Apple Pie

"Cause I don't want your apple pie, no no mama
I don't want your apple pie, no
I don't want your apple pie, mami
I don't want your apple pie no more
I need my own pepper pepper, please, pepper, pepper seeds
Need my own reme-remedy, my own legacy
Yeah I don't want your apple pie, mama
I need my own pepper please
My own legacy, my own recipe" Apple Pie by Travis Scott

I called Benjamin Monday after I got off work to ask him to send me all the information he had on my mom.  He requested for some time to update what he had before sending it to me. I agreed and he asked me about Bianca.

"I think she's ok. She told me she's going to try to get out here before her semester starts. I'll let you know how she seems." I promised him.

"That's fine. I still can't believe she came out."

"I can't believe Patty's reaction."

"Oh, that I can believe. I don't know why she told mom."

"Well, what should she have done? Kept it a secret?"

"From mom? Absolutely."

"She would have heard the rumors." I brought up.

"From who? Her church friends? They stay away from worldly things and it's corruption." Benjamin said.

"Even if she never heard a rumor, you don't think she would eventually figured it out?"

"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. In her world, she wouldn't have questioned it. Bianca knew how mom would react; there was no reason to tell her."

I got off the phone, feeling a lot annoyed at Benjamin for making it seem like it was Bianca's fault for telling the truth and a little annoyed at myself for encouraging Bianca to come out to Aunt Patty. I just thought it would be better if she knew the truth. Maybe she wouldn't have heard the rumors, but wouldn't she have questioned why Bianca never dated or took trips with her girl friend? I told myself Bianca made her own decision, but it still gave me a headache thinking about it. I laid down to rest to get it off my mind.

I didn't realize I feel asleep until my phone chimed in my ear. It was Christian face timing me. I sat up, wiped my face and ran my fingers through my hair before answering.

"Hey... where you already in bed? What time is it there?" He asked me as I watched him through the phone. He looked great, as usual, hair perfectly tousled with a dark gray v-neck showing off his upper body. I instantly woke up.

"It's just 9. I had a headache and I needed to rest. What's up?" I smiled.

"Nothing. I'll let you go so you can get some sleep. Feel better."

"No, I'm up and now that I'm not stressing myself out, I feel fine." I got up and Justine followed me downstairs.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing I can't handle." I said, heading to the backyard through the kitchen.

"I'm sure you can, but I'm here if you wanna talk."

"Nah, it's about Bianca anyway so..."

"Yeah... I wouldn't be an objective listener."

"Right." I said, closing the door behind Justine and me in the backyard. I sat down on a lawn chair and put my feet up. I propped the phone up on the table in front of me to continue talking to Christian.

"Are you in your work scrubs? Cute." He teased, grinning.

"Be right back. I'm gonna change." I grumbled, standing up.

"No, don't. You look fine." He assured me.

"I would have looked great if I knew you were gonna facetime me." I stated, accusingly.

"Sorry. It's outta habit. I'm use to face timing with N- people. I wanna show you something real quick." He finished quickly. I knew he was going to say Noelle, but I let him change the subject. "What is it?"

"The first single of my album." He answered, while pulling up the graphic art. It was a male shadow figure, with two shadow women draping over him. One was wearing revealing red lingerie holding a pitch fork and the other was in a long white, fitted backless dress with angel wings tattooed on her back. Three's Company was in a bold script at the bottom of the picture.

I frowned, disappointed. "You really made a song about threesomes?"

"Just listen to the song and tell me what you think." He requested.

I nodded and did what he asked. It started off with a chopped and screwed version of a few lines from the theme song Three's Company, Too. I couldn't help being a little pleased that he took my suggestion seriously. A mellow melody that was very different from Christian's electronic music began and the chorus was sang by Chris Brown.

"You flip sides so constantly
Who are you tryna be?
You're up then it's bad. Your down then it's good
I don't know what to do
I should wanna break free
But I need you here beside me
An angel sent from above than a demon from hell,
I'm stuck with both sides of you...

When it comes to our love
Three's company too"

A funky electronic beat dropped and Travis Scott came in, rapping about failing in love with a "bipolar bitch". Then 2 Chainz rapped next about how great sex with crazy girls is. The song ended with a chopped and screwed version of "When it comes to our love, Three's company too"

"What did you think?" Christian asked me when the song faded out.

"I loved it." I gushed, honestly.

"Really?" He smiled.

"Really. I didn't think I would, considering the whole threesome thing, but I loved how you did it. I could do without 2 Chainz on the song and in life in general, but the chorus was amazing. Was it inspired by Noelle?" I asked.

"I don't write about specific exes. Just experiences." He answered neutrally.

I nodded understandingly. "A lot of my exes would have the same experiences about me."

"I don't believe that."

"It's true. Talk to my exes. Or my therapist. I'm working on it though." I smiled.

Christan chuckled at me. "A therapist? So the next guy won't have those problems?"

"Let's hope not." I replied, causally, but I really hoped he wouldn't. Whoever he was...

"Let's talk about my royalties." I joked, changing the subject.



Due to my nap and staying up late talking to Christian, I had a hard time getting up Tuesday morning. I couldn't sleep in because I agreed to meet Amber and Mia at the gym. They were both on a health kick for the new year. Amber told me about a gym that was offering different classes on Groupon. One of my goals was new experiences- whether it was trying new things or meeting new people. A new workout class would kill two birds with one stone, so I agreed to join them. I was the first one at the fitness center, so I waited at the front, looking over the classes they offered.

"Sorry about the wait. Can I help you?" a deep voice asked me.

I looked up at the owner of the voice as he studied me. He was wearing gym shorts and a ID badge so I figured he worked at the gym.

"No worries. I'm still waiting for my friend. She booked a class for us." I informed him, stepping away from the front desk so it didn't look like I required assistance.

"What class are you taking? Boot camp?" He questioned me, taking a few steps next to me.

"I have no idea. The only thing I know is that it was on Groupon." I explained.

"Amy's class." He said, with a bright smile. It was then I noticed how cute he was. His cheeks were full, giving him an adorable, young appearance that was in complete contrast to his muscular hard body.  His eyes were a nice shade of blue, though not as deep as Trevor's...

"What does Amy teach?" I asked, shaking away my thoughts.

"Lily-" I was surprised to turn and see Sammy. She was watching me and the guy at the front desk suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

"Amber invited me." I told her, stiffly. "I'm guessing she invited you too."

"She didn't mention that to me."

"Of course she didn't." I muttered.

"Excuse me ladies." The guy at the front desk interrupted. "Here's my card. If you feel like trying the boot camp, give me a call." He handed it to me before retreating to the office.

"Ok. Thanks." I smiled, graciously.

"Boot camp huh?" Sammy sneered as soon as he left. "Couldn't just call the gym to set that up?"

I rolled my eyes. "I coulda, but I figured I could probably get in the class for free if I blow him first."

"What is your problem?" She snapped at me.

"You know so much, why don't you tell me?" I challenged her, ready to finally tell her off for good. I was sick of walking on eggshells to preserve the peace in our relationship. I wasn't going to continue to keep someone around who thought the worse of me. I was completely over it.

"Yay! We're all here. Sorry I'm late." Amber said as she approached us with Mia.

"You didn't say she was coming!" Sammy and I both exclaimed at her, before looking at each other, annoyed.

"You're right. We're all gonna work out together,  then have lunch to squash whatever beef y'all have." Amber instructed us.

"I didn't sign up for that." Sammy declined.

"You can leave." I suggested.

"So can you..." Sammy countered.

"No one is leaving. Sammy, you want to lose weight. Lily, you want to try new things. I already paid for it. Let's take the damn class!" Amber said, impatiently. She walked to the front desk and Mia followed with an amused smirk. I turned around and followed too. Sammy did as well.

Amy's class ended up being a pole dancing class. If I wasn't so distracted by Sammy presence, I would have noticed Amber's tiny shorts and the weird backless workout jumpsuit Mia was sporting. Sammy was wearing yoga pants, a singlet, and a startled look, so I was sure she wasn't aware either. I pulled at my running tights and long sleeve shirt before we all grabbed a pole.

In between the cheesy, 90s slow jam music and being shown up on the dances moves by middle aged women, Sammy and I laughed together and broke the tension between us. While Mia and Amber took videos and selfies on the poles after class, Sammy and I went outside to clear the air.

"I get that it's none of my business and it's your choice. I still feel like your making a big mistake letting Trevor go." Sammy began.

"You do realize he let me go first?" I pointed out.

"And he's regretting it. I don't want you to have those regrets."

"I won't." I said, honestly.

Sammy eyes narrowed. "How could you not regret leaving him if you love him?"

"Because I have to love myself more than I love him." I told her.

She looked at me, stunned.

"I was so insecure that I sabotaged our relationship and pushed him away. I didn't really understand it until he did the same thing to me. It's crazy to think how similar we are, but it's the same reason we need time apart. I love Trevor. I probably will for the rest of my life. Until we're both ok on our own, us being together is not an option right now." I explained.

"Did you tell him that?" Sammy asked softly.

"I did."

"How did you cut him off? How can you not just talk to him?"

"I can't be around him and not want to be with him, so I had to. It's too hard any other way." I explained.

Sammy nodded.

"Alright. Can we go change and eat? I need to sit down." I sighed.

"Please. I always thought I could fall back on stripping. Not so much now." Sammy grimaced, rubbing her arm.



The rest of the week went by uneventfully. On Friday on my appointment with Dr. Pereira, I went over my feelings about reaching out to my mother and my friendship with Christian. She asked me what I was hoping to get from finding my mom and what I got out of my relationship with Christian. I told her I wanted to understand why my mom couldn't be a part of my life. We went over that in detail, which I was glad, because I wasn't sure what I was doing Christian.

He definitely had a warm personality and charisma I was drawn to- his self confidence was contagious and it made me feel good to just talk to him. But after talking to Sammy, it made me realize I was substituting my want of Trevor with a friendship with him. I was so used to sharing everything with Trevor and having him in my corner like my personal sunshine- I was doing the same thing with Christian. I was afraid I would become too dependent on his friendship. I needed to really be ok on my own.

So on Saturday, I didn't answer his call and only replied with short texts. I made plans to go out and watch the first round of playoffs with Jordan, Forrest and Blake. The Bengals and the Steelers were playing, and since Forrest was pulling for the Bengals, I was going for the Steelers. I put on a yellow and black plaid button down I swiped from Trevor with black leggings, my lace boots I got for my birthday and a leather jacket. I did a full face of make-up, I straightened my short hair, pulling it half up and half down, and wore studs in both of my piercings. I got entirely too dressed up for a sports bar but it was nice feeling good all on my own.

I planned on possible putting myself out there, maybe flirting with a few guys with no intentions of anything other than conversation that night, but the game, Forrest, and Jordan and Blake got all of my attention. It was beyond cute watching how into the game Jordan got once Blake taught her the finer points. Forrest playfully ragged on Blake. In return, Blake called him jealous and told him to go find a girl. Forrest and I shared a smile before Forrest said he was good.

When Jordan and I went to the bathroom together, she asked me if Forrest and I were dating. I laughed and quickly denied it.

"Absolutely not. Never, ever." I didn't elaborate more than that.

"Are you still friends with Serena?" She asked me as we washed our hands.

"I don't know if we're friends, but we're not enemies."

"Any idea why she would wanna talk to Blake?" Jordan continued.

"No way. What did Blake say?"

"Nothing. He just told me he's meeting with her next week."

"I don't know, but I'll try to get some more information." I promised, intrigued. I know, I was supposed to be minding my own business in 2016, but asking a friend a friendly question wasn't too invasive, right?

We went back to the table and watch the embarrassing ending of the game. Cincinnati players and their audience acted completely classless by showing poor sportsmanship. I was in the middle of a drunken tirade against the city when my phone rang at the McDonald's drive in. Forrest and I decided to stop for breakfast before he drove me home.

"Answer it. Maybe it's Rocky and she needs something." Forrest said, digging through my purse as I ignored it.

"Why wouldn't she call you?" I snatched the bag from him and fished my phone out myself. I waved it at him.

"Just answer it."

"It's not Rocky." I stuck my tongue out at him, answering the phone. I spoke with Sammy briefly before I hung up.

"We need three egg sausage muffins, 3 big Macs, 3 French fries, 3 McFlurries and Apple pies. Lots of Apple pies." I listed as I leaned over him to examine the flurry flavors.

"Whose joining us? And why lots of Apple pie?" Forrest asked.

I looked up at him. "Sammy. She broke up with Corey and is crashing with me. Apple pie makes everything better, right?"