Wait for You

"So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That's not how you want it to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting" Wait for You by Elliott Yamin

Getting Trevor's new number was a mistake. Even though I kept updated on how he was through friends and his uncle, it wasn't the same as hearing his voice. Everyday that went by with no words from him made me that much more anxious to break my own rule and call. The only reason I didn't was because how well everyone said he was doing.

Sammy and Corey came back from visiting Trevor Friday morning. Sammy dragged me out to a boxing class with Amber before she would tell how he was doing. She made me change out of my sweat pants and tank top and into running tights and a matching razorback tank. On the drive over, she filled me in. Apparently, J-Mike was in Wichita Falls to stay. The beauty of freelancing was he could do it anywhere and he chose to stay with Trevor while he went through chemotherapy. Sammy explained that he was up, working with J-Mike, going on walks, and was very much his normal self. I asked about his reaction to the gift. She told me they gave him the gift, but he didn't open it while they were there.

My disappointment and hurt was overshadowed by pride that he was doing so well. Between my talks with Jimmy, Rocky and Cam, I knew chemotherapy was hell for him. It was emotionally, mentally  and physically draining. The improvement in his attitude and spirit were enough for me. I could wait until he was ready to talk to me. I figured it would be coming soon.

Dominick was at the boxing class, training with his dad, but partnered me during the class.

"So you and Richard. Think that's a good idea to mix business with pleasure?" He asked as I pulled on my gloves. I flinched, thinking about the pseudo date we went on while Amber's and Sammy's ears perked up at Dominick's question.

"No. It's neither." I said, turning to face his dad so we could spar, not talk.

"That's not what he thinks." Dominick continued when we faced one another.

"Good thing no one pays him to think." I said, throwing a hard jab. He shut his mouth and held up his hands as we trained together.

When we were finished, Sammy and Amber joined us while Dominick and I put our equipment away."Look, I like you. That's why I'm telling you it's a bad idea to try to start anything with Richard." Dominick warned me.

Amber and Sammy both sent me a look of surprise.

"When Richard and I talked, I was going to buy a house on my own, but then I found out my boyfriend- ex-boyfriend- has cancer. I don't even know if I'm buying a house and I'm definitely not trying to start anything with Richard ok?" I explained, irritably.

"Oh. Ok. I'm sorry to hear about your ex... boyfriend?" He said, puzzled.

 I didn't clear up his confusion. I just stomped away. Amber and Sammy quickly followed.

Amber spoke as soon as we drove off. "No one would blame you if you talked to Richard. You didn't know what was going on with Trevor. You have every right." Amber comforted me.

"Amber, shut the fuck up." Sammy cut her off.

"No- I like Trevor too, but this isn't fair to Lily."

"You have some nerve. Trevor is sick. What was Will excuse when he fucked around and left you? Or really, what was your excuse for waiting around for him to act right?" Sammy questioned.

"We had kids. I stuck around for them. She shouldn't put her life on hold for him-"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not fucking here. Drop it! Both of you." I snapped, angrily.

Amber and Sammy looked at each other before both saying, "Sorry." It was a tense silence til we got to my apartment.

"I have something to give to you. It's a note. From Jordan." Sammy told me, handing over a letter.

I took it from her. "Gee, thanks." I said, dripping with sarcasm as I got out the car.

"I'll call you Sunday! I need your help planning the kid's birthday/Halloween party." Amber stopped me, cheerfully.

Urgh, I forgot about the big Halloween party she did every year for the kids. Maybe if I helped her plan, I wouldn't feel bad about not being there. I just couldn't stand being around everyone right now.

"Sure. What's the theme?"

"Monster High."

"What the hell is that?"

"It's a TV show. We are monsters..." She trailed off singing. I gave her a blank stare. "You're gonna come over Sunday and watch it then we'll plan!" Amber grinned.

"Oh goodie." I grimaced before leaving.

I went to work and forgot all about Jordan's letter. Adil dropped by and was waiting for me. Not going to lie, a part of me was nervous, but I was glad the waiting game of what was going to happen next was over. After he asked me how I was doing, he proposed a solution.

"As soon as you know when you need the days off, you have to put in a request." Adil started.

I bit my tongue, but heard him out. I had a feeling the conversation was going nowhere...

"I will be replacing you so you will get the time off. In the meantime, you need to start training one of your therapist to close the shift. That way, if you have to leave in short notice or I can't be here, we're covered." Adil explained.

I was so relieved, I fucking hugged him. Like, threw my arms around him hug. When I felt him stiffen in my embrace, I pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I just appreciate this so much. I owe you big time." I said, flushed. "As soon as Trevor is well, anything you need, I'm here." I promised, grabbing his hand and shaking it.

"I'll hold you to that." He said, returning my handshake before leaving.

I began my training that night. I chose Vince, Dr. Charles, to be my substitute. Including his internship, he been there the longest on evening shift. It seemed like the fair way to do it. When we went to the huddle room, he was more concerned about one of our clients and the game on the TV.

"I need your attention. I want you to learn how to update the board." I addressed him, firmly.

"Not to be disrespectful, but that's your job." He said, matter of factly.

"It's not something you want to learn?" I asked him, as patiently as I could.

"Not if it's not in my job description." He said, with a sly smile.

"Ok. Take over Dr. Chapman's patients for me and send him down here." I dismissed him, too grateful to Adil to be bothered by his shitty attitude.

"Right, boss lady." He said, turning away.

"Dr. Harris." I corrected him. When Dr. Chapman showed up, I walked him through it just like I did Vince. The only difference is he paid attention and helped me.

On Saturday, I spent the day doing chores I normally do on Sunday. I did laundry, cleaned the refrigerator, gave Justine a bath- anything to keep myself from obsessively checking my phone. I was going through my purses and eating a peanut butter and Jelly when I saw the letter Jordan wrote me. I sighed, pulling it out to read it.

I'm very sorry to hear about Trevor. The reason I became a nurse was I saw how much they did for my mom when she battled the disease. My family had each other to lean on and I want you to know you can lean on me for support if you need it. Call me if there's anything I can do to help you.

Sincerely,

Jordan

I couldn't finish the rest of my meal because I was crying. I didn't know why her letter affected me so much. Maybe it was because she offered to be there for me (probably knew that after the way she acted around Trevor, I wouldn't want her around him.)
Most of my friends were Trevor's too so of course they were his support system. Because he still hadn't called, I felt... excluded was the best way to put it. I knew I probably wouldn't take her up on her offer, but I appreciated it none the less.

There was knocking at my door and I quickly cleaned my face before checking to see who it was. When I saw Forrest, I let him in.

"Hey. Ever heard of call before you come?" I said, closing the door behind him.

"I figured the way you went off on me, you would want this." He said, dangling my bracelet in front of me.

I snatched it from him. "Where was it?" I exclaimed, trying to put it back on my wrist.

"The 2nd bedroom. Under the day bed." He said, clasping the chain for me. "Why we're you crying?"

"Fumes. I mixed bleach with this lemon cleaner." I lied.

"You better open a window before you hurt yourself." He said, sliding open the patio. "What are you cleaning?"

"Everything."

Forrest sighed. "Let's get to it then."

We dusted, swept, washed or moped pretty much every surface in the apartment. Forrest played old school music, which I tried to get into. Some of the corny lyrics and dances Forrest was jamming to almost made me laugh. I couldn't even remember the last time I laughed. I sighed when a slow sad song played.

When can my heart beat again?
When does the pain ever end?
When do the tears stop from running over?
When does you'll get over it begin?
I hear what you're sayin'
But I swear that it's not making sense
So when can I see you?
When can I see you again?
When can my heart beat again?
When can I see you again?
And when can I breathe once again?
And when can I see you again?

"Who is this?" I asked, hiding my face as I took a break from wiping down the entertainment center.

"Babyface. Why? You like it?" Forrest asked.

"It's ok. Can we listen to something a little more upbeat?" I pleaded not wanting to cry over a fucking song.

"Alright. Here's some new school for you." Forrest said, before Hotline Bling came on. Once I calmed, I turned to face him. He was doing some stupid dance with a rag.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked him.

He laughed. "You haven't seen the video?"

"No..." We took a break and watched the video. I didn't know what to think of Drake's dancing. When Forrest showed me a collections of Vines called Drake always on beat, I smiled. When he was dancing to the Charlie Brown Christmas song, I laughed. I laughed so hard I cried. I couldn't stop myself.

"I think those fumes got to you. Food break." Forrest said. "What do you feel like?"

"I don't care." I giggled, wiping the tears from my face.

"There's this place I heard that was good. Let's try them."

Even though I didn't want to get out or be around people, I went with Forrest. He didn't ask me to change outta Trevor's check shirt or my leggings. He didn't force conversations when I didn't want to talk. He didn't ask me a million times if I was ok. He didn't tell me how sorry he was. He didn't asked me about Trevor at all. He was just there for me. No questions asked, waiting until I was ready to open up.

We went to a Mediterranean place called Zoës Kitchen. Over kabobs, tomato bisque soup, braised white beans and a Greek salad, I told him everything.

"I told him to fight cancer and I'll fight for us." I finished.

"If you think it's worth the fight, you should stick it out." Forrest answered simply.

"He hasn't responded. I don't know if he's even read it or how he feels. All I can do is wait for him to change his mind about us." I finished.

"Rephase that then- do you think it's worth the wait?"

I nodded. "I know it is if he gives us a chance."

"Then you should wait for him. I agree with Amber though, that doesn't mean putting your life on hold."

"What? I should go date?" I said, disgusted.

"You just- you can't put all your time into one person or thing. Your happiness can't be wrapped up in a person or a bracelet." Forrest pointed out.

I snorted.

" You still have your job, your friends, family, your house. Focus on those too I promise it'll help- make the wait easier."

"Ok. I'm going to focus on eating the rest of my food now. I know that will help." I smiled.

"Go ahead. I'll wait."