Wake Me Up When September Ends

*I will be getting into different point of views next week, but for now, I'm sticking with Lily's. From her point of view, things might not make sense because they don't to her as well.

This post is transitional and covers quite a bit of time. The month of September to be exact. Not only am I trying to catch up with real time, but I'm moving the story line along. There were a lot of good theories and guesses about what's going on- it'll be revealed soon!


"Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends"  Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

It's been 2 weeks since Trevor told me he couldn't do this anymore and he needed a break. I thought I convinced him that night to stay so we could figure things out. I woke up the following morning of our talk alone. On the night stand, there was a handwritten note that read simply:

I'm sorry Lily.

As hurtful as his words were and as worried I was about what changed between us, I already forgave him. I was determined to work it out with him, no matter what. I went about my day, going shopping then to work like normal.

At work, I had a missed call from our apartment management, informing me I needed to come to the office and sign the new lease. Trevor and I originally decided not to sign a new lease. We were staying month to month because we planned to move by the end of the year. There shouldn't have been a new lease but now our plans changed.

When I came home to an empty apartment, I just sent him a text to see where he was. After cooking and taking Justine out for a walk, I watched Ninja Warrior. When the hippie guy won, I sent Trevor a text telling him he won the bet. I went to our room and eventually fell asleep watching Gilmore Girls and waiting by the phone. The next morning, still no word from Trevor.

I was disappointed, but I tried not to get upset. He ghosted me before when he didn't know what to do. I believed in my heart that's what he was doing- figuring out how to move forward. I called the apartments to let them know Trevor and I would be down to sign the lease sometime this week. The leasing manager informed me Trevor already signed the lease, she just needed me.

That confused me even more. I wondered when Trevor signed a new lease. It was possible he did Monday, but would they be able to make a new lease that quickly? If they did, why wouldn't he wait for me? Why wouldn't he come home? Unless he did and slept on the couch... I had no idea what to think, so I didn't. I just waited for him to come home.

By the end of the week, I was done waiting. I tried to call, but he didn't pick up. I figured he was at work, so I texted him repeatedly before I went to work Friday.

Me: I love you Trevor.

Me: Let's just talk about this, no pressure.

Me: Even if you don't want to be together, we need to figure out the lease and the apartment. Please call me.

Me: Whatever is going on, is it worth our entire relationship?

Me: This is the last text I'm sending you. It's been enough time. If you don't call me back, I'm considering us DONE!

I went to work, knowing when I got off my phone would be full of messages from him. I didn't receive one. I convinced myself he would be home waiting for me as I drove home. I came home, once again, to an empty apartment. Anger and sadness hit me all at once. I pulled out my phone without even thinking. I called over and over again. I lost count how many times I called. When they started going straight to voicemail, I stopped and packed up his clothes. I planned to send him a picture next to show that I was serious. I knew he ignored my calls so he would be able to see my text. I sent him a picture of his bags with the caption:

Me: Your stuff is ready for you. If you don't want to be in this relationship, you move out.

I took Justine outside for a walk. When I came back, with still no response from Trevor, I bombarded him with more text.

Me: I can't believe your willing to throw our entire relationship away.
Me: I'm not asking for us to get married, buy a house, we don't even have to live together. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

Me: YOU pushed for the house. YOU said you wanted to marry me. YOU WANTED THIS ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP, NOW YOU WANNA BAIL? FUCK YOU!

Me: I TOLD SAMMY LAST YEAR I WOULD NEVER DATE YOU 'CAUSE ALL YOU WANTED WAS THE FUCKING CHASE. THANKS FOR PROVING ME RIGHT. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRUSTED OR BELIEVED YOU.

Me: I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS NEVER!!!

Me: YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO TALK TO ME. WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS AFTER THIS. REMEMBER YOU SAID THAT!

ME: I HATE YOU TREVOR. I WISH I NEVER MET YOU!

I moved to the bathroom to pack up the rest of his belongings. I didn't care if his name was still on the lease: he could stay wherever he was at now. While I was cleaning out the bathroom, my phone rang. I dropped everything and ran to it.

Despair filled me when I saw it wasn't Trevor. It was Rocky. I let it ring. I had no intentions of telling my friends what was going on. Tears fell from my eyes, but I angrily wiped them away as I packed his belongings.

I was going through the kitchen when I heard a knock on the door. I got ready to prepare for war with Trevor when I swung open the door. It was Rocky.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, fixing my face.

"Trevor just texted me to take care of you. He didn't answer, then you didn't answer." Rocky complained, stepping into the apartment. She looked at Trevor's pile of things and back at me.

"What's going on?" Rocky asked me.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"We had a... disagreement."

"A disagreement about what?"

"He needs time to sort things out. I'm making sure he has everything he needs." I lied.

She looked over at the pile again. "Lily-"

"He just needs a break. I do too really. It's always fucking something." I cut her off.

"I'm here, do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.

"No. He'll be back soon and I'm going to tell him off for involving you. You should be at home, resting not in the middle of our drama." I assured her.

"I'm pregnant Lily. Not sick and I'm staying until he gets back." Rocky said firmly.

"No. We need to talk and you know how Trevor is about confrontation. We'll work it out. We always do."

She reluctantly agreed and left. As soon as she did, I broke down in tears. I retrieved my phone and called him again. This time, I left a voicemail.

"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. If I meant anything to you, just call me back please."

The first weekend was the hardest. I stayed in bed,  waiting for a call or text that never came. I buried myself in the sheets and comforter we shared and cried. I obsessed over every moment of the last night we spent together. He said he loved me. I knew he meant it- in every kiss and every caress I felt it. His lips and his fingers touched me everywhere as if he was trying to love every inch of my body.

Then with shocking clarity, I realized he knew that was our last time. He wasn't willing to give us another chance; he was saying goodbye. I cried harder as I dissected every conversation we had since Florida. Everything was perfect in Florida. What changed? When did he decided to leave me? Why did he leave me? What did I do?

Rocky called and I flat out lied to her. I told her Trevor and I talked when we hadn't. By Monday, I was desperate enough to call his job to speak to him. I was flabbergasted to find out he was no longer working there. I knew there were times he hated his job, but he always said it was worth it for us and our future. I called his phone, only to receive the message that the number had been disconnected.

I was devastated. I felt so many different emotions that I just couldn't handle, so I didn't. I went numb, staying on autopilot the rest of the week. I woke up, fed Justine, went to work only to repeat the same pattern all over again. I didn't answer phone calls, respond to text or even look at the notifications on my phone. They weren't from Trevor, so I wanted nothing to do with them.

On Sunday of the second weekend, there was knocking on my door. I looked through the peephole. It was Rocky, Amber and Sammy. I would have left them outside, but Amber had her kids so I let them in. They came with a ton of food. After the kids were set up in the living room with the movie Home, we sat down at the dining room table. They made me a plate. I pushed the food around, taking small bites before telling the truth.

"He said he needed a break and that he couldn't give me what I wanted. That was two weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since." I confessed, devoid of any emotions.

Amber reached over and grabbed my hand while Rocky sat back and thought to herself. When Sammy pulled out her phone, mumbling curses, I stopped her.

"His phone is cut off. He doesn't even work at his job anymore."

"I'll see if Corey has talked to him. Rocky, call Bilal and see what he knows." Sammy snapped into action.

Rocky hesitated, before nodding. "What were y'all fighting about?"

"I don't know. He went to Austin and I thought we were ok. He came home and said he couldn't do this anymore." I answered.

Sammy hung up her phone. "Corey said they texted last week, but he didn't know his number changed. His going to email him as soon as he gets off work."

"Do you think there might be someone else in the picture?" Amber asked.

The thought briefly crossed my mind, but I couldn't think about it. I shrugged.

Sammy cleared her throat. "That's a possibility. Especially if he thought you were fooling around with Forrest. I know you said he wasn't jealous, but he was. I could tell."

I flinched at her words. Trevor admitted he was envious of our friendship- maybe Sammy was right. The trip to Florida was to keep me away from Forrest. The following weekend, while Trevor was out of town, he had to see videos of me at Forrest's house like I was on an episode of Cribs. How stupid could I be? Tears sprang in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. God, shouldn't I be cried out by now?

"Even if that's true, his job, changing his number and disappearing? That's extreme. I don't know what's going on, but we'll figure it out. At the very least, he owes you an explanation." Rocky stated.

"I agree. Wait it out Lily. Trevor's gonna realize he made a huge mistake. I know it." Amber encouraged me.

I said nothing; just went back to picking at my plate.

"I think you should come stay with me." Rocky suggested.

"Or me. I'm closer to your job. It'll be like old times." Sammy offered.

I shook my head. "No, I signed a new lease. I'm staying here."

"Lily, your fish are dead. When's the last time you took Justine out or went grocery shopping?" Rocky interrogated me.

I looked down, ashamed. I forgot all about the stupid fish that Trevor named Thing 1 and Thing 2. I changed Justine's potty pads and made sure she had food and fresh water, but I didn't get out of bed unless it was for work. I ate lunchables and sandwiches from the shop at my job and that was only because my stomach growled embarrassingly in front of clients. That was the only shopping I did.

"Give yourself a break. It'll just be temporarily and it would help me out a lot too. I like having Justine around. And you too." Rocky added, with a soft smile.

I nodded and packed a bag for me and Justine. With Rocky's supervision, on the third week I returned back to the land of living. I worked out, walked Justine, and finally went through my phone. Chad sent me messages regarding the house and Forrest sent random text about the 49ers and how bad they were doing. Ethan also sent me the information to his church for EJ's performance. Part of me wanted not to go, but I couldn't do that to EJ. Amber and Corey were going too, so I planned to go as well.

There wasn't a moment that went by that I didn't think about Trevor. I wondered where he was, what he was doing, and if he was thinking about me too. Sammy was right in the regards of something being up with Trevor. I felt something was wrong for a long time now, but I always let it go. I realized Rocky was right: I was owed an explanation. When I finally heard from him or find out where he was, I was demanding answers. Like Amber said, I had no choice but to wait it out.

On Wednesday, the last day of September, I had my interview with Dr. Tran for the team lead position. Unlike my first interview, I wasn't nervous or anxious about the job. The worst that could happen was I didn't get it. That didn't bother me at all. It was easy to prove I was dedicated to my career. I would give my all, work hard and be flexible because really, what else did I have going for me? Apparently, I was convincing because Dr. Tran offered me the position. I agreed and thanked him for the opportunity.

Thankful, Corey texted me Friday to see if I wanted to drive to the church in McKinney together. I automatically assumed it would be on Sunday, but apparently, it was a week long revival and EJ was performing with the youth choir Friday. I told Corey I would met him there because I had to drive straight from work.

After I got off work as early as I could, I threw a button up blouse over my scrubs and hailed ass to the church. I was about 20 minutes late, but quickly found Corey and slid in the pew towards the back next to him.

"Did I miss anything?" I asked him, quietly.

"A few "Hallelujahs" and "Praise the Lord", but the youth choir hasn't performed yet." Corey smiled at me.

I forced a little smile too, before turning my attention to the pastor. He was preaching about Autumn and how it was the season of harvest. He applied it to life and how everyone had to reap what they sowed. He told us not to sow tomatoes and expect to get cucumbers out the ground. Whatever we put into the ground is what was coming back up. He went on about how we cause thing to happen in our life by what we sowed whether it be good or bad- In relationships, careers, family and especially our children.

I couldn't help but wonder what I sowed in the ground. Maybe I was doomed from the start-I didn't even know who my biological dad was and my mother abandoned me. It was what my parent sowed into me- I was the reaping of their mistakes.

The sermon concluded with the pastor urging us to give our life to God. Through prayer and his love, we could change what we sowed. The youth choir performed a melody of uplifting, gospel songs. I didn't recognize one, but I enjoyed them. The children's voices sounded so innocent and sweet and EJ looked so comfortable and confident on the drums. If he made a mistake, I didn't hear it.

"He crushed it." Corey said, confirming my thoughts. I smiled the first genuine smile in three weeks. After testimonies and more singing from the adult choir, the revival ended.

Corey and I stayed seated in the pew as the church members greeted each other.

"I heard from Trevor. We've been emailing back and forth. He never responds to my questions about you, but he's in Wichita Falls. I think with his mom." Corey told me.

In that moment, I knew it was truly over between Trevor and me. He told me he wanted nothing to do with his mom because how she felt about me. A lot of things didn't add up but one thing was abundantly clear- he no longer wanted to be with me.

"I can get the address. Tell him I wanna send something to him. Then you can go see him-" I cut him off, shaking my head. There was no way I could face him or his mom.

Corey went over to speak to Dave, Megan's live in boyfriend, while I made my way over to Amber, Will and their kids. They looked picture perfect matching in Brown and white attire.

"You made it... in scrubs." Amber greeted me, giving me a glance over before hugging me.

"Yeah, I literally sped from work to get here." I said, before hugging the girls and scooping Robbie up for a hug.

"That's why I traded to get off." Amber said.

"Well, now that I got promoted to team lead, I won't have that option." I said, plastering on a smile.

"Lily, congratulations! We gotta celebrate!" Amber exclaimed.

The church cleared out and we were able to congratulate EJ on his performance outside the church. Ethan and Megan stood beside EJ looking like the poster board for blended families with Dave and Serena nearby. All his grandparents were in attendance and you could tell how proud they were. As happy as I was for EJ, it was hard to be around.

That's why I turned down Mrs. Carter invitation to go out for dinner. I wasn't in the mood to be around them. In the past, I would have gone and faked it just to be polite, but I was done with that. I went back to Rocky's house, determined to figure out my life without Trevor in it.