Bet Ain't Worth the Hand

"Don't get your feelings broken for nothin'
Maybe I'm leavin'
Leavin' here with nothin'
I might regret that I can't be your man
Sometimes the bet isn't worth the hand
(I been hurt before, don't wanna hurt no more)
(I been hurt before)
Sometimes the bet isn't worth the hand
(I been hurt before)
I gotta let ya know, girl
I can't let it go any longer
Sometimes it ain't worth the hand" Bet Ain't Worth the Hand by Leon Bridges

I stayed over at Ethan's house way later than I planned to. We had an impromptu game night, teaching EJ blackjack and poker. Blackjack was easy; EJ got the basics down right away, although he lost most of his candy with his risky bets. Poker was a little longer, teaching him the hand rankings and how to bet. Ethan also taught him techniques on how to bluff and read people. Ethan's poker face was amazing- I could never read whether he had a good or a bad hand. I went all in on two pair and lost all the candy I bet to Ethan. He gave the candy to EJ when I got ready to leave.

“Good luck at your last tournament this weekend! When you get back from Florida, I plan to celebrate the number one spot with you.” I said, giving EJ a hug goodbye.

“You’re not coming to my games?” EJ asked as he pulled away.

“No. My dad’s wedding is this weekend remember? I’m leaving on Wednesday.”

He looked at Ethan. “Are you leaving on Wednesday too dad?”

There was a painfully awkward moment when Ethan's and my eyes met. We haven’t talked about our trip to the Dominican Republic since prior to our breakup. I was hoping after we talked, he would still want to come with me to my dad’s wedding. Ethan cleared his throat and turned to EJ. “I’m not missing your games.” He told him simply, his answer worrying me. “Say goodnight to Lily.”

“Goodnight. Don’t forget my Dominican snacks. The weirder the better.” He reminded me.

“Of course. I'll talk to you soon.” I smiled at him, giving him another hug before I turned to leave. Ethan opened the door for me, but when he didn’t make a move to follow me, I asked him to walk me outside.

“I wanted to finish our talk.” I said as we walked out the door.

“What talk?”

“About us?” I supplied.

"What about us?" He asked, simply as we stopped in front of my car. I let Justine in the backseat before turning to face Ethan.

"Our relationship and getting back on track."

"We are on track. We're friends." he stated, candidly.

"I want us to be more than friends. I thought you understood what I was saying about the flamingo.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and I heated, a mixture of embarrassed and flustered.

"The flamingo was a metaphor for me and where I'm at." I began to explain. "I am finally letting go of Trevor. I used him to feel better about myself, but I don't need that anymore. I don't need him in my life." I elaborated.

"You also said you wanted to take your time to make sure you are ready for a relationship. Meaning, you're still not ready, correct?” He asked, more like a statement of fact than a question.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts before I responded. "I am not ready to jump back to where we were in our relationship, but I want to start over."

“I don't want to go backwards with you Lily. I don’t see a point in dating if you don't want or if your not ready to be in a relationship.” He said, bluntly.

That definitely stung; I took a moment to understand where he was coming from.

"I'm not saying I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I'm just asking to take a step back so that we can make sure our feelings are real." I stated, as plainly as I could.

“If you’re not sure your feelings are real, we should quit while we're ahead. Let's continue being friends." He responded, passively.

I stared at him, both hurt and confused. I wished I could say I was 100% sure about my feelings for him, but I couldn’t. There was too much at stake for me to go all in with Ethan without being 100% sure of what I wanted and what I felt.

"Ok. I understand.” I said, taking a deep breath to steady my emotions. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” he said, watching as I got in my car and left.


On the drive home, Ethan’s words tortured me. As much as I could see where he was coming from, it was fucking devastating that he wasn't willing to start over with me. Him not seeing a point in dating me kept repeating in my head over and over again, rousing the self doubt and insecurities I fight so hard to overcome. I kept it together on my way home. Once I got there, I collapsed in my bed, mentally and physically exhausted. I slept until my alarm clock woke me up.

I woke up feeling pretty even the next morning. I was still hurt over Ethan's decision, but I didn't have the time or energy to dwell on it. Since I was leaving Wednesday morning, I needed to do laundry and pick up a few more things for my vacation and my dad’s wedding. I ignored my phone and rushed to get everything done before I had to go to work. I was on my way home from shopping when Rocky called me.

She immediately asked me how it went with Ethan. I explained to her what happened and his decision not to date me anymore. She asked me how I was holding up and I told her the truth: it hurt, but I had to respect his choice. After I caught up with her about Ace, Brandon and Forrest, I let her go when I got home to get ready for work. When I got to work, Adil was already there early for the meeting he set with me and Dr. Clayton. I checked the huddle board before I went to the team lead office. Dr. Clayton was already there and Adil instructed me to close the door before I sat across from him.

"Dr. Clayton, it's your news. Would you like to share?" Adil started after we exchanged pleasantries.

"As you know, October will mark my 20th year at the facility." He began, looking over at me. "I've decided I'm going to retire."

"Really?" I said, completely shocked. I was blindsided- I didn't see this coming at all. Things had been going relatively smoothly- the tension between him and Adil was gone, there was no more rumors of him quitting. I had no idea retiring was something he was considering.

"Yes. It's the best decision for me and my girls. I plan to enjoy the fruit of my labor before I am too old to." He declared, with a sincere smile.

"I get it. I really do. Congratulations." I told him, genuinely happy for him.

"Thank you. I'll leave you two to talk." He said, before getting up to leave.

"With Dr. Clayton retiring, there are going to be changes in the organization." He announced as soon as the door closed.

I nodded. Back when there were rumors that Dr. Clayton would leave due to his friction with Dr. Fahri, I decided what would be the best case scenario. I was ready to tell him that I would be happy to move up to mornings and Dr. Goodman would be the best choice for evening lead.

"We're eliminating the evening team lead position." Adil informed me.

A mixture of disbelief and dread hit me all at once. "How is that going to work?" I asked, not catching on.

"There is only going to be one team lead. You. The job is yours." He offered.

"What?" I said, flattered and stunned.

"When I took my promotion, I told Dr. Tran 2 team leads were unnecessary. With Clayton and his family obligations, we had to have a back up to share the responsibilities. The facility only needs one supervisor and I know you can handle it." He commented.

"So I would open and close and manage all the patients?" I asked, needing clarification on how the 2 roles would be combined into one. It was more than my ability to handle it that I was concerned about: What would my day look like if I took the position?

"Not quite. You will work the same hours as the facility is open. Your primary objectives will be managing the therapists and liaisons with myself and athletic trainers to approve rehabilitation plans. We will appoint 2 senior therapist that will oversee the patients, keep the huddle board updated and report to you. Your responsibility would be to manage the facility, not the day to day with the patients."

"Got it." I nodded my head in understanding. By eliminating working with clients entirely, I would have plenty of time to manage the facility. I just wasn't sure if I was happy with that role. "When do you need a decision by?"

Adil looked at me, startled. "I figured once you come back from vacation we could hammer out your contract. If you need time to think about it, I can let Dr. Tran know you will have a decision by the first week in September." He explained, watching me curiously.

I nodded. "Ok. Thank you for considering me. I will let you know."

When I stood, he stopped me. "I want to be clear: this change is happening. If you don't accept, your job will be eliminated and the best you could be is a senior therapist. However, the new team lead will pick their seniors." He said, dauntingly.

"Noted." I said, before I left the office.

I had so many thoughts rolling in my head. It was a great opportunity and I knew I should be grateful they were offering it to me. I knew I could negotiate more money, vacation time and possibly working holidays remotely if I accepted the new role. The thought of being able to retire at Dr. Clayton age would be nice too. Outside of working on rehab plans, the new role of managing the center sounded awful. Managing the therapists included working with scheduling, dealing with their concerns and problems, and stepping in when our clients or trainers had complaints. Some days, it felt much more like babysitting than leading a team. Meeting with Dr. Fahri and athletic trainers meant bumping heads and playing peace maker between surgeons and athletic trainers. Dealing with Paul Bolen showed me that Dr. Fahri would not be any real help; he would play politics about doing what made him look best, not necessarily what is best for the clients. And now that I wouldn't even be working with them, I would have to solely depend on the opinions of others to make decisions about what was best. It gave me anxiety just thinking about it. 

I went back to work, trying to imagine what my new role would feel like. Most likely, I would spend my day in the team office, fielding doctors and trainers, updating rehabilitation plans, and managing the therapist. The only time I would interact with clients was if there was a problem. Problem solving was honestly the worst part of my day. Playing politician, peace maker and baby sitter to adults was everything I loathed about my job. I didn't think I could handle it as 100% my job. On my lunch, I distracted myself from the decision I eventually had to make by pulling out my phone to finally go through all my notifications. I had missed calls from Rocky, Cam, Staci, Sammy, Bianca and Trevor on Sunday. I went through my text messages first..

Unknown number: Hey, It's Christian. Bloggers have already reached out to Hugo about us being pictured together. Wanted to give you a heads up.

I sighed, not caring about anyone else's opinion but at the same time not wanting to deal with the fall out of being pictured with him. I googled Christian's name, and sure enough, there were a few articles showing me in a dark club with Christian. We were only talking but coupled with pictures from earlier that evening of me out with Bianca and Noelle in the same outfit, the article promised drama with headlines that read: 3s Company Too? Christian Wilson Caught with a Member of EX Girlfriend Noelle's Squad!!!

Urgh, I didn't know what was worst: Being tied back to Christian or being labeled as a member of Noelle's crew. The articles didn't mention me by name, thank god. Either their sources weren't too great or they didn't have the time to investigate how I was related to Noelle. Whatever the case, I appreciated it and sent Christian a thanks for the head's up.

I continued to go through my texts from Sunday.

Amber: I know you just got back in town, but can you meet up with us tonight? In desperate need of girl time.

Sammy: Hey, did you get Amber's text?

Staci: I know your pissed with Amber right now, but you need to talk to her.

I didn't intentionally blow Amber off on Sunday night. I didn't want her thinking I was cutting her off or avoiding her because I was pissed. I wasn't even pissed with Amber- annoyed maybe, but her choices were her own. I called Amber back right away.

"Hey Amber." I said when she answered. "I'm sorry I was M.I.A last night. I was busy and I just saw your text. Is everything ok?"

"It's ok." She said, sincerely. "I'm fine but I do need to speak to you."

"Ok. We can meet up tonight, after I get off work?" I offered.

"Sure. Text me when you get off work." She said.

"I will." I promised.

When I got off from work, I sent Amber a text. We planned to meet up at a restaurant by her house. I got there early and checked my phone before going inside. Trevor left me another voicemail which I ignored. With the self doubt I was feeling about Ethan, I knew it would be dangerous to listen to what he had to say at the time. I needed to speak to Dr. Pereira before attempting to deal with him. I read a text from Christian.

Christian: Anytime. How'd your bf react?

I winced, reminded that Ethan didn't want to be my boyfriend or date anymore.

Me: It's all good

I put my phone in my purse before heading inside the restaurant. Amber was already seated in a booth in the back. I joined her and after she stood up to hug me, we sat across from each other.

"Are you sure everything is ok?" I asked as I observed her. She looked fine, but tired.

"Yes. Everything's ok." She nodded. The waitress came over and Amber ordered wine and I just ordered water. After she left, Amber took a deep breath.

"I did want to share something with you. I didn't want you to hear it from Ethan."

My ears perked up at the mention of Ethan. "What's going on?"

"Will and I are separating." She revealed.

I nodded, taking that news in. I hate to say it, but I wasn't surprised. Me finding out about her "emotional affair" with Q made me realize she was not invested in trying to keep her marriage together. Separating before something worse happened was probably the best idea.

"I'm sorry Amber. Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm really ok. I truly believe it's the best thing for us." Amber claimed, her eyes welling with tears. "I wanted to make it work for our kids, but I've been unhappy for a really long time." She finished, breaking up.

I reached out and grabbed her hand. "The best thing for the kids is to see their mom happy. You have to do what's right for you."

"Right. That's what I'm doing now." She nodded and sniffled. "I'm gonna be staying with Sammy until I find a place-"

"You're moving?" I asked, shocked.

"Will... is not taking it very well. I don't want to fight with him or disrupt the kids’ life more than it will be. When I get my place, I will work out a custody agreement with him." Amber rationalized quickly.

That really didn't sit well with me, but I nodded and kept my opinion to myself. "Ok let me know if you need anything." I squeezed her hand.

"I will. Thanks."

The waitress came back with our drinks and after Amber took a large gulp of her wine, she changed the subject. "How was Vegas? I want to hear all about it."

"It was good." I nodded, sipping my water.

She flashed me a slight smile."Come on! I need more details besides what I saw on Snapchat."

I smiled before pulling out my phone and going through my pictures and videos. She gushed over the hotel suite and the seats we had at the Mariah show, laughed at Rocky and me dancing on each other, and complimented my various posed photos with Bianca, Rocky and the bridal party.

"It looked like you had a great time." Amber said, handing my phone back.

"Yeah, I was surprised how much fun I had with Beatrice. She's pretty cool." I agreed.

"Nothing else to add..." Amber grinned at me.

"Uh... No. Not that I can think of. Why?" I sipped my water.

"Mia has been slamming Christian online for reuniting with you." Amber mentioned.

"Why haven't you blocked her?" I rolled my eyes at the mention of Mia.

"I have! We have mutual co-workers who told me she was on a rampage about it."

"Whatever. That's their problem." I shrugged, sipping my drink and trying to dead the conversation.

"Ok... how did Ethan take you hanging out with Christian?" Amber questioned me.

Sadness and regret engulfed me as I admitted the truth. Everyone would know we were not together when he didn't come to the wedding with me. I figured telling her would be the least painful way as she would tell everyone else for me."We broke up. He actually broke up with me before I went to Vegas, but I was hoping we could work it out. We didn't."

"I'm sorry Lily. Are you ok?" Amber asked me, worried.

"I'm ok... I'll be better after my vacation." I smiled, putting on my poker face.

"I know that's right!" Amber brightened. "Think about it, the last time me, you and Sammy were single together was back when we worked at Dave and Buster's-"

I cut her off. "Wait, what? Sammy and Corey broke up?" 

"Well, not officially. They're taking a break but I really doubt them getting back together." Amber disclosed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing major. They haven't been spending a lot of time together or getting along when they do so Sammy suggested they take a breather. I don't think she's in a rush to rekindle things."

"God, I feel so bad. I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff, I didn't realize what was going on with her. Or you. I'm sorry." I said, regrettably.

"It's ok! Once you get back, we are going to have a singles celebration and get you all caught up." Amber planned.

"Just tell me the date and time and I am there." Celebrating breakups didn't sound like fun to me, but I would be there to support my friends. After dinner as I was in my car about to head home, I saw that Christian texted me back.

Christian: Good. Good luck with everything

Me: You too Christian.



I drove home and once I changed into my pajamas after feeding Justine, I called Sammy. She didn't answer, so I sent her a text letting her know I spoke to Amber, I was sorry to hear about her and Corey and to call me when she got a chance. Next, I returned Bianca's call.

"About time you called me back!" She exclaimed over the phone.

"I just saw you a few days ago, I'm gonna see you this weekend. What do you want?" I teased, in mock disgust.

"Wow... I was trying to check on you! I will never do that again!" Bianca threatened.

I laughed. “When are you and Noelle arriving in the DR?”

“Friday night and we're leaving Sunday morning.”

“Ok. If you make a day earlier or stay a day later, you can go on excursions with me...” I tried to entice her.

She laughed. “Couldn’t talk Ethan into going with you?”

“Ethan is not coming… We broke up.” I informed her.

“What? Because of those pictures with Christian? Tell him believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.”

“No. What? Do you really tell people that?” I chuckled.

“It’s the truth, but don’t change the subject. What happened?” Bianca insisted.

I went ahead and told her everything that happened the past couple of weeks. I finished with his decision about not wanting to go backwards with me.

“Can I say something and you can’t get mad?” She asked.

“If I say no, will that stop you?” I teased

“Absolutely not.” She said lightly before I granted her permission to continue. “I don’t think you will find anyone who loves you as much as Trevor. I know he has is flaws, but love makes you insecure and stupid and crazy sometimes. He loves you more than anything. I think it says a lot that Ethan won't even give you a second chance and Trevor will do anything to be with you again."

"Exactly. He shouldn't be willing to do anything to be with me. That's not healthy. We were both toxic to each other." I pointed out to her.

"Ok, maybe not anything, but I know he is willing to do counseling. Do you ever think there will be a day where you will be willing to give it another try? Maybe do couples therapy together?” She reasoned with me. I wanted to ask her how she knew what he was willing to do and if she had been in contact with him, but it didn't matter. It didn't change how I felt.

"Bianca, it took me almost a year of therapy to get to the place were I can accept myself. I had to do the work on my own, and I'm still figuring out what I want. Even if I was willing, he has to work on himself." I explained.

"I know. You’ve done amazing work on yourself. I know he’s willing to do the same work. Just think about it. Really, really think about it if you could ever give him another chance." Bianca pleaded.

“I'll have plenty of time to think on the resort this week. Did you see the itinerary Marianne sent out?” I changed the subject. I didn't want to lie and say that I would consider anything.

"Yes... that's one of the reasons we're coming Friday night." Bianca laughed.

Once I got off the phone with Bianca, I thought about how I really didn’t want to hang around the resort or the bridal party. I wanted to do my original plans of exploring the island. My Dad wasn’t a fan of me going on excursions in a foreign country but relented when I told him Ethan was coming with me. Now that he wasn't coming, I couldn’t get what Ethan said about not stressing my dad out of my head. Before I told myself that this was my vacation and I could do what I wanted, but I didn't want my dad to worry about me during his wedding celebration. I knew I needed to called my dad. At the very least, I needed to tell him that Ethan wasn't coming. I looked at the time. He and Beatrice were already in the Dominican Republic getting everything set up for the wedding. They were an hour later than my time, so I decided to put it off until the next day.

The next morning, I had my appointment with Dr. Pereira. I made sure I scheduled an appointment before my dad's wedding. I was glad I did so; with everything happening I wanted to get my head straight. When I got to my appointment, I explained everything to Dr. Pereira. I started by talking through my realization on why I was still holding on to Trevor. I told her about the voicemail I left him, and his multiple attempts to contact me since. We then listened to his voicemails together. The first voicemail was him asking me to call him back. The second one said I can text if I don't want to talk. The last one he left was begging me to call him back.

"Lily, please talk to me. Blocking you was a fucked-up way to end things but I thought that's what you wanted. I fucked up so many times, I just wanted to do what you wanted. I want you to be happy and if that's not with me, I accept that. I need to speak to you. Give me a chance to fix what I broke." His voice breaking brought tears to my eyes that I blinked away. "Please call me. Please Lilypad. I just... I don't believe I was just a pedestal for you Lily. I loved you. I thought you loved me too. When did that change?" He choked up and the voicemail ended.

Dr. Pereira looked concerned at how desperate he sounded in the messages. "Lily, do you have any concerns about your or his safety-"

"No!" I cut her off before she could even go down that line of thinking. "He's not going to hurt himself. He would never hurt me... Physically." I was going to say intentionally, but I couldn't even form my lips to state that lie. "He's as hurt as I was when he cut me off. I haven't blocked him, but I don't know if talking to him will help him either. I don't know if I should reach out to him."

"He is not your responsibility Lily. Your wants and needs have to come first." She directed me.

"I know, but I can't just forget the fact that he was there for me when I was broken. I feel like I owe it to him to be there as well."

"Him allowing you to use him as a crutch: did that help or hinder you?" She questioned me.

"I know it hindered me. I see that now. I wish I could make him understand."

"The only thing you owe him is the truth. You gave him your truth already. There's nothing more you can do. The rest is up to him."

I nodded, bleakly.

"How do you feel now that you let Trevor go?"

"Better than I ever have. It was like... A fucking weight I didn't realize I was carrying lifted off of me. I haven't had to remind myself of my affirmations because I am strong. I am confident. I am worthy. I am good enough. I feel like... Myself. Finally. " I answered truthfully.

"The most valuable relationship you will have is the one with yourself. Always remember that. You have to love and take care of yourself before you can do the same for anyone else." She encouraged me.

"I know. That's the only regret I have: How I hurt people I loved while I figured that out." I confessed, thinking about my past actions and how they strained all my relationships: with my family, my friends, my exes.

"I promise you, now that you love and accept yourself, everything else will come together."

I smiled through the tears that formed in my eyes. "Why couldn't you tell me that like last year? I've been driving myself crazy wondering why I'm so self-destructive. You could have just asked me if I loved myself?" I said, only halfway joking as I dabbed my tears away.

"There were other factors we had to work on first that were inhibiting you from loving yourself unconditionally." I nodded in agreement and Dr. Pereira gave me a warm smile. "Let's be honest, when have you ever taken what I said at face value?"

"Yeah, never. I am a show me kinda girl." I chuckled. "I always have to see it for myself."

"And do you see it?"

"Crystal clear." I smiled.



I went to work, feeling energized, refreshed and excited to finish the day so I can officially start my vacation. Sammy called me back on my way to work, and we briefly caught up. I told her about my break up with Ethan, she told me about the break with Corey. She really wasn't excited about the single celebration either, but we both agreed to suck it up for Amber's sake. She told me it might be easier to suck it up if I brought back some white Hennessy from the Dominican Republic. I laughed and told her I would bring back two: one as a souvenir for her and a party favor for everyone. She told me to have fun on my vacation and I told her I would see her soon. When I got to work, I saw that Monica left me a cute bag with a note: "Have a great vacation. Stay protected." Inside the bag, there was sunscreen, sunglasses and condoms. I laughed and texted her right away.

Me: Really girl? Condoms? My boss could have looked in this bag 😂😂😂

Monica: Dr. Fahri knows better! Have a great time and hit me up when you get back. It's been too long.

Me: Will do! In fact, when I get back my friends are throwing a joint single celebration since we haven't all been single in years. It's going to be super fun and depressing and you're invited!

Monica: lol. Y'all do the absolute most... but I'll be there 💃💃💃


On my lunch break at work, I gave my dad a call before it got too late. He answered and after I asked him how he was doing, I broke the news to him.

"I needed to tell you I will be coming to the wedding alone." I revealed.

“Is Ethan unable to make it?’ My dad asked.

I practiced excuses all week for this line of questioning: Last minute work crisis. Family obligation. And, my personal favorite, me wanting family only time. What came out instead was the truth. “We broke up. About 2 weeks ago.”

“Can I ask you what happened?” While I thought about how much I wanted to share he continued. “We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to-”

“No. It’s ok. I guess long story short, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and he wasn’t willing to go backwards with me.”

“Go backwards?”

“Yeah, go back to just dating instead of being in a relationship.”

He was silent for a moment before asking, “Why would you ask for that?”

"I care about Ethan, but I'm just learning how to love and accept myself. I finally think I’m there, but I'm not willing to commit with someone until I know for sure. He didn't want to..." I stopped as I rethought what I was going to say. "No, he shouldn’t have to compromise his needs and wants. I don't want him to have to do that to be with me.” I admitted, not only to my dad, but to myself.

"I understand."

"So yeah, I'm coming alone and I know we previously talked about these excursions I want to go on. I wanted to ask if you would feel comfortable with me going by myself?"

"You're asking my permission?" My dad asked.

"I don't want to go if you are going to be worried. It's your wedding and if you feel uncomfortable with me going alone, I will see if Cam or Benjamin wants them." I explained.

"Send me the information on the excursions and we'll talk once you arrive." My dad replied.

I smiled to myself, thinking it was a smart way to hedge his bet. He could say no once I was in the Dominican Republic and it would be too late for me to do anything about it.

"Sounds good." I folded, knowing that know matter what, my trip and the wedding was going to be amazing. I figured the safest bet I could make was on myself, so I recommitted to focusing on me. I planned to spend my vacation not only relaxing but figuring out what I wanted. Not just in a relationship, but in my career and in my life in general. When I got home, I finished getting ready for my trip. I doubled check everything 3 times before I called it a night. As I got ready for bed, I received a text from Ethan.

Ethan: Do you and Justine need a ride to the airport tomorrow? 

Receiving his text offering me a ride to the airport instead of accompanying me to the DR stirred up some hurt feelings, but all the feelings of regret were gone. I knew I made the best decision in the long run for myself and I couldn't fault him for doing the same. It just meant we both had to move forward. Hopefully as friends as we promised.

Me: No, I'm leaving obnoxiously early so I just scheduled an Uber. Thank you though.

Ethan: No worries. Have a safe trip.

I wanted to text him back about my anxiety flying out of the country with Justine and my choice to let my dad decide about the excursions. For the time being, at least for me, the feelings I did still have for him made me second guess how I should respond. I decided to follow his lead and keep things friendly, but closed ended.

Me: Thank you Ethan.

He didn't respond and it sucked to end our conversation so abruptly and with nothing really said, but I also knew I would weather through it. We always did no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it got. It would all be worth it to have his friendship.









****Ok, so update on the blog. I am so sorry about the lack of posts, but the good news is that we are coming to an end. More specifically, 2 more post. The next one will be super long and I am in the process of editing it, so it will be posted no later than Wednesday. The last post will be uploaded June 15th. It will be the way I always imagined the blog ended: with Lily riding off into the sunset. With that being said, I originally always wanted to take over with another character. That way I could still keep up with Lily but start fresh with someone new. While I would love to do that, I can't commit to a writing schedule and I don't want to put that pressure on myself, or keep you guys waiting indefinitely for new posts.

I say all this to ask for opinions for a follow up after the last post. Not everything is going to be wrapped up in the last post because while it will be what I imagined, without a second blog there will be loose ends. While I still like the idea of different perspectives in the present day, I am only promising one: Lily's, of course! My question to you all is shall I just do a flash forward to present day (or present day like, because present day kinda sucks ass right now) or would you prefer a flash back series (Go back to Auld Lang Syne for examples) to show how her happily ever after played out.


Let me know your thoughts, and as always thank you for reading and staying with me on this longer than expected journey. Please stay safe and take care of yourself and your families.****