"Any time you need a friend baby
I can be the one that you want
And if you’re ever down and out baby
I can be the one that you want
You can lean on me anytime baby
For anything you want and need
Oh I don't need a reason
Memory or a season
Everyday I will believe
That you and I were meant to be
Forever love
Oh forever love
Forever mine, forever yours
Forever love" Forever Love by Robin Thicke
New Year's Eve 2020 (4 Years Later)
“Ok! Time for resolutions!” I said excitedly as I picked up
the new year’s swag bags sitting next to EJ’s makeshift DJ booth. Passing out
date books for everyone to write their new year’s resolutions was a tradition I
started 2 years ago; my first New Year’s Eve as a married woman. Between my
husband’s and my family and work, deciding where we would be for the holidays
was a struggle. We worked it out and promised we would always spend New Year’s
at home. My hubby loved the guarantee of relaxing and not having the stress of
coordinating schedules and traveling. I loved to entertain, so
throwing a big themed party and inviting everyone who wanted to come was
a great end and start of the year.
This year's theme was Kidchella- a kid friendly Coachella. I
had the pool decked out with floating LED balls, yard games and a bounce house
in the back yard. I hired Staci’s daughter Cherish to do face painting and EJ
as our DJ to play lively music from the elaborate sound system. There was
plenty of festival food and drinks and booze and everyone would get a Kidchella
theme swag bags. The adult bags had more practical items like a bottle of
water, aspirin, mints and the kids bags were filled with candy, noisemakers and
party poppers. All the bags included plastic sunglasses, wristbands and a 2021 datebook that I expected everyone
who could write, to write their resolutions in. It was an hour until midnight:
the perfect time to start passing them out.
“I already told you my resolutions.” EJ pointed out as he
snagged two kid bags from me, one for him and the second for
Jayden. At 13 years old, EJ was already as tall as me. His deepened
voice, messy dreads and matured face did nothing but add to my dismay of him growing up way
too fast. Though when it came to throwing parties and having a good time, we
were both big ass kids. I was proud to say we shared a love of entertaining and
partying. He helped come up with the theme and plan for New Year’s Eve with me,
including the party favors.
“You know you have to write them down. It’s more likely to
come true if you do.” I informed him, as I did every year since the tradition
started.
“Nuh-uh. I wrote no more resolutions last year. That didn’t
happen.” EJ responded, defiantly with a smirk. He and Jayden both laughed at my
mock outraged gasp.
“Y’all got jokes huh? Jokes on you- you both make sure all
the kids get a treat bag.” I said, handing them the tote bag full of them.
“I gotta keep the music going.” EJ protested.
“There’s like a million kids here!” Jayden exaggerated.
“You can figure it out and hand out bags, our I can tell y’alls
dad what you were trying to paint on yourself earlier.” I said, referring to
Cherish informing me they used her face paint to draw inappropriate words on
each other’s foreheads. They had no rebuttal. EJ took the bags and handed
them to Jayden. “Better get moving, or you’ll be handing them out until 2022.
No cap.” I grinned.
“Cringe!” They both yelled at me as we all laughed. That was
their most popular videos to date on TikTok, listing and acting out scenarios
that are cringeworthy. I was featured way more than I thought necessary.
“All kids, come to the jump house for candy. All kids to the
jump house for candy. Last kid gets no candy.” EJ cut the music to announce
over the sound speaker. Before I could even walk away, a stampede of kids
ran over to the jump house. I walked over to the pool, where most of
my guests were hanging out, enjoying the festivities.
“Is there enough candy for all the kids?” Robin, my work
bestie, yelled from the flamingo floaty she was sprawled out on. Staci was
on the second one, and Amber was on the third.
“There’s plenty. EJ just wanted all the kids to come get
their swag bag. Make sure you both get one” I instructed both of Amber’s
daughters. Krista nodded, but just continued taking selfies at the edge of the
pool. April hurried out the pool and ran to the jump house.
“I’ll save one for Braden.” I promised Sandra, who nodded
her head in appreciation as she splashed around with her youngest son. He
wouldn’t leave the heated pool for anything
I walked over to the cabana and handed out the swag
bags, pointing out the datebook and pens to write their resolutions.
“Really? We still gotta do this?” Rocky complained when she
got her’s.
“Yeah! You should be glad you are still invited, after the
stunt y’all pulled this year.” I glared at her, only partially kidding as I
dropped Bilal’s bag in her lap too. They were practically spooning each other
on the the large, u-shaped sectional. Even with everyone sitting around the
firepit, there was still plenty of room so they didn’t need to share a seat.
Newlyweds.
“You calling our marriage a stunt?” Bilal grinned at
me.
“No, I’m calling your wedding a stunt. I heard of eloping,
but with no engagement? No running off to Vegas or Mexico for a romantic,
private ceremony? Just a random Tuesday morning at the courthouse and a text
message announcement? No baby bump to explain everything?” I declared.
Rocky beamed as if I recited a fairytale, and not her
secret, rushed nuptials.
“Again, the people who needed to be there, were there.”
Rocky defended their wedding. “Everyone else got to be at dinner.”
The celebratory dinner started out as a shitshow. Mama Smith
was blazing mad. She always had a soft spot for Bilal and hardly ever gave him
any problems. She lit into him as soon as she saw him at the dinner. She ranted
that she expected such a thing from her daughter but could not believe he would
go along with it. As much as I hated that she was making a scene on their
night, I had to agree with her. When Rocky and Bilal got back together- to the
point he moved to Dallas to be with her, I was delirious with happiness. After
everything they went through, I was so proud they found their way back to each
other. I knew marriage was something they discussed, especially with Ace
starting school. They wanted a house, maybe in the same housing development my
house was built in. The first step to that was getting married.
I didn’t expect they would go and do it and not invite any
friends or family besides Brandon and Ace. I was glad Mama Smith was speaking
up about being slighted and left out because I felt the same way. Bilal, with
sincerity I knew he couldn’t fake, apologized and explained how he and Rocky
didn’t want to hurt or exclude anyone; they just wanted the paperwork done and
their vows to themselves. Rocky added that everyone at the dinner was already a
part of their family and life. Without our support, they would have never
gotten married and asked if we can all please relax and celebrate? Mama Smith
went on a little bit more on how they could have told us that before sneaking
off, but I wanted to grant Rocky’s wish and celebrate. I still taunted them
about it though.
“After all the money we spent to get married, the courthouse
is not a bad way to go.” Jake shook his head, the shadows of the flames dancing
across his face.
I couldn’t help smiling as I remembered the huge,
traditional wedding in a beautiful reception hall in Dallas. There were
around 175 people in attendance. Maybe it was weird for some that I attended my
ex’s wedding, but it felt right. After I saw how hurt both Dino and Jake were
following 6 months apart from each other, I went against my own advice of
minding my own business and called Jake. At first, he didn’t want my opinion.
He even blocked me for a week so I could not contact him. I eventually teamed
up with Brandon to make him listen. I told Brandon to tell him moving should
not have been an ultimatum or a deal breaker. It should have been a continuous
conversation until they both understood why it was so crucial for her to stay
in Texas and why he felt he had to leave. I needed Brandon to warn Jake that if
there was any part of him that wanted a future with her, he needed to reach out before she moved on. Brandon let me know that they talked, but we didn’t speak
about it again. I wasn’t sure what happened, but they got back together. At
Staci’s birthday party that year, Dino pulled me aside and thanked me. Brandon
confessed to them both that it was my words that got through to Jake. After
that, Dino and I became true friends. As soon as Dino completed her master’s
degree, they had a huge, boozy fun wedding before they started their new life
together in Phoenix. I was genuinely thrilled for them both.
“A wedding was the least you could do before you dragged my
ass to hotter than hell Phoenix.” Dino smirked beside him.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t worth it, mi alma (my soul).” Jake
pulled her in close for a quick kiss on the lips, before turning to Brandon and
Chris. “I’m just saying. if y’all are thinking about marriage, you better start
saving now.”
Chris smiled and rested his arm around Peyton. “If we ever
want to get married, a courthouse stunt sounds good to me.”
Brandon chuckled. “Me and Whit are nowhere near that, and
you already know all of my spare change goes to the Renegades.”
The Renegades were the youth basketball program that was
Brandon’s side passion. It began when Ethan pulled EJ from his club basketball
team. Ethan finally had words with EJ’s former coach and he did not like his
response or attitude. Ethan, being the patience, vindictive genius he was,
partnered with EJ’s summer basketball coach Spencer to form a team to compete
in the AAU like EJ's old team. Spencer was hesitant at first, he had no
intentions of coaching an AAU team. He and Ethan both shared a disdain for the
AAU. Ethan was able to convince Spencer by sharing EJ’s experiences and breaking down the fees parents pay to have kids try out and join these elite teams and
learn nothing. Spencer was inspired to prove it was better to teach
the fundamentals to everyone, not handpick teams to win games. He
wanted Ethan to be an assistant coach, but Ethan wasn’t comfortable coaching
EJ. Brandon was, and he stepped up, excited for the new challenge. The team
consisted of EJ, Jayden and 9 other former kids from Spencer's summer camp.
They called themselves the Renegades because they defied the system of making
kids try out and only selecting the best players. The Renegades accepted
everyone, and their main goal was to develop disciplined, skilled players- not
to win games.
After 2 years, the Renegades were beating well established
clubs and ranked regionally. EJ always had his best games against the Penguins.
A few players who were not starters for the Penguins joined the Renegades.
During the 3rd year, they were invited to a national
tournament, a tournament the Penguins never got an invitation to. The number of
parents and kids that wanted to join the team skyrocketed. Brandon, still
wanting to keep the principle of no tryouts and every kid getting playing
minutes, was able to secure enough sponsors to transform the Renegade’s team
into a Renegade’s league. He convinced a few AAU coaches to join the league,
making sure to pass on Spencer’s winning blueprint of coaching to teach, not
just to win. It was amazing, and they were up to 7 teams, both boys
and girls teams, from ages 5-16. Brandon still worked as an executive at Target, but
his love was the league. It was wonderful to see him find his passion and pride
in himself. He had big dreams of coaching Ace on a team one day. The way Ace
dribbled and shot the ball at 4, I could see it happening.
“Ah Ha! Something to put down in your resolution- more
sponsors, more teams, more championships. Let’s go bro!” I hyped Brandon up, making
sure he got a party bag as well.
“Yeah, you go!” Brandon replied, sarcastically. I swatted at him as they laughed. I knew they were laughing at me, but I didn’t mind. I was happy everyone was together and having a great time.
I left them to make sure my other guests had their bags. I walked up to the supersized deck, my second favorite part of my house. It had an outdoor living room, a huge grill, an island, a full-size dining room table, flatscreen, and a wet bar. Forrest, Deanna, Monica, Trent, Jordan, Blake, Corey and Megan were hanging out, eating and listening to the music. Their young ones were either at the jump house getting candy or inside, sleeping in the living room. I had it set up with 2 pack and plays, a bassinet and a baby dome. The monitor in the living room was hooked up to the flat screen, so they all could see their children and enjoy the party as well. They happily took my swag bags and talked about their New Year’s resolutions.
Forrest and Deanna's resolution was to not get pregnant. Forrest proposed when she got pregnant with their first son, but she refused to get married until after he was born as she did not want to be a
“Happy New Year’s Bitch!!!” Sammy bellowed, drunkenly as she
danced, shaking her shoulders.
I laughed at her. “I got another hour to go in Texas- but
Happy New Year!”
“We’re not in Texas, we're in Miami Bitch!!!” Sammy whooped,
causing everyone around her to cheer as well. While she danced around some
more, Richard grabbed the phone from her.
“Is she alright?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s great. She’s drunk-drunk, but we’re
celebrating.” Richard smiled.
“Oh god, if y’all eloped, I will murder you!” I threatened.
“If I proposed, she would murder me.” Richard laughed. I
still had no idea what their relationship was. They had been together, possibly openly, for 2 years now. After her breakup
with Corey, I felt like she stole my idea of being the cool aunt that traveled
and brought a new man around all the time. With the success of the Youtube
channel, branching out to new cities, and a few harassment complaints against the owner Ron, Sammy took over his role and was promoted to director of recruiting
and training for the Honey Bees at all locations. She had a team in each city
that reported to her and she occasionally had to visit. After every trip, she
came back with fun stories about the city or the men she dated.
Suddenly, she started traveling with Richard and the stories stopped. I
tried to get more details about their relationship; they both told me they were
on the same page and happy. That’s all that mattered, so I left it alone.
Currently, they were spending the winter in Miami. "We are celebrating! I
flipped my first house out here. Got 2 offers in this morning.
Looking at a net profit of at least $30,000.”
“Ohmygod, that’s major! Congratulations!” I gushed. “No
wonder she’s lit.”
“Everyday we lit! Everyday we lit! ‘Member I was broke, now
I'm gettin' rich.” Sammy sang offkey, taking the phone from Richard, twirling
around. I laughed as she went around the room singing, and out of the corner of
my eye, I saw Amanda attempting to hide behind Trevor. I couldn’t stop myself
from rolling my eyes. Sammy looked over her shoulder, confused by my
irritation, until she saw what Amanda was doing.
“For fuck sakes! Lily has a whole ass husband, a baby and
probably twins on the way! She does not care you’re fucking Trevor. Hell, at
this point, who hasn’t?” Sammy yelled at Amanda.
I held back my smile and I could tell Trevor was doing the
same.
“Fuck off Sammy.” Amanda flushed red, before getting up and
hurrying away.
“Woman up Mandy!” She called after her.
“Thanks Sammy.” Trevor said, finishing his drink before
standing up.
“Don’t thank me. Thank your dick.” she blew a kiss at him as
Richard laughed.
Trevor ignored her and gave me a sheepish smile and a
little wave. “Happy New Year Lily.”
“Happy New Year. Good luck.” I said honestly. It took a
couple of years, but we were on cordial terms. Out of respect for my husband,
we could never be friends again. Even when Trevor was named the godfather of my
niece, we politely avoided each other. He respected my wish of having no
contact and I did not renege until his grandmother passed away. With my
husband’s blessing, I reached out to offer my condolences. Afterwards, we would
speak if we were at the same place. The last time we spoke had been at Bilal’s
and Rocky’s congratulatory dinner. We were both still kinda shell-shocked by
them just up and getting married, and I think that confusion opened the line of
conversation between us. For the first time ever, he congratulated me on my
marriage and baby. I thanked him and asked what was new with him. It was
then he revealed he was dating Jenna’s younger sister Amanda.
I was a little hurt Amanda didn't tell me. We weren't super close, but we were
closer than me and Trevor at the time. I was more weirded out when I discovered
Sammy didn’t know at the time either. I was curious if my brother or Jenna knew, but I didn’t ask. I told
Trevor to be careful and to be sure. He said he was, so I left it at that.
“Pregnant with twins Sammy? I know I haven’t lost all the
baby weight, but damn.” I snapped at her.
“You know you look fucking good girl.” Sammy sniggered, sitting
down beside Richard. “The way you were twerking on your man on IG, I figure
y’all were trying for twins.”
“It was Finesse! Bruno Mars and Cardi B. I had to.” I
defended myself and my sexy grinding video.
"You gonna finesse another baby out your husband!”
Richard cracked.
"Yep, she gonna be pregnant, twerking just like Cardi
B." Sammy added. They both howled with laughter, and I smiled at them.
“Alright. Let me go find my whole ass husband. Have a good
night! Don’t spend all of Richard’s money before he gets it.” I said goodbye.
“I’ll try.” She giggled before pulling Richard in for a
passionate kiss, with lots of tongue.
I hung up and put my phone away before I made my way to the
pool house. The pool house had a sitting area, full kitchen, bathroom and 2
bedrooms that my family normally used when they visited from out of town. My half-brother/cousin Benjamin, his wife and three boys were
occupying the house as they visited us for the holiday. It was also the perfect
location for my husband to hide out from the festivities. I open the pool house
door and heard Justine’s excited yelp before my eyes automatically found Ethan.
His tall frame was stretched out on the reclining leather couch. Next to him were Benjamin
and Daniel as they stretched out too with Sports Center playing on the big screen. Ethan looked extremely
sexy in a pair of ripped jeans and a fitted floral print t-shirt I picked out
for him. He despised the whole entire outfit, especially the jeans, but when he
saw I picked out a matching mini sundress for me, a romper for our baby, head
band and cargo shorts for EJ, and vest for Justine, he put it on without
another complaint. My heart melted as I took a moment and watched him holding
our 9-month-old daughter Evelyn against his chest as she fought sleep. I
honestly did not believe I could love him more than I did 4 years ago. When I
wrote my resolutions that New Year’s Eve, I knew exactly what I wanted. I
already had the job I wanted. I knew what kind of man I wanted, what kind of
relationship I wanted, what kind of life I wanted. Ethan was who I pictured as
my future husband. I already knew I loved him, but I was 100% sure I was ready
to be in a relationship with him.
However, I wasn’t ready to spill my guts to him yet. I knew
him well enough to know that even if he wanted me too, he would need actions
and proof of my readiness before he made any decisions about getting back
together with me. So when I moved back, I worked on re-establishing my
friendship with him. I made myself a presence in his life so he could no longer
withdraw from me. I didn’t care if he was 'friendly' with Serena or that he was
getting close to Camilla, his gorgeous, globetrotting, successful, leggy
college friend who invited him to Cape Town. Will could introduce him to
hundreds of girls. He was single and I was determined to
spend time with him and show him that I was ready. It all came to a head at
Deborah’s birthday party. Albert was throwing his wife a big party and invited
us all to celebrate. When I saw Camilla at the party, I felt defeated. I was so
sure we shared moments over the past 3 months, enough so he understood my
intentions. There were times when I felt like he shared the same intentions of
getting back together. If Ethan was at the point of inviting Camilla to his
mom’s birthday, I needed to bow out gracefully. I refused to be the ex that
would screw up anything he was building with her. If he was happy, I needed to
be happy for him. All my insecurities loomed at the surface, but I pushed them
away. I was determined to stay strong and power through the evening the
best I could. I was doing a good job until Ethan asked me to dance. I told him
he did not have to but he insisted and his dad encouraged us. He began
to lead me in swing out steps to Before I Let Go by Frankie Beverly and Maze. I became
overwhelmed with regrets as he now confidently danced to the steps we learned on our second date.
**********Flashback**********
“Lily, wait.” Ethan called after me as I sped walked to
my car.
I took a deep breath, willing myself to relax.
“Can we talk later Ethan?” I muttered, refusing to stop
or look at him.
“Was my dancing that bad?” He said, still following me.
That made me stop. I couldn’t read his tone and I had
to look at him. “No?”
“No? Does that mean yes? Because we don’t have to dance.”
He cleared his throat, nervously. His face was expressionless, but his nervous
tell encouraged me.
“No, your dancing was fine. Much better than last time.”
I complimented him, bitterly. “You been practicing with Camilla?” I inquired,
not really wanting to know the answer.
“No.” he said, with the decency to look embarrassed.
“Serena actually.”
That made me feel worse. “Wow. Ok. Got it. So Camilla
tonight, Serena whenever. What do you need me for?” I exclaimed, heatedly,
crossing my arms.
“Do you remember why we broke up? Both times?” He asked,
without answering my question.
I exhaled, exasperated, trying to keep my emotions in check. “Of course I remember. You told me you loved me, but I wasn't ready. I’ve been giving you my time and honesty to show you that I'm ready now. My life is great, I just know it would be better with you. We’ve had these moments- these great moments that felt like we could be more than friends. I thought you would give me another chance if you saw I was ready. I mean, what are we doing? Why are you dancing with me? Why are we spending so much time together if you’re moving on?!?”
“I’ve walked away from you twice now; but I never moved on. When we broke up the last time, I told you to tell me when you're ready. Are you ready to be with me? Are you certain you are going to stay in Texas? I need to hear you say you're ready for a commitment. I need you to be sure this time or let me move on
I cradled his face in my hands, looking him straight in
his eyes. “I love you Ethan. I’m in love with you. I’m ready to commit to you,
build a life with you anywhere. You have my heart. I’m ready to love you forever
if you give me one more chance.” I said, mustering up all my strength
to overcome my emotions as tears of hope, desperation, and love filled my eyes.
He stared into my eyes, silently, for long, agonizing
seconds before he pulled me close to him. “I love you Lily. No more chances.
Let’s just be together.”
I agreed, wholeheartedly. We wouldn’t need any more
chances as long as we were committed to each other. I wrapped my arms
around his neck, tears streaming down my face now. I felt overwhelming relief
and fierce determination to make our love last forever. He slowly began to kiss
my tears away. I brought his lips to mine for a kiss that he returned,
passionately. I thought I could never feel more love than being in his arms, in
love and fully committed to our relationship.
***
He spent the rest of the year proving me wrong. I soon saw
we shared the same dedication to make our love prosper. We were protective of
it at first, keeping our relationship between us. We couldn’t keep it a
secret for too long as we were inseparable. Everyone knew we were back together
when he accompanied me to Jordan’s wedding in April. Surprisingly, our biggest
critic was his mom. She wanted to make sure we both were not stuck in a bad
cycle of breaking up and making up. Ethan took offense to her doubts, but I
understood them. I even asked him to come to a therapy session with me so we
could discuss why that was a fair question. He wasn’t a fan of therapy, but he
did it for me. And it helped- I felt like we were more connected and trusted
each other more than we ever had before. It only made my love for him grow.
He continued to show his love by planning a special birthday
get-away for me. I assured him a couple of months prior to my birthday that we
did not have to do anything extravagant; we could go to dinner and relax at his
house. He was determined to make it special and took time off from work for a
long weekend in the Dominican Republic. I thought it was super sweet as we were
finally getting to go together. I was thrilled when a small group of our
friends and family were able to come too. Cam and Jenna had their daughter at
home so they could not make it, but my dad and Beatrice were able to come. When
Ethan and EJ came with me to California to meet my niece Cameron Jamie Ortiz, I
spent most of my time with the baby while my dad took Ethan and EJ sightseeing.
Apparently, my dad and Ethan bonded and formed a comradery independent of me. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I should be elated
or concerned about that. On my birthday, I was elated as my dad helped plan the trip with
Ethan. He rented out a huge colonial city mansion in Santo Domingo
for us all to stay in. When we weren’t volunteering, we explored the city, ate
great food, swam, and just enjoyed each other’s company at the house together.
On our last night together, after a delicious Dominican dinner prepared by
Amelia, everyone decided to stay at the house and we gathered for an intense
game of Monopoly.
**********Flashback**********
“One last time trip around the board for S.S. Bankrupt.” I
taunted Rocky, as I took her ship game piece around the board. She just landed
on one of my hotels. Instead of trying to sell off her houses or property, she
declared bankruptcy. It was now down to me versus Ethan.
Rocky glared at me as I finished my glass of wine. “It’s
just a game Lily. Get over yourself.”
“Huh? What was that? I don’t speak broke.” Everyone
laughed while Sammy took my wine glass away from me. Hopefully, getting me a
refill.
“This is a perfect example of how not to be a gracious
player.” Brandon coached EJ with a smile.
“Why should I be gracious when y’all have been plotting
against me the whole game?!?” I accused, again.
“Paranoid much?” Ethan asked, with a slight smile. He had
been quiet as I trashed talk most of the night. That was odd, he normally gave
me as good as I dished out on game nights. I figured it was because he was
benefiting from all the ridiculously one-sided deals.
“Staci and Daniel gave you a Monopoly on yellow for $700.
Forrest basically gave you the railroads when he could have mortgage them and
paid you off. EJ and Albert quit, and I don’t even know what Bianca was doing,
auctioning everything she landed on! Y'all teamed up on me! On my birthday! And
I’m still going to kick your ass.” I proclaimed, holding up my boot game piece
to accentuate my point. Deborah laughed and Richard held his
phone up at me. I was sure he was recording my antics, but I didn’t care.
I spoke nothing but truth.
“I don’t want any excuses when I win. You want to
even out the playing field? Take some of my property?” Ethan tempted me.
I stole his wine and took a big gulp before turning down
his condescending offer. “Nope. The playing field is even now that your team
has been eliminated. Your turn.”
“No, take something.” Ethan cleared his throat. “You want
my get out of jail free card?”
I grinned. I was sitting comfortable with my properties
and had enough money to invest and pay rent at any of his hotels. He knew now
that it was one on one, he was in trouble.
“Naw, I’m good. I don’t need handouts, unlike you.” I
jeered. “Besides, I can still collect money in jail, and I don’t have to worry
about landing on your property. In fact, that’s what I want. Put me in jail!”
I declared while everyone either groaned or laughed at
me. I didn’t care how long I dragged out the game- I just wanted
to win!
Ethan smiled gently. “Just take the card Lilian.”
Something in his eyes and the way he said my full name made my heart jump. The room was filled with a new, tense energy that I didn’t understand. Maybe I had too much wine. I put Ethan’s glass down and tried to shrug off the anxious feeling before I took the chance card from Ethan. I turned it over quickly to confirm it was the get out of jail free card and not something detrimental, like the dreaded house and hotel repair card. If he drew the card and didn’t pay up, it would confirm my theory he was cheating. On my birthday. Who does that?!?
CHANCE
No more chances needed.
The only thing I need now is forever.
I read the card a few times, not fully understanding
until Ethan kneeled beside me. He was down on one knee, holding a small black
box in his hand. I gasped; first stunned, then astonished, and finally, elated.
I could hardly breathe as I stared at him.
“Lily, will you give me forever? Will you marry me?”
Ethan barely got out the question before I threw my arms around him in a hug,
saying yes as I cried. Ethan embraced me as we fell on the floor. Over the
cheers and applause of our friends and family, I held him tight, kissing him on
the lips over and over. My family, the game and the ring were all forgotten. At
least, temporarily. Once I recovered from my elation, I called out everyone for
rigging the game, even if it was for Ethan’s proposal. The custom-made ring
Ethan designed for me completely made up for it. I forgave their cheating as
soon as he slid the ring on my finger.
***
Thankfully, we discussed long term commitments and what that looked like for us with Dr. Pereira. We already agreed on finances and decision making, the importance of communication, how to argue, sex and blending our family. The most important part for both of us now was moving in and starting our lives together. Ethan wanted to make it as easy as possible for EJ while I was concerned about finding a house that we both felt would be our forever home. Ethan reached out to his former colleague Anthony and found a new housing development in Frisco. The floorplan Ethan, EJ and I picked out was still under construction, so we had plenty of time to customize the house. With the additional features we added, the house would be completed in 5 months. Ethan and I both agreed to a smaller wedding because we both would rather spend our money on our dream home, and we wanted to be married by the time the house was done.
Our parents were not going to let us get
married without a celebration that the whole family could attend. My dad offered to pay for the wedding since
we refused his gift of paying for our house. Deborah volunteered to plan it all
so we can focus on the house. Ethan shot them both down.
He had no intentions of relinquishing control of his own wedding because my dad paid
for it, and he did not want to delay us moving into our home together because
his mom was planning an elaborate wedding. My dad was not happy, and it was the
first time he and Ethan bumped heads. To try to broker some peace, I explained to Ethan that my dad's offer of money for the house and wedding was how
he would feel a part of our lives. As long as we had clear boundaries with
him, he would respect them. I also told him at the end of the day, I only
wanted to be married to him and celebrate with our loved ones. And I would not
trust anyone more than his mom to help us plan a beautiful day. Ethan’s
compromise was that my dad could match what he budget for the wedding so they
would pay for it 50/50. His mom would assist us with planning a bigger wedding,
only if we could be married in 6 months. The compromise worked and if I wasn’t
sure before about the man I was marrying, I was 100% convinced then. I was so
proud of how Ethan handled everyone and his resolve to make the wedding as
stress free as possible.
The wedding took place in Ethan’s parent’s backyard. Albert’s and Deborah’s backyard was huge and even with the rentals, it was less expensive to host in their backyard than any other venue available within 6 months. Ethan and I both decided on the date, the guestlist, and no wedding party; we worked with Deborah on everything else. My weekends were spent answering a million questions about the wedding. Once all the practical choices were made, I really wasn’t sure what I wanted. Needing a break from decision making, I escaped to California to go dress shopping. Bianca thought it might help me to pick out my dress to decide what I wanted. I went, thinking worst case scenario, I could get a break from wedding questions and hang out with Bianca. I found the dress at our third boutique. It was an A-line dress with a lace bodice, thigh high slits and chiffon draping into a sweep train. It was perfect for an outdoor ceremony, sexy and simple. When I tried it on, I loved the way if fit my body, the way it moved when I walked and how comfortable it was. I knew I could spend the whole night in the dress and Ethan would love it, especially the slit as he told me numerous times how much he loved my legs.
The dress did inspire me; I knew I wanted a simple, intimate celebration. I knew anything Deborah planned would be elegant, but I wanted it to be relaxed and fun too. Once I showed Deborah the dress and my vision for the wedding, she nailed exactly what I wanted. The spacious, open backyard space was transformed with clean large white columns to define the ceremony space, a reception tent draped with ivory fabric that mirrored my dress, fresh greenery and floral installations featuring white flowers, and gold touches everywhere- shimmering gold twinkle lights, gold leaves and sparkly ribbon in the flower arrangements, gold details on the place settings. I was amazed at how perfect everything was: it felt both elegant and serene. When I saw the hedge wall bordered with white flowers and the words "Ethan & Lilian. Forever Love" at the guest entrance to the backyard, I burst out crying. It was the first time of many on my wedding day.
**********Flashback**********
“Dad, I love you, you look impeccable, but please don’t
say anything. I’ve had my make-up touched up 2 times already and if I cry
anymore, I probably faint due to dehydration. No sentimental crap until after
the ceremony.” I pleaded with him.
“After pictures.” Deborah corrected me, squeezing Dad on
his shoulder encouragingly as she left to confirm we were ready. I didn’t want
the hassle of a bridal party, but Rocky and Bianca still found their way to the
guest room in Ethan’s parent’s house that was doubling as my bridal suite.
Rocky brought me a blue garter (blue and new) and Bianca gave me Aunt Andrea’s
teardrop diamond earrings (borrowed and old). The fact that they even thought
of the corny tradition made me cry . After they left, my brother came and
let me know he loved me- and could have the car ready in less than 60 seconds.
I
As we made our way down the aisle, I thought about the lyrics to the song and let them soothe me. This was the hardest part of wedding planning for me: picking out the music. The first dance song was the easiest. I went back and forth with songs I loved until I picked the one that had the most meaning for Ethan and me. I picked “Down to Ride” by Gary Clark Jr. as our song years ago when we went to see him in concert. The lyrics still summed up our commitment to each other and it was a modern and soulful ballad that Ethan and I could easily sway to. He definitely got the moves for swing out dancing, but I did not want him thinking about dance steps- I wanted him to be in the moment with me. The reception playlist was handled by the DJ but I approved everything. I wanted it to be fun, but appropriate for the older and younger generations, so we stuck to edited top 40s hits. The ceremony music was the hardest- I debated timeless classics with modern love songs that had special meaning to me and Ethan. Eventually, we settled on a little bit of both. “La Vie en Rose” signified the start of the ceremony as Ethan and EJ made their way to the wedding arch. He suggested the song, telling me it was what we danced to at his birthday party when he realized he still had feelings for me. It also reminded me of when we finally made things official on our Wall-E movie night, so it was a great pick.
I wanted a song as significant to walk down the
aisle to, but I was struggling to come up with one. Until I was shuffling
through all my playlist and a song played from the album Robin Thicke wrote to
his estranged wife. I remembered swearing to myself, and later sharing with
Ethan, that even if Ethan wrote a whole album about me, we would never get back
together. At the time, he thanked me for giving him another chance. I corrected
him, saying we were finally getting a real chance. Just like he wrote on the
Chance card, we did not need any more chances. We needed to stay together and
support and love each other through everything. The lyrics of “Forever Love”
embodied that.
As I walked down the aisle, I was 100% sure I had that
kind of love with Ethan. The love, admiration and desire that shone in his eyes
as he watched me confirmed he felt the same. I couldn’t take my eyes off of
him. He looked so wonderful and fine in a dark navy suit and no tie, his
definition of semi formal. Deborah set the dress code because she did not want
Albert’s side of the family, or anyone else, showing up in jeans like it was a
backyard barbeque and not a wedding. I described my dress to Ethan as backyard
chic so he would not overdress and make me look bad. I could tell he approved
of how I looked by the way his eyes drank me in. Once I was finally by his side,
he mouthed a simple ‘wow’ that made me flush with need. My dad gave me a brief
hug, kissing me on the temple, before he left me with Ethan. Ethan grabbed my
hands in his, and we turned to his family’s pastor. Neither one of us were super religious, so we wrote our own vows to each
other. I went first, knowing I would be less likely to make it through the vows
without crying, so I should get mine out first.
“Ethan, I wrote a list 2 years ago of everything I wanted in a man. Out of the 20 wants on my list, you check off 18.5.” Ethan gave me a wryly smile as a chuckle went through the crowd. “The missing 1.5 are not important- in fact, I really don’t need them from you because I have them myself. But while I was writing my vows, I realized I missed the most important want. The one thing I love most about you- is that you love me unconditionally. You’ve accepted me- and loved me- even before I loved myself.” My voice quivered. He squeezed my hands tighter as I fought back my tears. “Even when I’m impatience- or reckless or get insecure and you tell me to slow down and think things through- I know that you still love me. All of me- Flaws and all. I never- never felt that before you.” I stammered, the tears coming freely now. I leaned my head forward, to stop them for streaking down my face but Ethan reached forward to tilt my head up with a handkerchief. I shook my head. “No, your mom said to lean forward so I don’t ruin my make up.” I breathed out an anxious breath, trying to regain control of my emotions as he dabbed my face, gently.
“It’s not ruined. You look beautiful.” Ethan told me, his
voice laced with passion. I looked back into his eyes, they instantly
calmed me.
“And you tell me I’m beautiful, even when I know I’m an
ugly crier.” I said, giving him a wobbly smile. For a brief
moment, I forgot we had an audience until they laughed. I looked over to see
all our friends and family, some shedding tears too, before I turned back to
Ethan. I inhaled deeply, before I began again. “I promise I love you the same
Ethan. Even when your stubbornness aggravates me or your need to be in
control rears its ugly head.” He smiled and I smiled back through my tears
before I continued. “I love you, flaws and all. I promise to always be there so
we can balance each other out and love one another through the hard times. I
promise to make you laugh when I feel like you’re taking yourself too
seriously. I promise to always sing you love songs, even when you beg me to
stop. I promise I will be forever committed to you and our family. I promise to
love you forever.”
I let go of one of his hands to motion EJ over to me.
“Can you come here EJ?” I asked. EJ was standing beside Ethan as the sole
member of our wedding party- Ethan's best man.
Confusion was all over his face as he made his way to
stand between us. I grabbed his hand in my free hand and turned to face him.
“Thank you for accepting me and letting me be a part of
your family. I was blessed the day you came into my life. I know I can be
annoying and get on your nerves sometimes and kiss your dad way too much,
but I promise I will always do my best to be worthy of the titles of
stepmom and your friend. I will support you and love you
always.” I vowed to EJ. He nodded, and I gave him a hug before he returned to
Ethan’s side.
I locked eyes with Ethan and clasped his hands with mine.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before beginning.
“I have my vows, but I wanted to say if I had a list, I
don’t believe you would have done as well on it.” I giggled with everyone else, loving his
competitiveness. It was something we have in common. “But that’s only because I
had no idea what I wanted until I knew you. You are beautiful, compassionate,
and resilient- And the way you love my son-“ his voice broke, and I
squeezed his hands in mine, tears welling in my eyes again. I heard
multiple sniffles from the crowd before he steadied himself enough to continue.
“You have brought light and laughter and harmony into my life- things I would
have never thought to want and now I can no longer live without. You are more
than I could ever hope for. You are better than anyone I envisioned for
myself. I can not imagine my life without you.” I started to cry, but I
kept it together enough so I could hear the rest of his vows. “You are truly
my better half; You complete me. From this day forward, you and our family will
always come first. I will respect you. I will encourage you. I will cherish
you. I will always be loyal and faithful to you. I will love you
forever Lily.” He promised, his voice heavy with emotions, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. I just wanted to embrace him and kiss all our tears away,
but I knew we had to exchange rings first.
When the time came, EJ handed both gold bands to Ethan. We slipped them on each other’s fingers, repeating the pastor’s words, “This ring is a token of my love for you. I am yours, today and forever”.
Once
the rings were on, the pastor announced:
“Ethan and Lilian you have each chosen to
be joined in marriage today. The bible states that ‘two are better than one;
they receive a good reward for their toil, because, if one fails, the other can
help the companion up again.’ In my presence and in the presence of your family
and friends, you have exchanged vows and made promises. You have opened your
hearts to one another, declared your love and friendship, and have united
yourself with the exchanging of rings. Therefore, with the
blessings of God, it is my pleasure to now pronounce you husband and wife. You
may now kiss your bride!”
“Cover your eyes EJ!” I heard from the crowd as Ethan
pulled me in close. There was an eruption of laughs and cheers before Ethan
kissed me, a smile on his lips. That was the last thing I remembered before I
kissed him back. Our kiss was sweet and heartfelt, filled with all our
promises of forever love. It was absolutely perfect.
***
Watching Ethan hold our daughter Evie as she slept
peacefully against his chest reminded me of my vows and made me feel like I
could easily love him forever. If there are days it's
hard, I had so many memories to remind me how much I loved him
and our family. One of those memories was our wedding reception. We had so much
fun celebrating with everyone and could not keep our eyes, hands or lips off each other all night. Another memory was both of our honeymoons- the first
was in Paris, France with only Ethan and me competing to see whose French was
better, visiting all the historical sites and architecture that Ethan enjoyed,
sampling all the delicious foods and wine that I picked out, and making love
every morning, night, and occasional afternoon. Then, we took EJ and Justine to
EJ's pick of Hawaii. Our days were filled with hiking volcanoes, kayaking, an
ATV tour of waterfalls and surfing lessons at the beach. Once we returned home,
I had new memories of settling into our house together. The memory of our first
new year's as a married couple was also a great one. I would never forget
Ethan's excitement when I shared my new year’s resolution of getting pregnant.
5 months later, after a couple of weeks of hiding my extreme nausea and faking a
period, I was able to gift him the first ultrasound of our baby on our
anniversary. And of course, I would never forget all the love and pride we shared when we
brought Evelyn Rose Carter into the world. While that was a favorite memory of mine, I
would also cherish the everyday moments of him loving me, EJ and Evelyn forever.
“Hey Daddy.” I said as I leaned over to kiss him on the lips
first, before kissing Evelyn’s chubby cheek. “Do you want me to take her
inside?”
“No, the fireworks and noisemakers are going to wake her up.
I’ll put her down in our room after midnight.” He reasoned.
I nodded in understanding. Evelyn was a sensitive soul-
already she liked things just so and had a set of lungs on her to let us know
if she was not happy. She was not a fan of loud sounds, unless she was the one
making the noises. She disliked my humming, singing and the musical toys
and mobiles she was gifted. She shared Ethan’s quiet nature and was most satisfied
by his side or in his arms. We recently moved her out of our bedroom to her own
room. It was an ongoing discussion letting her cry it out
at night (him) or checking on her in the middle of the night (me). Currently,
we agreed on checking on her during the night, but leaving her in her room.
After she turned one, we would start letting her cry it out.
I faked a sigh. “Ok, but we will never have a night to
ourselves until she is sleep trained. You should let her work it out.” I
mimicked his favorite argument.
“We don't need a full night. Just 10 minutes.” He smirked,
repeating my favorite comeback.
I leaned over. “We can get 10 minutes right now. Meet me in
the bounce house in 20 minutes.” I whispered in his ear.
“You know we can hear you right?” Daniel gave us a grin.
“Right. My kids are playing in that jump house. Should I be
concerned?” Benjamin stated.
“Are you concerned about the bed you’re sleeping in?”
I challenged him, only partially kidding. We never christened the guest bed in
the pool house, but we did christen the couch, kitchen and shower.
My laugh at Benjamin's disgusted face disturbed Evie enough
for her to open her eyes and turn her head. I always marveled at how precious
she was. She had curly, dark brown hair that haloed over her head, light pecan brown
skin, perfect cupid's bow lips that she inherited from her dad and my eyes. Only
hers were not hazel, but a mix of grey and green. When she was born with grey
eyes, everyone thought they would eventually turn brown. I told Ethan my
biological father had grey eyes, but part of me still waited to see if
they would turn another color. Some flecks of green appeared, but they were
still grey. It was bizarre for me to look at her face and see a part of my
biological dad, but she was beautiful and healthy and perfect. I wouldn’t want
her any other way.
“I was going to find you in 10 minutes. You want to take
Evie so I can pour the champagne and sparkling cider?” He asked.
“No, I got it. I’ll see you in ten.” I gave him one last
kiss before I headed back to the deck. Forrest helped me pour the drinks while Staci and Rocky handed them out. Amber passed out sparklers, and by the time we were one minute until
midnight, everyone was gathered around the pool. I stood next to Ethan, already bouncing a wide
awake Evie in my arms to soothe her.
“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1! Happy New Years!” Everyone cheered
and toasted the new year. Some of the kids jumped in the pool, some blew their
horns and noise makers. Some of the adults lit sparklers, kissed their
significant others, or jumped in the pool too. I steadily bounced Evie as she
wailed in discontent at all the noise. After recording EJ jumping into the pool
with Jayden, Benji, Steven, Braden, Malcom, and Bryce, Ethan leaned over to me
for a kiss. Evie's cries, the revelry in the pool, the music and fireworks all
faded away as Ethan and I kissed, tenderly. I sighed, impatient for more, when
he pulled away.
“She should sleep well tonight. In her own room.” Ethan
hinted to me.
“I fucking hope so.” I longed for a full, sexy night with my
husband. As if she could hear us plotting to leave her in her room the rest of
the night, Evelyn grasped a chunk of my hair that was resting on my chest and
yanked hard. “Fu-Oww. Evie!” I huffed in pain, trying to pull away from her.
Ethan smiled but quickly detangled my hair from her clutch as he took her. He kissed her flushed, wet cheeks as she continued to howl like someone pulled her hair. “Happy New Year babygirl.” He whispered to her.
Another memory I could file away under why I love my family
so much.
“I’ll be back. I’m going to give her a bottle and put her to
bed.” He informed me.
“Hurry back.” I urged him.
By the time he came back, I already called Bianca and wished
her a happy new year. She was in Vegas with some friends but having a chill
night at the house. Ever since she ended things with Noelle, she preferred to stay away
from crowds and parties. Once it was clear she wasn’t going to spill any tea about their breakup or what
it was like being in a relationship with her, the public lost
interest in Bianca. Bianca didn’t care about that, but when things went south in
the relationship and Noelle tried to use the fashion line as a bargaining chip,
Bianca had to walk away from everything. 6 months of self-pitying later, Jorge Marta, the designer and boutique owner that first sold Bianca's designs,
reached out and offered her a job. He took her under his wing, encouraged her
to finish her degree, and now she was a designer for a worldwide brand that sold in both
boutiques and online. I was so proud of her. I still sensed a deep hurt
whenever Noelle came up, but I hoped she was taking the time alone to rediscover
herself. She had plenty of time to discover love.
I was chatting on face time with my brother, walking around
and giving him a tour of the party when I saw Ethan was back outside, sitting
at the fire lounge, sipping a glass of champagne. I joined him, sitting by his
side and he and my brother waved hello.
“So how much did this party set you back chief?” Cam asked,
with a mischievous smile.
Ethan smirked at us. “I have no idea. That was a first year
of marriage problem. We since separated our finances.”
I elaborated when Cam laughed. “We have separate accounts
for our fun money and that’s only because he enjoys the parties more when he
doesn’t know how much I paid for them.”
“Understood. I would have appreciated Cami’s dancing skills
if I hadn’t known how much the tuition cost us.”
“She was adorable. I loved their recital!” I gushed.
“A tuition to twirl.” Cam deadpan, causing Ethan to smile.
“Stop it.” I said, holding back my laughter.
“A. Tuition. To. Twirl.” Cam repeated and I couldn’t help
laughing.
“Wait till Evelyn wants to dance. You’ll feel my pain.” Cam
cracked.
“No, she doesn’t even want to hear my music. She cries
anytime I put music on. She doesn’t even like Baby Sharks.” I pouted.
“That’s Cami’s favorite song! It stays on repeat.” Jenna called
from the background.
“Urgh, I am so disappointed. I thought it would be cool to
do mommy- daughter dances on Tik Tok when she gets old enough.” I sighed.
“I'm not. I
already have one child who can’t get off social media.” Ethan pointed out.
“I know! He won’t do dances with me either. You should ban
him unless he does!” I encouraged him.
My brother chuckled and Ethan shook his head. “Hey Jenna! You look great.” I said when Jenna appeared on screen.
“How are you feeling? You’re in your second trimester
right?” Ethan asked her.
“Yes, just this week. I’m good, tired, but good.” She
glowed. I couldn’t help feeling jealous. My pregnancy was miserable. During my
first trimester, it was a battle getting through the day because of how
violently ill I got. I could hardly keep anything down. I followed my
obstetrician’s advice of sucking it up- my doctor told me morning sickness was
natural; I was being overly cautious because of my miscarriage. Try ginger
beer. It didn’t help. When my vomiting caused me to burst blood vessels in both
my eyes, Ethan gave my doctor a scathing talk down and forced me to find a new one.
I would have been so proud of him being the crazy, emotional spouse if I wasn’t
so miserable. I couldn’t even enjoy EJ’s comparing me to some anime character
with my red eyes. My new doctor was kind and an active listener who took my
concerns seriously and put me on anti-nausea pills right away. It made the
pregnancy bearable, but it was still awful.
"Where is Cami?" I wondered out loud.
“Awwwww. She was so sure she was going to make it to midnight this year.”
“Yeah, she talks a big game, but can’t back it up.” Cam commented.
“Just like her daddy. Yes she is.” I cooed, teasingly.
“Shut the hell up.” He chuckled and I laughed.
“Carlos was asking if we knew if you two were planning another
baby.” Jenna grinned at us.
“Uh… he would. He has another grandchild on the way and still
it’s not enough.” I rolled my eyes.
“I know you said you wanted kids close in
age. It would be amazing if our kids were born the same year.” Jenna gushed.
When Ethan just looked at me, I shrugged. “Probably not. I
still gotta get Evie passed her first birthday. I have so many plans. You two
better be here!” I changed the subject.
“Already booked the tickets. I can’t wait to see what you
are going to do.” Jenna laughed.
“You know she won’t remember it? We did a cake and a pinata
for the older kids.” Cam suggested, knowing better.
“Right, that’s why I have to live through Lily.” Jenna
rolled her eyes.
“Get ready for your life girl! The theme is going to be “The
Wild One”. We’re going to have a petting zoo and a safari type adventure with
ATVs. Her birthday will always fall around Carnival season at the end of
February, so we’re going to have a little carnival parade too!” I listed.
My brother frowned. “That’s a lot, even for you.”
“This is her idea of negotiating. She decides what she
wants, dials it up around 50% by adding things that are completely unreasonable. Then, when she gives up the unreasonable requests that she did not really want, she calls it compromise.”
Ethan explained, correctly, but I wasn’t conceding to that.
“Nuh-uh. That’s exactly what I want. For Evelyn, our youngest
and only daughter. She doesn’t deserve the best?” I turned to him.
“She deserves a college fund.” Ethan countered, as Jenna
and Cam laughed at us.
“Ok Bro, kiss Cami for me! And make sure you facetime
me tomorrow when you’re at dad’s house so I can wish him a happy new year.”
He nodded. “Of course. You know I like to see the spread.”
He referred to the plentiful food that was always at a function when my in-laws
were involved. The homemade dessert bar and taqueria cart at the end of my
wedding were still talked about today.
“Al got soft shelled crab he’s going to fry tomorrow.” I
taunted.
“Makes sure that’s at the birthday party too. One-year olds
love crab.”
I giggled and waved before we said goodbye.
Ethan turned to me as I put my phone down. “Evie’s sound
asleep, with a monitor, so we have the whole night alone.”
“Awesome, let’s go dance with our friends.”
“Clean up turn up?” Ethan asked, hopefully. I giggled and
looked at the time. It was close to 1am. “One dance first, then clean up. We’ll
kick everyone out at 2am?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
We mostly stuck to the plan. One dance became two, but that
was because EJ played Ariana Grande. We were able to see her in concert a
couple of years ago. I was sure the memories of me grinding against him that
night and the way I attacked him when we got back home gave him an incredibly
special memory to the song “God is a Woman”. When we calculated our conception
date after confirming how far along I was, we both assumed we conceived that
night. Evelyn was almost named Ariana, but that’s what Jordan and Blake named
one of their twins. Ethan held me close as we swayed to the song, grinning at each
other between kissing.
“Old people…stop kissing. I repeat, old people stop kissing.
It’s gross. Stop it… get some help!” EJ announced over the music. I
laughed. Judging by all the heckles, Ethan and I were not the only one called out.
After the song ended, we started putting the food away and cleaning. We didn’t
have to kick anyone out at 2. Everyone started trickling out slowly as we
cleaned. We advised that we had plenty of room for anyone who wanted to crash.
Besides Benjamin and his family that were staying in the pool house, Brandon
and Amber took us up on the offer.
“I put Brandon down the hall and Amber in the room by
the nursery. Her kids are all passed out in the family room.” I told Ethan as I joined
him in our bedroom. I grinned as I thought about Amber’s kids sprawled out in
my favorite room of the house. It was kid proof and spacious- minimal furniture
with a sectional sofa and lush, round ottomans. No sharp corners and a super soft
fluffy area rug. There was built in shelving on one wall that house all the
games, family photos and all the souvenirs we picked up on our
trips. What started out as a way to tease Ethan with pointless mementos became a
tradition to always find one thing we all picked out together on trips. I
couldn’t wait until we could start traveling again with Evie. My favorite token
on the shelf was the framed Chance card Ethan created to propose to
me.
“You want me to draw you a bath?” Ethan asked me. I swooned at
the thought of a relaxing hot bath in the jacuzzi tub. It would be even better
if I could talk him into it, considering he wasn’t a fan of just soaking in
the tub. But, I could tell he already taken a shower, so I took a rain check
and took a quick shower too. I was
sitting at my vanity, rubbing body butter on my skin as
Ethan watched me. I teased him, letting my robe open, exposing more skin as I applied more lotion.
“Did you invite Amber to dinner tomorrow?” Ethan asked me, eying my legs but not making a move. Anticipation was his favorite foreplay-probably because I was so impatient. I went along with it tonight.
“Nope. She knows Will purposely did not come tonight to avoid her. Policing her is not how I want to start the year." I complained. Will and Amber co-parented well now. I guess too well because Amber thought there was a chance of reconciliation. Will was not interested, at all. He wasn’t dating anyone, or at least not anyone special. He enjoyed his freedom and had no intentions of settling down again. I didn’t blame him. We may not be best friends, but I respected him. He was a good father and loyal friend to Ethan; we made sure to have family dinner at least once a month with him and the kids. I don’t even think Amber wants to be with Will anymore- she didn't care unless she was single. She was single again and was bitter and moody around Will. I tried to be supportive, but it was tiring. If it wasn't for Ethan and Will's friendship and the kids, I doubt I would even spend time with her anymore.
"I have enough on my plate with your mom." I added, sighing. She was not happy with me because when Ethan returned to work, Evie was going to the daycare at my job instead of Deborah babysitting. When we first started trying to get pregnant, I originally planned to be a stay-at-home mom until the baby was three- old enough to talk and walk and put my mind at ease about leaving her. When I became pregnant and had to miss days at work because I was so sick, I realized how empty I felt without my job and my patients. I lamented to Deborah my concerns about being a stay at home mom, even temporarily, and she offered to watch Evie, just like she did for Ace. I thought that would be perfect, until I met Robin. She was the manager of the hospital-subsidized day care center at my job. I was in the cafeteria, 5 months pregnant, when she approached me. She handed me a brochure and I took it out of politeness, but despite my reservations with having a stranger watch my kid, I couldn’t help being intrigued with the thought of having my baby in the same building as me.
Robin caught me scoping out the
daycare, so we started talking and we clicked. She was a single mother to a boy
and a girl after her wife passed away. I admired her spirit and sunny
deposition and when I met her children and saw how polite and well-behaved they
were, I knew I wanted my kid to go to the daycare when I went back to work. Evie was born a few weeks early so all my plans went out the window until I knew she was ok. Ethan had 4 months leave, so we both stayed home the first month with Evie. He went back to work and I
stayed home with Evie for the next 5 months. Deborah helped me out, a lot, but I hadn’t told her
about my thoughts on taking her to daycare. After she turned 6
months, Ethan took the rest of his paternity leave so I could start going back to
work. I did, but even with Ethan at home with her, I knew I would prefer
her at the daycare were she was away from me literally 8 minutes by elevator, 13 minutes by
stairs
“You want me to talk to her again?” Ethan offered.
“No. She's going to have to respect my boundaries as Evie's mom. I have to enforce them, not you.” I declined.
“Is that one of your resolutions?” Ethan smiled at me.
I laughed. “No. Maybe it should be, I haven’t wrote any.”
"Wait, you spent all day harassing everyone about
resolutions, and you didn't do them?" he asked, surprised.
"No! I tried! I just couldn't think of anything. I was
going to put get back in shape, but honestly I don't care enough about it to make it a
goal." I said, standing up and sitting beside him.
"Is that because you want another child this
year?" Ethan questioned.
I took a deep breath. I thought about it all the time, but
the answer wasn't changing, At least not today. "No. I hated being pregnant
Ethan. Even with the anti-nausea drugs and vaginal birth, I hated the
experience. Having Evie made it all worth it and I love her to death, but I
don't want to experience that again. Not when there are so many kids,
especially older kids, that need loving homes. I know I can love them the
same way I love EJ and Evie."
"I understand." He nodded.
I studied him, making sure he wasn't just putting on a poker face. "You do? You don’t want another one?"
"I feel the same way I felt before: it's
completely your choice. I think if you want to adopt, we should wait until she is older and needs less
attention. Maybe we can look into fostering first to see how we all adjust,
but I'm on board if adoption is what you want. I'd loved to raise more children
with you."
I smiled, relieved. "Ok, we can look into that. Maybe next year's resolution?" I suggested.
"Right." He agreed. “But what about this year? You really don't have any resolutions?”
"No! I feel like there's nothing I need to accomplish
this year."
Ethan smiled softly, shaking his head. "It sounds like you're content."
"
"I used to think it was a terrible thing- like I
wasn't striving for personal growth or the betterment of my family. Dr. Pereira
told me I had it all wrong. I hate when she's right." He got up and went
to the sitting room. I got up to follow him.
"What did she say?" I followed him, knowing he
hated anytime he was wrong. We both had individual and couple counseling after
the birth of Evie, just to check in and make sure we were communicating effectively.
I was concerned he didn’t tell me this conversation with Dr. Pereira. I told him everything I
said in mine. I met him by the side table with his datebook.
"That contentment wasn't about settling or not
bettering yourself. It's about needing nothing more to have peace and
happiness. I thought that meant losing my drive, but she told me that ambition can become detrimental if I can’t stop long enough to appreciate
what I have. Staying home with Evie these past months made me realize all the moments I missed with EJ because I wouldn’t allow
myself to be content.” He then showed me his new year’s resolution written in
his book.
1. Be content. Don’t worry about the next advancement. Focus on your family.
“It’s something I started on last year and I’ll probably
need to remind myself ever year, but it won’t be hard. I love my children and I love
you. You all are the best thing I never knew I needed. I'm blessed to have you
for the rest of my life." He explained.
My heart thumbed at his sweet confession and I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm blessed
too. I'm so happy you feel the same, because there's no escape from me now. You
married me, bred me- If you tried to leave, I'd take us both out so we'll
always be together."
Ethan smirked, hugging me close. "I don't know what's worst: the murder
suicide threat or you calling the creation of our daughter breeding."
I laughed and kissed him, lovingly, on the lips. "I need nothing more in this life for happiness and peace. I love you Ethan."
"I love you too Lily." He said, between kisses, pulling my robe off. “I need
nothing more but you... and occasionally a bed for when we need more than 10 minutes”
I squealed when he lifted me up so my legs wrapped around his waist. “Is this a more than 10 minutes night?"
"Absolutely." He murmured, kissing down my neck.
"Alexa, turn off the lights.” We were encased with darkness as Ethan walked us back to bed.
“No. I want to see you. Alexa, turn on the lights.” The lights flashed back on, and his lips moved over my chest to my tattoo. I never got a second tattoo, but I did get E.R.C written on the lily petal. It was Evie's, Ethan and EJ's initials- right over my heart.
"Alexa, play Forever Love." I
commanded. The song began to play as Ethan laid us on the bed.
"It's longer than always could be
Oh, it's further than the eyes can see
More real than any dream could be
Oh, you and I, you and I
You and I, we're family
Forever love
Oh, forever love
Forever mine, forever yours
Forever love
Forever love"
