled next to EJ, feeling very much like a helpless child. EJ was too quiet, I got him to play thumb war, rock paper scissors, hand slap reflex game and anything else I could think of as we waited out the storm.
The tornado skipped over the area of McKinney we were in. The only damage was debris in the yard and pool. When we went back into the house and turned on the news, we watched as the tornado count and lost lives increased. It was disturbing, and I was definitely rattled seeing the vehicles on the road that were hit by a tornado.
I stayed another night. Justine fell asleep beside me, but I was having trouble falling asleep too. After tossing and turning, I got up, thinking about a slice of cake as I made my way quietly to the kitchen.
Ethan was already there, pulling out a glass when I joined him.
"I'm about to have a drink. Would you like one?" He offered.
"Yes please."
"What can I get you?"
"Whatever goes good with cake."
He cut me a slice of cake and poured me a glass of milk before pouring a glass of brandy.
"I don't think I've seen you drink straight alcohol before. Or mixed drinks. Or a shot. Anything not beer or wine."
"I normally don't." He said, coolly. I felt like something was wrong.
"Is your sister ok?" I asked. I already knew Brandon was fine.
"Yes, they had roof damage but everyone's ok." Ethan answered.
"Serena?" I questioned.
"She's fine." He replied, finishing his drink. "Are you ok? You're not eating."
"Oh... just shockingly amazed by how unprepared for life I am." I admitted.
"How so?"
"I would have tried to drive home and beat the storm. I have no idea what I would have done if I was at home alone. I never plan for anything. I'm so impulsive. You know I bought a fire pit with your gift card? I told myself it was practical because it gave heat. I should have bought a tornado shelter... or a panic room." I spewed.
"You don't need those. If you're at home, go to the lowest floor, away from windows. The bathroom is probably the best place to be. In the tub with mattress on top of you."
"On top?"
"To protect you from debris."
"See? Why didn't I know that?"
"California doesn't get that many tornadoes."
"I live in Texas now. I should know this stuff."
"You know the things that can't be taught. Look at the way you keep EJ calm." Ethan complimented me.
"He was calm the whole time. He took my mind off everything by playing games with me." I waved him off.
"This was EJ's first time in a tornado shelter. He asked me numerous questions about tornadoes when I put him to bed. You comforted him when he needed it. He may not have shown it, but he was scared."
I smiled and took a bite of my cake. "He's kinda like you in that regard. Very... stoic."
"Is that a liability or asset?"
"Neither... both. You're always stay calm, but it's impossible to tell what you're feeling." I answered.
I ate my cake, the air suddenly tense between us, until I smiled."Except when EJ is mad. He gets a major attitude and throws a ton of shade."
Ethan smirked. "He gets that from his mom."
"Right. Cause you never lose your cool." I smirked back.
PRESENT
After I got Ethan a beer, I tended to the rest of my guest that arrived. Sammy and Corey came together. If she was upset about seeing Christian, she kept it to herself. Brandon, Jake, Omar, Kelly, and baby Octavia showed up together. Dino wasn't able to come because she was working, but Jake came with tamales I took enthusiastically. Forrest, Blake and Jordan arrived at the same time. Monica and her husband Trent even stopped by for a couple of hours. After everyone got food and drinks, Rocky started the games. We played a 2015 addition of Who am I- one person had the nametag of a famous person on their back and they had to ask yes or no questions to figure out who they had. Every person was relevant in 2015.
Christian got Rachel Dolezal and was having trouble figurinh out why she was famous. When he found out she wasn't an actress, musician, athlete, socialite, Internet star, politician, or writer, he was stomped.
"Ask me if she's white!" I told him when he got to me.
"Is she white?"
"Yes, but she passed as black!" I responded, causing everyone to laugh. He knew who I was talking about, but couldn't recall her name.
Richard and Dominick came right before we played Taglines. Popular taglines and quotes from 2015 movies were read and you had to guess the movie. Christian apparently hadn't seen anything, including trailers. When he didn't get "The Park is Open" as Jurassic World, I kicked him off my team for sucking so bad.
I regretted it when we got to doo wop. It was a game where you had to sing the melodies of popular songs in 2015 singing only "do" and your team had to guess the song. He was the only one whose pop music knowledge was as strong as mine. Our teams were neck and neck. His team won when Amanda did the whip and nae nae while she sang.
"That's cheating! You can't dance!" I pointed at them.
"I'll allow it." Rocky decided. Since she put the games together, she was officiating.
"Bullsh- crap!" I cleaned up, censoring myself as I stomped my feet.
"You shouldn't talk to the referee like that." Christian smiled.
"Yeah. Minus 5 points from your team." Rocky decided.
"You know what? Party over. Everybody out!" I yelled, faux kicking them out.
After the games, I lit the fire pit and the remaining of us went outside to enjoy it. Slowly but surely, everyone left, besides my brother, Jenna, my dad, Beatrice and Christian. He was the only person who disobeyed my request of donating to the families that were affected by the tornadoes instead of giving me a housewarming gift-He did both. I opened his gift to reveal a remote control helicopter.
"I heard you... get excited about helicopters." Christian grinned.
I laughed, remembering the comment I made about fucking for helicopters, not buses. "Thank you, but I'm not fucking you."
"I figured because it's not real you wouldn't. I was hoping you settle for a toy helicopter, I'll settle for friendship." He countered.
"We're friends Christian. I wouldn't have invited you if we weren't but I'm keeping the helicopter." I smiled.
"That works for me."
We sat outside a little longer, talking about our New Year's resolutions. I really didn't have any. Everyone says new year, new me, but I didn't need a new me- I just wanted to keep improving the old me. I felt like with Dr. Pereira, and my real friends and family, I was already on the right track. Christian and I set goals instead and promised to help each other with them. As friends.
"I heard you... get excited about helicopters." Christian grinned.
I laughed, remembering the comment I made about fucking for helicopters, not buses. "Thank you, but I'm not fucking you."
"I figured because it's not real you wouldn't. I was hoping you settle for a toy helicopter, I'll settle for friendship." He countered.
"We're friends Christian. I wouldn't have invited you if we weren't but I'm keeping the helicopter." I smiled.
"That works for me."
We sat outside a little longer, talking about our New Year's resolutions. I really didn't have any. Everyone says new year, new me, but I didn't need a new me- I just wanted to keep improving the old me. I felt like with Dr. Pereira, and my real friends and family, I was already on the right track. Christian and I set goals instead and promised to help each other with them. As friends.
*There weren't many details about the other storylines at Lily's party. I promise, they're coming! And I know I missed a post last week. I'll make it up this week for sure!
Friday, January 22, 2016
Auld Lang Syne (Intro)
Heads up, in the interest of speeding things up and catching up in real time, I did a time jump. Important events will definitely be detailed in flashbacks.
"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne" Auld Lang Syne (Any version but Mariah Carey's)
I woke up to the feeling of cold air and warm, fondling hands all over my body. I gasped in enjoyment, loving the wonderful contrast before I felt a soft but hungry kiss against my lips.
"I'm cold." I complained when his lips moved away, groaning but never bothering to open my eyes.
"I'm trying to warm you up Lilypad." A teasing voice whispered in between placing kisses on the shell of my ear.
"Then you should have left my blanket on me T-Rev." I stretched against him, trying to turn away. I knew I wouldn't get far-he had me pinned underneath him. His lips carressed the side of my face, nipped at my neck, before he kissed me on the lips
"Then I wouldn't be able to do this..." He murmured over my lips before moving his mouth down my exposed skin. He ran his tongue around my breasts, spent extra time planting kisses on my rounded stomach, before settling between my legs.
I sank my fingers into his hair as he kissed between my thighs, making my entire body tense against him. He sucked, nibbled and licked me the way he knew I loved. On the verge of an orgasm, I pulled him away by his hair, begging him to fuck me.
"Pregnancy hormones are no joke." He teased, rubbing his hardness against my entrance.
I gasped, loudly. "Shut up Trevor! You woke me up!"
He laughed as he pushed inside me. "Sympathy horniness."
"I've heard of sympathy morning sickness, weight gain, and even labor pains- but never sympathy horniness." I giggled, wrapping my legs around him, pulling him even deeper.
He groaned, nibbling on my ear. "That only shows you how perfect we are for each other. You're my wife, the mother of my child, and my soul mate. I love you forever Lily....."
I woke up out of my dream, trying to push the images away. I didn't need Dr. Pereira to interpret my dream, if she did that type of thing. I was sure the the amount of alcohol I consumed on New Year's Eve was the major contributor to why I dreamt of Trevor when I hadn't thought of him... that much or recently. Add that to the fact that if my New Year went they way I originally wanted it to, Trevor and I would be engaged. Me being pregnant in my dream probably came about because I spent New Year's Eve at a sleepover involving women with their children- born and unborn.
Amber, Mia, Staci, Jackie and Rocky came over and we had a pajama party. We ate a ton of snack foods, drank sparkling wine and champagne (except Rocky and the kids-they got sparkling cider), watched the New Year's Eve specials, had a dance battle on the Xbox, and countdown to 2016. After that, we finished off the champagne and everyone eventually passed out. I don't know how I made it to the guest room, but I did.
I got out of bed, groaning as I stretched before heading down the stairs. Rocky was already up with Staci in the kitchen.
"Morning ladies." I greeted them brightly.
"Afternoon." Rocky corrected me. "I already did more than what I said I would for your housewarming party. You're welcome."
"I told her I got it and to sit down somewhere an hour ago." Staci added.
"I told you to mind your business and go stir something up." Rocky cocked her head to the side, challengingly.
Staci just laughed it off, but I gave Rocky a look that said "cut it out." I knew Rocky didn't really care for Staci, but after our trip to Houston, she kind of grew on me.
FLASHBACK
"I wanna see Drake!" Staci stated as she climbed all the way back in the party bus to the sectional after the concert. Amber called her to take Sammy's place because she knew she wouldn't have her daughter and it was her off day. She was over in 20 minutes, ready to party. She was a Travis Scott fan and rapped along to his album on the drive down to Houston.
"Me too! He can get it." Amber said, suggestively, plopping next to her.
"I'd rather see Pitbull. His show would be like a fucking party." I said, reaching for a water bottle to hydrate before sitting down across from them so I could put my feet up. From the DJ warming up the crowd, to Travis Scott rocking the mic, to the Weeknd crooning his last note, the energy and talent on the stage made for an incredible show. Christian got us awesome seats, front and centered; We lived it up. The drinking, singing, screaming and dancing during the night definitely took it's toll on me, but I was too exhilarated to care. We were already planning future concerts.
"Pitbull can get it too. With his sexy, bald head." Amber grinned, apparently exhilarated too. Or intoxicated. I handed her a water bottle as well.
"How does Will feel about all these guys that can get it from you?" Jordan joked, grabbing a coke before lifting herself up onto the day bed and laying down.
"What he don't know wont hurt him." Amber said, while she and Staci dissolved into laughter.
"Stop. You know he has you locked down." Staci laughed, nudging Amber.
"I'm breaking out." Amber winked, doing a little shimmy.
"No you're not." I smiled, nervously. Amber saying she regretted staying with Will was... disturbing paired with her lying about partying with me. I wondered where it was coming from.
"You never know." Amber smiled playfully.
"The grass ain't greener on the other side-It's greener where you water it. You better keep your man. Or he can get it from me." Staci said, before standing up and twerking. The driver started to take off, causing her to stumble mid twerk.
"See? That's what you get. You ain't getting a ticket to the next concert." Amber laughed loudly.
"I didn't get a ticket for this one, but I'm here. What happen to the other girl?" Staci said, smiling while returning to her seat. Jordan and Amber both looked at me.
"I don't know what the fuck her problem is. She probably thinks I fucked for this bus and concert tickets." I spat out, finishing my drink.
Staci was the only one that laughed. "All I want is a concert ticket. Then whoever could get it."
We all burst out laughing at her.
"Ohhh! I'd see him in concert, but he couldn't even get a hug from me." Jordan exclaimed, turning up Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself".
Staci grabbed the Mic, shouted out all her exes, before putting on a twerk-tastic redemption of the song. Amber recorded her and posted it on SnapChat as we cheered her on. That led to us all putting on performances dedicated to our exes. Jordan sang "Same Old Love" to the one who doesn't deserved to be named, but he shares the same initials as douche bag. Amber sang "Hotline Bling" to a guy she called cutie. I didn't shout out any of my exes, but I did however mention I fucked for helicopters not buses before singing, "Stitches".
Afterwards, we had a dance party. About an hour into the drive, our high (or alcohol) wore off and we settled down. That's when I learned more about Staci- she is a really open person and told me her life story. She got pregnant at 16, married at 17, and divorced by 20. She worked her way through school while raising her daughter Cherish alone. Now that Cherish was 12 and her father married a woman that had him playing a more consistent role in her life, Staci was finally able to go out and have fun. She took advantage of it when her daughter was gone. I couldn't blame her for that and I actually had a great time with her.
PRESENT DAY
We all had such a great time, but I had to ask Amber why she lied to Will about going out with me. She said Will didn't give her a hard time if he thought she was hanging out with me. That was weird because I thought Will and I had a mutual dislike of each other. She told me Will's opinion of me changed because Ethan always defended me when Will said anything negative about me in his presence. Will didn't really care for Amber hanging out with Staci or Mia because they were single, but apparently worried less if he thought she was with me. Pleased with that knowledge, we agreed to having girl's night on a regular basis so she didn't need to lie.
With Christmas right around the corner and everyone being busy or working crazy schedules, our first official girl's night ended up being on New Year's Eve. Rocky said she was too pregnant to go out, Mia, Jackie and Staci had their kids, and I was really in no mood to celebrate with strangers so we planned a night in. It worked out perfectly though- I hosted so they would all be able to help me set up for my home warming New Year's Day Dinner.
Since I wasn't able to come home on Christmas, my brother wanted to know if he could visit on New Year's. I quickly agreed, thinking we would go out together, until I learned he was actually spending New Year's eve at Trevor's party. I wasn't upset- I was actually kinda relieved they maintained their friendship-even though Trevor and I weren't... anything anymore.
FLASHBACK
I talked myself into not going to Trevor's surgery over and over. Ultimately, when Rocky left to be by his side, I was in the car with her. No matter the numerous reasons why I shouldn't go, not being there wasn't an option for me. We got there in enough time to see Trevor before prep, but I sat outside in the waiting room instead. One by one, everyone trickled out, starting with J-Mike.
When Amber posted the videos from the concert online, J-Mike sent me a long ass message bitching and lecturing me on how he expected better from me. I didn't respond, just blocked him. He sat across the room from me and I could feel him staring but I paid him no mind. Rocky finally rejoined me and I immediately asked how Trevor was doing.
When Amber posted the videos from the concert online, J-Mike sent me a long ass message bitching and lecturing me on how he expected better from me. I didn't respond, just blocked him. He sat across the room from me and I could feel him staring but I paid him no mind. Rocky finally rejoined me and I immediately asked how Trevor was doing.
"He's looking and sounding good. He's anxious to get it over with." she trailed off. "I told him you were here. He said to come back if you want."
I hesitated and before I could decide, Bilal rounded the corner and joined us. I stood up to give him a hug which he warmly returned. Rocky began to stand too, but he stopped her. He sat beside her and gave her a half hug.
"Are they getting ready to take him back?" I asked.
"Yes. His mom is wrapping it up and Jimmy's going to stay back with him." Bilal nodded. "There's still time for you to see him."
"No... no thanks. I'm sure his mom wants her time alone." I grimaced.
"That lady needs to stay alone." Bilal said dryly.
Rocky snickered and caused me to smile. At that same moment, Mrs. Tobin came into the waiting room, locking eyes with me before turning away. It was the first time I saw her since I found out Trevor was sick and she stormed out of Trevor's Grandmother's house. I watched as she sat with J-Mike and refused to acknowledge my presence. The funny thing is, I didn't feel rage, or sadness not even bitterness. All I felt was worry for Trevor. My concern for him overrode everything else.
"How's the little one doing?" Bilal asked Rocky, nodding to her stomach.
"Apparently one hell of a soccer player. He's up at all hours of the night, kicking the hell out of me." Rocky complained.
"Kicking ass already and not even out the womb. Just like his mama, right Baby Ace?" Bilal smiled, reaching over to rub her stomach. Rocky beamed, proudly.
I didn't know what was more shocking- the name, the fact that she let him touch her stomach willing, or the soft look she was giving Bilal...
"Ace?" I said, pointing out the most obvious and less controversial topic. They both looked over at me. "Why did you call him Ace?"
Bilal pulled his hand away. "You didn't tell her?"
"Tell me what?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"I want to name him Ace. Maybe not a first name, but in there somewhere." Rocky explained to me.
I nodded. "Ok."
"I'm gonna go get something to eat. Do y'all wanna join me?" Bilal asked.
"We should go eat." Rocky stood up.
"I kinda wanna stick around." I declined.
"Oh, ok." Rocky said and sat back down.
"I can bring you something back?" Bilal offered.
I shook my head. "No. Go eat Rocky. I'll be fine here."
"Are you sure? We can just go to the cafeteria." Rocky added.
"I'm sure. Go feed Baby Ace." I said, trying out the name. I was already loving it.
"Ok. Be right back." Rocky stood again.
They walked over to talk to Trevor's mom and J-Mike before they left. The time seem to stand still when we couldn't do anything but wait. I ended up spending both my gift cards in 30 minutes on impulse buys just to pass the time and do something other than worry. After she ate, Rocky dozed off against my shoulder so talking to her was out. I didn't know how she could sleep so soundly without knowing what was going on with Trevor...
After what felt like an eternity, Jimmy came and informed us that the surgery was done and we could see him shortly. His mom went back right away. After he got moved to a regular room, more family members arrived. His granny, aunts and cousins all went to see him, but I held off. I didn't want to see him but I couldn't just leave either. Finally, at the last few minutes of visiting hours, I walked to his room while everyone else was filling out.
"He needs his rest..." Mrs. Tobin was ushering Helen down the hallway while I stood by the door, unseen. I peaked in at him while he rested, peacefully. He was covered in a blanket and besides looking exhausted, he didn't look that different from the last time I saw him.
"You came all this way to spy on me?" Trevor asked, his eyes trained hard on me.
"I wasn't spying." I blushed, embarrassed at being caught acting creepy.
"What do you call creeping in doorways?" He asked, his gaze softening as he looked me over slowly.
"Evaluating the situation." I supplied as I walked into the room.
"What did you come up with?" He scooted over slightly and patted on the bed.
I sat down and sighed. "That this... fucking sucks."
"Fucking sucks is an understatement." He breathed.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come, but I had to be here. That's really selfish but I couldn't stay away. I'm sorry." I apologized.
"I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like I wouldn't want you here." He apologized to me.
"Can we stop apologizing to each other? It's getting a bit redundant." I asked, reaching for his hand.
A faint smile passed his lips. "I will never apologize to you again." He swore, squeezing my hand firmly.
A full smile spread my lips as I said, "Thank you."
"Thank you. For everything." He replied.
"Alright, we can stop saying thank you too."
"I'm running out of things to say here Lily." He grinned a lopsided smile.
"Then shut up Trevor." I smirked.
"Can we ban that too?" He smiled, his blue eyes shining with mischief.
God, I missed that so much. I missed him so much...
"Not until you try it!"
We both smiled before Trevor spoke again.
"I need you to know that I get it. I broke us-"
I shook my head. "No- you made me feel whole, but I was still broken. I'm seeing a therapist to try to heal myself."
Trevor frowned. "My mom thinks I need a therapist."
"As much as I hate to agree with her, it's really helping me." I admitted.
He nodded. "I'll think about it."
"Good."
"I know it doesn't change things between us, but I love you Lilypad. I'll love you forever."
"I love you too. Forever T-Rev." Almost as instinctively as breathing, we leaned in together for a kiss. It was soft and sweet at first. His hand moved from mine, and slipped into my hair pulling me closer. He kissed me passionately, and I returned it, comforted by his familiar embrace, his taste- his love for me. We broke apart at a sound by the door. We turned to see his mom.
"Visiting hours are over." She said, in a short, clipped tone. Her face was a ghastly white. She looked paler than Trevor after surgery.
"Give us a few more minutes mom." Trevor told her.
She reluctantly left and I turned to Trevor. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how freaked out was she?"
"At least a 7. She was a 9 when Rocky called me her baby daddy." Trevor smiled, stroking my hair.
I snorted. "She did not."
"She did. I couldn't keep a straight face. I laughed and ruined it. I was going to tell her I needed to rewrite my unborn son into my will." He laughed.
I winced at the thought of a will.
Trevor caught it and caressed my face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I know being friends is not possible right now, but keep me in the circle about your health." I requested.
"You passed the test- you're in the circle for life." He agreed.
I smiled and kissed him one more time on the lips."Take care of yourself."
"You too." He said softly, letting go of my face.
On my way out, I ran into his mother.
"Have a nice night. I'll be back." I said politely.
She held her head high and continued to walk pass me. I knew I wasn't coming back, it was just an idle threat; but it made me feel better that she had nothing to do with us breaking up. I realized all the trouble she started was to make that happen. I can't believe I ever thought of giving Trevor up because of her. In the end, it was our decision to end things and had nothing to do with anyone else. Maybe it didn't have to be an idle threat forever. Who knew what the future would bring?
I hadn't talk to Trevor since, but I knew all the traces of cancer were gone. He was still recuperating from surgery, but I was thrilled to know he was on the mend. I figured since Trevor was having a New Year's Eve party and my brother wanted to come see my house the next day, I would celebrate the New Year and my house New Year's Day. I invited Dad and Beatrice too. Having all my friends and loved ones over for a party sounded like a great start to the New Year.
I was still playing with my red New Year's tiara when the front bell rang. I knew most likely it was my dad- he was the only person I knew who would arrive to my house this early before the party started.
I gave myself one more look over. It was hard to find a good balance of dressed up, but not too fancy since I was at home and winter appropriate, considering the highs were still in the 70s. I pulled the bottom down on my black slashed back sweater and checked out the back of my ivory washed skinny jeans. After pulling on my black ugg boots, I went to finally answer the door. I knew no one else would dare open it. I told the girls not to ruin my cribs-like welcome of opening the door on my hooverboard. I balanced myself before swinging the door open. I was pleasantly surprised by my first guest.
"Happy New Year!" He said, holding a gift box in his hands.
"What are you doing here?" I grinned at him.
"I was invited, right?"
He knew he was. My party was word of mouth until he complained he didn't get an invite. I made a Facebook invitation just so he could get one.
"You responded maybe on the event." I countered.
"I didn't know if I could clear my schedule." He responded.
"Obviously you did and you arrived too early." I said, pretending to be annoyed.
"I wanted to make sure you didn't bump my spot. Still plenty of room?"
I hesitated and before I could decide, Bilal rounded the corner and joined us. I stood up to give him a hug which he warmly returned. Rocky began to stand too, but he stopped her. He sat beside her and gave her a half hug.
"Are they getting ready to take him back?" I asked.
"Yes. His mom is wrapping it up and Jimmy's going to stay back with him." Bilal nodded. "There's still time for you to see him."
"No... no thanks. I'm sure his mom wants her time alone." I grimaced.
"That lady needs to stay alone." Bilal said dryly.
Rocky snickered and caused me to smile. At that same moment, Mrs. Tobin came into the waiting room, locking eyes with me before turning away. It was the first time I saw her since I found out Trevor was sick and she stormed out of Trevor's Grandmother's house. I watched as she sat with J-Mike and refused to acknowledge my presence. The funny thing is, I didn't feel rage, or sadness not even bitterness. All I felt was worry for Trevor. My concern for him overrode everything else.
"How's the little one doing?" Bilal asked Rocky, nodding to her stomach.
"Apparently one hell of a soccer player. He's up at all hours of the night, kicking the hell out of me." Rocky complained.
"Kicking ass already and not even out the womb. Just like his mama, right Baby Ace?" Bilal smiled, reaching over to rub her stomach. Rocky beamed, proudly.
I didn't know what was more shocking- the name, the fact that she let him touch her stomach willing, or the soft look she was giving Bilal...
"Ace?" I said, pointing out the most obvious and less controversial topic. They both looked over at me. "Why did you call him Ace?"
Bilal pulled his hand away. "You didn't tell her?"
"Tell me what?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"I want to name him Ace. Maybe not a first name, but in there somewhere." Rocky explained to me.
I nodded. "Ok."
"I'm gonna go get something to eat. Do y'all wanna join me?" Bilal asked.
"We should go eat." Rocky stood up.
"I kinda wanna stick around." I declined.
"Oh, ok." Rocky said and sat back down.
"I can bring you something back?" Bilal offered.
I shook my head. "No. Go eat Rocky. I'll be fine here."
"Are you sure? We can just go to the cafeteria." Rocky added.
"I'm sure. Go feed Baby Ace." I said, trying out the name. I was already loving it.
"Ok. Be right back." Rocky stood again.
They walked over to talk to Trevor's mom and J-Mike before they left. The time seem to stand still when we couldn't do anything but wait. I ended up spending both my gift cards in 30 minutes on impulse buys just to pass the time and do something other than worry. After she ate, Rocky dozed off against my shoulder so talking to her was out. I didn't know how she could sleep so soundly without knowing what was going on with Trevor...
After what felt like an eternity, Jimmy came and informed us that the surgery was done and we could see him shortly. His mom went back right away. After he got moved to a regular room, more family members arrived. His granny, aunts and cousins all went to see him, but I held off. I didn't want to see him but I couldn't just leave either. Finally, at the last few minutes of visiting hours, I walked to his room while everyone else was filling out.
"He needs his rest..." Mrs. Tobin was ushering Helen down the hallway while I stood by the door, unseen. I peaked in at him while he rested, peacefully. He was covered in a blanket and besides looking exhausted, he didn't look that different from the last time I saw him.
"You came all this way to spy on me?" Trevor asked, his eyes trained hard on me.
"I wasn't spying." I blushed, embarrassed at being caught acting creepy.
"What do you call creeping in doorways?" He asked, his gaze softening as he looked me over slowly.
"Evaluating the situation." I supplied as I walked into the room.
I sat down and sighed. "That this... fucking sucks."
"Fucking sucks is an understatement." He breathed.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come, but I had to be here. That's really selfish but I couldn't stay away. I'm sorry." I apologized.
"I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like I wouldn't want you here." He apologized to me.
"Can we stop apologizing to each other? It's getting a bit redundant." I asked, reaching for his hand.
A faint smile passed his lips. "I will never apologize to you again." He swore, squeezing my hand firmly.
A full smile spread my lips as I said, "Thank you."
"Thank you. For everything." He replied.
"Alright, we can stop saying thank you too."
"I'm running out of things to say here Lily." He grinned a lopsided smile.
"Then shut up Trevor." I smirked.
"Can we ban that too?" He smiled, his blue eyes shining with mischief.
God, I missed that so much. I missed him so much...
"Not until you try it!"
We both smiled before Trevor spoke again.
"I need you to know that I get it. I broke us-"
I shook my head. "No- you made me feel whole, but I was still broken. I'm seeing a therapist to try to heal myself."
Trevor frowned. "My mom thinks I need a therapist."
"As much as I hate to agree with her, it's really helping me." I admitted.
He nodded. "I'll think about it."
"Good."
"I know it doesn't change things between us, but I love you Lilypad. I'll love you forever."
"I love you too. Forever T-Rev." Almost as instinctively as breathing, we leaned in together for a kiss. It was soft and sweet at first. His hand moved from mine, and slipped into my hair pulling me closer. He kissed me passionately, and I returned it, comforted by his familiar embrace, his taste- his love for me. We broke apart at a sound by the door. We turned to see his mom.
"Visiting hours are over." She said, in a short, clipped tone. Her face was a ghastly white. She looked paler than Trevor after surgery.
"Give us a few more minutes mom." Trevor told her.
She reluctantly left and I turned to Trevor. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how freaked out was she?"
"At least a 7. She was a 9 when Rocky called me her baby daddy." Trevor smiled, stroking my hair.
I snorted. "She did not."
"She did. I couldn't keep a straight face. I laughed and ruined it. I was going to tell her I needed to rewrite my unborn son into my will." He laughed.
I winced at the thought of a will.
Trevor caught it and caressed my face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I know being friends is not possible right now, but keep me in the circle about your health." I requested.
"You passed the test- you're in the circle for life." He agreed.
I smiled and kissed him one more time on the lips."Take care of yourself."
"You too." He said softly, letting go of my face.
On my way out, I ran into his mother.
"Have a nice night. I'll be back." I said politely.
She held her head high and continued to walk pass me. I knew I wasn't coming back, it was just an idle threat; but it made me feel better that she had nothing to do with us breaking up. I realized all the trouble she started was to make that happen. I can't believe I ever thought of giving Trevor up because of her. In the end, it was our decision to end things and had nothing to do with anyone else. Maybe it didn't have to be an idle threat forever. Who knew what the future would bring?
PRESENT DAY
I hadn't talk to Trevor since, but I knew all the traces of cancer were gone. He was still recuperating from surgery, but I was thrilled to know he was on the mend. I figured since Trevor was having a New Year's Eve party and my brother wanted to come see my house the next day, I would celebrate the New Year and my house New Year's Day. I invited Dad and Beatrice too. Having all my friends and loved ones over for a party sounded like a great start to the New Year.
I was still playing with my red New Year's tiara when the front bell rang. I knew most likely it was my dad- he was the only person I knew who would arrive to my house this early before the party started.
I gave myself one more look over. It was hard to find a good balance of dressed up, but not too fancy since I was at home and winter appropriate, considering the highs were still in the 70s. I pulled the bottom down on my black slashed back sweater and checked out the back of my ivory washed skinny jeans. After pulling on my black ugg boots, I went to finally answer the door. I knew no one else would dare open it. I told the girls not to ruin my cribs-like welcome of opening the door on my hooverboard. I balanced myself before swinging the door open. I was pleasantly surprised by my first guest.
"Happy New Year!" He said, holding a gift box in his hands.
"What are you doing here?" I grinned at him.
"I was invited, right?"
He knew he was. My party was word of mouth until he complained he didn't get an invite. I made a Facebook invitation just so he could get one.
"You responded maybe on the event." I countered.
"I didn't know if I could clear my schedule." He responded.
"Obviously you did and you arrived too early." I said, pretending to be annoyed.
"I wanted to make sure you didn't bump my spot. Still plenty of room?"
"Of course. Welcome to my Sweet 2016/ home sweet home party." I ushered him in.
"Sweet." He smiled at me before stepping through the door.
My party just got interesting.
"Sweet." He smiled at me before stepping through the door.
My party just got interesting.
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