Saturday, October 6, 2018

Déjà Vu

"Tell me, is that deja vu? (Ooh, ooh)
'Cause you want me and I want you (ooh, ooh)
Tell me, is that deja vu? (Ooh, ooh)
'Cause baby it ain't nothing new, no
" Deja Vu by Post Malone and Justin Bieber

I eventually pushed away all thoughts of Ethan and his yoga-instructor date and focused on my friends. Sammy talked about the honey's bees rising YouTube success which led to the brand's growth: gigs, merchandising, and sponsorships for the channel. Ron hired some girl that just graduated from college to handle the online stuff while Sammy focused on the gigs and the girls.

Peyton asked Rocky how Forrest was doing, which she responded he was fine. I kept my mouth shut and didn't contradict her. I told everyone I wasn't seeing Uriel anymore. Staci offered again to make me a dating profile. When I declined, she proceeded to entertain us with her online date fails. Brunch ended on a good note with promises to do it again.

As soon as I got home, I fought the urge to investigate Ethan's, Amber's and Will's social media accounts to find Rebbecca. I've been there, done that with other women. Looking for her would do nothing but make me feel... Jealous. And I had no reason to be jealous. I shouldn't be surprised he was dating other people. I told him on our first date I was seeing other people and didn't want a commitment. I shouldn't care he was dating other people.

So instead of obsessing over who Ethan was dating, I set up a Tinder account. I didn't think I would meet anyone online, but I decided it couldn't hurt to see what was out there. As I swiped on pictures, Ethan called me. We spoke briefly, but I rushed off the phone with him. I decided in my mind that when we were together, we were together, but when we weren't, we weren't. It helped me to maintain distance.

On Monday, I tried a spin class with Amanda and Sammy, which finally inspired me to go back to my boxing class. Tuesday, I returned to my gym, determined to be positive and not let Dino bug me. Thankfully, she wasn't there and I was able to box in peace. At work, I was working with the interns, feeding off the endorphins of a hard work out, when Monica stopped by. I let them break for lunch before I approached her. We walked down to the inside track.

"What happened with you and Uriel?"

"We decided to stop seeing each other." I answered her.

"That's not what he said."

"What did he say?"

"That you went psycho on a date and he stopped talking to you." Monica relayed.

"Wow..." I exhaled deeply, but I didn't contradict him. I really didn't care and anyone I cared about wouldn't believe that.

"I knew he was full of shit when he said it. I asked him why you went 'psycho' and he claimed he didn't know. Men always claim the girl is crazy when they are the ones messing up." Monica looked at me, expectantly.

"You know what? I doesn't matter. At the end of the day, we weren't compatible so we're not seeing each other." I stated plainly.

"Fine." She breathed. "Wesley was asking about you at the Mavs ball..."

"Umm, maybe. I'll get back to you on that."

"You better. I'll see you soon." She waved before leaving.

I exhaled, relieved we were ok.

On my way home from work Wednesday, I got a phone call from Trevor. I summoned up all the positive vibes I could muster before answering.

"I was expecting to get your voicemail. " He said, lightly.

"I can hang up and ignore your next call." I offered, just as lightly.

"No. I wanted to let you know I got my things and I have a few of yours if you want it."

"No, whatever it is, trash it."

"You don't even know what it is."

"If I went this long without it, I'm sure I don't need it."

"Ok."

"Great. Thanks."

I waited a moment and he didn't say anything.

"Ok. well, if that's it..."

"No. That's not it. I want to talk to you."

"Ok. Talk."

"I want us to be ok. How do we get there?"

"Just give it time. It will happen."

"Ok." He said. I could hear the defeat in his voice, but I didn't acknowledge it.

"Alright. I gotta go. Have a good one." I said, hanging up.

On Thursday morning, I text EJ on his phone to get his team's mascot and colors. That night when he didn't respond, I called. It went straight to voicemail. I decided to give him until Saturday before I asked Ethan. Ethan sent me a text everyday this week either saying good morning or asking how I was doing. I kept my responses short and sweet. Friday morning, EJ finally called me back. When I answered, it was Ethan.

"Hey. Where's EJ?" I asked.

"At his last day of school. I have his phone."

"Why?"

"He lost it at his mom's house and it died. She just found it."

"Oh. ok. Well, tell him to call me when he gets home."

"You need to know his team mascot right?'

"Yes. and color?"

"They're the penguins. Black, white and silver."

"Really? Penguins. The only intimating penguin I know is Penguin from Batman." I joked, forgetting my own rule of keeping things short.

"I'll voice your complaints with his coach." He said, sarcastically.

"Please do so." I smiled.

"Next time, if EJ doesn't answer his phone, call me." He said.

"Right, sure. I just made it to work, so I'll talk to you later."

"Wait, do you have a minute?"

"Literally, one minute."

"Are you free tonight?"

"No. I have a birthday party tonight. I thought we were doing dinner after the game Saturday."

"Yes, but everyone is going to dinner. I wanted to do something just the two of us."

I blushed at the implication of the two of us, only, until I imagined him spending one on one time with one of his other dates. I pushed the thought out of my head.

"Don't forget about EJ. Why don't we have a movie night after dinner? Let EJ pick the movie. I really have to go." I said quickly before we said our goodbyes and I got off the phone. I put my phone away and went to work.

After work, I went straight to Amanda's place to get ready for Richard's birthday get together. Sammy decided to meet there to help Amanda get ready and to assure she didn't back out. I made my way into the apartment and even though it was redecorated, I couldn't help thinking about all the time Trevor and I spent there together.

"Are you okay?" Sammy asked me after I zoned out as she did Amanda's makeup.

"Yeah. Just a little weird being back here." I said, truthfully.

Sammy looked guilty. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think about it."

"It's ok. I probably wouldn't be thinking about it at all if Trevor didn't call me with his Kumbaya bullshit." I supplied.

Sammy wanted details, so I told her about our agreement to try to be friends again. Then I detailed our little falling out over his shirt and me sending everything I had of his to him.

Sammy looked at me sympathetic. "Look, you don't have to be his friend."

"I want to try."

Sammy looked like she wanted to say something, but kept it to herself. Instead, she pulled out a bottle of tequila.

"Alright. Birthday turn up. Y'all ready?!?" She grinned.

I trilled excitedly while Amanda gave a weak whoo. We laughed at her and made her take a few shots with us before taking pictures in the mirror. Amanda looked amazing in a purple high-waisted bandage skirt and print blouse. Sammy looked sleek and sexy in red shorts and matching blazer set with a nude crop top. I wore white denim with a shimmery sequin white top. We took an Uber to the nightclub and Richard gave us all appreciative glances when we found him at the bar.

"Happy birthday!" We chorused as we joined him.

"Thank you. You all look gorgeous." He complimented us, giving us hugs.

"You look a year older." I taunted.

"My actual birthday is not until Wednesday. And come Wednesday, I still be 2 years younger than you." He smirked.

"Age ain't nothing but a number." I sang to him.

"It ain't nothing but a number number baby." Sammy joined in.

I looked at her. "What was that? I was singing Aaliyah!"

"Bitch, I was singing Pretty Ricky."

"Maybe yall both should stick to Happy Birthday." Amanda clowned us.

"I agree." Richard nodded.

"Whatever youngins." I scoffed, before we ordered drinks and headed to his table. I was a little shocked to see Dominick, Mia, Dino and Jake there, but I smiled and said hello before sitting with Amanda and Sammy. Dino didn't try to talk to me, besides hello. It might have been because she was too busy exploring Jake's tonsils. She was all over him to the point I wanted to tell them to get a room, a closet, even a fucking wall to hide behind. I did my best to ignore them while I drank and enjoyed the music with Amanda and Sammy.

"C'mon Sammy. You gotta dance with me." Richard joined us, grabbing her hand.

"No..." She smiled, shaking her head.

"It's my birthday and Pretty Ricky goes harder than Aaliyah." He said, pulling her up.

"Lies!!!" I yelled at him.

"Calm down. We'll dance to Ray J next." He winked at me. Amanda and I both laughed out loud.

"What's so funny other there?" Jake asked us.

"You don't want to know." I smiled at him.

"Where's Uriel at this evening?" Dino asked me.

I was tempted to tell her I broke up with him because he reminded me too much of my first boyfriend, but I bit my tongue. "We're not seeing each other anymore." I answered.

"Sorry to hear that." She said, with a frown.

"I'm not. I'm on Tinder now!" I laughed.

"Save all the dick pics you get. You never know who'll get famous or run for office." Mia guffawed.

Despite myself, I laughed."I totally will if I get any."

"You will." She promised me.

Alvarez, Richard's cousin who did electrical work at my house, took Sammy's seat after a few songs and she hadn't made it back. He attempted making small talk with Amanda, but she killed all of them. When he turned his attention on me, I pulled Amanda up to make a trip to the bar.

"You don't think he's cute?" I asked as we walked away.

"Who?"

"Alvarez! He was trying to talk to you."

"No. He was trying to be nice." She blushed.

"There was nothing nice about the way he was looking at your boobs." I said bluntly. "Do you wanna talk to him?"

"I guess, but I don't think he really likes me like that."

"No guessing. And he won't know if he really likes you unless you talk to him. Do you wanna give him the pleasure of talking to you or not?' I tried to pump her up.

She took a deep breath. "Ok."

"Ok." We went to the bar, ordered more drinks including the beer that Alvarez was drinking. We went back to the table, Amanda sat down next to Alvarez and handed him the beer. Once they had a conversation going, I left them alone to join Sammy on the dance floor. She was grinding on Richard so I joined, sandwiching the birthday boy between us.

When he got on Snapchat, saying his birthday wishes were coming true, Sammy and I laughed and pulled away from him. We took a break from dancing for more drinks and to check on Amanda. She was still talking to Alvarez, so we left them alone and drained our drinks. When a few of Richard's friends tried to talk to us, Sammy and I turned them down nicely and returned back to the dance floor.

Sammy and I had a great boozy time until last call. A group of us ended going to IHOP for pancakes, while I bitched about the lack of birthday cake at Richard's get together. I turned on my phone, and recorded a public service announcement on my Instagram. I made a 5 minute rant about not inviting me to a birthday function without supplying cake. I then broadened it to any celebratory event. If a gift or card was required, there should be cake.

"You didn't even get me a gift though!!!" Richard interrupted my video.

"It's in the mail!!! You'll get it on your actual birthday." I exclaimed back at him before ending my video. After eating, everyone including Sammy and Amanda where going to Richard's place for the afterparty. I called an Uber to go home. While we waited outside for our cars, I turned to Richard.

"Why did you invite Dominick?" I slurred to him.

He rolled his eyes. "He has to keep up appearances that we were only roommates and best friends. How would it look if he didn't come?"

"Who cares? How can you stand to be around him?" I questioned.

"I don't care. Seeing him, still hiding his truth and leading that girl on, shows me I made the right decision to move on. If I still had feelings, I couldn't be around him. But I don't. Finally. Happy fucking Birthday to me." He grinned with a dance.

My Uber arrived and I gave Richard hugs and kisses on his cheeks before I left. On the ride home, I thought about what Richard said. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Trevor.

Me: I rlly do wana be friend lets hash this shit out so we can b

He called me back.

"Are you drunk texting me?" He asked, amused.

"I'm tipsy texting you. Not drunk, tipsy."

"Can we hash this shit out if you're tipsy?"

"No. We gotta do it in person. I need to look at your face and you need to look at my face and we need to see the truth like grownups. Next time we're in the same city, I promise we will T-Rev."

"Ok Lilypad."

We disconnected and I got home, washed my face and stripped off my clothes before collapsing in bed.

Saturday morning, I woke up with a mild headache. I popped a few Tylenols, ate some oatmeal, drank some water and laid back in bed with Justine. I spent the morning playing on Tinder. I responded to a few guys but it was so tedious and boring. Guys asking the same questions in different ways or wanting to video chat or send pictures. A couple hours in, I was over it. If I was being honest, I had no desire to speak to anyone but Ethan.

But I wasn't being honest- I was avoiding Ethan instead of having a conversation with him. Maybe he would still want to date other people, but it least he would know how I felt. He text me in the afternoon, letting me know EJ was spending the night at his teammate's house, but we could figure out something to do together after dinner. I texted him back ok and promised myself I would talk to him about dating other people after the game. I got up and took time and care picking out my outfit for the game. I didn't want it to look like I was trying too hard but I definitely wanted to look good for Ethan. 

I chose black distressed Bermuda shorts that fell appropriately at my knee but showed of my legs that Ethan was checking out on our last date. A tight or low cute blouse would have been too obvious, so I picked a cold shoulders white blouse to show a little skin. My Fenty slides completed my laid back look.

I did a full face of make-up: natural, but it brought out the gold in my eyes that Ethan said was his second favorite color. I made my lips the focus of my face with a peachy nude lipstick so hopefully he'd think about kissing me again. Since he always stared a little longer at my face when I had my hair pulled back, I had it in a low messy bun. Once I was satisfied that I looked effortlessly cute, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

I arrived at the middle school 20 minutes before the game and saw Ethan's car parked towards the back. I parked a row in front of him and made my way inside the school and headed to the gym. Deborah, Albert, Corey, Megan and her parents were all sitting on a row together behind what I assumed was the Penguin's bench. I waved and greeted everyone before taking a seat next to Corey.

"Hey. Long time no see." I hugged him.

"I have a couple weeks before summer classes start so you'll see me a little more. I promised EJ I would see one of his games. " He smiled warmly.

"Why didn't I see you at the birthday party last night?" I teased him.

"What birthday party?" He asked just as Ethan made his way into the gym. He wore plain jeans, a black t-shirt and black and white Nike's. It made no sense how he could look equally appealing in suits or jeans. I really didn't know which one I liked better on him. Right now, it was the jeans as his thighs flexed underneath them as he made his way up the stairs. Our eyes met and he gave me a nod of acknowledgement before sitting next to Megan. I returned it before turning back to Corey.

"What classes are you taking over the summer?" I asked, to keep my self occupied and not staring at Ethan. I didn't work- I still snuck little glances at Ethan as he talked to his dad. Corey was explaining to me the remaining requirements he needed for a education degree when he stopped mid sentence, frozen.

"Corey?"

"I'm so sorry Lily. I told him not to come."  Corey said, starring at the doorway. I looked up and groaned when I saw Trevor. Another reason why texting tipsy was a bad idea. I should have know he would make us be in the same city. I didn't know he would pull it off so fast, especially not at EJ's game.

He was wearing the watermelon cat shirt under a red flannel with cargo pants. His hair was dirty blond, short on the sides, long and thick in the middle and tousled to frame his face perfectly.  It looked great on him- just strange because it was the most styled I ever seen it. When he saw us, he strolled right over.

"Hey Corey." He said, sitting next to Corey like he wasn't glaring at him. "Hi Lilypad."

"Hi Trevor." I said, coolly.

"What are you doing here dude?" Corey asked him in lieu of hello.

"Came to watch the game like you." Trevor said, waving to the court.

"You need to go." Corey told him under his breath.

"No. He can stay. He's here to support EJ right?" I said to Trevor, more like an order that a question.

"Of course." He smiled at me.

I turned from his smile and watched the boys warm up. When EJ made his layup, Trevor cheered for him.

"Whoo go EJ!!!" His cheer echoed through the gym. EJ and a few other boys looked in our direction, confused.

"It's warm-ups. Don't cheer for warm-ups." I instructed him, barely containing my smile.

"Cheer for the whole team, not just EJ." Ethan added. I looked over at him and he looked cool: completely unbothered by the presence of my ex. I didn't know if I should be relieved or disappointed. I felt a little of both.

"What's the team name?" Trevor asked.

"The Penguins." Ethan and I responded.

"Oh... Like Penguin from Batman. Cool." Trevor nodded. "Go Penguins!!!!" He shouted even louder.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped: I covered it smoothly with a cough. Trevor didn't buy it: he gave me a knowing smile. I turned away from the mischievous glint in his blue eyes and clashed with Ethan's dark brown eyes. There was a tightness in his mouth that wasn't there before, but before I could decipher what it was, he turned away.

Rocky, Brandon and Ace showed up, taking every one's attention. I couldn't help noticing with a beautiful little family they made, and how proud Brandon seemed of not only Ace in his arms, but Rocky by his side. Rocky, on the other hand was stunned to see Trevor.

After she greeted everyone, she stated to me, "I'm going to use the bathroom before the game."

"I'll go with." I said, hopping up.

As soon as we got out of hearing distance, she turned to me. "The fuck?"

"That's what I said." I snickered.

"Why is he here?"

I quickly explained to her about us trying to be friends and the subsequently conversations we had regarding it.

"He's persistent, I'll give him that." Rocky said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Part of me feels like I should just talk with him and get it over with." I sighed.

"Your choice. If I were you, I would ignore him." She said as we headed back.

Trevor made that choice impossible. Once the game started, he constantly asked me questions about the rules, fouls, and each kid's position. Yes, he was clueless when it came to sports, but before he didn't care. He either grew a fascination with basketball or he was trying to get my attention. In between his cheering and questions, he definitely had it. At half-time, I thought I was getting a break when Corey asked him to go to the concession stand.

"Do you want anything Lily?" Trevor asked over Corey.

"No. I'm good."

"Yeah, me neither." He told him. As soon as Corey left, he slid next to me.

"What are you doing after this?" He asked me.

"Nothing, why?" I said, quickly.

"I know sports make you hungry. How bout we go get nachos? I'll take you to that yaca taco place where they put all that extra junk on them." He said with a teasing smile.

"Yucatan taco stand. And their nachos are wasted on you, Mr. Chips and Cheese only." I said, in a disgusted voice.

He grinned. "I would be happy at Fuzzy's but I know you like Yucatan. My treat."

I thought about it momentarily. I knew nachos were not the reason he was asking me out. He wanted to hash out things between us and I wanted to too. I nodded.

"Yes, but I'll pay for my own." I told him.

"Cool with me. Think they'll discount mine because I just want cheese?"

"No. I hope they kick your ass out and tell you to go to the gas station." I scoffed. He laughed and I couldn't help smiling too.

When Corey came back, Trevor scooted over and let me watch the rest of the game in peace. EJ was awesome. Defensively, he was a beast- always guarding his man with his hands up. He got called for a few questionable reaching in fouls, but the 6 steals he got made up for it. I think he passed the ball a few times when he should have taken the shot, but I figured I couldn't fault him for being a team player.

After the game, we all congratulated EJ on their win. He had to take a ton of pictures with his family, and of course I got a selfie with him too. EJ was a great sport, even though he was anxious to meet up with a few of his teammates at Fuddruckers for dinner. On the way out the gym, I walked beside Ethan.

"So the ball hog, with number 23-"

"Coach's son." Ethan answered.

"Of course." I smiled. There was an awkward moment of silence between us as he stared down the hallway."Um, I'm not going be able to do dinner tonight."

"Ok." He responded, still refusing to look at me.

"I'm gonna head out." I said, awkwardly.

"Right." He nodded before I left.

I headed outside where Trevor was waiting for me.

"Ready?" He asked me.

"Yep. Let's go."

He followed me to the restaurant and after a 30 minute wait, we were seated with nachos in front of us. Instead of ordering his plain, he got everything on them and knocked it to the side.

"You're so wasteful." I chided him.

"I didn't wanna get kicked out, besides, I figured you'd want extra." He said as he dug in.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say something crude about not knowing where his mouth has been, but I kept it to myself and ate my food.

"What is it?" He said once he stopped chewing.

"What?"

"That look. What were you going to say?"

"Nothing."

"That was not nothing. What were you thinking?"

"No. I've learned how to filter myself. Everything I think doesn't need to be said." I replied.

"But what if I want to know everything you're thinking?"

"Believe me, you don't."

He wiped his mouth off with a napkin. "Ok. Can you tell me what made you want to talk to me?'

"I know things between us didn't work out, but there's no reason I can't be a friend to you. I guess I decided I needed to stop trying to be a good friend and just be one."

"What does that mean for us?"

"For me it means talking to you, honesty and establishing boundaries so we have a healthy relation- er friendship, this time." I cleaned up so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"Honesty I understand, but boundaries?"

"Yes. Like I won't get mad at you, cut you off and then  drunk text you. And you won't randomly appear at basketball games for us to talk."

"Deal." He agreed.

It was strangely normal talking to him after that. As I picked the topping off his plate, he told me about the traveling he's done for his job. I told him about the power struggle at mine. He filled me in on J-Mike moving to Austin and Bilal getting promoted at his job. I filled him in on Jordan getting engaged, Rocky and Forrest breaking up, and how Sammy got Amanda out and socializing. He shared his boss Chris's love for motorcycles and how they were growing on him. I made him promise to always wear a helmet when he rode them. I revealed my new found respect for responsible gun owners after going to the shooting range. He made me promise if I ever do buy a gun, never have it in the car with me because I was prone to road rage. At the end of the night as we walked to our cars, he gave me his new apartment address.

"Chris sublets a few condos so it made sense." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah. Austin's your home now. You should have your own space." I nodded, understandingly.

"Yeah, and Bilal was getting tired of me cuddling with him, so he kicked me out." He joked.

I smiled. "Bilal doesn't seem like the cuddling type."

"No he's not."

"Get a dog dude. Justine works for me." I smiled too.

"For the longest time, I couldn't even look at dogs without thinking about Justine and you." He said, giving me a lopsided smile. "That's sad huh?"

"Yeah, but I get it. I couldn't eat sushi without thinking about Japan and you." I confessed.

"Yeah." He said, looking me over. Something passed in his eyes that I couldn't read. I quickly changed the subject.

"I'm glad we did this." I said as we reached our cars.

"Me too." He said, pulling out a box from his trunk and handed it to me. "I couldn't get rid of your stuff."

I took it from him and smiled. "Thank you. I'm kinda curious what you held on to."

"I know. I was surprised by all the stuff you held on for me."

"No. I totally stole that stuff. I have a few Dvds I'm not giving up." I smiled.

"Really? Which ones?" He smiled too.

"I'm not telling."

"But they're mine." He laughed

"You didn't even know they were missing. They're better with me." I laughed too. I hugged him before we went our separate ways.

When I got home, I went through the box. There were a few hoodies, t-shirts, a happy bunny pillow, chapsticks, sunglasses, cds, an mp3 player I hadn't seen since college, a bottle of body spray and extra headphones I kept in his car. At the bottom of the box was the electronic Battleship game I gave him while he was battling cancer. I teared up,  but I didn't let them fall. Crying over Trevor was old news and not something I wanted to experience again, so I didn't. Instead, I decided to hang on to the cd's and sunglasses, donate the clothes, pillow and mp3 player, trash eveything else. I struggled with what to do with the game. I had no idea why he was giving it back, but I added it to my game collection then went to bed.

I slept in late Sunday and completed my normal chores while I waited for Ethan's daily call or text. It was around 5pm when I finished my laundry, took a shower, washed, dried my hair, and realized Ethan hadn't reached out yet. I picked up my phone to call him.

"Hey. I haven't heard from you. How are you?" I asked when he answered.

"I'm good." He replied.

"Good. I'm good too."

"Good."

"Are you busy right now?" I asked, eagerly.

"No."

"Do you wanna hang out or get something to eat?"

"If you want to." He said, noncommittally. He was one of the most decisive person I knew. I had no idea why he was being enigmatic.

"If you're busy or have plans, just let me know." I told him.

"I'm not busy nor do I have plans. I would let you know if I did." He said, with emphasis.

"You would? You would let me know if you had another date?" I blurted out.

"What?"

I sighed. "Look, if you're dating other people, that's fine; just be honest with me. You said the only thing you wanted was my time and honesty. I want the same thing."

"I never said the only thing I wanted from you was time and honesty. I said the only thing I'm asking from you is your time and honesty. I told you I wanted you on our last date." Ethan explained.

"And what did you do after that date? I know we're not exclusive, but I'm not dating anyone else. Again, it's fine you are, but you can't say that you want me and then right after our date go out with a fucking vegan yoga instructor. It confuses the hell out of me." I said, trying to keep the hostility out my tone. I had no reason to be defensive. He did nothing wrong, but it hurt he was seeing other people. And the memories of him picking someone else over me did not help my feelings.

"I don't want to do this over the phone. Can I see you?"

"I'll be over in 10 minutes."

I changed quickly into a cute black sundress with my hair pulled up in a ponytail. Once I got to his house, I rang the doorbell and waited, feeling deja vu of standing at his door, hoping to start a relationship with him again. The only difference was back then, I still wasn't being honest with him or myself. I knew I had to be this time. After he let me in, our conversation continued like we never stopped.

He rubbed his temples as he explained. "Will set that up. He's been trying to set me up with women before I ever asked you out. He knew I wouldn't go on a blind date any other way, so he invited me out for drinks. I didn't know until I got there. I just wanted to kill time until you called me back. I stayed out of politeness but I told him not to do that again."

"Oh." I said, remembering how he called and offered to give me a ride home. He wouldn't have done that if he was on a real date.

"Is this why you've been short with me all week? Because you thought I was dating other women?" He asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yes. I thought maybe I was- Expecting too much too fast so I pulled back." I confessed.

"You pulling back had nothing to do with Trevor?" He stared into my eyes, studying me.

I shook my head adamantly. "No. I didn't know he was in town until he showed up at the game."

"Did you go out with him on Saturday?"

"Yes, but only for closure." I assured him as he looked away, thoughtfully.

He finally looked back at me. "I'd understand if the timing is wrong or if you still have feelings-"

"I don't!" I stopped him, immediately. "I didn't want to have that anger or hurt towards him anymore. And I don't. I was more hurt and angry when I found out about the yoga instructor. That jealousy and the fact that I don't want to talk to anyone else made me realize I have real feelings for you."

"And you're not seeing anyone else?"

"I was, but I'm not anymore. I don't want to date anyone else. Only you." I said, truthfully.

"Ok." He nodded.

I bit my lip before I asked. "So no more yoga instructors?"

"There was never any yoga instructor." He replied, stepping closer to me. "But I will tell Will we are dating. Exclusively."

"Please. In fact, can I tell him?" I grinned, taking a step to him as well.

"How bout you tell your friends and I'll tell mine?" He chuckled, pulling me in for a hug.

"Fine." I smiled, hugging him back.  I lingered in his arm, ready to have our first kiss when he pulled away.

"You want to have a movie night?" He asked me.

"Yes." I said, loving the thought of cuddling on the couch with him.

"Come here." He said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the backyard.

He had a projection screen hanging up against the tall fence. Across from it sat the daybed I re-gifted him, topped with pillows and throw blankets. Right next to it was a little cart, filled with popcorn containers, movie theater candy, and an assortment of wrapped cake pops.

"Ethan!" I gasped, amazed at the outdoor movie set up. "What about EJ? He should be here for this!"

"I asked if he wanted us to wait. He said no. You might have to accept the fact he's not a Disney fan."

"Disney?" I asked, excitedly.

"I picked Wall-E, but I couldn't think of robot food or a theme besides space. I figured we could watch it under the stars-"

I cut off his explanation, my desire for him taking over. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his for a kiss. I sighed, loving the feel of his full lips against mine. It took him a few seconds to respond, but he did, kissing me back gently. Warmth spread from my lips all over my body. His kiss was both familiar and new, comfortable and nerve-wrecking, passionate but controlled. It was everything and I groaned my discontent when he pulled his lips away from mine.

"Lily-" He sighed against my lips, hugging me tight.

"I love- that you did this. I love Wall-E. I love that you thought robots ate food." I hugged him back.

He breathed deeply in my hair. "I've never seen the movie. I didn't know they don't eat. It's Disney."

"It's robots. Where would it go?" I looked up to tsked at him.

"You told me they fall in love. Why wouldn't they eat too?"

"Have you seen any movies with artificial intelligence?" I teased him.

"I have snacks and cake pops since you were disappointed you didn't get birthday cake. Did you eat dinner already?" He tried to change the subject, stroking my back.

"No." I moaned, in pleasure.

"Any preferences?"

"Sure. Something greasy. Then we can ask them for a couple of gallons of oil! That's robot food." I giggled at him.

"Are you done making fun of me so we can order?" He said, letting me go to pull out his phone.

"I vote for sushi. Not only are the Japanese the world leaders in robotics, we can pretend the soy sauce is motor oil." I plotted as he shook his head. We ordered an assortment of sushi and sashimi. And extra soy sauce when I demanded.

The food arrived the same time as the sun began to set, so we set up on the daybed to watch Wall-E. I fed him sushi and sashimi, dipped in 'motor oil' and wasabi, thrilled that he wasn't picky and enjoyed everything I fed him. I teased him, asking if he wanted nuts and bolts(candy) or computer chips (popcorn). He shut me up by feeding me a cake pop.

"This is my favorite part." I grinned at the screen as Wall-E suffered mishap after mishap stalking Eva. The montage was accompanied by Louis Armstrong's version of La Vie en Rose.

"I know the feeling." Ethan commented after Wall-E tried to court Eva and ended up getting crushed by shopping carts and lead pipes.

"Shut up." I giggled, grabbing his hand.

After the movie which he deemed not as bad as he thought it would be, we cleaned up the bed, moving the food to the kitchen. Not wanting our night to end, I tried to think of another space theme movie we could watch. I asked if he had Space Jam.

"I know it's not a Disney movie, but I'm blanking on space movies. All I can think of is Buzz Lightyear and EJ needs to be here for Toy Story."

"Are you forgetting Disney owns Star Wars now?" He replied.

I made a gagging face.

"You don't like Star Wars?" He asked, surprised.

"I've never made it through one. It's like a gazillion hours and there are 50 of them-"

When he stared at me, incredulously, I asked, "Wait...Are you a Star Wars geek?" I shrieked.

He flinched at my word choice and tone. "I wouldn't say geek-"

"Yes you are. Ohmygosh. Do you go to conventions?"

"Of course not." He smirked.

"Midnight showing? Camping out to get tickets?" I interrogated him.

"I never camped out-" He hesitated and I shrieked again.

"Ohmygod, I'm dating a Star Wars Geek!!! I can't believe my boyfriend is a Star Wars Geek!!!" I doubled over laughing.

When I calmed down, he was full blown grinning at me. "I can't believe my girlfriend is a Disney Princess."

I melted at his charming smile and him calling me a princess. I don't think anyone called me a princess before, unless they were being sarcastic. "Good fucking answer. Go get the movies. All 50."

After he set up the movie, he stopped to give me a brief, sweet kiss on the lips. When he tried to pull away, I held on to him and nibbled on his bottom lip. I felt his restraint in the way his shoulders stiffened and how he held me still when my body pressed against his. All restraint went out the window when I opened my mouth against his and rolled my tongue over his.

A mixture between a growl and a groan rumbled through his chest before his hands snaked around my waist, drawing me even closer to him. He tasted, felt and smelled so good, my knees weaken as I held on to him for support. He led me back to the daybed, laying me on it before joining me. Our kisses were swift and intense as the passion grew between us. Heat devoured me as Ethan's hands roamed over my body, igniting flames everywhere he touched. When he thrust against me, I could feel his hardness through his sweats and I knew he was feeling everything I was...

"Ethan- we need to slow down." I panted, turning my face away to break our kiss.

He nodded and pulled away slowly, struggling to catch his breath as he laid beside me.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to rush... this." I explained, laying on my side to look at him.

"Don't be sorry. You're right. I don't want to rush this either." He said, bringing me close again.

"Yeah?" I asked, skeptically.

"We already know we were good at- this. Let's focus on everything else between us."

I smiled. "We were just good?"

"Incredible." He humored me, leaning over to give me a kiss. "You know what else is incredible?"

"Mmmmm?" I moaned against his lip.

"Star Wars." He said, propping himself up on the pillows as he started the movie, putting his arm around me.  I laid against his chest, amazed by how I learned something completely brand new about him, but it made old familiar feelings I had for him come flooding back. 

I cuddle against his body, loving the strange feeling of Déjá Vu.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Shot Down

"You got me shot down by love
And you got my heart now
Why won't you stop now?
Oh I've been knocked down by you
And you got my heart now
Why won't you stop now?"
Shot Down by Khalid

"What happened?" I asked.

"I told you. We broke up." She said in the same, emotionless voice

"How? Why? I need details."

"He came over, said it wasn't working anymore and left." Rocky said, sitting up. I got up to sit beside her.

"Rocky, there has to be more to the story."

"There's no story. That's it." She said, heatedly.

"You expect me to believe he drove 40 minutes to and from McKinney to get the crab you had a taste for, just to drop it off and break up with you? That's crazy."

"That's what happened." She repeated, stubbornly.

"I talked to him about y'all-"

"You two talked about me?" She cut me off.

"Yes. At Jordan's engagement party. He was comparing you to Rachel- saying that you really didn't want to be with him. I told him that wasn't true and he needed to talk to you."

"Well, he did and broke up with me. I'm done talking about it." She said, with finality as she stood up.

I followed her in the kitchen, knowing she was hurt and was lashing out. I decided to wait for her to open up. She ate her crab legs like she hadn't a care in the world. I picked at my food, guilty that maybe Forrest took my advice and broke up with her...

I pushed that thought aside. I told him to talk to her and to reevaluated the relationship if she was making him feel unworthy. That in no way was advice to break up with her. I knew I wasn't getting the full story from Rocky. I sipped my beer as she finished eating. She looked at me expectantly.

"Are you going to eat?"

"Not hungry." I said simply.

"Do you have plans with Uriel tonight?" She asked, hintingly, wanting me to leave.

"Nope. I'm not seeing him anymore." I said matter of factly.

"Why not?"

"We weren't working out. He wasn't caring or understanding or patient with me. Men like that are rare. Even rarer is one willing to make a relationship work no matter what. Unlike Forrest, Uriel wasn't that type of man so I had no problem giving him up." I said, accusingly.

She narrowed her eyes at me. I waited for her to go off on me so we could get past the anger and get to what happened. Ace started crying, ending our stare down.

She stood up, calmly. "I have to take care of him. You can see yourself out."

"Rocky-" I called after her. She ignored me and walked to her the nursery, slamming the door. I sighed, and reluctantly got up to leave. As soon as I left, I called Forrest.

"Hello?" He asked, grimly.

"What the hell happened?" I exclaimed.

"Can we met up?"

"I can head to your place right now."

"Ok."

I was at his place in 20 minutes. He was on the porch, smoking a cigar. I sat on the chair next to him and waited for him to speak.

"I told her you offered to babysit and she went off. She laid into me for about 5 minutes about how she didn't pump milk, her hair wasn't done, she didn't want to leave Ace. I just took it; I didn't say a word."

He took a puff of his cigar before he continued. "When she finally finished, I told her I understood things were complicated right now with Ace. I told her I needed to know what she needed from me. She said she didn't know. I asked what she wanted and she still didn't know. I asked if she saw a future for us, again- she didn't know." He took a long drag before putting out his cigar.

"I was willing to give her time and space to figure things out with Brandon, to spend time with Ace, and to work out whatever she needed to work out. I understand that. I don't understand her not knowing what she wants. I can't sit around and wait for her to decide if she wants- a future with me." He said, his voice breaking up.

When I saw the unshed tears in his eyes, it made me tear up. I immediately left my chair to put my arms around him.

He broke down in my arms. "I was so sure Lily. I thought she was it. I envisioned our future together. I thought about being Ace's stepdad. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with building a future with me?"

"Absolutely nothing." The tears streaming down my face now too. "You're going to make a great husband and an amazing dad. If Rocky doesn't figure that out and loses her shot with you, she will regret it."

I held him for a few more minutes until he pulled away, wiping his face. "I told her I couldn't do it anymore and left. Then I came home: smelling like crab legs I didn't even get to try." He shook his head, with a crooked smile.

I wiped the tears from my face. "I couldn't even eat after she told me what happened. Let's go get some."

He shook his head.

"I'll get them and bring them back." I offered.

"No. I have graduation tomorrow. I going to head to bed." He stood up.

"Ok." I nodded, understandably. "I mean it Forrest. Rocky's not thinking straight. I'm not asking you to wait for her but I know she's going to want you back." I informed him.

He didn't look convinced but nodded before going inside. I drove home, feeling a mixture of overwhelming sadness and disappointment. After I left Justine outside, I made myself a huge bowl of cereal and went to bed.

Saturday morning, I called both Forrest and Rocky. Forrest said he was feeling good and was sorry for crying like a girl. I told him tears are weakness leaving the body, that's why girls are so strong. He chuckled, and I believed him when he said he was ok. Rocky didn't answer so I just sent her a text, telling her I loved her and to reach out when she was ready.

I then got Justine and my breakfast before getting ready for my date with Ethan. Considering Forrest was at his school's graduation and Rocky didn't respond, I had no reason to cancel the date. After the following night, I really wasn't in the best mood but a small part of me was excited to see what he perceived as my "weakness" for our date. I was outside, allowing Justine to run around when Ethan arrived a little before 10.

"I'll be right back." I waved at him when he rolled down the window. I let Justine back into the house before locking up and joining Ethan in the truck. I leaned over to give him a hug before sitting back in the seat and putting on my seatbelt.

"So what are we doing?" I asked him.

"You'll see." He said. The whole ride, I annoyed him like a little kid for details. We drove to McKinney, so it was a long ride. He remained unfazed not revealing anything until we arrived at a parking lot. I looked around, but all I saw was a faded sign for an indoor shooting range. When he got out and pulled out a black case, I gasped.

"Is that your gun? We going to shoot guns on our date?"

"Yes." He said as he opened my car door.

"Ok. I'm weak and totally uncomfortable around guns. You win. Can we go somewhere else? I suck at golf too."

"No. Come on Lily." He said, holding his gun in one hand and mine in the other.

"Ethan." I whined, refusing to leave the truck.

"I remember how shocked you were when I told you I have guns in my house. I wanted you to learn more about them before you form an opinion."

"I really don't have an opinion. I swear." I lied.

"We won't even stay an hour. You don't even have to shoot a gun if you really don't want to. Watch and learn." He persuaded me.

"Ok. Let's go Clyde." I resigned, trying to hype myself up as I got out the truck.

I was super intimated walking into the store and seeing the numerous handguns, automatic rifles, and ammunition on display.

"Mornin'" An older man standing behind the back counter greeted us.

"Morning Mr. Gathers." Ethan replied as he walked up to the counter.

"Long time no see. You're one of Jo's boys?" Mr. Gather squinted at Ethan.

"Grandson. It's Ethan: Albert's oldest." Ethan corrected him.

"That tells you it's been too long. How's the family?" He asked.

"Good. This is Lily. It's her first time." Ethan introduced me.

"Fo sure not your last." He gruffed loudly.

"We'll see." I smiled, tightly. He asked for both our ids. He looked them over briefly before handing them back.

"Which gun did you bring son?" Mr. Gathers asked Ethan.

Ethan opened up the case to reveal a small handgun. Mr. Gather's inspected it and brought over the ammunition Ethan requested. He picked out a plain shooting target and I asked him to get a zombie. After we signed a waiver, we headed down a flight of narrow stairs.

"That's it? That's all we need to do to shoot guns down here?" I said, loudly over the sound of guns firing.

"Yes. If we were renting a gun or if it was our first time, there would have been more safety procedures, but Mr. Gathers knows me. He was close friends with my grandfather. He starting taking me here when I was 10."

"Wow, that's young." I mused as Ethan led us to our lane.

He put his plain target up and turned to me. I listened intently as he walked me through putting the bullets in the gun, taking off the safety, how to hold and aim the gun, and pulling the trigger. We both put our headphones on and I took a step back before he started to shoot. I watched, memorized as everyone of his shots hit within a circle. After about 10 shots, he turned to me, removing one earbud off his ear.

"You ready to try?"

Curiosity got the best of me and I walked over and stood next to him. He handed me the gun and he spread my legs a little father apart in my stance. He nodded approvingly as I took the safety off before motioning me to aim. I did, and he corrected my form before moving back. I felt a mixture of nerves and power as I fingered the trigger. My eyes closed shut before I pulled the trigger. Even with the head phones, it was extremely loud and my hand shook as I put my arm down and the shell clanked on the ground. It definitely didn't hit the target and I looked at Ethan, hopelessly.

He came back to my side, moving one earbud off my ear. "You gotta keep your right eye open Lily." He instructed me.

I nodded, shuddering at the nearness of him. I think he mistook it for nerves, because he wrapped his arm around my waist, comfortingly.

"Relax." He said in my ear. It only made me stiffen more. I took a deep breath, focusing on the gun in my hands and not Ethan's lean, defined body against mine. "Hold the gun up... Right there. Keep breathing, nice and easy. Now squeeze." I did and still missed. "Good. This time, focus on the front sight. It let's you know where your gun is relative to the target." He coached me. "Deep breath, exhale. Now squeeze." I did just like he said, focusing on the sight instead of the target and firing the gun. It didn't hit the bulleyes like I wanted, but it hit the top center of the paper. I smiled at him, excitedly. He gave my waist a little squeeze. "Perfect. Keep going."

I did, only stopping to reload the gun. When I had 7 good shots on the target I took my headphones off and turned to him. His eyes were focused on my legs in my short denim shorts. He finally looked up and saw me watching him check me out. I gave him a sweet smile. "Can I shoot the zombie now?"

"Sure." He said, standing up quickly to swap out the targets. I did even better with the zombie and only stopped when I ran out of ammunition.

I had Ethan take a picture of me and my zombie target. I smiled at him as we left.
"That was surprisingly fun. I don't think I'll be joining the NRA, but I'm comfortable with handguns at least."

"Good. That was my goal. Are you hungry? There's a great barbecue place up the road."

"Let me check my phone." I didn't have any miss calls or texts from Rocky so I turned back to Ethan. "Yes. Let's go eat."

It was a hole in the wall place with the food set up cafeteria style. Ethan grabbed a tray for us and we filled it with ribs, brisket, potato salad, mac and cheese, green beans, texas toast and cornbread. We skipped dessert for the moment, saying we would come back if we had room. It was so good I knew I wasn't saving room. I stuffed my face and only slowed down to lick my fingers. I would have felt self conscious if Ethan wasn't right along with me, sopping up sauce with his texas toast and washing it down with Shiner beer.

"I've never felt more like a Texan today: shooting guns, chugging beer and devouring barbecue. All I need is some country music and I'm done." I exhaled, sitting back in the booth across from Ethan.

"You can try the juke box in the corner. Don't be shocked if you get napkins thrown at you for playing country." Ethan warned me

I accepted the challenge and walked over to the juke box. I looked through the songs: lots of blues and r&b. There were a couple of country songs but then I saw a Gary Clark Jr. song. I picked it immediately. The bluesy rock song started to play and I headed back to my table.

"Little early for that huh?" The man at the meat carving station called to me as he nodded his head to the beat.

"Never too early for Gary Clark Jr." I smiled back, as I did a little shimmy. He laughed and a few others did or danced along. I made my way back to the booth and Ethan grabbed my hand, guiding me to sit beside him.

"That's not country." He smiled at me.

"No, but he's from Austin so it's even better. I saw him a year or so ago at South by Southwest. It was the first concert I went to and I didn't know who he was or his songs but I left a complete fan." I gushed to Ethan, swaying to the music. "The juke box does not do him justice. You have to see him live."

He placed his arm around my shoulder and watched me, intently.

"What?" I smiled, nervously when he stared at me. "Did that make me sound douchy and pretentious?"

"Never. You're beautiful." He responded, placing a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I flushed. "Even covered with barbecue sauce?"

"Even covered with barbecue sauce." He smiled, resting his hand on the back of my neck. The simple gesture and the look in his eyes made my heart thump with anticipation. He was going to kiss me! I knew it. I didn't back away. I wanted him to. I shifted closer to him...

...and my phone rang, breaking the trance. I pulled away to retrieve it, concerned it might be Rocky. I frowned up in confusion when I saw it was Brandon. I gave Ethan an apologetic look as I answered.

"Hey Lily. Are you busy?"

"Not really. What's up Brandon?"

Ethan perked up at Brandon's name.

"Can you check on Rocky? She thought I was off today and she called asking when I was coming over. She said she's fine, but she sounded tired and it's not like her to forget my schedule. I want to make sure they're ok."

I sighed deeply. "Yeah. No problem Brandon."

"If you're busy, I'll call my mom." He said, tensely.

"No. I'm not. I just wish Rocky would just call me, but it's fine."

"You know she feels like Ace is her responsibility- she won't ask for help. You told me that."

"I know, I know. I'll check in on her and give you a call in a bit."

"Ok. Thanks Lily."

"I need to get to Rocky." I got off the phone and  stood up. Ethan threw a tip on the table before following me out.

"Is everything ok?" He said, catching up to me quickly with his long strides.

"I don't know! She refuses to talk to me. She refuses to talk to anyone. She can't be ok because she has a new baby, she's trying to figure things out with Brandon and now she and Forrest broke up. I don't know how to be there for her anymore." I exclaimed as I stomped to his truck. I didn't even wait for him to open the door for me.

"By being there." Ethan said simply as we took off.

"How? Especially after how she hurt Forrest. He did nothing but love her. I love her too but she lashes out and I can't deal with her anger when all I'm trying to do is help her." I vented, frustratedly. I groaned and put my fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm verbally vomiting all over you and this is our third date." I tried to collect myself.

"Don't be sorry for talking to me. I'm here for you always. You know that-like Rocky knows you're there for her. She'll come around. Give her time."

"I don't know if she has time. I mean, I'm going to stick it out because she's like family. Forrest on the other hand, is devastated. I know that type of pain, planning a future with someone who decides they don't want it. He's going to move on, and I wouldn't blame him for it."

He looked over at me and I could tell he was measuring his words.

"Say what's on your mind Ethan. I'll take any advice at this point."

"Remember how we said passion and compatibility are important in a relationship?"

I nodded. "Yes. And they have both. I've seen it."

"We left out timing."

"Timing?"

"Yes. Timing is just as important. It took Megan and me years to get good at co-parenting EJ. A new relationship wouldn't have survived because it's not where my focus would have been back then. Maybe Rocky and Forrest both need to move on and try again when the timing is better." Ethan explained.

I listened to him, knowing what he said applied to him and me as much as it applied to Rocky and Forrest.

"How do you know the timing is right for you now?" I asked him.

He looked over at me briefly before focusing on the road. "Even when we disagree, Megan and I both always put EJ first. When he's with her, I don't worry or second guess what he's doing or who she's around. With that freedom, I had time to figure out what I need and what I want."

"And what do you need and want?" I asked softly.

"Is that 3rd date conversation?" He questioned me.

I shrugged. "Probably not but tell me anyway."

"I want someone loyal and warm. Open to try new things, even when they terrify her-."
 '
"I was not terrified of the guns." I smiled.

"Did I say I was talking about you?" He smirked.

I laughed. "Whatever. What else?"

"Someone always looking for the next laugh and dances even in the middle of a crowded restaurant."

I grinned. "That chick sounds crazy as hell. Are you sure that's what you want?"

He nodded. "Nothing has made me happier."

My heart swelled, and I grabbed his hand and held it the rest of the ride. When we pulled up in front of Rocky's house, I leaned in close to him and gave him a hug. When I pulled back, he kissed me on the forehead. It was chaste, but sweet and I hugged him one last time before I got out. "I call you later tonight?"

"Yes. Let me know how Rocky is doing."

"Ok. Talk to you later." I promised before I left.

I let myself in the house, willing to let myself be a verbal punching bag if that's what Rocky needed. She could take whatever shots: I was going to be by her side regardless. I took a deep breath as I knocked on her bedroom door before letting myself in. My heart broke when I saw her curled up in a ball, crying. I made my way over to her and hugged her immediately.

"Shhhh. It's ok. Everything is going to be ok." I tried to reassure her. She shook her head.

"I rui-ruined everything." She sobbed harder.

"No you didn't."

"Yes I d-did. I ruined it with Bilal, I ruined it with Brandon, now Forr-" she couldn't even finish his name as another round of sobs hit her.

"Bilal is not ruined. He finally grew up. If you weren't a part of his life, he might have dropped out of college and be slumming it at bars." Rocky scoffed through her tears but I continued. "And you gave Brandon a beautiful baby boy. Brandon so proud of his son- even his spit ups are magical to him." She shook her head, wiping her tears a hint of a smile on her face. "And Forrest, he's so in love with you-"

I stopped when that threatened a new batch of tears.

"And I gave him up, just like you said. I broke his heart. He will never forgive me." She breathed shakily.

"Yes he will. And you didn't just give him away. The timing is wrong. That's not your fault. He knows you never wanted to hurt him. He'll understand." I comforted her. I stroked her hair as her tears slowed. "Do you need something to eat? Drink?"

She shook her head. "I just want to take a bath. Every time I try, Ace wakes up and by the time I get him to sleep, I fall asleep too." She sniffled.

"I'm here. Go. Take a bath. I got Ace. In fact, I'm going to have to insist you take two baths." I crinkled my nose at her, jokingly.

"Shut the hell up." Rocky snapped back, with a tried grin.

"Go." I told her with a gentle smile.

Just like she predicted, Ace was up 10 minutes after Rocky disappeared in the bathroom. I quickly got him, changed his wet diaper before walking him in the kitchen for his bottle. He wasn't crying for it yet, but I figured he would want it soon. I heated it up on the bottle warmer as I held him, staring at his features. His skin had darken to a golden brown, not far from his dad's skin tone. I thought he looked like Brandon when he was sleep, but now he was staring up at me with bright, inquisitive eyes just like Rocky's. He was too precious for words; I could see how he would turn anyone's world upside down. Rocky needed time to get right side up. Just like Ethan reminded me, I had to be there for her every step of the way.

Rocky came out the bathroom while I fed Ace, rocking in his nursery chair. I waved her away when she tried to take him.

"Go to sleep or watch bad t.v. I got my godson." I smiled at her.

She listened and left. Ace was sleep in my arms and I was still rocking and holding him when Brandon arrived.

"Hey." I greeted him as he came in

"Rocky hates when I hold him while he sleeps. Says it makes it harder for him to lay down and sleep." Brandon said softly.

"Well, what she don't know won't hurt her."
Brandon grinned but still took him from me. When Ace didn't wake up after Brandon laid hin down, we crept to the living room.

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, she just got her days mixed up. You're off tomorrow right?" I asked.

"Right. Why? Whats up?"

"I'm taking her to brunch tomorrow. You mind keeping Ace for a couple of hours?"

"I would keep him all day if she'd let me." Brandon sighed. 

"I'll work out the details with her. Thank you Brandon."

He bristled. "Don't thank me for taking care of my son."

"No. For being so patient with everything."

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" He said before he left.

I grabbed my phone to give Ethan a call. He didn't answer, but by the time I got the couch made up, he called me back.

"Hey. Sorry I missed your call. Everything ok?" He asked me.

"Everything is good. Or on it's way to good."

"I'm glad to hear that." There was a brief moment of silence before Ethan said, "You need a ride home?"

"No. I'm going to crash here. I just wanted you to know we're ok. And I had a great time today and I hit more bulleyes than you."

"You also shot more rounds than me Lily." He chuckled.

"Don't make excuses. Don't be one of those guys who claim beginners luck when their girlfriend beats them."

"I'm not. I would be proud if my girlfriend beat me. It's a fact you took more shots. Next time, we'll keep it even and keep score."

"Sounds like a plan." I grinned.

"Ok, I gotta get going. Goodnight Bonnie"

I laughed at his reference to my earlier joke. "Night Clyde."

I got on my phone and sent a group text to the girls about having brunch Sunday morning. While I waited for responses, I posted the picture of me holding my zombie target and the tray full of barbecue to my social media. I captioned it: 

All I need in this life of sin #ShootOut #BBQ #YouKnowYou'reInTexasWhen. 

I got comments right away.


Amber: 03 Bonnie and Clyde? Beyonce and Jay Z?

Me: Naw. Me and my Girlfriend @Amber. Tupac. #ThugLife

BIanca: lol thuglife

Cam: Here we go. Who let you shoot a gun?

Me: The constitution @Cameron

Sammy#2ndAmendment

Jordan: What type of gun?

Me: .38 special

Dino: Vintage. Nice. I prefer the glock. Less kickback.

Me: 🔫

Jake: I felt good about you shooting responsibly until you started using the gun emoji...

Me: 🔫 🔫 🔫  I'm making the bang bang sound too lol @Jake

Richard: Which one is all you need? The gun or food?

Me: Do I have to pick? @Richard

Bilal: You said me and my girlfriend. Tupac was talking about his gun.

Me: fine. Food is my side chick

I fell asleep on the couch shortly after posting. I woke up to the sound of Ace crying in the middle of the night, but when I went into the nursery, Rocky was already changing his diaper.

"Hey. I was going to take care of him tonight."

"I got him." Rocky said before picking him up. "Why did Brandon tell me you said I needed him to watch Ace tomorrow?"

"Because you do. We're going to brunch tomorrow. Girls only. Amber, Peyton and Sammy already confirmed they're coming." I told her.

Rocky sighed. "I'm not staying more than an hour and a half. That includes wait time for a table."

"Fine by me. Do you have a taste for anything?"

"Mimosa."

"That's a must." I smiled at her.

The next morning around 9, Brandon came by to watch Ace. I had to push Rocky out the door, but she left him for the first time since he's been born. I assured her Brandon had it under control and had her drive me to my house so I could take care of Justine, change my clothes and drive myself to the restaurant.

We went to Los Lupes and grabbed a table on the patio where the mariachi band was playing music. I made Rocky take a selfie with me as we waited for everyone. As I posted the picture, I saw that Ethan liked the photo I posted of our pure Texan date. I sent him a text.

Me: You have EJ this weekend right? Should we take him to the range? Let him keep score?

Ethan: Weren't you against me having guns in my house because of EJ, now you want to take him to a shoot range?

Me: Yes. Education is the key. Besides, didn't your granddad take you when you were his age?

Ethan: Yes and my mom had a fit. Besides, I learned he has a basketball game on Saturday.

Me: What? He gets to play?!?!?

Ethan: Yes. His coach sent out the starting line up this morning.

Me: OMG I'm there. Let's do dinner afterward!

Ethan: Sure. I'll send you the email

"What are you grinning about?" Rocky asked me.

"EJ gets to play next Saturday at his basketball game. I'm so excited." I answered, taking a sip of my water. Rocky narrowed her eyes at me, but didn't get to interrogate me any further as Staci, Sammy, Amber and Peyton arrived.

They both fawned over Rocky, telling her how good she looked.

"I don't even look in the mirror anymore. Getting my jeans to button over my gut is hard enough." Rocky lamented.

"As someone whose stomach has never been flat, welcome to the club." I joked.

"Is it a fupa club too? Because I need a membership." Staci laughed.

"Fupa?" Peyton inquired.

"Fat upper pubic area." Staci explained. "Something you clearly don't have to worry about." 

"Ohmygosh." Petyon turned red as we laughed.

"You should have saw me last night; shoving it all into these fake leather leggings last night. Fupa, gut, everything. The trick is to lay down and suck it in." Amber giggled.

"I saw your pictures on instagram. You looked great. What did you and Will do?" I asked.

"We went out to dinner. Rebbecca picked out this little vegan place which was great for my diet as I didn't eat anything. I'm about to blow it on this buffet though." Amber stated.

"Who's Rebbecca?" Staci asked her, sipping on a mimosa.

"This girl Will went to school with. He's trying to set her up with Ethan." Amber replied.

I froze. "So it was like a double date?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I don't see it working out. She's way too earthy for Ethan. Vegan, yoga instructor, fosters animals and all that."

That did nothing to calm my nerves.

"Yoga instructor? Meaning she's flexible. I'm sure he'll find a way to work it out." Sammy voiced my thoughts as they laughed. 

"How are you letting your man be friends with a yoga instructor?" Staci asked her.

"Cause he knows I'll leave him after I shoot off his dick if he cheats on me again." Amber threatened. "Now he just hooks all his hot female friends up with Ethan and lives vicariously through him."

They all laughed and I forced a smile because Rocky was watching me. We then got up and headed to the buffet. I filled my plate with food, but I didn't even remember what all I got. I just keep thinking about how Ethan said he knew what he wanted and basically described me. Then I recalled how he said he was trying new things: did that mean new women too? I knew I was the one who made it clear I didn't want a commitment, but it still stung that he was seeing other women. It more than stung- it was like a shot in the chest.

"You okay Lily?" Rocky asked me as I stared at my food.

"Yep. Just trying to figure out what I should eat first." I forced another smile before digging in.