Why Can't We Be Friends (Intro)

"Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
I seen you 'round for a long, long time, yeah
I remembered you when you drink my wine
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?" Why Can't We Be Friends by War

I met Sammy and Amber for an earlier dinner/lunch Monday. I never returned Amber call and she called me out on it Sunday night. I promised to make it up to her by treating her to dinner before she had to pick up her kids from summer camp and get ready for work. There was a short window of time between when I got off and when the kids had to be picked up.

We chose a Chiptole to met up at. By the time I got there, Amber and Sammy were already seated, their bowl and burrito in front of them, respectively. I frowned at them when I noticed a bowl and burrito at the seat for me.

"Guys, I told you I was treating!" I said, after I hugged them both and sat down.

"Hold on to your money. You can treat the next time we go out." Sammy smiled at me.

"If we go out. I barely see y'all anymore." I said, before unwrapping my burrito, anxiously like a kid with a present. I put the bowl aside to take home to Trevor.

"This weekend?" Amber asked.

I looked over at Sammy. "You working?

"I don't work Sundays anymore." Sammy told us. "After all the new business I brought in, I negotiated a set off day." Sammy boasted.

I raised my soda to her. "Cheers to that."

I turned to Amber and asked what she needed to talk about, but she asked about what she thought was the proposal picture. I quickly explained to her what happened.

"I haven't spoke to Jordan about posting it but at least she took it down." I concluded.

"Why would she post that with no caption or anything. It made it seem like he proposed. Not cool." Sammy stated.

"Why would he fake propose? That's not cool." Amber added.

"I know. Common sense would have told them that, but apparently it's not as common as I would hope." I shrugged.

"You know, Jordan was pissed at you." Sammy informed me.

I took a break from devouring my burrito and cocked my head back in surprise. "What?"

"Yep. She felt like you were taking it out on her when she didn't do anything." Sammy said.

"She told you that?" I said, incredulously.

"No, she told J-Mike, who told Trevor and Corey and Corey told me when they got back." Sammy explained.

"I didn't blame her. If she would have picked up her phone and called me, she would have known all I wanted was the picture down."

"Corey was saying the other day he's getting fed up with dealing with her. She's been bitchy ever since she broke up with Derek." Sammy said.

"She's going through a break up. That's hard." Amber said, forever the peacemaker.

"She told me before that she takes things out on other people. What I don't like is that she thinks she doesn't have to be accountable for what she does. I don't even need an apology. Just acknowledge it and stop so we can move on." I complained.

"You might have to call her and clear the air." Amber suggested.

"I think I'll pass." I declined, before biting into my burrito.

Sammy laughed at me.

"Speaking of clearing the air, that's another reason we need to have another girl's night this weekend." Amber announced.

"Oh shit, what needs to be aired out?" Sammy shook her head, while looking at me.

"Not me. I'm good." I joked.

Amber looked at me, nervously. "I do have something to tell you."

I looked over at her. Amber was like the bearer of bad new recently. She needed to just spit whatever it was out...

"Serena knows about your miscarriage." She blurted out.

I blanched.

"What the fuck does that have to do with her?" Sammy snapped, giving Amber a dirty stare. Amber turned to me.

"She found the father's day card you wrote to Ethan." Amber explained, quickly.

"I'm sorry, again, what does that have to do with her?" Sammy repeated herself.

"She feels like you and Ethan weren't up front about y'alls relationship." Amber finished, giving me a look that said help me out.

I really didn't know what to say. In fact, I felt like I already had that conversation with Serena. It was Ethan's decision what to and what not to tell her. I didn't necessarily agree with the water down summary of our relationship that Ethan gave Serena, but I considered myself more of a friend to Ethan than Serena. Wasn't my loyalty to him? What right did I have to tell her differently? And why did he share the card with her if he didn't want her to know?

"Amber, it wasn't on me to tell her that. It was Ethan's decision." I finally said.

"She gets that. It still doesn't make her 100% comfortable with y'alls friendship." Amber said. "I mean, really, who stays friends with their exes anyway?" Amber continued.

I thought it over. Ethan and my history was complex to say the least. We had finally reached the place were it was simple. It wasn't like Ethan and I were the best of friends, but I did consider him a friend.

"Serena choose to continue to date him after she found out about them. What changed besides he could have been her baby daddy? Hell, he already is one." Sammy spoke up.

I snorted and covered my smile. After I composed myself, I looked at Amber. "Sammy has a point. On principal alone, I'm maintaining my friendship with Ethan."

Amber looked at her phone. "That's what I thought. It's exactly why you need to talk to her."

"I'll pass on that too. She knows my number if she wants to talk." I said.

"Alright. Well, I need to go pick up my kiddos. I'll see y'all later and I'll text you about hanging out Sunday. I still haven't seen Magic Mike yet."

We stood up to give her a hug before gathering our things.

"First Rocky, then Jordan. No wait, first Rachel, then Rocky, Jordan now Serena. You're cutting bitches off left and right." Sammy pointed out to me.

I laughed. "I'm really not. Jordan didn't call me. I just don't feel a need to work so hard to keep friendships. I guess I care less with age."

"I feel you. I rather have 1 good friend than 5 fake ones." Sammy said.

We then went grocery shopping together. She caught me up on her and Corey. Through teaching EJ, Corey discovered teaching music was something he wanted to do for a career and was ready to commit to going back to school. Sammy supported him but balked at my question whether they would be moving in together.

"We're nowhere near that step. I like my space." Sammy exclaimed.

Alrighty then.

"About space, how much longer is J-Mike gonna be all up in yours?" She quipped.

"Not funny. It's like college all over again with the stupidity." I lamented.

"Kick his ass out then." Sammy suggested.

I groaned. "I can't do that. Especially when I know if you or anyone else I cared about needed a place to stay, my door would be open whether Trevor was ok with it or not. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place."

"Haven't you heard of pussy power? You have the pussy, therefore you have the power. If he doesn't obey, no pussy for him." Sammy educated me.

"Wow, I'm amazed by how many times you said pussy." I laughed.

"Laugh all you want, it's never let me down."

We went our separate ways after we finished shopping and I carried the bags upstairs to my apartment. I struggled and finally pushed my way in. Wherever we moved, it had to be on the bottom floor. Trevor and J-Mike were sitting on the couch, playing on their laptops.

"Hey Lilypad." Trevor greeted me, flashing me a smile.

"You need any help?" J-Mike offered.

"Yeah, I do. I have more bags in the car." I answered before putting the bags in the kitchen. I put the food away while the guys brought in the groceries. Thank God J-Mike asked. Trevor would be so engrossed in his laptop or game, I had to ask him to help me bring in groceries. I didn't wanna be the nagging stereotype girlfriend J-Mike joked about.

"Y'all are on your own for dinner. I'm full." I informed them when I had everything put away.

"What do you feel like eating Jay?" Trevor asked.

"I don't care. I'll let you pick." J-Mike answered.

"What did you eat?" Trevor asked me.

"Chiptole with Amber and Sammy."

"Burritos sound good." Trevor nodded.

"Is there a Moe's around here? I like them better." J-Mike asked.

One of the reasons I could never be friends with him. Everyone knows Chiptole is better.

After they left, I took Justine out from a run. I came back, did some crunches and stretched. I was betting on J-Mike going to hang with Jordan and so Trevor and I could shower together. I wanted to try Sammy's technique and see if I could at least get a deadline for how long J-Mike was "visiting".

I lost out when Trevor and J-Mike returned with beers and plans to get back on their laptops. I went and took a shower, my plans aborted...

Or maybe not. I pulled out my phone and texted Trevor.

Me: Send J-Mike away so you can keep me company in the shower {Emojis-wink face, bath tub, surfboard, hearts}

He responded right away.

Trevor: {Emojis- surprised face, thumbs up, tongue wagging face, blows kiss face} Give me a couple more hours and we'll shower together

I frowned. Not good enough. I decided to raise the stakes. I turned on the shower and removed all my clothes. When it was nice and foggy, I took a selfie in front of the mirror. When I was satisfied with a sexy, steamy picture, I sent it to Trevor with the caption:

No worries. Twist(my vibrator) is waterproof. {Emojis-Rockets, fireworks, explosions, confetti hat} 

I got no response. I pouted and put my phone up in the cabinet before getting in the shower. I barely got my entire body soaped up before the shower curtain was pulled back.

"He's gone." Trevor told me while removing his clothes.

I gave him a sexy smile. "Guess I don't need Twist..." I said.

Trevor joined me, grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him for a hot, deep kiss. While his tongue sank in my mouth, I wrapped my arms around his neck and smashed my breasts into his lean chest. He cupped my ass and fondled my body under the cascading hot water. We made out, passionately, until I felt him harden against me. I pulled back and grabbed my body wash.

"You're such a dirty little boy. Time to clean you up." I grinned, squeezing the fruity smelling wash in my hands.

He chuckled at my cheesy, porno lines. "Yes Ma'am."

I caressed his entire body, giving special attention to his erection, cleaning him up until the water ran the suds off his body and my hands.

"I think I'm clean." He groaned. "Your turn."

Once he was rinsed, I aimed the water head away from us. "I'm already clean, but I can get dirty again." I said, before sinking to my knees.

"Jesus." He hissed, before I took him in my mouth. I sucked on him until he stepped away.

"That's dirty enough. C'mere." He said, turning off the water and getting out the tub.

I followed suit. When he sat on the toilet seat, I straddled him, kissing him on his face and grabbing hold of his shoulders as our bodies slid against one another's. His face turned into a look of complete pleasure as I guided him inside of me. I rotated my hips, in small, tight circles so I didn't fall off his lap, squeezing him from within. In no time he was coming, holding my body tight against him.

We both caught our breath, holding each other, and sharing little kisses until he sighed.

"We've been living together too long not to have done it on the toilet before." Trevor teased me.

I leaned in close and nibbled on his ear. "A lot of places we can't do it as long as we have a guest..." I hinted, running my tongue over his ear.

Trevor inhaled deeply before letting out a shaky laugh. "He's leaving at the end of the week Lily. He's not moving until he settles his divorce." Trevor informed me.

"Good." I said, quickly, then blushed. "For him, I mean. Moving forward is a good thing."

"Mmmhmm." Trevor said, knowingly, before kissing me on the forehead. "Where else haven't we done it?"

"Babe, I think we officially done it in every room." I smiled, standing up.

"No, not the patio. Or closet." Trevor argued standing too.

"The closet is too small and people could see us on the patio!" I shot him down, pulling out a towel from the cabinet and tossing him one too.

"Ok... maybe every room, but not every surface." He pointed out as we dried off.

"Every surface?" I said, with a shake of my head wrapping the towel around me.

"Absolutely. Rooms are for amateurs." He explained as we headed to bed.

"When did you go pro? When we were just friends and you hoed around with J-Mike?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"No darling. I went pro for you." Trevor said, unwrapping my towel before he tackled me to the bed. I went down, laughing with him.



On Tuesday, after we had a pleasant dinner with J-Mike not saying anything stupid, Christian called me. As usual. I ignored him, until he started texting me obsessively. I couldn't delete them before I read them.

Christian: We're not friends now?

Delete.

Christian: It's like that huh? I thought you had your own mind.

Delete.

Christian: No matter how your boyfriend feels about me, you shouldn't stop your cousin. Don't be a bitch.

Oh fuck no!

With that, I dialed his number.

"What's wrong Lily?" Trevor asked me.

"I'm about to go off on Christian." I said, as the phone rang. Trevor's eyes widen, before he said, "Put it on speaker."

I smirked, briefly, until Christian picked up. I put it on speaker phone like Trevor requested.

"You went behind my back and talked shit about my relationship." I went in, barely giving him a chance to say hello. "I defended you. I stuck up for you. And you started shit with Trevor like he wasn't going to tell me. If anyone's a bitch, it's you!" I lit into him.

"I knew you would react this way to the truth that's why I didn't say anything to you." Christian defended himself.

"And what's the truth Christian? You're a bitch? I figured that out on my own, bitch ass." I goaded him.

Trevor held back his laugh while J-Mike's mouth dropped wide open.

"That you and Trevor aren't going to last. You had this obsession with him since college. You're gonna grow out of it and realize you two make no sense. I'm being a good friend to both of you by telling you what everyone knows." Christian spit out.

"Christian, we're not friends. Never have been. I put up with you because of my obsession with Trevor. Now he don't even fuck with you so lose my number. Stay the fuck away from my cousin or you'll find out about my new obsession with cutting fucking bitches." I threatened him before hanging up in his face.

"Damn..." J-Mike said, completely shocked. Trevor burst out laughing, which made me smile too, releasing some of my tension. I was still seething over Christian's stupid comments. What the fuck did he and this elusive  "everybody" know about me and Trevor? Not a damn thing and he had the nerve to call himself a friend. Fuck him! Bitch!

"I told you not to get on her bad side." Trevor laughed, coming over to give me a hug.

"We're friends right?" J-Mike asked, joking or nervous. I couldn't tell.

"It depends... will you do the dishes?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Right away." He saluted me before leaving. Trevor and I both laughed at him. Fuck pussy power. I just needed to start going off on people.

"Are you ok? Trevor asked.

"Couldn't be better."

After I went off on Christian, I tried to call Bianca. She just texted me back.

Bianca: When I make my decision, I'll let you and my mom know. Nice try Cuz.

I groaned and called her again, telling her to call me back. She didn't. I called her once a day, everyday, all week. No response other than texts.

In better news, as promised J-Mike booked a flight and was heading back to D.C Friday morning. Trevor was going to be late to work so he could take him to the airport. I continued my regular routine of getting up and ready before him. As Trevor showered, I joined J-Mike in the kitchen. He already made coffee, eggs, sausage links and toast.

"Wow. Why did you wait to the last day to be useful?" I teased him, smiling as he offered me a plate. "You didn't poison it? Or boil my pet? Where's Justine?" When I called her, I heard her collar jingle til she emerged from the living room.

"No Lily. It's a peace offering. I would like for us to be friends." He said.

I grinned to myself. He was afraid about the way I went off on Christian. I had no intentions of going off on him like that.

"That's nice J-Mike." I said, neutrally. No point of alleviating his fears...

"Now, I mean it. What's it going to take for us to be friends?"

"J-Mike, were cool. It's just hard not to think about how you and Trevor used to be. I trust Trevor, but I don't want him reverting back to his stupid, thoughtless behavior. I just need you to be respectful of Trevor and me now, that's all." I tried to explain.

"Of course. You know I'm a joker. I don't mean half the shit I say. If I realized what you and Trevor have to put up with, I would have kept my mouth shut." J-Mike replied.

"It's ok-" I started.

"No, it's not. Dealing with Trevor's mom and the interracial thing is enough." His face paled as he shook his head. The look on his face made me stop eating and I studied him. "After hearing her, y'all need support, not jokes. I promise you, I'm done."

Interracial thing? Trevor's mom?

"I still can't believe she refused to see him when she heard y'all were still together. All that shit about the yoked and unyoked and y'all's kids being mutts- I didn't think people really still thought like that. You see on the news about all the race tension- " J-Mike went on while my stomach dropped.

Trevor's mom was refusing to see him? Because of me? Because of my race?

Shamed burned my skin, making the kitchen unbearable hot. Disgust filled me, making me sick to my stomach. Grief washed over me, making my eyes fill with tears.

"Lily-" Trevor called out to me, joining us.

I abruptly stood from the table, hiding my face. "I have to go. I have a meeting. I forgot. I have to go. See y'all later."

I darted out the apartment, not waiting for a goodbye. I had to get the fuck out of there.

Would I Lie to You?

"Would I lie to you?
Would I lie to you honey?
Now would I say something that wasn't true?
I'm asking you sugar
Would I lie to you?" Would I Lie to You? by Eurythmics

After our double date and Trevor's fake proposal, I went home determined to put it all behind me. I knew it wasn't his intentions to hurt me. It was stupid and careless, but not malicious. I put it out my mind and we enjoyed the rest of our 6 months anniversary alone and in bed.

Saturday morning I woke up to my phone ringing. I reluctantly pulled out of Trevor's embrace and grabbed it from the nightstand. When I saw it was Amber, I answered it.

"Hel-lo?" I asked, sleepily.

"Lily! Congratulations! Why didn't you tell me?" She yelled in my ear.

I winced and pulled the phone away.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, still trying to wake up.

"You and Trevor are engaged! He proposed right?!? Tell me you said yes! Why wouldn't you say yes?!?" She demanded.

"He didn't really propose..." I said, perplexed to why she would think that.

"What?!? Jordan posted a picture last night-"

That statement woke me up right away. I cut Amber off with groan as I got out of bed.

"It was a joke." I explained weakly. I tried to force a laugh, but it wasn't happening. I was too pissed at Jordan.

"Oh. Ok. Right..." Amber trailed off as I made my way to the living room with Justine following me.

"I gotta go." I told her, anxious to get the picture down.

"Wait. I need to talk to you." Amber said.

"I'll call you back." I promised, knowing I was lying. I didn't want to talk about Trevor and his fake proposal. I wanted to pretend it never happened. This was all Jordan's fault.

I immediately called Jordan. It rang before it went to voicemail. I called her again with the same results. I kept calling, hoping it would wake her sleepy ass up! This time, it rang twice before I was sent to voicemail. The bitch ignored me!

I text her back instead.

Me: I can't believe you would post that fake engagement picture. It's not funny, it's humiliating. Take the photo down now!!!

Afterwards, I went on Facebook. I saw I had notifications so I was sure that's where she posted it. I untagged myself in the picture and didn't look at the comments. Still livid with no outlet for my anger besides sleeping and clueless Trevor, I got dressed and headed to the gym. I fed Justine before I left.

While listening to songs from Eminen, Alanis Morissette, Nicki Minaj and Lincoln Park on my "Fuck It"  playlist, I ran out my aggression. After an hour of running, I was too exhausted to have anymore energy being upset. I hopped off the treadmill and wiped down the handlebars. As I did so, a tall guy approached me. With one hostile glare from me, he rethought whatever he was going to say and took the treadmill 2 treadmills away from me. I smiled besides myself as I left. Stupid boys!

When I got into my car, I saw I had a text from Sammy. It said to call her, so I put my phone on speaker and called her back as I drove home.

"Hey Lily!" She said, brightly.

"I'm not engaged!" I snapped, grumpily.

"Ok... that's something you need to bitch at Trevor about, not me." Sammy said. I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"You didn't see the picture on Facebook?"

"No... what picture?"

"Never mind. What are you so excited about?" I asked her.

"Christian didn't tell you?" She exclaimed.

"Obviously not." I said, sarcastically.

Sammy ignored me. "Black Reign is releasing their second single and he wants the Honey Bee's to bartend the launch party." She exclaimed, excitedly.

"Oh wow Sammy. That's great." I said, only half lying. Any time she got new clientele was great. The fact that it was Christian's party for Amelia's band sucked.

"Ok, what's your problem?" She asked me, picking up that I wasn't as thrilled as I pretended to be.

"Nothing. Just confused. What does Christian have to do with it?" I questioned.

"He produced the track so he's trying to give it a boost. He's inviting everyone to create a buzz and he wants to hire the Honey Bee's. The exposure alone is major. Why aren't you happy?"

"I am. I'm so proud of you. You deserve it."

"You don't sound like it."

"Sorry, I am. It's just Christian and I are not friends. I've been blowing him off and it's just threw me off that he hired you."

"What happened?" Sammy asked.

I told her briefly about the things he said to Trevor.

"What a dick. I don't have to host-"

"Yes you do! It's business! Don't worry about it," I told her.

"Does Bianca know y'all aren't friends?"

"Not really, why?"

"'He wanted me to keep the dates open because he won't be able to plan the party until he gets back from joining his girlfriend and Bianca in Paris for some fashion thing-"

"Paris?" I exclaimed. "He said Bianca was going to Paris?"

"I'm pretty sure he did."

What the fuck?!? Last thing I heard from her was how much fun she had in New York for 4th of July. She didn't mention anything about Paris with fucking Christian.

"Thanks Sammy for letting me know. Congratulations! Since he has money to take random trips to Paris, overcharge him."

Sammy laughed. "I sure will."


I went back to my apartment and Trevor was up, eating cereal in front of the tv.

"Good morning." He started.

"Morning. Gonna go shower." I said, heading for the bathroom.

"Do you want company?" He grinned.

"No. I need to do girl stuff." I lied, ducking into the bathroom. I locked the door, turned on the shower and pulled out my phone. I called Bianca. I realized it was super early for her in California, but I needed to speak to her as soon as possible. She didn't answer, so I left a voicemail telling her to call as soon as possible.

Wrapped up in a robe, (I learned my lesson about walking around my own apartment half dressed) I joined Trevor in the living room.

"Did you have anything planned for today?" He asked.

"Why?" I returned.

He told me he and J-Mike were heading to Wichita Falls to help his Uncle Jimmy out. Trevor's cousin Lisa opened up a recreational center in the empty building that was attached to the corner store. They were attempting to host teen nights during the summer, but needed help setting up entertainment and electronics.

"You need me to DJ or something?" I joked.

"No. We're setting up gaming consoles, lights, a sound system. It shouldn't take that long but since Winstar is on the way back, J-Mike was thinking about spending the night at the casino." Trevor explained.

I inwardly groaned at the thought of having to spend anymore time with the two of them together.

"I actually promised Forrest I'll make one of his games." That wasn't a lie. I did, just never said which one. No time like the present.

"What time is it? We can wait and go with you." Trevor offered.

"You don't have to do that besides, you don't even like football." I assured him.  "Go. Y'all should make it a guy's weekend."

"It might not even be a guy's weekend if he invites Jordan. That's why I wanted you to come too."

Adding Jordan to the mix turned my no into a hell no. I couldn't be around her without wanting to go off on her. 2 hours in a car with her was a dangerous idea.

"As much fun as it sounds, I promised Forrest. Tell him not to invite her." I shrugged.

"Alright."

While he made plans with J-Mike, I went and got dressed. I checked the schedule Forrest sent me and saw his game wasn't until 4pm. After Trevor left, I did laundry and straightened up. It was actually relaxing just to clean, listen to music and hanging out with Justine. It's been a while since I had me time. It's funny, when I had my own place, the thought of being alone was depressing. Now, I kinda appreciated it more.

I saw that Jordan took down the picture without responding to me. I didn't really care as long as she took it down. Bianca finally called me back and I questioned her about her upcoming trip and why she didn't tell me.

"I hadn't decided whether I was going or not. I can't take anymore time off from my job." Bianca replied.

"Seems like there's not much to think about." I argued.

"Yeah, an once in a lifetime experience or a seasonal job. Pretty much a no brainer." Bianca said, smartly.

"Bianca, Christian and I aren't friends anymore. I'm not comfortable with you spending time with him." I told her.

"I'm not spending time with him. I'm hanging out with Noelle."

"She's dating him so you will be. He's shady and I don't trust him." I told her, firmly.

"Lily. I can take care of myself. As soon as I know what I'm doing, I'll let you know." Bianca responded.

We got off the phone and I contemplated my options. There's no way I could make her not go, she was an adult. Her actions were completely out of my control. I could call Christian to get him to uninvited her, but I didn't want to deal with him at all. Freezing him out seemed to be working and I didn't want to open up any lines of communication. My best next option was getting in touch with my Aunt Patty, Bianca's mom.

I called her and told her about Bianca putting her job in jeopardy to party in Paris. Yeah, maybe I stretched the truth a little bit, but it was worth it. Aunt Patty said she was calling right away and I smiled to myself.

I made myself lunch before I began to get ready for Forrest's game. The game was at Blake's indoor sports facility, so I dressed casually in ripped jeans and a scooped next top. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and put on some make-up before I headed to Fort Worth.

I was shocked by how big the complex was. When Blake explained to me he took over it from his grandfather, I assumed it was small. It was massive, multi-stories with basketball courts, soccer and football fields. I sat in the stands and watched the men play flag football. It was hilarious. It seemed like everyone was having a good time as they talked smacked to each other.

Forrest was a center, so besides hiking the ball and protecting the quarterback, who was Coach Green, there wasn't much I could cheer him on about. I did cheer for his team, which included Blake as a kicker too.

At the end of the game, which Forrest team won, I stuck around to congratulate him.

"Great game." I smiled when he had his bag and joined me on the sidelines.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"Lily! Good to see you." Blake cut in, giving me his killer smile, his light blue eyes twinkling mischievously. "Let me show you around." He said, leading me away.

Forrest followed as he took me on a brief tour. Afterwards, he invited me out with the team for burgers and beer. I accepted and we went to sports bar that boasted a brewery, huge burgers and a TV on every freaking surface available. It was a dude haven, but I felt comfortable as we sat, ate and talked about the game they just won.

"You looked great out there man. I almost didn't recognize you without a cloud of smoke, food, and a couch glued to your ass." Blake made fun of Forrest as his friends laughed.

"Hey, you could have done worse. Breakups suck. I remember during my last one I drank and hung out with this guy that made me listen to sad ass country music. I was ready to jump off a cliff." I said, staring straight at Blake.

Forrest joined in the laughter while Blake put his arm around me. "You didn't let me give you the full Blake experience."

I moved from underneath his arm. "No thanks."

We spent the remainder of our meal talking about football training camp. Majority of the table were Cowboy's fan, so I had to listen to them debate about how great their team was going to be this year.

"How are you feeling about the 49ers?" Forrest asked me.

"We'll see. They got Reggie Bush so I'm excited. Our run game needed help." I said.

"Not going to help much if he gets injured. He stays injured." Forrest contradicted me.

"Let's not hope for that!"

I stayed later than I planned because I was having so much fun. I thought it would be awkward with Coach Green but it was not at all. Everyone playfully ragged on each other without it being hurtful or embarrassing. All of Forrest teammates were really nice guys.

I stopped myself after two beers, so I was confident driving back. Forrest still wanted me to call him as soon as I made it home. Especially since I told him Trevor was out of town for the weekend.

I called him when I pulled into the apartment complex, but when he heard me open my car door, he made me stay on the phone until I was actually inside my apartment.

"Ok, I'm opening my door...closing my door...and I'm in. Safe and sound." I smiled on the phone.

"Ok. Goodnight Lily. Thanks for coming out."

"Thanks for inviting me. Goodnight Forrest." I hung up and locked the front door. I turned around and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Trevor standing by the couch watching me.

"Hey! I didn't think you were coming back tonight. You scared the shit out of me." I said, throwing my purse on the couch.

"Sorry." He said, simply.

"What's up? How was the country and Winstar?" I asked.

"Good. Were you upset about last night?" Trevor asked me.

I bit my lip. "Define upset." I stalled.

"I think humiliated was the word used." Trevor said.

I took a deep breath. "A little." I admitted.

I instantly felt bad when he looked crushed. "I knew something was wrong. You said it was funny. Why would you lie?"

"I knew you thought it was harmless and funny. It was embarrassing to me." I told him.

He rubbed his hand across his face. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. You should have told me. I thought we were making a joke of our anniversary since you didn't take it seriously. I thought you would laugh at me considering I've propose to you before and you joke about it."

"I never said I didn't take our anniversary seriously. I didn't understand celebrating but I took it seriously as soon as I saw you did." I explained. "It might have been funny if it wasn't in public."

"C'mere." He said, pulling me in his arms. "I'm sorry. I promise, the next time I get on one knee or ask you to marry me, it will be for real."

"It better be." I warned him.

"Third times the charm." He said, with a smile. I shook my head and pressed my lips against his.

"No charm. A ring. A big one. Bigger than all of Kim Kardashian's put together." I murmured against his lips.

"You wanna be married as many times as her?" Trevor grinned.

"No. Just once. First time's the charm."

Funny The Way It Is

"Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another's dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier's last breath, his baby's being born
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody's broken heart become your favorite song
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another's dropping out
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing underneath
It must have been much harder when there was no bridge, just water
Now the world is small, compared to how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars" Funny the Way it Is by Dave Matthews Band

"I feel like I'm the bad guy. Like I'm a major bitch for not caring." I huffed to Dino as I took the boxing mitts from her. It was Thursday and I joined her working out at her dad's boxing class. It was brutal, but a great work out. It also let me blow off some of my frustration. Amber wanting to reach out to Rocky paired with Trevor questioning my original decision to end our friendship made me feel guilt. Not guilty enough to reach out, but enough to beat myself up.

I was taking it out on the punching bag, then the mitts Dino held out to me. Dino, being super observant, ask me what was up. I told her, figuring she would have no problem giving me her opinion. I needed the opinion of someone who was outside the situation, so I welcomed it.

"You're not a bad person. You're just protective of yourself. It's understandable given the circumstances." Dino told me as she pulled on her gloves and I strapped on the mitts.

"Trevor pointed out I was able to forgive Sammy when she was going through her shit, why wasn't I able to do the same with Rocky?" I said, holding out my hands for her.

"You and Sammy went to war with each other;" Dino emphasised with a right hook that left me contracting my muscles tighter. "It's harder to move on from that because it wasn't mutual. All you were trying to do was support Rocky and she attacked you where she knew it would hurt you the worst." Dino explained.

I didn't know what smashed into me harder: her fists or her words.

"You're right. I still felt guilty even though we're not friends. Amber told me she's going through a rough time though." I admitted.

"Because you care. You would be a major bitch if you didn't." Dino smiled. "You can hope for the best for her but it doesn't change that your trust is broken. Pray for her, but other than that, it's probably good you ended the friendship until you both have time to heal." Dino suggested.

I smiled back at her. "I think I will. Thanks for listening."

"No problem."

After our workout, we headed to the locker rooms to shower and change.

"So what's new with you? How's school?" I asked as we walked out.

"Hard but I'm not going to complain if I'm a nurse practitioner before I'm 28. I wish I would have took the summer off though..." Dino said. A huge smile crept on her face.

"What is that about?" I asked, smiling too.

"What do you mean?" She tried to hide her smile. It didn't work.

"What would you rather be doing? Or who?" I teased.

"Why does it have to be a guy? Maybe I'm just happy." Dino bristled.

"It doesn't have to be a guy, but I know that's an 'I met someone look'. If it's a girl, do you." I said.

Dino chuckled. "It's a guy and I'm not doing him. We're just talking."

"About doing it?" I joked.

"No, getting to know each other. Old school. So old school, we haven't exchanged Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, none of that."

"How do you know he's not crazy?!?" I exclaimed.

"You can tell by Facebook?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Touche."

"He's so honest and sincere. The first conversation we had he told me how he was done looking for love because it just never works out from him."

Ew. I would have ran if a guy told me that. How depressing. "Awww, so he hit you with the feel bad for me routine?"

"Probably but I feel the same way sometimes, like I will never find the right guy. He wasn't trying to pick me up, we really just talked. I had to ask for his number. We've been enjoying each others company and it's been great so far. We're just seeing where it goes. " Dino clarified as she walked with me outside.

"Well, I'll keep my fingers crossed." I promised her before I gave her a hug and we split to go to our cars.

"Not necessary if there's no expectations." Dino countered.

I laughed. "Still crossing them." I said, holding my fingers up.

She smiled and waved at me.



That evening when I got home, I was flipping through Facebook and saw all the pictures Serena and Ethan posted of Six Flags. There was a picture of him and EJ on the Justice League: Battle for Metropolis ride. The comments lead to a debate about Superman vs Batman. Ethan was a Batman fan. It was funny seeing him get in an intelligent debate about which fictional character was better. I smiled as I went through comments. Then, of course, I had to add a comment too.

Me: Wow, here I was thinking your superhero growing up was Mike Brady. Nice to see you were into childish things too, even if Batman sucks #TeamSuperman

My comment earned likes and disagreements about it being "childish" until Ethan finally chimed in.

Ethan: That's the last time I confide in you. In fact, that's the last time I tell you anything now that I know you're a Superman fan. #Unfriend

I busted out laughing at his comment. It made Trevor look up from his laptop were he was working on Kenji's site with J-Mike,

"What's so funny?" Trevor asked.

"Ethan's unfriending me because I picked Superman over Batman." I told him.

"Ethan... as in the guy you used to bone?" J-Mike asked.

I sent him a dirty look. He just smiled.

Trevor turned to me, ignoring J-Mike. "Everyone knows Spiderman is the best."

"You would pick the lamest one." I said.

"He sure did." J-Mike cracked, looking at me.

"One of these days she's gonna rip your head off. Fair warning, I'm not going to stop her." Trevor said.

"I can handle it."J-Mike said confidently. I sighed, exasperated. When was he leaving?

"You know our anniversary just passed." Trevor said, pulling me out of my plotting to get J-Mike to go away.

"Really?" I pondered out loud, counting back the months. 6 months?

"Yep, 6 months. We should celebrate tomorrow." Trevor suggested.

"Wow, a whole half a year." I said, sarcastically.

J-Mike chuckled at that. "I had fuck buddies longer. It's not a big deal."

"I know, it's a milestone, at least for me. My longest relationship." Trevor tried to explain, his checks flushing adorably."Forget it. We can all just go out to a bar-"

"No!" I stopped him. I couldn't believe how sentimental he was being and I had to ruin it by being a bitch.

"It's my longest relationship too. Let's celebrate." I nodded enthusiastically.

"Ok." Trevor smiled at me.

"Jordan and I should join you. I told her we'd do something." J-Mike commented

"I'm fine with it." Trevor looked at me.

Since I didn't want to look even more bitchy, I just nodded.



I didn't let J-Mike's inviting himself spoil my excitement about our date. The fact that Trevor remembered our anniversary was so sweet. I didn't understand celebrating 6 months, but if Trevor thought it was special, I would too. I ordered him a nerdy Apple watch and even enlisted J-Mike's help to get the features and customs he would want. I put the order confirmation in a card as his gift.

I rushed home after work and started to get ready. I took a shower, rubbing myself down with Love and Sunshine Sugar Scrub from Bath and Body Works. I wrapped a towel around my still dripping body and went back into my room to pick out a dress.

I grabbed my phone to call Jordan to see what she was wearing. She told me she had no idea what we were doing either, but was wearing a summer dress and heels. I choose a blue, sleeve-less high-low dress and comfortable wedges from my closet before I went over to my dresser drawer.

I pulled on a white lacy boyshorts and bra set for after our date with Trevor. I went back to the bathroom to slather on lotion and body spray. My girl playlist blasting, I put my hair up in hot curlers before doing my make-up. It was always harder for me to do a natural look, but I knew that's what Trevor liked. I applied a tinted moisturizer, bronzer, one layer of mascara on my curled lashes, gold and brown eyeshadow and dabbled a white liner under my eye. I finished up by adding a shimmer to my nude lip.

I took the curlers out my hair and put the loose waves in a half up half down style. I gave myself one last glance before checking my phone. When I saw that Trevor should be home soon, I rushed out of the bathroom...

...and right into J-Mike!

"What the fuck!" I gasped, trying to cover my bra and panty clad body.

J-Mike's eyes scanned me, before he averted his gaze.

"Sorry, sorry. I needed-"

I didn't stick around for his explanation- I bolted for my room. Trevor was inside, changing into a short sleeved button down and khakis.

"Why didn't you tell me y'all were here?!?" I asked, sharply.

He turned and looked at me confused. "You were in the bathroom."

"Yeah, dressed like this! I came out and literally ran into J-Mike!" I exclaimed.

"Like that?" Trevor asked, stupidly, looking me over his gaze resting on my breasts.

I crossed my arms to obscure his view. "Yes! My dress is in here." I snapped.

Trevor lips curled up in a smile, but one glare from me erased it. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Next time let me know!" I growled, grabbing my dress.

"I will. Promise." Trevor said, shaking his head as he buttoned up his shirt. I put on my dress and wedges I picked out. "You look beautiful. Are those shoes comfortable?" He asked.

"Thanks and yeah." I said, shortly.

He came over to me and held me on my waist. "I really am sorry. I want tonight to be a special. What can I do to make it better?"

I sighed, and tried to let it go and relax. "Nothing. I'm good. Let's go."

We went out to the living room to join J-Mike.

"I liked the outfit you had on earlier but the dress is nice too." He continued, further embarrassing me with his trademark grin.

Trevor grabbed him in a headlock and they play fought while it took everything in me not to lose my cool.

"Can we go? Or are y'all going to stay in and wrestle each other?" I tapped my foot, impatiently.

"Yeah, let's go." Trevor said.

Thankfully, J-Mike didn't say anything about catching me half naked and we drove to pick up Jordan in peace.

Trevor eyed Jordan's white stilettos as she got in the car. "We're gonna be doing some walking if you want to change your shoes."

"Beauty is pain. I'll be alright." Jordan said with a smile.

"You look gorgeous." J-Mike complimented her. Jordan giggled and I kept my eyes in front of me at the sound of them making out.

Thankfully, we arrived at Trinity Groves before they started going at it in the backseat. Trinity Groves is an entertainment district in West Dallas. It is at the base of Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge on the Trinity River. It was relatively new as the bridge open in 2012 but I've never been. It still amazed me how many different parts of Dallas I hadn't been to yet.

Trevor and I held hands as we explored. We stopped to take pictures of the bridge. We also took a group picture in front of a BIG sign. Not sure why it was there, but it was Texas so I didn't question it.

 The bridge was nice but it was the restaurants that got my attention. There were many of them with varies cuisines. I was excited to see what Trevor picked out.

"We're doing a food crawl. I heard about a couple of places, but let me know if something looks good." Trevor told us.

That was so much better than one restaurant! I was thrilled. We started our dinner with traditional Spanish tapas and cocktails at the huge bar at my first choice of restaurant. Next, we went to a Asian and Latin fusion restaurant Trevor heard about and sat down to have dinner. We shared duck fat fried rice, ahi tuna nachos and cilantro tilapia. I was the only one who adored the combination, so we had gourmet hotdogs on a patio at the next place afterwards. Lastly, we headed to the place Trevor heard was a must try: a cake bar! We all got slices of the cakes they hadn't sold out yet: hummingbird, carrot, old fashion chocolate and key lime. Every one was amazing. Flavorful and dense with wonderful frosting. I sent out a silently apology to my Aunt Patty for enjoying a cake as much as I loved hers.

It was honestly one of the best dates I ever been on. Even Jordan commented how Trevor catered the date for me.

"Good job Trevor! Thanks for letting us tag along, even though I know this was planned for Lily." She said after we stopped to take more pictures with the bridge in the background. It looked so pretty lit up at night.

"I know. Thank you baby. After 6 months of dating, you know me so well." I agreed, playfully, pulling out his card. "Happy anniversary."

"Thank you Lily." He said, opening the card.

"6 months? It feels longer than that." Jordan commented.

"Time flies when you're having fun and I've loved every minute of being with you. Happy 6 month anniversary." Trevor read, smiling. He then read the order confirmation for his watch. His mouth dropped open. "You didn't!"

"I did. It should be here soon and you can count down to our real anniversary." I teased him.

He chuckled and pulled me in for a hug and a kiss. "Thank you Lilypad. I got you something too." He said, before kneeling in front of me.

Now it was my turn for my mouth to drop. I gasped at him, my pulse quickening and my heart feeling like it was thumping a million beats per second. I was frozen as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a velvet black box.

"Will you accept this as a token of my love and dedication?" He said, opening the box. My eyes were focused on his: his blue eyes were sparkling, mesmerizing.

I nodded, speechless, unable to find my voice.

"Was that a yes?" He asked pulling out a small charm. I was in a daze as he put a charm with the letters "L" and "T" on my bracelet. Trevor got up from one knee with a laugh. I finally understood he was playing with me as J-Mike and Jordan dissolved into laughter.

"That was hilarious!" Jordan laughed, uncontrollably.

"You got her good!" J-Mike joined in.

"Were you expecting a ring? After a whole half a year?" He asked me, wrapping his arm around me, using my own words to mock me teasingly. He kissed me on my temple while I willed myself to relax.

"No..." I said, struggling to pull myself together. I felt a myriad of different emotions. Overwhelmingly, I felt embarrassed. My checks blushed as I tried to block out our surroundings. I didn't want to look around and see who might have been watching. It was humiliating enough. "but normally that's what you get when a man gets on one knee." I took a deep breath and focused on the simple beauty of the charm he got me. It was small, but at least gold plated.

"Do you like it?" Trevor asked me, with a small smile.

It took everything in me to force a grin. "Yes." I really did. Would have loved it if he didn't present it to me the way he did...

"Y'all look great in this picture." J-Mike complimented Trevor and me, showing the picture he took of us. Trevor was on one knee, holding my hand and I was looking down at him, wide eyed deer in the headlight look. I felt like an idiot.

"Make sure you send that to me." Jordan giggled as we walked back to the car.

Trevor slowed down so we were behind them. "Are you ok?" He asked, concerned. "You know the proposal thing-" He started.

I forced another smile and cut him off. "I'm fine. It was funny. Everything was fun. I had a blast." I lied. I gave him a quick kiss to convince him.

Hopefully, one day I could look back on the night and laugh. Right now, it wasn't happening.

Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back) (Brandon's POV)

*Warning*
Explicit/offensive language. I've ventured into the head of Brandon and it's not a pretty place right now, but it is what it is : -)





"You questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
You were my great one
Now it's over but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I can't sweat that, cause I loved a hoe
Fuck what I said it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I don't want you back." Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back) by Eamon. 

Brandon's Perspective 

"What goes on with me is my business. Mind your own." I said to Jake as I stretched on his couch.

"It is my business if every time I leave and come back there's some random female over." Jake replied as he sat on the arm of the chair and fastened his watch. "And I use female loosely."

"Hey, anybody I bring over is 100% female. No homo over here." I said, taking offense that he would suggested otherwise.

"I meant I don't know what kind of woman that's cool with banging a guy sleeping on a couch. Now that you mention it, that last one did have bigger hands than me." Jake said, twisting up his face in disgust.

"Coming from a guy that's hanging out with a girl he met at a gay bar."

"She was there with friends just like us."

"And you were there to stalk Lily." I called him out. "Don't try to deny it. Jasmine told me you're still hung up on her."

"You and Jasmine need to focus on your own life and get out of mine. We're talking about you. Does Rocky know your dating other people?" Jake asked me.

"Rocky and I aren't back together." I stated, avoiding answering the question.

"Coulda fooled me the way you parade her around with your ring like y'all are working it out. You need to shit or get off the pot. What you're doing is fucked up." He lectured me.

"You fucked random girls for years after you and Cara broke up. If this is about Lily and you being guilty by association, don't worry about it. Rocky and her ain't even friends anymore." I said, remembering how I discovered the "fantastic four" was broken up.

Every since I saw the text from Lily to Rocky, I didn't trust that Rocky wasn't still talking to him. She was still trying to convince me how sorry she was when she called me one Sunday night. I was hanging out with co-workers after work and sent it to voicemail. When I was too faded to drive home, I called her to come pick me up. She was way too quiet and I could tell something was up, so I went through her phone. I saw texts from Trevor telling her to give Lily some time, she didn't really mean what she said, and she was just hurt.

My first reaction was relief. I didn't know how she expect us to try if she still wanted to be friends with him. Reading through her texts with Trevor made it seemed like Lily ended their friendship. A small part of me felt bad, but if Lily wanted to Rocky to be part of the "fantastic four" she bragged about, then that friendship had to end.

I didn't even bring it up with Rocky and she never talked to me about it. The rage returned at the thought of Lily trying to push Rocky and Bilal back together again and I welcomed it. It was familiar and helped me not to feel a bit if sympathy for Rocky. Or anyone for that matter.

"What I do won't fuck up your chances with Lily so don't try to get moral on me. Good luck with that. Even if you do get a chance, she'll be fucking Trevor behind your back." I snarled at Jake.

Jake stood up so he was towering over me, removing the watch he just put on. "If you don't want me to get moral on you, stop being a dick. You don't have to be with Rocky but that doesn't mean you should fuck around with her. Like you said, everything I did was after Cara and I broke up. Rocky told you the truth. That's something Cara never did." Jake started in on me.

"Are you done?" I said, in a bored voice. I didn't have to look at him to tell he was frustrated with me. I knew he didn't agree with the way I was conducting myself, but he never voiced his displeasure besides a disapproving look or asking me if I was sure what I was doing. I just wanted him to leave.

"Naw, I'm not done. Every mistake I made I did own my on, not while crashing on somebody else's couch. So don't compare yourself to me." Jake continued, aggressively.

"Man, whatever. I'll be off your couch by the end of the week." I said, my anger bubbling over. I stood up and heading for the door. I slammed it behind me as I left.

Jake's place was the best option after Rocky told me she cheated. I didn't want to go back to my parent's house when I moved out. It was too far from my job and I didn't want to explain what happened between me and Rocky.

A war had been raging inside of me since Rocky confessed: stay and swallow my pride or keep my pride and lose her. My pride won initially. I couldn't get over the betrayal. I wouldn't let her tears soften me. I wasn't going to let myself get drawn into her excessive apologizes.

When she couldn't even tell me why she cheated, I knew I made the better decision. If it was something I did or didn't do, I could make sense of it. When she had no excuse, that meant she still had lingering feelings for him. I was done with her. I broke the news to my family after Memorial Day.

My mom cried. She asked me if I did everything I could to work it out. That question set me off. I should have known they would find a way to make it my fault. That how it was in my family: Ethan could do no wrong and I couldn't do anything right. Even when I did do something right, it wasn't as good as Ethan. After awhile, I stopped trying. I played the role as bad son because the golden child was already taken.

That changed when I brought Rocky around. She made me step my game up. My parents loved her for that. I was in a healthy, committed relationship. That was something even Ethan couldn't accomplish. Rocky fucked that all up when she fucked him. When Megan cheated on Ethan, it was nothing but outrage and disgust from my parents. When I got cheated on, it was what could I do to fix it. I was the one cheated on. I was the one made to look like a bitch. How was I in the wrong?

That's why I couldn't stay with Ethan either. I figured he would understand, being through it himself. He had a kid with Megan and he still ended it. Surprisingly, (not) he agreed with our parents.

As I drove away from Jake's apartment, I called the newest girl I was hanging out with. The fiancee-cheated-on-me story was the best pick-up line and she was one of the girls that offered herself to help cheer me up. Unfortunately, she still stayed with her mom and while my situation wasn't any better, I wasn't in the mood to sneak around somebody's parents. Jake was right about that- It was time for me to get my own place.

At the same time I thought about moving on,  I texted Rocky and told her I was on my way. I knew I was wrong for messing around with other girls but a part of me felt like it even the playing field a little. Maybe her cheating wouldn't torture me as much now.

When I got to Rocky's house, she let me in and made me a plate of food. As I ate, she started badgering me with questions; like how was Six Flags with my family. Between bites of food, I lied and told her it was cool. In reality, I didn't even go. I took Rocky to EJ's birthday party and to our 4th of July cookout. That was all the family time I could deal with. I even let her wear the engagement ring to show my family I was trying to work it out. I was also trying to convince myself that things could go back to the way they were.

She stared at me, the intensity of her gaze made me feel uncomfortable. It was sharp, as if she was searching for something on my face. I knew she knew I was lying but why the hell was she looking at me like that? She broke us. She broke me. She was the one who gave my pussy away to that Goddammed emo camel jockey without a second thought to me. Why should I feel guilty? I stared right back at her, challenging her to say anything.

I waited for her to snap and go off like she used to do. To roll her neck, put her hands on her hips, stomp her feet and tell me how it's gonna be. I couldn't make up my mind, I didn't know how we moved passed this, Maybe she could help me decide... Instead,  she looked away and started cleaning.

I finished my meal in peace and quiet, missing the arguments we used to have. The intensity and passion she used to have for me. What the hell happened? When did it go away? When I was done, I sat back, trying my hardest not to watch her as she moved around the kitchen. I felt the stirring of my dick as she bent over to put things away. Everything seemed the same but I knew something wasn't right.

She came back to take my plate and our eyes met each others. It looked like she was about to say something, thought better of it, and kissed me instead. I wrapped my arms around her but pulled my face away. I made quick work of her clothes, pulled her on my lap, and bounced her on my dick. The only reaction I got out of her was when she cried out when I sucked her nipples. She sounded like she was in pain, but she didn't stop me so I continued.

When it was over, I looked up at her. She turned her face down, but I already saw what I needed to see.  There was no spark of anger, pleasure, sadness; just nothing in her face at all. I stood up, dropping her in the chair and headed for the guest bathroom. It was too hard to look at her.

I took a hot shower, letting the water wash over me and take the pain away. Even though I given her everything, she still cheated. She said she wanted to be with me but pulled away. My pride, her feelings for him didn't matter. I admitted to myself she didn't love me anymore.

The reason I kept coming back was because all I needed was one sign she was truly in love with me. I never felt that from her. I felt remorse, guilt and regret, but no love. That cut me so deep the pain made it hard to breathe. It didn't matter how many times she said she loved me or how she wanted to fix us. She couldn't fix something that wasn't there.

I went to bed in the guest room, contemplating my next move. I had to get away from her. You know what's worst than being pussy whipped bitch that got cheated on? Being in love alone. I thought about Rocky and him. It's funny, when Rocky first confessed to me, I tried to burn the image of her fucking him out my mind. Now I reminded myself of it constantly. I'd rather be pissed than heartbroken. I replaced that sadness with anger.

Sadness was a useless emotion. My dad always told us to man up. Since I didn't know how to walk away, I could use the anger. I could push Rocky away from me. I could be the bad guy even though she made me feel I could be more than a fuck up because she saw more in me. I had plenty of practice being the bad guy growing up. It wasn't hard for me to resume that role.

You've Got a Friend

*I apologize for the lateness and errors. Will correct later on today.



"When you're down in troubles
And you need some love and care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon i will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there
Yes I will
You've got a friend" You've Got a Friend James Taylor version 

We got back into to town Sunday night with J-Mike. Yes, J-Mike. He was still job hunting and decided to check out Dallas as well. I'm sure it had more to do with him and Jordan hooking up, but whatever. Thankfully, he spent the night at Tori's place with Jordan.

I called Forrest Monday after I went grocery shopping to plan to meet up. Forrest had nothing lined up for the summer since the wedding didn't happen, so he was available to meet me whenever. I picked Tuesday so I wouldn't have time to drive myself crazy over analyzing it.

I barely beat rush hour traffic and made it to the BBQ place Forrest told me about. It was in downtown Dallas, but I found the restaurant with the help of my GPS. I was only 15 minutes late.

I didn't see Forrest as I searched the long ass line outside the restaurant as I made my way to the door. I hoped he was towards the front of the line. I could smell the smoke from the BBQ pit before I even went through the door. As good as it smelt, I had no desire to wait in the hellacious long line for it.

When I finally pushed inside the restaurant, I was dismayed that I didn't see Forrest anywhere. I pulled out my phone to call him, hoping he was just late and didn't stand me up.

"I'm on the patio." Forrest told me when I asked where he was. I hung up and found the door to the enclosed patio. I saw Forrest immediately at a table and made my way over.

"Look at you." He said eying my black scrubs as he stood up to greet me.

"Look at you!" I repeated with a grin, nervously. I didn't know whether I should hug him, and he didn't make a move to hug me.

"You have hair!" I exclaimed when we just stood and looked at each other gawkily. I kept my hands to myself and resisted the urge to rub his head playfully to break some of the tension.

"Yeah, I do." he said, offering me a seat.

I took the seat across from where he was sitting. "Normally when people go bald, it's thinning, or receding or balding. I figured that's why you cut it all off." I blabbered as I examined him. He looked good. Honestly, he always did. He was a guy and attractive: it didn't take much. I don't know what I was expecting.

"I decided to try something different." He said, sheepishly while he rubbed his hair.

"I love it." I said, with an approving nod.

"Thanks." He said, looking down at the food.

Awkward.

I followed his glance. "Did you order enough food?" I said with a smile, motioning to the huge spread in front of us.

He smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I order the trough so I could go through the express line and I wasn't sure what you wanted. We can take home what we don't finish." He explained.

I shook my head. "No way, I had a protein bar for lunch in preparation for BBQ. This looks perfect. I accept the challenge." I joked.

"Well dig in." He chuckled.

In dig in we did. Over ribs, brisket, pulled pork, jalapeno sausage, macaroni cheese, baked beans, fried okra and rolls we caught up. He asked about my new job and what happened at my old job and I filled him in. I asked him if he still was in contact with Darren and he was and told me he was already in Waco. I told him about my 4th of July and he told me about playing wingman for Blake.

I had to take a break from eating because my stomach protested. When I stopped eating and watched him, there was another uneasy silence. He asked me what else was new so I spent that time telling him about my friends and Trevor. He stopped eating to listen.

"You can eat." I told him.

"I really can't. I'm hitting a wall. I have a new respect for competitive eaters." He groaned.

I laughed at him.

"I'm serious. I always thought I could be one."

"It was the bread and the soda. We should have skipped them." I pointed out.

"That blueberry soda was the best soda I tasted." Forrest disagreed.

"Yeah, fine. No bread." I conceded.

"What else would we have sopped the sauce with?"

I held up my hands and wiggled my fingers, spirit finger style. Forrest shook his head and I grinned. "The meat was so good, sauce was not necessary."

"No, but I prefer it." Forrest said.

"Obviously, you're saving some for later." I teased, pointing at some sauce on his light blue shirt.

Forrest looked down. "You just can't see anything on you black shirt."

"Exactly why I didn't change." I laughed.

Forrest nodded and started to pack up the food. I did the same.

He looked up at me when we finished. "Thanks for joining me."

"Anytime." I said, sincerely.

"This was the first conversation I had were someone wasn't asking stupid questions, pitying me or giving me advice, so I appreciate it." He said, with a little smile.

"Now that you bring it up, I do have a stupid question." I started.

The little smile disappeared and he looked up at me, wearisomely.

"The cake. What happened to it?" I asked.

Forrest looked confused. "The cake?"

"Wedding cake? Y'all didn't just throw it away?"

Recognition set in Forrest face before he burst into laughter.

"You're concerned about the cake?!?" He asked, when his laughs subsided.

"I know you're going to be ok. There's a lot of fish in the sea. It's always darkest before the dawn. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. What I don't know is what happened to the cake." I smiled.

He cleared his throat. "Thanks Brian." I giggled when he caught on to my Family Guy reference."People hung out for the reception. I didn't."

I nodded.

"I didn't save any cake though. They have peach cobbler if you want dessert." Forrest offered with a genuine smile.

"Urgh, I can't eat another bite. Challenge failed."

After we divided our food, Forrest walked me to my car.

"I missed you Forrest. I hate the reason why we can be friends again, but I'm glad that we can." I told him as we walked.

"I missed you too. I want you to know, even if everything didn't happened, I never intended for us not to be friends permanently."

"I understand. I've been there." I said, remembering putting the breaks on my friendship with Ethan to appease Jake. "I hate to sound cliche, but how are you doing? For real?"

"I'm taking it day by day." He answered. "I'm ok right now."

"That's half the battle." I said once we got to my car.

"I'll talk to you soon." He said, giving me a hug.

"You better!" I smiled, hugging him back before I left.

Trevor knew about my plans to meet up with Forrest, so he made plans to get dinner with J-Mike and Corey. I texted Trevor that I made it home before checking my other texts.

Ethan invited me to Six Flag. With it being a family outing, I wasn't sure if Rocky was going and I didn't want to risk it. I declined, but told him to tell EJ to ride every ride for me.

I saw I had a text from Christian. I deleted it without even reading it. I called Amber and we caught up on each others 4th of July. She told me how fun and drama free the Carters' BBQ was but told me their Uncle Ray missed my presence. I didn't ask about Rocky but I told her about Jordan and Derek and J-Mike being in town. Amber told me we should get together Wednesday after Six Flags for drinks. I told her I wasn't going, but was down for a drink.

"Ok. I gotta head out for work. I'll talk to you later." Amber said.

"Bye. Have a good one."

When I got off the phone, I saw I had a text from Ethan.

Ethan: I'm not telling him that unless you're going be there to ride with him.

Me: I would! I believe in getting my monies worth...

Ethan: I believe in not spending hours in line.

Me: That's gonna happen regardless. Have fun! Take lots of pictures!

Trevor called me after the sun went down and I was taking Justine on a run. He told me they were all out if I wanted to join them. Sweaty and tired, I declined and told him I would see him later. Later turned out to be 2 in the morning when Trevor woke me up, climbing into bed and dry humping my leg.

"Not happening." I grumbled, not even opening my eyes and turning away from his groping hands.

"Lilypad, just in and out. 2 minutes-" Trevor begged.

"As much fun as that sounds for me, no." I denied him.

I wasn't sure how much time past before a pulsing between my legs woke me up. I cried out as Trevor pressed my vibrator against my sensitive, aroused clitoris. I opened my eyes and pulled Trevor closer.

"So you'll wake up for Twist, but not for me?" Trevor said, sucking on my neck.

"Shut up and come fast." I demanded, pulling him on top off me.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me." He laughed, before pushing inside of me. He left the vibrator against my clitoris and we both came quickly. He gathered me in his arms before we fell back asleep.

I returned Trevor's favor of walking me up in the middle of the night by blasting my music loudly the next morning. Normally, I would get up, change quietly so he could sleep in and would wake him when it was his turn. He woke up to me jamming to Drake as I picked out my work clothes.

"Call in for me." Trevor groaned.

"Nope, wake your ass up. That's what you get for turning up on a Tuesday." I sang along to the music while getting dressed. After I pulled on my shirt, I saw Trevor watching me closely.

"What?" I asked, wiping the side of my face. That's what he was staring at.

"Um, I might have gave you a hickey last night." Trevor said.

"You did not!" I exclaimed, heading to the mirror. "You better be joking."

"Sorry Lilypad."

I groaned as I saw it. I didn't say anything and headed to the bathroom. I ignored Trevor in silent protest as I did my make-up to cover the mark.

I got strange looks when I went to work. The only make-up I normally wore was maybe concealer if I had a blemishes or pimples and chapstick. When I got home from work, I changed and started cooking dinner.

I finished cooking and had the plates ready when Trevor strolled through the door with J-Mike.

"Awww, Lily's all domesticated." J-Mike said grinning.

"Ha ha, not for you. Make your own plate." I told him.

"Don't mind if I do." J-Mike said, going into the kitchen. Trevor handed me a container of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Do you forgive me?" He asked.

I smirked. I was over my annoyance by the time I left for work, but I wasn't turning down chocolate. "You said the magic words- chocolate covered anything." I gave him a kiss before we sat down.

J-Mike joined as at the table and we ate.

"What is this?" J-Mike asked.

"Chicken Georgia with yellow rice. You took Trevor's that had no mushrooms." I told him.

"Dinner on the table, cooked just right. Looks like formal fat girls are the way to go. Nice Trevor!" J-Mike commented.

"Shut the fuck up!" I exclaimed, at the same time Trevor told him to "Knock it off."

J-Mike just laughed over his mouthful of food.

"Where did y'all end up going last night?" I asked.

"Redneck Heaven." Trevor answered.

"You should have came. It was A.B.C night." J-Mike grinned.

"What is that?" I asked, confused.

"Anything But Clothes. The waitresses wear body paint, flowers, feathers, glitter. One was even dressed up with a golf green bikini and a hole in one on her hole in one." J-Mike explained, with a pleased smile. Trevor tried to hold his laughter. I kicked him under the table. "It was great."

"Sounds great." I muttered, thinking about how excited Trevor was when he came home. I narrowed my eyes at him. He just smiled.

"Don't worry. I got all the numbers." J-Mike continued.

"You got one girl's number." Trevor countered.

I rolled my eyes. It was like college all over again. "Didn't you have a job interview in Austin? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you." I smiled, changing the subject.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I see why Trevor turned it down." J-Mike shrugged.

What the fuck?

"I didn't turn it down." Trevor said, quickly. "I turned down an interview."

"It's out of Austin?" I questioned.

Trevor nodded.

"When did you get the offer?" I asked.

"Last month." Trevor answered.

I ate in silence as I thought it over. When and why did he apply for a job in Austin?

J-Mike must have picked up on my mood, because he hurried up to finish and left to meet up with Jordan.

Trevor walked him out and I started to clean the kitchen, trying to stay as calm as possible so we could talk. When he came in the kitchen, he explained.

"Remember that company that wanted to buy Kenji's site?" He started.

I nodded.

"Christopher Diaz emailed me. He's looking for an assistant. I forwarded the application to J-Mike."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I was going to tell you-"

"That's a common thing with you. You were going to tell me-" I interrupted.

"But you were so excited about your interview with your job and you were acting so weird about moving in. I didn't want you to worry." Trevor continued over me.

I paused. I probably would have freaked out knowing how I was acting back then. I couldn't blame him for not telling me then. "You could have mentioned it to me later." I said, folding my arms.

"Fair enough." Trevor said, plainly. "I told Christopher I wasn't interested."

"How could you know you're not interested if you didn't take the interview?"

"It's in Austin." He said, simply. "It wouldn't matter if I'm interested because it's not here. "

"Did J-Mike tell you about the job?" I ignored him. Trevor nodded. "Is it assistant stuff like fetching coffee?"

Trevor shook his head. "From J-Mike's understanding, he would be taking over some of Christopher's responsibilities. He doesn't want to do as much traveling."

"Is that something you're interested in?" I asked.

"Not really. I'm comfortable coding."

"I thought that's how Christopher started off too."

"It is, but his main focus is bringing in apps and sites he can build off and grow. He has a team that works on the coding."

"And J-Mike doesn't want that?"

"He doesn't have the patience for it. Could you imagine him trying to persuade someone who doesn't want to sale or change?"

"No, but I could see you doing it." I replied.

"Lily-" Trevor sighed.

"Look, we don't have a house nor do we have to be committed to Dallas. If the job is still available, you should at least interview for it."

"And what about your job?" He asked.

"Don't worry about that. We'll cross that bridge if we get there." I replied.

"Ok... do I need to get you more chocolate or are we good?" Trevor smiled

"It depends. What else are you not telling me?" I asked.

"I do have a confession. Something that I found out awhile go." He started.

I looked at him, worried.

"Well, it goes against everything I thought growing up." He said, wrapping his arms around me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"From a young age, I always believed I was a boob guy. Now, I think I'm an ass guy." He said, squeezing my butt.

"Really? I heard you were an A.B.C. guy?" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Only on you. Let me show you." He said, leading me towards the bedroom.

I laughed and let him show me.



After work on Wednesday, I went home and showered and changed before heading to the Fox and the Hound to hang with our friends. I invited Forrest but he had a flag football practice. When I found out he was playing and not being an athletic trainer, I demanded he send me his game schedule so I could watch one.

I joined Amber, Dino, Jordan, Tori, Q, Trevor, Chris, Corey, and J-Mike at the bar. We ordered food and drinks and split up to play pool or hang by the bar. Amber and I sat and she showed me pictures of Six Flags.

I made a face at J-Mike as he and Trevor threw darts together. As always, he was making a fucking scene. Jordan was cheering him on so he kept going.

"I'm taking a wild guess here and saying you don't like J-Mike." Amber questioned me.

"Urgh! He just annoys me. Trevor acts super childish when he's around." I complained.

"They're just having fun. Trevor's always been like that." Amber smiled.

"He gave me a hickey and stayed out late when he had to be at work. He reminds me of college when Trevor was just a dumbass. I'm afraid he's gonna convert back." I explained.

"He has you to rein him in. He'll be alright." Amber said, patting my hand. "I have something to ask you."

"Shoot."

"Would you feel comfortable with me reaching out to Rocky?" She asked.

I looked at her and shrugged. "Do whatever you want."

"I'm serious Lily. Brandon and Rocky are so dysfunctional. I want to be there for her. He's treating her so wrong-"

"Amber." I cut her off. "I don't care if you want to be friends with her. This is not middle school- you don't have to dislike her because we're not friends. I just don't care to hear about her or their relationship." I said.

"Ok. Rocky asked about you. Let me know if you change your mind about wanting to know how she's doing."

I nodded, but I knew I wasn't going to change my mind. I didn't bring me any pleasure that Brandon was treating her wrong but I couldn't feel sympathy either since she fought to keep a relationship with him and cut me off. Whatever going on between the two of them was no longer my business or concern. I was staying out of it.

Twisted (Forrest's POV)

"But I gotta be strong
Did me wrong
When I thought we were really down
So you say you want me
Make up your mind 
Cuz I'm not gonna be here for long
Baby, baby in time
Baby I know you'll find
That what you needed was here
Think about it my dear
You know you are my lover
You got me twisted over you
I know I got what you need
So what you wanna do?" Twisted by Keith Sweat 


***Forrest's Perspective***


The non-stop beating on my apartment door is what finally made me get off the couch- I've been sitting there all damn day. The TV on ESPN was just background noise- I had no idea what was playing. A pizza box, chips, Almond Joy candy wrappers, a bottle of Wild Turkey, beers, and a package of cigarettes littered the coffee table. My place was in no condition to have anyone over. I was in no condition to have anyone over.

The week before, every time there was a knock on the door or a call on my phone, I would race to answer it, thinking it might be Rachel. After I chased Rachel to Florida, I realized she wasn't coming back.  I've been in a funk every since. The banging continued, this time with Blake's voice booming over the knocks.

"C'mon man. I saw your 4runner. Open the door!" He yelled.

I hurried up and got my ass off the couch to open the door before my neighbor heard. She could hear a rat piss on cotton. The only reason she no longer gave me dirty looks was I always helped her with her shopping bags and informed her when I was having people over. I didn't need her poking her head out. Then I would have to explain why I was still here, even though I told her I was moving out after I got married...

Shaking my head as if it would rid me of all thoughts of that humiliating shitty day, I looked down at my t-shirt and shorts, trying to remember the last time I changed.

"Oh well, I just have to get rid of Blake" I thought to myself as I opened the door. Blake pushed passed me, making his way into my apartment.

"I didn't invite you in." I grunted, closing the door.

"I told you I was coming over if you didn't answer your phone. You brought this on yourself." Blake replied, before his face twisted up. "It stinks in here. Like cigarettes, stale ass and Cheetos-"

I ignored him and walked towards my room. I retrieved the phone I tossed in there earlier after I ordered a pizza. That was the only contact I wanted with anyone right now: ordering and delivering food. I looked through the missed calls and text.

Blake, Damien, Tommy, Carmichael, my half sister Eliza, my mom, and surprisingly, my father. I read through Blake's text, ignoring everyone else.

Blake: Answer your phone or I'm coming over.

When I returned back in the living room, Blake was trashing everything on my table.

"Hold up-" I snarled, rushing over to save my companions: Cigarettes, food and alcohol.

"Hold up some shit. This is foul. I get being depressed, but this is too much."

I was able to save my Wild Turkey, beer, cigarettes and Funyons and plopped back on the couch. I lit up my cigarette and took a deep drag.

"How are you a health teacher, but you're back smoking?" Blake commented.

"I'll quit again before school starts." I exhaled, letting the nicotine do its thing. Blake was right- I kicked the habit back in college when I first started dating Rachel. She detested smokers. I was willing to do anything just to have a chance with her back then.

Who am I kidding? I still would...

"How you doing?" Blake asked, interrupting my nagging thoughts and tossing the trash bag aside.

A throbbing pain return to my head and I took another puff of my cigarette. I wished everyone would stop asking me that. That was the opening line since Rachel crushed my heart and future in front of almost 200 of our nearest and dearest. Immediately after she left me, I convinced myself she just had cold feet. The week before our wedding I felt nothing but stress, anxiety and nerves. I thought the stress of the day was too much for her and that's why she ran.

 I found out in Florida I was wrong. As soon as her dad let it slip she was at their Florida home, I took the next flight out. I told Rachel we didn't need a big wedding. We could find a justice of the peace and start our life together. I felt like shit when she turned me down. Really, I felt less than shit- I felt like nothing.

That's how I was doing. I was embarrassed humiliated, hurt and pissed the fuck off. Worst than that, I was rejected. What did I do now that the woman I built my future around left me? After I did everything I could possible do to make her happy, it still wasn't enough. What was I supposed to say?

"Great." I grumbled, grabbing my bourbon. I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be numb. The alcohol had been working it's magic on me for the last week. I drank a swig of straight from the bottle and swallowed it down with the remainder of a beer.

"Since you're doing so great, come hang with your boys. Stop drinking alone like a sad little bitch." Blake said, taking the bottle from me.

"I am a sad little bitch." I replied, grabbing the bottle back.

"No, you dodged the bitch-" Blake started.

"Don't call her that." I cut him off, sharply.

"Fine. Rachel-"

Pain sliced through me like a knife. "Don't say her name either." I took another swig of Wild Turkey.

"Ok... I'm just worried about you, that's all. I get that you need time, but I'm here for you man. Don't bottle all this shit up and try to drink it away. It don't work like that." Blake said, sincerely.

"Are you gonna kiss me? Cause I'm not into the broke back mountain stuff." I joked, lightly, but put the bottle down.

"Ha ha. I'm not into you being a bitch. I don't know which bitch version of you is worst- depressive my life is over or the castrated about to get married bitch. Now that she's gone, I want the old Forrest back." Blake remarked.

I replayed his words. Yeah, I knew I needed to break out of my funk, but it's been 2 weeks since she gave me the dreaded, it's me, not you spiel. The first week I rarely left my bed- At least now I was in a vertical position. I deserved to be miserable for awhile but was I really a bitch leading up to our failed nuptials?

I had to admit, the months leading up to wedding, I changed. I went along with anything she wanted regarding the last minute details on the wedding. The wedding stop being what I wanted a long time ago and I didn't want to stress her anymore. When she complained about the way I ate, I went on a diet with her. When her dad questioned why we would buy another house if she wanted to keep the house she grew up in, I told her we can live in her house. I no longer hung out with my friends because every second was spent catering to her.

They weren't permanent changes. After we got back from our honeymoon, things were going to return to normal. I would hang with my friends again. I was still looking at houses located between our jobs. The commute to my job from Ft. Worth was brutal. Before the next school year, we would be in our own house even if she wanted to keep her house. The diet was ending at the reception-well, officially ending. I cheated all the time when Rachel wasn't around. I figured we could have the wedding we wanted in the form of a vow renewal on our 10, 25 or 50th anniversary. Every change I made was to make things as easy as possible for her. Now I was left wondering if she didn't like those changes. Maybe that's why she had a change of heart...

"-You need to get your balls back and man up. She's done- you have no other choice but to move on." Blake continued on.

"Alright." I muttered, straighten up.

"I am?" Blake said, surprised. "I am!" He repeated, this time more confidently.

He was right. Rachel wasn't coming back to this version of me. I had to be the guy she wanted to marry- not the mopey or pushover guy I turned into. That's what she meant when she said she didn't want this life. No wonder she ran. She coulda just talked to me, but at least I got it now.

"So we're going out tonight?" Blake said, excitedly.

"No man, not tonight." I replied.

"What? You just agreed with me." Blake said, disappointed.

"I gotta handle some business first." I told him, standing up to usher him out.

"Like what?" He said, skeptically.

"Clean up, haircut, laundry. Basically, return back to the land of the living. Then we can go out." I said.

"You're right. Take about 3 showers. Maybe a bath with some bleach too." Blake laughed on his way out.

"Thanks for the pep talk." I said, dryly.

"Anytime."



I didn't go out with Blake, but I did spend the week as Blake put it, getting my balls back. Rachel's parents took care of all of the after wedding stuff like sending gifts back so I focused on myself. I cleaned up my apartment and myself, slowed down on all the take out and booze, threw out my last pack of cigarettes and got out of the apartment. I rejoined the flag football league that consisted of coaches from the school district, helped with the mud run by getting people registered, and started looking at houses.

It still hurt when I thought about Rachel, but I let it motivate me to be the guy she wanted to marry. By the end of the week, I agreed to drop by Gabriel's 4th of July bash. It felt unpatriotic not to go out and do something, and Blake threatened to bring the post party to my apartment if I didn't come out.

I studied myself in the mirror as I got ready to head to Gabriel's place. I examined my hair cut. Instead of getting my head shaved, I had a short fade. I started shaving my head when Tommy's father was going through chemotherapy. When I reconnected with Rachel at a Memorial Day BBQ, she told me how flattering it looked and made fun that I had more hair on my face than my head. Gone was the baby face I started sporting as a result of that comment. My mustache and beard were trimmed too. I liked my look a lot more now. I was never fond of the bald, newborn baby look even though Rachel preferred it.

I wore a Texas Ranger shirt and cargo khaki shorts. In the last few weeks, it felt like I put on the pounds I lost when I was dieting with Rachel. At 6'2, I was comfortable in the athletic, 250 pound range. I didn't have a cut body; I loved beer too much. If the trade off for abs was kale salad and no beer, I would never have them and I was fine with that. Rachel wanted me to eat better, but she never had a problem with my size. We were the perfect fit-

I stopped the thought of how her body felt beneath mine before my mind went to a place I didn't need to go. I gave myself one finally glance over before I left.

I drove to Gabriel's house, planning how long I would have to stay so I wouldn't look pathetic. A part of me was dreading having to face my friends. I didn't want the sympathy or pity or the dreaded "How are you doing?" or "What happened?" conversations. I thought about riding with Blake, but I didn't wanna be trapped there if I wanted to leave.

I parked and made my way to the backyard. Blake must have been watching and waiting for me to show up, because he made a big scene.

"There's my boy! Single for the first time in years ladies! Let's celebrate his freedom tonight!!!" He yelled with a goofy grin.

I burned with embarrassment as everyone cheered. That was one way to address the elephant in the room. The rest of my friends were cool. A few of them did ask me how I was doing, but they were fine with my generic answers and didn't press for more information. They were all understanding of my grieving, which made me feel like a dick for cutting them off.

I nursed a few beers, staying away from hard alcohol and ate the finger food. It was more picnic food than BBQ and I barely had an opportunity to eat because Blake kept bringing girls in my face.

I wasn't in the right mindset to entertain girls. I was still faithful to Rachel. I couldn't even think of hooking up with another girl when she was the only one I wanted. The flirty girls with their pointless conversations, pounds of make-up and clouds of perfume just made me miss Rachel more. Since I couldn't drink to forget, I politely excused myself from Blake and any girls he tried to set me up with.

I ran into Gabriel in the kitchen as I made another escape. I asked him how things were going and he sighed.

"We're hanging in there. Losing Rachel came out if nowhere and everyone is scrambling-"

"Losing Rachel?" I asked, stunned. "She's not on leave?"

Gabriel mouth set in a grim line. "No. She resigned. I'm sorry, I assumed you knew."

"It's cool. Excuse me." I said, going back outside. I grabbed another beer, not sure what that meant. Was she moving to Florida? She wasn't coming back?

The fireworks started and we looked out to the sky. There were at least 3 different shows going on so we had our pick. After my beer, curiosity got the best of me and I did what I avoided since Rachel left me: I got on Facebook.

I didn't want to see messages, posts or writings on my wall. I didn't want to hear about other's people problems or happiness. I had no patience for Facebook politics and other pointless nonsense. I couldn't handle updating my relationship status. Most of all, I didn't want to be stuck refreshing Rachel's page all day, to get a glimpse of what she was up to. Now, I couldn't help myself.

I went on her page and was disappointed to see no status change or update. I didn't look like she had been on Facebook either. I ignored my messages and started going through my feed. It was a long shot, but one of our mutual friends might have mentioned her...

I stopped on a nice picture of Lily and her boyfriend Trevor. That was another change I made that I planned to talk to Rachel about after the wedding. When Rachel told me she was no longer comfortable with me and Lily's friendship, I stopped talking to Lily. Partially to respect Rachel's wishes, but because I felt guilty too.

When Rachel first met Lily, I knew she was jealous. She played it off, but I knew. It felt good to spark that jealous in Rachel. She was never jealous of other women before and I enjoyed it. It was harmless because I was never attracted to Lily like that, but I didn't tell Rachel that. I messed up our friendship because I wanted my ego stroked. I was glad to see her relationship with Trevor was still going strong even though mine was nonexistent at the moment.

Blake sat beside me with no women this time and peaked over at my phone. He gave me a grin. "Can I text Lily? Let her know you're up and about?"

When Blake told me Lily reached out to him, I told him exactly what to say to her. At the time, I still believed it was just cold feet, and I still couldn't have Lily around. Thankfully, Lily got the hint. Now, I wasn't sure what to do. I missed her and our friendship, but I still had to think about Rachel.

"No. I'll talk to her when I'm ready. You know she has a boyfriend; lose her number and that creepy grin." I scolded Blake.

"I will as soon as you come out with me. I need a wingman. Now that you're back on the field, we can go hunting together. " Blake laughed.

I was ready to move forward, but not with anyone else. That would be like saying Rachel and I were over, and that wasn't happening. The thought of dating again made me wince.  No matter how I grew into my looks, there was still that chubby, shy loser who was terrified of girls. Everything about girls was intimidating and the fear of rejection made me stay away until they flocked to me when I played football in high school.

By the time I got to college, I leaned on my looks and football to get girls. Rachel was unimpressed by both. She was old-school and wanted to be pursued and wooed, so that's what I did. She made me work hard for every smile, date, and kiss, but it was well worth it. We stayed together throughout our undergraduate years, but broke up because I wasn't ready to commit to a long distance relationship.

When I moved back to Fort Worth, I was ready to settle down. When I reconnected with Rachel, I couldn't believe I let her go. I loved her just as much as I did in college. She made us date to get her to love me again, but she did and after a year, she agreed to marry me. I didn't want to start all over with someone new.

"I'll be your wingman, but that's it." I compromised with Blake.

"Works for me."

I followed Blake around and we chatted with girls. I really needed something stronger than beer to continue to make mindless conversations about nothing while Blake collected numbers. When he made his choice for the night, I pulled out my phone. I wanted my friend back that I could talk without it feeling like work.

Me: Happy Independence Day Lily

I was climbing in my car after saying goodbye to everyone when my phone beeped.

LaLa: Happy 4th of July homie! Who's cooking out?

Something that vaguely reminded me of a smile tugged at my lips.

Me: I'm at Gabriel's party. There's more booze than food :-)

LaLa: I feel you. I went to a festival. The closest I got to BBQ was a turkey leg. I need a rib. Stat.

A smile made a comeback on my face. It felt good after a few weeks. Probably more than that if I included the weeks before the wedding. All of my smiles were forced back then.

Me: I heard of a good BBQ place. Let me know if you wanna check it out sometime.

LaLa: I would love that. Let's set it up for next week.

Me: Let me know what day is best for you.

I put my phone away and drove home. It felt like I was getting my life back, one step at a time. I wanted Rachel back too but I wasn't going to do anything more than show her the man I am and the life we could have together. Whether she wanted that would be up to her.