Collide

"I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide" Collide by Howie Day

I waited for maybe a minute before I heard the doorknob turn. My nerves went haywire when the door finally opened. I smiled, nervously when Ethan’s eyes met mine. His eyes widened in surprise as he looked me over. I took that time to study him too. I know it's cliché, but he was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. He was taller than me at 6’2, with smoldering dark brown eyes and smooth pecan brown skin. His lean built frame made the plain jeans and t-shirt he was wearing look so sexy. He was wearing his signature Nikes, a blue pair I have not seen before. He looked better in person than in the minimal photos on his social media that I occasional stalked.

I wondered if he was dissecting every little thing about me like I was about him. I hadn't changed that much physically. My hair was layered and chestnut brown with ombre tips, something my poor graduate student self did not have the time nor money for. My body was toned from the chicken, fish and turkey diet my father lived by that I mostly adhered to and my commitment to work out at least 4 times a week. Everything else about me was the same: same hazel eyes, 5'9, permanent bronze skin due to my mixed ethnicity.

"Lily... Hey." He recovered with a small smile.

"Hey." I said, nervously. We stood there, staring, till I cleared my throat. "Sorry for just dropping in on you."

"Oh. It’s ok. Come on in." I sighed in relief as he opened the door to let me in. I followed him as he led us to his kitchen. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No, that's fine. Were you on your way out?" I asked, noticing the quiet of the house, his shoes, and the keys on the counter.

"I have time." He answered plainly.

"I just realized you changed your number. I tried to get in touch with you at your office, but Shelly told me that you've been working remotely."

"Yeah, it's Spring Break for EJ. I was spending some time with him." Ethan explains.

"Awesome. Any plans?" I asked him, trying to ignore how weird this conversation was: small talk like strangers.

It had been almost 2 years now.

"You know my mom always plans something; this year was a stay-cation in Grapevine. We're going to do Legoland."

"Aw, I'm sure he's going to love that. I watched the Lego Movie because he recommended it. I was singing 'Everything is Awesome' for like a month" I commented. He smiled at me, and it gave me the confidence to continue.

"Um, I actually wanted to talk to you. I don't know if you heard that I was moving back to Dallas, but I am." I paused to wait for his reaction. When he just stared, unaffected, I felt uneasy and flustered all over again. "I was wondering if it's ok if I started hanging around again. For EJ. With EJ I mean. Geez, let me try that again." I took a deep breath, avoiding his eyes. "Is it ok if I start being a part of EJ's life again?" I finally asked.

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before I could decipher what it was.

"When did you ever stop? He always brags he's the only kid that gets year-round gifts from his best friend Lily." Ethan replied.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I could not believe EJ remembered that. We kept in touch over the phone and with the care packages I sent him, but I didn't think he would remember how close we were or the nicknames we called each other. I smiled to hide my tears.

"I really gotta get going now." He said abruptly, heading to the door.

"Of course." I followed him to the front door. I was stepping out the door when he stopped me.

"Hey. You need my new number right?"

"Oh yeah. So I don't have to stalk you to get in touch with you." I joked, putting his number in my phone.

"Alright, see ya"

"See ya soon"

Against All Odds

"So take a look at me now

Well there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me

Just the memory of your face

Ooh, Take a look at me now

Well there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against the odds

And that's what I've got to face" Against All Odds by Phil Collins

I stood outside the door of Ethan's two story home. The confidence that got me there was fading. The skinny jeans, blue tee, and vest I agonized over that morning felt too casual and too hot. It was still spring, nowhere as hot as it could get in Dallas, but I was so uncomfortable. The old me wouldn't care. In fact, the girl that Ethan knew would have thrown on basketball shorts and a t-shirt and wouldn't have given it a second thought. I knew my feelings had nothing to do with my outfit or the weather, but the man I came to see. One of the last times we were alone was about two years ago.  He told me he had feelings for me, and I told him I was moving to California. I tried to push those memories back, but they came anyway...

-Flashback: June 2012-

I relaxed as I stretched out on my bed fully dressed. I just got home from my graduation dinner. I was officially a Doctor of Physical Therapy. My adoptive father wasn't as pleased as he would be if I was graduating medical school, but I didn't let that dampen my accomplishments. I realized that I owed him a lot, but not my life. I needed to make my own choices.

My adoptive brother Cam was there too. He was reserved, holding back not only his disappointment and anger at me, but his pride. 2 weeks ago changed everything.

My phone rang from my nightstand. It was Ethan. I sighed before answering.

"Hey"

"Is this a good time? Can I come over so we can talk?" he asked.

"Sure"

I hung up the phone and waited 15 minutes before I heard knocking on my door. I let him in, trying hard to ignore the way his eyes roamed over me in my dress and cardigan. He hardly ever saw me in anything other than my scrubs, casual clothes or less.

"So what's up?” I asked, trying to keep my mind out the gutter.

"Congratulations." he said simply, handing me an envelope.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do this."

"I didn't. EJ did."

I watched him as he ran his hand through his hair. I went to open it but he stopped me.

"Can we talk first?"

When I nodded, he led us to my couch.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened with your brother." He began as soon as we sat down.

I cut him off. "It wasn't your fault. Don't worry about my brother."

"Ok," he continued, "Well I guess I just wanted to tell you that I know everything between us has been...."

"Completely fucked up?" I supplied, sarcastically. A smirk appeared on his lips. 

"A little," He admitted. " but regardless of all that, it's been...amazing"

I knew the shock was evident on my face, but I recovered quickly. "You’re not so bad yourself." I grinned, winking dramatically.

He chuckled. "First of all, that wink was really creepy." I laughed at that. "Second, I'm not talking about the sex. Well, not only the sex." He clarified.

When he grabbed my hands and looked in my eyes, my stomach flipped- with both nerves and desire. "It's been amazing getting to know you. I want you in my life as my girlfriend."

I took a deep breath and stood, dropping his hands. I paced around the floor.

"Lily, say something." Ethan said, watching me.

"Say what?" I responded.

"Anything. What do you think?"

"I think that we said it wasn't... it couldn't be serious. This was a rebound for you." I said, trying to pull him back to his senses.

"I know what I said. Maybe it started out that way, but it's not that way anymore. At least, not for me." Ethan explained, standing up to face me. " I have real feelings for you Lily. I love-"

"I'm moving to California" I blurted out, before he could finish.

"What? Why?" He said, confused.

"I've been offered a fellowship and I'm taking it."

"Ok..." He responded. "Ok. I'm ok with that. However long the fellowship, I'm willing to make it work. We can make it work."

I shook my head. "No... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Don't think. Just tell me how you feel?" Ethan pleaded.

"I told you how I felt when this first started. This was just temporary. It was just fun." I said softly. I watched his eyes darkened, before he nodded, turned around and headed out the house I let the tears fall as I opened the envelope.

-Present-

The thought of the letter in the envelope snapped me back into the present. The little crayon drawing with Dr. Harris written on the top gave me the last bit of courage to push the doorbell. I had no idea what the future holds for me and Ethan, but I knew for sure I wanted to re-establish my relationship with Ethan Jr.