Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Let It Roll

"And let’s go all night, all night
Wake up the club and let’s go all out, all out
More drinks for us, toast for the good times
Where they last forever, we’re youngs, yeah the good times
Raise your glass, let’s all have some fun
Love is nice when it’s understood
Even nicer when it makes you feel good
You got me trippin' why our love is old
Come on baby, let the good times roll" Let it Roll by Flo Rida


It took awhile to convince Will to take Amber on a surprised trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. He had every excuse in the book to why he didn't think it was a good idea: it was too last minute, he didn't want to leave the kids while they were still in school, and he didn't think it was a good idea to encourage Amber's drinking. What ultimately made him give in was the same jab I threw at Amber. I told him Amber's partying of late came from trying to live the single life through her friends. I said she became a mother young and didn't have the most positive experiences with dating. I stressed how I believed she would slow down with all of it if she spent more quality time with him. While he thought it over, I assured him I would take great care of the kids while they were gone.

He agreed and we worked out the days. I knew Staci had Monday's off; I had to call and see if she was willing to take over Amber's shift so Amber and Will could have Sunday through Wednesday off. Staci agreed and I told her I owed her one. Next, all I had to do was call Sammy and get her to agree to help me babysit while I was at work during the week.

"I thought about what you said, and you were right. I needed to calm down and I'm sorry." I started off with an apology.

"It's alright. I know bringing up Trevor gets under your skin. I dish it out so I can take it too. You were really harsh on Amber though." Sammy stated.

"I know. She's my next call. I got Will to surprise her with a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. I'm going to need you to pick her kids up from school and watch them til I get off from work while they're gone." I requested.

"Babysit?!? Fuck! It's not like you cheated with Will. Just say sorry!" Sammy exclaimed.

I laughed. "I am. But seriously, have you noticed she seems really unsatisfied in her marriage lately?"

"What makes you think a trip is going to help that?"

"They might need some time to reconnect. We should support her keeping her marriage together."

"We should?"

"Yes... At least for the kids sake."

"That's not a good reason to stay married."

"It's a good reason to try." I countered. "Look, it's hard enough having problems. It's even worse when your friends don't support you, or are constantly bringing up your ex when you're trying to move on..."

"Are you trying to move on?" Sammy asked me.

"This is really not about me."

"If you want me to babysit for free, you're gonna to have to hear what I want to say."

"How much do you want?" I bargained.

"$20. Per hour. Per kid. Or you could just hear me out without getting defensive and just think about what I say."

I sighed. "Fine. I'm listening."

"You're haven't dated, aren't talking to anyone and have no interest in meeting anyone new. So are you moving on or just biding your time waiting for a certain someone? 'Cause you convinced that someone to move on so unless you plan on telling him otherwise, you really need to move on." Sammy lectured me.

"Is that all?" I said, not really moved by her speech. Moving on to me didn't mean hoping in bed with the next guy like she was ready to do to get over Corey. As for as waiting for Trevor, I took the stance that if it was meant to be, it would happen. If Trevor and I reconciled pr of I got in a nother relationship, I'd rather it be right than right now. Until then, I was good on my own.

"That's it. Oh, you have to cook for the kids." Sammy added.

"No shit. I wouldn't subject them to your cooking."

"I wouldn't either... But shut up bitch."

"Love you too Sammy."



The next day, Will confirmed the trip itinerary with me. They were going to drive to New Orleans after the party and be back by Wednesday. After Amber dropped off the kids at school, she came and picked me up. We had to finished all the little errands for the party.

"I'm sorry for what I said." I apologized as I got in the car.

"It's ok." she started "I understand. I'm sorry too. I won't bring up Trevor unless you want to talk about him."

"That doesn't excuse me being a bitch. I lashed out and I'm sorry."

"I know. I just... Whatever you do, I just want you to be happy. You deserve that."

"I'm getting there but you deserve it too. Are you happy?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'm trying to be."

"Keep trying. I have a feeling it will pay off." I encouraged her. Amber smiled weakly.

We finished our errands with just enough time to meet Rocky for lunch. We showed Rocky our costumes for the party. We decided to go as Mardi Gras theme gogo dancers. Amber's costume consisted of a gold low cut bodysuit with a purple feather skirt and green furry leg warmers. Mine was a strapless green corset, a gold tutu and purple furry leg warmers. She added a feathered headpiece that went perfectly with her feathered skirt. I chose a sequin Fleur De Lis eye mask. I was also able to find a king robe, crown and scepter for Ethan.

"Jordan was able to find a maternity Mardi Gras t-shirt for me." Rocky said, lack-lusterly. Jordan, Blake, Forrest and she were going to Shreveport for their parade. Rocky returned from the doctor who approved the trip, but Rocky didn't sound too excited about it.

"Are you nervous about meeting his family?" Amber asked, picking up on Rocky's tone.

"Believe me, anyone is better than the chick who left him at the altar." I added, lightly.

Rocky scoffed. "The pregnant chick is not much better."

"Who doesn't like babies?" I teased.

"If Ace brought home a pregnant girl, I would kick her out. If he knew it wasn't his, I would kick him out too." Rocky said, scathingly.

Amber laughed out loud, but when Rocky glared at her, she tried to cover it with a cough.

"Rocky, stop. Forrest would not put you in a stressful situation. He wouldn't have invited you if it wasn't cool. Just relax and have some fun before Ace comes." I reasoned with her.

She frowned up but nodded. I wanted to ask her if she spoke to Brandon about Forrest, but I didn't want to add to her bad mood. On my lunch break at work, I did call Forrest to make sure Rocky's trip would be relaxing and fun.

"Your parents know Rocky is pregnant right?" I asked him.

"It hasn't came up." he answered, nonchalantly.

"It needs to before y'all go down there. In fact, you should probably gauge their reactions before you decided to introduce them." I instructed him.

"It's not like I'm bringing home my girlfriend. We're just dating, remember? I'm introducing her as a friend."

"If I showed up with a man and another couple at a family event, it's safe to assume the guy is my significant other. So unless your parents are slow, they're probably going to assume the same thing."

"My parents aren't slow. They just know what they say about assuming."

"Well you don't have to assume what will happen if a hormonal, pregnant Rocky is stressed out during this trip at all- I guarantee I will kick your ass from here back to Louisiana. Got it?" I threatened.

"Damn Lily!" Forrest chuckled. "I got it. I'll take care of it."

"You better..." I said menacingly, before switching moods faster than Nicki Minaj. "Have a great trip!" I said, brightly with a smile.

"Or else?"

"Bye Forrest!" I hung up the phone with a smile before someone clearing their throat startled me. I turned around and saw Uriel, the guy I met on my birthday but didn't remember me.

"Dr. Harris?" he asked.

"Yes?" I said, keeping the annoyance out of my voice that he still didn't know who I was.

"I was told you were the one I needed to speak to. We're here to film a wellness video for at risk youth. We have all the film we need of the track- are we okay to start filming in the fitness center?" he questioned.

"Of course. I was told you have full access to all public areas." I answered. "You can follow me to the training room."

"I was actually just there but thanks for the offer." he said.

"Right... So I'll see you in there. I didn't see him the rest of the evening- I spent it updating the huddle board for the following week and checking client charts.

When I got home, I went over my final checklist for the party. I couldn't believe I hadn't even listened to the music Christian sent me. I was confused when I saw 3 tracks, but I realized 2 were a little over 2 hours. They were tilted Sophisticated, Less Sophisticated and Birthday March. I played the Sophisticated track first. It started off with a slow jazz song that merged into a band playing a somewhat familiar tune. When Michael Jackson started singing about shaking your body down to the ground, I recognized the song. I smiled as it merged seamlessly into a funky zydeco song. On one of the zydeco track, Bruno Mars started chanting "Don't believe me, just watch!". When a Jazz band cover of Uptown Funk came on, I picked up my phone to Facetime Christian. He didn't answer, so I left a text instead.

Me: I just played the Sophisticated mix! It's INCREDIBLE! You should produce music for a living... Oh right, you do! Must have forgotten or I would have never doubted you! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! {heart emoji, blows kiss}

In the middle of the night, I woke up to my phone ringing. It was Christian Facetiming me. At 4 in the morning.

"Hey." I said, raspy, patting my hair down.

"You were sleep?" Christian asked, grinning.

"Yeah. I do that in the middle of the night."

"It's morning in Dallas."

"Whatever. What do you need?"

"For you to be in San Francisco for my single debut. Then you'll never make the mistake of doubting or forgetting me again." he said, quoting my text.

I laughed. "We'll see. I took the time off to spend time with my family."

"Bring them too. They're all over 21 right?"

"Specifically my cousin Bianca."

He couldn't hide his reaction in time. His face screwed up before he nodded. "Spend Wednesday through Friday with them and the rest with me."

"The game is Sunday."

"I'll take you."

"I'm going with my brother and dad."

"I'll drop you off then. San Francisco is closer anyway."

"I'll think about it."

"Don't think. Just come. I'm gonna take you to a boardwalk and shopping and the release party. C'mon..."

"I can't make decisions this early in the morning. I'll let you know soon. I promise." I swore.

He sighed, a look of frustration passing his face."Alright. Goodnight Lily."

"Goodni-" I barely got out before he hung up. I mimicked his sigh before laying down.

Saturday morning, I pushed Christian's attitude aside and focused on Ethan's party. Now that the party was that night, I started to get nervous. I started to question whether changing the theme, the menu and having costumes were good ideas. Serena was an event planner and Ethan's compatible ex- maybe we should have followed her lead and her notes...

I got over my doubt, knowing it was too late to change anything anyway. I went over to Amber's and Will's house first thing in the morning before Amber got off work to pack her bag for her. Will went over the kids' routine- when to drop and pick them up from school, bed time, snacks, bathing instructions- before handing me their backpacks and bags.

"Thanks Lily. I appreciate you doing this." Will told me as he helped me pack my bags.

"My pleasure. You know I have no problem babysitting them if you two want to have a regular date night. Talk about it on the drive." I offered.

"Our schedules work because when I'm at work, she's home and vice versa."

"Ok... Just something to keep in mind. See you tonight."


After I dropped off the kids' things, I finished the deep clean of my house I worked on all week. I changed the sheets in the guest bedrooms and made sure everything was tidy and kid proof. Afterwards, I packed up my car with all the party supplies. It was around 2 and Amber and I reserved a room at the hotel the party was taking place at. I was using it before hand to store the supplies and change for the party and the kids were going to have their own separate party. The one thing Serena didn't do was include them in her party plans. I assumed Ethan wanted an adult party, but I thought it would be cool to have them a part of the cake procession. I brought games and hired Resa, Jackie's daughter, to watch them.

I picked up a rested Amber and we went to the hotel, got checked in and began to get ready for the party. We were debating how to set up the tables in the ballroom when Sammy came and delegated how they should be set up efficiently with the buffet and the two bars on opposite ends. I was in awe of professional Sammy. It was a side I hadn't seen of her. I felt my nerves fade away as I relaxed.

All of our professionalism went out the window when we were left alone to decorate. Staci showed up with her daughter Cherish to help and requested music. After Cherish went to the room, we set up the speakers and played the Less Sophisticated mix. The intro was the same beat as Juvenile's Back That Thang Up. Popular hip hop and electronic music was mixed in with bounce music. None of us could New Orleans bounce, but we had a blast dancing and singing around to the music as we worked.

Lollipop by Lil Wayne was playing as I pulled out the costume I intended Ethan for to wear. I was dancing with Staci and we were both doing suggestive lollipop movement with the scepter when Ethan and Daniel, a guy who worked with Ethan, showed up. Ethan looked impeccable as always in a neat, tailored black suit. Daniel was more casual on khakis, a purple polo and a Mardi Gras themed newsboy cap.

"Wow. Is that the prize? 'Cause I need a costume." Daniel cracked.

Amber, Staci and Sammy burst out laughing, while I blushed and turned off the music. I turned back to them. Ethan didn't look embarrassed, mad or annoyed- he just wore a neutral expression as he looked around.

"Leave and come back in!" I requested.

"It's ok-" Ethan started.

"Please!!!" I begged him.

He did like I asked, while Daniel stayed in the room looking lasciviously at Staci and me. I ignored him, turned on the Sophisticated track and let the mellow jazz fill the room before calling Ethan back in.

He walked and again and flashed me a smile. "It looks great in here ladies. Thank you."

"This is your party music and I have your costume." I said, picking up the robe and crown.

"I'm in costume. I'm James Bond." Ethan retorted.

I shook my head at him wrapping the robe around his shoulders. "If Idris Elba is too street to play him, you shouldn't dress up as him."

He smirked as I put the crown on his head. The purple robe with the gold crown looked better than I imagined on him. The half smile he was sporting gave him a regal, sexy look. I smiled back at him, fixing the position of the crown, before Daniel called out.

"You're forgetting the scepter."

 I smiled while they laughed at me. I handed over the golden rod with green gems over to him. Ethan hesitated until I hit him with it. He finally took it from me.

"Do we need anything else?" Ethan asked.

"No. Just waiting on the food and the bartenders." Amber replied.

"Call if you think of anything else we need. Lily, you can play your music during the last couple of hours of the party." Ethan said before he and Daniel left.

Sammy was waiting for her girls so Amber, Staci and I went to the room to change. Staci wore a white with gold trim goddess costume that swept the floor. We did our hair and make-up before they left but I waited around for Resa and the other kids.

EJ and the Carters showed up first and I hugged EJ, careful to not get my body glitter on him. Albert was dressed in a white t-shirt, baggy jeans and a low fitted NY baseball cap. Deborah was wearing a blonde wig, an off the shoulder black dress, and a bejeweled glove. I recognized them instantly as Jay Z and Beyonce and complimented them.

"We're the original Carters. They just have more money." Albert said and I laughed.

"Who's judging the contest?" Deborah asked with a smile.

"Ethan... But Amber and I have a vote."

"Did you bring your hooverboard?" EJ asked me.

"No, but if you get your parents' permission you can hang out with me tomorrow and ride it." I replied.

When Resa arrived, I took the Carters down to the ballroom. Amber greeted them with beads while I checked on everything. The catering company arrived and was setting up the food and Sammy had the bartenders making daiquiris. By the time the party guest began to arrive, everything was perfect and ready.

Amber and I greeted everyone, handing out beads and checking out costumes. We made eye contact on the costumes we loved and hated. When Will showed up, I took over the hosting duties alone. After an hour, I relieved myself from the door, grabbed a drink and went to make a plate of food.

I joined Amber, Will, Staci, Mia, Dino, Jake, and Brandon at a table. As I ate, I watched the dance floor fill with people. Ethan wasn't one of them, but I planned to find him and get him on the floor sooner or later- even if I had to drag him out there.

I was finishing eating when Richard and Dominick joined us. I stood up to give Richard a hug.

"I never see you anymore! I miss you!" I told him.  I gave Dominick a hug too but less enthused only because I saw him at the boxing class almost every week. He must have recently had a fight because he had fresh bruises on his face.

"I almost didn't recognize you. What are you supposed to be?" Richard asked with a teasing smile.

"C'mere Amber." I stood on top of my chair. Amber did the same and we busted out some 70's inspired dance moves.

"Coyote Ugly. Extra ugly." Mia guessed. Amber laughed and swatted at her but I didn't even bother responding to her in her generic jester costume I saw 2 other women in.

"Spolied girls having a fit?" Dominick commented in jeans, a hooded swearshirt.

"And are you every boxer that Rocky Balboa beat up?" I joked back at Dominick.

Everyone laughed as Dominick claimed, "I won my fight."

"Barely." Richard said which caused Dominick to shoot him a glare.

"Go-go dancers." Dino correctly guessed. She and Jake were dressed like 20's gangsters. They both looked great.

"Y'all sit." I told Dominick and Richard before grabbing Amber's arm. "You wanna dance Amber?" I asked. She agreed and Staci joined us too.

We danced a few faster pace songs through. When a slow song came on, Will came to dance with Amber, Staci went to get some water, and I headed to Ethan. He was sitting, speaking to his dad and another gentleman without his robe, when I interrupted them.

"Excuse me, you took off your costume. That's a party foul that can only be remedied with a dance." I said to Ethan.

Ethan shook his head. "Nice try."

I open my mouth to speak, but his dad cut in. "Boy, when a woman ask you to dance, you dance!"

"Technically, she didn't." Ethan rebutted.

"Ethan, will you dance with me?" I asked with a smile.

He returned it slowly. "No. You know I don't dance."

"It's a slow song. Go." Albert order until he stood up.

"One dance." Ethan said, leading me to the dance floor.

"That's all I asked." I said

We found an area of the floor close to Amber and Will. They were holding each other tightly as they danced. I smiled as Ethan's hands found my waist and mine rested on his shoulders. We swayed easily to the slow jazz that filled the room.

"I feel like I'm stuck back at a high school dance." Ethan complained.

"I never went to a school dance so hush and let me enjoy this." I told him, gripping his shoulders threateningly. "Besides, I bet your dances played Usher, not Louis Armstrong. I love this song."

"La Via En Rose?" Ethan asked. "I thought you didn't like Jazz."

"I don't. I love Wall-E though." I said moving closer so we could hear each other over the music.

"Wall-E?"

I nodded and looked up at him. "It's a Disney movie. You have to have seen it."

"What's it about?" He asked.

"On the large scale, it's about how wasteful we are and how the planet is fucked if we don't clean up our act. One the small and better scale, it's a robot love story!" I explained in his ear.

Ethan looked down at me with a smirk. "You set me up, didn't you?"

I was legitimately confused. "Huh?"

"The last time we danced, you accused me of being a robot. We had a disagreement about love last week. It just so happens a song from a robot love story is playing?"

I laughed so hard, I had to turn my head into his shoulder to compose myself. "No." I struggled. "My cousin called you a robot not me." I laughed harder when he gave me a "yeah right" look. "I wish I had thought of it. It's brilliant, but it's just a coincidence. Besides, I see your point about the compatibility thing."

"You do?" he said, smugly.

"I do. I don't think it's more important than passion, but it's probably equal." I compromise.

Ethan nodded and the song ended. I didn't realize my arms were wrapped around his neck until I went to pull away. He wrapped one arm tightier around my waist to stop me. "I see your point too-"

He didn't get a chance to say anything more before Serena, in a beautiful beaded belly dancer costume, tapped him on the shoulder. I took a step back from him.

"Can we talk?" she asked, looking over at me briefly. Ethan looked over too and I gave him an encouraging smile. "Good to see you Serena." I said before turning away.

I left them and the ballroom to gather the kids. In the hotel room, I gave them toy trumpets, glow sticks, and light up toys. They donned the masks, crowns and tiaras Resa helped them decorate. We then snuck down to the lobby and I called Sammy and Amber to meet a the rendezvous point for the cake. When we were all there and Sammy told us Ethan was ready, we lined the kids up. We lit up the sparkles on the tower of king cake and cupcakes as Sammy dimmed the lights in the ballroom. When the music switched to a marching band playing Happy Birthday Amber led the kids out waving a Mardi Gras theme feathered fan and I pushed the cart behind them.

Ethan smiled broadly when he saw EJ leading the pack of kids. He picked him up and watched me as I rolled the cake in front of him. He mouthed "thank you" to me before we all joined along singing happy birthday. Ethan made brief eye contact with me before blowing out the candles. Everyone cheered before Amber and I got to work distributing dessert.

As we worked, Amber revealed to me how she thought Serena had the best costume.

"She made it herself." Amber informed me.

"I'm sure she did. It's not like she had a party to plan." I snapped, irritated.

"Ok... Well who do you think won it?" Amber asked gently, gaving me an odd look.

I took a deep breath. I pushed my irritation away, reminding myself I just wanted ever one to have a good time. I answered truthfully. "Dan the Jack and the box, The Carters, and Serena."

"Ok. I liked Serena's, Dan's and Jackie's."

"Jackie? Rocky's friend Jackie?" I asked, surprised. I didn't invite her because she wasn't on Serena's original list and I didn't think she would come without Rocky.

"Yeah. She's a peacock." Amber said over her shoulder. After we finished serving dessert, I took a tray of cupcakes up to the room with the kids when I took them back. When I got back to the ballroom, Ethan was announcing the winners of the contest.

"The winners, in no particular order, are Dan the Jack and the box, Serena as a belly dancer and Mom and Dad, as Jay Z and Beyonce. Come get your prize. Thank you everyone for coming out and celebrating my birthday with me." Ethan concluded quickly and everyone cheered.

The mic was cut off and the Less Sophisticated mix was played. Everyone got out on the dance floor when the music started. I watched Sammy and Corey, Amber and Will, Dino and Jake, Dominick and Mia, Staci and Daniel and Albert and Deborah out having a great time dancing. Then I saw Ethan and Serena. Ethan was smiling as Serena went through the Mardi Gras survival gift bag that I put together. I grabbed my phone and stepped outside in the lobby. I sent a text to Christian.

Me: All your mixes were a hit! I will never forget or doubt you ever again but you can still try to wow me in San Fran next week.

I put my phone away, deciding to stop thinking and throw caution to the wind. No matter what happened in the past or what would happen in the future, in the present, I was single. I had fun with Christian, there was nothing wrong with exploring that.

Feeling better, I headed back to the ballroom. I stopped when I saw Brandon heading out, all over some girl. Their faces were pressed together so I didn't recognize who he was with. I told myself he was single, it wasn't my business and kept walking until I caught the feathers on her ass out of the corner of my eye. All thoughts of fun left my mind.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

How Deep Is Your Love

"How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
What devotion? Are you?
How deep is your love?
Is it like nirvana?
Hit me harder, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
Pull me closer, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
So tell me how deep is your love, can we go deeper?" How Deep Is Your Love by Calvin Harris



It took me a moment before I decided the best way to respond to his text. I tried to call Rocky first, but she didn't answer. When Sammy went upstairs, I finally responded.

Me: What makes you think that?

I groaned to myself when Jake called me back instead of keeping our conversation thru text.

"Honestly, does it matter who she dates? We all know her number one priority is Ace. Why should we care?" I said, in lieu of hello.

"We shouldn't, but Brandon does. He's been stressing about it all weekend."

"He should ask her then."

"He's planning on it. Daniella thought she sensed a vibe between Forrest and Rocky today." Jake mentioned.

"Dino shouldn't read into vibes too much. They can be deceiving. Like how everyone thinks Forrest and I have a vibe." I pointed out.

"I said that too, but that doesn't explain why they left together or why he was there if it was a girl's outing." Jake pressed.

"There you have it! He's gay!" I joked, evading the question.

"I knew it..."

"I'm kidding!"

"I know."

"Blake and Jordan had a disagreement, I called Blake to come get Jordan and Forrest was with him. He took Rocky home because I didn't want to miss the end of the game. Did you see Carolina's final score?" I changed the subject, hoping he would drop it.

"Don't get too excited. Denver has the best defense in the league." Jake went for it.

"Remember you said that while you're at home watching the game and I'm on TV at Levi stadium, dabbing with Cam Newton."

"Please don't embarrass your family or yourself like that by dancing."

"When are you going to recognize I'm a triple threat? I sing, dance and act!" I said, feigning outrage.

"It's a threat to the senses..."

I laughed despite myself. "Get off my phone old man."

"Gladly."

"That's why I acted my way out of that." I sang, taunting him after he hung up. I was in the middle of a dab and a shimmy when Sammy came down the stairs.

"Am I interrupting something? 'Cause Amber needs to talk to us." Sammy said eying me, concerned.

"No. Go ahead. What's up?"

Amber told us that Ethan wasn't going for a New Orleans trip, but Will was all for her taking over the party. Apparently, Serena had most of the plans done and Ethan hadn't cancelled anything. We both agreed to help put it together.

Monday morning, I called and gave Rocky a heads up about my talk with Jake. I then called Jordan to see how she and Blake were doing. They were fine and apparently more deeply in love than ever.

Sammy and I went to the store so I could pick up a few things. Since I was stopping by his office, I decided to make him something to wish him a happy birthday. After some debate, I decided on a mud pie.

"You know this is for Ethan, not you right?" Sammy reminded me as I got super excited for the different kinds of bug shaped candy.

"Yeah. He's really going to hate it." I said, excitedly. I really just wanted to help take his mind off everything. I knew how depressing it was for me to celebrate my birthday without Trevor. My friends and their thoughtful gifts helped me through the day. While I knew Ethan wasn't as sensitive as me, it had to suck for someone else to plan his party because he and Serena broke up. I was sure the absurdity of me giving him a dessert that was supposed to resemble mud would entertain him at the very least.

I went home, made the pie and covered it with gummy worms and sour bug shaped candies. I wrapped it up and put it in the refrigerator while I changed for work. I said bye to Sammy, wishing her good luck. She was meeting Corey for dinner later that evening.

I told Ethan I would swing by his office to get the party details so he knew to expect me. I still had to wait as his assistant, Jeremy, called him from outside the office.

"You can go on in." Jeremy told me after a moment.

"Thank you." I smiled at him before leaving.

"Happy birthday to you..." I sang as I walked into Ethan office. He held his finger to his lips. I immediately shut up as he gestured for me to sit on the couch.

He got a folder out the desk before eying the dish I was holding. "What's that?" he asked me.

"Are you still on the phone?" I whispered.

"No. I still need you to stop singing." he smirked, coming to join me on the couch.

"Ok. Everyone is going to stop insulting my talents!" I laughed as I unwrapped the pie and presented it to him.

"Is baking another one of your alleged talents?" He eyed my pie distrustfully.

 "Be nice or you don't get your birthday pie." I threatened.

"Promise?" he said his lips twitching in amusement.

I grinned. "This is your dirty 30 mud pie. You have to eat every bite. I'm staying until you do. Happy birthday!"

He took the pie from me. "Thank you. As delicious as this looks, I have to save it for later. I haven't had lunch yet. I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite."

"Fine. Eat it later. You can send me a picture of you eating it."

"It's on my list." He said, handing me the folder. I opened it up. The first page had the venue, the reservation agreement-

"WHOA! This says this Saturday? Is this right?" I exclaimed, reading through it.

"Yes. Amber didn't tell you?" Ethan responded.

"No."

"Right. She sounded... Distracted when I talked to her. I told her she didn't have to-."

"No. She wants to. I'm just surprised it's so soon."

"It snuck up on me. I forgot about it until Amber reminded me. I keep thinking Serena would come around." he said. He didn't sound depressed or angry. Just.... Disappointed.

"What happened? I mean, if you wanna talk about it?" I clarified, quickly.

"Nothing major. She asked me how I felt about her and us. I told her we're compatible."

I cocked my head to the side and scrunched my face up. "That's it?"

He sat up straighter. "Yes and that we made a good team. Something along those lines."

"It sounded like she wanted to know if you loved her Ethan." I prompted him.

"I know." he said, plainly.

"And? Do you?" I questioned.

"I don't believe in love-" he started and I gasped. "Wait. Let me finish. I don't believe in love the way other's do. You don't randomly meet someone and it's love automatically."

"That's love at first sight- it happens." I quickly intervened.

"I don't believe in that at all. I just don't think love is something you... find. What you find is someone you get along with and share common interests and goals. Then, over the duration of time love is created. It is earned and brought into being much like wisdom, trust or respect." Ethan elaborated.

I nodded, trying to understand. "Ok but a relationship has to have more than that- Love is more than that. There has to be a spark, a connection- and excuse me for sounding like a stereotypical Latina, but there's gotta be passion. I understand how you think being compatible is a compliment, but it sounds so cold and detached."

He narrowed his eyes at me slightly- just enough so I could tell he was offended. "That spark, connection, passion, whatever you want to call it- it fades or dulls eventually. Compatibility endures. If the foundation of your relationship is built off compatibility it will last."

"Without passion, there's no reason to stay in a relationship no matter how compatible you are. Have you ever felt passion before? " I argued, heatedly.

He opened his mouth to respond, but there was a knock on the door. Anthony, the partner whose position Ethan took when he left to start his own business, came in. Ethan stood, so I did the same.

"Is it 1 already?" Ethan said.

"It is, but take your time." he said, looking over at me.

"Hi Anthony. Good to see you again." I smiled.

"You too. Sorry for interrupting." He said, looking at the pie Ethan was holding.

"Not at all. I was just dropping off his birthday pie." I said.

"Birthday pie huh? I'm a cake guy myself." Anthony smiled.

I smiled at Ethan. "There will be cake at his birthday party."

"Right. Is it still this Saturday?"

"It is. Sorry I'm running behind on the invitations. There will be an email tonight." I assured him.

"Excellent."

"I'm going to walk Lily out then we can meet up with everyone else." Ethan excused us as he guided me to the door.

"Ok. Pleasure to see you Lily."

"You too!" I waved goodbye as Ethan walked me out the office.

"The guest list is in here right?" I said, pulling out the folder.

"Yes. E-mails too."

"Does the party have a theme?" I asked.

"Serena mentioned the 80s. I don't know how far she got with it."

"Oh fun. Leg warmers and big hair?"

"No. Not a costume party. 80s inspired."

"Huh? How can you have a decades party without costumes? That's out."

"I don't want it over the top."

"Big top. Circus."

"Lilian, it's my 30th birthday, not 13th." he reminded me, opening my car door for me after I unlocked it.

"I hate it when you call me that. I know it's your Dirty Thirty! Ooo! Mud wrestling!" I grinned, getting into my car.

"Should I call you Lilian again?" he said, holding on to my car door.

"No! Fine. Sophisticated fun."

"Thank you." he said closing the door.

As I drove to work, I called Amber to discuss the party.

"How do you do an 80s inspired party with no costumes?" I asked her.

"I don't know." she said, uninterested.

"What's your problem? You realize this party is on Saturday right?"

"No problem at all. I'd much rather plan a party than go to New Orleans." She said, sarcastically.

"I told you Ethan wasn't going to want to go to New Orleans. Get over it."

"Whatever."

"I can't believe how selfish you're being. Forget it. I'll do it myself." I said, hanging up.

On my break from lunch, I got an e-mail from Amber. It read "I'm sorry" in the subject line. Attached was an e-vite to Ethan's 30 birthday done in Mardi Gras style. She also sent ideas for a parade, mask decorating table, and a costume competition. I text her back and told her that I loved it.

When I got home from work, I immediately got to work on Ethan's party. I finished the invitations, adding that costumes are encouraged and there will be a prizes for the top costumes. I was finishing entering e-mails when Sammy got back from her dinner date with Corey.

"How'd it go?" I asked, taking a break from the invites.

"Good. He's waiting for me outside so I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm going to grab my stuff." she said, rushing for the stairs. When she came back down, I stopped her.

"Read over this invitation before you leave." I requested.

She read over it and shook her head in disbelief.

"I know, it's this weekend." I sighed.

"I knew that. I'm trying to get another bartender for the party. Mardi Gras? Y'all do know this is for Ethan? The most uninteresting man in the world?" She said, dryly.

"Shut up!" I laughed. "It's gonna be sophisticated fun."



"That is not sophisticated." I laughed at Amber and Sammy at Party City. Amber pretended to flash her boobs at Sammy and Sammy tossed beads into her cart in return.

"C'mon. If we can't go to New Orleans we should bring it to us." Amber laughed.

"None of that. Fun ambiance, fun people, fun music, fun food and drinks. No boobs necessary." I reminded them.

"My girls would look hot in these." Sammy said picking up a Mardri Gras sequin bow top.

"No boobs!"

We went around the store, picking out items for the party. Sammy told us about her talk with Corey.

"He says he's fine with not having kids or getting married."

"See?" I smiled.

"Hold on. He also said we can see how we feel in a few years."

"Oh..." Amber said sadly.

"What's wrong with that?"

"He's gonna try to change her mind." Amber answered for Sammy.

"What if your mind changes?" I reasoned.

"It hasn't changed in decades. Why would it change now?" Sammy snapped.

"Decades? You're not that old." I countered.

"I knew since I was 5. My mom brought home wedding Barbies and baby dolls and I tossed them." Sammy told us.

"What did you play with?" Amber giggled.

"Clothes, shoes, make-up and my cash register."

"Some things never change."

We went to a food tasting next. I was against firing the cater Serena set up, but the caterer had a limited menu that would fit the theme and was charging for the change. Amber's boss swore by her mom's small catering business so we decided to check them out. It was a small shop in a strip mall that specialized in southern comfort food, including cajun food. They did cakes as well. The food was wonderful and they were able to accommodate us at such short notice. We would forfeit the deposit on the original caterer, but ended up coming even with the extra charges and cake included.

"We're not doing a king cake?" Amber questioned as Sammy looked at flavor options for the cake. I texted Ethan to find out his favorite kind of cake. I told him to stay close to his phone since we were trying to get all the planning done on Amber's off days.

"We're having a mini procession for the cake so we need it big." Sammy explained.

Ethan: Whatever you think is good.

Me: Bruh, it's all good.

Ethan: Pick what you like best then.

Me: Mud pie it is!

Ethan: Even you couldn't mess up red velvet Bruh.

I smiled and put my phone away as Amber argued passionately for King cake. "How can you have Mardi Gras without it?"

"Can we tier it? Like king cake, then cupcakes, then king cake, then cupcakes and a crown on top? No, a fleur de lis! With sparkles!!!" I suggested.

"I like the way you think." Abby, the owner, smiled at me nodding.

"I'm always thinking about cake." I smiled too.

While Abby printed out the contract, Sammy commented on how into the party I was.

I explained what Ethan told me about Serena and his thoughts on love.

"I just want him to have a good time, loosen up a little bit. Maybe get him drunk enough so he'll forget some of the stubborn ideas he has in his head."

"He's stubborn, but I kinda agree on the compatibility thing." Amber said.

"Me too. I would have never fell for Corey if I would have known about the kids and marriage thing. He has tattoo and gauges and wants a traditional life. The fuck is wrong with him?" Sammy frowned.

"You're telling me you wouldn't have dated him?" I said, incredulously.

"I don't know. I wouldn't have fell in love though." Sammy conceded.

"I wish I fell in love with someone more spontaneous and fun. Will's idea of a good time is watching a movie uninterrupted. I wanna dance and drink and act silly but he's too caught up in his ways to have fun with me." Amber explained.

"Think about it. You love Trevor-" Sammy said.

I glared at her and she stopped. "How come anytime I say anything you bring up fucking Trevor?"

"I won't bring him up again." Sammy quickly backpeddled. When Sammy and Amber shared a look, it pissed me off even more.

"I think she just meant you and Trevor loved each other but it didn't work out-" Amber began.

"Don't sit there and say we weren't compatible. That's complete bullshit! Maybe Will burnt out on having fun because he had his while y'all were dating." I fired at her, angrily.

"I'm ready whenever you are." Abby called to us. Amber got up with Ethan's credit card to complete the purchase.

Sammy sent me a hard glare when she left. "You need to calm down and apologize."

"Y'all first." I sat back, seething.



I went home that night and threw myself into composing the playlist for the party. I knew Ethan liked Jazz, so I found popular jazz musicians and tracks. Zydeco music was a must, but I had no idea about it. I was researching while listening to Jazz when my phone rang. I saw it was Christian face timing me. I answered since I had a valid excuse to get off the phone.

"Hey." he greeted me.

"Hey. What's up? I'm busy."

"With?"

"Putting music together for a birthday party."

"That should be easy for you- you have a playlist for everything."

"Not Mardri Gras. I know nothing about Jazz or Zydeco."

"Is that why you're stressing?"

"I'm not."

"Yeah you are. You have this weird little line on your forehead." he said, tracing his finger over his forehead.

I scowled. "Thanks for pointing out my wrinkles."

He laughed. "I didn't say wrinkles. It's a cute little crease."

"Same thing. Are you done so I can go now?" I sighed, loudly.

"Sure. I guess have a few drinks, hit me up when you're nice and drunk so I can know why you're avoiding me this time." Christian instructed me, humorlessly.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I'm in a bad mood." I admitted.

"About?"

"Trevor."

"Oh. Did he do something?"

"No. He just... Gets brought up a lot and I guess I'm still sensitive about it. I got defensive and said mean shit to my friends. I'm gonna have to apologize on top of all the other shit I have to do this week." I confessed.

"You'll be alright. Everyone knows you lash out at people you love the most. They'll forgive you. If not, presents always work for me."

"I can't afford a nice enough present for what I said Mr. Money bags." I grumbled.

"Was Mr. Moneybags an insult? Based off that, I don't think you can say anything you can't afford to buy back."

"I threw it in her face her husband use to cheat on her."

"Damn. I stand corrected. You're a bad girl for real." he said, making a stupid face.

I cracked a smile. "Shut up. It's not funny."

"No, but I have a way for you to save some money so you can buy back her friendship."

I rolled my eyes. "How?"

"You still have all next week off for Superbowl right?"

"Not all week. The Wednesday before until the Wednesday afterwards." I clarified.

"Ok. How bout you stay with me and some friends?"

"You're gonna be in Santa Clara?"

"San Francisco, but that's close enough. My friend has a few club appearances. I'm gonna drop the first single. We're gonna do it big and I want you to be a part of it."

I smiled. "I'll think about it Christian."

"Think about whatever money you were going to spend on a hotel, a rental or food-spend it on buying back your friend. Send her and her husband on a spa day. Best way to say I'm sorry."

I instantly brightened up. "That's actually not a bad. I have to go."

"Wait. The music. Send me what you have tonight and I'll send you a mix in the morning." he offered.

"You don't have to. It has to be edited so I should do it."

"Back that thang up, not ass. Got it."

"No Juvenile. Not that kinda party. Sophisticated."

"Sophisticated Mardi Gras? No Juvenile? Can't do it."

"Then I can't use it." I smiled.

"I got you Lily." He smiled back.

"Thank you. And thanks for thinking about me Christian." I said, graciously.

"Any and all the time." he said, saluting me. After he hung up, I called Will.

"Is Amber around?" I asked.

"No... I can get her."

"No. Don't. I have a proposition for you." I said before telling him my plan.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Simple Kind of Life (Outro)

"If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?
I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad
Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life" Simple Kind of Life by No Doubt

THUMP THUMP THUMP!

"Come in!" I grumbled at the loud, intrusive knocks that woke me from my sleep.

THUMP THUMP THUMP!!!

I heaved an exhausted groan and stumbled out of bed as the knocks increased in frequency and volume. I threw my door open only to discover the knocks were coming from the front door. I grabbed my phone and went to it. I peaked out the half circle window on the door and saw it was Corey before I opened it up.

"What are you doing here?" I said, rubbing my eyes, tiredly.

"I need to talk to Sammy. I know she's here. Can you go get her?" Corey asked moving to step inside my house.

"NO!... I mean, you don't know she's here." I said, blocking his path.

He gave me an exasperated look.

"Fine. Give me 5 minutes." I sighed.

He gave me a confused look when I came back in a sweatshirt with Justine.

"Sammy's here because she doesn't want to talk to you so I have to respect that. I want you to tell me what's going on. I'm not going to get in between the two of you, but you can help me decide if I'm team Corey or team move on." I said while closing and locking the front door. He followed me as I walked down the steps with Justine.

He pretty much told the same story Sammy said he told her. He had a few drinks at a party, Tori kissed him, he stopped it and told Sammy the truth.

"I thought we were passed it. Then she broke up with me outta nowhere. I'm guessing by the silly string on Tori's car we're not passed it." Corey finished.

"Broken trust is hard to move on from; especially when she found out you hid some of the history you had with Tori after the kiss." I remarked, pulling on Justine's leash to get her to keep walking.

Corey looked down, ashamed. "It's hard enough being a recovering alcoholic. My past with drugs is not something I wanted to share with her."

"I get that. Do you get why it's hard for her not to trust you?"

"We were rebuilding trust. We spent every free moment together and talking. I was completely honest with her. I thought we were on the right path. I asked her to move in with me-"

"What? What did she say?" I blurted out, shocked. I stopped and Justine caught up to us on the leash.

"That... That she had to think about it." Corey said, slowly. It hit us at the same time.

"You said you were willing to wait right?" I confirmed with him.

He nodded.

"You have to pull back. If you keep pushing, she's gonna keep running." I told him.

He nodded again.

"I'll try to talk to her." I promised him before we turned to go back to my house.

When I got back home, Sammy was still sleep and Jordan was in the kitchen making coffee. I fed Justine and she ate most of her food.

Sammy emerged from the guest room around 10am, holding up a bandage dress and gold stilettos.

"This is what I'm wearing. Sofia and Amber are wearing gold too so we can match. Amber's on her way over here." Sammy told us.

"That's gold?" Jordan asked, looking at the dress. I was confused by the color as well.

"It's rose gold, close enough." Sammy replied

"Ok." I said. "Have you heard from Corey at all?" I asked.

"Why would I hear from him?" She asked instead of answering.

"I don't know. Tori's car... I thought he might have tried to reach out."

"I wouldn't know- I blocked him on everything." Sammy replied. "Do you know what you're gonna wear today?"

"No idea." I said, letting her change the subject.

We spent the rest of the morning searching my closet for something for me and Jordan to wear. Jordan paired her rose colored skinny jeans with my white dress shirt with thin gold vertical stripes. Amber came over and showed us her wide leg gold sequin shorts with a nude halter top. I decided to borrow the nude maxi dress Jordan decided not to wear.  I had enough gold accessories to stay within the theme without looking too matchy and it matched my nails perfectly. When I texted everyone the address for the day party and about us all wearing gold, Rocky called back, moaning and questioning whether we were too old to dress alike.

"Similarly! Not alike!" Sammy protested.

"Same damn thing." Rocky rebutted over the speaker phone.

"Are you coming over here Rocky? I have major news..." Amber cooed to us.

"I wasn't planning on it.

"Fine. I'll tell you now. Serena and Ethan broke up!" Amber said bluntly.

"What?" I exclaimed, concerned.

"When?" Jordan asked too.

"I'm not sure. I just found out. Serena was planning his birthday party so I took the weekend off but I hadn't heard anything about it. I asked Will and he asked Ethan and they're Dunzo! Apparently they were on a break and decided to make it permanent!" Amber gushed while smiling.

Jordan got up and left the room.

"Why the fuck are you so happy about it?" I asked Amber, standing to follow Jordan.

"Not about the break up, allthough Serena is no fun to hang out with. I now have that whole weekend, no kids." Amber danced around. I shook my head and left after Jordan.

I found her in my "study" resting her head on the desk.

"Jordan, don't stress out until you talk to Blake." I comforted her, rubbing her back.

"I'm not stressing out. I know it's over." Jordan replied, wiping her face.

"You don't know that until you talk to him-" I tried to tell her.

"He wasn't over her. I knew it when we started hooking up but I was fine with it because I wasn't over Derek. What I feel about Blake now, I never felt about Derek. I thought maybe Blake felt the same way but obviously he doesn't."

"How do you know that?"

"I know!"

"You're jumping to conclusions. I did the same thing all the time and most of the time I was wrong. Trevor was extremely patient with me. Blake doesn't seem like the patient type."

"It doesn't matter. We're over." Jordan said, with finality.

When we went back downstairs, Jordan traded her skinny jeans for one of Sammy's little mini skirts. As we did our hair and make-up, Jordan and Sammy looked at Mitch's, the boot camp instructor, Instagram and picked out his hot friends.

I excused myself, pulled out my phone, and sent a text to Blake attaching the address to where we were going.

Me: If you want to stay with Jordan, meet us here before she does something stupid.

Blake: Who said I don't want to be with her? What are you talking about? Why isn't she answering her phone?

Me: Just be there!

I knew I was meddling and should stay out of it, but I couldn't let Jordan screw up her relationship without having a simple conversation with Blake. That went for Sammy too. I was not going to let her hook up with some random guy when she needed to be working things out with Corey. Simply put, they made me interfer when I really didn't want to.

The day party was at a Japanese restaurant in Uptown Dallas. It had a huge bar towards the front with lounge seating and tables towards the back. Since Sammy invited her new friends, we opted for lounge seats at the bar. The playoff game was playing on multiple TVs while music played from speakers.

I did a quick scan for Monica as we were seated. We hung out outside of work a handful of times, but I didn't feel comfortable enough to call and ask if she was coming to the restaurant.

We were looking over the menu, sipping on signature martinis and munching on wasabi nuts when Mitch and two of his friends showed up. They joined us and Sammy, Staci, Amber, Sofia and Jordan entertained them while Rocky focused on the menu and I tuned into the game.

"I've never been crazy about sushi, now that I can't eat it, I'm craving it. What are you eating?" Rocky asked me. She looked gorgeous in a black and gold dress, her braids piled high in a bun, her skin glowing and make-up flawless.

"I don't think I am. I'm not in the mood for Japanese food." I said, finishing my drink.

"Have you eaten it recently?" Rocky asked.

Not since before Trevor and I broke up.

"No, I'm just not in the mood." I replied.

A waitress came over and everyone ordered food to share besides Rocky who ordered beef teriyaki for herself.  I just asked for more wasabi nuts.

"Sake for everyone?" Mitch offered.

"Not everyone can drink Malcolm." I told him.

"It's Mitch." Sammy told me.

"I'm fine. Drink mine for me." Rocky encouraged me, smirking.

The waitress came back with a round of sake and Mitch made a toast.

"To new, beautiful friends." He said before clinking glasses with Sammy. Everyone cheered and drank up.

"That was sweet. Thank you Michael." I said, grabbing Rocky's sake.

"Mitch." He reminded me.

"My bad." I said before downing the drink. I saw Jordan's eyes widen in shock as she stared behind me. I turned to see Forrest and Blake. It was about damn time. I started to get worried he wasn't coming.

Blake's face tightened when he saw Jordan sitting next to one of Mitch's friends.

"Can I borrow her for a minute?" Blake said, holding out his hand for Jordan to take it. She shot me a glance before she took his hand and followed him out.

"Took y'all long enough." I moved over to the space Jordan vacated to let Forrest sit by Rocky.

Forrest sat down and put his arm around Rocky before kissing her on the temple. I smiled at them, happily. "He wanted to wait until halftime." Forrest explained.

"Oh, so football is more important than his girlfriend?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Have you been watching the game?" Forrest smiled at me.

"I have! Denver's defense is tearing Tom Brady apart!" I said, thrilled.

"I know you're excited. They won't be at the Superbowl so you don't have to worry about them ruining the experience for you." Forrest said, enviously.

"And I know you're still jealous I'm going..." I dragged out.

"You're going to the Superbowl?" The guy Jordan abandoned asked me.

"Yeah, my dad got me and my brother tickets." I explained.

"Who are you routing for?" Mitch asked.

"Anyone but New England Mitchell."

"Just Mitch." He grunted, clearly agitated.

My phone beeped and I pulled it out like I was too busy to be concerned about his name.

Monica: Are you still coming to the day party?

Me: Yeah! We're actually already here

Monica: We have a hibachi table in the back. Make sure you drop by.

"Monica and her friends have a hibachi table in the back." I told Rocky.

"Sorry. It's way too much effort to stand up." Rocky declined.

I tried to catch Amber's eyes, but she was wrapped up in conversation with Sofia and one of Mitch's friend. I looked at Staci knowing Sammy wasn't going anywhere.

"Nope. I don't hang out with girls skinner, taller and prettier than me. Monica is all three." She grinned.

I laughed at her. "When I get back we're gonna talk about why we're ok to hang out."

I got up and went to the back of the restaurant by myself. There was a row of hibachi tables and I searched until I saw Monica.

"Hi." I greeted her brightly with a smile.

"Hey Lily. You look pretty." Monica hugged me.

"So do you." I complimented her. She did look beautiful in a cream blouse and a royal blue skater skirt.

I said hi to everyone I knew at the table; Monica introduced me to everyone else.

"This is Uriel. He works with the audio and visual team for the Mavericks." She began, stopping on a guy that looked familiar. He stood up to offer his hand and he was freakishly good looking and tall. He gave me a knowing smile as he squeezed my hand. I didn't acknowledge it because I had no idea who he was. I racked my brain, trying to remember if we met at a volunteer event or Monica's Christmas party, but I wasn't sure.

"Senior editor. I worked hard for that title." He corrected her looking away from me as he sat back down. We sat down too.

"You worked hard for other titles, but we don't call you out on them." Trent added.

Uriel laughed, and I finally remembered where I met him. It was at my birthday dinner- He was the guy I invited to my table to have cake. He had an infectious laugh- the kind that made you wanna laugh with him even if nothing was funny. That, coupled with the blue martinis kept me laughing the entire time I was talking to him until Forrest called me bae and he left.

"Uriel, this is Lily." Monica concluded.

"Good to see you again." I finally flashed a knowing smile back at him.

"We've met?" Uriel asked, confused. I blinked, stunned he didn't remember me.

"Dez nuts?" Tobey, a guy I met at the Christmas party, nudged him.

"Uriel wasn't at the Christmas party." Monica said looking over at me.

"No. We met before that. In Plano, Blue Martini lounge back in December." I said.

"Did we?..." Uriel made a gesture, holding his thumb and index finger together in a circle. He took his other index finger and poked through it. They all cracked up while I blushed.

"N-no." I stammered, my face heating up more at my failure to speak. "It was my birthday. We had cake." I explained.

"Oh... ok. Nice." He said, dismissively.

"Yeah." I said quickly, my face flamed when I finally cut my loses and turned away from him. I made conversation for awhile longer to make it seem like I wasn't fleeting in embarrassment before I fled in embarrassment.

When I got back to the bar, Dino and Mia made it from work. After I greeted them, I asked about Jordan and Blake.

"They left together. What about Madri Gras for my free weekend?"Amber grabbed me excitedly as I sat beside her.

"Madri Gras? Doesn't it stand for Fat Tuesday?" I asked.

"There are parades and events all month long leading up to it. I was trying to talk Rocky into going to Shreveport with me for one. My stepdad is part of the krewe next week. It's a family tradition." Forrest explained.

"Lily, you've never been to Shreveport. We should all go." Rocky suggested. A look of disappointment passed Forrest's face briefly. I caught it and knew he wasn't trying to plan a group trip.

"That sounds like a kid friendly version of Madri Gras. I'm into beads, booze and boobs." I declined

"I'm talking about New Orleans!!! It can be a long weekend since I'm off. I've always wanted to go." Amber planned.

"You're off because of Ethan's birthday, remember? Maybe we should just take over his birthday party and celebrate it with him." I pointed out.

"He might want to go to New Orleans too." Amber said.

I scoffed. "If you can sell Ethan on beads, booze, and boobs for his birthday, I'm there."

When Sammy got ready to leave with Mitch, I cut in immediately.

"Come with me to the bathroom." I said, grabbing her arm. "We'll be right back Michele."

I heard him grumble but couldn't make out the words as I dragged her away.

"Why are you being such a bitch to Mitch?" Sammy asked, amused.

"I think he has 'roid rage. You don't wanna go hang out with him." I tried to dissuade her.

"He does not and I do wanna hang out with him." She said, freshen up her make-up.

"He might be a psycho killer." I tried next.

"Then it's real important you get his name right so the police can track him down." Sammy grinned.

When the standby you-don't-know-this-guy-he-might-be-a-steroid-popping-psycho-killer didn't work, I told her the truth.

"Corey came by this morning looking for you." I confessed.

Her face froze momentarily before she went back to her lipstick. "What did you tell him?"

"I sent him away- but not before he told me he wanted to move in together."

Sammy looked away from me in the mirror. "That doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything. Why did you really break up with him?"

"He cheated on me. Living together won't solve anything. I don't want to have to constantly worry about what he's doing or who he's with." Sammy exclaimed, putting away her make-up and still refusing to look at me.

"Look, I know you're scared-"

She turned to face me. "I'm not scared. I'm over it. It's that simple." She snapped.

"There's no way you're over it. I can't even eat sushi or try to date without thinking about Trevor. If you loved him, it's never that simple-"

"It is for me. I'll see you in the morning to pick up my things." Sammy cut me off, storming out the bathroom.

I got back to the table in time to see her and Sophia leave. Mitch and his friends trailed them.

I flopped beside Amber, crossed my legs all ladylike before turning to her. "You're designated driver right?"

"Yeah. This is my last drink." She held up a martini. I took it from her and drained it myself, nursing my feelings of failing as a cockblock. I just hoped Corey was able to look past it if Sammy ever realized she messed up.

Forrest and Rocky left at halftime when the Panthers were clearly going to win the game. Monica and her friend Fallon came over and we finally had girl time. Until Trent came with Uriel, saying they were about to head out.

"Happy belated birthday." Uriel told me with a grin.

"Thanks." I gave him a phoney smile as he turned and left.

"What was that about?" Amber asked, staring at his ass.

"Stop staring. It's not that great." I finished my drink.

"Yes, it is." Mia disagreed with me.

"I'm not staring. His ass is worthy of three looks. I'm taking mine at the same time." Amber giggled.

"If you stopped staring at his ass, you would be able to tell he's the guy from my birthday get together." I said, sucking on my alcohol drenched ice.

"No way." Amber smiled, turning back to look at him. " Did you get his number this time?"

"Fuck no. He didn't even recognize me." I said, bitterly.

That caused Mia to burst out laughing. Amber at least had the decency to hold back her laughter. Monica asked me for the whole story and I was tispy enough to tell her. By the end of retelling the story, I was able to laugh too. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe I no longer cared what hot guys thought of me. Whatever.

When I got home, Sammy was in the living room feeding Justine treats and petting her on the couch. I sat down beside her.

"Is McMacPattyWack here? 'cause I'm team Corey and his ass ain't welcomed in mi casa." 

Sammy shook her head. "I had Sofia bring me home. I'm team Corey too. Even after everything, I still am. I believe him. I trust him. I love him. But I don't want to move in with him."

"Have you talked to him about how you feel?"

She shook her head. "I can't. He has this plan. Finish school, start teaching- he even wants to have fucking kids before he's 30. I don't want that. I can't move in with him if that's what comes next. That's not something you can compromise on though is it? It's selfish, but I would hate my life the way he sees it. I don't want him to hate his life the way I want it either."

"That's actually not selfish at all. These are the kind of decisions you have to make together with him. You have to at least talk to him and try. He might be willing to come up with a new plan with you. He can't do that if you won't talk to him." I encouraged her.

"I will." Sammy sighed.

We sat on the couch, deep in thought. I always believed that marriage and kids were the finish line after a long, grueling race. Even when I was younger and thought I would have neither, that didn't stop me from wanting them. I couldn't relate to how Sammy felt that they were complications. They were always the simple things I wanted in my complicated life.

My phone beeped and I looked down at it.

Jake: How long have Forrest and Rocky been dating?

And my life just got further from simple.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Simple Kind of Life (Intro)

"For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down
Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life" A Simple Kind Of Life by No Doubt


"Wake up! We got boot camp! Hoorah hoe!" Sammy yelled as she burst into my room.

"Hoe, if you don't get outta here..." I said, putting my phone down to glare at her.

"That's Sergeant Save A Hoe to you. Now c'mon on! Imma do your hair so you don't look a hot mess like you normally do when you work out." She scolded me.

"I don't dress up to work out. I'm not trying to impress anyone." I rolled my eyes.

"That physical trainer we met before the pole dancing class is the instructor for the boot camp. I call dibs by the way. " Sammy added in.

"If you're calling dibs you should be fine with however I look. Less competition." I argued.

"Please." Sammy scoffed like I said the stupidest thing ever. "I don't need you making me look sloppy." She said waiting for me to get out of bed.

"You can get out now. I can get ready by myself." I pointed to the door.

"You got 30 minutes or we're leaving without you." She turned away.

"Don't tempt me." I called after her.

When she was gone, I picked up my phone.

"Pretend like you didn't hear any of that." I told Christian.

"Not going to lie to you- I'm gonna be thinking of you on a pole all day." He grinned.

"Christian!" I smiled at him.

"Seriously... What's your stripper name?"  Christian asked.

"Bye Christian! I have a boot camp to get ready for."

"Watch your 6, over."

I stuck my tongue out at him before hanging up as he laughed. I sighed, relieved Sammy didn't see me on the phone with him. I knew she said she was cool with us talking now, but I still didn't wanna hear her opinions or criticism. At least not while I was still figuring it out on my own.

I got up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I pulled my hair up into a neat top knot before putting on my grey and blue Sketches. They matched great with my blue hooded workout shirt with the phase "Strong is the new Pretty" and grey running tights. It was the most thought I ever put into working out attire and it was all Sammy was getting from me.

After setting food out for Justine, I went upstairs to see if Sammy and Jordan were ready. They were both in the mirror, finishing up their hair. Jordan had her still dyed blonde hair up in a ponytail with a head band while Sammy fixed her grey hair into two French braids. Jordan was dressed in running shorts and a razorback tank while Sammy was in spandex shorts and a tight tank that cut low over her breast.

 "Where is your sports bra?" I asked Sammy, eyeing her overexposed cleavage.

"The bra is built in." She replied, cupping her breasts.

"Your boobs are gonna be all over the place in that." Jordan pointed out.

"That's the point." Sammy smiled.

Sammy put on a hoodie before we left for the gym, thank God. Something about people who went to the gym looking to hook up really irked me, and I didn't want to look guilty by association. Unfortunately, the hoodie came right off as soon as we got to the fitness center.

Mitch, the physical trainer we met earlier in the week, clearly enjoyed Sammy's outfit choice. After the tough routine of biceps curls, jumping squats, shoulder presses, standing skull crushers, rear delt fly, crunches, pushups, upright rows, and pile squats; he made sure to make his way over to us to talk to Sammy.

Sammy flirted hardcore, making me annoyed until I remembered my talk with Dr. Pereira and the need to validate ourselves. Jordan and I stood aside, making faces at each other until I heard Sammy invite the instructor to the day party we were going to on Sunday.

"What happened to it being a girls weekend Sammy?" I reminded her, pointedly.

"It's a big restaurant- We can't control who's going to be there." Sammy gave me brief smile before turning back to Mitch.

After Sammy exchanged numbers with Mitch, we went to Snappy Salads for lunch. I tried to bring up Corey to Sammy, hoping to see where her head was at and dissuade her from hooking up with random guys, but she shut me down. She claimed she was getting back to doing her thing with the unnecessary complications of relationships. It made me disappointed to see that's what she took from her relationship with Corey, but I left it alone.

After lunch, we went back to my house to shower and change. When I went into the kitchen and saw Justine picked at her food again, I immediately hopped on my tablet to see of if I could figure out what was going on with her.

Justine rested her head in my lap and I petted her as I researched dogs not eating. There were so many different reason why a dog's eating habits would change. With no other symptoms, it was impossible to narrow it down. I read dogs wouldn't go a few days without eating and Justine wasn't at that point yet. Another thread suggested changing the dog food and seeing if that made a difference, so I decided to try that first. If it didn't work, I was taking her to a vet, more symptoms or not.

While I was online, I saw that Benjamin sent me an email. It contained the contact information for my mom. My stomach churned nervously when I saw a possible phone number, email and mailing address. She had the maiden name Harris, meaning she never got married or maybe she just never changed her name. The address was in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I knew nothing about Virginia. I wondered how'd she end up there, if she had a family, or if she ever thought about reaching out to me. The only way I was going to find out was to ask. I was contemplating whether I should call, email or write when Jordan joined me in the living room.

"I just talked to Blake..." she began sitting next to me on the couch.

"And? What did he say about Serena?" I asked, exiting from my email.

"Nothing. I didn't ask and he didn't offer any details. I told him I would see him tomorrow and we'd talk then."

"What? Why? Aren't you anxious to know what they talked about?"

"Duh! I don't want him to know that. I want him to think I trust him and I'm cool with him talking to his ex, alone, on a Friday night."

"You are?" I asked, admirably.

"No way! It's killing me. I wanted to tell him not to meet with her, but I have to trust him." She sighed deeply. "I'm not gonna worry about it until tomorrow. What are we seeing tonight?" Jordan asked.

I turned back on my tablet so we could pick out a movie. Sammy had a gig she had to check on, so we picked a late night showing of Sisters. After Sammy left, Jordan and I went to Petco and I picked out a new brand of dog food. I got wet and dry and a few new treats for Justine to try. We then met up with Rocky, Jackie and her daughter Ressa to get our nails done.

"What did y'all do last night?" Rocky asked us as we sat down.

Jordan and I grinned at each other, before we shook our heads and replied, "Nothing."

"Just went to one of Sammy's event, got home, drank a little-" I started.

"A lot." Jordan chimed in.

I smiled. "Then fell asleep. What about you?"

"I told Brandon I was dating last night." Rocky announced.

"What? How'd he take it?" Jackie asked her.

"I don't know. He didn't react at all." Rocky said, frowning up.

"How'd you tell him?" I asked, picking out a nude nail color with ombre gold glitter on both ring fingers.

"He came over, we finished Ace's room and I told him I was seeing someone. He said he had to go and left." Rocky recounted.

"Much better than him crying like last time you told him you didn't wanna be with him. Be glad you dodged that bullet" Jackie snorted. Ressa snickered too, but I could tell Rocky didn't find it funny. She stiffened up in her chair.

"I mean, that sounds like the mature way to handle it. He probably needed to sort out his feelings, that's all." I suggested, simply.

"What's the new guy like? How long have you been dating?" Jordan asked.

"It's Forrest. We've been seeing each other since November." Rocky said, visibly relaxing in her chair.

"Really?" Jordan looked at me, gauging my reaction.

I smiled. "Forrest has liked her for awhile. I'm glad they finally figured it out."

 Jordan smiled too. "Aww, wow. That's really sweet."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jackie demanded, fixing a harsh look at Rocky.

"Like Lily said, we were figuring things out. Make sure you lose his number now." Rocky said, shooting a look at Jackie too.

Rocky and Jackie were having some type of nonverbal communication with looks. It was painfully awkward for the rest of the time as I pretended not to notice. Obviously it didn't end well because as soon as we finished our nails, Jackie flaked out on the movie plans and she and Ressa left. I wasn't disappointed she was gone-well, maybe for Ressa's sake, but she was probably too young for the movie anyway.

I desperately wanted to know what was up with the Jackie losing Forrest's number comment, but I stopped myself from asking. If Rocky wanted to share, that was one thing. I wasn't going to meddle in whatever was going on between the two (or three?) of them.

We went back to my place to get ready for the movie. I took Justine for a run before feeding her. Normally, it was the other way around, but I wanted to see if I could work up an appetite with her first. When we got back home, I fixed her dog bowl with wet food and water. She sniffed at the bowl before digging in. I smiled watching her as she ate with enthusiasm, something I hadn't seen in a long time. I patted her head before I went to shower and change.

I was super excited to get a text from Staci saying she would make it to the movie after all. When I invited her, she told me she had a date and wouldn't be able to join us. I sent her what movie theatre we would be at and she said she would see us there.

Sammy, Peyton, Jordan, Rocky and I got our tickets and found Staci at the beer, nursing a margarita. She launched into her story about a bad set-up one of her friends at work sent her on.

"He was so boring. No personality at all. I have no idea why Sean though we might hit it off. I wanted to hit him by the end of the date." Staci complained, dramatically.

"That's why I don't do blind dates or set ups. It never works out well." Sammy commented before ordering a drink.

"You're right. I don't have enough free time. I can't waste it on guys I could rule out in one conversation. I'm trying online dating." Staci declared.

"Because people are so honest online." Rocky said, sarcastically.

"I met my boyfriend Chris online. We've been together for 5 years." Peyton informed us.

"And still no ring?" Jordan asked, shocked.

"We don't want to get married. We're happy the way things are." Peyton replied.

"But why?" Jordan continued, horrified.

"'Cause she likes her freedom. No bullshit ring holding her back, she can drop him whenever she wants- No drama." Sammy answered for her.

"That's not why-" Peyton began before Sammy cut her off.

"I met a guy today. Personal trainer. He and his friends are coming thru the day party tomorrow." Sammy said hintingly.

"Don't get too excited. He's super young and lame so I bet his friends are too." I smirked.

"I'll take lame if he's cute." Staci piped up, interested.

"Da fuck?" I asked Staci. "What about ruling guys out?"

"I haven't seriously dated since high school and I don't think that even counts." Staci admitted.

"It doesn't." Rocky quipped from her seat. We all laughed.

"See? Now I know, boring guys are out. Who knows about lames. I need to date a little to figure out what I want." Staci answered.

"You might wanna try it before dating fucking Christian." Sammy called me out.

Everyone looked at me when I choked on the coke I was sipping. "No one is dating Christian."

"Can you slide his number to me then?" Staci requested which I ignored.

"Jordan told me all about your drunken dial and I got into your phone last night." Sammy declared.

"I'm changing my password you bitch." I exclaimed.

"Yeah, you really should change it from anything related to Trevor, especially now that you know Christian likes you too." She said, quoting his text.

"Whateva." I bristled, ready to change the subject.

"Not whatever. If you start something with Christian, your basically closing the door on you and Trevor forever. Consider that while you're seeing what happens." Sammy stated.

"Trevor and I aren't together. It doesn't matter who I date." I argued.

"You think? What if tomorrow Trevor decides to date Jordan-"

"Hey, keep me out of it!" Jordan shook her head.

"No, you're the perfect example Jordan. You're friendship ended because Lily was uncomfortable with your behavior around him." Sammy turned back to me. "Even though Trevor assured you not to worry, they're just friends, there's nothing going on, trust him... Then out of nowhere, they start seeing each other. How would that make you feel?" Sammy questioned me.

"Homicidal." I confessed, rubbing my temples.

"Exactly how Trevor felt when he thought you and Christian were dating. You can't do that to him and hope you still have a shot at getting back together. I don't see it happening."

I was quiet as I thought it over.

"You don't need to figure it out tonight." Rocky said gently, patting my hand.

"Just before you try anything with Christian. Don't do it if you still love Trevor." Sammy ended.

All of a sudden, I needed something stronger than a coke.

"You should just give me Christian's number. Problem solved." Staci joked.

"If you don't shut up..." I trailed off before I forced a smile.

Even the comedy duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler couldn't get my mind off of everything. I didn't know why relationships were always so hard for me. As much as I loved Trevor, everything was just- hard now. No matter how much I liked Christian, it was too messy. At the end of all my questioning, conflicting feelings and self doubt, I came to one conclusion. I decided what I deserved and what I wanted-I didn't want hard or messy anymore. I was tried of everything being so complicated. I wanted and deserved simplicity so that's what I was going for.

When I got home, I stayed up late writing and rewriting a letter to my mom. I decided to just mail her my contact information and let her get in touch with me. I wanted it to be simple and easy, but unfortunately neither one of those things came natural to me. I set it aside to try again later.


*Sorry It's late. I fell asleep while editing last night. I'm halfway done with the 2nd part of this post and I have an author's note coming today too.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Bad Girls

"And I know I, I should quit her
And I'd do it if I could
She a hot mess, but I confess
Damn, she got me good
Cause I love them bad girls doing bad things
Lookin' hot with an attitude
Love them bad girls like a bad dream
Shouldn't want them, but I do
Singing ooooo, ooooo
All the bad girls singing ooooo, ooooo
Yeah, all the bad girls singing
And I can't help it, no
Damn, it feels good when you're messin' with a bad girl" Bad Girls by MKTO


As promised, I called Rocky when I got off to talk. She told me she was already at my house, waiting for me while she helped Sammy. When I got home, they were up in my "office" (extra room I put the desk my dad bought me) huddled over Sammy's laptop.

"What are y'all doing?" I asked, looking over their shoulder.

"Brandon's teaching me how this shit works." Sammy said, pointing to a spreadsheet with some weird formula on it.

"Brandon?" I said, surprised, looking around waiting for him to hop out the closet or something.

"Hey Lily." He said over the speaker of Rocky's phone.

"What's up Brandon?" I greeted him friendly. Any grudges I had against him I let go around the holidays. He had been nothing but supportive of Rocky and their son. Besides, I learned I eliminated 85% of my problems by minding my own business. I couldn't fight those numbers, so I let go of my negative feelings and attitude all together towards him.

"Nothing much. Finally putting my business degree to work." Brandon said.

"Don't you do that at your job?" I asked.

"No. You can have a degree in art and be an executive at Target." Brandon enlighten me.

"Good to know. I'll let y'all get back to work." I said.

"Me too. I'm gonna talk to Lily while you two finish." Rocky said, leaving her phone with Sammy before she followed me out the room.

We went down the stairs and I offered her something to drink or eat. She declined and I checked Justine bowl. Sammy already filled it, but it didn't look like Justine ate much at all. Sammy also cooked the turkey breast, rice and broccoli I left out so I made myself a plate before sitting next to Rocky on the couch.

"I know you said not to apologize, but I am sorry. I know you don't like Forrest like that and I know he doesn't like you like that too." Rocky apologized.

"One of the reasons I wasn't really mad is because I know you don't really think I would want or try anything with him. I guess I was upset because I don't see how I was being disrespectful." I paused, tearing a piece of my turkey and feeding it to Justine. She wasn't as enthusiastic about eating from my plate like she normally was, but she ate it all the same. "I don't want you to fell uncomfortable with us hanging out. I been there with Rachel." I told her honestly.

"I know that's just how y'all are. I knew it before Forrest and I started dating. It's not a big deal. "

"It is to me. I'm constantly telling people Forrest and I aren't dating. I'm asking you as a friend what do I do to make it seem that way?"

Rocky readjustment in her seat in sighed. "Y'all are just... extra comfortable around each other. The joking and touching can come off as flirting. Add that with the bae stuff- Do you see how people could think y'all are dating?"

I was chewing on the flavorless broccoli while I thought it over. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disrespect your relationship-"

"I know you didn't."

"Regardless, I needed to know. I'm not going to stop being his friend or change how I dress. Now that you two are dating, I'll be more considerate of the way I act. I'll stop with the bae stuff." I promised.

"Thank you. It might not be a problem for much longer. Forrest and I... we're not on the same page about us dating. He took a step back from us. Pair that with him hanging more with you and me being bigger than a house and insecure and I just snapped." Rocky said.

"Do you wanna talk about what's going on with you and Forrest?" I asked.

She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when Sammy came from the stairs, Rocky's phone in hand, eyes and mouth wide open.

"Rocky and Forrest? Since when?" She exclaimed, shocked.

"Shut up Sammy." I said, staring at the phone.

"Oh, he hung up. He's going to look into something for me and give me a call back. I gave him my work cell number." Sammy said, handing Rocky her phone. "Now talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. We were dating. He needs a commitment and as much as I like him, I'm not ready to give him that." Rocky explained.

"I don't think that's what he needs-" I started at the same time Sammy declared, "You have a baby on the way. You should be ready."

I turned and glared at Sammy. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"C'mon. How much dating is she gonna be doing with a kid?" Sammy asked me before turning back to Rocky. "You found a guy you like that's cool with you being pregnant. You need to snatch him up. Unless he's into some weird shit. Is he?" Sammy asked, concerned.

"No." Rocky denied, shaking her head. "He's kind and sweet and not only accepts my baby on the way, but embraces it. I should be ready. I should snatch him up."

"He's not pushing for a commitment, which I'm sure he wants but doesn't needs. It bothered him when you used work as an excuse not to go on a babymoon with Brandon instead of just telling him no."

"Yeah. Brandon thinks he has a chance with you. You need to shut that shit down." Sammy agreed.

"I have. Y'all saw how he acted when I told him I cheated. If I tell him I'm dating, he might revert back to that foolishness. I can handle it. I don't want him to pull away from Ace though." Rocky spilled to us.

"So what? You're never date again? Or get trapped into marrying him? Because I know from my experience as the reason my parents got married- the shit does not work." Sammy asked.

"I think what Sammy is trying to say is that Brandon eventually is going to have to get over it. I think you should give him a little credit. He was hurt back then and lost you. I think he'll do right by Ace no matter what."

Rocky nodded as she thought it over. "I'll think about it. Even if Brandon was fine with it, it feels... bad to be dating while I'm pregnant with another man's baby." Rocky rubbed her face.

"It's not bad..." I said quickly, before Sammy titled her head.

"Every woman needs a little bit of a bad girl. It makes guys stay on their game." Sammy smiled, smugly.



I wasn't sure if I believed Sammy, but I couldn't deny the attention her "bad girl" ways was bringing her from guys. She dyed her hair a flattering gray and immediately hopped on Instagram to show off her pretty new locks. She also showed off her new waist trainer, clothes, shoes and single status constantly. Her captions were either petty shots at Corey or sexually charged- her likes, comments and followers went through the roof. It was really annoying to me. I had to remind myself of 85% of my drama lost and continued to mind my own business. That didn't stop me from venting to Dr. Pereira about it.

"Sometimes the things we don't like about others is the things we don't like about ourselves." Dr. Pereira said after I bitched and moaned about Sammy.

"No. I never prided myself on being a bad bitch. Literally. Every picture is #BadBitch with her boobs or butt hanging out. That bad girl stuff has never been my style." I disagreed, vehemently.

"It's interesting that you used the term bad girl. As girls, we are self-conscious and self-centered. We're going through so many changes that our self esteem is shaky at best. We try to prove our value and worth. Your friend might be using the attention from others to validate herself." She threw out there.

Now that sounded like me...

"Ok. How are you supposed to validate yourself?" I asked.

"As a child, you needed it from your parents. Encouragement and displays of affections are indications of value. If you don't get it from your parents, you might seek it out elsewhere. As a mature woman, you validate yourself so you don't need it from other people. You have to realize your own worth and be secure in yourself. " Dr. Pereira explained. I nodded as I took it all in.

When I got off work Friday night, I headed over to Blake's and Jordan's place to pick Jordan up. With everything going on with Sammy, I completed forgot to dig for information from Amber about Serena. Blake was having dinner with Serena, so we planned to get her out the house for a girls weekend. Friday we were going to a party the Honey Bees were hosting, Saturday was boot camp and beauty day and Sunday funday was a day party Monica told me about- great food, a DJ and happy hour all day.

Jordan and I slid in little black dresses, did our hair and make-up and Uber over to meet Sammy. The party Sammy was hosting was some business anniversary at a loft in downtown Dallas. Jordan and I got free drinks and hung out with Sophia, Sammy's friend, that came out too.

I took Jordan's phone away after she checked it for the 100th time.

"How's Sammy holding up?" Jordan asked when Sophia went to get another round.

"She's doing the best she can. How's Corey?" I asked.

"About the same." She shrugged.

"Did you know about Tori and him?" I asked.

"Not until Sammy asked me where to find her. I didn't believe it until I went through her phone. They were so bad for and to each other. I can't believe she pulled that with him. I honestly think she's back on drugs. That's why I moved out." Jordan finished off her third martini.

"Do you think Corey is too?" I asked.

"No way. Corey was more of a recreational user until he hooked up with Tori. His dependency was on alcohol. He's still beating himself up for relapsing. Even more so now that Sammy left him. I hate Tori for that. He was happy and doing well. She knew he had a girlfriend. Why would she interfering with that? She's the ex. She needs to stay in the past." Jordan ranted.

I smiled. "I don't think you're taking about Tori anymore."

"Why are y'all talking about that bitch?" Sammy growled when she joined us, Sophia right behind her.

"Just talking about what a bitch she is!" Jordan said, loudly. "You still wanna know where she stays?"

"No!" I said.

"Yes!" Sammy and Sophia nodded.

Apparently, I was the only one who thought this was a bad idea. But still, mob mentality or vodka brain made me go along for the ride. We stopped by CVS for ski masks, but ended up with black skull caps instead. We also bought a ton of pink silly string, Tori's least favorite color according to Jordan. Sammy wanted to spell out stupid ho, sideline bitch and crackhead whore on the car with permanent marker or poster paint, but I talked her down telling her that would definitely make it look like she did it.

Sophia waited in the running car and I played lookout while Sammy and Jordan decorated Tori's car. A man across the complex was already pulling out in his vehicle before I spotted it. We dashed to the car and peeled off.

We drove around, laughing at our antics while blasting my new baddest bitch girl power playlist. It was a ton of Nicki Minaj, M.I.A, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, Dej Loaf, Lily Allen and Rihanna. We stopped by a beer and wine store before heading home. The whole time Sammy took pictures and posted them to her SnapStory.

"This is our alibi bitches. Everyone in!" Sammy ordered us before we posed, utilizing her selfie stick outside of the store.

We went back to my house and I turned on my dance playlist. We danced, laughed, and got tipsy of wine colors, Limearitas and pouch daiquiris before we eventually passed out.

I woke up the next morning, feeling like trash before I reached for my phone to see what time it was. I opened it up to see multiple texts from Christian. Before I read through them, I tried to piece together talking to him.

We were dancing to Christian's song on  Sammy's Snap and one of her SnapChat admirers started a conversation with her by asking what song it was. We made a Snap, shouting out Christian, the song and his new album, even though I had no idea when either released. I got a text from Christian later on that night, reading: Thanks for finding time to promote the album, even though you can't return my calls.

Under the guise of taking Justine outside, I went to the backyard, and Face timed Christian. When his face popped up on my screen, I poured my drunken heart out. I blabbed about how I needed to stop acting like a bad girl and be a mature woman. I explained how I had to find my inner worth and stop seeking attention from him and my other guy friends by flirting. Especially from him because flirting could lead to something else because I really liked talking to him and how he made me feel and his face and muscles and tattoos. I was asking him about any hidden tattoos or if he'd get my name tattooed on him when Jordan found me. She quickly confiscated my phone, said something about me being drunk and ended the call before making me go inside.

I was mortified by my behavior as I read the texts he sent.

DO NOT TALK TO HIM: It's lame to do this through text, but you probably won't remember anything I said. I need you to know this before you freeze me out again, so here goes.

DO NOT TALK TO HIM: Mature woman or bad girl, I like you too. If things were different, I would pursue you. But with how things ended with Noelle and my album, the only thing I can give you right now is friendship. From the sounds of it, that's all you can give me too and I'm good with that.

DO NOT TALK TO HIM: Let's stay friends and get to know each other better (flirting optional. Your choice) with the understanding that's all we'll be. If there comes a time we want and can give each other more than that, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

DO NOT TALK TO HIM: You've seen all my tattoos- no hidden ones. Names are a curse, so I'll never get your name tatted on me.

The last text was a picture of his forearm. A hand drawn lily obviously created with a pen was next to the bottom of his music bar tattoo. He captioned it: What do you think?

I smiled and changed his contact name in my phone before texting him back.

Me: Flower tattoo? Kinda girly. What's next- a heart or a butterfly?

Christian: It was symbolic LILY. Never mind. I'm washing it off.

Me: I knew all your tats were fake... wanna be tough guy.

Christian: Where are your tats, Miss bad girl?

Me: Hidden. You haven't seen them.

Christian: You gonna let me see them?

Me: Nope. Mature woman, remember?