Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Play Hard

*So sorry guys. I'm posting and editing from my phone which is the worst ever. The only good thing about my WiFi being down was I was able to write 2 more post. The editing might be rough, but I'll have them up this week.



"Hey, said a hustler's work is never through
We makin' it 'cause we make it move
The only thing we know how to do
Said it's the only thing we know how to do
Work hard, play hard
Work hard, play hard.
We work hard, play hard
Keep partyin' like it's your job" Play Hard by David Guetta ft Akon and Neyo


Friday night, after EJ's performance, I went home and pulled up my Facebook. I meant to change my status and delete all pictures of Trevor, but I couldn't. I fought the urge to look at Trevor's page and went through the pictures of us instead.  I curled up in bed, allowing myself one last cry over Trevor, telling myself tomorrow I would have to move on.

I spent the rest of my weekend starting my life without Trevor. The thought of how easily Trevor was able to move on without me pushed me harder. I had to do the same. The first step was getting out of his apartment. Trevor signed the lease but I never did. I wrote a notice to quit in 60 days and a check for two months rent. I had no idea how that worked since Trevor resigned a lease but  I followed normal procedures and dropped it off at the office Saturday.

Now that I had 2 months, I focused on buying a house. Staying with Rocky was fine, but I needed to make forward progression in my life, not go back. I called Chad on Saturday to see if the house I liked was still available. When it was, I explained to him my new annual salary and the fact I was now the only one that was going to be on the loan and deed.

I was grateful that he didn't ask any questions about Trevor. Part of me wanted to work with the real estate agency Rocky worked for just so I could avoid the awkwardness of having to explain it was only me. Not only did I not have the time to look for a completely new house with a new agent, I told myself to get over it. Was Trevor letting our breakup hinder him? Fuck no. I wouldn't either-I went full steam ahead.

I did have Rocky look over the house and crunch the numbers herself to see if I could afford it alone. She told me not at the listing price, but looking at how long the house was on the market and the fact that the roof needed work, I shouldn't offer the full price. She also told me to let my realtor know I could get an inspector in a week if they accept the offer to get the closing started. I relayed all this information to Chad, and he told me he'd get back to me on Monday.

I spent Sunday moving my items out of the storage Trevor and I shared to a new storage I rented alone. Most of my furniture was at the apartment and Forrest helped me move the bigger items. Afterwards, I thanked him for his hard work by treating him to beer and pizza while we watched football together at Rocky's house.

"How are you holding up?" Forrest asked me.

"A lot better than your cowboys without Romo and Dez." I quipped, taking a long swig of my Miller Light.

"I'm serious."

"I am too. Y'all look pathetic. Do I look pathetic?" I asked him.

Forrest eyed me closely.

I fidgeted under his glance, playing with my charm bracelet. I told myself to put it in storage, but I couldn't bare to part with it.

Forrest shook his head. " Not at all. Just the fact that you're productive says a lot. When Rachel left me, I was pathetic. I came back from Florida, parked in front of my couch and only got up to answer the door for food." Forrest said, self deprecatingly.

That sounded like me the first 2 weeks without Trevor. I might be up and productive, but I had to be. Any other time, I was thinking about Trevor. The entire weekend no matter how many times I told myself I didn't miss, need or want Trevor, my heart wouldn't believe it. I was mourning a part of me that I had no choice but to live without. I was barely holding it together- working made me forget how much it hurt.

I made a face and forced a laugh. "Wow, that is pathetic."

He nudged me. "I'm trying to comfort you, not have you make fun of me."

"I'm an emotional eater too. That's why I put myself on a diet and stay busy so I don't get depressed, overeat and get fat." I told him,

"Thanks Lily." He said, rubbing his stomach full of meaty pizza. I stuck with cheese only pizza and celery.

"Shut up. I didn't mean it like that. You look fine." I assured him.

"I know. All the protein from the meat. Try some." He said, picking me up a slice.

"No. I'm full." I said, shaking my head.

"No way. I've seen how much you can put away. You put competitive eaters to shame." Forrest said, holding the slice to my mouth.

I closed my mouth and scooted away. "Uh-uh."

"C'mon Lily. One little bite." He said, closing the gap between us on the couch. When I refused to open my mouth, he held the pizza in one hand and pinched my nostrils with his other hand. When I gasped for air, he put the pizza in my mouth, causing a piece of beef to fall on the couch.

"I'm telling Rocky." I said while chewing on the pizza. "She will castrate you for making a mess."

"I'm gonna tell her you did it." Forrest said, picking up the food, laughing. He fed it to Justine as he asked, "Where is she, by the way?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

Rocky showed up during the 4th quarter of the game. Forrest and I were playful raging each other's team loses when she greeted us with two handfuls of groceries. I scolded her for carrying so much by herself and banned her to the kitchen while Forrest and I brought in the rest.

"Got enough food here?" I asked her, as we put away the ton of snacks she bought.

"It's not just for us. Amber was planning a dinner out for your promotion, but I told her we could do something low key here." Rocky informed me.

"Why? I wanna go out." I said.

Rocky gave me a questioning look. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. That sounds fun." I nodded.

"You realize people will ask about Trevor?"

"So? We broke up. Does that mean I should go in hiding?" I said, tersely.

"The only reason you told me is because you needed help moving. People are going to question why Trevor's not there. That's all she's saying." Forrest jumped in.

"I was waiting till we had a clean break to tell everyone." I lied.

"Ok. I'll let Amber know. Los Lupes?" Rocky questioned.

"Excelente!" I said, with fake cheer. I turned to Forrest. "Make sure you're there Senior."

"Of course senorita. I'm looking forward to Mexican food." Forrest nodded.

"And celebrating my achievement right?" I corrected him.

"That too." He laughed.

I couldn't help the little smile as I pushed him. "Get out."

"Alright. I'll see y'all next weekend. Bye mamacita." Forrest waved, flashing Rocky a smile.

"Bye Forrest. See you next weekend." She smiled back at him.

"Be right back. I'll get the dishes. Go get off your feet." I told Rocky before walking Forrest out. She sent me a harsh glare before we left.

"Take care of yourself Lily." Forrest told me as I opened the door to let him out.

"I am."

"You say you are." Forrest commented.

I rolled my eyes at him and he raised his hands."I'm here if you need me, ok? That's all." He finished.

"Ok. But I won't. Drive safe!" I said goodbye.



As promised, Chad got back to me about the loan. The bank approved it, all he had to do was make the official offer to the owners. I kept my fingers cross that it came through. I knew I could find an apartment in 2 months, but I really wanted a house. I didn't want to just move on: I wanted to be doing much better than I was before.

The following week I started my training for the team lead position. It consisted of coming a couple of hours earlier each day to go over my new responsibilities with Dr. Fahri. As field supervisor, management training was one of his responsibilities. We went over the day to day management operations and what it would entail for me. I threw myself in my work, taking in all the training on delegating and developing my team.

On Thursday, I was on my way to work when I heard from Chad. The seller accepted the offer, so we were able to start the closing procedures. The same day, Dr. Fahri had a team huddle before shift change while everyone was there. During the meeting, he told us about his new position. He also announced Dr. Clayton as the opening team lead and me as the closing team lead. Everyone's reaction was mostly positive. I'm sure the look Vince gave me was one of disbelief, but I didn't dwell on it long. Or at all really. Everything in my life was coming together for the better and I worked my ass off to get it. I focused on continuing to do that.



Sammy, Rocky and I went out together the day of my celebratory dinner Saturday. Amber changed her schedule and was working a double so she couldn't join us. We started at the mall. They shopped while I browsed. I didn't see anything I liked nor did I need to spend money to have more stuff to move.

Sammy did treat me to a pair of ginger colored thigh high boots. It was a gift to me that helped her get her pair half off so I accepted them. Rocky paid for my nails as a gift. I stuck with a classic short french tip- I didn't think nail art came off as professional.

 Afterwards, Sammy came over to Rocky's house and we got dressed together like old times. I blow dried my straightened hair and gave it a deep asymmetrical part to frame my face. Sammy offered to do my make-up, but I had a specific idea I wanted to myself. I gave myself a dramatic smokey eye, a ton of mascara and a rosey red lip. I paired my black plaid dress with black booties and silver chandelier earrings. I hesitated pulling off the charm bracelet when Sammy called my name to take pictures with me.

We took pictures with her phone and I told her not to tag me in any of them because all her accounts were public. Adil touched briefly on social media and maintaining decorum and I took it to heart. I already made all my accounts private. We reviewed the photos, before taking a few more. Rocky rushed us along, telling us Amber was blowing up her phone. On the car drive over, Sammy sent me the pictures that she took. I uploaded them and finally changed my status to single.

When we arrived at Los Lupes, a DJ was already set up on the outside patio area. He was playing "GDFR" and Sammy and I stopped to dance and rap along while Rocky headed inside to use the bathroom. Sammy only befriended people she knew on Snapchat, so I allowed her to post a video of me and her saying how the song just set the mood for the rest of the night.

As we laughed at the video, Amber came out, hands on her hips, giving us a withering stare.

"So y'all have time to post videos but you can't call to let me know y'all are here?" Amber asked, hands on her hips, full of attitude.

Sammy smiled at her. "There you are. We were looking for you."

"We're inside." Amber informed us.

"We couldn't get a table outside?" I pondered out loud.

"Maybe if you showed up on time, you woulda had a choice." Amber said, turning and sashaying away.

We followed her, looking at each other. "Is she drunk already?" Sammy asked.

"Who cares? We're here to have fun. She can get  with it or get fucking lost." I shrugged.

Sammy laughed at me like I was joking, but I was so serious. I was having a good time, no matter what. I maintained that attitude when I saw fucking Jordan at our table. She was sitting next to Q and Kendal, who I was happy to see. I went around the table and gave hugs to everyone who came and congratulated me before I sat in the empty seat next to Forrest and Rocky.

"I ordered you guacamole with everything." Forrest told me.

"And that is why you're my best friend ever. Thank you!" I smiled at him.

"I guess the rest of us can take our gifts back!" Amber exclaimed.

"No! I want presents!" I demanded. While everyone ordered, the gifts came out.

Amber started with a gold chain with the words BOSS on it. Forrest helped put it on me while I thanked Amber and Will profusely. I took a selfie in the necklace before moving on. Forrest gave me a pot of gold box of chocolates and a gift card to Chuy's. When he complained that I didn't take a picture of his gift, I posed with him for a selfie holding them. Peyton and Chris gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a card that read: When you're good at something, you tell everyone. When you're great at something, they tell you. Congratulations Lily!

Dino gave me a Best Boss Ever drinking glass and a bottle of Disaranno. Serena and Ethan gave me a vibrant painting featuring a little girl with bronze skin, brown eyes and brown hair in pigtails. She was wearing a blue t-shirt, basketball shorts and sneakers as she reached for the sky. The frame was silver and engraved with "Fuck the Glass Ceiling".

I laughed, gleefully. "I love this." I turned to Serena. "I know you picked this out."

She shook her head. "I did not. I wrapped it though."

Everyone laughed and I turned to Ethan, surprised.

"My mom helped." He said, nonchalantly.

"Thank her for me." I smiled, snapping a picture of it.

"Will do." He replied

"My turn, my turn." Blake said, handing me a gift bag. I pulled out a whip from the bag.

"What the fuck Blake!?!" I exclaimed.

He laughed. "When you have to crack the whip!" I pretended like I was going to hit him with it while Sammy laughed and took a picture.

"You're so stupid." I told him, putting the whip away.

"My momma always said it's the thought that counts. I thought about it. A lot." Blake said.

"I'm sure you did Blake." I said.

Jordan offered up two tickets to Taylor Swift. "I figured we could go together."

"Thanks Jordan." I said, while thinking how much I could get for them on Ebay.

Kendal and Q gave me gift cards.

"I know you're getting money already, but you can never get enough." Q told me with a smile.

"I'm closing on a house. I'll take all the money I can get. Thank you. Everyone. I appreciate this so much." I smiled, graciously.

"You decided on a house?" Ethan asked me.

"I did. The sellers accepted my offer. It needs some work, but I'm excited to remodel. Tell your mom I'm dedicating a room to that painting. " I smiled as we got our food and drinks. We ate, drank, and talked among ourselves. I was really having a great time. I didn't think about my ex at all...

"So you're remodeling? Gonna be getting your hands dirty huh?" Blake said.

"Correction, I will be finding dates at Home Depot for the next year." I quipped.

"Hey, I'm pretty handy." Blake informed me.

"I'm not dating you Blake. No offense, but I'm not dating anyone I'm friends with." I told him.

"We're not friends. I don't even like you." Blake argued.

I laughed at him.

"What happened between you and Trevor?" Jordan asked me.

I narrowed my eyes at her, before remembering not to care and relaxed.

"We broke up." I answered plainly.

I finished my margarita before ordering a round of shots.

"You know who works on houses? My brother's roommate Richard." Dino spoke up.

"Really?" I asked her.

"Yeah, they flip houses. That's how he met Dominick. I can set something up. Want me to give him your number?" Dino offered.

"Sure. Thanks." I said.

I enjoyed the rest of night with tequila and sopapillas. Amber dragged me out to the patio with Q and Kendal and we danced around and had a great, drunken time. I thanked everyone profusely again before we all filtered out when the restaurant closed. Ethan, Forrest and Will loaded Sammy's car with my presents before we drove home.

I sent Rocky away as Sammy and I unloaded her car. I gave Sammy a hug goodbye before I dragged myself to bed. I pulled out my phone to keep myself occupied until Sammy called and told me she made it home. As soon as I saw all the notifications on Facebook, I put my phone away. I told myself I was going to think about Tr- my ex. I wasn't going to ruin my evening thinking about him.

I found my vibrator instead. I thought about Richard's tan skin, built body, brown eyes and devious smile. He definitely was my type physical and he flirted with me every time he saw me which turned me on. Unfortunately, it wasn't Richard's image that pushed me over the edge. It was the memory of his lingering kisses, his impatient hands grasping all over my body and his playful grin that made me climax.

After my body relaxed from spasming, I pulled the covers around me and sobbed. I cried for being weak and pathetic. I thought I changed so much from the girl I believed I wasn't anymore- obsessing over someone who didn't want me back. What was wrong with me? My phone rang, and I quickly wiped my face. It was Sammy, saying she made it home.

"Are you alright?" Sammy asked me, after I croaked goodnight.

"Yeah... just had too much fun." I replied, swallowing.

Sammy laughed. "You deserve it. Work hard play hard is my motto."

"Mine too." I replied, before hanging up. I unclasped the bracelet on my wrist and threw it across the room before I passed out.

27 comments:

  1. This is all so depressing, I'm hating every minute of it. It will get better for her hopefully. ..but I do miss Trevor

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  2. You are such a good writer...I feel like this is my breakup. Sick pit in my stomach. WIll be impatiently waiting the next post! Thank you for posting on your phone!!!!

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  3. First-I think Trevor lost his job, doesn't know how to tell Lily, and doesn't think he deserves her if he can't help take care of her.
    Second-Good for Lily doing it on her own! It is hard being a single home owner, but so worth the reward!

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    1. but he has all that money in a savings account from his dad or something, right? I feel like she made it seem like there was a ton of money in there

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  4. I need a Trevor PoV! Lol I think his mom is sick and he needed to be with her. I really think Lily and Forrest will get together...

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    1. A sick racist bleep is still a racist bleep. There is NO excuse for Trevor not even a sick mom IMO

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  5. Well I tried to go back to the beginning and run through multiple posts to figure out who the end guy is. I was 99% sure it's ethan, I was like maybe ej is based on your eldest son since you said story is inspired by your life, then you made comments about wanting her and Jake to run off into the sunset. Then their were comments that implied maybe Trevor was the end game. So...I'm still confused lol. I think I just get anxious, you could wait 2 months to tell you could wait a year or more!

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  6. Team Jake!! I'm sure withtime he has grown and learned from his mistakes - everybody deserve a second chance! Ethan is a little too stiff and Trevor hurt her so bad it can never be undone...

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    1. Saying everyone deserves a second chance is contradictory of saying it can never be undone

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    2. If Jake, who treated Lily like crap deserves a second chance, why doesn't Trevor, who, in fact never did anything but support Lily. In fact, the only bad thing he ever did to her was disappear here with no explanation. I find it hard to judge him too harshly without knowing the reason. I am disturbed at how so many people want Lily back with Jake when it was a dysfunctional relationship that trashed her self esteem. I hope Jake stays gone.
      Sara

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    3. I don't want her back with anyone right now. Finding how to make it on her own two feet right now and become a stronger person is what is most important. So that whenever Trevor or whoever does come back into her life will be the supportive partner that she needs. She needs to just be on her own for the time being.

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    4. Agree with Sara and justine but the romantic in me just wants her to wake up and have this all be a dream

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    5. At least Jake was willing to fight for her. Trevor clearly isn't.....

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    6. For all we know, Trevor may be ill and fighting for his life. Given his history with his dad's illness, that might make him retreat so Lily doesn't go through what he did as a kid. Backwards, but it makes sense.

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  7. GUYSSSSSSS

    WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP WITH CHRISTIAN?!??

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  8. As much as I hated Trevor....I would like to know what made him change his mind. I loved the flashback sequences you had in the beginning of the blog.... might be cool to have a flashback from Trevor's POV.

    Did anyone else catch that Dino was solo...I miss Jake! !!!

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    1. She did several flashbacks of trevors pov like college time, it was more in the middle I think

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  9. So my husband used to get really mad when his favorite sport team lost and would be kinda grumpy after so he stopped watching every game and started just checking highlights because he didn't like how something like a game made him grumpy. Anyways lol my point is I have been grumpy and thinking about this blog and breakup too much. I need the willpower to take a hiatus and then backtrack so I know what happens. Lol I know you might think I'm silly but I shouldn't be mad about fictional characters

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  10. Mr J's majik, I had the same thought maybe he lost his job. His mom could also be sick remember when the uncle called him? He could have doubts because of how bad his dad was. I agree all are valid excuses. But what I can't get over is Trevor making the choice for Lily, he didn't even think about telling her what was going on. He made the choice that she would be better off without him and went with it. Now she's suffering and he's probably suffering and its totally unnecessary if he really does love her. And this is nothing new, he's done it before always thinking he knows how she'll react and making choices for her.
    The apartment thing was weird, right? He went and re-signed the lease knowing he was going to leave? And if it was before he dumped her, weren't they supposed to buy a house? Sooooo weird..... What was he thinking?
    Glad Lily bought a house and is moving on. So happy her friends are being so supportive. But I thought she wasn't talking to Jordan anymore?
    Luita

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  11. This turn in the story has just really made me distraught. LOL. It's not even real life and I am freaking out. *insert nervous emoji*
    I just really wish we could figure out Trevor's side. I want to see if whatever it is that made him do this was worth losing EVERYTHING he had with Lily. He is losing her more and more every single day he is gone with no contact. I just cannot wrap my brain around what he is thinking or why he would do this to Lily. I keep thinking that Trevor is going to see all the pictures and whatnot that were taken this post and he will finally reach out to Lily. No doubt having jealousy about Lily and Forrest, of course. lol

    I am really proud of her for still reaching her goals, despite Trevor. A house, an awesome promotion... all on her own. Good for her!

    And whoever still thinks Lily should get back together with JAKE - I am considering you all INSANE. haha (JK... kinda.) But really, that would be the worst thing ever, I still can't believe people want that TBH.

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  12. People don't leave their jobs, stuff and friends and apartment to get away from a breakup. I know people say they've been ghosted but how many can honestly say someone who's been in their life and your friends life ten years or so then dissappears. There's obviously something going on. Even if you took out the fact they were dating, he wouldn't cut contact and job and friends because he didn't want a relationship anymore. He wouldn't even say he's sorry if he was that cold. I'm ready for another post actually multiple, to figure this out already

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  13. I can't believe this is happening!! I agree with one of the comments. You are such a talented writer and I feel like this break up is happening to me. I want them to work it out so bad.

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  14. Ok I'm checking once an hour it seems.. Please post I need to know what's going on!?! You are such a talented, amazing writer!

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  15. Guys, I had a dream about this blog... I need to back away slowly.... Lol. Except I NEED MOOOOOORE!!

    Calmly waiting for more, Janay! (No pressure!!)

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  16. Agreed, Janay, you are a fantastic writer. That fact you've got us on pins and needles, and if you're like me, refreshing the page every 30 minutes just to see what's new in the comments or if there's a new post....yeah every 30 minutes is no exaggeration lol. Keep up the excellent work :)

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