Rabbit-Hearted Girl

"The looking glass, so shiny and new

How quickly the glamour fades

I start spinning, slipping out of time

Was that the wrong pill to take? (Raise it up)

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up

But will it ever be enough? (Raise it up, raise it up)

It's not enough (Raise it up, raise it up)

Here I am, a rabbit-hearted girl

Frozen in the headlights

It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering

We raise it up" Rabbit-Hearted Girl by Florence + The Machine

I called Forrest to let him know I was on the way to pick up Justine as soon as we arrived in Dallas. He told me he would keep her for another night if I went and checked on Rocky. Earlier that day, he was throwing around ideas for Rocky's birthday and she went off on him. Apparently, she went to a birthing class and had a list of things she had to do before Ace arrived. He offered to help, but that made it even worse. He wanted me to check in to make sure she didn't need help and that she wasn't over doing it. I quickly agreed and headed straight to her house.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me when she opened the door for me.

"Souvenirs!" I said, cheerfully, trying not to stare at her messy braids, oversized sweatshirt and jersey shorts. She looked absolutely worn out and I knew she was in her overzealous mood and was doing too much. "I wanna tell you all about Miami! Let's sit down."

I let myself into the house, eying the baskets of baby clothes scattered in her living room. "Are you busy?"

"Yeah. I am.-" she started.

"Perfect time for a break." I cut her off, giving her no choice as I flopped on the couch. I took my time, telling her every detail of Miami, showing her pictures and gifting her a guyabera blouse and a South Beach muscle man onesie for Ace.

"Put it on the pile on the floor. I'm washing all his clothes." Rocky instructed me.

"Um, why?"

"Because they need to be cleaned in baby friendly detergent before he can wear them. Ace will have little immunity. Everything needs to be deep cleaned."

"Ok. You still have plenty of time. Why don't we finish this load and do one basket of clothes a day from now on?" I suggested.

"There is no time! I need more birthing and parenting classes. I still need to get his bedside bassinet together before I can even start to deep clean my room. I don't have the routes to the hospital down. I haven't even packed a hospital bag! I should've started this months ago. What if I go into labor early?" She fussed.

"We'll get everything done on time.

I'm here to help-"

"Yeah, you're here now. What happens when you're out of town? Or at work?" She questioned me. "I'm prepared to do this alone." She struggled standing up.

I stood up too to help her up. "You're not doing this alone. Forrest won't even go out of town-"

"I'm dating him- that has nothing to do with Ace. This is not his baby! Ace is my responsibility." She declared before stomping back to her room. I followed her, thinking I discovered the real root of her frustration. I found her in her closet, pulling out a duffel bag.

"When was the last time you talked to Brandon?" I asked her.

"He texts once a day to check on me." She scowled, folding clothes into the bag.

I was confused to why that upset her. "Have you asked for his help?"

"I don't need his help. I got it." Rocky said, stubbornly.

I racked my brain, trying my hardest to keep my patience and figure out how I could get Brandon more involved without it seeming like she needed help. I could tell at the baby shower Brandon would be willing to do more, but Rocky was still so hostile towards him. I saw why he backed off but I understood why Rocky would be frustrated attending classes and doing everything alone.

"It's his baby too. Can I at least call him and tell him about the classes? He needs to know how to baby proof and CPR and what else Ace needs. It'll be good for him to know the routes to the hospital and where your and Ace's things are, just in case." I reasoned with her.

She frowned up, but after a few moments, she nodded. I pulled out my phone and put it on speaker so she could hear the conversation. He picked up on the 2nd ring.

"Hello?" Brandon answered.

"Hey Brandon. It's Lily." I started.

"Is everything ok? How's Rocky?" He immediately asked. I gave Rocky a little look before I replied.

"She's good. I'm actually at her house with her right now. She's going over her birthing plan and putting together a few things for Ace. I was wondering if you had time to go over them with us."

"Yes. I can be there in 20 minutes." Brandon responded eagerly.

I looked over at Rocky, questioningly. She nodded with no hesitation. "That'll be great." I confirmed.

"Ok. I'll be right there." He swore.

He was over in less than 15 minutes. I took the last pile of clothes to the laundry room as Brandon and Rocky talked. I gave them their privacy, but I wanted to be close just in case. After I got a load started, I rejoined them in the living room.

Rocky was still going over what all needed to be done. She was much more at ease, but I noticed how she tensed every time Brandon mentioned things he needed to do to his apartment as well. Thankful, he stopped bringing it up when Rocky stated she would feel more comfortable if Brandon saw Ace at her house, at least for the first few months. I was happy to hear them plan to go to a few classes together. He even stayed and put the bassinet together.

Once the bassinet was secured in her room, I sent Rocky to bed too.

"When Ace's gets here, you'll be on his schedule so relax while you can. I can take care of the rest of his clothes." I argued when she protested.

"Ok. Wake me up when the last load is done drying."

"Sure." I lied.

When she went to bed, I expected Brandon to leave. He didn't. He stuck around to help me with the clothes. The silence was deafening, so I turned on some music as we folded.

We folded for about 30 minutes, before the awkwardness got too much for me. I turned off the music, took a deep breath and turned to him.

"Look, I'm probably overstepping my bounds here, but I want to talk with you." I started.

He looked at me warily. "Look, I already know I fucked up. I fucked up over and over again. I'm trying to make it right with Rocky. I'm taking her lead and trying to be here when she asks for my help. I don't know what else to do." He confessed to me.

"You know Rocky; when does she ever ask for help?"

"Never."

"Exactly. She needs you; she wants you to be here for Ace. Don't follow her lead with that: Just be a good father to him."

When he just nodded, I continued.

"I'm not going to say I know what you're going through, because I don't. I can't imagine how you feel after everything that's happened between you and Rocky. I do know what pain feels like and how it can make you act out, but those actions become habits, then it becomes who you are. Don't let that pain turn you into something you're not."

He nodded again, deep in thought. Instead of turning to the clothes, I got up and sat next to him.

"I've wanted to do this every since I found out about Bil-" I stopped when he flinched. "Everything." He froze as I put my arms around him in a hug. "One of the first thing I learnt in therapy was becoming self aware and realizing my shortcomings so I could work on changing them. You've already done that: I promise you it will get better. Forgive yourself and give everything else time to heal."

He relaxed a little and hugged me back, awkwardly. "This is really weird." he said.

"I know, but I don't want it to be weird between us. Let's hug the weirdness away." I told him, holding him tighter. "Still weird?"

"A little." He admitted.

"Alright. That just means I'm gonna hug you every time I see you." I warned him, letting him go.

"Seeing you means seeing Rocky so I'm cool with that." He confided in me, with a small smile.

"Cool." I said returning back to my seat on the floor.

By the time Rocky woke up, we had the clothes all washed and folded. Rocky instructed us where to put the clothes. Once we had them put up, Brandon offered to take Rocky on a test route to the hospital. Rocky agreed, and I gave her a hug goodbye before she joined Brandon in his car.

"When you pick up Justine, tell Forrest I said thank you. I know he sent you over here." Rocky commented.

"What?!? No way. I just needed to tell you about Miami." I replied, with a grin.

"You could have told me over the phone. Bye." She waved me off.

Even though Forrest offered to keep Justine, I was anxious to see her so I headed over to his house to pick her up. I told him Rocky was good, just overwhelmed with preparing for Ace. I left out how I brokered a little peace with Brandon; I figured that was for Rocky to tell him. I gave him his Cuban coffee and cigars before I headed home. I had a few missed calls, but I was so worn out, the only person I called back was my dad before I crashed in bed.

I woke up Monday morning to a shit ton of notifications on Instagram and Facebook. Some of them were from pictures Staci, Amber and I posted on the plane, but majority of them were from a video Shawnee posted and tagged Christian and me in. It was a panoramic shot at the pool party of everyone rapping and dancing to Christian's song, Straight Outta Fucks. It stopped on Christian and I, stretched out on a lounger: I was rapping to him, complete with hand gestures, before he pulled me in for a kiss.

I wore sunglasses and a long red wig but because she tagged me in it, anyone who knew me would recognize me. I immediately untagged myself knowing the damaged was already done based off all my new friend requests and dms. I read through a few of the comments criticizing everything from my body, my outfit and how my parents raised a thot/groupie/gold digger whore before I sent Shawnee a short message, telling her not to tag me in any of her post again.

I gave my brother a call as I took Justine outside. After he guilted me for dad hearing from me before him, I gave him the edited version of my trip to Miami. He mentioned how strange it was for a guy I did not consider my boyfriend to fly me out for a weekend. I ensured him again I was not in a committed relationship with Christian and promised he would be the first to know when or if I was. He advised me to stop making out with guys I wasn't in a committed relationship with, which I responded by hanging up.

Bianca surprisingly was up when I gave her a call back, even though it was before 9am her time. After she instructed me to caption all my pictures with the designer of my clothes or Noelle's Swim Shop link (and waited for me to do it), she wanted to know all about Miami. I laid in bed with Justine and told her everything.

"Wait! How have you never heard of edibles before?" She made fun of me.

"Um, I'm not a stoner. I know people cook with THC, but pre-packaged weed snacks? You can't find that in Texas."

"It's everywhere in Cali. That tells you you've been gone too long."

"No, that tells me I've been gone long enough." I countered.

"So I guess when you and Christian settle down and get married, it won't be in California?" She questioned.

"Hahaha. You got jokes."

"I'm dead serious. He wants to be in a relationship right? That's the next step. Are you two going to live in different states the whole time?"

"Stop. I haven't even thought of the logistics of it because I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship with him."

"That's something you should be considering. What does a relationship even mean for him: Y'all face time each while he tours the world and he flies you out for dates?"

"According to social media, I'm just a groupie, thot, gold digging whore so I guess I should take whatever I can get." I changed  the subject, venting about Shawnee posting the video and tagging me in it.

"Wait a second. Babe, do you know who Shawnee is?" Bianca asked who I assumed was Noelle. There was a distance conversation that I couldn't make out and Bianca gasped.

"I thought she sounded familiar. She posted a picture of Christian and Lily and tagged them in it." Bianca continued her other conversation. "I think so too. It's obvious she hasn't posted pictures. Are you friends with her on Instagram?"

After a moment of silence, Bianca asked again. "Lily, are you friends with her on Instagram?"

"Oh, so you're talking to me now?"

"Yeah. Duh."

"You weren't just a second ago. Yeah, we are."

"Yes she knew.... Super shady like you said." Bianca continued on her conversation.

"What's shady?" I asked, intrigued.

"Shawnee. Noelle thinks something happened between Shawnee and Christian. She's not sure what or when, but Shawnee was always bitchy towards her."

I thought about it, remembering how I felt the same way when I first met her. They both had a lot of tension for two people with no connection besides mutual friends/family. 

"Noelle said she wouldn't be surprised if she posted that picture to cause problems." Bianca concluded.

"There's no problems. I just untagged myself and asked her not to do it again." I shrugged.

"Ok cuz. Anyway, if you decide to be in a relationship with Christian and he flies you out again, don't pop any pills or snort any substances. Drug free is the way to be!"

"Shut up B!" I laughed.

I tried to call Christian back but he didn't answer. I dragged myself to work, seriously contemplating using my sick time. I probably would have if Shawnee hadn't tagged me in a picture to her 3 million plus followers in Miami. Thankful, I just had to deal with Dr. Clayton as Dr. Fahri didn't make an appearance. Besides a few change requests from athletic trainers and making a couple rounds ever so often, I hid out in the team lead office. When I got off work, I went grocery shopping before going home. I was putting away groceries when Christian called me. I answered and put him on speaker phone.

"Hey. Did you tell Shawnee not to post pictures of us together?" He asked me.

"No. I told her not to tag me in her post." I corrected him.

"What's the difference? The only post you would be in are the ones with me."

"Exactly. I don't want my social media tagged with yours or Shawnees's." I began to explain.

"What? I can barely hear you. Take me off speaker."

"Give me 5 minutes and I'll call you back."

After I put the food away and made myself a bowl of cereal, I called him back.

"I don't want my profiles tied to yours or Shawnee's. I have a behavioral clause at my job because my clinic is affiliate with the Mavericks. It's one of the reasons I keep my profiles private. I can't be tagged at wild parties with drugs and naked people in hot tubs. Just the apperance of impropriety is enough to violate the behavioral clause." I explained.

"Are you sure that's it?" Christian asked.

"What did you mean?"

"You never post pictures of us, you were weird about inviting all your friends to Miami. Are you trying to keep us on the low?" 

I took a deep breath. "Kinda. You might be used to it, but I don't want to read random people's comments about me. It makes sense not to post pictures together and feed into it."

"Bae, you can't listen to the noise. The comments, the gossip, the bullshit: Those aren't things you ever get used to, but you'll have to learn to ignore it being with me."

"Noted, but everyone important to me knows we're dating and that's good enough for me while we figure things out."

"What do we need to figure out?"

"If we want to be in a committed relationship." I replied.

"You need to figure that out. I know I want a relationship with you."

"And what does a relationship with you even looks like? Do you wanna do long distance indefinitely? What do you envision for our relationship now and in the future?"

"I'm going to be straight with you: I haven't thought about my future like that. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I know whatever happens, I want you by my side."

"Ok." I said, simply.

"Ok, you're ready to commit?" He asked, hopefully.

"Ok, thank you for your honesty, but I still need time."

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." He promised me.

On Tuesday, I knew that Rocky was going to a parenting class with Brandon, so I reached out to Forrest to see what he was up to after I got off work. He and Blake met up with Jordan at a happy hour in Dallas that he invited me to. I joined them after work, pulling a white hoodie on top of my scrubs.

I greeted everyone, giving a hug to Q, Robbie and Kayla who I hadn't seen in forever. I sat in a barstool next to Forrest.

"How are you and Rocky doing?" I asked, reading over the menu.

"We're ok. I wish she would accept my help, but at least she's reaching out to Brandon." Forrest stated.

"Yeah?" I said, both proud and surprised by his outlook.

"Yeah. It takes too much energy to be mad at someone and it's not healthy for her or Ace. I'm glad they found peace." Forrest said.

"Me too."

The waiter came over and I order a burger and a beer. While we waited for food, I asked what Forrest was planning for Rocky's birthday. He told me since Rocky mentioned not even wanting to get dressed on the weekend, much less go out, he was thinking a Pajama Jammy Jam.

"I have no idea what that is. Is that a slumber party?" I asked, confused.

"You've never seen House Party?" Q asked me with a grin.

"Never."

"It's not going to be that wild. More like a kickback where everyone wears their pajamas. Good food, good music, and good friends." Forrest explained.

"Sounds like good times. I think she'll go for that." I nodded my approval.

My food arrived and I dug in. While I was eating, Q asked me, "Is your clinic still hiring?"

"Yes!!!" I exclaimed.  I knew with Q's experience he would be a great candidate. I told him the shifts and benefits and what I negotiated for when I started, but advised him he should definitely ask for more. I sold him on the no weekends and possible evening shift. I sent him a text with Adil's infomation to send his resume.



Rocky called Forrest as we finished up eating. Forrest made plans to meet up with her and bring her fried oreos. Blake, Jordan, Q, Robbie, and Kayla all headed out while I waited with Forrest for Rocky's treat. I watched highlights of the Maverick's lost to the Warriors on Friday on the big screen across from us. Uriel crossed my mind as his business card sat in my purse. When Forrest left me to go to the restroom, I pulled out my phone and Uriel's business card.

Me: Sorry about that lost against the Warriors. They are the top seed in the West. Still feel good about Maverick's playoff chances?

I grinned when I got a response right away.

Uriel: Still in great shape for the 6th seed Lily. Lakers still in last place?

Me: If we are, that guarantees the first draft pick for us to rebuild! How did you know it was me?

Uriel: You are the only non-Maverick fan I associate with.

Me: I'm not a non-Maverick fan... Just realistic.

Uriel: So you say. You're using my number. Does that mean you want to get together?

A tingle of excitement ran over my body as I smiled and text out a response.

"Is that Christian?" Forrest asked me, rejoining me.

"Umm, no." I answered.

Forrest looked confused for a moment. "Who was it then?"

"I don't think you've officially met him. His name is Uriel. He's the guy from my birthday dinner."

Recognition settle on his face. "I thought that was him at the St. Patrick's day parade. What's up?"

"Nothing. He works for the Mavericks so we've hung out a few times." I explained, plainly.

Forrest narrowed his eyes at me, but left it alone. "Food's here. You ready?" Forrest asked me.

I nodded, putting my phone away, guiltily. I knew Christian and I weren't in a committed relationship, but if the places were reversed, I would be devastated if a guy was sleeping around after I told him I had feeling for him and he said he needed time. I knew that's why I was feeling guilty about texting Uriel. When I got home, I text Uriel back.

Me: I can't. Good luck with the playoff push.

Wednesday morning, I called Rocky to ask how her class went with Brandon. She told me it went well, and Brandon invited her to a Jesus Resurrection Celebration for Easter. Rocky still had questions about different birthing options and Brandon's mom Deborah and EJ's mom Megan would be in attendance. Rocky said she would go if I didn't mind going with her. I didn't even  realize Easter was this Sunday; I instantly thought of last year and running through a field blindfolded to Trevor. I quickly agreed, gratefully for the distraction.

At work, I reached out to Adil to see if he would be by the center this week. He confirmed he would be in around noon. I made an appointment to talk to him at 2. I checked my email, confirmed I had Q's resume, and looked up any volunteer activity for the following weekend. I figured I could do something positive and productive on Sunday to keep myself busy. There was a meal at a homeless shelter,  but it was full of volunteers already.

I scheduled my break to be around 2 and joined Dr. Fahri in the team lead office.

"I need to speak to you." I greeted him.

A crease developed on his forehead, but he motioned for me to have a seat.

"I sent you a resume from a former colleague."

"Let me conform I have it." He nodded, pulling out his laptop

"Ok, he's been at his job forever and he's looking for a better opportunity. I feel like he will be a great fit here." I talked Q up when his computer powered up.

"Got it. I'll review it sometime this week."

"Ok. Nice. One more thing and I'll be out of your hair." I stated when he went back to his laptop.

He stopped to watch me, cautiously. "Go on."

"Um... Your fiancee works with the volunteer groups right?" I asked.

"Yes..." He answered.

I took a deep breath, a little nervous to ask him a personal question with him acting so standoffish. "Online it says they have enough volunteers for the shelter on Sunday. I didn't know if there was anyway she could squeeze me in or if she knew of any other volunteer events for Sunday?" I blabbed, nervously.

"Why yes; I'm sure she can fit you in. I'll give her a call and let you know before I leave. Is that all you need?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Thank you." I said, standing up and leaving. I thought everything concerning Paul Bolen would blow over, but judging by Adil's guarded demeanor, he was still upset at me questioning his decision. I took a deep breath, knowing I would have to make amends to get back on his good side. So when he came over to inform me his fiancee said to be there at 9am Sunday morning, I pulled him aside in the huddle room to talk while I watched the floor.

"There's one more thing. I need to apologize for my outburst a few weeks ago. It was unprofessional and it won't happen again." I apologized, hoping my voice sounded sincere.

"It's ok Dr. Harris. We all have our moments. I knew when I recommended you you were passionate about your job. I can handle an outburst here and there." Dr. Fahri replied, nonchalantly.

Inwardly, I glowered at the mention of being "passionate" and him being able to "handle" me but I kept my composure. "It wasn't even that. I let my pride get in the way of being a team player. I really thought I made the right decision by not allowing him to accelerate so soon. In the future, what did you look at to determine what was right?" I employed Ethan's kiss ass to kick ass technique.

"It all came down to liability."

"Isn't there more liability on us if Bolen gets reinjuried?" I asked.

"Not for us. My job is to facilitate cooperation: I did that and a decision was made. Clayton and Dennison signed off on his rehab plan. If anything happens Lily, we're clear." He advised me.

I took everything in me to smile. "Ok. Thank you for the information." I said, hiding my disdain. Adil knew we shouldn't have rushed his rehab, he didn't care because it didn't blow back on him. He wasn't looking out for what was best for our client; he was covering his ass!

Friday night, I was venting to Christian about Adil and him playing scapegoat instead of doing what was best for our clients when he stopped me.

"Have you thoughts about taking a break?" Christian asked me.

"Like vacation? Yeah, I have time off for my dad's wedding this summer. I can't wait."

"No, like real time off. A year or more."

"Even if I wanted to, I have these things called bills. Apparently, if you don't pay them, things get shut off or taken away." I said, sarcastically.

"You know I would take care of that. You could come on the road with me. I was thinking about our future together and I can see that." He revealed to me.

"What about kids and a house and settling down? Can you see that?" I asked him.

"I'll give you as many kids and houses as you want Lily. You believe me when I say I'll make sure you have everything you need?" Christian elaborated.

"I believe you." I said. I just needed to figure out what I wanted. I don't think I would ever want to stop working, but it was definitely fun to fantasize. We stayed up late, talking about a life of traveling and having a family. We both had absentee parent chips on our shoulder, so we agreed that once we had kids they would be our entire life. We talked of all the things we still wanted to do and experience before we had kids. 

Saturday morning, Richard was over to work on whatever "surprise" Christian bought for me and to let the lanscapers in with the plants that finally came in. Justine and I went to pick up Rocky, decked out in our Easter gear. When Rocky saw Justine's bunny ears and my Easter egg shirt, she explained it was called a Resurrection Celebration because the church felt like to much emphasis was put on the Easter bunny and eggs. Zipping up my hoodie and removing Justine's ears was a quick remedy as we headed to McKinney.

The celebration was a huge fair set up in the field located behind the church. There were multiple bounce houses, games, food stands, and a main stage. Rocky gave me a little look when I gave Brandon a huge hug and he gave me a genuine smile. We walked around, played a few games with EJ, and  hung out with Ethan who was manning a huge slide before we purchased some food and got settled with Megan and Deborah at a picnic table.

Deborah had me in stitches as she told us the story of giving birth the first time. She told Rocky how her doctor scheduled a C-section 7 months in because of the size of Ethan's head. When Megan co-signed, saying she had to have a C-section too after being in labor for a day, Rocky's eyes widen in horror. Megan had her phone out and was showing Rocky pictures of newborn EJ when Ethan joined us.

"Huh..." I said, tilting my head to examine his face. He had his signature low fade and a trimmed goatee. The burnt orange of his loose Resurrection Celebration T-shirt looked amazing with his skin tone, but I've never seen him look bad in any color. He looked great, as usual, but I still gave him a criticizing glare.

"What is it?" He asked, rubbing his facial hair.

"No. You grew into your head nicely." I teased while everyone laughed.

"I don't even want to know." Ethan shook his head.

EJ played the drums with the youth choir and praise dancers before church announcements and prayers ended the fair. Deborah was instructing Rocky to be clear with her doctor about what she wanted before she went into labor while the fair was shutting down. 

"Why don't you two spend the night? We have church in the morning and brunch at my house after." Deborah invited us. When Rocky looked over at me, I had to decline.

"I can't. I'm actually volunteering tomorrow." I explained.

"All day?"

"I'm not sure about the hours." I replied.

"What about you Racqelle? The guest room is all yours and we can talk more." She smiled at Rocky.

Rocky looked disappointed as she answered. "Lily's my ride. I wish I could."

"I will take you home." Brandon quickly offered.

Rocky looked at both of us. "Thank you. I think I will stay."

I got Justine and my things together and said goodbye to everyone. Deborah told me I could stop by her house anytime Sunday, and I agreed, knowing I would probably wouldn't. Ethan walked Justine and me to my car so I could give him EJ's Cuban candy and snack food and his souvenir of a figurine hummingbird wearing a Panama hat.

He smiled and took it. "Thank you. I don't know what I would do without my figurine collection."

"You're very welcome." I said, with a grin.

"On a serious note, thank you for talking to Brandon." Ethan said. "I know it couldn't be easy for you after everything."

"It kinda was. I've been where he was and I only had a relationship end. He had to deal with a engagement ending and becoming a dad. I know he's a good person who has made a few bad decisons but haven't we all?"

"Right, I spent so much time coming down on him for his mistakes, I didn't realize how much he was still hurting. I appreciate you for being there for him."

I smiled. "Anytime."

He opened my door for me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Probably not."

"Why not?" He questioned me.

"Urgh... Thinking about last Easter and the resurrection of old feelings. I won't be good company." I answered honestly as I got in my car.

He nodded understandingly and closed my door. "Take care Lily."

"You too. Happy Easter."

Sunday morning, I got up bright and earlier to head to the homeless shelter. I meet with Farzan, Adil's fiancee, who signed me up, gave me a volunteer t-shirt and hairnet and had me in the kitchen mashing potatoes. I was working on a 3rd pot when I heard someone call my name.

"MonMon!" I smiled as Monica made her way over.

"Don't start!" She warned me with a smile, as we half hugged. "I didn't know you were volunteering today. Why didn't you call me?"

"It was last minute. Besides, I assumed you would be doing the family thing with your husband."

"We're doing dinner. You're welcome to come."

"Ohhh... Are you planning to hook me up with someone?"

"No. Isn't your boyfriend some rapper?"

"What? No. I don't know any rappers!" I laughed.

"Christian Wilson?"

"He's a producer and were dating but he's not my boyfriend." I explained.

"Oh. Ok. Uriel felt shitty that you made him your side dude but I'll tell him you are not official with him." Monica stated.

I put my masher down and stared at her. "He told you that?"

"No. Trent thought something was going on between you two. You just confirmed it." Monica gleamed at me.

"I didn't confirm anything." I picked back up my masher and commenced mashing.

"C'mon Lily. Did my matchmaking work? Do you like each other? I need details." She harassed me.

"If we were hanging out, the only connection we may have had was not wanting anything serious. Neither one of us are ready for a relationship." I said, vaguely.

"Hmph." Monica scoffed. "So you fucked him. Damn, Trent was right."

"Shhhh... I didn't say that!" I said in a hushed voice as I looked around at the other volunteers. "Can we focus on something else? Like goodwill and this mountain of potatoes?"

"Sorry girl. I have pea duty. Let me go open these cans." She smiled at me.

"Peas? The fuck?" I exclaimed.

"Shhh... Goodwill Lily." She said, sashaying off.

After a long day of cooking and serving, I went home super exhausted. Monica invited me over for BBQ, but I was in no mood to get dressed or socialize. Rocky text me that she made it home, so I headed to Boston Market to grab some food. I had a missed call from Ethan and I called him back as I waited in the drive thru.

"Are you still volunteering?" He asked me.

"No. I'm on my way home. Why? What's up?"

"I know you said you didn't want company, but I can drop off a plate of food if your hungry." He offered.

"Yes! Yes! Please and thank you!!!" I said, enthusiastically. I never had a bad meal from his mom.

She didn't disappoint. Ethan brought me 3 platter plates filled with ham, chicken, bacon, waffles, mini-frittatas, crepes, french toast casserole, muffins, bagels, jello salad and fresh fruit. He heated up all the hot food for me while pouring me a glass of orange juice. Deborah even made a plate for Justine with stewed vegetables and chicken. 

I was so touched by the gestures, tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't help but think of the family I desperately wanted and the one I thought I would build with Trevor. I tried to remind myself of everything I had and repeated my self affirmations in my head, but the ever observant Ethan caught my distress before I could pull myself together.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, putting my drink in front of me.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "This is why I knew I wouldn't be good company." I laughed at myself, wiping my tears away.

"Do you want me to leave?" Ethan asked, concern on his face.

"No. I'm ok. I tried to be positive and productive so I wouldn't get emotional today but I did anyway."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked me, handing me a tissue.

"No. I pay a therapist to talk about it. I'm sick of talking about it. I just wanna be over it. Do you ever wish you could snap your fingers and forget?" I dabbed my face with the tissue.

"Sometimes." He said, so softly that I wouldn't have known he spoke if I wasn't looking at him. He met my eye, and I felt something zing through me. I stared at him, and he returned my gaze and there was no doubt in my mind he felt it too. It was an awareness, something in his eyes that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Serena?" I asked, guessing if that's who he wanted to forget. Maybe that was what I was feeling: we shared the same loss and desire to move on. He shook his head and the air left my body.

"Megan?" When he shook his head again, my heart raced.

"If you say Karen, I swear to god we're not friends anymore." I joked, lightly, trying to lighten the mood and still my thumping heart.

Ethan smirked and looked down at the table. Once our eye contact broke, the air returned to my body and my heart beat slowed.

"No, not Karen. I don't even think about her, but I wouldn't want to forget her either. That experience taught me about myself and the man I want to be."

"It's that easy huh?" I thought about Trevor all the time. It was a daily struggle for me. I was so tried of struggling.

"Not every time. If there's no way to make it work, I take what I can from the situation." Ethan said, looking me in the eyes again. I broke eye contact, and looked at the microwave as it beeped, signaling the food was ready. Ethan got up to retrieve it and I made my way to the living room couch for some more space.

"Do you wanna watch a movie with me? Forrest is throwing some Pajama Jammy Jam party based off House Party for Rocky's Birthday and I need to do research." I called to him.

"Sure. That party was in the sequel." Ethan informed me, bringing me my plate on a TV tray.

I thanked him before I grabbed the remote. "You've seen them?"

"All 4. My sister was a huge Kid n Play fan."

"Oh wow, now I know I'm outta of the loop if you've seen it." I kidded, digging into my food.

"It's not a Disney movie so that doesn't shock me." He sat on the couch next to me.

"Shut up."

"Don't talk with your mouth full of food."

I flicked a piece of cantaloupe at him.

"I'm telling my mom. She'll never send a plate over for you again." He threatened me with a smirk.

"Alright. I'm sorry." I smiled, pleasantly. He wiped a crumb off my face before we settled in to watch the movie.

Swimming in Miami

"When you are lying half asleep in your room

Unaware if it is midnight or afternoon

Because the water doesn't flood the stairwell

It could be raining but you can never tell

If you're alone in this awful downpour

Then struggle free and paddle out the cellar door

When you are swimming in Miami at night

And all around you are the traffic and city lights" Swimming in Miami by Owl City

Saturday morning, I was up before the boys making pancakes. After they finally woke up and ate, Megan called to let me know she was on the way to pick them up. Jayden had a basketball game for the club team he played on that he and EJ invited me to. After the game, I went grocery shopping and spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning my house.

On Sunday, I went on Instagram and Snapchat of my friends that were attending South by Southwest, hoping one would live stream some of Christian's show. I didn't realize Sammy was one of my friends in Austin. Apparently, she went with Corey and they hung out with Trevor. She wasn't live, but because I'm a glutton for punishment, I examined all her pictures and videos first.

Majority of them were shots of her and Corey, but there were group shots as well with Trevor close and posed with Cat and some random blonde... Proud of myself for only feeling a passing curiosity about who the girl was and mild disgust at Trevor for being so typical, I left her profile knowing she wasn't going to Christian's show. I changed into Christian's "Straight Outta Fucks" t-shirt and black lace boys shorts and took pictures in front of the vanity in my room.

Once I had the perfect picture, I sent it to Christian wishing him good luck. I didn't expect him to respond because he had to be getting ready for his show, but I was pleasantly surprised when he called me right back.

"You sure you can't make it out to Austin?" He said, loudly over the background noise.

"I'm sure but I can't wait to see you next weekend." I replied.

"Me neither bae. You always make it worth the wait."

I smiled. "Good luck tonight."

The following week, I breezed through work, positive affirmations in my mind. By the time I was off Friday afternoon, I was ready to cut loose and relax for the weekend. I left Justine's things ready for Forrest when he would come in pick her up for the weekend. I was meeting Staci and Amber at the airport, with hopefully enough time to get through security for our flight, traffic willing. 

Instead of a terminal at the airport, the address took me to a FBO. I didn't think much about it; we were leaving from the smaller airport in Dallas. When I walked in, Amber and Staci were lounging in reclining chairs and my bags were quickly taken from me before I could even ask a question.

Amber noticed me first and squealed. "I can't believe Christian got a private plane!"

"What?" I asked, looking around the cozy and comfortable lounge. After I checked in and confirmed that Christian did charter a private plane, I called him.

"A private plane Mr. Pennybags?" I asked when he picked up.

"Pennybags?"

"Yeah, the main guy from Monopoly."

"Oh. Never played that game."

"What? How could you have never played Monopoly. It's a classic."

"I've never been into board game. They're boring."

"Obviously you're playing them wrong or with the wrong person. But anyway, don't change the subject. A private plane for 3 people is a little much."

"It's not when I get to set the flight schedule, meaning I get to spend more time with you. Just enjoy it and I'll see you soon."

I had no choice but to enjoy it: Amber's and Staci's enthusiasm was infectious. It was impossible not to be thrilled by the many amenities on the plane. The seat were lush and comfortable, there was even a day bed that Amber claimed. Once we took off, deli trays of sandwiches, fruits, and vegetables were set out. We snacked, drank wine and champagne, and took ridiculous amount of pictures and videos of our experience.

When we arrived in Miami, there was a driver waiting for us. After our bags were loaded, we all got in the backseat and enjoyed our first drive through Miami.

The hotel was in the heart of downtown Miami. We were staying in a huge two bedroom suite. While the girls owwed and awwed over the alcohol themed gift baskets, I picked out my room. After we picked beds, I informed them the car would be picking us up again in a couple hours.

We coordinated our nude colored outfits before we got ready. I wore a nude hi-waisted fitted wrap skirt and a matching crop top. The nude Louboutins, lily earrings and bracelet that Christian gifted me were my only accessories. Staci wore a nude sparkly mini dress with red, cut out wedges. Amber wore a fitted nude floral sundress with nude booties. We performed a "twerk test" to make sure everything would be covered if during the night any twerking occurred. Staci barely passed, but once we were all dressed, we mixed some drinks and waited for our car to pick us up.

We headed to Bayfront Park were the festival was being held. Christian wasn't performing until Saturday night, so I figured we would be catching another show. When we arrived, it was actually at a yacht docked on the water across from the main stage. The driver opened our door and I got out first. I smiled when I saw Christian waiting beside the car.

"Hey-" My greeting to him was cut off by him pushing his mouth against mine. It caught me by surprise; it was the most intentional public display of affection he has ever given me. I kissed him back though, briefly, before pulling away. Amber and Staci were watching us, with smug and sly looks on their faces.

I cleared my throat. "Christian, you remember Amber and Staci?" I reintroduced them.

"Of course. I'm glad you both could make it for the weekend." He greeted them with a charming smile.

"Thank you for inviting us." Staci smiled back.

"And for the private plane and suite. It is all incredible." Amber gushed.

"It's the least I can do for you keeping my girl company. C'mon, let's join the party."
He led us up the stairs and onto the yacht.

Christian explained it was an artist yacht filled with people networking and chilling between sets. We got to a second set of stairs guarded by a security guard and a velvet rope. He immediately opened it for Christian and we went to the upper deck.

Christian took us to a sitting area and I recognized Tom, Reginald and Jennifer hanging out with a group of people on a large sectional. Jennifer hopped up to give me a hug which I happily returned. I introduced her to Amber and Staci before they headed off to explore, freaking out over all the artists and celebrities they recognized.

I caught up with Jennifer, who was not only in town to support Reginald as he worked for his record label, but meeting with a few bloggers that wanted to contribute to her online magazine. Christian and I then sat in an oversized chair across from them. He held me so close, I was practically in his lap.

"You look beautiful bae." He complimented me, nuzzling my neck.

"Thanks, you too." I said, sincerely. "This view is beautiful!" I adjusted myself in his arms, turning to watch the fireworks that started blasting in the air. They lit up the Miami skyline and the water.

"Yeah, it is." Christian agreed, as he pulled me against him, tilting his head to get a great view of my cleavage in my tight top and push up bra.

"The fireworks. Not my boobs." I smirked.

"You're prettier than the fireworks."

"Bullshit." I shook my head, smiling. Before Christian could argue, Hugo pulled him away to meet some radio personality from Miami. I got up to wander around, finding Amber and Staci at the bar.

"I knew I'd find you booze bags by the bar." I joked, joining them.

"So you still think Lily hasn't slept with him?" Amber asked Staci, smiling teasingly at me.

"I don't know. She might still be holding out." Staci debated.

"What? You saw how he was all over her!" Amber pointed right.

"Exactly. Maybe he was all over her because she hasn't given it up yet." Staci replied, continuing the conversation like I wasn't there.

"Or maybe it's because she has bomb ass pussy and he wants some more?" Amber grinned before they both started cackling.

"Or maybe, and by maybe, I mean definitely, it's none of y'all business." I told them, barely containing my smile. The bartender came over and we ordered drinks and a round of shots.

When the drinks arrived, we clinched glasses as Amber toasted to bomb ass pussy. Staci laughed and repeated her as they took their shot together. I choked on mine while they laughed at me. Two guys at the bar next to us overheard Staci's inappropriate toast and joined in, ordering us more shots.

We chatted with the guys who assumed we were inspiring artists or social media influencers. Staci explained I went to school with Christian so we were in town for the show.

The guys on the other hand, both lived in Miami and were representatives networking for some shoe company.  Amber asked about places we should visit and I asked for restaurant recommendations when Christian joined us, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You ready to get outta here?" He asked me.

"Already?" I asked, looking over at Amber and Staci who just got another round of drinks. The alcohol just hit me, and I was having a great time jamming to the music and chatting with our new friends.

"I've been ready since you got here." He kissed my neck. "Amber, Staci, the driver will take you two back to the hotel whenever you're ready. Text him." He instructed them.

"Ok. Y'all have a great night." Staci smiled.

"Yeah. Enjoy that bomb ass p-" Amber started before I cut her off.

"PERSONALITY!!!" I finished, loudly.

They all busted out laughing while Christian gave me a confused look. "What?"

"Don't ask. Let's go." I said, leading him away.

He eventually took the led as we left the yacht and walked over to the parked car waiting for us. The driver opened the door for us and we got in. Before we even started moving, Christian pulled me on top of him so I was straddling his lap. He kissed me, exploring my mouth with his tongue.

"I couldn't wait to get you alone." He breathed against my lips when the car started to move. His lips found mine again and his hands groped all over my body, holding me against him so I could feel how hard he was. I slipped my hands into the waist band of his pants to stroke him.

He groaned, his hand creeping up my skirt to my thong. He pushed them aside and began to finger me. He alternated between penetrating and stroking me. When he finally caressed my clit, I cried out.

"Shh..." Christian hushed me in my ear. That did nothing but heighten my arousal as I tried to keep down the noise. It was nearly impossible as Christian almost made me cum. If he kept circling my clitoris just like that...

I groaned in disappointment when he moved his finger. I moved my hands off his crotch and between my own legs when he stopped me.

"We're here Lily."

I struggled to pull away and step out once the door was opened. I avoided the driver's glance and looked around, realizing that we were at an apartment building instead of the hotel.

"Are you staying here?" I asked him as we bypassed the penthouse security to the elevator.

"We are. My label rented it for the weekend and we need the privacy." He replied.

"Oh. Ok."

I quickly followed him into the penthouse, up 2 flights of stairs and down a hallway to a separate suite. Christian unlocked the door by punching in a code, letting me in first before he followed, shutting the door behind us.

As soon as the door was closed, everything between us became urgent again. His frantic kisses and fondling had me gasping for air as he undressed me. I returned the favor by yanked off his clothes and laid back on the bed, invitingly. He quickly joined me, spreading my legs before positioning himself between them.

"Condom." I yelped, when I felt his warm, hard erection against my skin. He groaned, but reached over to grab a condom. As soon as he had it on, he slid into me. I cried out at the sudden intrusion as he pushed all the way inside of me. He began thrusting into me, relentlessly.

"I need to fuck you." He grunted out, his hand caressing my breasts roughly. I rocked my hips up into him, wantonly. Between his intensity and my need for release, I was close to an orgasm. He pumped into me even harder as I whimpered my pleasure.

"I'll make love to you next time." He panted, leaning in close to kiss me on the lips as his body tensed.

God, it felt amazing; but the mention of making love felt like he threw ice water on my body. I shuddered, but held him close, squeezing him tighter, silently urging him to finish as my orgasm eluded me. After he came, his body trembling over me, I let him go. When he got off of me, I relaxed, rolling over to my side. Once he disposed of the condom, he wrapped me up into his arms.

I woke up the next morning before he did, untangling myself from him before heading to the bathroom. After I used the bathroom and freshened up, I quietly went back into the bedroom. I found my clothes, hoping my phone was still on so I could get an Uber back to the hotel. As I gathered my things, Christian's phone went off. After about 2 rings, he woke up and answered it.

"Yeah.... I know....I know...I've been up.... Maybe 30 minutes..... I got it..... Bye Hugo." Christian said, putting his phone down. He looked over at me as I finished dressing,  and smiled.

"Morning Bae."

"Good morning." I said, with a little smile.

"I gotta head to Bayfront for a sound check and interviews. You're welcomed to hang out with me." Christian offered.

"I should probably check in with Staci and Amber." I said, stretching. "Besides, I have no clothes. I don't want to hold you up."

"Check the closet." He nodded over to the huge walk in. I walked over and completely freaked out when I saw a rack full with of Fenty by Rihanna clothing and the floor lined with pairs of slides, sneakers and sneaker heels.

"OHMYGOD!!!" I exclaimed, going through the racks of beautiful clothes.

"You like it?" He smiled at me from the closet door.

"I love it!" I gushed, picking up a sneaker heel I instantly fell in love with. "This is way too much, but I don't have the heart to give it back. At least not the shoes, so thank you."

He came over to me, grabbing the shoe from me to hold my hand. "This is not even half of what I want to give you." He said, catching my mouth in a sweet kiss. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, before I remembered no tooth brush. I pulled back abruptly and covered my mouth.

"Does Fenty make a toothbrush?" I said through my hand.

"No, but there's a Colegate in the bathroom." He grinned at me.

Christian had his driver drop me and my new clothes off at the hotel before he headed to Bayfront park. When I arrived in the room, after teasing about what I did or didn't do for the new clothes, the girls and I decided what we were doing for the day. South Beach was the answer. I really wanted to check out Little Havana, but I was out voted so we got ready for a day at the beach.

Once we were all dressed, we got a driver to drop us off on Ocean Dr. We had breakfast at a cute ocean themed eatery with a huge patio. After breakfast, we headed to the beach. We splashed around in the water and took pictures before renting bikes and riding to muscle beach. After goofing around during a work out that consisted of dancing around to the music, posing for pictures and checking out men's and women's physiques, we rode the bike back to return them.

Amber found a seafood shack that we got an Uber to drop us off at. When we arrived, I vaguely remembered the guys we met at the party the night before with a group of friends. I wouldn't have even remembered them had they not waved us over as soon as we walked in. I cut my eyes at Amber, who shrugged as we joined them at their table. It ended up being fun. Between the music, fresh seafood and free shots promoters bought us in attempts to get us to go to their clubs, we had a great time.

After lunch, we headed to the hotel to get ready for Christian's show. I chose a black, multicolored mini dress that had a navel deep neckline and hip high slits. I wore a sexy gold bikini underneath it. After I applied a full face of make-up, I gave up on straighten my hair and put it in a messy bun with a cute gold scarf as a head band. Gold hoops, studs and my new sneaker heels were the last things I put on.

Staci was adjusting the flower crown on her hair that matched perfectly with her watermelon pink crisscross halter monokini and white mini skirt. Amber was dressed in a red tight mini sundress and twisting her hair into a neat french braid. Once we looked each other over and took a million pictures, we headed to the festival.

The traffic was heavy with people arriving and leaving. Once we were dropped off, there were even more people making their way into the park. I tried to call Christian but he didn't answer. Jennifer answered my call and told me they were doing interviews and gave me directions to join them.

Thankfully, the artist pass Christian gave us not only made us bypass the line, but we had our own entrance. Once we knew where we were going, we had no trouble getting there.  The venue itself was packed with people, but the artist space was off limit to the general public.

Amber and Staci headed to watch a show while Jennifer met me by a row of trailers to take me to a huge tent area where Christian was doing his interview. He was giving an interview with a bubbly guy, but he smiled over at me once he saw me.  He wrapped it up a little after I arrived and was by my side as soon as it was over.

"I was waiting for you to take a break. You hungry?" He asked me, squeezing me around the waist.

"I didn't know. I ate before I came. I'm sorry" I apologized sincerely.

"It's ok babe. I'm not even hungry... At least not for food." He said, suggestively, grazing the bare skin the slit in my dress exposed. 

"Anything else is gonna have to wait." Hugo interrupted us. "I have Fuse, Complex and one more before you're done."

"Do you want me to get you anything?" I asked him, noticing we passed a separate tent with tables and a buffet spread.

"No. I'm good. Get a drink and get comfortable."

I grabbed a water bottle and sat next to Jennifer as Christian did his interview.

"You're gonna need something stronger than water. These things are redundant." Jennifer motioned to her energy drink.

"It's cool. I'm fine. Besides, I drank way too much last night. Trying to stay sober for his show. It's the first time I've seen him perform live." I explained.

"Awww, you both are so adorable. I'm so glad you and Christian decided to be together. I think you're really good for him." Jennifer beamed.

"Thank you... But were still just hanging out, nothing serious." I corrected her.

"What?" She cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah. Neither one of us is ready for a relationship yet, so we're just dating." I clarified.

"Ok..." Jennifer trailed off. The interviews started and it was actually kinda fun. By the third one, I understood what Jennifer meant. Different personalities asking the same question that Christian answered the same way. Jennifer had to leave, leaving me alone to fight the boredom.

After the interviews, Christian took a break and we headed to the food tent to grab something to eat. While Christian made his plate, I eyed a dessert table with cookies, brownies, cakes and candy. I wasn't even hungry, but I needed something to perk me up after the interviews drained the life from me. Gummy bears sounded like just the thing to help me out. I grabbed a bag before we went back to Christian's trailer to eat.

"How many interviews did you have today?" I asked, opening up my gummy bears.

He sighed. "Maybe 10. It's long as fuck."

"I don't know how you do it. I would have lost it by the 3rd interview." I popped a handful of bears in my mouth.

"These help." He said, grabbing a few of my bears for himself.

"Yeah, I don't share so you need to get your own bag." I teased.

"You can't eat that whole bag. They take a while to kick in, but when they do, a whole bag will fuck you up." He warned me.

"Why? Do they have alcohol in them?" I asked, looking at the bag. I didn't taste any, but they did have a funny aftertaste. I thought they were just organic-

"THC" I gasped, reading the label. "These have weed in them?" I looked at Christian, accusatory.

"Yes..."

"Why didn't you say something? You know I don't smoke!" I said, exasperated.

"It says so right on the bag."

"I didn't read it!"

Reginald interrupted us, telling Christian he was needed to go through the final set list with his band. Christian put his half eaten plate in the trash before he gave me a kiss on the lips. "Calm down. No one has ever overdosed on weed. I'll be back in bit."

I called Amber as soon as they left to find out where they were. When I found out they were at a merchandise shop, I left to join them. When I did, I grabbed them both and dragged them to an isolated corner.

"I ate weed gummy bears!!!" I blurted.

"What?" Staci asked, over the music.

"WEED GUMMY BEARS!" I shouted to Staci over the music. A few people looked over at us and laughed.

"They're weed gummies?" Amber asked, intrigued. "I didn't know they made those!"

"Me neither! I thought it was regular  candy!!!" I freaked out.

"It's ok. Let's get you some water and food." Staci comforted me as we walked around the shop. She got me an overpriced bag of chips, beef jerky and a water bottle before heading to the front with the rest of her merchandise.

"And Christian just let me eat them." I complained over a mouthful of chips as we headed out the store.

"Maybe he didn't know." Staci offered as she made her way through the crowd.

"Oh, he knew. He was using them to get through his stupid interviews." I ranted, following her through the crowd. "He said no one has ever overdosed on weed but I don't smoke at all and I ate like 6 of them!!!" I exclaimed.

"I wonder if my kids know about them." Amber frowned up. "How old do kids start smoking anyway-" Amber started.

"By the time your kids are old enough to want to smoke, it'll be legal in all 50 states!" Staci cut her off as we stopped in a grassy area. "Christian is right. The worst thing that could happen is getting high. You're going to drink water and eat some food and you'll be fine." Staci handed me my water.

After the food and pep talk, I calmed down. I honestly didn't even feel anything so I followed Amber and Staci closer to the main stage where Afrojack was performing. We danced around, and sang the songs we knew. I felt light and beautiful and giddy as I watched all the bodies move around.

I almost forgot about Christian's show until the DJ announced it after a 30 minute intermission. I linked my arms through Amber's and Staci's as we walked to the VIP section. After flashing our multiple arm bands, we were allowed in.

Shawnee, Jennifer's sister in law I met in San Diego, headed straight over to me. I hugged her as she looked me over, critically. "Where have you been? Christian, Jennifer and Hugo were calling you."

"We went to another show. We made it here in plenty of time." I replied, looking at my phone. Sure enough, 8 missed calls.

"Christian wanted you backstage with him." Shawnee informed me.

"He'll be alright." I shrugged.

Shawnee look both shocked and pleased. "Ok then. Call him and let him know you're here."

Of course he didn't answer so I left him a voicemail and a text message before we got settled in front to watch the show. A small roar came from the crowd as the band set up on stage. I cheered loudly when I recognize Johnny and Ian. Ian went to Baylor with me and played the bass and Ian was in Bilal's band, lead vocalist and guitarist.

5 minutes later, the crowd went crazy as Christian came out and set up behind a keyboard/turntable/microphone looking gadget. I got on my feet and whooped loudly, earning me a few looks in the VIP section, but I barely noticed. My focus was on Christian. He was wearing all white; fitted pants and a bomber jacket with no shirt underneath, showing off his amazing abs.

Christian looked so posed and sexy as the music started and he went into his zone. He described it during one of his interview as it being his own little world of rhythm and sounds, beats and vocals, and lyrics. He brought me into his world as he masterly  commanded the stage and the audience. I sang every word, danced to the music, completely lost in the world he created. I didn't come out until someone grabbed my arm. I looked up to see Hugo holding me.

"Shows almost over. Christian wants you backstage." He ordered me.

I frowned up, pissed off at his tone and the way he grabbed my arm. I jerked away but followed him. Straight Outta Fucks was the last song and my favorite and I didn't want to miss it. I was right behind the stage next to Reginald and Jennifer and was able to watch the performance from Christian's point of view.

It was wild; The energy was electric. Everyone rapped along to the song, screaming out Straight Outta Fucks on the chorus. I excitedly joined in, dancing along by myself. The music ended but the chants of Straight Outta Fucks carried on until pyrotechnics stopped, ending the show. The applause and screams from the crowd were thunderous. I swelled with pride when Christian thanked the crowd over their cheering before following his band off. I couldn't have been prouder; it was as if I wrote, produced and performed every song with him.

As soon as he approached us, I leaped into his arm. "You killed it Christian! It was amazing! You're amazing!!!" I gushed, throwing my arms around his neck as I clung to him.

"Thank you." He replied, putting his arm around my waist to hold me as Hugo handed him a water and towel. He turned to Reginald. "What did you think of the arrangement?"

"Lily said it best man. You killed it. The band was on point. They need to be on tour with you. I'll make it happen." Reginald clapped him on the back as we headed off the stage.

Reginald and Jennifer were headed to the penthouse to get ready for the after party while Hugo led Christian to a golf cart to change in his trailer. I thought I needed to leave with Jennifer, but Christian took me to the golf cart too. Hugo was in the front, so Christian and I hopped in the backseat.

"Thank you so much for inviting me to be a part of this! Watching you on stage was so intense. I had like this crazy flood of pride like I was in the studio or on stage with you." I blabbed, cuddling closer to him.

"Thank you for coming out. I'm glad I made you proud of me." He pulled back slightly to look me in the eyes.

"I'm more than proud of you..." I told him pushing my lips against his and kissing him gently. When he held me close to his body, making me feel his heat, I licked his lips and he opened his mouth, deepening the kiss. I groaned in protest when he pulled away.

"Sorry. I'm all sweaty." He said, sheepishly.

"I don't care. I wanna be sweaty with you." I moved back to him, kissing him again, rubbing my hands over his bare chest and arms as I pushed off his jacket. He kissed me back, hungrily, grabbing a handful of my ass under my dress. I was in a lustful haze when the golf cart finally stopped. I felt too good, he felt too good... I didn't want to stop.

"Give us 30 minutes." Christian panted to Hugo as I planted kisses on his neck.

"10. You have meet and greet right now and the label party you have to be at tonight." Hugo snapped.

"Alright." Christian said as he held my hand and we got off the cart. We walked to the trailer and Christian quickly escorted me in.  As soon as the door closed, I was all over him, unbuttoning his pants. Once I had them off, I pushed him back on the couch and kneel in front of him. I tugged his briefs down.

"Condom?" I looked up at him, as he stared down at me in amazement.

He snapped out of it long enough to reach into a black bag and retrieve a condom. Wanting to see that look back on his face, I opened the condom and slid it on him with my mouth. He gripped my hair and groaned, titling his head back in pleasure.

Wanting every last second of our ten minutes, I pulled down my bikini bottoms and hopped on top of him. We both cried out as I pushed him inside of me and began to grind into him. He slid his hands over my body, caressing my breast through my dress, before he lifted it off.

Down to only my bikini top, he yanked at the top until it ripped, exposing my breasts. He dipped his head so he could suck on my nipples, mercilessly. I gasped at the exquisite combination of pleasure and pain.

"I love your tits." Christian mumbled over a mouthful.

"What else do you love?" I gripped his shoulders, rotating my hips in tight circles.

"Your ass. Turn around and bounce it on me." He grunted.

With no hesitation, I complied. My eyes found the mirror on the trailer wall as I straddled him on my knees, backwards. I watched my reflection as he guided himself inside me. My eyes were stuck on the mirror watching us. Through half lidded eyes, I admired myself: my wild dark hair, jiggling full breasts, thrusting curvy hips and flushed bronze skin. I lovingly caressed my body, paying attention to my stiff nipples and swollen clitoris as I rode him reverse cowgirl.

Christian was whispering something in my skin, but I was so enthralled with the sight of my face, I didn't comprehend what he was saying. My body started to spasm and I threw my head back and came, screaming out. Christian grunts mixed in with my screams as he grabbed my hips and moved me the way he wanted, bucking underneath me until he came. When my body finally relaxed, I turned back around to face him. He kissed me and I started to move against him, wanting to come again...

Christian's phone rang and I momentarily froze before I began to rock against him again, ignoring the phone. When someone pounded on the door, he gripped my hips to stop me.

"That's Hugo. He has a key." Christian informed me, regrettably.

"Just 5 more minutes..." I pleaded, sucking on his neck as I bounced on his lap. When his grip tightened, I bit his neck. He groaned loudly as I felt him harden against me.

I thought I had him convinced when he flipped me on my back, but he stood up and took a step back. He ran his fingers through his hair and he grabbed his pants.

"Fuck, that wasn't enough." I pouted, sitting up.

"We have tonight. You're not getting any sleep."

I giggled. "Promises."

"That's a guarantee. Get your dress on." He ordered me, pulling on his pants sans underwear. It made me hotter seeing his erection in the fitted pants, but I did like he said and put on the dress. Once we were decent, he opened the door and let Hugo in. His eyes racked over me before he settled on Christian.

"I'll have make-up's here in five to cover your neck." He told him with a sigh, pulling out his phone.

Christian embarrassingly covered his neck but I smirked, satisfied with the marks I left on him.

"I just need to hop in the shower." Christian turned to me. "You and your girls can head to the hotel and get ready for the party tonight. I should be there in a few hours."

"Ok." I smiled, standing up. I tossed the ripped top in the trash as I headed out. Before I left, he grabbed my arm and kissed me on the shell of my ear. "All night."

"We'll see." I grinned.

The golf cart took me back to the main stage and I found Amber and Staci in the VIP,  hanging with the guys we met at the yacht party, dancing to the Chainsmokers. I told them about the record label party and they agreed to leave to get ready. They invited the guys before we left.

"Are you ok?" Staci asked me on the ride back to the hotel.

"I'm great." I grinned, excitedly.

"Where did you go?" Amber asked me.

"Christian's trailer." I hinted.

"Did anything happen?" Amber pressed.

"Everything happened." I replied, dreamily, recalling finally orgasming with him.

"What? Details!" Amber exclaimed, but Staci hushed her and turned up the music in the car. We jammed out to Drake, Rick Ross and Pitbull on the way home and as we got ready for the party.

I decided on the black and white Fenty maxi dress and sneaker heels Christian bought me. I put my hair down and redid my make up before we headed out to the party.

The label party was being held at the same penthouse Christian and I was stayed at. To get in this time, we had to go through a security check. As I showed the guard securing the elevator my ID, the girls took videos of themselves. I cracked up laughing at their faces of horror when he required all three of us to hand over our phones as he made a call. I text Christian we made it before I surrender my phone.

I wasn't paying attention the first time, but the penthouse was extravagant with huge windows overlooking the city and the bay and chrome and white furnishings. The house was scattered with people mingling among themselves over the DJ playing music. I was already dancing as we made our way around, secured drinks and toured the house.

Outside by the pool, I noticed Johnny and Ian hanging out with a group of girls in a hot tub that were sniffing each other's naked surgically enhanced breasts. I immediately went over to greet them.

"Hi Ian, hi Johnny!" I exclaimed, hugging them both. They hugged me back and I smiled widely and introduced them to Staci and Amber. "I didn't know y'all were in Christian's band now. Y'all were great." I gushed.

"It was just a one time thing." Ian shrugged his shoulders.

"No it's not. Christian wants you to come on tour with him." I revealed.

"What about you? What are you here for? Business, pleasure... both?" Johnny asked me, sarcastically.

"Both. I finally made that appointment with Dr. Miami." I joked.

Johnny cracked a smile. "Ass or tits?"

"Both. And lipo. Gonna remove a rib. Lip injections. Everything really." I replied.

"Man, don't fuck with your face." Johnny warned me. "That shit never looks right."

"You're supposed to say I don't need anything at all." I chided Johnny.

"Maybe if I were fucking you." Johnny gleamed, devilishly. "You available?" He asked me. Ian cut his eyes at him which made Johnny laugh.

"Not for you Johnny." I told him, standoffish that made him laugh even more. "Good to see you Ian."

"What about me?" Johnny asked.

I flicked him off before I left.

We went inside and joined Tom on the dance floor. We took turns dancing with him and each other until the DJ started to play "Sex with Me" by Rihanna. I danced by myself, closing my eyes and singing the sexy lyrics while running my hands over my body. I felt hands on top of mine, stilling them at my waist. My eyes snapped opened, confused as to who was touching me and why. When I saw it was Christian, I pulled him close to dance with him.

"If you keep touching yourself like that I'm not going be able to wait to get you alone. We're gonna give everyone here a free show." He whispered harshly in my ear.

"I don't mind." I murmured, licking my lips before pressing my mouth against his in a passionate kiss. He returned my kiss, snaking his hands around my hips to squeeze my ass. I returned the favor by cupping his ass and grinding against him. I felt him get hard before he swore and pulled away.

"C'mon, I got an hour before we can go upstairs." He said, taking me off the dance floor. Staci stopped us, telling Christian something in his ear before he nodded and we went outside.

We sat in a lounge chair by the hot tub outside. I was originally sitting in his lap, but he kept having to stand up to talk with people. I sat on the chair next to him as he talked about working with different artists and endorsement deals or receiving congratulations on his show. It was fucking boring and I sighed heavily to the amusement of Christian and annoyance of Hugo who had joined the naked girls in the hot tub. Finally, the hour was over and like  Christian promised, we left to go to his separate suite as the party raged on.

Christian made good on all his promises.  He kept me up all night making me come multiple times in multiple ways until early Sunday morning. I eventually passed out a few seconds after he rubbed himself between my breasts until he came. It felt like only 5 minutes had passed before he was waking me up, telling me we needed to go to the hotel. I woke up exhausted, hungry and super confused to why we needed to be at the hotel so early when his hosting gig didn't start til none. It also pissed me off a little by how he was so fucking energetic and cheerful after last night.

I didn't ask questions though, hoping that I could get some sleep once we got to the hotel. Instead, I found out he had a private spa set up for Staci, Amber and me to get all dolled up for the pool party. It was sweet, but the only thing I wanted was food and a bed. I took a shower and after I showed them the monikini and matching robe I was wearing,  I let the crew do whatever they wanted to my nails, hair and make-up.

"Where did you disappear to last night?" Amber asked me as she looked through wigs. "We tried looking for you, but Hugo wouldn't tell us where you were."

"We stayed in a room at the penthouse." I explained to her, as the make-up artist used concealer to cover the c shaped hickies Christian left on my navel.

"Did anything happen? I told him you were stoned out your mind." Staci asked, with a concerned look, as she got her nails done.

"Nothing I didn't want to happen. I wasn't that high." I reassured her. I wasn't used to being uninhibited; that was the only thing I attributed to the weed. I was completely fine with everything that happened between me and Christian.

"Ok... That wasn't y'alls first time was it?" Staci asked.

"No... It wasn't."

"Are y'all together now?" Amber asked me.

"No. Just dating. That's it."

"Well, I can tell that he really likes you..." Amber hinted.

"So? The only thing that matters is how she feels about him. Now why did you pick out that Diana Ross wig?" Staci asked Amber, changing the subject.

"Cause I'm fierce!" Amber said, twirling as she shook her hair around. I gave Staci a grateful nod before we finished getting ready.

We spent the day by the massive pool filled with spring break college kids. Amber hung out in the pool bar like a college kid herself while Staci live streamed everything. I was still exhausted and mostly stayed under the private cabana and relaxed. When Christian wasn't hosting, he was right next to me. When his hosting duties were over,  Christian suprised us with rented luxury sports cars that he and Reginald drove to little Havana.

I picked out an authenticate Cuban restaurant. They teased me about how much I ate, but I blamed the weed as I finished mine and the rest of Christian's food. We then walked to get hand rolled cigars that Reginald wanted. By then, I was fully energized and on the walk we danced in the street to people playing music, ducked into a few cute stories, and took pictures with street art.

Even with his hat and sunglasses, Christian was recognized by some tourists. He signed autographs and took pictures while we went into the store and bought cigars. By the time we were done, the crowd around Christian still hadn't dispersed, so we had to call the driver to pick us up. At the hotel, I gave Jennifer and Reginald a hug goodbye before we headed to the airport.

At the airport while Staci and Amber checked us in, Christian gave me a lingering kiss goodbye. "Thank you for coming. I hope you had a good time."

"I always have a great time with you. Thank you for inviting me." I hugged him, meaning every word. Hanging out with him was like a mini vacation: a break from the reality where I didn't have to worry or think about anything.

He embraced me again before continuing, "I love spending time with you. I know what I said about not being ready for a relationship, but I'd be ready for a relationship with you."

I looked him in the eyes. "Christian-"

"Wait. I'm not asking you. I don't need an answer because I know you're not ready yet. I just want you to know I'm ready whenever you are."

I nodded, relieved he understood I wasn't ready. We kissed one last time before I left.