Snow Outside

”If you are tired I'll bear your burden
If you are dreaming I will not disturb you
Whatever your heart desires love
I'll clear the way for you
Come winter I will build you a fire
From the bones of who I used to be
Before you came and washed the weary away
Before you came here for me
So right every day and every night
By the fire with the snow outside
And the two of us
Oh child hold tight
If it gets to be a crazy ride
I'll be here right by your side
For the rest of our days
Oh, for the rest of our days" Snow Outside by Dave Matthews Band


"I need you to be 100% honest with me." Forrest started as we sat in my car outside my work.

I rubbed my sweaty palms against my pants as I faced him. "Ok..." I said, still clueless to what he wanted to talk to me about. I didn't even have a guess. Judging by the way he knitted his eyebrows while watching me, I knew it wasn't good. He was making me so fucking nervous.

"Have you had a relationship with Darren outside of being his therapist?" Forrest asked me.

"I guess. You know we kept in contact after I was done rehabbing with him." I answered, even more confused. We all just had dinner together.

"At any point, was the relationship more than professional?" He asked with a pointed look.

When the meaning of his question hit me, my stomach dropped. "No. Never." I spat out quickly.

"Nothing happened that could have been misconstrued-" Forrest interrogated me.

"Absolutely not! The only interactions we had were in public with others present. There's nothing to be misconstrued, I swear." I denied vehemently, shaking my head.

Forrest nodded. "I believe you. I just had to ask."

I took a deep breath to get myself together. "Why? Is Darren saying something happened?"

"No, he denied it as well. His ex-girlfriend started the accusation." Forrest informed me. I felt sick with disgust and anger.


"Why would she say that?" I asked, indignantly.

"She’s an immature kid. They post things online without thinking about the consequences-"

My stomach twisted violently. "It's online?!?" I gasped, holding my stomach.

Forrest nodded.

"What does it say?" I asked; tears of frustration, anger, and sadness welling up in my eyes.

"It doesn't name you. The only reason I know it's implying you because I know you." Forrest assured me. He grabbed my hands. I didn't realize I was digging my nails into my legs until he stopped me.

"Who all knows?" I asked, quietly.

He let go of my hands. "Besides her friends; me and her counselor. We scheduled a meeting with her and her parents Friday. I'm sure she'll admit she made it up. If not, I'll have to involve Darren."

"Meaning his parents will know, then my boss next." I put together, dejectedly, fighting back tears.

"It might not come to that. After we get her parents involved, I'm hoping she’ll see the severity and tell the truth."

I nodded.

"I wish I could just ignore it, but I have no choice but to look into it. I shouldn't even be telling you this but you deserve to know." Forrest continued.

I nodded deep in thought.

"I'm taking care of it. I don't want to worry you. I just wanted you to be prepared no matter what, ok?" He finished.

I nodded again.

"Lily, are you ok?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Thanks for the heads up." I said numbly.

I really was thankful, but I was so lost. I was sure my gratitude didn't come across. Forrest gave me a Tupperware container full of gumbo before he left. I took it and drove home in a daze.

When I got home I went straight to my room. I ignored Justine and went into my closet. I pulled out a clear storage container and put it on my bed. I searched through the container of random things I wanted to hold on to: my lease, my diplomas, old pictures, instruction manuals, old cards and letters, and finally, my employee handbook.

I opened it and looked at the table of contents. I turned to the conduct and ethics section. I read through it before I found what I was looking for.

"Therapist shall not engage in any sexual relationship or conduct, including dating, with any patient, or engage in any conduct that may reasonably be interpreted by the patient to be sexual, whether consensual or non-consensual, while a therapist-patient relationship exists."

I kept reading till I got to the end of the list of unacceptable conduct.

Any violation can result in disciplinary actions, including termination and/or a formal complaint with the Texas Board of Physical and Occupational Therapy."

I put the handbook down and laid on my bed. I felt so many different emotions. I was confused as to how this could be happening. I never said a word to that girl. Why she decided to single me out was maddening.

It frustrated me that some girl that had nothing better to do than make up false accusations can cause such turmoil in my life. Even if she didn't realize the consequences to her accusation, they were real; and I had to be the one to face them.

I felt extremely disgusted by the accusation itself. Not only was Darren a patient of mine, he was just a kid. Even if technically he was an adult, he was a child in my eyes. I knew how fucked up that was. I would never cross that line.

Though I knew I didn't cross that line, I worried about what was going to happen next. The thought of being fired was terrifying; losing my license would be devastating. I curled up on my bed, letting one lone tear fall down my face.

The confusion, disgust, frustration, and worry weren't the worst feeling. The worst was how utterly powerless I felt. I had to put my faith that Forrest could and would take care of it; that the girl that started the rumor would have a come to Jesus moment; that my work wouldn't find out. The situation was completely out of my hands.

For the first time since I left my dad's for college, my future was out of my hands. It was heartbreaking to think of. I worked so hard to get to a place where I could be independent and thrive. Now, that could be taken away from me. It was the fucking worst.

I was still curled up on my bed when my door opened.

"There you are. Why didn't you answer your phone? Why is it so quiet in here? I thought you and Justine went for a run." Trevor said, pulling my storage container off the bed.

He sat it on the ground while I looked for my phone. I had no idea where it was, if it rang or how long I had been laying there.

"Lilypad." Trevor asked, moving closer to me and stroking my face. "Are you ok? You look sick."

I shook my head. "No..." I said, shakily. "Darren's girlfriend started a rumor about me and Darren being together. It's on the Internet."

"You always did have the best taste in guys."

I looked up at Trevor, thinking I misunderstood him. Or maybe he was so upset, he lashed out. But when I looked at him, he was smiling. He was fucking smiling at me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? That's disgusting!!! I would never, ever start anything with him!" I yelled at him, shoving away from his touch like it burnt me.

"I know, that's what makes it so funny. It's ridiculous." Trevor said, matter of factly.

"It's not funny. Accusations like these are serious." I argued.

"Who takes anything on social media seriously? Especially teenaged girls" Trevor asked.

"It doesn't matter. It's still going to be investigated if she doesn't tell the truth."

"Ok... They won't find anything."

"You're not getting it. Just the accusation is enough. This is my job. I could lose it and my license."

"You need to relax Lily. I doubt you're going to lose your job or your license with no proof of anything." Trevor said.

I turned away from him then. God, he was naive.

"I'm gonna go feed Justine. Come down and eat too." He continued.

I ignored him as he led Justine out the room. I laid there, no longer feeling powerless. I felt pissed. So much anger swelled up inside of me, I knew I had to get out of there or I would explode. Or slap someone...

I changed into workout gear and covered them with sweats and a hoodie. I put my headphones in my ears and headed downstairs.

"Where are you going?" Trevor asked me as I headed for the door. I pretended like I didn't hear him as I pulled on my hoodie. He came over and removed the earbud from my ear. "Where are you going?" He repeated.

"For a run." I answered, putting it back in my ear.

"Come eat first. I made you a chili sandwich." Trevor offered, pulling me close to him.

I shrugged him off. "I'm not hungry. Be right back."

I put on my workout playlist and ran. One song blended into the next as I focused on my run. I concentrated on my breathing, pumping my arms and my legs pounding the sidewalk. I had no direction. I just ran and ran till I was exhausted and had to stop.

I walked back home, turning off my music this time. Part of me wanted to call Rocky or Ethan, but I decided against it. I didn't want to hear Rocky lecture me about what I did wrong and I promised myself I would back off from Ethan.

Besides, I didn't want anyone else to know. I was so embarrassed and I figured the least amount of people who knew, the better. At least until I knew how the meeting played out.

Besides, at the end of the day, there was nothing anyone could do for me at this point. Hell, there was nothing I could do for myself but wait for Forrest to let me know what happened.

Trevor was right in that sense. Stressing wouldn't do anything. I don't think I could relax either, but I could hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I jogged/walk home. I didn't realize how far I ran. Damn my emotions. I would have had Trevor come pick me up if I wasn't such a mega bitch to him. When I got home, I saw Jasmine's car out front.

I came inside and Trevor and Jasmine were in the kitchen.

"I helped myself to some gumbo." Jasmine said, smiling as I joined them.

"That's cool. How was it?" I asked.

"So freaking good. I saved you a crab leg!" Jasmine continued.

"Thank you for saving my food." I kidded with her as I looked at Trevor. He just watched me with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Where's my chili sandwich?" I asked him with a little grin.

"I ate it." Trevor smiled.

I smiled too. "Really T-Rev? I thought you made it for me."

"I thought you didn't want it. I can make another." He replied.

"That's ok. Thanks." I approached him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna shower then I'll make my own." I told him, rubbing his shoulder before I carried my worn out legs up the stairs and in the shower.

I slipped on yoga pants and a t-shirt and went back downstairs. Trevor, being the amazing boyfriend that he is, had a sandwich, gumbo and glass of juice waiting for me in the living room.

"Thank you baby." I said, kissing him on the lips and joining him on the couch.

"You're welcome." He said simply. "Have you thought about what you're gonna do?"

"Yep. Fuck it!" I said, shrugging and taking a bite of my sandwich.

Trevor furrowed his eyebrows at me.
"What?"

"Yep. Fuck all of it. Fuck spiteful kids playing online, meritless rumors, and anyone who believes that nonsense." I stated.

"Are you worried about your job?" Trevor asked.

"Nothing's going happen without proof, you're right about that. Can't have proof for something that didn't happen." I said, between bites.

"That's the spirit." Trevor praised me.



I really did try my hardest to keep up that spirit until Friday. I couldn't help the stray thoughts of what would happen if I lost my job, but I pushed them away as fast as they came.
Being at work Friday was nerve wracking. I couldn't help worrying about the meeting and what was going to happen. It didn't help when it started snowing at 11am. My patient cancelled, so I hung around with nothing to do but try to stop myself from worrying.

When my last patient cancelled, I went ahead and headed home before the roads got bad. It was real snow this time; big, fluffy, white flakes. It was beautiful and coming down fast. I drove home slowly. When I got home, Trevor was waiting for me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Waiting for you. Come on. Let's go build a snowman." Trevor said, hopping up.

I buttoned my coat back up and we left. Trevor drove my car to a nearby park. We engaged in a snow ball fight before calling a truce and building a snowman. It was a sad, pathetically small snowman since there wasn't much snow sticking to the ground yet, but it was much loved.

We drove back home and immediately removed our wet clothes and put them in the laundry room. Jasmine wasn't home yet, so Trevor decided to take advantage of having the town home to ourselves and instructed me to sit on the dryer while our jackets dried.

We were making out, Trevor standing between my legs when I heard my phone ringing in the distance.

Trevor pulled away, but I pulled him back.

"It might be Forrest-" he trailed off before I kissed him.

My stomach flipped, but I pressed my lips against Trevor. When he put his arms back around me, the only thing that mattered was him.

"It can wait." I said, before kissing him again.