Everything Will Change

"Take those boots off the shelf
Wipe that dust of yourself
Even if you’ve been through hell; you’re back
It’s time to separate the men from the boys
And the women from the girls
And the tools from the toys
Even if you’re freaking out: just relax
Hey, before it gets too late
Before the night is over, before the world’s awake
Everything will change
Hey, I feel it coming on
Starting like a fire, tonight you lit the flame
Now everything will change" Everything Will Change by Galvin Degraw


Tuesday morning, I went to the grocery store and did the laundry. As much as I loved our little get away, I was happy to be home, back to real life. Mundane things like doing laundry was a source of comfort in my ever changing life. It was nice to get back to routine, even though the changes were mostly good.

I returned back to work that afternoon. I hadn’t received any news about my interview but Dr. Clayton was already training me for taking over his position. He let me know the interview was what I should focus on. He informed me that when the changes happened, it would be fast. I had to be able to show I could be flexible and handle the new responsibilities. I asked if I would have onboarding for the new position if I got it. He told me onboarding for management was not as extensive as it was for new hires; his consisted of one leadership building course and a ton of paperwork.  I wasn’t sure how I could be prepared with no prior managing experience or training. Our talk left me feeling nervous.

Exercise always helped my nerves. The next morning, I talked Amber and Sammy into going to my boxing class with me. Sammy teased Amber, asking her if Will gave her a spanking for her behavior on Labor Day. Amber snorted and said, “He could try.”

The changes in Amber were shocking. Amber wasn’t apologetic nor embarrassed by her behavior. Before, I would have cheered Amber on. Hell, I would have encouraged it. Now, pair it with her drinking and blabbing about Trevor proposing and Rocky’s pregnancy, I didn’t know how I felt about.

After our work out, I asked Sammy how things were with Corey. She said they were fine. With their schedules, it was harder for them to spend time together. That's why she got upset when she found out he was hanging with his ex. I gave her suggestions on how to spend more time, like helping him study for class and having date nights. It was nice dispensing relationship advice.

Another major change was Rocky's pregnancy. Yeah, it was her change and her baby, but it was a welcomed addition in my life too. I was overwhelmed hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It brought tears to my eyes. I held them in, blinking them away while her ob/gyn Dr. Lee set up her ultrasound. When he found the baby on the screen, my tears fell and I quickly wiped them away.

I couldn’t make out the baby but the picture combined with the heartbeat just made everything real for me. In 28 weeks (Dr. Lee calculated that Rocky was about 12 weeks) there would be a living, breathing child depending on Rocky for everything. I was honored that Rocky allowed me to be a part of her pregnancy. I knew without a doubt I would do anything I could to assist her.

Thinking of Rocky becoming a mom made me think of becoming a mother myself. Surprisingly, I didn’t think of the child I lost, but of the future children I would have with Trevor. We talked about it before, but with us looking for a house and talking about getting engaged, there was a definite timeline and not just a vague happening in the future. If we took Amber’s advice and got married on New Year’s Day, Rocky and I could have children the same age. How awesome would that be? Our kids would be best friends whether they liked each other or not. While it was exciting to think about, I decided to focus on first things first: A house.

Our realtor Chad was amazing. We told him to stop looking, but after not hearing from us, he sent us a listing he came across. I emailed him and told him to keep them coming and that I no longer had a problem with a HOA. At work, I forwarded the listing to Trevor, marking the ones I wanted to take a look at.

After getting off from work, I called Rocky. It was the day Brandon was coming over to pick up his things. She was also going to tell him she was pregnant. I hadn’t heard from her so I was worried. She told me Brandon hadn’t made it over yet. I offered to come over, but she declined telling me she would call me right after.

Trevor was on the phone when I came home. By the time I changed, he was off and we sat down to eat. When I asked who he was talking to, he said it was Bilal. Trevor was still planning to drive to Austin.

I told him all about Rocky's appointment. It was pretty much word for word what the doctor said and bragged I would be a pro when it came time for ours. He just nodded and focused on his food.

“Are you ok? How was your day?” I inquired.

“It was ok. Long.” He offered with a little smile.

“Did you look at the houses I sent?” I asked him.

“Which ones?” Trevor asked.

“I sent you listings. I wanna try to look at a least one before this weekend.”

“I’ll take a look at them.”

Later on that evening, while Trevor pulled out his laptop I went through the wedding planner. I realistically thought about pulling off a wedding on New Year’s Day. Normally, we partied with friends and spent the next day hungover. It would be simple to turn a New Year’s party into a wedding. I didn’t want extravagant or expensive. Trevor and I still have to purchase a house and it felt silly to spend a ton of money on one day. I didn’t even need an engagement ring. If Trevor wanted to propose he still could but I was more concerned with exchanging vows and our wedding bands of course. The only problem would be finding someone to marry us, but really, can’t you get ordained over the Internet now?

I flipping through a bridal magazine next. I never dreamed of a big puffy white dress. I guess that was a good thing if I wanted a surprise wedding- A big white dress would give the wedding away. We could have a black and white party so everyone would be dressed appropriately. I though of wearing a white shimmery high-low dress or a slinky ivory gown. Something appropriate for a New Year's Party and a wedding. I would want Amber, Rocky, Sammy and Bianca in white dresses too as my bridesmaids.

I smiled as I imagined Trevor in a black and white check shirt. They were his favorite; it would only be right if he and his groomsmen wore them. Maybe with a blazers or a vest and a tie; whichever he preferred. The food was easy: fish for wisdom, black-eyed peas for luck and cabbage for money. Trevor loved sweets, so a dessert bar was a must with peach cobbler as an option. I wasn't a big flower person, but maybe decorate with red roses to symbolized love. Black, white and a pop of red. I loved that idea.

Excited by my ideas, I penned them all in my planner. I stopped when I got to the guest list. It wouldn’t be hard to get everyone together because of the holiday. I knew my family would come if they thought Trevor was proposing.  The only thing that gave me pause was Trevor's family. My phone rang, interrupting my worries. When I saw it was Rocky, I picked it up right away.

“Hey. Did he show up?” I asked.

“He did.” Rocky answered, taking a deep breath.

“And?”

“I told him.” Rocky answered, cryptically.

“What did he say?!?” I asked, impatiently. It wasn’t like Rocky to beat around the bush. It must not have gone well liked I thought it wouldn’t. I was pacing the kitchen, waiting to hear what he said so I could have a reason to find Brandon and rip him a new one.

“He cried.” She replied, brokenly.

“What???”

“I was waiting for him to be mad or deny it being his or to demand a DNA test or an abortion.” Rocky said, her voice cracking. “He said he was sorry and he wanted us to be a family. When I told him that wasn’t going to happen, he cried.”

“Rocky-“

“This is exactly what I wanted to happen.” Rocky continued, sniffling. “I should give it another chance. My child deserves that right? That’s not fair to her. She needs her dad in her life. Or he does. Especially if it’s a boy.” She reasoned with herself.

“Your kid deserves two happy parents whether you’re together or not. You two were not happy together don't forget that." She was silent so I continued. "You don’t have to figure things out tonight. The only thing you needed to do was tell him. Don’t worry about anything besides taking care of yourself.” I told her calmly.

“OK. You’re right.” She sighed deeply.

“Are you ok? Do I need to come over there?”

“No. I’m fine now. Really.”

“What did you feed my baby?”

“My baby.” Rocky corrected me and I laughed.



The next morning, I got up with Trevor and asked him which houses he wanted to look at.

“I completely forgot.” He responded.

This was a change I wasn’t liking. Recently, Trevor was preoccupied with his phone or his laptop and didn’t pay attention to me or forgot things easily. Sometimes, even when he wasn’t preoccupied, it was like he was lost in his in thoughts or not interested in what I was saying. I was tried of asking him if anything was wrong; I was increasing become annoyed. I took a moment to calm myself before speaking again.

“I really wanted you to pick one so we could view it this week.” I explained to him.

“Can we wait until I come back from Austin?” Trevor asked me.

“Fine.” I said, choosing not to argue about his need to go to Austin.

A part of me felt like planning our future was more important then him hanging with his friends. I had been debating going to Austin with Trevor, but I decided against it with Trevor's recent attitude. I figured he was still in fuck it vacation mood and I didn’t want to spoil that. He wasn’t disappointed that I wasn’t coming so I knew I made the right choice.

He did plan an amazing trip for me instead of going to Austin so I let it go for now. When he came back, I planned on having a talk with him about our plans for the future and really mapping things out. I figured he deserved a break from me until then.

Forrest sent invitations on Facebook regarding the first Sunday night football game. He was having a party at his new house. I clicked that I was going. He direct messaged me back, asking me if Rocky was coming too. I didn’t like whatever was going on between them, especially after Rocky's reaction to Brandon. They were two of my close friends. I didn’t want things getting weird.

When I told Forrest my concerns, he told me not to worry.

Me: Don’t worry because you don’t like her like that?

Forrest: Don’t worry about things you can’t control Lily.

I put my phone down and took his advice. With all the changes happening, it was easy to get overwhelmed and want to freak out and micromanage everything: my job, the house, my wedding before Trevor proposed, even my friend’s relationships. I remembered what one of my biology professors told me: Anyone who question evolution is ignorant. All evolution means is change over time. It was inevitable. I decided to relax and take each change as they came.